June 17, 2025 • 62 mins
Rebuilding After Loss – Sarah Akiba on Grief, Identity & Purpose
In this episode of You vs You, host Lex Borrero sits down with Sarah Akiba — a celebrity stylist, entrepreneur, and founder of AWOM (Angel Watching Over Me), a nonprofit created in honor of her late father. From working with some of the biggest names in fashion and entertainment to helping young women navigate grief and mental health, Sarah’s story is one of loss, identity, and radical transformation.
But this isn’t just about grief. It’s about becoming.
Sarah opens up about:
◽️ Losing her father — and the pain that followed
◽️ The fear of being forgotten
◽️ Performing confidence to survive as an immigrant woman
◽️ How building a persona protected her from pain
◽️ The hidden weight of success when self-worth is wounded
◽️ Why healing begins when you finally stop running
From styling celebrities to creating spaces for women to feel seen, Sarah reveals the story behind the smile — and how grief didn’t just break her… it rebuilt her.
Whether you’re processing loss, questioning your purpose, or hiding behind a version of yourself you no longer recognize — this episode will help you begin again, from the inside out.
🔗 Connect with Sarah Akiba
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/sarahakiba
AWOM – https://www.awom.org
🔗 Connect with Lex Borrero
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/lexborrero
TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@lexborrero16
🔗 Join the You vs You Community
https://linktr.ee/YOUVS.YOUPODCAST
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
In my journey has been just the understanding that you
have to watch how you speak to yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I've been asked on dates the artist has done this,
and I'm like, I love you like my brother, simple
as that. There's never been a line cross. That's where
it gets tricky in work. Did you put yourself in
that position? Did you allow it to happen? You can
say no and move on and find another door.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
On this episode, we have my really good friend, Sarah Kibo.
Sarah is a celebrity stylist who's worked with the likes
of David Ghetta, J Wheeler, Ed Sharon and many more.
She's also the founder of the A One Foundation. Born
from the loss of her father. She's used the foundation
to inspire many women in South Florida to find their purpose. Sarah,
Welcome to you versus You Action Action. Hello, Hello, welcome
(00:45):
to this incredible conversation. I'm excited to have you. You know,
I got a chance to go to your podcast the
other day and I think it was honestly one of
the best conversations I had. Like, I was really proud
of that. And you know when you lease home, you're
like that one. Yes, yeah, but I want to get started.
You know, I think one of the amazing things of
having you, I feel like since we met, we've had
(01:07):
this like genuine connection without truly knowing.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Each other really well. You know, when you left, That's
exactly what I felt. I was like, I don't really
know him, but I feel like I've known him forever,
like you're my high school boy, Like I don't know.
That's how I felt. That was the level.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
You know, it really does. Its weird even when when
I you know, when you invite into your podcast, I
was like wow. I generally that day I was thinking,
it's like I need an incredible woman to have on
my podcast that I know we can have a great conversation.
And literally, as I was saying the power of Manifestation,
you text me and I was like, wow, this is
(01:46):
out of all people love it and I'm excited to
want get to know you a little better and too
to really talk about, you know, from a woman's point
of view, what are human condition is right, which I
think is really what this podcast is about. So to
get started. Grew up in Paris? What was that like?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
So I was born in Paris. I went back and
forth immigrant obviously from here, So we left when I
was four due to anti Semitism, So we would get
swastikas on our door every week, and then my dad
was saying, and this was back then, you know. My
dad was like, you know what, this isn't safe anymore.
We got to get out of here. So when I
was four, we left me, my three older brothers, my
(02:31):
parents and came to America. But we had that investor's
visa where you have to leave every six months, so
we were in and out. So I grew up here
and there, came to Miami and went to a couple
different schools. It was definitely difficult coming here, being that
I only spoke French and then went to like a
(02:52):
school where there were a lot of rich kids. We
weren't quite there yet, and I didn't have the same
shoes as everyone else. I don't know if you guys
are remember those Melissa jelly shoes. They had the little
heels and you'd wear different color socks so you could
see through the shoe, and all the girls would make
fun of me, and I first barely understood what they
were saying, and second was just like, oh shit, how
(03:13):
do I get these shoes? You know? And no one
would talk to me. I remember, like it was like
six months, like a year, Like, damn, I don't have
these shoes. Maybe if I get the shoes, I'll get
the friends. I got the shoes, and immediately they started
talking to me.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Crazy? I did become their friends though, lead straight up.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I love that. I love that. You know, it's interesting.
I had never consider the immigrants story from a different
point of view, right, growing up in Miami and being Colombian,
I went through the same day I came here speaking Spanish,
and believe it or not, I in my class, we
were in the East hole classes, so everyone there was
either Brazilian or but nobody, uh, nobody gave you the
(03:58):
crash course of Like, here's what American culture is going
to be like, because it's very different right today, living
in America and comparison and living somewhere else, and what
it does to your emotions, right, Like, I feel a
lot of people here. It's very easy. I mean myself included,
and I'm sure you can identify to this as well.
(04:18):
We work quite a lot in comparison to other people
from other places. Oh yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Friends, five o'clock no one's talking to you after five
to one, no phone calls, and.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
It's disrespectful if you text someone after that. Absolutely, you know,
and we don't have that culture here to me what
I think as a kid, for me getting used to
the understanding that, okay, this culture of almost bullies in
America right like almost like what you wear is more
important than who you are. I think I had a
(04:52):
lot to do with how my childhood got affected and
the lessons I ended up having to learn the hard way.
Do you do you feel like being from friend or
you know, growing up in Paris, coming here not necessarily Latin,
not necessarily tons of French people here, the language barrier,
(05:17):
and also the lack of having what other people had.
Did that create motivation in YouTube that you think you're
you're going to that motivation now as an adult or
do you think that it created more of a of
a pain or trauma that now you're having to deal
with as an adult.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
It's such a good question because if you right away
I answer no, My struggle is my superpower, like that
struggle made me better. And I think in a world
like today, I miss bullies. I miss bullies for kids.
I think you should get bullied. I think it builds character.
(05:57):
There's a big difference though, right now if I go
back and I'm like, damn. But I also have a
problem when it comes to loss, when it comes to
losing friendships, when it comes to losing people, I have
like an anxiety towards that. And that might also stem
from what I went through as a young kid where
my friends were bullied so mean to me, so I'd
(06:17):
like they checked out of my life or I checked
out of theirs, And I have that now, you know
what I mean. So I don't know if it comes
from that. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
It's a really good questions and my experience in helping
young people deal with trauma and even my own, I
realized that ninety nine percent of it comes from those
moments where you you know, as an adult, you choose
your trauma in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I don't agree with that one, right, Yeah, you choose.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
The things that you end uputting yourself because you just
don't want to learn the lesson, and we will talk
about that in the conversation. But as a kid, you're
just discovering the world and you're faced with these situations
that are driven by the environment, whether that sometimes is home,
you know, or whether that's in school. But it's really
interesting because I I was speaking to a friend of mine.
(07:11):
She was bullied before when she was young, and so
she has temperament issues and anger issues because of the frustrations.
So anytime she feels like she's being attacked, her reaction
is to protect that little girl that one's bullied, right,
because now she.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Could figure that out. Honestly, that's hard to figure that out.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It started with the conversation of like, let's try to
go back to where you feel that feeling before. And
I learned that once I did therapy and I was
dealing with a lot of emotion and the therapist told me,
pause for a second, go back. I think I was
(07:56):
thirty at the time. She's like, go back when you
were around twenty five years old. Do you remember feeling
that feeling? And I was like, yeah, okay, just like,
can you identify where you felt that feeling? Okay, now
let's go back to when you were fifteen. Did you
feel that feeling. Is there any moment that you can
like pinpoint where you're like the same And I was like, yeah, okay,
(08:18):
I'll go back when you were ten? Can you feel
that feeling? And I'll go back. And then you start
going back these memories and it opens your subconscious to
start thinking of things you haven't thought about before. Wow,
you know. Like for me, for example, one of the
the pain points in my life had been that no
matter how much I had accomplished, I never felt like enough.
(08:39):
And I used to be. I used to be scared
of approaching the business or being the lex were or whatever.
And I think as a matter of fact, I created
lex as a protection mechanism for Alejandal. But it came
from two like very key points my life. One was
(09:01):
once my parents divorced and my dad remarried and I
found out that his wife was pregnant. I felt that,
but I'm not enough. And then like a couple of
years later, I was already in the music industry, just starting,
(09:23):
and a friend of mine was an artist and they
had money. They lived in Western they had a studio,
and the mom was like a super mamager And I
remember that one day we had a session at her
house and I was producing and her the mom pretty
much came to me and said, hey, listen, I know
that this girl is your friend, my daughter's your friend.
The truth is you're not good enough. And it's crazy
(09:45):
because I'm thirty nine years old and I still remember
that moment. And for many years I didn't realize where
that came from. I came from, but it affected.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
My head that you remember that. Yeah, it was that
working moment for you.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You absolutely it's that work of reflection of going back,
and like, any as.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
You're saying this to me, there's something that comes up.
Like I told you before, I mean, it's Monday today,
I'm telling I went through all the I think I
cried three times on the way here, like it's just
been a day, you know, with family in this that
and like I was saying, like I have a fear
of loss or someone not showing up for me. And
(10:27):
then you just said, how'd you feel when you were fifteen,
when you were ten? When I was ten, I stopped
going to school for eight months because I was afraid
that my mom would forget to pick me up. So
I would I would pretend this is a c I
can't even believe I'm saying this, but I would pretend
that I would throw up every morning to make her
think I was sick. So I wouldn't go to school,
(10:47):
so I would choose pizza in the morning and throw
up and be like, Mom, I threw up. I can't
go to school. And then after eight months, I mean,
she's like, we gotta figure something's going on. You're not
throwing up, you're not losing weight, like what's going on,
you know? And I just tell her like, I'm afraid
to go to school, like I'm afraid you'll forget me.
Isn't it to be forgotten? And I realized it's maybe
(11:10):
it's not like fear of losing someone, but maybe fear
of being forgotten. You that's kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Can you remember a time before that that you felt.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
That, Yeah, I can, this is wild. I was in
bed Bath and Beyond. Holy shit, I don't know what
you're doing. This is crazy bed Bath and Beyond, and
I lost my mom in the store and I was
screaming because I was so scared. I couldn't find her,
and I found another lady and I just like held
(11:41):
on to her, you know, until my mom came back
to me. That's so great. I remember exactly which Bed
Bath and Beyond in Avan Tearle. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
It's insane. The power of our brains. And however it
tains those emotional touch points that triggered you. Do you
remember like a specific memory in your childhood that you
were like, okay, that one makes me really happy.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
How sad that I have to think hard for the
happier moments. First thing that comes to mind maybe my
birthday party when I was five.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
What happened in your birthday party?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Everybody came. It was so fun like I was the
French girl who finally had friends, you know, and everyone
came and I had my first slow dance with my crush.
Oh my god, so funny. But yeah, I remember, I remember.
