Black Dads Club

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the
third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poleman
Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions Man,
d B and Wheezy. Okay, we got the R and
B Money podcast, were taking Jay Valentine. We got the
Woman of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts. We got

(00:22):
Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with
her next sports podcast, and the Trap Nerds podcast with
more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts.
We're bringing the Black Effect marketplace with black owned businesses
plus the food truck court to keep you fed while
you visit us.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
All right, listen, you don't want to miss this.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tap in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect
dot Com Flash Podcast Festival, hoping to.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
We talk back where we encourage you to hustle, hard, laugh,
letter and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee,
cocktail and crown because it's about to go down.

Speaker 4 (00:56):
What's talk talk?

Speaker 5 (00:59):
You're just too apologetically black women with an opinion?

Speaker 6 (01:03):
Who talks back?

Speaker 7 (01:06):
What's up, y'all?

Speaker 3 (01:07):
It's your girl, a j holiday. What's up, Tam Damn?

Speaker 6 (01:11):
What's up girl? How you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:14):
I'm good, Hey, y'all.

Speaker 5 (01:17):
I love y'all. Once again, thank y'all for tuning in.
I missed y'all.

Speaker 6 (01:21):
Hey, how was your little streak girl?

Speaker 3 (01:24):
You got your new little streak girl?

Speaker 5 (01:26):
You know, I had to put a little blonde in
there because I was feeling like having fun and they
say blondes have more fun, and I'm out and I've
been outside.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
In New York having with them Brooklyn cats.

Speaker 5 (01:41):
Now, I mean I've been hanging out with some queens
niggas in Brooklyn. Oh, it's a Brooklyn niggas. Shout out
to my homegirl, Tina. Tina came outside last night.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Tina.

Speaker 5 (01:53):
Uh, you was liting this weekend. Girvanta, Oh uh, Gravonta
had a fight. But we're gonna talk about in a minute.
Let's talk about your weekend.

Speaker 6 (02:01):
What'd you do?

Speaker 7 (02:03):
My weekend was great.

Speaker 8 (02:05):
I told you I was going to Miami this weekend,
so I did attend the premiere for July seven is
the name of the movie, and it was really good.
It's it's about the Haitian assassination of the Haitian president. So,
I mean, I know the story when when when the
president was actually assassinated, I did a whole went down

(02:27):
a super rabbit hole, see what the fuck was going on?
And this was actually during COVID, so a lot of
people just not paying attention to world events because it's
just everything was in fucking shambles at the time, right,
So yeah, it was a really good event, turn out
beautiful black people. It was really black tie, okay, you
know sometimes to be like black tie, like motherfucker's gonna

(02:49):
have girls. Took two dresses. The dress I wanted to wear.
I tried to lose ten pounds in a week. It
didn't work.

Speaker 7 (03:00):
That's five though, But it.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Just wasn't enough. And I'm keep it my fucking dress
because it sold out.

Speaker 6 (03:05):
Online and you're gonna get that other fire I am.

Speaker 8 (03:08):
They could at least put at a little lastic down
at the leg part that's where it was tight at
because they had.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Like the little train. Yeah, I would have been just
sitting there uncomfortable in the little.

Speaker 6 (03:19):
As that you wore. You should posted a picture on
your page.

Speaker 8 (03:24):
Yeah, and shout up to my homegirl, Dorothy Robinson. Okay,
she was in her big executive producer bag on this show.
This is the first time I saw my Saint Louis
friends chih this weekend since I left Saint Louis in
twenty fifteen.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
That had a good time that we did the casinos.

Speaker 8 (03:45):
Lost three hundred, two hundred and thirty dollars in the
casino on the slot machine in ten minutes, and I'm
still regretting that today because I could have bought some
stock options with them two hundred and thirty dollars and
slipped it right quick. I got having a good time. Yeah,
I just been all over New York eating. I ain't

(04:07):
gonna never love no weight like this.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Don't say never bit.

Speaker 6 (04:12):
Eating like this.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
I won't.

Speaker 6 (04:14):
But I had trainy food for the first time.

Speaker 5 (04:18):
Trinidaddyans is that how you said, Trinidadian's shout out to
them that food. I had this thing called a shrimp
and goat doubles. My god, it's called doubles, and it's
like this joey No, it's kind of like this doe
kind of it tastes like some doe bread that you

(04:39):
would get from the fair, or something like a peta.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
The dumb Lades, Oh, like festival like from Jamaica or
like it.

Speaker 6 (04:46):
Kind of tastes. Yeah, it kind of tastes like that.

Speaker 5 (04:48):
A little bit had like chickpeas and all kinds of
stuff on the inside, and then you choose your topic.

Speaker 6 (04:56):
Oh my god, it was so good.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
Patty kind kinda kind of it would give something like that, right,
but it was so good. I had that from this
restaurant called Triny City, and queen shout out to Treney City.
I will be back. Yes, I just been eating and
then I went to this bar call.

Speaker 6 (05:18):
Charm Bar.

Speaker 5 (05:20):
Went there last night, so I'm just hanging out a
little bit. Yeah, it's a nice little bar. Is A
lot of these places in New York are real tiny,
you know. It's not a lot of spaces easy. Yeah,
but it was a cool vibe. It was so cold,
like twenty something degrees last night, so it was for
a reason.

Speaker 6 (05:38):
But anytime I get a reason to pull out a
fur coat, I'm gonna do it. So I do it.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
That's the only place you're gonna pull that for a
coat out anyway.

Speaker 5 (05:46):
Yeah, no, I would pull it out in Charlotte if
it gets below if there's a three in front of
the temperature, I'm wanna pull out a fur coat.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
You remember Vlad right, yeah? Yeah, did you?

Speaker 6 (06:01):
He asked me to do some hosting there, so we're
supposed to have a conversation about me doing a little
hosting that Dia.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Yeah, I want to go there.

Speaker 8 (06:09):
And he's telling me to come to New York and
go and I'm like, I am just not a New
York girl. And it has to be warm outside. I'll
definitely come in April or May. I cannot do the
cold New York hole. And they was talking about some
arctic weather last week.

Speaker 6 (06:26):
Who yeah, that's what now. Yeah. But other than that,
it's cool. Let's get in the sands.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
Let's talk about Girvanta, because that happened over the weekend
two here in New York at the Barclays Center. There
was a big fight and Givanta what's his name, Davis?

Speaker 6 (06:50):
Yeah, he took a knee during the fight. He took
a knee during the fight.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
And did you watch the fight?

Speaker 8 (06:58):
I missed it because by the end of the the
premiretive fight was over.

Speaker 5 (07:03):
I did not watch the fight. I was so on Saturday.

Speaker 6 (07:07):
I was in Charlotte.

Speaker 5 (07:08):
I got back to New York on Sunday morning, so
I missed it. I was trying to get back in time,
but I had to handle business, so I couldn't get back,
so I did not watch it. But I saw the
cliff on the shade room at the end where he
was like his hair. Grease had come down into his
eyes and that's why he took a knee.

Speaker 9 (07:29):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Voluntarily took a knee midway through this fight.

Speaker 4 (07:32):
It was not ruled a knockdown.

Speaker 10 (07:33):
What happened to me, I just got my had done
two days ago, and she picked grease in my ship.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
So the ship was like you know, like when you
sweating and things like that, and the grease come in
my face.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
It burnt my eyes.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Shit, Now, why y'all boring like I'm saying bullshit.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Like that nigga got knocked down.

Speaker 8 (07:52):
That nigga ain't take no me hurt it.

Speaker 6 (07:56):
I got hit.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
That nigga got to cut it out.

Speaker 5 (08:00):
Now he stopped his nigga was hurting right. But it
was a draw, So they're gonna fight again. So the
next one, I want to go to Yeah.

Speaker 8 (08:14):
So I saw that the hairstylace came out. It was like, boy,
that's some bullshit. I did your hair on Wednesday. It's Saturday.
Ain't no excuse for me to be slipping sliding in
the ring. He got knocked on his knees a little bit,
you know.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
He the guy who he fought.

Speaker 8 (08:26):
They apparently grew up together. They probably grew up sparring,
so they they if anybody knows his techniques, is this nigga?

Speaker 6 (08:34):
Yeah, it's not, it's not.

Speaker 5 (08:35):
He didn't even get knocked on his mond. He took
a knee. You can see he took a knee, you know,
like Paul's hold on Paul's Wait a minute, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Let me gather because I just got hit hard.

Speaker 6 (08:46):
Yeah, yeah, let me gather. That's what really happened. He
had to gather his thoughts. Yeah, he tried to say
face with their hairstyle.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
Ship.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
But so it's gonna it's a draw.

Speaker 8 (08:59):
They're gonna to do another fight and get that check
at period mad at it.

Speaker 6 (09:08):
No, not that they're gonna go back to Vegas, because
it was in New York this time. Maybe they'll know.

Speaker 8 (09:11):
I said, they're gonna get that check but Vegas runs
all sports, That's what I mean.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
Oh you got that check out of Vegas. Yeah yeah,
m hm.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
And so I wonder how that works because when is
it a draw, does everybody get paid or does nobody
pay out? I think everybody gets paid out.

Speaker 8 (09:26):
They still gotta make I mean, get money for doing
putting the show on because people still bought tickets. So
I don't know if they maybe get a lesser amount.
I don't know how that works. Mmmm mmm, maybe they
just finessed. They finessed the plug right quick. Saturday girl,
So Jennifer, Jennifer Williams, y'all remember Jennifer Williams from Basketball Wives.

(09:51):
This girl just got married to this nigga, Christian Gold. Okay,
I don't even believe that's his last name. And I
heard that she was trying to actually take on that
life scene too, to be Jennifer Gold. But do you
think she's possibly a scammer herself, because now he's in
the news for scamming some people in some type of
Ponzi scheme out of one hundred and twenty thousand dollars.

(10:13):
And the article is kind of weird because it says
he's violated the Georgia Rico Act. But then on the
other hand, it's saying that it's a class action lawsuit
from a group of people, so I don't know it,
says Christian gold aka Christian Walden, his real name is
again in legal hot water. This week, twenty one people
file a lawsuit against against Kristen in Atlanta area court

(10:34):
with multiple allegations. The various plaintiffs alleged Christen solicitated money
from each one of the pretense excuse me for each
one of them, under the pretense of an investment opportunity. However,
they claim Christian Field to invest their money and engage
in a Ponzi scheme, claiming he paid early investors with money.
So yeah, let me take your money. What I should

(10:54):
call people be doing in.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
A hood.

Speaker 6 (11:00):
The susu, A susu, susue blessing, a blessing ring.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
That's what they call it in the church, but on
the streets they call it a susu some bullshit.

Speaker 6 (11:15):
But this is lose.

Speaker 8 (11:17):
Yeah, the people who usually come in on the back
end are usually the ones that's gonna lose. If you
started it, you're gonna get paid first, but you're getting
paid from the people at the bottom, the people you
bring in, you know.

Speaker 6 (11:29):
So the only way is that it only works is
if it keeps going forever. But it don't. As soon
as it stopped, somebody's gonna take a l exactly.

Speaker 8 (11:41):
So they say he took money from one hundred and
fifty victims from around the country. This is her second
sad scammer that we know of that has you know,
sweetye pie. What's the dude she was engaged to. He's
in prison now for life, I believe for having his
nephew murdered. Mm hmm, f insurance fraud. She just yeah,

(12:05):
I believe so, or maybe they just they were dating
for a while. She got scammed by him too, I believe.
So is she a part of the scams or you
just like scamming as niggas? And this dude is thirty
one years old. I think she's at least fifty eight
forty eight to fifty. Will say, you never know what
these people on Google, but girl, what are you doing?

