November 20, 2023 • 39 mins
This week Kat is bringing Amy Brown to You Need Therapy to talk about bachelorette party culture. It seems like the parties get more extravagant, expensive, and instagram worthy each year and in this episode we are discussing why that might be happening. Together, Kat & Amy reminisce on their own bachelorette parties and how to distinguish what is important when it comes to celebrating both yourself and your friends during these special events.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Coming up on you Need Therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
We've gotten emails in the mailbag on the Bobby Bone
Show about this of like I'm just paraphrasing some because
over the years there's been several but like say, you know,
my maid of honor isn't even coming to my bachelorette party,
Like should I, you know, downgrade her? Oh my god,
you know, made of honor to bridesmaid because why isn't
she showing up for me in this way? And it's
(00:23):
like everylready has to go to every single thing.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
If we don't know something about ourselves at this point
in our life.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can
die before you die, then you can really live. There's
a wisdom at death's door.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I thought I was insane, Yeah, and I didn't know
what to do because there was no internet.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel like everything
is hard.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first
and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting
you into conversations that I hope encourage you to become
more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the
world around you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Welcome to You Need Therapy.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You
Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat I'm the host
and quick reminder her always that although I'm a therapist
in this podcast is called You Need Therapy, nothing that
we talk about in these episodes, or any of these
episodes serves as a replacement or as a substitute for
(01:39):
actual mental health services.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
However, we still hope they can help you on whatever
journey you on.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
And the journey that we are on today is the
journey of bacherette trips bacherette parties. Maybe you can insert
bachelor party if that feels more true to you.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And I have somebody.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Here to talk about it with me, because I just
thought it would be a little bit more fun to
have a conversation about this with another person versus just
myself who recently went on a bacherette trip that I
can't wait to hear her experience and how she felt
about it. And her name is Amy Brown.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I was at your bachelorette weekend and it was fun.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I had a lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
What I hope in this conversation is we're going to
talk about all kinds of things, and I want you
to give your real, honest experience of not just mine,
but also maybe some others that you've been on or
just things that you've seen, and the kind of thing
that prompted me to create an episode on this because
it's kind of weird, like you're talking about bacherette parties,
(02:38):
but your podcast is supposed to be about mental health
and therapy.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Was because last week when we.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Were as a couple weeks ago we went on mine,
I had so many emotions go through me. I was excited.
It was one of the best weekends I think I've
ever had. I felt guilty, I felt nervous, I felt
like sad at some points, and a lot of excitement,
a lot of joy, and so all of that has
(03:04):
to do with feelings and emotions.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So that has to do with mental health.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
And you definitely cried at the kitchen table one night.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I cried about my dog. I didn't even like, yeah,
I cried about you, uh huh.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
If you were sharing stories and you were like oh,
and then you were laughing, and then you were like
crying and then you were laughing and then you were crying.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It was sweet. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
And so what I wanted to really bring up and
just have a conversation about is what are badcherette parties
and what are our feelings about them? Where did they
come from? How did they get to be what they
are now? Because when I take a step back, and
when I think about taking step back from even my own,
I get this very overwhelming feeling. And I had that
(03:44):
feeling going into it, especially when people were asking and
when my sister was asking what do you want to do?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And where do you want to eat? And do you
want to do this?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
And da da da, and I'm like, I'm not used
to making all these decisions for the group. And I
would be like, well, what does everybody else want to do?
And they'd be like it doesn't matter, this is about you,
and I'm like, I don't get it, Like why can't
I be about all of us? And there's just so
many things going on. So I want to break down
what the point of a batcherette trip is. And I
(04:12):
don't know where they started, but I did ask my
mom if she had one and did she no? I said,
did you have a bacherette party. I was texting her
and she said, no, your dad went out the night
before a wedding. I went to the bar with her
best friend. I guess a bar that somebody they knew
worked at and had a drink and then went to bed.
And I was like, okay, but it wasn't like a
(04:34):
thought for her. I don't think they did that. And
then batcherette and bachelor parties were like a one night
It was maybe like the night before the wedding or
the night before the night before, and it was just
like one last celebration, one last shebang.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Haurrah hurrah.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
It says it came they took off in popularity like
in the seventies and eighties.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Oh really, my mom got married in eighty four. So
do you want to have a late batcherette party moment? Anyway,
I want to hear from you when you think about
a baucherette party, what things come to mind? Like now,
not from the Saturday's eighties, but when you think about
a baucherette party, what are the images and words and
thoughts that come in your head?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Girls?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Connection, fun, bonding, relaxing like Mine's not it's more just
being together lagerie, maybe celebrating gifts, like talking about funny things.
I don't know, pin the penis on your partner. That's
what happened at mine.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So okay, you had one. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Well I didn't have a weekend, but I had a party.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So for one night we all got together at my
friend Jill's house, and for some of it, my mom
and my mother in law were there, and my friend
Jill had all the ice cubes were penis shaped. She
made She got the mold, you know, and filled it
up with water and made her own ice cubes.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
That's cute.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
And they were some were big, some were small.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And I remember her going out to Ben's small and
she's like, do you want a big one or.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
A small one? And I was like, this is all wait.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
My parents were all there, just my mom and my
mother in law okay for some of it okay, and
it was all girls okay. And then them did they
buy you lingerie? I don't remember exactly. I don't remember.
I just remember Jill asking my soon to be mother
in law, who's like the sweetest, most precious, quiet spoken
(06:21):
person on the planet, if she wanted a big one
or a small one and then I'm pretty sure Jill
also asked her if she wanted to be blindfolded to
pin the penis le bin because they had done a big,
huge blow up that's funny of him, like a life
size and then you spin around and try to pin it.
I mean, it wasn't a bunch of activities like that.
(06:42):
I think that was only one and it was just funny, yeah,
and comical. She had manicurists come to her house, so
everybody rotated like getting a manicure, and we had food
and cake and we all hung out.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
And then after that we all.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Went downtown Austin and we went to a club and
danced and hung out and then that was it.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Wait, that's so fun It's funny when you said your words,
because the things that.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Come to my mind are different, really, So that's what
you said is like what I would want. I like that,
like connection, friends, fun games. But when I think of
bachelerette parties now, I think of like matching outfits, I
think of party buses.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I think of a lot of money. I think of that's.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Because we live in Nashville, and every bachelet party in
the world comes here and we see them you know,
on a pedal tavern with their with the matching outfits
and which you had matching sweatshirts at yours, but that
was for the pickleball.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Well, when I actually talked to my sister about that,
I was like, what if somebody doesn't want to wear this?
But they were really inexpensive. Nobody had to spend any
extra money to get them. And it was a sweatshirt.
It wasn't like you have to go find an all
cow hide patterned tedd to toe outfit with silver boots
and you have to do your hair this way.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That's what we're wearing.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
That's what we're doing, right, and if you don't want
to wear that, you can't come. Okay on the party
bus wow, And one of my friends texted me about
our other friend who didn't get to come her batchlet
party that we went to when we're twenty three, and
it was so different one we were ten years younger.
But it was like the most basic, Like we stayed
(08:21):
in an average condo, we were at the beach. We
didn't have matching outfits. We just went to the bar
next door at night. There wasn't a balloon arch, there
wasn't a goodie bag that was worth one hundred and
fifty dollars that everybody got. There wasn't a private chef,
and there wasn't like you know what there seems to
(08:42):
be now.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It was very but it was so much fun.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And I've watched the batchlet parties that I've been on
and that I've also just seen on social media. As
the last ten years have gone by, they have become
so extravagant, right, I.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Mean from what I can tell some people, Yeah, it's
the thing.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So I've found this fun fact from I guess there's a.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Party playing app. I think there's a lot of these.
It's a business batch ret parties right now, businesses. I
think that's one of the issues is now it's something
that people can make money off of. I want you
to guess in twenty twenty three, what the average cost
of a batchelerette party is.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay, just one party or a weekend or one party
per person or in total.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You can do either.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay, well, if it's a weekend away, I guess, just
depending on how many girls are splitting it in the
price of something. But I don't know five hundred dollars
a person. I'm leaving some blank space there because that
sounds wonderful. But the average cost for a typical, not
high end, typical batcherette party is now one two hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, that's a mean, that's a lot to ask of
your friends your bridal party, when they're already spending money
on address and maybe traveling to the wedding and gifts,
and yeah, what about that?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And I say this to everybody, I just had one,
and I don't know how much it ended up being
per person.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
We could well, I could tell you, we could do.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
The math, but it was worth every penny well, and
I think it was special.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And the ones that I've been on, I've never regretted
going on one that I've chosen to go on. But
I just wanted to put this out here because when
we say it like that, that's a lot of money,
and it is a lot to ask. And one, it's
okay if that feels overwhelming and you can't do it.
