How to Tap Into Your Divine Feminine Energy with Jillian Guerin

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hot Happy Mess. Celebrate your magic in the middle of
life's messes. Hot Happy Mess. I'm Zii, y'all, and this
is Hot Happy Mess. Oh shoot, all right, what is
going on? Y'all? Welcome to another episode of Hot Happy Mess.

(00:28):
I'm Zuri and today I am joined by Julian garn.
She is absolutely incredible. I've been able to watch some
of her YouTube videos and she's dropping gems y'all. We
started off this conversation not too long ago around divine
femininity and what exactly that is and how we can
tap into it. And that was obviously a solo episode.

(00:52):
You and I just kind of talking, but I decided
to bring in the experts because I'm new to this
soft life. All know me, so you know it's been
heavy on the outpha traditionally, and the older I get,
the more excited I am to learn how to tap
into and celebrate the divine feminine within me. And it
sounds like a lot of you all are interested in

(01:13):
that also. So Julian enjoined YouTube back in twenty twenty
and she has amassed millions of views with her videos.
She's super passionate about discussing everything about womanhood in particular
feminine energy, self development, spirituality, mindset, beauty and confidence. Julian
is all about helping other women step into their power

(01:35):
as a woman, and I am so excited to have
around how a happy mess right now? Jillian, Hi, Hello,
Thank you so much for having me. No, the pleasure
is all mine. I'm super excited to dive into this
with you because, as you just heard, I'm kind of
a newbie when it comes to tapping into this part
of myself. You know, I think a lot of us

(01:55):
have it innately and just it lies a bit dormant perhaps,
and as conversations around divine femininity and you know, the
soft life era start to pick up, a lot of
women are like, Okay, wait, what what is that exactly?
How can I access it? Can I access it? Or
is this only for certain types of women? Do I

(02:16):
not fit the mold? So thank you for joining me
before we dive into all of that. Where are you based?
Where you? Where are you calling in from? I am
located in Nashville. I grew up in California my whole life,
but I moved here two years ago and I'm loving it. Okay, Nashville.
I was in Nashville not too long ago. Actually, time

(02:38):
is flying. I'm thinking like just after the pandemic, but
that completely turned everything upside down. I wouldn't line dancing
a barbecue. It was the best time. What's the area
called where everyone bar hops? And oh yeah Broadway? Broadway? Okay? Crazy? Yes,
so I had a good time on Broadway. Okay. Nice.

(03:01):
So you're based in Nashville, and like I mentioned, you
are an expert in this space of feminine energy and
self development. So if you could just tell me us
really a little bit about how you got your start
in this world? Was this a newer curiosity? Was this
something that was always a passion of yours? It was
definitely not something that was always a passion of mine.

(03:23):
And really what made this come about is because in
my early twenties I developed some health issues, autoimmune issues,
things like that, and I was super burnt out and
stressed out, and I realized that I was just like
really unfulfilled in my life. And I took some time
to think and heal myself and focus on my food

(03:44):
and all that stuff. And I realized through this process,
I discovered, you know, this topic of feminine energy. And
I was like, oh my goodness. I think this is
a big part of why I'm feeling the way that
I'm feeling, why I'm so unfulfilled and stressed out, unhappy
all the time. And so I dug into this topic
of feminine energy like probably six years ago now, maybe

(04:08):
seven years ago, and it's kind of changed my life
because it's kind of brought me back to like not
just good health, but like vibrancy and just feeling good again,
feeling good in my womanhood and in my body. Okay,
So that's really interesting to me because you say, you know,
six seven years ago you were going through these health
issues and these elements, and that that sort of helped

(04:30):
lead you into this area of divine femininity and embracing
your feminine nature. I'm curious to know how those overlap, right, Like,
what was it that led you to femininity while trying
to fix your health? Well, part of my health issues
are part of like what caused a lot of my
health problems was that I was just pushing and pushing

(04:52):
so much. And I think there's probably a lot of
women that can relate to this, but especially in your
early twenties, you know, it's like you're kind of setting
yourself up, you're starting your career, you're doing all this
new stuff, and it feels overwhelming. And I really took
on a lot of my masculine energy in that process,
and they let all of my feminine energy go, and

(05:12):
it just completely burnt me out. And what happens is,
you know a lot of women will just be living
in fight or flight all the time, and we'll have
these like high cortisol states all the time, and it's
just completely destroying like our hormones and the health of
our entire body, and it's causing autoimmune issues and things
like that. And so sometimes when we overdo it in

