December 4, 2024 • 15 mins
Couch Talks is the bonus episode of You Need Therapy where Kat answers questions that listeners send to kathryn@youneedtherapypodcast.com. This week, Kat answers a question about an alarming letter that a listener received from a family member and discusses what could be helpful when you are worried about behavior that feels peculiar, “wacky”, and crazy.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch
Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat
and I am the host. And if you are wondering
what couch Talks is, it is the special bonus episode
of You Need Therapy Podcast that comes out every single Wednesday,
where I answer questions that you guys send into me
and you can send those two Katherine at you Need
(00:30):
Therapy podcast dot com. Now, before we get into the
question today, I want to remind everybody as always that
although I'm a therapist and I'm answering questions, I'm giving
some feedback. This podcast does not serve as a replacement
or substitute for actual mental health services. So if you
are new again, this is where I answer questions that
you guys send in and I try to do one
(00:53):
a week. Sometimes I do two if I'm doing smaller,
quicker ones, but usually it's one a week. We always
keep them, and today we have a good one, so
let's get right into it. Hey, Kat, I recently reconnected
with my cousins on my dad's side of the family,
and I have received a letter in the mail from
the oldest about how my soul is doomed if I
(01:15):
cannot become vegan by January twenty eighth. He follows the
teachings of some master guru who owns a bunch of
vegan chain restaurants around the US. The letter was alarming,
especially since he outlined why he wasn't in a cult.
My family is labeling him as a wacko. But I
can clearly see how alarming this is. I want to
(01:36):
reach out. I don't want him isolated from the family
even further. Not really sure what to do PS I
feel like all my cult education should have prepared me
for this moment. Okay, so I actually contacted this person.
I got a little bit more information about what was
going on, and okay, so if you are a avid
(01:56):
follower of the podcast, you know that last year I
went on a deep dive into cults and I have
a full episode about brainwashing and the power of cults
if anyone is interested in learning more about that. In general,
I also highly recommend the book Cultish, which is about
the language of cults and talks about what makes a
cult to cult and what makes a cult dangerous. I
(02:17):
think a lot of us think that cults are bad
because we know them to have harmed a lot of
vulnerable people, and a lot of cults are bad. I
think a lot of things can also be labeled and
can fit into the cult category that aren't bad and
can be helpful. We're all part of cult e type
situations regardless. When we hear the word cult, it comes
(02:40):
with a really negative connotation. And I think this letter
was really scary for somebody to read, and it felt
like the person was out of touch with reality for
some reason or another that used to be in touch
with reality. Now, this question is not really about cults
in general, so I wanted to start with that. It's
more about how do I respond to this letter from
(03:01):
a family member who seems to maybe be in a cult.
I think a very common reaction from people towards those
who may be in these kinds of groups, whether that's
a cult or just a group that feels very strange
and out of touch of reality, or in this case,
a group that feels very strict, like this person's saying,
(03:24):
your soul's doomed if you can't be vegan. I think
a very common reaction from receiving information from somebody in
one of those groups is to say that they are
crazy or they've lost their mind, and then to stay away,
which I'm not saying is wrong. We're just going to
talk about that. I think it's really really important here
(03:44):
to mention that often when somebody's behavior is being called
crazy or wacky or psychotic, it's because their behavior is
crazy or wacky or psychotic. But those terms are used
in this very judge, mental and damaging way rather than
helpful and descriptive. Calling somebody psychotic and dismissing them is
(04:06):
not helpful. But if we actually pay attention to what
does somebody being psychotic mean? Because if we're calling somebody
psychotic and they are, and then we're dismissing them, we
are ignoring a mental health crisis. Calling somebody psychotic isn't
supposed to be a slur. It's a descriptive word used
to identify symptoms of a mental health diagnosis. Those who
(04:27):
are having psychotic breaks or somebody who's experiencing psychosis delusions,
they very much just look like they're going mad. They're
out of touch with reality. So this letter sounds like
the person who wrote it is a little out of
touch with reality. Saying that you were going to die
and your soul is going to be doomed if you
do not become a vegan. Is something that feels very
(04:48):
out of touch with reality, but to this person it
feels very true. So that person, if they are experiencing
a mental health crisis, that person's not going to get
any better just by somebody being and like you're crazy
and then turning in the other cheek. It doesn't mean
you have to get involved. That's not what I'm saying
at all. But when we call people crazy and then
we just ignore them when like really, actually maybe they
(05:10):
are having psychotic features and that's not so much there's
something like inherently wrong with them. It's there's something going
on with their mind. There is an illness in their mind,
and mental illness like I just it's I even get
tongue tied, as you can tell talking about it. Because
mental illness is a thing. We have a sickness in
(05:30):
our brain, just like physical illness is a thing. There
is a sickness, there is something in our physical body.
