February 16, 2021 • 50 mins
Most of us will have more platonic relationships than romantic ones in our lives, so why do we only see information on how to find, maintain, and end romantic relationships? Well OOD got you boo. This week the girls are talking about what qualities they look for in friends, how to know when a friendship no longer serves you, and what to do if two of your friends start hanging out without you. Plus, a listener needs help with a not so little problem.
Need OOD’s advice? Send your dilemma to OODpodcast@gmail.com
Follow us on social, @obamasotherdaughters on instagram, @OODimprov on twitter, and @ Obama’s Other Daughters on Facebook.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to You Down a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heartredio. My therapist said that, like
there are the people that you and vite into the
room while you're having a baby and they're holding your hand,
there are the people in the waiting room. They are
the people on social media who see that you had
a baby, And they are the people who you bump
(00:22):
into randomly and you have a conversation. Right, hello, everybody,
and welcome back to you down a podcast where four
but today only three funny honeys come together in the culture.
(00:44):
I know it's missing, but I'm Shakira, I'm a I'm
Yasmann Watkins, and collectively we are known as daughters. It's
our first time about one of the daughter, so I
know I totally paused for her, Like Mammia is currently
(01:07):
living out some really cool dreams, so we will catch
her next week. But today the three of us are asking,
are you down with friendship? Of course? Of course down,
of course, um and of course we all have friends.
(01:30):
But friendship isn't all Sunday brunches and late night dance parties,
although those are very nicey'all. Remember Big Bear when I
baked pies. I was thinking more about the dance parties
when we felt connected as sisters. But your pie was
okay too. She was not saying that same to y'all.
She was going in on the pie. Everyone we talked
(01:51):
about how a doxicated. That was all that to say,
there is hard stuff involved with having friendships too, Disagreement
pool need to be handled, chips well stop serving us
and need to be ended. And of course there's the
question of how to make new friends as an adult
without sounding like a creed. We're gonna get into all
of that, but first, y'all know, we gotta check in
(02:11):
with each other. So, lady, what are y'all loving? What
do y'all hate? So this week I'm like so hyped
to get into it. Do you guys watch the expanse
at all on Amazon Prime? Anybody? But it is how
Marry produced? I think, uh is it? That could be wrong?
(02:33):
I don't know, I'm alive. I'm pretty sure Holly Berry
is not connected to this project. It's a sci fi piece,
but this season season five is like the most seasoning. Oh,
I'm so deep. It's like I was five. I was
really expecting it to be a new show. You know,
you guys, like I've been following it for a while
(02:55):
and it was so nerdy at first, and it still
sort of is, and you really go into places you're
like that doesn't exist. But you, guys, Dominique Tipper, they're
like focusing on like this black woman's storyline and really
like just all of the women that are on this
show are killing it every scene. You're just like, I know,
(03:16):
I know, I'm going crazy. It's called the Expanse. It's
on Amazon Prime. Dominique Tipper. If you're listening, you are
so great in this role. Oh god, you guys, you
have to just watch season five. This is not endorsed
by five Emotional Arts and the like the lighting, the
(03:38):
set design. You're just like, oh, I'm in space right now,
but now I'm in Baltimore. Oh now, okay, you see
look at this. This is different. But y'all see is extint.
But so Holly Berry produced something called Extint. Yes, and
this is the Expanse of what you want Brownie. It's
(04:00):
from Good Job and it was about space and stuff.
So I was like, I think, oh, I highly recommend friends. Okay,
Season five of Expense super Fans in the room. You
(04:22):
don't put these not gonna pop up right now? Yeah,
I might get that holly berry thing. Yeah this week.
You know, I've been home in Virginia for all of
the pandemic and it's been nice. But as I'm working
on converting my bus into a tiny home, I'm staying
with my little brother, and my sister has been over
a lot and it's just been like me and my
(04:44):
siblings being a dome and you know, just doing stuff
we weren't allowed to do when our parents own the home.
The hosting band, y'all. We always talked about being a
host in five but you know, with my mom and
my dad and we were we don't know what we
would play air instruments, We have a good time. Oh
(05:05):
that's so fun, Like who is that? Like a frat
family house? Or they're creative. And my sister, you know,
she's really spiritual. So I'm getting on my tear rot
and my crystals and my should'll be doing for the
full moon? Sin? Yeah, what did you say? What should
we do for the full moon? She was like, girl,
just set you you know she she's the old too,
so she's like, just set your intentions. Why you acting
(05:27):
New oh Man. So it's hard for me to pick
this week because I'm loving a few things. Because when
you talked about Expanse, it made me think of The
White Tiger on Netflix, which is so good and I
feel like nobody's watching it. It's an amazing movie. Pri
(05:50):
Yanka is the lead on your story. Yeah, I know,
me trying to force me. And you know what's so
annoying is when I'm like, hey, you know I talked
to Vivian and Ashley, my other friend Ashley all the time.
You know, you don't always have to say I guess
for the podcast you have every day. She talked about
(06:14):
her other friends as to you too. Um, but I'll
be like, have you guys watched it yet? And they're
like no, So I've had no one to talk about
the movie with. It's just like I watched it in
a vacuum by myself and my home during the rainy
season in l A. So I'm sure you can find
(06:34):
someone on the internet that the people that do watch
it love it. It's so good. It sounds like you
found an online community. You know. It's my most like
tweet and retweeted tweet. Can y'all believe that it got
a hundred retweets me telling people to watch The White Tiger. Yeah,
(06:54):
but actually watched it. But everybody's going to interchanging me
the queen of the forum, Cara clearly the White Tiger,
for I don't want to be queen of the film.
My god day, don't watch it. That's okay how I
was feeling last night. I was reading this Audrey Lord
article and I was like, anybody else, what to read this?
(07:16):
Winking my bioinking my bio, most heavy links ever. Mammia,
what are you loving hating this week? Funny girl, funny girl?
(07:36):
Oh Mammia, Mama, you should be here. Okay, damn, the
singing quality went way down. When was it up? This
is a friendship episode. We need to be uplifted each other. Okay, alright,
(07:59):
thank you, ask for for validating. No, that's not what
I said. That's not what I said. Okay, don't push it.
All right. I'm ready to get into this week's topic,
which is friendships. Y'all know, there's so much information out
there on how to find a romantic partner, how to
keep a romantic partner, what to change about yourself if
a romantic partner doesn't want to be romantic with you.
(08:23):
I asked, what about your friends? What about you? Why
don't nobody go to day words? I only know from
the documentary. No, it was before my time. But I
know what about your friends? Do they and you do? Yeah? Okay,
(08:50):
we got it, we got it. Where is the information
on how to maintain friendships? I want an article on
y'all know how they do that? When you're in the bar,
look at a guy from across the room, look back up.
I want that for friendships. I want to be able
to I fuck you to, you know, I just want to.
I want to hang out. I feel like I fucking
once I said it, I said heavy plat friendship. That's
(09:15):
a heavy way to start the friendship. Maybe what I mean.
I want to be able to look at you. I
want to send you a look with my eyeballs that
says I just want to watch television with you and walks.
That sounds so romantic. Watch television and take walks. You
can do that with your friends. Yeah, that's not what
(09:35):
I want to be doing with my man. That's not
how I want that friendship defined, for that relationship to find. Yeah,
marriage is different, yess. I'm a single woman. I love
watching the expense with David, it's part of it. But
he's also your friend, your best friend, So there we go.
(09:57):
That's friendship type ship away. Friendships are some of the
most important relationships in our lives, so we thought we
researched the internet in our own lives to give y'all
some insight on maintaining platonic relationships, also ending those relationships
that no longer serve you, and how to make friends
as an adult when you finish with school and you
(10:18):
hate everyone at your job, because I know that's something
of y'all. Y don't like the people y'all work with.
But first we're gonna take a break. Okay, welcome mag
The topic this week is friendships. Ladies, what is your
(10:39):
philosophy when it comes to friendship? The more the merrier,
quality over quantity lone wolf Wolf. For sure, I think
they're more of a quality over quantity, But I also
think that something maybe people with not a lot of
friends just say I'm choosing. I started walk through life
(11:05):
expecting the best from people, so I'm like, everybody has
the best intentions, Everybody open arms. How you said it
like a Disney princess everyone has the best of intentions.
Maybe a stranger on the street was raised in Baltimore. Yes,
you would. I think everybody had the best intentions. Let
me just tell you that right now. Let me tell
(11:27):
you I don't walk down Poltimo City. Sure, you thinking
everybody has my best Interesting, it's a different, different upbrading. Okay,
So yeah, you're you're clearly the more the merrier the
world is. You're also accepting and knowing that, like, quality
is a very important thing, despite you know, despite everyone
(11:51):
being able to put In had nine bridesmaids. Okay, Oh man,
I thought it was more than that. I think she
had like sixteen. David was like, heck, am I supposed
to get? This number goes up every year? Oh man?
I am more of a quality over quantity. Sound like
(12:17):
you're talking about cheese, a good wine, a good pair ring.
That's just what I like. Um No, I feel like
that and slightly lone wolf, just because I feel like
I have a brother but he's nine years older than me.
So like for a lot of my childhood, I feel
like I wasn't an only child, but I felt like
an only child. So not all of it just chunks
(12:41):
and friends at school. I did have friends at school.
My best friend moved to North Carolina when she was
in ninth grade, and I still had other friends, but like,
I had a tiny clique of people who I was
actually close swift in high school, but I was, you know, popular,
it was cool. I feel like you all so have
to define what friendship means to each person. Because Karen knows.