(12:25):
And I remember seeing like some videos online and I
think it was Evelyn was like afraid to you know,
address her by her man. You know what I'm saying,
Like this does he really have money? Is he gonna
be able to take care of you? Just like on
some real life concerned friendship. Well, you know your friend
is an habitual dumb bitch, right, just be letting men

(12:46):
take advantage of them. And it's like you want to
try and intervene in some because you love them, right,
but it just keeps happening, like you attracting these people.

Speaker 5 (12:56):
I ain't got no judge of Jerry for Jennifer because
I listen. It's so so hard out here. I hear
so many stories of women dating people who they thought
they were somebody and they turned out there was somebody else.
So I don't know, you know, she might just be
getting finissed.

Speaker 8 (13:10):
Do you think googling is now a part of dating,
Like when you meet somebody like you start googling them
to see who they are, like what you can find
on them.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Absolutely, I think that should be a part of the process.

Speaker 8 (13:22):
I'm not gonna tell you I googled your ass, but
I'm already know a lot of shit about you.

Speaker 3 (13:27):
I have some friends.

Speaker 8 (13:28):
Who will be dating these people that they say are
celebrities or this person was drafted this place and that,
and I'm googling them, and I'm like, that nigga never
played in the NFL. The nigga never did none of
the things that my friend is telling me he's doing.
And I just don't say nothing. I just wait right
figure it out, because it's like you haven't done your

(13:49):
due diligence. You just going off of what this nigga
is telling you.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
I'm not daging my place. On several occasions, girl.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
I saw this because if I took the time to
look it up, I'm gonna take the time to tell you, bitch, look,
look what did this say.

Speaker 6 (14:08):
Let's say he is.

Speaker 8 (14:11):
No because people might call you a hater, you know
what I'm saying. But and it has to be something
that the person says right. That kind of triggers me
even to do this like that don't even sound right?
Why it sound right to her?

Speaker 6 (14:24):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
So if it sounds right to her, I don't want
to be.

Speaker 8 (14:27):
The one to burst the bubble. I'll just let her
find out on her own. And I'm saying her, but
it's actually plural.

Speaker 5 (14:35):
Well, I guess it depends on them because you have
to be careful with telling people about their relationship.

Speaker 6 (14:39):
You really do. So it just depends on how close
I am to this person.

Speaker 8 (14:45):
Yeah, and see that's what I was saying on that
clip I saw with Jennifer Williams. She was very defensive
when her girlfriends was trying to, like, you know, making
sure she's making the best decision for her. Like I
guess she felt like none of them were really in
a position to question her about her relationship when all
of them that like kind of fucked up relationships, but
none of them landed them in jail.

Speaker 5 (15:04):
But you know what, I think Jennifer Williams, based on
how she presented on the show, would lead people to
believe that she is a woman who likes the finer
things and men who have disposable income. So she probably
attracts the type of men who get Men who scam
for money are more free with their money Okay, yes,

(15:26):
because they didn't have to work for it, right, So
she's probably attracting these types of men who can spend
previously and she likes that, you know, so that's how
she end up with these scammers.

Speaker 8 (15:38):
But just say you like scammers so your friends can
shut the fuck up. Like I like white collar crime
a little bit like I like.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
I don't don't believe do these things?

Speaker 8 (15:49):
Those are smart men, Like who could figure out how
to get a million dollars.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Off the computer? Like yeah, I don't think, not saying
let's do it.

Speaker 6 (15:57):
But I don't think she likes scammers.

Speaker 5 (15:59):
I think she likes being spoiled, and samers can spoil
in a way that the average American is not.

Speaker 10 (16:09):
You know, what was.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
That that popped the balloon?

Speaker 8 (16:13):
Did you see that video with a pop the balloon
video where it was a doctor and then this guy
with all the big jewelry on who be hopping off
the low ass fucking jet not even no real private
plane he'd be on like helicopters and ship hopping off.
But he basically was like how much money you make?
The doctor is like, we're not about to like compare
my my my money to your illegal money, like fads,

(16:37):
We're all at.

Speaker 5 (16:40):
His money is illegal. That's a stereotype too. We don't
know that he might just be flashy.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
I don't think so. No, he looks like can scammers
have a look?

Speaker 6 (16:55):
You know? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (16:57):
But I mean I know, uh, doctors who were chain
when they off work, you.

Speaker 8 (17:03):
Know, big ones like big name plates and.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
The spikes on them.

Speaker 6 (17:08):
They at heart, but they got an education.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
I don't know know who doctors, I'm honest. No, No,
they don't know nigga. Mm hmmm.

Speaker 5 (17:22):
Yeah, well they are. They're some out there that are
really hood. You don't know any professionals that are super hood,
but they're professional.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
Yeah me, good body.

Speaker 6 (17:39):
But yeah, Jennifer, we hope you find love that last without.

Speaker 3 (17:44):
Court and having to send canteen money and all that ship.

Speaker 6 (17:50):
Yeah, man, we hope that.

Speaker 8 (17:53):
I hope that for everybody listening. Honestly, I don't think
they're actually married yet. If they're if they aren't married yet,
she might want to slow.

Speaker 6 (18:00):
Down on that thirty one. He's young too.

Speaker 3 (18:06):
No, they married.

Speaker 8 (18:08):
Last caught him in Europe on Jennifer's ig account. He
had to serve time in the cal County jail, but
ultimately was allowed to leave the country for their wedding
in Paris, France. So yeah, he's on probation, still scamming people,
and they did get married.

Speaker 5 (18:27):
Now, Jennifer, I don't know, baby, sound like sounds like
you might be in on the heist.

Speaker 6 (18:38):
But we still love you either way, all right.

Speaker 5 (18:40):
So AJ sent me this video over the Weekend where
this podcaster was asked, if you're spousing your child getting
knocked off a boat in the middle of the ocean
and they are incapacitated, you can only save one and
the other will not make it. Who will you save?
And this uh woman she chose to save her husband

(19:01):
over the child. She said, you know that would be
a hard decision, and she would be upset about it,
and it would be devastating, and she would grieve the child.
But ultimately she's going to choose her partner over this
child because they can make another child she can't get.
She would not be able to get her partner. But
and she's still firming that decision, and that is her decision.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
Think that's the only part of the decision.

Speaker 8 (19:23):
I respected that she stayed firmanent and if she said
if anybody asked her about it, she was like, yeah,
I chose my husband. I don't know why anybody would
ask that, you know, unless you told them, hey, I
let my kid drown. But I just don't see somebody
like in the midst of that actually happening, Like a mom,
you carry.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
This baby, you birthed this baby.

Speaker 8 (19:43):
There's a bond that a mother and a child has
that a man and a woman probably would never have,
you know what I'm saying. I don't think men bond
with their children as much as women do. So I
can't imagine, like actually being in it and outside of
a podcast sofa, that you would be in the middle
of the ocean and you see your husband, this big
ass man, right, and your baby that you can easily save, right,

(20:07):
your child, a small child. I just don't see you
going after your husband. You know, if anything, you're gonna
fuck run and drown trying to save both of them. Right,
But just to like consciously say I can just make
other kids. You don't know that, right, you know, So
in that moment, I really just don't think that would
be her decision.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
And I don't even think she's a mom.

Speaker 6 (20:28):
I think it, well, we ain't moms, but you know, but.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
I have this now, some people are moms with without kids.

Speaker 5 (20:35):
I think it sounds in her head because she has
maybe she has a man that she loves and she
already knows that love, and she don't know a love
for this imaginary child. So if the answer was easy
in her head, but I think in the thick of it,
she probably would choose her child. Almost I would choose
anybody's child.

Speaker 6 (20:53):
Honestly.

Speaker 5 (20:55):
If I saw a baby, said yeah, I saw like
my instinct would be to save this little helpless human
just instantly.

Speaker 6 (21:01):
I don't know. Wow.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
So a man sent me that.

Speaker 8 (21:06):
A man sent that to me, and his message with
the video was, uh, I want that and a wife.
He basically saying that's what he would want his wife
to do, like he would want his wife to think
like this woman. And I said, absolutely not. I said,
I feel like she's pandering to men. And I said,

(21:26):
I'm not a mam yet, but I'm saving kids before
any adult. If I see a kid drowning and it's
like some adults in trouble too, I'm gonna go save
the kids. I think that most adults would probably just
want you to get the kids. You know, they are
the future. I said, they are the world. They are
the future. Like your lineage are go on through your
through your kids. Also, you won't have to make another one.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Just save save your kid.

Speaker 6 (21:50):
Yeah. I'm just trying to think.

Speaker 5 (21:52):
Like if I was in the ocean and it was like, uh,
somebody's baby, I don't know this, Uh, like a seven
year old little white boy drowning over on one side
and my sister next to me drowning.

Speaker 6 (22:08):
Who would I save? I don't know. I might say
my sister. I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (22:19):
My instinct would be to grab my sister. I think
it might be to grab my sister before this stranger's kid.
If we're like, honestly, if I'm being quite honest, in
that scenario, would I think to go over and say
this child that I don't know versus my sister right
next to me. My instinct with all the because I

(22:40):
love her, you know, I.

Speaker 8 (22:42):
Have a connection with her, and that's what I'm saying
about the child, So I would understand that in that moment.
But we add in all these we keep pushing the
envelope with the.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
Changing because I'm like, of course I'm going for my sister.

Speaker 5 (22:57):
Yeah, because I said any child, it would be to
save any child first, But that's not true.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
Depending on what.

Speaker 8 (23:03):
Okay, I'll save any child depending on what adult was
out there. If it's my mama and the child, then
you had a child might have to die if I
don't know the kid, right, but we're talking about your
own kid.

Speaker 6 (23:14):
Yeah, that pushed out of your vagina.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
Yeah, but now they have that conversation about, uh, who
gets to eat first at the table, and people will
be like, oh, my husband, my man eats before the kids.

Speaker 8 (23:28):
That's how I agree, that's how I yeah, that's how
I steak plate before us first.

Speaker 6 (23:34):
Everybody this. And it is only a couple of moments
that you're gonna wait on your plate.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
You know.

Speaker 5 (23:38):
It's not like he gets to eat and y'all gonna
eat tomorrow. No, we're eating all together.

Speaker 6 (23:43):
He just is surf first, because this is he's the king.

Speaker 5 (23:45):
Of this castle right here, and he bought the steak,
and he provides, and he provides, right. So, but some
people be like, why wouldn't you feed your kids first?
They need sustenance.

Speaker 9 (23:56):
Because they ain't fucking drowning and they ain't in here,
and they ain't they gonna die in five minutes me
feeding their father first, you know what I'm saying. I
don't even understand why that's even a discussion. It's like
black people be making up the weirdest ass scenarios to
kind of pin women and men against.

Speaker 3 (24:15):
Each other, Like why is that even a discussion? Whatever
y'all do in y'all house, like your husband might make
a plate for the kids first. You know what I'm saying.
It's not that he doesn't think his wife should eat first,
you know.

Speaker 8 (24:27):
But you niggas who'll be doing that boyfriend, the broke
boyfriend hug standing behind the girl while she at the
grocery store pulling out her debit card. You the niggas
who'll be screaming, y'all want y'all plate before the churn,
Ain't it?

Speaker 6 (24:41):
That's so funny because I.

Speaker 5 (24:44):
Will, I told y'all, went to that spot Triney City.
He came and picked me up in the airport, right,
so I was like, I'll treat you know, I got it.
It was nineteen dollars for both of our food, and
when I was paying for it, he's stood behind me
and held out to.

