January 19, 2021 • 43 mins
Minimalism is often thought of as simply having less stuff. And while that is definitely a symptom of the lifestyle, minimalism is more about buying things of quality, that matter to you, and that you take into your life with intention. So this week OOD is talking about minimalism - what it is, what it isn't, and how lightening your load can be freeing.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heartredio. It's so important to realize
why you are taking something into your space in your life.
Is it because you love it? Is it because it's
functional it helps you? Or is it because you want
someone else to say that's a nice jacket, or you know, whatever,
it is because buying that stuff for other people. Let
(00:22):
me tell you that feeling is so fleeting. Hi everyone,
and welcome back to you Down, a podcast where four
funny honeys come together to talk about what's going on
in the culture. I'm Yasman Money Watkins, I'm Ashley, and
(00:43):
I'm Mommy a AFORA. But with our powers combined, we
are known as Obama's other daughters. I imagine I was
forming into just like that power Ranger. Yes, I was
thinking dragon. All say all of us putting our rings
(01:04):
in the middle. Today we are asking are you down
with minimalism? Minimalism is often thought as simply having less stuff,
and while that is definitely a symptom of the lifestyle,
minimalism is more about buying things of quality that mattered
(01:27):
to you and that you take into your life with intentions,
and with the storage facility business doing thirty nine billion
dollars annually and one in every ten household renting a
place to store more stuff, we thought it's no better
time than now to help us see the benefits of
minimalism and maybe letting go of that thing that we
(01:49):
think we need but we never use. M I mean,
I do have Hella photos that just stack up in
my phone photos. In phone photo that's where when you start.
Oh okay, well, first, before we get into minimalism, let's
(02:10):
check in with each other. Whatcha love in what this week?
I am loving? So you guys know I'm working in
d C in the middle of this muck conversation for
another day. But something that I've been using in my
hotel room that is just really doing it for me
are candles. I mean, you've been to in my apartment.
(02:32):
I have millions of candles anyway, but I didn't realize
like how much I need candles in my life. And
I can imagine them bringing you some sort of piece.
I can't imagine being a d C at this point
in time right now, like, well, I'll be in my
hotels candles when the ship goes down I'll still have
(02:54):
candles um Right now. I'm loving this series called Surviving
Death on Netflix. It's not scary. It sounds a little scary,
but like an So the first episode, it's like people
who have had near death experiences where they really actually
(03:15):
died and come back to life. And I know, but
they talked about literally what they felt like was the
afterlife for however long they were dead. I mean, one
woman was dead for thirty minutes. She's a doctor. I
think she's a back surgeon, and she talks about talking
to her family members and being in this like endless
(03:38):
place of time and energy and space and just not
being able to she thought she was dead. And but
she did also say when her body hit the rocks
in an accident she was in, she didn't feel the
pain of it. She just immediately felt her spirit cooled
from her body. But it wasn't scary, she said, It's
like everybody was like, it's like warm hugs. It's what
I imagine deaf to be. So that's why I love
(03:59):
the show so much. It's what I imagined humans as
were just energy and then we go back to energy
and that was sort of what it was. And it
was her spirit left. I imagined, you know, Sonic when
he would jump on some spikes and coins would jump
out of him and his body would leave himself a
little bit when you come in. Yes, that the amage,
(04:20):
but yeah, she was in a kayaking accident. I don't
want to give away too much, but I know I
gave away to My mind is spinning right now. You
gotta watch it. You gotta watch it. It's so good
and it gives such fun perspective. And to me, I
would say, if somebody is scared of dying, it's kind
of refreshing because I don't think you should be scared
(04:42):
of it, although you know it's scarier. I'm alive. Just
chills through my body when you were describing it. So
if it's anything like that, it's so good. One episode
got some crazy stuff, this one with mediums. But I'm
not gonna ectoplasm. It's all I'm gonna say. That's atom Okay,
(05:05):
all right. Something I'm loving this week is just small
gestures of kindness. I had a rough weekend. I came
home one day and they were flowers sitting on my
desk and I'm not even a flower girl, but just
to have someone prethink about you. You know, that was
(05:26):
so nice. And then I had another friend send me
a gift. She made me an apron. I never even
had an april before, but she made it with a
bare hand. Y'all. I just think that's nice. Small gestures
of kindness you never know who needs them. You know,
that's very thoughtful, damn. And she took time to do that.
That's that's that's some sweet ship. Well, things that are
(05:51):
not sweet. The Federal death I truly hate it. I
know that's not a great segway, but I just I
I just hate how like it's up to us, and granted,
I mean, who else is gonna do it? It's just
so many, so many black people are getting killed and
(06:12):
you're like, no, stop, don't do this, don't do this,
And it would be great if that was just not
a thing. Who are we to kill other people? Here?
Here's here though, to be somewhat positive. Have you guys
heard think your name is Eliash Sheffield or Aliah Sheffield.
(06:33):
She's Nikki Aliah on Insta and on YouTube and all
of that, and she has that song Earth is Ghetto.
I want to leave? Can you be me? I'm out
on the street. Do you guys know what I'm singing
at all? I haven't heard that, but I'm definitely gonna
listen to it after Earth is Ghetto. I think I
saw something with that in it on THEE. Y'all. If
(06:56):
you have not heard her song yet, go on and
cash Happer, go on to play her song. It's truly
like if they cash happen, people cash meat. Actually I
only have m You probably only got Vemo because you're
a minimalist. That's I mean. I'm trying to cut down
a lot of stuff. I'm trying to bring you all
(07:17):
to the minimalist side. I'm close. I'm close. Did you
just say you close? I'm in a closet right now, y'all.
That don't make you a minimalist. I think we need
to define what minimalism is. Let's got minimal manimalmal that's good.
(07:46):
I love it. As Americans, we are constantly bombarded with commercials, influencers,
and friends telling us about the next great thing that
we need to buy, not to mention the gifts we
received from wellming friends and family that will never use
but can't bring ourselves to get rid of. It is
no wonder why the average American household has over wait
(08:09):
for y'all, three hundred thousand things in it. Couldn't name
three hundred thousand things. I don't think, Well, it's probably
like double Like you got twenty eight shirts and a
lot of underwear and a lot of Underwearly, go ahead
and rationalize that stuff, y'all. We have a lot. You're right, yeah,
(08:30):
have a lot of stuff, and whether we realize it
or not, clutter and over filled closets and things you
no longer value not only take up space in your house,
but in your mind as well. That part. So today
we're talking about minimalism, what it is, what it isn't,
and how lightening your load can be free. But first
(08:53):
let's take a quick breaks just kidding. Welcome back, Welcome back, y'all.
(09:13):
Let's be into our main topic this week, minimalism. Let's
start with the basics. What is minimalism. There's this woman,
Taren Williford, and she is the cleaning and lifestyle director
at Apartment Therapy, and she says that minimalism by and
large is like the concept of wanting less, which I
(09:35):
think you said earlier, Ashley, and just knowing that you
can live with less quality over quantity mindset basically. But
she did say there are six types of minimalism. If
you guys don't mind, I'll go through and tell me
which you think you are. Okay. So there's the aesthetic minimalist,
and their signature move is throwing out their mismatched hangars
(09:57):
and like clutter in their house. And they're the type
who will have like an elegant line drawing on the
wall and just like, oh, I only have teams chairs
and exactly um. And then there's the essential minimalist, whose
signature move is throwing out all but a dozen of
the hangars for their curated wardrobe of like crazy awesome stuff,
(10:19):
and they're usually replacing their usual reading material with audio
books or e magazines because they don't want anything in
their home. And then there is experiential minimalist. The hallmark
of them is basically being in pursuit of new experiences
and usually they're throwing out all the stuff in their
closet because their stuff is in a suitcase. I think
(10:41):
we know who that is, um. And they also love
taking a class or learning a new skill or hobby.
