March 9, 2021 • 56 mins
This week the girls discuss what they’re afraid of, how fear stops us all from living our best lives, and how important it is to do the scary shit anyways. They also give some advice on fur babies and play a game that reveals some interesting phobias.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heart Radio. It's also a journey, like,
don't think of it that you're just trying to get
to a finish line. Like just enjoying the journey is
also a part of it. So that's something I remind myself, like, oh,
I shouldn't be sitting in fear for too long. Don't
let it consume me. Like I'm on a journey, and
in this journey, I want to enjoy every step of
(00:21):
the way, even when I'm not where I want to
be completely yet, and I don't. It's never finished, it's
never done. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to you Down,
a podcast wherefore funny honeys come together to talk about
what's going on in the culture. I'm Ashley Holstin, I'm
Shakre gen Ape, I'm Mommy A, and I'm Yasmin money Walking.
(00:46):
But collectively we are known as Obama's other Daughters. Okay, okay,
today we're asking you down with fear. Audrey Lord says,
I am deliberate and afraid of nothing. For most of us.
(01:08):
One time, y'all heard that, Yes, when you love some
Audrey Lord also that soopathic you should be. She's like,
I'm here on purpose and I ain't afraid. For most
of us, fear and all of its forms, from slight
hesitation to debilitating anxieties, is so present and it feels
normal today. We want to unpack fear. Does it feel
(01:32):
us or hold us back? And how do we continue
to face our biggest fears and love life and the
pursuit of happiness. I personally will never attempt to overcome
my fear of snakes, you know, because they stare that's weird,
They're just weird. But fear of failure and taking big risks,
(01:53):
I'm down the challenge that. But before we jump into
the meat and potatoes of this conversation, let's check in
with each other. What love which I'll hate? I am
loving conversations with my brother in the morning. They get
me out of bed. I have been you know again.
I'm in Virginia. It's the pandemic is where I'm from.
Um and I'm staying with my baby brother at his
(02:15):
house and we just have these mornings full of like
deep conversation and you know, we smoke a little bit.
We have these meditations and just talk about feelings and
they're just good. They just feel good moments. I love
that I miss my siblings. That sounds awesome. Ash. It
(02:39):
is so one of the things that's been on my
bucket list for the longest time ever. Uh was motorcycle
writing and or learning how to ride a motorcycle. And
I went into I had an uber ride and the
driver was telling me about writing and I was like, yeah,
you know, it's on my bucket list. And then he
was like, oh, well, do you have anyone that's gonna
teach you yet? I know of someone and I was like, oh,
(03:01):
you know, it's just one of those Like I was
about to say, Oh, it's just one of those things
I'll do at some point in time, but I was like, actually,
I don't. And I called the person he recommended, and
I went from my first class and I was like
on the motorcycle in the parking lot and like it
just to take a step towards this. Literally my buckets
(03:22):
have like four things on it and to feel like
it's just very excited about actually taking that step. That
is a huge step. And whudas to you because I'm
never getting on a motorcycle. You don't want the wind
in your brains. That actually does sound really nice, the brain.
(03:42):
You know what I always think of, break my heart?
Oh remember you know what I feel like. You know
there's a lot of fear around motorcycling. You could be safe,
have you written, as she was about to rent one
in Thailand. Yeah, I want you for sure. I rolled
(04:03):
on the back of one in Thailand and oh and
I was so jealous. I was literally looking for a
guy to ride with and just found it. But you
know what, I walked outside and the guy was like, Hey,
I'll cheat charge you cheaper than a taxi. And I
was like, well, it's just me. Do I hop on
the back of this stranger's motorcycle? Is telling me it'll
(04:26):
be a cheap in Thailand and Thailand, yes I do.
So I did, and it was great. I was nervous
because it's so hilly in Thailand, and that's why the
lady wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't let me ride one.
She's like, I'm scared for you because it's too dangerous.
But anyho, I would not ride a motorcycle like on
the freeway. I've ridden it on the street and I
(04:48):
used a dirt bike but my friend broke her femur
riding dirt bikes when we were kid. Did you have
a motorcycle commercial? Yes? Actually, what are you gonna play
like Harley? Okay commercial? Oh my gosh, okay, this is
gonna be quick because I got to tell y'all, so
I had an audition. Don't lie on your resume. I
said I could ride a motorcycle because I wrote dirt
(05:09):
bikes as a kid. I can't ride a motorcycle. So
I get on this bike. I'm doing good. I ride
it up the street and then I try to turn
it around. The gas is on the handlebar, so I
hit the handlebar and it it accelerated to a wall
and and then the bike was so damn heavy and
(05:29):
fell on my leg. I'm trying to turn the bike around.
I'm trying to use my physical bike to lift this
strong Yeah, I got it, and I was good, guys,
but I was out of sight, so I was home
doing the inches. I had a whole scratch on my
leg on bleed and trying to move his bike. And
then they got the cattle director like ran up to
me and he was like, oh my god, oh my god,
(05:50):
get off, just walk back, so I had to walk back,
as he wrote, the bike back, just like the Walk
of Shame. But I will say, like four other girls
left after they saw I couldn't do it. They were like,
you look like you could ride a bike. You couldn't
do it. I was like, I like, just like, y'all,
host y'all, we're not trying to get killed. Oh my gosh, wow,
(06:13):
But you had fun in the in the four seconds,
in the four seconds before I ran into the wall,
I was having a blast. I was like this, like,
that's the song that comes in my head when I
think of motorcycle. What you love it, mom? Yea, what
you hate? I am loving. I started reading this book
(06:35):
that has just given me all the fields, the Octavia Butler,
the sci five just you know, like when I first read,
I read a compilation of Octavia's short stories, and I
was like, this is crazy that I didn't realize this
existed until my twenties. First of all, and then we
don't see black faces in the fantasy world really unless
(06:58):
it's like, you know, as a drop in and or
like a character that's servicing the main person's life or something. Um.
But it's called the Gilded Ones. And it's by Nomina Forna.
She's actually a Spellman grad and like a friend and
she told me about this years ago and to see
her struggle through l A and like you know how
(07:20):
that is. And like she has a book that's on
the New York Times bestseller right now. Um, and it's
really good. They're comparing her to Octavia Butler and you know, um,
all these fantasy writers. I love fantasy and sci fi ships.
So thank you for this wreck, MAMMYA. Yes, the cover
is beautiful. Yeah, it's pretty stunning. Um in person too,
(07:42):
and it's about like kind of blending West African culture
with that sci fi um fantasy world, which I just
feel like we don't really see that unless it's like
very dark and like you know, um, and she she's
making it into a movie too, and depending the script.
Like all of that happened as soon as it dropped.
So go Nomina. Check out The Gilded Ones if you
(08:05):
can find it, get it on audible. If you can't
get it real copy, what about you? Checky Era. I'm
watching one division, but I'm not going to spoil it.
I've heard I don't know anything about it. I did
not want to watch it, but now I'm about I'm like,
I'm excited for the finale. Yeah. Um, but my favorite
thing is like Casperine Han is such an underrated Jim.
(08:28):
I literally watched Miss Fletcher at the beginning of the
pandemic and then I was like, this girl killing it
and I watched her and Transparent and then she popped
up in this and I was like, I am a
a stand a Stan, I'm a cafferinew Stan. Transparent is
where I was like, you can do it all because
like you know, and they always say like if you
(08:48):
can do communy, you can do anything. But wow, like
the drama is really good. And Elizabeth Alsen also I'm
a stand as well. She is so good. She's in
this show called Sorry, actually shaking her head and doing
what it is about. Elizabeth Olsen And honestly, they dude
(09:08):
who plays Vision too, I don't like them. I don't
like them, I don't like I don't care about your story.
I didn't want to see it. That's why I didn't
want to watch water Vision. And I like the Marvel universe. Okay,
I hear that she does have a sad face, which
is why she was perfect and sorry for your Loss,
which is a sad show um on Facebook watch. Yeah
it got no love because it was on Facebook Watch.
(09:28):
But it is actually a really loved it. Who loved
it though, like I heard about it, But I mean,
if you can bear the sadness of it. It's about
brief basically about losing her husband and her grieving. But yeah,
that's what I'm loving right now, Catherine. But also I
will say, what is scary is how good she is
(09:49):
in everything, and that makes me think of fear, like
riding a motorcycle. No thank you, that's one of my heres,
no offense. I'm proud of you. I really. I hope
I don't get decapitated. Oh my god, I hope please don't.
Please don't. Well, if anything is a fast aff, so
look at it on the bright side. Okay, and today
(10:09):
we're asking you would fear cupful? Okay, I'm ready to
get into our main topic, fear, but first a quick break.
(10:32):
Welcome back to guys, to the Fear episode in her
true troll form. Right now, I can't wait to get
into our main topic. What is something y'all fear failing?
I was gonna say failure is I think that's probably
(10:53):
what I think. Embarrassment is probably one of my biggest fears,
just fear of like not have in it together horrible,
because who has it together all the time. It's just
I feel like shame is not something that like I
feel often that's obvious embarrass me. Hey, we live at
(11:17):
the opposite sides of the spectrum. This is true. I'm
shame of shame. Yeah, yeah, you put your closer to here,
and yes we'll be like, hey, I'm going to risk
it all. I'm going to keep asking what do we
have to do to get in here free? You know,
like no more. They already told us no five times. Shame,
(11:42):
that's real. My fear is more like ghosts low key,
and I'm trying to find the balance between like and
it's just the ancestors, you know what I mean, Like
they're looking out for us, not just the ancestors. Everybody
has ancestors too, Oh god. And those are the ones
(12:05):
that scare me. Those are the ones that I don't want,
Like when I light my candles or whatever, I'm like,
please don't come visit me. Just the good people that
like have my greatest interest. I don't know if do
you guys watch Lovecraft Country, there's an episode where Journey
Smallt's character deals with some ghosts. The episode was terrifying.
Someone told me it gave them nightmares. So I don't
(12:26):
honestly know when I'm gonna watch it, and I'm one
hunt it. I know it starts like thrillery and like
scary in a you know, racist way. But then and
then she turns it around and the ancestors are like
they got her back, and like I really I was like, oh,
that sort of shifted my perspective on the rule of ghosts.
(12:48):
But even the lad's ancestors was looking at Clue. They
don't look I mean, she was who in hands and
I was like, get out to leave the house. I
feel like I am definitely afraid at the core of rejection,
like at my core. That's everything points to that, probably
(13:11):
because of my Midwestern upbringing and being like, hey guys,
I'm here and making sure that I took up space
or something, so like yeah, I feel like, I mean,
I think that's normal money. Everyone wants to be likable
and like, no, they don't. Not as bad as I'm
just kidding. The industry is literally just a bunch of
(13:34):
people thinking, oh, I'm used to it now. I say,
like people say the job is auditioning because rejection is
of seven. So yeah, I'm not necessarily afraid of rejection.
