Sharay “Punisher” Hayes is a former professional dancer and author who found himself at the center of one of the year’s most high-profile cases — testifying in the civil trial against music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs. His story goes beyond the headlines, revealing how fantasy, silence, and shame can trap men just as deeply as violence and power can trap women.
Follow Sharay on Instagram: @getpunished
Check out his new book: In Search of FREEZER MEAT — a raw and personal story about male mental health, erectile dysfunction, and the unexpected solution that changed his life.
Episode Description:
In Part 2, CSI Sheryl McCollum continues her raw and revealing conversation with Sharay Hayes — a dancer turned courtroom witness in one of the biggest trials of the year.
This time, the focus turns inward. Sharay opens up about the emotional and psychological toll of being pulled into someone else’s fantasy, how he rationalized what he saw, and why the truth didn’t hit until the headlines did.
They also dive into erectile dysfunction, male performance pressure, and the silence around mental health that keeps so many men trapped. Sharay’s story may have started in the club — but it ends in court, with real consequences and a long road toward healing.
Show Notes:
- (0:00) The money, the setup, and a moment that still raises questions — a man in a hijab enters the room
- (2:00) Sheryl asks the big question: Did Sharay ever suspect Combs was abusive?
- (4:00) “ I always thought it was something for her ” — Sharay explains how he rationalized it all in real time
- (5:00) Domestic violence, denial, and realizing that what you see isn’t always what’s happening
- (6:30) What Sharay would say to Cassie — and how hindsight shapes what he sees now
- (9:00) Sheryl shifts focus to his book — and why In Search of FREEZER MEAT made her nervous to Google
- (10:00) What ED taught Sharay about pressure, shame, and being a man in a fantasy job
- (12:30) A 14-year-old, a school rumor, and the first wave of anxiety
- (14:00) How performance anxiety quietly wrecks confidence, connection, and self-worth
- (16:00) Sheryl shares a Vegas story — and why pressure hits differently face-to-face
- (17:00) Testifying in court — the nerves, the backlash, and how Sharay stayed honest with no horse in the race
- (21:00) Why his book’s helping more than readers — and what men are telling him
- (22:30) Sheryl closes the episode with a quote from Sean Combs himself: “You have to be somewhat crazy if you wanna be successful.”
Thanks for listening to another episode! If Zone 7 is part of your weekly routine, show us some love with a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more folks find the show—and helps us keep telling these stories.
---
Sheryl “Mac” McCollum is an Emmy Award-winning CSI, a writer for CrimeOnline, Forensic and Crime Scene Expert for Crime Stories with Nancy Grace, and a CSI for a metro Atlanta Police Department. She is the co-author of the textbook Cold Case: Pathways to Justice and the founder/director of the Cold Case Investigative Research Institute — a collaboration between universities and the criminal justice community that advances techniques for solving unsolved homicides, missing persons, and kidnapping cases.
Social Links:
- Email: coldcase2004@gmail.com
- Twitter: @ColdCaseTips
- Facebook: @sheryl.mccollum
- Instagram: @officialzone7podcast
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Y'all you watched the trial Sean Combs, So in your
thirty years, this is the first time a man has
ever come into the room. Yeah at that point, and
he's yeah, and he's naked wearing a woman's religious covering, yes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And self pleasuring at the same time.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Well, I know you made a ton of money. I know,
normally you're saying you may make two hundred dollars for
the entire party. I know you made four times that
in a few hours. So I guess part of me too.
I'm just like you know, you made a ton of
money for just a couple of hours.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And what I have to adjust that It was four
times initially, then when it was over, I got an
addition to twelve hundred, so it was ten times.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It was two thousand, two thousand by the end of everything.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Sure, I just got to talk real for you for
a minute. For that amount of money, you better have
a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a margarita machine
and the other. Now, listen, I've seen you, so you
(01:23):
can keep your shirt off. That'll be fine, But that
is so much money. Listen to each his own I
love it. I mean, what adults want to do in
their bedroom. I'm all about it if it is consensual.
But here is my next question. You have seen the
(01:43):
video where he beat her up, and I know you
have dealt with thousands of women. You've never beat a woman.
