“I Was Groomed To Keep Secrets” (w/ Keyonna Monroe)

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into
the Vitamin D with Dawn Day podcast and I am
your host, Dawn Day, here to get you excited about
your life so that you can live life on purpose
and for a purpose. And this is your first time
tuning in and welcome Vitamin D. It's upon off our name.
My name is Dawn, and you get Vitamin D from
the sun. So I'm here to shed light into your life.

(00:21):
And I do this with inspirational insights and conversations with
celebrities and everyday people like you and me, Because if
you want to be better and you want to do better,
then you're going to have to be able to see better.
So join me on this journey of living our best
lives and understanding and realizing how you are your greatest
assad I want to encourage you to use your tools

(00:43):
in your toolbox. What do you want mean by that?
I think sometimes we have to uh use different things
to help us on our way to ensure we get
to an arrived word is that we need to arrive
to and that we show up as our most authentic
and truthful self. The other day, on my walking route,

(01:04):
you know, I walk five miles. Each morning, an elderly
woman comes up to me. She's asking for directions, UM
for a Jewish grocery store. Now I know I've seen
this grocery store because I passed by this neighborhood every morning.
So she said, do you know if this grocery store
called Glad somebody had pointed it down to me. I said, well,
sure I do. Now I couldn't differentiate which way uh

(01:28):
the grocery store was, but I said, let me put
it in my map and we can get there. She says, oh,
I don't have a phone map or anything like that.
As to advance. I said, well, it's down this way.
Let's walk together. So she said sure. She said, can
you tell me what's your name? I said, dawn like
the break of day, and she said she giggled. She said,
how are you dawn like the break of day? My

(01:50):
name's Florence, I told her. I said, it's such a
pleasure to meet you. We began to walk and talk
and just talk about gratitude. I'm talked about life, talked
about how the pandemic has changed so much in our
lives and how it's so important to live in the now,
understanding the gift of the now and just to be
present in the now. In the midst of the conversation,

(02:12):
Florence looks at me and she says, Oh, my goodness,
I want to apologize. I I just don't remember things
like I used to. What's your name again? I said,
Florence is quite all right, I said, my name is Dawn,
like the break of day. I said, Florence, you know,
sometimes we have to use different tools to help us remember.
I said. One thing that I learned if you want

(02:34):
to memorize someone's name is to say it three times.
I said. A trick that I do is that I'll
compliment somebody, so I may say, hey, Florence, I love
your shoes, Florence, I really love your hair. Florence, what
time is it ensuring that I say your name three times?
I will remember? She looked at me and she said, wow,
that's really good. She said, well, thank you so much.

(02:56):
I guess us all right, and I said absolutely. I said,
it's so important that we have grace with ourselves, and
it's we're not going to be great at everything, but
if we use the tools that we got, we can
surely get by. Right as we begin to further along walk,
she began to tell me how great it was to
have the conversation and Shoan behold. We began to approach

(03:19):
Glot and she said, you know, thank you so much
for this conversation. I'll hope you have a blessed and
wonderful day. And she said, you know, I'm Florence like
the flow, So I want to encourage you to go
with the flow of life. Understand that it's a yes
and process and it's not always a pivot. Go in

(03:40):
your toolbox and use the tools that you need to
get to where it is that you need to go. Remember,
if you're gonna have grace, that includes space, get your
Videamny right with me and get excited about your kyana.

(04:02):
A Monroe is in here with me. I'm out of
applause here in mine And we were like, don why
are we doing a round of applause? Well, I got
somebody special in here where all of my guests are special,
but this is so special because you know, I always
talk about how vulnerability is everything, huh, and how vulnerability

(04:23):
allows us the ability to connect, and often times I
feel that we aren't necessarily vulnerable is because um, we're
thinking about all the people and things that we're letting
into our life an evasion of privacy. But I just
want to serve as a reminder that vulnerability is all
about letting yourself out so that you can be seen,

(04:44):
so that you can be heard, and more importantly, so
that you can connect. And we're gonna connect today. We
got something serious to talk about, things that I'm going
to be knowledgeable about what's going on, and I hope
that it shed lights to you and I hope that
um it inspires you to help someone else or perhaps
to seek help if you need it, but more importantly,
to know that it's just not you. What am I

(05:05):
talking about. I'm talking about trafficking. UM, sex trafficking. Just
did some quick research. I was looking on deliver fund
dot org and reports that there is an estimated between
fifteen thousand to fifty thousand women and children who are
forced into sexual slavery in the US every year. Catch that. Now,

(05:25):
you also need to keep in mind that this is
just an estimate. UM. As you can imagine, this is
something that is difficult to research because we're still missing
people right. Furthermore, how many people are coming forth with
their story the total number of current sex trafficking victims
in the US is estimated between one hundred to three

(05:47):
hundred and twenty five thousand people. And so that leads
me to a special guest. Like I said, I have
Kiana in here with me. Hi, Kiana, thank you for
coming in and welcome to the Vitamin D for podcast.
Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it. It's an
honor to to be here and talk to you and

(06:08):
to shed light on a topic that's very near and
dear to my heart personally. Yes, I'm so grateful that
you're here. And I want to make it clear now,
if there's anything or anything you don't want to answer,
just let me know because I don't know. But I
don't want to preface anything. I want to come as
a real person that's trying to understand and furthermore to

(06:28):
get the message out. And yeah, that's sense. And I
was just thinking, I was like, how did I come
across I don't know if I've ran across your page
on social media. I don't know what happened, but here
an right here and now, said I am because the
woman is talking about being involved in sex trafficking. I said,
I've never heard anyone share a story like that, let

(06:51):
alone have lived out the real experience. So I know
I said some things, but can you normally you did? You? Did?
You absolutely? My name is Kiana Monroe. I am a
child trafficking survivor and I am currently working with young

(07:13):
girls and women all over the world. And bringing awareness
is not even I feel like there's there's no word awareness,
but bringing an understanding of how things are happening, you know,
in your neighborhoods, in plain sight, without even you know,
most people acknowledging it. It's it's a day to day
And I think that there's not enough safety for women,

(07:38):
there's not enough safety for girls, and there's not enough support,
um when it comes to believing women and girls when
they are talking about things of that matter. So, for
anyone that may not necessarily know what is sex trafficking,
sex trafficking is when it's some one forces you without

(08:02):
permission or manipulates you or threatens you, um, kidnapping as
well to do labor sex labor for um for pay.
And a lot of people think, you know, trafficking is
just sex, but it's sometimes it's it's more than that.
But we're staying with with that. And it happens all

(08:24):
around the world, um, especially here in America. UM, it
happens a lot in school districts, in the in the
areas around schools. You get a lot of predators that
kind of hang out in those areas and malls and
so on and so forth. Um. A lot of times,
believe it or not, it happens with people that most
of these girls are close to. Sometimes it's even family,
believe it or not, family family members or sex trafficking. Yeah,

(08:47):
a lot of times family members, you know, will sell
their children, you know, and traffic their children for money
for paying off their debt. You know. Um, if there
if you have a parent that is on drugs and
they have a daughter. Sometimes even boys get trafficked. Believe
it or not. But what they do is that's how

(09:09):
they'll you know, get their drugs. They'll sell their child. Well,
what's the difference between sex trafficking and prostitution. It's really
not a huge difference to to to be honest, um,
especially for self versus utilizing someone else. Maybe here's the
thing prostitution. Prostitution is probably most people think it's being

(09:31):
out on a corner and you you have a pamp,
you know, and you are willingly sometimes going out standing
on that corner, doing it out of fear, sometimes out
of force. But with trafficking, they're not always standing out
on on on corners like that. Their transactions are made
with whomever they're there. John Doe is or I like

(09:55):
to call it the trauma or Lessia mayor Um. That's
a name that I gave Um. A lot of people
call him a Romeo right where they're a little bit younger.
So here's here's the thing. For example, you may have
let's just say a guy who's been their thirties, forties, fifties,
however old, right, he's not going to walk into a

(10:16):
school and talk to the girls. They will send a
boy fourteen fifteen, sixteen years old. That's a room that
that that's me, that's right, and to go in there
and flirt and lure some of the girls in. And
the thing is, when you have so many girls with
low self esteem, right, with thoughts of unworthiness, they don't

(10:39):
know who they are. Um, They're trying to fit in
and they're they're looking for validation outside of themselves, and
they get caught in that. And I know, like I'm
looking at your face and you're like, what what doing is?
I've been mindful and working on listening, Like I have
so many questions. I want to interject, but I'm making room.

