YesJulz: "Kanye Fired Me, And I’m Glad He Did"

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I just felt like, Wow, there's no way I'm going
to get emotional in the first minute. People act out
when they all they want is love and attention. Now,
what's the universe trying to tell me what's next for me?
And I figured if I at the top of my
game and I wasn't proud of who I was a year.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Ago yet Jewels jew is a manager founder of one
A media controversy has followed.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hers have a marketing and event production agency and a
management company. Because when you worry, you're not in the present.
When you're sad, you're sad about something in the past.
When you're present, you can't be You're changing the chemistry
of your body in real time. With all the things
we were doing while trying to get to that place,
that was a mess. How the authorities found out that

(00:41):
I was like a six year old living by myself
and a home.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
With a I read that you grew up in foster care,
and I would love to hear what that experience was
like for you.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
I do have an amazing uncle who were actually in
my birth mother's great aunt and uncle who were there
as like a constant home for me to go to
when my mom wasn't sober, So I was actually far
more lucky than most fostered youth are. It's a huge
issue in our country. There's over half a million kids

(01:15):
in foster care right now that need a healthy, safe home.
And so yeah, I was bouncing around between different family members' houses,
and I was kind of like a troubled kid going
through a lot. You know, both of my parents were
involved with drugs, and I was like, you know, two, three,
four up until nine, trying to internalize that why isn't

(01:37):
my mom here? Why isn't my dad here? So I
was like acting out a lot, oftentimes not welcome very
long at the places that I was at until my mom,
who is She was the director of this place called
Little Rascals that's actually still exists here in South Florida.
It's an after school care program that was allowing fostered

(01:57):
youth to come at a for free or very kind
of rate. So I pretty much grew up there and
the director there. I always used to get in trouble
and I get sent to her office by the teachers,
and she's actually my mom today. She very much like
I love the movie Matilda because it's very much like

(02:17):
that like she was my favorite teacher. She prioritized me, like,
you know, she showed some favoritism, which at the time
went a long way for me who felt like kind
of abandoned by my mom, my birth mother. So whether
it was like her giving me money for the snack
machine or letting me sit up front of the school
bus on like a field trip day or whatever, those
little gestures meant so much to me and just let me,

(02:40):
you know, know that I was loved and that there
was something redeeming about me. And eventually, when she saw
that my birth mother wasn't gonna be able to stay sober,
she started inquiring about adopting me. And at the time,
the process was so screwed in Florida. This was like
clint In days that you couldn't be a single parent.

(03:03):
Ended up you had to be married. So then she
married her boyfriend and who's now my dad. Then you
had to be married for a year. The law changed,
she had to be married for a year, which I
understand why these they put these precautions in place because
as a foster parent, you do get stip ins from
the government. So there are unfortunately not so great people
who are you know, giving people a home just to
pay their rent. So you know, I did experience a

(03:24):
few of those situations sometimes, but for the most part,
I had a lot of love coming from family members
and people like my mom, who is like, you know,
I think about it. I was thinking about it the
other day. I was like, I'm grateful for my journey
because I'm studying now as a mom, my daughter and

(03:46):
her habits and like the things that I'm trying to discover,
what's nature versus nurture. And I realize now that I
know my birth father, who's a hustler and very different
from my parents who raise me. They're very simple people.
They have unlimited amounts of love to give and like
that's their superpower. But a lot of my character traits
that make me who I am today definitely come from

(04:07):
a man that I never knew growing up. And I
met my birth father at twenty four twenty five, and
I saw immediately like, oh, I have his blood in me.
That's why waiters know my order when I go places,
because I build rapport. You know, certain things that I
saw in him. But one thing that I realized was like,

(04:29):
even though I didn't learn the hustle from him. I
had the drive to hustle to repay my mom for
everything that she did for me. So I think it
was all meant to be because had I grown up
with my father, I would have had that hustle because
it's innate and it's in my blood, but I would
have used it in the wrong areas. Whereas, like, because

(04:50):
of what I went through with my mom giving me
the opportunity she gave me, I always wanted to make
her proud, So I never went down the wrong path
that I probably was already heading down because I I
wanted to, you know, do something nice for this woman
and show her that she bet on the right kid.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
Going back to that time, and you know, as you
were saying that, you kind of build this rebellious moment
right because we as humans, we were intended to be
in unity, and that voice sometimes creates that. Can you
go back to that moment and try to understand where
that What was the feeling that was causing you?

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Was it frustration? Was it anger?

Speaker 2 (05:28):
Was it was it feeling like you liked belonging somewhere?

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, I just felt like, there's no way I'm going
to get emotional in the first minute of this interview. Wow,
I just felt like, am I not good enough for
my mom? You know? And I think that caused like
anger and sadness or resentment and just being like, Okay, well,
you know, if she's you know, if I'm not good

(05:54):
enough for her, then I'm not gonna be good for anybody.
Like I'm just going to be bad. I'm going to
embrace who I am, you know. So I would just
like just rebel and like little things I wasn't, you know.
I'd steal fruit from the vodega downstairs, and a lot
of it was like circumstantial. So like my mom, the
final one of the final straws that had her lose
custody was like she went somewhere with my stepdad and

(06:16):
just never came back, Like I don't I don't know
how long the real timeline was. To me, it felt
like months. Maybe it was just weeks whatever. But how
the authorities found out that I was like a six
year old living with by myself and a home with
a baby who was my newborn sister that I was
taking care of somehow was because I got the lady
at the bodega used to she knew, you know, my

(06:38):
situation a little bit and who my parents were, so
she used to kind of like let me get away
with stealing the food, and then like I think she
grew concerned after a while and alerted somebody, and the
authorities came to our apartment and then like, you know,
when I opened the door, they realize like, oh, there
haven't been any adults here in a while, and that
was kind of like, you know, so everything happens for

(06:58):
a reason, But yeah, I don't know, I think, and
I see it with my daughter too. People act out
when they all they want is love and attention, you know,
like when she starts acting out, I'm like, oh, am
I on my phone too much? Am I not paying
attention to her? Am I not acknowledging her? And usually
the answer is yes, that's why she's acting out because
she just wants mommy to pay attention.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
As a kid, you're just receptive to every emotion because
you don't have a filter, right, you know, you're not
an adult enough to be able to say that's not
for me, right. And so we're receiving all this information
and trying to process what it means to us in
a state of our lives where you know, we don't
have any judgment. So do you feel like as an

(07:41):
adult now there's times where you feel that same feeling
you feel there where it's like am I good enough?

Speaker 1 (07:49):
No, Becoming a mother has truly healed so many of
those wounds. First of all, I have a whole new
understanding and level of grace my mother and my father
because I understand now like parents are human beings living
their own individual journeys, trying to figure it out. Like
when we grow up, we're thinking, you know, our parents

(08:10):
do such a good job if we're lucky of presenting
themselves as superheroes. You know, like my mother never had
a high paining job. We barely made rent sometimes, you
know what I mean. But every Birthday and Christmas, you
would think we were the richest family on the block
because my mom would pull miracles, like I don't even
know how she made these things happen to give me
everything I needed growing up, And so you know, I

(08:32):
always just thought like parents were superheroes and they should
be perfect. But then when I became a parent, and
I was battling postpartum depression, pre partum even before my
daughter was born, and you know, still trying to like
wake up as an entrepreneur and be motivated to go
to work and make money every day when I didn't
even know if I wanted to be here. That was
like eye opening for me. And then to see my

(08:53):
daughter as she gets older, it's made me realize, like
life is so precious and the human experience is so beautiful,
and I am perfect the way that God made me.
Because look at my daughter, who's perfect the way, like
I would never want her to speak low of herself
or speak ill on herself for other people. And because
I'm looking at her, I think the world of her.