And then my mom came in the middle and started
(12:45):
booty dance, doing the cry baby on the floor and
I remember being like, oh my god, why and not
the right way? Like not you know, And I was
but you know what, I was never embarrassed at my
mom doing things like that. I was always like I
love this lady, you know, like she would always be
the lady that dances in the store to like make
(13:06):
me and I just start dancing with her. Till this day, I.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Don't know why. Me growing up, I always I was
always a bit ashamed of the things that my parents
would do because I to that point of feeling maybe
not good enough. Anything that can open me up for
criticism would give me like would put my body into contraction.
And and it took me a really long time, and
(13:32):
I think it's still something that I had to work
on where I you know, certain things even if even
if somebody else is doing it, not even me, right,
it could be like whoever, my friend or something does
something quirky and I'm like, I.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Know that feeling so well.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, it's a feeling
that a fear. It's a feeling of like being afraid
of being judged, being judged it and it drives so
much of your daily routine because we're having especially now
as adults, your face with having to deal with other people.
You can't just go into it, you.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Know, like I know exactly when you go like like
I know that contraction. I know exactly what you're talking about.
But for me, the only people that can make me
feel that way are my brothers and my mom. No
other people affect me like that.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
What do you think just them?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I think I care here we go, I think I
care the most about what they think. About me, like
I want them to be like the ones that love
me the most and just make them the most proud.
You know what I mean? I don't. I don't. I
don't need a stranger to tell me good job. I
(14:50):
need them to tell me good job. Why I don't,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Did you grow up in a strict home.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I mean my dad, super Moroccan macho man, and my
three older brothers protectors and then all their boys. I
couldn't move, you know, I'd have to figure my way out.
And the one time I got a way out, I
was at remember Arcadia Close. I got caught fifteen years old.
(15:20):
Someone hit up. My brother goes, yo, Lil Kiba's here
and I'm like, oh shit, like I saw him from
far yeah, and my brother. Thirty minutes later my brother
was there and I hit under the table like this, Mike,
I was like, melted me into the floor, like please,
you know, so shriked. I would say, yes, strike the
(15:42):
household for sure, but not with grades or anything like
I used to have to beg my parents to look
at my report card.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
My parents came from the hood of Paris and Morocco.
Like my dad, six brothers and sisters in one little
attic of a temple because my grandpa parents built the
temple with their bare hands and lived in there with
one bed, all the brothers and sisters, and my mom
in the ghetto of Paris, Like she would always tell me,
(16:10):
she's like I'd wake up in the mornings and people
on the stairs with like needles and like dead, Like
that's what she would wake up to. So for me,
I wasn't raised like that. They made sure so school
for them wasn't important. It was street smart. My dad
would say, like, don't go to college. Read books. And
my dad would read till four am every single night.
(16:30):
He was never asleep, one book a night, and he
was I mean intelligence to the too much for this world.
I always say, wow, too much, too big for this
warld he understood so much. He's like, I can't do
enough to help enough. I'm not. He wasn't meant for here.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
With such a strong presence in your life and the
fear of being left. I know you lost your father.
Do you feel like that you've had a hard time
deal with that grief or that having to face that
fear that your main protector is not there.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Man, right now, more than ever. I'm getting married, and
I was always really afraid of getting married. I know.
We talked about this, which is weird because my parents,
God bless them, had the most beautiful marriage ever. My
mother still goes in front of my dad's photo and
(17:32):
goes Chim's because your males Aldre like, do you like
what I'm wearing today? She asks him. You know, but
I don't know. I always had that fear. Maybe it's
the lost part, you know, And I feel alone in
this wedding. Sometimes my mom's there for me, She's present,
but you know, when you have your father being there
like I got you like, especially that I'm the youngest
(17:54):
of four and I'm his little girl. So there is
where I feel like his death made me stronger. One
like his death. It's sad to say, but it gave
me my purpose. My purpose is people. My purpose is
whoever's less than I want to make them feel good.
(18:16):
I want to do I can make them better. I
can furnish their home if I raise enough money. I
can get them off the street if they want to
get off the street. I can make my students be
better by talking to them, even if it's those late
phone calls their parents. Do drugs great, Come sleep over,
I'll do your laundry, I'll take you to school. It's
all been done in my home. And that came from
my dad's loss. Was it difficult for sure, like the
(18:41):
moment of him dying, but the moments after made me
better because I speak to him, like for me God.
I believe so much in God and because of my dad,
but I believe in even higher than that, because when
(19:02):
I talk to my dad out loud, immediate signs like
it's no quese. So I'm afraid to say sometimes because
I'm like, oh no, I don't want one right now.
You know, it's like scary. But I feel strength from
his loss and I feel like I literally always say
that my struggle made my biggest superpower. You know, the
most sour lemon is the sweetest lemonade, like like you
(19:25):
taught me literally the other day. It's perspective.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
You know, it's really interesting today when I woke up
in the morning, I saw TikTok of I cut from
Bruce Almighty when Morgan Freeman is is speaking to the
actress and you know, people ask for patients and God
gives you an opportunity to be patient. And I love
(19:49):
that because I truly believe that, I truly believe that
that we came to this place and the true identity
of this place. It's a school we came to learn,
and that as much as we don't want to go
(20:11):
through pain, we can go through pain without suffering. Suffering
is a state of mind. Pain is just temporary that
you feel because it's growth, right. And we've been conditioned
(20:38):
as humans to run away from the hard times. We've
been conditioned as humans to look at things from a
pov of good and bad. And the thing is that
your soul completely chose your life experience. Your father sold
completely chose the life experience. And the fact that I
(21:01):
hear you say, from his loss came my purpose. Sometimes
we ask for purpose, and God gives you the opportunity
my purpose, right. And and I love that because, like you,
I grew up in a home where where the word
of God was present, right where the teachings of believing
(21:25):
that there's a greater reason for us to be here
was there. And I explore so much the good and
the bad of what that came from that I would
say for a very long time, it caused Uh, it
costs pain, right, it costs belief or yeah, the religion
(21:50):
right practicing that it felt like we were strict, and
the practicing that it felt like it was fearful. I
always said, you know, in being able to study now
multiple religions, I realized that in many religions there were
you know, people are taught to fear God, so you
are afraid of God to a place where you feel
(22:12):
condemned if you don't do certain things.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Do you feel that way?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I don't now, but when I was a kid, for sure,
you know, per cause the like number one word that
you were taught in churches, don't do this or you
know that's not godly, that's not God's going to punish you,
like if you don't pray, Like if you grow up Catholic,
it's like if you don't go and you know, give
your sacrifice on a Sunday, then you know, God's not
(22:37):
listening to your prayer if you don't put a little coin.
God's not going to listen to your prayer if you don't.
And for many years, what I realized is that that
makes you approach the world with fear because you have
no self identity. Your identity is completely based on my actions,
will dictate and will figure out if God loves me
or not. And as I've evolved, as I've grown up,
(23:02):
as I've experienced life, as I gain other knowledges, I
started to learn that the best reflection of God is us,
Like we are in complete spirit what God is and
it's not something you got to go find. Is that something?
It is just you? It's you.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You know what's crazy? You know that feeling that you
were saying before, Yeah, the feeling when you say that
is like surrender. Like my whole body just like immediately
calmed down because that that fear of God. Fear of God,
very good brand. But I don't. I don't feel that.
(23:41):
I don't feel that. And because though I have my
own relationship with God, like I was never taught to
fear God. I don't. I don't think. But I don't
have to go to temple to pray. Yeah, my prayer
is me and in the morning, you know what I mean,
(24:03):
or meditation or music you know, I don't know if
I told you this before, but I'm huge in worship music.
Like I'm a Jew at this point. I'm a Jew
for Jesus because you know, like every time they say Jesus,
I'm like, husham, because that's how I say God. I'm like,
because it's just so powerful and moving. And I think
it does stem from your home, like how they choose
(24:28):
to teach you God in the home, Like how now
you can teach your child from your experiences that it's
actually not that way.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Well, you know, historically in Judaism, you have a clear
understanding that you are God's people. So you're not taught
to fear God. You're taught to honor, right like we're
taught to honor God in many other religions, you're taught
to fear. It's a place of fear because a place
(24:55):
of control of you have to earn God's love. You
have to earn that part. And it affects people's psycheeds
like all the things that we're talking about in school, right,
It affects how you approach business. It affects because you're
always in a place of insecurity of am I doing something?
Or is God going to punish me? And you know,
(25:15):
not just stay too long in the subject of religion.
But for me, what I've learned, regardless of whatever religion
any person is, I think the moment you grasp that
you're internal, you're you versus you, and you have the power.
And I saw this in one of the books and
that I was reading on the Navy stil and he said,
(25:36):
all the heavens, all the hells, all the gods, and
all the all the demons are within you. And for
many years I was like, Okay, what does that actually mean?
And then it finally hit me, like it's all your mind.
You can you can choose to suffer, and you can
choose to live a life of suffering because of how
(25:58):
you see yourself, how you reflect on yourself, how you
look at you know, the loss or those or those
traumas that we have as we as we talked in
your podcast about you know the filter and being able
to identify the filter. But I also love the filter
because it's kept you safe certain times and it also
holds you back from a lot of things. So being
(26:19):
a woman and coming from a family a strong man
and your mom was also in fashion, right, yep, do
you feel the pressure to be successful?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I would say yes, because of the lifestyle that I want,
I think just pressure on my own but also as
a kid, like there were no naps in our home,
you know, like you were not allowed to nap, like
you woke up and you know it was immediately every
morning Alora, all right, courage, that's how we would wake
(27:00):
up in our home, like those were the two words.
And with the pressure to be successful, Yeah, but I
put it on myself because of the life that I want,
you know, like we talk about, you know, going to
live on a farm and just you know, but in
order to get there, you have to have a certain
life before. I think, but I think success also the
(27:22):
definition of success for me is and to admit this
is kind of wild, but I do want people to
remember me for something. I want to be remembered I
and some people might say that that's silly for what
you know, but I think I want to make a
name for myself to at least stamp something in this
(27:45):
world and say, okay, like you made that change.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You know, what do you want to be a remember for.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
It's a really good question. I should know that before
saying that, right, doing something good as long as it's
something good, and it doesn't have to be to a
massive people, but to someone you know that can at
least domino effect to someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Do you feel like that hasn't already happened because I
feel like you've impacted me when I speak to you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah, but I mean my students were texting me today
like misstera, we better be invited to your wedding, And
I'm like, oh crap, Like I got to invite my kids,
you know, but yeah, for sure, because if they're still
writing me, then I have. But I guess we have
that thing. Man. Maybe it's American culture, like you say, like,
it's never enough, it's not enough.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
What is success to you?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Peace? I turned down three jobs this week just for peace,
and they were God knows, it was a nice check.
But I just kept getting that that feeling, that contraction.
I'm like, I don't, I can't. I don't. It's too
much for me right now.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
So do you think you're chased for the lifestyle you
want will take away your piece?
Speaker 2 (29:04):
No, it'll It'll give me more peace. Why because you
have money to do it?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Who said money brings peace? You and I both know
a lot of wealthy people without peace.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Oh many, too many, But I think I think it does.