You've never dragged one through a hallway, you've never kicked
one in the stomach. Men normally can size up other
men pretty quick, like you know when somebody's kind of
(02:05):
a piece of crap, Like if you have a niece
or a good friend that's a girl, or a female cousin,
if she's dating somebody that's no good. You know he's
no good before you even shake his hand.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, yeah, you can get an intuition from it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Oh yeah, Men, no other men when women don't. Oh,
we just still think he's fabulous, even though he hadn't
worked in twenty years and he drinks too much and
he don't help with the kids. But he's fabulous, right,
But men, no other men. And my question for you is,
after all of these events that you had, that eight
(02:43):
to twelve interactions and what you kind of know from
the media, do you get any sense at all that
he is in fact an abuser or would you honestly
say that you didn't get that vibe at all.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So I'm going to tell you that I did not
get that vibe at all. And I know exactly why
I didn't. So me being a heterosexual male and an
only child, right, the idea of sharing my wife or
girlfriend with another man, it just doesn't make sense to me.
(03:23):
So going through this process, I made up my own story,
right because I needed it to make sense why he
was paying me to sleep with his gorgeous girlfriend. And
what I came up with was two things. I even
came up with. He's this celebrity and he has ten
(03:44):
other girlfriends and she kind of accepts it. Look, he's
gonna have his cake and eat it too. And at
one point I believed, Okay, maybe I am the you
know what, I step out of this relationship all the time.
You know what, it's only fair. You can have a
guy that, if you like him, you can have fun
(04:07):
in the same way that I do outside of the relationship.
So I thought either he was consenting it, trying to
be fair now, and or secondly, I thought he had
some sort of sexual performance issue that either he could
not please her in bed, or he had his own
(04:29):
erection issues or whatever. And he was bringing somebody in
to supplement for her satisfaction. So I literally went through
this whole process believing he was doing this to try
to please her. It never really clicked to me that
this was his own fetish, possibly an isolation, that he
(04:52):
was possibly making her do because this is what he enjoyed.
I always thought it was something for her, sure.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Right, That is so interesting because I thought he had
an issue as well and could not. And this makes
perfect sense of how you would miss it because you're
not trying to size him up. You're trying to get
through it. And here's the thing too, and I want
everybody to be really clear, domestic violence Stockholm syndrome, you know,
(05:22):
controlling a victim that ain't your area. You're not going
into any situation looking for abuse or assault in any way.
That makes a lot of sense to me what you do.
You said it already like your whole world is please
women and coming from the single mom, you don't hurt women, CHARAE.
(05:43):
So that's got to be weird for you too, Like
once you saw that video, that's a different person than
you thought was sitting in that room with baby old.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
You know, when you see those levels of domestic violence
and that, you know, that type of physical aggression, you know,
stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It's hard to see, you, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Hard to see. Do you think you'll ever talk to
Cassie again?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I think, you know, I have a lot of empathy
for Cassie, and and I'm not I'm gonna just the
stuff in the trial is the stuff in the trial.
That's self explanatory, right. But you know, sex for women
in general is usually a very shameful place. You know,
(06:32):
it's it's a you know, a man can go out
and sleep with a thousand women and he's heralded, right,
you know what I'm saying, Like and and and and
a woman hits double digits, some people will condemn her as.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
A whole or a slept for the rest of her life. Right.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
So for this woman to have her her sex life,
you know, put on display for the entire world in
a way to be judged and up people's opinions, and
actually people joke about it and belittle HER's that's horrible.
(07:12):
That is really horrible. So what I believe is that
she wants to get as far away from any and
everything associated with that period in her life and never
see here. Look think I think if she could never
hear anything about this uttered again, that's will.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Be her choice. So me speaking to her, I just
why would she ever even want that?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
You know, if I'm putting myself in her shoes, I
want to get as far away from any of these
experiences and people as I can.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Is there anything you would want to say to her?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You know I've said this before.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
You know, I've been fortunate enough that when I was
for tosipating in these things, I didn't I didn't see
any abuse. I didn't I didn't even see any slight
indications of her even really being in distress. But I
would like to say if if she was in some
sort of deep state of denial and making the most
(08:19):
of the scenario while she was simultaneously, you know, suffering
in some way inside, and I'm contributing to it by participating,
I would want to apologize.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Apologize to be a part of a difficult time in
her life that she was going through. And again, even
though I wasn't aware, I still was a part of it.