Speaker 8 (25:03):
I just saw a post about it. That's why it
was on the tip of my brain. It was like
an Asian guy talked about He was like, it's this
trend on social media, like they got all these visual
images of man's and they all look straggling setting behind
these women going in their pocketbook. And the thing is
is that the psychology behind that is you trying to
like First of all, you're it's almost like when you're

(25:26):
trying to teach a child, like to do something good,
So like you're giving this affection while she is conditioning.
And then the other part of it is like you're
guarding other men, like from not coming in and taking
your money. Just all up behind her, and shit, I'm
be like that with them all man at the fucking ATM,
go ahead, rubbing his back. Come on, baby, right, we

(25:50):
got niggas at the ATM. Think big, bitch them niggas.

Speaker 6 (25:55):
You think you're tall, right, you just got a little doubles.
I got.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
That's it.

Speaker 5 (26:12):
I was about to say, speaking of oh no, we
gotta I meant to mention Angie Stone passed away over
the weekend. Yeah, yeah, that ship was so you know what,
You just gotta be grateful for every day, tell people
you love them, and counter your blessings because you never know.

(26:32):
There is a uh invisible clock on all of us.
You just don't know when your number is up. But
I you know, I saw that she like I didn't
know this about her, but she was in a rap
group called the Sequence and they were like the first
rap female yeah in South Carolina, and all these all

(26:57):
these histories of hip hop that I've seen and why
arched and read, and they have never been mentioned I've seen.

Speaker 8 (27:03):
I thought I saw like a video on it recently.
It probably popped back up because of her passing. But
I saw that a while ago on Instagram about the
group the sequence.

Speaker 5 (27:14):
Yeah, but they don't their birthdays, the ages. Yeah, they
never got the recognition that they deserved. So that's crazy
to find out that that was part. She's a hip
hop historian and a hip hop legend, and I didn't
know that because when I think of Angie stone I
think of black Brother, Strong Brother. I was listening to

(27:38):
it in the shower.

Speaker 6 (27:40):
We Love Rest in Peace in South Carolina.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
I love Angie Stone Man.

Speaker 8 (27:46):
That was so like when I see stuff like that,
I'm like, damn man, Like you really don't know your time.
That's why every day, from the time my feet hit
the floor, I'm saying thank.

Speaker 6 (27:54):
You, gratitude, thank you, the attitude, thank you. Every moment.

Speaker 8 (27:58):
I say thank you at lista the times a day.
If it's not to a person, it's to myself all
day long.

Speaker 3 (28:05):
Just be grateful, be thankful, getting up having another chance
to do all the things.

Speaker 5 (28:10):
And be kind, especially if y'all from New York listening
to this, are y'all okay?

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Here are you niggas well?

Speaker 6 (28:22):
Why? Why are you smiling? I was like, I'm happy.

Speaker 8 (28:27):
He got in an argument with a nigga on clubhouse
once because I said, I'm from the South. Like when
I see when I see black people, especially I say hi,
I want them to know I recognized and acknowledge them.
I see you, hi, man or woman? Why do what
the fuck you just talking to strangers? Just talking to like,
y'all cold, that's the problem, y'all. Nigga's cold with no colt.

(28:51):
Why y'all so mad up there that y'all don't speak
to each other?

Speaker 6 (28:55):
Yeah, be kind? And then they was like, stop peaking
speaking to people. It's dangerous. I know. I'm just gonna
be myself. I'm covered in the blood of Jesus. I'm pretecting.

Speaker 5 (29:05):
I don't never worry about it, and I'm not going
to carry that energy. I'm gonna be who I am
everywhere I go, and who I am is polite and
kind to people. I like to say hi, I like
to smile. I'm joyous. So except on that train, though,
I adopt I I ain't looking at nobody, smiling at

(29:26):
nobody on that motherfucker.

Speaker 6 (29:27):
I'll be looking at my phone just like everybody else.
Scared this mother fuck on that three train.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
You better carry a knife like you in London.

Speaker 6 (29:38):
I had a pistol up there, baby. That man on
that first ride on that train, that man stood over
me talking about.

Speaker 5 (29:44):
I can balance your chokras wall a dollar seventy five
cents right now?

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Got please? Y'all ever noticed this voice can me be
putting on that ship?

Speaker 6 (29:57):
Is fucking crazy? Man?

Speaker 3 (29:59):
Why everybody can't possibly have that same voice? Nigga?

Speaker 6 (30:14):
Who we got on to day? Girl?

Speaker 3 (30:17):
We have the Black Dads podcasts right.

Speaker 6 (30:22):
Yes, absolutely talking fatherhood and.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Love, amazing black men, Okay, and you.

Speaker 6 (30:28):
Know divorce one still married.

Speaker 8 (30:31):
I feel like, you know, their podcast is very necessary.
I wish they would do more than just a podcast.

Speaker 4 (30:38):
With it.

Speaker 8 (30:39):
I suggested, we need to do more than just a
podcast with it. Well what they should with our ship? No,
but I mean like they can really like they can
really do some ship with black dads, you know what
I'm saying, Like, yeah, we could do some ship with bitches.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
We talk back, Hey, hey, hey, hey, talk back.

Speaker 8 (31:02):
We're gonna have a whole conference with a bunch of
bitches who be talking back ins and whoever.

Speaker 5 (31:09):
Knowstens or not just bitches, it's men who also enjoyed
the conversation.

Speaker 8 (31:15):
Yeah, so I think they need to do like a
little nonprofit something, just do like a golf day with
the dads something like that. They were that shit is lit.
I love uh, I love the Black Dads Podcast.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
Okay, I'm here for it too.

Speaker 6 (31:32):
So y'all stay tuned. We got them coming up.

Speaker 8 (31:39):
Welcome to we talk Back where we have conversations that
matter apparently. Okay, so today we're diving into the topic
of black fatherhood. It's a subject full of love, responsibility,
and unfortunately a lot of stereotypes. Okay, So we have
the Black Dad's Club podcast here and Charlotte and we

(32:03):
talked back today.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Thank you for having us.

Speaker 4 (32:07):
Happy to be here.

Speaker 8 (32:08):
Introduce yourself, sir, our audience always I guess, introduce yourself, audience.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
My name is Gavin B. I'm from Charlotte. I'm a photographer.
I'm a dad. My boy dad. He whipping my ass
every day.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
Your son three three?

Speaker 7 (32:23):
You got a new baby?

Speaker 6 (32:30):
What about you?

Speaker 10 (32:31):
I am pastor Mike Will. I am also a father,
gav a longtime friend.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
I guess I call that.

Speaker 11 (32:39):
Oh gosh, I did you say pastor will past the
will past the mic or pastor.

Speaker 4 (32:47):
My past I have a congregation.

Speaker 5 (32:50):
Okay, so you're a holy man, Yes I am.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
Yeah, what are you?

Speaker 4 (32:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (32:58):
Who are you?

Speaker 6 (32:59):
Where are you?

Speaker 10 (32:59):
Kind of get My congregation is all the productive black
men that.

Speaker 4 (33:03):
Exists out there.

Speaker 6 (33:04):
That is, you know, you have a church.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
That's my that's my church. The podcast is his church podcast.

Speaker 6 (33:10):
Okay, so you're not. You don't need around you that's all,
you know, like because if you were fastor you know,
I will.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
You could talk that way around pastor though you.

Speaker 7 (33:25):
Know, you know I have to have like from Atlanta. Yes,
I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 6 (33:29):
I'm just gonna you.

Speaker 10 (33:30):
Know, no, no, no, I'm like, I'm not like a
real church pastor. Believe that I do not have a church.
Do not show up anywhere on Sunday.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Looking for me?

Speaker 3 (33:39):
So are you a Samulite Samular?

Speaker 4 (33:41):
What's that say?

Speaker 6 (33:42):
More Sammy recipes to Kevin?

Speaker 10 (33:47):
Oh no, obviously not, because yeah I didn't. I didn't
know what that was, but I did, like I did
like his clips he is he has missed. I missed him.
I missed him on YouTube, like I miss all them clips.
They'll be funny, they'd be funny Meyer you no, no,
so I hear.

Speaker 4 (34:03):
Here's that. I know all these guys, right, Okay, I
know of all these just making sure.

Speaker 10 (34:07):
But I'm not I'm not red pill. Okay, right, I'm
not red pill. Now I'm also not a cook. So
it's you know, I'm right there in the middle. As
I always say on the pod, everybody gets all their credit.

Speaker 6 (34:20):
Okay, you're using a lot of words. I do not
know a cook.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
I know you've seen that that that never heard of
on the pornhub.

Speaker 6 (34:28):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
It's like a white man next to the dick and
is going and his wife isn't that like that?

Speaker 5 (34:36):
That's part of that part of the pornole doesn't exist
in Charlotte, right, Or it's she ain't got.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
A VP and it's cool though it shtill get the
ex videos.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Now you can get on pornhum.

Speaker 4 (34:46):
You just need yeah, tell me later.

Speaker 6 (34:51):
So how do you guys know each other?

Speaker 1 (34:54):
You want the truth?

Speaker 4 (34:54):
Yeah, go ahead and tell the truth.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
The truth is Mike new My mom knew Mike before
he was born. My mom is like fifteen years older
than Mike, so it's through church and so she knew Mike.
So Mike knew me before I was born. But we
didn't get close to I don't know. I told you
it's alone.

Speaker 5 (35:12):
We all grew up together, mama before you was born.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yes, my mom was at a church, so Mike was born,
so I.

Speaker 10 (35:20):
Knew gay parents, like gay Dady to shoot ball, I
did a little young dude that to get on the court.
So I remember Gav being a little two old running
around basically, but we met because him and my brother
is the same age, so they are really good friends.

Speaker 4 (35:33):
Okay, so double a.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
He was like, you gotta meet my brother and I
was like, all right, whatever, we'll see how this goes.

Speaker 6 (35:38):
You did explain that good, because I was about to say,
are you.

Speaker 4 (35:41):
And his dad?

Speaker 1 (35:44):
How long do you think I am?

Speaker 5 (35:46):
I don't know, but it was the way I described
it was like, Mike, no, my mama, yeah, fifteen.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
Years older than you too, is yeah, I'm thirty five,
Well he's years yeah, so yeah, okay, but yeah, that's
how we know it through church, and but we just
been It's funny though, because I get to always say
like I was a baby, didn't know Mike existed, but
he knew I existed. And then his brother was like, yo,
I want you to meet my brother and we've been
rocking every since. That had to be like oh nine

(36:13):
something like that.

Speaker 6 (36:14):
Nice.

Speaker 10 (36:14):
Yeah, y'all was I think like when y'all turned like
twenty one, I started bringing you boys out.

Speaker 6 (36:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (36:18):
So how did y'all come up with the podcast question?
Which I think is very very.

Speaker 10 (36:25):
Need Well, well, I mean we we started out so
Gaff Gaff had a podcast and like Gavin, my brother
had a podcast. He's like, oh, you should come on,
you come on, come on, right, Gavin is an early
adopter the podcast. So finally we had one, and we
just had really good chemistry on the podcast. So we
started a podcast. Yeah, it sucked, trash, but it taught

(36:46):
us a lot. And then eventually, you know, we it
was it was so bad that we was going to
quit absolutely, and I was like, well, I said, we
got great chemistry on the mic, so I was like,
let's not quit, Like, let's figure it out.

Speaker 4 (36:56):
So we took the time off and it just so happened.

