January 28, 2025 • 28 mins
When I ask a writer working on a manuscript why they are writing a book, or what they hope happens with their book, one of the most common sentiments I hear is they want to “help as many people as possible.” While this desire makes sense, and I know it comes from a good place, I want to point out one of the major pitfalls of “helping as many people as possible” as motivation for your art.
If we aren’t making art to “help people” then why are we making art?
I’ll unpack that in today’s episode and the answer is one that even I didn’t see coming when I first sat down to record this one. I’d love to have you come along for the ride.
Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.com
Follow Ally on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyfallon/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write. All the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down on cold It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write you write your story. Hi, and welcome
back to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon,
I'm your host, and on today's episode, I want to
talk about something that I've been saying to many authors recently.
I am wrapping up six months with my book. In
six months group, they're all completing their manuscripts. I've been
(00:45):
kind of like tying up some loose ends with clients because,
as you know, I'm taking a step back from doing
my client work, and so I've been in this kind
of final stage of book writing with so many different
people right now, and I find myself saying some of
the same things over and over again. And one thing
that I wanted to share with you that relates to
book writing, yes, but it also relates to whatever you
want to do in the world and however you want
(01:07):
to serve and be a contribution. And the phrase I
keep hearing myself say over and over again, goes like this,
don't do it to help people, Like don't write your
book to help people, don't have a podcast to help people.
Don't go to work every day to help other people.
Whatever your purpose is, whatever you're the contribution that you
want to make in the world, whatever you choose to
(01:28):
do with your days and with your time, don't do
it to help people. And that sounds like strange advice,
But that's what I want to unpack on today's episode
why I would give this advice. And I'm not saying
that it's a moral issue, to be clear, If you
want to go to work every day because you like
the idea of helping people, I think that's fine. There's
nothing morally wrong with that. But I do think that
(01:49):
there's a limit to what you can become and how
you can evolve if you are doing it with the
sole purpose of helping others. There's something so beautiful about
happing others, and this is part of it. But I
just want to add this other piece to the conversation
that I think will expand your ability to be able
to really fully show up in your unique purpose, your
(02:12):
unique contribution that you have to make on this planet. Well,
I'll start by saying that I was at a birthday
dinner over the weekend with a really dear friend of mine.
It was just three of us at the dinner. We
were celebrating my friend's birthday, who's turning thirty nine, and
one of the things that we got started talking about
was Instagram, which is, you know, a loaded subject in general.
We started talking about the TikTok ban, and then you know,
(02:35):
moved on to talking about Instagram. And all three of
us are elder millennials, I guess, or even maybe I
don't know, Like we're all like in our late thirties
or early forties. So I consider myself an elder millennial,
and so Instagram is the jam for me. I've never
been on TikTok. I don't feel really personally affected by
the TikTok ban, but I do think it's an interesting
conversation to have about what's happening with social media right now.
(02:56):
And one of the things that I brought up is
that I've noticed this really large shift in my life
and in the lives of so many people that I've
talked to around social media that is not totally different
from what I've been hearing for the last ten years,
but feels like is kind of accelerating in this interesting
way where people are kind of over it. And this
(03:16):
might not be true across the board. So if you
don't feel this is true, I actually would love to
hear from you, because I'm curious how other people are
feeling about this right now. But one of the things
that I'm kind of noticing in the vibes, like the zeitgeist,
the energy field of our time, is how people are
like over it with Instagram, And by that I just mean,
you know, I've heard for years from people who are like,
(03:37):
I would love to write a book, but I hate
being on social media and I do not want to
be on social media, and so it's a no go
for me because I know you need to build a
platform if you want to be an author. And one
of my matras from the beginning of this process has been,
do not wait to build a platform before you write
your book. Just write your book. You don't need a
platform to be an author. You know, you just need
a great, great book. There's so many examples of that,
(03:57):
and I've talked about it a bunch before, so I
won't get super into it, but I just share that
to say I've been talking about this since the beginning
of my career in twenty ten, and so fifteen years
have passed and my message has not changed that I
don't believe that you need to be on social media
in order to be an author. And yet there is
some truth to that statement from the standpoint that yeah, yeah,
(04:18):
you know, if you want to sign a contract with
a traditional publisher, then they are going to ask about
your social media following. And you know, in the modern
world in twenty twenty five, if you want to sell
a book, you need a distribution channel. Amazon's not going
to cut it. You're going to need your own personal
distribution channel. So do you have an email list, do
you have social media? What do you want to do
with that, what's your marketing plan? All of that stuff.
(04:38):
But it's really easy to just get caught up in
the weeds of that and to never actually sit down
and write your book. So my message all along has
always been like, don't worry about your platform, focus on
writing the book. I have just hit that drum over
and over and over again for the last fifteen years.
Well recently i've started to hear from more people, like
people who have been my clients, who have been on
(04:59):
social media for years and who have been very successful
on social media and who have large followings, who are
feeling like, Yeah, this is sucking all my energy for me,
I don't have time for this. I don't want to
do this anymore. Even people who are making full time
livings from you know, being on Instagram or being on
TikTok are saying like, I've gotten to the place where
it's incompatible with who I want to be and how
I want to be in the world. So we got started.
(05:20):
The three of us at dinner got started talking about,
like what do we do with Instagram? Like do we
keep showing up on Instagram? Because I will say like
I have moments where, you know, I talked about a
couple of weeks ago on an episode, posting a poem
on Instagram and feeling like really inspired and moved to
do that. I wrote the poem. It like came through
me like a download. Then I shared it with I
(05:41):
shared it with my husband, I sent it to my
friend Lindsley, who was one of the ones at this
dinner with me. That felt really satisfying. To share it
with those couple of people, and then I posted it
on Instagram and I got, like, you know, a ground
swell of like support and love, like yes, me too,
I feel this way too. That always feels good when
you share your art and people say yes, me too,
thank you for saying this, or thank you for making
(06:02):
this thing. That sharing piece is part of the puzzle,
So that can't be denied, you know, Like it's I
don't come from a standpoint where I say all you
have to do is make the thing and don't share
it with anyone, you know, No, the sharing piece is
a big piece of the puzzle. But things get distorted
when you start to become a slave to the Instagram
(06:23):
algorithm and you think, okay, well, if I want to
be successful on Instagram, I have to post something every
single day. I was saying to this group at dinner.