And you know, I feel bad if I contributed to,
you know, making a bad situation for her you know,
worse or or prolonging it or keeping it going by
(08:54):
being a part.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Well that brings me to what I want to talk
to you about next, honey, And that is your book.
And I'm gonna tell you and I have talked before
off air, but I'm going to tell you publicly. I
was scared to death to research your book just based
on the title. I mean, I was like, what does
that mean? Is this some code word? Am I going
(09:19):
to type something and then be in some you know,
crazy chat room, you know with fetishes or what? I
didn't know what it meant. And when I hear you
talk about, you know, possibly some things that Cassie went through,
You've had to deal with some things too. So your
book is called in Search of Freezer Meat. Tell us
(09:42):
what that is and why you wrote it.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Okay, So, first and foremost, you touched on something earlier
with me naming my my strip of website get Punished
dot com and you said, hey, you you pull up
the Google searches and you see you get punished and
you're probably gonna click on it.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
That's the same thing with Freezing Me. Right, So In
Search of Freezing Me is a men's self help book
Slash kind of my life story. It chronicles very periods
in my life that pretty much led to me eventually
developing a rectile dysfunction. And for most people, it's not
(10:24):
something that happens overnight, right, it happens over a period
of time. And what was really special about my rectile
dysfunction was by the time it was all said and done,
I went to a doctor and it was absolutely nothing
wrong with me physically. There was no health markers that
(10:45):
was causing it. It was all in a mental, anxiety
based erectile dysfunction that had developed over a period of time.
And lo and behold, more than fifty percent of cases
are the same way. There's a bunch of men walking
around struggling to perform sexually, and there's nothing wrong with them.
(11:07):
It's all a mental condition that's developed over time through
anxiety and sexual pressure.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I was just going to say, I've heard famous actors
say that sex scenes are the hardest to do because
you've got all these cameras and all these people around,
and you're told, oh, be in this position, look this way,
put your leg here, put your hand here, and that
it's just almost impossible. Well, you've been in that situation
(11:35):
for thirty years.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
In my case, I started developing the inklings of reptile
dysfunction while I was still a virgin. I hadn't even
had sex yet. You know, I went through a scenario
where my best friend losses virginity before me, and he
clearly did not do a good job because the little
(12:03):
his girlfriend that he lost it to basically put him
on blast and told our whole school how he was
terrible in bed. Oh, and he was terrible in bed
because he was fast, right, he was, you know, and
the thirty second banded?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Right? So?
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And how old was he?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Fourteen years old?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Fourteen? Was fast?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Good?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Lord?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So here I am same age fourteen a couple of
months later as my chance, and when am I a
fifteen second bandit? And I was literally scared to come
to school the next day because of you know, being
rid of cued because of this. Right, So, you know,
(12:51):
I bring up that story where the anxiety for men,
a lot of men can start even before you start
having sex. And now fast forward to I get twenty
two years old, and now I'm the punisher, right, and
now I'm this male dancer that I'm putting myself out
there in this fantasy type of way. So every woman
(13:14):
that decides to sleep with me, she has expectations that.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I got a limit to sure.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So the book kind of gives you these the normal
you know, cause effect, cure solution stuff that you get
from a typical medical book, but it's coupled with very
relatable life story situations that in some ways shape or
(13:41):
form every man goes through it, and they have no
idea that this could be contributing to your sexual issues.
And a lot of people don't realize that there's sexual
issues also contribute to your self worth, your self confidence.
You know, you're how you think about yourself as a man,
how successful your actual relationship is. You know, there are
(14:04):
some men that have been in relationships long time and
married and they just stop touching their wives, and you know,
it sends this mixed message because the women sit around
and they blame themselves. Oh, he doesn't find me attractive anymore,
he's not intimate, he's you know, maybe he's with somebody else.