Speaker 10 (36:58):
He ended up becoming a father and I was just like, huh,
I wanted this U Ril is available and it was
and I was just like, what do you think about this?
Same it was going through names and then he was
like that's the one. And then after that we pivoted.
So it's kind of cool because we're able to track,
you know, where we've been through the birth of his son,
because that's literally when it changed.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Yeah, cause I came back. So I took like three
months off of photography podcasting, and we love to tell
people now like I literally told my wife, I'm like, Yo,
when I get back, I'm just telling like this this
ship is done, Like I'm done, I'm out. And so we.

Speaker 4 (37:29):
Got his wife he did tell me it was done.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, and then when we got back that shit was
so bad and so but the funny part when got back,
he was like his first question on the pot was like, Yo,
how's life being, And I go, it's so much shit.
Y'all did not tell me about being a dad, Like
this is crazy, And so we went through that and
then there was the response was just super cool and

(37:51):
like he said, he looked up the name. He was like, Yo,
let's do this every every week now. And so now
podcast has changed. We talk about parenting sometimes, but it's
my sleep just shipped that black dass like love and
care about exactly.

Speaker 8 (38:03):
It's something that men talk some things that men talk
about being a barber shop.

Speaker 7 (38:08):
So what's some things that black men care about?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Sports? Okay, women women, but that's low on the list.
It's I think women think we high high on the
list of coming in there talking about women. But that'll
be like we usually you going to you're gonna argue
about sports for like the whole time you there.

Speaker 10 (38:24):
Sports and then like you know how you view things right, Like,
so men have a lot of life conversations. Yeah, like
I don't think like no time, we probably don't have
a life conversation just if we're shooting basketball. But like
if men are just sitting around, it's like, man, let
me tell you what I'm dealing with. You know, men,
men have those conversations. It's just that men don't judge
one another, so we'll.

Speaker 4 (38:45):
Listen to it. And definitely, no, no, we really really
don't because it's like.

Speaker 6 (38:51):
Y'all need to judge each other. Though.

Speaker 4 (38:52):
If a man does not ask for advice, we listen.
We listen. There you go, you know, he says.

Speaker 5 (38:58):
That if you have a guy that comes to you
and says like, man, I really don't give a fuck
about them kids. Man, I don't be over there. Man
that my baby mama get on my fucking nerves. Man,
she drives me crazy. I ain't going over there.

Speaker 10 (39:12):
That conversation doesn't happen after what college sophomore year. At college,
men separate, men self segregate from dudes who ain't ship
and like men who are gonna be productive. So it's
hard to it's hard to have that kind of conversation
with the man unless you related to him, because we
really don't see one another.

Speaker 4 (39:28):
We're not in the same place together. Yeah, just not.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
We don't even be at the same barbershop.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
No, we don't.

Speaker 7 (39:35):
You got no futures in y'all circle.

Speaker 10 (39:37):
No, I have a cousin that went kind of ham
but it was like literally a cousin. And to that point, though,
like he and I stopped hanging out like mid twenties,
like we grew up together, probably mid twenties. Just like man,
our lives are heading in two different trajectory.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
Just this and.

Speaker 7 (39:53):
Gibody curiously through future.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
Absolutely good guy.

Speaker 5 (39:56):
So you said that there were things that you know,
nobody told you. What are myths about black fathers that
like that people would believe?

Speaker 6 (40:05):
But that's not true.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Oh myths? Oh, I thought you was gonna ask something else. Yo,
it has to be that we really are active. Like
every dad that I know, even the dads who do
not spend enough time with their kids. Right, every dad
I know love their kids. I really don't run into
people like yof them kids like we'll come together and say, Yo,
my kid get on my nerves. I gotta do this

(40:28):
like my boys three. So it's only but so much
nerves he can get on because he's learned. Like one thing,
all right, I talk too much. My mom I grew up.
She said I talked too much all My teacher said
that my son does not stop talking, damn. And so
his mom is in Cabo this week and literally at
six thirty I heard him in there singing, and I
was just like, yo, it's go time, like he ready

(40:49):
and so like. But I enjoy it. So when he
tells me, like dad, you and me to stop talking.
I feel bad. He asked you, ask if you yeah,
because I'd be like, yo, you gotta relact. I can't hear.
I can't think. I can't hear my thoughts. So I think,
you know, I think a lot of people. First of all,
I think a lot of people think that we just
got kids everywhere, and that's just not the case. That's
one thing, like men just don't have kids all over

(41:12):
the place. You do have like that ten percent, but
that don't represent.

Speaker 8 (41:15):
Like the whole talking about On our recent episode, we
talked about how black men like to say that women
black women are having babies by the ten percent of men.
So these same men have multiple, multiple fertility partners.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
Yeah, and so that's the stat and so it's funny.
But everybody I know, you know, Mike, talk about separating,
like y'all, I only hang around dads that's like full
time fathers. I don't hang around dads who not with
their kids like it just and it's just the reason
why is because I know it's going to make you
feel bad when you come around and my kid is
going to be right there with me. Like I got

(41:51):
a meeting later a go, and I told you this,
I gotta go pick up my kid, and then I
got to go to a meeting and he coming with
me to that meeting, it's like, but that's just what
type of time I'm on.

Speaker 6 (42:00):
Who's gonna talk?

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Absolutely, And the girl was like, yo, because I have
a meeting with a model. And she was just like,
I guess it's gonna be my birth control for this week.
I'm like, yeah, because he gonna talk.

Speaker 8 (42:11):
So yeah, I had an article and I'm sitting there
trying to find No, the article is actually speaking to
what you're saying that it is a myth that black
men aren't present in the kids lives because what they're
looking at is the single mom statistic, like the unweed moms.
So the black men may not be married, but they

(42:32):
are actively in their children's lives more than uh their
you know, white town of Parts or Hispanics.

Speaker 10 (42:40):
It's not even close. It's not even close. I mean,
and we should be married. But I mean that's a
culture issue, right, that's a different conversation. I'm like, why
that's not happening.

Speaker 4 (42:47):
But yeah, men men are very active.

Speaker 10 (42:50):
Like even when when I you know, listen to a
lady that say, okay, i'm a single mom, and you be.

Speaker 7 (42:55):
Like, you're a mom that's single.

Speaker 10 (42:56):
You're not a single mom that that kid can go
to their father see their father whenever they want.

Speaker 4 (43:01):
And a lot of what goes on, you know, is
leverage play. You know.

Speaker 10 (43:05):
It's like, Yo, if you wanted more help, you could
ask for more help, right, But if you don't ask
for more help, most of the time it's going to
be what's court order. But you can always like you
have another parent there, you can always ask for help
for another parent.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
Who else? Who else are you supposed to ask for
help from?

Speaker 5 (43:20):
Yeah, But sometimes that's not the case. Sometimes I know
women who need more help and just can't get more help.

Speaker 8 (43:26):
And then I also know women not personally, but like
through the men or through the other women in the
relationships having to deal with that woman and how hard
she's making it for him the parent.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
You know what I'm saying, Like, girl, you do not
want to be around your kid that much.

Speaker 4 (43:41):
Damn child, That's what And that's what I say.

Speaker 10 (43:44):
I always tell them, like, yo, everybody else, get some
time getting like you. Women need that time away from
their children. I hate when I don't see it. Like
one of the first things that I noticed, I'm divorced,
So one of the first things that I noticed is
that once we got our custody order, in place. Is
is how tired I was when I dropped my kid
off and also when I would pick my kid up,
how tired she was. Right, So that made sure that

(44:07):
I was like, Yo, I can't I can't miss a week,
you know what I'm saying. I can't be late because
she's exhausted, and that's going to play out and how
my child is raised. So if you care about your kid,
you got to go get your kid.

Speaker 5 (44:18):
Well that's called empathy, you know, and people's.

Speaker 8 (44:20):
Emotional intelligence to actually consider how somebody else is feeling.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (44:24):
Absolutely, But it came from the love for my child though, right,
you know what I'm saying, Like we was deefing at
the time. We were not friends, let's be clear, right,
But it was like, Yo, if she's tired though, right, Like,
how is that playing out in my child?

Speaker 4 (44:36):

Speaker 10 (44:37):
So it was like, you know, we just got finished,
so I already know how she is, right, you know.
So it was like, yo, let me, let me let
me take that from you. I think a lot of
men don't understand that because I think there is.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
This image of this.

Speaker 10 (44:49):
You know, I'm a strong black woman, right, and I
got it and it's easy to believe that if you've
never really had a conversation, or if you're not surrounded
by women that you care about, not women that you know, right,
women that you care about. So when when they're suffering,
you're like, man, I wish I could do something, but
I can't. Right, But when you can do something, you
will see, Okay, see.

Speaker 7 (45:11):
Do you think that?

Speaker 8 (45:12):
I think a lot of No, do you think? Let
me ask pull it as a question. I remember seeing
his video recently with this guy he had his I
guess the kid's grandma dropped the kids off to him
and he's speeding down the highway driving and the kid.
This is a real video. I thought it was faking
to the little girl started crying, but she really really.
She wasn't showing her face or the dad's face. The
phone was like just hidden in the car kind of.

(45:34):
But then she put the phone in her face. You
can see she's crying. But he's yelling in the front seat,
like I told your mom not.

Speaker 6 (45:38):
To drop you all ass off.

Speaker 7 (45:40):
I'm dropping y'all back. She was like, but we're hungry.
We've been with you since one o'clock.

Speaker 6 (45:43):
We haven't ate.

Speaker 8 (45:44):
He was like, I don't got no money for y'all,
got money for food for me? This is how he's yelling.
And then no man who can actually provide whatever say that.
So it's just he can't provide, and he's blaming the children,
and he's blaming the mom.

Speaker 7 (45:56):
Yeah, you can't figure it out.

Speaker 4 (45:57):
That's terrible. How many kids? Was it?

Speaker 7 (46:00):
Two kids?

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Two kids?

Speaker 6 (46:01):
Two kids?

Speaker 4 (46:01):
All right?

Speaker 10 (46:02):
So I mean that One of the things that I've
noticed is that a lot of times when I see
a complaint about a ain't ship that.

Speaker 4 (46:08):
Sorry, we ain't cursing.

Speaker 6 (46:16):
That's right.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
I'm a guest here.

Speaker 10 (46:18):
One of the things that I that I that I
always noticed is most of the time it is multiple kids,
if not multiple baby mamas, and like that should be
like an automatic red flag to any woman if you
meet a guy, I don't care what he looks, like,
how much money has, if he has multiple kids that
he's not with his children mom, or if he has
most run baby mamas, like, this is not the man
to date.

Speaker 8 (46:39):
Earlier, I was saying, is it something subconsciously about a
man like that that's appealing to a woman.

Speaker 6 (46:45):
We don't.

Speaker 7 (46:46):
It's not in front of you got to tell me.

Speaker 8 (46:51):
Know, you know what I'm saying, As much as I
would like a man who to have who doesn't have kids?

Speaker 7 (46:55):
A lot of men have kids, right, Well, but.

Speaker 10 (46:57):
I'm saying like, like when this same situation where it's
a lot, right, like a man has four or five kids, Like, bro,
why aren't.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
You with one of those ones?

Speaker 7 (47:04):
Exactly?

Speaker 4 (47:05):
You know what I'm saying, Like that should be obvious, right,
you know, God had with.

Speaker 8 (47:08):
A man recently, Like, listen, you got to pick a
household to be in.

Speaker 7 (47:12):
You can't have all these life goals.

Speaker 8 (47:13):
You want a million dollars, you got all these things
you want to do. You can't do that when you're
spreading yourself so thin in between multiple households.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
Take a bitch, ye and do that.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
I think went back to different though.