(09:14):
And so it's kind of like I'm starting to see
myself through her eyes, and you know, see myself through
my own eyes as a parent. And I'm a lot
more gentle with myself than I ever was, and like
I've done a lot. You know, we spoke before the
camera started rolling about how this year has been transformative

(09:35):
for you and you've kind of like accomplished all the things,
and then you were like, I still don't feel like
I accomplish all the things. What's missing? You know, I've
been on a similar journey. I started detoxing in August,
not because I drink a lot. I only drink occasionally,
like I'll have a spicy mark if I go out
three macs whatever, But I just wanted to I felt

(09:56):
the same. I felt like, Wow, I worked with my
favorite artists of all time, helped him he had his
first number one. And however long, I've given people careers
that wouldn't have otherwise had them, Like I haven't accomplished
my dreams of hosting the Grammys yet, but I've done
quite a lot of things. I bought my mom a house,
like that was a goal of mine since eight years
old when she adopted me and gave me home. I said,

(10:16):
one day, I'm going to buy you a house, you know.
So like these are things that I accomplished, and I'm like, wow,
I still feel like something's missing. And I for the
first time since being pregnant, because I was the first
time in my life where I couldn't everything was black,
I couldn't see what was next. I didn't know my
kid was going to look like, if they were going
to be healthy, if I was going to be a
good parent. It was like the scariest time of things

(10:37):
being unknown for me, as somebody who plans and works
and manifests my reality right. So here I am again
a second time two years later, like Okay, now, what
what's the universe trying to tell me what's next for me?
And I figured, if I give something up for God,
then you know, he'll give me direction. And so I
was like, Okay, I'm going to give up alcohol. We'll

(10:58):
start there. And then I'm I'm also prescribed out or
all and I like to smoke weed. So I caught
all of those things. I just wanted clarity. I wanted
the universe to show me, a person with many passions
and skill sets and talents, what I should focus on
in the next year of my journey. And slowly but surely,
I've learned so much about myself and I'm at just

(11:19):
a really exciting time right now where I'm just like
having fun again. I'm not putting so much pressure on
myself to know the blueprint, you know, because I feel
like sometimes we force ourselves to like know what's next
and focus on the blueprint because we want to be successful,
that like we might be missing the message God's trying
to give us because we're too focused on our own.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Version of what we So there's a lot of things
you said there that I want to touch on because
I think part of the journey that I've learned first
is the understanding of the personality of life, right, And
so I think we hear the word purpose a lot.
We all try to figure out why we're here. That's
like part of the human condition is trying to like

(12:01):
we're enough, right, Like we're fulfilled, like we have a
reason for existing. And what I've realized in the internal
work I started to do, and also because of achieving
success and feeling the void that I felt even prior
to having all the success, and I've said this multiple
times on this podcast, which is people look at our

(12:21):
business or successful people as like, well, when I reach
success and I'm able to accomplish all these things that
i had for my family and all these dreams, then
it's like happiness is going to come, Like this thing
that I'm searching for so deeply is going to finally
arrive in my doorstep. And then we suffered all the
way through getting those things because our mentals playing games,

(12:42):
because it's hard to be in business, because it's stressful,
because all those things, and then we get to these things,
we accomplish these moments and we have maybe lapses of
maybe a twenty four.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
Hour laps of like, oh wow, I did this for you.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Know, I bought my mom home or whatever, and then
reality hits again, which is your alone. Like you're sitting,
you still have to deal with you. No matter how
much we try to run away from you, you still
got to deal with you. In that moment, I started
to understand, Okay, So if the idea is that the
personality of life is that this is school, right, I'm

(13:14):
here to learn. There's things that my soul specifically chose
to learn. And why I say that is because when
you realize how many things happen in our lives, even
our ability or my opportunity to have you here today,
one thousand and one things had to happen. I remember
seeing the beginning of your career and I at the

(13:35):
time I was living in La never in a million years,
but I thought, okay, yeah, you know, Jules is cool,
and we hang out, we're talking about this, and we're
about to have a conversation about our feelings.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
Like a million and one things had to happen to
get us here.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
That means the universe is in divine complete order, right.
The only thing that it's not is our minds. But
then that also gives me another idea, which is your
soul chose the specific life that you lived. And you
said that when you started to talk about your experience
growing up, because you said, if I would have grown

(14:10):
up with my father, I would have done this. But
the fact that I didn't and I still have the
blood that's divinely.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Designed for you to live that life.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
And then as I started to put some of these
theories into practice in my life, I started to realize,
like you said, our biggest issue with human as part
of our human condition is we've been taught that if
we don't control, if we're not driving the freaking car,
we're not going.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
To get anywhere. And so.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Fear kicks in, stress kicks in, all these things kicks
in because we generally are processing information.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Scared to think we're the ones driving the car. Yeah,
much better when God's driving the.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Car and we say that. The thing is, it's very
easy to say God take the wheel. That's like a
famous tackling right. It's another the thing to understand what
that actually means in your life. And you said another
thing that I thought was really great about you know,
detoxing yourself.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
And I believe that our main job is to learn.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
How to be still, because if you can learn to
be still, you can listen the figure in it.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
That part is God's part, right, it's the universe part.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
And then you got to be courageous enough to act.
But in the process of that, what makes all this
amazing lessons about life harder to apply to our life
is that we're dealing with our inner child. Like you
said something about not feeling like you belonged, right. I
grew up with my mother raising me and my father

(15:44):
very you know in the picture, even though they were
not together. But when my parents divorced, my father became
he got married and he had a wife, and the
wife got pregnant and I had a younger sister who
actually works here. Now, that was the first time that
I felt maybe am I not enough? Then, as I

(16:06):
started my career and I was this young producer, I
went to a studio with a friend of mine who
we were childhood friends, and her mother after the session said, hey,
I know you're friends with Michelle and all, but like,
you're not good, Like I think you should.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
Try something else.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
You're not good at what.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Producing because her daughter was an artist. We sang in
church together and her daughter was an artist. But it's interesting,
and the reason I mentioned that is because it affected
my whole entire life. No matter how many things I
would accomplish, I always felt like am I good enough?

(16:46):
I realized that I would process information of a deal,
for example, and it would go through this filter and
my filter will process it, and it's like I would
make decisions based on feeling scared that if I didn't
do this or this opportunity, maybe the opportunity would go
away and I would just wouldn't be successful. And I
didn't have that self value. And it's one of the

(17:09):
things as as an adult that I had to deal
with in even how I related with women, because I'd
be the superhero boyfriend at the beginning, and the moment
that things got like this is going to be take
a lot of my time and this is I'm not
feeling comfortable here, I pull out because this image of

(17:30):
like me having to be good enough, which also led
me to become a manager because.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
I started as a producer. I started as a talent,
but the fear.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Of feeling like maybe I'm going to fail, I'd rather
you fail, and I just say I'm the manager, and
it's like, hey, the artist didn't.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
Want to do that.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
I can relate to that.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
You know, heav and those processes I realize now is
they created this filter. And our filters are packed with
our trauma, our life teachings, and then our fears. And
we operate largely on fear even when we're confident, because

(18:13):
our narrative says that. And we'll talk, let's say, when
we're in a situation like this and we're scared to
be emotional because we're scared to be vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
It's funny you say this. So first of all, there's
so many things you said that I'm like, Okay, got
a point for that, got a point for that. I'll
start with this because it's the last thing you said.
I'm so blessed and grateful that, for whatever reason, fear
was never existent for me except for in one area,
and I'm conquering that fear now. I never I was