Do that a lot. Two more sustainable minimalist, which is
the people who go with their own jars to the
grocery store and um, they would be making their own
hangars out of things they found. I know, like these
(11:02):
are handcrafted from the soil of Antarctica. Um, that doesn't
make any sense. And they love making things from scratch.
And then okay I was lying. There Now two more,
the thrifty minimalists. We know that people who like thrift stores.
They like buying old stuff and restoring it and making
(11:23):
it new again. Um. And then lastly the mindful minimalist.
They're the one who's like I watched Marie Condo and
it changed my life. Like me and stand in my
room and think of all the things I could get
rid of in may or am I not actually do it? Um?
What was the name of that last one? Mindful minimalists
like the does this spark joy for me? Trying to
(11:46):
implement that practice in your life. Marie Condo got big
around the time where I was purging things and everyone
would be like, oh, are you Marie condo ing? And
I was so offended because I'm like, I came about
this on my own. Okay, I don't know, weird, but
the idea of like, does this spark joy, and holding
it just did not relate to me, even though it's
(12:08):
something that I do in like in thinking about it,
but actually holding something and saying to it does this
spark joy. It's always very weird to me. I'm sort
of new to the minimalism game. But of the ones
you recommended Mammia or read, I feel like i'd probably
be experiential or well, I think the sustainable one, where
(12:29):
it's like trying to repurpose things or find new uses
for things. I think those are the two that sort
of speak to my spirit. I'm kind of a digital
hoard or two, so maybe none of these apply. I
was gonna say yes, of all of us, I feel
like you're at least maximalists. And I think you had
like seven thousand emails or something, and I like looking
(12:51):
at your phone gave me anxiety. Yeah, I got a lot.
It's a little different, although I do think that those
mails take up space in your brain. How many do
you have? Again? Seven thousand emails unanswered, unopened? Please? Could
you just do me a favorite? Yes? Man? Just select
(13:12):
all and delete, Just select all and delete. I implore you,
like anything older than a month DAWs it because you're
not gonna use it. True. I feel like of those
that you mentioned, i'd like to know which one you
think I am, because I feel like I'm a few
of them. I think you are a few too, But
(13:33):
definitely the first one that popped up was experiential because
I just feel like you've made it your thing to seek.
I think we all do in our own way that,
but like, but yeah, you definitely are like packing up. Yeah,
in my head, I don't know. Can I just say
I don't know what either one of y'all said. I
(13:54):
think what I've that was. I feel like the most
is experiential for you because you've made it your brand
almost to live a life where you're constantly seeking new
experience and going place about yourself. And we all have
to a degree, but I just feel like that's on
the marquee for Ashley and my brain. I also feel
(14:17):
like you're the ultimate minimal like the maximal minimalist. Yeah,
I think that if you dove into the world of
minimalism and you saw people who live out of a
book bag, you would realize that I am. I'm not
the minimalist, but I don't don't nobody need to live
out a day book bag now and that would just
(14:37):
an extreme now, ye just say, I mean, I think
I'm a combo of mindful meaning we're feeling spiritual today,
so let's do this and do the Marie Kondo thing
for this moment and it might not last. And then
thrifty because I do thrift a lot, so that I
didn't realize that was a part of like not spending
(14:58):
a ton of money on like quality stuff and stuff.
So I appreciate that. What about you, Kira, Yeah, probably
aesthetic because as much as I do, you know, get stuff,
I don't like clutter. I don't like to feel like
my space is crowded, Like even in my bedroom I
only have one bookshelf and the bed and plants because
(15:19):
I just like open space, Like I like it to
feel like I can lay out on the floor and
I have the space to do that. I also have
two cats, so I like space. So on that front,
I would say the aesthetic one where it's about how
it makes me feel. And then I do try to
go through and get rid of stuff I don't use.
(15:39):
I have a lot of stuff I don't use in
the house. But then I also I don't know I
go back and forth with it. Like sometimes I'll clean
out the closet and then I'm like, damn it. I
threw out wrapping paper that I had and used. Two
weeks later, birthday come up, got a god Dagna gift,
and I'm like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
As soon as you went through and cleaned out stuff
(16:00):
because you didn't need it and you didn't use it
for like nine months, and especially things that I don't
use or even pay attention to. If it's a year
and it's just been sitting there, I'm like, I should
just throw this out, but then I'll know of its existence,
and then I'll think of it and be like, damn it,
I couldn't use like those old ladies on Hoarders who
are like, put that down. I'm gonna do how far
(16:24):
is too far with it? Like a backpack, and I
mean a backpack seems extreme to me, but people do it. Yeah,
it seems very extreme to me. I'm just like, how
many parents have draws you wear you washing them every day?
That's like that's commando at least half of the week
while it's trying. But yeah, I think we all have
(16:46):
our line of what we can live with and without,
or at least what we think we can live and
can't live without. And I think the thing that I've
run across with minimalism is that people think that it
means that you aren't supposed to have any stuff because
of people who live out of backpacks. And while like,
that's cool for you, I need a little more than that.
(17:06):
I think it's less about having the least amount that
you can and more about what Mommy was talking about,
does it matter to you? Do you have that and
know that you have it? Like here, if you hadn't
cleaned out your closet, would you have known you had
that wrapping paper? Would you have just bought more? Well? No,
I knew I had it. I sort of know everything
I have right now, not everything. There are drawers that
(17:29):
I go in and I'm like, should I throw this out?
But also maybe you'll need it, like having too many
screw drivers stuff like that, and I'm like, you barely
screw that many things, but watch you throw out the
one side you need and you just randomly purchased the
tem pac but you don't need alten of them. I
know I don't need alten them, but I don't know
which one I'm gonna need and something altend of them
(17:49):
just sit there and like annoy me because I don't
like clutter. My minimalism doesn't come from wanting to help,
like I want to help you, but life mines comes
from like what makes me feel good opening a cabinet
and ship falling on me. I don't like that we
always throw stuff out. I just start throwing stuff out.
(18:10):
I'll just start like grabbing it and being like, no,
my closet is different, like clothes. Wise's too many damn
clothes in there. I need to I'm a maximalist, like
what you gotta stuff for. When we were all going
around talking about what kind of minimums we are, I
was surprised that no one said they were a maximumalist.
I don't think that's a real word. But why would
you label any of us maximum? Yeah? Why would you
label I'm asking why would you label any of I mean,
(18:34):
I feel like we said yes. It was in her
digital content between and I know you got your your
you know I know you yes, and I know your house.
I would absolutely consider you. Yes, in every sense of
the word. I think I could take I think I
could take a hundred things out of your house and
you're not noticed. Damn. Yes, yes really at two Brood.
(19:00):
But I feel like because you go to events and
you'll be like, oh, I'm gonna keep the shirt like
she's like sentimental. I think we did a show once
and they gave us goodie bags and then y'all gave
it to me and I literally drove dumps. I was
like you from that moment, I know exactly like four
cups because we were all like, he wants After a while,
(19:21):
I'm sitting in my car, I was like, I'm throwing
this jump out. It is very like I remember we
had some nasty candy one time and she was like,
don't throw that out. She ate it and she thought
it was nasty cola in Thailand, Oh cola flavored Hi, Yes,
(19:42):
and she said they were nasty and she's like, I'm
not going my way though. It's just you know, waste.
Not one thought damn I might have a problem, y'all.
I think it's fine as long as those hides brought
love to your life, right, and they were sweet. I mean,
(20:03):
speaking of that, does it affect your mental health having
less stuff or more stuff? When my house is clean
and everything is in its place. I just feel on
top of the world when my stuff is organized. I
really do enjoy cleaning as a therapeutic thing. I seriously
love cleaning my kitchen and bathroom, being like, when I'm done,
(20:24):
you could eat off the floor in here. That's very stract,
but that is one of my favorite things to do,
especially if you were I know, mommy, you did the
Saturday mornings with your family cleaning. Thank you spring cleaning
every Saturday. What about you all? Yeah, I think similarly.
