May 4, 2021 • 30 mins
hey’ve laughed, they’ve cried, they’ve sang out of tune. After podcasting through the pandemic, Obama’s Other Daughters delivers a very special season finale dedicated to the listeners! Maame-Yaa, Ashley, Shakira, and Yazmin have a host of opinions as they offer four lucky listeners some final words of advice.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shondaland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. I love that. First we
accused her of being a thief, and now someone writes
us a letter from jail like, dear O D I
listened to your advice and now I'm locked up for life.
We are not experts. We cannot be held responsible for
anything that you do because of these advice list Thank
you right, we give the disclaimer. What's up, everybody, and
(00:27):
welcome back to You Down, a podcast where four funny
honeys come together to talk about what's going on in
the culture. I'm I'm Mommia, I'm Yasmin Money Watkins, and
I'm Ash but collectively we are known as Obama's other Daughters. Hey,
(00:49):
and today we are asking are you down with advice?
Goodbyes and finales? You as the Philosopher's Boys. Two men
once crooned, and so we've come to the end to
(01:17):
that note. I hit everyone from We have arrived at
the season finale of You Down. We've got a ball
hanging out with y'all on these here audio ways. It's
been an eye opening experience getting to know each other
better and also getting to know y'all. It's been so
fun giving you all are not so expert opinions through
(01:39):
these advice letters. And today we have a very special
finale episode four. Final listeners will get some last words
of advice before we head out, But first a group
check in what you love in what you hate in? Today?
I feel like I am loving this week, just the possibilities.
(02:02):
I'm not married, i don't have any children, but I
do have a new plant, and I'm really excited about
what could happen if it stays alive. That's the plant.
Keep Hope alive, and keep this plant alive. Oh, I
was gonna say, did you name the plant Hope? That
would have been cute, the guy at the checkout asked me.
(02:22):
But I couldn't come up with a name. But it
might need to be Hope. I mean, it's cute, thank you.
But then if it dies, well, then Hope died. But
let's not will the death of Hope. What kind of
plant is it? It basically looks like a little palm tree,
like a palm frond. I too once had a I
(02:42):
had a basil plant. It was the light of my
life and it withered and died. Did you get to
use some of it to cook. I hope. I think
I put it in a cocktail. That's good. Better. Yeah,
who's next, I'll go. I am loving. I'm always saying
about Virginia and my family. But the combination of Virginia,
(03:03):
my family and it being springtime and then we all
skate in some form. My brother pulled out his skateboard,
my sister built her own roller skates, my sister in
law was on bike, and we were just taking over
the neighborhood with our little wheel gang, a little skate gang,
playing our disco music. It was really fun. So I'm
glad it's spring and I know how to skate with
(03:24):
my family. Sweet like beautiful image. I would have loved
to watch that from my window. That sounds awesome, Ash's
real fun. What you love in, Kira? What you hating
this week? Well, a few months ago my car lease ended,
and because you know, we've been on lockdown, I haven't
had to drive much, so I didn't get a new
(03:44):
car right away. And then I started looking and I
got the car that I wanted. So I got me
a little Mini Cooper and that's cute. I have been
pretty fast. They got a little sports button. Cute. What
color is it? It's red. It's a comfortable stop down. No,
you're not. You are a true California girl with you're
(04:06):
comfortile somebody that's cute. Can you please promise me? No
texted in driving? Oh yeah, more girl, because she couldn't
even say I promise. Yeah, I haven't been texting and
driving recently because you haven't been driving driving. Yeah. And
(04:28):
it was the first time in my adult life that
I didn't have a car outside of when I lived
in New York, and it was kind of refreshing to
like not have one responsibility. I was like, oh, I'm
not responsible for one thing. That's very much a bill
and an insurance and you know, even just driving. You know,
like it's not that you stressed about it. It's just
(04:49):
like one thing that I was like, Wow, I don't
have that. That's kind of cool right now. But now
that I have my car, I'm like, hell, yeah, I'll
be looking for you because you'd be whipping Gira. She
really does. Um well, I know. This week, I am
just so grateful that I got to spend time with
my family. It was my aunt's um my Auntie Fendisia's
(05:11):
seventy first birthday, and my sister and I had already
planned to bring my mom out, but then I was like,
what if we like got Auntie Fendisha surprise ticket so
she could join us, And we just had like this
reunion in the woods that was like so beautiful and
really it's both my love and my hate because I
(05:32):
feel it so acutely, like just how far my sister is,
Like in the last night, and especially like the last
moments right before I left, my niece and nephew Miles
and Lily was just like Auntie ya, yeah, like his
little hand was at the window, and I was just like,
I love you, by, But I really am just so
(05:53):
grateful for time with people who know me and love
me unconditionally. So yeah, that's my love. Cut It's nothing
like a child crying to really tug it your your
heart stream, especially an adorable child, but not ugly ones,
especially an adorable one. I was like, oh, they're not
all adorable, Okay, everyone has seen an ugly baby And
(06:15):
was like, oh no, well, I assure you. My niece
and nephew Miles very cute. Also, watching two year olds
play soccer is ridiculous. They don't have the dexterity for soccer.
The fun. It's just like running, there's no orders, tripping, falling,
(06:39):
a lot of fall. But also my nephew is so
bombed because like they had this Pirates something and like
they put like six or seven kids against Miles and
like two other kids because he got four goals and
it was just like O Miles, Like anyway, I digress.
Wait wait, can I ask where the rest of the
kids white? Come on? Miles got a little black athletes
(07:01):
inside of room. That's a stereotype. But well shoot, I
mean just look at actually you know records. We don't
have to, don't have to. It was a lighthearted joke.
Did you ever have it where you were the black
kid on the team and all the pressure was on you,
but you couldn't deliver. Mine wasn't the black kid. Mine
(07:24):
was the tall kid. Everyone thought I could play basketball,
and I was like, I can't stand here for sure.
