October 21, 2025 • 37 mins
Deedee has been a pastor for decades, preaching faith, healing, and God’s love to her congregation. But behind closed doors, she was secretly struggling with a battle that didn’t have anything to do with her sermons, but everything to do with food.
For decades, food felt like her hidden demon—something she couldn’t conquer no matter how much she prayed or tried to “willpower” her way through. Despite her deep-rooted faith and dedication to serving others, food seemed to have a stronghold on her life, leaving her feeling ashamed, defeated, and disconnected.
Even though she was pouring herself out for everyone around her, she often felt empty and isolated—especially when it came to her own health and relationship with food. But everything changed when Deedee made the brave choice to invite God into this part of her life, too. She realized that her struggles with food were deeply intertwined with her relationship with God.
As you’ll hear in this powerful episode, healing her relationship with food not only freed her from decades of shame and pain—it also allowed her to experience a closeness with God that she’d been seeking for so long. Her faith deepened, her heart softened, and she became a more powerful vessel for God’s love—both for herself and for those she leads.
Today, Deedee is not only free from food’s grip—she’s living a life filled with peace, joy, and a renewed sense of purpose. If you’ve ever felt like your struggles are too insignificant or too shameful to bring to God, Deedee’s story is proof that no area of your life is too small—or too big—for God’s love and grace.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
Follow Leanne on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leanneellington/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Not here to preach, want to keep the clean.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And talk to me and recad where faith needstoves nature.
Get in touch with your creat with a vagul love
and jew She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
What's done? Gotza? What's that? There's a sabosation? You should
talking transformation, what's gone Gonzato? It's leanne Here and what.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
You're about to hear are real stories from real women
who not only face their deepest struggles with food in
their bodies, but also chose to invite God into their
journey of healing. These women have battled their demons in
embrace their faith and found freedom on the other side.
These are the raw, unfiltered journeys of women just like you,
(01:08):
once trapped in mental prisons, caught in the endless cycle
of food obsession, and weighed down by feelings of failure
and shame. And I'm sharing these with you today because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out, especially when you welcome God into the process.
(01:28):
So if you're feeling broken or lost or like you're
the only one who struggles with this. You are not
You're not alone, and you are definitely not beyond hope
or healing. These stories are living proof that true transformation
is possible when you invite God to be part of
your healing. I hope they inspire you to see what's
(01:48):
possible for yourself.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
So let's dive on in. Well, Hello, we are back
for another case study, and I'm so looking forward to
this one. First of all, Hello d D Welcome.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Hello, good to see you.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So glad to have you here. We were just talking
before we hit record. I love these case stories because
it gives anyone who's on the other side of this,
who is in their own food and body prison, it
feels very lonely, it feels very daunting. We think things like,
oh my gosh, I'm the only person that struggles like this,
or my brain is so broken, nobody would ever understand me,
and then we end up also having shame about our
(02:23):
shame because we think we're not supposed to have it,
or we think we're supposed to be smart enough to
get past it. And so these case studies are a
really powerful way to just, you know, help people understand
what is possible and also speak into what you're currently
experiencing and know that you're so not alone. And this
is a special circumstance because DEDI also happens to be
a pastor. We've talked before about how the faith part
(02:45):
of our journey crosses, because you can't talk about self
image and identity if faith is part of your life
without crossing. The faith has them right, and so you know,
I was just so impressed by did from the second
we connected over the phone, where she was just like, Hey,
I'm not too proud to admit, like this is the
thing for me. This is that area of my life
that has has a stronghold over me and it's been
(03:06):
like this for decades and I'm ready to take ownership
of it. So we're going to just unpack and share
Dede's dirney and she's just so beautifully volunteered to be
an open book and share her experiences. So thank you
so much in advance for what is about to transpire. Absolutely,
let's just start off you kind of just share a
little bit of an overview of where you were when
we met. You know, what was your life like, what
(03:28):
was your relationship with food and your body, like, what
was your relationship with yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Like? So when I kind of stumbled upon you, I
had spent as a number of years really focusing a
lot on my body and my health. I had, probably
four years before that, almost five, had had a health
scare that pushed me to really take something seriously. And
(03:56):
so I had done a lot of great things as
far as changing the way I took care of myself,
changing the way I purchased food for my household, changed
the way I cooked, did a lot of those kind
of changes, and all of that had been good, and
I had lost weight, had come a long way with that.
(04:19):
But where I was trapped is I was always asking myself,
am I always going to have to live with this
sense of being on a plan or being on a program,
which is what I had been for a while, And
not that that had been bad. It had given me
(04:40):
some structure and some guidance for a while that I needed,
But to think about that in a sustainable fashion. I
was starting to question that and was trying to wrap
my head around how can I live like I need
to live without it feeling overwhelming and burdensome and always
(05:03):
feeling like I have to make negative choices, and I
mean that by choices of I can't have that, yeah,
or if that's not permitted, or if I do have that,
then I'm going to carry guilt about it. And so
I was pretty clear about those kind of feelings, and
that was starting to really kind of grade on me.
(05:25):
And I had began isolating very clearly in my behaviors
that food was my demon and that i'd allowed food
to become my best friend, and primarily sugar. And so
we were having this little tension going on of how
(05:45):
we were going to have this lasting relationship because it
wasn't going to go away, but how was I going
to live my life for the rest of my life
in some kind of peace and harmony, Because, yeah, I'm
a pastor, and that's something I preached about, you know,
is that we want to live our life with peace
and harmony and we want to and God, God speaks
(06:06):
about that, and that's what Jesus came to teach us.
And so yet I was always internally feeling this disruption
in my life, and that was this sense of the
way I fed myself, the way I looked at food,
and the way I interacted with it. So that's where
I was.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
What you say is just so poignant because anyone who's
been in this cycle they know how there is there's
one side of the coin, which is that restriction. Can't
have that, not allowed to have that. That's bad Carrie
Gilt all those things. Or it's the opposite where it's like, okay,
screw it right, hair free, abandonment, eat whenever I can incite.
And that's when food and sugar specifically almost becomes this like, yeah,
(06:45):
this dirty little secret that nobody knows about. But it
also feels like this drug. It's that demon. It's the
one thing that we feel like has this yeah, addictive
like pull on us. And it's interesting because you mentioned like, hey,
I preach about this stuff, but I wasn't living it.
What was that shame doing to you in terms of
your ability to feel you know, worthy of being a
pastor and talking about freedom and peace. How did that
(07:08):
impact your internal self image?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Well, I mean it was feeling like I lived a
double life. You know, even my own family. My husband
will tell to you he never saw me eat like that.
He didn't see me eat the whole back of Eminem's
or go to my favorite bakery and buy my favorite
cookies and eat them all. But it was the things
(07:31):
that were happening within the context of my job, often
and always in the context of relationship where I either
felt like I left someone down or I had been
hurt or misunderstood whatever countless things in a public role,
that I allowed those behaviors to soothe me in some way,
(07:53):
or at least I thought they were going to, and
all they did is harm me further, And then I
would just live in this vicious size goal of you know,
beating myself up or calling calling myself horrible things, you
stupid idiot? What are you?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I mean, you know better than this, just that kind
of demeaning language that I let my brain speak to me.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And with decades of this, it becomes this is just
who we think we are, you know. And you brought
up a really powerful point too. The Madrid Like one
of the questions I asked my clients I asked this too,
is like, hey, does your husband know what a big,
deep emotional struggle this is or do they think that
it's a matter of eating less and moving more? And
nine times out of ten they don't know, because first
of all, there is that secrecy, there's that shame. But
(08:34):
then also it's like, well, how do I explain a
problem to somebody who's never had this problem? How will
they get it right? And they don't need to get
it But opening up and sharing that it's part of
your life is just like a big breath of fresh air.
