EP 345: Dating is Truly the Ghetto (Ft. Sahar)

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Guess what decision we're about to make horrible decisions. Hey guys,
welcome to another episode of horrible.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
That might have been good. Yea, that was pretty good.
It's because I haven't been sucking good. So my vocal
cords are just it's it's just new. They're not damaged.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
You just making it up, both of y'all. I'm your girl, Mandy.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
V aka pay the Stallion aka that bitch.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
What's up, y'all? I'm weezy, And today we have a guest.
Mandy and her know each other, but she's one of
my favorite TikTok people. And I don't even have a TikTok.
That's crazy that you don't have a TikTok. We watch
TikTok on Instagram, I watch it on Twitter, but people
like just send me things. And I was looking for
a guest because I feel like everybody's like interviewing dating
coaches recently, and they all have the same kind of

(00:56):
like mundane voice in a way, and it's kind of
annoying me. So I was like, damn, who could we
like interview that actually creates content around dating? And it
was perfect when I found you, especially, So wait, how
do y'all know each other through Chelsea. Yeah. So she's
the first woman who's ever left me speechless. I have
ever been speechless in my entire life. What was she

(01:18):
talking about as, Oh, yeah, I don't know what would
we talk about yourl I feel like I would say
some crazy shit that I did, and then my ship
seemed like PG to her. She would say something and
I started feeling got prude. I was like, well, I've
only pegged one guy. She was like, I know. I
was like, okay, you're talking about we were on street,
we were getting having a fancy ass dinner, talk about sucking.

(01:43):
But then also when when she was so everyone in
that group is married as partners, I'm the only single
bitch going around like just really trying to fig us
on this. This was no, this was a year, year
or two ago. You were a single year ago. Maybe
at the time, maybe at the time, maybe you know,
maybe I was on one of my thirteen brains. Yeah,

(02:04):
I was on one of my I was on one
of my thirteen brains.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
And we also go to Soho house and everyone's dancing.
Because this is when, by the way, shout out black
girls texting. They threw likes here in the summertime the
Soho house. So we're on the rooftop.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
I look over and some of y'all saved the video
because everyone wanted to know who the hell you were.
This girl has one leg on the ground, the other
leg literally behind this man moving her ass. And I said, oh,
this is why you gotta ring. This is why you
getting it because I cannot do this. I might still
have it on my phone because you asked both in
my hands the ways the PA. I said, Oh, I

(02:42):
ain't never gonna get a man if I gotta do this, okay.
So it's not beauty, It's not just beauty and not
just brains.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
She is fun, she like and I think that when
when you think of like beautiful girls who get rich
niggas or things like that. Like even to find out
like he graduated from fucking Columbia, which, bytom way, you
had a cute man that was in your class, and
I'm mad he moved back overseas, you know what I know.
And so I think to be in a group as

(03:09):
as myself who isn't seeking marriage and things like that,
it was really interesting to be around because there's Gabby,
there's Chelsea, there's all these women who literally want the
opposite of what I do. So when we all get together,
like there's just so many different narratives on how to
do things. And what's crazy too, is I know what
I've been coming on here saying, and we're gonna get
into dating.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
I actually was told something not to do when dating.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Now now that I'm like going out dating from these
types of conversations, I've been actually told I am shooting
myself in the foot for going into dates saying I
don't want kids, I don't want marriage, I don't want
all the things that I talk about on this pod.
Because I told you that I was in a group.
It wasn't even a girl that I know. This was
in LA.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
So we're all at talks and I'm like, yeah, girl,
I don't want this, I don't want this, and she
was like, oh, well, then if you go into dates
letting a guy know there's literally gonna be zero things
for him to show up and want to pursue with you. Yeah,
even as a man, say they don't even want those things. No,
but as soon as they know you don't want you,
that's interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
So literally it was like, oh no, go in and
say you want to ring summer Walker, go in.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
And say you want a faithful man. Go in and
maybe because you want to be a mom, because they're
not our guests by the way, so you Yeah, I
think like man are exploitative in nature, And what I
mean by that is if you give them an inch,
they're going to take them out. Like I think that's
who they are. Like if you ask for the bare minimum,

(04:35):
they're gonna just give you less. But like that's just
that's just who they are humans. So I feel like
you need to set the bar so high to get
the bare ridimum. Like I think when you're going in
there and being like, oh, I don't want kids, I
don't want to ring, I don't want this, I don't
want that, then they're gonna be like, well, nigga, I'll
give you this. Yeah exactly, I'm not gonna give you shit.
Like I agree with you. I don't want any of

(04:55):
that too. But the fact that you don't want it,
why am I going to show up for you? You know,
what do you want? Then? A long term partners really matter? Yeah,
I just feel like it's none of their fucking business
what you want. You know what I'm saying why because
they're not even really about to give you what you
what you really want, you know what I'm saying, Like
they're not sitting there actually trying to take notes, like

(05:15):
let me deliver what she fucking wants. No, we all
fuck they gonna give you what they want to give you,
so at least go in there and like have some requirements,
you know, like when you show up for a job interview.
You're not gonna go in there and be like, I
don't want no breaks, I don't want no bonus, I
don't want this, I don't want that. They're gonna be like, Okay, well,
we still not gonna give you any of that. But
the fact that you don't want it now we're thinking

(05:36):
about maybe I should give this to the next person,
or not only that, maybe I'll give it to you
and you're gonna show up and do all the things
and yeah, liver because you're gonna want me to give
you those things that. Yeah. So let me ask you
this because for some reason it's making me think of situationships.
Do you think that by a women saying she's not
looking for X y Z that she can possibly end

(05:57):
up in a situationship because there's not. Like A said,
I mean, it depends on the woman. Like I feel
like when you go into a situation and announce what
you don't want, you're setting your pigeonholing yourself, Like I
think you should keep that just close to the chest
so that if you do want to pivot, and if
you do end up wanting more, then great. It's always

(06:17):
easier to ask for more and then want less than
ask for less and then want and want in this
relationship though, and say, like, you know, even you saying
that you're not an emotional person or you don't want love,
I believe you said you don't want you need a kiss,
you don't need to do intimacy.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
But that was so no, no, no no, So as of
right now, those are actually why I'm not in these
casual sex relationships anymore. I absolutely want kissing, I'm saying,
but from.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Before, so when I hear you today, I believe you
about nothing except kids. I think that if the right
person came in and really changed your life and made
you feel whole and you see yourself as a and
and he's on your level, I think that you can
understand marriage and you'd be like, yeah, why I think
you might even lock kids. I don't know, maybe not

(07:08):
like via yourself, like maybe via surrogate. You don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
So I'll be honest with you too in terms of marriage,
especially now, I think that marriage to me, and we
can get into what that looks like as well, because
y'all we got a lawyer, so we talking prenupts and
all the things. To me, marriage after realistically, this relationship
with you, the relationship with Bridget, those are partnerships. I
don't want no more with him, thanks, I ain't gonna

(07:33):
hold you. The idea of splitting assets, the idea of
actually really holding out in something that maybe doesn't make
me feel good in the moment, Like I can walk
away easier in friendships or boyfriend relationships than I've been
able to do from.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
You or or Bridge. Maybe that is the idea of
a bit, maybe with your ex because he wasn't necessarily
the Krem de la Crem of niggas financially, but if
he was, you might want married.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
But that's the thing then to me, am I just
marrying for money? As of right now, I'm in a
place where you don't have to. I don't have to
marry for money.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
So here's why you had to make a partnership with me.
Can't speak for bridget. We're building something amazing and we
knew it was becoming financially lucrative, and that's why we
had to do that, and we to this day can't
even break that because that's how much our shit is worth.
If one of us wanted to leave, we'd be figuring
out what the fuck we would do with a small person.
At my point, if you built a relationship with someone

(08:25):
and started building an amazing life and building businesses and
having things that are more than just surface level, you
may want that marriage. And I imagine how brain works
with a friend when you build a business.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
And that's my thing. I don't believe in friendships and business.
I don't believe in like navigating.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Those podcasts, even you've even made podcast that you produce, Like,
I'm just trying to get you to see beyond like
your no as more to your connection with a friend
is not as deep as the partner that may be
the one you end up with forever. Right, So if
you could decide to produce a podcast for friends, or
decide to get a take a fucking cruise with a

(09:04):
friend and do a vacation thing and do a club
night with them. You might come up with something bigger
and better with the man that's meant to be for you.
I'm telling you, I think when you meet someone that's
probably going to be your mate, they're going to fill
you up way more than your friends that are smart
and business minded. I mean, that's definitely, that's definitely true.