Speaker 6 (47:25):
Well he be doing it successful.

Speaker 7 (47:27):
I don't think he's happy. He probably not, but Nick
Cannon is happy.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
He got the money where that that don't matter for him.
That's a big thing too, Like a lot of these
dudes out here are making multiple families, broken families, and
they broke like his is expensive, yes, Like my daycare
costs more than my mortgage, and that shit ain't fun.
That's why I'm shooting all the time.

Speaker 5 (47:47):
You can't be broken and broken, right, yeah you can't.

Speaker 4 (47:51):
You can't.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
You can't, and so it's tough. But yeah, if you
if you run into a dude and it's like, you know,
I always look at women, I say, damn, he is
never with his kid, Like how you dating that?

Speaker 3 (48:03):
I'm noting with somebody who don't ever have their kids,
you know, a.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
Lot of a lot of things. It's like, okay, well
I don't want to date a man with a kid
because I don't want to compete with this other woman
and this other stuff. And it's like cool, like all right,
but when you do get with that dude, at least
be happy that he's with his kid and he's you know,
cares what's going on over there. But you running into
a dude and it's like he ain't never got his kid,
he ain't never facetiming this kid. Kid ain't known the

(48:26):
story like he had FaceTime dad. Like that should scare you,
Like all right, cool, you know, don't get prayed.

Speaker 10 (48:31):
I get with women, don't want to date men with kids.
I'm never finished shot. I'm like, yo, I get cool. Yeah,
Like kids are a lot especially if you're active father.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Yeah, Now I.

Speaker 8 (48:41):
Gotta consider you've got to spend time with your I
just want to go outside. You can't take me for
a walk, no, sorry, Yeah, like you can't ever take
me for a walk because you got these damn kids.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
You're gonna get me a discovery place.

Speaker 4 (48:58):
That I introduced you to the kids?

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Ready?

Speaker 7 (49:01):
Yeah, right now that part?

Speaker 4 (49:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (49:03):
Okay, So now you're your divorce one child.

Speaker 8 (49:07):
One son, one son. Okay, so who gets to meet
the son?

Speaker 7 (49:14):
Has anybody? How long you've been divorced.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
I've been divorced. I think like seven years now, six
or seven years.

Speaker 6 (49:19):
He got a lot of aunties. This your auntie.

Speaker 10 (49:24):
Yeah, so this is gonna sound crazy. My son has
not met anyone. My son has not men.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (49:31):
No, so you haven't liked anybody.

Speaker 6 (49:33):
Yeah, but.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
I haven't been serious.

Speaker 10 (49:35):
I haven't been serious enough to like introduce my son
because one of the I feel that it's important for
him to see his father, Like as he grows up,
like if he just sees a revolving door, he's going
to think that's cool. And it's like I don't want
him to think that's cool.

Speaker 4 (49:49):

Speaker 10 (49:49):
I want him to understand that, you know, like when
you get older, you know, be with somebody and to
be respectful and mindful of that individual. So I've always
made that like when I got divorce, like I didn't
want him to see that because like you know, his father,
Like one day he's gonna go and find all my youtubes. Right, Yeah,
it's gonna be a lot of conversations that he's gonna

(50:09):
want to have and he's gonna realize that like at
one point in time, his father didn't mind to revolve
in door, right, but for the whole time he saw
his father, that didn't happen. And we can have the
conversation though, well, why why didn't that happen?

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Dad?

Speaker 4 (50:20):
And it's like, okay, this is why.

Speaker 5 (50:21):
Do you think it's important for him also to see
you treat a woman.

Speaker 10 (50:25):
Well and absolute woman? Absolutely, which is why he sees
me treat his mother as well. Absolutely.

Speaker 7 (50:30):
Do y'all do stuff together? So as a family.

Speaker 5 (50:32):
But what about romantic because I feel like the young
boys don't understand about romance and they're not seeing their
father be romantic.

Speaker 7 (50:41):
That's a great point, you know, y'all not together?

Speaker 5 (50:44):
Yeah, I mean yeah, but I mean even in marriages
that are together, sometimes they don't.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
You know. It's funny because I grew up in a
household where I saw my dad like romantic every day.
Like my dad really took Valentine's Stay serious, which is
why I was in high school spending money I did
not have. And but I saw that, and I saw
him love my mom, and I saw my parents like
interacting kids all the time, you know, the joke kids.
When we was growing up in church, I used to
ask my parents, like why ain't never seen my pastor

(51:11):
like kiss his wife. I ain't never seen nobody else
kiss Okay, so you know, but it's interesting to see that,
and like I go home and I seen that. So
that is a great point. But yeah, that's a.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
Solid point because I do want my son to see that.
You know.

Speaker 10 (51:26):
It's like, y'all, I'm definitely open to, you know, having
that so he can see, you know, his father be
romantic with his wife. But I don't want him to
see his father being romantic. Shar you know, she's going
out with somebody else. It's like, I don't I don't
want him to see that. Right, his genetics is gonna
be fighting.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
Right, what would you say, has been like one of
the greatest challenges being a black father, just between you
and the child, not even the mother, you and.

Speaker 6 (52:00):
The mother, but h.

Speaker 10 (52:04):
Honestly being too easy on them, like as a dad,
Like no, it's like you tried. This is the thing
that you try not to. But I because I was
talking to one of my boys, like not about two
months ago, and we was like, man, you know we
grew up different, right, So we're growing up now. These
kids they can go to any after school activity, they

(52:24):
can go any school activity. They're living in the suburbs, right,
Like they're not in black classrooms the way we were
in black classrooms, right, And it's like, man, like, are
we being too gentle on them?

Speaker 4 (52:35):
Right?

Speaker 10 (52:35):
Like are we giving them too much? Like one of
my friends, she just had a baby, and she was
just like, you know, kid was acting up. She's like,
when of the last time you spank your son? And
I was like, believe it or not, I've never spanked
my son. I was like, I've never had to. I
was like, I take the time to parent them, right,
I'll take it. If it takes thirty minutes to get
this lesson, I'm gonna take the thirty minutes to give
this lesson, right, but sometimes you be like dangn man,

(52:57):
like this is not how.

Speaker 4 (52:58):
I was raised. So it's like, you know, am I
Am I doing enough? Right?

Speaker 6 (53:02):
Like?

Speaker 10 (53:03):
Am I raising a kid that is too soft? It's
something that I'm constantly wondering, like can he take on.

Speaker 7 (53:09):
The we to surprise him every once in a while just.

Speaker 4 (53:12):
Jack him up?

Speaker 10 (53:16):
No, he know his dad will, but it's like you
do wander like, yo, are you gonna be able to
take on the word, especially the way that the world
is moving now. It's like, you know, man, have I
done you a disservice? And I think for me that's
where I'm like.

Speaker 7 (53:28):
How do you find a balance?

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Yeah? How do you find that? You know? So that's
where I'm always like, So we don't.

Speaker 7 (53:33):
Have no kids.

Speaker 8 (53:33):
Were talking about our nieces this morning, sorry y'all, And
it's just like how they might.

Speaker 7 (53:40):
And I think the.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
Our generation did the gentle parenting thing.

Speaker 8 (53:45):
Because of how we were raised right, and it is
making the kids more soft, like they can't do ship
for themselfs Like my sister was like my niece's passwords
for her email and ship till like twenty five, Like
you ask your mom for your password.

Speaker 10 (54:02):
Should But on the other hand, I think, man, isn't
that a blessing to be able to do it?

Speaker 4 (54:07):
Though?

Speaker 1 (54:07):
You know what?

Speaker 4 (54:08):
Because it's like, again, we didn't we didn't have it
at all, right, you know?

Speaker 8 (54:12):
Yeah, but adults they're not they are adults in some
ways something's missing, right, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (54:21):
It's like by giving them something what you didn't have,
you're taking away the lessons that you learned.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
So we need to bring the belt.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
I see one of these girls with the couple of
their ass hanging out.

Speaker 4 (54:35):
The belt as up.

Speaker 8 (54:38):
I wouldn't hit my kid. I don't think big people
should be hitting little people.

Speaker 7 (54:42):
You know what I'm saying. They just don't know.

Speaker 4 (54:44):
I reserved the right to, though.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Some people like when you're gonna stop hitting them?

Speaker 8 (54:50):
I mean, I think, like you can, shouldn't hit your
child for every little thing.

Speaker 6 (54:55):
I don't think.

Speaker 5 (54:55):
I hate when I see parents with a belt while
they're doing homework, standing over a child trying to teach
them their homework.

Speaker 6 (55:03):
And see that Johnny had like, yeah, how they gonna learn?

Speaker 3 (55:07):
Like Trump?

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Yeah, and like my boy he three, So it's like
I gotta talk to him. I gotta figure out you
know what I'm saying. But now he's getting to that
stages where he'd be like oh, because I'd be like, hey,
what are you doing? He knows what he's doing now,
so like, but before it was like very much, no,
let's talk, let's figure out, like what's going on? Because
I remember my whoopings and mindra I was active.

Speaker 7 (55:26):
That mean you didn't get a lot of beatings if
you can remember, Oh no.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
I got plenty.

Speaker 7 (55:29):
Did you remember all of them?

Speaker 1 (55:31):
Look? No, not all of them. But I put it
like this, it was one week I did not get
I didn't get a ask with My mom took me out.
She was like, she said, I didn't have to whoop Gavin.
This week, we're going out to you. It was only Wednesday.
She was proud that we got there. And it was
one of them times. But you know, I was never
a bad kid, but I was just so active. I
wasn't you know whatever. And so it's funny now because

(55:54):
you do get older, you do get that kid there
and they look look at you in the eyes, and
then you know, they come up and say they love you,
and then they want to hug you, and then you
just melt and you be like, all.

Speaker 10 (56:02):
Right, I think it is generational and I mean, look,
I see some of the others. Some of these kids
need to be so like I said, I think I
reserve the right to give it, but I don't think
every kid needs it. And I think the way y'all
are younger than me, but I think definitely my generational
way we was raised.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
It's like you did something, you know, what what? What?

Speaker 1 (56:18):
What?

Speaker 6 (56:18):
What? Do?

Speaker 4 (56:19):
You always say?

Speaker 6 (56:19):
What?

Speaker 4 (56:20):
Child? Right?

Speaker 7 (56:21):
But child is inherently bad.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
It's beating them gonna make it really better?

Speaker 8 (56:26):
Like because now it's like shit, if all want to
get as a beat and let me go ahead and
do what the fuck I want and get this ass whooping.

Speaker 5 (56:31):
Well, I think it needs to be a combination of things.
It shouldn't be just yeah, it should be different types
of reprimand.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
You know, in therapy and a bunch of other stuff.
You know. The sad part about this a little bit
off topic, but the sad part about being a photographer
is I run into so many parents who kids are
on the spectrum and they don't know what yet.

Speaker 4 (56:50):
There's grown men.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Yeah, and a lot of times when your kid is
acting out and they behave in certain ways, you might
need to go take them to the doctor and figure
out why. Like so it's sad when I'm doing a
photo shoot and They're just like, oh, my kid don't talk,
and I'm like, all right, cool, you know, I don't care.
I'm there to work. And then you know, I look
and then as you keep doing this, you'd be like, oh,
there's a pattern here for different parents. And then some

(57:13):
parents know, and then the parents that don't know you
just wish that they did know, you know, so check
on you.

Speaker 10 (57:20):
I've seen some people that was you know, like that
growing up. They turned out all right. I mean they
turned out all right.

