December 9, 2024 • 31 mins
Gift giving analysis paralysis is a real thing, and this week, Kat is talking about why the season of giving can be so stressful sometimes. Then, she shares a special mental health minded gift guide to help promote simple gift ideas that anyone can benefit and find joy from!
Kat’s Amazon Mental Health Minded Gift Guide
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know
something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's
probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can die
before you die, then you can really live. There's a
wisdom at death's door. I thought I was insane. Yeah,
(00:30):
and I didn't know what to do because there was
no internet. I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel
like everything is hard. Hey, y'all, my name is Kat.
I'm a human first and a licensed therapist second. And
right now I'm inviting you into conversations that I hope
encourage you to become more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others,
(00:54):
and the world around you. Welcome to You Need Therapy.
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You
Need Therapy Podcasts. My name is Kat. I am the host,
and quick reminder before we get into today's episode that
although I'm a therapist and this podcast is called You
Need Therapy, and you might need therapy, this podcast does
(01:16):
not serve as a replacement or a substitute for any
actual mental health services. However, we hope that it can
help you at some point wherever you are on your
journey and wherever you're going now today, this week, we
are doing something I think is fun. For other people,
this topic can come as a bit more of a
(01:37):
complicated situation, and since we are in the season of giving,
I thought it would be appropriate and also maybe necessary
to do another gift minded episode. And I say another
because last year I did one that was more about
gifts that give back, and this year I thought about
(01:58):
doing that again, and I even started making the list,
and I still have that list that I can send
out to anyone, but I actually opted to focus on
this year gifts that are good for our mental health. Now,
if you are someone who suffers from gift purchasing paralysis
like I sometimes do, this topic might not be as
(02:20):
exciting and enjoyable as it is to some people. Some
people just love giving gifts. They get so much joy
out of it. They can do it all day. They
don't struggle with what to choose and they just do it.
But for some people, gift giving can be really overwhelming
and searching for the in quote perfect gift can be
paralyzing for many people, and this can end up leaving
(02:45):
us waiting until the last minute to buy a gift,
or overthinking it so much that you don't even allow
yourself to give what you really want to give, and
so you lose some of the specialness in what makes
it important coming from you, because you get so wrapped
up in how somebody's going to receive it, if they'll
like it, if it's enough, if it's too much. There's
(03:06):
just so much that goes into that. Now. I really
do love giving a meaningful gift. I love a sentimental gift.
I like to get sentimental gifts as well. I also
like to get silly gifts, simple gifts, and I also
love giving gifts that people truly, truly, true, truly love.
I don't know anybody who doesn't like the feeling of
giving a gift to somebody and knowing that it's really
(03:28):
really appreciated. But we put I think, way too much
pressure to obtain that experience and to get that experience,
and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and
forget that for a gift to be meaningful and thoughtful,
it doesn't have to be perfect. Now, especially if your
love languages gifts. This topic has a lot to unpack
(03:51):
and we're not gonna be able to unpack all of it,
but I did think it was important to at least
mention it and touch on this stuff, because if you
are like me, you can actually get really excited about
Christmas and buying gifts for people and shopping for people,
and you kind of get in your head about things,
and you take some of the joy away that you
deserve to experience during this year and during the experience
(04:14):
of buying gifts for people that you love. Sometimes when
you buy a gift for someone, it can kind of
indicate your feelings about that person. And I'm thinking in
that case, especially if it's involving a romantic partner, especially
if it's involving a new romantic partner, and I think
because of that, it can sometimes feel like it's exposing
(04:37):
feelings or it can feel like you're saying something through
a gift that you're giving, and you don't want to
say too much, but you don't want to say not enough,
and then you're like, what is this person reading into this?
What is the symbolize? And like I said, this makes
me think a lot about new romantic relationships and how
to decide what's appropriate or not what says too much
(05:00):
or what says too little. And I find it really
helpful to be careful and aware of our expectations when
giving or receiving gifts. They can be saying something. I
think that's fair, but they are not always saying something.
Sometimes gifts can be really deep and there is a
(05:20):
big meaning and importance behind them symbolism. Sometimes they're not
that deep, and sometimes that's okay. We get to give
a gift just for the sake of giving it, and
it doesn't have to mean anything other than I thought
you would like this. If my love language is gift
giving and my friends is not, I have to it
(05:40):
would be important. Now my love language is not gift giving,
but if it was, I would really need to recognize
that no matter what reaction I get from my friend,
I'm still expressing love. I'm still allowed to express love
through my action and through my gift, regardless of their
reaction to it. Because if let's say my friend struggles
receiving it gifts, the reaction she offers in the moment
(06:03):
might not be about her appreciation or your ability to
express love through your gift. It's really just about her
and her own internal working model. People sometimes really struggle
receiving gifts from people. And if somebody struggles receiving the
gifts from somebody, it doesn't mean they struggle receiving your
(06:24):
love from them. And sometimes we write too much into
that story, and we make up too many stories about that.
And that's why I say it's important for us to
be careful and aware of our expectations, because I could
be setting myself up for failure when I don't have
to do that. A helpful question to ask when we
(06:45):
are working ourselves up around choosing gifts is is my
fear around or about me or the person I'm buying for.
It's about creating an impression or a narrative that can
be really good information for you to have. If you
want somebody to have a certain impression or story or
thought about you based on this gift, that is something
(07:06):
that is really important and good information for you to have,
because we can't make someone think or feel something about us.
So if we are aware of that, if we're aware
that we're wanting to create an impression or wanting to
force a thought from somebody else, then there can be
some work done around wanting to control perceptions and judgments
(07:28):
from others because we really don't have the ability to
do that, And when we try super hard to make
someone think something about us, we end up not truly
being our authentic selves. And if gift giving wasn't a
game in that way, how would your experience change? Then
we also have to look at in gift giving how
(07:50):
the paradox of choice sets us up to struggle here.
I'm sure a lot of you are like me and
have been stuck on websites like Etsy for hours an
hours and hours and hours on end, searching for something
and maybe adding about forty five different things in your
cart and then ordering nothing. I done that countless times.