(09:25):
I think maybe marriage for you is not right now,
and that right now may never come. Also right right
it might. It might be not right now, and you
say that for the rest of your life, or you
might meet someone or ten people you never know right
that make you want to commit, that make you want
to not be able to easily walk away. Men are

(09:46):
better than the last men you dated. For like, I
don't know about that. I don't know about that. I
don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
But also I know about a lot of Like me
and my friends talk about all the partners they have,
some of y'all listen, none of them, niggas is good here.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
There's not one man that any of my friend date
or that you would want to be what I would
want to be with. And so even when I look
back at my ex or any of the men honestly
throughout my twenties. And I know y'all, y'all are sick
of hearing about my ex When I look at even
all of the men that either made me cry that
I opened my legs too, that I sat here and
wanted to spend so much time with. When I look
at literally the like, I wish I could take all

(10:23):
that shit back. None of them niggas was good.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
I look at a lot of them now, None of
them nigga would have fulfilled me or made me happy
and who I am today?

Speaker 1 (10:29):
Like, so to be there, nah, you think do you think?
Do you do you think there's anyone who's happy? Well?

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Man, So here's the thing. It's not even with And
I don't, of course want to make this mail back yeah,
because no, no, no, I don't think it is.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
Well.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I know there's a lot of queer people that listen
to right, So in relationships as a whole, I think
that unfortunately we've gotten to a place where romantic relationships
have these impossible expectations. I agree, And so that's the problem.
So when I'm sitting here traveling with my friends, like
I just spent a fucking week in Abu Dhabi and
it was fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
And what if you met a man that would buy
the grip with you in Abu Dhabi? I mean, but
that's what I'm saying. So that's still okay. Cool. Let
me sit here and get a sugar dady, let me
see here and make a transactional relationship.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
That's fine. But when I sit here and think about
the the unrealistic expectations of a partner, and most romantically,
it's emotionally, it's financially it's you sit here and give
this person X amount of time to do you wrong.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
Mind you a friend fuck up? One time you cut
them out, You cut them out. There's just all of
these things. And also you don't want to share a
romantic partner. You have these jealousies and these emotions that
you don't realize this with family or friends.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
To me, those those types of relationships really are confusing
to me now because when I sit here and talk
to my friends about it, I'm like, why are we
doing this? Why are we suggesting subjecting ourselves? Well, what's
the other option?

Speaker 1 (11:55):
If you are a woman who wants marriage and children,
what is our other option but to subject ourselves to
the bullshit. But also there's I love my work, like
I feel like I have amazing job, jobs whatever, like
nothing good comes without bullshit. No, I agree, agree, right,

(12:17):
so like I expect that it won't be worse. I agree,
And I think like our grandma's generation was so bad
where they were getting their ass bet every day, and
then I think one thing a new generation always does
is we swing the pendulum so far to the right
because we want to get away from this. And so
we've swung the pendulum so far to the right where
we're like, oh, he does this cut him off, Like

(12:38):
I'm not gonna be like my mom. I'm not gonna
be like my grandma. And it's like, you know, there's
a middle ground. There's a middle ground, and we keep
doing this. It's the same thing that we did with
the whole like feminist movement. Right bitches over here, we're like, oh,
I don't I want to go to work, Like I
don't want to sit at home and make sandwiches. We
swung the pendulum so far to the right, being like
oh no, like now now everybody wants to stay at home.

(13:01):
Now everybody wants to rely on me. It's like we
can't seem to sit in a middle ground. We can't
seem to say, well, the reason why those women wanted
to go to work was because they couldn't fucking own
property or have a bank account without a man. And
the reason you bitches want to sit at home is
because going to work and working in nine to five
is not built for the female. You know, body, why

(13:23):
don't we find something in the middle ground and try
to find careers that fulfill us and that inspire us.
And you know, we can't make our money. But men
still are chivalrous and they're still masculine in all of that.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
So do you lean into the patriarchy as a woman
who's a lawyer. Yeah, I don't know what your middle
ground is to how you've been able to achieve professional success. Yeah,
but you've also been able to be very much into
your divine femininity to where you're not a masculine woman present.
I mean, yeah, your relationship you are. I actually disagree.

(13:57):
I think that your videos have ella masculine energy. Yeah,
but in a good way.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
Well, like the videos are one thing I'm talking about
in her relationship. Maybe the relationship, but I was gonna say,
you definitely give me like to me, that's why that's
why you see the comments where dudes are mad, they
don't get mad at the girls that have the soft attitude. Especially.
There's a video I like of you as I'm trying
to think, it's fresh on my mind because I look
this morning, you're in a workout outfit. Yeah, I'm talking

(14:24):
about your body looks amazing, beaut Okay, yes, anyway, you
know you guys tell me I don't know this, Like
I'm a layers two times anyway, and then you go
back into it and it's like it's so strong that
I feel like men even when they're looking at you,
be beautiful. You were in your kitchen, yeah, look dainty. Yeah.
Just the assertiveness is masculinity to me. Well, to me,

(14:44):
the assertiveness is femininity. So to me, it's like, I
think right now, the way that things are being portrayed
as masculine is strong in your face, assertive, right, and
feminine is thinky and quiet and speaks like this, And
I just I don't, I don't. I don't believe that.
I think feminine is being strong, but being strong like

(15:06):
having this internal strength, right, and I think masculine is
a little bit more. I think it's like a roughness
that that isn't quite strategic, that isn't quite tailored. But
I think to be a strong woman and to be
assertive is to be extremely feminine. And the reason why
I want to push back on that is because for

(15:27):
so long we've lived in a society where the feminine
woman was the dainty, quiet woman. And what that's done
is it has made white women be extremely feminine, and
Black women and women of color be considered extremely because
they're assertive, because they're loud, because or they're exactly what

(15:48):
they want. Right. So I want to push back on
this notion of what is feminine and what is masculine,
and this idea that like the strong and the quiet
are the two worlds that we have to do. Yeah. No,
I am a feminine spoken woman. Yeah, who will like
fuck you up, period, you know what I mean? That's

(16:10):
who I am, Like I'm and and everyone. The way
that I am in my relationship is kind of a
mixture of that. Like I am feminine. I mean, you
have to understand, I was raised in a Middle Eastern culture,
in a Middle Eastern household. What does that mean? That
means literally, from the time that I was a child.
Everything I've done, everything that I was pushed to do,
was not to be great individually, but to be great

(16:33):
in order for a man to pick me for me'ron. Okay,
So like Middle Eastern Muslim household, you're just you're raised
to be a wife. Not every culture raises women to
be a wife, but you're raised to be a wife
from from the very beginning. You're like, let me go
to law school and get degrees. Not because I just
fucking am so excited to be a lawyer, but because

(16:55):
that's just going to increase That's what. That's where I'll
meet a man and that will increase my value and
potential of them finding a greater man. What were the
what were culturally the sexual like I don't know the
views maybe when you were growing up, because I know
with black women it's always like you're moving too fast

(17:17):
or this or that or like the thing that we're
not supposed to you know, do when we're growing up.
But what was it in Middle Eastern culture? Like I mean,
you're not supposed to do shit. We person you run,
You're not supposed to be doing shit. And I was
I was just a bad kid, like I've I had
a growth spur from sixth grade to seventh grade. So
I've been damn near six feet tall since I was

(17:38):
thirteen years old. I've looked exactly the same. The only
thing that's changed is my nose because I've got two
rundo plasties. But other than that, I've just looked exactly
the same. And you weren't allowed to do anything, you know,
like and I grew up in that household where my
mother wears the hit job, so we come from a
very religious household. When I was nine years old, I
decided I wanted to wear the hit job so I

(17:59):
could be like, you know, I'm a little girl. I
want to be just like my mom. It coincides a
nine to eleven, so I'm getting teased at school and
I come home and I tell my parents, yeah, about
that hit job, like I don't want to wear that anymore,
and they're like, no, no, you can't change your mind.
And I was like, you can't change your mind. I
can't change my mind. So from the time I was
twelve thirteen, I'm going to school like low Ki burk

(18:22):
it out and then I'm changing into the smallest mini
skirt and I'm like I'm a fast little girl. At
the time, I'm not telling people I'm twelve thirteen. I'm
going meeting guys in college who are seventeen eighteen, and
I'm doing the things. And it was bad. It got.
It got so bad that the way my dad found

(18:42):
out about everything, who and imagine he thinks I'm like
a good girl who's wearing a hit job. My mother
had a trip planned to Iran. He goes and drops
her off at the airport, and my little twelve thirteen
year old mind, I calculated that I had more time
than I actually did. Me and my little home best friend.
She comes over. We invite two guys who are college

(19:02):
football players. She's having full on sex with one in bed,
and I'm damn near naked. In a song, my dad
walks in, Ohls, my Middle Eastern Muslim father walks in
and drops to his knees with black girl. Yes they
were black. So I just wanted to know because I
know it's worse and what happened, I mean, it was

(19:26):
just like a pause for a second. And my dad's
a big dude. My dad's six or four. My dad
was a bodybuilder. He trained with Arnold, So I get
the fuck out of here, and the guys they run out,
And the next day my parents took me to a
doctor to see if I was a vision or not.
Oh wait not then to pull on the TI on you.
And the wild part is I had never had sex, y'all.

