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July 19, 2023 43 mins

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
God can't bless who you pretend to be or who
you compare yourself to.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
He can only bless you and the lame that was
created for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
I feel that for somebody, you don't need no edge entity,
you need boundaries.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
What I don't need your mics, I don't need your validation.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
All I need is a.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
God buddy for me that says all things, all things.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
All things.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Child, Child listen, Okay, you already know this. My name
is Sarah Jax Roberts. But did you know that I
am in recovery and not from substance abuse or any
type of addiction. But I am in recovery for something
that I've been plagued with for quite a few years,
and that is the notion that you can never let

anyone see you sweat, which was really complicated by the
fact that I felt like there was a big old
sweat drop constantly pouring down my head. After going through
all of the different struggles that I've talked about in
my life, I thought that my goal was to get
to a phase and stage of life where it looked
like I had it all under control. A white picket

fence would have been nice, A good job and something
that said, Wow, she really made it to the other side.
Then I realized that there is no other side, and
that instead of trying to get to a place where
it doesn't look like I sweat at all, that maybe
I needed to allow people in. In other words, maybe
it's time I let people see that it hurts, I'm tired,

I'm worried. I think one of the moments that I
am most proud of came a few years ago, a
few years into my recovery, when I learned that I
was not doing my children any favors by pretending that
I wasn't tired, pretending that it was easy to show
up for them in the way that made them feel special, loved,
and seen, and instead to let them know the moments

when I was tired, too tired to do what they
wanted me to do, too tired and needed to go
to bed. So we were ordering again. You see, most
of us just order the food and close the door.
But I took the time to express to my daughter
Mackenzie at the time that I was tired and so
I was going to take a minute to rest, but
I was going to order some food. It seemed like
unnecessary language. Why let her know that I was tired.

Why let her know that I was going to lower
the standard for one night so that I could upkeep
the standard of mean. But now that she is thirteen
years old and she is moving fully ahead into womanhood,
I hear her saying things that leave her space to
advocate for herself or even reminded me, Hey, mom, you've
worked a really long day. I'll get lst so that

you can get some rest. There was something about seeing
me give myself permission to shine even when I wasn't
at my best. That is teaching her to look out
for the signs within her mom, but also to honor
those moments within herself. Sometimes we think the only way
we can shine is when we're fully healed, or the
only way we can shine is if we have it

all together. But I am here to let you know
that it is possible to shine even while you are recovering.
I cannot imagine what it would be like if people
were invited to see me every single day at the
top of the morning at that I don't think that
there would be much shining happening there at all. And
yet the truth is that for Tashara Parker, this is

her reality. She is shining so bright, not just in
the Dallas Fort Worth area as a news anchor, but
literally all over the world. And it is not just
because she is incredibly articulate or remarkably beautiful, but it
is because she has allowed us into those moments where
she shined even while receiving hateful comments and remarks. She

shined even while fighting to pass certain deals. She shined
even while working through her own family work. She has
found a way to shine no matter what. I have
invited her to be on today's podcast because she has
so much wisdom to share about being in a public position,
a position where people often know what they think they

know about her, and her commitment to allowing her authentic
state to show up not just in her hair, but
in her feedback and response to the news that she
receives about how she's showing up. I love that Tashara
made the brave decision to not just tell the news,
but to allow herself to become the news so that
we would feel a little less alone. If you are

like us and you have found moments in your life
difficult to shine because you weren't at your best, or
you were receiving hateful feedback or comments that made you
feel like you should shrink. Well, we're going to show
you how to shine. This is an episode you will
not soon forget. Let's get into it. So you're everyone's friend.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
And you know this? Did you know this? Did you
know this?

Speaker 4 (04:47):
I know that I call everyone cousin because okay, we're
all family. Yes, yes, I'm friend, I'm cousin, I'm all
of that.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
We definitely feel like we know you.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
You give us everything we need with the looks and
the hair. But then also like the flip, right, so
like when it's time to be about the business, you're
about the business. And when it's time to just kick
back and be homegirl, you do that very well. So
how did you find a way to bring your authenticity
to what you do while also recognizing that there is

a standard, yep, that you have to adhere to at
least to get into the door. And then you can
stretch it a little bit. But like, how do you
navigate this world you're in? I love that you said stretch.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
It a little bit. I've been stretching it a whole
lot lately, so I agree with you.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
Right, there's this so called standard to get into a
business like journalism, especially when it comes to being on
air as an on air talent. And I knew that
from the start. And I knew that when I was
getting into this business originally back in twenty fourteen, that
I wasn't going to be able to be all of
Tashara at the beginning. I remember some words from Sint
Marshall Dallas Maverick CEO, and one thing that she said

to me is, you know, you might sprinkle a little
bit at the beginning, and then.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
Ultimately you bring all the season. It's all to the game.