And it is so hard for people to wrap their
brains around our own brains or on the fact that
when somebody is acting out of touch with reality, if
their brain is not working correctly, maybe there is something
going on with their brain. To me, I'm like trying
(05:51):
to think of a way to compare it.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
To a physical illness. It's almost like if somebody is.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Having a seizure and we just ignore it, we're like, oh,
that person's seizure weird, when that might be signaling that
they have some other illness happening in their body. There's
something going on, they have epilepsy or some other health condition.
If somebody has a fever, that is signaling that they
have a physical illness. Like that, those are symptoms of
an illness, and so are psychotic features and delusions and
(06:21):
things like that. Those are symptoms of actual illnesses. But
the illnesses in our mind not like our immune system.
Although I will say physical illness, mental health, all of
that actually is tied up and connected to our immune system.
But that's a conversation for another day. Now. When it
comes to this situation, I don't know if that's actually
(06:42):
going on. I'm not diagnosing this person with any kind
of illness because I don't know them and I don't
have enough information, and also that's not what I do
on this podcast. But I think it warrants concern based
on what I have seen, what I have read, and again,
like I said, I was able to read this letter
and what this person that wrote in is reference seeing
the actual letter they received is very alarming from my
(07:03):
perspective as well. And who knows. There could be a
million things that are going on. They could be blackmailed
to be sending these letters from somebody, They could be
being controlled by somebody, or being threatened in some other way.
There's a lot of things that could be going on
other than them just being, for a lack of a
better way to describe this, in quotes a wacko and
they're just being their weird selves.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Because if we think about the term.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Weird, I just have to say this for a second,
but we think about that when we call somebody weird,
that mean they're different than us. It's very different for
me to say, oh, that person's weird, when yeah, that
might be judgmental, but maybe they just like possibly dress
in a way that I don't prefer to dress, or
they like a type of music that I think is
(07:45):
not great. Like, there is a very large spectrum of
being weird, and we can use a lot of words
like crazy and wacky, and whatever to describe a lot
of things that are actually very different. So somebody being
a wacko, I might say that because they like to
put I don't know why this is coming to my head,
(08:06):
but they like to put jelly on every single thing
that they eat, I might be like, they're wacky. That
doesn't mean they're having a psychotic break. But I also
can use that same term to describe somebody who is
having a psychotic break. And so I think it's very
important to be intentional and aware of the differences because
this type of weird behavior warrants a definite concern. Versus,
(08:29):
if somebody likes to put jelly on everything they eat,
I think that they're okay for the most part, unless
there's other things that are also going on as well.
But if that's the only thing they're doing that is
out of the ordinary, then I don't think we need
to do a well for a check or anything now,
because we don't have enough information to identify what's going
on here, and regardless, we don't have control over anyone
(08:51):
other than ourselves. Little reminder, I think what I would
encourage somebody in this situation to do is to ask
what response feels congruent with their moral compass and reality.
So I say reality because we may want to save
somebody or we might want to fix something, but realistically
we have to look at how little power we actually
have over other people's lives, although we can make a
(09:14):
difference by our behaviors at times. So I might start
with looking at what I want to do here and
what I actually can do.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I might want to save somebody, but what can I do?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I can express concern, and so again look at what
would fit within your moral compass and your values. Does
it feel in line with me to ignore and just
protect myself? Does it feel in line with me to
cause behavior crazy and make fun of him? Does it
feel in line with me to respond to the letter
sharing my feelings or thoughts. Does it feel in line
with me to set a boundary and cut off communication
(09:46):
with this person? So looking at what I want to do,
look at what I actually can do, while looking at
what feels in line with my moral compass. I think
that there are a lot of options that you can
do in this specific situations, and they aren't all right,
they aren't all wrong. Some of them are going to
be better suited with you than others. You mentioned that
(10:06):
you don't want this person isolated from the family even further,
which I really appreciate because I think this person is
really thinking about this at a deeper level than a
lot of people might think about this, just because it's
easier just to be like, like I said, you're crazy. Bye.