Even though even when you haven't solved it yet and
you went to talk to your husband, you know, it's
just like, Okay, now I'm calling it out. It's there.
There's not this stigma and I can actually get the
(08:55):
support that I need and feel free to just own that, Yeah,
this is this is just something I learned. So how
has your life changed as a result of going through
this program and going through this Process's what's different?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, it's been quite transforming as far as just enlightening
to recognize that I don't have to be like this.
I don't have to let my brain treat me this way.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yes it's such a good way. Yeah, your brain is
treating you like crap.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And that sense that I always figured was there could
be there. So that sense that I really can move
past this in a way that is helpful and healthy
really can happen. And it seems that it's been gradual.
It's nothing that's happened just immediate.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It wasn't any one thing, right, it was a bunch
of collective things.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, it's kind of as I look back and I go, oh, wow,
I'm not I'm not doing that anymore, or I'm not
thinking like that anymore, or whatever. And so that's been
kind of impressive. And I find myself realizing just how
powerful our brain is, which we know that, but I
remind myself all the time that just as I can
(10:09):
re wire my mind on a way I might think
about any other subject, any other thought that I might
have had, a religious thought, at theological thought, a psychological thought,
what any other thing, anyway that I can take in
information and learn something that then kind of changes my
(10:34):
point of view or my understanding of something. I can
do the same with the way my brain understands my
body and the way I feed myself and the way
I look at this food. That's kind of been the
mind blowing thing that's not prohibited.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Absolutely. I think when we're so stuck in the midst
of it and we're in the trenches, we think like,
there's no way that this will possibly be any different, right,
and then that's why we look to the outside things,
the food, the diet, gyms, the memberships, whatever it is, right,
And you're right. Just like we can change our mind
and our thoughts and our perception on anything, we can
do it with food in our bodies too. And that's
exactly what we did. And that's why I always tell
(11:14):
my clients from and you've heard me say this too,
I'm like, this stuff is not like sexy, right, It's
not this immediate gratification overnight. It is about teeny little
things with consistency, not intensity. It's really about the intent,
not the content, right, And it's about teaching your brain
to think a new way, make different. It's a new
decision making process. It's about learning a new language. And
(11:35):
it's like if somebody told me, Okay, you're going to
learn a new language in a week, I wouldn't believe them.
Like that's how learning language is. It's little by little,
layer by layer. First you learn the basis. Then you
learn how to conjugate the verbs. You know, and so
that's why it is and you know, you hear me
say it all the time. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, right,
And then all of a sudden, it's like, wow, I'm
not doing that. I was doing that for decades, and
(11:57):
I just witnessed myself not doing something that I've done
for decades. And then the first, you know, new thing happens,
and then you see the next thing and the next thing,
and then you see it happening again. You're not even
thinking about it because it's just become who you are.
It's so so powerful. So I get so excited.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah. Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, we've made
a move. And so when you move, you of course
you get rid of everything. You get rid of all
the food that you had in your other house because
you don't move with it, or at least we don't.
We try to either we try to eat it down,
or we just stop buying stuff and whatever. We give
stuff away. And so then we move to a new place,
(12:34):
and so you know, you like have to start over.
And any other time that I've moved, I'm like, oh,
you's a good store and stock up. We're not doing that.
We've slowly like, well, things that we need for that
day or that week or a couple of days. But
to think about like stockpiling my house with food has
(12:57):
not been a value.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Wow, and that interesting. It's like a straight up shift
from scarcity mindset of like I have to get it
all in now and I have to have it now
in the backup, and what if I'm hungry and things
to this apponan's mindset, everything will like I'll get what
I need because now I know how to take care
of myself. It's an interesting like those teeny little things
that you notice that you wouldn't have noticed if you've
moved to a different home. So so powerful. How has
(13:30):
this changed how you show up in your work and
as a pastor and now that you feel totally aligned
and authentic and you're free to like you're no longer
living this double life? How has that shown up for
you as you serve others?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I think it gives me greater clarity in who I am.
I'm not using up energy for that and using energy
for something greater. Yeah, pouring energy into something that means
far more than something that was tearing me down, that
would that took up a lot of time, right, So
it took up not only physical time, but it took
(14:04):
up emotional time, psychological time, all the.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Time, energy, motivational things.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, so when you're not giving into that, and so
now you have just a whole wealth the way that
your mind can open up, and and so the clarity
is different. And you know, so my my new job, Yeah,
it's it's crazy, ridiculous busy, but I'm not overwhelmed by that.
(14:33):
And so I'm able to just kind of live into
it and be present with it and value it and
pace myself and know when it's time to say, Okay,
you got to take a break, and I get to
manage that. And I'm not just dragging because I'm participating
in a behavior that was destructive.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah. And also, like the people pleasing, if you're not
so worried about like always constantly having to people please
and like grunting yourself ragged, that's no longer part of
your way of being neither, you know, So, how has
your relationship with the Lord transformed? Obviously you you, you
and God have always been tight, right, Yeah, but like
you know, obviously there's that gap when you're carrying around shame.
(15:16):
You feel like you're not living up to your true potential.
You're walking around this imposter syndrome because you feel like
you have a double life, Like there's going to be
a gap. So talk to us a little bit about
how your identity has been, you know, just kind of
filled those gaps in this capacity as well.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think really for me, my relationship with God has
become more of a partnering that the God is in
the chair next to me, Dad. It's very conversational. It's
a relationship that I've always yearned for. It's a relationship
that I often speak about that I think that's the
(15:51):
type of relationship God desires to have with us. It's
not you know, God's not up here and we're down here,
but it's it's leveling. I really feel that it's not
that I'm better than God or greater than God. It's
just that, you know, we we're co creators with God
in that God empowers us to live in this world
(16:13):
and empowers us to love people were called to love
and lead, and so that we're sent out to do that.
So that's that code creating part. And so I feel
that empowerment and I feel that ability then that my
relationship with God is really more conversational than has ever been,
(16:35):
and just God being able to point things out more clear,
and I'm not coming to God pleading. I was oftentimes
pleading with God to take this burden from me. I
think I might have even shared one time that how
many times in a service of some kind of I
(16:57):
don't know, Like in my true we often do times
when we release something that we want to give up, right,
And so how many times did I write on a
piece of paper or even nail it to the cross
or put it in some fire, whatever some action of
God take from me this burden of overeating or my
(17:20):
desire for sugar, or how many times in whatever fashion
of that. How many times are I write that on
his paper or right? Was that my action? And I
think what God has finally said to me is you
know I took that from you a long long time ago. Yeah,
and you just keep picking You just kept picking it
back up. And you know what, we're really good at that,
(17:42):
and we just what is so funny is I can't
tell you how many times I'm in a sermon or
in a worship service talked about laying our burdens down
at the foot of the cross. And then I'll say,
and don't pick it back up? What was I doing?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Oh my goodness? Yeah, And it's that old like I
sometimes God's waiting on us, and sometimes we're waiting on God.