It allows you to have the resources to have peace,
you know what I mean, to not live paycheck to
paycheck to not does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
So I want to challenge you and something, Oh yeah,
I love.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
This, Please go like I'm loving it.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
The only reason is because when we put our efforts
to achieve something in return of something that's internal, we
end up finding out that actually nothing changed, right because
(29:58):
if the answer was money, and all the really wealthy
people we know should be at peace, but they're not.
If the answer is more fame, than all the famous
people we know would be at peace. If the answer
is more awards or more legacy, then all the people
that we remember and talk about in history would have
(30:20):
died in peace.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So then what are we here for? You know, it's hard.
I think of this all the time. And what's your purpose?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
But here's the thing. Purpose is in my pub the
purpose is the driving force to get you up in
the morning and make you feel like you belong somewhere, right, okay,
But the result of purpose is what we need to
(30:51):
let go of because we base our value on the result.
We don't race our value on the fact that, Hey,
if I'm my purpose was like to be a father,
then my job is just get up every day and
be a father, loving and caring. Now, if my daughter
decides to go do something I don't agree with, then
(31:15):
what when I was really being a father for is
for her to be something that was But I don't
control her. I can't control her. I mean, there's probably
so many fathers that hope better for their daughters, and
their daughters end up doing, you know, the pornography business
or whatever it is, right. And what I've come to
understand as I've achieved success or success, as we all
(31:40):
mention it, is that I said, I need to work harder,
and I need to build more money, and I need
to get more awards in order to get peace. And
then you get there and you want something else. So
you're not at peace because you say no, no, no, wait wait, wait,
the thing is universe. What I meant to say is
that I get the Ferrari and I get like the
(32:02):
thousand Grammys, I will be all good and you get
the Grammys and you're like, no, but you didn't listen
right when a man was a billion dollars, And then
you end up in this circle of did I actually
need all of those things to be in peace? And so,
(32:22):
you know, I think across the spiritual books and across
different teachings. The concept of whatever you put value on
will be taken away because it's a crutch to your
true understanding of self. So I never really understood that
(32:43):
until I said, okay, well, if I want more money
and my desire is the money is going to give
me happiness, life will completely show you that it's not that.
And then then you have no hope, right because then
you're like, but if it wasn't the money, then what
And then that's when people start crumbling and going into depression,
(33:06):
so many you know people. So my challenge is that
I truly believe and I'm putting in the work to
believe that the inner piece, the inner joy, the search
for everything that I thought wasn't what I will become
(33:27):
is actually here. If I say, well, my legacy is
to touch people, well I'm already touching people. So is
it touching people or is it feeling like those people
will remember me and that gives me self worth? And
so really what I have is that I don't have
self worth, and I'm trying to earn self worth by
my work in my life. Love that, but then you
(33:50):
can identify, Okay, So if I know for sure I'm
okay no matter what. Then how do I start speaking
to myself because I also caught you doing something that
this is the kind of things that my spiritual leader does,
and I'd be pissing me off. He'd be like, rephrase,
don't say I think I want to be remembered. I
want to be remembered, And then ask yourself why. It's
(34:17):
kind of like the therapy session saying well have you
felt that before? And as you start going down the path,
you started realizing like, I'm actually freaking okay, and if
it all ended today, I'll be I learned a lesson now.
It doesn't mean that I want to stop searching for
those things. Right, Like, I work every day so that
(34:38):
the people around me are blessed by my work as
my daily purpose. Right, I have financial dreams and goals
that I want to accomplish them without with the understanding
that none of it would bring me happiness. I desired
them because those things could be a blessing to those
around me, could create experiences that I would like to experience.
(35:02):
But I don't need them to experience happiness. I don't
need them to experience peace. I don't need them to
feel successful. I don't need them to feel whole. I
don't need them to feel like I've made it. I
don't need them to define who I am internally.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
So I have a question for you. Do you feel
like because of everything you have? Like I walked through
your office today and I think sometimes I lack like
thinking big. You know, you've come to mind, you know,
and I come here and I'm like, oh wow, every
sign in here means something. You made it. Do you
(35:36):
feel like you get to say this because you're here?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
So I've talked about this in every podcast that we've done.
I think the fact that I made it made me
realize that I didn't.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah, I totally see it.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
If I didn't make it, I would sit here and
tell you. I can't say that because I haven't made it.
I don't have money. So yeah, it sounds nice to
say this ship, but I don't have money. It feels
nice to believe in this. But everybody who I see
around me, who's rich and who's successful and who's famous,
(36:13):
they're not living this start for life looking internally, they're
looking externally. They're looking how can I show off? How
can I buy the most expensive watch, how can I
be sexy? Are going to have a sex?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (36:21):
So what the heck are you talking.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
About, Sarah?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
But it's because I've made it that I realized that
I haven't actually made anything. That everything that I was
searching for in the hope of completing something led me
to the belief that I've been lying to myself and
(36:46):
that the moment I realized that that was the.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
First yeah, yet the wrong one, because what made you
realize this? Like I'm hearing you when I'm like wow,
like I'm completely blown away? You know.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I started to manage a man who I looked up
to my whole entire life and realized his human experience
is the same as mine, and I said.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Oh shit, it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
None of these things actually mattered. He got all the
things I want and he's still feeling how I'm feeling.
So how do I do that? And even before I
met him, I think the reason life took me to
meet him is to continue to show me the journey.
But even before that, I was sitting in my place
(37:39):
with my life where I said, my body is going
into shock, like I'm sick. I am not enjoying the
job that I'm doing. I just found that I'm going
to become a father in a situation that I had
that wasn't planned, and everything that I thought about life
(38:01):
self exploded and then it was like, well, God, I
grew up believing I have purpose. I grew up believing
that the day I passed away is because my time
in this place is done. What am I missing? And honestly,
it was a trip to Morocco New Year's that changed
(38:24):
my life because I asked the tour guide, why is
the facades of the houses outside look so simple? Like,
I don't understand you guys have so many beautiful paintings
and angles and domes and stuff, and it's like you
have like a dust wall with a door. And I
was like, what as an arc as a lover of Arca,
(38:44):
just like mind blown? He was like, because we believe
that the beauty is on the inside, and then he
explained to me the reasoning behind the different door sizes.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I was just going to tell you my favorite thing
about Morocco are the doors?
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah? Yeah, And I that opens up my mind to Okay,
everything that I'm looking for is inside? Is that outside?
And I think that that's when I also realize that
that is, that is God's gift to us. All the
answers of everything that we are looking for inside are inside.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
How do well practice that?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Look, I think everyone's journey is so different, but I
think in my journey it has been just the understanding
that you have to watch how you speak to yourself
as the first reality. I have my three laws for
my journey, very personal journey. One, the universe is in
(39:50):
divine order. Yep, right, we believe in God. We believe
there's this perfection, there's this there's the amount of things
that have to happen for any of the things we
dream of to happen are a million and one possibilities.
So the universe is in divine order. The only thing
that is not is my mind. And my mind has
(40:14):
failed me before. My mind has thought that it was
right before and it was wrong. So okay, so check
my mind. So every time I'm going through a situation,
I check is that reality or is that my perspective?
(40:38):
Second that these stories I tell myself are just that fear,
you know, insecurities and so on and so on, are
just a story, just something that I'm resonating in my mind.
And three that if the universe is in control. My
(41:02):
mind has felt me before. The stories that I tell
myself are what is guiding my journey. I'm actually not
in control.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
That's the biggest one for me that gets me through
every day. Every time I get that feeling, I'm like,
it's not even up to me, you know. Yeah, that
saves me every day for sure.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
That's a solid release of energy. When you do that,
you're like, like, you know what it's.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Like when they say let God, like literally let God.
You know.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I heard you in one of your podcasts talk about which,
by the way, congrats, thank you so much. I generally enjoyed.
I'm definitely I'm a consumer of podcast and there's something
you know, and I think there's tons of different people
that do them really great, but I think there's something
when you're just willing to be human. And that's what
(41:59):
I really loved about yours. It was just like this,
I felt like I was just talking to you. I
couldn't feel for sort of rehears which sometimes I'll be honest,
I struggle with because I'm gonna have a great conversation,
but when the lights and cameras are on, I'm like, well,
it's not my thing. This is a stretch. This is
me leaning into the hard time.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
And you are leaning.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
But you said something that I resonated with so much,
or just like I fake it till I make it.
I sometimes even feel like I'm kind of lying and
I'm doing and I like, I was, like, I can
talk to me about that because I can resonate that.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Yes, you know, it goes back to my younger self
with the shoes. You know, I wasn't that person until
I got the shoes. But you can tell yourself you're somebody,
and if you act like that person, even without the shoes,
you become that person, you know. So I remember lying
(42:58):
about someone I styled in order to get another job,
and I'm like, yo, yeah, I used to work with
Travis Scott and this and that and that. That is
a damn lie. Okay. I went on a trip with
Travis Scott and jewels, you know, but I never styled
anyone there. But it's how I could get my foot
in the door. If I had never said that, I
wouldn't be where I am today. I would have never
gotten the job.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
It's funny because I always say that I'll go into
a meeting sometimes and I'm making up something as I'm
in the meeting, but it's my forefst, like my force
full manifestation of it. It's like it forces me to
be like, Okay, I gotta go make that shit.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
That. I love that. I think it's who Like you said,
it's our choice, Like I know I could be that?
Why not? Why can he be that? And I can't
be that? If anything, it just it brings it to life,
like when you put it in the air, literally when
you say it out loud, it can come. It doesn't
matter at what point, you know. It's like on I
(43:55):
have a long to do list, I have a monthly
to do list, and at the top I have my
monthly goals, and I have my weekly goals, and then
I have my every single day what do I want
to accomplish. I call them rollover goals because when I
can't get it to it that month, I roll it
over to the next month. And some of those have
lasted five years, just like me being signed to an
agency for styling that was five years ago. I put
(44:17):
that thing on there. Last week I got signed to
that agency after five years. Amazing, you know, And like
I put it there because I believe in it. I
know I can be one of them. Why can't I
be one of them who said so?
Speaker 1 (44:31):
Yeah, you know, I think that that's the strong feeling
of manifestation and attraction. Like I again, I believe in that,
and I believe also sometimes what I tell my team
is land the plane, because I do feel sometimes I
have so many ideas and we want everything, and when
(44:56):
we don't write them down, we don't understand what that is.
We don't know which plane to land. And I said,
the airline only makes money when the plane lands. Other
than that it's losing money. The plane has to land
so they can refill it with someone else and get
it out the way, because every time there's a new
person on the seat is when they make money. And
I use that, and I know that you love journaling
(45:18):
as well and writing. I use that in my journal.
I really every morning try to really define, out of
all the goals that I have, what are the three
that I can actually land the plane on today, so
that I can focus my total divine energy on those three.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
God, if you can do that, you're winning.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
And it allows me to It allows me to knock
things out in a way that I haven't seen too
many people do, not because they don't have the power to,
but because it's very hard to land the plane when
when you're thinking about landing fifty at the same time.