Speaker 5 (57:27):
Autistic people are the best happiest people on the planet.

Speaker 6 (57:32):
And I think we're all on the spectrum. The spectrum
is a dimmer.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
It's not absolute spectrum.

Speaker 6 (57:37):
We're all on it.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Yeah, I'll be acting now.

Speaker 8 (57:40):
Yeah, sometimes I'm definitely on the spectrum a little bit.
But some people it can actually be diagnosed with some
ship because I see people who I was in high
school with on social media and they got wives.

Speaker 7 (57:50):
Remember that.

Speaker 8 (57:52):
Remember that video of the guy was scamming people for
the docum?

Speaker 3 (57:58):
Remember oh, yeah, that's one of my classmates.

Speaker 6 (58:03):
What's up nigga.

Speaker 8 (58:05):
You know, he was like Barral on the internet, like
he mixing people's stuff, but he's not fixing it for
scamming people around Charlotte Charleston. I forgot where he lived at.
Now what's up, nigga?

Speaker 7 (58:15):
But that niggas on the spectrum. We always knew that
growing up.

Speaker 8 (58:18):
So now you're a wrong person with kids and a
wife and don't nobody know your past going to have that.

Speaker 6 (58:28):
I was in the little bus and.

Speaker 10 (58:30):
There's no way that that girl got with him and
didn't think he wasn't special, y'all know.

Speaker 8 (58:37):
I mean, he figured out a way to make money
and I fix people ship, so.

Speaker 6 (58:40):
He can't be that.

Speaker 11 (58:41):
So you see exactly, big ass Julie trunk like he
making money, he got a big brain, that boy member wearing,
but the wrong ship, Like who the hell was it
that class for students?

Speaker 6 (59:01):
That's what I want to know.

Speaker 8 (59:04):
That telling me to ask on the first date how
many people was in your class in high school?

Speaker 6 (59:09):
Because I was in the sole class ones but I
knew it.

Speaker 4 (59:14):
I knew it.

Speaker 6 (59:19):
Listen, I need to explain. I need to explain.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
We're not going to just leave that right there, right now, So.

Speaker 6 (59:33):
Okay, like the up just a quick story, all right.

Speaker 5 (59:38):
So I took I was in a P math, which
is advanced for those of you that don't know. So
I took a freshman math in middle school and I
failed it, right, I took it in the ninth grade.

Speaker 6 (59:51):
I failed it again.

Speaker 5 (59:53):
They put me in geometry in the so it would
be like four by four so you could take like
a full semester of class is in the beginning of
the year and then the full semester. So they put
me in geometry and I passed it. Then they put
me in like what comes after that, uh, trigonometry or
something like that.

Speaker 6 (01:00:10):
So they put me in all the masks.

Speaker 5 (01:00:12):
By the time it was time for me to graduate,
like my junior year, they were looking at what I
needed and I had never gotten the algebra one credit.

Speaker 6 (01:00:19):
So now they were like.

Speaker 5 (01:00:20):
What how work can we Yeah, where can I put
you to make sure we have everything you need to graduate?
And the only math class that would have counted as
my freshman math was this remedial math class.

Speaker 6 (01:00:34):
So I was in it, and baby, we was in
there drawing off.

Speaker 5 (01:00:43):
I'm telling you that there were blocks and I would
be so embarrassed to go in that class because I
could do like I could do math, well, you know
I had passed all these I would dive in that bitch.

Speaker 6 (01:00:54):
When the bell right.

Speaker 8 (01:00:59):
Nobody I have had classes and just no class man
like nigga, we see y'all, Like why y'all running.

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
To the bus with y'all book back on your face?

Speaker 6 (01:01:11):
Turkey off the wall?

Speaker 8 (01:01:16):
That is crazy, Turkey down.

Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
Yeah, turkey up.

Speaker 5 (01:01:24):
Ain't no group pictures, no, So what ended up happening?
So what ended up happened is all right, the work
was so easy that I would do it so fast,
and then I would disrupt the rest of the class,
like makeup. I was start doing makeup, pike your hair
on the kids.

Speaker 6 (01:01:40):
Who really needed to be doing the work.

Speaker 5 (01:01:42):
So the teacher just like, look, you can't be a
part of the class because you're disrupting. So he just
gave me a big packet of work to do and
just turn it in and that would be my math grade.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
So they separated you in the class.

Speaker 6 (01:01:52):
They did separate me, you know, real time.

Speaker 4 (01:01:54):
That's what we're going on in private schools. I ain't
mad at it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
Oh they cooked the books.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
Yeah, that's what they're going on.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
In schools.

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
They cooked the book. I'm not mad at it at all.
Probably be teaching anything.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Yeah, they cooked.

Speaker 6 (01:02:05):
So that was my.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Yeah, you was a provo say that.

Speaker 5 (01:02:12):
Just go with that, all right, tell us you'll proudest
moment so far as a father.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
Oh my gosh, my kid. I think he won. I
think he definitely didn't win president. He won vice president
of his daycare class.

Speaker 6 (01:02:27):
The three year old.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
Yeah, populous, Yeah, we want to day care.

Speaker 7 (01:02:31):
Everybody come in.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Oh yeah, yeah, but he don't know like two of
the other girls in his class, they're twins. They're his cousins,
so they be coming up hugging him, and he'd be
making sure nobody don't mess with them and everything. But yeah,
probably that and probably you know, one time I said
I love you and he's like, I love you too
much and he just walked off and it was funny,
but it was cute trying.

Speaker 7 (01:02:53):
To tell you you love him too much.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
And I don't know what he was trying to say.
But other than that, Yeah, my kid, you know I'm
bringing in one day, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:02):
Because he Yeah, what about you?

Speaker 4 (01:03:05):
I don't I don't know.

Speaker 10 (01:03:07):
Like recently, I mean, my kid, I'm constantly like just
amazing at the little human that he's becoming. So like
this is his fifth grade year, so you know, he's
like a senior in elementary school.

Speaker 4 (01:03:16):
So I think just watching him.

Speaker 10 (01:03:18):
Be like cool, like he gets out of the car
cool now, like the way he walks, and just like,
you know, I'll be messing with it. I'd be like
Lay's son. You know, he'd be like, man, come on, yeah,
chill out, man. So it's just I think, just send
him mature to a little man. We were now I
will say this, we were at camp. This is gonna
be like my second Bible reference. I probably I'm not
a real pastor, but we were in We were in

(01:03:41):
there with all the kids in the cabinet and like
my son was like the only one end of the
night was like, all right, I'm going to bed.

Speaker 4 (01:03:45):
Y'all can stay up and play. I'm going to sleep.

Speaker 10 (01:03:47):
And then it was it was funny because we had
this Muslim parent there with his son and like my son,
he's getting in bed and he starts saying his prayers right,
and it was like they're like, hey, what do you do.
You know He's like are you reading? And I was
like no, he's praying like you need to hush. So,
like just seeing him being willing to do that no
matter who's around, I was like, okay, look, little do legit.

Speaker 8 (01:04:11):
So that's definitely a you got a girlfriend talking about girl,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
You know what's funny.

Speaker 10 (01:04:17):
So I was I was at camp and my son
is clueless to this little girl that likes her, Like
it was so funny to watch. She's like she likes
him so much and he is clueless.

Speaker 4 (01:04:27):
Like I had that. I'm like, I was like, hey,
who is that?

Speaker 10 (01:04:29):
And he was like who was like, you know, little
such said you know that had ran up here, and
he was just like, oh, that is somebody in my class.

Speaker 4 (01:04:35):
I was like, okay, I was like, y'all talk. He
was just like no, I mean not really. I was
just like okay.

Speaker 10 (01:04:39):
So I was like, I'm gonna leave it alone. Like
I'm not going I'm not gonna press him. But it's
so obvious, like she she pops up. She wasn't in
our group. I kept seeing her, you know, and I'm
just like, I was like, son, just say hi when
she comes up to you, just say hi, just say
her name, just say hi.

Speaker 4 (01:04:53):
That's all the game.

Speaker 10 (01:04:54):
I gave him like I do not want him to
be at the girls, But no, he's not into like
he's not into understanding the dynamics of that at the
moment she is, though.

Speaker 1 (01:05:05):
It's gonna come about six to seventh grade.

Speaker 8 (01:05:08):
So, Gavin, you said, like nobody told you, So, what's
some things that you wish you would have known three
years ago before you.

Speaker 7 (01:05:14):
Had this baby?

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Yo, that first four months is hell. That is just
Mike told me to get a rocking chair. That's the
only advice he gave me. Now, mind, y'all been knowing
Mike has known me my whole life. The only advice
he gave me is get you a rocking chair. And
I'm like, for what y'all needed that I needed at
that first four months. And you know, my wife went
through postpartum like bad, right, and so I didn't know

(01:05:38):
nothing about that. Like my dad didn't sit me down.
I'm very close to my father. I want y'all think
he ain't here, he ain't out here. But even that,
and you know that time, I'm thinking thirty five years ago,
I don't know like what postpartum looked like for those
men and who had to deal with that. So that
just coaching, like being there for my wife, understanding that

(01:05:59):
I don't know, most part was like really tough, you
know what I'm saying. You know, it was funny enough.
So my wife is Puerto Rican and I have to
stress that because all the black women used to come
up there and be like, oh, you're breastfeeding. You know,
that's women's way of like shaving each other, like y'all shit,
And so it's like, oh, are you breastfeeding titties?

Speaker 7 (01:06:16):
I mean babies hanging upities?

Speaker 1 (01:06:18):
So when when women be like no, like black women
just roll their eyes and run off. But so that
was our thing. We knew she knew she was breastfeeding, right,
So it was like I was glad because I'm like,
please answer this quick question correctly, right, And we get there,
and then she couldn't feed past like six weeks, and
so she got like depressed and she was going through it.
And it was one of them things where it was like, yo,

(01:06:39):
I gotta sit down and really focus on my wife
because if she's not okay, then my baby's not okay.
I don't want to go and do a photo shoot
and wonder if my kid is okay. You know what
I'm saying. So I wish somebody would have maybe sat
me down and been like, yo, like get ready for this,
this could happen, Like just be be patient, like take shifts.

(01:06:59):
I think Mike told me that once I can't. He
saw me, and I was as tired as hell, but
he was like, oh, y'all got to take ships. Like
whatever video game you want to play, like start it over,
start over, You're just gonna be up.

Speaker 4 (01:07:11):
It's gonna be up.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
Yeah. I think I started watching The Wire, you know,
again and so and then by that time, my kid
was older. When I say older, he was like a year,
So me and him started watching The Wire again, you
know what I'm saying. So it's one of those things
like just be prepared and watch after your girl, Like
if you don't like your girl, don't give her kid.
I stress that. I stressed that a lot. If you
don't like her, do not give her a child, because.

Speaker 7 (01:07:33):
It's even, you know, more important than loving.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
Yeah, because when shit gets real, like you gotta take
care of her and your baby. And so, like I
tell everybody now, my wife's job matters the most in
our household because I'm an entrepreneur. So whenever she has
to do something like my schedule has to adapt to that. So,
like I said, Shan Cabo, so yo, my working hours
changed because who gonna watch my kid? Me? So yeah,

(01:07:58):
if you don't like your girl, don't give it. Yeah please?

Speaker 8 (01:08:02):
As a as a well dad, that's single divorcee. What
do you think about step dad's Oh gosh, what's the
comedian that was recently on the Breakfast Club And basically
he said, if the women ain't acting right, just is
gonna make another family? That's one thing he said, just gonna.