It's like Okay, God's like I've been here, you know.
So what do you think it was? What was different
about this that allowed you to actually lay those burdens down?
What was different than anything that you've done in the
past about this time?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Maybe it was just my own spiritual maturity, which may
seem odd and strange, but you know, we're ever growing
in that and it has nothing to do with where
we are in our life. It's just a part of
who we are. And maybe if it was just my
own time being with that, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, I feel like a lot of times too, we
look back at our failures and we're like, oh, we're
so ashamed of them, and we call them failures, right,
but really they were just something that didn't work and
we needed to go through, you know, and it needed
to seat us and season us to become who we were.
So when you got your eye, your ears and your
eyes and your hands on these tools, what was different
about this program than anything that you've done in the past.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Well, certainly that it wasn't about food. That it wasn't
about now get your journal out and keep even though
there is some of that, but it wasn't about track
your food count, how many calend water are you? You know,
it wasn't about it wasn't those those kind of practice
those metrics. Yeah, and then it wasn't that I was
(19:19):
going to be graded on that.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You know.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
It was so interesting to me. The daily ritual thing
was like, well, heck, I do that every day.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I didn't call it that, but I've been doing that
every day for a countless number of years. And to
reclaim that in a way around this made all the difference.
I started using the journal on my phone, I don't know,
whenever they made some kind of update on the iPhone,
I started using the journal there and part of it
(19:51):
so that it's always with me and now I could
do it anywhere. It was to excuse but you know,
just to ignore that and then relate to see times
when I was down. That's been a spiritual practice of
mind forever. But to climate for this was really powerful.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, and that's why it's not the content, it's the intent,
you know. And when we're talking about rewiring your brain,
and that was just like one piece of that daily ritual.
But it's like, yeah, I've been doing Like so many
times people are like, Oh, I've been doing something for years.
It's like, oh, but I've never done it this way
or I've never thought about it this way, or I've
never put it with this focus or this direction, you know.
And it's these ten That's what I keep saying. It's
these teeny little tweaks that add up to make a
(20:36):
massive trajectory shift. You know, if you're going on an airplane,
like one degree one direction will take you. Is the
difference between ending up in New York or LA or
whatever it is, you know what I mean. So it's
just these teeny little things. So going through stressless eating,
why do you think this has been more successful for
you than anything you've done before? Going through stressless eating?
(21:06):
Why do you think this has been more successful for
you than anything you've done before?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Probably just because it gave me time and space to
be introspective, but not necessarily about dealing with baggage. Yeah,
even though you do kind of process some of that,
it's really about moving forward. How am I going to
do this differently? Yes, there's this, there are there has
(21:33):
been this, But how am I going to rewire this?
Or how am I going to rework this so that
whatever has been doesn't continue to be my reality today.
And even the things that popped up through these last
few months that pulled me back, you know, obviously I
(21:55):
was became uber aware of oh that's the thing, and
we've talked about that too. It doesn't mean it goes away,
doesn't mean it won't be there. It's just that now
I have the power and the authority in myself to
say now we think differently about that, absolutely, and not
(22:16):
to apologize for it.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yes, oh my gosh, Yeah that is so true, because yeah,
we can look at it and then but we look
at it apologetically like we're doing something wrong, you know.
And I think you touched on one of the big
misconceptions because oftentimes, especially people who have had experiences with
food in their body for decades, it starts at a
certain time and then they think they have to go
back and psychoanalyze that or unpack it or talk it
(22:40):
out to death. And the truth is is that most
people that come to me have like done the therapy,
they've talked it out, they've psychoanalyzed their problems before, but
they've not gotten the tools to work past them. And
so what you said was so powerful because it's not
about looking back. It's about, Okay, now that these patterns
are here, who do I want to be in the
face of them? And how do I shift the narrative?
How do I reframe? How do I get the tools
(23:00):
to actually deal with this so I stop bringing my
past with me into my future, you know, and the
pattern stops. It's like we draw that line in the
stand and it's like, no, I'm done reliving this groundhog's
day day and day out. And I love that you
brought that up because it really is about looking forward
and moving forward. And you know, and that's where a
lot of people's doubts come in because they're like, leanne,
I've been doing this for decades. I've been living this
(23:22):
way for decades. It's just who I am. And that's
why I always ask them, like are you open to Like, no,
this isn't just who you are, it's what you've learned,
and like you said, not go back and apologize for it,
Like it's we don't have to like it. There's things
about our past that we're like, Okay, we can look
at it and be like I wouldn't choose that again, right,
But that can regret because it forced us to become
who we needed to become. And that's where sometimes we
(23:42):
have to go reconcile that shame and create a new
story about it, but not a fake story, not one
that you're like not even believing, one that actually resonates
with you so that you can actually reconcile it.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah. And you know, the thing that this makes me
think about, in light of what I do, is maybe
why people are resistant even to invest in this kind
of work for themselves is sometimes it's far easier just
to settle. It's not even a giving up, it's just
(24:13):
to resign. Resign, that's the word. Yeah, resign and say, well,
this is just the way I am. I'm always going
to be this way. And you know, God didn't create
us to be like that. And one of the things
I have learned over the last five years of really
spending intentional time thinking about and loving my learning to
(24:34):
love my body is our size, our shape is all different,
and all of that's beautiful and we all have a
different one. Yeah, And of course whatever the world tells
us we should be is bogus. And yeah, and that's
the thing if you're going to do anything find what
(24:55):
that is, find whatever it is God designed you to be.
I really do league that our body will find that. Yes,
And I don't think I'm there yet. I think I'm
on the way, but I think physiologically our bodies can
find that. And that's the beauty of you know, we
(25:15):
don't have to settle, and we don't have to resign
in anything, whatever it is in our life. And yet
I think that our human nature has given up in
some level of just saying that this is just who
I am. So yeah, so we continue to reach for
the next thing that might sue us for a bit,
(25:37):
but it's not. It's not going to last. And yeah,
you know, and I think for me that's always going
to be a wake up call. If I'm looking at
something that I think is going to fix me, then
that's the wake up call. I don't need that, you
know what this is?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, And when we're chasing that idol, like we're chasing
what we think we need, that'll fill in that gap.
Oftentimes if we've learned it, which is what I learn
hiding behind like diets and trying to make over my
body and obsessing over my weight, it is the most
it's the biggest hiding place of them, all right, and
it keeps you from finding the purpose, Like it's the
purpose of who you want to be in that body,
Like who do you want to be? How do you
(26:15):
want to feel? What do you want to give? What
do you want to contribute? What life do you want
to create? But when you are just so focus on
the vessel itself, you miss out in the beauty of
what is available to you to live in that body.
And ironically you don't even get the body that will
make you feel good to do it. You know, you
end up unhelped, unhappy, ailed, in pain, all those things,
you know. So I love how you mentioned like finding
(26:36):
that purpose within your body, and your body will find
that purpose too, It's like what I've gleaned from that,
you know, And you'll find whatever you're looking for. But again,
if you're if you think that your purpose is this
hyper fixation on weight, you'll never find what the true
purpose is.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Now. It's just not even though this morning, I know
that's the other thing. I don't step on those scales
very often, but I did today and I'm lower than
I've been in mund.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Oh my gosh, I mean, it's not even trying. It's
just the it's the offshoot.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
All the time, people be like, Okay, I finally did
weigh myself. Because now it's no longer a weapon, it's
a tool. I can just look at it as day
and it's like, oh my gosh, it went down like
that's amazing. Well it's not. It's just it's also just science, right,
But it's so so powerful because it's not what you've
been fixated on, you know. And that's why I get
it's not sexy to a lot of women to go
invest in getting the help that they actually need rather
(27:27):
than going down the road of weight loss and short
term band aids. But I'm telling you it's like the
only way to get what you want in the end.