I would say failure because I mean, you're not. I
(13:57):
came in like I'm doing a thing any better work
because I ain't got no other plate. This is like
ad shows. So if I took it l it would
be a huge oil. I don't feel like I'm going
in that direction, but no, it's only going uphill, only
going uphill for us. But yes, sometimes that so fear
question for you ladies, since we've we've reached a point
(14:20):
in our career, is that like a year ago we
weren't here, is there a fear that was removed from
you by this this um you know, the gains of
the past year. I'm asking because I feel like I
always had this fear in my stomach like about l A,
Like if I was leaving l A coming back, I
would always have like, oh is this the is this
(14:42):
the time back that something's going to happen? And that
is gone from my stomach. Now I will say I
had a lot of hope and like affirmation setting that
Like I was like it's gonna work out. It has
to um And then there's also I think for me,
it was fear of how long it would take. And
(15:02):
I was like, you know, Van Go died in like
poverty essentially and like never was recognized in his lifetime
sort of thing. I was afraid that like no one
would see our art or like what the contributions that
we have to offer before we transition to the next
life kind of thing. That's my ultimate fear. So thank
(15:25):
you for saying that. Just not being able to express
the art that I want to before I'm not here anymore,
right like someone would discover our journal or like my
poems like way late and then I don't know, but
that fear is not here right now. I'm like, oh,
all the things are happening in the ways that I've
been affirming and putting out into the universe and praying
(15:48):
for and you know, believing in, so that fear is
definitely it's shifted some Similarly, I feel like, uh, I
always knew whatever was going to happen, I was gonna pop.
Whatever's gonna happen was gonna happen, But the timeliness of
it was just like how hard how long am I
going to happen to be hustling in these streets how long,
(16:10):
because I'll do it, but Lord knows, i'd like it
to be a short hustle, not a not a long
poverty stricken hustle. Yeah. I feel like I've believed in
everything that we've been all working towards for a minute,
so I haven't necessarily felt the fear of like going
back to l A and it's gonna suck. Like sometimes
(16:30):
I get that, like I don't feel like getting rejected feeling,
but it's not necessarily fear. It's just like, well, let
me do these god dag on self tapes. Let's see,
you know what I mean? All right, let me submit
this thing to this person and see how. You know,
hopefully we get a yes. You know, we also happen
to be like, don't be a pessimist about it, right,
(16:50):
You know, things work out when you're always so good
with sending Abraham Higgs and like positive affirmations. Because I
had to tell myself, I love Idellionaire. She's she has
this book called manifest Now. But like you've always been
so positive, thank you. You have to find that balance
or you won't make it in this industry that we
(17:12):
are in, because y'all know, it's a lot of work
and not always a lot of rewards for a long time.
It's and also to somebody gave me this really good perspective,
I was like, you know, it's a marathon, and you
know Nipsey says that, but I also used to say
that too, um, and not a sprint. But it's also
a journey, Like don't think of it that you're just
trying to get to a finish line. Like just enjoying
(17:34):
the journey is also a part of it. So that's
something I remind myself, like, oh, I shouldn't be sitting
in fear for too long. Don't let it consume me.
Like I'm on a journey, and in this journey, I
want to enjoy every step of the way, even when
I'm not where I want to be completely yet, and
I don't. It's never finished, it's never done. I don't
think I'll ever be like I made it to that
spot and I'm done, you know. I think it'll be like, yeah,
(17:58):
like I've done a great job, and now what's next.
I feel like it's um. The fear of the unknown
is that feeling that I had in my stomach before,
not like because I I'm a Christian and I believe
in God, and you can't have faith and be fearful.
It doesn't go. They don't work together. So that's my
(18:19):
driving force behind everything that I do, is the fact
that my destiny is my destiny. And no matter what
religion you are, there something that says or spirituality or
agnostic or whatever exactly. I love the book The Alchemists
because it says when you want something, the whole world conspires,
the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you.
(18:41):
And ever since reading things like that, it's just like
we living in fear is a waste of time because
it doesn't do anything but halt you. You know. Um
Whereas you can be afraid to write that script or
afraid to do whatever. But if you're working through your fear,
(19:02):
you're moving. You're not just stopping living because of it.
You know, it's not debilitating. His fear stopped you, guys
from anything, Like you have any regrets from not making
a move because of it? Oh, one time he has
and I were in Austin at Austin Pride and there
was this fine as bartender and I remember, y'all, I've
(19:27):
had on my outfit. I was looking good, I was
feeling good. I was having a good time and I
and I think he was flirting and I still could
not He did. He did give us a drink. He
did leave my hand for a bit, he Ashley, I
can't even the hand he I mean, like literally, I
(19:52):
felt like all I need you to do is say
the words sir, so I know that this is okay um,
But I didn't make my move and I was I
was very disappointed. Still think about this. It's a whole
last year later, and I still think about this, this
dude who I could have had a wonderful uh night with. Sorry, family,
(20:14):
I got hang up moments like that, You though, ash
Where I've been like already throwing it. Should I pick
it up? You know, you just don't know how much
like giving and you're like, oh, I don't want to
put myself out there, and they're already putting themselves out
a little bit, but not enough for you to know
if you should yet like that, that that fear of
rejection coming through, And you know what's the craziest part
(20:35):
is that you know a few months later there was
another guy who I was interested in, and I was like,
I'm not gonna let fear stop me. I know this
dude is into me. Let me put myself out there.
And I did and he wasn't feeling it. He was like,
you the homie, and that that rejection did nothing. I'm
still fired, I'm still funny, I'm still beautiful, I'm still smart.
So it's just like, oh, rejection does nothing. Let me
(21:00):
just keep putting myself out there and eventually somebody will reciprocate.
I can't even count the amount of guys I haven't
approached because I was scared, um, which is like I
don't want to approach anybody first of all. So that
but anyway, UM, the biggest thing that I regret and
I hope that I can rectify this at some point
(21:22):
in life. Um. Back in the day when I was
an assistant, I went to my old boss, Gina Prince
Bythewood's house, and I brought food because she was having
Danny Glover over for dinner because he was going to
be and Beyond the Lights, a movie that he was
later and I was like, this was my first assistant
job for real, And I like walked in to deliver
(21:42):
the food and like was late booking it out of it.
Like old I was still very docile Minnesota and I'm
don't feel funk with me now, but I was very
like like, let me be invisible. And she was like,
you're not staying and I was like, uh sure, So
I stayed. Had an amazing conversation Jian and dinner with
Danny Glover, and I was too afraid to ask him
(22:03):
for a picture, and I like, we'll regret that until
the day that I die, unless I meet him again.
And like we talked about Ghana, we talked about film like.
It was the most amazing conversation. And I was too
afraid to ask this man for a picture. And he
would have had absolutely no problem. I know that now.
But you know hood of my line sister and I
(22:26):
with Danny Glover when he came to campus. How MoMA
just Mommia just admitted one of her biggest regrets. And
you will be like, well, I got warm. It was nothing.
That's yes. When yes, when you'll be like a k
and I'll be like, okay, go go do it. I'm
so and you know, to thing about me, one of
(22:48):
my biggest regrets is like in my gut. I'll be like, yeah,
I'm at beach, I'm gonna ask for what I want.
And then suddenly I'm like, actually, it's fine, I'm not
going to do it. And then I'm all freaked out
and I'm like, this is not who you are, Like
you asked for the picture that you want. Yeah, that's fine.
(23:09):
I'm really trying to think of a regret or fear.
Oh you want some help, Yes, I'd say getting a
concussion by going to the skate park without a helmet.
I'd say your fear of dying from said concussion as
(23:32):
though the doctor sold you where you were fine? Yea.
I will say I am afraid of most drugs, weed,
I'm I'm totally fine with except for edibles, which sometimes
can be rough. But I guess I am like, I
really enjoy life. I feel like there's a lot of
fun and adventure to be had. Ures is like, oh,
(23:55):
I'm scared that I do. I don't don't ask you
as to bring you in edible from l A to
wherever she's going. She's not bringing it, she's not getting
it on that playing with no edible, even though for
short catch me. And then I'm too paranoid fort broke
down Palace has been accidentally went through t s A
(24:18):
with drugs, did not get caught and still whole joy
in her pocket, a whole joint and then like it
I had talked about broke down Palace in Thailand, like literally,
try to scare me to not go to Thailand because
they broke down Palace some Claire Dame film. I was like,
they are not worried about me. That film for our
listeners who are out there, none of us put the
(24:41):
fear of Thai prison and my system. So when you
guys are confronted with fear, how does that how do
you react? You know, they say flight, fight? Do you stay?
You just like try to hide and make sure it
goes away? How does it fear manifest with your actions?
(25:03):
I go to the hospital, yes, she does. Expensive that
concussion that happened that actually brought up I very much,
was like I'm gonna like I've gone to urgent care
and they're like, if it gets any worse, go to
the e R. And I had one little I mean,
it felt very dire in the moment, Like my my
(25:24):
response to fear is yeah, I gotta go to the hospital.
It's stabilitating anxiety. It's like a whole thing, and get
saying and I was like, I'm not a doctor. I
don't really know what to do. Trying to calm down,
breathe who has work. Here's some of sential oils. It's like,
I don't need to oils, need a doctor. Okay, okay,
(25:46):
I hear that. I hear that. So would you call
that fight or flight? I guess that's fight. I would
say it's fighting. I gotta fight this. There's nothing wrong
they're telling me. There's it's a little bit of a
little bit of I feel like when I was younger,
it would definitely be flight. Like if there was something
(26:07):
that I didn't want to I was scared to do,
I would just make an excuse not to be there,
like like, oh I'm not going to that presentation. I'm sick. Um.
So I'm like a flag in that way. Um, not
so much now now I'm just like I think, I
think more quiet and like when I am met with fear,
(26:31):
I try to conquer it and if I can't, then
I just stay there and hope that it goes away.
External fears for me are more fight, um internal or
more flight, like external stuff where especially if it's like
adventure stuff like when I went hang gliding, y'all, we
had to run off a cliff to get the hanglider,
and I was like, this is scary. I'm afraid to
(26:52):
run off of this mountain. I can see there's nothing
under it, but I will conquer it. Or like you know,
if I were to go skydiving or any of those
type of it's but like physical like I'll you know,
do it. It's fine even though I said I was
scared of sharks and surfing, I would do it, like
(27:13):
I could get over that. But mentally when it's like
I'll say the things, say those words to this person
and be vulnerable, and you know, it's like I can't.