(05:35):
our masculine energy, especially if we are more like predominantly
feminine beings, can be really damaging to not just our
body and our health, but also our mind and our spirit. Right.
You know, I appreciate you bringing up the concept of
fight or flight because for me that was like, ooh,
triggered in a good way. Like, because you know, I

(05:57):
was talking to a couple of guys very recently, and
you know, we're having the typical debate between men and
women and trying to explain our side and convince the
other of you know, why we think the way we think.
And I remember saying to the guys, and for some
reason it was like a light bulb went off to them.
I thought it was obvious, but maybe not. And I

(06:19):
told them, you know, look, it's not that I and
or other women who have more I guess you could
say quote unquote traditionally masculine energy. You know, whatever that means,
it varies. It's not that I'll speak for myself, want
to always be hard and tough and you know, quote
unquote alpha and just leading the charge. It's that I

(06:39):
have to feel safe to excel and into my softer
side and be feminine. And so even though a lot
of that has to do with me energetically and what
I'm bringing to the table or the engagement or experience,
it also has to do with who I'm engaging with
and who I'm experiencing, at least in the context of relationship. Right,

(07:02):
if i feel like I'm not in a safe space
with you, if i feel like I'm constantly in fight
or flight, I'm in survival mode. I'm trying to preserve myself,
and so no, there is not room to kind of
relax and trust and receive. And you know, the guys
were like, WHOA, I never thought about it like that,

(07:23):
And I'm like, what it's like, right, Like, have you
ever experienced that in your you know, communication or conversations
with men, especially, Like what is there from your experience,
what's kind of the male perspective on women and how
we are or aren't, you know, allowing them to be

(07:44):
the quote unquote men in our lives. For those who
are interested in that relation, I think you touch on
such a good point because safety is like the number
one most important thing for a woman to feel comfortable
embracing their feminine energy, and that's part of why so
many women are stuck in their masculine energy because things

(08:04):
have happened in the past or just in the world
they live in today. It's like constant stress or just
things happening in their life and they're not able to
appropriately handle it. They feel like they have to completely
have on this masculine shield to survive, when in reality
that's not really the case. But that's kind of how
we've been programmed to see it. And that's so funny

(08:25):
that you talk about the male perspective like that, because
that was kind of even the same situation with my
husband I've been dating him since I was seventeen, so
it's been a long time together, and we kind of
grew into this. You know, It's not like when I
started dating him, I was super into feminine energy, masculine energy,
and I started coming around to feminine energy and telling

(08:48):
him about it, and it's just so funny because he
was just kind of like confused. You know, he had
the same exact answer as that kind of those kind
of guys that you were talking about. But and it's
just so funny, like safety is so important to the
feminine energy and is important that we communicate that to
guys that were in relationships with or even other guys

(09:12):
in our family or brothers or dads or whatever. It's like,
once they can see how good it feels for them
and for us when we're in a safe situation, they
realize how badly they want to give to m okay.
And you can see this a lot in relationships where
a lot of men will kind of resist this whole

(09:37):
masculine feminine energy dynamic because it's kind of weird to
them and woo woo, and then once they start seeing
how amazing it is when their girlfriend is so happy
in her feminine energy and so full of life and
so much more vibrant, and it probably has higher libido
and all of those things. The main guys that hire libido,

(09:58):
they're like, I'm in exactly, and yeah, so the men
are like on board once they realize what this actually
means for them and how it also benefits them, and
it makes them feel good and just the same as like,
you know, us women embracing our feminine energy, it feels
good for them if they are predominantly masculine beings, which

(10:19):
most men are not all, but that's totally okay, But
it feels good for them to be in their masculine
energy too, And so we when we embrace our feminine energy,
it allows them to step up in that masculine way,
and it feels good for them, and sometimes we have
to show them that it feels good to them. It
feels good for them to create safe spaces for us.