(14:24):
So she goes through her issues and the truth of
the matter is the guy is declining sexually from his
own pressure. But instead of communicating that, he just becomes avoidant, right,
like sex is not important, Like you still don't like sex,
and your wife doesn't still love sex, or your long
term partner. And now it's this confusion that's through lack
(14:48):
of communication, that is, you know, creating that is forcing
marriages and relationships to lose intimacy and also creating friction
with just a man feeling a masculated because he can't
do what he needs to do, but because he won't
speak of it, he's accepting it like well, this just happens.
(15:12):
It's just a really really convoluted thought process to sexuality
as we age that, no one's addressing it from a
place of understanding. And that's what I wanted to do.
I wanted to write the book. I wouldn't need it,
you know. I was, you know, my late thirties and
my forties going into my fifties, just struggling with this
(15:33):
over the course of a decade. And when I finally
figured all this stuff out, I was like, there's no tool,
there's no book for anybody to pick up to really
see it from a relatable story understanding, and didn't give
you the information you need to correct it.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Well, let's talk about some more pressure because I'll tell
you my sister Charlene and I we were in Vegas
and they had a show called Thunder Down Under and
we saw the poster of these young men. They were gorgeous,
So of course we were just acting silly, you know, about, oh,
(16:12):
we're gonna get them all to buy strengths, like we're
just acting ridiculous. Well, they had a night off, and
sure enough they're at the bar, was like six of
them and all just tremendously in shape, beautiful men. Well
of course we couldn't even talk to them. I mean,
we had done all that big talk in the day before,
(16:32):
you know, and now we see them and we're just like,
you know, we're acting like we're twelve, you know, giggling.
But there is pressure there, and you had to experience
something that most people don't. And I will tell you
even as somebody, this is my forty fourth year in
police work, and I've had to testify I don't even
(16:55):
know how many times, and I get anxious every time.
I get a little nervous every time that they're going
to come at me, they're going to attack me on something.
I'm going to screw up something, and they're going to
highlight it and hear you not only have to testify
in a high profile case, you have to talk about
your personal business.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Talking about my personal business. Was it was not that difficult.
I think the difficult part about it for me was,
you know, I had a man on trial facing life
in prison, right and whether you think he's guilty or not,
(17:38):
or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It is a very, very very.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Difficult space to understand that your words decides the faith
of somebody's life for the rest of your life. You know,
I wouldn't wish that on anybody. You know, It's it's
a tremendous amount of pressure. And I was in the
now leading up to it, but by the time I
(18:04):
walked in that courtroom, I had almost like a full
flat anxiety attack, Like my hands was trembling, I was
losing my voice.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I couldn't talk.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
And then the magnitude of the courtroom is it is
not Judge Judy, you know what I'm saying, Like whatever,
Judge Judy, It is an extremely intimidating, overwhelming atmosphere and
a federal court.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
And let me just tell you something. You were in
a no win situation. You were going to have you know,
mister Comb's fans, if you did say something about him
negative that would never forgive you, then you're going to
have women's right folks that are never going to forgive you.
I mean, You're never going to make everybody happy. There's
no way you could walk in there and testify and
(18:51):
walk out and satisfy the majority of people.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
My focus was was, Look, I just want to get
up here and testify without any biased be as truthful
and honest as I can, and hopefully that relays to
both sides and everybody sees that, hey, this is just
an honest guy giving his facts to the best of
(19:20):
his ability, with no with no horse in the race.
You know, I just wanted to do that. And what
I will say is I think that's what happened. You know,
when I when I do speak to people, when they
do have an opinion, they just feel that I was
unbiased and credible, and which apparently was not the norm
(19:44):
in this case. You know, it seems like like it
wasn't a lot of witnesses that got up there that
you know, people felt confident when they came off to stand,
like Okay, I can believe this person, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
So I was gonna.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Common in a lot of cases, It's really not. I mean,
look at Karen Reid. It's not common that somebody gets
off the stand and people go, oh yeah, that person
was straight up, they were honest.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Well, I appreciate you being with us, and I appreciate
you giving us the insight literally behind the curtain. And
you know, I appreciate what you're trying to do helping men.
You can talk to them in a way I would
think most people couldn't. You have been in situations that
they would think would be a fantasy and it is harmful.