So you said you don't want this person to be
isolated from the family even further. Is there a way
for you to keep in contact with him that does
(10:28):
not feel like it then puts you or your family
or anybody in your life at risk, because sometimes also
if there is a mental health crisis going on, there
could be some danger involved as well, and so you
might not want to put yourself in the line of fire.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But there are people that are trained and they do
this for a living.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So I am not a firefighter, so I probably am
not going to, for the most part, run into a
burning building to try to put out a fire that
has taken over a home. But I might call it
the fire department to come help me do that. So
is there a way for you to express that you care?
Is there a way for you to express concern for him.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
That feels safe to you?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
If that's what you come down to, if it comes
down to I want to express some kind of concern
for this person, is there a way for you to
do that that would be safe and could be the
most powerful in the little power that we have. Personally,
if I got a letter like this from a friend
or a family member, I would reach out to the
people closest to them to check in, to express concern,
(11:28):
to ask if there's something that you need to know,
or maybe to give information that the people around them
might not know. That is what I would do. You
can't tell them you're experiencing delusions in psychosis from a distance, right,
They're not going to be able to receive that because
those things are very real to them. Now take that
with a grain of salt. This is not for everybody,
but generally, when somebody is going through something that is
(11:50):
their reality, they are out of touch with reality. So
when you tell them that, that doesn't really make very
much sense. Just like if I tell you that you're
crazy and you're not crazy, you're to be like, I'm
not crazy. Well, if you tell somebody who's crazy, And
again when I say crazy, I mean how we sometimes
can perceive somebody who's experiensing psychosis if we just tell
them that, they're going to be like, no, I'm not
(12:11):
because that is their reality, which is a confusing hard
thing to sometimes just say. I don't know if that
even made sense when I said it, but I hope.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
That it did.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And so is there a way for you to express
concern to the people closest to that person? Lastly, what
I would say if you really are concerned, and this
is for anybody ever, if you're concerned for somebody's immediate
danger and well being, you can issue a welfare check
and you don't have to be a mental health professional
of any kind to do that. I would google how
(12:41):
to do that in your area, because it's going to
be different depending on where you live. But I can
just google a welfare check that would send a trained professional,
whether that it's a police officer that has been through
crisis training or a crisis worker or something like that,
to check on the person that I'm concerned about to
see if they are in danger or not. So you
can do that, it's not going to cost you anything.
A lot of times I feel like the reason people
(13:03):
don't do that is they're afraid that the person's going
to get mad. At them, And what I can tell
you is one, they're anonymous, and two, I think if
you weigh the options here, somebody being mad at me
versus I'm concerned for somebody's safety, that's going to trump
that because if their safety is in danger in the
long run, that is the most important thing versus somebody
(13:24):
being upset with you over being concerned with them. So
that's something that you can do.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
As I kind of close this out, I know that
this question was super specific and more specific than some
what I want people to hear, and kind of what
I'm saying are two things or a couple things.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
One, if we're.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Seeing symptoms of something rather than throwing that off and
just ignoring it and laughing it off or throwing judgment.
And this can be with anything. Think about how people
view symptoms of drug abuse or eating disorders. It's like, oh,
they're just doing drugs and they're just doing this and
they're blah blah blah, and we like label them as
(14:05):
bad people.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And I'm like, well, maybe the reason.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
That they are stealing drugs from the neighbor might be
because they have an addiction and that's a mental health disorder,
not an indication that this person is inherently bad or wrong,
and there also is a solution and there is help.