And two, for the form the perspective of the bride,
if somebody can't do that, that's okay. It doesn't mean
(10:35):
you have to change what you want to do. It
just means that not everybody will be able to go, possibly,
and that has nothing to do with people liking you
or thinking you're special. There's just more to it, and
I think it can become very misunderstood, and.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
As the bride to be, you know, a couple of
weeks ago, when we were doing that, if there was
someone that hadn't or wasn't gonna be able to come
because of for whatever reason, probably maybe the finances, Like
how you would understand as the.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Bride, Yes, I had a friend, one of my best
friends from college didn't wasn't able to come because she
just couldn't make it work with things that she has
going on with her family right now. And she had
agreed to go and then texted me a little bit
later and was like, actually, I said yes because I
really want to go, but.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I can't do this.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
And I was like, oh my gosh, that's totally obviously
I want you to come, and I'm sad, but I'm
not going to be mad at you that you can't
make this work and take this time and this money.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
But you know that this is probably a hot button
for a lot of yes brides or friendships or grooms
if they're having the bachelor party or something like if
one of their people decides, for whatever reason, they can't go,
they may take it very personally when you know we shouldn't.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
It's sort of like the mail robins.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Let them, but not really because I don't know that
you're just like disregarding, like like you haven't been invited.
Oh that's another thing, how to decide how you're going
to invite to the party. But if you don't get invited,
that's where they let them. Theory can kind of come
in of like, Okay, I wasn't included in that. That's fine,
let them because I don't want to take up space
in my brain with that.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
It's like, okay, okay, that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It is what it is, and now I'm going to
move on and not be offended by it. But I
think there's brides We've gotten emails in the mail bag
on the Bobby Bone Show about this. We've gotten emails
in the mail bag on the Bobby Bone Show about this.
Of like I'm just paraphrasing some because over the years
(12:38):
there's been several but like say, you know, my maid
of honor isn't even coming to my bachelorette party, Like
should I you know, downgrade her, Oh my god, you know,
made of honor to bridesmaid, because why isn't she showing
up for me in this way? And it's like, not
everybody has to go to every single thing or there's
also been speaking back to the money thing.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
We had a mail bag recently.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I can't remember if it was a bachelor or a bachelorette,
but it was going to be expensive and the wedding
was already a lot and it's like, do I have
to go to this?
Speaker 4 (13:09):
You know?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, Well, so I want to go back to the
downgrading of the maid of honor because I get that,
in one respect, maybe your feelings are hurt of they're
not making the effort. However, the other thing is what's
the point of a maid of honor because a lot
of times we look at it as the person who's
going to plan our Batchelotte party now versus my maid
(13:30):
of honor really means what it is the person that
I want right next to me as I go and
marry this person that I hope to be with for
the rest of my life, that I want to be
supporting me the closest. That's what that is for. And
so if she can't come to your bacheyrette party. There
is so much space for that to suck and for
(13:50):
you to be sad and disappointed. But I don't know
that that means that then they aren't able to still
support you in your marriage, right.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, I mean I personally wouldn't write that, but I
give that respond that way. No, I totally get that.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I think that's one of the reasons I wanted to
bring this up is because we've blown out of proportion
what a baucherette trip is for. It used to be
one night a party, to have this one last hurrah
with your girls, to celebrate one celebrate you. Bacher culture
is a whole different thing.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Which I mean some of that has been more debauchery,
I guess, yeah, guy side of things, and you know
which that I don't.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Yeah, I'm not into that.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Like when I was getting married, I had my one
night thing, like with my girlfriends.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
We didn't even spend the night together.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Everybody went home and then whatever bind did I think
they played poker and then they golfed, So maybe it
was golf during the day and then like a little
poker tournament at night with like cigars and drinks or whatnot,
Like it's very low key with the guys, which but
but some people still go all out and do the
whole like my Last Night of Freedom the Strip Club.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah, so I into a trip club one time in
my life and I went against my will.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It was a birthday party. They told me we were
going to this.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
It was called the Cheetah, and they told me that
it was like a bar and it had like it
was glass floors and there's cheetahs walk around underneath. So
I was like, oh go, it wasn't There was no
actual cheetahs. Anyway, there was a bachelor party there, and
I have a little bit of regret because this guy
was really like what the heck?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I question?
Speaker 3 (15:25):
This man was like, I don't understand why you're here.
I don't get why you need to come here to
celebrate marrying the person that you're gonna marry. Isn't she upset?
Which she like a whole thing. And I think he
was like I was just trying to have a good time,
and I'm like okay, and they're like she needs to go.
I'm like trying to, like you know, like read some
Bible stories to him. Not really, but anyway, that's a
(15:50):
whole different thing of that culture and what that is like.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
But well, I've been to a bachelorette party in Vegas
and we went to Thunder down Under.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Is that a wait, that's the like a Chippendales.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Kind of thing. Yeah, you know it's a show.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Okay, they have their shirts off in the little blow tie.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
And like, if strip clubs are your thing, that's not
what I'm here to. Like really the part Yeah, it's
really okay. What is the point of these parties? Is
what are we celebrating? And then what have they accidentally
turned into? Where they actually accidentally have turned into these
like tests that like are you really my ride or died?
(16:25):
Do you really care about me? Or how can I
have the most extravagant, most instagram worthy? Like One of
the questions I would love to be able to answer
is what would bacherette parties be like today if social
media didn't exist? Because if I think about the decor
that we used to put up versus the decor that
people do now sometimes which is beautiful. You can, like
(16:47):
I said, there's this is a business. You can hire
somebody to come decorate. You're already bacherette themed Airbnb that
exists before you get there, with backdrops and balloons and
streamers in this and all the stuff. So they've become
these huge, extravagant things that were just sometimes I feel
(17:07):
like we're just trying to get a good picture versus
what you said, like connection celebration where it can be both,
but I think sometimes one trump's the other, and we
miss some of the celebration, the connection because we're worried
about making it perfect and look this way and something
that people are going like, oh my gosh, did you
see her on Cloud nine batchrette trip, da da da da?
(17:28):
Did you see her balloon arch? Did you see her
matching whatever cowhide.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Outfits on silver boots and this hair? Specifically? You know,
something fun we did at yours that I thought that
was special and fun and I would assume helped you
feel seen as a friend was everyone was asked to
buy a shirt that made them think of you, and
then we all put it on at one point, and
we all walked out into the living room and you
(17:55):
got to walk around and look at everybody's shirt that
they had picked out specifically for you, And I just
remember looking at your face and you were lit up
and like each person you would look and just start
laughing and then there would be this moment of connection.
And that was a really special way to find something.
I mean a lot of girls just ordered the shirts
on Amazon or Etsy or maybe they made it like.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
It wasn't anything crazy, but.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
It was a nice touch and I feel like you
as a bride, yeah, it just helped you feel seen
and loved.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
And what was cool was every shirt was so different
and it highlighted the friendship I have with each person,
in the relationship I have with each person and our
jokes and all of that. But one of the things
that I was very adamant about when doing this because
I'm somebody who can easily get lost in that the Instagram.
I mean, I don't have like an aesthetically pleasing Instagram,
(18:48):
but I can get lost and oh that's so pretty
or that looks so cool, and then I have to
come back to Okay, But do I want to put
the energy into doing that or is that is the
work worth what that looks like? And so when I
was planning this, where I didn't plan it, I just
like told my sister the kind of vibe I wanted.
I really told her, I want to go and do things.