Speaker 4 (05:57):
And so for me, when I first got into the business,
you know, I was wearing my hair straight, which is
not something that I wanted to do. And also I
knew that I couldn't just talk like Tashar you know
what I mean. I couldn't just be me because of
everyone around me. You felt like you had to adjust
and be like the folks that were around you in
order to be successful. I was a young person trying
to get into this business, first generation college student. Something

like this wasn't seen in my family, and so I
wanted to do everyone proud and I wanted to get
in there and do what I had to do.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
So I knew that there was a standard.

Speaker 4 (06:28):
What got me to the point where I was able
to say, you know what, no al Tashar got to
come on to the table is and I think I know.
There was this one woman. I was in College Station, Texas.
She reached out to my station. She wanted to take
me from college station and bring me to a station
in Tyler, Texas. Now, Tyler, Texas is where everything unfolded,
really about me just being who I am, and she

caught me one time in commercial breaks being to Shara.
She was like, no, that's the Tashara we want, Like,
that's who you need to be. And so she continued
watching some of the shows from Tyler Texas. I was
still in College station. Eventually she moved me out to
Tyler and she said, Toshara, you're going to be the
first African American anchor here to work prime time at
CBS News in Tyler, Texas CBS nineteen And I just

remember showing up as who I was and no one
had a problem.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
With them, and I was like, oh, okay, we can
do something over here.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
So I do know that there's a standard, but I
do know that that standard wasn't made for people.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
That look like us.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Yeah, And so that's what I've been trying to do,
knowing that I stand for a lot of people that
look like me. I don't represent everyone everyone, but I
stand for a lot of people, and so I want
to make sure they know that the standard is there,
and the standard looks like me.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Boom, So you were yourself and then learn that that
was okay. Do you think that the perception of limitation
is real and we are too nervous to bring ourselves
to the table to discover that it is not that,
to discover that it actually doesn't exist, or do you
think that there are real barriers to that?

Speaker 4 (07:59):
Oh? Absolutely, I do think that perception is real, and
I think that perception is reality, And I think that
you go into some of these spaces where it's microaggressions
and people. Let's say, you wear your hair to work
straight one day, and all of a sudden, everybody like,
oh my.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
God, I love your hair. I love your hair like that.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
But when I come in with this for siafro y'all,
I say that, all right, we have a different story
that's being told. And so I do think perception is
reality when it comes to corporate workspaces, most of them. Anyway,
you can't show up a certain way or else you're
going to automatically be judged based on how you show
up because it's unfamiliar to some. The whole idea of professionalism,

in my opinion, again, was not made for a lot
of people that look like me, and was not made
for people that have certain backgrounds. Right, And so I
do think perception is reality, and I do think that
there's a real fear in showing up as your authentic
self because you're going to have to deal with whatever
those consequences are. And in some spaces there are consequences.
In some spaces, you might not get the job simply

because you are showing all of you at the beginning.
I tell folks going ahead on in now, Now, you
can sprinkle a little bit at the beginning, but ultimately
you'll grow into who you are.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Okay, So you've been very open about some of the
feedback that you receive. So I will start by saying,
you do have a fan club, like Undeniable, the cousins
are holding you down, looking for you when you take
a day off, like wait a minute, where is she
at like checking for you all of the time, and
then there are some comments that have been less than kind.

How do you deal with having a public life that
is open to scrutiny and feedback and criticism in a
way that protects your soul.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
I'm trying to learn from you.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
I would say that a lot of times to you know,
how folks say, don't take anything personal, while I do
take some things personally.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
Is what it is.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
You know.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
We can try our best not to.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
But I think for me, what works for me is
being able to separate the two. Like under saying that
I'm going to work, I understand that people at the
job or people that are watching sometimes they don't really
know me. So sometimes when those negative comments and that
negative feedback is pushed my way, I'm like, oh girl, gone,
you know, Karen or whoever you is, just going ahead
mind your business. I'm gonna keep it pushing, and sometimes

it brings laughter, honestly, Like, I know someone is gonna
get a kick out of this. I'm like, you know what,
I'm not gonna keep all listing myself, y'all A just
gonna keep you know, badgering me and bashing me and
sending me all this stuff. If you want to send
it to me, let everybody else read what you send
it to me. And so, and of course I go
to therapy, oh me, and my therapist she's like, how
it was worked this week?