And it's like that short term pain for that long
term gain, even though it's not as painful as people think.
Like we said, we're not going and it psychoanalyzing your
past and digging up, you know, skeletons from the graveyard emotionally,
but it really is. Again, we think we want that
seductive weight loss, you know, body focus, fixate on this
(27:50):
type of thing, and it's honestly the opposite of what
we want. What we really want is healing in the end.
So what would you say to any woman who is
on the fence about making the decision to really end
her struggle rather than going to start a new diet
or you know, even go to therapy or read just
try to read books and try to information their way
through it or do it on their own. Like, what
would you say to anyone who is on the fence
(28:10):
about getting the help that she needs and even admitting
that she needs that help.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Well, I would say, in light of this pro you know,
doing this process, and i'd call it a process, I
wouldn't call it a program, or even I would call
it an experience. I would say, what do you have
to lose? You know, well, you do have something to lose.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
You have the.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Opportunity to just to continue to lose yourself in all
the misery that you've lived in forever. And so if
you're willing to let go of the hard, which you
may not know what the real hard is yet, then
jump in. And I think you have to allow your
mindset to not live in its preconceived expectations of what
(28:56):
previous methodologies might have to you. Yeah, this is going
to be different, but it's going to be life changing
and transforming in a way that you don't have to
carry all that other stuff anymore. And the investment you make,
the return on the investment is lifetime because you'll have
(29:18):
the tools forever. I can't imagine how you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
You can't unsee it. You see it? Right?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah? Right? And even if we hit hit a hard
place in our life. I mean, I mean to be honest,
those times come in our lives. But I just can't.
Talked to my mom this morning, who's in a hard
place in our life, and my dad, my stepdad is Alzheimer's,
and we got talking about weight because she's you know,
(29:45):
she's finding that she's eating out of stress and the
anxiety of that. You know. So those things happened and
I said, Mom, you know what to do.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
You know what to do.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And so that's the thing. We know. We have the
skill set and we can make those shifts and adjustment.
And I told her, I said, don't be yourself. I'd
be their mom about it. If Sam's eating ice cream,
eat ice cream with Sam, because Sam's not going to
be here forever. Those kind of experiences are tenuous and
we don't need to treat ourselves negatively about it. We
(30:18):
can live through that and know that we have the
tools we need.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
I love that. Oh so good, so good. So looking forward,
like what's now possible for you with your own health,
with your own role as a pastor and forming into
others with your own life, Like, what's now possible for
you now that you have this freedom?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Well, certainly just continuing to do the work. I mean,
I'm not done continuing to live into that. And you know,
I like to know that I can master or something.
You know, I've done very little sharing about this to
my friends, to my family, talk just a little bits
here and there, and so paying more attention to the
(30:59):
opportunity to where I can speak into it, I guess
is probably the best tool for me now because that
then begins to hold me accountable to what I say.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I believe, yeah, absolutely, And now there's no shade keeping
you from talking about it. It's just part of your
story now, it's no longer little secret or your deep
secret even yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah, And I think I shared with you recently. You know,
I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago.
It was feeling bad about her weight. And but again
she'd gone through some hard stuff, and I just found
myself being able to look at her, going to talk
to yourself like that anymore, and said, here, go listen
to this listen to this podcast. And you know, and
(31:42):
I think it's just being able to shed shine a
light that's not a negative light, and that just passes
on some more information on top of other information that
we already have.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Absolutely or saying oh me too, I need to lose
weight too, which you know, yeah, conversations like how we started.
You know, you get to have this new level of
compassion and empathy and share, you know, your your journey well.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And it's interesting too when you're sharing meals with other people. Yeah,
that's something I've been observing because I'm in those settings
a lot too. And so when you're sharing meals with
other people and there's dessert, there's something that's really wonderful
and delicious, and instead of going, oh I can't have that,
I don't eat that whatever, And if you're person that
(32:31):
people are talking about it being really good, then go
try the damn pie.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So life is too short to not You don't have
to eat the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I have a big piece of pie, just go. I mean,
like that happened to be this week and it was
peanut butter pie.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Oh my god, the Lord of the food.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And really all you needed was about that much. But
it was beautiful and we all celebrated how wonderful it was.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
That's amazing. These are the things that you get back.
You get back your life, you know, and you get
to the small things like enjoying and celebrating a piece
of peanut butter pie, which is before It's like, I
would have never known that because I don't want people
to think I eat pie, because I want them to
think I eat kales out you know.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you're like this health guru and
you know everybody thinks you eat healthy and you know
that you whatever, and yeah, a lot of people know
that about They know that I've made a lot of
changes in my wife and that's great. Yeah, but you know,
they also need to know that I can live sustainably
(33:39):
and so that I can do that in a balanced way.
I want to say too, I think one of the
things this has done for me is I've found that
you need about a third of the food that we
think we need.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Yeah, especially when we're not eating from a place of
emotion or guilt or comfort or loneliness or whatever. It's
just yeah, yeah thing to our bodies, you.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Know, when you've had enough, And so it's that sense
of satisfaction whatever, even if it's even if you're eating
something that's not worth eating. I think your brain then
can tell you this is really bad. Why am I
wasting my time?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Absolutely? And that's the distinction. You have to like learn
how to use these tools, because before it's like, well,
I know, I'm not supposed to eat this, or I no,
it doesn't even taste that good, but I can't stop.
And that's where it's like little things. We have to
get to know our body all over again and really
start over from square one and learn these distinctions within
our brain because it's not always logical when we're in
our old brain, right.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
So I think that's an interesting payoff and in a
way when we finally allow our brain to move past
this destructive behavior.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yes, oh my gosh, Well, thank you so much for
sharing your transparent truth and really you know, inviting us
into your world and as a as a woman first
and foremost as a pastor, and I just really want
to reiterate for anybody who's listening. You are so not alone.
You are so not broken, however far gone you think
you are or resigned you are to this idea that
you'll never get better. I promise you there's hope. Dadi
(35:06):
was there too, you know, and she's living walking proof
what happens when you take your break through this process
and invite God in from day one, you know, that
was one of our conversations, the very first thing. It's like, Okay,
this isn't even question. God's going to be in this
like from day zero. And look now you said, you
have this co creation kind of relationship with God where
he's next to you, you know, when you're next to him,
(35:28):
rather than feeling like there's this distance or feeling like
you're not living what you're saying, not living your truth
and having this double life and the shame that it
lives in that gap. So yeah, it's just so beautiful.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you
that you get to live from this place and then
share share the gospel and your story with with others.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Thank you, Thank you for being thank you for your
good work.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
You did it. I was just the guide. I was
just awesome. Well, thanks for tuning in, ladies. We'll see
you next time. Bye. Will be back with more What's
God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 3 (36:02):
But in the meantime, I would definitely love to hear
from you, so just tell me where you are in
your story or maybe what questions you have, like where
do you feel you need clarity or support or wisdom
in your own journey. I definitely want to hear from you,
So head on over to What's God Got to Do
with It? Dot com and scroll down to the form
(36:22):
to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback, and you
can do that instantly.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
So What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Dot com?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You'll find all the ways to do that.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts to get your weekly dose of What's God
Got to Do with It? New episodes drop every single Tuesday,
and while you're there.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Be sure to rate and review to show your support.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Lee Anne
Ellington executive produced by Elizabeth Fazzio, post production and editing
by Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark
and produced by Adam Stark
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Not here to preach, want to keep the clean.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
And talk to me and recad where faith needstoves nature.