Yeah I learned. I remember being on a team with
all black girls, and that's when you know, like how
slow you are? What is it? Like you gotta pass
up a ton off? But it's hard to pass those off,
like it's gracefully. Oh, my god, every relay I was
(07:48):
like second or third because they were like, we're not
gonna put her last because she's not gonna bring it home. Yo,
I'd be seeing. I've been on TikTok late night watching
people on tracks and just like that last girl catch
up for everybody else. Oh yeah, they put Speedy Goes
al was on that bitch. Look, let's get into this
(08:11):
week's topic, which is advice, goodbyes, and finales. Over the
course of the season, y'all have heard us chat everything
from dating and religion to therapy and chasing our dreams.
And for this special finale, we're stoked to spend some
time with you and offer are not so expert opinions
(08:32):
one last time. So we can't wait to hook up
for lucky listeners with some advice. Let's get into it
right after a quick break got you welcome back, Let's
(08:53):
dive right in. Are you down with advice, goodbyes and finales?
I'm going to start off with some letters MOMMYA, what
do you have for us today? Okay, so this one
reads dear O O D. I'm reaching out for a
little help with a close friend. We've been best friends
(09:14):
since middle school. My Space top eight type homie. Okay, wow,
you go back, that's how you know it's through right.
But lately he's been testing me and trying to become
more than friends, flirting during kickbacks. Last time I fell
asleep at his house, I woke up to him cuddling
my ass behind me, like dog, why are you trying
(09:40):
to mess up a fifteen year friendship? And I'm not
into him one bit in a sexual way, but also
I don't want to lose my friend. How do I
fix this? Help? Signed? Don't want to smash the homie.
Don't smash the home. Don't even mi. You know he's
(10:00):
not even a problem. You got a lot of the
fact that he rolled the waking up with him coming.
It's so inappropriate. That's crossing so many lines, like no consent,
that's not your friend. Yeah, that sounds creepy. I think
you need to like lay down the law and if
he can't handle it, then then you're gonna have to
(10:20):
lose the homie, which is very unfortunate. But clearly he
out here is overstepping and just being true. Who does that?
I feel like you need to call him out a
little bit and just be like, hey, I feel like,
you know, I love you were friends, but like, I
feel like you've crossed this line and it made me
feel x y Z. Just so he's aware that you're
(10:41):
aware and you want him to stop doing so. If
he keeps doing it, then you have a real problem.
That's why. Then he can catch these hands right, not
my hands, your hands, your hands. It just sounds like
you need to be um upfront girl. Tell your friend
you want to be friends. You don't want to ruin
(11:02):
your friendship. Yeah, girl, this is only difficult because it
puts you in an awkward position to say something that
he's not gonna want to hear. But that's good practice.
It's gonna be a lot of things that you have
to say that are awkward that people don't want to hear.
Go for a girl, cast boundaries. Wow, we hope that helped.
Expert opinions, Expert, I don't want to smash the HOI
(11:26):
danger she smashed the home. Do you remember that? No? Like?
Is that a song? I thought you were about the
same mystical too. It was from what was that ray
J reality show where it was like Flavor of Love
but ray J it might have been called RAJ Love yeah,
(11:48):
oh man, Okay, we have another letter. Dear O D.
I'm moving to a new city this month, and as
excited as I am for a change of scenery, I'm
also a bit nerve. Is what's it like over there?
Where should I live? How do I find an apartment?
What's the best way to make new friends? I've been
thinking about and planning this move for so long and
(12:10):
now it's finally becoming reality. What should I expect? Sign
hitting the road? Jack? Well, where is there? Where are
you going in the road? I can't tell you what
to expect if I don't know where you're going. It
even the United States? Is it even in on Earth?
Possibilities are open? Well, first, I mean, congratulations on taking
(12:33):
that first step. I think that's the first first thing.
I feel like moving to a new place is really
what you make of it, because in every city you
can google anything together, Like that's not the scary part.
It's more like how you are on the inside to
(12:54):
like be okay being alone and be okay, like discovering
things by yourself, or like you need to go to target.
You don't know anyone in the city. You got to
go to target. So go to target, like you know,
like it forces you to step outside of your comfort
zone in a way that maybe you wouldn't and it
seems like you already are doing that. So I would say,
(13:15):
kind of try to be present instead of like thinking
about how am I gonna just enjoy every day and
like the now of your new experience and I'm sure
you'll meet new friends and you'll do all the things
that you want. But from somebody who overthinks a lot,
it doesn't it doesn't help the situation in reality, I agree,
(13:37):
overthinking over planning, and then you still have anxiety about it.
Something I did when I moved to l A was
I got an Airbnb. Instead of like trying to buy
an apartment from Afar or figure out a neighborhood from Afar,
I got an airbnb for a month and then just
like walked around different neighborhoods and like I saw where
I might want to live instead of locking into a
(13:58):
year apartment right away. So I think that's a nice
way to get to know a place. I ended up
living in the literal building because I was like, this
is a nice spot, but I got to I got
to look at other places nice and you know, follow
your interests to like, do the things that you love doing.
(14:18):
Go find those things, and you'll find other folks who
also love doing the same things that you like doing.