I in two thousand nineteen got rid of a two
(20:46):
bedroom apartment worth of stuff and moved into my car.
It was a choice. You don't cry for me and
people truly, I think of having less as poverty, I think,
and for me it was just so freeing to be
able to know everything I have, love everything I have
(21:08):
and just let go. I felt like a weight was
lifted when I got rid of like clothes that I
never wore with remind closet because maybe I'll go to
a ball one day and don't you actually are surprised
when you need it and then you can have it.
I guess so, but like I'll buy it if I
needed or barrow if I needed or I don't know,
(21:31):
it hasn't come up in my life that I've been like, Man,
I'm really upset I gave away that ball down. I
love what you said about the connotations with class in
thinking about preparing for this episode, Like why is it
that we associate less with poverty or a lower socio
economic status, but people of lower socio economic status are
(21:55):
often so bombarded with ads and everything and using buying
things as a way to feel value of some sort.
It almost makes me think about like how so many
millionaires and billionaires wearing like uh Levi jeans and black
T shirts and then like a hundred thousand aires you
know and just say buy are wearing every big prosigner
(22:19):
and like every single thing consistently their whole wardrobe. And
it's like, but you clearly are buying to feel a
void rather than you know, maybe not to feel a void,
but I mean to feel a void or to feel
acceptance of some sort. You know. I remember being in
school and if you didn't have the right Jordan's or
(22:40):
the right times, we are definitely taught to value things
and to see the things that other people have and
to judge them based on that, you know, the whole
concept of keeping up with the Joneses. It's like, you
don't even want some of the stuff that Jones has got,
and you don't know what happens behind closed doors at
the Joneses. You know, don't know who got order than
(23:00):
the Jones's basement. Thank you, somebody probably did you live
in a different neighborhood. But yeah, there's definitely a value
that we place in stuff because again, most Americans are
in debt. I think it also stems from if there
(23:23):
used to be a time where you only had a
little bit, because that's all you could have. Now, if
you can't get it, you should get it so you
can show people that you got it. And everybody's trying
to show off for each other on an even bigger
scale on the internet now, so not just like showing
off for your neighbor, but also showing off for the internet.
So you can show them the new car that you're
dropping around then, or the new clothes that you purchased,
(23:45):
or the new thing in your house. Just a lot
of stuff for other people that part right there, stuff
for other people. It's so important to realize why you
are taking something into your space in your life. Is
it because you love it, Is it because it's functional
it helps you, or is it because you want someone
(24:05):
else to say that's a nice jacket, or you know whatever,
it is because buying that stuff for other people. Let
me tell you that feeling is so fleeting and it's
such a slippery slope down disappointment. Like whatever you're expecting
out of trying to impress people through things, that's just
not gonna last because it's empty. I like nice things,
(24:28):
don't get me wrong, but I definitely think they should
come and staggered. Definitely. You don't need to be buying
Gucci everything at the time, like I will get my
next person is going to be Gucci whenever I can. Okay, girl, Yes, yes,
I'm joining the clup here. Yes I know I agree
with that. I like nice things, But do you have
you know, a logu to something something. But I don't
(24:50):
buy a Gucci bag every month, not even right. I
got one once a year Gucci item once a year.
So far that makes it more special because it's like, oh,
today I'm wearing my favorite Gucci bag or my one
of my two Gucci bags, rather than just buying a
ton of stuff and putting myself in a ton of
debt to show off for people who don't get for
(25:15):
a compliment, for one compliment. When you think about how
much you spent on said, I don't think about you
paying for a compliment. Would you pay a hundred dollars
for a compliment? I bet you you wouldn't. So don't
buy buy buying for yourself? I don't. I wouldn't say
it's buying for other people. But I do know that
(25:37):
we've just live in a society that is so consumed
with consumption of buying and buying just because and it's
a very effective marketing plan. Everything is constantly marketed to us,
so we're just buying and buying. And capitalism is so gross,
(25:57):
like it just makes my skin crawl. We all are
victim to it in a way. But minimalism encourages us
to think outside of that lens, which I think is
really cool. And what is it the I know I
already talked about storage units, but it is amazing to
me that the New York Times says that there are
enough storage units for every person in America to stand
(26:21):
underneath the canopy of storage units. How every person in
America can have a space to stand in the amount
of storage units that are we're like reparations there. You go,
give everybody sage. So there's clearly a value on stuff.
You know. Wow, that's bananas. As an adult, I've never
(26:44):
had a storage unit, but I do remember we had one.
Well that was also too because we had a house
and then we didn't have one, so we had to
put stuff somewhere. Sometimes you need it, you need it.
But I mean, I don't know if we needed everything
that we had in that storage units the big eventually
we would need again. But the Barbie jeep, that's part
(27:06):
of me too. It's like sentimental stuff, like I know
it's broken, but it was my baby's. Maybe maybe not,
but yeah, it's hard for people to let let go
of things. When I think about hoarders, if you want
to see what happens when it comes a medical, psychological,
clinical thing, most of those people had some sort of
(27:29):
trauma at a point in their life and then it
triggered accumulation of a thing. I remember this one guy
that stuck out to me just had a ton of
Insure bottles. He would not throw them away and then
that's all he ate was Insure. So his home was
just a ball pit of insure bottles. Basically, yes, but
because he was a teacher and there was a school
(27:51):
shooting at a school and he was messed up, had
PTSD debilitating lee and couldn't really leave his house usually
there's a reason but behind that not seeing that like
oh I'm drowning and stuff. But I think that's also
how we discussed it affects your mental health, and it
doesn't take the hoarder situation for stuff to affect your
(28:13):
mental exactly. So people are going to continue buying things.
I guess the next thing is like how do we
stay conscious of what we accumulate and what it is
doing to us. As much as I don't like Marie
Condos thinking about holding the thing and asking it if
it gives you joy, I do like the idea of
the intention behind looking at everything that you have, or
(28:36):
looking at the thing that you want to buy and
just being like do I really want this? Do I
really need this? How am I going to use it?
Where is it going to be in my home? You know,
like just making sure it's something that you really want.
And I'd also just say I know this is not
the financial episode, but you better have some savings. If
you're going out and you buy things from yeah, thank you,
(28:58):
it ain't you. Otherwise people do it all the time,
but it isn't the keyest and and they're no shame
and have a debt. Most people don't have it. But
you went to college, I will say, it feels so
good to find my way making it out of there,
and like to see your credit score improving, and just
(29:18):
it's nice to see the debt diminish blessings, blessings. I
definitely come from a family of women who spend a
whole day at an outlet store looking for deals, and
so I kind of had to check myself at a
certain point, like I don't want to have Literally, Mom,
(29:38):
I love you, but you know my brothers. My brother's
old room is full of clothes and she has a
closet too, and love your mom again, but I just like,
do not want that because it makes me feel suffocated.
So now every season, right before I go home for
(30:00):
the holidays, I will do a purge again. And like
last year when I left in the spring, I did
a huge purge and just made sure, like have I
worn this in a year? No? Do you think you
will actually use it, no get rid of it. If
I have to sit and convince myself, then right then
I'm like, all right, you don't need that because you
will convince yourself. So I've definitely talked to myself into
(30:23):
be like, you need this shirt that don't fit just
quite right, but you might wear one day maybe because
it was on sale. Yes, oh yeah, this is random.
But you can throw out those vhs. I don't know.
We want to connece. When I go home and I
look at my mom's cabinet, I'm like, why do we
have this many v do you? She might, but I
(30:48):
can't remember the last time we watched a VHS. But
you know, she lived her best life and it's not
my place to throw out her vhs is. But every
time I see them in this room, I'm like, this
is too she yesn't she care? Learned the hard way
that you don't just go into someone's house and start
throwing stiff away. We went to uh we say, with
(31:10):
Yasmin's aunt Fundisa, and was a little like we've been
to clean this house up. We just started organizing. I
didn't throw anything out. I didn't throw one thing out.