Like I'm sort of I lose my words or getting
my head too much and get scared. But I get that.
I feel like I'm similar in the way that like
(27:34):
if I'm walking down the street and someone starts following me,
you know those situations like I'm not sticking around to
be like uh no, think I'm running, like moving away
from you. So in that way, I'm like flight. But
if it comes to like now I've had to force
myself in terms like I appreciate opportunities to confront a
situation because I used to be so afraid of it
(27:56):
that now I'm like, this is another chance for you
to exercise the new things that you're doing in life.
So I think in that sense, it would be fight
because it's very uncomfortable and I don't want to be there,
so I have to like force myself fight with myself
to stay. One time I thought someone had broken into
my house when I was probably a late teens, and
(28:20):
I just stayed at the top of the stairs with
a hot iron ready. They're just waiting for at least
fifteen twenty minutes, just waiting for them to creak up
the stairs. And I was like, oh, I don't know
what that counts as, but it's not helpful against self defense.
That is spear though, How do I get friends? I
(28:45):
was just I was already ironing, so it wasn't like
I thought quickly and got it. I was just like,
and it's like from home alone, Like I feel like
home alone's break into your house skills like you adapted
one in that moment. Are you guys afraid of like vulnerability?
Is that a fearful thing for you? It depends on
(29:07):
the situation. Again. Right now, I'm looking for I love
opportunities to be vulnerable now because I'm finding that it's
not as scary as I've made it seem in my
life the whole time. But I think you can have
a balance or standards for what you want to be
vulnerable about or not. M hmm. Um. Vulnerability was one
(29:32):
of my tasks of like working on in two thousand nineteen,
so I'm much more comfortable with it. Um. In my home,
we just we weren't those people who like expressed every emotion.
We were very much love, love each other and support
each other. But it wasn't like, um, I don't know,
it wasn't very vulnerable. Yeah, how do you feel? Let's
talk about this. My mom would be like, how long
(29:54):
have you been crying? That's enough? But I love it.
Some people would be like she abused you, and I
like she made me strong, She made me strong. Um.
I think what what bumps for me now is that
I think, Um, there are people who want me to
be vulnerable with them, who I don't want to be
vulnerable with, and I think sometimes they think that it's
(30:16):
like I'm afraid to be vulnerable. But it's like, no,
you didn't earn this, You don't You don't get to
be um a part of my heart right now. UM.
So I think it's just like for me learning that
being vulnerable, UM, in certain ways, it doesn't have you
don't have to share that with everybody. Yeah, I feel like, UM,
(30:37):
vulnerability isn't a huge challenge for me. My mom was
always vulnerable when I was a kid, and um, she cried.
I cried. It wasn't a big deal. But the world
did tell me really quick to stop that crying. Girl.
She give you something to cry, right. And I do
feel like if it's a safe space or close to
(30:59):
a safe space, or I know the people, I m share,
sometimes I over share sometimes let's all right. I mean,
I guess I'm maybe too vulnerable. I'll be out here
with my heart on my sleeve, very much like I
(31:21):
have emotions, feel my feelings, which is a lot to
ask feel my feelings. I don't know there's I do
feel like it's not like I'm not as afraid or
rather I'm like they're here, so I can't really push
(31:42):
them away or tuck them down somewhere like I I
just have to keep moving through the emotions. Um sort
of no matter where I am or who I'm with,
I'm just like I this is what I got right now.
I will say that I learned more of a way
to be vulnerable by hanging out with you has more
and having the language to be vulnerable is part of uh.
(32:06):
I think the battle for me um and hanging out
with Jaskma has definitely helped me because actually, actually don't
like that flowery language. Not not overly flowery, but sometimes
I can hear what yes says and then put it
in my own words. You know what I'm saying, ah Ash,
You're welcome. Well, thanks guys for being a safe space
(32:26):
for me to be vulnerable and for it to feel safe.
I think that's like finding folks who you do feel
safe around. To be vulnerable takes away the fear of
being vulnerable. Of course, you have to open yourself up
to being vulnerable. But then yeah, Brand Brown's got it right.
Vulnerability is king Brand Okay, Who's Brown? I was being vunderable, guys, vulnerable,
(33:03):
Thank you for committing. I'm glad you brought her up though,
because a lot of what I learned about vulnerability came
from her because I think for a long time I
thought vulnerability was weakness. Like you always in your feelings,
you always gotta share, like tuck that you know how, Yes,
it's like I don't talk. I'm like, please tuck some
of that ship away, all right, you're showing your weaknesses
(33:23):
and it's not that's not what you know. Although you
know some of the emotions, can keep keeping some of
them to yourself, but you know for the most for
the most part, you shouldn't. That's not a weakness to
to express yourself to strength. Yes, yeah it is. She
Actually she got me through a very heartbreak that really
(33:44):
took a long time to get over. Cis over here
rolling her eyes at that heartbreak. But was it you
it's gonna be trying to read people's faces and it's
just based on her own emotion, is not based on
anything you're doing. Curious, but you just let her. But
(34:05):
she what she was saying about, like, you know, being
able to communicate what you're feeling or like to communicate
your desires and like not being like it's okay to
be vulnerable, to express yourself in that way so that
you get the answers you need, right Like It's not
(34:25):
a statement on you at all. It's just like can
this person be there for the things that you need
or want? Like it's information. I feel like that fear
of like, oh, I'm supposed to be harder, I'm supposed
to be stronger, all of this, that type of jargon.
It's part of what makes people think being vulnerable is
(34:46):
a weakness, you know what I mean, as opposed to
know I'm actually acknowledging this situation and taking it head
on to get it before it turns into something way bigger,
as opposed to like keep it to yourself and let
it faster into something, or to not know what someone else,
like to be like I'm I'm digging you, you know
what I mean, and to just like keep on going
(35:09):
like are yourself? Are you not right? And like a
year goes by and then they're like, whatever it is,
you know what I mean? Like it's best to just
still in Burnett, not only in the ways of like
being vulnerable and communication. Has she helped me, but in
like you know, we're all comedians. We all get on
stage and do something that is very vulnerable, and you
(35:30):
open yourself up to scrutiny and hearing her say, I
don't take criticism for people who are not in my arena.
You're not in here getting shot down, getting your your bruises.
Then please stay on your couch and be quiet, all right,
keep it to yourself. It just gives you so much power.
You're like, damn right, you don't even know how hard
this is, right, especially when we had our show and
(35:52):
we would make it look so easy. Somebody say something
sass at the end, be like, who do you think?
Do you think this stage to make some stuff up
with other people on the spot and be funny? Yeah, okay,
so what have you done despite your fears that you
are glad you did move to l A anyone, right,
(36:17):
we've all done very scary things, so it's funny that
we're all like huh um. But I think most recently
and um impactfully for me, was um, I really wanted
to I was really interested in mobile living and living
out of like an r V or a bus or
a van. And I decided I was like, I think
I could live out of my car and test this
(36:37):
out and see if I really like it, and try
something new and test my my limits. But I was
very afraid of what people would think of like, you know,
people think you're crazy, or you're poor, you're you know,
whatever it is. But I went down like the list
of my priorities and like what I wanted to do,
and rent was not what I wanted to do, and
(36:58):
travel is what I wanted to do, and so like,
I just realized that the only thing stopping me was
the judgment of others. And I did it anyway. I
moved into my car, I lived out of my breeze
for a year and some change, and traveled and learned
so much about myself and truthfully was probably one of
the best years of my life. Like the fact that
I wouldn't have done that just because someone would say
(37:21):
she's poor or like whatever they would have thought about me,
and I wouldn't be in this place now where I
am so capable, I am so aware of who I am,
I know what I want, and I am about to
buy a bus and convert into a tiny home and
own something that's gonna be so like mine and beautiful
and exactly what I want. And just to think that
(37:41):
fear would have stopped me from that is truthfully heartbreaking.
So I'm just that's something I'm glad I did. Hell. Yeah,
that's like I will say like along this sort of
travel again. Actually, you're such an inspiration for all, for all,
like of just like going to do the thing that
you want no matter what. There was a moment my
(38:03):
my husband's French and uh, we were out there and
every time that we go he translates everything. He's from Paris,
so he knows the city. And I think I was
afraid of like sort of going out by myself for
a little bit, just to like being forced to like
travel solo or not being forced, but like traveling solo
(38:23):
was something that was a little fearful for me. And
even like one year I bought like just for my birthday,
was like I'm going to go to Brazil for a
week by myself, like just on a whim, and it
was one of the best. Like traveling alone, I think
is very scary, but the rewards on the other side
of doing it are just so like liberating. You meet
so many people, you put yourself out there, you like
(38:46):
just explore and adventure doing the things that you want
to do, just your spirit leading you. Yeah, I was
a little afraid to travel alone, and then I got
I'm in a girl in a hostel actually, and people
were scared a houstle too. I mean, right now in
the world is in a different place, so I get
being afraid of hospitals now. But when I went it
was lit, see lits. It was perfect because you meet
(39:08):
people who just are in a different country, want to travel,
want to commune, want to have a good old time.
And um, I ended up going to your wedding solo.
I stayed in Paris. I met some dudes in my
hostel and we went to the Loop together and then
ended up hanging out with these other girls in Australia
from Australia and um Marsilla. And I remember feeling like powerful,
(39:32):
especially like when I was in set the I was
in a hotel room by myself, and like the breeze
was blowing in and I was like, I got this
hostel room also to myself, and I'm sorong and carried
my backpack, this heavy bag on my back, and I
felt like, yeah, it's so liberate. You learned how capable
(39:54):
you are and it is so good to feel like
I can accomplish and yes true, especially when they don't
speak your language too. Is another thing we even realized
here and need to figure it out. I'm able to
speak with you like, yeah, no, some of the best
trips I've been so yes, So fear can be pleasure,
(40:16):
You'll believe that. I I think the thing that I've
overcome the most is definitely moving to l A, but
also being able to establish my career Like that just
seemed like impo. I knew that it was in me,
but I didn't know if that was my destiny necessarily, UM,
because I can't control other people, but I can only
(40:38):
control what I did. So like making my short film
brown Paper Pageant was a huge liberating thing for me
because I did something that people told me I couldn't
do one to act, direct and write something. But also
the results that it's elicited in my life I could
never imagine. UM. And on the other hand, like I
(40:58):
didn't get into anything festivals, but I've gotten more than
a film festival could ever give me. So I feel
like you don't know, you don't know the way things
are going to fall into place. But when you feel
something in your spirit, in your heart, or like you
have a story to tell or whatever, like pushing through
(41:19):
despite the resistance. UM read the War of Art if
you haven't life changing book, but just yeah, do it.