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Feeling like girl, let me tell you. And so that
that really helps.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
You know.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
I have a higher faith and spirituality. I have a
spiritual practice. You know, I'm meditating, I'm doing all the things.
It's a whole lot of stuff that I do to
keep this mind straight. Because when I tell you that,
folks will tear you down. And I don't care if
I have one hundred comments that are nice and a
hundred emails that are nice, it's gonna be that one
or two that it's going to be the loudest. And
so I try to remember that I'm in this not

just for myself. It's like when you will say, if
you're nervous when you go on TV, or when you
do certain things, remember that you're doing something that's ultimately
going to benefit somebody else. So oftentimes I try to
take myself out of the equation and say, okay, well
look to char you're showing up because somebody ten years
down the line is going to be appreciative of the
work that you did while.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
You were there.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
Okay, So I have to ask though, because like when
people leave these comments, they are personal attacks. Oh yeah, yeah,
against you, like as a person, or the way you
look or the way you sound, or the way you
carry yourself.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
How do you like separate?

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yes, it's work in the way that they have experienced you,
but they're talking about you as a person, Like, how
do you recover from that?

Speaker 3 (11:43):
I just keep going. It's hard there. It's hard every
single day. And I always tell people.

Speaker 4 (11:48):
I often say, look, I don't care how easy it
looks what I get up and do every single day.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Words hurt. I don't care.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
What was the saying sticks and stone? Yeah yeah, but
why I'm so.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
Happy you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
But the thing's hurt.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
And that's why I say, like, some of those things
I do take personal and I'm like, girl, like why
are you doing that?

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Like what is that doing for you?

Speaker 4 (12:09):
What is that taking you a step further because you
decided to send this email to me? And so sometimes
it hurts. And that's why I need my therapy and
I need my meditation. I need time to regroup, and
I often try to pour into myself if I don't
have anything else left to me, I don't have anything
left to give, and I honestly again try to remember,
like Tashar, this isn't for you, This isn't for you.
I remember on the day that we went to testify

on behalf of the Crown Act in Austin, they made
us the very last bill there. A lot of us
drove in from Dallas, took several hours to get there,
and then we stayed what eleven twelve hours?

Speaker 3 (12:40):
It was a long time.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
We stayed a long time, I remember that, And we
were the last bill heard. We didn't get hurt until
like nine o'clock that night, and many of us have
been there since seven o'clock that morning. Wow, and so,
and we had to drive back to Dallas because some
of us had to be at work the next day.
And so you think about things like that. And again,
in situations like that, I remember some of those emails
that were sent. Remember you know that I'm doing this

for somebody else, It's not just about Tashar. So I
think that's what keeps me grounded, knowing that the little
girls that are sending emails on their parents are sending
emails on behalf of their children. They're sending me pictures
of their little girls wearing a certain hairstyle that I
wore on.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
A news this week. All of that matters.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
And so when I get those emails from some of
those people, I'm just thinking, like, girl, you gotta keep going, like.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
This is bigger than you.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Did that start in Tyler? When you started getting the
letters from black moms? When did it start? That started
in a well, from black moms?

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Pardon me?

Speaker 4 (13:33):
Yes. So they would often send me a little things here,
and they actually have a day named after me in Tyler, Texas.
And so I was always in the community, even before
people started to really recognize who I was from the news.
I was always doing something. And so when they finally
saw me on the news, they're like, Mama, that was
that so and so that was just at the Boys
and Girls Club, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
And so it was here and there in Tyler.

Speaker 4 (13:54):
But when I got to Dallas, that's when it really started,
even before the negative comments started rolling.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
Okay, so that's how I found you. I think your
bun went viral. Yes, that's what it was.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Bun viral. Can you tell me about that? They're like,
did you expect from the bun to go viral?

Speaker 4 (14:08):
Or were you like, this bun is doing something, This
bun is doing something. No, you don't expect the hairstyle
to go viral. But what I did expect was that
somebody was gonna say something. I knew it, but I
was like, you know what, No, I'm gonna wear this hairstyle.
It's fine, I don't have time. Here's what we run into.
We go on vacation. Some of us have our vacation
hair right, and then when it's time to go back
to work, it's like, oh, I got a rush and

try to take these braids out or to change this hairstyle.
And so the story with me is I was doing
a photoshoot that past weekend on a Sunday. I came
back to work on a Monday, and I was like,
you know, I'm not about to sit here and try
to take these bonds down and do whatever I need
to do to my hair. I'm gonna wear it this way,
and so I wore. No.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
I didn't expect that type of a reaction.

Speaker 4 (14:48):
If anything, I thought maybe I'll get one little negative
email and we kind of move on.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
Oh no, they came out the woodwork.