(18:44):
almost delusionally confident in myself. I never like when it's
like I'm looking at ideals, I'm like, oh, now I
might turn down this MTV gig because i know I'm
going to be successful. No matter what. And my mom, Johanna,
who adopted me, always used to look at me and
be like, you're gonna be the first female president, and
you're gonna be this, you're gonna be that. So she
instilled that like worldly confidence in me. And for some reason,

(19:09):
the only thing that ever scared me was putting everything
I had into becoming an artist myself, like singing in
front of other people, similar to you in your situation,
because I used to be the girl who sang and
did music and my whole life, like when I was
in foster care, that was what kept me going, Like

(19:30):
I'd arrange shows in the playground and I was singing
Lauren Hill and performing TLC and all these things. This
was like part of the reason why my mom adopted me,
because she saw my imagination and she saw my passion
for music and performing and was like, all this kid's
going places. I want to help her foster these things.
And she did. And I did that all throughout middle
school and high school, and then I tried out for

(19:52):
American Idol when I was eighteen, and this fearless girl
who was never afraid of anything made it many rounds
to where I was finally in front of Paula and
Simon and Randy, which on TV it looks like that's

(20:19):
the first round, but it's not, as you know, you
go through like ten rounds to get there. So I
was like feeling pretty good, lah lah, But it started
to like, oh, wow, this dream you've had your whole life,
you're very close to like realizing it. And then all
of a sudden, when I went to go audition in
front of the judges, I opened my mouth to saying
Fergie's Big Girls don't Cry, and like nothing came out,

(20:39):
Like it was like the little Mermaid lost her voice
all of a sudden after years of being the top
performer at my school and all these things, like I
went to sing, and I took that as and like people,
it was like a whole thing, right, And so I
took that as One of the feedbacks was like, oh,
you know, maybe you're just not ready. I was eighteen,
and I was like, oh, maybe I'm not meant to
be an artist. Maybe I'm meant to take everything I

(21:03):
know about music and help other artists who don't have
this fear get to where they're trying to go. And
so I would spend the next decade of my life
essentially doing that, whether it be through like building parties
so that I had a platform to break records, doing
a digital radio station, making playlists, you know, artists, development,
all the things. And here I am at thirty five

(21:24):
years old. I just celebrated my birthday. I finally realized, like, okay,
I sat still from August until December, told the universe
to give me the signs cleared my mind, stopped taking
substances that would take my clarity away so I could
be showing up every day as the best, most clear
version of myself. And this thing of like, yeah, you

(21:47):
never did that thing, the little girl and you wanted
to do like you know, kept bothering me. And I'm like,
all right, I'm producing this event for art Basila. I'm
going to sing, like fuck it, I'm just going to sing.
And I did that, and my heart was so happy
and it wasn't perfect because I know good music. I've
worked with the best artists in the world, you know,
I know what it takes to be a great performer.

(22:08):
I've called it. When Travis was performing for fifty people
in an audience, I said, he's going to be doing
stadiums not arena stadiums, you know, Like I know what
it takes, and so I did it. But it was
like just the first step. But me doing that and
betting on myself and trying to face myself in the
mirror and overcome that fear of singing in front of

(22:30):
people at my big age opened up so many doors
from there. I got a call this artist that happened
to see that performance was like, I want you on
my album. And then, you know, it would take a
little bit more of knocking the dust off and getting
through that fear, but like I finally made it to
a place where I'm not afraid anymore to step in
to this space and get rid of imposter syndrome and
be like, I don't care what the judges said fifteen

(22:52):
years ago. I don't care what these people say that
I'm just a party promoter or an event producer or
manager whatever. Like I know what I am, I know
what means the most to me, and I'm going to
immerse myself in this and I'm just happier than I've
ever been right now, Like I feel so grateful that
I didn't let that fear stop me for the rest

(23:12):
of my life and I hope that I continue to
face it. But it really made me think of like
the things that we're most afraid of. God put that
fear in our heart for a reason. That must be
the thing. You know, we have a special pardon like
whatever it is. But you know, I'm such a big
advocate of like whatever it is, that schedule to most
do it.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Yeah, lean in, lean in, leaning in is you know.
I always say we've been conditioned to run for the
light at the end of the tunnel, but not to
just love to learn to sit in the darkness.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
And that's another thing that I thought of when you
were talking, is like you know, sometimes you get in
the car just to go for a joy ride. It's
not about like where you're going. And that's the one
thing that I learned, Like looking back on my when
I was going through this period of what should I
do next, I started thinking, like what makes me happy.
I've been a manager, I've been a host, I've done this,

(24:01):
I've done that, I could act, I can sing, I
can do anything. And then I thought back on like,
you know, some of my happiest times, even though in
the moment I didn't think this was like when I
managed seven oh Shake and her crew. We just had
so much fun and we had nothing. It was like
the rush of trying to get twenty passes for twenty

(24:22):
kids from Jersey who nobody knew or cared about yet
to go to this festival or sneak them on stage
in between sets or whatever. Like working with scraps is
so fun. So it's like it's not about like I
wish people would just understand without having to go through
all the pain and loss that I had to to
get to this place where I have this understanding that
Like people say this all the time, but it truly
is about the journey and the moments where we're so

(24:44):
focused on Oh, I got to get you know, I
got to get to a place where we're finally dropping
her album. I got to get to a place where
she's recognized by Rolling Stone whatever. It's like, no, all
the things we were doing while trying to get to
that place, that was the magic, the development, the earning
fans one by one, empty rooms to empty rooms, you know,
till the rooms were full. Like that's the real joy

(25:06):
of life. Is like making something from nothing, you know,
It's just like things aren't as fun anymore once you
get to a place and this is where I've seen
a lot of the richest people in the world, you know,
still not happy. Because sometimes it's just more fun, it's
more fulfilling to do something that seems so far out

(25:26):
of reach, and when you finally get there, you're like wow.
You know. So I think like once things get easy
and you have the network, you can pick up the
phone and call in a winter or whoever you know
and make things happen in a second. It's there's something
that's not as fulfilling about that. That's why I always
love like artist development and really just building something from scratch.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Well, it's the concept that I think you don't actually
need anything to be okay, such an internal thing, you know.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
It's like you always will.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Buy a row legs or a watch, or have success
or have a plaque, or have.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
The human the human unity, and you is going.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
To say, well that person has I want more because
it's beautiful to dream. I think that the dreaming component
of it is to me, the most fun of my
life is that I get to in my mind imagine
the what if possibilities. Right, It's like one of the
models of this company, but what I've learned was taking

(26:24):
away the idea that the creation of that has any
impact on who and how I should feel. What my
own journey has taught me is that I'm okay.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I mean, if if anybody wants to get to the
place where they feel like I'm okay, definitely, And I
will tell the whole world this until the day I die.
Try the Pasha, do you have a Passiona? Of course,
it's the most difficult thing I've ever done, but it
was the most transformative thing I could have done for myself.
And that's what they That's the whole ten days I'm
sitting in silence.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
That's something more about the process for the people that
don't know.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
So you go to dama dot org. Some of the
most successful people in the world you're aware of, like
Jack who you know, owned Twitter and all these people.
They go and they sit. People like him are extreme
and they'll go for like forty fifty days.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
Right.