I did start pulling CDs on shelves. She knew how
she had stacked twenty CDs and a random She came
(31:34):
back that night and she's like, I want to listen
to so and so and I was like oh. And
she went right to the pial that we had just
put away and she was like, where is it? Well,
freaking out a little bit, like a little just annoyed
that we just started and you all thought you were
tidying up. I didn't touch nothing. I just was like, well, clearly,
(31:55):
let's help out. It was a lot. It was a lot.
It was like a stick down from it was a lot.
It was a lot. But I definitely had to order
her a new CD of the Person Well, yeah, because
I couldn't find it after I put it away. I
was like, oh. She was like I wanted to play
(32:15):
that one for you. Yes, I left it out. She
was excited about playing this song for us, and I
like it got to her the next day. But now
speaking out, she has two CDs, one of which will
probably never be found, just like Ashley has two generators.
(32:36):
I'm I feel like that story goes to tell you
don't just try to make somebody a minimalisten on their
own accord or not, because you know, stuff is not bad.
That's not my point in minimalism. It's not that stuff
is bad or that spending a lot of money on
(32:56):
stuff is bad because I like nice things too. But
it just make sure you're conscious. I guess yes, and
I'm grateful for you guys because I learned so much
about everything. Are you guys ready to go into the
wilderness with nothing but ourselves? Yeah, Skinny did make sure
(33:20):
it's summer though, so no, we're going to spend a
month in the wilderness. You said you're gonna bring bathing suits,
I said, in our birthday suits. In our birthday suits. Yes, okay,
I don't want to do that. I can't believe y'all
are really can check my schedule, but I'll get back
to you. You guys. I think it's time that we
(33:44):
give some advice. But before we do that, let's take
it's like break welcome back parties. I'm sorry the way
(34:09):
over here we are. We're going to get Ashley some fiber,
and we're also about we're also about to give a
Lucky listener some advice. Okay, Yasmin, what do you have
for us today? Okay, Dear O D. I have been
(34:32):
trying to quit smoking weed for a while, but I
haven't been successful. I've seen people be highly functioning while high,
but for me, I know it slows me down and
smoking definitely isn't good for my body. But then again,
I love feeling high, and I guess smoking weed makes
me feel kind of cool too. Even still, I've tried stopping,
and the longest I've gone was a few weeks. They
(34:52):
say weed isn't addictive, but then why can't I stop?
It probably doesn't help that my boyfriend is a major pothhead.
I've asked him to quit with me, but he doesn't
want to. What should I do? Should I be with
someone who doesn't support my goals? Do I need to
go to rehab for weed? And is that even a thing? Help?
(35:17):
I don't want to be a stone er no more.
I don't want to be a stone no more. I'm
not that improv Ladies and channelmens right there, we did
not plan. We spent all our big bucks at all
those theaters for we would be in sync exactly. Um,
(35:40):
that's tough, says girl. If smoking makes you unproductive, don't
do it, or wait until nighttime? Do all the things
you have to do in a day and then smoke
at the end of the day. Get it done, and
then smoke if you like to smoke, which you clearly
do and aren't willing to admit to yourself right that
you do. That's it that she's not willing to admit
(36:02):
to herself that she just wants to smoke. I mean,
I think she is saying she does want to smoke,
but it feels good, but it's not good for her. Yeah.
I feel like I've had friends and other people who
are no people who literally we just doesn't work for them.
But when everyone's smoking, and you know how it can
(36:25):
be at a party or something, that must be a
very awkward feeling to know, like, oh shot, if I
hit this, my whole day tomorrow is about to be
or you know, for days after sometimes messed up. Yes,
I'm one of those people. Well I didn't know you
were like that, But no, I'm one of those people
who can't smoke because it just stays in my blood
stream for too long and I don't like feeling like
(36:46):
I can't control myself. Which, yeah, everyone's different and reacts
differently to it, but I feel like it's irresponsible, which
Shakia is very responsible with this. If you know that
you react as certain way, don't just hop in the
rotation and then suffer for the next couple of days.
And you can't look at what other people are able
(37:08):
to do. Right, I too have seen people right full movie, yes,
high all, all kinds of stuff that don't work for you.
Just have to come to realization that this is what
works for your body and it ain't we or smoke
at night. Well, she also is saying that it's not
good for her body. We want people to feel good. Yeah,
(37:28):
I mean it sounds like you know what you want then.
But also with the boyfriend part of it, if you
are with somebody who's constantly smoking, it's really hard. Not
if you smoke, like it's very hard to like see
people rolling up and be like, oh, I'm good. It's
like an alcoholic being in a box. Yeah, some people
(37:49):
can do it. It's hard. I will say I quit
smoking weed even as David was smoking, and you just
I just stopped. Like that is not hopeful, I know.
I'm saying like, I mean, yeah, this is just my experience. Yeah.
(38:11):
I think also too, you can also treated like a
rehab in a way and create some boundaries where while
you get off the weed, while you get used to
not smoking consistently. I just imagining, like the hand scratching
the nerve, I dare you stand no more smoking? Popped.
So once you get off of that green what is
(38:33):
called the ganja greens Mary Jane, that grass. Once you
get off that grass, you know, take a little space
from your man and really focus on getting used to
not having it. Like whenever I'm trying to get off
of sugar, I can't have it in the cabinets. I
gotta keep it away. I gotta consistently do it for
(38:54):
a little while. So I create that habit and then like, okay,
I don't need it, even though I do, got that
gonna need it. It calls me in the middle of night.
Speaking about habits, steadies do say that we isn't addictive, right,
but habits are very addictive, very Yeah, So realize what
your triggers are. Maybe when you want to smoke, why
(39:16):
you want to smoke? What were you doing before? Yeah,
create some healthy habits, And that's a great point. It
should definitely be setting a boundary with yourself like I
have to sometimes like a lab rat reward myself for
things like you need to finish reading a hundred pages
of this thing and then you can watch three hours
of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Um done that? It is.
(39:39):
I literally with writing and everything, I'll be like, set
a timer. You have to do a hundred percent focus
for sixty minutes and then you can take a break,
and then I get stuff done. That's the only way.
I just feel like. You have to be like, I'm
a big girl, uh, and I want to better my life,
so you know what to do, you know what to
do with it, and it's cool to set boundaries for yourself.
(40:01):
You can still be cool if you don't smoke, you
know what I mean. You can still be cool if
you if you do, and if you want to feel cool,
smoke cigarettes. It's no have you ever heard of anything
favors horrible? The mentals are racist because there's a camel
(40:29):
in these cool black people. We do not condone cigarettes. Okay,
we didn't know. No, we appreciate you listening and tuning in. Wait,
don't we also have to tell them about our gig.
Exciting news. Yes, hear, hear, we have exciting news. So
(40:51):
as we all know, the world was on fly. Despite
all the craziness and uncertainty, one constant last year was
the importance of podcasts and that's why we're so excited
to celebrate the world of podcasting at the Heart Radio
Podcast Awards Awards Alia. Yes, I know, I'm shiny and you.
(41:20):
You can watch the show on Thursday, January one at
nine pm on the I Heart Radio YouTube channel and Facebook,
and you can also listen to it on any I
Heart station and make sure you are tweeting and posting
on social media with hashtag I Heart Podcast Awards. It's
gonna be fine. Come join. It's our first award show
(41:43):
and we're so excited for you all the sea. Do
you guys know what you're aring? Nothing, I'm just kidding.
It's over zoom, so I'm wearing a pile of meat.
Interested in that? Please remember to share in review this podcast.
It really helps us to know what y'all I think.
(42:03):
And come ki ki with us on our social media's
at Obama's Other Daughters on Instagram, at O O d
improv on Twitter and on Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters,
and of course, if you need advice, we are here
and ready to provide. The solution to your life. Just
you know, email solution to your life at o D
(42:29):
podcast at gmail dot com. All right, well, we'll see
you all next week. Thanks for your support. Bye bye You.