(19:48):
I had never had sex. Okay, but your hymen can
rip in a variety of fucking ways.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
And I will say that was that is one of
the myths that if you're in like anywhere from your
earth on, the idea was if your hymen was broken,
you had to have sex.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
We now know you could do from riding a bike
from from I'll be honest, I think that even today
that same propaganda's push though I don't think that in
schools they're teaching that, Like, no, they're not. But I
think that I think our generation that you're cherry popping,
cherry popping like it's something that we're all expecting. Yeah,

(20:25):
and you have to understand, I never, like, I never bled,
and I also used to think that whenever your cherry pops,
you bleed. But there's hymens that don't bleed you could
rip into. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
I think the first time that I had actually was
the first day of my period. So I bled like
for three days after I lost my virginity. But I
think it's because my period just came on and at
that point I wasn't tracking when it came, like you
didn't have like the same idea of being in tune
with your body. So where I thought my cherry pops,
I bled like a period didn't day. So I never

(20:59):
really correlated that.

Speaker 1 (21:00):
Oh I remember. I remember the feeling. It felt like
a pop. It was it could have been diction, I
mean addiction, dictionary, definition. It was like everything about it
and it was a stream that came out and then
it was finished. It was crazy. Oh oh yeah, No
that I didn't have that. I didn't have that experience. Okay, yeah,
but my dad took me and you know, it's against

(21:21):
the fucking law. Like wait, what's against the law. You're
not you're not you're not supposed to be taking your
daughter and like a lawyers asking whether or not her
hymen is ripped, like you have to low ki, make
a doctor tell you that you can't. That's a I
don't know how t I did it, but I know
in California where I was at the time, they had

(21:42):
to tell the doctor like I remember the doctor distinctly
telling them I'm not allowed to share this information with you,
and they were like, you know the doctor was also Persian.
They're like, come on, bro, like what's up. And she
was like, yeah, her hymen's ripped. And I looked at
the bitch, like, my hymen's ripped. I went home that
day and and they just even though even though I
had never had sex, dude, I didn't even believe I

(22:03):
was eighteen. No, still to this day, my parents don't
fucking believe me. And I went home. My daddy, your
best friend, I know she was. She was getting getting
down and I wasn't. My thongb so I contact booze
Yo soil evidence. My best friend growing up was Persian.
Is it can I say Persian? Yeah? Okay, because some
people say running yeah so everybody. I don't know if

(22:25):
it's because it's like they look Latina but they're but
there's a more exotic look. Black men go crazy for
Middle Eastern girls. Like in my high school, I remember
maybe five girls and I was like, why are they
always get fucked? And I'm not, but they all say
we would go and sneak around to like city Walk.
It was this place in universe. So we'd go meet
the boys, go to the club, come home. Yeah, her

(22:47):
mom came in there, slapped the ship out of her,
and I was like, oh, am I in this too.
And I remember her mom specifically talking about how she
was supposed to be with someone else, and I think,
even and I'm only thirty two, she had an arranged
marriage like ready now she ended up not getting married,
but I remember her telling me like, oh, like me
going on and looking at boys is not what my

(23:09):
family wants. They're yeah, you don't. You don't do that,
like you go through the traditional route of suitors come
to your house. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah, I
mean it were these suitors, like people in your freaking community,
Like okay, on a billboard what they do? No, it's
like think about you got you got your little aunts,

(23:31):
you know, not your real aunts. And they have sons,
you know, and you go to like someone's wedding or
someone's party and they and they see you and they're like, oh,
she's she's pretty, like she would be great for your son. Whatever,
and the entire family with the boys shows up to
your house with gifts and whatever, and asks for your
hand in marriage, being like Bridgitton, how you met them
before at this point? Yeah, I mean in that like

(23:53):
in in Iran right now and like the small villages, no,
it'll be your first time meeting them. But in more
recent modern times, yeah, it's like sometimes it's it's your man,
but the families don't know hold so like they literally
come okay, how many like is it? I mean it
depends on how like and how suitable you are, and

(24:16):
it depends like again where you are. So if you're
in Iran, you start getting them at like fifteen sixteen,
suit of the fifteen and how old are the men
are they also fifteen sixteen or they're like nineteen twenty. Oh,
some girls get grown men. It depends on like your
value and like your package. If you're a girl who
comes from a more impoverished family, you're not highly educated.

(24:40):
Whatever your family is trying to marry you off into
a higher into locum, into loki, whatever family will take you,
because the finances are they get shifted over there. Right
So in like some very very traditional extremists, it's like
the daughters are fifteen sixteen and they're getting wet off
to like thirty thirty five five year old men. Now

(25:02):
in more modern times like today, there's a lot of
boys that I grew up with, you know, just by
virtue of going to the mosque, going to like different occasions,
and I'm seeing the guys, and my mom is meeting
their mom their mom, and so now all of our
families are friends. Now we want to marry within one another.
And so the moms aren't stupid, Like if they see

(25:24):
if she knows that her son likes me, and if
it's obvious that I like her son, then they're like,
why don't we go about it the right way? And
they show up to your house and the hands for
you for your hand in marriage, and this happens over
and over again until you say yes. Damn, how many
times have you been proposed to? Five? JAYZ? Five is
a lot? And what makes you as how you can

(25:48):
say no? Then clearly you can say no. Yeah, you
could say no as many times. I mean I started
getting suitors when I was like seventeen eighteen, just hearing
the words suitors. I mean I honestly, when I was younger,
I was like, this is whack. I want to go date,
Like I if I could go back. I would do
the suitors thing. It's a gettom out here is a

(26:11):
fucking ghetto bro. At least you know, this man is
shown up with intention right with his family. So what
he's gonna disrespect you after he came and looked your
mom and dad in the eye day one. No he's not.
They do and you know they still do. They still do.
They still do? They still do? They still do. But
like the chances are low lower and at least the
timeline that you're on, you're not sitting around. Is he

(26:31):
going to propose? Is he not going to propose? I
like it, And maybe this is just the way I
was raised off the bat, I know you want to
marry me, and then it's just a matter of whether
or not I want to marry you. Back. Did any
of those suitors already have wives? Because a lot of
so when you're where your Persians don't do that. Don't
do the multiple wives? Okay, So do I don't black
I don't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it is mym

(26:53):
I don't. And I don't want to generalize, generalize and
say no Persians do that because there are a lot
of there's like loop marriages, Okay, temporary marriages in Iran
that a lot of guys do engage in with. But
it's not traditional for Persians to have multiple wives. Okay,
so it's more of like a broader Muslim concept. But

(27:14):
I want to readily practice in Iran as growing up
knowing like this is what you know my life should be,
Like I should be meeting the married guy. I mean
not meeting the married guy. Yeah, you know, meeting people
want to marry, meeting someone just out in the open,
which I'm assuming you met your partner life right, like
in the real world. Yeah, what standards? Do you think
that maybe even your upbringing made him feel more pressure.

(27:36):
I mean from the moment I met him, I said,
do you have six months? I was married before, right,
So I got married when I was twenty years old. Okay,
I went back to Iran. My parents were like, you
need to marry a Persian Muslim guy. And keep in mind,
my grandfather is from Ghana, so like we do, but
it's Iran. They don't want to admit that. Like I

(27:57):
watch all my aunts get their skin bleach, like the
concept of even talking about us being black. Like from
the time I was young, I would tell my mom like, hey, Mom, like,
I don't look like the other Persian girls, Like it's
you know what I mean? Like what's going on here?
Because they, yeah, they don't, they don't. They don't like
to you said, no, Ghana, they would. They don't like

(28:20):
to really admit that they're black, right, And that's that's
a whole other issue that they don't like to admit.
But there's a lot of Afro Persians, like a lot,
a lot, right, I've met a few, there's a lot.
So anyway, I go to Iran and I'm like, I
gotta just find something that's middle ground because my parents
want me to be with a Persian Muslim guy. I don't,

(28:41):
so let me find one with tattoos who's like kind
of a hood dude. Like, I don't know, I gotta
find something in the middle and I and I found
a guy who was I was twenty, he was twenty five.
He was tatted up, and like, you wanted something more American,
did you feel? Like? Yeah, I wanted something a little
bit more western and modern and modern. I wanted to

(29:02):
get away from my parents and making me wear a hijob.
That's like the only thing that I was focused on okay,
And in a lot of these households, it's like transfer
of ownership from like your dad to your man. And
I was like, I'd rather go to you know, a
new owner that that's gonna be. That's gonna let me
do more shit right now. I could drink, now, I

(29:23):
could party, now, I could not wear hit job whatever.
So when I when I met my current partner, I
was just like, I don't really believe in the dating shit,
Like I really don't. If I were to do it again,
I would run the same play. I don't believe in dating.
I think it's so fucking stupid. I think it's time consuming.
I think it always benefits men more than women because

(29:43):
I think we live in a society. I mean, I
think if you ask the fucking right questions, what the
fuck are we if we're grown, if we're over thirty,
what are we talking about? Bro? What are we talking about? So?
What does the conversation look like? Talk about it? Okay,
what are your views? Let me pull out my notes.
I'm currently dating, so let me write this down. What

(30:05):
are your views? Their views on religion? That's a big one.
I mean, if you go to any if you go
to any therapist. If you go to any therapist, they
say there's five reasons why people separate. So it's like,
just take those five reasons and work backwards. What are
your views on fucking religion? What are your views on parents?
And how involved your parents need to be in our lives?
And what fucking mommy daddy issues do you have? And

(30:26):
if you don't know what mommy daddy issues you have,
why don't you and go figure the fuck out? Because
I'm not trying to deal with your EDIU complex you
over here either wanting to fuck your mom secretly internally
and or hate your mom and take it out on women,
like I'm not trying to deal with that. Talk about finances,
what role do you think I play in finances? What
role do you play in finances? Should we have a budget? Like?