When you get in the mode where you think you
have to post something on Instagram every day in order
to be successful, which is in its own way true,
But when you begin to live and die by that
quote unquote truth, you actually lose access to your art
(06:45):
and your creativity. Because art and commerce are two different things,
they do overlap at certain points. But they are two
different things, and they come from two different sources. I
believe that with all my being. Like art and commerce
don't have to necessarily contradict. You can make art and
sell it. Art comes from a different place than marketing does.
I'm sorry, that's just the truth. So making content is
(07:05):
not the same as making art. I'm not saying that
you can't make art that is also content, but you
can't make content that is also art. If you're making content,
you're not making art. And I will live and die
on that hill. So Instagram ends up distorting our creativity,
which is our life force, energy, It is our spirituality,
it is our soul. I believe it's our spirit it's
(07:27):
the part of us that is eternal, that exists forever.
Is our creativity. And so that's why we love being creative.
We love making art because it puts us in touch
with that part of ourselves that we know is bigger
than this little body that we're living here on this earth.
So when we obey the Instagram algorithm and give up
our creativity, we're selling our soul to the devil. Essentially,
(07:50):
I mean to use that like very loosely. We're sort
of selling your soul to the devil and the like,
then you don't have your soul. And our soul is
the part of us that gives us joy and pleasure
in life, if it's the part of us that makes
us feel deeply connected to our purpose, and so yeah,
we feel like we're having to make this choice. It's like,
I do want a place. I want a platform where
if I make something, I can share it with people,
(08:10):
because sharing it with people feels connective and good. It
feels so good to be like, yes, me too, you know,
it feels like a big hug from a friend. And
yet if in order to use that platform, I have
to do it in this one particular way that actually
steals from my creativity, then it's mutually exclusive and it
(08:33):
doesn't work anymore. So the system breaks down. So I
think I think many of us are struggling with this
feeling with Instagram, and this the whole episode is not
going to be about Instagram. Don't worry or social media
at all, but I wanted to use this as an example.
You're struggling with this tension of Okay, if I choose
to engage with Instagram, which is highly addictive and it
(08:55):
sucks me back into sort of living in this one
particular way. Then I lose the very reason that I
went to Instagram to share my creativity and share myself,
share my soul with the world. And yet if I
choose to sort of like, Okay, I don't want anything
to do with that, I'm gonna take myself off, like
out of the environment, almost like total no contact, like
(09:15):
with a narcissist. I was like, that's addictive. I'm not
going there, total no contact with this thing. Well, then
where do we share ourselves with each other? And that's
really this is what the conversation came to, was like,
you know, the juice is all in sharing ourselves with
each other. So the reason that I'm giving this advice
(09:43):
over and over again about not making not doing what
you do in order to share it, I think is
largely because of a distortion that we're living in in
the times in the year twenty twenty five on planet Earth,
you know, particularly in the USA. I lived in Tennessee.
So I'm not saying my perspective is every perspective, but
a distortion that we're living inside of that says you've
(10:06):
got to grow a platform to write a book. You've
got to, you know, have an Instagram to share your
art with the world. Like, I just don't want to
live inside of a distortion that believes that like we
are going to rely on TikTok, we're going to rely
on Instagram. We're going to lie on the systems that
other people have built for us. Otherwise we can't share
our art because people have been sharing art since the
beginning of time, Like, you know, there's we don't need
(10:26):
Instagram to share our art with each other. And also
the point that we made at that dinner was like,
it's it's not different to share your art with one
person than it is with eighteen thousand people. And I
use the eighteen thousand number because that's the number of
followers I have on Instagram. But it doesn't feel any
different for me to share with my friend Lindsley via
text message this poem that I wrote, and for her
(10:47):
to say, oh, Ali, this is beautiful, thank you for
writing this. This is exactly how I felt and I
haven't been able to put words to it. Me too,
That is not a different feeling than posting it for
eighteen thousand people and for you know, many more people.
A few dozen people to comment that same kind of
a thing in the comments. It's the reason that we're
going there to Instagram, and yet it's getting distorted. And
(11:10):
so so what I keep telling authors over and over again,
and I think this applies to whatever your purpose is
here on this planet, or whatever kind of contribution that
you want to make. If you make it about helping
other people, it's so easy for you to get sucked
in to this distortion that we live in where it's
(11:31):
about the numbers, it's about as many people as possible.
So if you're going to make your purpose about helping
other people, or if you're going to go to work
because you want to help other people, or write your
book because you want to help other people, make it
one person, you know, just the difference between texting Lindsley
the poem or putting the poem on Instagram. I'm not
saying don't put the poem on Instagram. I'm not saying
don't publish the book. I'm not saying don't you know
(11:51):
make money for your art at all. That is not
my message. What I'm saying is your motivation for writing
the book, your motivation for going to work, motivation for
anything you do in your life on a day to
day basis, If it is about helping as many people
as possible, it's so easy to get sucked into the
distortion that we're living in, where that must mean grow
(12:14):
my Instagram, following that must mean, you know, get this
massive book deal. And if we don't do those things,
then we feel like we're not doing our art, we
feel like we're not fulfilling our purpose. So make it
about helping one person. If you're going to make it
about something, make it about helping one person. I'll give
you another example this podcast. You know, I've said several
times on this show that I felt really strongly from
(12:35):
the beginning when I started doing the show that my
purpose here was to just show up and talk that
you know, I would do some interviews. That it wasn't
really about getting the biggest interviews or the biggest names
on the show. Although I have had some big names
on the show. I mean I interviewed William Paul Jung,
I've interviewed some really incredible people on the show, But
it wasn't about that. It wasn't about getting all the
(12:56):
big names and all the authors on the circuit and
as many people as I could and getting my numbers up.
It was about me just showing up and talking about
what was on my mind and what was on my heart.
And one of the things for me that I knew
was going to come out of this was learning to
deeply trust myself and to speak my truth because I
(13:17):
was used to doing that with the written word. I
have had a lot of practice with that, and I
feel like i've you know, not that we ever arrive.
I don't feel like a beginner in that anymore. I
can sit down to the page and really easily share
my truth on the page. And I felt like in
some ways I could hide behind that I could share
my truth on the page and put the words on
Instagram and not really show myself to the world, you know.