You have to do stuff that makes you scared to
get on the other side of it. That's literally it.
It's like there's like a thrill of doing something that's like, oh, ship,
(41:40):
am I really doing this? I remember that moment right
before I sky dove in Utah back in and I
went with some folks that I was working with and
we were just like, let's go skydiving. In the moment
the seconds before we're about to jump out, and he's
like you ready for this, and I'm just like literally
looking over the ledge and being like they're nothing there,
(42:01):
and like being like oh shit, oh shit, oh ship.
But he's also like three to one, let's go. And
that thrill of confronting the fear head on, being like
you know what I mean, like I did this thing
that like scared me. It's like you and the fear,
all right, let's go, right, it's such a rush that
you feel. Yeah. For me, it's like in the fear
(42:22):
sometimes it's not the best, but like overcoming it or
like getting through the other side, you're like I did that,
I did that, And it takes out the anxiety of like,
oh I like, what's the worst that could happen? You know,
what's the worst in the instance of skydiving. But I
(42:43):
do understand the idea, all right, So let's play a
little rapid fire game, um stupid phobias. So basically, I'm
gonna read you the name of a phobia and the
description of what it is, and let me know if
you think it's real or fake, and you win a
million dollars if you get one million dollars want Okay?
(43:12):
So the first one is anata day a phobia the
fear of somewhere, somehow a duck watching you, not a
day a duck watching just randomly. It's real. There actually
(43:35):
is a debilitating fear that people have of ducks watching them.
But they don't even know. What if I'm in a house,
in a tolly in the bathroom, I think is no ducks?
How're they gonna see me? What if you just saw
one in your window? Looking? Okay? What about biophobia the
(43:59):
fear of living things? How are you going to be
afraid of yourself? That's the fault. People are scared of
their reflections sometimes, Ashley, Yeah, what what people are? Some
people don't like cook in the mirrors but deadly afraid,
debilitatingly afraid. I'm sure, well it is real. There is
(44:22):
a fear of living things called biophobia. It was for you, Ashley.
She doesn't want to be a millionaire, all right. Next one,
peni phobia, the fear of penis or penile shaped objects. Yeah,
(44:45):
I think it's true. People are afraid of the dick. Yeah,
people are afraid of the dick. It's fake. It's not real.
Even though Lo Kim had it because she said she
used to be scared of the dick. But I don't
know what the scientific definition. Okay, what about hippopotamonostrosski deal
(45:09):
phobia you okay, mommy, bless you. What does that mean?
Hippopotamona stress kia delia phobia is a fear of long words.
Is it real or fake? This is a bit that's fakes. Well,
(45:32):
it is a long word to say, fear of long words.
What's the word again? Don't make her to say that
damn word in one breath. Hippopotamona, struskilla, delia phobia, fear
long words. It is real, guys, that is a real fear,
and I think it's very rude for whichever scientists made
(45:55):
that up. To make the definition such a long word.
Who knew that scientists were do want comedic bits? I mean,
this is entertainment to I'm like, cheers to whatever scientists
made this word up. Scientists, What do you think about
this one? Banana phobia the fear of bananas. That that's real.
(46:17):
It has to be real. Bananas are a terror on
this earth. Jesus, all in the world are really offended
right now. That's real. Bananas are trash. I don't like bananas.
I can see why someone would be afraid of one.
You're right, because it is real. Banana phobia is a
(46:38):
real thing. They're real banana phobics out there. So we
stand in solidary. Except yes, mush, I can't do the
inside of banana like as in the slimy part. I
could do the meat of it, all right. One more
weave a phobia? What is it? The fear of weaves
(46:58):
and or hair attached? Man? I mean, if you was
having sex with somebody and suddenly they we just pulled out,
that might be a little scary or not. It would
be like, whoa, that's a surprise that it as I
imagine if they didn't know your hair was fake, it
would be like your own popping off, Like, yeah, that's traumatic.
(47:19):
Like the Fresh Prince Preference Prefence Prefmence episode, Campbell pops
off all of her attachments to the eyes nails. Oh gosh,
you know what, Really, I'm gonna say real, I feel
like we could find that an urban dictionary somewhere. I
know some black men who act like they're fraid to weave.
(47:39):
So I'm say you're wrong, it's not real. It's not real.
But like you said, you know there's somebody out there.
They just need a word for it. Yeah. Wait, So
who wins a million dollars? Unfortunately, Um, nobody does because
you know, you go one wrong. We'll play again next
(48:02):
week on another episode of Stupid pot Us Ding Ding
ding Ding Listeners at home. It was a trick question.
You're all winners. But before we head into our advice section,
let's take a quick break. Welcome back, It's time for
(48:31):
some advice. So, mamya what she got? Dear o deep? So,
everything is going well in my new relationship except he
hates my pets. Literally said I fucking hate cats in
front of me. Oh my god, that's not your partner. Next, sorry,
keep on that. We let go, she continues, and I'm like, okay, rude,
(48:58):
but whatever, I get it. Not everybody like cats, Although
if I said I fucking hate dogs, all of America
would come chop my body into a hundred pieces like
I'm the spawn of Satan. I roll anyway, I'm clearly
not bitter. I didn't think him hating cats was a
deal breaker until now five months in and he refuses
(49:20):
to come over to my place. I always go to
his place, and he has a roommate, so we have
no privacy. I've been patient and tried to be flexible
since he doesn't like my fur babies. But damn, it's
COVID season and I'm risking my damn life all the
while he's sitting pretty What y'all think? Should I end
the relationship? How do I make it clear that I'm
(49:41):
not okay with only going over to his house because
it's his preference. I live alone, so we need to
make the shift to my space. So please help me
do so. Signed, Fluffy, Cute and Mike, give him the boot.
Give him the boot. If he can't take you with
your cats, he can't take you at all. Next. Um,
(50:02):
I have cats, so I get how it is frustrating,
especially if you're trying to date somebody. Is there a
way that you can like not have them in the
same room when y'all are getting the hanky panky on, Like,
do y'all have enough space where you can like not
have the cats all around all the time I get
to it's their house, So he needs to, you know,
(50:24):
be like, even though I don't like cats, I ain't
gonna be nasty to them, you know, And he needs
to be like okay with going to your space because
having a roommate would take cats over a roommate. But
also that's my personal preference. What y'all think you can't
(50:45):
hard feel well? I hope you can cuddle with your
cats and get the love and attention that you need
from them financial support, because if you're gonna choose your
cats over a man every time, I think you might
end up of the cat lady. Don't say such things.
She's gonna give those cats the s p C A
(51:07):
or something or catt. I didn't say give the cats away.
I'm just saying I will understand why someone who doesn't
like animals doesn't want to be around your animals. So,
like Shakira said, I think there is a compromise of like, Okay,
sometimes we come over my house and you don't have
to see these cats. You know they're in the upstairs.
(51:28):
I don't know how does that work long term? Though
y'all move in together, y'all have children, Maybe what happens then, well,
we all know that some people get children and they
get rid of their cats. I just think that's not
the person. If you if you're like that into your
(51:49):
cats and it's a deal breaker for you, then find
somebody else to date, because that's gonna it's even you'll
ignore it and then it'll fester into something real down
the road when you're like, OK, let's get married, you
have to get rid of your cats, and you'll be like, no,
I didn't even know you hate cats, But yes you did.
You knew it a long time ago. But I also
think he hasn't been flexible at all. I can't be
(52:10):
flexible with cats. I like, for me, it wouldn't so
you would rather have the room a situation during COVID
than like going to her wherever she lived by herself.
I not have a cat in my home. So if
you would make you but that's not that's a compatible
like y'all are not compatible exactly what I'm saying. Yeah,
Fluffy cute and might give him the boot. You probably
(52:32):
should so that you can find someone who accepts and
loves you in all of your cat loving ways. Well,
also maybe check yourself. Maybe you like these cats too much.
I don't know, but it seems like he might be
cat crazy. Well I hope that helped. Um. Fluffy cute
and might give the boot? Yes, yeah, you need to reevaluate.
(52:55):
Is this the relationship if your cats are that important
to you? Um? And no, I think you need to
reevaluate if he isn't going to be flexible at all
and he expects you to go to his house solely
because he doesn't like your pet. You cannot like a
damn pet, and you cannot like his roommate. But it
doesn't mean like what if you didn't like his roommate
genuinely didn't, but you went to that place anyway because
(53:16):
y'all decided to try something, and y'all can draw lines
and is saying if it's truly a deal breaker, But
I don't know. And I also think he's not telling
you the complete thing because like he might not want
to offend her by what he doesn't like about the cats.
You know, like, there are a lot of things about
cats that people might not know. A cat lover because
(53:41):
my mom, I'm just saying, you got a lot of
you wanted to have a lot to say. I just
I mean in the air. If I go in a
place with a cat, I leave and I'm sick, and
I'm not allergic to cats, but just there's hair in there.
Unless we don't have one of those kinds. There's you said,
I'm sick, but I like I can do this and
(54:04):
like feel that there's hair in my nose because it
floats in the air. It's just floating in the air.
So everywhere, of course, not I'm saying cats are hair fruit.
You have a hypro allergenic cat, both of your cats,
and hypo allegenic or does not shake. Come to my house.
There's no cat hair anywhere, and you have its not
pleasing either, so that might be a part of what.
(54:26):
It's no smell in my house either. I'm a clean
your house doesn't smell. But the idea that you have
two cats and you don't have cat in your home
is a farce. It's a ridiculous. Will come visit, Come visit,
bitch I shot, We're not crazy. Our cat has lost
it is. Animals are not as cute everybody like. Sometimes
(54:54):
there's a level of some people just don't want to
be around an animal all the time. Well, if your
partners afraid of your cat family members, they may not
be the one. But you know, there are so many
fears and we really confronted it all in this episode.
Thank you guys for hanging out with us on our
(55:15):
podcast today. Uh, please make sure to review it. Let
us know what are your fears. If you feel vulnerable
enough to share with us, hit us up in the comments.
We want to know what you've been Yes, and come
quickie with us on our social media. Y'all know what
to find us. Obama's other Data's on Instagram, O D
Improv on Twitter, and Obama's other Daughters on Facebook. And
(55:38):
if you need some advice, just write us a letter
um at O D podcast at gmail dot com. Alright, Yeah,
we have fun, see you next week. Bye bye guy.