(19:09):
I want to do things that I like, like playing pickleball,
playing having a game night. But I really just want
everybody to be able to have a good time and
relax and enjoy each other and laugh. Like That's what
I wanted, and that is what I really want to
encourage people to think about when they are whether choosing
(19:31):
to go on one of these or also getting really
anxious about planning them. I planned one for a friend
actually in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
The year before.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
And if you know me, you know that I am
not good at attention to detail. I want to be crafty,
but I'm not artistic. And you're not ever going to
call me to plan a vacation. I'm not the person
who's going to do that because I'll either do nothing
or I spend way too much time on it. And
(20:04):
I wanted this to be like the most special weekend
for my friend and I really worked myself up over it,
and she was like, I just want to hang out
with you guys, And I'm like, oh, okay, so you don't.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
You don't care that I made. I made this backdrop.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I went to hobby lobby, I got all these things,
I cut all these things I spent hours on my
office in between sessions cutting out felt to spell these words.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Have you ever tried to cut letters that have felt
you need to do it backwards?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
I haven't, And she would liked that, but she was like,
I just liked I just want to be with you guys,
And I'm like, okay, we're getting lost in the woods.
And so the mutty, we don't have to spend all
that money to enjoy and celebrate each other. And a
question I ask clients a lot is if you couldn't
post about doing that on Instagram, would you.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Still do it?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
It's my favorite question to ask when people make goals,
like athletic goals like running a marathon. Okay, well would
you run that marathon if you couldn't post Instagram about it?
A lot of times they would say no, really, yes, wow,
which I think is very talent. And I said, Okay,
then you shouldn't do it. It didn't sound like that's
something you really want to do. It's something that you
want people to know that you did, but it's not
(21:14):
something you want to do.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And so dang, when I run my marathon, there was
no Instagram, there was no Facebook. So that's what I'm
saying there must know nothing, But I mean that would
have been that it is an accomplishment.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Where you're like, oh, I just ran a marathon. But yeah,
it's like, what's the motive are you doing it?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
I think it's fair to like care that people know,
but is that the full motivation? And so when we're
planning these trips or we're thinking about these trips, would
we do this if we couldn't post the picture of
this on Instagram? And if we wouldn't, Okay, then what
would you spend that time, energy, money on?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
And can you do that?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That's a good question to ask yourself about anything anything.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
The other thing I find pretty interesting about and we
kind of touched on this with Bacherett culture is the
drinking aspect because that's been such a big part of it,
and I mean, especially in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
If you haven't ever been to Nashville.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
My office is very close to Broadway, but it's on
a street that party buses every day of the week
will drive by all hours of the day, and so
there's a lot of drinking, a lot of like over
consumption and like, this is not a podcast about alcoholism
or addiction.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And sobriety at all.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But I think it's fair for people who don't really
like doing that or maybe are trying to be sober
or have struggle with that in the past, that that's
something that can get in the way of either if
you're a bride, well, then what do I do?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
And are people still going to want to come?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
And if I am, if I am invited, what if
I don't feel okay?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
What do I do about that? Can I tell them that?
Do I have to just suck it up? There's just
pressure to drink to drink. Yeah, is that something you've
I assume you've seen that. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I mean I didn't feel that at yours at all.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
There was there's a few girls that were pregnant, yeah,
and so that's good, Like they were not drinking, yeah,
And I never felt pressure if anything.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I mean, there was some fun.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Moments like I can't remember the last time I took
a shot, and I know I took.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
A shot with you actually too, and it was fun.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
But then I sort of stopped after that and there
was no pressure to keep going.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
I feel like there was both ends.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
There was a pregnant girls not drinking, but they still
participated in the fun like when we played flip cup,
like they just did water instead of alcohol. And then
there was on the other and the things a couple
of girls that were, yeah, they were the life of
the party and they were going to make sure that
everybody had a drink if they wanted one, and they
would walk around with trays of drinks serving people. But
(23:52):
there was stuff on both ends and then people in between.
I feel like I was sort of maybe in between,
and I think that creating a welcoming space like that,
so no matter what anybody is feeling or going through,
they feel safe to not drink or drink.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, and that was the environment you had.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So I don't know if that was intentional, but I
never felt uncomfortable, but I could see how some parties
may absolutely feel that way.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Well, yeah, I think that this can be so different.
So specifically for me, I can drink, but I also
cannot drink. Like I can do it and I'm happy
to do it, and then like I can have a
day and have fun without it, and so I also
don't really care if the people around me are drinking either.
(24:40):
I can drink if you're not drinking, and I also
canot drink if you're drinking, and so that's went into
my we can especially because one of the people who
were pregnant was my sister and so I did want
my sister to enjoy the weekend, and so that was
part of my thought process. However, some brides that's what
they want. They want a party and the sake of
(25:01):
over consumption kind of type of party. And I would
just like to put out there for anybody who that's
not their vibe. If the space doesn't feel safe for
you to stay within what feels okay for you, if
there is that type of pressure, then it really sounds
like that's not somewhere you need to be.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
If you don't get if you don't feel like you
can make choices.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
For yourself, if that wouldn't be respected, and so if
that is the pressure, and that's the question.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like I don't know, like I feel like if I go,
I'm gonna have to drink.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
And that's your answer, I think, and that there's I'm
not saying that the bride needs to change what she's doing,
because the bride gets to decide and then we get
decide if we want to go or not. But I
think there's a lot of times this will I feel
like I have to and I want people to take
that kind of permission and power back. The other thought
before we close this out, because I did do an
(25:50):
episode a while ago about it was really about living
together before marriage, but we talked a lot about the
average age of people getting married is getting higher. How
do you think that people getting married later has also
played a role in bacherette parties becoming more extravagant.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Because if they're getting married later in life, they have
more money.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I'm just asking you, like, what would you assume, like
why do you think that do you think that plays
a role in it?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Well, I would assume you have more expendable income if
you're marrying later than if you're in your early twenties,
depending because yeah, I'm kind of shocked. Actually, the vaguest
one I went on, I was in my early twenties,
but it was like we were all having to like
share root, like it's a very time budget. Like it
was not that relaxing. In fact, I remember being a
(26:39):
little bit stressful because of that. But I still wanted
to go. Yeah, and I think if I had said no,
that would have been fine, But I didn't want it.
I was like, no, I'm going to be a part
of this, so I made it work. But yeah, social
media gives people a way to see what everybody else
has going on, and they're like, oh, well, if they're
(26:59):
doing that, I want to do that. Which before there
wasn't a place to blast it everywhere, so you didn't
know really what people were doing.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
There was no way to compare.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You didn't know I people were sharing ruse or had this.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You didn't have to keep up with the Joneses bachelorette parties.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, and I remember talking to some of my friends
being like, well, when I get married, since I'm going
to be like, however, old, when I get married, we're
all going to go fly to Mexico and we're going
to do this, and we're going to do that. And
then when it came to it, I was like, we're
not doing that, Like that sounds nice, but yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
We were older.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
So sure, maybe some of us have more what is
the word expendable income?
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Is that the right term?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, we have that, but that doesn't mean that that's
the way that we want to spend our money. First
of all, and I think that that we need to
allow that to be a thing. It's like I might
have more money, I might make more money now, but
you actually we might be using that money for different
things than we were using it when we were twenty three.
And the other thing is like this in almost this entitlement,
where at twenty three I would sleep in a bed
(27:59):
with three other people and be like cool. Actually I
did do that at like thirty on a trip, but
it's like now it's like if I'm gonna go, I
need and I deserve and I whatever this kind of
room and the da da da da. And I think
part of that really does come from what you're saying
is I'm seeing what other people are doing and I
(28:19):
should be able to do that. But again I would
encourage people to ask, but do I need that? And
do is that really me? Or like, am I fine
to share this room with this person?
Speaker 4 (28:28):
I shared a room at your bachelorette with three people.
I shared three people, so I shared a bed.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well that sort of got sorted out because one of
the girls had a fever, so like you're in that
bed by yourself, and then I slept with someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But it was fun.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I felt like it was sixteen girls, which was a
lot in a house in a The house was pretty big,
but we still had to share beds. Yeah, and it
was fun, Like and I'm forty two, Yeah you can.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
If we shared a bed moment to New York.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Yeah, well, and like that's fine if like you aren't
the type of person that wants to do that. My
point in that is, like it is okay to still
create an environment. It can be a little nicer, sure,
if you have the money and you want to spend it,
but it's okay if you don't want to, Like, that's okay.
What I want people to hear in this is two things.
Maybe this might turn into like five things with just
(29:18):
how I talk. One, for the bride, I want you
to think about what is the point of this and
how do the choices and the decisions we're making about
this reflect that? And if they don't reflect that, then
maybe I need to do some course correction. And for
the person going, I want you to think about, Okay,
(29:39):
what is the point in me going? And can I
make that happen? And does going on this trip reflect
what the point of me going would be if I'm
just doing this because I feel like I feel pressured
to I don't know that that's going to feel very good.