To pick one, yeah, I want to focus on that.
(45:56):
Knock it out the park.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
And the thing is we put all this pressure on
ours and it's really just us ourselves.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Do you feel as a woman, you know, working in fashion,
working in entertainment, the sexuality plays a part of of
kind of the the power book of the power tools
that women use.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
No, I think that I've never put myself in a
position that way. I always say this, and I'm proud
of it. Honestly, I've never slept with someone in the industry.
It's my power. Yeah, it's for me. I think why
I'm respected as a woman in the industry. In my industry,
(46:39):
it's been I've been asked on dates I've been the
artist has done this, and I'm like, I love you
like my brother, simple as that. There's never been a
line cross. I don't cross that. I love you. I
always thought I love you, but you know, I don't
go out like that. I never crossed the line, you know,
just because that's where it gets tricky and work, you
(46:59):
know what I mean. I don't know where that comes from.
I think maybe just my brothers like always just being
very like all right, like stay in line, you know
what I mean. But no, I've never that's.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
That's amazing to hear you say that, only because we're
in a business where, you know, I find myself a
lot of times when I'm speaking to young artists, when
I'm speaking to you know, young actresses, the day, they
feel they've been taught this story, this narrative that that
if they don't do that, success will not come or
(47:32):
they will not And I I always say, you know,
my whole company is ran by incredible, powerful women. And
I didn't do that by design, by the way, like
it just happened because I'm drawn to incredible, amazing women,
you know, and whether it's our head of business department,
our head of agency. You know, my sister runs the
(47:53):
company as the GM Janelle who produces this podcast, and
you know, runs anything in this world as she's she's
my boss when I'm on the stage. Just incredible women, right,
And I love that you said that because I really
believe and like to teach when I speak to two
(48:14):
young women getting into this business because.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Put yourself in that position. It's really as simple as that, like,
you know, the whole me too thing. Did you put
yourself in that position? Did you allow it to happen?
There's two people there, you know what I'm saying, like,
you have to have that strength. Now, I'm not saying
for everybody. You know, I don't know what happens in
every room, but you can say no and move on
(48:40):
and find another door. You know, if somebody is telling
you no or telling you something you don't like, go
knock on another door. You know.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, that conversation about you know, even in relationships, I
think that as you said, you know, we were, especially
as a woman in the business guys coming or or
in my case, women coming. One of the things that
I realize about being able to have a great relationship,
(49:08):
as whether it's a marriage or a relationship with a
woman and your case with your soon to be husband,
is that the taking myself away from the situations, not
exposing myself to the narrative, allowed me to be focused
enough to understand who I had in front of me
and love that person for everything that they are.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Love that so much, such a beautiful, empower powerful thing
to do and not a lot of people can't do that.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Talk to me about love.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
My favorite thing in the world. I am French to
the bone when it comes to love.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Are you a romantic?
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Oh my god? If you want to watch movies with me,
do not put me in front of a war movie
or in front of something I want only love stories.
It takes me away. Like I just I love love.
I love love so much. I've always been a relationship person.
And yeah, love in what way?
Speaker 1 (50:05):
Like I so loving love? Yes, but just what I
wanted to take on love? Yes, So then we can
counter it with your fear of marriage.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Oh god, I know it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Where does that fear come from?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It comes from, which is why I'm getting married to
the right person. By the way it comes from. I
don't want anyone to think or to have the power
to take me away from my purpose. I don't think
my purpose is to get married and clean the house
and do laundry, although I love doing all those things.
I am so in my feminine creating a home for
(50:42):
me is everything, you know, And like my kids and
God willing one day like I can't wait for all
of that, but my work, it's just me. You know.
My sister in law sweems at me all the time.
She's like, you should have just gotten married to the
last one. Like I used to get that all the time,
like you should have just you know, I got pregnant
(51:04):
with my last fiance, and I was like, I know,
this is not the man for me. I would get
yelled at when I would go to work, I would
get yelled at when I go to the gym. I'd
get yelled at one like like they want to put
you in this box, you know. And that wasn't okay
with me. And thank god I didn't listen to anyone
else but me. That's when you get to sit with
yourself and say, Okay, no one else matters, no one
(51:26):
else is living this, what do you want? And I
listened to that, and I think God supported me in that,
and I you know, I always hope.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
That it's hard to get out of a situation once
you're in it, right, Like, I try to understand the
psyche of that, because I'm a fault of that historically,
on putting myself in situations I shouldn't be in, or
that I'm not necessarily happy.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
Do you do things you feel bad sometimes, you know,
staying in a relationship longer than you should.
Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yes, well, you know, I think it comes back from
that feeling of not feeling good enough. Right, so it
feels like, let me backtrack that that thoughts, so I
can give you some context. My spiritual leader told me
the other day. He says, like, you have such a
giving heart, the question is why you're giving. I was like,
it shocked me for the first time, and he said,
(52:18):
do you realize that people don't need your saving. In
saving them, you're preventing them from learning the lesson they
came here to learn. And I was like, and I
realized that in relationships my issue now it was not
so much that they needed saving, was that I needed
to feel like the hero in order to feel like
I was really good. So I entered the relationship as
(52:40):
this like you know, Superman type character, like I will
save you. Everything is great, I'm the best boyfriend in
the world. You can't believe that you're in love with
me because I'm so lovable. And then as the relationship
evolves and commitment is needed or that next step check out,
I check out because I feel like, oh wait, wait
(53:01):
a second, now I'm seeing all the things about this person.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
I don't like, or what else I could have?
Speaker 1 (53:05):
What else can I have? And that or the project
is done? Now how do I move on as an
architect to the next project? And that made me really
really afraid of marriage for a long time. It made
me afraid of like similar to you losing self, you know,
losing like your identity.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
I think it takes that person that allows you to
be your fullest self. Like with Adam. Now it was
so by accident, by accident, but not right, like got
out of an engagement that took me forever to get
out of. One on a trip by mistake, you know
what I mean, Like fell through I mean, and I
(53:47):
tell you I went through a depression that I never
believed in, depression like that until I went through it
right one on a trip that saved my life. And
I end up meeting this guy four years younger than me,
and I'm like, this is gonna be fun. He's young,
he's fun, you know whatever. And this guy ended up
just making me realize you can have it all. You
(54:09):
can have the person who loves you and go do
all your things and talk to them at the end
of the day or don't if you don't want to,
you know, and that freedom for me. I'm a butterfly.
You've gotta let me fly, I am. I like to
be over there. I like to be over there. I
like to be here. Don't tell me I can't or
I will, and you'll hate me after because I'll just
(54:31):
forget it. I'm a Moroccan woman at heart. I am tough.
So he knows the industry and I think that helps
a lot. And he's not in the industry, which I love,
you know, and he understands this lifestyle. His father's the
same where okay, he she'd be on set for four
or five months at a time, you know, and it
was all good. And I think being raised that way,
(54:52):
he understands what that looks like. It's okay to have
a powerful woman and also not feel belittled by it.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
Why do you think relationships in the business are so hard?
But what makes them hard?
Speaker 2 (55:07):
Listen? People are good looking, man, people are sexy. It's
easy to fall in the you know, like it's easy.
It's easy. Like you connect with someone and you like
there's like that eye moment and you love love right,
and like it could easily fall into that for me,
like I'm strong, right, and then there's like you love love,
(55:30):
and then there's there's everything else. Like I think it
could easily fall between the cracks, but I think if
you are have that Okay, the industry, I know what
it is. I see, like we talked about, they're not happy. Yeah,
they're not going to give you every you see how
many women they sleep with or how many men they're
sleeping with or whatever. It's not beautiful. So it never
(55:52):
tarnished my vision for me. It was always very clear,
like I don't I actually don't want that life.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
You know, what do you think is one lesson you're
soon to be? A husband? Is here to teach you.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
Patience. This poor man he drove me here today because
I was just we have to send wedding invitations. So small, right,
so small, but it's got to get done. And I'm
like in the car trying to do that but also
trying to do all the work. And he's just like there,
he's like, you know what, it's all good. Whoever's meant
to come will come. Who can't they just won't, and
(56:27):
like everything is all good for him. I'm like, but
it's not like you got to do these things in
order for it to be all good, and you try
to control everything. I think to release control and teach
me patience for sure.
Speaker 1 (56:43):
Is there a lesson that you think life has tried
to teach you that you haven't learned and you continue
to see yourself making the same mistake over and over.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
Yeah. Every day I try to work harder and not smarter.
And the truth is, when i've worked less, I've had
the same, thank God like opportunities. But every day I
think I try to fill my time so much to
hopefully make it bigger, and I think God has tried
(57:15):
to show me so many times that that's just not
the way, Like you can take a step back, and
I'm just not listening. And I do it every day,
and every day it breaks me down again, and I
don't want to listen to that because I think I'll fail.
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Are you afraid of failure?
Speaker 2 (57:33):
I'm afraid to not succeed, So I guess, yes, that's failure.
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's interesting because you know, I think
most humans are afraid of not becoming Yes, because because
again I think the human condition or the human struggle
is figuring out what we're here for right, most people
(57:59):
are trying in a defined and find purpose in that,
and so we put so much of that effort towards
our job or you know, for some people being mothers,
for some other people being fathers. And as we get
towards the you know, the conclusion of the podcast. One
(58:19):
of the things that made me do this podcast, and
maybe tidally you versus used, because I understood, as we've
seen through our conversation, that our biggest battle is not
with the people outside. It's not with our future husbands
or boyfriends or girlfriends or wives, or our clients or
our own work. Is just us, like it's just us
(58:42):
in the mirror. And because of them, I learned that
the words we tell ourselves are so powerful. And I
learned that because I learned that if I come here
and I look at you and I say, Sarah, I
love you, your body feels something. If somebody comes here and
says something negative to you or text it to you,
(59:03):
sometimes your body goes into contraction. Right, We've all gotten
those texts from someone and you're just like, oh, no
she didn't, No he didn't. But I realized that we
are so kind to other people, but yet we're so
hard to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (59:19):
Got it. I just want to pause on that because
it's just so true. It's so true. Every single day
I work so hard to make other people feel good,
and I put myself last every day.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
The human condition. And I think that the one thing
I want to leave with in this podcast is allow people.
You're not going to change overnight. You're not going to
transform you know, thirty years, twenty years, fifteen or whatever
of lessons overnight. But what allows you to move on
(01:00:17):
is just starting to be aware of the hey rephrase
that is not I think is I want, I know, oh,
catch yourself in the moment of that. Right. And So
what I like to end this podcast with every guest
is asking you to do an exercise with me. What
(01:00:38):
is one word or one phrase that you can tell
yourself right now that will change the dynamic of the
rest of your week.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Choose to choose how I want my week to look like.
I get to choose. It's about actually choosing the right thing.
Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
For me. Is you're doing it? Just keep going, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
So good, beautiful, You're so good, this is so good.
Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Well, thank you so much for you know, sharing time
with us and sharing time with me. I love the
conversation and and I really feel that we should have
multiple ones of these and when your podcast want mine.