Down is a production of Shawnda land Audio and partnership
(42:50):
with I heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shawnda land Audio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite show.
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heartredio. It's so important to realize
why you are taking something into your space in your life.
Is it because you love it? Is it because it's
functional it helps you? Or is it because you want
someone else to say that's a nice jacket, or you know, whatever,
it is because buying that stuff for other people. Let
(00:22):
me tell you that feeling is so fleeting. Hi everyone,
and welcome back to you Down, a podcast where four
funny honeys come together to talk about what's going on
in the culture. I'm Yasman Money Watkins, I'm Ashley, and
(00:43):
I'm Mommy a AFORA. But with our powers combined, we
are known as Obama's other daughters. I imagine I was
forming into just like that power Ranger. Yes, I was
thinking dragon. All say all of us putting our rings
(01:04):
in the middle. Today we are asking are you down
with minimalism? Minimalism is often thought as simply having less stuff,
and while that is definitely a symptom of the lifestyle,
minimalism is more about buying things of quality that mattered
(01:27):
to you and that you take into your life with intentions,
and with the storage facility business doing thirty nine billion
dollars annually and one in every ten household renting a
place to store more stuff, we thought it's no better
time than now to help us see the benefits of
minimalism and maybe letting go of that thing that we
(01:49):
think we need but we never use. M I mean,
I do have Hella photos that just stack up in
my phone photos. In phone photo that's where when you start.
Oh okay, well, first, before we get into minimalism, let's
(02:10):
check in with each other. Whatcha love in what this week?
I am loving? So you guys know I'm working in
d C in the middle of this muck conversation for
another day. But something that I've been using in my
hotel room that is just really doing it for me
are candles. I mean, you've been to in my apartment.
(02:32):
I have millions of candles anyway, but I didn't realize
like how much I need candles in my life. And
I can imagine them bringing you some sort of piece.
I can't imagine being a d C at this point
in time right now, like, well, I'll be in my
hotels candles when the ship goes down I'll still have
(02:54):
candles um Right now. I'm loving this series called Surviving
Death on Netflix. It's not scary. It sounds a little scary,
but like an So the first episode, it's like people
who have had near death experiences where they really actually
(03:15):
died and come back to life. And I know, but
they talked about literally what they felt like was the
afterlife for however long they were dead. I mean, one
woman was dead for thirty minutes. She's a doctor. I
think she's a back surgeon, and she talks about talking
to her family members and being in this like endless
(03:38):
place of time and energy and space and just not
being able to she thought she was dead. And but
she did also say when her body hit the rocks
in an accident she was in, she didn't feel the
pain of it. She just immediately felt her spirit cooled
from her body. But it wasn't scary, she said, It's
like everybody was like, it's like warm hugs. It's what
I imagine deaf to be. So that's why I love
(03:59):
the show so much. It's what I imagined humans as
were just energy and then we go back to energy
and that was sort of what it was. And it
was her spirit left. I imagined, you know, Sonic when
he would jump on some spikes and coins would jump
out of him and his body would leave himself a
little bit when you come in. Yes, that the amage,
(04:20):
but yeah, she was in a kayaking accident. I don't
want to give away too much, but I know I
gave away to My mind is spinning right now. You
gotta watch it. You gotta watch it. It's so good
and it gives such fun perspective. And to me, I
would say, if somebody is scared of dying, it's kind
of refreshing because I don't think you should be scared
(04:42):
of it, although you know it's scarier. I'm alive. Just
chills through my body when you were describing it. So
if it's anything like that, it's so good. One episode
got some crazy stuff, this one with mediums. But I'm
not gonna ectoplasm. It's all I'm gonna say. That's atom Okay,
(05:05):
all right. Something I'm loving this week is just small
gestures of kindness. I had a rough weekend. I came
home one day and they were flowers sitting on my
desk and I'm not even a flower girl, but just
to have someone prethink about you. You know, that was
(05:26):
so nice. And then I had another friend send me
a gift. She made me an apron. I never even
had an april before, but she made it with a
bare hand. Y'all. I just think that's nice. Small gestures
of kindness you never know who needs them. You know,
that's very thoughtful, damn. And she took time to do that.
That's that's that's some sweet ship. Well, things that are
(05:51):
not sweet. The Federal death I truly hate it. I
know that's not a great segway, but I just I
I just hate how like it's up to us, and granted,
I mean, who else is gonna do it? It's just
so many, so many black people are getting killed and
(06:12):
you're like, no, stop, don't do this, don't do this,
And it would be great if that was just not
a thing. Who are we to kill other people? Here?
Here's here though, to be somewhat positive. Have you guys
heard think your name is Eliash Sheffield or Aliah Sheffield.
(06:33):
She's Nikki Aliah on Insta and on YouTube and all
of that, and she has that song Earth is Ghetto.
I want to leave? Can you be me? I'm out
on the street. Do you guys know what I'm singing
at all? I haven't heard that, but I'm definitely gonna
listen to it after Earth is Ghetto. I think I
saw something with that in it on THEE. Y'all. If
(06:56):
you have not heard her song yet, go on and
cash Happer, go on to play her song. It's truly
like if they cash happen, people cash meat. Actually I
only have m You probably only got Vemo because you're
a minimalist. That's I mean. I'm trying to cut down
a lot of stuff. I'm trying to bring you all
(07:17):
to the minimalist side. I'm close. I'm close. Did you
just say you close? I'm in a closet right now, y'all.
That don't make you a minimalist. I think we need
to define what minimalism is. Let's got minimal manimalmal that's good.
(07:46):
I love it. As Americans, we are constantly bombarded with commercials, influencers,
and friends telling us about the next great thing that
we need to buy, not to mention the gifts we
received from wellming friends and family that will never use
but can't bring ourselves to get rid of. It is
no wonder why the average American household has over wait
(08:09):
for y'all, three hundred thousand things in it. Couldn't name
three hundred thousand things. I don't think, Well, it's probably
like double Like you got twenty eight shirts and a
lot of underwear and a lot of Underwearly, go ahead
and rationalize that stuff, y'all. We have a lot. You're right, yeah,
(08:30):
have a lot of stuff, and whether we realize it
or not, clutter and over filled closets and things you
no longer value not only take up space in your house,
but in your mind as well. That part. So today
we're talking about minimalism, what it is, what it isn't,
and how lightening your load can be free. But first
(08:53):
let's take a quick breaks just kidding. Welcome back, Welcome back, y'all.
(09:13):
Let's be into our main topic this week, minimalism. Let's
start with the basics. What is minimalism. There's this woman,
Taren Williford, and she is the cleaning and lifestyle director
at Apartment Therapy, and she says that minimalism by and
large is like the concept of wanting less, which I
(09:35):
think you said earlier, Ashley, and just knowing that you
can live with less quality over quantity mindset basically. But
she did say there are six types of minimalism. If
you guys don't mind, I'll go through and tell me
which you think you are. Okay. So there's the aesthetic minimalist,
and their signature move is throwing out their mismatched hangars
(09:57):
and like clutter in their house. And they're the type
who will have like an elegant line drawing on the
wall and just like, oh, I only have teams chairs
and exactly um. And then there's the essential minimalist, whose
signature move is throwing out all but a dozen of
the hangars for their curated wardrobe of like crazy awesome stuff,
(10:19):
and they're usually replacing their usual reading material with audio
books or e magazines because they don't want anything in
their home. And then there is experiential minimalist. The hallmark
of them is basically being in pursuit of new experiences
and usually they're throwing out all the stuff in their
closet because their stuff is in a suitcase. I think
(10:41):
we know who that is, um. And they also love
taking a class or learning a new skill or hobby.
Do that a lot. Two more sustainable minimalist, which is
the people who go with their own jars to the
grocery store and um, they would be making their own
hangars out of things they found. I know, like these
(11:02):
are handcrafted from the soil of Antarctica. Um, that doesn't
make any sense. And they love making things from scratch.