(56:00):
Yeah you Down is a production of Shawndland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shawndland Audio,
visit the I heart radio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to You Down, a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heart Radio. It's also a journey, like,
don't think of it that you're just trying to get
to a finish line. Like just enjoying the journey is
also a part of it. So that's something I remind myself, like, oh,
I shouldn't be sitting in fear for too long. Don't
let it consume me. Like I'm on a journey, and
in this journey, I want to enjoy every step of
(00:21):
the way, even when I'm not where I want to
be completely yet, and I don't. It's never finished, it's
never done. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to you Down,
a podcast wherefore funny honeys come together to talk about
what's going on in the culture. I'm Ashley Holstin, I'm
Shakre gen Ape, I'm Mommy A, and I'm Yasmin money Walking.
(00:46):
But collectively we are known as Obama's other Daughters. Okay, okay,
today we're asking you down with fear. Audrey Lord says,
I am deliberate and afraid of nothing. For most of us.
(01:08):
One time, y'all heard that, Yes, when you love some
Audrey Lord also that soopathic you should be. She's like,
I'm here on purpose and I ain't afraid. For most
of us, fear and all of its forms, from slight
hesitation to debilitating anxieties, is so present and it feels
normal today. We want to unpack fear. Does it feel
(01:32):
us or hold us back? And how do we continue
to face our biggest fears and love life and the
pursuit of happiness. I personally will never attempt to overcome
my fear of snakes, you know, because they stare that's weird,
They're just weird. But fear of failure and taking big risks,
(01:53):
I'm down the challenge that. But before we jump into
the meat and potatoes of this conversation, let's check in
with each other. What love which I'll hate? I am
loving conversations with my brother in the morning. They get
me out of bed. I have been you know again.
I'm in Virginia. It's the pandemic is where I'm from.
Um and I'm staying with my baby brother at his
(02:15):
house and we just have these mornings full of like
deep conversation and you know, we smoke a little bit.
We have these meditations and just talk about feelings and
they're just good. They just feel good moments. I love
that I miss my siblings. That sounds awesome. Ash. It
(02:39):
is so one of the things that's been on my
bucket list for the longest time ever. Uh was motorcycle
writing and or learning how to ride a motorcycle. And
I went into I had an uber ride and the
driver was telling me about writing and I was like, yeah,
you know, it's on my bucket list. And then he
was like, oh, well, do you have anyone that's gonna
teach you yet? I know of someone and I was like, oh,
(03:01):
you know, it's just one of those Like I was
about to say, Oh, it's just one of those things
I'll do at some point in time, but I was like, actually,
I don't. And I called the person he recommended, and
I went from my first class and I was like
on the motorcycle in the parking lot and like it
just to take a step towards this. Literally my buckets
(03:22):
have like four things on it and to feel like
it's just very excited about actually taking that step. That
is a huge step. And whudas to you because I'm
never getting on a motorcycle. You don't want the wind
in your brains. That actually does sound really nice, the brain.
(03:42):
You know what I always think of, break my heart?
Oh remember you know what I feel like. You know
there's a lot of fear around motorcycling. You could be safe,
have you written, as she was about to rent one
in Thailand. Yeah, I want you for sure. I rolled
(04:03):
on the back of one in Thailand and oh and
I was so jealous. I was literally looking for a
guy to ride with and just found it. But you
know what, I walked outside and the guy was like, Hey,
I'll cheat charge you cheaper than a taxi. And I
was like, well, it's just me. Do I hop on
the back of this stranger's motorcycle? Is telling me it'll
(04:26):
be a cheap in Thailand and Thailand, yes I do.
So I did, and it was great. I was nervous
because it's so hilly in Thailand, and that's why the
lady wouldn't tell me. She wouldn't let me ride one.
She's like, I'm scared for you because it's too dangerous.
But anyho, I would not ride a motorcycle like on
the freeway. I've ridden it on the street and I
(04:48):
used a dirt bike but my friend broke her femur
riding dirt bikes when we were kid. Did you have
a motorcycle commercial? Yes? Actually, what are you gonna play
like Harley? Okay commercial? Oh my gosh, okay, this is
gonna be quick because I got to tell y'all, so
I had an audition. Don't lie on your resume. I
said I could ride a motorcycle because I wrote dirt
(05:09):
bikes as a kid. I can't ride a motorcycle. So
I get on this bike. I'm doing good. I ride
it up the street and then I try to turn
it around. The gas is on the handlebar, so I
hit the handlebar and it it accelerated to a wall
and and then the bike was so damn heavy and
(05:29):
fell on my leg. I'm trying to turn the bike around.
I'm trying to use my physical bike to lift this
strong Yeah, I got it, and I was good, guys,
but I was out of sight, so I was home
doing the inches. I had a whole scratch on my
leg on bleed and trying to move his bike. And
then they got the cattle director like ran up to
me and he was like, oh my god, oh my god,
(05:50):
get off, just walk back, so I had to walk back,
as he wrote, the bike back, just like the Walk
of Shame. But I will say, like four other girls
left after they saw I couldn't do it. They were like,
you look like you could ride a bike. You couldn't
do it. I was like, I like, just like, y'all,
host y'all, we're not trying to get killed. Oh my gosh, wow,
(06:13):
But you had fun in the in the four seconds,
in the four seconds before I ran into the wall,
I was having a blast. I was like this, like,
that's the song that comes in my head when I
think of motorcycle. What you love it, mom? Yea, what
you hate? I am loving. I started reading this book
(06:35):
that has just given me all the fields, the Octavia Butler,
the sci five just you know, like when I first read,
I read a compilation of Octavia's short stories, and I
was like, this is crazy that I didn't realize this
existed until my twenties. First of all, and then we
don't see black faces in the fantasy world really unless
(06:58):
it's like, you know, as a drop in and or
like a character that's servicing the main person's life or something. Um.
But it's called the Gilded Ones. And it's by Nomina Forna.
She's actually a Spellman grad and like a friend and
she told me about this years ago and to see
her struggle through l A and like you know how
(07:20):
that is. And like she has a book that's on
the New York Times bestseller right now. Um, and it's
really good. They're comparing her to Octavia Butler and you know, um,
all these fantasy writers. I love fantasy and sci fi ships.
So thank you for this wreck, MAMMYA. Yes, the cover
is beautiful. Yeah, it's pretty stunning. Um in person too,
(07:42):
and it's about like kind of blending West African culture
with that sci fi um fantasy world, which I just
feel like we don't really see that unless it's like
very dark and like you know, um, and she she's
making it into a movie too, and depending the script.
Like all of that happened as soon as it dropped.
So go Nomina. Check out The Gilded Ones if you
(08:05):
can find it, get it on audible. If you can't
get it real copy, what about you? Checky Era. I'm
watching one division, but I'm not going to spoil it.
I've heard I don't know anything about it. I did
not want to watch it, but now I'm about I'm like,
I'm excited for the finale. Yeah. Um, but my favorite
thing is like Casperine Han is such an underrated Jim.
(08:28):
I literally watched Miss Fletcher at the beginning of the
pandemic and then I was like, this girl killing it
and I watched her and Transparent and then she popped
up in this and I was like, I am a
a stand a Stan, I'm a cafferinew Stan. Transparent is
where I was like, you can do it all because
like you know, and they always say like if you
(08:48):
can do communy, you can do anything. But wow, like
the drama is really good. And Elizabeth Alsen also I'm
a stand as well. She is so good. She's in
this show called Sorry, actually shaking her head and doing
what it is about. Elizabeth Olsen And honestly, they dude
(09:08):
who plays Vision too, I don't like them. I don't
like them, I don't like I don't care about your story.
I didn't want to see it. That's why I didn't
want to watch water Vision. And I like the Marvel universe. Okay,
I hear that she does have a sad face, which
is why she was perfect and sorry for your Loss,
which is a sad show um on Facebook watch. Yeah
it got no love because it was on Facebook Watch.
(09:28):
But it is actually a really loved it. Who loved
it though, like I heard about it, But I mean,
if you can bear the sadness of it. It's about
brief basically about losing her husband and her grieving. But yeah,
that's what I'm loving right now, Catherine. But also I
will say, what is scary is how good she is
(09:49):
in everything, and that makes me think of fear, like
riding a motorcycle. No thank you, that's one of my heres,
no offense. I'm proud of you. I really. I hope
I don't get decapitated. Oh my god, I hope please don't.
Please don't. Well, if anything is a fast aff, so
look at it on the bright side. Okay, and today
(10:09):
we're asking you would fear cupful? Okay, I'm ready to
get into our main topic, fear, but first a quick break.
(10:32):
Welcome back to guys, to the Fear episode in her
true troll form. Right now, I can't wait to get
into our main topic. What is something y'all fear failing?
I was gonna say failure is I think that's probably
(10:53):
what I think. Embarrassment is probably one of my biggest fears,
just fear of like not have in it together horrible,
because who has it together all the time. It's just
I feel like shame is not something that like I
feel often that's obvious embarrass me. Hey, we live at
(11:17):
the opposite sides of the spectrum. This is true. I'm
shame of shame. Yeah, yeah, you put your closer to here,
and yes we'll be like, hey, I'm going to risk
it all. I'm going to keep asking what do we
have to do to get in here free? You know,
like no more. They already told us no five times. Shame,
(11:42):
that's real. My fear is more like ghosts low key,
and I'm trying to find the balance between like and
it's just the ancestors, you know what I mean, Like
they're looking out for us, not just the ancestors. Everybody
has ancestors too, Oh god. And those are the ones
(12:05):
that scare me. Those are the ones that I don't want,
Like when I light my candles or whatever, I'm like,
please don't come visit me. Just the good people that
like have my greatest interest. I don't know if do
you guys watch Lovecraft Country, there's an episode where Journey
Smallt's character deals with some ghosts. The episode was terrifying.
Someone told me it gave them nightmares. So I don't
(12:26):
honestly know when I'm gonna watch it, and I'm one
hunt it. I know it starts like thrillery and like
scary in a you know, racist way. But then and
then she turns it around and the ancestors are like
they got her back, and like I really I was like, oh,
that sort of shifted my perspective on the rule of ghosts.
(12:48):
But even the lad's ancestors was looking at Clue. They
don't look I mean, she was who in hands and
I was like, get out to leave the house. I
feel like I am definitely afraid at the core of rejection,
like at my core. That's everything points to that, probably
(13:11):
because of my Midwestern upbringing and being like, hey guys,
I'm here and making sure that I took up space
or something, so like yeah, I feel like, I mean,
I think that's normal money. Everyone wants to be likable
and like, no, they don't. Not as bad as I'm
just kidding. The industry is literally just a bunch of
(13:34):
people thinking, oh, I'm used to it now. I say,
like people say the job is auditioning because rejection is
of seven. So yeah, I'm not necessarily afraid of rejection.