There's going to be some friction and some tension, some
resentment about spending money, which might create a bigger issue
(29:59):
than you saying like I don't think that I can
make this work, and so that's what I really in
the big picture, I want people to.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
Think about this.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
You're talking about bachelorette, bachelor parties and whatnot, but this
could be for the actual wedding. It could be for
a birthday party, you know, like your thirtieth birthday, your fortieth,
like the milestones that you tend to celebrate, or Christmas
parties or.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Yeah, anyway, when.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
You really sit down and think of why am I
throwing this party, Why am I wanting to get these
people together, build out yeah, all the reasons why, and
to make sure you're in alignment. I feel like that's
what I'm getting from all of this is sometimes we're
planning things based on what others are doing, and we
would walk away more fulfilled if we were doing what
(30:48):
we actually wanted to do. Regardless of where it falls
in all the different things that we've mentioned, there's no
right or wrong way to do it, but is it
what you want to do. YEA.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
What we're really saying is just take some power back
and with anything, you don't have to do something just
because that's the way other people do it or that's
just what you do.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
There was a.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Therapist that I worked with I've mentioned on here before.
He was a brilliant therapist, but he had been doing
it for a while and times were changing, and we
were bringing some things up to him week after a
week and bringing these new ideas and also being like, oh, you.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Can't really say that anymore or that's not really.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Appropriate, and he would always say, well, I don't get it.
We've done it this way for fifteen years, and fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
We never had any issue, and now all.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Of a sudden, and I'm like, just because you did
it for fifteen years and it worked, it doesn't mean
that it's going to work the sixteenth year. So sometimes
it didn't and we had to learn that the hardware,
or maybe he did, or maybe he'd never never learned.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
That's really what we're saying is just because everybody else,
that's what you do, that's what you see on social media,
that's what you did it your friends, that's what so
and said said was fun. TikTok gave you this idea
and they said it was the most popular theme of
the It doesn't mean that that is what you have
to want to do. And there's going to be some
(32:09):
icky bubbly feelings, some resentment, some maybe some regret, some
sadness and grief if you don't allow yourself to stay
true to what actually would accomplish the goals that you have.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
And I think the goal should be cup full, like
things that fill your cup up and not deplete you.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And that could be different for everybody.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, so that goes back to like, I don't want
people to hear any judgment because if you want to
go to I mean, Patrick's.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
Going to Vegas for his Badgery party. If you want
to go to Vegas.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
And you want to, you know, spend twenty thousand dollars
at a casino and your partners okay with that. And
if you want to, if you want to be drinking
every day, if that fills your cup.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
The point of this podcast is not to say that
that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
If you want a policeman and a fireman knocking on
your door, if you want to go.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
To the Cheetah, then you can do that, but I
want you to do it because you want to do
that and not because that's what you saw on the hangover.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, and one thing we were going to do over
the weekend for you was there was a hike planned.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I think it's also important to read the room.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
And then you, as the bride to be, you were
the one that made that call to not go on
the hike. Every single girl, if you had said we're
going on the hike, we would be like, Okay, we're
going on the hike. But you were like, eh, I
don't really want to do the hike anymore, and we
all just said okay.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
And I'm sure that there's some groups of people where
someone's going to get all up in arms because the
hike was on the schedule and now we're not doing
the hike. But you're the bride and you get to
decide like it's your party, and that ended up being okay,
and we all just went with the flow. So my
encouragement would be be Bendy, be breezy.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Breezy and Bendy. I do have a regret from that trip.
It's not going on the hike. Well, it's not the
hike I had been on that hike twice, and it
is a really pretty hike. One of the reason I
didn't want to go was because it was an hour away,
so it would be in the car so much, and
I'm like, Oh, do we really want to spend we
drove five hours here, do we want to drive and whatever?
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Probably not.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
My only regret is and I couldn't have I guess
I really couldn't have known this till afterwards. I wish
we still would have gone to that brewery we were
supposed to go to that day instead of going downtown.
So we were in Asheville and we were supposed to
go on this hike and then on the way back
stop at Sierra Nevada. And I've only been there once,
but I went there when it was really nice outside,
and so I personally don't like beer, so I wasn't
(34:28):
going there to drink. I was going there for the vibes.
And so it was cold that day and I was like, Oh,
maybe we shouldn't go. Let's just go walk around to
Asheville and like pop into some shops and buy some
Christmas ornaments, which I did, and I got a pick
a ball ornament.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Did I show it to you. Oh you missed the
pickleball part.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
Yeah I did, Okay, I was driving in when y'all
were playing.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
It was so it was so cute to buy the
pick a ball ornament in ashvill because we played pickaball
in Asheville and on the ornament it says stay out
of the kitchen. And if you've played, you know that,
like that's the area, yiky, you're not supposed to be in.
It's cute anyway. I wish we would have still gone
to Sana, Nevada, because I learned that when it's cold,
they have like fire pits and blankets and stuff, and
I'm like, that's the vibe I want. I want to
(35:09):
be around a fire pit with a blanket playing cards.
So that's my only man. I wish we would have
done that, but I thought it would have just been cold.
I didn't know they had like fire pits and stuff,
so I didn't want to go sit there be cold.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
And also not even for beer.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Hey, another reason to go back and plan another girl's
trip or something just for fun.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
So we'll do my year anniversary batcherette trip. So now
we're talking about this is so extravagant. Well, this is
what we're adding. So I hope this was helpful to
anybody who's ever felt pressure being in any of those positions.
I'm sure we've all either either have been married or
you know somebody who's been married, and so this can
come with a lot of emotions and come back to
(35:46):
the point that, like, this is a celebratory time, and
we have the ability to ask to be celebrated in
a way that makes sense to us, and if the
people around us can't do that, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
We can also respect that, and we're also allowed to
have feelings and be sad about it.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
However, we want you to have the batcheorette that you
need to have. I see what you did there. Yeah,
that just came to me out of.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
The wedding that you need to have. Yeah, have the
birthday that you need to have. Yeah, and then ultimately
have the day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, And when it all comes to the end, have
the day you need to have.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Okay, Guys, if you have any questions, this would be
a really fun feedback episode if you have any experiences,
good or bad in being able to ask for what
you want. I mean kind of like how Amy was
sharing with the things you've gotten from the show. If
you have any stories that might be helpful for people
to hear, things in ways that you've stood up for yourself,
(36:40):
or ways that you really respected somebody saying like hey
I can't do this but I still love you, or
just wild things I would love to hear them. You
can email me Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.
Where can people find you Amy if they'd just have
no idea who you are?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Radio Amy is my handle on Instagram and TikTok and Twitter.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Are you pretty active on TikTok's nice? X?
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Not Twitter but X.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
I'm not active on X and I'm occasionally posting to TikTok.
I more so, just watch the videos Cat sends me
on TikTok that are fun and funny or educational or whatever.
Speaker 4 (37:18):
You always come across good stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
And then radio me dot com is a place where
you can, yeah, learn things, see things, find things, all
the things.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And you have a podcast.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
It's called four Things with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Cat co hosts the Fifth Thing with Me every Tuesday,
which is the bonus episode. It's a four Things podcast,
So Fifth Thing is like the extra do.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You feel weird?
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Shouting out your own stuff. Yeah, okay, I can tell okay,
you're like, if you really want, I don't really post,
but uh, I have a podcast that sometimes comes out
twice a.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Week, but mostly on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
I've just been I don't post that much on TikTok,
but Instagram's your jam. I go to social media for posting.
But and yeah, TikTok has good content to take in.