But I love, I love, I love, I love talking
to you. I am so blessed to know you and
(01:01:34):
have you in my life.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
I can wait for more of this. Yes, because there's
something you know. Yeah, like we said, and there is.
Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Thank you so much, many more Yes, thank you for
watching you versus You. I am so excited to be
able to share these conversations with you in the hopes
that they will transform the deepest part of who you
are and then you can start living the life of
your dream Please subscribe like common and share with anyone
(01:02:04):
who needs to hear this message. My hope is that
we build community and that together we can live the
life of our dreams. You Versus You as a production
of Neon sixteen and Entertained Studios in partnership with the
Iheartmichael Tuda podcast Network. For more podcasts, listen to the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
In my journey has been just the understanding that you
have to watch how you speak to yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I've been asked on dates the artist has done this,
and I'm like, I love you like my brother, simple
as that. There's never been a line cross. That's where
it gets tricky in work. Did you put yourself in
that position? Did you allow it to happen? You can
say no and move on and find another door.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
On this episode, we have my really good friend, Sarah Kibo.
Sarah is a celebrity stylist who's worked with the likes
of David Ghetta, J Wheeler, Ed Sharon and many more.
She's also the founder of the A One Foundation. Born
from the loss of her father. She's used the foundation
to inspire many women in South Florida to find their purpose. Sarah,
Welcome to you versus You Action Action. Hello, Hello, welcome
(00:45):
to this incredible conversation. I'm excited to have you. You know,
I got a chance to go to your podcast the
other day and I think it was honestly one of
the best conversations I had. Like, I was really proud
of that. And you know when you lease home, you're
like that one. Yes, yeah, but I want to get started.
You know, I think one of the amazing things of
having you, I feel like since we met, we've had
(01:07):
this like genuine connection without truly knowing.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Each other really well. You know, when you left, That's
exactly what I felt. I was like, I don't really
know him, but I feel like I've known him forever,
like you're my high school boy, Like I don't know.
That's how I felt. That was the level.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
You know, it really does. Its weird even when when
I you know, when you invite into your podcast, I
was like wow. I generally that day I was thinking,
it's like I need an incredible woman to have on
my podcast that I know we can have a great conversation.
And literally, as I was saying the power of Manifestation,
you text me and I was like, wow, this is
(01:46):
out of all people love it and I'm excited to
want get to know you a little better and too
to really talk about, you know, from a woman's point
of view, what are human condition is right, which I
think is really what this podcast is about. So to
get started. Grew up in Paris? What was that like?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
So I was born in Paris. I went back and
forth immigrant obviously from here, So we left when I
was four due to anti Semitism, So we would get
swastikas on our door every week, and then my dad
was saying, and this was back then, you know. My
dad was like, you know what, this isn't safe anymore.
We got to get out of here. So when I
was four, we left me, my three older brothers, my
(02:31):
parents and came to America. But we had that investor's
visa where you have to leave every six months, so
we were in and out. So I grew up here
and there, came to Miami and went to a couple
different schools. It was definitely difficult coming here, being that
I only spoke French and then went to like a
(02:52):
school where there were a lot of rich kids. We
weren't quite there yet, and I didn't have the same
shoes as everyone else. I don't know if you guys
are remember those Melissa jelly shoes. They had the little
heels and you'd wear different color socks so you could
see through the shoe, and all the girls would make
fun of me, and I first barely understood what they
were saying, and second was just like, oh shit, how
(03:13):
do I get these shoes? You know? And no one
would talk to me. I remember, like it was like
six months, like a year, Like, damn, I don't have
these shoes. Maybe if I get the shoes, I'll get
the friends. I got the shoes, and immediately they started
talking to me.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Crazy? I did become their friends though, lead straight up.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I love that. I love that. You know, it's interesting.
I had never consider the immigrants story from a different
point of view, right, growing up in Miami and being Colombian,
I went through the same day I came here speaking Spanish,
and believe it or not, I in my class, we
were in the East hole classes, so everyone there was
either Brazilian or but nobody, uh, nobody gave you the
(03:58):
crash course of Like, here's what American culture is going
to be like, because it's very different right today, living
in America and comparison and living somewhere else, and what
it does to your emotions, right, Like, I feel a
lot of people here. It's very easy. I mean myself included,
and I'm sure you can identify to this as well.
(04:18):
We work quite a lot in comparison to other people
from other places. Oh yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Friends, five o'clock no one's talking to you after five
to one, no phone calls, and.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
It's disrespectful if you text someone after that. Absolutely, you know,
and we don't have that culture here to me what
I think as a kid, for me getting used to
the understanding that, okay, this culture of almost bullies in
America right like almost like what you wear is more
important than who you are. I think I had a
(04:52):
lot to do with how my childhood got affected and
the lessons I ended up having to learn the hard way.
Do you do you feel like being from friend or
you know, growing up in Paris, coming here not necessarily Latin,
not necessarily tons of French people here, the language barrier,
(05:17):
and also the lack of having what other people had.
Did that create motivation in YouTube that you think you're
you're going to that motivation now as an adult or
do you think that it created more of a of
a pain or trauma that now you're having to deal
with as an adult.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
It's such a good question because if you right away
I answer no, My struggle is my superpower, like that
struggle made me better. And I think in a world
like today, I miss bullies. I miss bullies for kids.
I think you should get bullied. I think it builds character.
(05:57):
There's a big difference though, right now if I go
back and I'm like, damn. But I also have a
problem when it comes to loss, when it comes to
losing friendships, when it comes to losing people, I have
like an anxiety towards that. And that might also stem
from what I went through as a young kid where
my friends were bullied so mean to me, so I'd
(06:17):
like they checked out of my life or I checked
out of theirs, And I have that now, you know
what I mean. So I don't know if it comes
from that. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
It's a really good questions and my experience in helping
young people deal with trauma and even my own, I
realized that ninety nine percent of it comes from those
moments where you you know, as an adult, you choose
your trauma in a lot of ways.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I don't agree with that one, right, Yeah, you choose.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
The things that you end uputting yourself because you just
don't want to learn the lesson, and we will talk
about that in the conversation. But as a kid, you're
just discovering the world and you're faced with these situations
that are driven by the environment, whether that sometimes is home,
you know, or whether that's in school. But it's really
interesting because I I was speaking to a friend of mine.
(07:11):
She was bullied before when she was young, and so
she has temperament issues and anger issues because of the frustrations.
So anytime she feels like she's being attacked, her reaction
is to protect that little girl that one's bullied, right,
because now she.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Could figure that out. Honestly, that's hard to figure that out.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It started with the conversation of like, let's try to
go back to where you feel that feeling before. And
I learned that once I did therapy and I was
dealing with a lot of emotion and the therapist told me,
pause for a second, go back. I think I was
(07:56):
thirty at the time. She's like, go back when you
were around twenty five years old. Do you remember feeling
that feeling? And I was like, yeah, okay, just like,
can you identify where you felt that feeling? Okay, now
let's go back to when you were fifteen. Did you
feel that feeling. Is there any moment that you can
like pinpoint where you're like the same And I was like, yeah, okay,
(08:18):
I'll go back when you were ten? Can you feel
that feeling? And I'll go back. And then you start
going back these memories and it opens your subconscious to
start thinking of things you haven't thought about before. Wow,
you know. Like for me, for example, one of the
the pain points in my life had been that no
matter how much I had accomplished, I never felt like enough.
(08:39):
And I used to be. I used to be scared
of approaching the business or being the lex were or whatever.
And I think as a matter of fact, I created
lex as a protection mechanism for Alejandal. But it came
from two like very key points my life. One was
(09:01):
once my parents divorced and my dad remarried and I
found out that his wife was pregnant. I felt that,
but I'm not enough. And then like a couple of
years later, I was already in the music industry, just starting,
(09:23):
and a friend of mine was an artist and they
had money. They lived in Western they had a studio,
and the mom was like a super mamager And I
remember that one day we had a session at her
house and I was producing and her the mom pretty
much came to me and said, hey, listen, I know
that this girl is your friend, my daughter's your friend.
The truth is you're not good enough. And it's crazy
(09:45):
because I'm thirty nine years old and I still remember
that moment. And for many years I didn't realize where
that came from. I came from, but it affected.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
My head that you remember that. Yeah, it was that
working moment for you.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You absolutely it's that work of reflection of going back,
and like, any as.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
You're saying this to me, there's something that comes up.
Like I told you before, I mean, it's Monday today,
I'm telling I went through all the I think I
cried three times on the way here, like it's just
been a day, you know, with family in this that
and like I was saying, like I have a fear
of loss or someone not showing up for me. And
(10:27):
then you just said, how'd you feel when you were fifteen,
when you were ten? When I was ten, I stopped
going to school for eight months because I was afraid
that my mom would forget to pick me up. So
I would I would pretend this is a c I
can't even believe I'm saying this, but I would pretend
that I would throw up every morning to make her
think I was sick. So I wouldn't go to school,
(10:47):
so I would choose pizza in the morning and throw
up and be like, Mom, I threw up. I can't
go to school. And then after eight months, I mean,
she's like, we gotta figure something's going on. You're not
throwing up, you're not losing weight, like what's going on,
you know? And I just tell her like, I'm afraid
to go to school, like I'm afraid you'll forget me.
Isn't it to be forgotten? And I realized it's maybe
(11:10):
it's not like fear of losing someone, but maybe fear
of being forgotten. You that's kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Can you remember a time before that that you felt.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
That, Yeah, I can, this is wild. I was in
bed Bath and Beyond. Holy shit, I don't know what
you're doing. This is crazy bed Bath and Beyond, and
I lost my mom in the store and I was
screaming because I was so scared. I couldn't find her,
and I found another lady and I just like held
(11:41):
on to her, you know, until my mom came back
to me. That's so great. I remember exactly which Bed
Bath and Beyond in Avan Tearle. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
It's insane. The power of our brains. And however it
tains those emotional touch points that triggered you. Do you
remember like a specific memory in your childhood that you
were like, okay, that one makes me really happy.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
How sad that I have to think hard for the
happier moments. First thing that comes to mind maybe my
birthday party when I was five.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
What happened in your birthday party?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Everybody came. It was so fun like I was the
French girl who finally had friends, you know, and everyone
came and I had my first slow dance with my crush.
Oh my god, so funny. But yeah, I remember, I remember.
And then my mom came in the middle and started
(12:45):
booty dance, doing the cry baby on the floor and
I remember being like, oh my god, why and not
the right way? Like not you know, And I was
but you know what, I was never embarrassed at my
mom doing things like that. I was always like I
love this lady, you know, like she would always be
the lady that dances in the store to like make
(13:06):
me and I just start dancing with her. Till this day, I.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Don't know why. Me growing up, I always I was
always a bit ashamed of the things that my parents
would do because I to that point of feeling maybe
not good enough. Anything that can open me up for
criticism would give me like would put my body into contraction.
And and it took me a really long time, and
(13:32):
I think it's still something that I had to work
on where I you know, certain things even if even
if somebody else is doing it, not even me, right,
it could be like whoever, my friend or something does
something quirky and I'm like, I.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Know that feeling so well.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, And it's interesting because you know, it's a feeling
that a fear. It's a feeling of like being afraid
of being judged, being judged it and it drives so
much of your daily routine because we're having especially now
as adults, your face with having to deal with other people.