(13:38):
And then when I started taking improv classes last year,
or actually it was two years ago now that I
started and then went just over a year long of
improv classes, I realized like I had a huge block
and a big insecurity around like using my actual voice,
like my speaking voice, standing in front of people and
just saying the first thing that came to my mind
was truly the most terrifying thing I could have possibly
(14:01):
imagined and now. I mean, I'm sitting here on this episode.
I've been recording for about fourteen minutes. I don't have
a single note in front of me. I've talked about
this before. I don't come with notes to these shows.
I don't even really know what I'm going to talk
about before I come. I just kind of come and
talk and maybe you're like, yeah, lady, it shows you
know you're just My brother told me at one point
he was like, I can't fathom listening to a podcast
(14:21):
where it was just a person talking to the microphone,
just one person talking. That doesn't sound interesting to me
at all. I was like, wow, wow, thanks brother, But
I appreciate the odysty you know, that's my brother for you. Anyways,
I don't come with notes. I don't come with like
a real big strategy about what to say. For me,
(14:41):
doing this was not about getting the biggest numbers or
quote unquote helping the most number of people. I feel like, sometimes,
because of the distortion that we live in, helping the
highest number of people ends up becoming a ruse, like
a hiding place for the ego to really show up
and start running the show. And we just have to
(15:03):
watch out for that. We have to be careful of that.
And so if you're writing a book, this is you know,
maybe this doesn't apply to you, and if it doesn't,
feel free to just leave it on the cutting room floor.
But if you're writing a book and you're feeling like,
you know, I want to do this because I really
want to help people, I want to help as many
people as possible. I hear that a lot, and my
pushback is always like, just be careful because wanting to
(15:23):
help as many people as possible in publishing at least
ends up looking like, Okay, we're going to build this
massive platform, we're going to turn it into this big machine.
We're going to learn all the marketing techniques. And what
happens as you do that, just like I was talking
about with Instagram, is it steals from you. What's actually
trying to happen through the book writing process, which is,
(15:44):
you know, God, like my concept of God, is trying
to put you in contact or maybe it's just you.
You're trying to put you in contact with your soul,
the truth of who you are. This podcast has unequivocally
done that for me, Like unequivocally I can say without
a shadow of a doubt. It has put me back
in touch with myself and it continues to do that.
It continues to unfold and like blossom and bloom like
(16:04):
a flower. Now I don't even know how many people
listen to the show, and I have looked at the
stats in terms of, like which episodes have done better
than others, And that's interesting to know. It's interesting information
to know, but I wouldn't say, you know, I kind
of take it with a grain of salt. I take
it in I'm like, that's interesting to know that, like
Thads interview that I did in season two sometime was
(16:27):
a really popular episode, maybe my most popular episode yet.
And that's so helpful and interesting to know. And yet
you know that that wasn't a product of me going
how can I get the most listeners on this? I know,
I'm gonna have my friend THATD come and talk about
the music industry and how you know, how he has
(16:48):
shifted his understanding of himself as a creative person inside
of music. There was no strategy, there was no agenda
behind it. It was just like, you know what, I
love talking with my friend that he said this thing
at his music release party, that I thought was so
found and interesting I wanted to have the conversation with
him on the podcast, and there we go. So do
you see how quickly if your goal is help as
many people as possible, it can quickly quickly become distorted
(17:10):
and become something that was never, in my opinion, meant
to be in the first place. Versus, if you allow
for your purpose to be helping one person, sure that
can be a purpose that you attached to writing a
book or having a podcast, or going to work every
day or whatever. Like, make it your goal to find
one person that day that you can just the word
(17:30):
help too is a hard one for me. I think
another way that this can get distorted is that when
we start to see ourselves as I watch this happen
all the time on Instagram, speaking of Instagram, where I
begin to see myself as coach and you as kind
of other. And so I'm the coach and I'm sitting
up here with all the answers and the advice, and
(17:51):
you're down there waiting so patiently to hear from me,
and you need my help. It does in a weird way.
I'm not saying this is always true, but it doesn't
a weird way kind of put me above you and
make me superior to you and put you in subservience
to me, and make you kind of need me and
my advice, and the human connection that puts us back
(18:12):
in touch with our soul is also lost. So there's
a potential where I could text a poem that I
wrote to a friend and she says, oh, Ali, thank
you so much for saying this. This is exactly what
I wanted to say, And there's a human connection moment
there versus putting something on Instagram and getting the ego
hit of just like whoa dopamine, Like everyone loves me,
(18:33):
I'm amazing, I'm a poet. I should write more poetry.
There is the potential for that also to get distorted
as well. So those are kind of the two reasons
that I think moving away from the idea that I
want to help other people to I want to become
everything that I want to be, the greatest contribution that
I can be. I want to become everything that I'm
(18:53):
capable of becoming. I want to show the realness of me.
I want to even not even show like I want
to be in contact with the truth of who I am,
Like I want to witness my own self in her fullness,
in His fullness, whichever applies to you, like I want
more of that, more of the God in me, more
(19:16):
of my soul, more of my spirit, to have the
freedom to show up in this world because a it
makes me feel alive and be because it makes the
world a more beautiful place. So there is an element
of help in there. But do you see the distinction
that I'm making here between I want to help as
many people as possible. You know, two million followers on Instagram,
(19:37):
I'll get the biggest book deal that I can get,
Versus I want to say my truth. I want to
be free to share who I am, you know, freely
with one other person perhaps, or with ten other people
who are close to me. And if you go back
and listen to the William Paul Young episode, I think
this is the great irony of his story. And one
(19:58):
of the reasons why I wanted to interview him is
because he did not go into the process of writing
The Shack thinking, Okay, how can I get twenty six
million people to buy this book. I want to write
a book that's turned into a major motion picture because
I want to help as many people as possible with
their faith in God. No, he went into that process
from the depth of his humanity, wondering who the hell
(20:21):
is God? If God, if there's this kind of suffering
in the world, then how could there even be a God?
And how can I make sense of who I thought
God was? And you know, just from the depth of
his pain and heartbreak and humanity, how can I make
sense of my own faith? And he says on the episode,
he also wrote that book for his kids. So again,
(20:44):
it's not about like helping. It's more just like showing
myself to the people who love me and showing myself
to others vulnerably so that we can connect. It's not
so that I can help you. You pour thing down,
you need my help. It's so that we can connect.