Where do you spend the most time.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
On Instagram TikTok is?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I can post something on there every once in a while,
but you know that one time I went viral wasn't
worth it, and so that's really scary. And also, I
just like the interaction seems more cohesive on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And maybe that's because we're millennials. Probably I'm like, I
don't know how to work with the TikTok.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Anyway, I hope you guys have the day you need
to have if you want to find me. If you
haven't yet, followed on Instagram at cat dot Defada and
at You Need Therapy podcast. You can also follow my
therapy practice at three Chords Therapy. So many handles, No
wonder you're over on Instagram and instatter follow Yes, follow
them all, well, I only have to manage really one
(38:43):
of them, and I don't do that that well anyway,
I will talk to you guys on Wednesday, hopefully with
some more batcherette content or cap chalks by I
Coming up on you Need Therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
We've gotten emails in the mailbag on the Bobby Bone
Show about this of like I'm just paraphrasing some because
over the years there's been several but like say, you know,
my maid of honor isn't even coming to my bachelorette party,
Like should I, you know, downgrade her? Oh my god,
you know, made of honor to bridesmaid because why isn't
she showing up for me in this way? And it's
(00:23):
like everylready has to go to every single thing.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
If we don't know something about ourselves at this point
in our life.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can
die before you die, then you can really live. There's
a wisdom at death's door.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I thought I was insane, Yeah, and I didn't know
what to do because there was no internet.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel like everything
is hard.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Hey, y'all, my name is Kat. I'm a human first
and a licensed therapist second. And right now I'm inviting
you into conversations that I hope encourage you to become
more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others, and the
world around you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Welcome to You Need Therapy.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You
Need Therapy podcast. My name is Kat I'm the host
and quick reminder her always that although I'm a therapist
in this podcast is called You Need Therapy, nothing that
we talk about in these episodes, or any of these
episodes serves as a replacement or as a substitute for
(01:39):
actual mental health services.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
However, we still hope they can help you on whatever
journey you on.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
And the journey that we are on today is the
journey of bacherette trips bacherette parties. Maybe you can insert
bachelor party if that feels more true to you.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
And I have somebody.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Here to talk about it with me, because I just
thought it would be a little bit more fun to
have a conversation about this with another person versus just
myself who recently went on a bacherette trip that I
can't wait to hear her experience and how she felt
about it. And her name is Amy Brown.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I was at your bachelorette weekend and it was fun.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I had a lot of fun.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
What I hope in this conversation is we're going to
talk about all kinds of things, and I want you
to give your real, honest experience of not just mine,
but also maybe some others that you've been on or
just things that you've seen, and the kind of thing
that prompted me to create an episode on this because
it's kind of weird, like you're talking about bacherette parties,
(02:38):
but your podcast is supposed to be about mental health
and therapy.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Was because last week when we.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Were as a couple weeks ago we went on mine,
I had so many emotions go through me. I was excited.
It was one of the best weekends I think I've
ever had. I felt guilty, I felt nervous, I felt
like sad at some points, and a lot of excitement,
a lot of joy, and so all of that has
(03:04):
to do with feelings and emotions.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
So that has to do with mental health.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
And you definitely cried at the kitchen table one night.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I cried about my dog. I didn't even like, yeah,
I cried about you, uh huh.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
If you were sharing stories and you were like oh,
and then you were laughing, and then you were like
crying and then you were laughing and then you were crying.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
It was sweet. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
And so what I wanted to really bring up and
just have a conversation about is what are badcherette parties
and what are our feelings about them? Where did they
come from? How did they get to be what they
are now? Because when I take a step back, and
when I think about taking step back from even my own,
I get this very overwhelming feeling. And I had that
(03:44):
feeling going into it, especially when people were asking and
when my sister was asking what do you want to do?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
And where do you want to eat? And do you
want to do this?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
And da da da, and I'm like, I'm not used
to making all these decisions for the group. And I
would be like, well, what does everybody else want to do?
And they'd be like it doesn't matter, this is about you,
and I'm like, I don't get it, Like why can't
I be about all of us? And there's just so
many things going on. So I want to break down
what the point of a batcherette trip is. And I
(04:12):
don't know where they started, but I did ask my
mom if she had one and did she no? I said,
did you have a bacherette party. I was texting her
and she said, no, your dad went out the night
before a wedding. I went to the bar with her
best friend. I guess a bar that somebody they knew
worked at and had a drink and then went to bed.
And I was like, okay, but it wasn't like a
(04:34):
thought for her. I don't think they did that. And
then batcherette and bachelor parties were like a one night
It was maybe like the night before the wedding or
the night before the night before, and it was just
like one last celebration, one last shebang.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
Haurrah hurrah.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
It says it came they took off in popularity like
in the seventies and eighties.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Oh really, my mom got married in eighty four. So
do you want to have a late batcherette party moment? Anyway,
I want to hear from you when you think about
a baucherette party, what things come to mind? Like now,
not from the Saturday's eighties, but when you think about
a baucherette party, what are the images and words and
thoughts that come in your head?
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Girls?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Connection, fun, bonding, relaxing like Mine's not it's more just
being together lagerie, maybe celebrating gifts, like talking about funny things.
I don't know, pin the penis on your partner. That's
what happened at mine.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
So okay, you had one. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Well I didn't have a weekend, but I had a party.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So for one night we all got together at my
friend Jill's house, and for some of it, my mom
and my mother in law were there, and my friend
Jill had all the ice cubes were penis shaped. She
made She got the mold, you know, and filled it
up with water and made her own ice cubes.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
That's cute.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
And they were some were big, some were small.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
And I remember her going out to Ben's small and
she's like, do you want a big one or.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
A small one? And I was like, this is all wait.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
My parents were all there, just my mom and my
mother in law okay for some of it okay, and
it was all girls okay. And then them did they
buy you lingerie? I don't remember exactly. I don't remember.
I just remember Jill asking my soon to be mother
in law, who's like the sweetest, most precious, quiet spoken
(06:21):
person on the planet, if she wanted a big one
or a small one and then I'm pretty sure Jill
also asked her if she wanted to be blindfolded to
pin the penis le bin because they had done a big,
huge blow up that's funny of him, like a life
size and then you spin around and try to pin it.
I mean, it wasn't a bunch of activities like that.
(06:42):
I think that was only one and it was just funny, yeah,
and comical. She had manicurists come to her house, so
everybody rotated like getting a manicure, and we had food
and cake and we all hung out.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
And then after that we all.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Went downtown Austin and we went to a club and
danced and hung out and then that was it.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Wait, that's so fun It's funny when you said your words,
because the things that.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Come to my mind are different, really, So that's what
you said is like what I would want. I like that,
like connection, friends, fun games. But when I think of
bachelerette parties now, I think of like matching outfits, I
think of party buses.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I think of a lot of money. I think of that's.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Because we live in Nashville, and every bachelet party in
the world comes here and we see them you know,
on a pedal tavern with their with the matching outfits
and which you had matching sweatshirts at yours, but that
was for the pickleball.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Well, when I actually talked to my sister about that,
I was like, what if somebody doesn't want to wear this?
But they were really inexpensive. Nobody had to spend any
extra money to get them. And it was a sweatshirt.
It wasn't like you have to go find an all
cow hide patterned tedd to toe outfit with silver boots
and you have to do your hair this way.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That's what we're wearing.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
That's what we're doing, right, and if you don't want
to wear that, you can't come. Okay on the party
bus wow, And one of my friends texted me about
our other friend who didn't get to come her batchlet
party that we went to when we're twenty three, and
it was so different one we were ten years younger.
But it was like the most basic, Like we stayed
(08:21):
in an average condo, we were at the beach. We
didn't have matching outfits. We just went to the bar
next door at night. There wasn't a balloon arch, there
wasn't a goodie bag that was worth one hundred and
fifty dollars that everybody got. There wasn't a private chef,
and there wasn't like you know what there seems to
(08:42):
be now.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It was very but it was so much fun.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And I've watched the batchlet parties that I've been on
and that I've also just seen on social media. As
the last ten years have gone by, they have become
so extravagant, right, I.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Mean from what I can tell some people, Yeah, it's
the thing.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So I've found this fun fact from I guess there's a.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Party playing app. I think there's a lot of these.
It's a business batch ret parties right now, businesses. I
think that's one of the issues is now it's something
that people can make money off of. I want you
to guess in twenty twenty three, what the average cost
of a batchelerette party is.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay, just one party or a weekend or one party
per person or in total.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
You can do either.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay, well, if it's a weekend away, I guess, just
depending on how many girls are splitting it in the
price of something. But I don't know five hundred dollars
a person. I'm leaving some blank space there because that
sounds wonderful. But the average cost for a typical, not
high end, typical batcherette party is now one two hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, that's a mean, that's a lot to ask of
your friends your bridal party, when they're already spending money
on address and maybe traveling to the wedding and gifts,
and yeah, what about that?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
And I say this to everybody, I just had one,
and I don't know how much it ended up being
per person.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
We could well, I could tell you, we could do.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
The math, but it was worth every penny well, and
I think it was special.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And the ones that I've been on, I've never regretted
going on one that I've chosen to go on. But
I just wanted to put this out here because when
we say it like that, that's a lot of money,
and it is a lot to ask. And one, it's
okay if that feels overwhelming and you can't do it.