You can't just go into it, you.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Know, like I know exactly when you go like like
I know that contraction. I know exactly what you're talking about.
But for me, the only people that can make me
feel that way are my brothers and my mom. No
other people affect me like that.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
What do you think just them?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I think I care here we go, I think I
care the most about what they think. About me, like
I want them to be like the ones that love
me the most and just make them the most proud.
You know what I mean? I don't. I don't. I
don't need a stranger to tell me good job. I
(14:50):
need them to tell me good job. Why I don't,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Did you grow up in a strict home.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I mean my dad, super Moroccan macho man, and my
three older brothers protectors and then all their boys. I
couldn't move, you know, I'd have to figure my way out.
And the one time I got a way out, I
was at remember Arcadia Close. I got caught fifteen years old.
(15:20):
Someone hit up. My brother goes, yo, Lil Kiba's here
and I'm like, oh shit, like I saw him from
far yeah, and my brother. Thirty minutes later my brother
was there and I hit under the table like this, Mike,
I was like, melted me into the floor, like please,
you know, so shriked. I would say, yes, strike the
(15:42):
household for sure, but not with grades or anything like
I used to have to beg my parents to look
at my report card.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
My parents came from the hood of Paris and Morocco.
Like my dad, six brothers and sisters in one little
attic of a temple because my grandpa parents built the
temple with their bare hands and lived in there with
one bed, all the brothers and sisters, and my mom
in the ghetto of Paris, Like she would always tell me,
(16:10):
she's like I'd wake up in the mornings and people
on the stairs with like needles and like dead, Like
that's what she would wake up to. So for me,
I wasn't raised like that. They made sure so school
for them wasn't important. It was street smart. My dad
would say, like, don't go to college. Read books. And
my dad would read till four am every single night.
(16:30):
He was never asleep, one book a night, and he
was I mean intelligence to the too much for this world.
I always say, wow, too much, too big for this
warld he understood so much. He's like, I can't do
enough to help enough. I'm not. He wasn't meant for here.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
With such a strong presence in your life and the
fear of being left. I know you lost your father.
Do you feel like that you've had a hard time
deal with that grief or that having to face that
fear that your main protector is not there.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Man, right now, more than ever. I'm getting married, and
I was always really afraid of getting married. I know.
We talked about this, which is weird because my parents,
God bless them, had the most beautiful marriage ever. My
mother still goes in front of my dad's photo and
(17:32):
goes Chim's because your males Aldre like, do you like
what I'm wearing today? She asks him. You know, but
I don't know. I always had that fear. Maybe it's
the lost part, you know, And I feel alone in
this wedding. Sometimes my mom's there for me, She's present,
but you know, when you have your father being there
like I got you like, especially that I'm the youngest
(17:54):
of four and I'm his little girl. So there is
where I feel like his death made me stronger. One
like his death. It's sad to say, but it gave
me my purpose. My purpose is people. My purpose is
whoever's less than I want to make them feel good.
(18:16):
I want to do I can make them better. I
can furnish their home if I raise enough money. I
can get them off the street if they want to
get off the street. I can make my students be
better by talking to them, even if it's those late
phone calls their parents. Do drugs great, Come sleep over,
I'll do your laundry, I'll take you to school. It's
all been done in my home. And that came from
my dad's loss. Was it difficult for sure, like the
(18:41):
moment of him dying, but the moments after made me
better because I speak to him, like for me God.
I believe so much in God and because of my dad,
but I believe in even higher than that, because when
(19:02):
I talk to my dad out loud, immediate signs like
it's no quese. So I'm afraid to say sometimes because
I'm like, oh no, I don't want one right now.
You know, it's like scary. But I feel strength from
his loss and I feel like I literally always say
that my struggle made my biggest superpower. You know, the
most sour lemon is the sweetest lemonade, like like you
(19:25):
taught me literally the other day. It's perspective.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
You know, it's really interesting today when I woke up
in the morning, I saw TikTok of I cut from
Bruce Almighty when Morgan Freeman is is speaking to the
actress and you know, people ask for patients and God
gives you an opportunity to be patient. And I love
(19:49):
that because I truly believe that, I truly believe that
that we came to this place and the true identity
of this place. It's a school we came to learn,
and that as much as we don't want to go
(20:11):
through pain, we can go through pain without suffering. Suffering
is a state of mind. Pain is just temporary that
you feel because it's growth, right. And we've been conditioned
(20:38):
as humans to run away from the hard times. We've
been conditioned as humans to look at things from a
pov of good and bad. And the thing is that
your soul completely chose your life experience. Your father sold
completely chose the life experience. And the fact that I
(21:01):
hear you say, from his loss came my purpose. Sometimes
we ask for purpose, and God gives you the opportunity
my purpose, right. And and I love that because, like you,
I grew up in a home where where the word
of God was present, right where the teachings of believing
(21:25):
that there's a greater reason for us to be here
was there. And I explore so much the good and
the bad of what that came from that I would
say for a very long time, it caused Uh, it
costs pain, right, it costs belief or yeah, the religion
(21:50):
right practicing that it felt like we were strict, and
the practicing that it felt like it was fearful. I
always said, you know, in being able to study now
multiple religions, I realized that in many religions there were
you know, people are taught to fear God, so you
are afraid of God to a place where you feel
(22:12):
condemned if you don't do certain things.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Do you feel that way?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I don't now, but when I was a kid, for sure,
you know, per cause the like number one word that
you were taught in churches, don't do this or you
know that's not godly, that's not God's going to punish you,
like if you don't pray, Like if you grow up Catholic,
it's like if you don't go and you know, give
your sacrifice on a Sunday, then you know, God's not
(22:37):
listening to your prayer if you don't put a little coin.
God's not going to listen to your prayer if you don't.
And for many years, what I realized is that that
makes you approach the world with fear because you have
no self identity. Your identity is completely based on my actions,
will dictate and will figure out if God loves me
or not. And as I've evolved, as I've grown up,
(23:02):
as I've experienced life, as I gain other knowledges, I
started to learn that the best reflection of God is us,
Like we are in complete spirit what God is and
it's not something you got to go find. Is that something?
It is just you? It's you.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
You know what's crazy? You know that feeling that you
were saying before, Yeah, the feeling when you say that
is like surrender. Like my whole body just like immediately
calmed down because that that fear of God. Fear of God,
very good brand. But I don't. I don't feel that.
(23:41):
I don't feel that. And because though I have my
own relationship with God, like I was never taught to
fear God. I don't. I don't think. But I don't
have to go to temple to pray. Yeah, my prayer
is me and in the morning, you know what I mean,
(24:03):
or meditation or music you know, I don't know if
I told you this before, but I'm huge in worship music.
Like I'm a Jew at this point. I'm a Jew
for Jesus because you know, like every time they say Jesus,
I'm like, husham, because that's how I say God. I'm like,
because it's just so powerful and moving. And I think
it does stem from your home, like how they choose
(24:28):
to teach you God in the home, Like how now
you can teach your child from your experiences that it's
actually not that way.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Well, you know, historically in Judaism, you have a clear
understanding that you are God's people. So you're not taught
to fear God. You're taught to honor, right like we're
taught to honor God in many other religions, you're taught
to fear. It's a place of fear because a place
(24:55):
of control of you have to earn God's love. You
have to earn that part. And it affects people's psycheeds
like all the things that we're talking about in school, right,
It affects how you approach business. It affects because you're
always in a place of insecurity of am I doing something?
Or is God going to punish me? And you know,
(25:15):
not just stay too long in the subject of religion.
But for me, what I've learned, regardless of whatever religion
any person is, I think the moment you grasp that
you're internal, you're you versus you, and you have the power.
And I saw this in one of the books and
that I was reading on the Navy stil and he said,
(25:36):
all the heavens, all the hells, all the gods, and
all the all the demons are within you. And for
many years I was like, Okay, what does that actually mean?
And then it finally hit me, like it's all your mind.
You can you can choose to suffer, and you can
choose to live a life of suffering because of how
(25:58):
you see yourself, how you reflect on yourself, how you
look at you know, the loss or those or those
traumas that we have as we as we talked in
your podcast about you know the filter and being able
to identify the filter. But I also love the filter
because it's kept you safe certain times and it also
holds you back from a lot of things. So being
(26:19):
a woman and coming from a family a strong man
and your mom was also in fashion, right, yep, do
you feel the pressure to be successful?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I would say yes, because of the lifestyle that I want,
I think just pressure on my own but also as
a kid, like there were no naps in our home,
you know, like you were not allowed to nap, like
you woke up and you know it was immediately every
morning Alora, all right, courage, that's how we would wake
(27:00):
up in our home, like those were the two words.
And with the pressure to be successful, Yeah, but I
put it on myself because of the life that I want,
you know, like we talk about, you know, going to
live on a farm and just you know, but in
order to get there, you have to have a certain
life before. I think, but I think success also the
(27:22):
definition of success for me is and to admit this
is kind of wild, but I do want people to
remember me for something. I want to be remembered I
and some people might say that that's silly for what
you know, but I think I want to make a
name for myself to at least stamp something in this
(27:45):
world and say, okay, like you made that change.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
You know, what do you want to be a remember for.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
It's a really good question. I should know that before
saying that, right, doing something good as long as it's
something good, and it doesn't have to be to a
massive people, but to someone you know that can at
least domino effect to someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Do you feel like that hasn't already happened because I
feel like you've impacted me when I speak to you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah, but I mean my students were texting me today
like misstera, we better be invited to your wedding, And
I'm like, oh crap, Like I got to invite my kids,
you know, but yeah, for sure, because if they're still
writing me, then I have. But I guess we have
that thing. Man. Maybe it's American culture, like you say, like,
it's never enough, it's not enough.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
What is success to you?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Peace? I turned down three jobs this week just for peace,
and they were God knows, it was a nice check.
But I just kept getting that that feeling, that contraction.
I'm like, I don't, I can't. I don't. It's too
much for me right now.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
So do you think you're chased for the lifestyle you
want will take away your piece?
Speaker 2 (29:04):
No, it'll It'll give me more peace. Why because you
have money to do it?
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Who said money brings peace? You and I both know
a lot of wealthy people without peace.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Oh many, too many, But I think I think it does.
It allows you to have the resources to have peace,
you know what I mean, to not live paycheck to
paycheck to not does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
So I want to challenge you and something, Oh yeah,
I love.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
This, Please go like I'm loving it.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
The only reason is because when we put our efforts
to achieve something in return of something that's internal, we
end up finding out that actually nothing changed, right because
(29:58):
if the answer was money, and all the really wealthy
people we know should be at peace, but they're not.
If the answer is more fame, than all the famous
people we know would be at peace. If the answer
is more awards or more legacy, then all the people
that we remember and talk about in history would have
(30:20):
died in peace.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
So then what are we here for? You know, it's hard.