(10:41):
It feels good for them to cherish us and take
care of us. Preaching, preaching, preaching, it feels good to
create safe spaces, you know. Just hearing that sentence, I
know so many men who communicated different variations of that
to me, Like we want to provide, we want to protect,
we also want to almost feel like we have the

(11:03):
permission to do that sometimes, you know, because you know,
it's twenty twenty three, and there are a lot of
conversations around what it means to be a man or
a woman or to identify as non binary like that.
There's there's so many conversations around all of this, and
they're all valid and important, and I think as conversations

(11:23):
become more nuanced, and you know, the last ten years,
especially like as women kind of step into our own,
we went through this phase pop culturally speaking, like with
the mainstream zeitgeist, where it was like we don't need
a man for anything, and we can just boss it
up and like we're bringing home the bacon and coming
home and cooking the bacon too, and like, look, I

(11:46):
was one of those women, and to a certain extent,
I kind of still am. Like I'm always going to
have that energy. That's a part of what makes Zeri ZERI.
I don't want to mute it, but I do also
want to start to turn up and amplify the ability
to walk in the house and be like, yeah, I
brought home some bacon, But I don't feel like cooking it.
I want to be loved on and treated like a

(12:08):
damsel in distress, even if I'm not actually in distress,
Like I want to receive and I think there's been
shame might be too strong of a word, but there's
a lot weaker. Yeah, it's like as weak and like,
as a woman who prides ourselves, I'm being strong. It's
something that you kind of have to come to terms

(12:29):
with and figure out how does this make sense for me?
But because I'm someone who's always advocated for duality and
wanted to be able to embrace both my masculine and
my feminine, I want to be able to be sexy
and stylish and walk into a boardroom and be like, everybody,
listen up, this is what it is like. I don't
want to have to choose, and I love where the

(12:50):
culture is going with these conversations where we can come
at it from a more holistic standpoint. We don't have
to check the box I'm a feminine woman or I'm
a masculine man. We can all tappen to all of
those layers that are within us. Now. You brought up
talking to the men in our lives about creating that

(13:10):
dynamic I know there's so many people chomping at the
bit for how to do that, which is why I'm
gonna pull a lay move and save it for later
in the conversation. So sorry, whoever's listening, I'm teasing you
by dangling that, Carrett. I'm going to ask you, Julian
and just a little bit to talk about how we
can communicate our desire for that dynamic to the men

(13:31):
in our lives. But just to kind of back it
up for a second, divine feminine energy For someone who
is completely new to the concept, maybe what is it? Okay? So,
first of all, we all have both feminine and masculine
energy within us. It doesn't matter what gender you are,
we all have both of these energies. And so sometimes

(13:52):
people can get a little triggered by the words feminine
and masculine, But it's really not about gender. But in general,
most women, probably about like eighty to nine tend to
have a more dominant feminine energy and about eighty to
ninety percent of men tend to have a more dominant
masculine energy. And so feminine energy is more about things

(14:13):
like intuition, creativity, flow, movement, receptivity connecting to your heart
and your body and your feelings, being playful, love, nurturing,
and the feminine energy has a strong desire to love
and be loved, whereas the masculine energy is more about

(14:34):
things like structure and leadership, and instead of using your intuition,
you're going to base decisions off of logic and analytics,
and you know, problem solving, loving a challenge, loving competition,
and the masculine energy has a strong desire to achieve
and succeed. So you can kind of think of it
as like we have both of these energies within us, right,

(14:55):
and masculine energy is more of that action energy, that
doing energy, whereas feminine energy, divine feminine, is more of
that being energy, you know, that soft life energy, that
energy that we're all kind of missing in the world
right now and realizing that we really really need. But
so often what happens, and kind of like probably what

(15:17):
you experienced and what I definitely experienced when I was
growing up, is that so many women are taught that
these typical masculine energy traits are better than or you know,
that's what's get you, that's what gets you respect in
the world, that's what gets you approval, that's what helps
you fit in and have certain status and be loved.

(15:38):
And so what happens is so many young girls grow
up and they learn to embrace more and more of
their masculine energy and shut down their innate feminine energy.
But then you know, they're in their twenties and thirties
and beyond, and they realize, wait, this doesn't feel truly
authentic to me. This feels off. I was supposed to

(15:59):
be happy when I is here, but now I'm feeling
unfulfilled and I can't even figure out what's wrong. But
I'm just so stressed out and burnt out all the time. Right,
And that is so much of what this podcast is
built around, right, is trying to remove the burnout from
our lives as often high achieving women, ambitious women. And

(16:21):
it's so important to note like ambition carries into all
verticals of our life. It's not just career ambition, it's
ambition as a mother, as a white we have goals
and want to achieve them, and that can weigh on you,
it can exhaust you. I'm curious to know, um, with
your own journey into you know, tapping into your divine