(10:59):
But I want to receive anything you're saying and preparing um,
you know, just receiving it. And and no one, And
I guess I was thinking. I was like, well here
I am going no, no, no, No one looks and
and and thinks about you know, a fifteen sixteen year
old on campus. You know, even if even if he's
at a middle school, right, somebody's like, all that's right,

(11:22):
or you'll look at a oh he's a you know,
like little things like that, and people are like, you know,
it's probably somebody's older cousin or older brother. They think
nothing of it, absolutely nothing of it, with no questions
or understand Like people are not paying attention. That's why
I say it's hiding in plain sight. People are not

(11:42):
paying attention to girls in their body language, who they're
hanging out with, who, who their circle of friends are changing, behavior,
changing in moods, change of you know, just their academics
and how they're doing in school. So for then you
have social media. Listen, you have social media. You have
people who are pedophiles with these what do you with

(12:07):
these handles that are of like cartoons or stolen identities.
You get that type of stuff all the time. And
it's to me, social media and the Internet is a
pedophiles playground. Oh wow, Yeah, truly it is. It's not
someone meet up and it's there. But okay, we're gonna
we're gonna talk further into that. But let's talk about

(12:29):
let's talk about you tell us who Kiana is. Um.
I am an l A native. I know it's rare,
right because you're all of us transplants infiltrated Yo City.
So you grow U with l A. You're raised by
your mom and your dad. Your mom, who would you

(12:50):
raise a village? A village um south central l A?
You know, to be exam from the hood, but I'll
find try what I'm from the hood. You know what
I'm saying. It was a change in your face. But
I mean people were like, oh my gosh, she's so

(13:10):
she went spon and she did this, But I'm still
from that, right, you know, don't get delicted, um, But
I was raised by my family, my mom, um and
my dad. They were really young when they had me.
So my mom was thirteen and my dad was seventeen.

(13:30):
I know, babies having a baby, and so you know,
you had I had uncles that were young and my
aunts that were young, and it was a big family.
So it was a bunch of cousins. And back then
it was you know, you had your big mama's outside
and um, everybody knew everybody on the blocks and things

(13:51):
like that. So between that having young parents and then
my neighborhood was like gang and drug infested. I tell people,
when you think about where I grew up, think about
boys in the hood, right, Yeah, because we we actually
watched them film that we me and my cousins and
some other kids in the neighborhood. We walked across the

(14:14):
tracks and watched them, you know, do some of the filming. Um,
when you think of Friday between Normandy and Western, Yeah,
I grew up in between Normandy and Western on Vernon.
You know what I'm saying. And so, um, I say,
that's that's my l a. Those are those are my neighborhoods,
Minister Society, those are my neighborhood. Yeah, I grew up

(14:35):
in that MM hmm. So, uh, what was it like
growing up? I mean, you got your family around, it
was in the hood. What kind of breeding ground was
this UM for you? You know what it was? It's
really what the college. So you sound like you you know,
you were in your studies, so you know what. I'm

(14:56):
a nerd. I've always been a nerd. I'm definitely cut
from a different cloth. Um. I was always a straight
a student. But I think one of the statements that
I made to a friend of mine is I think
I was like hit right up right at the womb.
There was an agenda for me right off the womb
because my first UM sexual abuse experience was at six

(15:20):
years old. At six so at the time, my dad,
I think he was UM in the military and it
was just my my mother and she left me UM
with her boyfriend's brother too babysit and at that time
he well who my mom was dating just so happened

(15:40):
to be a drug dealer. UM. They went out and
his brother. She left me with his brother. His brother
and a girlfriend. They were at the house. So my
mom and her boyfriend they left and I stayed, right
I was about six years old, UM, and I stayed
and I watched cartoons. I thought absolutely nothing of it, right,

(16:02):
I thought I thought nothing of it. Um, you see
drugs all the time. You see people slaying all the time.
You see people, you know, past a bag of a
dub when we talk about right, and then you know
with with crack cocaine, you see him put the little
lines on the table at six year saw this. Yeah,
I've seen all of it. Right, So, like you're not
even thinking about that. You just want to watch cartoons,

(16:24):
you know, I mean you really like that's that that's
not even that's just that's normal. I just wanna watch cartoons, right,
And me being six years old, I didn't even think
to myself, why am I being left with a stranger?
I didn't think anything else. Was that a normal thing
to just you know, your mom might drop you off
load you watch the real quick baby baby sad, you know.

(16:44):
So I didn't think anything of it. Um. The boyfriend, well,
the the brother and his girlfriend they got into an
argument whatever you can you hear them yelling in the background.
She left, right, she left, and that's when he came
into the living room and and raped me. Yeah, and
and it was a very um, it was a very

(17:09):
brutal experience for me. So again, you gotta tell me,
like if I'm going too far, if I'm saying anything,
and you may say hey no and something is a
common sense, but just to understand, do you remember it,
because you know some things people shut back, but you
remember this day? Yeah? I remember, um now, as I

(17:32):
got older. Once I got older and got into therapy,
I was able to really go back as an adult,
as a healed adult too, to process what was going
on when it was going on. And at that time,
I had, you know, my little Pocahona's braids, and it
was a little girl. He took my braids out right. Um,

(17:54):
I was duct taped, I was, I was tied. It was,
it was. It was brutal. Um. I just think that
taking my my pigtails out like my little braids, Um,
in his mind was making me not look so much
like a little girl. Of course he was drinking. You
could smell alcohol, right, But yeah, it was bad. And

(18:15):
my my fight was not a heavy fight. It was
an uncomfortable fight. It was a scared fight, not knowing
what I should be fighting about. And I knew I
was being hurt and I was scared, and I knew,
you know, being ducted. Something's not right. This is not
I'm being about to get a spanking like I had
no idea. So yeah, what happened after that? UM? I

(18:39):
do remember maybe about halfway through I I blacked out,
Like I think I passed out, because all I remember
was my mom waking me up in the morning and
um saying, come on, let's go home. I was every everything,

(19:02):
So I don't know when she came in to see me,
what she saw. I don't know any of that. I
just went and I told I end up telling her
when when we got hung, I was completely quiet. She
thought something was wrong with me. And what did she say? Um,
what did you say? Hey ma, what did you say?

(19:22):
I said, Mommy, that man the his brother, Um, I
forgot his his name, but I said, mommy, his brother
put tape on my face and touched my private parts.
And that's that's what I remember. And she said what
And I said, he typed me and touched my private

(19:43):
parts and she said no, and and she said, okay,
go go go take a nap, Go take a nap.
And she said, and don't tell anybody, don't tell anybody
that She's like, let me let me, let me, let
me talk to your grandmother and go take a nap,

(20:04):
Go take a nap. Don't tell anybody. Your silence to
when it happened, and then silenced again after that. So
when I think of myself, right and I go back,
I say, okay, my mother was thirteen, right, so at
six years old, my mother is probably years old a

(20:27):
twenty year old. What is a twenty year old thinking
when her child tells her she's been raped? Now I
have my son at twenty to me that you know
that that's a death wish. But coming from a family
of abuse, there's incests in my family. Oh how how
much time do you have? Um? So? But the first

(20:50):
time it was not was not family, but the next
time it was, yeah, okay, So mama said, don't say anything.
Let me go talk to your grandma. What goes on
with little Kiota after this? Um man? Fear A lot

(21:13):
of fear. I felt I got I was going to
get in trouble. I felt like I did something. I
felt like, um, I might get a spanking or I
might be on punishment. Um And it was my mom
and my mommy said, don't tell anybody, And so I

(21:33):
didn't say anything to anybody else until my until my
mother gave me permission, I wasn't going to say anything.
And that's just that's it. So from me at the
time that your mother said not to say anything from
her boyfriend's brother, you said that there was incest in
your family. When did the incests start? Nine? Yeah? Nine? Um,

(21:58):
and those on my mother's side, and it was my
my d O is my uncle Jose And yeah that
happened for he was on you called about I don't know, okay, yeah, Um,
it wouldn't be the first time. And my thing is,
you know, you what what my what? My? You know?

(22:20):
Keep covering you up. For um, I'm glad you said
that because I feel like, would I cover you? People
feel like they got to protect people, just like I
wonder if it's sometimes like a shame no no, I
I well for me, maybe they don't want them to
be shamed. But um, it's my story to tell. And
and my thing is if if you didn't want to

(22:42):
be shamed, you shouldn't have done what you did. So
it's something that because I have to carry that the
rest of my life. I can't erase my memory. You
don't get to erase yours. You don't get to forget
yours because you know I've hushed and I don't want
to call you out. I don't. I don't mind. Um,
it is what it is. But three years of of that,

(23:02):
you know, and it stopped because he went to prison.
You know, he did his third strike. He was on drugs.
He was he was the oldest. He was on drugs.
Um very protected um by my grandmother, my aunt. You know,
everyone had sympathy for him. Why are they leaving you
around him? I'm sure this isn't the first time and

(23:23):
pardoned me. As I say this, I'm not as an
attack on your family. I'm just wondering if someone is
thinking that such as a behavior as like this has happened,
what would think, Well, where is kioa? When when when
uncle or Tia Jose is you know like yeah, um,
people were just doing getting by doing they gotta do.