Speaker 4 (14:53):
But I will say that the positive support that I
received was overwhelmingly more then the negative comments that came in. Again,
but what I said earlier, negative comments are the loudest.
And so at that time when I wore the hairstyle
back in October of twenty twenty. October twenty twenty, yes,
and I received so many emails. And I think my

bosses kind of know me, you know, they probably knew
I was going to say something, and they offered, hey,
you can say it on air. Wow, will give you
five minutes. And you know about time. If you get
five minutes of anytime on TV, that is a lot
of time. So they dedicated about five minutes or so
for me to respond to some of those negative emails.
And that's when it just took off like wildfire. Folks

started sharing it, Folks started looking me up, trying to understand, Okay,
your hair was the problem here.

Speaker 2 (15:42):

Speaker 1 (15:42):
So yeah, that's how that situation unfolded. So you're iconic
as a result.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
You are.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
I don't know, there was an iconic read there was
it to whom it may concern and life email Hello
you definitely gave it to us. I am wondering, do
you ever look at your life, how instrumental you were
in the Crown Act, how instrumental you are in the
lives of up and coming journalists, what you do in
the community, and think to yourself, like, I cannot believe

that this is who I am, or are you like
this is exactly I knew it all along.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
I think it's a little bit of both.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you, So
let's start there, And yes, I do. Look and I think,
while God gave me this platform, and I need to
use it for something positive, and that was always the
goal when I became a journalist. I always told myself
that I wanted to make sure that I told stories
about underrepresented and misrepresented people. Of course, it didn't have
those labels back then when I got in the journalist's industry.

But I just remember when a news crew came to
my neighborhood back in the day in Houston, Texas, it
was not for something positive, and so I knew that
I wanted to tell more positive stories. And so, just
thinking back to your question of whether or not I
knew that I was that person or I knew that
I wanted to become this person.

Speaker 3 (16:56):
I knew that person was there.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
I think all of those things can be true at
the same time time, because now that I'm here, I'm
gonna take it and I'm gona run with and I'm
gonna do what I have to do to make sure
that the next person that comes behind me that they
can do it too. And so I think it's a
combination of all of that. I knew that I could
do it, but I also look back and be like, girl, not.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
You here talking to past the serds. So yeah, I
think it's a combination of all of it.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
I am fascinated by you saying you wanted to tell
the stories and God positioning your life to be the story.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
I know, I know, which is something you don't do
in journalism. You know, I will tell you that, even
when I initially responded, that's not something that you do
in journalism, right, they tell you when you're in journalism school.
Never become the story. So that was a decision, a
tough decision that I had to make. In fact, when
I went and testified the first time around, I did

a commentary on testifying because again, a lot of journalists
will look at that and say, well, that's not journalism,
that's not what you do, right, shame on you for
making yourself the story. But I just think back, and
my response to them is why not? Why not jump
in and do it? If not me, then who right?
And I knew that at the time that I was
gifted what I was gifted as far as the platform

is concerned, I needed to do something with it.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, So it's part of your recovery process, telling the story.
I'm fascinated by this because I feel like the same
thing in many ways in preaching. Oh yeah, like this.
It's not about you. It's not about your story. It's
not about being real, it's not about being relatable, Like
you are supposed to be the one who has the answers,

not the one carrying the questions. And so I have
found though that part of the reason why most of
the people connect to me is because I'm willing to say, Hey,
I got the same questions, and this is what I
found allowing yourself to become the story. This is my story,
this is how it applies to my life. How do
you balance? Because I think it's a call to go

againto the grain, to resist the temptation to do what.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Is proven to work. Right, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
It's proven to work when you don't make yourself the story.
There's plenty of it.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
There's not a lot of people who you can look
around and say they did it this way and it
looks so similar to my way that I trust this path.
And yet like, this is the phase of your life
you're and you know what's interesting, I don't even have
a question. We're just talking about. People often ask me, like,
what's it like to not have anyone like you in

your world? You know, like to know that you are
like dominating a lane, Like I don't know if there
are any young black female pastors who are culturally aware
and are showing up. And I'm like, it's actually pretty
scary because I would love to have a frame of reference.
I would love to be able to say, Okay, these
are where the limits are. These are where the boundaries are.

But now you're out here and it feels like for
me that like one wrong decision, one misstep.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
You know, and it's all crumbling. What do you do
with that?