So you'll find your tribe. You'll be I The one
thing that does mess me up with a move, and
I'm just coming to this pattern, is it will wreck
my routine. So try to find your morning routine, whatever
you normally do that keeps you happy, working out and meditating,
(14:40):
whatever it is, try to do it. It's hard once
you move, but just try to get into it as
soon as possible. Real and also be patient because I
know when I first moved, the first group of friends
I met were like co workers at a restaurant, and
I don't talk to none of those girls anymore. A
good reason. It's a whole different It was a whole
different time. But like then I out to another spot
(15:00):
and I made friends who I'm still friends with. You know,
that was two thousand eleven. Just be patient with the
first year in a new city can be very lonely,
and don't be clinging onto just anybody exactly, any old body,
especially when you think about like if you're going to
an expensive city, don't be going out with people you
can't afford to be going out with. M Be honest
(15:22):
about your finances. Be honest about your finances. You're moving,
you're trying to get to a new space. Money starts
to go quick, so just be patient and be smart
about your finances. And do everything you can for your
mental health, whether it's praying every morning, meditation, church, whatever,
you got to do, hikes, if you're going somewhere like
l A, do it. And that's fun. Life is supposed
(15:46):
to be fun. Get to decorate a new space right now.
That's one of my favorite things to do. So happy decorating. Yeah,
I'm excited for you hitting the road, jack At Truly
you're on a new journey and um okay, we got
another letter. Dear oh Z, I am first generation Indian
(16:09):
American and have family all over the world. I've avoided
an arranged marriage and I'm married to someone I chose,
but I haven't been able to avoid some aspects of
my culture that I hate, like not being able to
say no to family. I got back in touch with
a cousin a few weeks ago, and after a while,
she asked me to buy her an iPhone. What I
(16:31):
haven't Oh oh phone I can send her, but it's
not an iPhone. And when I offered, she said, no,
I'm thinking about ghosting, but will inevitably see her again.
Can you all give any advice on how to deal
with a financially demanding family member best not rich cousin?
(16:51):
First off, it's a cousin. How Derek doesn't a cousin?
How dare a cousin come in this hot? I am crying? Also,
are you trying to avoid the cousin? Like you're definitely
gonna see her at the family reunions at she Auntie's house,
Like gonna need a facial reconstruction surgery to like ghost
(17:11):
a cousin. Yeah, this is another like hard thing to say,
but you got to take care of yourself. You're one
not a rich cousin, right, so you don't have the
money to be given to your your cousin for an iPhone.
So you gotta tell her you don't have the money
and she has to be provided for herself. Why would
she even think to ask you this? This is crazy
(17:33):
to me that she would ask somebody for an iPhone
for no reason. As somebody with family members in a
developing country, I understand this a little bit because the
delusion I get. I don't know if it's delusion. Jin,
it's just like everyone in America is rich, Like that's
what they assume because of TV. I think that the
(17:54):
cousin was a country. But it does say I have
family all over the world. Okay, I'm thinking she's sitting
in Michigan, like I need an iPhone. I mean, but
either way, Yeah, you definitely got to set your boundaries, like,
you know, be like, cousin, I love you and I'm
not purchasing things for you or you know, if you do,
it's a gift from the from your heart. But you
(18:14):
set those boundaries. And I think it's really hard to
set boundaries with your family, to be like here's how
I can show up and love you, and this is
what I'm not gonna do and what I'm not gonna
do exactly. But yeah, such a boundaries not rich cousin. Yeah,
and maybe off for like sure, send me the money
(18:35):
and I'll get it for you and see what the
reaction is there. I mean, she already didn't want the
old phone for free. That wasn't our phone. But I
do think that that's that's a fair response. Please don't
go just say the hard thing. Just communicate your feelings.
All right, Well, we have one more advice letter coming up.
(18:59):
It means dear O D I know I shouldn't be,
but I'm jealous of the way my mother treats my
brother and sister. She's a good mom to us all,
but when it comes to her baby boy and baby girl,
she's extra sweet and generous. And I'm about to scream.
I asked my mom if I could wear a special
necklace of hers and heirloom from her mom, and she
(19:21):
said no. Or when my sister had a big date,
my mom let her wear it. I know this is petty,
but I need love to How should I approach it?
Signed What did I do wrong? Well? Do you have
sticky fingers? Clearly your thief. That's why your mother doesn't
trust you. I was like, why would someone's own mother
(19:46):
unless she was just being mean? It has to be
some sort of protection for her own Well, I was
gonna say, what did you want to wear it for?
Was it just to wear it around the house, you know,
because a big day? You know, at least this sister
seems like she had an event that breaks down the
special pearls for prom or something like that. But if
(20:08):
you were just going to the club, I can see
my mom maybe wouldn't want to. That's also like, how
responsible are you? That's what I'm like, is baby girl
like the most? I mean, you know, people love the
babies of the family, So maybe you just got to
accept your lot in life as the eldest. She's a
(20:31):
thief first child, ostensible thief. But I didn't call her
a Really what did you do wrong? Maybe talk to
your mom about it again, talk about your feelings, bring
up the elephant in the room of the differential treatment
and how it makes you feel, and let your mom
know honestly how it impacts you, and perhaps you guys
(20:54):
can move to a space of healthy communication that allows
for trust and loaning of brooch is or necklaces or Yeah.
I think getting to the root of you and your
mom's relationship is really the issue, not necessarily what she
does for your other siblings, but like building your own
and a lot of times people, especially with parents like you,
(21:16):
can't really see from the outside how you play a
part in the dynamic of your relationship too, so like
it's not all on the parent when we're adults, like,
if you want to build a relationship, you can take
the responsibility to ask your mom to lunch or like
do something to cultivate your own individual relationship. And I'm
(21:39):
the only girl in my family and the middle child,
so I get the attention of my mom special treatment
treatment because as the oldest child. Yes, my brother I
know definitely is like I was the experiment. And you guys, like,
(22:00):
my little brother's life is like completely different than ours. Work,
Like he's five years younger than I am. So it's
like my older brother and I went through the trenches
and my little brother got to live the life of luxury.
And I think comparison can be Like I mean with
me and my brother. My brother's nine years older than me.
He had a whole different life than I had with
my mom. So I would never compare our relationships even
(22:23):
though personality was my brother is way more like my mom.