(23:44):
Everybody was doing what they wanted to do. Would happen
usually very late, um at night in the evening and
people were sleep, um, and he would just come into
the come into the bedroom, you know, or you know,
I'd have I'd sleep, want pull out couch or I'd
fall asleep watching cartoons in one of the other rooms

(24:06):
or in the den, and he would come in late
at night when everybody's everybody's sleeping. Right, Oh, I said
something I told my mother, And that was the first
time she believed me, right because her thing was, we
know he's he's done something like that before. Let's go
tell your grandmother. And then she said, let's go tell

(24:29):
your grandmother together. Right. Um. The first time, I don't
know why she didn't believe me, right, Um, I knew
that the boyfriend stopped coming around. So the second time,
with with my uncle, we went to go tell my
grandmother and I was surprised, and I think my mother
was surprised because my grandmother was upset. It's her first son,

(24:51):
it's her oldest son, right, And she was more upset
with me what she was upset with you what. Yeah,
she she was upset. There was the demeanor, she was stern.
She was huffing and puffing, and I'm just kind of
looking like, am I gonna get in trouble? You know?
I didn't want to get in trouble. I don't want

(25:12):
my mom to get in trouble, you know. And the
first thing she said was you need to wear a
different pijamas, Kiana, what I need to wear a different now? Me?
I had? Do you remember that, Remember the pajamas with
the ruffles at the bottom. Yeah, rainbow bright on my
little pony, right right. I went to slee I still

(25:33):
slept with a with a glow worm and my kid's sister.
So I'm just thinking, Okay, have to wear different. So
she basically said to me as a nine year old,
I am bringing this on myself. Whatever I'm wearing, right,
it's causing this for me. I'm doing it. So I

(25:56):
felt embarrassed. I was shamed. I felt like, oh my god,
I'm doing something. I have no idea. I told my mom.
I was just like, I need I need pajamas. I
need other pajamas. I need pants, pajamas. Like. My mother
was not happy. You could just look at her face
and just it's like she saw a ghost. She wasn't

(26:17):
expecting that answer. I wasn't expecting to hear that answer either.
I didn't change pajamas. It didn't stop for three years now.
It didn't happen every day, but it happened consistent, consistently
enough that it shaped my mind that I expected it
I went to school. Sometimes when I would do is
stay at school longer. I would leave and try to

(26:38):
go to school before school starts and get there early
and spend time with my teachers. Like I said, I
was a nerd, so I read books. I I was
straight A student. So oh yeah, I was a straight
A student. And that the situations and all that that
happened at home in my neighborhood just made me want
to stay at school and be around what felt say

(27:00):
as long as I could, because I knew when I
go home, you don't know what's going to happen that night.
And as smart as I was, I started to not
really have any respect for adults. I just felt like,
you know, adult in my family, they don't keep you safe. Um.
I was told that I was a smart mouth and
I did a lot of back talking, and then I

(27:21):
was fast, you know, because I was always in you know,
people's face type thing. Um, But I just I back
talk because I felt like no one's protecting me. I
don't I don't trust anyone any anymore. I'm mad, It
really was. I was just I was mad and hurt.
So did you did your GIRLFRIENDA loved? No from not

(27:46):
not really now on my on my dad's side, right,
where's your dad when all he's because he's still what
my dad was was in the military. Um. But then
here's the thing, you know, I found out I found
out later because around around that time eight nine, I
just noticed he wasn't really coming around at all. I

(28:09):
found out later because he told me when I got
a little bit older that my grandmother and my aunt's
used to have a problem with him picking me up
and putting me on his shoulders, you know, when dad's
put their their kids on the shoulders. They got on
his case about that. No, kisses, don't don't be picking
her up when she has on a dress like and

(28:31):
my dad. No, my mom's side was saying to my
dad exactly exactly, and he was my dad is shut.
He was like, wait, what this is my daughter? What
are you guys? They monitored my dad very heavy meybewhile
you're tied exactly. There's a whole bobbit app exactly. And

(28:52):
my grandmother, um on my dad, my dad's mother, my granny,
she she said, I knew something was going on. I
just didn't know what. I thought that you were just
always getting in trouble that you just didn't feel loved
or that you were getting picked on because I fought
a lot. I had a bunch of cousins. I was
fighting all the time. You know, I was getting my

(29:14):
butt kicked because you know, I'm in the hood, but
I'm listening to like, you know, Chicago, Kenny Loggins, Barbara
streisand it John, you know, the Top of Whitney Uston
and all that, and listening to like classical music and
film score. So they were just like, what are you
listening to a like disco? So I was really different
stard um and I liked what I what I liked,
and music was like a huge escape from me. And

(29:35):
my favorite song was Mahogany by Diana Ross because of
the score of the music. So um my, I fell
into that. But my grandmother, my granny thoughts, you know,
maybe something's going on. No one was telling her anything,
but she could just tell that my body demeanor and
I wasn't saying anything, and she asked, are you okay?

(29:58):
But I always kept in my mom's My mom said,
don't tell anybody anything, and my grandmother end up saying
that too, don't tell anybody what goes on in my house.
Oh you know that's something about speaking of this African
American households. I feel like that whole shame. Don't tell
anybody what stays and here stays, so you carry all

(30:18):
that way. And you know, I've I've had some friends
that have been assaulted, who have been molested by family
members and so forth. And even recently I got his
one friend where she has a sister, and her sister
was molested. I'm not sure if it was by her
father or her sibling's father, and she has a lot

(30:42):
of anger towards her mother, and her mother says, well,
you can't blame me because I didn't know. Now, pardon me.
I'm not trying to overstep. Uh, I just know me
growing up, I knew the sound of my mama's kids.
Would she walked to the house exactly, You knew how

(31:03):
she closed the door, closed the car door. You know
what I'm saying. And so it makes me furious. Um,
But I don't know if I have a right. I
just feel like I just don't feel like it carries
enough weight for the other being that you held in
your body, that you see every day, that you delaid
on your chest, that you know, their breath, their moment,
and you're telling me that you noticed that you didn't

(31:24):
notice that something was different. That's something that has changed.
You're a damn lie and I think it's unfair and
I think you're wrong. M Part of me got invested
because it stood out to me that your granny said, baby,
I see you, I see that something is different. And
perhaps that's that's the thing, because I know, like it's

(31:45):
a child like our dream is that we want to
be seen mm hmm. You want to be seeing her
valued and understood and understood. And I just felt like
no one understood why I stayed at school so much.
No one understood why I was backed on. No, they
want to know what you would do it No, and

(32:06):
and here's the thing, and and and when you pay
attention to the movement, right, it kind of sets itself up.
I feel like the trafficking was set up. I was said,
I was. I felt like I was primed for it,
if that, if that makes sense, I was. I was
groomed to not tell before that even came into the picture.

(32:27):
I was groomed to keep my mouth closed. I was
groomed to stay silent. I was groomed to keep secrets.
I was groomed to be told that you know my
feelings and what I have to say doesn't matter, and
that I'm not going to be protected. I'm not going
to be safe, that my family is not going to
come for me, that no one is going to protect
me or say or or or or speak up for

(32:48):
me on my behalf. That structure was already set, that
foundation was already laid out there, like you can tell
your mom, you can tell your grandmother, you can tell who.
No one's gonna be of you anyway. So you learned
to just be quiet, suppressed, keep it to yourself, and
figure out a way to manage life. And start when
you hold on because it sounds like you didn't have anybody.