(16:42):
feminine energy, was there ever any internal struggle. Were you
ever like I'm giving into the patriarchy with this, I'm not.
This is not this is not what the women suffrage
movement was about. So funny, Um, yeah, a little bit.
I did feel that way. It's it's funny because actually,

(17:03):
when I was healing my body, what ended up happening
is I decided to take off time from work and
I was already married at this point, so it was
the two of us, and we were young, but my
husband was providing and I was staying home and very
much fulfilling like those typical stereotypical generals, while I was
trying to like learn how to embrace more of my

(17:24):
feminine energy. And I would kind of get that like
internal dialogue of like weight is this is this one
I want? Like because this is not what I was taught, right,
this is not what I was taught was successful. But
then I realized, like I just kind of kept diving
into it because my intuition was telling me I needed to.
And the more that I did, the more I found

(17:47):
a balance for myself of what that looks like for me,
and honestly, just the better I felt. And so I
think when it comes to anything that's like new or unfamiliar,
it's going to be uncomfortable. And I think sometimes women
will initially not want to touch the whole feminine energy
stuff because it just feels weird to them. It feels wrong,

(18:10):
or it feels like going back to the nineteen fifties,
and that's absolutely not what it is exactly. But the
more that you kind of let yourself dive into those
unfamiliar territories, the more the more you learn about yourself,
and the more you grow, and the more you realize
what's truly right for you and what's not. And for me,

(18:33):
I found out that I just really am so much
happier and healthier when I'm more in my divine feminine
as opposed to when I'm pushing and pushing in my
masculine energy all the time. I'm a happier woman and
a happier wife when my husband is more in his
masculine energy, and when he feels like he wants to
take care of me and provide for me, even though

(18:54):
you know I make money myself, it just feels good
to me. I want to hear more in just a
minute here about your journey with your husband into you know,
both getting on board with how to create that balance.
But first, this is something that is super new to me.
I mean I didn't even realize this was a thing

(19:15):
until maybe a week ago. But light feminine energy and
dark feminine energy, what is the difference? So it's kind
of a way to like dive into feminine energy even deeper.
So the best way is to describe it if you've
never heard of light feminine or dark feminine, And this
is obviously an exaggerated way to think about it, but

(19:37):
light feminine is more of that like Disney princess energy,
you know, like very graceful, soft loving, nurturing, compassionate, receptive, empathetic.
Like that's more of that light feminine energy, that softness
that we all have within us. And then that dark
feminine energy is more of that like sense to tell,

(20:01):
you know, like without all the toxic parts of it.
I was going to say, is this the black widow
that's just like killing all of the men? Yeah? Yeah,
I think of like Angeline and Jolie when I think
of dark feminine energy. But that's more of that like
sensual energy, sexual energy, seductive, mysterious, a really deep connection

(20:24):
to like her feelings, and the world around her and
deep creation and transformation, and it's more of that like
primal wild woman energy. It's more of that fearless woman.
It's it's more of that woman who doesn't take nobs,
you know, like she's assertive when she needs to. And

(20:44):
so when you look at both the light and the
dark feminine, you know, you obviously need a balance of both.
If you just have the light feminine, then it's likely
you might end up being a little bit of a
pushover and not standing up for yourself. And although like
you know, you have that softness and compassionate nature, and
that's beautiful. Every woman needs to embrace their seductive side

(21:07):
a little bit, their sensual side, that inner power that
we all have. But also you can see the same
way in the dark feminine. If you just are one
hundred percent of dark feminine energy, which is very much
like Angelina Jolie energy, you can also struggle. You can
struggle with that softness, and you can struggle with empathy

(21:31):
and with family life and receptivity and all those things.
So it's important that we have both of them because
that's what makes us a whole happy woman, and that's
what agreedes that like truly happy feeling with divine feminine
and I think sometimes people think like feminine energy is
just that light feminine energy, being soft, looking pretty right,

(21:53):
you know, nurturing a home and a family. And while
those things can definitely be a part of it, if
that resonates with you, there's so much more to it
than that. You have to touch on pleasure and our
sexual energy, our sensuality, our primal desire to you know,
scream when things aren't going our way, or allowing ourselves

(22:16):
to cry when we're feeling really upset and just letting
it out like that is that like primal wild woman
energy and we have to have that. M I love
how you broke that down because I think it also
allows some women, myself included, honestly, to reframe what it
means to be feminine or to be in one's feminine energy.