So they just get along better than they just naturally
they got more her DNA. And you know, it is
what it is. But I am aware of that, and
I'm aware of how that affects, you know, our relationship
and what ours is. But my mom and my brother's relationship,
(22:44):
I ain't never going ahead of so I ain't striving to. Yeah,
I feel like we're giving moms the benefit of the
doubt here, So I'm gonna give what did I do
wrong the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, if your mom
is a bit and she is just being mean to you,
and can you get this dog? Absolutely can hear that dog?
(23:07):
That dog said, stop talking about me? Why you treat
me different? Yeah? You mad? You mad? She mad? Don't
forgot her gender. Um, if your mom is just being
a bit and it's nicer to your little brother and
little sister, just take the heirloom when she died and
you'll have it forever, write a book about how your
(23:30):
mom's a bit, and then have it turned into a movie.
You're just kidding. Oh no, yeah, Lifetime will definitely like,
I'll pick it up. That's at least thirty k You
can buy her own heirloom jew and that's how you
get her back. No, no, don't get your mom. Don't
do that. Don't do that. But I will say that
there are relationships with mothers, Like I've seen moms treat
(23:50):
certain kids different. I mean, y'all seen boys in the hood,
especially boys they had different especially boys, especially babies, especially
if you got different you know, maybe it's a different
daddy or different you know. I just heard somebody say, oh,
no girl, like they were talking about babies, and they
were like, yeah, why offended by that? When I because
(24:11):
I I would love a little girl, you know, like
imagine a little sidekick. I actually only want girls. After
I'm like boys are destructive. A f like, no, thank you,
but like people be hating on little girls, and it's
for sure I need a male, it's my soul. But
I mean some of that still continues where people are
(24:32):
like I really want a son, like I want a
son to carry on the family name. My brother was like,
I have the last name, so I have to have
a son. And his daughter's twenty one, so he's trying
to have a son eventually. And I was like, well,
you know, if I decided to have kids, but I
got the last name, yo, okay, nigger, I got the
last name. I'm keeping my last name for that very
And I was like, I don't know about the airs
(24:53):
of my I don't know who's going to carry on
this host of name. So I'm a doing Yeah, I
can carry on the family name. He'sa he de man,
so he got he got us. Like, that's not how
it works. That's not how it works. I know, I
don't know the way the patriarchy shows it. I was
looking up Diane Keaton. I don't know why this popped
in my head, but Diane Keaton, fame actress, all her
kids have her name, her last name. I thought that
(25:15):
was really cool because I never understand why the dad saying,
even when they're not together, they give it the daddy's
last name. You're raising them kids away. And it also
doesn't make sense sometimes because I'm like, women have to
go through so much to change your name, from like
the paperwork to contacting, like even your emails, Like what,
There's just so much. And I can't find nobody from
(25:37):
my high school on Facebook. And if you think about it,
women do the hardest work in marriage and birth. We
are a portal for a child to come into this world.
We are literally between life and death. You you remind
your mom, we are between life and death. So how
(25:58):
dare y'all think we don't deserve to give them the
baby the last name man or something else. The patriarchy
is something else. But I also I think the little
dash you know when they have both names, they take
both parents names. That's fine, they could take both. Yeah,
that's not good enough. That's a new name. That's a hybrid,
that's a new name. Well, what did I do wrong?
(26:19):
It really feels like nothing. You got to get to
the root of it with your mama. You didn't. You
didn't communicate, some journalinge, some reflection. Yeah and yeah, if
it all doesn't work out, just steal the necklace like
we started. I love that. First we accused her of
being a thief, and now someone writes us a letter
(26:40):
from jail like, dear o, d I listened to your
advice and now I'm locked up for life. We are
not experts. We cannot be held responsible for anything that
you do because of these avit Thank you, right, we
give the disclaimer. So what did I do wrong? We
hope that helped. If you got to steal from your mom,
don't do it. Actually, but but you are going to
(27:00):
take a quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back, ladies.
(27:21):
This has been a awesome journey with you guys, and
just a really fun experience to sit down and chat
every week. So I just want to say thank you
and I'm glad that we'll be able to listen to
these always and our audience. Thank you too. Yeah, as
we come to the end of season one, there's so
(27:42):
much I've learned, so many laughs I've shared. Very happy
to have I've been given this platform with you guys
truly to just you know, chat through, like in a
real way, to delve into some of the stuff that
all of us go through. And this is this is
really cool. Thank you, Shanda, It's fun. It's been wild.
(28:02):
You know, we made it through a pandemic. Think about that,
almost you know, the podcasted through a pandemic, the podcasted
m yeah, could have been spent in a much worse
way pandemic. And yeah, I think I'll always remember the
podcast for being such a respite during the pandemic, like
(28:23):
just a release and a way to connect with people. Yeah,
you know, so not about the nest of them that
we was gonna be all we turned fun. I thought
you were. We are sisters. Let's get that next, can
we sing? I'm glad I could share them you alright.
(28:49):
Appreciate y'all tuning in and let us know what your
favorite episode has been and what you discovered about yourself
in the process in the comments, and though that is
the end of our season, stay tuned and follow the
fun for a while and you can re listen if
you want. Yes, And as always, you know where to
(29:09):
find us on social media or at Obama's Other Daughters
on Instagram at o d Improv, on Twitter and on
Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters. Sending so much love to
Shonda Land for the platform, Love to everyone listening at home,
in your cars, or wherever you were or maybe thank
you all for connecting with us. We'll catch you on
(29:29):
the clip side. Bye bye, by by by by for
you say baby bye bye bye. Season one It's so
(29:51):
yeah all right bye Wow You Down is a production
of Shawonda land Audio in part or ship with I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shawndland Audio, visit the
I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows. Carol, You're not gonna do your caniche.