(33:11):
So when I was able to go to my grandmother's house,
I did. There was it wasn't always horrible moments. And
here the psychological, psychological mind is. I don't want to
curse because I want to say that you don't talk.
You don't talk. They were talk, Okay, it's it's a
psychological mind fuck when you My uncle is the one

(33:34):
who taught me how to sell to dance. You know,
he's the one who taught me how to make in ladas,
and and he's the one who liked a lot of
the different my favorite foods to cook, you know what
I mean in the daytime when he's sober. You know
what I mean. He's the one who taught me how
to you know, um, hold my notes when I when

(33:55):
I sing, yes, I have two singles out, but yeah
and so so this person that I loved became someone
different at night, and I had to continue to love him,
and I had to continue to live as if what
has happened hasn't happened. As a child, do you understand

(34:17):
what I'm saying? And so enjoying my enjoying my family
when I can, and suppressing right, But it's not that,
you know, I had low self esteem. Everybody's like, you're
so pretty. I wasn't pretty to me. Hence the name
of the organization I had saw such low self esteem.
I didn't know what love was supposed to be. Like

(34:38):
I thought love was supposed to be when you rubbed
and touched and slept with and all these other things.
And I didn't know. I had no idea. So by
the time I went to middle school and I got
caught up in in the gangs because I was the
first time I actually told somebody when you when I joined,
when I joined the game school, because you were trying
to get away from home. So this is this is

(34:58):
the same space. Um, I was getting bullied. I think
I said this before I was. I was. I was
getting my ass kicked. Me and another friend of mine
named Grace, and yeah, her und was great. I left her.
She was she was so nerdy like me and um,
we went from elementary to to the same middle school
and we were just getting our blood kicks. The nerdy stuff.

(35:21):
Didn't it didn't. It didn't do so well in middle school.
And I remember some some of the girls set her
hair on fire. Wait what in the girl's bathroom. So
this is like twelve thirty, yeah, eleven twelve yeah. Um.
And I was just like I had come to school late,
this around home room time, and her parents checked her out.

(35:42):
They were just like there was some moment they were like, nope,
we out here right, I was going to Like Audubon
Middle School is a horrible schools not a horrible school,
but it was. It was. It was rough back then.
It was listened to the gang life on school campus.
And I went to crunch a high too. It was
it was all it's tough in middle school. Middle school, yes,

(36:05):
and so a lot of but then you know my
uncle's bang. I grew up in ganging, like oh, I
was around all of that, right, And so once once
my friend left, I was just like, why am about
to begin my asking by my by myself? What's what?
What are we doing here? What are we doing here?
And so because I could fight, I had cousins. I've
been fighting. Listen, one thing I can do, Like, let

(36:26):
me tell you something. I could fight. But when it's
like a whole like a bunch of girls, I'm like, look,
I don't have no cousins here. I just a guy, grace.
You know. My cousins are older. They were like, you know,
much older than me, and at different schools, in different campuses.
So I'm just like, I can't fight all you girls,
So what what what? What's it gonna be? And one
of the girls was just like you you might as
well fight and and and this this is your life,

(36:51):
Like you either gonna be part of this or you're
gonna be dealing with that. What's he going? Because you
don't have the other girl here no more. This is
one of the girls from the game, like yo, you
go m hm mm hmm. So he decided to yeah,
have to fight like ten fifteen girls in the bathroom
and not fall What does that mean? Like that fall out?
Now fall down and get stomped out? If you fall it,

(37:12):
they'll they'll stomp you out. What does that mean? To
be stopped out? When they you laid down your fetal
position and they kicking the hill out of you. All
of them get Yeah, I don't know if you've ever
seen it, but they get stomped us no joke. No
I didn't. I can. I can hold my own. So, um,

(37:34):
I felt when that was over, I had the protection
I had. Yeah, I was. I was okay, whatich photis?
Neighborhood crip? Yeah, I wasn't part of that thing. Um,
And a lot of people don't. They'll look at me
and say no way. Right. My mom said no way

(37:55):
when she when she finally saw me one day. Like
what I would do is I would will put my clothes,
I would put my trucks, I would put my you know,
my my dickies. I would wear my uncle. So they
were like four or five, you know, size is too big.
You know, everything was bagging that don't don't paint the picture.
So you got listen, I got I'm about to tell you,
so you you you, you got your It was very

(38:16):
rollo style. So you know I had my little button
right here, my button right here. I had my my dickies.
It was you know, my my plaid, my blue and
black you know, checkered shirt. You know, checkered shirt. Um.
I wore like the black lip liner, you know, black eyeliner,
hair slicked back into a blunt or a ponytail um

(38:37):
with like red lipstick or whatever color lipstick would be
in there with the black lip liner, you know what
I'm saying. And then I would have rings on every finger.
Not just that. I was very strategic. I had a
skull head right that I took safety pin needles and
I put the safety pin needles, like the needles inside

(38:57):
of the skull. And then I had to try sarah
top um rings and try saratops. You know, it's got
the horns, right, so if I hit you, I'm gonna
puncture you. Just so that we're clear. This sounds likes
of stuff like my obviously totally like growing up. This

(39:18):
is Carrie Razors at about yeah, and so you know
you just you don't even know slit okay, yeah. Um.
And then you have you know, you have your your
blue belt. Um, you know the cloth ones that you
put the little buck buck and then you tighten them
around yep. And then you have your your chucks. You
either wear the black ones with the blue laces or

(39:38):
the navy blue ones with the blue laces. Um. I
would put all of that in my backpack. I would
change when I got to school. I was going to
girls bathroom. I would change when I got to school sometimes,
and I was ditching. Here's the thing, though, I was
still smart, and I was still getting good grades out
of all of that, and I was actually doing some
of their homework. But I was ditching. I was ditching.

(40:00):
I was fighting. Um. And but now you say, because
you got your crew exactly so I thought. So you thought,
so I thought. And this is why I teach my
girls all the time. You choose your friends. You don't
ever be put in a situation where your friends choose you,
because they may not be your friends and they may
have a hidden agenda. I could I had a well,

(40:21):
at least I thought I had a deep connection with
one of the girls there. Her name was Kim, and
I told her all the stuff that was going on
at home, you know what I'm saying, So you would
about forta twelve. I was twelve, okay, sixth grade, sixth grade,
and I told her the stuff that was going on
with me. And I actually told her about all the rape,

(40:42):
all this stuff and not being believed everything. And so
I end up meeting her boyfriend or whoever she was dating.
The Romeo exactly was the Romeo? He was room. I
didn't know. I was just he was sixteen. I just
thought he was cute. It was her boyfriend. So were
supposed to did school, go to McDonald's, you know, maybe

(41:03):
go to the mall um, maybe go up the hill
because up the hill you have from from Audubon and
you have like Baldwin Hills and View Park and all
the other jazz and Lamart Park is over there by
where the school is. So we were either going to
go to like McDonald's or something that, maybe walk up
the hills. White donald so be up and I was like,

(41:28):
all right, bet I'm going I'll go with y'all. Thinking
I'm grown, you know, I did school because I still
turned in the homework, I still did I still did
everything I was supposed to do. Um, I was bad
and low self esteem. I went stupid and I went
with them, and we walked into this house. I'll never forget.
You know how you walk into a room and you

(41:49):
look around and you just know in your gut it's
not good to be good for me. It just in
the pit of Even as young as I was, I
grew up knowing when somebody about to get pistol whipped.
I grew up knowing, h some this this I'm about
to go. Let me go in the house. You know

(42:11):
what I mean. You gotta walk the streets to school,
you know when to like, let me go across the street,
look like something about to go down right there, or
let me to get ducked down behind the crack like
I'm trying my should look like just about to get ugly.
Let me just stuck down type of thing, right, you know. Um,
not hitting the nuts like shootouts and things like drive bys,

(42:31):
me know, house raids. When when the cops come, you know,
the when they make the little pigeon sounds, you know
what I mean, for the berg or certain little claps
that's would it mean? Like, yess how what? Yeah? You
gotta go. Yeah. So you know, after a while, you're

(42:53):
accustomed to paying attention to surrounding. You know, it's just
some ship about to go down, right. I walk into
the house and it's full of men and some women.
There's drugs out, there's bags of weed out, there's um,
you know, cocaine lines out, there's guns out, um. And

(43:15):
I'm just like, no, it's not out the norm right,
this is I'm just like, what are we doing here?
I was like, what are we doing here? Was McDonald's
into like who else this is? Whose house is this?
Where are we at? What? You know? And I'm thinking, well,
maybe we'll go first. I was just like, well, maybe
people go to the back, right. I see her going

(43:38):
to the back, sneaking out to the back, um and
leaving me there, and I'm looking at her like what
and and and her Romeo was just like now you stay.
So come to find out she knew she had already
told them, told him what I had been raped before,
and that incest has happened, and nobody believes her. And

(43:59):
she told them everything they already knew. And they told
me that they knew. They told me that they knew.
Once again, you're not saying I'm not safe, You're not protected.
I'm not I mean, and not only that, but the
level of betrayal and deceit from somebody that you feel like, Okay,
I can finally trust somebody and you know, no, no

(44:21):
you cannot, you know, I mean, no you cannot. And
you know, they took me upstairs and he was just like, yes,
you'll work, take her upstairs. And that was my introduction
to being tried out before putting me out there. And
then they knew my uncle's they knew my mom, they
knew where I lived, you know, they knew my my