(08:12):
I've done that more than I have actually purchased something
from Etsy. And the truth and the reality is that
when we don't know exactly what we're looking for, the
more options we have, the harder it is for us
to make a decision. When I was searching for a
white dress for bridal events earlier this year, I don't
even want to know how many hours I spent because
(08:35):
it would bring sadness into my life. I spent so
many hours on websites like revolve in like Lulu's looking
for what I wanted to be the perfect dress, I
mean hours, and these websites have pages and pages and
pages and pages, a bajillion pages, hundreds of options, and
needless to say, I never bought anything from any of
(08:57):
those stores. I became really, really over whelmed, and at
one point I was not even able to distinguish if
I liked something or not. And then I couldn't choose
because there are so many options that ended up in
my cart that I would just click out of the
website and not go back. And similarly, I was at
the mall a couple of weeks ago and we walked
(09:19):
past Aritzia, and Patrick didn't know what that store was,
and I think he may have been liked, you want
to go in there? And I said, no, I cannot
go even go into that store, because stores like that
have so many options of basically the same thing, but
with like an iota of a differentiation of it, Like
if you want a white T shirt, they have five
(09:40):
hundred different kinds, and again it creates that analysis paralysis
where you can't decide what you want. I need to
go into a store that has two white T shirts
and I could decide which one I want that's it,
and that plays into gift giving, right, So if that's
happening with me and my experience of buying things for myself,
it's going to play out to my experience of buying
(10:01):
things for others too. So when we're searching for a
gift for someone else and we aren't exactly sure what
we want to give them, or we just know we
want it to be perfect, it basically makes it impossible
to choose and be satisfied because there are so many options.
They're endless, and so how do I know if this
is the right one? And knowing that and thinking about
(10:22):
that brings up memories that I have. They feel ridiculous.
But when I was younger, when I was a kid,
I would make these extensive Christmas and Birthday lists from
my parents and they were so exact. I told them
exactly what I wanted. And at the same time, I
want to honestly text my parents and be like, you're
(10:44):
welcome for making buying me gifts so easy. As a child,
because there was no second guessing, I would go ahead
and make my wish list on diliaz dot com, print
it out, and hand it right to them directly. This
is what I want for Christmas, this is what I
want for my birthday. There was no confusion and that
was really great for them back then, other than the
fact that I probably asked for too much money's worth
(11:08):
of items, but they knew if they picked something off
that list, I would be happy. And if you have
somebody on your list this year, or just in your
life in general, buying gifts at any moment, and they
haven't been gracious enough like I was as a child,
to hand you a detailed list of things they would
like to receive, it is okay to make things simple.
(11:28):
And what I really want people to hear this year
and their gift giving is that extravagant, expensive and time
consuming doesn't make a gift better. I actually have two
things that I think about when I am buying gifts
for people that have made it really easy for me
to choose things at times, and that is I think
(11:52):
about products that I love. So gifting somebody a product
that has been helpful for me or I just liked
or has meant something to me, I go down that
route and I think of things that just make me
think of them, and that might not be the most
expensive thing, that might not be the most original thing
that might not be the most personalized thing, but it's
(12:15):
something that made me think of them. I bought a
deck of cards they were called like how to Speak
in cat for a friend this year because I was
just walking through a gift shop and I saw them,
and I also knew that their birthday was coming up,
and they were probably like twelve bucks or something like that,
but it was a gift that I immediately thought of
(12:35):
that person. I was like, Oh, this is what I'm
getting for them. Now, do I know if this person
is using those cards every day? No, they probably shoved
in a door somewhere. However, it feels really good to
receive something that wasn't just something random that they picked
out of a bag, but it was a Oh, that
is for so and so and so, I am going
(12:58):
to offer you a gift this year, and that is
a list of products that I love, specifically a list
of products that I love that also promote mental health,
well being, and healthier relationships. So these are gifts that
could be great for anyone, regardless if you know the
status of their mental health or not. And I actually
(13:21):
made a tab on my Amazon storefront page where you
can go and find a lot of these gifts and
the ones that are not on Amazon, I'm going to
just link the websites to those gifts in the show notes,
so if anything speaks out to you, you can just
easily access them there. And these, again, are all things
that I appreciate and I like. They're not random things
(13:42):
that I googled. They are things that I've either received,
things that I've used, or things that I have given
to others. A lot of things that I actually have
in my office or at my house. So hopefully this
list helps simplify gift giving for you this year and
allows it to be less about making sure you get
the perfect gift for somebody and making sure you leave
the perfect impression, and allow it to be more about
(14:04):
just doing something kind for somebody and letting somebody know
that you care about them by going out of your
way and getting something for them like that alone is
meaningful and thoughtful. So here's my list. The first thing
on my list is probably going to be no surprise
to anybody if you have been a long time listener,
(14:26):
because I'm sure I've mentioned these multiple times, but conversation cards.
So the past couple of years conversation cards have really
really taken off. And what I mean by conversation cards
are these decks that have been created by different people,
various people that can be used with friends or partners,
or dating or just really in any scenario to help
(14:47):
prompt conversations and ask questions that might not naturally come
up in everyday conversation and really allows your brain to
start thinking differently and can take you down different tangents
that you might not naturally go and it's just fun.
I think for a lot of times these cards. I
have a deck called Concrete Conversations, and they have different
(15:09):
kinds of decks, like ones for friends, one for relationships,
so you can pick which one would be appropriate based
on the person you're giving. I really like those cards,
and they are things that I have used on vacations,
just border around the house. I've used them with clients
to help prompt them with certain things, and I really
(15:29):
love those, So Concrete Conversations for a friend. I'm also
a big fan of the Friendship deck, which was created
by a former guest of the podcast Bake Blake and Beckler,
who has a tongue twister of a name, but she
created the Friendship Deck as a way to deepen friendships
and really allow friendships to become more vulnerable and just
(15:51):
get places that you would normally go to create more
meaningful relationships. And I love them, so I'm gonna link
those as well. I also link the episode that Blake
was in in case you guys want to listen to that.
