Make A List, Checking It Twice

In this episode of We Talk Back,  AJ Holiday and TamBam dive into a wide range of relatable topics—from weekend wins and personal milestones to cultural shifts around alcohol consumption and evolving body standards. They break down the influence of celebrity glow-ups, the rise of life coaches, and the emotional stability required to maintain healthy relationships. With humor and honesty, the hosts explore the dynamics of cuffing season, the importance of boundaries, and the role of self-awareness in dating.

The conversation delves deeper into relationship expectations, examining emotional availability, communication, and the effort required to sustain meaningful connections. AJ and Tam discuss how to evaluate partners, identify toxic patterns, and date intentionally to understand personal preferences. They wrap with candid advice on how to exit unhealthy relationships gracefully, emphasizing self-worth, emotional safety, and choosing partners who contribute to real growth. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
and the Black Effect Network.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
So we're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion
who talks.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
What's up? Y'all's your girl? A J Holiday? What's up? Tandamn?

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hey y'all, y'all know what the fuck going on?

Speaker 1 (00:23):
I love y'all.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
What's again? Y'all back? Thank y'all for coming back. AJ.
What'd you do this weekend?

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Right into it?

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yep, what'd you do?

Speaker 1 (00:33):
My nephew is graduated from high school early college in January. Okay,
so he had his last high school football game. Shout
out to the Stallions Point rock Hill. South Carolina won
their four A championship against I think it was Florence.
They were playing thirty five to fourteen, and my nephew

(00:56):
was in the game the whole time, the fairy lineman. Okay,
and the game actually was at South Carolina State, which
is also going to be his new alma mater, so
I am super excited. Congratulations to him, and shit, yeah
he got a full ride child.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
How old is he going to college?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Eighteen?

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:14):
I thought it earlyer Yeah, so he just turned eighteen
in October, so he's you know, he can't do the
ceremony until me. But he's done with high school and
he's starting the state in January, and I'm so happy
for him. I don't know what it is about, like
the difference between boys and girls.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
I love my.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
Nieces so much, but it's just like the boys. It's like, oh, Miles,
little boy. Hey, he's a big ass negative but it's
such a sweet boy. Man. I'm so excited for him.
Congratulation in life. Yeah, so we sat out there, the
family sat out there in the rain.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Child.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
I was with my mama the whole day and I
had already anticipated like just all us talking. You know,
sometimes when I ride, I like to ride without music nothing.
I'm just quiet in the car. He met tation time
sometimes for me, boy had to talk the whole time.
I thought I could fucking talk about my mom and

(02:06):
she'd just be going off of by everything. I love
my mama so much. So we were just hanging out
and uh, yeah, it was a good weekend. And then
Sunday I just tried to catch up on my week
I really don't feel like I had a weekend. So
but that was it though. We just did the things
the family stuff. On Saturday, and then Sunday.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I barely was alive.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
I went grocery shopping, and y'all, I have been fasting
every other day since December first, So I went grocery shopping.
But I'm like, damn on the days where I'm actually eating. Now,
I'm like trying to eat the groceries as fast as
I can, like fruits and vegetables and shit, because they
go fast, okay, which I'm not complaining about because that
means like you got real food. It actually spoils, it's spires.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, but I'm.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Tired of buying avocados and not eating them. Shit, and
they by the time I touch him is wrong. And
it was a shake all right. I did that bananas
because the bananas go bad so fast too.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, you can throw them in there. What I do
this weekend? Friday and Saturday, I worked, and then Sunday
I got up to catch a flight to Houston. We
need to eat, to eat, like literally to eat. No,
it's no, it was me. There was a plan. We
was gonna go to like a day party, go to dinner,

(03:24):
go to another party, fly back the next day. But
our flag kept getting delayed. We were supposed to leave
at ten am, but we did end up not leaving
Charlotte till one five, So we was in the airport
getting drunk at the bar, taking shots at the bar
in the airport at ten o'clock in the morning. So
by the time we got to Houston, we was already

(03:46):
feeling good. We ended up landing there it was like
four o'clock, went straight to the hotel, change, went to
dinner at six thirty, no seven o'clock. Went to dinner
at Maestros Maystros. I don't know how to pronounce it. It
was so good. We did our little caviard bump. How
do you like.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Caviar, dude, man? But it's so expensive.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
It's so high. It's so expensive, I like. But they
served it with like these little, many, little tiny pancakes.
Oh my god, it was so good, and it was like, uh,
they had like eggs and I don't know if that
was sour cream or some type of cream, and like
all these different pairings to go with the caviard. It

(04:26):
was so good. Oh my god, it was so good.
But it was high. And then I got me a
waggle steak. I spent some money on that piece of meat, y'all.
But when I take that hip.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
Once as you got how much was it an ounce
too for?

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I don't know. It was high. It was like the
steak was like the piece of meat by itself was
like one hundred and thirty dollars. But I said, fuck it,
I flew out here to eat. I'm gonna eat what
I want. I have me a steak. And then we
went to Seaside in Houston, which is outdoor. Well they
have an inside, but most of the people were outdoor
on the roof. And you know, Auntie, he I'm like

(05:04):
mad because I don't want to go. I did not
want to go. I was telling them, like, after dinner,
I'm going to bed, y'all can go to the club.
I don't want to go to. I'm not no clubby
girl no more. I like an elevator.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
I don't know when the last time I've been to
the club.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
More elevated experiences. But anyway, so we went. They were like,
we're just here.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
To elevated experiences aka food and sleep and go to
get me with lots ofbody right in education or wisdom
or something I can learn from you.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Where are we going? I don't want to just stand
on couches. No more. I'm past that stage. But anyway,
we went and it was cold at fuck outside, right,
but they had the heaters in every section, so that
made it a little better. But I was still sitting
there like with the steak face. But they made it
so fun, y'all, like seaside is alright with me because

(05:54):
they had me in there, singing and having a good time.
They brought like those confects, the big ones, right, the
big confetti. They brought two to every section, so it
was like one hundred of these things on the patio
and they played a song. They was like, you gotta wait,
wait till the countdown, and they did the countdown and

(06:15):
we hit that confetti. When I tell you the whole
I mean, you couldn't even see. It was so much
good for New Year's. Yeah, it was so much fun.
It was so much fun. Then they brought two pizzas
to every section. I ain't never seen the club bring.
Like they came out hauling pieces like hold do this
for y'all? Who do this for y'all?

Speaker 1 (06:34):
And then they just had it like this, guys, right,
they just made it. I just would thirty dollars stake,
and I was like, get that, it's like that big
taste free and they just.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Like they brought like glow sticks out. They just made
it really really fun. So shout out to seasideher making
it a good time. And then we flew back the
next morning, the very next morning, so it was a
real quick turn and burn and then I slept all
day the next because I swear I must have took
like between ten o'clock that morning and two in the

(07:05):
morning when we got in, I probably took about seventeen shots.
God damn, I know that's a lot.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Were you like, how, how what you was drinking? What
type of tequila?

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Every type?

Speaker 1 (07:23):
I had everything.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Right exactly. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a
couple of curlies between the two of them, because there
was a lot. But that was my weekend. It was fun.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
No, that's not super lit, Okay. I wanted to do
a turn and burn to go to Erica Bay Do,
but I went to my nephew's game instead. I got
to catch her in concert. Man, I think like the
last it might be over. I don't know, but I
feel like maybe she had some dates overseas I was
gonna see I want to see Erica perform.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, I would love to see her, didn't she she
dropped something new with Alchemists, right, mm hmm. Yeah, that's so.
Let's good, miss hit.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
What we got going on?

Speaker 2 (08:05):
So?