(44:43):
routes to school, they knew all my classes, like, they
knew everything there was to know about me. I've I've
confided a lot, so they already they already knew. And
they're they're from a different gang, They're from a completely
different game. So technically I'm an enemy. My family is
an even me if there's you know what I mean,
So oh, it ain't nothing for them to do a

(45:05):
drive by, you know what i mean. They're on a
completely different side there there there that this this whole
click was like pir us, so, which is yeah, now
it was a blood. There's just there's just it wasn't
It wasn't gonna work out for me if I did
anything funny, if I moved funny, it wasn't gonna work
out for me. And so I took that weight, like, well,

(45:27):
hell you really ate, like you will get your asked
with now because you were you weren't supposed to be
leaving school. What you're gonna do, what you're gonna say?
What you did? Yeah, you did school. They like, oh,
you know, Kiyota Sho's out there being fast exactly exactly.
I already told I'm fast all time. Now stop asking
people for the ice cream from ice cream truck. Okay,

(45:51):
you know, but it really is just it's really it's
really funny up because at that time I just felt like, well,
I'm used to it, so you so, so they bring
you in the room, they said, try out. She's good
to work. I mean, it just sounds so ignorant, but

(46:14):
you know, I can't even recall, God dog it, I
can't recall the movie. But it was a father and
I think his daughter was about to get caught up
in the sex trafficking rate. Oh what's it called, um taken?
Take it? Yes, I remember watching. It was hard to
watch when I saw it. When I first saw it,

(46:36):
I was like, oh my, and that's where you and
I was making that I was envisioning, you know, what
you were saying, like based on what I saw in
the movie, or just what it could feel like, the
sound the people. You know, this young person, Um, nobody
recognized or not that you were going because like the
sefth trafficking, he was looking for his daughter. He could
find her. So here's the thing. And this is what
I mean by when I say it's it's hidden in

(46:58):
in plain sight. No one's paying attention to me. No
one's trying to see what what time is kind of
coming home? You know, I stay late all the time.
I'm always out all the time. I ride bikes in
the street. We would, you know, get on the bikes
and ride up to USC and be and come in late.
No one was checking for me. No one's never checking

(47:21):
from me. And I think too because they feel like, well,
you know, she's a nerd. All she did was go
to school. She's about to get into no trouble. They
didn't they didn't know about the gang stuff. They just
knew I was getting good grades. That's all that matters.
My behavior, my demeanor. They didn't pay attention to any
of that. They thought I was, you know, fast, They
thought I was sassy. I have smart mouth at a

(47:43):
slick mouth. Um, I was educated. So I would always
you know, over talk everybody else and said, what would
you don't know? Do you even know what this math
problem is? And like that would be my my slap
in the face. Um so they no so me being gone,
they I would leave like after school, or I would

(48:04):
be made to like ditch school, and they'll be there.
There's no getting out of it. They're waiting for you. There,
there's somebody at the entrances and by the schools and
you and I shot. There's someone sitting in a car,
so you're being seen. And then you have the other
girls who are watching you making sure as well. Right,
other women that were in that house at that time

(48:27):
were also helping the men. Right, So it's it's it's
a it's a whole thing. It happens like right under
people's nose, and women are actively participating in the trafficking
of some of the younger girls for the for the men. Right,
whether they getting paid, they're they're getting a cut from it. Um.

(48:48):
And I made sure that I was always back by
I don't know, eleven twelve, twelve o'clock at night. You know,
I thought of sex trafficking. I thought they tried to
or they prevent their victims from going outside. But you
are allowed to go home. I was allowed to go home. Okay,

(49:09):
So I thought sex trafficking. You know, even in the
movies they said them on to play someone overseas, that happens,
they're gone, that happens to This is a situation. It's
happening right. The transactions are going right under the nose,
and you're not seeing anybody. You would just be a transaction.

(49:30):
I'm a transaction. And the fear and the silence that
they play sold you is the only thing that's allowing
us to keep going the threat of violence. Something happened
to my mother's happen to my sister and my aunts
or my grandmother or anybody in my family. Um, they
would have you go to I've gone to like transactions
in Beverly Hills, Long Beach, a lot especially by the

(49:52):
port Um downtown, a lot so corporate men to foreigners,
um you you name it and believe it or not,
it's just they You go into the hotel, you do
what you need to do, and you leave and there's
somebody waiting to to to get you. So you're not
leaving and going. No, nobody is wondering what a little

(50:15):
child is doing it going going in there? No, because
a lot of times you go with the women as well,
you have people you check into these hotels and then
someone else pulls in with with with a kid twelve
thirteen years old. No one is always paying attention to that.
What people don't pay attention. People don't pay attention. I

(50:38):
was hoping in auition that somebody would say, so, don't
look right, but that never happened. And to to help
me and to and to save me. And there are
times when I remember being on a bus, right, some
of that stuff happens and you're you're on a bus.
They're taking you to where you need to be, even
on a bus. Believe it or not, I did. I

(51:01):
did some training, um said, training and some awareness for
the Metro l a metro um bus stations um to
how to identify when you when you see something, what
what should they be paying attention to when someone's on
on the bus. Someone paid for me. Um, and I

(51:22):
got molested on the bus on the bus in the back.
This is like a like just eighty type of public
transportation bus is like this is a metro bus, a
regular metro bus. You see him everywhere? You bitch it?
You said you had this uh low self estate? Where

(51:45):
is it I do? Where's your self? Est? Oh? I
love me, Listen, there's no shame. It took a lot
of therapy because I think I carried a lot of
shame and I felt like um for a long time. Um,
I didn't want to speak about it. I didn't want
to talk about it. I didn't want to bring family shame.
I felt like some of that I did to myself.

(52:06):
I felt like some of that maybe I deserved it.
Maybe I wasn't a good enough kid. Um, and this
just was a punishment for me. I felt damaged, right.
I felt like, no one is going to love me.
I have been a transaction my whole my whole childhood.
No one is going to to to want me for
anything other than that. And it took a lot of

(52:29):
therapy and a lot of stillness and a lot of
time with myself. I had to unlearn a lot of
condition programming. I had to change my my mindset, and
I had to discover what unconditional love is supposed to
look like and feel like on on my own, Wow,

(52:49):
on my own, because I didn't experience it, and it
was not easy, and it was a lot of trial
in here. It wasn't easy. It's it's the process, right
and not looking for friendships, not looking for validation, not
looking for acceptance, um, being comfortable in my skin, feeling
pretty and not just physically pretty, like I think I

(53:11):
have a beautiful spirit. The best part of me is
the fact that I have such a loving heart in
spite of not being loved the way I was supposed
to be loved growing up. Okay, Okay, so we're gonna
take a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna
continue this conversation. Okay, yeah, theyble roll uh. And we're
also going to talk about your non profit Pretty to

(53:32):
Be and your work as a life counselor stay too
for this conversation. In spite of a d it's all day, everyone,
I'm out, and we are investors in Tenoral Seller's wine company.
Be sure to like, share and subscribed to the Vitamin
D with down Day podcasts available wherever you get your

(53:52):
favorite podcasts. All right, we back, y'all. I have Keio
litle role in here with me. As you know, she
is an author, counselor, speaker, and a life coach. She
inspires and supports countless of people um effectively to address
their personal life challenges. She has experience working with couples
and individuals who struggle with anxiety, depression, communication, trauma, and loss.