Speaker 4 (01:08:21):
Have another baby, don't raise anybody else.

Speaker 3 (01:08:23):
Yeah, he did say basically like stepdaddy's is we go
ultimate simps or I disagree?

Speaker 7 (01:08:29):
Yeah, I do too, But I mean.

Speaker 10 (01:08:34):
So it's a lot. It's just it's layered. It's a
layered on you in there. So I don't think there's
anything wrong with the woman as a child, right. But
one of the things that I always stress, and any
any guy who knows me knows that I say this,
Like one of my boys married a young lady had
a kid, and me and he and I have conversations
and I'd be like, hey, that's not your child, that's

(01:08:57):
his child. You need to reach out to him, Like,
don't go off of what she say, reach out to
that man because the dude was active. I was like,
she's going to cause friction between you and him, and
low key, that's what she wants. Because she didn't want that,
she wouldn't cause the friction. So he and I, I mean,
I'm talking, we've had some like real conversations about that.

(01:09:18):
Ain't your kid, bro? Now the kid is older now,
and when he's when he speaks of having children, he says,
you know, I got three kids, and he's including that child, right,
But that was after he really understood it, like, yo,
I got to include this other man and decisions regarding
his child and that did not come from his wife.

Speaker 4 (01:09:36):
He married the lady. That wasn't coming from her.

Speaker 10 (01:09:40):
If he was, if he would have followed, she was
ready to just discard the dude that you know, created Yeah,
And I was like, I was like, bro, don't do that.
I was like, it's your job to reach out to
the man. So anytime we have these conversations around stepdad
and I see that the two men aren't conversating, I
don't like it just being just being frank because now

(01:10:00):
we're going through the woman. Why are we going why
are we going through her? We're two grown men. Why
are we going through her about anything?

Speaker 6 (01:10:06):
But there's a lot of egos involved in that. You're like,
I don't want to talk to that.

Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
There should be no there should be no man.

Speaker 10 (01:10:11):
If I married woman with a child, that man should
not be calling my wife. If I married, if I
married one with a child, that man should not be
calling my wife.

Speaker 4 (01:10:18):
He should be calling he should be calling me. He
should be calling me.

Speaker 1 (01:10:23):
He should happen that way. But it's never gonna happen
that way.

Speaker 4 (01:10:26):
Like, he should not be calling that is my wife.

Speaker 1 (01:10:28):
Yeah, but it's never gonna happen.

Speaker 6 (01:10:29):
But they got kids together.

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:10:31):
And that's the problem with stepdad is they have children
together and there's a gun there, and it's like, yo,
you have to reshape that.

Speaker 7 (01:10:39):
But what if everybody got along.

Speaker 3 (01:10:40):
Do you have a good relationship, y'all have a good relationship,
Well you.

Speaker 4 (01:10:43):
Better hope it's not too good.

Speaker 6 (01:10:44):
Oh my god, that's way ego.

Speaker 4 (01:10:49):
That's not that's not feel No.

Speaker 10 (01:10:53):
I'm so I'm practical, and I look at things were practical.

Speaker 8 (01:10:57):
Yeah, I mean, because if I have a healthy relationship
if I have a child.

Speaker 3 (01:11:00):
Like you, Yeah, your kid's.

Speaker 7 (01:11:02):
Mom, if.

Speaker 4 (01:11:05):
She was remarried, I'll talk to the dude.

Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
You wouldn't talk to her no more. Do y'all talk now?

Speaker 4 (01:11:09):
Yeah? We do? We talk now, we talk. We talk often.

Speaker 7 (01:11:14):
Get married.

Speaker 10 (01:11:15):
That's his wife, now, that's his Why if it was
an emergency, sure, but like the casual conversations. No, if
I if I need, if I need to come grab
my kid, right, I would, I'd be like, hey, I'm
coming over. I am going to tell the man I
am coming to his house before I pop up at
his house, because no telling what's going on between him
and his wife. As someone that's been married, there's no

(01:11:36):
telling what's going on between him and his wife. So yes,
I am going to reach out to the husband.

Speaker 6 (01:11:43):
Respect factor, I get that.

Speaker 4 (01:11:44):
Yeah, why would we have that?

Speaker 10 (01:11:46):
Then if we stepdad, why wouldn't we have respect for
the child's father and the husband? Right most because most
of the time the ladies aren't going to encourage that.
That is up to the men. So yes, I'm very
hard on guys. If you're going to marry a woman
to have a child, you need to find that child's father.
I don't care what she told you. I don't care
what she said. He didn't exists here in jail.

Speaker 4 (01:12:08):
He's dead. Go to the cemetery. Make sure he's dead.
Make sure I tell a.

Speaker 8 (01:12:14):
Woman if y'all if he not active, just tell people anyway,
are you.

Speaker 3 (01:12:19):
Getting this new man?

Speaker 4 (01:12:22):
And I'm like, make sure.

Speaker 12 (01:12:25):
Everything going well and you're gonna say, oh, you just
got this randoms, make sure that's what I'm staying there?

Speaker 6 (01:12:38):
What are yours for young fathers?

Speaker 1 (01:12:41):
One?

Speaker 10 (01:12:42):
First, they have said, make sure you put a baby
and a woman you like, make sure you just don't
like the sex, because that's where babies come from.

Speaker 1 (01:12:47):
Marry her.

Speaker 10 (01:12:48):
Yeah, yeah, And I think that's part of the problem.
Like if you don't want to marry one, don't don't
have children with that woman. It's too hard, it's too
hard to preparent for two homes.

Speaker 4 (01:12:57):
And I do it. I won't.

Speaker 10 (01:12:58):
I won't even say I'm doing sucessfully. Like we're treading water,
you know what I'm saying, Like it's way better to
be in the home together. There's so many times where
I'm like, so much better if I was married, not
even so much like married to her, just in general, Like, yo,
just be so much better if there was two people here.
So that's the first thing. Make sure you like the
woman you know, make sure you want to marry her
before you ever get don't have babies out of wet low.

(01:13:20):
That's the worst way to destroy any future wealth that
you'll ever make. It's having a baby out of wet loss.
So that's always the first advice I have the young men.
And then the second thing is everything that Gavin said.
No one really tells us. No one is really honest
with us how harmonal women are, like just in general,
not like the way that women are. No, we're not

(01:13:42):
not the way like as we get older, our tests
don't actually start waning. We actually become more peaceful to
deal with as we get older. So but no one's
really honest with us about when she have a baby, like, yo,
it ain't even you, bru at all has zero percent
to do with you. Has er because it's hard not
to take it personal when it's coming at you, right,

(01:14:05):
No one really explains that to men. I think we
all hope that people have great pregnancies and she doesn't
experience it. But there's too many conversations amongst men where
we're like, man, all right, this was wild. You know
what I'm saying, Like this everything almost fell apart during
this timeframe right here.

Speaker 5 (01:14:23):
But you can't imagine how many changes a woman's body
goes through when she has a child.

Speaker 4 (01:14:28):
I agree, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 (01:14:29):
Men need to have the conversation, like we don't really
have these conversations of like, yo, you know this is
everything that was going on in my house.

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
Yeah, that's the problem that men have. It's like, like
I tell everybody, when you get married, start hanging out
with married people, Like seriously, that don't mean cut off
your single friends. You know. It's funny. I have a
dude and we're not as close anymore. But I remember
he used to always say, like, yo, when my friends
get married, I kind of just put space between us.
And it was like weird to hear him say that
because I was like, damn, I'm about to get married.

Speaker 7 (01:15:00):
My friend.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
Yeah, and that's what exactly what happened. But now I'm like,
all right, cool, it's cool with me. My life is
better now. But I hang around people that me. Mike
is probably the only person I hang around. There ain't
mayor you know what I'm saying, But.

Speaker 7 (01:15:12):
Mike don't marriage mind.

Speaker 1 (01:15:15):
Oh no, it's a lot. Like Mike is way more mature,
so it's like, you know, yeah, so when I'm hanging
out with other people, and Mike has known me forever,
so he knows what I'm into, what I'm not into,
where i want to go, where I'm not going to go.
But that part and then when you have kids start
hanging around more fathers, like that is shape because when
we get around, like I told Mike the story yesterday,

(01:15:37):
like I put some money in the bank, I sent
my wife to Costco for some trash bags. She came
back with four bottles of wine and four bottles of
champagne in the trash bags. And I'm like, Cis, I
didn't give you money for this, Like what what are
you doing? And you in your card for this shit? Right?
And then I told her that the trash back was
for my dad. My dad still doesn't have the trash bags.
She forgot to give them to him. Like but you know,

(01:15:59):
if I'm telling my single and I'm like yo, and
then you know, her joke was, Oh, I'm gonna give
you the money back for you y'all think I'm getting
that money back? No, that shit is gone. And so
if I'm telling people that's not married that or who
don't have kids that, they're just like they're gonna come
down on my wife and think whatever. But people that

(01:16:19):
are with women, people that are have kids, they're just
gonna be like, hey, man, like what Mike said, that's
what women do.

Speaker 4 (01:16:25):
That's what women do.

Speaker 1 (01:16:26):
After he left, and it's like I wasn't even mad
about it. It was just I was just expressing something. So
it's like that my boy just got married. My boy
Ryan just got married what three weeks ago? And I
asked him last week, I'm like, how's it going. It's
been two weeks? Because she get real when you get
you say, I do ship change everything? Because like right now,

(01:16:49):
we really got skinned in the game. And it's like
some people do let their guard down. Well not even
some people, everybody does. Like you know, the hardest thing
for me and my wife was is when she moved
in the house with me, And she moved in the
house with me maybe six seven months before we got married.
That would have happened the day we got married. And
I ain't saying shack up. That would have happened the

(01:17:10):
day we got married. We would have we would have
made it, or if we wasn't engaged together first. Yeah,
I've changed my stance on that. Yeah, but just don't
don't get her pregnant, broy you're not.

Speaker 5 (01:17:21):
Married, but it's hard to do that living in the
same house, it's right next to you.

Speaker 7 (01:17:28):
If a woman doesn't, like get pregnant, you don't have to.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
They're gonna kick you.

Speaker 8 (01:17:33):
All of us are here from the pull out method.
About at least.

Speaker 6 (01:17:37):
Two of us sitting on this count here because somebody didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:17:46):
Sure and it's tough, like, but me and my wife,
we wouldn't have made it. We got a look when
the day she moved in, I was fussing at her mom.
I was fussing at her I'm like And then probably
two weeks later we had to like have a sit
down because we was like, yo, we might not make
it to the wedding day. And then it was a
lot of me. It was a I was changed, Yeah,
because she came to my house. Yeah, and I had

(01:18:08):
to I had to say, this ain't my house no more,
this is her house. This is our home. Like it's cool, cool,
you bought it, your name on everything, You're not not anymore.
If you want to be happy, like you gotta communicate.
A lot of people don't communicate. But going back to
what Mike said, like we got to teach men that hey,
women are this way and it's okay, Like you're not

(01:18:28):
going through something that's just so that ain't never happened.

Speaker 4 (01:18:31):
I feel like it's just you.

Speaker 10 (01:18:32):
Yeah, like nobody else has dealt with this, is dealing
with this, and it's like that's not the case.

Speaker 1 (01:18:37):
Because and I ain't trying to be funny, but like
it ain't like the single moms is like sitting their
sons down and say, hey, this is how women are.
They act like they do are women?

Speaker 7 (01:18:45):
Yeah, like maybe that's another episode.

Speaker 6 (01:18:49):
I ain't got enough time for that. I just want
to know.