(22:38):
I appreciate light and dark because it's like, Okay, first
you were breaking down light, I'm like, oh, I sound
like a light, feminine kind of girl. And then you
start breaking down dark and I'm like, oh wait, hold on,
I think it might be different femine energy. But I
think that's the point, right, is that we all have
all of it in us, some more than others. But
there's opportunity to tap into whatever it is that you'd

(23:00):
like to experience more of when it comes to increasing
your feminine energy, tapping into it just generally speaking, and
then also light and dark. What are ways that you
would suggest we do that, Like, how if we want
to tap into that divine feminine energy should we do it?
We know about self care and candles and all of

(23:24):
the like obvious sort of superficial things, but like what
really activates that within us? I mean, all those self
care things are great, they are important, but it's so
much deeper than that. It's about the energy that you have.
It's one of the best things you can do is
honestly honoring your intuition, not ignoring your intuition, not squashing

(23:46):
down that gut instinct that we have as women. That's like,
I think our intuition is one of our superpowers as women.
We need to listen to it, and we need to
honor it, and we need to start to get back
in touch with it. We need to get back in
touch with our heart and our body and not just
live in our mind all the time. And that's kind
of what we do, not just women, about everyone in

(24:09):
this world. You know, we're constantly analyzing information and on
the go and working and doing all these things. But
sometimes we need to slow down and connect with our body.
Like one of my favorite things to do is dance.
I love dancing. It is like the best way, in
my opinion, to get in touch with your feminine energy
because it's just like you're embracing all of it. You're

(24:31):
getting in touch with your body, you're listening to the music,
you're feeling pleasure from the music, you're just moving intuitively,
because feminine is all about that intuitive movement, even like
you know, embracing that seduction. Like what I tend to
do is put on like Usher or some sort of
music like that and just kind of like sexy dance

(24:52):
a little bit in my room, and I love it
and it works really well. Like I guarantee you, if
you start doing that as like a daily part part
of your routine, you'll feel better and you'll feel more
connected to like that fun, playful, seductive side of you. Right.
I am so glad you brought that up, because I
am an advocate for this. I have talked about it

(25:12):
on the podcast I dance in the mirror like an
idiot all the time, half for years, so proud of it.
I will literally there are times my dog is on
the couch light here she goes, you're more feminine than
you say, yeah, you know, and it's like, granted, I'm
like secretly feminine in the confines at my home and
no one's watching, But there is something about expressing your

(25:34):
your sensuality and being in touch with your body via
movement in front of a mirror and being like, hold on,
I am kind of sexy, I am kind of sensual.
Like that femininity and seductive quality is there. I might
not have a lot of opportunities in my nine to
five life experience, work experience to show it, but it's

(25:54):
a nice reminder and that confidence carries over. Right if
I have a date that night or the next day,
I still carry that energy that I helped cultivate by
sort of connecting with myself in my body, remembering that
I am this sensual being exactly. You're so right. And
it's funny because a lot of people want these really
really deep answers for feminine energy about like how to

(26:18):
do it, and sometimes it really is just so simple.
Because you have to remember, like that energy is already
within you. You don't have to like go find it,
you don't have to fake it. You just have to
get back in touch with it again, right, And so
sometimes like one of the best things that you can do.
This is a really powerful one for me too. And
it sounds like very silly, because feminine energy is an energy, right,

(26:41):
It's not it's not a look or anything like that,
but just beautifying myself and wearing like an outfit that
I love that I feel confident in, and like putting
on lipstick, like that stuff dresses lipstick is not feminine energy,
but but the ri of a grace. Yeah, it helps
me to embrace that energy. And I always talk about

(27:03):
how like what you wear and how you present yourself
is like an investment in yourself and it's investment in
your future because what you wear and how you show
up in the world, it just affects how you feel
and it affects your energy. And even like if you
put on like some sexy underwear to go grocery shopping,

(27:25):
like no one's going to see it, right, but you
just kind of feel different. You walk through the produce
aisle with a little bit more, you know, pep in
your step because you just feel good and you feel vibrants,
you feel sexy. And I think there's like the little
things that we can do, like waking up twenty minutes
earlier in the morning, and like feeling like we look confident,

(27:45):
especially if you're working from home, like put yourself together
and don't be afraid to like want to throw on
some makeup or whatever you like. You know, it's up
to the person, obviously, but I love that stuff and
that really puts me in the feminine energy. And beauty
itself tends to be really really energizing for the feminine energy.