Get in touch with your creat with a vagul love
and jew She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
What's done? Gotza? What's that? There's a sabosation? You should
talking transformation, what's gone Gonzato? It's leanne Here and what.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
You're about to hear are real stories from real women
who not only face their deepest struggles with food in
their bodies, but also chose to invite God into their
journey of healing. These women have battled their demons in
embrace their faith and found freedom on the other side.
These are the raw, unfiltered journeys of women just like you,
(01:08):
once trapped in mental prisons, caught in the endless cycle
of food obsession, and weighed down by feelings of failure
and shame. And I'm sharing these with you today because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out, especially when you welcome God into the process.
(01:28):
So if you're feeling broken or lost or like you're
the only one who struggles with this. You are not
You're not alone, and you are definitely not beyond hope
or healing. These stories are living proof that true transformation
is possible when you invite God to be part of
your healing. I hope they inspire you to see what's
(01:48):
possible for yourself.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
So let's dive on in. Well, Hello, we are back
for another case study, and I'm so looking forward to
this one. First of all, Hello d D Welcome.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Hello, good to see you.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So glad to have you here. We were just talking
before we hit record. I love these case stories because
it gives anyone who's on the other side of this,
who is in their own food and body prison, it
feels very lonely, it feels very daunting. We think things like,
oh my gosh, I'm the only person that struggles like this,
or my brain is so broken, nobody would ever understand me,
and then we end up also having shame about our
(02:23):
shame because we think we're not supposed to have it,
or we think we're supposed to be smart enough to
get past it. And so these case studies are a
really powerful way to just, you know, help people understand
what is possible and also speak into what you're currently
experiencing and know that you're so not alone. And this
is a special circumstance because DEDI also happens to be
a pastor. We've talked before about how the faith part
(02:45):
of our journey crosses, because you can't talk about self
image and identity if faith is part of your life
without crossing. The faith has them right, and so you know,
I was just so impressed by did from the second
we connected over the phone, where she was just like, Hey,
I'm not too proud to admit, like this is the
thing for me. This is that area of my life
that has has a stronghold over me and it's been
(03:06):
like this for decades and I'm ready to take ownership
of it. So we're going to just unpack and share
Dede's dirney and she's just so beautifully volunteered to be
an open book and share her experiences. So thank you
so much in advance for what is about to transpire. Absolutely,
let's just start off you kind of just share a
little bit of an overview of where you were when
we met. You know, what was your life like, what
(03:28):
was your relationship with food and your body, like, what
was your relationship with yourself?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Like? So when I kind of stumbled upon you, I
had spent as a number of years really focusing a
lot on my body and my health. I had, probably
four years before that, almost five, had had a health
scare that pushed me to really take something seriously. And
(03:56):
so I had done a lot of great things as
far as changing the way I took care of myself,
changing the way I purchased food for my household, changed
the way I cooked, did a lot of those kind
of changes, and all of that had been good, and
I had lost weight, had come a long way with that.
(04:19):
But where I was trapped is I was always asking myself,
am I always going to have to live with this
sense of being on a plan or being on a program,
which is what I had been for a while, And
not that that had been bad. It had given me
(04:40):
some structure and some guidance for a while that I needed,
But to think about that in a sustainable fashion. I
was starting to question that and was trying to wrap
my head around how can I live like I need
to live without it feeling overwhelming and burdensome and always
(05:03):
feeling like I have to make negative choices, and I
mean that by choices of I can't have that, yeah,
or if that's not permitted, or if I do have that,
then I'm going to carry guilt about it. And so
I was pretty clear about those kind of feelings, and
that was starting to really kind of grade on me.
(05:25):
And I had began isolating very clearly in my behaviors
that food was my demon and that i'd allowed food
to become my best friend, and primarily sugar. And so
we were having this little tension going on of how
(05:45):
we were going to have this lasting relationship because it
wasn't going to go away, but how was I going
to live my life for the rest of my life
in some kind of peace and harmony, Because, yeah, I'm
a pastor, and that's something I preached about, you know,
is that we want to live our life with peace
and harmony and we want to and God, God speaks
(06:06):
about that, and that's what Jesus came to teach us.
And so yet I was always internally feeling this disruption
in my life, and that was this sense of the
way I fed myself, the way I looked at food,
and the way I interacted with it. So that's where
I was.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
What you say is just so poignant because anyone who's
been in this cycle they know how there is there's
one side of the coin, which is that restriction. Can't
have that, not allowed to have that. That's bad Carrie
Gilt all those things. Or it's the opposite where it's like, okay,
screw it right, hair free, abandonment, eat whenever I can incite.
And that's when food and sugar specifically almost becomes this like, yeah,
(06:45):
this dirty little secret that nobody knows about. But it
also feels like this drug. It's that demon. It's the
one thing that we feel like has this yeah, addictive
like pull on us. And it's interesting because you mentioned like, hey,
I preach about this stuff, but I wasn't living it.
What was that shame doing to you in terms of
your ability to feel you know, worthy of being a
pastor and talking about freedom and peace. How did that
(07:08):
impact your internal self image?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Well, I mean it was feeling like I lived a
double life. You know, even my own family. My husband
will tell to you he never saw me eat like that.
He didn't see me eat the whole back of Eminem's
or go to my favorite bakery and buy my favorite
cookies and eat them all. But it was the things
(07:31):
that were happening within the context of my job, often
and always in the context of relationship where I either
felt like I left someone down or I had been
hurt or misunderstood whatever countless things in a public role,
that I allowed those behaviors to soothe me in some way,
(07:53):
or at least I thought they were going to, and
all they did is harm me further, And then I
would just live in this vicious size goal of you know,
beating myself up or calling calling myself horrible things, you
stupid idiot? What are you?
Speaker 1 (08:07):
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I mean, you know better than this, just that kind
of demeaning language that I let my brain speak to me.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
And with decades of this, it becomes this is just
who we think we are, you know. And you brought
up a really powerful point too. The Madrid Like one
of the questions I asked my clients I asked this too,
is like, hey, does your husband know what a big,
deep emotional struggle this is or do they think that
it's a matter of eating less and moving more? And
nine times out of ten they don't know, because first
of all, there is that secrecy, there's that shame. But
(08:34):
then also it's like, well, how do I explain a
problem to somebody who's never had this problem? How will
they get it right? And they don't need to get
it But opening up and sharing that it's part of
your life is just like a big breath of fresh air.
Even though even when you haven't solved it yet and
you went to talk to your husband, you know, it's
just like, Okay, now I'm calling it out. It's there.
There's not this stigma and I can actually get the
(08:55):
support that I need and feel free to just own that, Yeah,
this is this is just something I learned. So how
has your life changed as a result of going through
this program and going through this Process's what's different?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, it's been quite transforming as far as just enlightening
to recognize that I don't have to be like this.