(21:04):
Because human connection is also what reminds us of our
great capabilities. You know, I'm both reminded of what it
means to be a human soul when I create, and
I'm also reminded of what it means to be a
human soul when I connect, because I see it in
you too. And oftentimes I don't know if you've had
this experience, but oftentimes we see it in other people
easier than we see it in ourselves. I think for us,
(21:26):
you maybe you have a person in your life who
you think like God, if only they could see themselves
the way that I see them, because that person is
freaking brilliant. They are truly like a force to be
reckoned with. They're so amazing. You know, the world wouldn't
be the same without them, And they just don't see
themselves that way. I wonder, you know, how things would
change for them if they were able to see themselves
(21:46):
that way. That is sometimes an easier way to make
connection with a human soul then our own creativity. Sometimes
we've kind of cut off our own creativity because we're
terrified of who we would be if we came fully
awake to ourselves and shared ourselves with the world. One
(22:12):
of the things that scared me if you would have
asked me the question what scares you about speaking your
mind off the top of your head? You know, in
improv I would say my number one fear was looking dumb.
And you know we could trace that back to childhood
trauma or whatever my own story that I had written
about myself. That could definitely be part of the conversation.
(22:32):
But think of that, Like my greatest fear was looking dumb.
I just find it so interesting. It's like, I can't
tell you a time where I have had a conversation
with someone and I've been like, oh my god, they're
so dumb. I mean, I might think about someone or
say about someone like oh, wow, they are not educated
(22:53):
on that issue or don't know that yet or whatever.
Or I might actually be in conversation with someone and
think like, wow, they have our perspective that I do
not share. How interesting. I want to understand more about that.
But I'm sitting over here going like, I'm so scared
of looking dumb. And because I'm scared of looking dumb,
I can't actually share myself authentically or vulnerably or honestly
(23:14):
or truthfully with even myself because I'm scared of looking dumb.
And I think, you know, the act of writing is
a very It is an act of sharing yourself with yourself,
because by nature of the way that writing works, you
share it with yourself first, and you may never share
it with anyone else. I do. I love the idea
of that sharing your writing is part of the writing
(23:36):
process because it is about connecting with that one other
but you may write something and never share it with
anyone else. So it is about sharing you with you
and to me for my evolution. At least, that was
kind of step one. Once I got really comfortable with
sharing me with me, there were a lot of things
that I would put in my writing that I felt like, oh,
that's too vulnerable to say, or maybe I became comfortable
(23:59):
with it over time and then I was able to
share it with others. But the thought of sharing it
off the cuff was just like, oh my god, no,
that feels like a death sentence. I think that's true
for many of us. You know, I've seen studies that
show that public speaking is the greatest fear in America,
at least, that people listed as their number one fear,
even above death. They would rather die than stand on
(24:20):
a stage and deliver a message to people. And that's
even assuming that delivering that message would be well planned
out ahead of time and that you you know, you'd
come with notes, et cetera. But the thought of standing
on a stage, like, just picture yourself right now and
tell me if this scares you. Standing on a stage,
no prep time, You're standing on there right now. And
I'm like, tell us your story and you can't see
(24:41):
a single face in the audience. There's just a spotlight
on you. You know. I think for most people, ninety nine
percent of us, that would petrify us. And if it
doesn't petrify you, my guess is either you you're born
to be a public speaker, or also perhaps you've had
a lot of training. I've worked with public speakers who
have kind of trained that feeling out of themselves and
so how they feel very comfortable on a stage. I
(25:01):
do think that's also possible. But the point I'm trying
to make here is I want you to be wary
of making your reason for writing a book or doing
anything that you do to help as many people as possible,
for two reasons that we've discussed in the show. Reason
number one is it's so easy to get swept up
in this distortion of build the biggest platform possible, you know,
(25:24):
get your big book contract, and to miss out on
what's actually trying to happen for you in the creative process,
which is to put you back in touch with you.
And number two, because I think it also distorts the
human connection that's also trying to happen so through art.
What's trying to happen is connecting me with me and
connecting me with you. It took me all this rambling
to get to this point, but I think this is
(25:45):
really the juice of this episode. So we're going to
linger here for a second. The point of art, the
point of creativity, is to connect me with me and
me with you. And we're living inside of this distortion
where if I say I want to help as many
people as possible, I miss out on connecting me with me,
because that's the creative process is what does that? And
creativity and commerce are in direct conflict with one another.
(26:10):
I miss out on connecting me with me, and I
miss out on connecting me with you because it's not
connection to say you're down there and I need to
tell you this advice so I can help you. That's
not connection. Connection is let me tell you what it's
like for me, and the response being me too, Yeah,
it's like that for me too. That's what we're really
(26:31):
craving when we come at the book writing process. In
my opinion, I think that's why so many people are
wanting to write a book right now, because we're really
craving connecting me with me and connecting me with you.
That is what we want. It is the lifeblood of humanity.
It is like our very nourishment is to connect me
with me and meet with you. And if we can
do that, we can endure so much pain. You know,
(26:55):
thinking back to the last episode about leaning into the tension,
you will be so much more powerful to lean into
the tension of your life and of the problems in
your life if you are deeply connected with you and
deeply connected with at least one other. And we just
don't in our culture know how to do that. And
it's not one hundred percent our fault. This is not
like the individual's fault. This is like the fault of
(27:17):
a broader culture that has tricked us about what it
really means to be human. So we are not good
at this. We don't know how to do it. But
I will tell you what will show you how to
connect you with you, and what will show you how
to connect to you with one other is art, writing
a book, painting, dance, yoga, whatever it is for you.
(27:38):
I don't care. There's a very broad definition of art.
But art will connect you back to you. It will invariably,
and it will connect to you to at least one other.
And that's always the why behind why I write a book,
and I just want to offer that to you if
it feels good for you, to kind of upgrade your
reason from I want to help as many people as posible,
(28:00):
which I honestly think this reason is coming from like
very well meaning, altruistic people, And I just want to
warn you about the kind of pitfall of that reasoning
so that you can upgrade your reasoning to something that's
really going to support you and sustain you through what
can be an incredibly long and arduous process. So, whether
you want to write a book or whether you want
to do something totally different, I don't know what your
(28:22):
your you feel your purposes or the contribution is that
you want to make on this planet. But I'm going
to offer this to you if it feels good to
you to upgrade your reason from. I'm doing this because
I want to help as many people as possible too.