And then okay I was lying. There Now two more,
the thrifty minimalists. We know that people who like thrift stores.
They like buying old stuff and restoring it and making
(11:23):
it new again. Um. And then lastly the mindful minimalist.
They're the one who's like I watched Marie Condo and
it changed my life. Like me and stand in my
room and think of all the things I could get
rid of in may or am I not actually do it? Um?
What was the name of that last one? Mindful minimalists
like the does this spark joy for me? Trying to
(11:46):
implement that practice in your life. Marie Condo got big
around the time where I was purging things and everyone
would be like, oh, are you Marie condo ing? And
I was so offended because I'm like, I came about
this on my own. Okay, I don't know, weird, but
the idea of like, does this spark joy, and holding
it just did not relate to me, even though it's
(12:08):
something that I do in like in thinking about it,
but actually holding something and saying to it does this
spark joy. It's always very weird to me. I'm sort
of new to the minimalism game. But of the ones
you recommended Mammia or read, I feel like i'd probably
be experiential or well, I think the sustainable one, where
(12:29):
it's like trying to repurpose things or find new uses
for things. I think those are the two that sort
of speak to my spirit. I'm kind of a digital
hoard or two, so maybe none of these apply. I
was gonna say yes, of all of us, I feel
like you're at least maximalists. And I think you had
like seven thousand emails or something, and I like looking
(12:51):
at your phone gave me anxiety. Yeah, I got a lot.
It's a little different, although I do think that those
mails take up space in your brain. How many do
you have? Again? Seven thousand emails unanswered, unopened? Please? Could
you just do me a favorite? Yes? Man? Just select
(13:12):
all and delete, Just select all and delete. I implore you,
like anything older than a month DAWs it because you're
not gonna use it. True. I feel like of those
that you mentioned, i'd like to know which one you
think I am, because I feel like I'm a few
of them. I think you are a few too, But
(13:33):
definitely the first one that popped up was experiential because
I just feel like you've made it your thing to seek.
I think we all do in our own way that,
but like, but yeah, you definitely are like packing up. Yeah,
in my head, I don't know. Can I just say
I don't know what either one of y'all said. I
(13:54):
think what I've that was. I feel like the most
is experiential for you because you've made it your brand
almost to live a life where you're constantly seeking new
experience and going place about yourself. And we all have
to a degree, but I just feel like that's on
the marquee for Ashley and my brain. I also feel
(14:17):
like you're the ultimate minimal like the maximal minimalist. Yeah,
I think that if you dove into the world of
minimalism and you saw people who live out of a
book bag, you would realize that I am. I'm not
the minimalist, but I don't don't nobody need to live
out a day book bag now and that would just
(14:37):
an extreme now, ye just say, I mean, I think
I'm a combo of mindful meaning we're feeling spiritual today,
so let's do this and do the Marie Kondo thing
for this moment and it might not last. And then
thrifty because I do thrift a lot, so that I
didn't realize that was a part of like not spending
(14:58):
a ton of money on like quality stuff and stuff.
So I appreciate that. What about you, Kira, Yeah, probably
aesthetic because as much as I do, you know, get stuff,
I don't like clutter. I don't like to feel like
my space is crowded, Like even in my bedroom I
only have one bookshelf and the bed and plants because
(15:19):
I just like open space, Like I like it to
feel like I can lay out on the floor and
I have the space to do that. I also have
two cats, so I like space. So on that front,
I would say the aesthetic one where it's about how
it makes me feel. And then I do try to
go through and get rid of stuff I don't use.
(15:39):
I have a lot of stuff I don't use in
the house. But then I also I don't know I
go back and forth with it. Like sometimes I'll clean
out the closet and then I'm like, damn it. I
threw out wrapping paper that I had and used. Two
weeks later, birthday come up, got a god Dagna gift,
and I'm like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
As soon as you went through and cleaned out stuff
(16:00):
because you didn't need it and you didn't use it
for like nine months, and especially things that I don't
use or even pay attention to. If it's a year
and it's just been sitting there, I'm like, I should
just throw this out, but then I'll know of its existence,
and then I'll think of it and be like, damn it,
I couldn't use like those old ladies on Hoarders who
are like, put that down. I'm gonna do how far
(16:24):
is too far with it? Like a backpack, and I
mean a backpack seems extreme to me, but people do it. Yeah,
it seems very extreme to me. I'm just like, how
many parents have draws you wear you washing them every day?
That's like that's commando at least half of the week
while it's trying. But yeah, I think we all have
(16:46):
our line of what we can live with and without,
or at least what we think we can live and
can't live without. And I think the thing that I've
run across with minimalism is that people think that it
means that you aren't supposed to have any stuff because
of people who live out of backpacks. And while like,
that's cool for you, I need a little more than that.
(17:06):
I think it's less about having the least amount that
you can and more about what Mommy was talking about,
does it matter to you? Do you have that and
know that you have it? Like here, if you hadn't
cleaned out your closet, would you have known you had
that wrapping paper? Would you have just bought more? Well? No,
I knew I had it. I sort of know everything
I have right now, not everything. There are drawers that
(17:29):
I go in and I'm like, should I throw this out?
But also maybe you'll need it, like having too many
screw drivers stuff like that, and I'm like, you barely
screw that many things, but watch you throw out the
one side you need and you just randomly purchased the
tem pac but you don't need alten of them. I
know I don't need alten them, but I don't know
which one I'm gonna need and something altend of them
(17:49):
just sit there and like annoy me because I don't
like clutter. My minimalism doesn't come from wanting to help,
like I want to help you, but life mines comes
from like what makes me feel good opening a cabinet
and ship falling on me. I don't like that we
always throw stuff out. I just start throwing stuff out.
(18:10):
I'll just start like grabbing it and being like, no,
my closet is different, like clothes. Wise's too many damn
clothes in there. I need to I'm a maximalist, like
what you gotta stuff for. When we were all going
around talking about what kind of minimums we are, I
was surprised that no one said they were a maximumalist.
I don't think that's a real word. But why would
you label any of us maximum? Yeah? Why would you
label I'm asking why would you label any of I mean,
(18:34):
I feel like we said yes. It was in her
digital content between and I know you got your your
you know I know you yes, and I know your house.
I would absolutely consider you. Yes, in every sense of
the word. I think I could take I think I
could take a hundred things out of your house and
you're not noticed. Damn. Yes, yes really at two Brood.
(19:00):
But I feel like because you go to events and
you'll be like, oh, I'm gonna keep the shirt like
she's like sentimental. I think we did a show once
and they gave us goodie bags and then y'all gave
it to me and I literally drove dumps. I was
like you from that moment, I know exactly like four
cups because we were all like, he wants After a while,
(19:21):
I'm sitting in my car, I was like, I'm throwing
this jump out. It is very like I remember we
had some nasty candy one time and she was like,
don't throw that out. She ate it and she thought
it was nasty cola in Thailand, Oh cola flavored Hi, Yes,
(19:42):
and she said they were nasty and she's like, I'm
not going my way though. It's just you know, waste.
Not one thought damn I might have a problem, y'all.
I think it's fine as long as those hides brought
love to your life, right, and they were sweet. I mean,
(20:03):
speaking of that, does it affect your mental health having
less stuff or more stuff? When my house is clean
and everything is in its place. I just feel on
top of the world when my stuff is organized. I
really do enjoy cleaning as a therapeutic thing. I seriously
love cleaning my kitchen and bathroom, being like, when I'm done,
(20:24):
you could eat off the floor in here. That's very stract,
but that is one of my favorite things to do,
especially if you were I know, mommy, you did the
Saturday mornings with your family cleaning. Thank you spring cleaning
every Saturday. What about you all? Yeah, I think similarly.
I in two thousand nineteen got rid of a two
(20:46):
bedroom apartment worth of stuff and moved into my car.