So if I'm concerned about somebody's behavior, first of all,
why am I concerned about it? I'm concerned about somebody's
(14:29):
behavior if it feels like they're doing something that's dangerous
or wrong. Rather than just writing them off as bad people,
what would happen if we started instead looking at people
as inherently good and noticing the behaviors that don't fit
with that, and looking at those as symptoms of a
problem that is not the person. You know, the problem
(14:49):
is the problem. The problem isn't the person. So I
want people to hear that. And then the other thing
I want people to hear is there are ways to
express care and help that aren't always direct reaching out
to somebody. And again, we have to look at what
are our main concerns making sure somebody isn't mad at us? Right,
it's a little codependency coming out or taking care of
(15:11):
people's immediate life threatening needs. So that's going to do
it for me today. I hope that you guys as
always get something out of these short little conversations. And
of course, if you have any questions that you want
to send in, any feedback, anything, you can send that
to Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. I
hope you guys have the day you need to have
and I will be back with you on Monday for
(15:33):
another episode of You Need Therapy. If you want to
follow us, you can do that on Instagram at you
Need Therapy at kat van Buren
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch
Talks on You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat
and I am the host. And if you are wondering
what couch Talks is, it is the special bonus episode
of You Need Therapy Podcast that comes out every single Wednesday,
where I answer questions that you guys send into me
and you can send those two Katherine at you Need
(00:30):
Therapy podcast dot com. Now, before we get into the
question today, I want to remind everybody as always that
although I'm a therapist and I'm answering questions, I'm giving
some feedback. This podcast does not serve as a replacement
or substitute for actual mental health services. So if you
are new again, this is where I answer questions that
you guys send in and I try to do one
(00:53):
a week. Sometimes I do two if I'm doing smaller,
quicker ones, but usually it's one a week. We always
keep them, and today we have a good one, so
let's get right into it. Hey, Kat, I recently reconnected
with my cousins on my dad's side of the family,
and I have received a letter in the mail from
the oldest about how my soul is doomed if I
(01:15):
cannot become vegan by January twenty eighth. He follows the
teachings of some master guru who owns a bunch of
vegan chain restaurants around the US. The letter was alarming,
especially since he outlined why he wasn't in a cult.
My family is labeling him as a wacko. But I
can clearly see how alarming this is. I want to
(01:36):
reach out. I don't want him isolated from the family
even further. Not really sure what to do PS I
feel like all my cult education should have prepared me
for this moment. Okay, so I actually contacted this person.
I got a little bit more information about what was
going on, and okay, so if you are a avid
(01:56):
follower of the podcast, you know that last year I
went on a deep dive into cults and I have
a full episode about brainwashing and the power of cults
if anyone is interested in learning more about that. In general,
I also highly recommend the book Cultish, which is about
the language of cults and talks about what makes a
cult to cult and what makes a cult dangerous. I
(02:17):
think a lot of us think that cults are bad
because we know them to have harmed a lot of
vulnerable people, and a lot of cults are bad. I
think a lot of things can also be labeled and
can fit into the cult category that aren't bad and
can be helpful. We're all part of cult e type
situations regardless. When we hear the word cult, it comes
(02:40):
with a really negative connotation. And I think this letter
was really scary for somebody to read, and it felt
like the person was out of touch with reality for
some reason or another that used to be in touch
with reality. Now, this question is not really about cults
in general, so I wanted to start with that. It's
more about how do I respond to this letter from
(03:01):
a family member who seems to maybe be in a cult.
I think a very common reaction from people towards those
who may be in these kinds of groups, whether that's
a cult or just a group that feels very strange
and out of touch of reality, or in this case,
a group that feels very strict, like this person's saying,
(03:24):
your soul's doomed if you can't be vegan. I think
a very common reaction from receiving information from somebody in
one of those groups is to say that they are
crazy or they've lost their mind, and then to stay away,
which I'm not saying is wrong. We're just going to
talk about that. I think it's really really important here
(03:44):
to mention that often when somebody's behavior is being called
crazy or wacky or psychotic, it's because their behavior is
crazy or wacky or psychotic. But those terms are used
in this very judge, mental and damaging way rather than
helpful and descriptive. Calling somebody psychotic and dismissing them is
(04:06):
not helpful. But if we actually pay attention to what
does somebody being psychotic mean? Because if we're calling somebody
psychotic and they are, and then we're dismissing them, we
are ignoring a mental health crisis. Calling somebody psychotic isn't
supposed to be a slur. It's a descriptive word used
to identify symptoms of a mental health diagnosis. Those who
(04:27):
are having psychotic breaks or somebody who's experiencing psychosis delusions,
they very much just look like they're going mad. They're
out of touch with reality. So this letter sounds like
the person who wrote it is a little out of
touch with reality. Saying that you were going to die
and your soul is going to be doomed if you
do not become a vegan. Is something that feels very
(04:48):
out of touch with reality, but to this person it
feels very true. So that person, if they are experiencing
a mental health crisis, that person's not going to get
any better just by somebody being and like you're crazy
and then turning in the other cheek. It doesn't mean
you have to get involved. That's not what I'm saying
at all. But when we call people crazy and then
we just ignore them when like really, actually maybe they
(05:10):
are having psychotic features and that's not so much there's
something like inherently wrong with them. It's there's something going
on with their mind. There is an illness in their mind,
and mental illness like I just it's I even get
tongue tied, as you can tell talking about it. Because
mental illness is a thing. We have a sickness in
(05:30):
our brain, just like physical illness is a thing. There
is a sickness, there is something in our physical body.