(13:05):
She'll be like, isn't that your friend? And I'm like,
I don't know that person like that, that's an acquaintance.
If you don't know my middle name, where I was born,
you know, there's there's no qualification. But it'd be people
that you were on a team with for a year actually,
like whole Lass Herald team, and you'd be like that
we do comedy together. Were I love everyone that I've
(13:27):
been on the team with. If you're listening breaking hearts
O Loki, I was like, actually, we're friends, right, Like
I don't lie. I mean, well, I lie, but I
don't lie about stuff like that. If we're not friends,
I'm saying, let's if you want to be friends, let's
up the auntie. Let's hang out. It was like four
years in guys. She was like, all right, O wait, okay, yes,
(13:50):
And first of all, let's be real. You know, you know,
we decide the spectrum we are. We found our way.
I'm like, are we having an adventure? Let's prow like.
Ye is one of the few people I can call
to be like, I'm taking a road trip to Austin
topping the car and literally I was like in her car, like,
(14:13):
all right, it was such a fun adventure. We skated
all through the country. It was a cool time. Do
you actually actually you didn't call me? That wasn't Austin pride,
didn't seem like, look, I'm a good time girl. I
know you are. I know you are. Um, yeah, you're
(14:34):
You're right. I wouldn't have wanted to road trip that long.
I wouldn't to flight. Okay, well here, what qualities are
you looking for in a friend? Oh? Man? So it's tough.
I think based off of past relationships and friendships and
hardships with friendships, what I find works best with the
(14:54):
friends that I am closest with is that there forthcoming,
self aware, chill like and I'm very chill. And also
I feel like I'm as much as I can turn up.
I can also be like, hey, I don't want to
do much of anything like we can we can also
(15:16):
do absolutely nothing together, like so that type of balance.
And I also love like there's qualities and like both
of my my best friends that I admire or I'm like, oh,
you're so organized and you know you you like this
and this, this part works well with me. So that's
why we work out as friends. But I do feel
(15:39):
like they can't be too. I guess even if you
are aren't self aware, if you're narcissistic and not self aware,
and it's hard to really break walls down. Yes, I
don't think that's on anyone's friendship. I love a narcissist
who is unaware. Yeah, I do like what you said
about admiring your friends, because I think that that's something
(15:59):
I came into later, and admiring qualities in them, not
just about like oh they pretty or you know, they
wear nice clothes, but like, oh girl, like you know
Yasmin was a very good inspirational and chase and joy.
I'm like, this girl be out here find all the happiness,
but let me I want to find some happiness like
(16:21):
that too, So I like that was a quality that
I admired about her. Kira, you'd be working hard. I
was like, let me write this movie with Kira because
he is hard work. And I was like, I need
friends that I can find something in you that's like
pushes me to want to be a better person. Well,
thank you also for bringing that out. I think the adventures,
I guess I really am adventure based, but like the
(16:42):
adventures that we've had, I'm just like we did Thailand,
boarded up and down the coast of California. It's the
colds of Minnesota. Yeah, yeah, I guess that's another thing adventuring. Yeah, quality,
that is a fun important quality. But yeah, I mean
(17:02):
I do think that there's also the like I appreciate
the friends who are there when it's also the hardest
time you've had, because it's like easy to have fun,
or maybe it's not easy to have fun for some people. Um.
I was like, some people you know have they struggle
(17:24):
with that. No judgments to set people. What are some
things you think are crucial to maintaining you know, healthy, happy,
joyful friendships. I was looking online and they were like,
sociologists generally agree there are three things that you need
to maintain a healthy friendship, and it's how close you
(17:46):
are geographically so convenience, how often you hang out that
makes sense, yeah, and then how comfortable you are confiding
in that person. And I feel like the last one
is the one that for me really makes a friend
because the other stuff is yeah, because I'm like, one
(18:09):
thing that I noticed about myself and one reason I've
been friends with my friend Ashley from I'm not gonna
say it, Ashley your other friend. Actually we're so long
is that we're both very loyal people. Like when we
commit to, you know, a friendship, we really have put
our best foot forward. I mean, I mean she moved
in dang On high school and we say to yeah,
(18:30):
we're like we are going to say friends. And even
though she's a dentist, like we have like if you
were to look on paper, it would be like how different,
completely different lives, but you know I love her, and um,
I don't have two of things on that list that
creates a good friendship closeness? And what was the other
thing you said? How often you hang out? But I
feel like hanging out now is a little easier when
(18:52):
we're talking about like, Okay, you can't be face to face,
but I've zoom called more people than I've ever faced
times in my life over the less yea, And it
does feel like a different intimacy level than just a
text or even a phone call, like actually seeing someone's face.
I will say, the dedicated time that you have to
(19:14):
have I guess now to have a face to face
or a conversation with someone that takes an hour or whatever.
Whereas before you could be out and about if we
were at UCB or wherever, we wouldn't have that alone
time or that dedicated time. Mm hmm. Yeah. In the pandemic,
I feel like people have to be more intentional about
(19:36):
the people that they're reaching out to. There's no oh
I ran into you or that I don't have that,
you know, I really have to be committed to be like, oh,
I haven't talked to her in a while, let me
reach out because there is no running into her at
the theater or at the store. Although I do miss that,
I know, I do miss being able to just like
(19:56):
catch up with somebody in person at a show. Hey,
what's up? How you been in a couple words? Still
like we're still good. You see of sound of mine?
I've seen of sound mine. That is the acquaintance, relations
to money. But I do feel like, I mean, some
people are really lonely, and this has been a tough
time with friends and friendships. And I read online as
(20:17):
well that the divorce rates were up, especially in the
beginning of COVID, and even in friendships a lot of
people were breaking up. You know, I think that's like
the core tenant of any relationship, whether you're married, whether
it's a friendship. Communication is so key talking to each other,
knowing how to like communicate, how to listen, And it's
(20:38):
not intuitive. It's things that take work and finding a
rhythm and sometimes it can be labor, but it's also
worth it, you know, or like it's who you are
willing to like learn someone else's language. But I also
feel like it's hard too with platonic friendships because I
don't know, we've never addressed those things. I feel like,
even when I've gone through friendship breakup, so it will
(21:00):
be like I I mean, I know, because we have
been friends for so long, I'm assuming these are the
love languages. I'm assuming this is how I'm hurt. I'm
assuming this is how I communicate with you. But a
lot of times it's not like with a couple when
you know things aren't working and y'all are like, how
do we fix this? Who should we talk to? You
don't really do that with friendships. A lot of times.
It's kind of like, well, let me tell you how
(21:20):
I feel, and I'm gonna tell you how I feel,
and then now we're in this really critical moment with
two different opinions and like things have built or but
that's where the communication comes in. Yeah, and also knowing
why you have the friend as I was talking to
like people who I would just like generally run into
(21:42):
at the comedy theater we have studied at. Most of
them have been like, you know, I didn't realize that
I wasn't putting any effort into any of my friendship.
I was just like hanging out the spot and hang
around with whoever came to me. And it's like, I guess,
look at your friendships and see if you made them
with an intention, because sometimes you realize that you're just
(22:03):
hanging around with people who are closest to you, and
I don't necessarily think that that's the best way to
have a friendship. Like when I saw that was one
of the conditions for a friendship. I was like, damn,
most of my friends were across the country. And then
I have I've been I've been playing phone time with
my line sister. She texted me. She's like, we're pregnant,
(22:25):
and I'm like so excited. But she lives in the
UK and like every I got called her yesterday and
I was like, oh my god, and she's like, yes, man,
it's late. I don't know time work. And then she's
called me and I've been sleep so it's late eight
hour time difference or we're gonna figure it out, shy off.
(22:45):
We will figure it out. So when you do get
into a fight with one of your best friends, how
do you normally handle it? I punched ambition in a face,
right all right? That's She's nugget and bucket and ready
to I've seen you punched somebody, Ashley. I don't want
(23:10):
to be on the other side of that fist. Remember
I didn't hear the first part with you. I said,
I saw you punch someone, Ashley. I would not want
to be on the other side of that fist. She
didn't even get it all the way she deserved it.
I'm like, are we talking day on the fight? Okay,
(23:32):
airing on my laundry, Okay, we can get cut that. No,
we didn't tell them nothing we didn't do with little tease,
little little test. It was a crazy night, that was,
and I had my friends back. Ye sure, did you
know she was wild? Anyway? I feel like when I
was younger, I would handle a fight with my friend
(23:55):
by being poudy, like, you know, just like yeah, shitty,
being mad, really not articulating why I'm mad, really not
even digging into myself and figuring out why I'm mad.
But as I've become older and learned that that is
not acceptable behavior, I try to I try to talk
stuff out. Um. I feel like I try to be
(24:18):
pretty balanced and like how I approach fights. M how
do you handle it? Kirah? Well, you know what, after
we mentioned the fight stuff, a fight popped in my
mind where me and Ashley got into a fight when
we were in middle school and I bet a literal
(24:38):
fist fight. I'm gonna talk for all the ashes of
the world because I heard Ashley side and she said
you did not She claims that, but let me tell
you right now. First off, we were on a bus
on our way from a field trip. From New York.