Speaker 4 (20:00):
Oh, I'm happy you said it first. It's scary, right,
you know, when you know your lane and when you're
trying to be in your lane, it's hard when you
step outside of that and people are like, no, this
is your lane. You're supposed to do it this way,
this is what you're supposed to do. And I just
feel like, you know, we all have an opportunity to
do what we're called to do, and if you miss

that calling, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Like, what are you doing with your life? So it
is scary, you know.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
Again, I told the story about in journalism and some
other journalists when they see me become a part of
the story, that's an issue.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
That's an issue for some.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
That's an issue for a whole lot of people, and so,
you know, I just try to navigate it as best
I can. I look to mentors who may not be
in the journalism industry, because that was also tough at
the very beginning, finding someone who was also in this
industry but trying to walk the way that I was walking.
And I couldn't really find anyone exactly like that. But

I would kind of poach people for different information and
try to get questions answered here and there.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
But it's tough.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
I mean, it is tough because You have agents and
things like that that are looking for a certain look,
a certain persona a certain way you're supposed to walk,
a certain way, you're supposed to talk, a certain way
your hair should be. It's hard when somebody gets somebody
like me because they have trouble trying to figure out
where do I place her. You got to get real
creative to figure out where you're going to put to

Sharaf you know.

Speaker 3 (21:23):
So it's like what you said, it's scary.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
You know, it's uncharted territory, so to speak, in some areas,
and I'm just navigating it the best I can.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
This show is brought to you by Betterhelp. Who am
I called to be in this season? That's a question
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changing environments, meeting different people and facing new opportunities. I
get to rethink the way I see myself. My husband
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com slash evolve. Tell them we sent you. Am such
a student. I think that that's why I do enjoy that.
I enjoy the studying part of preaching the reality of

like knowing I'm gonna be standing in front of people
and it's on we thousand people there. That stresses me,
But I do like the study part. I wish I
could study the message and give it to someone else,
but then I'm gonna be upset if they don't deliver
it the way that I study, So I won't just
drag myself up there anyway. But do you think I'm
just studying what you're saying. I'm studying our experiences and
I'm just wondering, do you think part of being a

woman of color makes it difficult to separate our story
from the task at hand. I don't know that we
can just show up in a space disconnected from the
reality of our story. And I think that especially I'm
gonna say, women of color, our stories are always had

like your great great grandmother this, and your grandmother that,
and tep reminding someone remember you haven't always been down.
Like part of how we heal our communities and heal
our families are reminding them of our stories. And so
to disconnect from our stories, to me, feels like it
would be robbing us of the full power that allows
us to show up in our space.

Speaker 3 (24:10):
As who we are.

Speaker 4 (24:11):
I think that that will be a grave mistake to
leave out any part of you, and I think that's
the beauty of all of us. You mentioned women of color,
but I think black women in general, we carry a
lot with us and to just simply leave all of
that behind, I think it simply takes away from the
character of who you are and the character of what
you can bring two conversations and into the workplace or

into any space that you answer. So if you leave
some of that behind. Again, specifically for all of us,
I think that jeopardizes who you are as a person,
and you really can't, in my opinion, add to that
conversation generally speaking, if you don't bring all of you
to the table.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, okay, So I want to know a little bit
about your family life, like to be go ahead. First
of all, you post your father and the grinds don't
know what to do about it.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Oh, don't even give me.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
They I just like, you know, some of those comments
with the most like show up right there, and I'm
just like, sis, not you being this hour? Tell me
a little bit about how you grew up.

Speaker 4 (25:10):

Speaker 3 (25:11):
I grew up with my grandmother.

Speaker 4 (25:12):
Actually, and I think I've shared that here and there,
But I grew up with my grandmother mostly. My grandmother
legally adopted me when I was two years old, and
so I grew up with her. I moved with my
dad when I got to high school. And that's because
what the old folks say, you're smelling yourself. So ended
up moving with my dad. Now, my parents had me
at sixteen years old, had me at sixteen years old,

and at that point in their lives, they weren't really
ready to, you know, take care of a child.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
My mom wasn't in my life most of my life.
My dad was.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
But my dad was going through several things and so
he was in and out of jail.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
So that was a struggle.

Speaker 4 (25:46):
And so my grandmother wanted me to have a stable home,
and so I grew up with my grandmother.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
I had.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
My mom had ten kids, so I have a lot
of siblings. I have, were you the sixteen total? I'm
second from the oldest, okay, second from the oldest. But
I was raised my grandmother, so I wasn't raised around
all of my younger siblings, but we get together when
I go back to Houston. All the big holidays were
always getting together. But that was life growing up. Ended
up being the first generation college student. And when I

say first generation, I'm not just talking about in my
immediate family, my entire family to be the first to
actually go to college. So I was already used to
charting uncharted territory, so to speak. And I knew that
I wanted to do more, and I knew that I
wanted to be a blessing for not just you know,
myself and the work that I had put in to
get there, but also for my family had a lot
of people that did a lot of work to get

me to where I was going, and so I wanted
to make sure that I can do them proud too.
So yeah, that's life growing up. I love my dad
to death. He is amazing, and they need to watch out.
I've already told them that that man is very married.
Like relax, all right now.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
So yeah, I don't know that I've ever had a
conversation with the adult child adult child of a teen parent. Yeah,
so I'm cre you know, well, you may not know
I had my stay. So I had my son at fourteen,
and I've recently read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
I don't know if you've ever read this book before.
It's fascinating. I was reading it for my own healing