Speaker 1 (27:12):
The main the first course you do is ten days.
You go, you check in your phone. You can't have
a book, you can't have a journal, you can't work out.
The most you could do is a light walk. You
can't jog, you can't do anything that takes you out
of a meditative state. You only eat at six o'clock
in the morning, right when you wake up. You rise
with the sun, you go to bed with the sun,
and you're eating only vegetarian food and not really even

(27:35):
eating salt like as a first timer. You're allowed to
put cream in your tea like. Other than that, you
have one real meal and you you don't have any
solids after twelve noon and you're just meditating. You meditate
as a group three times a day, and you meditate
in your room, on your own or in the common area.
And then at like six or seven pm at night,
you all go and you listen to the discourse of

(27:58):
I don't want to get his name wrong, but he
unfortunately passed away recently, but he's the one that started this.
Now there's like ninety six centers worldwide. But essentially it's
the same practice that Buddha utilized to become enlightened. And
this is this is coming from me who's done mushrooms,
done DMT, have done ayahuasca. None of those things can
take you as far as sitting with yourself can take you.

(28:20):
In silence, you can't even hum to yourself it's very difficult,
and a lot of people there's something about like the
third and sixth day, like people don't make it past
sometimes you'll break. Like you know Chris Bachello, who's amazing.
He's the owner of Anatomy Gyms and was like kind
of the only mentor of sorts I've ever had, But
we sent him on his birthday. And this is somebody

(28:42):
who sat in solitary confinement and couldn't make it past
day six of just being a free man and sitting
and meditating by himself. But in his sit he got
the vision to start anatomy Gyms. And so when I
was sitting, I got a vision that I would be
having conversations on a platform that would impact the world

(29:04):
in a positive way. I internalize that as I need
to do the never not working podcasts. But maybe it
means I'm inspiring through lyrics and music, Like who knows.
I'm still trying to figure that out right, But it
was the hard It was so difficult. But they teach
you like pain isn't real, it's something that we cause
on ourselves, and like every time you get upset or

(29:28):
sad or worry, you're creating a sand curve, which is
like a knot in your energy field, and it takes
years to undo those knots and really intentional hard work.
And so think about how many sun curves we all
have that we have to like work through. But once
you get to a place where you can finally watch
the pain and the sadness and the loss and everything

(29:50):
go by like cars and traffic, that's when you've really
reached a place of like being present. Because when you worry,
you're not in the present. When you're sad, you're sad
about something in the past. When you're present, you can't
be you know, maybe excited, but even excitement is you

(30:10):
thinking about the future. You're not being present. So it's
truly stoicism, but with a more spiritual understanding and undertone.
And obviously like I need to go back and I
need to do more work because I'm a human being
and I forget and I still when I talked about
my mom, I got sad, you know. And it's like
we cause these things on ourselves when we say we're mad,

(30:32):
and we say we're heated. When you get upset and
you allow yourself to become out of character in that way,
you actually feel your body getting warm. That's where that
term comes from. Like you're changing the chemistry of your
body in real time with thoughts that aren't even real.
So yeah, it's a lot of learning and education to do,
but once you truly start to graspally understand, and you

(30:53):
could do a crash course by doing ayahuasca. But I
feel that there's like a certain sense of pride that
with accomplishing learning this lesson this way.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
You know, I think it's really interesting because yes, I agree,
I think the centers like that or even the seven
Days of meditation that so many people are now doing,
are really really helpful because they just help you get
still right, Like I feel like our brain is always
making decisions sitting in a in a car listening to.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
A hard rock music.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
That's how it feels every day because the amount of
information that we're processing, the phone, the stress that you know,
the people around us. But what I've I've really have
learned to apply is just you know, I think three
simple principles that have helped me stay together after doing
aahuascar after doing it, honestly, the first is really understanding

(31:46):
that everything is perspective right. The biggest issue with how
we get upset or how we our body goes into
the contractions because again are filtered.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Took some information.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
And our body reacted on it based on that emotional
part of our filter, fear or whether the trauma. And
so I tend to check myself and every time that
I feel my body, because I've learned to listen to
my body. If I feel like tense, if I'm going
say okay, is there reality or is it my filter?
And that's the first thing to be able to start

(32:21):
kind of I read this book called You on Charted
Journey and Don who's the author, says you kind of
have to look at your life as the watcher like
step from a second be like okay, is the reality?

Speaker 3 (32:34):
Is it my filter?

Speaker 2 (32:35):
He talks about something amazing there too, where he talks
about the difference between right or wrong is more about
love and fear because you look at things when they're
right to you because you look at them from a
loving filter, and you look at the things that are
wrong from a fearful filter because it is attacking what
you're believing is it's attacking the theory you're processing that

(32:58):
person hurt me instead of saying, well, that person is
also hurting.

Speaker 3 (33:02):
We're all just hurt people.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
And so there's a really interesting theory and it's a
great book for those of you that want to read it.
But that, to me is the first one that I
was like, okay, I'm going to do that.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
Second is any time that I am in contraction.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
I.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
Stopped.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Now you define contraction.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Meaning like stress, what do I do? What am I doing?

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Or like this or like I just got some news.
It's like, okay, God, take the wheel. Is literally saying okay,
I'm going to stop, which is what meditation is trying
to teach it.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Just to stop.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Like meditation is not supposed to be just something you
do in the morning. It's just like you can stop
yourself to allow yourself to regulate and be able to
process the information for reality or now. And in those moments,
for me, it's always that I'm okay.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
What's the number three?

Speaker 3 (33:56):
I'm okay, okay, none of these things.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
And none of what happens, whether I get a deal
or not get a deal or you felt because that's
our stress, right Like when we were like in the
midst of it, it's like, oh my god, the deal
is gonna break. That doesn't mean don't go be proactive,
don't go make the calls and trying to make it happen.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
It's just you have to release your attachment to the hour.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
It's just I'm okay because you don't control anything.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
And that part of it, to me has been the
most relieving in getting myself to a place.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
And then I would say.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
The fourth one is any time that I feel fear,
anytime that I feel stressed, and if anytime somebody bothers me,
and you said it in our conversation, is I lean in.
The more difficult it feels, I lean in. I learned
to dance in the fire instead of trying to run
away for it. And the reason for that because I'm
a very practical type of spiritual person. I always say,

(34:51):
I grew up in church. I grew up with my
mother being a pastor, and it was so much religion
in my life that I was a period of my love.
I said about that, I don't want none of this
in my life, and all these things that you're saying,
better makes sense to my daily life or it's just
a bunch of Bullshitso and so I've taken historically in

(35:12):
my life any teachings that I get whether studying Judaism
or studying you know, Christianity or the book a Muhammad
or whatever it is that I've read, or.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Any inspirational book.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
It's always like, let me go put this to the
test in my life right now, Like can I take.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
What makes sense to you and apply it?

Speaker 3 (35:28):
And it's just applied right away?

Speaker 2 (35:31):
And sometimes and I have this question for you as well,
which is what's the lesson in life has been trying
to teach you that you continue not wanting to learn?