I think of this all the time. And what's your purpose?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
But here's the thing. Purpose is in my pub the
purpose is the driving force to get you up in
the morning and make you feel like you belong somewhere, right, okay,
But the result of purpose is what we need to
(30:51):
let go of because we base our value on the result.
We don't race our value on the fact that, Hey,
if I'm my purpose was like to be a father,
then my job is just get up every day and
be a father, loving and caring. Now, if my daughter
decides to go do something I don't agree with, then
(31:15):
what when I was really being a father for is
for her to be something that was But I don't
control her. I can't control her. I mean, there's probably
so many fathers that hope better for their daughters, and
their daughters end up doing, you know, the pornography business
or whatever it is, right. And what I've come to
understand as I've achieved success or success, as we all
(31:40):
mention it, is that I said, I need to work harder,
and I need to build more money, and I need
to get more awards in order to get peace. And
then you get there and you want something else. So
you're not at peace because you say no, no, no, wait wait, wait,
the thing is universe. What I meant to say is
that I get the Ferrari and I get like the
(32:02):
thousand Grammys, I will be all good and you get
the Grammys and you're like, no, but you didn't listen
right when a man was a billion dollars, And then
you end up in this circle of did I actually
need all of those things to be in peace? And so,
(32:22):
you know, I think across the spiritual books and across
different teachings. The concept of whatever you put value on
will be taken away because it's a crutch to your
true understanding of self. So I never really understood that
(32:43):
until I said, okay, well, if I want more money
and my desire is the money is going to give
me happiness, life will completely show you that it's not that.
And then then you have no hope, right because then
you're like, but if it wasn't the money, then what
And then that's when people start crumbling and going into depression,
(33:06):
so many you know people. So my challenge is that
I truly believe and I'm putting in the work to
believe that the inner piece, the inner joy, the search
for everything that I thought wasn't what I will become
(33:27):
is actually here. If I say, well, my legacy is
to touch people, well I'm already touching people. So is
it touching people or is it feeling like those people
will remember me and that gives me self worth? And
so really what I have is that I don't have
self worth, and I'm trying to earn self worth by
my work in my life. Love that, but then you
(33:50):
can identify, Okay, So if I know for sure I'm
okay no matter what. Then how do I start speaking
to myself because I also caught you doing something that
this is the kind of things that my spiritual leader does,
and I'd be pissing me off. He'd be like, rephrase,
don't say I think I want to be remembered. I
want to be remembered, And then ask yourself why. It's
(34:17):
kind of like the therapy session saying well have you
felt that before? And as you start going down the path,
you started realizing like, I'm actually freaking okay, and if
it all ended today, I'll be I learned a lesson now.
It doesn't mean that I want to stop searching for
those things. Right, Like, I work every day so that
(34:38):
the people around me are blessed by my work as
my daily purpose. Right, I have financial dreams and goals
that I want to accomplish them without with the understanding
that none of it would bring me happiness. I desired
them because those things could be a blessing to those
around me, could create experiences that I would like to experience.
(35:02):
But I don't need them to experience happiness. I don't
need them to experience peace. I don't need them to
feel successful. I don't need them to feel whole. I
don't need them to feel like I've made it. I
don't need them to define who I am internally.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
So I have a question for you. Do you feel
like because of everything you have? Like I walked through
your office today and I think sometimes I lack like
thinking big. You know, you've come to mind, you know,
and I come here and I'm like, oh wow, every
sign in here means something. You made it. Do you
(35:36):
feel like you get to say this because you're here?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
So I've talked about this in every podcast that we've done.
I think the fact that I made it made me
realize that I didn't.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah, I totally see it.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
If I didn't make it, I would sit here and
tell you. I can't say that because I haven't made it.
I don't have money. So yeah, it sounds nice to
say this ship, but I don't have money. It feels
nice to believe in this. But everybody who I see
around me, who's rich and who's successful and who's famous,
(36:13):
they're not living this start for life looking internally, they're
looking externally. They're looking how can I show off? How
can I buy the most expensive watch, how can I
be sexy? Are going to have a sex?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (36:21):
So what the heck are you talking.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
About, Sarah?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
But it's because I've made it that I realized that
I haven't actually made anything. That everything that I was
searching for in the hope of completing something led me
to the belief that I've been lying to myself and
(36:46):
that the moment I realized that that was the.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
First yeah, yet the wrong one, because what made you
realize this? Like I'm hearing you when I'm like wow,
like I'm completely blown away? You know.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I started to manage a man who I looked up
to my whole entire life and realized his human experience
is the same as mine, and I said.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Oh shit, it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
None of these things actually mattered. He got all the
things I want and he's still feeling how I'm feeling.
So how do I do that? And even before I
met him, I think the reason life took me to
meet him is to continue to show me the journey.
But even before that, I was sitting in my place
(37:39):
with my life where I said, my body is going
into shock, like I'm sick. I am not enjoying the
job that I'm doing. I just found that I'm going
to become a father in a situation that I had
that wasn't planned, and everything that I thought about life
(38:01):
self exploded and then it was like, well, God, I
grew up believing I have purpose. I grew up believing
that the day I passed away is because my time
in this place is done. What am I missing? And honestly,
it was a trip to Morocco New Year's that changed
(38:24):
my life because I asked the tour guide, why is
the facades of the houses outside look so simple? Like,
I don't understand you guys have so many beautiful paintings
and angles and domes and stuff, and it's like you
have like a dust wall with a door. And I
was like, what as an arc as a lover of Arca,
(38:44):
just like mind blown? He was like, because we believe
that the beauty is on the inside, and then he
explained to me the reasoning behind the different door sizes.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I was just going to tell you my favorite thing
about Morocco are the doors?
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah? Yeah, And I that opens up my mind to Okay,
everything that I'm looking for is inside? Is that outside?
And I think that that's when I also realize that
that is, that is God's gift to us. All the
answers of everything that we are looking for inside are inside.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
How do well practice that?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Look, I think everyone's journey is so different, but I
think in my journey it has been just the understanding
that you have to watch how you speak to yourself
as the first reality. I have my three laws for
my journey, very personal journey. One, the universe is in
(39:50):
divine order. Yep, right, we believe in God. We believe
there's this perfection, there's this there's the amount of things
that have to happen for any of the things we
dream of to happen are a million and one possibilities.
So the universe is in divine order. The only thing
that is not is my mind. And my mind has
(40:14):
failed me before. My mind has thought that it was
right before and it was wrong. So okay, so check
my mind. So every time I'm going through a situation,
I check is that reality or is that my perspective?
(40:38):
Second that these stories I tell myself are just that fear,
you know, insecurities and so on and so on, are
just a story, just something that I'm resonating in my mind.
And three that if the universe is in control. My
(41:02):
mind has felt me before. The stories that I tell
myself are what is guiding my journey. I'm actually not
in control.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
That's the biggest one for me that gets me through
every day. Every time I get that feeling, I'm like,
it's not even up to me, you know. Yeah, that
saves me every day for sure.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
That's a solid release of energy. When you do that,
you're like, like, you know what it's.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
Like when they say let God, like literally let God.
You know.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
I heard you in one of your podcasts talk about which,
by the way, congrats, thank you so much. I generally enjoyed.
I'm definitely I'm a consumer of podcast and there's something
you know, and I think there's tons of different people
that do them really great, but I think there's something
when you're just willing to be human. And that's what
(41:59):
I really loved about yours. It was just like this,
I felt like I was just talking to you. I
couldn't feel for sort of rehears which sometimes I'll be honest,
I struggle with because I'm gonna have a great conversation,
but when the lights and cameras are on, I'm like, well,
it's not my thing. This is a stretch. This is
me leaning into the hard time.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
And you are leaning.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
But you said something that I resonated with so much,
or just like I fake it till I make it.
I sometimes even feel like I'm kind of lying and
I'm doing and I like, I was, like, I can
talk to me about that because I can resonate that.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Yes, you know, it goes back to my younger self
with the shoes. You know, I wasn't that person until
I got the shoes. But you can tell yourself you're somebody,
and if you act like that person, even without the shoes,
you become that person, you know. So I remember lying
(42:58):
about someone I styled in order to get another job,
and I'm like, yo, yeah, I used to work with
Travis Scott and this and that and that. That is
a damn lie. Okay. I went on a trip with
Travis Scott and jewels, you know, but I never styled
anyone there. But it's how I could get my foot
in the door. If I had never said that, I
wouldn't be where I am today. I would have never
gotten the job.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
It's funny because I always say that I'll go into
a meeting sometimes and I'm making up something as I'm
in the meeting, but it's my forefst, like my force
full manifestation of it. It's like it forces me to
be like, Okay, I gotta go make that shit.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
That. I love that. I think it's who Like you said,
it's our choice, Like I know I could be that?
Why not? Why can he be that? And I can't
be that? If anything, it just it brings it to life,
like when you put it in the air, literally when
you say it out loud, it can come. It doesn't
matter at what point, you know. It's like on I
(43:55):
have a long to do list, I have a monthly
to do list, and at the top I have my
monthly goals, and I have my weekly goals, and then
I have my every single day what do I want
to accomplish. I call them rollover goals because when I
can't get it to it that month, I roll it
over to the next month. And some of those have
lasted five years, just like me being signed to an
agency for styling that was five years ago. I put
(44:17):
that thing on there. Last week I got signed to
that agency after five years. Amazing, you know, And like
I put it there because I believe in it. I
know I can be one of them. Why can't I
be one of them who said so?
Speaker 1 (44:31):
Yeah, you know, I think that that's the strong feeling
of manifestation and attraction. Like I again, I believe in that,
and I believe also sometimes what I tell my team
is land the plane, because I do feel sometimes I
have so many ideas and we want everything, and when
(44:56):
we don't write them down, we don't understand what that is.
We don't know which plane to land. And I said,
the airline only makes money when the plane lands. Other
than that it's losing money. The plane has to land
so they can refill it with someone else and get
it out the way, because every time there's a new
person on the seat is when they make money. And
I use that, and I know that you love journaling
(45:18):
as well and writing. I use that in my journal.
I really every morning try to really define, out of
all the goals that I have, what are the three
that I can actually land the plane on today, so
that I can focus my total divine energy on those three.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
God, if you can do that, you're winning.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
And it allows me to It allows me to knock
things out in a way that I haven't seen too
many people do, not because they don't have the power to,
but because it's very hard to land the plane when
when you're thinking about landing fifty at the same time.
To pick one, yeah, I want to focus on that.
(45:56):
Knock it out the park.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
And the thing is we put all this pressure on
ours and it's really just us ourselves.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Do you feel as a woman, you know, working in fashion,
working in entertainment, the sexuality plays a part of of
kind of the the power book of the power tools
that women use.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
No, I think that I've never put myself in a
position that way. I always say this, and I'm proud
of it. Honestly, I've never slept with someone in the industry.
It's my power. Yeah, it's for me. I think why
I'm respected as a woman in the industry. In my industry,
(46:39):
it's been I've been asked on dates I've been the
artist has done this, and I'm like, I love you
like my brother, simple as that. There's never been a
line cross. I don't cross that. I love you. I
always thought I love you, but you know, I don't
go out like that. I never crossed the line, you know,
just because that's where it gets tricky and work, you
(46:59):
know what I mean. I don't know where that comes from.