and recovery process, if you will, and discovered areas where
I know I have shown up in the same way
for him, in a way that maybe didn't honor his
truthfully or not even just being present enough to see him.
And so I've always wondered, like, now that you are
into adulthood, like as you, I don't I guess consider

your childhood considered the stage of life that your parents
were in. What type of reconciliation Now, I.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
Go ahead, what type of what.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Reconciliation is required to come to terms with That's the
age they were, That's what they had to give, even
if they couldn't necessarily give me what I needed. And
here I am today. Because I think it's easy, yeah,
to feel like, oh, well, look, she made it to

the other side. This is assuming that there is another side, right,
and that it's not a journey, but like, what is
that process?

Speaker 4 (28:17):
Like, it's exactly that, it's a journey, and it's a process.
It is an ongoing process. I am currently trying to
rebuild a relationship with my mom.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
Me and my dad are at a really good space.

Speaker 4 (28:27):
There are certain things that come up here and there,
but we've been in a really good space for the
last decade or so decade plus, and it's still a journey.
It's a process. That's another thing that I talked to
my therapist about. But I think as we grow older,
we realize, like our parents were people just like us.
And I think that's the part that a lot of

kids struggle with when they become adults. They feel a
sense of abandonment, right so that's an ongoing process. But
that sense of abandonment, I feel like sometimes we need
to take a step back and say they were.

Speaker 3 (29:00):
Sixteen, they had no idea what they were doing.

Speaker 4 (29:03):
I can't imagine finding out, you know, oh, I have
a child on the way, but I'm not ready for
a child, And so I just think about, you know,
the mindset that they could have been in. Me and
my dad have had lengthy conversations about it, and I'm
working through trying to create that relationship with my mom
so that we can dig a little deeper and try
to really get to the root cause of, you know,

some of those issues that we experienced growing up. But
it's an ongoing struggle. I'm not about to sit here
and lot to you and make it seem like it's
all picture perfect, because it is not. So it's ongoing.
But I do think as an adult, and with the
mental capacity that I have, I have to realize like
they are just people just like me. When I was sixteen,
I tried to skip school and got in trouble, like no,

so it was a lot going on.

Speaker 3 (29:49):
At sixteen years old.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
It's interesting. So I read the book. I think the
same sense of abandonment. I was going to ask, like,
what do you think is like that number one thing
that you had to work through?

Speaker 2 (30:00):
And even coming back to Dallas I did.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
It was like yeah, and I was supposed to be
coming back as this girl who made it to the
other side. But I didn't realize until I'm like sitting
in church on Sunday that I'm like, I have anxiety
in my body, like this does not feel safe for
me here. And I think my temptation was to just

avoid those feelings, but I had to lean into it.
And then the process of leaning into it really learned
how to show up for myself and to have compassion
and to have boundaries. And I have yeah that part. Yes,
I have experienced more safety the more that I lean
into that. And So my son recently just moved. He's twenty.

He moved into his own place, and he's told me, like,
I understand so much more about my childhood now that
I've moved into my own place. He hasn't been there month.
He hasn't been there a month. I'm like, yeah, what
is it that you understand now? He was like, I
understand why we move so many different places because he's
like the idea of like paying rent here every month,
paying bills and trying to keep up has made me

realize how hard it is to simply just build a life,
and to build a life with a child has that
many more complications to it, so that like grace is
really something else.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
And it's necessary.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
Yeah, Like what you said about your feelings, like trying
to own up to those feelings and really show up
for yourself. One of the things I heard recently is
you got to sit in it. Whatever you're feeling, if
the decision or the whatever, you know, decision you made
right or wrong, sit in it and figure it out.
Listen to what you're hearing, and make sure that you
understand what this moment is trying to teach you.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
So oh, I love that.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
Don't you feel like? I hope that I'm demonstrating that
from my community?

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Oh you girl, you know you demonstrate that absolutely.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
You know I want to. I want to because I
didn't know. I didn't always do that. But there is
something beautiful about sitting in it to give it language
and expression and to keep it from happening again. Because
the things we don't sit in just come and knock
on the door.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
They're like, not loud enough the first time. Let me
beat on the door a little harder.

Speaker 2 (32:16):

Speaker 1 (32:16):
So when you okay, so you become like this superstar
journalist and your family like, how do you have you ever?
I have to ask, you know, strategic questions here because
I want to be like girl, anybody be like, oh
you different and why are you talking like that?

Speaker 2 (32:32):
And like where are you where? She gom? Yes?