And two, for the form the perspective of the bride,
if somebody can't do that, that's okay. It doesn't mean
(10:35):
you have to change what you want to do. It
just means that not everybody will be able to go, possibly,
and that has nothing to do with people liking you
or thinking you're special. There's just more to it, and
I think it can become very misunderstood, and.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
As the bride to be, you know, a couple of
weeks ago, when we were doing that, if there was
someone that hadn't or wasn't gonna be able to come
because of for whatever reason, probably maybe the finances, Like
how you would understand as the.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Bride, Yes, I had a friend, one of my best
friends from college didn't wasn't able to come because she
just couldn't make it work with things that she has
going on with her family right now. And she had
agreed to go and then texted me a little bit
later and was like, actually, I said yes because I
really want to go, but.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I can't do this.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
And I was like, oh my gosh, that's totally obviously
I want you to come, and I'm sad, but I'm
not going to be mad at you that you can't
make this work and take this time and this money.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
But you know that this is probably a hot button
for a lot of yes brides or friendships or grooms
if they're having the bachelor party or something like if
one of their people decides, for whatever reason, they can't go,
they may take it very personally when you know we shouldn't.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
It's sort of like the mail robins.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Let them, but not really because I don't know that
you're just like disregarding, like like you haven't been invited.
Oh that's another thing, how to decide how you're going
to invite to the party. But if you don't get invited,
that's where they let them. Theory can kind of come
in of like, Okay, I wasn't included in that. That's fine,
let them because I don't want to take up space
in my brain with that.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
It's like, okay, okay, that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It is what it is, and now I'm going to
move on and not be offended by it. But I
think there's brides We've gotten emails in the mail bag
on the Bobby Bone Show about this. We've gotten emails
in the mail bag on the Bobby Bone Show about this.
Of like I'm just paraphrasing some because over the years
(12:38):
there's been several but like say, you know, my maid
of honor isn't even coming to my bachelorette party, Like
should I you know, downgrade her, Oh my god, you know,
made of honor to bridesmaid, because why isn't she showing
up for me in this way? And it's like, not
everybody has to go to every single thing or there's
also been speaking back to the money thing.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
We had a mail bag recently.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I can't remember if it was a bachelor or a bachelorette,
but it was going to be expensive and the wedding
was already a lot and it's like, do I have
to go to this?
Speaker 4 (13:09):
You know?
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, Well, so I want to go back to the
downgrading of the maid of honor because I get that,
in one respect, maybe your feelings are hurt of they're
not making the effort. However, the other thing is what's
the point of a maid of honor because a lot
of times we look at it as the person who's
going to plan our Batchelotte party now versus my maid
(13:30):
of honor really means what it is the person that
I want right next to me as I go and
marry this person that I hope to be with for
the rest of my life, that I want to be
supporting me the closest. That's what that is for. And
so if she can't come to your bacheyrette party. There
is so much space for that to suck and for
(13:50):
you to be sad and disappointed. But I don't know
that that means that then they aren't able to still
support you in your marriage, right.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, I mean I personally wouldn't write that, but I
give that respond that way. No, I totally get that.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
I think that's one of the reasons I wanted to
bring this up is because we've blown out of proportion
what a baucherette trip is for. It used to be
one night a party, to have this one last hurrah
with your girls, to celebrate one celebrate you. Bacher culture
is a whole different thing.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Which I mean some of that has been more debauchery,
I guess, yeah, guy side of things, and you know
which that I don't.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Yeah, I'm not into that.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Like when I was getting married, I had my one
night thing, like with my girlfriends.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
We didn't even spend the night together.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Everybody went home and then whatever bind did I think
they played poker and then they golfed, So maybe it
was golf during the day and then like a little
poker tournament at night with like cigars and drinks or whatnot,
Like it's very low key with the guys, which but
but some people still go all out and do the
whole like my Last Night of Freedom the Strip Club.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah, so I into a trip club one time in
my life and I went against my will.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
It was a birthday party. They told me we were
going to this.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
It was called the Cheetah, and they told me that
it was like a bar and it had like it
was glass floors and there's cheetahs walk around underneath. So
I was like, oh go, it wasn't There was no
actual cheetahs. Anyway, there was a bachelor party there, and
I have a little bit of regret because this guy
was really like what the heck?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
I question?
Speaker 3 (15:25):
This man was like, I don't understand why you're here.
I don't get why you need to come here to
celebrate marrying the person that you're gonna marry. Isn't she upset?
Which she like a whole thing. And I think he
was like I was just trying to have a good time,
and I'm like okay, and they're like she needs to go.
I'm like trying to, like you know, like read some
Bible stories to him. Not really, but anyway, that's a
(15:50):
whole different thing of that culture and what that is like.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
But well, I've been to a bachelorette party in Vegas
and we went to Thunder down Under.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Is that a wait, that's the like a Chippendales.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Kind of thing. Yeah, you know it's a show.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Okay, they have their shirts off in the little blow tie.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
And like, if strip clubs are your thing, that's not
what I'm here to. Like really the part Yeah, it's
really okay. What is the point of these parties? Is
what are we celebrating? And then what have they accidentally
turned into? Where they actually accidentally have turned into these
like tests that like are you really my ride or died?
(16:25):
Do you really care about me? Or how can I
have the most extravagant, most instagram worthy? Like One of
the questions I would love to be able to answer
is what would bacherette parties be like today if social
media didn't exist? Because if I think about the decor
that we used to put up versus the decor that
people do now sometimes which is beautiful. You can, like
(16:47):
I said, there's this is a business. You can hire
somebody to come decorate. You're already bacherette themed Airbnb that
exists before you get there, with backdrops and balloons and
streamers in this and all the stuff. So they've become
these huge, extravagant things that were just sometimes I feel
(17:07):
like we're just trying to get a good picture versus
what you said, like connection celebration where it can be both,
but I think sometimes one trump's the other, and we
miss some of the celebration, the connection because we're worried
about making it perfect and look this way and something
that people are going like, oh my gosh, did you
see her on Cloud nine batchrette trip, da da da da?
(17:28):
Did you see her balloon arch? Did you see her
matching whatever cowhide.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Outfits on silver boots and this hair? Specifically? You know,
something fun we did at yours that I thought that
was special and fun and I would assume helped you
feel seen as a friend was everyone was asked to
buy a shirt that made them think of you, and
then we all put it on at one point, and
we all walked out into the living room and you
(17:55):
got to walk around and look at everybody's shirt that
they had picked out specifically for you, And I just
remember looking at your face and you were lit up
and like each person you would look and just start
laughing and then there would be this moment of connection.
And that was a really special way to find something.
I mean a lot of girls just ordered the shirts
on Amazon or Etsy or maybe they made it like.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
It wasn't anything crazy, but.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
It was a nice touch and I feel like you
as a bride, yeah, it just helped you feel seen
and loved.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
And what was cool was every shirt was so different
and it highlighted the friendship I have with each person,
in the relationship I have with each person and our
jokes and all of that. But one of the things
that I was very adamant about when doing this because
I'm somebody who can easily get lost in that the Instagram.
I mean, I don't have like an aesthetically pleasing Instagram,
(18:48):
but I can get lost and oh that's so pretty
or that looks so cool, and then I have to
come back to Okay, But do I want to put
the energy into doing that or is that is the
work worth what that looks like? And so when I
was planning this, where I didn't plan it, I just
like told my sister the kind of vibe I wanted.
I really told her, I want to go and do things.
(19:09):
I want to do things that I like, like playing pickleball,
playing having a game night. But I really just want
everybody to be able to have a good time and
relax and enjoy each other and laugh. Like That's what
I wanted, and that is what I really want to
encourage people to think about when they are whether choosing
(19:31):
to go on one of these or also getting really
anxious about planning them. I planned one for a friend
actually in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
The year before.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
And if you know me, you know that I am
not good at attention to detail. I want to be crafty,
but I'm not artistic. And you're not ever going to
call me to plan a vacation. I'm not the person
who's going to do that because I'll either do nothing
or I spend way too much time on it. And
(20:04):
I wanted this to be like the most special weekend
for my friend and I really worked myself up over it,
and she was like, I just want to hang out
with you guys, And I'm like, oh, okay, so you don't.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
You don't care that I made. I made this backdrop.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I went to hobby lobby, I got all these things,
I cut all these things I spent hours on my
office in between sessions cutting out felt to spell these words.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Have you ever tried to cut letters that have felt
you need to do it backwards?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
I haven't, And she would liked that, but she was like,
I just liked I just want to be with you guys,
And I'm like, okay, we're getting lost in the woods.