We got into a physical altercation. I'm so grateful that
when are you saying? Like the copter? And it went
(24:59):
from play fighting to real fighting. I don't know why
you play fight. I don't I don't really get my
kids do that, yeah, to get out real emotion. Because
we were very upset at each other and we were
played fighting, and then um, Natasha was also played fighting
with us. But you can't play fight with NASAs because
then Sasha was like dropping bodies like that girls strong,
(25:19):
so we she just stepped out. We were like that
too rough, and then me and you know, Ash had
our little fight and then her mom called because she
had scratches on her neck, and um, then I know
my mom was like, okay, they can apologize to be friends.
And then we just apologized and became friends again because
(25:41):
we couldn't actually process our emotions. We were mad over
the most petty middle school things that could have happened.
I think I said something smart on the bus. She
took it personally, she said something later. I took it personally,
and then that happened and then we digressed. But I
can't have fights like that, especially not my adult friends. Goodness,
(26:04):
with friends. I feel like the older I get, the
more I try to make sure I go on as
clear headed as possible. It's it's really hard to resolve
anything when you had a hundred And there are times
where you know, I put my foot in my own mouth,
and I've come to a place where I'm like, if
(26:25):
I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, even if it hurts,
because pride aside, it sucks, let me tell you right now.
And I do find like I've had times with friends
where I'm like, Okay, you felt like this and I
felt like this, and I'll say sorry for that part
of it, but they won't, so I mean literally, you know,
I had to dissolve a few friendships where I love
(26:45):
your terminology killing friendship, heartless spoken like a true virgo.
Look any nothing wrong with ourgos. We handle business. But no,
it'll be like I can see the fault in my
ways and I can say I feel like you were wrong,
But if you can't accept that and we can't both
(27:08):
move forward on the same page, then we can't be friends.
It's hard, but I do think it's not treated the
same as like losing a partner, and I don't think
it gets really anyway. It's like, why are you set
about losing your friend? And it's like we were friends
for ten years. I'm heartbroken. I'm sad about that, even
if it's not a long friendship. You know, they're friends
that I lost while I was in l A and
(27:30):
I was only there for four years, and I'm like,
we're not friends anymore. I love you. You know, it
really does not get the weight that romantic relationships get,
but you know they'd be in your heart. Platonic friendships
are in your heart. You do remember, like your phonel
remind you of like remember when this happened, and you're like, ah,
(27:52):
that was like dang, but yeah, I know. I mean
there's nothing that prepares you for friends a breakup. I
think one of my first friendship breakups, I would like, uh,
I could tell that we were like moving in different directions,
like she was super into clubs or That's like when
we were first hanging out, it was like we were
the cute girls on the scene. Then our interests started
(28:15):
to diverge, and you know, we all grow, and I
think it's really hard when you like grow in an
opposite direction of someone. But I think what you were
saying here about like taking the time for yourself to
like I know, for me, when I get enough fight,
I'm like, I need to take a beat because I
could say slash. Probably the scorpion in me has already
said some really fucked up ship, and I'm like, before
(28:38):
I say anything else, I need to check in with
myself to be like, what is going on? And I
saw this post on incident was like, it's not anger,
it's grief. I'm gonna I'm messing it up. But like,
when you get down to it, it's often not what
the other person is doing, but someplace that you've let
yourself down. We're not checked in with yourself enough to
(29:00):
be like, how am I advocating for this thing I need?
And once I can, once I can figure out what
it is I need, it's on me to communicate it.
And then at the point where you're like, oh you
can't meet that need. Either you can meet that need, great,
we can move forward, or you can't. And sometimes friendships dissolve.
(29:24):
It's so hard. You know you're talking about the scorpion
and you like, not saying slick shit is so hard,
especially being a comedian, because you know you gotta locked
and loaded, like which I wish you would say something, Wait, yeah,
you need this thing, the rehearsal of the argument in
your mind. It's not healthy, y'all. Let him go. Let
(29:47):
go of the rehearsals in your mind. I called myself
one time screaming into a mirror, and I like popped up,
you know, like consciousness came to me and was like, bitch,
what are you doing wasting your time and your how screaming?
But there are sometimes the closest that I can so granted.
This girl abandoned me in a cemetery. I was like, God,
(30:08):
first of all, your friendman was based on the simple
what was y'all doing? It was like Sesia it was
a movie series. But we rode there together and it
was pre uber and she was like, no need to drive,
I'll pick you up. So then when she's like, I'm
going to the club, you can figure it out. And
(30:30):
I was in kool locks and flip flops. I was like, girl,
I got abandoned at Saddle Ranch, I believe it or not.
When I first moved to l A, it was like
the closest to a club I could get into because
I wasn't twenty one yet and this girl tearing. I
used to be hostess with her at Rose Mexicano. This
hole drove us there and went home with a dude
(30:51):
and then lied about it. She left me and this
girl Rosa at the Dagon Saddle Ranch. We were walking
around the parking lot. It's at Universal, it is plenty
of lords. We were like, did we forgive them the
parking space? We were told ourselves to remember it and
drunk of course, and literally she like sends a text
message and like, hey, I just got home. I couldn't
(31:12):
find you guys, And we were like, why don't you
textas when you were at the club. I put my
phone in my trunk to keep from losing it some nonsense. Wow,
why you go a lot to me right, Like, I'm
a dummy. You left your phone in your trunk. That's
the dumbest should ever heard of my life. Then we
had to risk our lives to get home. If the
stuff that makes you angry, it really is, And like
(31:32):
you think, I believe, Come on now, we ain't no fools.
You know there's clearly a disalignment. I know this is
another quote, and you know, forgive me, but I saw
this thing and it really inspired me. Loreal, Damn, I'm
butchering everything Thompson can posted it. She said, sometimes the
best thing you can do is walk away from a
(31:54):
situation that is not working or no longer serves you.
Walking away is not the same thing as giving up.
There's a difference between giving up when things feel challenging
and intentionally letting something go because it does not support
the type of life you want to live. The next
time you feel yourself trying to force something a conversation,
a relationship, a project, pause and consider whether there's something
(32:15):
to learn in the resistance you're experiencing. Are you holding
on too tightly or trying too hard? What would it
feel like to let it go? Sometimes the most loving
thing you can do for yourself is to stop clinging
to things that are not meant to be. I fumbled
over that, but it really hit me, and I think
about it with a lot of like my earlier friendships,
(32:37):
where I wasn't as clear with myself what was going
on with me. But I think on the other end
of like therapy and checking in and like knowing, like
I know I need this in my life. It's really
hard to break up with a friend, but also your
peace is super important too. That idea of like the
(32:57):
quote said something about forcing relationships, and I know I
feel like that sometimes with people who I've grown apart
from within, like high school or like you know, you know,
I grow a lot, I'm changing cont and so if
you're not, you know, growing a lot as well, and
(33:18):
especially in a different direction. It's hard to find reasons
to say friends outside of time. Something that helped me
was a quote that talked about you are the some
of the five people you hang out with the most,
and I was like, oh, I really you want to
make sure that I'm hanging around with some people that
(33:39):
elevate and make me want to be better. And you know,
I'm like, and you already got all those siblings, your
your group is already. Yeah. I also feel like, um,
there are certain friendships, like how you had the friend
who wanted to go out and party. If she's okay
with that only being the time that you guys hang
(33:59):
out and that's a healthy, balanced relationship, Go forth and
have that friend that you do that with. I have
friends where I don't see them a ton, but I
do know we're still friends and we'll go do a
thing together that we do. We always go on a
hike every once in a while and catch up and
or we go do this thing. It's more than a
you know, the borderline between friendship and acquaintance. Actually, um
(34:20):
a therapist said that, like, there are the people that
you andvite into the room while you're having a baby
and they're holding your hand. There are the people in
the waiting room. There are the people on social media
who see that you had a baby, and they're the
people who you bump into randomly and you have a conversation. Right,
(34:43):
So there are different levels and it's healthy to have
different places. Not everybody can be in the poor friend group.
And that's even with your wife, and I appreciate the
friends who are. I'm like, let's go dance and that's
what we do together. You know. I think just like
in a relationship, your man can't be a everything to you.
Your one friend can't be your therapist, your party girl, advent. Okay,
(35:08):
this is I think one of the biggest questions that
a lot of people have. How do we make friends
as adults? Roller skating I will sto finding an activity
and finding community Like with UM, you know, how we
found o D through got that on UCB and a
(35:28):
lot of the friends that I found in l A
when the world was open and we always had you know,
casual bumpings and hangouts with people from the comedy community
because we all had a similar thing common. I feel
like that's how we made friends. But it's hard. It's
harder now because of the pandemic. But I'm still taking classes,
(35:52):
so like you can meet some digital friends m S
classes m H. Like I'm taking a zoom towerque class.
Much talk time. But you know, there's definitely a moment
at the end where you could say something like, oh, hey,
are you really working on that split? You know, I
(36:12):
did a poetry workshop and I was instagram friends with
some people from here, and you know, and that's how
it starts. You gotta get yourself out there to be Yeah,
that's why what you said about community, Kira, like finding
the thing that makes your soul come alive and seeing
what other people are also there singing that same song.
You're like, let's sing together. This is great fun. I
(36:34):
think that's how I make my non. I fuck in
the world. You know, I have a fun way. I
made a friend when the world opens back up by
a ticket to a concert that you like and artists
you like. Make sure somebody is selling two tickets. You
only buy one. Show up somebody else has purchased a
(36:54):
single ticket. Y'all are two losers who will show up
to a concert and end up in evidly happy to be.