(20:34):
I mean, you can't do that for thirty years and
it not affects you. So I appreciate you, know, you
having the guts to do that.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Oh well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
And I think what really, what I saw for the
most part with in terms of writing the book, is
you know, my lifestyle to the majority of guys, it's
a fantasy lifestyle. It's like, oh man, this guy, he's
in the limelight, these around all these women every weekend,
like it must be a dream scenario. So what I
(21:05):
noticed when I would be open and tell guys, hey, look,
I'm having my own sexual aging struggles.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Like everybody else. It just it actually helped them.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It actually helped them to say, hey, look it's it's
not just a meeting, right, it affects everybody. And you know,
I get a lot of messages and emails and great
reviews on Amazon of guys are saying, hey, I'm not alone,
like this book motivated me to you know, this is
not normal and I need to get back on track
(21:35):
and I need to find my sexuality.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Think it was just you know, you take a male striper,
if you want to call me a male escort. A
male escort with erectais function is like a singer losing it.
It just can't happen. So it's some irony to the scenario.
And you know, hey, I'm I'm just glad it's helping people.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
No, I love it. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Listen, thank you for having me. It was awesome. This
was fun, and I appreciate you taking the time to
talk to me.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Y'all. I'm going to end Zone seven the way that
I always do with a quote, you have to be
somewhat crazy if you want to be successful Sean Puffy Combs.
I'm Cheryl McCollum, and this is Zone seven
Y'all you watched the trial Sean Combs, So in your
thirty years, this is the first time a man has
ever come into the room. Yeah at that point, and
he's yeah, and he's naked wearing a woman's religious covering, yes.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
And self pleasuring at the same time.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Well, I know you made a ton of money. I know,
normally you're saying you may make two hundred dollars for
the entire party. I know you made four times that
in a few hours. So I guess part of me too.
I'm just like you know, you made a ton of
money for just a couple of hours.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And what I have to adjust that It was four
times initially, then when it was over, I got an
addition to twelve hundred, so it was ten times.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It was two thousand, two thousand by the end of everything.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Sure, I just got to talk real for you for
a minute. For that amount of money, you better have
a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a margarita machine
and the other. Now, listen, I've seen you, so you
(01:23):
can keep your shirt off. That'll be fine, But that
is so much money. Listen to each his own I
love it. I mean, what adults want to do in
their bedroom. I'm all about it if it is consensual.
But here is my next question. You have seen the
(01:43):
video where he beat her up, and I know you
have dealt with thousands of women. You've never beat a woman.
You've never dragged one through a hallway, you've never kicked
one in the stomach. Men normally can size up other
men pretty quick, like you know when somebody's kind of
(02:05):
a piece of crap, Like if you have a niece
or a good friend that's a girl, or a female cousin,
if she's dating somebody that's no good. You know he's
no good before you even shake his hand.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, yeah, you can get an intuition from it.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Oh yeah, Men, no other men when women don't. Oh,
we just still think he's fabulous, even though he hadn't
worked in twenty years and he drinks too much and
he don't help with the kids. But he's fabulous, right,
But men, no other men. And my question for you is,
after all of these events that you had, that eight
(02:43):
to twelve interactions and what you kind of know from
the media, do you get any sense at all that
he is in fact an abuser or would you honestly
say that you didn't get that vibe at all.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So I'm going to tell you that I did not
get that vibe at all. And I know exactly why
I didn't. So me being a heterosexual male and an
only child, right, the idea of sharing my wife or
girlfriend with another man, it just doesn't make sense to me.
(03:23):
So going through this process, I made up my own story,
right because I needed it to make sense why he
was paying me to sleep with his gorgeous girlfriend. And
what I came up with was two things. I even
came up with. He's this celebrity and he has ten
(03:44):
other girlfriends and she kind of accepts it. Look, he's
gonna have his cake and eat it too. And at
one point I believed, Okay, maybe I am the you
know what, I step out of this relationship all the time.
You know what, it's only fair. You can have a
guy that, if you like him, you can have fun
(04:07):
in the same way that I do outside of the relationship.