And so the mutty, we don't have to spend all
that money to enjoy and celebrate each other. And a
question I ask clients a lot is if you couldn't
post about doing that on Instagram, would you.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Still do it?
Speaker 3 (20:53):
It's my favorite question to ask when people make goals,
like athletic goals like running a marathon. Okay, well would
you run that marathon if you couldn't post Instagram about it?
A lot of times they would say no, really, yes, wow,
which I think is very talent. And I said, Okay,
then you shouldn't do it. It didn't sound like that's
something you really want to do. It's something that you
want people to know that you did, but it's not
(21:14):
something you want to do.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And so dang, when I run my marathon, there was
no Instagram, there was no Facebook. So that's what I'm
saying there must know nothing, But I mean that would
have been that it is an accomplishment.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Where you're like, oh, I just ran a marathon. But yeah,
it's like, what's the motive are you doing it?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
I think it's fair to like care that people know,
but is that the full motivation? And so when we're
planning these trips or we're thinking about these trips, would
we do this if we couldn't post the picture of
this on Instagram? And if we wouldn't, Okay, then what
would you spend that time, energy, money on?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
And can you do that?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That's a good question to ask yourself about anything anything.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:53):
The other thing I find pretty interesting about and we
kind of touched on this with Bacherett culture is the
drinking aspect because that's been such a big part of it,
and I mean, especially in Nashville.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
If you haven't ever been to Nashville.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
My office is very close to Broadway, but it's on
a street that party buses every day of the week
will drive by all hours of the day, and so
there's a lot of drinking, a lot of like over
consumption and like, this is not a podcast about alcoholism
or addiction.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And sobriety at all.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
But I think it's fair for people who don't really
like doing that or maybe are trying to be sober
or have struggle with that in the past, that that's
something that can get in the way of either if
you're a bride, well, then what do I do?
Speaker 1 (22:42):
And are people still going to want to come?
Speaker 3 (22:44):
And if I am, if I am invited, what if
I don't feel okay?
Speaker 1 (22:49):
What do I do about that? Can I tell them that?
Do I have to just suck it up? There's just
pressure to drink to drink. Yeah, is that something you've
I assume you've seen that. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I mean I didn't feel that at yours at all.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
There was there's a few girls that were pregnant, yeah,
and so that's good, Like they were not drinking, yeah,
And I never felt pressure if anything.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I mean, there was some fun.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Moments like I can't remember the last time I took
a shot, and I know I took.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
A shot with you actually too, and it was fun.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
But then I sort of stopped after that and there
was no pressure to keep going.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
I feel like there was both ends.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
There was a pregnant girls not drinking, but they still
participated in the fun like when we played flip cup,
like they just did water instead of alcohol. And then
there was on the other and the things a couple
of girls that were, yeah, they were the life of
the party and they were going to make sure that
everybody had a drink if they wanted one, and they
would walk around with trays of drinks serving people. But
(23:52):
there was stuff on both ends and then people in between.
I feel like I was sort of maybe in between,
and I think that creating a welcoming space like that,
so no matter what anybody is feeling or going through,
they feel safe to not drink or drink.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, and that was the environment you had.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
So I don't know if that was intentional, but I
never felt uncomfortable, but I could see how some parties
may absolutely feel that way.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Well, yeah, I think that this can be so different.
So specifically for me, I can drink, but I also
cannot drink. Like I can do it and I'm happy
to do it, and then like I can have a
day and have fun without it, and so I also
don't really care if the people around me are drinking either.
(24:40):
I can drink if you're not drinking, and I also
canot drink if you're drinking, and so that's went into
my we can especially because one of the people who
were pregnant was my sister and so I did want
my sister to enjoy the weekend, and so that was
part of my thought process. However, some brides that's what
they want. They want a party and the sake of
(25:01):
over consumption kind of type of party. And I would
just like to put out there for anybody who that's
not their vibe. If the space doesn't feel safe for
you to stay within what feels okay for you, if
there is that type of pressure, then it really sounds
like that's not somewhere you need to be.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
If you don't get if you don't feel like you
can make choices.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
For yourself, if that wouldn't be respected, and so if
that is the pressure, and that's the question.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like I don't know, like I feel like if I go,
I'm gonna have to drink.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
And that's your answer, I think, and that there's I'm
not saying that the bride needs to change what she's doing,
because the bride gets to decide and then we get
decide if we want to go or not. But I
think there's a lot of times this will I feel
like I have to and I want people to take
that kind of permission and power back. The other thought
before we close this out, because I did do an
(25:50):
episode a while ago about it was really about living
together before marriage, but we talked a lot about the
average age of people getting married is getting higher. How
do you think that people getting married later has also
played a role in bacherette parties becoming more extravagant.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Because if they're getting married later in life, they have
more money.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
I'm just asking you, like, what would you assume, like
why do you think that do you think that plays
a role in it?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Well, I would assume you have more expendable income if
you're marrying later than if you're in your early twenties,
depending because yeah, I'm kind of shocked. Actually, the vaguest
one I went on, I was in my early twenties,
but it was like we were all having to like
share root, like it's a very time budget. Like it
was not that relaxing. In fact, I remember being a
(26:39):
little bit stressful because of that. But I still wanted
to go. Yeah, and I think if I had said no,
that would have been fine, But I didn't want it.
I was like, no, I'm going to be a part
of this, so I made it work. But yeah, social
media gives people a way to see what everybody else
has going on, and they're like, oh, well, if they're
(26:59):
doing that, I want to do that. Which before there
wasn't a place to blast it everywhere, so you didn't
know really what people were doing.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
There was no way to compare.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You didn't know I people were sharing ruse or had this.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You didn't have to keep up with the Joneses bachelorette parties.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, and I remember talking to some of my friends
being like, well, when I get married, since I'm going
to be like, however, old, when I get married, we're
all going to go fly to Mexico and we're going
to do this, and we're going to do that. And
then when it came to it, I was like, we're
not doing that, Like that sounds nice, but yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
We were older.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
So sure, maybe some of us have more what is
the word expendable income?
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Is that the right term?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, we have that, but that doesn't mean that that's
the way that we want to spend our money. First
of all, and I think that that we need to
allow that to be a thing. It's like I might
have more money, I might make more money now, but
you actually we might be using that money for different
things than we were using it when we were twenty three.
And the other thing is like this in almost this entitlement,
where at twenty three I would sleep in a bed
(27:59):
with three other people and be like cool. Actually I
did do that at like thirty on a trip, but
it's like now it's like if I'm gonna go, I
need and I deserve and I whatever this kind of
room and the da da da da. And I think
part of that really does come from what you're saying
is I'm seeing what other people are doing and I
(28:19):
should be able to do that. But again I would
encourage people to ask, but do I need that? And
do is that really me? Or like, am I fine
to share this room with this person?
Speaker 4 (28:28):
I shared a room at your bachelorette with three people.
I shared three people, so I shared a bed.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well that sort of got sorted out because one of
the girls had a fever, so like you're in that
bed by yourself, and then I slept with someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
But it was fun.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I felt like it was sixteen girls, which was a
lot in a house in a The house was pretty big,
but we still had to share beds. Yeah, and it
was fun, Like and I'm forty two, Yeah you can.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
If we shared a bed moment to New York.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Yeah, well, and like that's fine if like you aren't
the type of person that wants to do that. My
point in that is, like it is okay to still
create an environment. It can be a little nicer, sure,
if you have the money and you want to spend it,
but it's okay if you don't want to, Like, that's okay.
What I want people to hear in this is two things.
Maybe this might turn into like five things with just
(29:18):
how I talk. One, for the bride, I want you
to think about what is the point of this and
how do the choices and the decisions we're making about
this reflect that? And if they don't reflect that, then
maybe I need to do some course correction. And for
the person going, I want you to think about, Okay,
(29:39):
what is the point in me going? And can I
make that happen? And does going on this trip reflect
what the point of me going would be if I'm
just doing this because I feel like I feel pressured
to I don't know that that's going to feel very good.