(28:07):
So people who are predominantly feminine beings, they'll be really
really energized and excited and motivated by beauty. So like
when not only if they beautify themselves, but also they
when they beautify their home and they notice the beautiful
sunsets and the beautiful architecture on their drive to work,
like those things will energize them and inspire them. And

(28:31):
it sounds so silly, but those things will actually help
you to connect to that feminine within you as well. Right,
I love that. I think you know, whether it's getting
dolled up just to go downstairs to your office and
work remotely. I think that's the most important part, right,
is getting to a place where these rituals, these experiences.
If it's a full body scrub, if it's you know,

(28:51):
slathering oil or central oils on your pulse points or
your entire body, it's not for anyone else. And I
think that's the most important thing for us to sort
of grasp and embrace. If we talk about self love
and self care, it really has to be founded in
telling yourself you deserve it. If no one ever sees

(29:13):
me with this beautiful makeup that I've just done, or
if no one ever touches my skin today, even though
I am thoroughly moisturized in bronze, to the gods, it
doesn't matter because I'm doing it for me. And I
think that triggers something energetically within you that ironically other
people end up experiencing that radiance. It's like, WHOA. This
is a woman who is confident and in her power,

(29:36):
and she is clearly doing it for herself, which in
turn makes people more attracted to you, makes you more magnetic.
But you really gotta want to do it because you
know you deserve it because you know you're worth it exactly.
It increases your confidence, like you said, makes you magnetic.
It's like this energy that we're not as familiar with anymore.

(29:57):
But when you see it, like you can't help but
notice right right when you were talking about, you know,
some of those rituals self care moments, it made me
think of this book that I just started not too
long ago by Angela Kim. It's called a Radical Radiance,
and it's basically just twelve weeks of self love rituals
to manifest abundance, beauty and joy. And you know, she's

(30:20):
talking about things as simple as removing your makeup at night,
but making that a process and a ritual, something to
look forward to instead of another thing I need to
do before I go to sleep, taking that extra ten
minutes when you wake up in the morning, like you said,
to do a you know, three step skincare routine. It's
sending yourself the message, hey, I love you, I got you.

(30:41):
I'll spoil you and show up for you even if
no one else does, and we get in the habit
of loving ourselves well and inevitably it shows other people
how to love us. I'm curious to know if there
are any books, meditations, or resources that you've used, or
that you've created, or anything that you enjoyed that can

(31:01):
help us sort of tap into that feminine energy or
create rituals. So I one of one of the most
like I guess it would say famous uh feminine energy
books is Woman Who Run with Wolves. It's a really
good book. It's very It's an interesting book. She tells
all these like fables and how it how it describes

(31:24):
like women in feminine energy. It's all about like that
wild woman, a lot of that like dark feminine energy.
It's a really amazing book. I highly recommend it. Also.
Another one is Pussy. It's a really good It's just
all about like embracing your pleasure in everyday life. It's

(31:45):
not about like sex, although obviously that can be a
part of it. But what I was going to say
too earlier is like, like you're saying the little moments
of taking off your makeup, Like we think about all
these little moments as like oh I have to do
this and I have to do that, but it's like no,
we get to wash our face, we get to put
lotion on our body, and we can make all of

(32:07):
these tiny little experiences and tasks that we have to
do as pleasurable, as memorable as like romantic right, like
romanticizing our life. And that's kind of what that book
talks about, is just kind of like feeling pleasure and
playfulness in everything that you do. And I think that

(32:28):
that's a really big thing that a lot of women
are missing today. And I do really recommend that book. Okay,
that's a good one. I will be I've pulled up
Amazon as we speak, so I will be ordering that
book and romanticizing one's life. I love that sentence. You know,
we hear that sometimes, and I think that's a really
good way to look at it. Is just infusing your

(32:48):
every day with a little more romance, and that can
be completely on yourself, like you do not need another
person in the room to experience romance. We talked a
little bit earlier about your journey into this world and
creating that dynamic with your husband. So before we get
to your experience with that, maybe some of the bumpy

(33:09):
parts in the road, the before and the after for
those of us who are in partnership or maybe we're
just dating, or maybe we're going on first dates too.
How do we communicate our desire for that dynamic right,
that masculine feminine balance to the partners or potential partners
in our lives if we want them to lean more
into that, is it the divine masculine? I haven't spent Okay, yeah,

(33:36):
So honestly, the best thing, even before like communication, is
the more that you can feel comfortable embracing your feminine
energy even without a man, but just alone, the more
that a man or the partner will naturally want to
step into that masculine role. It's that's kind of how
relationship work. It doesn't matter, you know, if it's a