I think maybe just my brothers like always just being
very like all right, like stay in line, you know
what I mean. But no, I've never that's.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
That's amazing to hear you say that, only because we're
in a business where, you know, I find myself a
lot of times when I'm speaking to young artists, when
I'm speaking to you know, young actresses, the day, they
feel they've been taught this story, this narrative that that
if they don't do that, success will not come or
(47:32):
they will not And I I always say, you know,
my whole company is ran by incredible, powerful women. And
I didn't do that by design, by the way, like
it just happened because I'm drawn to incredible, amazing women,
you know, and whether it's our head of business department,
our head of agency. You know, my sister runs the
(47:53):
company as the GM Janelle who produces this podcast, and
you know, runs anything in this world as she's she's
my boss when I'm on the stage. Just incredible women, right,
And I love that you said that because I really
believe and like to teach when I speak to two
(48:14):
young women getting into this business because.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Put yourself in that position. It's really as simple as that, like,
you know, the whole me too thing. Did you put
yourself in that position? Did you allow it to happen?
There's two people there, you know what I'm saying, like,
you have to have that strength. Now, I'm not saying
for everybody. You know, I don't know what happens in
every room, but you can say no and move on
(48:40):
and find another door. You know, if somebody is telling
you no or telling you something you don't like, go
knock on another door. You know.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, that conversation about you know, even in relationships, I
think that as you said, you know, we were, especially
as a woman in the business guys coming or or
in my case, women coming. One of the things that
I realize about being able to have a great relationship,
(49:08):
as whether it's a marriage or a relationship with a
woman and your case with your soon to be husband,
is that the taking myself away from the situations, not
exposing myself to the narrative, allowed me to be focused
enough to understand who I had in front of me
and love that person for everything that they are.
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Love that so much, such a beautiful, empower powerful thing
to do and not a lot of people can't do that.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Talk to me about love.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
My favorite thing in the world. I am French to
the bone when it comes to love.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Are you a romantic?
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Oh my god? If you want to watch movies with me,
do not put me in front of a war movie
or in front of something I want only love stories.
It takes me away. Like I just I love love.
I love love so much. I've always been a relationship person.
And yeah, love in what way?
Speaker 1 (50:05):
Like I so loving love? Yes, but just what I
wanted to take on love? Yes, So then we can
counter it with your fear of marriage.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
Oh god, I know it's so weird.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Where does that fear come from?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It comes from, which is why I'm getting married to
the right person. By the way it comes from. I
don't want anyone to think or to have the power
to take me away from my purpose. I don't think
my purpose is to get married and clean the house
and do laundry, although I love doing all those things.
I am so in my feminine creating a home for
(50:42):
me is everything, you know, And like my kids and
God willing one day like I can't wait for all
of that, but my work, it's just me. You know.
My sister in law sweems at me all the time.
She's like, you should have just gotten married to the
last one. Like I used to get that all the time,
like you should have just you know, I got pregnant
(51:04):
with my last fiance, and I was like, I know,
this is not the man for me. I would get
yelled at when I would go to work, I would
get yelled at when I go to the gym. I'd
get yelled at one like like they want to put
you in this box, you know. And that wasn't okay
with me. And thank god I didn't listen to anyone
else but me. That's when you get to sit with
yourself and say, Okay, no one else matters, no one
(51:26):
else is living this, what do you want? And I
listened to that, and I think God supported me in that,
and I you know, I always hope.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
That it's hard to get out of a situation once
you're in it, right, Like, I try to understand the
psyche of that, because I'm a fault of that historically,
on putting myself in situations I shouldn't be in, or
that I'm not necessarily happy.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
Do you do things you feel bad sometimes, you know,
staying in a relationship longer than you should.
Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yes, well, you know, I think it comes back from
that feeling of not feeling good enough. Right, so it
feels like, let me backtrack that that thoughts, so I
can give you some context. My spiritual leader told me
the other day. He says, like, you have such a
giving heart, the question is why you're giving. I was like,
it shocked me for the first time, and he said,
(52:18):
do you realize that people don't need your saving. In
saving them, you're preventing them from learning the lesson they
came here to learn. And I was like, and I
realized that in relationships my issue now it was not
so much that they needed saving, was that I needed
to feel like the hero in order to feel like
I was really good. So I entered the relationship as
(52:40):
this like you know, Superman type character, like I will
save you. Everything is great, I'm the best boyfriend in
the world. You can't believe that you're in love with
me because I'm so lovable. And then as the relationship
evolves and commitment is needed or that next step check out,
I check out because I feel like, oh wait, wait
(53:01):
a second, now I'm seeing all the things about this person.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
I don't like, or what else I could have?
Speaker 1 (53:05):
What else can I have? And that or the project
is done? Now how do I move on as an
architect to the next project? And that made me really
really afraid of marriage for a long time. It made
me afraid of like similar to you losing self, you know,
losing like your identity.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
I think it takes that person that allows you to
be your fullest self. Like with Adam. Now it was
so by accident, by accident, but not right, like got
out of an engagement that took me forever to get
out of. One on a trip by mistake, you know
what I mean, Like fell through I mean, and I
(53:47):
tell you I went through a depression that I never
believed in, depression like that until I went through it
right one on a trip that saved my life. And
I end up meeting this guy four years younger than me,
and I'm like, this is gonna be fun. He's young,
he's fun, you know whatever. And this guy ended up
just making me realize you can have it all. You
(54:09):
can have the person who loves you and go do
all your things and talk to them at the end
of the day or don't if you don't want to,
you know, and that freedom for me. I'm a butterfly.
You've gotta let me fly, I am. I like to
be over there. I like to be over there. I
like to be here. Don't tell me I can't or
I will, and you'll hate me after because I'll just
(54:31):
forget it. I'm a Moroccan woman at heart. I am tough.
So he knows the industry and I think that helps
a lot. And he's not in the industry, which I love,
you know, and he understands this lifestyle. His father's the
same where okay, he she'd be on set for four
or five months at a time, you know, and it
was all good. And I think being raised that way,
(54:52):
he understands what that looks like. It's okay to have
a powerful woman and also not feel belittled by it.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
Why do you think relationships in the business are so hard?
But what makes them hard?
Speaker 2 (55:07):
Listen? People are good looking, man, people are sexy. It's
easy to fall in the you know, like it's easy.
It's easy. Like you connect with someone and you like
there's like that eye moment and you love love right,
and like it could easily fall into that for me,
like I'm strong, right, and then there's like you love love,
(55:30):
and then there's there's everything else. Like I think it
could easily fall between the cracks, but I think if
you are have that Okay, the industry, I know what
it is. I see, like we talked about, they're not happy. Yeah,
they're not going to give you every you see how
many women they sleep with or how many men they're
sleeping with or whatever. It's not beautiful. So it never
(55:52):
tarnished my vision for me. It was always very clear,
like I don't I actually don't want that life.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
You know, what do you think is one lesson you're
soon to be? A husband? Is here to teach you.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
Patience. This poor man he drove me here today because
I was just we have to send wedding invitations. So small, right,
so small, but it's got to get done. And I'm
like in the car trying to do that but also
trying to do all the work. And he's just like there,
he's like, you know what, it's all good. Whoever's meant
to come will come. Who can't they just won't, and
(56:27):
like everything is all good for him. I'm like, but
it's not like you got to do these things in
order for it to be all good, and you try
to control everything. I think to release control and teach
me patience for sure.
Speaker 1 (56:43):
Is there a lesson that you think life has tried
to teach you that you haven't learned and you continue
to see yourself making the same mistake over and over.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
Yeah. Every day I try to work harder and not smarter.
And the truth is, when i've worked less, I've had
the same, thank God like opportunities. But every day I
think I try to fill my time so much to
hopefully make it bigger, and I think God has tried
(57:15):
to show me so many times that that's just not
the way, Like you can take a step back, and
I'm just not listening. And I do it every day,
and every day it breaks me down again, and I
don't want to listen to that because I think I'll fail.
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Are you afraid of failure?
Speaker 2 (57:33):
I'm afraid to not succeed, So I guess, yes, that's failure.
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's interesting because you know, I think
most humans are afraid of not becoming Yes, because because
again I think the human condition or the human struggle
is figuring out what we're here for right, most people
(57:59):
are trying in a defined and find purpose in that,
and so we put so much of that effort towards
our job or you know, for some people being mothers,
for some other people being fathers. And as we get
towards the you know, the conclusion of the podcast. One
(58:19):
of the things that made me do this podcast, and
maybe tidally you versus used, because I understood, as we've
seen through our conversation, that our biggest battle is not
with the people outside. It's not with our future husbands
or boyfriends or girlfriends or wives, or our clients or
our own work. Is just us, like it's just us
(58:42):
in the mirror. And because of them, I learned that
the words we tell ourselves are so powerful. And I
learned that because I learned that if I come here
and I look at you and I say, Sarah, I
love you, your body feels something. If somebody comes here and
says something negative to you or text it to you,
(59:03):
sometimes your body goes into contraction. Right, We've all gotten
those texts from someone and you're just like, oh, no
she didn't, No he didn't. But I realized that we
are so kind to other people, but yet we're so
hard to ourselves.
Speaker 2 (59:19):
Got it. I just want to pause on that because
it's just so true. It's so true. Every single day
I work so hard to make other people feel good,
and I put myself last every day.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
The human condition. And I think that the one thing
I want to leave with in this podcast is allow people.
You're not going to change overnight. You're not going to
transform you know, thirty years, twenty years, fifteen or whatever
of lessons overnight. But what allows you to move on
(01:00:17):
is just starting to be aware of the hey rephrase
that is not I think is I want, I know, oh,
catch yourself in the moment of that. Right. And So
what I like to end this podcast with every guest
is asking you to do an exercise with me. What
(01:00:38):
is one word or one phrase that you can tell
yourself right now that will change the dynamic of the
rest of your week.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Choose to choose how I want my week to look like.
I get to choose. It's about actually choosing the right thing.
Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
For me. Is you're doing it? Just keep going, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
So good, beautiful, You're so good, this is so good.
Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Well, thank you so much for you know, sharing time
with us and sharing time with me. I love the
conversation and and I really feel that we should have
multiple ones of these and when your podcast want mine.
But I love, I love, I love, I love talking
to you. I am so blessed to know you and
(01:01:34):
have you in my life.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
I can wait for more of this. Yes, because there's
something you know. Yeah, like we said, and there is.
Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Thank you so much, many more Yes, thank you for
watching you versus You. I am so excited to be
able to share these conversations with you in the hopes
that they will transform the deepest part of who you
are and then you can start living the life of
your dream Please subscribe like common and share with anyone
(01:02:04):
who needs to hear this message. My hope is that
we build community and that together we can live the
life of our dreams. You Versus You as a production
of Neon sixteen and Entertained Studios in partnership with the
Iheartmichael Tuda podcast Network. For more podcasts, listen to the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
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