I'm doing this because I want to connect me to
me and I want to connect me to you. All Right,
I'll see you next week. I'll write your story. Podcast
Pick up the pieces of your life, put them back
together with the words you write. All the beauty and
peace and the magic that you'll start too fun when
you write your story. You got the words and said,
don't you think it's down to let them out and
write them down on cold It's all about and write
(00:24):
your story. Write you write your story. Hi, and welcome
back to the Write Your Story Podcast. I'm Ali Fallon,
I'm your host, and on today's episode, I want to
talk about something that I've been saying to many authors recently.
I am wrapping up six months with my book. In
six months group, they're all completing their manuscripts. I've been
(00:45):
kind of like tying up some loose ends with clients because,
as you know, I'm taking a step back from doing
my client work, and so I've been in this kind
of final stage of book writing with so many different
people right now, and I find myself saying some of
the same things over and over again. And one thing
that I wanted to share with you that relates to
book writing, yes, but it also relates to whatever you
want to do in the world and however you want
(01:07):
to serve and be a contribution. And the phrase I
keep hearing myself say over and over again, goes like this,
don't do it to help people, Like don't write your
book to help people, don't have a podcast to help people.
Don't go to work every day to help other people.
Whatever your purpose is, whatever you're the contribution that you
want to make in the world, whatever you choose to
(01:28):
do with your days and with your time, don't do
it to help people. And that sounds like strange advice,
But that's what I want to unpack on today's episode
why I would give this advice. And I'm not saying
that it's a moral issue, to be clear, If you
want to go to work every day because you like
the idea of helping people, I think that's fine. There's
nothing morally wrong with that. But I do think that
(01:49):
there's a limit to what you can become and how
you can evolve if you are doing it with the
sole purpose of helping others. There's something so beautiful about
happing others, and this is part of it. But I
just want to add this other piece to the conversation
that I think will expand your ability to be able
to really fully show up in your unique purpose, your
(02:12):
unique contribution that you have to make on this planet. Well,
I'll start by saying that I was at a birthday
dinner over the weekend with a really dear friend of mine.
It was just three of us at the dinner. We
were celebrating my friend's birthday, who's turning thirty nine, and
one of the things that we got started talking about
was Instagram, which is, you know, a loaded subject in general.
We started talking about the TikTok ban, and then you know,
(02:35):
moved on to talking about Instagram. And all three of
us are elder millennials, I guess, or even maybe I
don't know, Like we're all like in our late thirties
or early forties. So I consider myself an elder millennial,
and so Instagram is the jam for me. I've never
been on TikTok. I don't feel really personally affected by
the TikTok ban, but I do think it's an interesting
conversation to have about what's happening with social media right now.
(02:56):
And one of the things that I brought up is
that I've noticed this really large shift in my life
and in the lives of so many people that I've
talked to around social media that is not totally different
from what I've been hearing for the last ten years,
but feels like is kind of accelerating in this interesting
way where people are kind of over it. And this
(03:16):
might not be true across the board. So if you
don't feel this is true, I actually would love to
hear from you, because I'm curious how other people are
feeling about this right now. But one of the things
that I'm kind of noticing in the vibes, like the zeitgeist,
the energy field of our time, is how people are
like over it with Instagram, And by that I just mean,
you know, I've heard for years from people who are like,
(03:37):
I would love to write a book, but I hate
being on social media and I do not want to
be on social media, and so it's a no go
for me because I know you need to build a
platform if you want to be an author. And one
of my matras from the beginning of this process has been,
do not wait to build a platform before you write
your book. Just write your book. You don't need a
platform to be an author. You know, you just need
a great, great book. There's so many examples of that,
(03:57):
and I've talked about it a bunch before, so I
won't get super into it, but I just share that
to say I've been talking about this since the beginning
of my career in twenty ten, and so fifteen years
have passed and my message has not changed that I
don't believe that you need to be on social media
in order to be an author. And yet there is
some truth to that statement from the standpoint that yeah, yeah,
(04:18):
you know, if you want to sign a contract with
a traditional publisher, then they are going to ask about
your social media following. And you know, in the modern
world in twenty twenty five, if you want to sell
a book, you need a distribution channel. Amazon's not going
to cut it. You're going to need your own personal
distribution channel. So do you have an email list, do
you have social media? What do you want to do
with that, what's your marketing plan? All of that stuff.
(04:38):
But it's really easy to just get caught up in
the weeds of that and to never actually sit down
and write your book. So my message all along has
always been like, don't worry about your platform, focus on
writing the book. I have just hit that drum over
and over and over again for the last fifteen years.
Well recently i've started to hear from more people, like
people who have been my clients, who have been on
(04:59):
social media for years and who have been very successful
on social media and who have large followings, who are
feeling like, Yeah, this is sucking all my energy for me,
I don't have time for this. I don't want to
do this anymore. Even people who are making full time
livings from you know, being on Instagram or being on
TikTok are saying like, I've gotten to the place where
it's incompatible with who I want to be and how
I want to be in the world. So we got started.
(05:20):
The three of us at dinner got started talking about,
like what do we do with Instagram? Like do we
keep showing up on Instagram? Because I will say like
I have moments where, you know, I talked about a
couple of weeks ago on an episode, posting a poem
on Instagram and feeling like really inspired and moved to
do that. I wrote the poem. It like came through
me like a download. Then I shared it with I
(05:41):
shared it with my husband, I sent it to my
friend Lindsley, who was one of the ones at this
dinner with me. That felt really satisfying. To share it
with those couple of people, and then I posted it
on Instagram and I got, like, you know, a ground
swell of like support and love, like yes, me too,
I feel this way too. That always feels good when
you share your art and people say yes, me too,
thank you for saying this, or thank you for making
(06:02):
this thing. That sharing piece is part of the puzzle,
So that can't be denied, you know, Like it's I
don't come from a standpoint where I say all you
have to do is make the thing and don't share
it with anyone, you know, No, the sharing piece is
a big piece of the puzzle. But things get distorted
when you start to become a slave to the Instagram
(06:23):
algorithm and you think, okay, well, if I want to
be successful on Instagram, I have to post something every
single day. I was saying to this group at dinner.