(54:17):
She exemplifies her belief that loving yourself is not only
a process, but an everlasting journey. She has a survivor
of child trafficking and she also is the founder of
Pretty Sabe, which is a national nonprofit organization that teaches
young girls the value of life, which is loving yourself
first and how to cultivate positive body image, deconstruct gender
media stereotypes. At lea changed throughout their communities with an

(54:41):
open heart. And I'll tell you that she's an aquarious Yes,
you know, we we all uh really, I think we
get along with you guys can blow us out because
that's like when y'all just almost every humanitarian um good one,
isn't it? As we care about the world. If you

(55:03):
know that we we care about what's going on in
the world, and we we're activists for sure. A friend
she isn't a court and all into caring about the people,
making people's rights and stuff. Yep. I get to love
people for a living. And it was a great choice,
it was. It was a great choice. I left UM
Television to to do it. You know, I didn go

(55:27):
to school for this nonprofit. Right. The nonprofit was was
purpose driven. Right. I was at usc UM getting my
my master's in broadcast journalism and working as a sports
journalist with ESPN, and then from there I went to
UM NBC Universal working with E and Square Network. And

(55:47):
my son at the time was in middle school. Right,
very active parents, very involved going up to the school
all the time. And I recognize a lot of knees
because I've lived in experience so much. I catch it.
I'm paying attention to these girls, what they're saying, how
they're behaving, and I'm just thinking this, this looks and

(56:12):
sounds familiar. So many of the girls were looking to see,
you know, who they can become friends with, and what
part of groups would should they be a part of,
and who you know, what kind of clicks and I'm
just thinking, that's a recipe for that is a recipe
for disaster. And I did a like there was like
a little career you know, bring your bring your mom

(56:33):
to work, or bring a type of thing. And the
dean said, Mr Monroe, can you come and do something
for you know, maybe some of the girls and talk
about the career and you know where you come from
and give them some hope because a lot of them,
you know, come from um neighborhoods that they don't they
don't see a lot of use, they don't see a
lot of use in real life. So I said, okay,

(56:55):
I came from there too. I didn't see a lot
of MEAs either, So I said absolutely and going in
there taking shoes off, you know, talk in real life
to them and from start to finish where I started,
where I am now and all those experiences everything not everything,
just you know how hard it was, how I had

(57:16):
to study, how everybody wasn't always rooting for you, and
nobody you know, dreamed the dreams you know I was dreaming.
I had to kind of dream some of those by myself.
Um hits the name of the song. But a lot
of the girls were like miss ms ms from are
you coming back? Are you Christians mom? That's Christians mom?
You know, are you coming back? Are you? Are you

(57:37):
doing another one? Are you gonna be here after school?
And they were just someone said, do you notice that
little girls are like super drawn to you or they're
staring at you all the time. And it wasn't until
then that I noticed they do. And I would give
them hugs and be very affectionate, and I don't know,

(57:57):
I think it's just you know, good energy, um and
in a good spirit. But a lot of those girls
started opening up and sharing things and talking to me
about things, and I said, well, I've been through some
things too. You know, I was bullied too, and I
went through this and my dad wasn't around either, and
my my mom was young when she had me like
talking to them, bringing myself down and being as relatable

(58:21):
as possible. And after a while, working in television wasn't
as fulfilling anymore as going up to the school. I
started volunteering my time, taking my sick leave, taking my
vacation time to volunteer and go and speak and do
these like little you know, empowerment classes UM where I

(58:41):
would go in there and talk to them and encourage
them and and be you know, a soundboard for them.
And it wasn't until one day I came in. Some
of the girls were in the office. They had to
tend they were getting detention. They were going to write
up because they were late. And they came and I
asked the dan to give me a moment with them,

(59:01):
and I found out some of the girls didn't have
clothes at home, so they were out of uniform. They
have detention because they were out of uniform, right, some
of the girls. Um one of the girls, that's something.
One of the girls was dealing with some abusive stuff
at home. She didn't tell me all the details, but
she was just like, bad things are happening to me
at home, and just it just clicked, okay, all right,

(59:26):
So I had to asked the Diana said, just I
talked to them and they won't be back in here.
I went to Target, got a bunch of uniforms for
the other girl, right, and for the girl that has
some stuff going on at home. I said, if you
if you haven't talked to your mother and you want
to talk to your mother but you're scared, I will
talk to her with you, right, and they they the

(59:50):
dean was just like, I haven't seen them in here
since they haven't been in there since. And really, what
it is is instead of sending kids to get in
trouble and writing them off thinking that they're misbehaving or
that they're bad, is to go a little deeper and
kind of find out what's really going on. And sometimes
with kids, you have to show your actual self. You

(01:00:12):
have to show who you really are so that they
can find some relatabilities to all the time. I'm working
on it. I'm working on it because I've had and
so from from there, I started the organization as Okay,
I quit, I'm gonna take a leap of faith, and
I'm gonna start going in here more often. And I'm

(01:00:32):
just gonna do it with this one school and see
how it goes with a certain group of kids. You released, Yeah,
I said, you know what, I can always come back here.
Let me try this. I can always go back to
television and entertainment if I want to. I can always
come back to any of that. Let me try this.
You know. It allows me to be an even more
active parent because that's the school my son was going

(01:00:54):
to write. I started having teachers said, you know, can
I have some students. I think they would do well
in your class. And I just started to come and
show up and be more consistent. And those girls were
telling me everything. I was going to Starbucks bringing hot chocolate.
You know, I was bringing Croissans. You know. It was
just miss Kiana meet Miss Kiana, and and you know

(01:01:15):
our hol group, and we all had a relationship. And
the girls just started to share, and I said, this
really important to have a healthy bond in relationship with
one another and trust one another and look after one another.
You guys have to care for you. Don't judge. You
don't know what your sisters. These are like sisters. You
don't know what the other girls are going through at home,

(01:01:37):
and all they may have is you, Right. I taught
them how to compliment each other. When you walk in
you don't have to be a mean girl, say something nice.
It was actually mandatory when you come in class, you
pay compliments. You learn how to and it's it's a
double edged sword. You learn how to pay a compliment,
and then you need to learn how to receive a compliment.

(01:01:58):
Because hence the pretty to me, right, because I had
such low self esteem that I didn't think I was
worth anything, So anybody could do anything to me because
I didn't matter anyway, you know what I mean? Because
of how there was us to miscommunication about what love is.

(01:02:19):
Did you find yourself seeking that out because you needed
to feel something. I started doing that a little bit afterwards,
and not necessarily seeking sex, but seeking affection. But what
is thinking at this point? So for me, I wanted

(01:02:40):
to have somebody I could talk to. I wanted to
have somebody that I could be next to you. And
at the end of the day, if I created a
bond with somebody, maybe he would keep me safe from
other people. If I created a if I created a
bond with a boy, maybe that boy will watch over
me and that would be my safety. And then I
would have someone to talk to who wouldn't try to

(01:03:02):
have sex with me, you know what I mean. But
he would give me a hug and it would be
it would be just a hug. U Now, they always
wanted something more than that. I could never I could
never achieve it. You know, they they they you know
you can really put someone in the friend zone. They
didn't want to be in the friend zone. In the
first place, you're trying to put them in the friend

(01:03:23):
zone so that you can have a safe friend that
just so happens to be a male. It hardly ever worked,
but I know the feeling of it. It has to
be trying, because you're coming down, you're coming to the
sick of everything that you feel that they have. So
therefore just's like, oh, yeah, well she needs me right
And the thing, here's the here's an interesting thing is

(01:03:45):
I didn't like sex for a long time. That just
I just it wasn't something that I enjoyed. It was
just something that I performed for other people's pleasure and
for other people, just like you enjoy sex. How were you,
um my twenties. In my twenties, Um, I had my
first orgasm to I was twenty nine, and UM, I

(01:04:08):
think for me it took therapy because I would be
triggered like little things that would happen I would, I
would be triggered with sex. And so for me, I
am a what you call sabio sexual. To turn me on,
it has to be intellectually stimulating. I have to know
that that's that's not what's on your agenda. You actually

(01:04:30):
care and love all the other things about me, and
you just so happen to be attracted to me physically too,
But that can't be first because of all of the
things that people were only interested in me because of
what I look like and because they wanted that from me.
Now I'm attracted to people who that's not their first interests.

(01:04:50):
When it when it when it comes to me, and
it took it took a long time to define that,
and I try. I try to teach my girls, and
believe it or not, I would having counseling for adults.
I usually work on their inner child, because you have
the kids with the pretty smet foundation that I'm trying
to prevent getting caught up in that type of stuff

(01:05:10):
and build the foundations and the principles and the morals
and the character traits right when they're when they're young,
validating themselves, understanding who they are right, not caring about
other people's opinion about who they are and what they
look like. Not seeking approval and acceptance and being lord
by you know, a little ugly boy, not like that,

(01:05:31):
but you know to or or feel like they need
to be pressured by their friends to do it, because
all their friends are none is truly and stilly. Confidence.
That's just simply when you from the inside out love you,
but you do you love you by liking you, love
you by accepting you right, and when you can do
that that was that's what's going to bring the confidence.