(34:00):
normal heterosexual relationship or even like the same gender, it
doesn't matter. There's always a masculine and a feminine energy
in a relationship. And what happens is when one person
leans more into the feminine, the other person will naturally
want to lean more into the masculine. And so we
also see that in reverse where sometimes when the man

(34:22):
is not like stepping up and he's not embracing his
divine masculine, what will happen is the woman will end
up feeling like she's the one who has to step
up because there has to be a masculine energy in
a relationship or also feels really uncomfortable. It just like
doesn't feel good, it feels really sticky. And so the
more that's so first of all, to back up, like,

(34:46):
that's why so many women are stuck in the masculine
energy in a relationship, because what happens is there's a
moment of the man kind of embracing more of his
feminine but then the woman will automatically be like, Okay,
I need to take over, I need to handle this
to I need to do this in that and then
you start mothering him and it just starts to really

(35:06):
go downhill from there because you start to lose that
like fulfilling, passionate relationship. So the best thing you can
do is to really be in your feminine energy, so
that energy will inspire him to naturally harness more of
that masculine energy. Right, And I've seen that in my relationship,
I've seen that in other people's relationships that I know.

(35:28):
The more that a woman is in her feminine energy,
the more that she feels, you know, comfortable, being a
little bit vulnerable with their partner and being softer and
not feeling like they need to fight to their partner
or prove themselves to their partners too, that idea as women,
we feel like we need to prove ourselves. Tell me
explain that a little bit more too, because I completely

(35:50):
understand where you're coming from. But I think a lot
of us can relate to that, the feeling of needing
to convince someone that we are worthy. Yeah, I think
we kind of grew up with that programming like it
just especially that the time when like we grew up,
it was like it was a time when women were
trying to prove themselves and prove that they were equal

(36:10):
and had equal value. And I think that we carry
that over to our relationships and we think that, like, oh,
our partners doing this, we have to show that we
can do this too, and that you know, we don't
we don't need them, kind of like what you were
talking about before, Like we don't need them. We can
be an independent woman, and we have this like deep
desire to prove to them that we can do everything

(36:35):
on our own. And that really comes from like wounded energy,
wounded having an energy feeling like we can't trust people
to to create safety for us, to be there for us,
or we just have this like feeling like we always
need to be on edge, we always need to be

(36:57):
we always need to have like an energetic wall around us, right.
But what that does is it really repels masculine energy,
because masculine energy loves like that openness and that vulnerability.
So it's funny because the more that you really embrace
that vulnerability and you embrace feeling your emotions in a relationship,

(37:18):
you would think that like, oh, you know, my man
doesn't want to see me cry. At a deep level,
they actually love seeing your emotions. They love seeing your
feminine side because it also activates in them this desire
to protect right and recover you and keep you safe.
And I've only just now started to realize like a

(37:42):
lot of men are like what am I here for
if not to protect and provide naety, Like what do
you need me for? You touch on a really good point,
like one of the most important things in a relationship
is that a man needs to feel like he is
providing value in your in your life. He needs to
feel like he's somewhat needed in your life. Not that

(38:03):
you're not a capable woman, not that you would just
die without him, but he needs to feel like he's
bettering your life, adding value to your life. That is
like his life's purpose. And so if you don't allow
him that ability and you shut it down because you're
like I can handle this, I can do that, I
can do everything. You're not helping me. I'm an independent woman,

(38:27):
it makes him feel usually quite bad about himself, and
it makes him really it destroys his confidence, and it
destroys his masculine energy. And that tends to happen where
these women will kind of put up these walls and
tell their man that, you know, they're an independent woman,
they can do everything themselves, and it pushes the man's

(38:48):
masculine energy down because they start to lose confidence, if
they start to lose that that mission of providing and protecting.
Even sometimes men don't realize, but that's something that's very
important to them and it's important to their life's purpose
to some extent. Yeah, it can be emasculating, absolutely, you know,

(39:08):
And I know they're the ladies who are listening, and
like there's a part of me inside that's like, well,
if he's emasculated, then he just wasn't man enough for me.
And like there have been times in my life in
the past or I definitely like had that energy to
a certain extent, But the more I do self work
and self reflection, it's like, yeah, that's kind of true.