I met a girl at a concert and she was
by herself. I was by myself back from break girl. Yeah, yeah,
what's your insta? Bam made a friend. I mean we're
not close, but in that moment, she was literally like
(37:17):
my lifeline, and I think I was hers. So you
got lucky on that one. I will say airplane friends
are also good fun. What you were saying about having
a moment with someone for a particular point in time.
It could be for a short amount, it could be
for years. But I do really love that magic of
like the moment of like never to be seen again.
(37:41):
I am a little sad about it. I had a
moment with a guy on a plane. It wasn't romantic.
I was reading a book that he was reading and
we talked about it like the entire flight, and we
just had a lot in common. And then never saw
this man again. But I was thinking about him recently,
Like I guess I could have got a social media
or something something, but I probably had that thought in
(38:04):
the moment. I was like, I don't want to ask
him because I don't want to, you know. I mean,
I say, get social media because then you never know,
Like even with traveling, that's a crazy way to meet
people and like maintain those friendships. But you sort of
stay connected through social to a certain extent. Like when
I went and stayed at a hostel in Brazil. I'm
(38:25):
still friends with one of the girls who was in
that same room with me, who I had met in
the room, and we started hanging out the entire trip.
And now we're friends on social and occasionally will send
each other a message and callment on the stuff. But
you know, and actually you can offer to buy a
lady a drink or a guy a drink if you
think y'all should be friends, they'll take it. Yeah, Because
(38:47):
I know you were like, can I just walk up
to somebody at a bar? First of all, I don't.
I'm not doing that because being queer, it has a
different implication. Now buying a drink, I'm your man. Now
I want to do that instantly, it's like the first
drinks trying to help you make friends. No, I mean, well, hey,
(39:10):
one of my goals this year was to build more
sister friendships, more like honest, communicative friendships that I'll have
for the rest of my life, my tribe. And even
just saying that to people. I've said it to two
people and they're like, oh, I want to do that too,
And just finding people who want to be more intentional
about friendships is like a step. But I also like
(39:33):
what you're talking about about community and community is everywhere
in church, in riding group, roller skating and activity, and
roller skating truly has been one of the best ways
to find people. Yeah, do stuff that you like, and
maybe some other cool people do it too. Okay, I
think this is the most important question. Two of your friends.
(39:56):
You introduced them. Let's say it's at a brunch. Then
you see on Instagram they're hanging out without you. What
do you do? How long ago did that happen? You know?
I think it's fine that you listen to the first reaction.
How long ago? Like maybe they've been friends, Like maybe
we'd all been hanging out for four years. No, not
(40:18):
so weird, but an I'm gonna throw a different scenario
at you. You and your friends been friends for two years. Right,
You've been friends with each of these friends for two years,
but they never met each other. They don't know each other.
You're the connector. Y'all go to brunch, You introduce them,
they hit it off, they hang out without you. How
do you feel? Is it romantic? I was just being fun?
(40:43):
Lets me tell you right now, here's the thing. At first,
it feels like a burn, but then you figure, like,
you know what, maybe y'all are more of y'all people
than I was so good for y'all. Yeah, you know,
I've had that happened where I was like, dang, you
know what. You know why I'm salty about it is
(41:05):
because it happened with a high key kind of friendship thing,
Like this girl was like dating this rich guy and
they started going out on boats, and I was like,
that bitch got invited on the boat. You'll only know
each other because because are you kidding me? And they
hang out all the damn time, And I'm like, well,
(41:26):
I just wanted to know if anyone else felt that feeling.
It was more of a juvenile thing. But there's a
tinge of something when I'm like, oh, hey, yeah, I
want to girl. I like pic NICs, especially once. I
think the part when you stopped getting invited, or like,
even if it's just once, sometimes you're there had to
(41:47):
be a moment where they were like, should we invite Ashley?
That's what I imagine. So I more like a live
and let live and like, ah, I'm glad you're I
said it off. If they were on a boat, yes,
and she got invited and you didn't, how you feel
about that? A yeah, a beautiful yacht ye, the quiver
(42:09):
in her voice. I don't care if they just go
on a movie, that's fine, but not a yacht man hurt.
I'm not gonna lie. I love a good boating outing.
Oh man, Yeah, this is fun. It's so nice to
talk about friends and friendship and the hardship of it
(42:31):
and guys at home. We just want y'all to know
that it's okay to cry over losing platonic friends. It's
okay to find new friends and your forties or fifties
or sixties everything, And it's okay to punch your best
friend in the face if she steps out a lot. Yes,
that part right, there that just friendship. Okay, we need
(42:56):
to give some advice to somebody. So we got the
best advice and the listener has lost sight of herself.
So this should be an interesting letter. But first a
quick break. Welcome what's up? Everybody? Welcome back. Y'all got
(43:31):
questions and we have answers. I hope it's not for
us to give some advice. Yes, what you got, dear
o D I'm thirty five years old and I feel
like I still haven't found my confidence. I remember people
saying I would find it in my thirties, or maybe
that was just that movie Thirting going on thirty al Right,
(43:55):
either way, I'm midway through my thirties and I don't
feel flirty or thriving. I don't think I'm hideous or anything,
but in a sea of bad bitches, I feel like
it's hard to shine. Do you all have any tips
on how I can up my confidence? Signed? Plane Jane? Okay, plane, girl,
move to Nebraska, because you ain't gonna be playing Jane
(44:17):
in the Braska. Let me tell you right now, in
Nebraska would play Jane Already live in Nebraska, Plane Jane, No,
you have it, girl, don't move to Nebraska, it's cold.
Look also much love to Nebraska. I don't know how
y'all look out there. I know, I'm I'm I'm sure
(44:38):
there's a bunch of badages in Nebraska. And you'll know
how to stunt with warm clothing, which I think is
an art. Not we're overcorrecting, over correct Nebraskans. We love you,
good night plane. Jane. Maybe start with some affirmations that you,
(45:00):
you know, write down some things that you love about
yourself and say it to yourself in the mirror. Sometimes
things like that sounds silly. As a skeptic of all
those things, I I thought that they sounded silly, and
then one time I was like, okay, actually, just look
in the mirror and say you love yourself. Just look
yourself in the eye and say it. And it was
oddly harder than I thought it would have been. Like
(45:21):
I said it, and like it felt, I don't know,
it felt more powerful to say it to myself in
my eyes. So I do suggest that, plain Jane, that
was a great suggestion by yas yourself. I agree with that,
and I also might recommend writing a letter to yourself.
I wrote a letter to myself, um as my future
(45:41):
husband and all of the wonderful things he had to say.
And I'm a big lot of fans, so they were
like a few little quotes like be my once in
a lifetime baby, some to sell stuff to something, and
it was like but it was like cheesy enough where
I was like, this is a dream letter if I
imagine the person that I'm gonna, you know, be with
(46:03):
and that loves me as much as I love me
wrote this to me. So like it's corny, but let
me tell you, it'll bring it to tears and it
will really push that self love. I find that most
of the things that we talk about too, like up
our confidence or make us feel better, are typically corny
sounding things like it's kind of corny to love yourself.
(46:26):
It's great, do it, you know, but the actions, the
steps that take sometimes feel corny. But I wouldn't let
that stop you because I don't be afraid to be corny.
It's a lot of fun being corny sometimes, Yeah, until
you have a dance contest, then break out of that corny. Also,
(46:46):
one of the things that can help is to get
off of social media for a while or at least
limit your time because everyone is not twenty two with
a fat ass, So you know, it's hard to wanna
it's it's hard to see what the standard of beauty
is these days and then look at your regular self.
But your regular self is beautiful. And also a thirteen
(47:07):
going on thirty may not be the best point of
reference either. No movie should be the reference of how
you should be living your life. I don't think, oh
but true to you know, I think people always say
when you're thirty, you'll know, and then it's when you're
when your thirties, it's like, when you're forty, you'll know.
It's like, I honestly think you'll never know until you
(47:28):
do the word to just yourself and continue to do
that work and to be okay with where you are
in that moment, Like you are in this moment is
exactly how you're supposed to be. Like there's of course
work that you can do for yourself to take care
of yourself, to check in with yourself. I think that
was the theme of this whole episode of like you know,
what where are you at and what's happening with you?
(47:51):
Because that's the crux of sort of all of this.
So some self work could be good for you, Planeane.
I don't call you just Jane because you're it out Plane. Yeah,
you are a star girl, and Jane, don't feel like
you have to look out looking then the out will
start to look like what's in? You? Get what I'm saying,
(48:12):
you're feeling me? Abraham is at you. I'm taking over.
But all of that fun stuff, and I mean, I
think we even talked about on our self love episode
(48:35):
getting naked looking in the mirror or whatever you need
to do, even if you don't have to be naked,
loving your body makes a good point. We do have
some great tips in our self help episode, So go
ahead and scroll on back and listen to that one.
You got this. We hope that helps you. Plane Jane
a k A. Jane, the batty of them all. Yes,
(49:01):
and we appreciate everybody at home tuning in. Remember to subscribe.
If you want to show us love. You can rate
and review this podcast. We would love that only five
stars though, homye pivet stars. If you don't have five
stars to leave it, don't rate nothing. I'm just kidding.
Come over and say some nice things on our social
(49:23):
media too. Obama's other daughters on Instagram at o d
improv on Twitter and on Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters.
And if you need some advice or pecan pie uh
p can, you can only get it there for friends,
but if you send a letter, you will get some advice.