Speaker 4 (32:37):
Absolutely, even some friends. Yeah, some friends and family just
who known me. No, don't get it twisted. Most of
my family they're like, no, you're killing it. Do your thing,
keep going. But you have those some cousins, and I'm
talking about blood cousins this time.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
I'm a little cousins because it's like, who is that
what you're doing?

Speaker 1 (32:58):
You know?

Speaker 4 (32:58):
So I get that every time again, but I'm like, girl,
keep it moving. We're not doing that today. But it
hurts worse when it comes from friends who have been
along with me, because these could be distant cousins, cousins
I haven't seen in years, what have you?

Speaker 3 (33:12):
But my friends. I keep my friends close.

Speaker 4 (33:14):
Yeah, And so when you hear friends say things like that,
you're like, really, come on now, I'm gonna have to
go ahead, and how they say handle you with a
long handlespooon, like I'm gonna have to push you.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
To the side a little bit. So that's what I
think hurts most.

Speaker 4 (33:25):
When you see folks saying or hear folks saying things like, oh,
you've changed, you're different. I'm like, what do you expect
me to be the same for trades? So yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
So I wanted to know because I have so many
women who write to me and they've had like inner
transformation and they're ready to be bold, they're ready to
step into their purpose. They're ready to create boundaries. But
they also don't want people to think they change. They
don't want people to think they're different. They don't want
to come off as mean or like untouchable. And yet
I think the reality of growth is there may be

moments where you aren't as touchable or relatable to the people.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Who once knew you well. And undergoing the grief.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Process connected with that while also still honoring the fact
that I gotta go right because I can't stay the
way that I once was can be challenging. So I
wanted to know your experience with that.

Speaker 4 (34:18):
I would say my experience has been interesting, right. I
think when it comes to a certain friend or family member,
what have you, I just need to understand, like my
purpose is greater, and I think I do lean into
who I am, right, I do try to show a
little bit of myself so they can know or so
that I can feel and know that I'm still who
Tashara once was. However, you gotta grow, you gotta evolve.

I come on, okay, hell, you gotta.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Grow and you have to continue moving forward.

Speaker 4 (34:46):
And if you have somebody that's trying to hold you
back or someone you know, instead of bringing up something
that happened, you know, fifteen years ago, you got to
look at that person like, Okay, you trying to bring
up some trauma that I'm not trying to deal with
again after I didn't already healed from it. So I
think those are just conversations that are you know, you
pick and choose which ones you want to have and
deal with, but sometimes it's not even worth your time.

So for me personally, I kind of again, once I
start feeling a certain way, because I know energy matters,
once I start feeling something like hmmm, we're not doing
that today because we got way too much going on
to be trying to manage each and every person's thoughts
and feelings about how they feel about you. Okay, so
our team has some questions I have to ask you
before Cajo, not the team who did team's one of

y'all based down.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
Hold on. If you're going to have her, we need
to know something. Okay. Let me pull up my situation here.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Okay, tell me about a time you had to deal
with a major setback or crisis.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
Let me think major setback or crisis.

Speaker 4 (35:48):
I would say one that everyone already knows about is
the situation with the hair.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
I was scared at first.

Speaker 4 (35:56):
People don't realize, like I had only been in Dallas
maybe a year, and not even a year at that point.
And so to come from Tyler Texas. And the easiest
way that I can explain this is you're the secretary,
this is your second day on the job, right and
they tell you the next day you're going to be
the CEO. You like, girl, I don't even know what's
going on. I don't even know where the file papers are.

And so to come from Tyler, Texas and to make
it to Dallas transitioning here in that first year it's
a pandemic, all these different things are going on. I'm
not comfortable here, I'm not comfortable in my job. I'm
not comfortable really waking up and doing this job every
single day. And then to have all those emails come in.
I was afraid at first. I was like, well, what
am I going to do with this moment? How am

I going to bounce back from this moment? And so
I had to do a lot of praying, a lot
of prayer, and a lot of talking to mentors and
friends about how I was going to address this situation
or was I going to address the situation. So I
will say that was a defining moment for me, certainly,
an obstacle that I wasn't prepared for at the time
or was I Yeah, it was something I didn't think

that I was prepared for at the time, and it
truly changed the trajectory of a lot of things for me.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
So that was a big one for me. So from
twenty fourteen, that's when you first started.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
In journalism, No, twenty fourteen, first started in journalism. April
twenty fourteen, started in college station Texas.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Okay, So from twenty fourteen to now, what are you
most proud of growing in.