I would say failure because I mean, you're not. I
(13:57):
came in like I'm doing a thing any better work
because I ain't got no other plate. This is like
ad shows. So if I took it l it would
be a huge oil. I don't feel like I'm going
in that direction, but no, it's only going uphill, only
going uphill for us. But yes, sometimes that so fear
question for you ladies, since we've we've reached a point
(14:20):
in our career, is that like a year ago we
weren't here, is there a fear that was removed from
you by this this um you know, the gains of
the past year. I'm asking because I feel like I
always had this fear in my stomach like about l A,
Like if I was leaving l A coming back, I
would always have like, oh is this the is this
(14:42):
the time back that something's going to happen? And that
is gone from my stomach. Now I will say I
had a lot of hope and like affirmation setting that
Like I was like it's gonna work out. It has
to um And then there's also I think for me,
it was fear of how long it would take. And
(15:02):
I was like, you know, Van Go died in like
poverty essentially and like never was recognized in his lifetime
sort of thing. I was afraid that like no one
would see our art or like what the contributions that
we have to offer before we transition to the next
life kind of thing. That's my ultimate fear. So thank
(15:25):
you for saying that. Just not being able to express
the art that I want to before I'm not here anymore,
right like someone would discover our journal or like my
poems like way late and then I don't know, but
that fear is not here right now. I'm like, oh,
all the things are happening in the ways that I've
been affirming and putting out into the universe and praying
(15:48):
for and you know, believing in, so that fear is
definitely it's shifted some Similarly, I feel like, uh, I
always knew whatever was going to happen, I was gonna pop.
Whatever's gonna happen was gonna happen, But the timeliness of
it was just like how hard how long am I
going to happen to be hustling in these streets how long,
(16:10):
because I'll do it, but Lord knows, i'd like it
to be a short hustle, not a not a long
poverty stricken hustle. Yeah. I feel like I've believed in
everything that we've been all working towards for a minute,
so I haven't necessarily felt the fear of like going
back to l A and it's gonna suck. Like sometimes
(16:30):
I get that, like I don't feel like getting rejected feeling,
but it's not necessarily fear. It's just like, well, let
me do these god dag on self tapes. Let's see,
you know what I mean? All right, let me submit
this thing to this person and see how. You know,
hopefully we get a yes. You know, we also happen
to be like, don't be a pessimist about it, right,
(16:50):
You know, things work out when you're always so good
with sending Abraham Higgs and like positive affirmations. Because I
had to tell myself, I love Idellionaire. She's she has
this book called manifest Now. But like you've always been
so positive, thank you. You have to find that balance
or you won't make it in this industry that we
(17:12):
are in, because y'all know, it's a lot of work
and not always a lot of rewards for a long time.
It's and also to somebody gave me this really good perspective,
I was like, you know, it's a marathon, and you
know Nipsey says that, but I also used to say
that too, um, and not a sprint. But it's also
a journey, Like don't think of it that you're just
trying to get to a finish line. Like just enjoying
(17:34):
the journey is also a part of it. So that's
something I remind myself, like, oh, I shouldn't be sitting
in fear for too long. Don't let it consume me.
Like I'm on a journey, and in this journey, I
want to enjoy every step of the way, even when
I'm not where I want to be completely yet, and
I don't. It's never finished, it's never done. I don't
think I'll ever be like I made it to that
spot and I'm done, you know. I think it'll be like, yeah,
(17:58):
like I've done a great job, and now what's next.
I feel like it's um. The fear of the unknown
is that feeling that I had in my stomach before,
not like because I I'm a Christian and I believe
in God, and you can't have faith and be fearful.
It doesn't go. They don't work together. So that's my
(18:19):
driving force behind everything that I do, is the fact
that my destiny is my destiny. And no matter what
religion you are, there something that says or spirituality or
agnostic or whatever exactly. I love the book The Alchemists
because it says when you want something, the whole world conspires,
the whole universe conspires to make it happen for you.
(18:41):
And ever since reading things like that, it's just like
we living in fear is a waste of time because
it doesn't do anything but halt you. You know. Um
Whereas you can be afraid to write that script or
afraid to do whatever. But if you're working through your fear,
(19:02):
you're moving. You're not just stopping living because of it.
You know, it's not debilitating. His fear stopped you, guys
from anything, Like you have any regrets from not making
a move because of it? Oh, one time he has
and I were in Austin at Austin Pride and there
was this fine as bartender and I remember, y'all, I've
(19:27):
had on my outfit. I was looking good, I was
feeling good. I was having a good time and I
and I think he was flirting and I still could
not He did. He did give us a drink. He
did leave my hand for a bit, he Ashley, I
can't even the hand he I mean, like literally, I
(19:52):
felt like all I need you to do is say
the words sir, so I know that this is okay um,
But I didn't make my move and I was I
was very disappointed. Still think about this. It's a whole
last year later, and I still think about this, this
dude who I could have had a wonderful uh night with. Sorry, family,
(20:14):
I got hang up moments like that, You though, ash
Where I've been like already throwing it. Should I pick
it up? You know, you just don't know how much
like giving and you're like, oh, I don't want to
put myself out there, and they're already putting themselves out
a little bit, but not enough for you to know
if you should yet like that, that that fear of
rejection coming through, And you know what's the craziest part
(20:35):
is that you know a few months later there was
another guy who I was interested in, and I was like,
I'm not gonna let fear stop me. I know this
dude is into me. Let me put myself out there.
And I did and he wasn't feeling it. He was like,
you the homie, and that that rejection did nothing. I'm
still fired, I'm still funny, I'm still beautiful, I'm still smart.
So it's just like, oh, rejection does nothing. Let me
(21:00):
just keep putting myself out there and eventually somebody will reciprocate.
I can't even count the amount of guys I haven't
approached because I was scared, um, which is like I
don't want to approach anybody first of all. So that
but anyway, UM, the biggest thing that I regret and
I hope that I can rectify this at some point
(21:22):
in life. Um. Back in the day when I was
an assistant, I went to my old boss, Gina Prince
Bythewood's house, and I brought food because she was having
Danny Glover over for dinner because he was going to
be and Beyond the Lights, a movie that he was
later and I was like, this was my first assistant
job for real, And I like walked in to deliver
(21:42):
the food and like was late booking it out of it.
Like old I was still very docile Minnesota and I'm
don't feel funk with me now, but I was very
like like, let me be invisible. And she was like,
you're not staying and I was like, uh sure, So
I stayed. Had an amazing conversation Jian and dinner with
Danny Glover, and I was too afraid to ask him
(22:03):
for a picture, and I like, we'll regret that until
the day that I die, unless I meet him again.
And like we talked about Ghana, we talked about film like.
It was the most amazing conversation. And I was too
afraid to ask this man for a picture. And he
would have had absolutely no problem. I know that now.
But you know hood of my line sister and I
(22:26):
with Danny Glover when he came to campus. How MoMA
just Mommia just admitted one of her biggest regrets. And
you will be like, well, I got warm. It was nothing.
That's yes. When yes, when you'll be like a k
and I'll be like, okay, go go do it. I'm
so and you know, to thing about me, one of
(22:48):
my biggest regrets is like in my gut. I'll be like, yeah,
I'm at beach, I'm gonna ask for what I want.
And then suddenly I'm like, actually, it's fine, I'm not
going to do it. And then I'm all freaked out
and I'm like, this is not who you are, Like
you asked for the picture that you want. Yeah, that's fine.
(23:09):
I'm really trying to think of a regret or fear.
Oh you want some help, Yes, I'd say getting a
concussion by going to the skate park without a helmet.
I'd say your fear of dying from said concussion as
(23:32):
though the doctor sold you where you were fine? Yea.
I will say I am afraid of most drugs, weed,
I'm I'm totally fine with except for edibles, which sometimes
can be rough. But I guess I am like, I
really enjoy life. I feel like there's a lot of
fun and adventure to be had. Ures is like, oh,
(23:55):
I'm scared that I do. I don't don't ask you
as to bring you in edible from l A to
wherever she's going. She's not bringing it, she's not getting
it on that playing with no edible, even though for
short catch me. And then I'm too paranoid fort broke
down Palace has been accidentally went through t s A
(24:18):
with drugs, did not get caught and still whole joy
in her pocket, a whole joint and then like it
I had talked about broke down Palace in Thailand, like literally,
try to scare me to not go to Thailand because
they broke down Palace some Claire Dame film. I was like,
they are not worried about me. That film for our
listeners who are out there, none of us put the
(24:41):
fear of Thai prison and my system. So when you
guys are confronted with fear, how does that how do
you react? You know, they say flight, fight? Do you stay?
You just like try to hide and make sure it
goes away? How does it fear manifest with your actions?
(25:03):
I go to the hospital, yes, she does. Expensive that
concussion that happened that actually brought up I very much,
was like I'm gonna like I've gone to urgent care
and they're like, if it gets any worse, go to
the e R. And I had one little I mean,
it felt very dire in the moment, Like my my
(25:24):
response to fear is yeah, I gotta go to the hospital.
It's stabilitating anxiety. It's like a whole thing, and get
saying and I was like, I'm not a doctor. I
don't really know what to do. Trying to calm down,
breathe who has work. Here's some of sential oils. It's like,
I don't need to oils, need a doctor. Okay, okay,
(25:46):
I hear that. I hear that. So would you call
that fight or flight? I guess that's fight. I would
say it's fighting. I gotta fight this. There's nothing wrong
they're telling me. There's it's a little bit of a
little bit of I feel like when I was younger,
it would definitely be flight. Like if there was something
(26:07):
that I didn't want to I was scared to do,
I would just make an excuse not to be there,
like like, oh I'm not going to that presentation. I'm sick. Um.
So I'm like a flag in that way. Um, not
so much now now I'm just like I think, I
think more quiet and like when I am met with fear,
(26:31):
I try to conquer it and if I can't, then
I just stay there and hope that it goes away.
External fears for me are more fight, um internal or
more flight, like external stuff where especially if it's like
adventure stuff like when I went hang gliding, y'all, we
had to run off a cliff to get the hanglider,
and I was like, this is scary. I'm afraid to
(26:52):
run off of this mountain. I can see there's nothing
under it, but I will conquer it. Or like you know,
if I were to go skydiving or any of those
type of it's but like physical like I'll you know,
do it. It's fine even though I said I was
scared of sharks and surfing, I would do it, like
(27:13):
I could get over that. But mentally when it's like
I'll say the things, say those words to this person
and be vulnerable, and you know, it's like I can't.