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Wow, that's a great question. Before I forget, I want
to comment on what we just discussed. One thing that's
helped me continue to apply the lessons that I learned,
if I Pashna is being a mom because how many
times do we as parents ask our kids to do
things that we're not even doing. Take a deep breath,
breathe with me, calm down when a kid's going through

(36:02):
a tantrum. But it's like, are we doing that with
ourselves when we're going through something Like I'll do it
with my daughter all the time, and then I'll see
myself getting stressed out and I'll talk to myself like
I talked to River and so becoming a parent has
just been such a beautiful thing of growth for me,
And truly, like that's the biggest mirror I've ever had
is my daughter and how I treat her and how

(36:24):
I've relearned how to treat myself right and deal with
situations through being her mom. But what is the lesson
that life is trying to teach me right now? As
much as I think it's important to lean into the fear,
I'm learning that it does, it shouldn't be that hard, right, So, Like,

(36:52):
I've been working very hard and not very smart, and
that's because I had a vision for myself of my
life and a blue that I was like very focused on,
you know, making come to reality and all these things
happen trying to be the next Scooter Braun. And my
artist left me as soon as she got on Yay's

(37:12):
album and I never made a penny after investing so
much time and money and energy and years, and that
was heartbreaking. And then I focus on another artist, and
unfortunately that artist overdosed, you know. And then I was
working with Yay and we saw how that ended for me, right,
So I'm like, Okay, let me pay attention. What is
the universe trying to tell me maybe I'm not a manager.
I could do it. I could be very successful at it.

(37:35):
I have this skill set, But is this what I've
meant to be doing on this earth? Like, let me
pay attention to what the universe is showing me. And
when I paused, like after my departure from Easy, I
did not allow because I love podcasts, I want to
write a book, I want to act in movies. I
want to do all the things right and I could
very well do all of them. But how many of

(37:57):
those things am I doing just to stay relevant? Because
I'm afraid that if I go away and work on
myself for a little bit, I might not get brained.
You know, whatever it is the fear is there, that's
there of just sitting still, right or.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
You know, I want to touch on that.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
I love how our brain just really rambles on our
stories that we tell ourselves, right to your point, all
these things, at the end of the day, it's just stories
we're telling ourselves, right, Like fear is an illusion because
it's just a story you're telling yourself.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Right.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
It's just like, if I don't do this, and I
had that question that I want to really ask you
and I will will come back to the life lesson
because because I think it's it's I'm noticing some patterns
in our conversation that I'm love you because you you
you understand what we're talking about. But let's go back

(38:51):
real quick to the desire to want to do all
these things in your career.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Right.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
What was the moment that you who decided that you
were going to become just Jules and that that was
going to be the persona or is it a persona
as an alter ego?

Speaker 3 (39:10):
Is it one hundred percent? You?

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Like, how do you define just Jeles in comparison to Julianna.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
That's a great question and I'll answer it by finishing
my last thought and then it's going to get to there.
When I separated from Easy and I decided I needed
to sit still to figure out what my next move
was going to be. During that time between August and December,

(39:38):
I finally asked myself that question, and I was like,
you know what, like, I'm not going to allow myself
to take on any work. It was so hard. I
realized that I had become I didn't know who I
was without work, which I realized when I became a mother,

(40:06):
and then I forgot because I got back to work
so quickly because I was like, oh, I'm nothing with
that work. I got to get to work. Then here
I am again. I got to work at the highest level.
And now I'm like, Okay, who am I when I'm
not working? And what kind of value can I bring
to people if I'm not helping manage their projects or
doing this or doing that, you know. And So to

(40:26):
answer your question, it was twenty nineteen. Twitter had just
became a thing. I was starting my account. Jeweles three
oh five was taken. Jewels O two, which was my
favorite number, is my favorite number? Uh, was taken. So
I thought to myself, like, what do I want to manifest?
I've always been a big manifestor what do I want
to manifest to myself? I'm like, I want to manifest that,
like I'm the girl that people come to when they

(40:48):
want to get it done. I also want to manifest
that everybody just says yes to me. So I want
to be the girl that says yes, and I want
to be the girl that everybody's saying yes too. And
so I was like, what's a word that I want
to be someonymous with my brand, and that's how the
word yes came into play, luckily to whoever had jewels
three h five, because jewels three five doesn't have quite

(41:08):
the same ring to it. But I have lots of
ideas for the Yes brand and goals for the Yes brand,
but I'm in like the Juliana Marie era right now.
And to me, Yes Jules is the girl who picks
up the phone, Oh you want to perform at super
Bowl ya? Oh super Bowls when in twenty four hours,
No problem, I'll get it done and makes it happen.

(41:31):
Oh you want this, yeah, sure, no problem, no respect,
no respect for my own boundaries time, you know, well being.
I would always just want to make sure I'm saying yes,
I'm making it happen. And that be was great to
get me to where I was successful enough to break
generational curses in my family, and then became my own

(41:55):
downfall after a while, because every time you say yes
to something, you're saying no to something else. And I
didn't learn how to differentiate until it was kind of
like not too late, because it's never too late, but
until so much damage had been done to myself, to
my own well being, my own dreams, my own visions.
I realized, like, wow, I said yes to all these people,

(42:16):
helping all these people, and at some point along the way,
I lost the plot, Like I would say no to myself.
I should have been saying yes to myself first and foremost.
And then, you know, just like the never not working brand,
I trademarked never not working at a time when women
in Miami were kind of like laughed at and looked
at as like we just are party girls. Like I

(42:38):
was traveling the world, I would tell I would meet
new friends, I would tell them I'm from Miami, and
they'd be like, oh, I know what you're about, you know, like, oh,
a girl that works at live in Miami, Like okay.
So I was like, oh no, no, we got to change
this perception. Right, this is like twenty thirteen. So I'm like,
how do I manifest people taking me seriously and wanting
to work with me? How do I manifest real work
for myself? Like in different conversation? And so I just

(43:01):
started saying never not working on all my posts, Like
I just started putting it out there that I'm a
girl that works. I'm not the girl you think that
I am and so never not working helped get me
to where I am today, but it also kept me
from being where I could possibly be right now, right
because the most important work that we can do is

(43:21):
the work that we do on ourselves. And it took
me crashing and burning multiple times to get to a
place where I'm like, Okay, now I got to do
the real work. Yeah, so that's where I am.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Now.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
I'm in the Juliana Marie Goddard mode and like, you know,
the yes Jewels to answer your question in a shorter way,
Yes Jewles is like the energetic girl who's indestructible, who
gets it done, who you know, goes on stage without
a fear whatever. Juliana Marie is afraid to sing in
front of people. Juliana Marie only listens to jazz and

(43:53):
neo soul and writes poems and reads books and doesn't
like to go out. It doesn't like to party, like
loves people in intimate settings where we can really like
converse and build or whatever. Doesn't get a kick out
of being it rolling out, you know what I mean? Like,
these are two totally different people, and I'm both of them.
I'm a pisces. I'm two fish swimming in different directions
and the Gemini risings. I'm a little crazy, but you know,

(44:15):
I think like duality is like the whole part. Yeah,
it's a part of life, and so I'm very much
those you know, two very different ends of the spectrum there.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Let's talk about the crashes on the burns, right, because
I think to me, these moments and these lessons that
that life loves to give us, and sometimes we run
ourselves into the fire because we we think we're you know,
we think we're the jest jewels of the lex veras
that nothing's got to touch as. Like somebody said to

(44:45):
me the other day about a big time executive. They said,
we're doing an interview and they said, you know, that
person forgot that is not the man.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
It's the chair.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
It's the chair that gave that person the power. And
person believes the hype so much that they went into it.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
But in your case, what do you think.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
One was the lesson behind the crashes and burns that
you've had, and two.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
What your part in it.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Has been, Like what you feel And I'm not talking
about the details of the specific situation, but in the
overall lesson the life.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
Transultiveness is what has gotten me into trouble, just not
knowing how to pause and filtered before reacting or making
a decision or starting something new whatever. I've always been like,
I'm very raw, real authentic one hundred percent of the time,

(45:50):
and my impulsiveness is almost like a part of that.
But learning how to slow down and think before I
speak before I act has been like the overall lesson
for me. I think and discernment and boundaries.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
Let's touch on those three things that you said that
were the reasons for the mistake. Why what leads you
to those things? What led you to not have discernment?
What was the fear behind not having the discernment at
the moment and just going with the impulsiveness. What leads
the impulsiveness, Like, where does the impulsiveness come from?