Speaker 1 (08:05):
I saw this article talking about Saudi Arabia. So apparently
Saudi Arabia erases alcohol band. I didn't know they had one,
but they are now allowing high earning non Muslim residents
to legally buy alcohol. So it says non Muslim foreigners
in the country who earn at least fifty thousand Saudi riyals,

(08:30):
ryals whatever per month, that's about thirteen three hundred US
dollars can now purchase alcohol at the country's only official
alcohol shop. And I guess it's rid the city name.
This marks the second recent change. Just days before this,
the shop had already begun selling to premium visa holders,

(08:52):
a select group of foreigners who pay a fee and
meet certain requirements. I feel like we need some shill
like that over here, because most of the alcoholics don't
got no goddamn job.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Right. If you can't, if you ain't got no arm,
you're not earning no money. You can't what you're drinking for.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Are you celebrating? I always feel like that about sex
and alcohol and drugs? What the fuck are y'all celebrating?
Life is not lit like I feel like. I feel
like until you get your life together, you don't got
no time to chill. What do you wait? What you're celebrating?
My guy? I mean life living? But you fucking up
your liver at the right time. We definitely need some

(09:28):
laws like that in America.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Okay, I agree, just a manship like how niggas would
be killing each other just to get a drink, killing
them nigga who go to work? So he's a call no.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Or I mean if if if we cut they damn
heads off? Right?

Speaker 2 (09:48):
What I got? It? Goes?

Speaker 1 (09:50):
It go too far and real quick. I wonder what
the penalty is if you are caught making twelve thousand
dollars a year and drinking alcohol? Like, what is the penalty?
Are you going to jail? Getting your head got off?

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Like?

Speaker 1 (10:04):
What is happening in Saudi Aurabia? I would like to
know because I feel like it needs to be implemented
in America, right, But it's the only foreigners, right, Yeah,
I guess non Muslim so I don't think I mean everybody.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
But that's even weird though too. Right, So if you
are Muslim, you still can't drink alcohol, which I don't
think is a bad thing. So what would that What
would that be then that they just okay, leah, let
them get drunk.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
I guess they're like, if y'all, we would like people
to move here, people with money, If y'all move here,
we don't want no broke people to move here. We
want people with money to move here. So we have
to offer some incentive.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
They try to boost the GDP. Yeah, by selling liquor
yep to the foreigners, to the stupid foreigners, right, got it?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Like the only reason they talked to some white man,
the only reason I won't buy any properly there is
I can't have a fucking drink, man. Let's fix that.
That's really Sunday. So I saw this. So Atlanta came
out and the masses, a huge crowd shut down Gunner's
Wanner Run Club at Pont City Market and the line
was huge. I don't know if y'all saw it. People

(11:19):
were wrapped around the building. And he started a run club.
So niggas is running and it's a bunch of us
out there, and I love that. Have you ever known
it so much? Have you ever been to like Charlotte
has a huge run club. I can't what it's to
call you ever did it?

Speaker 1 (11:37):
No?

Speaker 2 (11:37):
And it always because I'm never off working. Time is
they would run on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and it'd be
Tuesday at six thirty. I don't get off till seven
thirty eight o'clock on Tuesdays, and then Saturday in the
afternoon I'm at work. So I've never made it to
run club, but I wanted to go so bad because
all the fine niggas with no shirt song be out there.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I got a practice by myself first, because I don't
want to be at the end of the fucking line.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
But a lot of people walking. No, because it's so
many people walking. Everybody's not running, so it's like moms
with strollers kids, you know, So you won't be at
the end. You be in a bag. But maybe at
the ends long as you're faster than somebody. You know.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
We got the bridge running here and Charleston. I've only
done that shit one time and all my friends are
doing it next year, and I'm like, man, the one
time I did it, I was like, really really in shape.
I knew my mom many years ago, but yae, yeah,
my fucking legs would be noodles on that goddamn bridge.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
And some people don't even actually do the run. They
just walk come to the No, they just come to
where they meet and then wait for them to return
to the meeting spot because it turns us to a party.
They be dancing and stuff like that. It's no drinks
or nothing like that, but just vibes. Right, it's a
little hangout yep, so that's good. Gunna. Gunna has completely changed.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
Every I seen on Low Duval page on Instagram. He
was like, who's the celebrity.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
That he glowed up? Had the best was ugliest foot
before and now that he's fine?

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Right, And I saw somebody commented and said, Gucci Mane
and Gunna. I don't know that Gunnar was ugly ever, Right,
this is a little chunky, but you know what, losing
weight will definitely change your face structure. So now he
look a little chisel.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
In the face.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
And man, Gucci man I can't I won't say. I
think Gucci made him teeth be throwing me off with him.
But he is definitely more handsome than he was because ill. Okay,
I remember going to a Gucci Man concert I don't
know how long ago in Atlanta when he got out
of jail the first time HM and he couldn't even
move around.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
He was standing in one spot, just fat, that big
ass belly on roll.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
It's so like his defence. It's so easy to give fat.
It's so hard to lose.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Like maybe if I write it down, like, okay, this week,
I'm gonna lose five pounds. At each pound I lose,
I scratch it out like I don't know how, Like
I know I can do it, but what I Okay,
So since the first I have lost like five pounds,
which is water weight probably right, But man, I can't
eat a day to lose the weight. To lose those pounds,

(14:24):
I literally had to skip a whole whole day, even
a meal, the whole day of tell y'all, my bowel
movement is different. I got better bow movements.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Yeah, So that that really is like your gut is
where all diseases and all that shit started. Anyway, right,
I think I shit too much?

Speaker 2 (14:45):
So I don't know if it's like is that normal?
Like the doctor said, it's normal how much I go
to the bathroom?

Speaker 1 (14:50):
But how am I to go after every meal?

Speaker 2 (14:54):
I do?

Speaker 1 (14:55):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
I Like I wake up in the morning and like
fifteen to twenty minutes afterway I gotta go every morning.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
I mean I usually use the bathroom in the morning,
but then like now, like I have to consciously think,
like damn, did I use a bath like in the evening?

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Like did I use the bathroom tonight?

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Like usually it's just once in the morning a lot
of times, but no all day you all day?

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Like what the ship full love it? Full love it
and not how I'm like shitting as much as still
don't fat that's the problem. Like I feel like I
should hear them, I should be skinny, but you know
it's not even losing weight is not hard, it's keeping
weight off. So shout out the gunner because he looks.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Great and he got.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
I know, and he got him coming out in the wintertime,
so that's even better because run club gets scarce in
the winter. It's the spring and summer when people actually
care when it's time. They be eating pastries and soups.
And getting all fat and sassy like their lady said.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
Right, So I saw. So John Rule had an exchange
with somebody on X. You know, he had some choice
words to say about fifty cent in his Netflix documentary
on p Diddy because he had some some some videos
like behind this, I guess behind the scenes. But apparently,
like fifty cent, Diddy has been having somebody like walk

(16:22):
around with a camera with him, you know, for the
last year. So somehow fifty cent obtained some of this content.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
So when I when I heard or what I saw. Now,
this is allegedly that Diddy did not pay the videographer
because of the outcome of the case. He didn't pay
the videographer the footage in fifty a guardon.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, yeah, how you not pay them? Like you had
somebody with you twenty four hours a day and then
decide not to pay them because you got to pay
casie and you pay lawyers and you go to jail.
You can't do that, So fIF like, and now at
this point, that person owns that content. Actually, whenever somebody
records or take pictures of somebody, they already own a
content unless you sign something releasing it. Right, So fifty

(17:07):
cent basically acquire some of his content for this, for
this documentary. And jah Rule, I don't even know why
he picking it. Picking a fight with fifty cent fifty
cent demolished for life, for life forever, okay, killed your career.
I loved jaw Rule though, but so anyway, I guess
he wanted with fifty cent, and jah Rule tweeted that
he's not condoning Diddy's behavior, He's just showcasing human Excuse me,

(17:32):
Herman's character. Who's Herman is fifty cents real name? Herman
thought it was Curtis Jackson, so he calls him herman.
I guess he says Herman's no different. Allegedly fifty cent
real name. Curtis Jackson has been involved in at least
one well documented domestic violence incident. In twenty thirteen, he
was accused of kicking his ex girlfriend and the mother
of his son, model Daphne Joy also known as Daphne

(17:57):
Narvez or something in the stomach after they're in the
stomach during an argument at her Los Angeles condominium, as
well as it's stroying approximately seven. Basically, he airinged fifty
cent out on some shit that he allegedly did to
Daphney Joy and settled out of court on right. His
whole thing is like, why are you snitching on Diddy? Like, yeah,
I don't condone what Diddy did, but why are you?