(30:47):
Is this an allowance situation? You know? Talk about that,
talk about having children, timeline of children, how do you
want to raise children? Raise your child? You have that
ask you hold, Well, if you've been dating someone for
how many years you're gonna talking to the mic? Come on,
act like you'd be on a podcast? How long for

(31:13):
those questions that she just said? How long did it
take for you to know all those answers. What's pretty simple.
So like I initially I knew that everything.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
Needed to focus on that was there, and then I
just needed a little bit more time, maybe like maybe
like six months, and it.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Was like, okay, you know why I wanted to ask that.
I was really curious as to people that have been
together for longer and three years to me as long
if they knew that early. I think you find out
really early. I think the reason why people then delay
it is because committing to someone for the rest of
your life is a long fucking time and it's a
hard thing to do. So if I'm a man and

(31:52):
I could just I could push that commitment off for
a little bit and still have the option to walk away,
why the fuck would I not take up that option?
Why would I? If you know that you are if
you if you sign a contract right, you could sign
it today or you could sign it in two years
where you gonna keep getting the benefits of the contract.
Why would you sign it today now by yourself? That

(32:13):
we've heard Tom and Tommigan from men and women, yeah
that are trying to advise people in dating or marriage
that conversations like these scare people off. Yeah, commitment folks, now,
but I mean that's on a first date. I mean yeah.
I mean don't go in there and be like, whoa,
what's up? You know what I mean? Like what are
your views on marriage? What are your views on joke? Like,

(32:34):
like you gotta be you gotta have some finesse to it,
you know, like eat the fucking food.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
You know, what's your favorite the fucking drink?

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Like what's your favorite football team? Like? And that you
you got to just know a way to navigate and
weave questions in because also you don't want to let
people know that you're about to ask this intense question
and they give you a miss America answer. You want
their true, authentic respond When do you know you're no
longer getting the representative because men are gonna show up
and sure to give you the answers they know that

(33:06):
you want to hear, but that may not even be
who they are. How do you lean? I mean, that's
the truth of the matter is you could do everything
right and still and it's still in those bulls right,
and you could do everything wrong and it's a lie.
It Okay, we might get an accident because the other
person sucks up. We I think at the end of
the day, as a woman, you can only do so much, okay,

(33:28):
and you can't blame yourself if shit goes left, Like
you have to you have to just be true to
yourself and and do the things that you know you're
supposed to do. And then if it doesn't work out, dude,
fuck it, fuck it, who cares? Fuck it? It didn't
work out? Next there is always a net now or
or or like figure it out there. But like, you

(33:48):
can't sit around blame yourself, like, oh, I was so stupid.
I was so stupid. I was so stupid. Like I've
had so many relationships where I've sat there for so
long and blame myself, like I was so stupid. I
embarrassed myself. I did this and this, and I look
back and I'm like and what and what? Like I
figured it out or I didn't, but and what right
I'm gonna sit here and blame myself for a man's actions.

(34:08):
M Why would I fucking do that.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
I'm gonna sit here and I meant myself forget to
blame game myself for staying in.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Something that I knew wasn't healthy. That's too long it
goes that. But yeah, like take responsibility when you go
from victim to volunteer, take responsibility for that. But also
like sitting around berating yourself, other people gonna do that
for you. You don't you know, you don't do it
for you. And and just people can't wait to remind you.
People can't wait to see someone who's doing wealth fall

(34:38):
because it makes them feel finally like they are they
are close in power to you. Oh girl, I know,
I know the people.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
It was happy when I started going through my turmoil
because I was in in bliss the whole first year.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
They're like, no way, this man is this person and
people don't like that. And then I don't think that
people want to see you you you and pain. I
think I think people probably felt like maybe you were
out of touch for a moment because you were so
in love.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
But also but also he showed up. I'm the person
though where where I see friends and I know people
who are dating somebody five months in, they're like, we
need therapy together what so to me, there's also this
false sense that you can actually be in a honeymoon
phase for longer than three months or six months, and

(35:27):
the fact that of course my honeymoon phase was a
year long. But also it might have been out of
touch because I met him in a pandemic. Nothing was
normal during the pandemic, so where literally we didn't have
all of the outside things, My schedule wasn't busy, all
of the things that it was just initially affected the
relationship happened when the world opened back.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
Also, I think as a podcaster, it's like people will
hold you accountable to the thing you said last week.
So for you to turn into someone who's like, oh
my god, my boyfriend's perfect, that's what true. He was perfect,
That's what I mean. But I look like it has
to do with people to see him paint. I'm just
trying to oh no, no, no no.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
But also, if we're coming in here recording a month
where the content.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
In two days, yes, the way even we do it
is but.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Like y'all, y'all were getting my moods in two days
spread out for a month, and you know what I mean, Wolf,
So even if maybe we had a little bump in
the road, by the time we come back into the
studio and then they've resolved it, I've resolved it and
I'm back in bliss or if y'all heard me fucking crying.
There's weeks where I've cried, and it looks like I'm
crying for a whole month.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Bitch. We came in here two days.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
And recorded a month worth of content, and my emotions
within a certain timeframe are going to be very similar.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
But this is what I'm saying. You're allowed to be wrong. Oh,
You're allowed to be wrong at a man. You're allowed
to be wrong about a situation. You're You're allowed to
be fucking wrong because you're a human and you can
only go off of what's being shown to you, right, Like,
what what were you supposed to do? Come in and
be like, I'm happy, but I'm skeptic, Like that's not
feel weird talking about that. I'm talking about previous dating views,

(36:57):
and that's what I mean about when you meet someone
that changes your view. You were not the girl you
were in a relationship. I'm not going to let you
skate by that bro you turned. I also taught our
relationship girlfriendy I'm cooking, but.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Also again the day to day, but it's not the
man that changed me.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
And that's the thing. I've been in therapy now for
two years. Let's be very clear how I view myself.
I got my degree, I got two degrees, and I
talked about I felt worthless in my twenties.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
I didn't cook, I led with sex, I wasn't confident
because of my body. The way I valued myself is
completely different than now. It's completely different than when I
was in my relationship. Do you think that he was
then the catalyst to showing you.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
You to me?

Speaker 2 (37:42):
To me, it was seeing value and now being so
comfortable in my body, to being able to afford and
not go into a relationship Transactionally, I finally felt value
in being able to like a man because I liked him,
not because of what he could provide. Again, through therapy,
I worked on setting boundaries. I worked on communication. You said,
my communication has gotten better. I have genuinely through the

(38:04):
pandemic after graduating, leaving my career, and focusing on building
myself professionally and personally, I genuinely feel like a better
person and so to me even though he was able
to receive that. That's where I've also been in this
weird place with casual sex and just letting any guy
come into my life because I'm like, oh wait, I'm
actually a good motherfucking catch.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
I just had not heard you speak that way until him.
But again, that's why I said that. But that's not
that I didn't know you. But that's where I get
a degree a well. But that's where I want to
be very clear. That man did not make me a
better person. I would't say you're a good person because well,
and I'm not. I'm just saying all of these reasons again.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
My degree therapy over the last two and a half years,
me working on myself is now why I feel like
I showed up as a better partner for him. So
when I sit here and literally cry and be like, damn,
how the fuck did I still get fucked over when
I was showing up as the best version of myself?
That's why I'm beating myself too.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Damn.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Even me showing up as the best version of myself
didn't give me the result of a menagure.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
But I wanted you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
You know, the way I showed up to him had
a lot to do with myself work. And I think
that a lot of women ship shipped in shape who
they are in relationships without doing the self work, which
is why now I'm having a hard time fucking dating
because oh, you don't want to work.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
You're telling you there's too sometimes therapy. I said this
a few weeks ago. Oh yeah, I agree, like healing,
you got to cut it off at a certain points
because now you not you're too healed. And every time
somebody says something, you're like, well that doesn't work for me,
and you're rejecting. I could see from what your talk

(39:45):
too much. I'm like, you know when you can talk
to someone and you're like, you must have just got
out of the session again, oh yeah, or people who
just got out of like a retreat. Like it's like like,
as a man that's on the tail end of his therapy,
I feel that, please don't get me. Well, I also
say this like I and it's become this hype, right, Oh,
we want a man in therapy, won't we want a

(40:05):
man in therapy. We got to be really careful because
there's some trash ass therapists out there and what they have.
They got these narcissistic men going to therapy and they're
lying to these therapists about because the therapy is about
your version of the ourself in for a second, for
the men listening. Yes, I've been meeting a lot of
narcissistic women, and I'm almost exhausted with the narcissistic men bullshit.