Speaker 1 (46:29):
Trying to figure that out? My friend might need to
do some plant medicine.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Can you if you go back, go back into your
life right before you were just jewels? Is there a
part in your life as a teenager or as a
young girl where you felt the same emotion that feil need,
that need to like have to do something or have
to say something.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Yeah, I think I've been in survival moment my whole life.
I don't think I've ever had a time where like,
if I didn't move, nothing was happening, you know. So
it was like whether it's like keeping food on the table,
having a home, whatever, Like I always felt like I
needed to be doing something all the time to just

(47:14):
be okay, and like, for a certain amount of time
that was very much my reality. But then I got
to a place where it wasn't and still moved as
if it was. Where It's like, once you get to
a certain level and you have more responsibility, more access,
a larger platform and audience, you know, you can't move

(47:37):
like you were in the beginning. And I just never
made that switch, unfortunately for myself and the others around me.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
But so would you say, is rooted in the fear
that if you didn't move, you would not be okay?

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Yeah, rooted in the fight or flight mode, you know,
just like wake up, Like what do I gotta do
today to stay okay? It didn't matter how much money
was in the bank account, Like, I never felt like
I was fully safe. The only time I did was
when I was with my ex. I had a ring
on my finger I was starting a family, we were

(48:09):
engaged to be married, and I'm like, okay, like I
found my person and I'm safe now, like I could breathe,
But I didn't feel that fully enough to actually stop.
Like I still felt like I like, you know, maybe
I was there like ninety percent, that's the most safe
I've ever felt, but it's I still didn't feel fully safe.

(48:34):
And that might be like a part of the downfall
of that relationship because like how demasculating is that to
be a man who's made it, you know, and like
you're with somebody and you're trying to make them feel safe,
and like they still don't fully feel safe, you know.
So that relationship has been like a huge lesson for
me as well, Like you know, what's it gonna take

(48:55):
for me to finally feel like I can let let
a man drive?

Speaker 2 (49:00):
I think more than drive, is what's it going to
take for you just to completely accept that you're okay, yeah,
you know.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
Sept aside from a man. Yeah, just like completely understanding.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
That because it's it's what I was saying. It's like,
it's interesting because we have a hard time accepting.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
That we're afraid.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Yeah, we have a hard time that we're accepting that
that that those those feelings are there, and until we
deal with them, we will be impulsive or we will
be this And even in.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
The beginning of our conversation, I said, the only thing
I've ever been afraid of we're singing. But that's actually
not true. My biggest fear is like not having a
home more and so than anything, and coming to a
place where like I wake up and I just don't
have a home, you know. Yeah, And I think like
I wasn't proud of who I was a year ago,

(49:53):
and I was at the top of my game this
time last year. I was like I got fired like
week last year. So yeah, this time last year, I
was working my favorite hours of all time. I just
got told that I was going to take the job
of agent and manager, which would be mean I'm replacing
my idols people who worked with him at that time, right,

(50:15):
but at what cost. I wasn't present with my family
on Christmas. I was on the phone all Christmas Eve.
I wasn't remembering friends' birthday. So it was too stressed out,
too in beded and work. Like I said on Twitter,
I wasn't a good friend the past decade. Like the
friends that I still have were still standing by me.
Thank God for them, because I probably would have pieced out.
I would have been like Jeweles just forgot my birthday

(50:36):
three years in a row. Because what I forgot that
I spent my own birthday at twenty six years old
in Costa Rica at thirty years old. I looked at
my friends as somebody who's been to forty two countries.
I said, guys, you know where I really want to
go next. I was like, we should go to Costa
Rica And they were like, Jules, you're kidding, right, And
I'm like, what do you mean? Cost Rica's fire and Piravita.
They're like, you flew us there for your twenty six birthday?

(51:00):
You don't remember? I was like not really, Like now
that you're reminding me, I remember, but like, where have
I been? That was probably working that whole trip? What
kind of a friend? You know what I mean? So
now I'm like, probably in the worst spot i've been
financially in a minute, but I'm so happy and so

(51:20):
proud of who I am. I'm dependable, I'm reliable, I'm
a good friend. I'm present. I'm not perfect. I still
have a lot more work to do, but like I'm
thriving as a mother. My kid is happy, you know,
like she feels safe. My parents are happy. I'm spending
more time with them than I haven't so long. How
many people in this room could be like, yeah, I

(51:41):
don't have to call my mom more. You know it
used to be for so many years. I'm like, man,
I got to talk to my grandparents more. I got
to talk to my mom more. Like no, I talk
to my mom all day every day. So like, I
feel successful in a new way right now that I
haven't ever felt. I've never felt this level of pride
in myself.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
I love that, and I love I love because I
feel like that's what. That's what Little Julianna, whenever the
fear kicks in, needs to remind herself off right, because
that's to your point. You got to the place that
I got to a year ago, which is like, we
thought that we need to suffer and work hard and
do everything and a thousand things and work with our

(52:20):
favorite artists and do everything and give ourselves our lives.
And at twenty two years, I've freaking never lived home,
never had a hobby, never had anything. All I did
was work, get on my phone every single day, and
then life teaches you you actually don't need anything. You're okay,
and that reminder of like what I was telling is

(52:40):
like you could do all the ayahuasca, when people could
do MDMA shrooms, they can go to any meditation. The
whole purpose is for you to understand you're okay. There's
genuinely nothing wrong with you.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
The powers in the pivot, and even more.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
Than the pivot, it's just in the pureness of understand
standing that the best version of yourself already exists. It's
the one that doesn't need anything. It's the one that
is okay. It's the one that not only deserves to
feel secure, is already secured, you know. And that's hard

(53:17):
for people like yourself, like myself, who fought for every
little penny that we've had. Nothing has come like nobody
walked in and gave us a lottery taking.

Speaker 3 (53:28):
And say aha, here you go, Like the fuck, no,
no one did. So the only thing we knew.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
Was suffer survival, suffer survival, suffer survival mistakes.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
And it's almost uncomfortable being in a place where you're
not You're like, wait, everything's going good. Right now, something
bad's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Yeah, you gotta get out of that, and and and
it's interesting and but but at one point, your body
and life will start showing you these things because every
time that you put uh, every time you think you're
closer to your dream.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
You get fired and think about how important it is
to follow our joy because we don't understand the ripple
effects of everything that we do. Right, So, like, for instance,
I made a joke about it, but you said you've
nice watch. By the way, you started pursuing your joy
outside of what you call work, which now your joys

(54:24):
are becoming work. Like having this discussion with something you
thought would be interesting. Now you're probably gonna start making
a lot of money to do this next season, right
if you're not already, because you're such a great businessman,
But you showing your passion for watches. Now I'm finding
myself just by being your friend and seeing your content
on your timeline being more interested in watches. Who knows

(54:45):
if there's somebody that watches no pun intended this content
and then ends up being a watch dealer or finds
out that that's their passion, And like now you're just
you doing what God put in your heart has now
led to somebody building a whole career to take care
of their family. You doing this podcasts now put the
people in this room in a place where like they're

(55:06):
producing something that you brought from thinner that wasn't a
part of your natural blueprint. Right. So that's why I
like it's so important, and I have to keep reminding myself, like, Okay,
it's important to have discernment and not say yes to
all the ideas and the things, but to truly listen
to your body and think about how things, how your
body feels when you do certain things, when you think

(55:28):
about certain things, and like follow that because it's all
a part of our destiny.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
So we tend to think that the more we do
is how we help those around us, And it's actually
the more time that we work on our internal self,
the more that those around us benefit from it. And
I didn't understand that, by the way, this is not
this is like a newly revealed thing to me because
I was having a conversation with a client of mine

(55:56):
and we were sharing.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
Kind of this emotional conversation.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
I had just come out of therapy and we're like
talking and all of a sudden, the client starts, you know,
he starts crying, and we're having this emotional conversation. He goes,
thank you, and I said for what I said, because
you working on you means I don't have to suffer.