(18:18):
And I kind of said the same shit a couple
of weeks ago, right, like fifty Cent put out that
that tweet about about the documentary. I was like, I mean,
I guess the streets is dead, so it ain't no cold,
no none of that shit. And he's his fifty year
old men, right, and I guess they have been rivals
since forever to two, but the same at the same rate,

(18:42):
y'all rule, you're now snitching on fifty cent, Okay, because
I didn't know nothing about him getting into with Daphney Joy.
I don't, right, a lot of people I don't remember
that happening, Right, So you're saying that fifty cent creating
this documentary is snitching on Diddy. You're now sn on
fifty cent to justify calling fifty a snitch. You see

(19:05):
what I'm saying. Yah, understand what it's like. The hypocrisy
of it.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
All definitely exposed a lot. Fifty Cent definitely did his
homework and exposed a lot of information on Diddy and
it's like the people are coming out of woods with
their story, but their strengthen numbers. You know. I guess
if you trying to do it by yourself, it's more scary.
I want us to talk about well, I know you
want to talk about that documentary. We have to do

(19:30):
an episode on that and our thoughts once I get
it around and watching.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
That shit, not me watching something you didn't y'all know,
Damny ads be on TV.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Okay, yes, I love it, but this is you know,
it's dark, and it's not dark in the way I
like like Stranger Things. It's dark and light. Have you
started the new season? Oh? I'm starting and finish. I
can't wait for Christmas for the next one. I haven't
started it yet, girl.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
My boyfriend was trying catch up, so I haven't started
watching the new season yet.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
No. Do you watch Welcome to Dairy? Oh my god,
it's so good. I love that shit. I love that ship.
You gotta watch it if you like you like the
American horror story.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Right to a certain point, that shit started getting weird.
And it was weird from the beginning, but it was
my type of weird. Then it got like Lady God
got weird, nasty, gay, weird, devil weird type shit. Yeah, yeah,
watching it, I don't want that shit in my dance.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
She's not saying gay people are nasty, so don't come
in the comments like.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
This is very sadistic a lot of the things that
they was doing. So if you want to associate yourself
with that, I mean, maybe I should not have added
gate in there. But if you watched the American Horror
Story the last couple of seasons, that shit got real dark.
Yeah it did. Okay, Yeah, and you ain't got to
uh don't you ain't got to talk up for me.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
But I just don't be wanting to hear that ship. Man,
don't be worthy to hear that ship because you know
what she meant. You just want to be You just
want to r.

Speaker 1 (21:00):
Youn't want attention on Fridays. You want attention on Fridays,
I got it for you. Any other day, I got it.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I got a messy meme. Okay. I saw this and
I'm like, man, this is really how the fuck I
be feeling for real. Somebody tweeted it like why I
keep clicking on shit and can't get to it? Like
what is really happening. This guy tweeted and said, it's
our first time on earth. So why are you a
life coach?

Speaker 2 (21:29):
Right? You ain't did it before.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
I do believe people be reincarnated, but what you.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Don't be knowing about them last time?

Speaker 1 (21:38):
I don't know. But how the fuck you coaching people
on That's the truest shit I ever fucking heard. How
are you coaching people on life.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Right, especially if you ain't even that. Oh, I hate
a life coach. That's twenty six. You can fuck out
my face.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
You even did nothing yet.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Ye, you haven't even done anything yet. And also you
just started.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
You're telling me to do you know, like you just yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
Like a marriage counselor who's never been married. Give the fucker.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Going to therapy with my mom and when I was
a teenager, man, my mama walked out of the therapy
session talking shit to the white girl.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
She was like, you don't even have no damn kids.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
I'm like, I just looked at the therapist like, see.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
This is who I'm dealing with.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
See she's exactly what the fuck I'm dealing with. I
maybe because I don't think you have to have kids, right,
but this is why I always say, like black people
just you need a different type of therapy.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
We need.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
I don't know if it's not a life coach shit,
we need more like spiritual healing, yeah type.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
Shit this Western therapy or just a combination of things,
because without the other ain't working. And I saw this.
I know bitches that got the first batch of bbls
be mad when they see bitches with the BBO pro Max.
I know that be mad. Pro Max, the one that
look natural, the one that looked natural, smooth.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Like who got the shots ten fifteen years ago and
now it just started transferring the fat?

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Maybe who got the first fat transfers that wasn't like
they were still getting it figured out on you and
now you've got that little lop they connect to your thigh.
I hate that little lung move that low out you
don't talking about like it's just ass out the bottom

(23:27):
and ass it ain't.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Like no grad natural women bodies have hip tips like
nobody's hips is like rounded out like that on the side.
And Cardi b Is a great example of what I'm
talking about. Right, so you know she got shots plus
fat transfers, probably summer walker, but she just got her shit.
Someone Walker was slim when she first came out. She
just did all that stuff. Let's think about it. When

(23:50):
she like first was going to the Grammys and she's like,
first she slim, cute. I don't know why, why do
you want that?

Speaker 2 (23:57):
She was?

Speaker 1 (23:58):
I mean, not teach their you know what I'm saying, but.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Man, because I don't want a body shame anybody. And
I feel like that's what I just did when I
called out something Walker. It's not a shame. I just
you know, I just I just noticed that it goes die,
you know, like there's no graduation, you know.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yeah, we were looking for Bernice Burgos. Okay, she has
the best. Yeah, yeah, and she does. Drea's looks good too, Drea, Yeah,
she got a super slim bbl Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
When you get it to you gotta get it to
match the body, you know. Like I just feel like
I feel like she said she had one many years ago.
She said she I might be lying. I might be lying,
but I could have sworn she said that she got
her body done.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
She's just a slim girl. Like what would she have
gotten done done? I can't imagine her ever having enough
fat for transfer, right, I think she just got a
little bubble butt, a little cute shape.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Okay, maybe I'm wrong, but I just sworn she said
she did, and she had one of the first ones,
the iPhone one and BBO one. All Right, y'all, I
used to have I promise you this is the last
time I'm gonna bring up niggas all year long. Okay,
this is the last conversation on these men for the
rest of the year. Okay, January your ass all right.

(25:25):
I just we want to audit the men in your
life now. Cuff and season is done. You should either
be cuffed or uncuffed by now, like it's either or
you know, I don't think nobody's getting cuffed right before Christmas.
Niggas is gonna wait till after if they just getting
to know you, right, you know, right. So we want

(25:46):
to audit the men in your life emotionally, physically, and energetically.
So we're gonna get into that when we get back
from this commercial. All right. Our goal today is to
teach our listeners how to qualify men before giving access.

(26:09):
I'm now sorry. Here's the checklist items emotional stability, peace
versus chaos.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
A lot of niggas don't have peace. They're not peaceful, right.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
But they want it. Effort and consistency big one. That's
a huge one. Financial responsibility, that's really not just giving
you money.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
How does he handle the business of his own life?

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Right and boundary respect?