Like I'm sort of I lose my words or getting
my head too much and get scared. But I get that.
I feel like I'm similar in the way that like
(27:34):
if I'm walking down the street and someone starts following me,
you know those situations like I'm not sticking around to
be like uh no, think I'm running, like moving away
from you. So in that way, I'm like flight. But
if it comes to like now I've had to force
myself in terms like I appreciate opportunities to confront a
situation because I used to be so afraid of it
(27:56):
that now I'm like, this is another chance for you
to exercise the new things that you're doing in life.
So I think in that sense, it would be fight
because it's very uncomfortable and I don't want to be there,
so I have to like force myself fight with myself
to stay. One time I thought someone had broken into
my house when I was probably a late teens, and
(28:20):
I just stayed at the top of the stairs with
a hot iron ready. They're just waiting for at least
fifteen twenty minutes, just waiting for them to creak up
the stairs. And I was like, oh, I don't know
what that counts as, but it's not helpful against self defense.
That is spear though, How do I get friends? I
(28:45):
was just I was already ironing, so it wasn't like
I thought quickly and got it. I was just like,
and it's like from home alone, Like I feel like
home alone's break into your house skills like you adapted
one in that moment. Are you guys afraid of like vulnerability?
Is that a fearful thing for you? It depends on
(29:07):
the situation. Again. Right now, I'm looking for I love
opportunities to be vulnerable now because I'm finding that it's
not as scary as I've made it seem in my
life the whole time. But I think you can have
a balance or standards for what you want to be
vulnerable about or not. M hmm. Um. Vulnerability was one
(29:32):
of my tasks of like working on in two thousand nineteen,
so I'm much more comfortable with it. Um. In my home,
we just we weren't those people who like expressed every emotion.
We were very much love, love each other and support
each other. But it wasn't like, um, I don't know,
it wasn't very vulnerable. Yeah, how do you feel? Let's
talk about this. My mom would be like, how long
(29:54):
have you been crying? That's enough? But I love it.
Some people would be like she abused you, and I
like she made me strong, She made me strong. Um.
I think what what bumps for me now is that
I think, Um, there are people who want me to
be vulnerable with them, who I don't want to be
vulnerable with, and I think sometimes they think that it's
(30:16):
like I'm afraid to be vulnerable. But it's like, no,
you didn't earn this, You don't You don't get to
be um a part of my heart right now. UM.
So I think it's just like for me learning that
being vulnerable, UM, in certain ways, it doesn't have you
don't have to share that with everybody. Yeah, I feel like, UM,
(30:37):
vulnerability isn't a huge challenge for me. My mom was
always vulnerable when I was a kid, and um, she cried.
I cried. It wasn't a big deal. But the world
did tell me really quick to stop that crying. Girl.
She give you something to cry, right. And I do
feel like if it's a safe space or close to
(30:59):
a safe space, or I know the people, I m share,
sometimes I over share sometimes let's all right. I mean,
I guess I'm maybe too vulnerable. I'll be out here
with my heart on my sleeve, very much like I
(31:21):
have emotions, feel my feelings, which is a lot to
ask feel my feelings. I don't know there's I do
feel like it's not like I'm not as afraid or
rather I'm like they're here, so I can't really push
(31:42):
them away or tuck them down somewhere like I I
just have to keep moving through the emotions. Um sort
of no matter where I am or who I'm with,
I'm just like I this is what I got right now.
I will say that I learned more of a way
to be vulnerable by hanging out with you has more
and having the language to be vulnerable is part of uh.
(32:06):
I think the battle for me um and hanging out
with Jaskma has definitely helped me because actually, actually don't
like that flowery language. Not not overly flowery, but sometimes
I can hear what yes says and then put it
in my own words. You know what I'm saying, ah Ash,
You're welcome. Well, thanks guys for being a safe space
(32:26):
for me to be vulnerable and for it to feel safe.
I think that's like finding folks who you do feel
safe around. To be vulnerable takes away the fear of
being vulnerable. Of course, you have to open yourself up
to being vulnerable. But then yeah, Brand Brown's got it right.
Vulnerability is king Brand Okay, Who's Brown? I was being vunderable, guys, vulnerable,
(33:03):
Thank you for committing. I'm glad you brought her up though,
because a lot of what I learned about vulnerability came
from her because I think for a long time I
thought vulnerability was weakness. Like you always in your feelings,
you always gotta share, like tuck that you know how, Yes,
it's like I don't talk. I'm like, please tuck some
of that ship away, all right, you're showing your weaknesses
(33:23):
and it's not that's not what you know. Although you
know some of the emotions, can keep keeping some of
them to yourself, but you know for the most for
the most part, you shouldn't. That's not a weakness to
to express yourself to strength. Yes, yeah it is. She
Actually she got me through a very heartbreak that really
(33:44):
took a long time to get over. Cis over here
rolling her eyes at that heartbreak. But was it you
it's gonna be trying to read people's faces and it's
just based on her own emotion, is not based on
anything you're doing. Curious, but you just let her. But
(34:05):
she what she was saying about, like, you know, being
able to communicate what you're feeling or like to communicate
your desires and like not being like it's okay to
be vulnerable, to express yourself in that way so that
you get the answers you need, right Like It's not
(34:25):
a statement on you at all. It's just like can
this person be there for the things that you need
or want? Like it's information. I feel like that fear
of like, oh, I'm supposed to be harder, I'm supposed
to be stronger, all of this, that type of jargon.
It's part of what makes people think being vulnerable is
(34:46):
a weakness, you know what I mean, as opposed to
know I'm actually acknowledging this situation and taking it head
on to get it before it turns into something way bigger,
as opposed to like keep it to yourself and let
it faster into something, or to not know what someone else,
like to be like I'm I'm digging you, you know
what I mean, and to just like keep on going
(35:09):
like are yourself? Are you not right? And like a
year goes by and then they're like, whatever it is,
you know what I mean? Like it's best to just
still in Burnett, not only in the ways of like
being vulnerable and communication. Has she helped me, but in
like you know, we're all comedians. We all get on
stage and do something that is very vulnerable, and you
(35:30):
open yourself up to scrutiny and hearing her say, I
don't take criticism for people who are not in my arena.
You're not in here getting shot down, getting your your bruises.
Then please stay on your couch and be quiet, all right,
keep it to yourself. It just gives you so much power.
You're like, damn right, you don't even know how hard
this is, right, especially when we had our show and
(35:52):
we would make it look so easy. Somebody say something
sass at the end, be like, who do you think?
Do you think this stage to make some stuff up
with other people on the spot and be funny? Yeah, okay,
so what have you done despite your fears that you
are glad you did move to l A anyone, right,
(36:17):
we've all done very scary things, so it's funny that
we're all like huh um. But I think most recently
and um impactfully for me, was um, I really wanted
to I was really interested in mobile living and living
out of like an r V or a bus or
a van. And I decided I was like, I think
I could live out of my car and test this
(36:37):
out and see if I really like it, and try
something new and test my my limits. But I was
very afraid of what people would think of like, you know,
people think you're crazy, or you're poor, you're you know,
whatever it is. But I went down like the list
of my priorities and like what I wanted to do,
and rent was not what I wanted to do, and
(36:58):
travel is what I wanted to do, and so like,
I just realized that the only thing stopping me was
the judgment of others. And I did it anyway. I
moved into my car, I lived out of my breeze
for a year and some change, and traveled and learned
so much about myself and truthfully was probably one of
the best years of my life. Like the fact that
I wouldn't have done that just because someone would say
(37:21):
she's poor or like whatever they would have thought about me,
and I wouldn't be in this place now where I
am so capable, I am so aware of who I am,
I know what I want, and I am about to
buy a bus and convert into a tiny home and
own something that's gonna be so like mine and beautiful
and exactly what I want. And just to think that
(37:41):
fear would have stopped me from that is truthfully heartbreaking.
So I'm just that's something I'm glad I did. Hell. Yeah,
that's like I will say like along this sort of
travel again. Actually, you're such an inspiration for all, for all,
like of just like going to do the thing that
you want no matter what. There was a moment my
(38:03):
my husband's French and uh, we were out there and
every time that we go he translates everything. He's from Paris,
so he knows the city. And I think I was
afraid of like sort of going out by myself for
a little bit, just to like being forced to like
travel solo or not being forced, but like traveling solo
(38:23):
was something that was a little fearful for me. And
even like one year I bought like just for my birthday,
was like I'm going to go to Brazil for a
week by myself, like just on a whim, and it
was one of the best. Like traveling alone, I think
is very scary, but the rewards on the other side
of doing it are just so like liberating. You meet
so many people, you put yourself out there, you like
(38:46):
just explore and adventure doing the things that you want
to do, just your spirit leading you. Yeah, I was
a little afraid to travel alone, and then I got
I'm in a girl in a hostel actually, and people
were scared a houstle too. I mean, right now in
the world is in a different place, so I get
being afraid of hospitals now. But when I went it
was lit, see lits. It was perfect because you meet
(39:08):
people who just are in a different country, want to travel,
want to commune, want to have a good old time.
And um, I ended up going to your wedding solo.
I stayed in Paris. I met some dudes in my
hostel and we went to the Loop together and then
ended up hanging out with these other girls in Australia
from Australia and um Marsilla. And I remember feeling like powerful,
(39:32):
especially like when I was in set the I was
in a hotel room by myself, and like the breeze
was blowing in and I was like, I got this
hostel room also to myself, and I'm sorong and carried
my backpack, this heavy bag on my back, and I
felt like, yeah, it's so liberate. You learned how capable
(39:54):
you are and it is so good to feel like
I can accomplish and yes true, especially when they don't
speak your language too. Is another thing we even realized
here and need to figure it out. I'm able to
speak with you like, yeah, no, some of the best
trips I've been so yes, So fear can be pleasure,
(40:16):
You'll believe that. I I think the thing that I've
overcome the most is definitely moving to l A, but
also being able to establish my career Like that just
seemed like impo. I knew that it was in me,
but I didn't know if that was my destiny necessarily, UM,
because I can't control other people, but I can only
(40:38):
control what I did. So like making my short film
brown Paper Pageant was a huge liberating thing for me
because I did something that people told me I couldn't
do one to act, direct and write something. But also
the results that it's elicited in my life I could
never imagine. UM. And on the other hand, like I
(40:58):
didn't get into anything festivals, but I've gotten more than
a film festival could ever give me. So I feel
like you don't know, you don't know the way things
are going to fall into place. But when you feel
something in your spirit, in your heart, or like you
have a story to tell or whatever, like pushing through
(41:19):
despite the resistance. UM read the War of Art if
you haven't life changing book, but just yeah, do it.