So I thought either he was consenting it, trying to
be fair now, and or secondly, I thought he had
some sort of sexual performance issue that either he could
not please her in bed, or he had his own
(04:29):
erection issues or whatever. And he was bringing somebody in
to supplement for her satisfaction. So I literally went through
this whole process believing he was doing this to try
to please her. It never really clicked to me that
this was his own fetish, possibly an isolation, that he
(04:52):
was possibly making her do because this is what he enjoyed.
I always thought it was something for her, sure.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Right, That is so interesting because I thought he had
an issue as well and could not. And this makes
perfect sense of how you would miss it because you're
not trying to size him up. You're trying to get
through it. And here's the thing too, and I want
everybody to be really clear, domestic violence Stockholm syndrome, you know,
(05:22):
controlling a victim that ain't your area. You're not going
into any situation looking for abuse or assault in any way.
That makes a lot of sense to me what you do.
You said it already like your whole world is please
women and coming from the single mom, you don't hurt women, CHARAE.
(05:43):
So that's got to be weird for you too, Like
once you saw that video, that's a different person than
you thought was sitting in that room with baby old.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
You know, when you see those levels of domestic violence
and that, you know, that type of physical aggression, you know,
stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It's hard to see, you, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Hard to see. Do you think you'll ever talk to
Cassie again?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I think, you know, I have a lot of empathy
for Cassie, and and I'm not I'm gonna just the
stuff in the trial is the stuff in the trial.
That's self explanatory, right. But you know, sex for women
in general is usually a very shameful place. You know,
(06:32):
it's it's a you know, a man can go out
and sleep with a thousand women and he's heralded, right,
you know what I'm saying, Like and and and and
a woman hits double digits, some people will condemn her as.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
A whole or a slept for the rest of her life. Right.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
So for this woman to have her her sex life,
you know, put on display for the entire world in
a way to be judged and up people's opinions, and
actually people joke about it and belittle HER's that's horrible.
(07:12):
That is really horrible. So what I believe is that
she wants to get as far away from any and
everything associated with that period in her life and never
see here. Look think I think if she could never
hear anything about this uttered again, that's will.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Be her choice. So me speaking to her, I just
why would she ever even want that?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
You know, if I'm putting myself in her shoes, I
want to get as far away from any of these
experiences and people as I can.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Is there anything you would want to say to her?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
You know I've said this before.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
You know, I've been fortunate enough that when I was
for tosipating in these things, I didn't I didn't see
any abuse. I didn't I didn't even see any slight
indications of her even really being in distress. But I
would like to say if if she was in some
sort of deep state of denial and making the most
(08:19):
of the scenario while she was simultaneously, you know, suffering
in some way inside, and I'm contributing to it by participating,
I would want to apologize.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Apologize to be a part of a difficult time in
her life that she was going through. And again, even
though I wasn't aware, I still was a part of it.
And you know, I feel bad if I contributed to,
you know, making a bad situation for her you know,
worse or or prolonging it or keeping it going by
(08:54):
being a part.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Well that brings me to what I want to talk
to you about next, honey, And that is your book.
And I'm gonna tell you and I have talked before
off air, but I'm going to tell you publicly. I
was scared to death to research your book just based
on the title. I mean, I was like, what does
that mean? Is this some code word? Am I going
(09:19):
to type something and then be in some you know,
crazy chat room, you know with fetishes or what? I
didn't know what it meant. And when I hear you
talk about, you know, possibly some things that Cassie went through,
You've had to deal with some things too. So your
book is called in Search of Freezer Meat. Tell us
(09:42):
what that is and why you wrote it.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Okay, So, first and foremost, you touched on something earlier
with me naming my my strip of website get Punished
dot com and you said, hey, you you pull up
the Google searches and you see you get punished and
you're probably gonna click on it.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
That's the same thing with Freezing Me. Right, So In
Search of Freezing Me is a men's self help book
Slash kind of my life story. It chronicles very periods
in my life that pretty much led to me eventually
developing a rectile dysfunction. And for most people, it's not
(10:24):
something that happens overnight, right, it happens over a period
of time. And what was really special about my rectile
dysfunction was by the time it was all said and done,
I went to a doctor and it was absolutely nothing
wrong with me physically. There was no health markers that
(10:45):
was causing it. It was all in a mental, anxiety
based erectile dysfunction that had developed over a period of time.