(01:05:54):
And when they're confident within themselves in all those ways,
it shows in their academics say you do what do
you think? That's how you do everything exactly, Then you
have So I started the Pretty to Me Foundation because
at the end of the day, I want my girls.
Do you feel pretty to you? Because that's what matters. First,
I can tell you you're pretty, but at the end

(01:06:15):
of the day, before you walk out the mirror, I'm
pretty to me. Everybody else's opinion is second next to
my own about myself. You have that, Then you have
the adults. I was dealing with some of the parents,
whether they foster parents or whether they're their biological parents
or grandparents, and I was just like, Okay, I'm pouring
all this good stuff into these kids, and we got

(01:06:37):
some adults, and some of the adults are undoing my
work what I'm doing with these with these kids. And
I said, okay, I need to get a little bit. Uh,
it's time to get a little bit deeper. So I
went back to school, right, and I got my certifications
in neural linguistics programming so that I can help them
understand their process, how they process their thoughts, how they

(01:06:58):
process their emotions, ends, and feelings, and understanding just the
kind of the psychology of their mindset. Because if you
can change your mindset and shift your mindset and change
your life right, So doing that cognitive behavioral health and
also emotional intelligence and being empathetic, understanding your emotions, regulating

(01:07:19):
your emotions right, and having healthy relationships and friendships. UM
did the confidence building skills. So many of the adults
didn't have that. And it it took for one of
the girls UM in my organization that they gave to me,
tried to hang herself in the bathroom. She was like eleven, UM,

(01:07:42):
and come to find out, her mother was kind of
draining everything I was pouring into her with that, and
she was getting bullied at school too, So she just
felt like, you know, there was there was there was
no hope, and and I said, you know, let me
start working with with the parents. And so I started

(01:08:04):
to have some parents want to sit in on some
of my workshops, and they said, you do this for
adults because I was never raised to know that. No
one ever told me about these things, no one ever.
I never knew just all of these UM topics on
confidence building skills and self love and healthy boundaries and
and understanding your thoughts and feelings and how you speak

(01:08:27):
up for yourself and healthy friendships, um, understanding intimacy with self,
becoming your own friend, just everything I talked to the kids,
the parents wanted to sit and do it as well,
So I said, let me start working with with the adults.
And what I've learned is you have a lot of
hurt children and adult bodies raising children will become hurt. Yeah, hey,

(01:08:53):
catch it, yeah, because hur people are people. Right. So
you have a song out. You have two songs. It's
called Dream and then the second one is called Chain,
which is under that you wrote for your girls who
are part of your organization. Pretty to me, right, So
change I wrote, um because it's an extension of what
an emotionally intelligent relationship looks like. You keep talking about

(01:09:16):
emotional intelligence. That's just knowing how you feel and be
it aware. It's it's it's awareness. Of your emotions, how
to manage, how to regulate right, understanding empathy right, and
also managing relationships. And I don't I don't like to
say managed relationships. Nobody wants to be managed, but the
awareness of how to have a healthy relationship right, And

(01:09:37):
that's that's what it is. What if some people already
been in tune with their emotions, like can you be
in tune with your emotions but not good at expressing them? Well? Um,
to a degree, to a degree. That's why that that's
why with with my clients, I always uh referred to
the feelings will, Right, there's a feelings will and then
with emotions, you have your primary emotions. Right. I'm gonna

(01:09:59):
give you example. Um, when you're mad, A lot of
people say, well, i'm mad at you. You did something
to me. I'm mad at you. Well, anger is something
which the cause of that is something that's unfair or unjust.
So if I'm mad at you you did something that
was unfair or unjust. If you don't think it was
un affair unjust, then are you mistaking your anger for hurt?

(01:10:23):
Are you sad? Are you grieving because I hurt you?
Are you? Are you grieving? Because I left you are you?
You don't understand what I'm saying, So it's it's it's
the really understanding what the emotion is so that you
can deal with it, not just having an emotional meltdown.

(01:10:43):
You know, I feel like, as I feel like this,
let's get to the bottle to what's your film so
I can address it right, and then understanding what you
feel so you can regulate it right. Because you are
responsible for your feelings, even if they're provoked, you're responsible
for those right. So the reason why I have change
is I wrote that because I have so many people

(01:11:06):
that deal with relationships and that some of the lyrics
are you know, just one that sticks out a lot
of people say, is you know, have I fallen in
love with you or an unhealed version of me? Yeah?
How about fallen in love with two? Or unhealed version

(01:11:27):
of me? What? Dah? Yeah, we'll check what you are?
Oh what are you trying to do today? Listen when
you listen to the song I promised you'll love it.
Dream is a song that I wrote um for for
for the girls right, and it's meant to be inspiring
and empowering to understand that you know, it's a part

(01:11:51):
of what I went through. You may dream your dreams alone,
but no, you're never on your own, right. That's that's
one of the lyrics. You may dream them by yourself,
but you're not by yourself. You may dream them by yourself, right,
and they're yours, but you still need to go after them.

(01:12:12):
You still have to go after them. In the second verse,
it's I put life in it. I know your past
relationships have slipped between your fingertips, but take the time
to love you first, and your heart will reflect what
you're worth. Right. So that's what I talked to my

(01:12:34):
girls about all the time. Dream life may have, there's
a part in the first first life may have all
the obstacles, but allow life to teach you what you
need to know. And you may dream your dreams alone,
but no, you're never on your own. I choose you,

(01:12:54):
I need you to choose you. But your dreams matter
because you matter, just because your line of work with
your passion is and based on your experience, what are
your thought process, what's going on with your line of
work and the individuals you're dealing with now with the
ruling has passed or the overturn of roversus weight. I

(01:13:15):
think it's disgusting. I think there's a war on women.
I think that women's bodies are sacred, and I believe
that things happen. Life happens, especially with girls who are abused.
And to force a woman to risk death, because that's

(01:13:39):
something that's not talked about enough. Labor and delivery. Delivery
is labor. It's hours and hours and hours of labor,
and it's hard work. And your body goes through a
lot of woman's body goes through a lot. My mom,
she said, having a baby is like going through death.
It is. And what people don't talk about is there
are women that die on the table. There are women

(01:14:01):
that that that past given birth. Sometimes a husband can
go in there and leave with his child, and and
and and walk away with a wife. So to force
that risk onto somebody who who doesn't want it for
their body is unfair, especially when they were violated. You
don't ask somebody to to do that. And in the

(01:14:22):
line of work that I do, it's it's common that
that happens. And these girls, they're very young, they don't
that's not that's not their story. They don't want that.
And we were living in a country where they're they're
not providing healthcare. They're not they're not providing So what
do you want to do, Philip Foster? Care? You want?
You like? What is what? What's what's the purpose behind it?

(01:14:45):
What's the purpose behind it? Do you think more people
be sick and you think more lives will actually be
in danger? I do, because, Uh, something that people are
not talking about is, first of all, women are going
to have an abortion one way or another. If they
don't want it, they're not going to do it right,
and even if it means possibly putting their life in
danger of what you know, my my, my, my godparents

(01:15:08):
told me. You know that r V way happened when
you know during their time and the the the sad
thing is women were dying, they were doing whatever whatever
it took, and and actually sometimes dying trying to give
themselves an abortion or mr something right. So that that's
that women are still going to do it, and they

(01:15:29):
might it may cost them their life, right. And then
too that a lot of people aren't paying attention to
is for the men who impregnate these girls but they
don't want to be a father and abortion is no
longer an option. What do you think they're going to
do to the girl? What do you what do you

(01:15:50):
think they're gonna do? But I think there's gonna be
some some murder. What I'm serious? Yeah, because you think
about think I mean from let's just say a certain family,
this could bring shape. Oh wow, how do I conceal this?
This kid come out now? I can't. Abortion is not
an option. We gotta get rid of her and the baby.

(01:16:12):
Like that's it exactly exactly like like people don't connect
those thoughts. They don't think about that. But that's a
that's a real case possibility, and it's dangerous and it's
not right. So if you could say something to a
young girl out there or an individual who maybe it

(01:16:33):
may have been violated, what would you say to them
about getting resources? Come to California, Come to the west
coast Washington, Oregon and California has has banned together to
provide resources. It's still legal here. There's there's plenty of
resources and we're we're working on that now, trying to
tap into as many resources as possible because it just

(01:16:55):
happened like a blink of an eye, to find out
how how we can cover a travel costs? Who who's
covering travel costs, what grants, what donations, what to to
get here to the West coast or any other place
that's still um allowing it to to be legal, but
so pretty for me, it's going to be on the
forefront with us very much, so very much. So we're

(01:17:19):
we're working behind closed doors to put as many plan
of actions as as possible because I love I love
my girls, all hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them,
and so they like, yeah, you can lose your lights.
Like these doctors are thinking, I gotta say this life,
but I gotta I might lose my license, which could
And it sends to me like they're losing their lives
because they have a whole family to take care exactly.