(40:29):
There are psychotic women out there. I'm just not dating them,
so I don't know them. No, I'm in reality. I
think we're overdosed with narcissistic male content, yes, and not
enough narcissistic women. But the point is these people are
our friends, our sisters, our moms and coworkers. Yeah, and
then we sit there listening to this fucking bullshit from

(40:51):
them and don't even realize. I agree, we should be
learning the same skills when we're watching that video clip
of someone being a narcissistic man and how to deal
with them or whatever. I don't think we're seeing it
the other way. And I think the issue now is
women are almost feeling so empowered by seeing this one
piece of content, but now they're fucking putting that shit
out into the world. And some of it comes from

(41:12):
the I'm holding myself at this tier of person. A
lot of that narcissistic shit that men have is feeling
like their self worth is inflated, and I've been seeing
women do it way done.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Women are doing the same thing. One maybe four. Now
I'm gonna just say three, so y'all can't three. Three
of my homegirls recently had their phones gone through niggas
is out here going through phones, laptops, Apple watches.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
All of these holes was cheating and.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
All of them went to the men, who literally are
upset that you invY my prophecies, you know. All of
their response was well, I trusted you, and you sat
here and went through my things. All of the women
answered the same way and gas lit the men who
are sitting here seeing them entertain other men, on dating apps,
on seeking arrangement, fucking other people, also talking shit about

(42:00):
them to the.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Oh, this is the one I want to talk about
BDD and I that's what they said. Who's a dude
off for years? Right? He said, I need to ask
you this question because I feel like you're gonna give
me the most honest answer. Why the fuck two women
talk shit about men that they're actually into. Why do
you go in the group chat and you fucking downplace? Oh? Yeah, yeah, no, No,

(42:21):
I think I think I think we have to be
so careful because if I'm coming to you every day
and being like my man is in shit, My man
is in shit, My man is a ship. And then
I'm like, oh, why don't you respect my man? Why
don't you respect my relationship? Well, all I do is
talk about you don't respect him? Yes, And also like
I know, I go home and I have sex and
the oxytocin reminds me how great he is. But you

(42:43):
don't have that experience. So I'm just ruining your view
of someone over and over and over again. I also think,
if someone is that horrible where you're talking about the
bro when I tell you I ate for three years.
Every time I would get in a little fun, little shit,
I would tell But for the most part I was like,
I am not about to walk in parade around. We

(43:04):
were living in Mexico together, bitch, I was enjoying my life,
was he not shiit? No, But I'm gonna tell y'all
that we're having a ball. You don't want a beach.
And the older the older you get, the more you
realize how many women are actually with anight shit dudes,
but you don't know about it.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Well, not only well, not only that, Let's be very clear,
a lot of women aren't admitting to themselves how ancient
they are in their relationships as precisely. So literally, if
you're sitting here telling me all these things, yet bitch.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
I know you, I know you cheating on him, I
know you talking to another nick. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
So also, why are you holding this idea of this
faithful man when you're not faithful. So there's a lot
of ways in which women are feeling to show up
in the relationships the way that they want their partners.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
I think women aren't faithful because they want to keep
the roster bro most women I know today. It makes
sense a little bit because like our entire view of
relationships is like fully centered on infidelity when there's so
many other ways you could betray a person boom, right,
but tell us tell it like our society And I

(44:09):
get why, but our society is so focused on like
infidelity being like the big headline thing. But there are
so many ways you could like neglect a person, you
could over a person, you could emotionally starve a person
like you could, you could make someone feel worthless, you
could belittle them. There's so many ways that are that
that women do engage in with men, right, that are

(44:32):
never headlines. And then the man cheats, which is not
a fucking excuse. There's noever fucking excuse. But then there's
no conversation where a woman can come and say I
did X, Y, and Z wrong in the relationship. That
does not excuse and it does not justify why he
cheated on me. That is a separate issue. But let
me admit to the things and my fault in a relationship.
You know that often it's like, once you get cheated on,

(44:55):
you get to carry the woman, you get to hide behind.
I got cheated on, Well, well, what were you doing wrong?
Not dude, justify him cheating, but what were you doing wrong?
Because there's a dynamic at play and your dynamic is
fucked up? What are you doing wrong in your dynamic?
Not because you care about him, but because you need
to figure out what you're doing wrong here so that
when you go to the next person. I think, I know,

(45:16):
fix it? What is yours? I think that when I
was getting cheated on, I was in the first time.
I don't think I did anything wrong. Okay, I think
my response to the cheating allowed for the continual cheating
in what way because I wasn't as serious, I didn't
stick by what I said in the first time about

(45:37):
leaving him, about setting boundaries, like I remember getting right
back with him because I thought it was just sex.
Even though that may have been true, I never upheld
myself to the standard of whatever. I can't remember what
I set forth, But like he knew there was no
consequence to it. He knew he wasn't losing me. And
then the more he cheated, the more I was okay

(45:58):
with it, but either cheating because of it. So I
was so frustrated with the cheating, but then I would
act a certain way, so I wasn't doing the girlfriend
ship that I set out to do when I took
him back as my boyfriend because I was so mad
about the cheating when reality, I should have just left him.
Like I think, I wasn't sticking to the plan that
I had for myself. And I think because he knew
that I wasn't doing that, it allowed him to keep cheating.

(46:21):
If I'm telling you I have a plan for my business,
I'm gonna be in three cities next year, and I
don't do it, and I keep screaming about it, You're
gonna be like, Okay, this bit chain about shit. Yeah,
I stick to what the fuck I say when it
comes to my money, and I always do. I don't
take l's from it. But with my relationship, I kept
taking l's on what I said I would stand for it.
And I think he saw that everything else in my

(46:44):
life I was very very good at doing. He knew it.
I would get up, it didn't matter what it was.
If I was hungover, drunk, I'm still gonna make it.
I never miss a flight. I'm always on point with shit.
But for the relationship, it was always like this.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Yeah, that's what I was saying in the beginning, though
your heart's I know how I show up, and like
for most people generally speaking, now, how you show up
professionally and in friendships just innately, unfortunately is different than romantic.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Of course it just is, and so somewhere, no, it does.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
But that's where, unfortunately, because there's whatever the oxytocin that
we get when we fucking these big dick good dick nicholas,
we be so dumb in not being able to show
up as ourselves and how we know how to show
up in business or with friendships. For whatever reason, a
lot of those boundaries are not kept the way we communicate,
the way we really put those hardcore things down they

(47:35):
they're a little bit more blurry in romantic relationships.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
I mean, it's not gonna be the same as the platonics.
Like if my girlfriend doesn't respond in two days when
she hits me, I am, I'm not gonna be like,
where have you been? You don't care about my emotions,
you don't care about my well being. I'm like, what's
that big man? But if that man doesn't talk to
me two days, like you don't care about my well being,
you hate me? You are you know what I'm saying, Like,
I also think we but we said ourselves for failure

(48:01):
when we compare anything to romantic relationships, the expectations of
romantic relationships that are have the conversation last night donating
was fasting and so fasting from what right? Food, alcohol,
everything right for like twenty four hours. So we were talking,
maybe like around three pm that day I went to
like a food convention thing so he couldn't come fasting,

(48:23):
And then like three pm I said something. This one's
fucking responded to me until the next day. I said, what,
bitch were you fasting with? Like are you out of
your mind? That's what you said? Yes, And He's like,
how is it possible that your brain went to another
woman just because I didn't talk to you? By the way,
I don't like. Wolf was over there just shaking his
head like, well, I like, what's part of my brain wound?

(48:44):
A part of my brain where men are out here
fucking passive passive with my math? You know part you
want to not talk to me? You better tell me
you don't want to talk to me period. You better say, yo,
I need a minute for this past. I'm not about
to fame, but I know he is he this is

(49:05):
the whole type ship. And I tell you can I
tell you? But I understand why you asked that because
one time during Ramadan, my current man, I was not
into him at the time, so I lied and was like,
it's Ramadan, I can't have sex, So I didn't have
So that's why that's so toxic. That's exactly why you

(49:26):
should not trust men. Bro. So he's like, yo, I'm like,
so what should do this one? And he's like, yo,
Like I just was tapped out. I was just trying
to spiritually tune in with the bitch. And I'm like,
how did you break your past? He told me what
He's like, I had a kill salad with salmon? Where
did you eat that out lunch for the bitch? Because
I know you ain't make no motherfucker kill salad? And yo,
who even told you about kill salad? Bitch? Bitch? Yeah, yeah,

(49:51):
I don't care to kill. That's you, niggah, You telling
me right now you have salmon and kill. No, he laughed.
And think I'm being you are, but I'm right and no,
And this is probably some ship you were you were
doing in your list relationship talking about I wasn't doing
nothing wrong and then he cheated first of all, changing
the I started cheating too. But anyway, let's go to

(50:19):
why the girls want to talk to you? So I
want to talk about one of my favorite things you
said in the video. There's so many favorite things. Being
with a rich man is lit. Now, obviously that would
be the case, but how are the girls going to
find him and how are they going to keep him? Okay,
let's start with being with a rich man is lit.