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Men hate hearing no, That's what I've learned. Niggas do
not like hearing no.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
I hate hearing know too, though, that's the word I
hate the most. I don't even accept it most of
the time. I just feel like this is where we
start negotiations, Like.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
What do you mean no, I say, men hate no.
I'm talking about like you. This is a big example.
You not feeling like having sex, but they do. They
don't want they don't want to hear no. Yeah, even
in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Have you ever gave your man damn here pussy?

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Yes, plenty times. Care I ain't sucking. No, they don't
come with head though, yeah that hair, pussy don't come
with head. I don't even like you right now, So
why when you're having sex? But here, Hey, this ship, man,
if you want it like.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
This, then they'll take it. They don't care. I remember,
you don't care. He was like, uh, open war. He said,
he'll take damn hare pussy and ah, here's some pussy shay.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Pitty pussy has to be there if you out here
just getting pity pussy like that has to be sagging.
You know you only smash him one time, right, right,
you better knock that ship out the park. Got back
to your whack ass. No, this this discussion is very important,
right because I think as women, oftentimes we all only
listening to what somebody is saying, and we're acting like

(28:03):
we don't see what the fuck they're doing, right, and
ignoreing it exactly. And then sometimes and I know I've
said this in the past, where I feel like in
relationships men they want a therapist for a girlfriend, Like
it's not one and the same, like just because like
you do want to be able to be vulnerable with
your partner, but not to the point to where she's

(28:24):
supposed to solve all your mental issues, like all your
childhood traumas, or then use those things to justify your
behavior towards her.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
No, right, and that's scary.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, you were abused, so now you be abusing me,
And I'm just he was abused as a kid. No,
go get help, right, Go get some fucking help. Mental
emotional stability is very, very very important.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Yeah, most people don't have it all the way most people,
so you just got to like know your personality and
pick your poison too, like, cause I feel like you're
gonna probably end up with somebody with some shit, Like
I don't feel like everybody. Have you met somebody who
was like one hundred percent emotionally stable one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
If somebody appeared to be one hundred percent emotionally stable,
I would be waiting for crazy to show up, real crazy, like,
like you ain't real? When is he coming? You telling
my boyfriend I'm gonna beat you today, Like have you
wanted him? I've been warned him, Like the domestic violence
is coming, So you know I'm retarded.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Right, one day I'm beat you today? Is crazy?

Speaker 1 (29:36):
We one day I might beat you, Okay, throwing it
out there, You're not surprised when it happens.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
To meet me? You can't.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
I changed a goodness. Financial responsibility. This is a big one,
and not necessarily because I feel like we do live
in a society today where women feel.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Like, especially these young girls, it's so weird. They feel
like these young niggas don't have no money to take
care never. They they can't take care of you, They
barely can take care of themselves. But you do want
to find someone who is ambitious, someone who's trying to
make the moves to do things for you and themselves.

(30:19):
And you got to make sure.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
I'm stay to mind. It's not like if they're like
broke mentally, then yeah, you can't fuck with them, but
if they trying to get things in motion, even just
it actually starts with literally just moving around. If you
got somebody who's sitting and watching TV, smoke video games
all day long, smoke, he's high every day all day,
get out of there. And if you are like that,

(30:41):
so that's why that's what you're attracting, you need to
change you if you want to attract something different.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Right, because you can't sit out around all day and
then expect to have somebody who's ambitious and moving around
and doing the things. I mean, some women get lucky
and you can find somebody who's just gonna allow them
to be a do nothing bitch.

Speaker 1 (31:05):
They're talking about you though, They talking shit about you
to the bitch they really want and let you know
that the bitch you ain't going for it, right, They
talking shit about you to that bitch.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Well, we gotta stop saying bitch.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
They're talking about you to that woman, the woman with
a little bit more depth. Yeah, they talking about you.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
But I do think you should be able to ask
the person he's sleeping with for money. Don't get it
twisted very much.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
So like what we talking about? And you know it's
not that it's not gold digger, right, I wouldn't say
that I'm a gold digger, but I'm not fucking with
somebody who does not have the means.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
To help me if I need it. Write that part
it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
To me, Like somebody I know is always considering a
man's pocket, Like, well he got bills too, So what
what are we talking about?

Speaker 2 (31:58):
Right, So you're not going to help?

Speaker 1 (32:01):
Yeah, like they know they gotta pay for Cucci indirectly directly, however,
like men literally take our life force.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Hold on, hold on, that's sorry.

Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, men and men literally take our life force. Right,
they use us. Women are givers, men are takers. It
is just it is what it is. We're open, they're closed,
so they have to come with offerings. Right you look up,
you don't aged five years, you don't have a kid,
your body different, all the shit they have to come
with offerings. And they know this because what's the first

(32:34):
thing men say, Like, if you ask a man if
he could be a woman for a day, what would
he do. It's gonna be selling at box. Yes, they
don't always want to sell at pussy. They already know
that it's worth something. They just want to trick you
into thinking.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
Me, no, that's not how that words. Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
They use the box, so you have to pay the
usage tax. That is just just it is what it is, right.
It don't make you no goal digger, I hate that term. Yeah,
and they digging your goal listen. Okay? So peace versus chaos? Okay.
I have been with some very unpeaceful men and if
you ask any man, they always want peace. But they don't.

(33:20):
They just they're not peaceful. Right, So you want somebody
who makes you feel good. That's just not even in
relationships with you know, your significant other, even your family.
Who wants to go around somebody that drags their energy
in a minute, they step in the room, you step
in the house, and you can feel how heavy it is,
how he wants to be around that. So you want
to be a delight and you want to be with

(33:41):
someone that is also delightful.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Right that part? Yeah, so peace versus chaos is huge boundaries.
Respect you. I think that's a you thing and not
another person thing, because the first person who gotta respect
your boundaries is you.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Mm hmm. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
That's something I had to learn because I said clear boundaries,
and then as soon as I like somebody, the shit
just get soft and bendable and foldable and then non
existent exactly. And then if I had tuk to my boundaries,
I wouldn't end up in so many situations that were
in alignment with what I needed.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
So, and men want boundaries just like kids. Okay, so
your boundaries should be unwavering. They should not twist and fold.
And it is about having boundaries and like compromising, like
to me, like, that's that's two different things, right. A
lot of the boundaries that women have, men also have
those boundaries, and guess what, they're not letting you cross
them to fuck up out of here at the minute

(34:45):
they see some shit they don't like. So we need
to in that way, we need to move like men.
It's just thinks that men are not dealing with like
cheating and they're not dealing with that, so why are we.
So if you have your boundaries, stick to them, because
somebody who really loves and appreciates you do not mind boundaries.
The only person who mind boundaries are habitual linesteppers. Get

(35:07):
them to fuck up out your life effort.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Inconsistency ain't nothing worse than a nigga of what you
a wyd that's it? Like don't wyd me to death
and then I tell you what I'm doing and then
you get missing and then come back again later wyd wory,
fuck you leave me.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Alone because what are you doing? Are you just trying
to keep in contact really, like just in case? I
ain't know, just in case, So don't be trying to
keep up with me, Like well no, just that's not communication.
That's not engaging at all. Like, girl, I hit you
every day wyd me to death at texting is not
talking to me. Even if we text all day long,

(35:52):
we didn't talk. So if I'm with you or you're
interested in me, and you just text me every day
and we never hear each other voice or see each other,
you don't talk to me. I don't know you. You
cannot get to know anybody via text message. You got
to pick up the phone and call me. And I
don't know of that. I don't. I know the younger,
younger people, they probably okay with texting all day long.