Speaker 4 (01:18:56):
Yeah, that love women.

Speaker 10 (01:18:58):
We we think that you're angels back and when we
find out that y'all are not, that is earth shatterings.

Speaker 7 (01:19:04):
And what way like doing something bad or not cleaning up?

Speaker 10 (01:19:08):
No, no, no, it's just just in general, just like
we really see y'all as angelic beings and y'all are.

Speaker 6 (01:19:15):
Not because nasty ain't you don't know y'all still.

Speaker 4 (01:19:21):
Have babies, you just yeah, baby, yeah, But as a
dude in college.

Speaker 1 (01:19:29):
Like, yo, when the first time you found out your
girl was sleeping with everybody, that should be hurtful.

Speaker 4 (01:19:34):
You'd be like the first time man is Yeah, it's
the nature of one.

Speaker 1 (01:19:38):
First time I go to college and nature of a
woman in college. My girl come to my room and
then my roommates started laughing. I'm like, he was like, yo,
she jumped from Florida, Florida, she got and I was
your girl.

Speaker 4 (01:19:51):
Yeah it was my girl.

Speaker 1 (01:19:52):
She ain't my girl, No, mother.

Speaker 6 (01:19:54):
Girl was the past around she was, isn't it?

Speaker 4 (01:20:01):
That's how they get there? Everybody taking this time. I
ain't know what I was doing. She was showing me.
Dudes be waiting their turn.

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
Yeah, so like women, they're good. Did you find that
your girl?

Speaker 3 (01:20:18):
Is that the worst part though, just finding out that
she's experienced.

Speaker 10 (01:20:21):
Well not not just experience, but it is also it's like,
you know the attitudes, right that that you have to
deal with.

Speaker 7 (01:20:28):
Men not do you not ever have the poking Women
said that.

Speaker 10 (01:20:32):
Men men don't have this aura of not having attitudes.
Men don't have this aura of not being over the top.
That's men's aura, right, Like it's different for men when
you find out a man, it's sweet and kind and caring.
You be like, oh damn, Like I know he was
just romantic, you know. But for women it's the opposite.
We think y'all are, and then when y'all not, that's
what kind of knocks us out, like whoa.

Speaker 1 (01:20:52):
And it's just a shot.

Speaker 4 (01:20:53):
Expect it's just a shot. We look, we still love
when we're human.

Speaker 7 (01:20:56):
That's what y'all be forgetting.

Speaker 4 (01:20:58):
Yeah, because we think you are angels.

Speaker 8 (01:20:59):
That's what I am, though I am definitely from godperriting
all energy. So I did not say I don't have
any man come and shoot you in particular. What I
did say is I like nigga is that and knock
all this ship over if need be?

Speaker 6 (01:21:18):
That is what I like. Easy way to say this.

Speaker 5 (01:21:22):
But all right, we have a segment on our show,
this is gonna close this out called SIMP series.

Speaker 4 (01:21:33):
SIMP series, and you gotta share.

Speaker 5 (01:21:36):
A time that you got played by the well I
feel like you already don't, yes, so you can tell
us a story about when you got played by the opposite.

Speaker 1 (01:21:44):
Oh man, when I got played by the opposite, Yo,
why he's thinking about it? You got enough plenty.

Speaker 4 (01:21:51):
I'm trying to make the story that I can tell.

Speaker 3 (01:21:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:21:53):
Yeah, So we at we're doing something. We at church. Sorry,
and so we there and we're leaving right, So everybody's like, yo,
we're going here to eat at a restaurant. Were going
to chill. And so I'm like all right, bet so
we going there. Everybody's sitting down, and so my short
is like, yo, I'll be right back. I gotta go
pee cool let her out. We all laughing. I'm looking down.

(01:22:13):
I'm like, damn, it's been five minutes, ten minutes. And
where he's eating at. I'm like, this ain't the place
you shit at.

Speaker 6 (01:22:18):
Go to corral.

Speaker 1 (01:22:19):
Yeah, it was down here. I was like, shit here.
And then I'm looking and no.

Speaker 3 (01:22:25):
First ill go to corral.

Speaker 6 (01:22:26):
It's gonna make you shit dwn.

Speaker 1 (01:22:29):
And so my boy is like looking down and I'm
like the energy just changed. I'm like, what the fuck
is going on? And my boy just looks down and
then so I'm like whatever, like cool, And so Shorty
comes back. It's been like twenty thirty minutes. I'm like,
you good, you throwing up some shit? She was like nah,
I'm good, I'm good, and Shorty like sister just starts

(01:22:50):
crying at the tables. I'm like, what the fuck is
going on? Did I miss something?

Speaker 6 (01:22:54):
You know?

Speaker 1 (01:22:54):
I Mike said his son, don't know that some girl
like I don't be seeing shit. So I'm like whatever.
So all the girls get up from the table and leave,
and my boy look at me. He go, Yo. She
been in the car with her nigga for like the
last thirty minutes, and I was like, I said, Yo, yeah,
I gotta go home. I just gotta go. We ain't
talk since, but it's cool.

Speaker 7 (01:23:16):
So she was fucked up.

Speaker 6 (01:23:17):
You paid for her dinner.

Speaker 1 (01:23:19):
Actually, did you know what I'm saying? That's some I
don't know if that's a SIMP.

Speaker 4 (01:23:23):
I mean he was. He was already halfway in and
then I joined.

Speaker 1 (01:23:25):
Free band game, Shut up the future.

Speaker 4 (01:23:28):
Let's see a best SIMP story or not the best?

Speaker 6 (01:23:33):
Uh?

Speaker 10 (01:23:34):
The girl that I dated that I thought that I
would have married. So I was in my twenties. Her
dad and mom was going through a divorce, so like
dad basically stopped paying her car. Her car got repossessed,
so I actually like we went and got a car
and I co signed on the car for her.

Speaker 12 (01:23:52):
Man.

Speaker 10 (01:23:52):
Yeah, we broke you know, that's simp shit. And we
broke up probably I don't know, maybe a year later,
and guess what she let the car do get repossessed.

Speaker 6 (01:24:05):
Credit.

Speaker 10 (01:24:06):
Yeah, yeah, so I was I was in my young
twins at that time. And you know when I tell you,
like that created a lot of rules from that point forward.

Speaker 6 (01:24:15):
Oh yeah, that girl up for the rest of us
who needed a car.

Speaker 1 (01:24:19):
The lessons you learned out everybody.

Speaker 4 (01:24:21):
Yeah, yeah, when I tell you that, he didn't take
another bits to go to corn.

Speaker 6 (01:24:26):
A lot. So.

Speaker 10 (01:24:27):
But I mean I wasn't mad at it then, was
not mad at it now. But that's probably that's probably
the stupidest thing.

Speaker 7 (01:24:34):
Yeah, that's a good one.

Speaker 4 (01:24:36):
I got.

Speaker 10 (01:24:36):
I got another couple married though it was a guy,
and she was like, oh it was my best friend,
you know whatever. You know, like we weren't dating, like
she was just she was in Atlanta. I been Atlanta
all the time. So I ended up like just crashing
into the place. And her quote unquote best friend like
really didn't like he. I don't think he liked her
because she was experienced and he wasn't. He knew all

(01:25:00):
he knew all the stories. I knew a lot of us.
I knew he knew all of him. So so because
he and I was friends before, we start kicking it.
And like, long story short, like they didn't have like
a family event and he was there or whatever. So
he sees me there with you know, the young lady,
and you know, like I'm a lover of man, like
I'm a love boy, right, so I'm like, you know,
taking care of her, kicking it with the family, all this.

Speaker 4 (01:25:20):
Stuff that he seeth it, I mean just see it,
and I'm just like, you know, so I walk up
and I'm like, yo, what's up with your boy?

Speaker 6 (01:25:26):
You know? He good?

Speaker 4 (01:25:27):
She was like no, no, he was good.

Speaker 10 (01:25:28):
So the next day we were supposed to I already
knew what time it was. Next day, like they were
like a family breakfast and she was like are you going?

Speaker 4 (01:25:36):
And I was like it's like nah.

Speaker 10 (01:25:38):
I was like I want you and your friend have
a good time. So I was like I'm gonna stay here,
like he's not gonna enjoin me being there. But long
story short, they end up getting married. I could tell that,
like because she and I were just fun. It's just
a situationship. But I could tell like when he saw
somebody else taking care of it. He was like, yeah,
putting that on him. Yeah, he was like, man, nah,

(01:25:58):
I need and they are married now. Yeah, so thank
you for letting me date your girlfriends.

Speaker 8 (01:26:03):
Oh all right, everybody where they can find your show,
plug all your things, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:26:13):
First of all, thank y'all, Thank y'all, Thank y'all so much.
It took two years, but thank y'all. We had to
earn it. I respect that, but no, look up Black
Dads dot com com. Excuse me, Black Dad's Underscore Podcast.

Speaker 12 (01:26:28):
Club.

Speaker 1 (01:26:30):
We're okay, nice, y'all gonna come on the show.

Speaker 8 (01:26:34):
Like y'all need to expand that more than just the podcast,
Like y'all need to be doing a little golfing trips.

Speaker 3 (01:26:38):
I'll take a little cute ship with the Black Dads.

Speaker 1 (01:26:41):
So we get so many women who are just like y'all,
don't want people with kids, But we get so many women.
It's like, y'all, you just have.

Speaker 6 (01:26:49):
Y'all could do it like a.

Speaker 3 (01:26:51):
Single daddy no babies convention.

Speaker 4 (01:26:55):
Y'all get the ladies there.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
Yeah, we can combine on this.

Speaker 4 (01:26:58):
You'll get the ladies. The ladies there would get all right,
But yeah, Black Dance Club put you on Instagram man.

Speaker 1 (01:27:04):
Oh I am underscore Gavin B. Follow me if you
need some picture. Y'all want some pictures?

Speaker 7 (01:27:08):
Yes, we need some.

Speaker 3 (01:27:09):
Picture, bring your camera.

Speaker 10 (01:27:10):
Yeah, I'm pas Will at past Mike Will anywhere. You
can find me with Black Dass Club dot com.

Speaker 7 (01:27:16):
Hey, we appreciate y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:27:18):
Okay, this was a great time, y'all having us on
this is great.

Speaker 7 (01:27:23):
All right, y'all.

Speaker 8 (01:27:23):
So if you enjoy this episode and these fabulous black
men who take kids, they probably got excess money, all types.

Speaker 4 (01:27:30):
Of sh we got kids, do not have money.

Speaker 7 (01:27:35):
Now, you're gonna be.

Speaker 4 (01:27:39):
Definitely Black Dance Club is broke.

Speaker 6 (01:27:41):
Black dollar. That might be a five. That's a that's
a nonprofit club.

Speaker 1 (01:27:52):
Yeah, nonprofit.

Speaker 8 (01:27:53):
Okay, there work, all right, y'all. Enjoyed this episode, y'all.
Tune in every Thursday on The Black Effect. iHeart Radio
Apple where you get your podcast. This is your co host,
A j Holiday two point oh a.

Speaker 3 (01:28:04):
Y'all.

Speaker 5 (01:28:05):
I love y'all so much.

Speaker 6 (01:28:06):
Thank you for tuning in. It's Tam Bam. Follow me
on Instagram.

Speaker 5 (01:28:09):
Remember speak now, uh and never and always hold your children.

Speaker 7 (01:28:16):
Always, always hold your kids.

Speaker 3 (01:28:20):
This is that's your stepdaddy.

Speaker 4 (01:28:24):
Oh my god, For

Speaker 8 (01:28:26):
More podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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