You have to do stuff that makes you scared to
get on the other side of it. That's literally it.
It's like there's like a thrill of doing something that's like, oh, ship,
(41:40):
am I really doing this? I remember that moment right
before I sky dove in Utah back in and I
went with some folks that I was working with and
we were just like, let's go skydiving. In the moment
the seconds before we're about to jump out, and he's
like you ready for this, and I'm just like literally
looking over the ledge and being like they're nothing there,
(42:01):
and like being like oh shit, oh shit, oh ship.
But he's also like three to one, let's go. And
that thrill of confronting the fear head on, being like
you know what I mean, like I did this thing
that like scared me. It's like you and the fear,
all right, let's go, right, it's such a rush that
you feel. Yeah. For me, it's like in the fear
(42:22):
sometimes it's not the best, but like overcoming it or
like getting through the other side, you're like I did that,
I did that, And it takes out the anxiety of like,
oh I like, what's the worst that could happen? You know,
what's the worst in the instance of skydiving. But I
(42:43):
do understand the idea, all right, So let's play a
little rapid fire game, um stupid phobias. So basically, I'm
gonna read you the name of a phobia and the
description of what it is, and let me know if
you think it's real or fake, and you win a
million dollars if you get one million dollars want Okay?
(43:12):
So the first one is anata day a phobia the
fear of somewhere, somehow a duck watching you, not a
day a duck watching just randomly. It's real. There actually
(43:35):
is a debilitating fear that people have of ducks watching them.
But they don't even know. What if I'm in a house,
in a tolly in the bathroom, I think is no ducks?
How're they gonna see me? What if you just saw
one in your window? Looking? Okay? What about biophobia the
(43:59):
fear of living things? How are you going to be
afraid of yourself? That's the fault. People are scared of
their reflections sometimes, Ashley, Yeah, what what people are? Some
people don't like cook in the mirrors but deadly afraid,
debilitatingly afraid. I'm sure, well it is real. There is
(44:22):
a fear of living things called biophobia. It was for you, Ashley.
She doesn't want to be a millionaire, all right. Next one,
peni phobia, the fear of penis or penile shaped objects. Yeah,
(44:45):
I think it's true. People are afraid of the dick. Yeah,
people are afraid of the dick. It's fake. It's not real.
Even though Lo Kim had it because she said she
used to be scared of the dick. But I don't
know what the scientific definition. Okay, what about hippopotamonostrosski deal
(45:09):
phobia you okay, mommy, bless you. What does that mean?
Hippopotamona stress kia delia phobia is a fear of long words.
Is it real or fake? This is a bit that's fakes. Well,
(45:32):
it is a long word to say, fear of long words.
What's the word again? Don't make her to say that
damn word in one breath. Hippopotamona, struskilla, delia phobia, fear
long words. It is real, guys, that is a real fear,
and I think it's very rude for whichever scientists made
(45:55):
that up. To make the definition such a long word.
Who knew that scientists were do want comedic bits? I mean,
this is entertainment to I'm like, cheers to whatever scientists
made this word up. Scientists, What do you think about
this one? Banana phobia the fear of bananas. That that's real.
(46:17):
It has to be real. Bananas are a terror on
this earth. Jesus, all in the world are really offended
right now. That's real. Bananas are trash. I don't like bananas.
I can see why someone would be afraid of one.
You're right, because it is real. Banana phobia is a
(46:38):
real thing. They're real banana phobics out there. So we
stand in solidary. Except yes, mush, I can't do the
inside of banana like as in the slimy part. I
could do the meat of it, all right. One more
weave a phobia? What is it? The fear of weaves
(46:58):
and or hair attached? Man? I mean, if you was
having sex with somebody and suddenly they we just pulled out,
that might be a little scary or not. It would
be like, whoa, that's a surprise that it as I
imagine if they didn't know your hair was fake, it
would be like your own popping off, Like, yeah, that's traumatic.
(47:19):
Like the Fresh Prince Preference Prefence Prefmence episode, Campbell pops
off all of her attachments to the eyes nails. Oh gosh,
you know what, Really, I'm gonna say real, I feel
like we could find that an urban dictionary somewhere. I
know some black men who act like they're fraid to weave.
(47:39):
So I'm say you're wrong, it's not real. It's not real.
But like you said, you know there's somebody out there.
They just need a word for it. Yeah. Wait, So
who wins a million dollars? Unfortunately, Um, nobody does because
you know, you go one wrong. We'll play again next
(48:02):
week on another episode of Stupid pot Us Ding Ding
ding Ding Listeners at home. It was a trick question.
You're all winners. But before we head into our advice section,
let's take a quick break. Welcome back, It's time for
(48:31):
some advice. So, mamya what she got? Dear o deep? So,
everything is going well in my new relationship except he
hates my pets. Literally said I fucking hate cats in
front of me. Oh my god, that's not your partner. Next, sorry,
keep on that. We let go, she continues, and I'm like, okay, rude,
(48:58):
but whatever, I get it. Not everybody like cats, Although
if I said I fucking hate dogs, all of America
would come chop my body into a hundred pieces like
I'm the spawn of Satan. I roll anyway, I'm clearly
not bitter. I didn't think him hating cats was a
deal breaker until now five months in and he refuses
(49:20):
to come over to my place. I always go to
his place, and he has a roommate, so we have
no privacy. I've been patient and tried to be flexible
since he doesn't like my fur babies. But damn, it's
COVID season and I'm risking my damn life all the
while he's sitting pretty What y'all think? Should I end
the relationship? How do I make it clear that I'm
(49:41):
not okay with only going over to his house because
it's his preference. I live alone, so we need to
make the shift to my space. So please help me
do so. Signed, Fluffy, Cute and Mike, give him the boot.
Give him the boot. If he can't take you with
your cats, he can't take you at all. Next. Um,
(50:02):
I have cats, so I get how it is frustrating,
especially if you're trying to date somebody. Is there a
way that you can like not have them in the
same room when y'all are getting the hanky panky on, Like,
do y'all have enough space where you can like not
have the cats all around all the time I get
to it's their house, So he needs to, you know,
(50:24):
be like, even though I don't like cats, I ain't
gonna be nasty to them, you know, And he needs
to be like okay with going to your space because
having a roommate would take cats over a roommate. But
also that's my personal preference. What y'all think you can't
(50:45):
hard feel well? I hope you can cuddle with your
cats and get the love and attention that you need
from them financial support, because if you're gonna choose your
cats over a man every time, I think you might
end up of the cat lady. Don't say such things.
She's gonna give those cats the s p C A
(51:07):
or something or catt. I didn't say give the cats away.
I'm just saying I will understand why someone who doesn't
like animals doesn't want to be around your animals. So,
like Shakira said, I think there is a compromise of like, Okay,
sometimes we come over my house and you don't have
to see these cats. You know they're in the upstairs.
(51:28):
I don't know how does that work long term? Though
y'all move in together, y'all have children, Maybe what happens then, well,
we all know that some people get children and they
get rid of their cats. I just think that's not
the person. If you if you're like that into your
(51:49):
cats and it's a deal breaker for you, then find
somebody else to date, because that's gonna it's even you'll
ignore it and then it'll fester into something real down
the road when you're like, OK, let's get married, you
have to get rid of your cats, and you'll be like, no,
I didn't even know you hate cats, But yes you did.
You knew it a long time ago. But I also
think he hasn't been flexible at all. I can't be
(52:10):
flexible with cats. I like, for me, it wouldn't so
you would rather have the room a situation during COVID
than like going to her wherever she lived by herself.
I not have a cat in my home. So if
you would make you but that's not that's a compatible
like y'all are not compatible exactly what I'm saying. Yeah,
Fluffy cute and might give him the boot. You probably
(52:32):
should so that you can find someone who accepts and
loves you in all of your cat loving ways. Well,
also maybe check yourself. Maybe you like these cats too much.
I don't know, but it seems like he might be
cat crazy. Well I hope that helped. Um. Fluffy cute
and might give the boot? Yes, yeah, you need to reevaluate.
(52:55):
Is this the relationship if your cats are that important
to you? Um? And no, I think you need to
reevaluate if he isn't going to be flexible at all
and he expects you to go to his house solely
because he doesn't like your pet. You cannot like a
damn pet, and you cannot like his roommate. But it
doesn't mean like what if you didn't like his roommate
genuinely didn't, but you went to that place anyway because
(53:16):
y'all decided to try something, and y'all can draw lines
and is saying if it's truly a deal breaker, But
I don't know. And I also think he's not telling
you the complete thing because like he might not want
to offend her by what he doesn't like about the cats.
You know, like, there are a lot of things about
cats that people might not know. A cat lover because
(53:41):
my mom, I'm just saying, you got a lot of
you wanted to have a lot to say. I just
I mean in the air. If I go in a
place with a cat, I leave and I'm sick, and
I'm not allergic to cats, but just there's hair in there.
Unless we don't have one of those kinds. There's you said,
I'm sick, but I like I can do this and
(54:04):
like feel that there's hair in my nose because it
floats in the air. It's just floating in the air.
So everywhere, of course, not I'm saying cats are hair fruit.
You have a hypro allergenic cat, both of your cats,
and hypo allegenic or does not shake. Come to my house.
There's no cat hair anywhere, and you have its not
pleasing either, so that might be a part of what.
(54:26):
It's no smell in my house either. I'm a clean
your house doesn't smell. But the idea that you have
two cats and you don't have cat in your home
is a farce. It's a ridiculous. Will come visit, Come visit,
bitch I shot, We're not crazy. Our cat has lost
it is. Animals are not as cute everybody like. Sometimes
(54:54):
there's a level of some people just don't want to
be around an animal all the time. Well, if your
partners afraid of your cat family members, they may not
be the one. But you know, there are so many
fears and we really confronted it all in this episode.
Thank you guys for hanging out with us on our
(55:15):
podcast today. Uh, please make sure to review it. Let
us know what are your fears. If you feel vulnerable
enough to share with us, hit us up in the comments.
We want to know what you've been Yes, and come
quickie with us on our social media. Y'all know what
to find us. Obama's other Data's on Instagram, O D
Improv on Twitter, and Obama's other Daughters on Facebook. And
(55:38):
if you need some advice, just write us a letter
um at O D podcast at gmail dot com. Alright, Yeah,
we have fun, see you next week. Bye bye guy.
(56:00):
Yeah you Down is a production of Shawndland Audio and
partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shawndland Audio,
visit the I heart radio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever
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