(36:13):
But I'd be wanting to throw my fucking phone if
somebody texting me paragraphs. I'm not I'm sending voice notes back.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
But you the baby bear Porridge like, don't text me,
don't text me short, but don't text me long either, baby.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
No, just call? Yeah, yeah, just call or send a
voice note if you don't.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
I never mind that all day.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah, I don't mind that as long as we're communicating,
cause sometimes.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Communication to me, it's really not like if the text
messages are not followed up with a phone call at
some point throughout the day, we never spoke.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
Have you never had somebody sent you a text message
that was so sweet that you read it over and
over again.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
Absolutely, but still follow up with a phone call. I
like text messages. I can go back to you know,
nice sweet ones. Y'all know what I'm playing. Player my guy,
I sent him like you know how you could do
like uh like the virtual e cards. I sent him
a nice e card that he says he can't stop reading.

(37:16):
I'm not telling y'all what I said in there. I
said the game coach, I got the nigga.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
I know that because player you already had the nigga.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
There's a difference between having and keeping. Now, I said,
I kept. I kept the nigga. Okay, then you gotta
have effort to y'all. Gotta do like little stuff too.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
That's what I was telling one of my friends, Like
she just thinks like the guy is supposed to do everything.
I was like, well, you have to make him feel
like you're interested in him too, Like it's not one sided.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yea, you gotta be funny.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
Why would he keep doing the things if you're not
making him feel nothing?

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Right, everybody wants the reciprocation everybody, So by the nigga,
A drink it too, by something nice too. I never understand.
I think women do be buying me shit. I don't
know what these men be talking about. If you never
had a woman do something nice for you, then that
dick ain't hitting.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
One of my friends her man was deployed, and you
know they were trying to find ways to like keep
their energy and their spark. So once some nights, they
would like get on a movie together and press play
at the exact same time so they could like listen
to the movie and they would both have popcorn and
they would watch the movie together. And then one time

(38:34):
she sent him one of you know those three d legos,
same ones, and they built it together over FaceTime. Like
I thought that was cute.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Costco got them. They got some roses, now, like yep,
that's what it was.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
That was it was a rose and it was like Valentine.
So they didn't the effort.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Women, You gotta put forth effort too, Okay.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
I love making niggas books, and it don't be like
coupon books. For like some of it be real shit,
like like I'll get put a gift card to like
one of their favorite stores in there. But then I
also I'll make personal gift coupon's, like all my niggas
get to shut the fuck up, give coupon on Valentine's
Day and they redeem it at any time.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
That's cute.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
Put that shit on the table. I would close my
mouth about whatever do.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
For how long though my coupon got that shit expired early?
You got and my my coupon's gonna have expiration day,
so you better use that shit quick.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
No, they don't expire, but once you redeem it, you
can't use it twice, so you better make sure it's
worth it for me to be quiet, it'll be a
shut the fuck up or kuchi kuhan.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
This coupon has already been scanned. That should happened to
me one day in Sally's, y'all. Was in Sally's, so
fuck I let my homegirl use a coupon that came
to my phone. I thought it was transferable. I had
so much it in my car. I'm thinking I'm getting
fifty percent of all this shit. That girl was like, oh,
this coupona's already scanned. I like to cry, and Sally's okay,
He's in there for like an hour.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
No, I got a story like so embarrassing, y'all. So
this nigga had sent me I feel like I tell y'all,
he sent me some leave a time boots and they
were the wrong. Like I went, I took him back
and then Louis told me these ain't real like what.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
A man can get.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
All him been cussed about so bad for embarrassing me
like that. You try to trick me.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
Yeah, that's where he was, where he got him from.
He might have bought him off eBay if anything.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
He said his homeboy bought him for his girl and
they broke up and he bought him from him. That's
what he told me. That was probably a lie. He
probably got it off the side of the road.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Somewhere Chinese shop, Canal Street.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
But they were good replicas though, because I was I
thought they were real. I would have never gone into
nobody's Louis store with no fake shoes.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
That's grounds for termination.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Man, Oh, he got terminated, all right.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
So the grading scale, so there's a there's a grading scale.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
So yeah, when you get to your nigga, I want
you to look at him and really analyze and write
down your pros and cons and then you're gonna grade
him on this scale. So A would be elite. So
that means this man is doing all the things. He
has energy, stability, and consistency, b grown, but not a line.

(41:48):
He's good, but he's a right now great, but you're
not sure if it's long term.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
So basically he's lacking lacking consistency. Like every once in
a while you see some bullshit.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Or it may not be like just consistency. It might
be he's not as peaceful as you need, or maybe
he's not financially growing in the way that you see
fit for future or shit like that, or he a
habitual boundary crosser, yeah, something like like no, he doesn't
like no, or a seasonal like what I got going

(42:22):
on right now. He's fun okay, short term but not serious.
Just a winner as soon as you throw out.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
A lot of times, most people in your life are seasonal,
but we be trying to give them permanent positions like
and I think that's where black women suck up because
we never dated as kids. We don't know when it
lets somebody get like let him go, the season is
over with you. Hopefully you learned what you needed to learn.
What I learned recently, though, is that dating is so important.

(42:55):
And when I say dating, I mean like without sex,
just getting to know different people so you could then
know what you like and what you don't like because
you don't want to. You have women who have only
been in two three relationships their whole lives, and when
they get into the next new relationship, they start seeing
some shit like you thought you were good because this
person wasn't displaying the bullshit the last person was. But

(43:17):
now you've now discovered more shit that you need to
set a boundary about. You know, you've discovered, now having
dealt with this new person, some other shit you don't like.
So that is importance of dating, so you can get
all this. I learned a lot of things. I learned
a lot of things about myself, about what I want
and what I don't want in a relationship. A lot

(43:37):
of things I needed to change. But you can't learn
those things until you be in the thing.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
I have a client who has been with her husband
since she was fourteen. He's thirty seven now. He was
her first, he was her only, and every time she
come to get her hair done, she talked to me
about how she want to try some different dick, very
hair boy man. And I'd be like, because I'm not

(44:07):
gonna advise anybody to go out and teat on their husband.
That's never gonna be my advice.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, not husbands.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
I can't. I can't, you know, with good, good conscious
and now it was your boyfriend, I might suggest you
see what's out there, but right I'm not suggesting that
to a married woman. So I just listen oftentimes, and
those appointments, I just listen and I'll help try to
help you come up with what you already want.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
That's what therapists do, right, Oh is that really?

Speaker 2 (44:39):
Yeah? And I feel like it could be a conversation.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Right, But if you're with somebody who you can't talk
about your like those are natural feelings, that those feelings
are not abnormal because I bet you he's acted on
his already. Yeah, you see what I'm saying. So, women,
we a lot of times we are more loyal to
a default than men are, Like we have a little
bit more self control. And I don't know that she

(45:03):
should talk to him. Maybe if she does, she should
say it in therapy with him. Right, Hey, I've been
having these feelings. You might not want to talk to
talk about that shit like on a Saturday night while
all at the house just chilling. Like he may not
receive it. He may men all he's gonna automatically go
to like, oh, this dick ain't good enough.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
No, I just.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
I know I could get fucked different, right, my friends
tell me how they be getting fucked up. You've never
pulled my hair, okay, you never choked me like.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
You do the same shit, right, and I want to
just try something different one time, just one time, that's
what she always say. Yeah, but you know it don't
never be one time.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
Yeah, well no, that is Pandora's box. You know. This
is like, that's like fucking without a condom for the
first time. That's the worst thing you could have ever done,
because how do you go back, right, It's hard to
go back. So I don't know. I don't know how
she gonna you you a good person, not a married woman,
because I had I had a conversation recently with a

(46:06):
married friend and I'm like, listen, I'm not telling you
to leave your husband. And I was in her wedding,
and I feel like it's the people who are closest
to you who were like in your wedding. Shit, they
are the people who are supposed to keep you and
your partner together, actually, right, those are the people you're
supposed to counsel with when shit fucked up, and they
help guide y'all. Right, So I'm definitely not telling you

(46:26):
to leave your fucking husband, but you gotta have serious conversations, right,
And he just got to see you making moves and
doing something different because I think a lot of times
men just get too familiar, They get too comfort and
they think shit can change. Until it does, you start
losing weight and not giving a fuck. I send some

(46:49):
flowers to her house? Who by homegirl said, I'm gonna
send some flowers to your house because I'm trying to
figure out why this is nigga, don't think you the ship?