When you get in the mode where you think you
have to post something on Instagram every day in order
to be successful, which is in its own way true,
But when you begin to live and die by that
quote unquote truth, you actually lose access to your art
(06:45):
and your creativity. Because art and commerce are two different things,
they do overlap at certain points. But they are two
different things, and they come from two different sources. I
believe that with all my being. Like art and commerce
don't have to necessarily contradict. You can make art and
sell it. Art comes from a different place than marketing does.
I'm sorry, that's just the truth. So making content is
(07:05):
not the same as making art. I'm not saying that
you can't make art that is also content, but you
can't make content that is also art. If you're making content,
you're not making art. And I will live and die
on that hill. So Instagram ends up distorting our creativity,
which is our life force, energy, It is our spirituality,
it is our soul. I believe it's our spirit it's
(07:27):
the part of us that is eternal, that exists forever.
Is our creativity. And so that's why we love being creative.
We love making art because it puts us in touch
with that part of ourselves that we know is bigger
than this little body that we're living here on this earth.
So when we obey the Instagram algorithm and give up
our creativity, we're selling our soul to the devil. Essentially,
(07:50):
I mean to use that like very loosely. We're sort
of selling your soul to the devil and the like,
then you don't have your soul. And our soul is
the part of us that gives us joy and pleasure
in life, if it's the part of us that makes
us feel deeply connected to our purpose, and so yeah,
we feel like we're having to make this choice. It's like,
I do want a place. I want a platform where
if I make something, I can share it with people,
(08:10):
because sharing it with people feels connective and good. It
feels so good to be like, yes, me too, you know,
it feels like a big hug from a friend. And
yet if in order to use that platform, I have
to do it in this one particular way that actually
steals from my creativity, then it's mutually exclusive and it
(08:33):
doesn't work anymore. So the system breaks down. So I
think I think many of us are struggling with this
feeling with Instagram, and this the whole episode is not
going to be about Instagram. Don't worry or social media
at all, but I wanted to use this as an example.
You're struggling with this tension of Okay, if I choose
to engage with Instagram, which is highly addictive and it
(08:55):
sucks me back into sort of living in this one
particular way. Then I lose the very reason that I
went to Instagram to share my creativity and share myself,
share my soul with the world. And yet if I
choose to sort of like, Okay, I don't want anything
to do with that, I'm gonna take myself off, like
out of the environment, almost like total no contact, like
(09:15):
with a narcissist. I was like, that's addictive. I'm not
going there, total no contact with this thing. Well, then
where do we share ourselves with each other? And that's
really this is what the conversation came to, was like,
you know, the juice is all in sharing ourselves with
each other. So the reason that I'm giving this advice
(09:43):
over and over again about not making not doing what
you do in order to share it, I think is
largely because of a distortion that we're living in in
the times in the year twenty twenty five on planet Earth,
you know, particularly in the USA. I lived in Tennessee.
So I'm not saying my perspective is every perspective, but
a distortion that we're living inside of that says you've
(10:06):
got to grow a platform to write a book. You've
got to, you know, have an Instagram to share your
art with the world. Like, I just don't want to
live inside of a distortion that believes that like we
are going to rely on TikTok, we're going to rely
on Instagram. We're going to lie on the systems that
other people have built for us. Otherwise we can't share
our art because people have been sharing art since the
beginning of time, Like, you know, there's we don't need
(10:26):
Instagram to share our art with each other. And also
the point that we made at that dinner was like,
it's it's not different to share your art with one
person than it is with eighteen thousand people. And I
use the eighteen thousand number because that's the number of
followers I have on Instagram. But it doesn't feel any
different for me to share with my friend Lindsley via
text message this poem that I wrote, and for her
(10:47):
to say, oh, Ali, this is beautiful, thank you for
writing this. This is exactly how I felt and I
haven't been able to put words to it. Me too,
That is not a different feeling than posting it for
eighteen thousand people and for you know, many more people.
A few dozen people to comment that same kind of
a thing in the comments. It's the reason that we're
going there to Instagram, and yet it's getting distorted. And
(11:10):
so so what I keep telling authors over and over again,
and I think this applies to whatever your purpose is
here on this planet, or whatever kind of contribution that
you want to make. If you make it about helping
other people, it's so easy for you to get sucked
in to this distortion that we live in where it's
(11:31):
about the numbers, it's about as many people as possible.
So if you're going to make your purpose about helping
other people, or if you're going to go to work
because you want to help other people, or write your
book because you want to help other people, make it
one person, you know, just the difference between texting Lindsley
the poem or putting the poem on Instagram. I'm not
saying don't put the poem on Instagram. I'm not saying
don't publish the book. I'm not saying don't you know
(11:51):
make money for your art at all. That is not
my message. What I'm saying is your motivation for writing
the book, your motivation for going to work, motivation for
anything you do in your life on a day to
day basis, If it is about helping as many people
as possible, it's so easy to get sucked into the
distortion that we're living in, where that must mean grow
(12:14):
my Instagram, following that must mean, you know, get this
massive book deal. And if we don't do those things,
then we feel like we're not doing our art, we
feel like we're not fulfilling our purpose. So make it
about helping one person. If you're going to make it
about something, make it about helping one person. I'll give
you another example this podcast. You know, I've said several
times on this show that I felt really strongly from
(12:35):
the beginning when I started doing the show that my
purpose here was to just show up and talk that
you know, I would do some interviews. That it wasn't
really about getting the biggest interviews or the biggest names
on the show. Although I have had some big names
on the show. I mean I interviewed William Paul Jung,
I've interviewed some really incredible people on the show, But
it wasn't about that. It wasn't about getting all the
(12:56):
big names and all the authors on the circuit and
as many people as I could and getting my numbers up.
It was about me just showing up and talking about
what was on my mind and what was on my heart.
And one of the things for me that I knew
was going to come out of this was learning to
deeply trust myself and to speak my truth because I
(13:17):
was used to doing that with the written word. I
have had a lot of practice with that, and I
feel like i've you know, not that we ever arrive.
I don't feel like a beginner in that anymore. I
can sit down to the page and really easily share
my truth on the page. And I felt like in
some ways I could hide behind that I could share
my truth on the page and put the words on
Instagram and not really show myself to the world, you know.
(13:38):
And then when I started taking improv classes last year,
or actually it was two years ago now that I
started and then went just over a year long of
improv classes, I realized like I had a huge block
and a big insecurity around like using my actual voice,
like my speaking voice, standing in front of people and
just saying the first thing that came to my mind
was truly the most terrifying thing I could have possibly
(14:01):
imagined and now. I mean, I'm sitting here on this episode.