I don't have to let my brain treat me this way.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yes it's such a good way. Yeah, your brain is
treating you like crap.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
And that sense that I always figured was there could
be there. So that sense that I really can move
past this in a way that is helpful and healthy
really can happen. And it seems that it's been gradual.
It's nothing that's happened just immediate.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It wasn't any one thing, right, it was a bunch
of collective things.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yeah, it's kind of as I look back and I go, oh, wow,
I'm not I'm not doing that anymore, or I'm not
thinking like that anymore, or whatever. And so that's been
kind of impressive. And I find myself realizing just how
powerful our brain is, which we know that, but I
remind myself all the time that just as I can
(10:09):
re wire my mind on a way I might think
about any other subject, any other thought that I might
have had, a religious thought, at theological thought, a psychological thought,
what any other thing, anyway that I can take in
information and learn something that then kind of changes my
(10:34):
point of view or my understanding of something. I can
do the same with the way my brain understands my
body and the way I feed myself and the way
I look at this food. That's kind of been the
mind blowing thing that's not prohibited.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Absolutely. I think when we're so stuck in the midst
of it and we're in the trenches, we think like,
there's no way that this will possibly be any different, right,
and then that's why we look to the outside things,
the food, the diet, gyms, the memberships, whatever it is, right,
And you're right. Just like we can change our mind
and our thoughts and our perception on anything, we can
do it with food in our bodies too. And that's
exactly what we did. And that's why I always tell
(11:14):
my clients from and you've heard me say this too,
I'm like, this stuff is not like sexy, right, It's
not this immediate gratification overnight. It is about teeny little
things with consistency, not intensity. It's really about the intent,
not the content, right, And it's about teaching your brain
to think a new way, make different. It's a new
decision making process. It's about learning a new language. And
(11:35):
it's like if somebody told me, Okay, you're going to
learn a new language in a week, I wouldn't believe them.
Like that's how learning language is. It's little by little,
layer by layer. First you learn the basis. Then you
learn how to conjugate the verbs. You know, and so
that's why it is and you know, you hear me
say it all the time. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, right,
And then all of a sudden, it's like, wow, I'm
not doing that. I was doing that for decades, and
(11:57):
I just witnessed myself not doing something that I've done
for decades. And then the first, you know, new thing happens,
and then you see the next thing and the next thing,
and then you see it happening again. You're not even
thinking about it because it's just become who you are.
It's so so powerful. So I get so excited.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah. Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, we've made
a move. And so when you move, you of course
you get rid of everything. You get rid of all
the food that you had in your other house because
you don't move with it, or at least we don't.
We try to either we try to eat it down,
or we just stop buying stuff and whatever. We give
stuff away. And so then we move to a new place,
(12:34):
and so you know, you like have to start over.
And any other time that I've moved, I'm like, oh,
you's a good store and stock up. We're not doing that.
We've slowly like, well, things that we need for that
day or that week or a couple of days. But
to think about like stockpiling my house with food has
(12:57):
not been a value.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Wow, and that interesting. It's like a straight up shift
from scarcity mindset of like I have to get it
all in now and I have to have it now
in the backup, and what if I'm hungry and things
to this apponan's mindset, everything will like I'll get what
I need because now I know how to take care
of myself. It's an interesting like those teeny little things
that you notice that you wouldn't have noticed if you've
moved to a different home. So so powerful. How has
(13:30):
this changed how you show up in your work and
as a pastor and now that you feel totally aligned
and authentic and you're free to like you're no longer
living this double life? How has that shown up for
you as you serve others?
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I think it gives me greater clarity in who I am.
I'm not using up energy for that and using energy
for something greater. Yeah, pouring energy into something that means
far more than something that was tearing me down, that
would that took up a lot of time, right, So
it took up not only physical time, but it took
(14:04):
up emotional time, psychological time, all the.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Time, energy, motivational things.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, so when you're not giving into that, and so
now you have just a whole wealth the way that
your mind can open up, and and so the clarity
is different. And you know, so my my new job, Yeah,
it's it's crazy, ridiculous busy, but I'm not overwhelmed by that.
(14:33):
And so I'm able to just kind of live into
it and be present with it and value it and
pace myself and know when it's time to say, Okay,
you got to take a break, and I get to
manage that. And I'm not just dragging because I'm participating
in a behavior that was destructive.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah. And also, like the people pleasing, if you're not
so worried about like always constantly having to people please
and like grunting yourself ragged, that's no longer part of
your way of being neither, you know, So, how has
your relationship with the Lord transformed? Obviously you you, you
and God have always been tight, right, Yeah, but like
you know, obviously there's that gap when you're carrying around shame.
(15:16):
You feel like you're not living up to your true potential.
You're walking around this imposter syndrome because you feel like
you have a double life, Like there's going to be
a gap. So talk to us a little bit about
how your identity has been, you know, just kind of
filled those gaps in this capacity as well.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think really for me, my relationship with God has
become more of a partnering that the God is in
the chair next to me, Dad. It's very conversational. It's
a relationship that I've always yearned for. It's a relationship
that I often speak about that I think that's the
(15:51):
type of relationship God desires to have with us. It's
not you know, God's not up here and we're down here,
but it's it's leveling. I really feel that it's not
that I'm better than God or greater than God. It's
just that, you know, we we're co creators with God
in that God empowers us to live in this world
(16:13):
and empowers us to love people were called to love
and lead, and so that we're sent out to do that.
So that's that code creating part. And so I feel
that empowerment and I feel that ability then that my
relationship with God is really more conversational than has ever been,
(16:35):
and just God being able to point things out more clear,
and I'm not coming to God pleading. I was oftentimes
pleading with God to take this burden from me. I
think I might have even shared one time that how
many times in a service of some kind of I
(16:57):
don't know, Like in my true we often do times
when we release something that we want to give up, right,
And so how many times did I write on a
piece of paper or even nail it to the cross
or put it in some fire, whatever some action of
God take from me this burden of overeating or my
(17:20):
desire for sugar, or how many times in whatever fashion
of that. How many times are I write that on
his paper or right? Was that my action? And I
think what God has finally said to me is you
know I took that from you a long long time ago. Yeah,
and you just keep picking You just kept picking it
back up. And you know what, we're really good at that,
(17:42):
and we just what is so funny is I can't
tell you how many times I'm in a sermon or
in a worship service talked about laying our burdens down
at the foot of the cross. And then I'll say,
and don't pick it back up? What was I doing?
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Oh my goodness? Yeah, And it's that old like I
sometimes God's waiting on us, and sometimes we're waiting on God.
It's like Okay, God's like I've been here, you know.
So what do you think it was? What was different
about this that allowed you to actually lay those burdens down?
What was different than anything that you've done in the
past about this time?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Maybe it was just my own spiritual maturity, which may
seem odd and strange, but you know, we're ever growing
in that and it has nothing to do with where
we are in our life. It's just a part of
who we are. And maybe if it was just my
own time being with that, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, I feel like a lot of times too, we
look back at our failures and we're like, oh, we're
so ashamed of them, and we call them failures, right,
but really they were just something that didn't work and
we needed to go through, you know, and it needed
to seat us and season us to become who we were.