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Yeah? Or who forgot? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:00):
Exactly, I'm sending you some flowers from secret mire, right, girl,
were you fucking to kill my friend? I ain't doing this.
Then cannot take the type of shit they be doing
to people. They cannot take what they dish ever.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
All right, So then the next one. If you look
at your man right now, is he d draining you?
Emotionally unavailable and inconsistent.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
Take a look.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Just steer at him right now. Don't tell him what
you're thinking about, but think about this checklist.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Don't even look at him. Look at an old picture
you on Instagram and go look in the mirror.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Bitch.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
If you're looking five years older, you're somebody stealing your
damn energy. Okay, but don't look at a picture from
five years ago, because you're supposed to look five years
older Now, don't blame that nigga because you look really.
I mean, if you are five years older, you might
look five years older.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
And it don't have nothing to do with the nigga.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
I don't watch you like I look five years older.
I feel like I looked so old in a relationship
with a nigga who I was engaged. I looked and
felt so old in our relationship, and I don't feel
like that anymore. Yeah. Like, I literally feel like somebody
was like sucking the life out of me. Damn. So
that's what I mean. Yeah Like, And he was getting younger,
and he would make jokes about it too. He would

(48:15):
make jokes saying I look older than him. Imagine that.
So he was definitely stealing. He was stealing from your Yeah,
then f removed from roster. This was chaos, low emotional intelligence.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
If you guys was.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
Thinking about this, go ahead, sorry.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Great, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
No I was. I was thinking the other day, y'all.
When I lose friendships, it does make me sad. I
was saying that the other day, and one of them,
and I think about my friends often, right, my ex friends.
So one of my homegirls, one of my ex friends.
I just remember like her having me on speakerphone, like
in the car with her and her man, and he
would be like the fuck up. I'm like, why the
fuck are you.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Talking to my friend like that? Are you stupid? Right?

Speaker 1 (49:04):
But when her and I, when our friendship ended, she
was saying that I always be She said, I always
disrespect her. She's married to this nigga. Now, I've never
disrespected you because obviously you don't know what disrespect is, right, right,
because that nigga would be talking and treating you so greasy.
But the amount of grace that we give these men
versus like your home, Like, I don't know what she

(49:26):
considered disrespect, but I never told you to shut the
fuck up. Yeah, in front of your best friend or
in front of your man, or in front of whoever.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
In front of anybody. Yeah, that's wow. So you got
a person talking, and if you're talking to your partner
like that, you need to check that shit too, Like.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
It's time to get out of there. You don't.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
You don't have no respect for him no more, or
him or her no more. So it's time to go.
Once you started telling the nigga shut the fuck up.
And if you calling your nigga bitch every time you
get mad at him, girl, just leave that man.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
I would call mine a son of a bitch, and
he would get so angry because his mom was dead,
and you knew that. Yes, I might have called him
a son of a bitch three times, and when I did,
it was with much intent and I knew how much
he hate that. But I'm not really calling your mama bitch.
I'm really just calling you a bitch like and you

(50:19):
acting like a bitch ass nigga. But if you want
to take it that way, and I know it gets
under your skin, but you.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
Didn't call him a bitch. You said you're a son
of a bitch.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
Same thing, because that's why you act like, why you
act like that. Your mama allowed this type of behavior.
And now here I am trying to course correct and
raise a man. Now I'm trying to like, that's not right.
You can't let me tell y'all the last time I
called him a son of a bitch. Okay, just right quick.
When I cook, I expect you to eat immediately. You

(50:51):
can't be walking around the house saying you hungry. As
soon as I put the food out, you letting the food,
this good old food I cook for you get cold?
That is so disrespectful, special out food, hot tea yeah,
especially by card out time. Because I like, if I
cook for you, like I want you to eat it fresh, right,
I want you to really taste it. It's like a
love language for me. Right, So if I got to

(51:13):
warm your food up, it's not going to microwave. I'm
literally gonna recook that shit on the stove or put
in an oven. I made his nag a gold mid
gourmet fucking burger. He would not eat that shit immediately, girl,
And I kept asking, you're not gonna eat? Like hour
went by. I was like, you're not gonna eat that
burger like I had to start work. I just made
it for you. Then motherfucker got so mad. He took
a bite of that burger and he balled it up

(51:34):
on his plate. He baled the burger up on his plate.
He took one bite and balled it up on the plate.
Because this was a constant, constant thing. I'd cook for
him and he would not eat immediately, Like you were
so hungry and I cook and you don't eat, Like,
what's up? He bought? Girl, I took the whole plate,
real plate and slam dunk that bitch in the trash.

(51:54):
Can I say you son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
But you gotta be mad? Is he on a ball
up a hamburger your head?

Speaker 1 (52:01):
You're mad because your girl made you a burger from scratch,
ground beef with the fucking lifting onion souping a mouth,
cut up peppers and onions on a Hawaiian bum with
honey butter. I made with honey and butter, grilled your
bread on the stove. Put your burger together with's a
real Kobe Jack cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and onions. And you

(52:21):
don't eat that shit? And you balling up on a
plate after one? You don't deserve another meal for me, bitch.
And that might have been the last time I cooked
for him, balling up a burger. I wish I could
have seen it, because your nigga doing that type of shit.
Get him out of here. You're mad at it wrong,
Lambon refrigerators because you come home and I'm on to
form my homegirl. Instead of saying you need some attention,

(52:41):
you need a hug. You want to talk to me
about something. You're walking around the house slamming shit that's
another thing. Get those type of people out of your
life because their maniacs. Yeah, don't wait, don't use his
childhood trauma to justify that stupid ass behavior, because that
is not how healthy adults act.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
All right, So here's when to cancel excess when the
person is setting unclear intentions. If you just consistently don't
know where y'all staying, get on true, they're playing with you.
M This is a big one, y'all. Stop fucking with

(53:19):
niggas with poor hygiene and messy habits. They gonna contaminate
your body. If you have sex with a man and
your face immediately break out every time you fuck him,
Leave that man alone. That is your body telling you
that this man is not clean for your body. He is.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Cuci the bacteria in your kouchie will try to fight
off the bad bacteria. But if he is always contaminating
your shit is because there's cross contamination happening. He's mixing
you up with somebody else. He probably smashing it could
be a butthole.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Get out of there right. If you with you every
time you have sex with somebody, away from that man.
And I know our vaginas are sensitive. It got more
sensitive the older I got. Don't I don't be just
having a bunch of sex. So now like my kuci
be so great and just smell good and clean. You
had sex with a nigga. Now you in the grocery

(54:17):
store trying to get some food, your couchie itching down
the aisle.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
Yo. I remember one time I had I had a
uast infection, and this is how I found out. I
was alertic to sofa drugs. Right, I had a uast
infection and the damn doctor prescribe me a yeast infection
medicine that has sofa in it. So now not only
is my couchie itching so bad, my entire body is

(54:43):
hive broken out in hives.

Speaker 2 (54:45):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
When I tell you, I was in the bad crying, yes, crying.
It's bad.