And if you're looking for more of a game type feel,
you can also get Where Should We Begin, which is
(16:12):
a storytelling slash conversation game created by Esta Perell who's
a relationship couple's therapists, and that makes these conversations more
into a game which can at a different element and
be really fun. So my first idea conversation cards. They
could be good for anybody, and I love them for
myself as well. Moving on to number two, affirmation cards.
(16:36):
So I'm talking about more cards. This is similar to
conversation cards and that one it's a deck of cards,
but two there's a million of these kinds of things
to choose from, So I'm going to make this easy
for you. Like I said, my favorite type of affirmation
cards will always be affirmators. I have given these to
(16:56):
so many people that I can't give them to people
anymore because I don't know who I've already gifted them too.
But they are just these affirmation cards that also are
a little silly, and so they can brighten your way intwo.
For example, I'm gonna pull a couple of them. So
here's one. It says power, and underneath the word power,
it says, I am strong, I am grounded, I am powerful.
(17:19):
I am like a cross between a dinosaur and a tank,
but not a tank that is used for war. I
am like a peaceful, loving dino tank who feels so
strong and it doesn't need to do anything but be.
And then here's another one. This one says don't take
it personally, and underneath that it says, if someone starts
(17:39):
to speak unkindly to me, I'll remember that they've got
something going on that has nothing to do with me,
Like maybe they just poop their pants. Yeah, that's probably it.
So you see, they're just like silly, but also they
will bring a smile to your face, but also they're
helpful and they say things that actually are true and
that we need to hear some times. If affirmators are
(18:02):
not your jam, you can also get the you got
this cards, which is a deck of cards with different
quotes on each card, and that one is a great gift,
I think for anybody who's going through something really tough,
or somebody who's starting something new. It's just an encouragement.
You got this our next gift number three weighted blanket.
(18:23):
So I have had one of these in my office
since literally forever, and I love having it as a
resource for clients when they're feeling anxious or having a
hard time just grounding themselves in whatever we're doing in session.
And then I never had one in my house, but
a couple of years ago, my mom bought me one
for my birthday randomly. I didn't even give her a
(18:45):
list of things they wanted, and she bought it for
me randomly, and it's honestly one of the best things
she's ever given me. And if you struggle with sleeping
in general, it's amazing. Plus it's just like cozy and
like everything else, there is a million different kinds, brands,
styles all of that. I have a large knitted one
(19:05):
and I love that because one, it looks nice in
the home, and it also doesn't make you super hot
because there's a lot of holes in it, so you
can use it anytime of the year. I can use
it in the summer, or I can just put it
over top of my blanket in the winter. Mine is
about fifteen pounds and I wouldn't really want anything heavier
than that. But you can also get heavier ones, and
(19:27):
you can also get lighter ones for kids, and I
have linked the one I have on my Amazon page.
They're a little bit more pricey than affirmation cards. But
if you are buying a gift, and more expensive gift,
I really do strongly suggest this as something that you
look for. Now number four we're going back down in
(19:48):
the expensive category because number four is just cozy socks.
And to some people this might seem like the lame gift.
But I actually asked for socks this year, not specifically,
but I just said randomly to Patrick, which he has
a list of things when I say things, which I
think is really cute. But when I mention things that
I want or that I need, he writes it down
(20:08):
in his phone so he can go to that later
when he is getting paralysis from gift giving. But I
told him I wanted socks this year. I was like,
if you ever just want to buy me something, give
me some socks. And there are two kinds that I
specifically love, Barefoot Dreams socks and Bomba socks. I like
(20:29):
the Barefoot Dreams for lounging at home with my weighted blanket,
and then the bombas for like every day and for
working out and stuff. And a big part of taking
care of our mental health is finding comfort and this
is a very practical, inexpensive, and easy way to do that.
I think we need to put more respect on the
(20:49):
gift of socks. We need some more justice for the
gift of socks, because I personally love getting a pair
of socks, a pair of good socks. One of those
things that you don't really want to spend a lot
of money on yourself, but you like to get from
other people. So you know, when in college, I remember
when I had to like buy shampoo or toilet paper
(21:11):
or any of those kind of things that you're like
annoyed having to spend your money on. I would get
like literally the cheapest thing I could get. But when
like my mom was in town taking me shopping for
things that I need, I would like splurge and get
the good stuff. And that was mostly not because I
was taking advantage of her. But because I actually did
not have the money to spend on any of that
stuff at the time, maybe I was taking it a
(21:34):
little bit advantage of her kindness, but we can process
that later anyway. It's the same thing with socks, Like
it's one of those things. If you need new socks,
you're like, oh, okay, I'll just get these. Are socks
that important? But if somebody's like, what kind of socks
do you want, You're like, oh, I want the kind
that are twenty dollars a pair. And I don't necessarily
think that Bambas are twenty five dollars a pair. I'm
(21:55):
not sure exactly how much they are. However, I do
know that they have a giving back initiative where every
item that is purchased, they actually donate an item to
somebody in need. Plus right now as I am saying this,
so I don't know if it's still going on, they
are doing a sale on their website and it's twenty
percent off of your entire purchase when you use the
(22:16):
code that's on their website, which is Comfort twenty. And
I'm just saying that has nothing to do with me.
I just googled the website and it was on the website,
so hopefully that's still happening. When you guys listen to
this and you can take advantage of that because they
are really the best socks. And if you know, you know,
and if you don't know, maybe you can get some
(22:37):
and then you will be in the know, and then
you'll want to gift them to people in the future.
Number five coloring books and pens. And yes, if you
are like, what is as for our children, sure you
can get that for your children. Also, adult coloring books
are a thing, and they are such a helpful self
(22:59):
soothing tool and something that a lot of times people
don't know that they need or want until they have
them as well. And they are also great when you're
traveling and if you're someone who either doesn't like to
read or somebody who can't read while moving. I know
I can't read while in like a bus or a
car or anything like that, but I can color, and
(23:20):
it is something that can be really helpful to one
past time. But also it's a really good resource for
people who need to create some self soothing practices in
their lives. So coloring books and pens. I have some
of those in that Amazon page as well. Next, a diffuser,
and I found this year the cutest diffuser. It looks
(23:42):
really nice. It's not like an eyesore. I think some
of them can just like be bulky and take up space.