Speaker 4 (37:26):
Ooh, that's a good one. What am I most proud
of growing in? I would say I'm most proud of
growing into T'shara. I know there are a lot of
things that I can be proud to sit in and
proud to, you know, grow in my faith and proud
to grow in you know, who the person is that

I was supposed to become, so proud to just really
lean into who I am. It took a really long
time for me to believe in that, even growing up,
you know, as a child and coming from the background
that I was coming from. I remember being in speech
competition and being the only black, you know, chocolate girl
on the stage.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
So that was a struggle for me.

Speaker 4 (38:06):
And so growing into Tashara, That's that's one of the
biggest things.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
For me, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Sometimes I look back and I'm like, y'all really about
to just let me be myself up here? Like really,
that's crazy to spend so much time thinking that you
aren't enough and then to be celebrated just because of
primarily because of who you are primarily that Yes, Okay,
so before we go, what woman in your life has

been the most influential, and.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
I want to be specific. I don't want to just
say in your life, all right.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
And your journey as a black woman in journalism, ooh,
as a black woman at journalism. No, I'm not going
to say miss lovely.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
Oprah, although I listen to her every morning, but she's
she's just.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Low hanging fruit. We love you, we love you. Auntie.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Oh did you know that they tried to cancel Auntie?
I was like, you all can't, this is impossible.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
No, I did not know that.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah, like gen Z whoever the Yes, Yeah, they tried
to cancel her like two years ago. And my kids
were telling me, like, they're trying to cancel over. I
was like, she's not really, that doesn't even have the
simple Let.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Us know where we need to pull up.

Speaker 4 (39:25):
Okay, a woman that has been influential in my life
in the space of journalism. Ooh, I'm going to give
you two women. I'm going to start off with the
first woman. This was a white woman. Let me be
very clear about that, and this is specifically in journalism,
because I got a whole lot of folks that have
helped me along the way.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
In general.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
The white woman was the woman who took me from
the station in College Station and brought me to Tyler, Texas.

Speaker 3 (39:49):
On top of that. Now, she did leave a few
weeks later. I wasn't too.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
Happy about that, but a black woman was hired after her.
The black woman was the first woman to say to Shara, No,
you can wear your or however you choose to do so.
Mind you, I was being myself at this new station,
but I still hadn't quite switched my hair up. I
still wanted to be able to wear braids and froze
and curls and all these different things, right, And so

I just remember her name was Vicky, and Vicky told
me to Shara, you can switch your hair up if
you want to. And so I remember those conversations that
I used to have with her, and being in a
position of authority, right and telling me another black woman
that it's okay for me to be who I am. Oh. Yeah,

that changed the game. So the game was really starting
to change in Tyler. When I got to Dallas on
a bigger stage, I think that's when it became more amplified.
So those two women had a profound impact on to
Shara's showing up in the journalism space.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Okay, I was going to ask you as our closing question,
what do you hope that they know about their impact
on your life?

Speaker 3 (40:54):
I just hope they know that they had an impact.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
You know. I've talked to them every now and again,
but it's been a few years, and I just hope
that they know that they had a lasting impact. And
one other person, I just have to mention her, Miss
Betty Rasmus, my English teacher back in junior high school.
Miss Betty Rasmus. I love her to death. I went
on a quest trying to find her a few years ago,
and I have to let all three of them know

that they just had a profound impact.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
I wouldn't be in this position.

Speaker 4 (41:21):
I wouldn't be in journalism if it wasn't for Betty Rasmus,
and I wouldn't be being who I am right now
if it wasn't for Jennifer and Vicky. Oh.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
We're grateful that they gave you permission to be yourself
because it is definitely inspiring us and paving away for
so many women who are coming up behind you. I
think the most powerful thing that anyone can do is
not just be a recipient of what they received, but
find a way to give it as well, and you're
doing that, so thank you.

Speaker 3 (41:47):
Now you're doing that too, Thank you, Thank you.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Yeah to Shara.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
There is something very special about going from stalking someone
to getting to sit down with them and know them better.
I have been fangirling over you on social media, and
you are just as good as you post to being.
I'm so grateful for the time that we've spent together.
It's been a pleasure getting to know more about you.
Thank you so much for doing this with me. So

many women will walk away hopeful for the chance to
try again, to try until she actually becomes whole, healed
and set free enough to be herself no matter where
she is. Thank you for giving a license to do that.
If you enjoyed this podcast and you want to hear
more from Tashara, I highly encourage you to visit her online.

Following her on Instagram is one of my favorite things
to do. Also, I want to know more about you.
Send me an email to podcasts at womannevolve dot com.
We have not been doing advice questions lately, but I
want us to do an advice question only episodes soon
and so send me your questions. Let me mind your business.
If not, when you're thinking about maybe sliding through and
sharing your story, we'll take that too. Send us an

email let us know how this podcast touching in and
we'll see you next week.
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