(30:17):
You are things that you you know, I wanted to
so head you wanted to say, I didn't got to
go Sees
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shondaland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. I love that. First we
accused her of being a thief, and now someone writes
us a letter from jail like, dear O D I
listened to your advice and now I'm locked up for life.
We are not experts. We cannot be held responsible for
anything that you do because of these advice list Thank
you right, we give the disclaimer. What's up, everybody, and
(00:27):
welcome back to You Down, a podcast where four funny
honeys come together to talk about what's going on in
the culture. I'm I'm Mommia, I'm Yasmin Money Watkins, and
I'm Ash but collectively we are known as Obama's other Daughters. Hey,
(00:49):
and today we are asking are you down with advice?
Goodbyes and finales? You as the Philosopher's Boys. Two men
once crooned, and so we've come to the end to
(01:17):
that note. I hit everyone from We have arrived at
the season finale of You Down. We've got a ball
hanging out with y'all on these here audio ways. It's
been an eye opening experience getting to know each other
better and also getting to know y'all. It's been so
fun giving you all are not so expert opinions through
(01:39):
these advice letters. And today we have a very special
finale episode four. Final listeners will get some last words
of advice before we head out, But first a group
check in what you love in what you hate in? Today?
I feel like I am loving this week, just the possibilities.
(02:02):
I'm not married, i don't have any children, but I
do have a new plant, and I'm really excited about
what could happen if it stays alive. That's the plant.
Keep Hope alive, and keep this plant alive. Oh, I
was gonna say, did you name the plant Hope? That
would have been cute, the guy at the checkout asked me.
(02:22):
But I couldn't come up with a name. But it
might need to be Hope. I mean, it's cute, thank you.
But then if it dies, well, then Hope died. But
let's not will the death of Hope. What kind of
plant is it? It basically looks like a little palm tree,
like a palm frond. I too once had a I
(02:42):
had a basil plant. It was the light of my
life and it withered and died. Did you get to
use some of it to cook. I hope. I think
I put it in a cocktail. That's good. Better. Yeah,
who's next, I'll go. I am loving. I'm always saying
about Virginia and my family. But the combination of Virginia,
(03:03):
my family and it being springtime and then we all
skate in some form. My brother pulled out his skateboard,
my sister built her own roller skates, my sister in
law was on bike, and we were just taking over
the neighborhood with our little wheel gang, a little skate gang,
playing our disco music. It was really fun. So I'm
glad it's spring and I know how to skate with
(03:24):
my family. Sweet like beautiful image. I would have loved
to watch that from my window. That sounds awesome, Ash's
real fun. What you love in, Kira? What you hating
this week? Well, a few months ago my car lease ended,
and because you know, we've been on lockdown, I haven't
had to drive much, so I didn't get a new
(03:44):
car right away. And then I started looking and I
got the car that I wanted. So I got me
a little Mini Cooper and that's cute. I have been
pretty fast. They got a little sports button. Cute. What
color is it? It's red. It's a comfortable stop down. No,
you're not. You are a true California girl with you're
(04:06):
comfortile somebody that's cute. Can you please promise me? No
texted in driving? Oh yeah, more girl, because she couldn't
even say I promise. Yeah, I haven't been texting and
driving recently because you haven't been driving driving. Yeah. And
(04:28):
it was the first time in my adult life that
I didn't have a car outside of when I lived
in New York, and it was kind of refreshing to
like not have one responsibility. I was like, oh, I'm
not responsible for one thing. That's very much a bill
and an insurance and you know, even just driving. You know,
like it's not that you stressed about it. It's just
(04:49):
like one thing that I was like, Wow, I don't
have that. That's kind of cool right now. But now
that I have my car, I'm like, hell, yeah, I'll
be looking for you because you'd be whipping Gira. She
really does. Um well, I know. This week, I am
just so grateful that I got to spend time with
my family. It was my aunt's um my Auntie Fendisia's
(05:11):
seventy first birthday, and my sister and I had already
planned to bring my mom out, but then I was like,
what if we like got Auntie Fendisha surprise ticket so
she could join us, And we just had like this
reunion in the woods that was like so beautiful and
really it's both my love and my hate because I
(05:32):
feel it so acutely, like just how far my sister is,
Like in the last night, and especially like the last
moments right before I left, my niece and nephew Miles
and Lily was just like Auntie ya, yeah, like his
little hand was at the window, and I was just like,
I love you, by, But I really am just so
(05:53):
grateful for time with people who know me and love
me unconditionally. So yeah, that's my love. Cut It's nothing
like a child crying to really tug it your your
heart stream, especially an adorable child, but not ugly ones,
especially an adorable one. I was like, oh, they're not
all adorable, Okay, everyone has seen an ugly baby And
(06:15):
was like, oh no, well, I assure you. My niece
and nephew Miles very cute. Also, watching two year olds
play soccer is ridiculous. They don't have the dexterity for soccer.
The fun. It's just like running, there's no orders, tripping, falling,
(06:39):
a lot of fall. But also my nephew is so
bombed because like they had this Pirates something and like
they put like six or seven kids against Miles and
like two other kids because he got four goals and
it was just like O Miles, Like anyway, I digress.
Wait wait, can I ask where the rest of the
kids white? Come on? Miles got a little black athletes
(07:01):
inside of room. That's a stereotype. But well shoot, I
mean just look at actually you know records. We don't
have to, don't have to. It was a lighthearted joke.
Did you ever have it where you were the black
kid on the team and all the pressure was on you,
but you couldn't deliver. Mine wasn't the black kid. Mine
(07:24):
was the tall kid. Everyone thought I could play basketball,
and I was like, I can't stand here for sure.