But I found one that I really liked and I
have that in my office. I tried out the pure diffuser,
which is the one that plugs into the wall and
you can control it from your phone, and I like
the sense, but it's not a exactly like an essential
oil diffuser where you get to actually have the experience
(24:06):
of the light and the steam and the real essential
oil is coming out of it. It just feels very different
and creates a different vibe. So I highly recommend a
essential oil diffuser. There are tons of those on Amazon.
I again, to make this easier for you, have put
the one that I got in my office on that
page and then the next one. Seven. This is going
(24:29):
to be a weird idea, but I also think it's
a really good idea at the same time. And it
is a cute medicine pill case. And I like this
because it normalizes medication and it's very unexpected. So this
might be a gift that you give to somebody that
you maybe know takes medication and also can be a
(24:49):
gift for somebody who struggles to remember to take their
medication too, because that can help them kind of remember
if they did or didn't do it that day, because
that can be a thing. But it also I just
like the idea that it normalizes it and it's okay
to want to make your pillcase fashionable. It makes it
a little bit more fun if it feels like a
drag so cute. Medicine case number eight, which is the
(25:12):
second to last idea, is essentially a tea slash, tea
pot and other temperature soothing things, And what I mean
by that is one of the things that I recommend
to clients. Are some of the things that I recommend
to clients often for ways to self soothe and regulate
heavy or overwhelming emotions and feelings at home include things
(25:35):
like face masks that have a cooling effect, ice rollers,
or hot tea. And the tea is helpful because it's
a warm sensation that you can kind of move your
brain from emotional to physical sensation and focus on that
and help you stay present. It also has the aromatherapy
part too, so it's creating two physical sensations that can
(25:56):
pull you out of that really emotional spiral, so I
love it. I've linked a couple teapots on that page.
One of them is the one that I was actually
gifted a year ago as a house oring gift, and
it is really cute. It has like one of these
long spout neck things. I don't know what you call that,
but it kind of makes making tea fun, you know,
(26:18):
because the little spout thing is cool to pour out of.
I think I like to find joy in the little things.
And then I've also linked a couple face mass and iemass,
but really, any of those kinds of things, it doesn't
matter which one it is. If it cools, then that's great.
If the teapot gets hot, then that's great. That's really
all we're looking for. We don't have to make it
(26:39):
super complicated. So temperature regulating things is number eight on
my list. And then my last thing, I've combined two
things kind of and really there are two companies that
both have missions that I really love and can stand behind,
and I group them together because the gift idea is
(27:00):
very similar. So the companies are the giving keys and
Able and I'm not sure if they are both on
the list last year, because they both give back and
they both have really strong missions that I believe in.
The Giving Keys started as stamped keys with words like strong, brave, believe,
et cetera. And the goal behind these was to gift
(27:22):
a necklace to somebody that had a word that might
mean somebody, that person that you think that person might need,
and eventually that person then would give that necklace to
somebody else, So it just continues to cycle through people
that need it. And I really like that they actually
use like real old keys that they find and stamp
those words on. So it's like the gift that keeps giving,
(27:46):
except it's much better than the Jelly of the Month
club from Christmas Vacation. Hopefully you guys have all seen
that movie, because you have no idea what I'm talking about.
But that's the gift that keeps giving that I'd actually
want to be a part of. And that's also coming
from somebody doesn't like jelly. So maybe we should put
Jelly of the Month Club on here as an idea.
That can just be our honorary number ten. Now, The
(28:08):
Giving Keys actually has a really expansive collection on their website.
Now they offer a lot more items. But I am
really again to make this easier for you, guys, really
suggest going with that original item, the original pieces as
an easy way to celebrate or encourage somebody. And then
able which is another company that has I mean, they
(28:29):
have tons of stuff. They do leather goods, they do clothing, now,
they have some home goods, they have shoes. They also
have a jewelry line. Now, this jewelry line was actually
started a long time ago by Gracie Moekler who is
now the founder of Emergency Confetti, And if you haven't
heard of Emergency Confetti, it's definitely worth checking out and
also has a wonderful mission behind it. And able Abel's
(28:52):
jewelry line has jewelry that you can also personalize. And
their company helps give job opportunities to women who are
coming out of less than desirable situations, whether that's sobriety
or just dangerous living situations or incarcerations, stuff like that.
(29:15):
They help get women back on their feet and allow
them to do some meaningful work that can create some
self esteem, some sense of self and all that good
stuff that we really need to be successful. And so
I love the mission behind it. And like I said,
they have July that you can personalize. And last year
(29:35):
for Christmas, I gave the three quarts Therapy Therapists bracelets
that said both slash and on them if you know
you know again. And recently I got one of their necklaces.
It's like a long bar and it has four sides
to it, and I put on the front the person's name,
and then on each side I put a word that
(29:56):
describes them stamped a word that describes them on there.
And that's just a fun way to celebrate somebody and
at the same time pretty simple. So there you guys
have it. There is my short but long list of
easy gift ideas that honestly are more than just gifts.
And I feel like I've said this a million times,
(30:17):
but I will link all of those things so you
can find them for yourselves easily. We're in the spirit
of ease in the show notes, so you can find
that there and you can grab whatever speaks to you
if anything does. Also, feel free to gift something to
yourself because that is always okay and always encouraged by me.
So I hope that this year you get to, like
(30:40):
I said earlier, really enjoy this time where we get
to celebrate each other and celebrate our relationships, and we
allow energy to spend more on celebrating than making sure
we're celebrating exactly perfectly right and getting the exact perfect
impression or feedback or reaction that might get in the
(31:02):
way of the actual experience. If you guys want to
send me a note or a question for couch Talks,
the episode where I answer your questions, you can send
that to Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com.
You can follow me Kat van Buren on Instagram and
at You Need Therapy Podcast Until I talk to you
guys again on Wednesday for couch Talks. I hope you
have the day you need to have.