(49:43):
Send it to podcast at gmail dot com. All right, y'all,
we'll see you next week. Bye bye bye. You Down
is a production of Shawonda Land Audio and partnership with
my Heart Radio. For more podcast from shawdaland Audio, visit
the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
(50:05):
listen to your favorite shows. Apologies for Zion by the way,
(50:29):
Yeah he's upset.
Welcome to You Down a production of Shonda Land Audio
and partnership with I Heartredio. My therapist said that, like
there are the people that you and vite into the
room while you're having a baby and they're holding your hand,
there are the people in the waiting room. They are
the people on social media who see that you had
a baby, And they are the people who you bump
(00:22):
into randomly and you have a conversation. Right, hello, everybody,
and welcome back to you down a podcast where four
but today only three funny honeys come together in the culture.
(00:44):
I know it's missing, but I'm Shakira, I'm a I'm
Yasmann Watkins, and collectively we are known as daughters. It's
our first time about one of the daughter, so I
know I totally paused for her, Like Mammia is currently
(01:07):
living out some really cool dreams, so we will catch
her next week. But today the three of us are asking,
are you down with friendship? Of course? Of course down,
of course, um and of course we all have friends.
(01:30):
But friendship isn't all Sunday brunches and late night dance parties,
although those are very nicey'all. Remember Big Bear when I
baked pies. I was thinking more about the dance parties
when we felt connected as sisters. But your pie was
okay too. She was not saying that same to y'all.
She was going in on the pie. Everyone we talked
(01:51):
about how a doxicated. That was all that to say,
there is hard stuff involved with having friendships too, Disagreement
pool need to be handled, chips well stop serving us
and need to be ended. And of course there's the
question of how to make new friends as an adult
without sounding like a creed. We're gonna get into all
of that, but first, y'all know, we gotta check in
(02:11):
with each other. So, lady, what are y'all loving? What
do y'all hate? So this week I'm like so hyped
to get into it. Do you guys watch the expanse
at all on Amazon Prime? Anybody? But it is how
Marry produced? I think, uh is it? That could be wrong?
(02:33):
I don't know, I'm alive. I'm pretty sure Holly Berry
is not connected to this project. It's a sci fi piece,
but this season season five is like the most seasoning. Oh,
I'm so deep. It's like I was five. I was
really expecting it to be a new show. You know,
you guys, like I've been following it for a while
(02:55):
and it was so nerdy at first, and it still
sort of is, and you really go into places you're
like that doesn't exist. But you, guys, Dominique Tipper, they're
like focusing on like this black woman's storyline and really
like just all of the women that are on this
show are killing it every scene. You're just like, I know,
(03:16):
I know, I'm going crazy. It's called the Expanse. It's
on Amazon Prime. Dominique Tipper. If you're listening, you are
so great in this role. Oh god, you guys, you
have to just watch season five. This is not endorsed
by five Emotional Arts and the like the lighting, the
(03:38):
set design. You're just like, oh, I'm in space right now,
but now I'm in Baltimore. Oh now, okay, you see
look at this. This is different. But y'all see is extint.
But so Holly Berry produced something called Extint. Yes, and
this is the Expanse of what you want Brownie. It's
(04:00):
from Good Job and it was about space and stuff.
So I was like, I think, oh, I highly recommend friends. Okay,
Season five of Expense super Fans in the room. You
(04:22):
don't put these not gonna pop up right now? Yeah,
I might get that holly berry thing. Yeah this week.
You know, I've been home in Virginia for all of
the pandemic and it's been nice. But as I'm working
on converting my bus into a tiny home, I'm staying
with my little brother, and my sister has been over
a lot and it's just been like me and my
(04:44):
siblings being a dome and you know, just doing stuff
we weren't allowed to do when our parents own the home.
The hosting band, y'all. We always talked about being a
host in five but you know, with my mom and
my dad and we were we don't know what we
would play air instruments, We have a good time. Oh
(05:05):
that's so fun, Like who is that? Like a frat
family house? Or they're creative. And my sister, you know,
she's really spiritual. So I'm getting on my tear rot
and my crystals and my should'll be doing for the
full moon? Sin? Yeah, what did you say? What should
we do for the full moon? She was like, girl,
just set you you know she she's the old too,
so she's like, just set your intentions. Why you acting
(05:27):
New oh Man. So it's hard for me to pick
this week because I'm loving a few things. Because when
you talked about Expanse, it made me think of The
White Tiger on Netflix, which is so good and I
feel like nobody's watching it. It's an amazing movie. Pri
(05:50):
Yanka is the lead on your story. Yeah, I know,
me trying to force me. And you know what's so
annoying is when I'm like, hey, you know I talked
to Vivian and Ashley, my other friend Ashley all the time.
You know, you don't always have to say I guess
for the podcast you have every day. She talked about
(06:14):
her other friends as to you too. Um, but I'll
be like, have you guys watched it yet? And they're
like no, So I've had no one to talk about
the movie with. It's just like I watched it in
a vacuum by myself and my home during the rainy
season in l A. So I'm sure you can find
(06:34):
someone on the internet that the people that do watch
it love it. It's so good. It sounds like you
found an online community. You know. It's my most like
tweet and retweeted tweet. Can y'all believe that it got
a hundred retweets me telling people to watch The White Tiger. Yeah,
(06:54):
but actually watched it. But everybody's going to interchanging me
the queen of the forum, Cara clearly the White Tiger,
for I don't want to be queen of the film.
My god day, don't watch it. That's okay how I
was feeling last night. I was reading this Audrey Lord
article and I was like, anybody else, what to read this?
(07:16):
Winking my bioinking my bio, most heavy links ever. Mammia,
what are you loving hating this week? Funny girl, funny girl?
(07:36):
Oh Mammia, Mama, you should be here. Okay, damn, the
singing quality went way down. When was it up? This
is a friendship episode. We need to be uplifted each other. Okay, alright,
(07:59):
thank you, ask for for validating. No, that's not what
I said. That's not what I said. Okay, don't push it.
All right. I'm ready to get into this week's topic,
which is friendships. Y'all know, there's so much information out
there on how to find a romantic partner, how to
keep a romantic partner, what to change about yourself if
a romantic partner doesn't want to be romantic with you.
(08:23):
I asked, what about your friends? What about you? Why
don't nobody go to day words? I only know from
the documentary. No, it was before my time. But I
know what about your friends? Do they and you do? Yeah? Okay,
(08:50):
we got it, we got it. Where is the information
on how to maintain friendships? I want an article on
y'all know how they do that? When you're in the bar,
look at a guy from across the room, look back up.
I want that for friendships. I want to be able
to I fuck you to, you know, I just want to.
I want to hang out. I feel like I fucking
once I said it, I said heavy plat friendship. That's
(09:15):
a heavy way to start the friendship. Maybe what I mean.
I want to be able to look at you. I
want to send you a look with my eyeballs that
says I just want to watch television with you and walks.
That sounds so romantic. Watch television and take walks. You
can do that with your friends. Yeah, that's not what
(09:35):
I want to be doing with my man. That's not
how I want that friendship defined, for that relationship to find. Yeah,
marriage is different, yess. I'm a single woman. I love
watching the expense with David, it's part of it. But
he's also your friend, your best friend, So there we go.
(09:57):
That's friendship type ship away. Friendships are some of the
most important relationships in our lives, so we thought we
researched the internet in our own lives to give y'all
some insight on maintaining platonic relationships, also ending those relationships
that no longer serve you, and how to make friends
as an adult when you finish with school and you
(10:18):
hate everyone at your job, because I know that's something
of y'all. Y don't like the people y'all work with.
But first we're gonna take a break. Okay, welcome mag
The topic this week is friendships. Ladies, what is your
(10:39):
philosophy when it comes to friendship? The more the merrier,
quality over quantity lone wolf Wolf. For sure, I think
they're more of a quality over quantity, But I also
think that something maybe people with not a lot of
friends just say I'm choosing. I started walk through life
(11:05):
expecting the best from people, so I'm like, everybody has
the best intentions, Everybody open arms. How you said it
like a Disney princess everyone has the best of intentions.
Maybe a stranger on the street was raised in Baltimore. Yes,
you would. I think everybody had the best intentions. Let
me just tell you that right now. Let me tell
(11:27):
you I don't walk down Poltimo City. Sure, you thinking
everybody has my best Interesting, it's a different, different upbrading. Okay,
So yeah, you're you're clearly the more the merrier the
world is. You're also accepting and knowing that, like, quality
is a very important thing, despite you know, despite everyone
(11:51):
being able to put In had nine bridesmaids. Okay, Oh man,
I thought it was more than that. I think she
had like sixteen. David was like, heck, am I supposed
to get? This number goes up every year? Oh man?
I am more of a quality over quantity. Sound like
(12:17):
you're talking about cheese, a good wine, a good pair ring.
That's just what I like. Um No, I feel like
that and slightly lone wolf, just because I feel like
I have a brother but he's nine years older than me.
So like for a lot of my childhood, I feel
like I wasn't an only child, but I felt like
an only child. So not all of it just chunks
(12:41):
and friends at school. I did have friends at school.
My best friend moved to North Carolina when she was
in ninth grade, and I still had other friends, but like,
I had a tiny clique of people who I was
actually close swift in high school, but I was, you know, popular,
it was cool. I feel like you all so have
to define what friendship means to each person. Because Karen knows.
(13:05):
She'll be like, isn't that your friend? And I'm like,
I don't know that person like that, that's an acquaintance.