Speaker 2 (54:53):
Body bad. Damn man.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
You gotta learn your body.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Man.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
It take a while, though it does.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
It does take a while to understand your body fully.
But y'all, I'm just saying that walking down the grocery
store because I remember that happening to me. I was like,
I got I can't even grocery shop. I gotta go home.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
Damn you outside to tell what that itchy, cuchie, cuchie
like a one fuer I got to go home, little girl. Yeah,
and if y'all, I know y'all had it happen before.
If you out here living vagina, yo, pussy has itched.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Inconsistent communication.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, that's some text. That's what I was talking about.
The text like that, texting me is not communication. I
gotta talk to you.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
I don't mind that. As long as you articulate what
you're feeling, we can do it through text. Because some people,
what do you mean, Like we don't talk on the
phone at all in the day.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Yeah, like three days we haven't talked. We just text.
Two days is too long? Like what the fuck is happening?

Speaker 2 (55:59):
Yeah, okay, that's fair.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
Yeah, like even twenty four hours. So this like today
the guy you're talking to, y'all only texts today, that's it,
and then tomorrow year you might talk to them, Like
what happened yesterday? We didn't we didn't talk. Yeah, we texted,
but we didn't talk. Yeah, I don't. I don't think that's.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Really because I don't be like, damn, I don't be
talking to you every day.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
I need to hear your voice every if we together.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
Oh, if we're a couple, I feel I.

Speaker 1 (56:31):
Need to hear your voice every day because you skip
a day. Niggas Yeah, planning your replacement, I.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
Think because I have dealt with military and deployment and
sometimes you can't get on the phone in every day.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
So like, okay, so then you know those Yeah, but
if I know your routine, where you've been at yesterday? Yeah,
we was texting, but what No, that don't work for me.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Okay, then here's the signs that he should be permanently removed.
You feel like his mother. That's a big one. I
know it's a lot of y'all listening. If you feel
like you got not just the kids you bore, but
your man is one of your kids too.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Absolutely, I feel like I have definitely experienced that in life,
and I don't have time to teach a grown man
at this big age anything. Actually, you know, I don't
expect you to know everything because I don't know everything.
But if I find that I'm having to my mama
always say I got the pussy and a dick. I

(57:33):
don't ever want to be saying that at seventy something
years old. So I'm nipping that shit in the bud
right now, I am a woman, Okay, I know how
to do a lot of things. I need to fix cards.
I fix it in the house. I am a problem solver.
I am just super mechanically inclined, and I want somebody
the same way, because I'll be damn if I'm be
carrying the whole household.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
So do you feel like you gild me and my
friend we're talking about this. It's like I was talking
to this guy recently and I wasn't sure that we
were compatible, but I did admire the fact that he
knew how to do shit with his hands, Like he
could put shit together and build ship and lay sh
it down. And that's a fair I was saying how

(58:17):
attractive that is for me, because oftentimes I meet men
who just know how to pay people to do stuff
they don't. They can't physically do nothing with their hands.
The only thing they know how to do with their
hands is beat they dick, and that is it? So
soft ass hands.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
I like a man with soft hands, But why are
your hands softer than mind? Right, you'll do nothing manual,
you'll do nothing physical.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
I like dirty men, Yes I do. That's not scared
to get dirty manly.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Shit like Nigga go chop Wooden please. So yeah, if
I'm I don't want to ever feel like I'm mothering
and teaching and it just has to be like you
gotta be as smart as me or smarter.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Yeah, it is what it is. But sometimes, can I
be honest? I do like the mommy and nigga a
little bit. Is that bad? Not? Like I don't want
to like replace your mom in that type of.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Yeah, I like to lie even easier to cater to
a man who works hard and who does things. You
just want to take care of them because they just
was doing all these I like doing.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
All that nurture and like you know that's my I do.
So I don't know if that might be.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
If you got to call does that make me concision? No,
like if you got to call me to make a
decision about everything. You can't make no decisions on your own? Yeah, No,
that's you can't make no decisions for the both of us.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
No, I don't like it. I can I feel like
I may steering my own ship for so long, Come
and steer this ship, Like, let me sit in this
soft girl energy and trust that you can decide something
without me. Yeah, my man got it. Yeah, I want
to say that me too. This is like, y'all, this

(01:00:03):
is my ninth Christmas.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Single, girl, y'all, let me tell y'all, she could say
that ship. Do not feel bad for that bitch because
she could definitely have a nigga for Christmas, all nine
of them years. Okay, learn your nigga at make a decision.
Choose one and see what's happening. Jo, We ain't going
for that song and buy myself for Christmas?

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
What do the lowly dude better?

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
Stay getting a gift?

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
Bitch? Beat it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
I didn't say I didn't have gifts for Christmas. You're
getting all these gifts in your single. See next.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Next, let's go to the big segment.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
Nigga be choked?

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
All right, These are some grown woman questions to ask yourself.
All right, do I feel emotionally safe? Do you feel
emotionally safe right now in your relationship? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
Absolutely, I definitely have. And this is consideration is my
love language. I definitely have somebody who considers me, and
really that trumps all love languages, because once somebody considers you,
everything they do is going to be around you. Right.

(01:01:18):
They want to make sure not coddling your feelings, but
they don't want to hurt you. If somebody can easily
hurt you, that's not a safe space. Like he's not
thinking about how this thing is going to make you
feel before he does it. He's just going to do it.
It's like you know how they say asks for forgiveness
instead of permission. This is what men do oftentimes, and

(01:01:38):
they think you're supposed to love them unconditionally like their
mother does. No, nigga, absolutely not, because men do not
men men their love comes with conditions for surely, So
we need to be more like that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
All right, So I want y'all to write these questions
down and answer them for yourself, Like, seriously, so do
I feel emotionally safe? Am I chasing managing and mothering him?
Don't chase the relationship you might fuck Run and get
it and realize why you wasn't supposed to be in
it in the first place. At this point, it should
come very easy. Relationships are not as hard as people

(01:02:14):
make it out to be. It's not because just two
people considering each other. I just think you gotta way.
I mean, because it ain't gonna be peaches and cream
all the time, that's just not reality. But if the
bad is outweighing the good heavily, then you know you're

(01:02:35):
doing too much, all right. The next one, does he
nourish or deplete?

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
Me?

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Mm hmm?

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
Do you feel energized around him?

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):
Do you feel full?

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Like you're walking on eggshells? Like you can't say nothing?
That's just straight turmoil. He's causing you mental anguish.

Speaker 2 (01:02:54):
Next question, right now? Do words match actions?

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Like I was saying, stop listening to what these men
say when they are literally doing the total You see
what he's doing. But he's telling you he loves you. Honestly,
y'all have a different definition of what love is.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
I hope y'all are right now these questions and you're
answering yes, yes, yes to all of them. I hope
y'all are in such a healthy space with someone. But
we know it's some of y'all writing this down and
then they ain't been a yes ye. It is he disciplined,
so right there down he is that nigga's discipline or
is that woman disciplined?

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
I need somebody that's more disciplined than me to encourage
me to be more disciplined. You can't be as fucking
lazy and undisciplined as I am.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
That's why I'm getting away. Because me and my little
friend we be eating. We watched the TV and eating.
I mean, they're cooking all the things I have made
so many different types of soups, have made all the
soups from scratch, though, And that's fun.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
It's fun. But y'all got to work out.

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
Yeah, all right, So then does he pull the grown
woman out of me or the little girl?

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
I want both?

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
Oh yeah, that's all I'm about to say. I don't know,
because I think both of those are necessary.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Yeah, I want to feel like a little you just
feel like, you know, I realize when you really really
love somebody or you know, like this is how you
realize you know you're in a good relationship. In my
from my perspective, you know you're in a good relationship
when you're you're not worrying about if this person is cheating,
if they're lying or whatever. You literally worry about them dying.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
That is what scares me the most in my current relationship.
I'd be like, like what if God, like what like
what if something were to happen in some motherfucker, like
I would be devastated. That's how good the relationship is.