I started to realize that not being an expert isn't
a liability, it's a real gift. If we don't know
something about ourselves at this point in our life, it's
probably because it's uncomfortable to know. If you can die
before you die, then you can really live. There's a
wisdom at death's door. I thought I was insane. Yeah,
(00:30):
and I didn't know what to do because there was
no internet. I don't know, man, I'm like, I feel
like everything is hard. Hey, y'all, my name is Kat.
I'm a human first and a licensed therapist second. And
right now I'm inviting you into conversations that I hope
encourage you to become more curious and less judgmental about yourself, others,
(00:54):
and the world around you. Welcome to You Need Therapy.
Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You
Need Therapy Podcasts. My name is Kat. I am the host,
and quick reminder before we get into today's episode that
although I'm a therapist and this podcast is called You
Need Therapy, and you might need therapy, this podcast does
(01:16):
not serve as a replacement or a substitute for any
actual mental health services. However, we hope that it can
help you at some point wherever you are on your
journey and wherever you're going now today, this week, we
are doing something I think is fun. For other people,
this topic can come as a bit more of a
(01:37):
complicated situation, and since we are in the season of giving,
I thought it would be appropriate and also maybe necessary
to do another gift minded episode. And I say another
because last year I did one that was more about
gifts that give back, and this year I thought about
(01:58):
doing that again, and I even started making the list,
and I still have that list that I can send
out to anyone, but I actually opted to focus on
this year gifts that are good for our mental health. Now,
if you are someone who suffers from gift purchasing paralysis
like I sometimes do, this topic might not be as
(02:20):
exciting and enjoyable as it is to some people. Some
people just love giving gifts. They get so much joy
out of it. They can do it all day. They
don't struggle with what to choose and they just do it.
But for some people, gift giving can be really overwhelming
and searching for the in quote perfect gift can be
paralyzing for many people, and this can end up leaving
(02:45):
us waiting until the last minute to buy a gift,
or overthinking it so much that you don't even allow
yourself to give what you really want to give, and
so you lose some of the specialness in what makes
it important coming from you, because you get so wrapped
up in how somebody's going to receive it, if they'll
like it, if it's enough, if it's too much. There's
(03:06):
just so much that goes into that. Now. I really
do love giving a meaningful gift. I love a sentimental gift.
I like to get sentimental gifts as well. I also
like to get silly gifts, simple gifts, and I also
love giving gifts that people truly, truly, true, truly love.
I don't know anybody who doesn't like the feeling of
giving a gift to somebody and knowing that it's really
(03:28):
really appreciated. But we put I think, way too much
pressure to obtain that experience and to get that experience,
and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and
forget that for a gift to be meaningful and thoughtful,
it doesn't have to be perfect. Now, especially if your
love languages gifts. This topic has a lot to unpack
(03:51):
and we're not gonna be able to unpack all of it,
but I did think it was important to at least
mention it and touch on this stuff, because if you
are like me, you can actually get really excited about
Christmas and buying gifts for people and shopping for people,
and you kind of get in your head about things,
and you take some of the joy away that you
deserve to experience during this year and during the experience
(04:14):
of buying gifts for people that you love. Sometimes when
you buy a gift for someone, it can kind of
indicate your feelings about that person. And I'm thinking in
that case, especially if it's involving a romantic partner, especially
if it's involving a new romantic partner, and I think
because of that, it can sometimes feel like it's exposing
(04:37):
feelings or it can feel like you're saying something through
a gift that you're giving, and you don't want to
say too much, but you don't want to say not enough,
and then you're like, what is this person reading into this?
What is the symbolize? And like I said, this makes
me think a lot about new romantic relationships and how
to decide what's appropriate or not what says too much
(05:00):
or what says too little. And I find it really
helpful to be careful and aware of our expectations when
giving or receiving gifts. They can be saying something. I
think that's fair, but they are not always saying something.
Sometimes gifts can be really deep and there is a
(05:20):
big meaning and importance behind them symbolism. Sometimes they're not
that deep, and sometimes that's okay. We get to give
a gift just for the sake of giving it, and
it doesn't have to mean anything other than I thought
you would like this. If my love language is gift
giving and my friends is not, I have to it
(05:40):
would be important. Now my love language is not gift giving,
but if it was, I would really need to recognize
that no matter what reaction I get from my friend,
I'm still expressing love. I'm still allowed to express love
through my action and through my gift, regardless of their
reaction to it. Because if let's say my friend struggles
receiving it gifts, the reaction she offers in the moment
(06:03):
might not be about her appreciation or your ability to
express love through your gift. It's really just about her
and her own internal working model. People sometimes really struggle
receiving gifts from people. And if somebody struggles receiving the
gifts from somebody, it doesn't mean they struggle receiving your
(06:24):
love from them. And sometimes we write too much into
that story, and we make up too many stories about that.
And that's why I say it's important for us to
be careful and aware of our expectations, because I could
be setting myself up for failure when I don't have
to do that. A helpful question to ask when we
(06:45):
are working ourselves up around choosing gifts is is my
fear around or about me or the person I'm buying for.
It's about creating an impression or a narrative that can
be really good information for you to have. If you
want somebody to have a certain impression or story or
thought about you based on this gift, that is something
(07:06):
that is really important and good information for you to have,
because we can't make someone think or feel something about us.
So if we are aware of that, if we're aware
that we're wanting to create an impression or wanting to
force a thought from somebody else, then there can be
some work done around wanting to control perceptions and judgments
(07:28):
from others because we really don't have the ability to
do that, And when we try super hard to make
someone think something about us, we end up not truly
being our authentic selves. And if gift giving wasn't a
game in that way, how would your experience change? Then
we also have to look at in gift giving how
(07:50):
the paradox of choice sets us up to struggle here.
I'm sure a lot of you are like me and
have been stuck on websites like Etsy for hours an
hours and hours and hours on end, searching for something
and maybe adding about forty five different things in your
cart and then ordering nothing. I done that countless times.