Yeah I learned. I remember being on a team with
all black girls, and that's when you know, like how
slow you are? What is it? Like you gotta pass
up a ton off? But it's hard to pass those off,
like it's gracefully. Oh, my god, every relay I was
(07:48):
like second or third because they were like, we're not
gonna put her last because she's not gonna bring it home. Yo,
I'd be seeing. I've been on TikTok late night watching
people on tracks and just like that last girl catch
up for everybody else. Oh yeah, they put Speedy Goes
al was on that bitch. Look, let's get into this
(08:11):
week's topic, which is advice, goodbyes, and finales. Over the
course of the season, y'all have heard us chat everything
from dating and religion to therapy and chasing our dreams.
And for this special finale, we're stoked to spend some
time with you and offer are not so expert opinions
(08:32):
one last time. So we can't wait to hook up
for lucky listeners with some advice. Let's get into it
right after a quick break got you welcome back, Let's
(08:53):
dive right in. Are you down with advice, goodbyes and finales?
I'm going to start off with some letters MOMMYA, what
do you have for us today? Okay, so this one
reads dear O O D. I'm reaching out for a
little help with a close friend. We've been best friends
(09:14):
since middle school. My Space top eight type homie. Okay, wow,
you go back, that's how you know it's through right.
But lately he's been testing me and trying to become
more than friends, flirting during kickbacks. Last time I fell
asleep at his house, I woke up to him cuddling
my ass behind me, like dog, why are you trying
(09:40):
to mess up a fifteen year friendship? And I'm not
into him one bit in a sexual way, but also
I don't want to lose my friend. How do I
fix this? Help? Signed? Don't want to smash the homie.
Don't smash the home. Don't even mi. You know he's
(10:00):
not even a problem. You got a lot of the
fact that he rolled the waking up with him coming.
It's so inappropriate. That's crossing so many lines, like no consent,
that's not your friend. Yeah, that sounds creepy. I think
you need to like lay down the law and if
he can't handle it, then then you're gonna have to
(10:20):
lose the homie, which is very unfortunate. But clearly he
out here is overstepping and just being true. Who does that?
I feel like you need to call him out a
little bit and just be like, hey, I feel like,
you know, I love you were friends, but like, I
feel like you've crossed this line and it made me
feel x y Z. Just so he's aware that you're
(10:41):
aware and you want him to stop doing so. If
he keeps doing it, then you have a real problem.
That's why. Then he can catch these hands right, not
my hands, your hands, your hands. It just sounds like
you need to be um upfront girl. Tell your friend
you want to be friends. You don't want to ruin
(11:02):
your friendship. Yeah, girl, this is only difficult because it
puts you in an awkward position to say something that
he's not gonna want to hear. But that's good practice.
It's gonna be a lot of things that you have
to say that are awkward that people don't want to hear.
Go for a girl, cast boundaries. Wow, we hope that helped.
Expert opinions, Expert, I don't want to smash the HOI
(11:26):
danger she smashed the home. Do you remember that? No? Like?
Is that a song? I thought you were about the
same mystical too. It was from what was that ray
J reality show where it was like Flavor of Love
but ray J it might have been called RAJ Love yeah,
(11:48):
oh man, Okay, we have another letter. Dear O D.
I'm moving to a new city this month, and as
excited as I am for a change of scenery, I'm
also a bit nerve. Is what's it like over there?
Where should I live? How do I find an apartment?
What's the best way to make new friends? I've been
thinking about and planning this move for so long and
(12:10):
now it's finally becoming reality. What should I expect? Sign
hitting the road? Jack? Well, where is there? Where are
you going in the road? I can't tell you what
to expect if I don't know where you're going. It
even the United States? Is it even in on Earth?
Possibilities are open? Well, first, I mean, congratulations on taking
(12:33):
that first step. I think that's the first first thing.
I feel like moving to a new place is really
what you make of it, because in every city you
can google anything together, Like that's not the scary part.
It's more like how you are on the inside to
(12:54):
like be okay being alone and be okay, like discovering
things by yourself, or like you need to go to target.
You don't know anyone in the city. You got to
go to target. So go to target, like you know,
like it forces you to step outside of your comfort
zone in a way that maybe you wouldn't and it
seems like you already are doing that. So I would say,
(13:15):
kind of try to be present instead of like thinking
about how am I gonna just enjoy every day and
like the now of your new experience and I'm sure
you'll meet new friends and you'll do all the things
that you want. But from somebody who overthinks a lot,
it doesn't it doesn't help the situation in reality, I agree,
(13:37):
overthinking over planning, and then you still have anxiety about it.
Something I did when I moved to l A was
I got an Airbnb. Instead of like trying to buy
an apartment from Afar or figure out a neighborhood from Afar,
I got an airbnb for a month and then just
like walked around different neighborhoods and like I saw where
I might want to live instead of locking into a
(13:58):
year apartment right away. So I think that's a nice
way to get to know a place. I ended up
living in the literal building because I was like, this
is a nice spot, but I got to I got
to look at other places nice and you know, follow
your interests to like, do the things that you love doing.
(14:18):
Go find those things, and you'll find other folks who
also love doing the same things that you like doing.
So you'll find your tribe. You'll be I The one
thing that does mess me up with a move, and
I'm just coming to this pattern, is it will wreck
my routine. So try to find your morning routine, whatever
you normally do that keeps you happy, working out and meditating,
(14:40):
whatever it is, try to do it. It's hard once
you move, but just try to get into it as
soon as possible. Real and also be patient because I
know when I first moved, the first group of friends
I met were like co workers at a restaurant, and
I don't talk to none of those girls anymore. A
good reason. It's a whole different It was a whole
different time. But like then I out to another spot
(15:00):
and I made friends who I'm still friends with. You know,
that was two thousand eleven. Just be patient with the
first year in a new city can be very lonely,
and don't be clinging onto just anybody exactly, any old body,
especially when you think about like if you're going to
an expensive city, don't be going out with people you
can't afford to be going out with. M Be honest
(15:22):
about your finances. Be honest about your finances. You're moving,
you're trying to get to a new space. Money starts
to go quick, so just be patient and be smart
about your finances. And do everything you can for your
mental health, whether it's praying every morning, meditation, church, whatever,
you got to do, hikes, if you're going somewhere like
l A, do it. And that's fun. Life is supposed
(15:46):
to be fun. Get to decorate a new space right now.