So when you got your eye, your ears and your
eyes and your hands on these tools, what was different
about this program than anything that you've done in the past.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
Well, certainly that it wasn't about food. That it wasn't
about now get your journal out and keep even though
there is some of that, but it wasn't about track
your food count, how many calend water are you? You know,
it wasn't about it wasn't those those kind of practice
those metrics. Yeah, and then it wasn't that I was
(19:19):
going to be graded on that.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
You know.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
It was so interesting to me. The daily ritual thing
was like, well, heck, I do that every day.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
I didn't call it that, but I've been doing that
every day for a countless number of years. And to
reclaim that in a way around this made all the difference.
I started using the journal on my phone, I don't know,
whenever they made some kind of update on the iPhone,
I started using the journal there and part of it
(19:51):
so that it's always with me and now I could
do it anywhere. It was to excuse but you know,
just to ignore that and then relate to see times
when I was down. That's been a spiritual practice of
mind forever. But to climate for this was really powerful.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, and that's why it's not the content, it's the intent,
you know. And when we're talking about rewiring your brain,
and that was just like one piece of that daily ritual.
But it's like, yeah, I've been doing Like so many
times people are like, Oh, I've been doing something for years.
It's like, oh, but I've never done it this way
or I've never thought about it this way, or I've
never put it with this focus or this direction, you know.
And it's these ten That's what I keep saying. It's
these teeny little tweaks that add up to make a
(20:36):
massive trajectory shift. You know, if you're going on an airplane,
like one degree one direction will take you. Is the
difference between ending up in New York or LA or
whatever it is, you know what I mean. So it's
just these teeny little things. So going through stressless eating,
why do you think this has been more successful for
you than anything you've done before? Going through stressless eating?
(21:06):
Why do you think this has been more successful for
you than anything you've done before?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Probably just because it gave me time and space to
be introspective, but not necessarily about dealing with baggage. Yeah,
even though you do kind of process some of that,
it's really about moving forward. How am I going to
do this differently? Yes, there's this, there are there has
(21:33):
been this, But how am I going to rewire this?
Or how am I going to rework this so that
whatever has been doesn't continue to be my reality today.
And even the things that popped up through these last
few months that pulled me back, you know, obviously I
(21:55):
was became uber aware of oh that's the thing, and
we've talked about that too. It doesn't mean it goes away,
doesn't mean it won't be there. It's just that now
I have the power and the authority in myself to
say now we think differently about that, absolutely, and not
(22:16):
to apologize for it.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yes, oh my gosh, Yeah that is so true, because yeah,
we can look at it and then but we look
at it apologetically like we're doing something wrong, you know.
And I think you touched on one of the big
misconceptions because oftentimes, especially people who have had experiences with
food in their body for decades, it starts at a
certain time and then they think they have to go
back and psychoanalyze that or unpack it or talk it
(22:40):
out to death. And the truth is is that most
people that come to me have like done the therapy,
they've talked it out, they've psychoanalyzed their problems before, but
they've not gotten the tools to work past them. And
so what you said was so powerful because it's not
about looking back. It's about, Okay, now that these patterns
are here, who do I want to be in the
face of them? And how do I shift the narrative?
How do I reframe? How do I get the tools
(23:00):
to actually deal with this so I stop bringing my
past with me into my future, you know, and the
pattern stops. It's like we draw that line in the
stand and it's like, no, I'm done reliving this groundhog's
day day and day out. And I love that you
brought that up because it really is about looking forward
and moving forward. And you know, and that's where a
lot of people's doubts come in because they're like, leanne,
I've been doing this for decades. I've been living this
(23:22):
way for decades. It's just who I am. And that's
why I always ask them, like are you open to Like, no,
this isn't just who you are, it's what you've learned,
and like you said, not go back and apologize for it,
Like it's we don't have to like it. There's things
about our past that we're like, Okay, we can look
at it and be like I wouldn't choose that again, right,
But that can regret because it forced us to become
who we needed to become. And that's where sometimes we
(23:42):
have to go reconcile that shame and create a new
story about it, but not a fake story, not one
that you're like not even believing, one that actually resonates
with you so that you can actually reconcile it.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah. And you know, the thing that this makes me
think about, in light of what I do, is maybe
why people are resistant even to invest in this kind
of work for themselves is sometimes it's far easier just
to settle. It's not even a giving up, it's just
(24:13):
to resign. Resign, that's the word. Yeah, resign and say, well,
this is just the way I am. I'm always going
to be this way. And you know, God didn't create
us to be like that. And one of the things
I have learned over the last five years of really
spending intentional time thinking about and loving my learning to
(24:34):
love my body is our size, our shape is all different,
and all of that's beautiful and we all have a
different one. Yeah, And of course whatever the world tells
us we should be is bogus. And yeah, and that's
the thing if you're going to do anything find what
(24:55):
that is, find whatever it is God designed you to be.
I really do league that our body will find that. Yes,
And I don't think I'm there yet. I think I'm
on the way, but I think physiologically our bodies can
find that. And that's the beauty of you know, we
(25:15):
don't have to settle, and we don't have to resign
in anything, whatever it is in our life. And yet
I think that our human nature has given up in
some level of just saying that this is just who
I am. So yeah, so we continue to reach for
the next thing that might sue us for a bit,
(25:37):
but it's not. It's not going to last. And yeah,
you know, and I think for me that's always going
to be a wake up call. If I'm looking at
something that I think is going to fix me, then
that's the wake up call. I don't need that, you
know what this is?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, And when we're chasing that idol, like we're chasing
what we think we need, that'll fill in that gap.
Oftentimes if we've learned it, which is what I learn
hiding behind like diets and trying to make over my
body and obsessing over my weight, it is the most
it's the biggest hiding place of them, all right, and
it keeps you from finding the purpose, Like it's the
purpose of who you want to be in that body,
Like who do you want to be? How do you
(26:15):
want to feel? What do you want to give? What
do you want to contribute? What life do you want
to create? But when you are just so focus on
the vessel itself, you miss out in the beauty of
what is available to you to live in that body.
And ironically you don't even get the body that will
make you feel good to do it. You know, you
end up unhelped, unhappy, ailed, in pain, all those things,
you know. So I love how you mentioned like finding
(26:36):
that purpose within your body, and your body will find
that purpose too, It's like what I've gleaned from that,
you know, And you'll find whatever you're looking for. But again,
if you're if you think that your purpose is this
hyper fixation on weight, you'll never find what the true
purpose is.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
Now. It's just not even though this morning, I know
that's the other thing. I don't step on those scales
very often, but I did today and I'm lower than
I've been in mund.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Oh my gosh, I mean, it's not even trying. It's
just the it's the offshoot.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
All the time, people be like, Okay, I finally did
weigh myself. Because now it's no longer a weapon, it's
a tool. I can just look at it as day
and it's like, oh my gosh, it went down like
that's amazing. Well it's not. It's just it's also just science, right,
But it's so so powerful because it's not what you've
been fixated on, you know. And that's why I get
it's not sexy to a lot of women to go
invest in getting the help that they actually need rather
(27:27):
than going down the road of weight loss and short
term band aids. But I'm telling you it's like the
only way to get what you want in the end.
And it's like that short term pain for that long
term gain, even though it's not as painful as people think.
Like we said, we're not going and it psychoanalyzing your
past and digging up, you know, skeletons from the graveyard emotionally,
but it really is. Again, we think we want that
seductive weight loss, you know, body focus, fixate on this
(27:50):
type of thing, and it's honestly the opposite of what
we want. What we really want is healing in the end.