(50:39):
That was said in the context of in comparison to
being with a four man. Okay, Okay, Like, obviously, if
you take two men who are identical in every way,
one has money, and one does it. Obviously you should
pick the one who has money. That being said, and
I've tried to I've tried to make videos about this,
and like the girls don't want to hear this side
of it. Being with a rich man comes with shit too, right,

(51:02):
It comes with a lot of shit on its own,
So I don't ever want to romanticize, like being with
a wealthy man is just like so incredible and so
amazing and so like, it comes with a whole host
of its own shit. One thing I'll just say, overview,
if you are with a man who a minority, right,
who's a millionaire within a capitalist, white supremacist society, that

(51:27):
man has to have believed in himself so much to
get himself there, right, like you need to, because how
the fuck else are you gonna write? How are you
gonna move through all these fucking systems A lot of
these men have as a result, they have God complexes.
They they do have some bits of narcissism. They have
high high egos like that doesn't stop at work, that

(51:51):
comes home. These are their personality traits. So the personality
traits that sometimes contribute to a man being extremely wealthy
includes lack of empathy, being able to compartmentalize, not being
overly emotional. Those are the things that we have seen
historically make a great leader, and it allows him to,

(52:12):
no matter what bullshit he has, go and make a
lot of money. Now you bring that home and you
bring that into a relationship. It's not exactly amazing all
the time. A man who doesn't have empathy.

Speaker 2 (52:24):
Or now has these expectations of you to show up
as maybe his soldier only because now science the leader first,
he sees himself as.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
A leader all the way around. Unless, like when we
spoke with a dom, a lot of them may want
to get into kink submiss the roles in that way.
But yes, I want to say this is interesting. So
black women are surpassing black men in an entrepreneurial sense,
and college degrees and finances by I think it's like
six times or something. So if that's the case and

(52:53):
we don't really need the money, let's just say, I mean,
we still want it. But should women with money then
be pursued someone who's maybe not the richest kind. No,
I actually think this is where it's all fucked up,
And I actually think women are completely fucked And I'll
explain to you why, Like, no, I gent what I mean,
we're fucked. I think I think if you're I think,
if you're a woman who makes money, you have two options.

(53:16):
Either dating a man with money. Now, that's hard because
if you're in the one percent, there's only one percent
for you to date, right, and you either work with
all of them. And that's assuming the people in that
one percent who financially match up with you also match
up with you religiously, culturally, height wise, wait wise, look wise,
character wise, like all that. I mean, the chances of

(53:38):
that are very fucking slim. So you're kind of fucked
right here. Your other option is going and dating a
man who makes less than you. Now, the problem is,
I believe there's something innately within a man where if
he does not make more money than you. Now there's exceptions,
but if he does not make more money than you,
there's something about him and his ego as a man
that gets like compromised, like where he needs to like

(53:59):
fulfill it some other way, which is why you have
women who end up dating men who make less and
then getting cheated on by those men because they can't
seem to feel like men without the financial aspect of it,
and now a lot of that is attributed to a
patriarchal society. So you're kind of fucked either which way.
Well guess me that enough. I mean, I don't I

(54:20):
don't mean to say like, oh gooo, who, like we're fucked,
but like, let's be completely realistic, let's have honest conversations.
As a woman, it is hard to find a fucking partner.
It just is. Your options are finding someone who matches
at your level, which is hard. If you have fucking skyrocketed, right,
if you have like a normal paying job and on

(54:42):
normal degrees, that's great, you have more options. But I
always said this, like it's really hard for me to date.
I am six feet tall. That that in itself, the
number of the doctorate, Yeah, with with with the jd J.
I'm I'm barred in two different states, and then I
have another degree from Columbia and out of call, out

(55:03):
of law school, I was making two fifty. So who
am I dating? And I'm Muslim and I'm attractive, so
I have to you know what I mean, Like, there's
there's a total but like ten men available for me.
Four of them I've already fucked. The other ones with
my girlfriend. I hate jam.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
So then let me ask you getting into the relationships
only because I know we said we would talk about it,
and I would love to know how you went into it.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
Prenups.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Yeah, so a woman finally gets married, especially maybe one
with her own assets or maybe not.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
We could talk speak to both women. Yeah, you feel
like prenups are a good thing and need to be happy.

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Yeah, and I know a lot of women and men.
Now that word has had such a negative connotation with
and Jasmin and Chino. I don't fucking body you if
you do the Primo. I love that show first of all.
And she's an insane human and the reason she's she
didn't know. Yeah, that's why you no one the fucking
to me. The waits you think are a great thing,

(56:05):
I think they're an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
I think they're an amazing thing. If you don't make money,
I think they're an amazing thing. If you do make money,
I think if you decide to want to be a
stay at home mom, okay, and you make no money,
but your man is making the money without a prenup
when it comes time to get a divorce. Now, this
berries state by state, state different different laws. What are

(56:27):
you really walking away with? Whereas if you had a
prenup and you're like, Okay, I'm going to be a
stay at home mother and I'm going to get a
percentage of this and this and this and this at
least that because being a state at home mother is
a job. Is a job, you baby, a job I
would so this is what I mean, So the same
way that you wouldn't. You wouldn't go into a job

(56:47):
and be like, you know what, Bud, we'll figure it out,
like you shouldn't go into a marriage and be like,
we'll figure it out, because what do you mean? I
need to know how much i'm a fucking get paid
in case this shit goes left, because I've given up
my life to be your part. And because we live
within a patriarchal society that's going to allow you to
go and date other women because you do not have
to deal with agism, whereas I fucking do. And you

(57:09):
do believe in a woman's value decreasing with I don't
believe in it by society. I think we live in
a society that doesn't. I think it's incorrect, but I
think we do live in a society that unfortunately values
values women based off of our age and the kids,
that we have something.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
That will make me feel good because I, oh, yeah,
I think get your fucking money. Broom boom, I think
get your money in every way.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
How where do we meet them? Okay, so let's see.
I think I was just in Dallas. I was staying
at the ritsuh the bar at the Ritz and I
got them oil men, listen.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
Take your texas they leave, because then you can't have
an abortion. But uh so, hotel bars, hotel bars, but
go alone. Girls like to go in groups. That's intimidating.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
So can I be honest with you?

Speaker 2 (57:58):
If you go alone and usually a dress like you
just came from work though, because ye don't look like
an don't looking at escort of process, not.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
That there's anything wrong with because there's not way you
dress mad.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
I've had friends removed from bars because they were accused
of being escorts when.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Literally they weren't. Yes, yes, yeah, you cannot just go.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
Also, ladies to these bars and look like a sex worker,
because there a lot of times are undercover cops.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
You will be removed from these bars, especially in major cities. Yeah,
my roommate, I had when I was younger. She worked
at a hotel called the Peabody in Orlando, and she
said the number one tip that they would get where
like they had to alert the security, was that the
person wasn't ordering a drink the woman because waiting for
and waiting for I think, I think, order your own
fucking drink. Well no, they're saying like if you're a

(58:47):
sex worker, oh oh got it, got it, you're not
going to order the drink. But anyway, long story short,
Uh so hotel bars. I agree to tell bars who
I'll be here. It not the folle ring grandma ringtone. Also,
that is a grandma ass work. My phone was transferred.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
Oh oh yeah, it's update. She ain't set her seting.
It's going back to factory.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
I think I think at conventions and conferences like, okay,
I'm going to astro Tech.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
You guys, I'm hosting an event I've ever first. I
think afro Text is an amazing that's where you meet.
I did also see and this was a TikTok that
I just saw, but that made sense. My homegirl sent
it to me because now we sing, we're trying to
scope back. So there was another thing that again when
you're a one percent, when you're a billionaire, a lot
of them hang with other billionaire of course, so it
was talking about, uh conference like whenever they do the

(59:43):
boat thing?

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Uh, what's the thing? Our cause was the one Formula one.
A lot of the billionaires go to the Kentucky Derby.
There's a lot of even events that they all like, Now,
you guys can all go to this stuff. So I
talked about it a few months back the F one event.
I went to Miami, where they like fucking I met
the owner of F one Miami and he just star
studied me. I think I was sitting next to Tiesto,

(01:00:08):
Queen land Tiva like my names. But you can go
to F one for like one hundred fifty dollars, right, yeah,
get it, get it, get there. But this is why
I say, don't go with too many people. Just have
one girl, girl, because it's a it's a lot easier
at moving person to those guys normally coming to But
for a hotel bar, I could see why you said one. Yeah,

(01:00:29):
I think you had another video about going out alone.
Can you talk about that more for women? Yeah, I
mean I just think it's a lot easier and this
fucking sucks that we have to make ourselves more approachable
for men. So like, I know, fucking sucks, but I
think it's just you're more approachable when you are by yourself.
I think sometimes men get really intimidated when there's like
when like a group of five bad bitches, like they're

(01:00:52):
just gonna be like, I don't know, and it's a
good point that whatever. So when you're by yourself and
you look like this is just something I do, like
I'm not here for you, babe, I just like got
off work, even though I am. I just got off
of work and I'm just here to get a drink
and this is what I do, it's a lot easier.
I also think there's nothing wrong with like sparking up
a conversation. That does not mean that you need to

(01:01:12):
pursue the man, But if he's sitting next to you,
you could bait him into a conversation like have you
ever had the whatever whatever's on the middle, like do
you know if it's good? And then he'll say something
and you'll be like okay, but now you you've opened
the door saying I'm interested in a conversation if you'd
like we can have a conversation. You know what I do.