That's one of my favorite things to do. So happy decorating. Yeah,
I'm excited for you hitting the road, jack At Truly
you're on a new journey and um okay, we got
another letter. Dear oh Z, I am first generation Indian
(16:09):
American and have family all over the world. I've avoided
an arranged marriage and I'm married to someone I chose,
but I haven't been able to avoid some aspects of
my culture that I hate, like not being able to
say no to family. I got back in touch with
a cousin a few weeks ago, and after a while,
she asked me to buy her an iPhone. What I
(16:31):
haven't Oh oh phone I can send her, but it's
not an iPhone. And when I offered, she said, no,
I'm thinking about ghosting, but will inevitably see her again.
Can you all give any advice on how to deal
with a financially demanding family member best not rich cousin?
(16:51):
First off, it's a cousin. How Derek doesn't a cousin?
How dare a cousin come in this hot? I am crying? Also,
are you trying to avoid the cousin? Like you're definitely
gonna see her at the family reunions at she Auntie's house,
Like gonna need a facial reconstruction surgery to like ghost
(17:11):
a cousin. Yeah, this is another like hard thing to say,
but you got to take care of yourself. You're one
not a rich cousin, right, so you don't have the
money to be given to your your cousin for an iPhone.
So you gotta tell her you don't have the money
and she has to be provided for herself. Why would
she even think to ask you this? This is crazy
(17:33):
to me that she would ask somebody for an iPhone
for no reason. As somebody with family members in a
developing country, I understand this a little bit because the
delusion I get. I don't know if it's delusion. Jin,
it's just like everyone in America is rich, Like that's
what they assume because of TV. I think that the
(17:54):
cousin was a country. But it does say I have
family all over the world. Okay, I'm thinking she's sitting
in Michigan, like I need an iPhone. I mean, but
either way, Yeah, you definitely got to set your boundaries, like,
you know, be like, cousin, I love you and I'm
not purchasing things for you or you know, if you do,
it's a gift from the from your heart. But you
(18:14):
set those boundaries. And I think it's really hard to
set boundaries with your family, to be like here's how
I can show up and love you, and this is
what I'm not gonna do and what I'm not gonna
do exactly. But yeah, such a boundaries not rich cousin. Yeah,
and maybe off for like sure, send me the money
(18:35):
and I'll get it for you and see what the
reaction is there. I mean, she already didn't want the
old phone for free. That wasn't our phone. But I
do think that that's that's a fair response. Please don't
go just say the hard thing. Just communicate your feelings.
All right, Well, we have one more advice letter coming up.
(18:59):
It means dear O D I know I shouldn't be,
but I'm jealous of the way my mother treats my
brother and sister. She's a good mom to us all,
but when it comes to her baby boy and baby girl,
she's extra sweet and generous. And I'm about to scream.
I asked my mom if I could wear a special
necklace of hers and heirloom from her mom, and she
(19:21):
said no. Or when my sister had a big date,
my mom let her wear it. I know this is petty,
but I need love to How should I approach it?
Signed What did I do wrong? Well? Do you have
sticky fingers? Clearly your thief. That's why your mother doesn't
trust you. I was like, why would someone's own mother
(19:46):
unless she was just being mean? It has to be
some sort of protection for her own Well, I was
gonna say, what did you want to wear it for?
Was it just to wear it around the house, you know,
because a big day? You know, at least this sister
seems like she had an event that breaks down the
special pearls for prom or something like that. But if
(20:08):
you were just going to the club, I can see
my mom maybe wouldn't want to. That's also like, how
responsible are you? That's what I'm like, is baby girl
like the most? I mean, you know, people love the
babies of the family, So maybe you just got to
accept your lot in life as the eldest. She's a
(20:31):
thief first child, ostensible thief. But I didn't call her
a Really what did you do wrong? Maybe talk to
your mom about it again, talk about your feelings, bring
up the elephant in the room of the differential treatment
and how it makes you feel, and let your mom
know honestly how it impacts you, and perhaps you guys
(20:54):
can move to a space of healthy communication that allows
for trust and loaning of brooch is or necklaces or Yeah.
I think getting to the root of you and your
mom's relationship is really the issue, not necessarily what she
does for your other siblings, but like building your own
and a lot of times people, especially with parents like you,
(21:16):
can't really see from the outside how you play a
part in the dynamic of your relationship too, so like
it's not all on the parent when we're adults, like,
if you want to build a relationship, you can take
the responsibility to ask your mom to lunch or like
do something to cultivate your own individual relationship. And I'm
(21:39):
the only girl in my family and the middle child,
so I get the attention of my mom special treatment
treatment because as the oldest child. Yes, my brother I
know definitely is like I was the experiment. And you guys, like,
(22:00):
my little brother's life is like completely different than ours. Work,
Like he's five years younger than I am. So it's
like my older brother and I went through the trenches
and my little brother got to live the life of luxury.
And I think comparison can be Like I mean with
me and my brother. My brother's nine years older than me.
He had a whole different life than I had with
my mom. So I would never compare our relationships even
(22:23):
though personality was my brother is way more like my mom.