(08:12):
I've done that more than I have actually purchased something
from Etsy. And the truth and the reality is that
when we don't know exactly what we're looking for, the
more options we have, the harder it is for us
to make a decision. When I was searching for a
white dress for bridal events earlier this year, I don't
even want to know how many hours I spent because
(08:35):
it would bring sadness into my life. I spent so
many hours on websites like revolve in like Lulu's looking
for what I wanted to be the perfect dress, I
mean hours, and these websites have pages and pages and
pages and pages, a bajillion pages, hundreds of options, and
needless to say, I never bought anything from any of
(08:57):
those stores. I became really, really over whelmed, and at
one point I was not even able to distinguish if
I liked something or not. And then I couldn't choose
because there are so many options that ended up in
my cart that I would just click out of the
website and not go back. And similarly, I was at
the mall a couple of weeks ago and we walked
(09:19):
past Aritzia, and Patrick didn't know what that store was,
and I think he may have been liked, you want
to go in there? And I said, no, I cannot
go even go into that store, because stores like that
have so many options of basically the same thing, but
with like an iota of a differentiation of it, Like
if you want a white T shirt, they have five
(09:40):
hundred different kinds, and again it creates that analysis paralysis
where you can't decide what you want. I need to
go into a store that has two white T shirts
and I could decide which one I want that's it,
and that plays into gift giving, right, So if that's
happening with me and my experience of buying things for myself,
it's going to play out to my experience of buying
(10:01):
things for others too. So when we're searching for a
gift for someone else and we aren't exactly sure what
we want to give them, or we just know we
want it to be perfect, it basically makes it impossible
to choose and be satisfied because there are so many options.
They're endless, and so how do I know if this
is the right one? And knowing that and thinking about
(10:22):
that brings up memories that I have. They feel ridiculous.
But when I was younger, when I was a kid,
I would make these extensive Christmas and Birthday lists from
my parents and they were so exact. I told them
exactly what I wanted. And at the same time, I
want to honestly text my parents and be like, you're
(10:44):
welcome for making buying me gifts so easy. As a child,
because there was no second guessing, I would go ahead
and make my wish list on diliaz dot com, print
it out, and hand it right to them directly. This
is what I want for Christmas, this is what I
want for my birthday. There was no confusion and that
was really great for them back then, other than the
fact that I probably asked for too much money's worth
(11:08):
of items, but they knew if they picked something off
that list, I would be happy. And if you have
somebody on your list this year, or just in your
life in general, buying gifts at any moment, and they
haven't been gracious enough like I was as a child,
to hand you a detailed list of things they would
like to receive, it is okay to make things simple.
(11:28):
And what I really want people to hear this year
and their gift giving is that extravagant, expensive and time
consuming doesn't make a gift better. I actually have two
things that I think about when I am buying gifts
for people that have made it really easy for me
to choose things at times, and that is I think
(11:52):
about products that I love. So gifting somebody a product
that has been helpful for me or I just liked
or has meant something to me, I go down that
route and I think of things that just make me
think of them, and that might not be the most
expensive thing, that might not be the most original thing
that might not be the most personalized thing, but it's
(12:15):
something that made me think of them. I bought a
deck of cards they were called like how to Speak
in cat for a friend this year because I was
just walking through a gift shop and I saw them,
and I also knew that their birthday was coming up,
and they were probably like twelve bucks or something like that,
but it was a gift that I immediately thought of
(12:35):
that person. I was like, Oh, this is what I'm
getting for them. Now, do I know if this person
is using those cards every day? No, they probably shoved
in a door somewhere. However, it feels really good to
receive something that wasn't just something random that they picked
out of a bag, but it was a Oh, that
is for so and so and so, I am going
(12:58):
to offer you a gift this year, and that is
a list of products that I love, specifically a list
of products that I love that also promote mental health,
well being, and healthier relationships. So these are gifts that
could be great for anyone, regardless if you know the
status of their mental health or not. And I actually
(13:21):
made a tab on my Amazon storefront page where you
can go and find a lot of these gifts and
the ones that are not on Amazon, I'm going to
just link the websites to those gifts in the show notes,
so if anything speaks out to you, you can just
easily access them there. And these, again, are all things
that I appreciate and I like. They're not random things
(13:42):
that I googled. They are things that I've either received,
things that I've used, or things that I have given
to others. A lot of things that I actually have
in my office or at my house. So hopefully this
list helps simplify gift giving for you this year and
allows it to be less about making sure you get
the perfect gift for somebody and making sure you leave
the perfect impression, and allow it to be more about
(14:04):
just doing something kind for somebody and letting somebody know
that you care about them by going out of your
way and getting something for them like that alone is
meaningful and thoughtful. So here's my list. The first thing
on my list is probably going to be no surprise
to anybody if you have been a long time listener,
(14:26):
because I'm sure I've mentioned these multiple times, but conversation cards.
So the past couple of years conversation cards have really
really taken off. And what I mean by conversation cards
are these decks that have been created by different people,
various people that can be used with friends or partners,
or dating or just really in any scenario to help
(14:47):
prompt conversations and ask questions that might not naturally come
up in everyday conversation and really allows your brain to
start thinking differently and can take you down different tangents
that you might not naturally go and it's just fun.
I think for a lot of times these cards. I
have a deck called Concrete Conversations, and they have different
(15:09):
kinds of decks, like ones for friends, one for relationships,
so you can pick which one would be appropriate based
on the person you're giving. I really like those cards,
and they are things that I have used on vacations,
just border around the house. I've used them with clients
to help prompt them with certain things, and I really
(15:29):
love those, So Concrete Conversations for a friend. I'm also
a big fan of the Friendship deck, which was created
by a former guest of the podcast Bake Blake and Beckler,
who has a tongue twister of a name, but she
created the Friendship Deck as a way to deepen friendships
and really allow friendships to become more vulnerable and just
(15:51):
get places that you would normally go to create more
meaningful relationships. And I love them, so I'm gonna link
those as well. I also link the episode that Blake
was in in case you guys want to listen to that.