And it is so hard for people to wrap their
brains around our own brains or on the fact that
when somebody is acting out of touch with reality, if
their brain is not working correctly, maybe there is something
going on with their brain. To me, I'm like trying
(05:51):
to think of a way to compare it.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
To a physical illness. It's almost like if somebody is.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Having a seizure and we just ignore it, we're like, oh,
that person's seizure weird, when that might be signaling that
they have some other illness happening in their body. There's
something going on, they have epilepsy or some other health condition.
If somebody has a fever, that is signaling that they
have a physical illness. Like that, those are symptoms of
an illness, and so are psychotic features and delusions and
(06:21):
things like that. Those are symptoms of actual illnesses. But
the illnesses in our mind not like our immune system.
Although I will say physical illness, mental health, all of
that actually is tied up and connected to our immune system.
But that's a conversation for another day. Now. When it
comes to this situation, I don't know if that's actually
(06:42):
going on. I'm not diagnosing this person with any kind
of illness because I don't know them and I don't
have enough information, and also that's not what I do
on this podcast. But I think it warrants concern based
on what I have seen, what I have read, and again,
like I said, I was able to read this letter
and what this person that wrote in is reference seeing
the actual letter they received is very alarming from my
(07:03):
perspective as well. And who knows. There could be a
million things that are going on. They could be blackmailed
to be sending these letters from somebody, They could be
being controlled by somebody, or being threatened in some other way.
There's a lot of things that could be going on
other than them just being, for a lack of a
better way to describe this, in quotes a wacko and
they're just being their weird selves.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Because if we think about the term.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Weird, I just have to say this for a second,
but we think about that when we call somebody weird,
that mean they're different than us. It's very different for
me to say, oh, that person's weird, when yeah, that
might be judgmental, but maybe they just like possibly dress
in a way that I don't prefer to dress, or
they like a type of music that I think is
(07:45):
not great. Like, there is a very large spectrum of
being weird, and we can use a lot of words
like crazy and wacky, and whatever to describe a lot
of things that are actually very different. So somebody being
a wacko, I might say that because they like to
put I don't know why this is coming to my head,
(08:06):
but they like to put jelly on every single thing
that they eat, I might be like, they're wacky. That
doesn't mean they're having a psychotic break. But I also
can use that same term to describe somebody who is
having a psychotic break. And so I think it's very
important to be intentional and aware of the differences because
this type of weird behavior warrants a definite concern. Versus,
(08:29):
if somebody likes to put jelly on everything they eat,
I think that they're okay for the most part, unless
there's other things that are also going on as well.
But if that's the only thing they're doing that is
out of the ordinary, then I don't think we need
to do a well for a check or anything now,
because we don't have enough information to identify what's going
on here, and regardless, we don't have control over anyone
(08:51):
other than ourselves. Little reminder, I think what I would
encourage somebody in this situation to do is to ask
what response feels congruent with their moral compass and reality.
So I say reality because we may want to save
somebody or we might want to fix something, but realistically
we have to look at how little power we actually
have over other people's lives, although we can make a
(09:14):
difference by our behaviors at times. So I might start
with looking at what I want to do here and
what I actually can do.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I might want to save somebody, but what can I do?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I can express concern, and so again look at what
would fit within your moral compass and your values. Does
it feel in line with me to ignore and just
protect myself? Does it feel in line with me to
cause behavior crazy and make fun of him? Does it
feel in line with me to respond to the letter
sharing my feelings or thoughts. Does it feel in line
with me to set a boundary and cut off communication
(09:46):
with this person? So looking at what I want to do,
look at what I actually can do, while looking at
what feels in line with my moral compass. I think
that there are a lot of options that you can
do in this specific situations, and they aren't all right,
they aren't all wrong. Some of them are going to
be better suited with you than others. You mentioned that
(10:06):
you don't want this person isolated from the family even further,
which I really appreciate because I think this person is
really thinking about this at a deeper level than a
lot of people might think about this, just because it's
easier just to be like, like I said, you're crazy. Bye.