I've been recording for about fourteen minutes. I don't have
a single note in front of me. I've talked about
this before. I don't come with notes to these shows.
I don't even really know what I'm going to talk
about before I come. I just kind of come and
talk and maybe you're like, yeah, lady, it shows you
know you're just My brother told me at one point
he was like, I can't fathom listening to a podcast
(14:21):
where it was just a person talking to the microphone,
just one person talking. That doesn't sound interesting to me
at all. I was like, wow, wow, thanks brother, But
I appreciate the odysty you know, that's my brother for you. Anyways,
I don't come with notes. I don't come with like
a real big strategy about what to say. For me,
(14:41):
doing this was not about getting the biggest numbers or
quote unquote helping the most number of people. I feel like, sometimes,
because of the distortion that we live in, helping the
highest number of people ends up becoming a ruse, like
a hiding place for the ego to really show up
and start running the show. And we just have to
(15:03):
watch out for that. We have to be careful of that.
And so if you're writing a book, this is you know,
maybe this doesn't apply to you, and if it doesn't,
feel free to just leave it on the cutting room floor.
But if you're writing a book and you're feeling like,
you know, I want to do this because I really
want to help people, I want to help as many
people as possible. I hear that a lot, and my
pushback is always like, just be careful because wanting to
(15:23):
help as many people as possible in publishing at least
ends up looking like, Okay, we're going to build this
massive platform, we're going to turn it into this big machine.
We're going to learn all the marketing techniques. And what
happens as you do that, just like I was talking
about with Instagram, is it steals from you. What's actually
trying to happen through the book writing process, which is,
(15:44):
you know, God, like my concept of God, is trying
to put you in contact or maybe it's just you.
You're trying to put you in contact with your soul,
the truth of who you are. This podcast has unequivocally
done that for me, Like unequivocally I can say without
a shadow of a doubt. It has put me back
in touch with myself and it continues to do that.
It continues to unfold and like blossom and bloom like
(16:04):
a flower. Now I don't even know how many people
listen to the show, and I have looked at the
stats in terms of, like which episodes have done better
than others, And that's interesting to know. It's interesting information
to know, but I wouldn't say, you know, I kind
of take it with a grain of salt. I take
it in I'm like, that's interesting to know that, like
Thads interview that I did in season two sometime was
(16:27):
a really popular episode, maybe my most popular episode yet.
And that's so helpful and interesting to know. And yet
you know that that wasn't a product of me going
how can I get the most listeners on this? I know,
I'm gonna have my friend THATD come and talk about
the music industry and how you know, how he has
(16:48):
shifted his understanding of himself as a creative person inside
of music. There was no strategy, there was no agenda
behind it. It was just like, you know what, I
love talking with my friend that he said this thing
at his music release party, that I thought was so
found and interesting I wanted to have the conversation with
him on the podcast, and there we go. So do
you see how quickly if your goal is help as
many people as possible, it can quickly quickly become distorted
(17:10):
and become something that was never, in my opinion, meant
to be in the first place. Versus, if you allow
for your purpose to be helping one person, sure that
can be a purpose that you attached to writing a
book or having a podcast, or going to work every
day or whatever. Like, make it your goal to find
one person that day that you can just the word
(17:30):
help too is a hard one for me. I think
another way that this can get distorted is that when
we start to see ourselves as I watch this happen
all the time on Instagram, speaking of Instagram, where I
begin to see myself as coach and you as kind
of other. And so I'm the coach and I'm sitting
up here with all the answers and the advice, and
(17:51):
you're down there waiting so patiently to hear from me,
and you need my help. It does in a weird way.
I'm not saying this is always true, but it doesn't
a weird way kind of put me above you and
make me superior to you and put you in subservience
to me, and make you kind of need me and
my advice, and the human connection that puts us back
(18:12):
in touch with our soul is also lost. So there's
a potential where I could text a poem that I
wrote to a friend and she says, oh, Ali, thank
you so much for saying this. This is exactly what
I wanted to say, And there's a human connection moment
there versus putting something on Instagram and getting the ego
hit of just like whoa dopamine, Like everyone loves me,
(18:33):
I'm amazing, I'm a poet. I should write more poetry.
There is the potential for that also to get distorted
as well. So those are kind of the two reasons
that I think moving away from the idea that I
want to help other people to I want to become
everything that I want to be, the greatest contribution that
I can be. I want to become everything that I'm
(18:53):
capable of becoming. I want to show the realness of me.
I want to even not even show like I want
to be in contact with the truth of who I am,
Like I want to witness my own self in her fullness,
in His fullness, whichever applies to you, like I want
more of that, more of the God in me, more
(19:16):
of my soul, more of my spirit, to have the
freedom to show up in this world because a it
makes me feel alive and be because it makes the
world a more beautiful place. So there is an element
of help in there. But do you see the distinction
that I'm making here between I want to help as
many people as possible. You know, two million followers on Instagram,
(19:37):
I'll get the biggest book deal that I can get,
Versus I want to say my truth. I want to
be free to share who I am, you know, freely
with one other person perhaps, or with ten other people
who are close to me. And if you go back
and listen to the William Paul Young episode, I think
this is the great irony of his story. And one
(19:58):
of the reasons why I wanted to interview him is
because he did not go into the process of writing
The Shack thinking, Okay, how can I get twenty six
million people to buy this book. I want to write
a book that's turned into a major motion picture because
I want to help as many people as possible with
their faith in God. No, he went into that process
from the depth of his humanity, wondering who the hell
(20:21):
is God? If God, if there's this kind of suffering
in the world, then how could there even be a God?
And how can I make sense of who I thought
God was? And you know, just from the depth of
his pain and heartbreak and humanity, how can I make
sense of my own faith? And he says on the episode,
he also wrote that book for his kids. So again,
(20:44):
it's not about like helping. It's more just like showing
myself to the people who love me and showing myself
to others vulnerably so that we can connect. It's not
so that I can help you. You pour thing down,
you need my help. It's so that we can connect.