(01:01:32):
They compliment your outfit. I have noticed my friends, my
whole boys have told me that they're like, I love
telling her of our sneakers. Now her head is gassed up,
now she's open. I'm thank you. And then boom, you're
not saying you're hot, You're saying something general. We already
know you worked hard on your outfit. Like, I think
there are ways that men are even sometimes afraid too. Yeah,
now we snagged the rich guy. How do we keep

(01:01:55):
how do we keep them? How do we set ourselves
apart from the other women? Because we've been having conversations
a few weeks ago, like, okay, do women compete? Most
women Mandy and our guests at the time are like,
I'm not gonna compete. I know we compete. I've always
said there's already a competition. That's what the patriarchy is

(01:02:15):
set up. It's for us to compete against them. For
these men. Yeah, Like is that not crazy? But is
there a way for a woman to stand out from
the other women? I don't think. I don't think putting
on an act to stand out is a fucking thing. Like,
that's not how you are, Like I think, at the
end of the day, you're gonna stand out if you're
that person's like for them. Yeah, like there's there's you

(01:02:38):
can't put on bells and whistles and do all this
weird ship to stand out for a man and it's
not who you are. And that's once you go into
a relationship. Because once you go into the relationship, how
are you gonna come How are you gonna keep up
the act. There's so many times I've heard or men say, like,
I don't have an ex that's ever said like we
stopped sucking, because that was always me. They've never been like, oh,

(01:03:00):
she used to dress up or do this and blah
blah blah and stop. That was always me at least
sexual aspect. Right, Yeah, maybe I stopped cooking too much,
But I do know that, like the sex was always
one thing that I felt like I was able to
keep up with. And I've heard so many times in
relationships and marriages men say we don't have sex anymore. Yeah,

(01:03:21):
I've never I can't relate. I can't relate. I actually
had a whole life. I've never maybe except for one,
has been a relationship where a man has wanted to
have sex more than me. I want to have sex
ten times today, same and can go ten times and
if we can, we're going. Yeah, Like I have a
very high liby though, so that's not my problem. But
that maybe for the man that like you meet, it's

(01:03:43):
really important to him that you remember dates I don't know,
and you're naturally let's say good at dates. You're going
to stand out for him. Yeah, that's just a match.
But you can't manufacture a match, and you don't want
to manufacture a match.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
And you don't want to manufacture yourself to be something
for somebody that is you're not always.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Like yeah because he has money. Like, at the end
of the day, somebody could have money, but if you
are miserable with them, there is no value in that money. Listen,
there really is it you If you wake up every day,
if you wake up every day and like you're just
unhappy to be there, that money in that fucking mansion
and that panenthouse isn't gonna mean that what then what
ends up happening is you end up beating a man

(01:04:20):
who is good, who is genuine, who is sincere heat
a poor boy. Sorry, no, no, no, My last relationship
that happened. The person I fell in love with had
way less than him and me, Right, But then I
would be away on these great trips and just live
in a great life. And I'm like, ooh, but like
I hate the person I'm sitting across from. Yeah, And

(01:04:41):
I think that being able to like see that up
the mirror in my face, like really has taught me
a lot about what I'm looking for now. No, I
can't date someone broke, but I definitely less. Yeah, I
think that's fine. Like, I think a man can be
a provider and not be a trillionaire. Like I don't
think a provider and wealthy are necessarily the same thing,

(01:05:02):
because now there's a lot of wealthy men who are
fucking stingy ast shit, ye'll give you no money. And
there's a lot of men who are good men who
make like whatever average is in your book of money,
and they provide for you, they show up for you,
they buy you on trips. I'll be honest, I have
every fucking bag I want I've ever fucking I mean,
I think that's a very fine standard to have. You

(01:05:24):
just want some food or some trips, bro the mom
give you that. The more money I've made, the less
I've like want them material even like watches. I agree
buying myself watches, don't fucking wear them. I thought Rolexes
were gonna be my standard. Now I don't even put
them on it when I'm walking down the street. It's
all these little things that I thought would make me

(01:05:44):
more attractive just to the world when I started making money,
and now it's I've totally regressed. It's the weirdest thing.
The only thing I will motherfucking do every time is
laid out flat and I need to post. Literally just
did that from from Dubai and I literally spoke to
my friend when we were walking to the lounge about it.
I was like to know that I just could. I said,

(01:06:05):
I want to bed. I want to be able to
lay down during this fucking seven hour flight to Amsterdam.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Yeah, and I just bought it. I was like, wow,
like the idea that this at one point only would
have seemed possible with a man with money. I know
now my mindset is, so what do I need these niggas?
Bro I'm gonna be honest with you even when I'm crazy.
If I'm taking myself African trip this year, if you
need to be in the back up's fine, but I
will in a fly like, wait, why are you shaking

(01:06:31):
your hand?

Speaker 1 (01:06:31):
Well, we have both being economy. I don't know make
economy money. The other one does that he has to sit.
He can't upgrade himself. But no, like that, haes. I
think that's the only I think that's the only thing
in my life right now that you know. You're not
upgrading your man, you know, upgrading your man with you.
I'm spending four thousand and five thousand dollars on these flights. No,

(01:06:53):
you not upgrading your man. I'm not spending that much
on a man. No, no, I'm not. Okay, So, but
so here's my QUI you're not and only because I
like to do the devil's advocate.

Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
Okay, you're with a rich man. He flies first class,
puts you on economy. You're going on the trip with
him flying economy.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
I don't have to do the chivalry he does. He does.
But I have a question. You're in first class. He
just rode seven hours in the economy. How do you
think I'm gonna give him? She said on a girl,
actually only one girl. Mage I was flying from Bogata
to New York, right, okay, And there was only one left,

(01:07:30):
one seed left, and we wanted to get out for
the next day and my ex was like fuck.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
We were like, should we split it? And he was
like yeah, and we actually did. It was six hours
we did three and three. Oh see, I didn't saying
the same thing happened with me. My ex literally from Bogata.
I got the first class. He was comfort and I
allow I was too nice to that. Nigga allowed him
to sit first class because he's six seven. I'm five
to one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
I'm sleeping the whole time. Yeah, sit up in first class. Yeah,
never again. Nope, he was undeserving. I will never do
that again. I'm first class. You go sit in coming.
This is not Yeah. This has happened multiple times in
I only did this were laid down otherwise. I don't care.
I was upset. This has happened in my relationship, and
I'm always going to be in first class. You can
sit in the back even though you paid for it.

(01:08:11):
This is like when a man lets me sit down
when there's a seat avail about the bar. I swear
to God, it's the same concept to me. Yes, it is.
Wait what I have never had a nigga let me
sit up anytime a bar? Yeah, like no, I'm getting
seated first last week. Bro? You doesn't agree? Oh right?

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
Well well real quick, Well, this entire conversation us clearly
talking about dynamics of relationships.

Speaker 1 (01:08:36):
Tell you not in your head a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
You nodded your head, you agreed, you disagree, some, you
laughed at something. Well, what would be your overall consensus
with our views of dating and how we're showing up
and what we expect from men based on just this
hour and change of conversation?

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
That was crazy everything? I think everything right now? Wait?
Oh so you want your girl to go to the bag? No,
he want to be in the back. Yeah, let's be together. Okay,

(01:09:13):
well you know what, why is struggling wife quality? Because
I'm gonna be like that. That was tall. I'm six
feet tall. It's hard back there, and I have bad knees.
So your man is gonna be even taller. That's his bad. Okay. See,

(01:09:34):
I'm gonna say this. This is to me the same thing.
If I'm dating a man that maybe doesn't wear designer
like I'm wearing, You're gonna buy him shirt? No, I
ain't gonna lie I didn't do that with my what
is available bag? Yeah, and you're gonna find it. So
my point is, if I'm treating myself, you're not gonna
feel weird at an event where you're like, you're decked

(01:09:56):
out and and he looks I'll be in today's age.
I think fla ship can Gosha could go without being labeled. No,
I agree. Are you gonna let's say he doesn't have fashion? Tim,
will you help? Don't? You got to be able to leave, Honestly,
you got to be able to put that ship on. Bro.
I don't think i'd be in that place where I

(01:10:16):
be there. But I've also dated very wealthy then that
can't dress precisely. Wealth is not so that labels I
have been DATCHI lying, disgusting, philly and versachi, awful and
grandy or I'll say that might be something on part
with you. And it's what taught me that I could

(01:10:37):
date a man that has a little less so just
talking about clothes, right, A friend of mine shout out
to Maurice. He said, I have to date a woman
that has my same taste level. And I keep talking
about this on every podcast and I couldn't believe how
true it was. He said, maybe she's not making as
much as me, and I think he's it. Okay, I

(01:10:57):
go to Japan, you've never been. That's cool. But you're like, oh,
did you go to this neighborhood? Did you see the herd? Yeah?
I heard there's a really fast train. That means our
taste levels matter for sure. So I think when I've
dated men that have less like it happened to me
a few weeks ago. I was getting dressed and he
was like, Yo, are those rick rick owing pants? And
I was like, no, but they look like He was like, damn,
they got the same swag. Look at you with the

(01:11:18):
dupe now we laughing about shit. I'm like, oh, so
you get it. It doesn't matter if you're wearing three
thousand dollars pants, you're getting it because those Dara's gonna
hit niggle. Nobody will shame me out of Sarah Everara.
But anyway, so, the taste level when it comes to food, hotel,
stays all of it. Bro if he can't afford certain things.