So you said you don't want this person to be
isolated from the family even further. Is there a way
for you to keep in contact with him that does
(10:28):
not feel like it then puts you or your family
or anybody in your life at risk, because sometimes also
if there is a mental health crisis going on, there
could be some danger involved as well, and so you
might not want to put yourself in the line of fire.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
But there are people that are trained and they do
this for a living.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So I am not a firefighter, so I probably am
not going to, for the most part, run into a
burning building to try to put out a fire that
has taken over a home. But I might call it
the fire department to come help me do that. So
is there a way for you to express that you care?
Is there a way for you to express concern for him.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
That feels safe to you?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
If that's what you come down to, if it comes
down to I want to express some kind of concern
for this person, is there a way for you to
do that that would be safe and could be the
most powerful in the little power that we have. Personally,
if I got a letter like this from a friend
or a family member, I would reach out to the
people closest to them to check in, to express concern,
(11:28):
to ask if there's something that you need to know,
or maybe to give information that the people around them
might not know. That is what I would do. You
can't tell them you're experiencing delusions in psychosis from a distance, right,
They're not going to be able to receive that because
those things are very real to them. Now take that
with a grain of salt. This is not for everybody,
but generally, when somebody is going through something that is
(11:50):
their reality, they are out of touch with reality. So
when you tell them that, that doesn't really make very
much sense. Just like if I tell you that you're
crazy and you're not crazy, you're to be like, I'm
not crazy. Well, if you tell somebody who's crazy, And
again when I say crazy, I mean how we sometimes
can perceive somebody who's experiensing psychosis if we just tell
them that, they're going to be like, no, I'm not
(12:11):
because that is their reality, which is a confusing hard
thing to sometimes just say. I don't know if that
even made sense when I said it, but I hope.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
That it did.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And so is there a way for you to express
concern to the people closest to that person? Lastly, what
I would say if you really are concerned, and this
is for anybody ever, if you're concerned for somebody's immediate
danger and well being, you can issue a welfare check
and you don't have to be a mental health professional
of any kind to do that. I would google how
(12:41):
to do that in your area, because it's going to
be different depending on where you live. But I can
just google a welfare check that would send a trained professional,
whether that it's a police officer that has been through
crisis training or a crisis worker or something like that,
to check on the person that I'm concerned about to
see if they are in danger or not. So you
can do that, it's not going to cost you anything.
A lot of times I feel like the reason people
(13:03):
don't do that is they're afraid that the person's going
to get mad. At them, And what I can tell
you is one, they're anonymous, and two, I think if
you weigh the options here, somebody being mad at me
versus I'm concerned for somebody's safety, that's going to trump
that because if their safety is in danger in the
long run, that is the most important thing versus somebody
(13:24):
being upset with you over being concerned with them. So
that's something that you can do.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
As I kind of close this out, I know that
this question was super specific and more specific than some
what I want people to hear, and kind of what
I'm saying are two things or a couple things.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
One, if we're.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Seeing symptoms of something rather than throwing that off and
just ignoring it and laughing it off or throwing judgment.
And this can be with anything. Think about how people
view symptoms of drug abuse or eating disorders. It's like, oh,
they're just doing drugs and they're just doing this and
they're blah blah blah, and we like label them as
(14:05):
bad people.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And I'm like, well, maybe the reason.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
That they are stealing drugs from the neighbor might be
because they have an addiction and that's a mental health disorder,
not an indication that this person is inherently bad or wrong,
and there also is a solution and there is help.
So if I'm concerned about somebody's behavior, first of all,
why am I concerned about it? I'm concerned about somebody's
(14:29):
behavior if it feels like they're doing something that's dangerous
or wrong. Rather than just writing them off as bad people,
what would happen if we started instead looking at people
as inherently good and noticing the behaviors that don't fit
with that, and looking at those as symptoms of a
problem that is not the person. You know, the problem
(14:49):
is the problem. The problem isn't the person. So I
want people to hear that. And then the other thing
I want people to hear is there are ways to
express care and help that aren't always direct reaching out
to somebody. And again, we have to look at what
are our main concerns making sure somebody isn't mad at us? Right,
it's a little codependency coming out or taking care of
(15:11):
people's immediate life threatening needs. So that's going to do
it for me today. I hope that you guys as
always get something out of these short little conversations. And
of course, if you have any questions that you want
to send in, any feedback, anything, you can send that
to Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. I
hope you guys have the day you need to have
and I will be back with you on Monday for
(15:33):
another episode of You Need Therapy. If you want to
follow us, you can do that on Instagram at you
Need Therapy at kat van Buren
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