If you don't know my middle name, where I was born,
you know, there's there's no qualification. But it'd be people
that you were on a team with for a year actually,
like whole Lass Herald team, and you'd be like that
we do comedy together. Were I love everyone that I've
(13:27):
been on the team with. If you're listening breaking hearts
O Loki, I was like, actually, we're friends, right, Like
I don't lie. I mean, well, I lie, but I
don't lie about stuff like that. If we're not friends,
I'm saying, let's if you want to be friends, let's
up the auntie. Let's hang out. It was like four
years in guys. She was like, all right, O wait, okay, yes,
(13:50):
And first of all, let's be real. You know, you know,
we decide the spectrum we are. We found our way.
I'm like, are we having an adventure? Let's prow like.
Ye is one of the few people I can call
to be like, I'm taking a road trip to Austin
topping the car and literally I was like in her car, like,
(14:13):
all right, it was such a fun adventure. We skated
all through the country. It was a cool time. Do
you actually actually you didn't call me? That wasn't Austin pride,
didn't seem like, look, I'm a good time girl. I
know you are. I know you are. Um, yeah, you're
(14:34):
You're right. I wouldn't have wanted to road trip that long.
I wouldn't to flight. Okay, well here, what qualities are
you looking for in a friend? Oh? Man? So it's tough.
I think based off of past relationships and friendships and
hardships with friendships, what I find works best with the
(14:54):
friends that I am closest with is that there forthcoming,
self aware, chill like and I'm very chill. And also
I feel like I'm as much as I can turn up.
I can also be like, hey, I don't want to
do much of anything like we can we can also
(15:16):
do absolutely nothing together, like so that type of balance.
And I also love like there's qualities and like both
of my my best friends that I admire or I'm like, oh,
you're so organized and you know you you like this
and this, this part works well with me. So that's
why we work out as friends. But I do feel
(15:39):
like they can't be too. I guess even if you
are aren't self aware, if you're narcissistic and not self aware,
and it's hard to really break walls down. Yes, I
don't think that's on anyone's friendship. I love a narcissist
who is unaware. Yeah, I do like what you said
about admiring your friends, because I think that that's something
(15:59):
I came into later, and admiring qualities in them, not
just about like oh they pretty or you know, they
wear nice clothes, but like, oh girl, like you know
Yasmin was a very good inspirational and chase and joy.
I'm like, this girl be out here find all the happiness,
but let me I want to find some happiness like
(16:21):
that too, So I like that was a quality that
I admired about her. Kira, you'd be working hard. I
was like, let me write this movie with Kira because
he is hard work. And I was like, I need
friends that I can find something in you that's like
pushes me to want to be a better person. Well,
thank you also for bringing that out. I think the adventures,
I guess I really am adventure based, but like the
(16:42):
adventures that we've had, I'm just like we did Thailand,
boarded up and down the coast of California. It's the
colds of Minnesota. Yeah, yeah, I guess that's another thing adventuring. Yeah, quality,
that is a fun important quality. But yeah, I mean
(17:02):
I do think that there's also the like I appreciate
the friends who are there when it's also the hardest
time you've had, because it's like easy to have fun,
or maybe it's not easy to have fun for some people. Um.
I was like, some people you know have they struggle
(17:24):
with that. No judgments to set people. What are some
things you think are crucial to maintaining you know, healthy, happy,
joyful friendships. I was looking online and they were like,
sociologists generally agree there are three things that you need
to maintain a healthy friendship, and it's how close you
(17:46):
are geographically so convenience, how often you hang out that
makes sense, yeah, and then how comfortable you are confiding
in that person. And I feel like the last one
is the one that for me really makes a friend
because the other stuff is yeah, because I'm like, one
(18:09):
thing that I noticed about myself and one reason I've
been friends with my friend Ashley from I'm not gonna
say it, Ashley your other friend. Actually we're so long
is that we're both very loyal people. Like when we
commit to, you know, a friendship, we really have put
our best foot forward. I mean, I mean she moved
in dang On high school and we say to yeah,
(18:30):
we're like we are going to say friends. And even
though she's a dentist, like we have like if you
were to look on paper, it would be like how different,
completely different lives, but you know I love her, and um,
I don't have two of things on that list that
creates a good friendship closeness? And what was the other
thing you said? How often you hang out? But I
feel like hanging out now is a little easier when
(18:52):
we're talking about like, Okay, you can't be face to face,
but I've zoom called more people than I've ever faced
times in my life over the less yea, And it
does feel like a different intimacy level than just a
text or even a phone call, like actually seeing someone's face.
I will say, the dedicated time that you have to
(19:14):
have I guess now to have a face to face
or a conversation with someone that takes an hour or whatever.
Whereas before you could be out and about if we
were at UCB or wherever, we wouldn't have that alone
time or that dedicated time. Mm hmm. Yeah. In the pandemic,
I feel like people have to be more intentional about
(19:36):
the people that they're reaching out to. There's no oh
I ran into you or that I don't have that,
you know, I really have to be committed to be like, oh,
I haven't talked to her in a while, let me
reach out because there is no running into her at
the theater or at the store. Although I do miss that,
I know, I do miss being able to just like
(19:56):
catch up with somebody in person at a show. Hey,
what's up? How you been in a couple words? Still
like we're still good. You see of sound of mine?
I've seen of sound mine. That is the acquaintance, relations
to money. But I do feel like, I mean, some
people are really lonely, and this has been a tough
time with friends and friendships. And I read online as
(20:17):
well that the divorce rates were up, especially in the
beginning of COVID, and even in friendships a lot of
people were breaking up. You know, I think that's like
the core tenant of any relationship, whether you're married, whether
it's a friendship. Communication is so key talking to each other,
knowing how to like communicate, how to listen, And it's
(20:38):
not intuitive. It's things that take work and finding a
rhythm and sometimes it can be labor, but it's also
worth it, you know, or like it's who you are
willing to like learn someone else's language. But I also
feel like it's hard too with platonic friendships because I
don't know, we've never addressed those things. I feel like,
even when I've gone through friendship breakup, so it will
(21:00):
be like I I mean, I know, because we have
been friends for so long, I'm assuming these are the
love languages. I'm assuming this is how I'm hurt. I'm
assuming this is how I communicate with you. But a
lot of times it's not like with a couple when
you know things aren't working and y'all are like, how
do we fix this? Who should we talk to? You
don't really do that with friendships. A lot of times.
It's kind of like, well, let me tell you how
(21:20):
I feel, and I'm gonna tell you how I feel,
and then now we're in this really critical moment with
two different opinions and like things have built or but
that's where the communication comes in. Yeah, and also knowing
why you have the friend as I was talking to
like people who I would just like generally run into
(21:42):
at the comedy theater we have studied at. Most of
them have been like, you know, I didn't realize that
I wasn't putting any effort into any of my friendship.
I was just like hanging out the spot and hang
around with whoever came to me. And it's like, I guess,
look at your friendships and see if you made them
with an intention, because sometimes you realize that you're just
(22:03):
hanging around with people who are closest to you, and
I don't necessarily think that that's the best way to
have a friendship. Like when I saw that was one
of the conditions for a friendship. I was like, damn,
most of my friends were across the country. And then
I have I've been I've been playing phone time with
my line sister. She texted me. She's like, we're pregnant,
(22:25):
and I'm like so excited. But she lives in the
UK and like every I got called her yesterday and
I was like, oh my god, and she's like, yes, man,
it's late. I don't know time work. And then she's
called me and I've been sleep so it's late eight
hour time difference or we're gonna figure it out, shy off.
(22:45):
We will figure it out. So when you do get
into a fight with one of your best friends, how
do you normally handle it? I punched ambition in a face,
right all right? That's She's nugget and bucket and ready
to I've seen you punched somebody, Ashley. I don't want
(23:10):
to be on the other side of that fist. Remember
I didn't hear the first part with you. I said,
I saw you punch someone, Ashley. I would not want
to be on the other side of that fist. She
didn't even get it all the way she deserved it.
I'm like, are we talking day on the fight? Okay,
(23:32):
airing on my laundry, Okay, we can get cut that. No,
we didn't tell them nothing we didn't do with little tease,
little little test. It was a crazy night, that was,
and I had my friends back. Ye sure, did you
know she was wild? Anyway? I feel like when I
was younger, I would handle a fight with my friend
(23:55):
by being poudy, like, you know, just like yeah, shitty,
being mad, really not articulating why I'm mad, really not
even digging into myself and figuring out why I'm mad.
But as I've become older and learned that that is
not acceptable behavior, I try to I try to talk
stuff out. Um. I feel like I try to be
(24:18):
pretty balanced and like how I approach fights. M how
do you handle it? Kirah? Well, you know what, after
we mentioned the fight stuff, a fight popped in my
mind where me and Ashley got into a fight when
we were in middle school and I bet a literal
(24:38):
fist fight. I'm gonna talk for all the ashes of
the world because I heard Ashley side and she said
you did not She claims that, but let me tell
you right now. First off, we were on a bus
on our way from a field trip. From New York.
We got into a physical altercation. I'm so grateful that
when are you saying? Like the copter? And it went
(24:59):
from play fighting to real fighting. I don't know why
you play fight. I don't I don't really get my
kids do that, yeah, to get out real emotion. Because
we were very upset at each other and we were
played fighting, and then um, Natasha was also played fighting
with us. But you can't play fight with NASAs because
then Sasha was like dropping bodies like that girls strong,
(25:19):
so we she just stepped out. We were like that
too rough, and then me and you know, Ash had
our little fight and then her mom called because she
had scratches on her neck, and um, then I know
my mom was like, okay, they can apologize to be friends.