Speaker 2 (01:04:53):
Yeah, but don't put that in the energy out whatever's going.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
I don't think neither one of us is like scared
of going, you know, mortality. So I'm definitely not putting
that out. But I just that is what scares me.
I don't be thinking about if you cheating, if you're talking.
I don't give a fuck about none of that shit.
I just need you to be existing forever. That's how
I feel.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
All it's kind of sweet, kind of right into the park.
All right, all right, So this is the last segment
the grown woman exit strategy. All right, So we want
to if you're not happy, if you answer those questions
and there was more nose than yes', then you got

(01:05:38):
to learn how to gracefully remove men from your life.

Speaker 1 (01:05:43):
Absolutely. I made a mistake in a relationship by telling
the man that I was leaving, and it was one
of the craziest, most reckless, just experiences I've ever had.
Leave quietly m hm, especially if y'all ain't married or
what she's like.

Speaker 2 (01:06:03):
That just cold turkey. Get the fuck.

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
It's no explaining like they know why you're leaving. When
you do, you don't have to make a big announcement.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Because half the time you don't tell him a thousand times.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
At this point exactly. Yeah, so just get out of there.
And I think a lot of times women leave mentally
before they leave physically anyway. But I think when we
do say we're leaving. I guess I had to tell
a nigga he was leaving because his kid was at
the house with me, but I called it the baby mama, like, hey,
I'm about to drop your boy off. Okay, I gotta
go to Charleston, and I packed up all my shit.

Speaker 2 (01:06:37):
I don't think you should like unless than they's like
physically harming you. I don't know if you should just
you he come home and it's just a hanger.

Speaker 1 (01:06:45):
In the closet and that though you don't know if
he gonna physically harm you or not. I didn't know
that day was gonna get that stupid yeah you know, yeah, personnel,
there you go.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
You got to quietly and then like that because I
was just I I think I'd be really devastated if
I was in a relationship with someone and I come
home and all their shit is just gone.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
That is how you force changing some people Right now,
you should feel good. Men learn from consequences, like I said,
and he's gonna learn from the hurt of being left
in that way, and he is going to do the
next woman good better. Just just be happy that you
were able to pay it forward and give the next
bitch a refurbished nigga, and hopefully somebody pays it forward

(01:07:31):
to you in the future. Okay, hurt a nigga so
bad that he's so good to you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:36):
I mean, I get that, I get that, But if
nobody leave me like that, I ain't gonna lie. I
might crash out.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
Really, what do you do though, you and not say nothing?
You could have just told me you wanted to separate.
Sometimes you what the next one say? No unnecessary explanations
like you said. This person probably I told you a
million times. You knew deep down in your heart this

(01:08:05):
shit was coming. I can't see.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
I just can't imagine somebody doing that to me because
I'd be so loving and why would you do that
to me? You know?

Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
But if you know you've been fucking up this entire relationship,
you come home for work and she's gone, you probably
deserve it. Yeah, because women only need one reason to stay.
So somebody does leave you in that way, you did
some things.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
Yeah too, This is the truth. M H, keep it
clean and prime. M this is a line for me anymore.
I wish you the best, smooth and that's it. That's it,
that's all. If you start doing too much talking, you're
really not ready to go, you might as well put
your stuff back in the closet. Exactly. Yeah, yep.

Speaker 1 (01:08:50):
I think we always know, right, We always know who's
best for us. Sometimes we even overlook the guy who's
best for us while we're chasing. There's no good ass
do because it's just something about him. And what it
is is the unattainability. That is what you're attracted to.
You're attracted to him being inconsistent. It draws you in
even more. You're attracted to the drama, right, the makeup

(01:09:12):
and breakup is what keeps you there.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
That is fuck like.

Speaker 1 (01:09:15):
That's just basically like Instagram like, dopamine levels is rising
and lower and rising and Lauren, so your body is
constantly confused with this person and it could be feeling
like a turn on dude. That is all toxic behavior
in a relationship. All that shit is toxic as fucked.
Relationships should not be that hard, man. I used to
think they were. I used to think that you had

(01:09:37):
to struggle with your partner to get to a good
whole place with him, to where like maybe I could
give a nigga my cell phone nowadays, because I got
shit going on, Like you know what I'm saying, Like
I always had one foot in the door and one
foot out because of how I was being treated. But
if you're being treated well, like everything in your life
should get better. Everything on, y'all? Everything is that your

(01:10:02):
last last I feel like that was, but yeah, that
is what's the girl to see it on Instagram? She
was like, I'm telling you what I uh what she said.
She always saying she ain't telling you what I something.
I'm telling you what I know or something. She'd be saying, Yeah,
I'm telling you what I know. Okay, it gets better.
That nigga is not the best you'll ever have, promise.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
You unless he is, Unless you're with the best you
ever had and your answers are happy and yes, yes, yes,
don't leave the make you better out there. Yeah, but
you know that's what some people be slow and they'd
be like a said it's better than you unless, like
I said, people, who fuck would you hear you different?

Speaker 1 (01:10:45):
Because there's no way you could have heard that, and
if you did, I don't know. I'm not explaining myself,
and I also want people to know I am forty
fucking one. The example of what I'm saying is that
we be talking, and I know people probably feel like
it's mothering a little bit, right because we all did
all the dumb shit like that's the premise of this podcast.

(01:11:07):
You got to grow at some point. So now if
you feel like I'm forcing you to grow by the
shit I be talking, re evaluate your damn self. They
don't have nothing to do with what I'm saying, because
I bet you and in the next couple of years
you'll understand what it was that I was saying once
you have the experience. But it's almost feeling like somebody
talking down to you. I guess I don't know, and

(01:11:30):
that is not what this is.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
Bitch.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
I've been a dumb bitch a lot of times in life. Ok,
it's okay, we're all here is we're all here for
the first time, So say my, that's the thing I
died in the in the seventies.

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
I know that, but AJ Holliday, this is her first
time in this time.

Speaker 1 (01:11:52):
But I do be remembering. You don't be remembering stuff
from your last life.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
I do. I be feeling like I remember stuff, but
I don't know if it's like just something I seen
on TV in my subconscious mind that is making me
thinking something from our life.

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
That's the thing, man, that'd be the god body like
you know shit, because that's what that inner knowing is.
It ain't come from having to actually experience it this lifetime.
That shit is coming through your DNA, that shit is
coming through your bloodline. That shit is coming from another time.
That shit might be coming from you existing in another universe.

Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
That's right now.

Speaker 1 (01:12:23):
Anyway exactly, it's coming from somewhere.

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
You ain't make it up. I'm trying to quantum jump
be doing that shit. Yeah all right, y'all, I ain't
got no last last Just like if you happy stay,
if you ain't go, that's it immediately the same episode
allR y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:12:43):
So if I'll enjoyed it, y'all, tune in every Thursday
on a Black Effect iHeartRadio app wherever the fuck you
get your podcasts at this is your co hosts aj
Holiday two point oh, and because I feel good today,
I love y'all. I'll say it verbally if y'all got
to the very end of the episode. It's not like
I don't love people.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
I have never loved it. So five years y'all. She
hear that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:10):
That's a mental illness.

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
Yeah, you do love y'all. She loved y'all this whole time.
I knew it. You're so stupid. Take you damn. I
love y'all. Yeah, I do. Offici Instagram, y'all follow me,
follow we Talk Back podcast on Instagram. We love y'all,
she said it. We love y'all so muchly do appreciate

(01:13:35):
y'all for listening and sending us dms and be and
our sisters and this. We've been doing this for five years,
about to be coming up on six or six years,
and y'all been rocking with us. Y'all seeing us, y'all,
watching us change and grow every day, you know, be
becoming better versions of ourselves, and hopefully you're doing the
same right along with us. That's the whole point. So

(01:13:57):
thank you so much. I love y'all. Remember speak now and.

Speaker 1 (01:14:02):
Hold your piece. Coven it and don't let nobody take
it from you, no right. We talk Back podcast is
the production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.