There's going to be some friction and some tension, some
resentment about spending money, which might create a bigger issue
(29:59):
than you saying like I don't think that I can
make this work, and so that's what I really in
the big picture, I want people to.
Speaker 4 (30:07):
Think about this.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
You're talking about bachelorette, bachelor parties and whatnot, but this
could be for the actual wedding. It could be for
a birthday party, you know, like your thirtieth birthday, your fortieth,
like the milestones that you tend to celebrate, or Christmas
parties or.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
Yeah, anyway, when.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
You really sit down and think of why am I
throwing this party, Why am I wanting to get these
people together, build out yeah, all the reasons why, and
to make sure you're in alignment. I feel like that's
what I'm getting from all of this is sometimes we're
planning things based on what others are doing, and we
would walk away more fulfilled if we were doing what
(30:48):
we actually wanted to do. Regardless of where it falls
in all the different things that we've mentioned, there's no
right or wrong way to do it, but is it
what you want to do. YEA.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
What we're really saying is just take some power back
and with anything, you don't have to do something just
because that's the way other people do it or that's
just what you do.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
There was a.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Therapist that I worked with I've mentioned on here before.
He was a brilliant therapist, but he had been doing
it for a while and times were changing, and we
were bringing some things up to him week after a
week and bringing these new ideas and also being like, oh, you.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Can't really say that anymore or that's not really.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Appropriate, and he would always say, well, I don't get it.
We've done it this way for fifteen years, and fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
We never had any issue, and now all.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Of a sudden, and I'm like, just because you did
it for fifteen years and it worked, it doesn't mean
that it's going to work the sixteenth year. So sometimes
it didn't and we had to learn that the hardware,
or maybe he did, or maybe he'd never never learned.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
That's really what we're saying is just because everybody else,
that's what you do, that's what you see on social media,
that's what you did it your friends, that's what so
and said said was fun. TikTok gave you this idea
and they said it was the most popular theme of
the It doesn't mean that that is what you have
to want to do. And there's going to be some
(32:09):
icky bubbly feelings, some resentment, some maybe some regret, some
sadness and grief if you don't allow yourself to stay
true to what actually would accomplish the goals that you have.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
And I think the goal should be cup full, like
things that fill your cup up and not deplete you.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
And that could be different for everybody.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, so that goes back to like, I don't want
people to hear any judgment because if you want to
go to I mean, Patrick's.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
Going to Vegas for his Badgery party. If you want
to go to Vegas.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
And you want to, you know, spend twenty thousand dollars
at a casino and your partners okay with that. And
if you want to, if you want to be drinking
every day, if that fills your cup.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
The point of this podcast is not to say that
that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
If you want a policeman and a fireman knocking on
your door, if you want to go.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
To the Cheetah, then you can do that, but I
want you to do it because you want to do
that and not because that's what you saw on the hangover.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Yeah, and one thing we were going to do over
the weekend for you was there was a hike planned.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I think it's also important to read the room.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
And then you, as the bride to be, you were
the one that made that call to not go on
the hike. Every single girl, if you had said we're
going on the hike, we would be like, Okay, we're
going on the hike. But you were like, eh, I
don't really want to do the hike anymore, and we
all just said okay.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
And I'm sure that there's some groups of people where
someone's going to get all up in arms because the
hike was on the schedule and now we're not doing
the hike. But you're the bride and you get to
decide like it's your party, and that ended up being okay,
and we all just went with the flow. So my
encouragement would be be Bendy, be breezy.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Breezy and Bendy. I do have a regret from that trip.
It's not going on the hike. Well, it's not the
hike I had been on that hike twice, and it
is a really pretty hike. One of the reason I
didn't want to go was because it was an hour away,
so it would be in the car so much, and
I'm like, Oh, do we really want to spend we
drove five hours here, do we want to drive and whatever?
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Probably not.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
My only regret is and I couldn't have I guess
I really couldn't have known this till afterwards. I wish
we still would have gone to that brewery we were
supposed to go to that day instead of going downtown.
So we were in Asheville and we were supposed to
go on this hike and then on the way back
stop at Sierra Nevada. And I've only been there once,
but I went there when it was really nice outside,
and so I personally don't like beer, so I wasn't
(34:28):
going there to drink. I was going there for the vibes.
And so it was cold that day and I was like, Oh,
maybe we shouldn't go. Let's just go walk around to
Asheville and like pop into some shops and buy some
Christmas ornaments, which I did, and I got a pick
a ball ornament.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Did I show it to you. Oh you missed the
pickleball part.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
Yeah I did, Okay, I was driving in when y'all
were playing.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
It was so it was so cute to buy the
pick a ball ornament in ashvill because we played pickaball
in Asheville and on the ornament it says stay out
of the kitchen. And if you've played, you know that,
like that's the area, yiky, you're not supposed to be in.
It's cute anyway. I wish we would have still gone
to Sana, Nevada, because I learned that when it's cold,
they have like fire pits and blankets and stuff, and
I'm like, that's the vibe I want. I want to
(35:09):
be around a fire pit with a blanket playing cards.
So that's my only man. I wish we would have
done that, but I thought it would have just been cold.
I didn't know they had like fire pits and stuff,
so I didn't want to go sit there be cold.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
And also not even for beer.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Hey, another reason to go back and plan another girl's
trip or something just for fun.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
So we'll do my year anniversary batcherette trip. So now
we're talking about this is so extravagant. Well, this is
what we're adding. So I hope this was helpful to
anybody who's ever felt pressure being in any of those positions.
I'm sure we've all either either have been married or
you know somebody who's been married, and so this can
come with a lot of emotions and come back to
(35:46):
the point that, like, this is a celebratory time, and
we have the ability to ask to be celebrated in
a way that makes sense to us, and if the
people around us can't do that, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
We can also respect that, and we're also allowed to
have feelings and be sad about it.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
However, we want you to have the batcheorette that you
need to have. I see what you did there. Yeah,
that just came to me out of.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
The wedding that you need to have. Yeah, have the
birthday that you need to have. Yeah, and then ultimately
have the day that you need to have.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, And when it all comes to the end, have
the day you need to have.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Okay, Guys, if you have any questions, this would be
a really fun feedback episode if you have any experiences,
good or bad in being able to ask for what
you want. I mean kind of like how Amy was
sharing with the things you've gotten from the show. If
you have any stories that might be helpful for people
to hear, things in ways that you've stood up for yourself,
(36:40):
or ways that you really respected somebody saying like hey
I can't do this but I still love you, or
just wild things I would love to hear them. You
can email me Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.
Where can people find you Amy if they'd just have
no idea who you are?
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Radio Amy is my handle on Instagram and TikTok and Twitter.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Are you pretty active on TikTok's nice? X?
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Not Twitter but X.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
I'm not active on X and I'm occasionally posting to TikTok.
I more so, just watch the videos Cat sends me
on TikTok that are fun and funny or educational or whatever.
Speaker 4 (37:18):
You always come across good stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
And then radio me dot com is a place where
you can, yeah, learn things, see things, find things, all
the things.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And you have a podcast.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
It's called four Things with Amy Brown.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Cat co hosts the Fifth Thing with Me every Tuesday,
which is the bonus episode. It's a four Things podcast,
So Fifth Thing is like the extra do.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You feel weird?
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Shouting out your own stuff. Yeah, okay, I can tell okay,
you're like, if you really want, I don't really post,
but uh, I have a podcast that sometimes comes out
twice a.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Week, but mostly on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
I've just been I don't post that much on TikTok,
but Instagram's your jam. I go to social media for posting.
But and yeah, TikTok has good content to take in.
Where do you spend the most time.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
On Instagram TikTok is?
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I can post something on there every once in a while,
but you know that one time I went viral wasn't
worth it, and so that's really scary. And also, I
just like the interaction seems more cohesive on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And maybe that's because we're millennials. Probably I'm like, I
don't know how to work with the TikTok.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Anyway, I hope you guys have the day you need
to have if you want to find me. If you
haven't yet, followed on Instagram at cat dot Defada and
at You Need Therapy podcast. You can also follow my
therapy practice at three Chords Therapy. So many handles, No
wonder you're over on Instagram and instatter follow Yes, follow
them all, well, I only have to manage really one
(38:43):
of them, and I don't do that that well anyway,
I will talk to you guys on Wednesday, hopefully with
some more batcherette content or cap chalks by I
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