(21:04):
Because human connection is also what reminds us of our
great capabilities. You know, I'm both reminded of what it
means to be a human soul when I create, and
I'm also reminded of what it means to be a
human soul when I connect, because I see it in
you too. And oftentimes I don't know if you've had
this experience, but oftentimes we see it in other people
easier than we see it in ourselves. I think for us,
(21:26):
you maybe you have a person in your life who
you think like God, if only they could see themselves
the way that I see them, because that person is
freaking brilliant. They are truly like a force to be
reckoned with. They're so amazing. You know, the world wouldn't
be the same without them, And they just don't see
themselves that way. I wonder, you know, how things would
change for them if they were able to see themselves
(21:46):
that way. That is sometimes an easier way to make
connection with a human soul then our own creativity. Sometimes
we've kind of cut off our own creativity because we're
terrified of who we would be if we came fully
awake to ourselves and shared ourselves with the world. One
(22:12):
of the things that scared me if you would have
asked me the question what scares you about speaking your
mind off the top of your head? You know, in
improv I would say my number one fear was looking dumb.
And you know we could trace that back to childhood
trauma or whatever my own story that I had written
about myself. That could definitely be part of the conversation.
(22:32):
But think of that, Like my greatest fear was looking dumb.
I just find it so interesting. It's like, I can't
tell you a time where I have had a conversation
with someone and I've been like, oh my god, they're
so dumb. I mean, I might think about someone or
say about someone like oh, wow, they are not educated
(22:53):
on that issue or don't know that yet or whatever.
Or I might actually be in conversation with someone and
think like, wow, they have our perspective that I do
not share. How interesting. I want to understand more about that.
But I'm sitting over here going like, I'm so scared
of looking dumb. And because I'm scared of looking dumb,
I can't actually share myself authentically or vulnerably or honestly
(23:14):
or truthfully with even myself because I'm scared of looking dumb.
And I think, you know, the act of writing is
a very It is an act of sharing yourself with yourself,
because by nature of the way that writing works, you
share it with yourself first, and you may never share
it with anyone else. I do. I love the idea
of that sharing your writing is part of the writing
(23:36):
process because it is about connecting with that one other
but you may write something and never share it with
anyone else. So it is about sharing you with you
and to me for my evolution. At least, that was
kind of step one. Once I got really comfortable with
sharing me with me, there were a lot of things
that I would put in my writing that I felt like, oh,
that's too vulnerable to say, or maybe I became comfortable
(23:59):
with it over time and then I was able to
share it with others. But the thought of sharing it
off the cuff was just like, oh my god, no,
that feels like a death sentence. I think that's true
for many of us. You know, I've seen studies that
show that public speaking is the greatest fear in America,
at least, that people listed as their number one fear,
even above death. They would rather die than stand on
(24:20):
a stage and deliver a message to people. And that's
even assuming that delivering that message would be well planned
out ahead of time and that you you know, you'd
come with notes, et cetera. But the thought of standing
on a stage, like, just picture yourself right now and
tell me if this scares you. Standing on a stage,
no prep time, You're standing on there right now. And
I'm like, tell us your story and you can't see
(24:41):
a single face in the audience. There's just a spotlight
on you. You know. I think for most people, ninety nine
percent of us, that would petrify us. And if it
doesn't petrify you, my guess is either you you're born
to be a public speaker, or also perhaps you've had
a lot of training. I've worked with public speakers who
have kind of trained that feeling out of themselves and
so how they feel very comfortable on a stage. I
(25:01):
do think that's also possible. But the point I'm trying
to make here is I want you to be wary
of making your reason for writing a book or doing
anything that you do to help as many people as possible,
for two reasons that we've discussed in the show. Reason
number one is it's so easy to get swept up
in this distortion of build the biggest platform possible, you know,
(25:24):
get your big book contract, and to miss out on
what's actually trying to happen for you in the creative process,
which is to put you back in touch with you.
And number two, because I think it also distorts the
human connection that's also trying to happen so through art.
What's trying to happen is connecting me with me and
connecting me with you. It took me all this rambling
to get to this point, but I think this is
(25:45):
really the juice of this episode. So we're going to
linger here for a second. The point of art, the
point of creativity, is to connect me with me and
me with you. And we're living inside of this distortion
where if I say I want to help as many
people as possible, I miss out on connecting me with me,
because that's the creative process is what does that? And
creativity and commerce are in direct conflict with one another.
(26:10):
I miss out on connecting me with me, and I
miss out on connecting me with you because it's not
connection to say you're down there and I need to
tell you this advice so I can help you. That's
not connection. Connection is let me tell you what it's
like for me, and the response being me too, Yeah,
it's like that for me too. That's what we're really
(26:31):
craving when we come at the book writing process. In
my opinion, I think that's why so many people are
wanting to write a book right now, because we're really
craving connecting me with me and connecting me with you.
That is what we want. It is the lifeblood of humanity.
It is like our very nourishment is to connect me
with me and meet with you. And if we can
do that, we can endure so much pain. You know,
(26:55):
thinking back to the last episode about leaning into the tension,
you will be so much more powerful to lean into
the tension of your life and of the problems in
your life if you are deeply connected with you and
deeply connected with at least one other. And we just
don't in our culture know how to do that. And
it's not one hundred percent our fault. This is not
like the individual's fault. This is like the fault of
(27:17):
a broader culture that has tricked us about what it
really means to be human. So we are not good
at this. We don't know how to do it. But
I will tell you what will show you how to
connect you with you, and what will show you how
to connect to you with one other is art, writing
a book, painting, dance, yoga, whatever it is for you.
(27:38):
I don't care. There's a very broad definition of art.
But art will connect you back to you. It will invariably,
and it will connect to you to at least one other.
And that's always the why behind why I write a book,
and I just want to offer that to you if
it feels good for you, to kind of upgrade your
reason from I want to help as many people as posible,
(28:00):
which I honestly think this reason is coming from like
very well meaning, altruistic people, And I just want to
warn you about the kind of pitfall of that reasoning
so that you can upgrade your reasoning to something that's
really going to support you and sustain you through what
can be an incredibly long and arduous process. So, whether
you want to write a book or whether you want
to do something totally different, I don't know what your
(28:22):
your you feel your purposes or the contribution is that
you want to make on this planet. But I'm going
to offer this to you if it feels good to
you to upgrade your reason from. I'm doing this because
I want to help as many people as possible too.
I'm doing this because I want to connect me to
me and I want to connect me to you. All Right,
I'll see you next week. I'll write your story. Podcast
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