And lo and behold, more than fifty percent of cases
are the same way. There's a bunch of men walking
around struggling to perform sexually, and there's nothing wrong with them.
(11:07):
It's all a mental condition that's developed over time through
anxiety and sexual pressure.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I was just going to say, I've heard famous actors
say that sex scenes are the hardest to do because
you've got all these cameras and all these people around,
and you're told, oh, be in this position, look this way,
put your leg here, put your hand here, and that
it's just almost impossible. Well, you've been in that situation
(11:35):
for thirty years.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
In my case, I started developing the inklings of reptile
dysfunction while I was still a virgin. I hadn't even
had sex yet. You know, I went through a scenario
where my best friend losses virginity before me, and he
clearly did not do a good job because the little
(12:03):
his girlfriend that he lost it to basically put him
on blast and told our whole school how he was
terrible in bed. Oh, and he was terrible in bed
because he was fast, right, he was, you know, and
the thirty second banded?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Right? So?
Speaker 1 (12:21):
And how old was he?
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Fourteen years old?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Fourteen? Was fast?
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Good?
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Lord?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
So here I am same age fourteen a couple of
months later as my chance, and when am I a
fifteen second bandit? And I was literally scared to come
to school the next day because of you know, being
rid of cued because of this. Right, So, you know,
(12:51):
I bring up that story where the anxiety for men,
a lot of men can start even before you start
having sex. And now fast forward to I get twenty
two years old, and now I'm the punisher, right, and
now I'm this male dancer that I'm putting myself out
there in this fantasy type of way. So every woman
(13:14):
that decides to sleep with me, she has expectations that.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I got a limit to sure.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So the book kind of gives you these the normal
you know, cause effect, cure solution stuff that you get
from a typical medical book, but it's coupled with very
relatable life story situations that in some ways shape or
(13:41):
form every man goes through it, and they have no
idea that this could be contributing to your sexual issues.
And a lot of people don't realize that there's sexual
issues also contribute to your self worth, your self confidence.
You know, you're how you think about yourself as a man,
how successful your actual relationship is. You know, there are
(14:04):
some men that have been in relationships long time and
married and they just stop touching their wives, and you know,
it sends this mixed message because the women sit around
and they blame themselves. Oh, he doesn't find me attractive anymore,
he's not intimate, he's you know, maybe he's with somebody else.
(14:24):
So she goes through her issues and the truth of
the matter is the guy is declining sexually from his
own pressure. But instead of communicating that, he just becomes avoidant, right,
like sex is not important, Like you still don't like sex,
and your wife doesn't still love sex, or your long
term partner. And now it's this confusion that's through lack
(14:48):
of communication, that is, you know, creating that is forcing
marriages and relationships to lose intimacy and also creating friction
with just a man feeling a masculated because he can't
do what he needs to do, but because he won't
speak of it, he's accepting it like well, this just happens.
(15:12):
It's just a really really convoluted thought process to sexuality
as we age that, no one's addressing it from a
place of understanding. And that's what I wanted to do.
I wanted to write the book. I wouldn't need it,
you know. I was, you know, my late thirties and
my forties going into my fifties, just struggling with this
(15:33):
over the course of a decade. And when I finally
figured all this stuff out, I was like, there's no tool,
there's no book for anybody to pick up to really
see it from a relatable story understanding, and didn't give
you the information you need to correct it.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Well, let's talk about some more pressure because I'll tell
you my sister Charlene and I we were in Vegas
and they had a show called Thunder Down Under and
we saw the poster of these young men. They were gorgeous,
So of course we were just acting silly, you know, about, oh,
(16:12):
we're gonna get them all to buy strengths, like we're
just acting ridiculous. Well, they had a night off, and
sure enough they're at the bar, was like six of
them and all just tremendously in shape, beautiful men. Well
of course we couldn't even talk to them. I mean,
we had done all that big talk in the day before,
(16:32):
you know, and now we see them and we're just like,
you know, we're acting like we're twelve, you know, giggling.