Speaker 3 (56:17):
And wow, I was like, what do you mean?

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Well, your work allows me to learn from you, allows
you to be a proper leader, allows you to guide
me properly because of your self work. It's not the oh,
let's made money or made millions of dollars did no, no, no, no, no,

(56:42):
it's the self work. I'm a better leader when I'm
a more central piece of myself.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
I'm a better.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Man in a relationship, a better friend, a better dad
when I'm more center in peace. And so that really
made me realize the most important thing as selfish as
a sound, still continues to be you. Your lack and
an ability to our lack as humans to put ourselves

(57:14):
and our inner work as the top priority in our
lives not only causes us all the dismantle of the
things that we see, but it is what really causes
the people around us not to find the next level
of the blessing, because our example is everything they where

(57:35):
we're friends were mirrors. So what does Julianna dream of?
Like if you close your eyes right now and you
you could see the perfect version of your life? What
would that look like? After everything, after the forty two
countries and.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Them, no stress, retired, chilling, seeing the world, a slow,
easy life, people that love me and that I love,
who are healthy and present in my life, you know,

(58:18):
Like I just I was thinking about it, Todam'm like,
how blessed is it that I lived a life where
like I could wake up on a Friday and be like,
it's sunny today, I'm going to the beach. It's the
little things that we take for granted, right, But like
when I was twenty three, I lived on the beach
at the Rooney Palace. Never frequented the beach because I
was too busy working to make enough money to one

(58:41):
day have a house on the beach. You already had
the house on the beach. You were living there when
you were a promoter, and you just didn't enjoy it
because you slept all day because you were working all
night all the time. Right, So I mean, yeah, if
we're gonna like get specific, like I'd love to produce
a movie that helps raise aware and inspires people to adopt.

(59:02):
I'd love to make songs that make people want to
be nicer to each other. And you know, like I
look at people like Bob Marley and Lauren Hill and
the lyrics that they, you know, put out in the
world through their music, and how that's affected so many people, right,
And it would be great to like have that kind
of an impact. But at the end of the day,

(59:22):
it's like, is that our ego? Like, you know, I
don't know's I'm still trying.

Speaker 3 (59:27):
To Why do you doubt it? Uh?

Speaker 1 (59:32):
I don't doubt I mean, I know it's something that
I want. But the but like, who was it that
said Mike Tyson when he was when he was interviewed
by Jazzy God bless her in this moment and she
was like, oh, you know something about like icon whatever
he's or you know, and he was like, I'm gonna die.
I don't care. I don't care care about legacy. What's legacy?
That's ego, you know, And like it was a very

(59:53):
harsh point to make with a eleven year old or
however old she is. But he's not wrong, you know.
So it's like the me that would have answered this
question a year ago would have said, you know, yeah,
I want to be married, i want to have more kids.
I'd like to win a Grammy somehow, whether that's me
or an artist i'm working with, Like I'd like to
produce a film, write a book. But now I'm starting

(01:00:16):
to understand all those things will be great, but I
will be fulfilled without them either way, justin like looking
at my daughter and knowing she's happy and healthy and
doing the things that bring her joy, and that I'm
leading by example, and also doing things that bring me joy,
even if it's just floating in the ocean, like giving

(01:00:38):
myself a day to do that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
I find it really interesting because I've asked this question
multiple times on the show, and you think we're all
really successful people, right, We're all very driven people. And
the response has been almost identical across all the episodes,
because you learn well more than anything else. And I

(01:01:04):
don't mean by the fact that none of those things
will make us happy, because I think you know, we've
understood that as we got here.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
But how afraid we are to just.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Even face the fact that, yeah, it would be nice
to have a Grammy. Let's let's have a Grammy it's okay,
but we almost doubted in ourselves, and we blame it
on ego because the dream is also scary, because the
disappointment of not getting the dream makes us scared. And

(01:01:35):
I've seen it with every every single guest that have
asked the question to for a moment, Oh, I've drama
about maybe not, you know, because maybe if I get this, maybe,
And I realized in myself sometimes I do I do that,
And I'm like, man, it would be freaking sick if
I went and Oscar producing the documentary, right, And then

(01:01:57):
I'm like, ah, but you know, I mean, I don't
need the OSCA. And it's almost like the coping mechanism
to the fear that it might not happen.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
Yes, it could be, However, that's not what's going to
fulfill me. Like yeah, and I'm finally realizing that. I mean,
you know, we've worked with some of the most successful
people in the world who have accomplished everything and still
weren't happy. So it's like, what can we learn from
the people we've had the opportunity and honor to, you know,

(01:02:30):
observe in real life? Is like I've learned that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
There's a man that has everything at his fingertips and
still self destructs because genuine love isn't present or support
or feeling of safety.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
So it's like those things that are priceless, those are
like the most important things, you know, and I feel
not that I feel. I know I have that I
have the most loving family and credit support and friends
even just from audience members through all the times I've
been canceled, et cetera. Like having that support, you know,
these things mean so much more than like accomplishing you

(01:03:13):
know what gold could mean. I was tired last year
and I gave myself a rest, and now I'm like
so excited for life. Just the synchronous once you once
you lean into the fear and you start knocking the
dust off your childhood dreams and start really chasing them
the way that God in the universe supports you, and

(01:03:33):
the lines and the synchronicity start becoming present. It's like
the best drug. Like now I'm like high off of
being present and noticing the synchronicities and following them. Right,
I'm like, oh okay, wow, Like it's almost like I
used to manifest things in a few days. Now it's
like I'll say it and it happens in the same hour.

(01:03:54):
I'm like, this is crazy. I just can't wait to
see what's in store, you know, like, oh, thank you
God for getting me to this place.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
So, you know, I end every episode with asking the
same thing. You know, part of understanding the battle within yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
You close your eyes, Uh, what is your dream?

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
What does your life look like? Your perfect life?

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
I meditate every morning with that same thought, and I
see myself always pulling into a house. It's it's actually
been the same vision since I started heavy getting into
meditation and COVID, and it's me pulling into a house.
I walk in the house. I walked to the back

(01:04:47):
of the house. It's ocean front and it's a pool,
and it's my wife and two kids. And I replayed
that same piece over and over her and over. And
it's crazy because I was watching Bruce Almighty and there's

(01:05:08):
the scene with Morgan where he says, you know, you
ask God for patience and he gives you an opportunity
to be patient. And I for many years asked God
for a family, and God give me an opportunity to
be in a family. But in the process, I had

(01:05:29):
to go through the two most emotional hard years of
my life because my understanding and the fears and the
trauma I had been in a relationship because I grew
up in a broken home, because I had seen what
I did, had all these misconceptions about how to be
a woman in my life, and.