And then we just apologized and became friends again because
(25:41):
we couldn't actually process our emotions. We were mad over
the most petty middle school things that could have happened.
I think I said something smart on the bus. She
took it personally, she said something later. I took it personally,
and then that happened and then we digressed. But I
can't have fights like that, especially not my adult friends. Goodness,
(26:04):
with friends. I feel like the older I get, the
more I try to make sure I go on as
clear headed as possible. It's it's really hard to resolve
anything when you had a hundred And there are times
where you know, I put my foot in my own mouth,
and I've come to a place where I'm like, if
(26:25):
I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong, even if it hurts,
because pride aside, it sucks, let me tell you right now.
And I do find like I've had times with friends
where I'm like, Okay, you felt like this and I
felt like this, and I'll say sorry for that part
of it, but they won't, so I mean literally, you know,
I had to dissolve a few friendships where I love
(26:45):
your terminology killing friendship, heartless spoken like a true virgo.
Look any nothing wrong with ourgos. We handle business. But no,
it'll be like I can see the fault in my
ways and I can say I feel like you were wrong,
But if you can't accept that and we can't both
(27:08):
move forward on the same page, then we can't be friends.
It's hard, but I do think it's not treated the
same as like losing a partner, and I don't think
it gets really anyway. It's like, why are you set
about losing your friend? And it's like we were friends
for ten years. I'm heartbroken. I'm sad about that, even
if it's not a long friendship. You know, they're friends
that I lost while I was in l A and
(27:30):
I was only there for four years, and I'm like,
we're not friends anymore. I love you. You know, it
really does not get the weight that romantic relationships get,
but you know they'd be in your heart. Platonic friendships
are in your heart. You do remember, like your phonel
remind you of like remember when this happened, and you're like, ah,
(27:52):
that was like dang, but yeah, I know. I mean
there's nothing that prepares you for friends a breakup. I
think one of my first friendship breakups, I would like, uh,
I could tell that we were like moving in different directions,
like she was super into clubs or That's like when
we were first hanging out, it was like we were
the cute girls on the scene. Then our interests started
(28:15):
to diverge, and you know, we all grow, and I
think it's really hard when you like grow in an
opposite direction of someone. But I think what you were
saying here about like taking the time for yourself to
like I know, for me, when I get enough fight,
I'm like, I need to take a beat because I
could say slash. Probably the scorpion in me has already
said some really fucked up ship, and I'm like, before
(28:38):
I say anything else, I need to check in with
myself to be like, what is going on? And I
saw this post on incident was like, it's not anger,
it's grief. I'm gonna I'm messing it up. But like,
when you get down to it, it's often not what
the other person is doing, but someplace that you've let
yourself down. We're not checked in with yourself enough to
(29:00):
be like, how am I advocating for this thing I need?
And once I can, once I can figure out what
it is I need, it's on me to communicate it.
And then at the point where you're like, oh you
can't meet that need. Either you can meet that need, great,
we can move forward, or you can't. And sometimes friendships dissolve.
(29:24):
It's so hard. You know you're talking about the scorpion
and you like, not saying slick shit is so hard,
especially being a comedian, because you know you gotta locked
and loaded, like which I wish you would say something, Wait, yeah,
you need this thing, the rehearsal of the argument in
your mind. It's not healthy, y'all. Let him go. Let
(29:47):
go of the rehearsals in your mind. I called myself
one time screaming into a mirror, and I like popped up,
you know, like consciousness came to me and was like, bitch,
what are you doing wasting your time and your how screaming?
But there are sometimes the closest that I can so granted.
This girl abandoned me in a cemetery. I was like, God,
(30:08):
first of all, your friendman was based on the simple
what was y'all doing? It was like Sesia it was
a movie series. But we rode there together and it
was pre uber and she was like, no need to drive,
I'll pick you up. So then when she's like, I'm
going to the club, you can figure it out. And
(30:30):
I was in kool locks and flip flops. I was like, girl,
I got abandoned at Saddle Ranch, I believe it or not.
When I first moved to l A, it was like
the closest to a club I could get into because
I wasn't twenty one yet and this girl tearing. I
used to be hostess with her at Rose Mexicano. This
hole drove us there and went home with a dude
(30:51):
and then lied about it. She left me and this
girl Rosa at the Dagon Saddle Ranch. We were walking
around the parking lot. It's at Universal, it is plenty
of lords. We were like, did we forgive them the
parking space? We were told ourselves to remember it and
drunk of course, and literally she like sends a text
message and like, hey, I just got home. I couldn't
(31:12):
find you guys, And we were like, why don't you
textas when you were at the club. I put my
phone in my trunk to keep from losing it some nonsense. Wow,
why you go a lot to me right, Like, I'm
a dummy. You left your phone in your trunk. That's
the dumbest should ever heard of my life. Then we
had to risk our lives to get home. If the
stuff that makes you angry, it really is, And like
(31:32):
you think, I believe, Come on now, we ain't no fools.
You know there's clearly a disalignment. I know this is
another quote, and you know, forgive me, but I saw
this thing and it really inspired me. Loreal, Damn, I'm
butchering everything Thompson can posted it. She said, sometimes the
best thing you can do is walk away from a
(31:54):
situation that is not working or no longer serves you.
Walking away is not the same thing as giving up.
There's a difference between giving up when things feel challenging
and intentionally letting something go because it does not support
the type of life you want to live. The next
time you feel yourself trying to force something a conversation,
a relationship, a project, pause and consider whether there's something
(32:15):
to learn in the resistance you're experiencing. Are you holding
on too tightly or trying too hard? What would it
feel like to let it go? Sometimes the most loving
thing you can do for yourself is to stop clinging
to things that are not meant to be. I fumbled
over that, but it really hit me, and I think
about it with a lot of like my earlier friendships,
(32:37):
where I wasn't as clear with myself what was going
on with me. But I think on the other end
of like therapy and checking in and like knowing, like
I know I need this in my life. It's really
hard to break up with a friend, but also your
peace is super important too. That idea of like the
(32:57):
quote said something about forcing relationships, and I know I
feel like that sometimes with people who I've grown apart
from within, like high school or like you know, you know,
I grow a lot, I'm changing cont and so if
you're not, you know, growing a lot as well, and
(33:18):
especially in a different direction. It's hard to find reasons
to say friends outside of time. Something that helped me
was a quote that talked about you are the some
of the five people you hang out with the most,
and I was like, oh, I really you want to
make sure that I'm hanging around with some people that
(33:39):
elevate and make me want to be better. And you know,
I'm like, and you already got all those siblings, your
your group is already. Yeah. I also feel like, um,
there are certain friendships, like how you had the friend
who wanted to go out and party. If she's okay
with that only being the time that you guys hang
(33:59):
out and that's a healthy, balanced relationship, Go forth and
have that friend that you do that with. I have
friends where I don't see them a ton, but I
do know we're still friends and we'll go do a
thing together that we do. We always go on a
hike every once in a while and catch up and
or we go do this thing. It's more than a
you know, the borderline between friendship and acquaintance. Actually, um
(34:20):
a therapist said that, like, there are the people that
you andvite into the room while you're having a baby
and they're holding your hand. There are the people in
the waiting room. There are the people on social media
who see that you had a baby, and they're the
people who you bump into randomly and you have a conversation. Right,
(34:43):
So there are different levels and it's healthy to have
different places. Not everybody can be in the poor friend group.
And that's even with your wife, and I appreciate the
friends who are. I'm like, let's go dance and that's
what we do together. You know. I think just like
in a relationship, your man can't be a everything to you.
Your one friend can't be your therapist, your party girl, advent. Okay,
(35:08):
this is I think one of the biggest questions that
a lot of people have. How do we make friends
as adults? Roller skating I will sto finding an activity
and finding community Like with UM, you know, how we
found o D through got that on UCB and a
(35:28):
lot of the friends that I found in l A
when the world was open and we always had you know,
casual bumpings and hangouts with people from the comedy community
because we all had a similar thing common. I feel
like that's how we made friends. But it's hard. It's
harder now because of the pandemic. But I'm still taking classes,
(35:52):
so like you can meet some digital friends m S
classes m H. Like I'm taking a zoom towerque class.
Much talk time. But you know, there's definitely a moment
at the end where you could say something like, oh, hey,
are you really working on that split? You know, I
(36:12):
did a poetry workshop and I was instagram friends with
some people from here, and you know, and that's how
it starts. You gotta get yourself out there to be Yeah,
that's why what you said about community, Kira, like finding
the thing that makes your soul come alive and seeing
what other people are also there singing that same song.
You're like, let's sing together. This is great fun. I
(36:34):
think that's how I make my non. I fuck in
the world. You know, I have a fun way. I
made a friend when the world opens back up by
a ticket to a concert that you like and artists
you like. Make sure somebody is selling two tickets. You
only buy one. Show up somebody else has purchased a
(36:54):
single ticket. Y'all are two losers who will show up
to a concert and end up in evidly happy to be.
I met a girl at a concert and she was
by herself. I was by myself back from break girl. Yeah, yeah,
what's your insta? Bam made a friend. I mean we're
not close, but in that moment, she was literally like
(37:17):
my lifeline, and I think I was hers. So you
got lucky on that one. I will say airplane friends
are also good fun. What you were saying about having
a moment with someone for a particular point in time.