But there is pressure there, and you had to experience
something that most people don't. And I will tell you
even as somebody, this is my forty fourth year in
police work, and I've had to testify I don't even
(16:55):
know how many times, and I get anxious every time.
I get a little nervous every time that they're going
to come at me, they're going to attack me on something.
I'm going to screw up something, and they're going to
highlight it and hear you not only have to testify
in a high profile case, you have to talk about
your personal business.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Talking about my personal business. Was it was not that difficult.
I think the difficult part about it for me was,
you know, I had a man on trial facing life
in prison, right and whether you think he's guilty or not,
(17:38):
or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
It is a very, very very.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Difficult space to understand that your words decides the faith
of somebody's life for the rest of your life. You know,
I wouldn't wish that on anybody. You know, It's it's
a tremendous amount of pressure. And I was in the
now leading up to it, but by the time I
(18:04):
walked in that courtroom, I had almost like a full
flat anxiety attack, Like my hands was trembling, I was
losing my voice.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I couldn't talk.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
And then the magnitude of the courtroom is it is
not Judge Judy, you know what I'm saying, Like whatever,
Judge Judy, It is an extremely intimidating, overwhelming atmosphere and
a federal court.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
And let me just tell you something. You were in
a no win situation. You were going to have you know,
mister Comb's fans, if you did say something about him
negative that would never forgive you, then you're going to
have women's right folks that are never going to forgive you.
I mean, You're never going to make everybody happy. There's
no way you could walk in there and testify and
(18:51):
walk out and satisfy the majority of people.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
My focus was was, Look, I just want to get
up here and testify without any biased be as truthful
and honest as I can, and hopefully that relays to
both sides and everybody sees that, hey, this is just
an honest guy giving his facts to the best of
(19:20):
his ability, with no with no horse in the race.
You know, I just wanted to do that. And what
I will say is I think that's what happened. You know,
when I when I do speak to people, when they
do have an opinion, they just feel that I was
unbiased and credible, and which apparently was not the norm
(19:44):
in this case. You know, it seems like like it
wasn't a lot of witnesses that got up there that
you know, people felt confident when they came off to stand,
like Okay, I can believe this person, you know.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
So I was gonna.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Common in a lot of cases, It's really not. I mean,
look at Karen Reid. It's not common that somebody gets
off the stand and people go, oh yeah, that person
was straight up, they were honest.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Well, I appreciate you being with us, and I appreciate
you giving us the insight literally behind the curtain. And
you know, I appreciate what you're trying to do helping men.
You can talk to them in a way I would
think most people couldn't. You have been in situations that
they would think would be a fantasy and it is harmful.
(20:34):
I mean, you can't do that for thirty years and
it not affects you. So I appreciate you, know, you
having the guts to do that.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Oh well, thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
And I think what really, what I saw for the
most part with in terms of writing the book, is
you know, my lifestyle to the majority of guys, it's
a fantasy lifestyle. It's like, oh man, this guy, he's
in the limelight, these around all these women every weekend,
like it must be a dream scenario. So what I
(21:05):
noticed when I would be open and tell guys, hey, look,
I'm having my own sexual aging struggles.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Like everybody else. It just it actually helped them.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It actually helped them to say, hey, look it's it's
not just a meeting, right, it affects everybody. And you know,
I get a lot of messages and emails and great
reviews on Amazon of guys are saying, hey, I'm not alone,
like this book motivated me to you know, this is
not normal and I need to get back on track
(21:35):
and I need to find my sexuality.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
So yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Think it was just you know, you take a male striper,
if you want to call me a male escort. A
male escort with erectais function is like a singer losing it.
It just can't happen. So it's some irony to the scenario.
And you know, hey, I'm I'm just glad it's helping people.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
No, I love it. Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Listen, thank you for having me. It was awesome. This
was fun, and I appreciate you taking the time to
talk to me.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Y'all. I'm going to end Zone seven the way that
I always do with a quote, you have to be
somewhat crazy if you want to be successful Sean Puffy Combs.
I'm Cheryl McCollum, and this is Zone seven
Host
Sheryl McCollum
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