(01:17:41):
And now I gotta sit down and talk to somebody
to debate whether or not that this procedure is okay.
I lose ain't time right, And you might lose somebody
on the table because you're trying to figure out if
it's legal or not. It's a justify for for somebody
else that is not me or not in this body,
and probably not even in the States, Like come on, now,
you'll never meet that don't know you and may not

(01:18:02):
even care about you. So it's it's it's that that's
that's never okay. And I really hope that we vote
and we make some changes. Vote make some changes. Um,
we have to do better. We have to come together.
This is I think if if it's not loud enough cry,
if we don't come together and stick together and unite,

(01:18:25):
is not the United States right now. We're divided. This
is a divided country, and we have to come together
for humanity. This is humanity, This isn't This affects everybody.
So yeah, I think this is something we really need
to work on. It's painful. So when you look at

(01:18:49):
the state of kana H, who she was, who she
is the who was your beacon of inspiration? Who told
you were possible? How did you and you're gonna make
it through? I had to. I chose me? I did?
I chose me? I don't I don't know. I'm forty

(01:19:10):
years old this year. I made forty in January, and
I said, I don't know what this next chapter is
going to look like, but I know I'm going to
carry me through. I know I will carry me through. Right.
I've been with myself all this time. I will not
abandon me. I will not abandon me. And that's it.
As long as I have mean, as long as I

(01:19:32):
carry me, I will. I've carried me this far, I
will carry me the rest of the way. And I
will experience all my experiences in love with excitement for
for excitement for growth and the evolution of my life,
and and and and enjoy the process as much as possible.
Search for joy, fine happiness where I can, right, search

(01:19:55):
for joy of fine happiness wherever I wherever I can.
It's something that out that that joy, because it's something
that resides right, nothing like That's why it's so important
that whatever you do, make sure that it is of joy,
and it's for you, for you, make like you you said, Um,

(01:20:15):
I know that my my purpose as I'm here, UM,
I'm meant to inspire. Right. So, Candle, you have been
talking about some music. You talked about an album you
have coming out, these two tracks called Dreaming Change, where
we get streaming on all streaming platforms, available everywhere. What
else is next? What other future projects? What's next for Pretty?

(01:20:36):
To me? I heard you create an app pocket, we
support you, give it to us all. So I have, um,
the Pretty to Me book came out, children's book came
out right All Narrated by Me is animated, um uh book,
and it talks about what I always talking about, self
love and validation, acceptance of self. Right. Um, we have that.

(01:20:59):
I have another one that that comes out that talks
about healthy relationships of a mother and daughter and why
it's important. It's called Anything for You. Um. That will
be coming out soon. My album will be coming out
in July. Right. It's although many. It's a mini empowerment album.
It's meant to make you feel good. It's meant to
make you think and understand relationships right, emotionally intelligent relationships,

(01:21:24):
self love, first life matters. So you have that. UM.
I have a retreat coming up. Um. Well, it's not
coming well next year, so not close, but it's not
far an upcoming retreat. Um. It is a life and
mindfulness retreat sponsored by McDonald's and I'm really excited. It'll

(01:21:45):
it'll be three days and it'll be rotating workshops and
we'll talk about finances and health and wellness and mindfulness
and self love. How do all of those things? Um.
I will keep you in the loop once I get
some more details. I will keep you in the loop. Um.
And then we have upcoming workshops which I'd like to
give you, um tickets. You got five tickets and you

(01:22:08):
can raffle them off. They can call in whatever it
is they need to do, and one is for July
twond That's that's the strategy to intimacy because we talked
about that, right and then July nine is the crayon theory.
Oh theory. Okay, we're gonna have to think sut it up.
We're gonna conjure. Yeah, so special people have them. What

(01:22:31):
should we have them do in order to get their
their possible ticket? What would you like for them to do? Well?
They have to be following me number one, so final
ed Kiota loves Me. You have another social handle, pretty
to me Life. Okay, so especially if you have kids.
If you have kids, you have to follow both of
those social media accounts. And what do they need to
tag or to say anything? Um? Yeah, what they can

(01:22:55):
do is, um, they can post their favorite life tip
or their favorite whatever stands out to them, whatever posts
stands out for them to them the most they can,
they can share it on their stories, save it and
tag me. Okay, So we got we got a couple
of strategies here. You're gonna have to tag or go
ahead and follow at Kiota loves Me, follow Pretty to Me,

(01:23:19):
Life l y F and Vitamin D Down Day if
you Vitamin D Down Day if you are following already,
as well as leave a comment stating whatever the life
tip meant to you, whatever however it resonates. I always
say on my on my post, take what resonates be

(01:23:40):
spit out the bottom. So take what resonates and and
and share that and tag me. Okay there you haven't.
You can win either we're going to emotional intelligence or either.
The Crayon theory is called the strategy to intimacy, the
strategy to intimacy, and it's and it's spelled this way
in to me in the number two me INTI me

(01:24:05):
starts with self into me see see see right, So up, listen, listen,
And that is to understand the intimacy with yourself, right,
and how to have intimacy um in primary love with
others and understanding the levels of emotional intelligence so so

(01:24:28):
that you can have an emotional intelligence and emotionally healthy relationship.
And then the Crayon theory, it's understanding and knowing who
you are, how you love, and how to navigate people
to your heart and date intentionally day, intentionally, move with intentions,
and if you're already in a relationship, right, I also
teach how to grow and evolve in your relationship with

(01:24:51):
each other. M So it sounds like it's just being
better together in love and of self moment. So B,
you need to check it out and you need to
be there. Yes, hey, yes, I want to thank you
so much. Thank you for your vulnerability, Thank you for
for showing up, for showing up because not only just

(01:25:16):
for today, but just in life, for not only for
me and my listeners, but for every young woman, young girl,
every person that you've encountered. Because because of you and
you decided to love yourself first, you've extended an opportunity
for us to love ourselves, for us to show up,
for us to identify why we live on a purpose

(01:25:36):
and for a purpose. So thank you for being that way.
Thank you for allowing yourself to connect. Thank you for forgiveness,
thank you for making rule. Thank you for saying I'm
worth it and I to deserve it mm hmm. Thank
you for inspiring me. Thank you for receiving it. Catch it.

(01:25:57):
I hope you enjoyed this conversation, that you understand what
it means to love yourself first and how self love
is the foundation that's where your fruits you'll grow. So
where are you planting your seeds? Is it in fertile soil?
How are you norsing your soul soil? Are you even
understanding the seasons that you're in for the fruit that

(01:26:20):
you are about to bear? Catch it? Alright, guys, I
want to make sure that you go ahead and you
follow Kiota. Uh, make sure you check her out on
social media at Kiota Loves Me again it at pretty
to my to me life. And do you have a website? Ideal?
I truly inspire people to encourage people to sign up

(01:26:40):
for the newsletter. Go to www dot Kiana Monroe dot com.
If you want counseling, if you want a journal, I
have a life journal, right um. And if you want
to hear any music, that's where you go. That's it
all right, We're gonna do that. And also I appreciate
you for you to be on the show if you
like to be a guest or perhaps if you think

(01:27:02):
you should be interviewed or know somebody that should send
us an email Vitamin D at Dawn and Day speaks
dot com. And and and also you don't have my Vitamin
D advice letters. So if you need advice on your relationships,
your career, about your purpose, about what have you hit
me out? Now? I want to be clear with you. You
You know, when we talk about Vitamin D, it's all
about shedding the light on the good and the bad.

(01:27:23):
Because what do I say? If you want to be
better and you want to do better, you have to
be able to see better. So I am going to
keep it real with chill because I love you and
I want what's best for you, and that's just be
keeping it real with you. Okay. Also, if you enjoyed
this podcast and you feel as though it give me
something for somebody else, can you tell somebody to tell

(01:27:44):
somebody else that Dawn Day got a podcast. It's called
Vitamin D with Dawn Day and it's available wherever you
get your favorite podcasts. I appreciate you. Now you you
gotta tell now take your way too later, But I
tell you I plan to be here for a long time.
That's a lot of stuff you gotta get to know.
So I mean your might as well jump on it
now right. Also, when you do check out the podcast,

(01:28:06):
make sure you rate and leave a comment. Okay, listen,
tell somebody why this episode was so dope. Put your
stars on there, put your comments on there. Okay. And
I also want to tell you that you know we're
on social media, and so if you want to see
what's happening in the studio, you want to get some quote,
but you want to get some inspiration, you can follow

(01:28:27):
us everywhere Vitamin d Dawing Day, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok
wherever you look, that's where we are, okay, And you
know you can follow me personally if you want to
get some original Vitamin Day at Dawn Day speaks. Yeah,
I appreciate you, and I thank you so much for
joining me on my train. We had a lot to do,

(01:28:50):
you and me. Yes, we're long one together. We're gonna
learn a lot, but we got enough time to do it.
All right, let me get out of here. You will
always say I'm in the business, I'm making dreams come
true and I dare so. I ain't gonna forget about mind.
So until next time, always remember you are your greatest

(01:29:10):
DASSA get your right emindy right here with me, and
get excited about your lives.

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