And if you're looking for more of a game type feel,
you can also get Where Should We Begin, which is
(16:12):
a storytelling slash conversation game created by Esta Perell who's
a relationship couple's therapists, and that makes these conversations more
into a game which can at a different element and
be really fun. So my first idea conversation cards. They
could be good for anybody, and I love them for
myself as well. Moving on to number two, affirmation cards.
(16:36):
So I'm talking about more cards. This is similar to
conversation cards and that one it's a deck of cards,
but two there's a million of these kinds of things
to choose from, So I'm going to make this easy
for you. Like I said, my favorite type of affirmation
cards will always be affirmators. I have given these to
(16:56):
so many people that I can't give them to people
anymore because I don't know who I've already gifted them too.
But they are just these affirmation cards that also are
a little silly, and so they can brighten your way intwo.
For example, I'm gonna pull a couple of them. So
here's one. It says power, and underneath the word power,
it says, I am strong, I am grounded, I am powerful.
(17:19):
I am like a cross between a dinosaur and a tank,
but not a tank that is used for war. I
am like a peaceful, loving dino tank who feels so
strong and it doesn't need to do anything but be.
And then here's another one. This one says don't take
it personally, and underneath that it says, if someone starts
(17:39):
to speak unkindly to me, I'll remember that they've got
something going on that has nothing to do with me,
Like maybe they just poop their pants. Yeah, that's probably it.
So you see, they're just like silly, but also they
will bring a smile to your face, but also they're
helpful and they say things that actually are true and
that we need to hear some times. If affirmators are
(18:02):
not your jam, you can also get the you got
this cards, which is a deck of cards with different
quotes on each card, and that one is a great gift,
I think for anybody who's going through something really tough,
or somebody who's starting something new. It's just an encouragement.
You got this our next gift number three weighted blanket.
(18:23):
So I have had one of these in my office
since literally forever, and I love having it as a
resource for clients when they're feeling anxious or having a
hard time just grounding themselves in whatever we're doing in session.
And then I never had one in my house, but
a couple of years ago, my mom bought me one
for my birthday randomly. I didn't even give her a
(18:45):
list of things they wanted, and she bought it for
me randomly, and it's honestly one of the best things
she's ever given me. And if you struggle with sleeping
in general, it's amazing. Plus it's just like cozy and
like everything else, there is a million different kinds, brands,
styles all of that. I have a large knitted one
(19:05):
and I love that because one, it looks nice in
the home, and it also doesn't make you super hot
because there's a lot of holes in it, so you
can use it anytime of the year. I can use
it in the summer, or I can just put it
over top of my blanket in the winter. Mine is
about fifteen pounds and I wouldn't really want anything heavier
than that. But you can also get heavier ones, and
(19:27):
you can also get lighter ones for kids, and I
have linked the one I have on my Amazon page.
They're a little bit more pricey than affirmation cards. But
if you are buying a gift, and more expensive gift,
I really do strongly suggest this as something that you
look for. Now number four we're going back down in
(19:48):
the expensive category because number four is just cozy socks.
And to some people this might seem like the lame gift.
But I actually asked for socks this year, not specifically,
but I just said randomly to Patrick, which he has
a list of things when I say things, which I
think is really cute. But when I mention things that
I want or that I need, he writes it down
(20:08):
in his phone so he can go to that later
when he is getting paralysis from gift giving. But I
told him I wanted socks this year. I was like,
if you ever just want to buy me something, give
me some socks. And there are two kinds that I
specifically love, Barefoot Dreams socks and Bomba socks. I like
(20:29):
the Barefoot Dreams for lounging at home with my weighted blanket,
and then the bombas for like every day and for
working out and stuff. And a big part of taking
care of our mental health is finding comfort and this
is a very practical, inexpensive, and easy way to do that.
I think we need to put more respect on the
(20:49):
gift of socks. We need some more justice for the
gift of socks, because I personally love getting a pair
of socks, a pair of good socks. One of those
things that you don't really want to spend a lot
of money on yourself, but you like to get from
other people. So you know, when in college, I remember
when I had to like buy shampoo or toilet paper
(21:11):
or any of those kind of things that you're like
annoyed having to spend your money on. I would get
like literally the cheapest thing I could get. But when
like my mom was in town taking me shopping for
things that I need, I would like splurge and get
the good stuff. And that was mostly not because I
was taking advantage of her. But because I actually did
not have the money to spend on any of that
stuff at the time, maybe I was taking it a
(21:34):
little bit advantage of her kindness, but we can process
that later anyway. It's the same thing with socks, Like
it's one of those things. If you need new socks,
you're like, oh, okay, I'll just get these. Are socks
that important? But if somebody's like, what kind of socks
do you want, You're like, oh, I want the kind
that are twenty dollars a pair. And I don't necessarily
think that Bambas are twenty five dollars a pair. I'm
(21:55):
not sure exactly how much they are. However, I do
know that they have a giving back initiative where every
item that is purchased, they actually donate an item to
somebody in need. Plus right now as I am saying this,
so I don't know if it's still going on, they
are doing a sale on their website and it's twenty
percent off of your entire purchase when you use the
(22:16):
code that's on their website, which is Comfort twenty. And
I'm just saying that has nothing to do with me.
I just googled the website and it was on the website,
so hopefully that's still happening. When you guys listen to
this and you can take advantage of that because they
are really the best socks. And if you know, you know,
and if you don't know, maybe you can get some
(22:37):
and then you will be in the know, and then
you'll want to gift them to people in the future.
Number five coloring books and pens. And yes, if you
are like, what is as for our children, sure you
can get that for your children. Also, adult coloring books
are a thing, and they are such a helpful self
(22:59):
soothing tool and something that a lot of times people
don't know that they need or want until they have
them as well. And they are also great when you're
traveling and if you're someone who either doesn't like to
read or somebody who can't read while moving. I know
I can't read while in like a bus or a
car or anything like that, but I can color, and
(23:20):
it is something that can be really helpful to one
past time. But also it's a really good resource for
people who need to create some self soothing practices in
their lives. So coloring books and pens. I have some
of those in that Amazon page as well. Next, a diffuser,
and I found this year the cutest diffuser. It looks
(23:42):
really nice. It's not like an eyesore. I think some
of them can just like be bulky and take up space.