It could be for a short amount, it could be
for years. But I do really love that magic of
like the moment of like never to be seen again.
(37:41):
I am a little sad about it. I had a
moment with a guy on a plane. It wasn't romantic.
I was reading a book that he was reading and
we talked about it like the entire flight, and we
just had a lot in common. And then never saw
this man again. But I was thinking about him recently,
Like I guess I could have got a social media
or something something, but I probably had that thought in
(38:04):
the moment. I was like, I don't want to ask
him because I don't want to, you know. I mean,
I say, get social media because then you never know,
Like even with traveling, that's a crazy way to meet
people and like maintain those friendships. But you sort of
stay connected through social to a certain extent. Like when
I went and stayed at a hostel in Brazil. I'm
(38:25):
still friends with one of the girls who was in
that same room with me, who I had met in
the room, and we started hanging out the entire trip.
And now we're friends on social and occasionally will send
each other a message and callment on the stuff. But
you know, and actually you can offer to buy a
lady a drink or a guy a drink if you
think y'all should be friends, they'll take it. Yeah, Because
(38:47):
I know you were like, can I just walk up
to somebody at a bar? First of all, I don't.
I'm not doing that because being queer, it has a
different implication. Now buying a drink, I'm your man. Now
I want to do that instantly, it's like the first
drinks trying to help you make friends. No, I mean, well, hey,
(39:10):
one of my goals this year was to build more
sister friendships, more like honest, communicative friendships that I'll have
for the rest of my life, my tribe. And even
just saying that to people. I've said it to two
people and they're like, oh, I want to do that too,
And just finding people who want to be more intentional
about friendships is like a step. But I also like
(39:33):
what you're talking about about community and community is everywhere
in church, in riding group, roller skating and activity, and
roller skating truly has been one of the best ways
to find people. Yeah, do stuff that you like, and
maybe some other cool people do it too. Okay, I
think this is the most important question. Two of your friends.
(39:56):
You introduced them. Let's say it's at a brunch. Then
you see on Instagram they're hanging out without you. What
do you do? How long ago did that happen? You know?
I think it's fine that you listen to the first reaction.
How long ago? Like maybe they've been friends, Like maybe
we'd all been hanging out for four years. No, not
(40:18):
so weird, but an I'm gonna throw a different scenario
at you. You and your friends been friends for two years. Right,
You've been friends with each of these friends for two years,
but they never met each other. They don't know each other.
You're the connector. Y'all go to brunch, You introduce them,
they hit it off, they hang out without you. How
do you feel? Is it romantic? I was just being fun?
(40:43):
Lets me tell you right now, here's the thing. At first,
it feels like a burn, but then you figure, like,
you know what, maybe y'all are more of y'all people
than I was so good for y'all. Yeah, you know,
I've had that happened where I was like, dang, you
know what. You know why I'm salty about it is
(41:05):
because it happened with a high key kind of friendship thing,
Like this girl was like dating this rich guy and
they started going out on boats, and I was like,
that bitch got invited on the boat. You'll only know
each other because because are you kidding me? And they
hang out all the damn time, And I'm like, well,
(41:26):
I just wanted to know if anyone else felt that feeling.
It was more of a juvenile thing. But there's a
tinge of something when I'm like, oh, hey, yeah, I
want to girl. I like pic NICs, especially once. I
think the part when you stopped getting invited, or like,
even if it's just once, sometimes you're there had to
(41:47):
be a moment where they were like, should we invite Ashley?
That's what I imagine. So I more like a live
and let live and like, ah, I'm glad you're I
said it off. If they were on a boat, yes,
and she got invited and you didn't, how you feel
about that? A yeah, a beautiful yacht ye, the quiver
(42:09):
in her voice. I don't care if they just go
on a movie, that's fine, but not a yacht man hurt.
I'm not gonna lie. I love a good boating outing.
Oh man, Yeah, this is fun. It's so nice to
talk about friends and friendship and the hardship of it
(42:31):
and guys at home. We just want y'all to know
that it's okay to cry over losing platonic friends. It's
okay to find new friends and your forties or fifties
or sixties everything, And it's okay to punch your best
friend in the face if she steps out a lot. Yes,
that part right, there that just friendship. Okay, we need
(42:56):
to give some advice to somebody. So we got the
best advice and the listener has lost sight of herself.
So this should be an interesting letter. But first a
quick break. Welcome what's up? Everybody? Welcome back. Y'all got
(43:31):
questions and we have answers. I hope it's not for
us to give some advice. Yes, what you got, dear
o D I'm thirty five years old and I feel
like I still haven't found my confidence. I remember people
saying I would find it in my thirties, or maybe
that was just that movie Thirting going on thirty al Right,
(43:55):
either way, I'm midway through my thirties and I don't
feel flirty or thriving. I don't think I'm hideous or anything,
but in a sea of bad bitches, I feel like
it's hard to shine. Do you all have any tips
on how I can up my confidence? Signed? Plane Jane? Okay, plane, girl,
move to Nebraska, because you ain't gonna be playing Jane
(44:17):
in the Braska. Let me tell you right now, in
Nebraska would play Jane Already live in Nebraska, Plane Jane, No,
you have it, girl, don't move to Nebraska, it's cold.
Look also much love to Nebraska. I don't know how
y'all look out there. I know, I'm I'm I'm sure
(44:38):
there's a bunch of badages in Nebraska. And you'll know
how to stunt with warm clothing, which I think is
an art. Not we're overcorrecting, over correct Nebraskans. We love you,
good night plane. Jane. Maybe start with some affirmations that you,
(45:00):
you know, write down some things that you love about
yourself and say it to yourself in the mirror. Sometimes
things like that sounds silly. As a skeptic of all
those things, I I thought that they sounded silly, and
then one time I was like, okay, actually, just look
in the mirror and say you love yourself. Just look
yourself in the eye and say it. And it was
oddly harder than I thought it would have been. Like
(45:21):
I said it, and like it felt, I don't know,
it felt more powerful to say it to myself in
my eyes. So I do suggest that, plain Jane, that
was a great suggestion by yas yourself. I agree with that,
and I also might recommend writing a letter to yourself.
I wrote a letter to myself, um as my future
(45:41):
husband and all of the wonderful things he had to say.
And I'm a big lot of fans, so they were
like a few little quotes like be my once in
a lifetime baby, some to sell stuff to something, and
it was like but it was like cheesy enough where
I was like, this is a dream letter if I
imagine the person that I'm gonna, you know, be with
(46:03):
and that loves me as much as I love me
wrote this to me. So like it's corny, but let
me tell you, it'll bring it to tears and it
will really push that self love. I find that most
of the things that we talk about too, like up
our confidence or make us feel better, are typically corny
sounding things like it's kind of corny to love yourself.
(46:26):
It's great, do it, you know, but the actions, the
steps that take sometimes feel corny. But I wouldn't let
that stop you because I don't be afraid to be corny.
It's a lot of fun being corny sometimes, Yeah, until
you have a dance contest, then break out of that corny. Also,
(46:46):
one of the things that can help is to get
off of social media for a while or at least
limit your time because everyone is not twenty two with
a fat ass, So you know, it's hard to wanna
it's it's hard to see what the standard of beauty
is these days and then look at your regular self.
But your regular self is beautiful. And also a thirteen
(47:07):
going on thirty may not be the best point of
reference either. No movie should be the reference of how
you should be living your life. I don't think, oh
but true to you know, I think people always say
when you're thirty, you'll know, and then it's when you're
when your thirties, it's like, when you're forty, you'll know.
It's like, I honestly think you'll never know until you
(47:28):
do the word to just yourself and continue to do
that work and to be okay with where you are
in that moment, Like you are in this moment is
exactly how you're supposed to be. Like there's of course
work that you can do for yourself to take care
of yourself, to check in with yourself. I think that
was the theme of this whole episode of like you know,
what where are you at and what's happening with you?
(47:51):
Because that's the crux of sort of all of this.
So some self work could be good for you, Planeane.
I don't call you just Jane because you're it out Plane. Yeah,
you are a star girl, and Jane, don't feel like
you have to look out looking then the out will
start to look like what's in? You? Get what I'm saying,
(48:12):
you're feeling me? Abraham is at you. I'm taking over.
But all of that fun stuff, and I mean, I
think we even talked about on our self love episode
(48:35):
getting naked looking in the mirror or whatever you need
to do, even if you don't have to be naked,
loving your body makes a good point. We do have
some great tips in our self help episode, So go
ahead and scroll on back and listen to that one.
You got this. We hope that helps you. Plane Jane
a k A. Jane, the batty of them all. Yes,
(49:01):
and we appreciate everybody at home tuning in. Remember to subscribe.
If you want to show us love. You can rate
and review this podcast. We would love that only five
stars though, homye pivet stars. If you don't have five
stars to leave it, don't rate nothing. I'm just kidding.
Come over and say some nice things on our social
(49:23):
media too. Obama's other daughters on Instagram at o d
improv on Twitter and on Facebook at Obama's Other Daughters.
And if you need some advice or pecan pie uh
p can, you can only get it there for friends,
but if you send a letter, you will get some advice.
(49:43):
Send it to podcast at gmail dot com. All right, y'all,
we'll see you next week. Bye bye bye. You Down
is a production of Shawonda Land Audio and partnership with
my Heart Radio. For more podcast from shawdaland Audio, visit
the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
(50:05):
listen to your favorite shows. Apologies for Zion by the way,
(50:29):
Yeah he's upset.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com