(01:11:43):
Even when I was broke, I was figuring out how
to do X y Z, and I believe that is taste.
I agree. I was if I could do it in
law school off financial aid, you could do it with
your regular paying job. I was making well. I'm in school,
so I have what like a thousand dollars a month,
but I'm going on trips and I'm looking good, and
I still figure out a way to get on a

(01:12:04):
boat situation. I'm telling you that you can figure it out.
People just don't want to put in an effort, or
they're not as resourceful, or maybe I'm not resourceful. That's it. People.
People don't know how to I just keep saying, finesse like,
you gotta know how to finess life. You gotta know
how to like, you gotta know how to move, You
gotta know how to you know, get get get Get

(01:12:25):
on a fucking group on. There's some good shit on
group on. Figure out if you don't have money, I'm saying,
figure out a way to get get get it via
group of be the men that take me to pay
as you wish day at the galleries. I don't give
a fuck. I see that you know what I like.
You like what you're doing Tuesday night. Oh you look nigga,
and you know you can pay a dollars instead of thirty.
That's fine. At least be in there. I don't give

(01:12:45):
a fuck. But that to me is like you get it, Yeah,
that is what I want. I think making a little
less than you is I is fine. I dated a
man who made like, very very very low amount. What's that?
Just curious? I mean, oh, go ahead, go ahead and

(01:13:06):
get you. That's a very low amount sr No, no, no,
it was like one twenty and that was low okay
for New York. Absolutely, I can understood that that way.
It was one twenty. It was it was just too
low for me. But I was paying for everything. I
just felt bad at that point. I'm not gonna hold you.
That was my life. I paid for everything like I
didn't for I paid for a lot like I didn't

(01:13:28):
like that I like to eat and nice places. I
didn't like that I would go to. I would want
to go to a roll. This was literally like, babe,
that's expensive. I don't want to just get into God,
I got it. I got it so that I'm not
allowed to sit here and argue with you. I just
I'm craving this possible.

Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
And that's where that's where I realized taste matters, but
also with restaurants.

Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
He literally almost to me.

Speaker 2 (01:13:51):
I felt like I was duped out of being able
to enjoy the things I liked because he said, why
would you spend that much.

Speaker 1 (01:13:56):
On a meal? Like, literally, I like everything here, experience.
I agree this, and the ballet guy, especially in LA,
doesn't take my ship. I why don't want? Yeah, well
I started. I started secretly going to restaurants for myself.
Myself same in my relationship because I was like, I

(01:14:16):
can't pay for you all the time, and also I
don't want to deprive myself of this of what I
like to do. Yeah, but you know, for me, I
at least need once a week and it doesn't have
to be the Michelin or whatever, but like once a
week of effort. I was dating and effort Like I
was adating a guy in LA that took me to
this like hidden restaurant in the middle of Rodeo and

(01:14:37):
it was hella cute, like I loved it, and I
thought like, oh, you're trying, like you got me the
instagrammable spot. I mean, let me let me say something.
Though dates are expensive, we talk about Michelin, A regular date.
A regular date is oh a date. Yeah, the meals.
I just hated Omar's kitchen. Shout out, y'all should go
eat it. To the Lower east Side. I know a

(01:14:58):
lot of you guys went to Cadence. They told me
went in there and didn't know it was vegan.

Speaker 2 (01:15:01):
They told you that girl felt so bad. I looked
at that menu and I was like, and there were fans.
They brought food out from the kitchen. I didn't tell
my friend, don't finish at all. It's good, but we
don't want to eat the rest. It's vegan, but I don't.
We only left because they also no liquor. I said,
no liquor and vegan, I said, bitch.

Speaker 1 (01:15:22):
Now no, they got cocktails. Oh you didn't look at
the Nope, there's wine and beer. Wine and beer is
not a cocktail to me. Oh they made wine. That's
not a cocktail. Oh anyway, Oh Mar's kitchen, they do
have liquor. It's in the Lower east Side. Jamake a restaurant.
We ate. I think it was one hundred and fifty
five dollars. This Jamaican food. This is what I mean.

(01:15:43):
I don't this is not a problem. Those are his
prices and the food is great. And it's a it's
a vibe, that's a date night. But literally I remember thinking,
like when you think about going to like, I don't know,
just a Caribbean restaurant, you're not thinking you're spending that much,
but you're out here to have drinks. You're out here
in the vibe.

Speaker 2 (01:15:57):
There's music there like this year then I'm going to
find hopefully so, which is what I used to tell
my friend all the time. Bro, you can't expect a
man to take you for dinner and hookah three times
a week.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
That's a thousand dollars a week. That's literally like fifteen
hundred dollars. And on top of that, you want flowers,
and on top of it, like sometimes you might want
him to talk for your uber home. Sometimes I do
feel for how hard it is for a man to date,
especially if they want to date multiple women. I don't
even know how the hell because honestly, they need to
set up a financial course because they're really doing it

(01:16:31):
out here. Like how you how you dating five women?
Make no money and you but they're not. That's why
they're inviting them to Netflix and chill. Now. I cannot
date a dude that's dating too many people because it'll
take away what he did for you. It really is,
you're still on my resources I want to do and
you can't. Is it because you just took this with Jeb?

(01:16:52):
But but think about it, Okay. A man who's spending
fifteen hundred dollars a week on his girl on dates
multiple multiply that by four. Right, y'all got it? Dating
is a rich man sport. Yeah, and then add rent
and add and add car and add this, and there's
no way he would be able to do all that

(01:17:12):
making less than what like a couple of milks. Hmmm.
I want to end this because I'm pissed.

Speaker 2 (01:17:20):
Oh yeah, sorry, y'all thought y'all would come here for
dating advice. We just let you know it's rough out here, y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:17:24):
Dating is ghetto. The advice is just fuck him. I
wouldn't recommend just fucking them, my eyes. My advice is
just get get your ship, get your money, you know,
pouring to yourself, make sure you're good and hopefully the
right one comes and if not, you're still laying flat

(01:17:44):
on your way to Singapore. Bitch, I know that's right,
you know what I mean? Listen that thing about us
we're gonna lay flat without you thought, that's so crazy.
So that I was flying back from Harris and I
was in the pot you know what has the doors?
The doors oh or the D and D bitchmar coming
back had a massage, but oh yeah, the Delta. It

(01:18:07):
was klm oh and it was ken you sitting in there.
And I was literally reading a book called Rich and
Pretty period. This nigga wasn't texting me back, and I
was like, I'm literally one hundred and eighty degrees right now.
I just have a fucking duck. Do I give a fuck? No? Nope, No,
I can't give a fuck. I also, whenever I used
to date a certain man, I'd be like, if four

(01:18:29):
or five million dollars were added to my account right now,
would I give a fuck? And the answer has always
been no. And then I realized that that means I'm
only sad because I don't make enough. And if I
were to let me go, yeah, let me just make
more money, I might be sad and rich.

Speaker 2 (01:18:47):
Better than horror conversations, the modern day woman is going
to get our.

Speaker 1 (01:18:54):
But also, let's just keep in mind this is talking
about being rich alone. Yeah, and I think that is
the most powerful thing because I've been watching so much
content and hearing so much bullshit over the years of
women talking about being sad with a man's money. No,
I'm saying you need to get your money. No, I
know what you're saying, right, but this isn't a conversation
that I've been hearing. It's always about Oh, if he

(01:19:16):
gets you x y Z, well, at least you got
this bruh. You can literally get that ship yourself. The
way you're just fro my gets hard when I fucking
do shit for myself. My life is so peaceful right now,
y'all be like key glowing because I ain't worried about
no niggles. Where can people find you so hard? Tell
them what I'm on Tiktoki talks with so harr and

(01:19:37):
then my Instagram sharm and that will be in the
description of this episode. Y'all. Y'all want to hear more
from Horrible Decisions, make sure you join us on Patreon.
That's patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. Sorry, thank you
for joining us here. We're gonna have to do dinner
and catch up, yes, but yeah, y'all, make sure y'all

(01:19:58):
check us out, and this has been yet another episode
of horrible decisions like

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}EP 345: Dating is Truly the Ghetto (Ft. Sahar)