But I found one that I really liked and I
have that in my office. I tried out the pure diffuser,
which is the one that plugs into the wall and
you can control it from your phone, and I like
the sense, but it's not a exactly like an essential
oil diffuser where you get to actually have the experience
(24:06):
of the light and the steam and the real essential
oil is coming out of it. It just feels very different
and creates a different vibe. So I highly recommend a
essential oil diffuser. There are tons of those on Amazon.
I again, to make this easier for you, have put
the one that I got in my office on that
page and then the next one. Seven. This is going
(24:29):
to be a weird idea, but I also think it's
a really good idea at the same time. And it
is a cute medicine pill case. And I like this
because it normalizes medication and it's very unexpected. So this
might be a gift that you give to somebody that
you maybe know takes medication and also can be a
(24:49):
gift for somebody who struggles to remember to take their
medication too, because that can help them kind of remember
if they did or didn't do it that day, because
that can be a thing. But it also I just
like the idea that it normalizes it and it's okay
to want to make your pillcase fashionable. It makes it
a little bit more fun if it feels like a
drag so cute. Medicine case number eight, which is the
(25:12):
second to last idea, is essentially a tea slash, tea
pot and other temperature soothing things, And what I mean
by that is one of the things that I recommend
to clients. Are some of the things that I recommend
to clients often for ways to self soothe and regulate
heavy or overwhelming emotions and feelings at home include things
(25:35):
like face masks that have a cooling effect, ice rollers,
or hot tea. And the tea is helpful because it's
a warm sensation that you can kind of move your
brain from emotional to physical sensation and focus on that
and help you stay present. It also has the aromatherapy
part too, so it's creating two physical sensations that can
(25:56):
pull you out of that really emotional spiral, so I
love it. I've linked a couple teapots on that page.
One of them is the one that I was actually
gifted a year ago as a house oring gift, and
it is really cute. It has like one of these
long spout neck things. I don't know what you call that,
but it kind of makes making tea fun, you know,
(26:18):
because the little spout thing is cool to pour out of.
I think I like to find joy in the little things.
And then I've also linked a couple face mass and iemass,
but really, any of those kinds of things, it doesn't
matter which one it is. If it cools, then that's great.
If the teapot gets hot, then that's great. That's really
all we're looking for. We don't have to make it
(26:39):
super complicated. So temperature regulating things is number eight on
my list. And then my last thing, I've combined two
things kind of and really there are two companies that
both have missions that I really love and can stand behind,
and I group them together because the gift idea is
(27:00):
very similar. So the companies are the giving keys and
Able and I'm not sure if they are both on
the list last year, because they both give back and
they both have really strong missions that I believe in.
The Giving Keys started as stamped keys with words like strong, brave, believe,
et cetera. And the goal behind these was to gift
(27:22):
a necklace to somebody that had a word that might
mean somebody, that person that you think that person might need,
and eventually that person then would give that necklace to
somebody else, So it just continues to cycle through people
that need it. And I really like that they actually
use like real old keys that they find and stamp
those words on. So it's like the gift that keeps giving,
(27:46):
except it's much better than the Jelly of the Month
club from Christmas Vacation. Hopefully you guys have all seen
that movie, because you have no idea what I'm talking about.
But that's the gift that keeps giving that I'd actually
want to be a part of. And that's also coming
from somebody doesn't like jelly. So maybe we should put
Jelly of the Month Club on here as an idea.
That can just be our honorary number ten. Now, The
(28:08):
Giving Keys actually has a really expansive collection on their website.
Now they offer a lot more items. But I am
really again to make this easier for you, guys, really
suggest going with that original item, the original pieces as
an easy way to celebrate or encourage somebody. And then
able which is another company that has I mean, they
(28:29):
have tons of stuff. They do leather goods, they do clothing, now,
they have some home goods, they have shoes. They also
have a jewelry line. Now, this jewelry line was actually
started a long time ago by Gracie Moekler who is
now the founder of Emergency Confetti, And if you haven't
heard of Emergency Confetti, it's definitely worth checking out and
also has a wonderful mission behind it. And able Abel's
(28:52):
jewelry line has jewelry that you can also personalize. And
their company helps give job opportunities to women who are
coming out of less than desirable situations, whether that's sobriety
or just dangerous living situations or incarcerations, stuff like that.
(29:15):
They help get women back on their feet and allow
them to do some meaningful work that can create some
self esteem, some sense of self and all that good
stuff that we really need to be successful. And so
I love the mission behind it. And like I said,
they have July that you can personalize. And last year
(29:35):
for Christmas, I gave the three quarts Therapy Therapists bracelets
that said both slash and on them if you know
you know again. And recently I got one of their necklaces.
It's like a long bar and it has four sides
to it, and I put on the front the person's name,
and then on each side I put a word that
(29:56):
describes them stamped a word that describes them on there.
And that's just a fun way to celebrate somebody and
at the same time pretty simple. So there you guys
have it. There is my short but long list of
easy gift ideas that honestly are more than just gifts.
And I feel like I've said this a million times,
(30:17):
but I will link all of those things so you
can find them for yourselves easily. We're in the spirit
of ease in the show notes, so you can find
that there and you can grab whatever speaks to you
if anything does. Also, feel free to gift something to
yourself because that is always okay and always encouraged by me.
So I hope that this year you get to, like
(30:40):
I said earlier, really enjoy this time where we get
to celebrate each other and celebrate our relationships, and we
allow energy to spend more on celebrating than making sure
we're celebrating exactly perfectly right and getting the exact perfect
impression or feedback or reaction that might get in the
(31:02):
way of the actual experience. If you guys want to
send me a note or a question for couch Talks,
the episode where I answer your questions, you can send
that to Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com.
You can follow me Kat van Buren on Instagram and
at You Need Therapy Podcast Until I talk to you
guys again on Wednesday for couch Talks. I hope you
have the day you need to have.
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