It was a choice. You don't cry for me and
people truly, I think of having less as poverty, I think,
and for me it was just so freeing to be
able to know everything I have, love everything I have
(21:08):
and just let go. I felt like a weight was
lifted when I got rid of like clothes that I
never wore with remind closet because maybe I'll go to
a ball one day and don't you actually are surprised
when you need it and then you can have it.
I guess so, but like I'll buy it if I
needed or barrow if I needed or I don't know,
(21:31):
it hasn't come up in my life that I've been like, Man,
I'm really upset I gave away that ball down. I
love what you said about the connotations with class in
thinking about preparing for this episode, Like why is it
that we associate less with poverty or a lower socio
economic status, but people of lower socio economic status are
(21:55):
often so bombarded with ads and everything and using buying
things as a way to feel value of some sort.
It almost makes me think about like how so many
millionaires and billionaires wearing like uh Levi jeans and black
T shirts and then like a hundred thousand aires you
know and just say buy are wearing every big prosigner
(22:19):
and like every single thing consistently their whole wardrobe. And
it's like, but you clearly are buying to feel a
void rather than you know, maybe not to feel a void,
but I mean to feel a void or to feel
acceptance of some sort. You know. I remember being in
school and if you didn't have the right Jordan's or
(22:40):
the right times, we are definitely taught to value things
and to see the things that other people have and
to judge them based on that, you know, the whole
concept of keeping up with the Joneses. It's like, you
don't even want some of the stuff that Jones has got,
and you don't know what happens behind closed doors at
the Joneses. You know, don't know who got order than
(23:00):
the Jones's basement. Thank you, somebody probably did you live
in a different neighborhood. But yeah, there's definitely a value
that we place in stuff because again, most Americans are
in debt. I think it also stems from if there
(23:23):
used to be a time where you only had a
little bit, because that's all you could have. Now, if
you can't get it, you should get it so you
can show people that you got it. And everybody's trying
to show off for each other on an even bigger
scale on the internet now, so not just like showing
off for your neighbor, but also showing off for the internet.
So you can show them the new car that you're
dropping around then, or the new clothes that you purchased,
(23:45):
or the new thing in your house. Just a lot
of stuff for other people that part right there, stuff
for other people. It's so important to realize why you
are taking something into your space in your life. Is
it because you love it, Is it because it's functional
it helps you, or is it because you want someone
(24:05):
else to say that's a nice jacket, or you know whatever,
it is because buying that stuff for other people. Let
me tell you that feeling is so fleeting and it's
such a slippery slope down disappointment. Like whatever you're expecting
out of trying to impress people through things, that's just
not gonna last because it's empty. I like nice things,
(24:28):
don't get me wrong, but I definitely think they should
come and staggered. Definitely. You don't need to be buying
Gucci everything at the time, like I will get my
next person is going to be Gucci whenever I can. Okay, girl, Yes, yes,
I'm joining the clup here. Yes I know I agree
with that. I like nice things, But do you have
you know, a logu to something something. But I don't
(24:50):
buy a Gucci bag every month, not even right. I
got one once a year Gucci item once a year.
So far that makes it more special because it's like, oh,
today I'm wearing my favorite Gucci bag or my one
of my two Gucci bags, rather than just buying a
ton of stuff and putting myself in a ton of
debt to show off for people who don't get for
(25:15):
a compliment, for one compliment. When you think about how
much you spent on said, I don't think about you
paying for a compliment. Would you pay a hundred dollars
for a compliment? I bet you you wouldn't. So don't
buy buy buying for yourself? I don't. I wouldn't say
it's buying for other people. But I do know that
(25:37):
we've just live in a society that is so consumed
with consumption of buying and buying just because and it's
a very effective marketing plan. Everything is constantly marketed to us,
so we're just buying and buying. And capitalism is so gross,
(25:57):
like it just makes my skin crawl. We all are
victim to it in a way. But minimalism encourages us
to think outside of that lens, which I think is
really cool. And what is it the I know I
already talked about storage units, but it is amazing to
me that the New York Times says that there are
enough storage units for every person in America to stand
(26:21):
underneath the canopy of storage units. How every person in
America can have a space to stand in the amount
of storage units that are we're like reparations there. You go,
give everybody sage. So there's clearly a value on stuff.
You know. Wow, that's bananas. As an adult, I've never
(26:44):
had a storage unit, but I do remember we had one.
Well that was also too because we had a house
and then we didn't have one, so we had to
put stuff somewhere. Sometimes you need it, you need it.
But I mean, I don't know if we needed everything
that we had in that storage units the big eventually
we would need again. But the Barbie jeep, that's part
(27:06):
of me too. It's like sentimental stuff, like I know
it's broken, but it was my baby's. Maybe maybe not,
but yeah, it's hard for people to let let go
of things. When I think about hoarders, if you want
to see what happens when it comes a medical, psychological,
clinical thing, most of those people had some sort of
(27:29):
trauma at a point in their life and then it
triggered accumulation of a thing. I remember this one guy
that stuck out to me just had a ton of
Insure bottles. He would not throw them away and then
that's all he ate was Insure. So his home was
just a ball pit of insure bottles. Basically, yes, but
because he was a teacher and there was a school
(27:51):
shooting at a school and he was messed up, had
PTSD debilitating lee and couldn't really leave his house usually
there's a reason but behind that not seeing that like
oh I'm drowning and stuff. But I think that's also
how we discussed it affects your mental health, and it
doesn't take the hoarder situation for stuff to affect your
(28:13):
mental exactly. So people are going to continue buying things.
I guess the next thing is like how do we
stay conscious of what we accumulate and what it is
doing to us. As much as I don't like Marie
Condos thinking about holding the thing and asking it if
it gives you joy, I do like the idea of
the intention behind looking at everything that you have, or
(28:36):
looking at the thing that you want to buy and
just being like do I really want this? Do I
really need this? How am I going to use it?
Where is it going to be in my home? You know,
like just making sure it's something that you really want.
And I'd also just say I know this is not
the financial episode, but you better have some savings. If
you're going out and you buy things from yeah, thank you,
(28:58):
it ain't you. Otherwise people do it all the time,
but it isn't the keyest and and they're no shame
and have a debt. Most people don't have it. But
you went to college, I will say, it feels so
good to find my way making it out of there,
and like to see your credit score improving, and just
(29:18):
it's nice to see the debt diminish blessings, blessings. I
definitely come from a family of women who spend a
whole day at an outlet store looking for deals, and
so I kind of had to check myself at a
certain point, like I don't want to have Literally, Mom,
(29:38):
I love you, but you know my brothers. My brother's
old room is full of clothes and she has a
closet too, and love your mom again, but I just like,
do not want that because it makes me feel suffocated.
So now every season, right before I go home for
(30:00):
the holidays, I will do a purge again. And like
last year when I left in the spring, I did
a huge purge and just made sure, like have I
worn this in a year? No? Do you think you
will actually use it, no get rid of it. If
I have to sit and convince myself, then right then
I'm like, all right, you don't need that because you
will convince yourself. So I've definitely talked to myself into
(30:23):
be like, you need this shirt that don't fit just
quite right, but you might wear one day maybe because
it was on sale. Yes, oh yeah, this is random.
But you can throw out those vhs. I don't know.
We want to connece. When I go home and I
look at my mom's cabinet, I'm like, why do we
have this many v do you? She might, but I
(30:48):
can't remember the last time we watched a VHS. But
you know, she lived her best life and it's not
my place to throw out her vhs is. But every
time I see them in this room, I'm like, this
is too she yesn't she care? Learned the hard way
that you don't just go into someone's house and start
throwing stiff away. We went to uh we say, with
(31:10):
Yasmin's aunt Fundisa, and was a little like we've been
to clean this house up. We just started organizing. I
didn't throw anything out. I didn't throw one thing out.