Speaker 3 (01:05:52):
I had to like dig in.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
I had to sit in the fire and understand, like,
oh my God, out of all the women, God decided
to give this woman my child, and how do Then
I turned my mind and say, my lesson in life
is in that person, and I ask God for a family.
I'm going to lean into this and I'm going to

(01:06:15):
go into it even if it's not forever, with the
idea that my lessons in and whatever the forever is,
it's every day. Tomorrow is not promised. So if today
I can make forever feel forever today, I'm going to
make that and that leaning into that part, which is
something I had never done in any other relationship in

(01:06:36):
my life, Like because again, the moment the things started
to feel any kind of like commitment based, you know,
and I would pull away, I would like create a
situation where I felt like I needed to exclude myself
because I wasn't okay with myself and I was looking

(01:06:58):
for this okay from someone who is as imperfect as
I am. It was as hurting as I am, who
was trying to heal their own pieces, and I did
that no matter the circumstances of the woman, right. It
could have been could have been a super professional, it
could have been someone who was a model, It could
have been someone who's, like, you know, an artist, like,
it didn't matter the style of women I thought. At first,

(01:07:21):
it was like I'm just dating the wrong women. No, no, no, no, no.
I wasn't in the right place. I wasn't feeling okay.
I was searching for something, and whenever anything felt uncomfortable,
my natural instinct was like, oh, I'm going to judge.
And then my second actually state was to.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
Go, hey, Jules, like you see that person, just to
get to feel like what the echo chamber were feeling
was actually correct.

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
And the moment that that shifted, the moment that I
went through so many things and I was almost I
was forced into having to deal with the idea of
commitment because now there was a child, and that was
one part of my life where I was not willing
to break being a great father and in dooleaning in
it transformed my life.

Speaker 3 (01:08:16):
It transformed my like my ideal about what love or.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
Relationship or family and even the idea of forever.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
It was like all gone away with the thought of
just like.

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
Every single day waking up and understanding that I asked
God for a family.

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
But in it came my lesson.

Speaker 2 (01:08:38):
Because I had to face little X, I had to
face the fear and in my process of working with
myself across every single thing, I asked God that I
wanted to have a company and I wanted to be
the successful entrepreneur. And I went from having to learn
how to be an entrepreneur to be a and that

(01:09:01):
meant being okay with firing people. That meant being okay
to say I don't know. I genuinely do not know.
I don't have the answer to your question.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
I genuinely have to I, oh, yeah, you know. I
want to do all these things. I want to travel
the world. I want to be build a successful artist. Okay,
here's an artist. But here's the challenge with the artists.
Do you really want this or are you willing to
face yourself, getting on a stage and talking to your
friend about your emotions. Like that's been the work I've

(01:09:37):
been doing daily that is nowhere near life, nowhere near perfect,
but that is making me understand that that dream I
visualize for the past four years means that I have
to stretch my muscle, turn that muscle, and face myself
every single day.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
And thank God you learned this lesson while you still
had the opportunity to lean.

Speaker 2 (01:10:07):
In, which is the only complete reason for while we're
doing this, because I to me, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:10:17):
I grew up in church.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
I grew up being a youth pastor, and I and
I said, I'll never do that again.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
It just felt like changed to me. It felt like
a box.

Speaker 2 (01:10:26):
It felt like I have all this creativity and all
these people they're just just so stuck in the things
that they're learning, like I really was. You know, so
many people that grew up in church back especially back then,
in comparison, today is like not and day. And then
I realized that the best use of my life is

(01:10:47):
to let it be a complete example for people. And
that meant, I mean, this is super scary to me,
It would be one hundred percent honest.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
This right here, This right here to me is like
worry for him guys.

Speaker 2 (01:11:02):
Every day having to do this every day, like having
to come in like I psych myself out, you know,
I don't. I don't write questions or read the information
on the guests until like hours before the thing because
it psycks me out.

Speaker 3 (01:11:18):
Like the first one was like no, I don't want
to do this. Cancel. I'm sick and it's pushing.

Speaker 1 (01:11:24):
That beach, two kids, wife. I also asked for a
family and like a love and and that and ran
from it when it came to me like, oh, what's
this mean? I can't be as jewels anymore? Like oh
is my career going to be affected? Like do I
have to be a housewife now? I don't want to
be a housewife I have so many skills the world needs,

(01:11:49):
you know.

Speaker 3 (01:11:50):
So that that's the perfect segue to the last question.
The last question. We tell ourselves a lot of stories.

Speaker 2 (01:12:01):
And the first thing that my spiritual leader told me
when I got into my first session of this work said,
watch the stories you tell yourself. And so because words
are so powerful, because we can tell someone I love

(01:12:25):
you and hold their hands and feel because we can
tell someone disrespectful, and they feel it. All those things
we tell ourselves and we're with ourselves more than we
are with anybody else. So the exercise we do to
end this podcast is what is one word or a

(01:12:46):
sentence you can tell yourself right now that will change
your outlook of this rest of the week, this day.

Speaker 1 (01:12:56):
What is something I'll borrow from you that you drilled
in to me today, which is you're okay. I think
I think that's like the one thing that I need
to hear the most. I don't even think I've ever
said that to myself. I'm okay.

Speaker 3 (01:13:14):
It's a beautiful word. The first till I tell myself,
I cried like a little baby.

Speaker 1 (01:13:18):
Yeah, it's been a big theme for me recently because like,
I have this skill set and these opportunities to make
money that I've just been doing on autopilot for so long,
and I'm completely saying no to all those things so
that i can focus on creating my own art for
the first time as an adult. And there's no guaranteed

(01:13:42):
money in that. Taking a big gamble at thirty. It's
all like I've like just got out of college, you know,
I'm a mom now taking this big gamble stressing me out.
I'm having to take a few steps backwards to take
many steps forward. Like I'm I might move into the
house I bought my mom so that I could have
the financial freedom to create without having to take on

(01:14:04):
work to pay the bills. Why because my biggest goal
in the life is to have no regrets. Like the
worst thing you could have is I wish I would have.
And like creativity that's not expressed becomes but it becomes anger,
it becomes resentment, all of these things. And you know,

(01:14:26):
I want to be the best example for my daughter,
and I can't be that if I don't follow my heart.
And so I've been very like are you sure, Like
what's it going to be like living in Tampa? You know,
like are you going to be able to make money
while you're there? This is the whole point is to
go so I don't have to make money. You're already
trying to, like, you know, the right, So all the

(01:14:46):
stories that so the one thing I need to hear
right now today, in this moment, as I'm packing my
house to go move and be in a city that
you know, leave the city that's made me essentially is
like I'm going to be okay, So thank you for
asking that question for me.

Speaker 3 (01:15:01):
It's be present, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:15:06):
It's that's my Wi Fi network. I make everything. Yeah, present,
and then the password is gratitude. Yeah, my neighbor, don't
start using my wife.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
We might need to cut off. Someone's definitely hacking.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
It's okay, I'm moving, Yeah, keep it in there.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Well, Jules, Uh, You're okay, and and I will be present.
I loved every second of this conversation. Thank you for
coming on. Thank you for your incredible energy. Thank you
for sharing your experience and being so honest and going
down this journey that.

Speaker 1 (01:15:43):
I needed you to share your spirit. Maybe your therapist.

Speaker 2 (01:15:48):
I definitely will do all that. Thank you so much
for being a part of the Versus You.

Speaker 3 (01:15:53):
Awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
Yeah, this was so fun. Thank you guys. That's exciting you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:58):
Versus You as a production of Neon sixteen and Entertained
Studios in partnership with the Iheartmichael Tuda podcast Network. For
more podcasts, listen to the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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