So what would you say to any woman who is
on the fence about making the decision to really end
her struggle rather than going to start a new diet
or you know, even go to therapy or read just
try to read books and try to information their way
through it or do it on their own. Like, what
would you say to anyone who is on the fence
(28:10):
about getting the help that she needs and even admitting
that she needs that help.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Well, I would say, in light of this pro you know,
doing this process, and i'd call it a process, I
wouldn't call it a program, or even I would call
it an experience. I would say, what do you have
to lose? You know, well, you do have something to lose.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
You have the.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Opportunity to just to continue to lose yourself in all
the misery that you've lived in forever. And so if
you're willing to let go of the hard, which you
may not know what the real hard is yet, then
jump in. And I think you have to allow your
mindset to not live in its preconceived expectations of what
(28:56):
previous methodologies might have to you. Yeah, this is going
to be different, but it's going to be life changing
and transforming in a way that you don't have to
carry all that other stuff anymore. And the investment you make,
the return on the investment is lifetime because you'll have
(29:18):
the tools forever. I can't imagine how you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
You can't unsee it. You see it? Right?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah? Right? And even if we hit hit a hard
place in our life. I mean, I mean to be honest,
those times come in our lives. But I just can't.
Talked to my mom this morning, who's in a hard
place in our life, and my dad, my stepdad is Alzheimer's,
and we got talking about weight because she's you know,
(29:45):
she's finding that she's eating out of stress and the
anxiety of that. You know. So those things happened and
I said, Mom, you know what to do.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
You know what to do.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And so that's the thing. We know. We have the
skill set and we can make those shifts and adjustment.
And I told her, I said, don't be yourself. I'd
be their mom about it. If Sam's eating ice cream,
eat ice cream with Sam, because Sam's not going to
be here forever. Those kind of experiences are tenuous and
we don't need to treat ourselves negatively about it. We
(30:18):
can live through that and know that we have the
tools we need.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
I love that. Oh so good, so good. So looking forward,
like what's now possible for you with your own health,
with your own role as a pastor and forming into
others with your own life, Like, what's now possible for
you now that you have this freedom?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Well, certainly just continuing to do the work. I mean,
I'm not done continuing to live into that. And you know,
I like to know that I can master or something.
You know, I've done very little sharing about this to
my friends, to my family, talk just a little bits
here and there, and so paying more attention to the
(30:59):
opportunity to where I can speak into it, I guess
is probably the best tool for me now because that
then begins to hold me accountable to what I say.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I believe, yeah, absolutely, And now there's no shade keeping
you from talking about it. It's just part of your
story now, it's no longer little secret or your deep
secret even yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah, And I think I shared with you recently. You know,
I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago.
It was feeling bad about her weight. And but again
she'd gone through some hard stuff, and I just found
myself being able to look at her, going to talk
to yourself like that anymore, and said, here, go listen
to this listen to this podcast. And you know, and
(31:42):
I think it's just being able to shed shine a
light that's not a negative light, and that just passes
on some more information on top of other information that
we already have.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Absolutely or saying oh me too, I need to lose
weight too, which you know, yeah, conversations like how we started.
You know, you get to have this new level of
compassion and empathy and share, you know, your your journey well.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And it's interesting too when you're sharing meals with other people. Yeah,
that's something I've been observing because I'm in those settings
a lot too. And so when you're sharing meals with
other people and there's dessert, there's something that's really wonderful
and delicious, and instead of going, oh I can't have that,
I don't eat that whatever, And if you're person that
(32:31):
people are talking about it being really good, then go
try the damn pie.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So life is too short to not You don't have
to eat the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I have a big piece of pie, just go. I mean,
like that happened to be this week and it was
peanut butter pie.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Oh my god, the Lord of the food.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
And really all you needed was about that much. But
it was beautiful and we all celebrated how wonderful it was.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
That's amazing. These are the things that you get back.
You get back your life, you know, and you get
to the small things like enjoying and celebrating a piece
of peanut butter pie, which is before It's like, I
would have never known that because I don't want people
to think I eat pie, because I want them to
think I eat kales out you know.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you're like this health guru and
you know everybody thinks you eat healthy and you know
that you whatever, and yeah, a lot of people know
that about They know that I've made a lot of
changes in my wife and that's great. Yeah, but you know,
they also need to know that I can live sustainably
(33:39):
and so that I can do that in a balanced way.
I want to say too, I think one of the
things this has done for me is I've found that
you need about a third of the food that we
think we need.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Yeah, especially when we're not eating from a place of
emotion or guilt or comfort or loneliness or whatever. It's
just yeah, yeah thing to our bodies, you.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Know, when you've had enough, And so it's that sense
of satisfaction whatever, even if it's even if you're eating
something that's not worth eating. I think your brain then
can tell you this is really bad. Why am I
wasting my time?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Absolutely? And that's the distinction. You have to like learn
how to use these tools, because before it's like, well,
I know, I'm not supposed to eat this, or I no,
it doesn't even taste that good, but I can't stop.
And that's where it's like little things. We have to
get to know our body all over again and really
start over from square one and learn these distinctions within
our brain because it's not always logical when we're in
our old brain, right.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
So I think that's an interesting payoff and in a
way when we finally allow our brain to move past
this destructive behavior.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Yes, oh my gosh, Well, thank you so much for
sharing your transparent truth and really you know, inviting us
into your world and as a as a woman first
and foremost as a pastor, and I just really want
to reiterate for anybody who's listening. You are so not alone.
You are so not broken, however far gone you think
you are or resigned you are to this idea that
you'll never get better. I promise you there's hope. Dadi
(35:06):
was there too, you know, and she's living walking proof
what happens when you take your break through this process
and invite God in from day one, you know, that
was one of our conversations, the very first thing. It's like, Okay,
this isn't even question. God's going to be in this
like from day zero. And look now you said, you
have this co creation kind of relationship with God where
he's next to you, you know, when you're next to him,
(35:28):
rather than feeling like there's this distance or feeling like
you're not living what you're saying, not living your truth
and having this double life and the shame that it
lives in that gap. So yeah, it's just so beautiful.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you
that you get to live from this place and then
share share the gospel and your story with with others.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Thank you, Thank you for being thank you for your
good work.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
You did it. I was just the guide. I was
just awesome. Well, thanks for tuning in, ladies. We'll see
you next time. Bye. Will be back with more What's
God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 3 (36:02):
But in the meantime, I would definitely love to hear
from you, so just tell me where you are in
your story or maybe what questions you have, like where
do you feel you need clarity or support or wisdom
in your own journey. I definitely want to hear from you,
So head on over to What's God Got to Do
with It? Dot com and scroll down to the form
(36:22):
to share your thoughts, your questions, your feedback, and you
can do that instantly.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
So What's God Got to Do with It?
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Dot com?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
You'll find all the ways to do that.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts to get your weekly dose of What's God
Got to Do with It? New episodes drop every single Tuesday,
and while you're there.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Be sure to rate and review to show your support.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
It really means so much. What's God Got to Do
With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown
Podcast Network. It's written and hosted by me Lee Anne
Ellington executive produced by Elizabeth Fazzio, post production and editing
by Houston Tilley, and original music written by Cheryl Stark
and produced by Adam Stark
Host
Leanne Ellington
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