I did start pulling CDs on shelves. She knew how
she had stacked twenty CDs and a random She came
(31:34):
back that night and she's like, I want to listen
to so and so and I was like oh. And
she went right to the pial that we had just
put away and she was like, where is it? Well,
freaking out a little bit, like a little just annoyed
that we just started and you all thought you were
tidying up. I didn't touch nothing. I just was like, well, clearly,
(31:55):
let's help out. It was a lot. It was a lot.
It was like a stick down from it was a lot.
It was a lot. But I definitely had to order
her a new CD of the Person Well, yeah, because
I couldn't find it after I put it away. I
was like, oh. She was like I wanted to play
(32:15):
that one for you. Yes, I left it out. She
was excited about playing this song for us, and I
like it got to her the next day. But now
speaking out, she has two CDs, one of which will
probably never be found, just like Ashley has two generators.
(32:36):
I'm I feel like that story goes to tell you
don't just try to make somebody a minimalisten on their
own accord or not, because you know, stuff is not bad.
That's not my point in minimalism. It's not that stuff
is bad or that spending a lot of money on
(32:56):
stuff is bad because I like nice things too. But
it just make sure you're conscious. I guess yes, and
I'm grateful for you guys because I learned so much
about everything. Are you guys ready to go into the
wilderness with nothing but ourselves? Yeah, Skinny did make sure
(33:20):
it's summer though, so no, we're going to spend a
month in the wilderness. You said you're gonna bring bathing suits,
I said, in our birthday suits. In our birthday suits. Yes, okay,
I don't want to do that. I can't believe y'all
are really can check my schedule, but I'll get back
to you. You guys. I think it's time that we
(33:44):
give some advice. But before we do that, let's take
it's like break welcome back parties. I'm sorry the way
(34:09):
over here we are. We're going to get Ashley some fiber,
and we're also about we're also about to give a
Lucky listener some advice. Okay, Yasmin, what do you have
for us today? Okay, Dear O D. I have been
(34:32):
trying to quit smoking weed for a while, but I
haven't been successful. I've seen people be highly functioning while high,
but for me, I know it slows me down and
smoking definitely isn't good for my body. But then again,
I love feeling high, and I guess smoking weed makes
me feel kind of cool too. Even still, I've tried stopping,
and the longest I've gone was a few weeks. They
(34:52):
say weed isn't addictive, but then why can't I stop?
It probably doesn't help that my boyfriend is a major pothhead.
I've asked him to quit with me, but he doesn't
want to. What should I do? Should I be with
someone who doesn't support my goals? Do I need to
go to rehab for weed? And is that even a thing? Help?
(35:17):
I don't want to be a stone er no more.
I don't want to be a stone no more. I'm
not that improv Ladies and channelmens right there, we did
not plan. We spent all our big bucks at all
those theaters for we would be in sync exactly. Um,
(35:40):
that's tough, says girl. If smoking makes you unproductive, don't
do it, or wait until nighttime? Do all the things
you have to do in a day and then smoke
at the end of the day. Get it done, and
then smoke if you like to smoke, which you clearly
do and aren't willing to admit to yourself right that
you do. That's it that she's not willing to admit
(36:02):
to herself that she just wants to smoke. I mean,
I think she is saying she does want to smoke,
but it feels good, but it's not good for her. Yeah.
I feel like I've had friends and other people who
are no people who literally we just doesn't work for them.
But when everyone's smoking, and you know how it can
(36:25):
be at a party or something, that must be a
very awkward feeling to know, like, oh shot, if I
hit this, my whole day tomorrow is about to be
or you know, for days after sometimes messed up. Yes,
I'm one of those people. Well I didn't know you
were like that, But no, I'm one of those people
who can't smoke because it just stays in my blood
stream for too long and I don't like feeling like
(36:46):
I can't control myself. Which, yeah, everyone's different and reacts
differently to it, but I feel like it's irresponsible, which
Shakia is very responsible with this. If you know that
you react as certain way, don't just hop in the
rotation and then suffer for the next couple of days.
And you can't look at what other people are able
(37:08):
to do. Right, I too have seen people right full movie, yes,
high all, all kinds of stuff that don't work for you.
Just have to come to realization that this is what
works for your body and it ain't we or smoke
at night. Well, she also is saying that it's not
good for her body. We want people to feel good. Yeah,
(37:28):
I mean it sounds like you know what you want then.
But also with the boyfriend part of it, if you
are with somebody who's constantly smoking, it's really hard. Not
if you smoke, like it's very hard to like see
people rolling up and be like, oh, I'm good. It's
like an alcoholic being in a box. Yeah, some people
(37:49):
can do it. It's hard. I will say I quit
smoking weed even as David was smoking, and you just
I just stopped. Like that is not hopeful, I know.
I'm saying like, I mean, yeah, this is just my experience. Yeah.
(38:11):
I think also too, you can also treated like a
rehab in a way and create some boundaries where while
you get off the weed, while you get used to
not smoking consistently. I just imagining, like the hand scratching
the nerve, I dare you stand no more smoking? Popped.
So once you get off of that green what is
(38:33):
called the ganja greens Mary Jane, that grass. Once you
get off that grass, you know, take a little space
from your man and really focus on getting used to
not having it. Like whenever I'm trying to get off
of sugar, I can't have it in the cabinets. I
gotta keep it away. I gotta consistently do it for
(38:54):
a little while. So I create that habit and then like, okay,
I don't need it, even though I do, got that
gonna need it. It calls me in the middle of night.
Speaking about habits, steadies do say that we isn't addictive, right,
but habits are very addictive, very Yeah, So realize what
your triggers are. Maybe when you want to smoke, why
(39:16):
you want to smoke? What were you doing before? Yeah,
create some healthy habits, And that's a great point. It
should definitely be setting a boundary with yourself like I
have to sometimes like a lab rat reward myself for
things like you need to finish reading a hundred pages
of this thing and then you can watch three hours
of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Um done that? It is.
(39:39):
I literally with writing and everything, I'll be like, set
a timer. You have to do a hundred percent focus
for sixty minutes and then you can take a break,
and then I get stuff done. That's the only way.
I just feel like. You have to be like, I'm
a big girl, uh, and I want to better my life,
so you know what to do, you know what to
do with it, and it's cool to set boundaries for yourself.
(40:01):
You can still be cool if you don't smoke, you
know what I mean. You can still be cool if
you if you do, and if you want to feel cool,
smoke cigarettes. It's no have you ever heard of anything
favors horrible? The mentals are racist because there's a camel
(40:29):
in these cool black people. We do not condone cigarettes. Okay,
we didn't know. No, we appreciate you listening and tuning in. Wait,
don't we also have to tell them about our gig.
Exciting news. Yes, hear, hear, we have exciting news. So
(40:51):
as we all know, the world was on fly. Despite
all the craziness and uncertainty, one constant last year was
the importance of podcasts and that's why we're so excited
to celebrate the world of podcasting at the Heart Radio
Podcast Awards Awards Alia. Yes, I know, I'm shiny and you.
(41:20):
You can watch the show on Thursday, January one at
nine pm on the I Heart Radio YouTube channel and Facebook,
and you can also listen to it on any I
Heart station and make sure you are tweeting and posting
on social media with hashtag I Heart Podcast Awards. It's
gonna be fine. Come join. It's our first award show
(41:43):
and we're so excited for you all the sea. Do
you guys know what you're aring? Nothing, I'm just kidding.
It's over zoom, so I'm wearing a pile of meat.
Interested in that? Please remember to share in review this podcast.
It really helps us to know what y'all I think.
(42:03):
And come ki ki with us on our social media's
at Obama's Other Daughters on Instagram, at O O d
improv on Twitter and on Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters,
and of course, if you need advice, we are here
and ready to provide. The solution to your life. Just
you know, email solution to your life at o D
(42:29):
podcast at gmail dot com. All right, well, we'll see
you all next week. Thanks for your support. Bye bye You.
Down is a production of Shawnda land Audio and partnership
(42:50):
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