So they just get along better than they just naturally
they got more her DNA. And you know, it is
what it is. But I am aware of that, and
I'm aware of how that affects, you know, our relationship
and what ours is. But my mom and my brother's relationship,
(22:44):
I ain't never going ahead of so I ain't striving to. Yeah,
I feel like we're giving moms the benefit of the
doubt here, So I'm gonna give what did I do
wrong the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, if your mom
is a bit and she is just being mean to you,
and can you get this dog? Absolutely can hear that dog?
(23:07):
That dog said, stop talking about me? Why you treat
me different? Yeah? You mad? You mad? She mad? Don't
forgot her gender. Um, if your mom is just being
a bit and it's nicer to your little brother and
little sister, just take the heirloom when she died and
you'll have it forever, write a book about how your
(23:30):
mom's a bit, and then have it turned into a movie.
You're just kidding. Oh no, yeah, Lifetime will definitely like,
I'll pick it up. That's at least thirty k You
can buy her own heirloom jew and that's how you
get her back. No, no, don't get your mom. Don't
do that. Don't do that. But I will say that
there are relationships with mothers, Like I've seen moms treat
(23:50):
certain kids different. I mean, y'all seen boys in the hood,
especially boys they had different especially boys, especially babies, especially
if you got different you know, maybe it's a different
daddy or different you know. I just heard somebody say, oh,
no girl, like they were talking about babies, and they
were like, yeah, why offended by that? When I because
(24:11):
I I would love a little girl, you know, like
imagine a little sidekick. I actually only want girls. After
I'm like boys are destructive. A f like, no, thank you,
but like people be hating on little girls, and it's
for sure I need a male, it's my soul. But
I mean some of that still continues where people are
(24:32):
like I really want a son, like I want a
son to carry on the family name. My brother was like,
I have the last name, so I have to have
a son. And his daughter's twenty one, so he's trying
to have a son eventually. And I was like, well,
you know, if I decided to have kids, but I
got the last name, yo, okay, nigger, I got the
last name. I'm keeping my last name for that very
And I was like, I don't know about the airs
(24:53):
of my I don't know who's going to carry on
this host of name. So I'm a doing Yeah, I
can carry on the family name. He'sa he de man,
so he got he got us. Like, that's not how
it works. That's not how it works. I know, I
don't know the way the patriarchy shows it. I was
looking up Diane Keaton. I don't know why this popped
in my head, but Diane Keaton, fame actress, all her
kids have her name, her last name. I thought that
(25:15):
was really cool because I never understand why the dad saying,
even when they're not together, they give it the daddy's
last name. You're raising them kids away. And it also
doesn't make sense sometimes because I'm like, women have to
go through so much to change your name, from like
the paperwork to contacting, like even your emails, Like what,
There's just so much. And I can't find nobody from
(25:37):
my high school on Facebook. And if you think about it,
women do the hardest work in marriage and birth. We
are a portal for a child to come into this world.
We are literally between life and death. You you remind
your mom, we are between life and death. So how
(25:58):
dare y'all think we don't deserve to give them the
baby the last name man or something else. The patriarchy
is something else. But I also I think the little
dash you know when they have both names, they take
both parents names. That's fine, they could take both. Yeah,
that's not good enough. That's a new name. That's a hybrid,
that's a new name. Well, what did I do wrong?
(26:19):
It really feels like nothing. You got to get to
the root of it with your mama. You didn't. You
didn't communicate, some journalinge, some reflection. Yeah and yeah, if
it all doesn't work out, just steal the necklace like
we started. I love that. First we accused her of
being a thief, and now someone writes us a letter
(26:40):
from jail like, dear o, d I listened to your
advice and now I'm locked up for life. We are
not experts. We cannot be held responsible for anything that
you do because of these avit Thank you, right, we
give the disclaimer. So what did I do wrong? We
hope that helped. If you got to steal from your mom,
don't do it. Actually, but but you are going to
(27:00):
take a quick break and we'll be right back. Welcome back, ladies.
(27:21):
This has been a awesome journey with you guys, and
just a really fun experience to sit down and chat
every week. So I just want to say thank you
and I'm glad that we'll be able to listen to
these always and our audience. Thank you too. Yeah, as
we come to the end of season one, there's so
(27:42):
much I've learned, so many laughs I've shared. Very happy
to have I've been given this platform with you guys
truly to just you know, chat through, like in a
real way, to delve into some of the stuff that
all of us go through. And this is this is
really cool. Thank you, Shanda, It's fun. It's been wild.
(28:02):
You know, we made it through a pandemic. Think about that,
almost you know, the podcasted through a pandemic, the podcasted
m yeah, could have been spent in a much worse
way pandemic. And yeah, I think I'll always remember the
podcast for being such a respite during the pandemic, like
(28:23):
just a release and a way to connect with people. Yeah,
you know, so not about the nest of them that
we was gonna be all we turned fun. I thought
you were. We are sisters. Let's get that next, can
we sing? I'm glad I could share them you alright.
(28:49):
Appreciate y'all tuning in and let us know what your
favorite episode has been and what you discovered about yourself
in the process in the comments, and though that is
the end of our season, stay tuned and follow the
fun for a while and you can re listen if
you want. Yes, And as always, you know where to
(29:09):
find us on social media or at Obama's Other Daughters
on Instagram at o d Improv, on Twitter and on
Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters. Sending so much love to
Shonda Land for the platform, Love to everyone listening at home,
in your cars, or wherever you were or maybe thank
you all for connecting with us. We'll catch you on
(29:29):
the clip side. Bye bye, by by by by for
you say baby bye bye bye. Season one It's so
(29:51):
yeah all right bye Wow You Down is a production
of Shawonda land Audio in part or ship with I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shawndland Audio, visit the
I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows. Carol, You're not gonna do your caniche.
(30:17):
You are things that you you know, I wanted to
so head you wanted to say, I didn't got to
go Sees
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