(39:30):
But also I have to sit down with myself and ask, like,
what do I actually want and what I Zuri Hall
wants is I want a relationship that is balanced, where
I can feel safe enough to tap more into my
divine femininity. And you know, I want a man who
can feel like and mostly assume sort of that sort
of leader of the relationship, energy, leader of the household.

(39:52):
I'll say, now, don't get me wrong, I'm not dropping
the word obey in my future wedding vows like I
am not that person. And it's even take and there
will be moments when I need to lead, and there
will be moments when he needs to lead. But and
it's it's probably it probably has a lot to do
with my upbringing. You know, my father was traditionally that guy.

(40:12):
He was the head of the household. My mother was
certainly leading the charge, and my dad wouldn't know up
from down when it came to piano recitals and whatever
else without her, So they led in different ways. But
I think because I always saw that that sort of
quote unquote masculine energy growing up. That's what I do seek.
But then ironically, because I have a lot of that

(40:34):
energy that I'm seeking in someone else, I think it's
really easy to be like, well, you just have to
turn up your masculine energy to out masculine my energy.
And then I started to sit with myself and I'm like, oh,
that's a lot to one ask. But also too, when
I got honest with myself, I realized I was tired

(40:56):
and I didn't want to have to have my guy
like out masculine me. I wanted to be able to
turn down the masculine energy that I have to step
out into the world with to survive it and thrive
when I am in places of work. You know, with
my career, you need that energy because the outside world

(41:16):
is just one big opportunity for you to go into
fight or flight. Right. But I'm realizing what I'm more
interested in is not a man who trumps me in
masculine energy, but how I can feel safe enough to
tap into my divine feminine, which I think is two
very different things. Does that make sense? Yeah? And also
helping masculinity healthy masculine energy is not just you know

(41:41):
giving or you know giving orders and everything. There's so
much more to it than that. A healthy masculine energy
actually is so gentle at the same time. You know,
you can think of kind of like that loving teddy
bear energy on the inside, you know, like they see
your femine energy and they love it and it makes
them feel alsot and google side. And so the masculine

(42:02):
energy is also very complex, just like feminine energy, but
masculine energy has that harder energy at first where they're
you know, they love a challenge and discipline in all
of this, but it's also important that they have a
little bit of that like soft and gentle side as well,
Like if there isn't you know how I was saying

(42:22):
in the beginning, how we all have both masculine feminine
energy within us. Every man that you're dating, everyone will
have some feminine energy as well. And if there's ever
a person that's like one hundred percent in their masculine energy,
it's not going to go well for them or their
relationships because that's just like it's not compatible. They're going
to probably feel like they have absolutely no emotion. They

(42:45):
won't be able to have any empathy for people, their
relationships will really struggle. They might achieve a lot, but
they're going to really suffer in that area of their life.
So even with men, they need to embrace some of
their feminine energy as well. And same with women, right, Like,
we can embrace our feminine energy, but it's also really
important for us to have some of that masculine energy.
And if we're just living in our feminine energy all

(43:08):
the time, then we are likely not going to be
taking action. We're not going to be standing up for ourselves,
we're not going to be taking on those leadership positions
when they come up, and so we need a balance
of both. And same with men. Is it's really important
when they also have feminine energy as well. It's just
that their masculine energy energy needs to be a little

(43:30):
bit more dominant. Yeah. Yeah, And I love what you
said about, you know, masculine energy not necessarily or always
being I'm the man, and I lead it. It's not hard,
and oftentimes it can be soft. I always go back
to this idea of leadership, right and what it means
to be led when I look at my life and

(43:51):
the relationships that I've had and the romantic relationship that
I want. I want my partner to be and feel
like a leader to me. But what is important to
know and what I always make very clear with anyone
i'm talking to, is leaders inspire people to follow. Right,
if you have to demand follow me, I'm a leader,

(44:12):
I'm a man or what whoever you are, like, I'm
a good leader. You just need to get on board, said,
no successful leader ever, that's a dictator. But that's a
sign of wounded masculine. Whoever are dating someone like that
and they're just like you see, they're just like giving
orders all the time. That is a wounded masculine That's
not healthy. What you're saying, Masculine energy leaves by inspiring

(44:37):
by creating safety. Yeah, masculine energy will give up their
life to create safety and well being and the people
they love. That is what healthy masculine energy is. And
that's that like keen you know, quotation energy. It's like
they will do whatever it takes to make sure that
their people are safe and happy. Yeah, and that self

(45:03):
sacrificial nature or energy or the willingness to go there
if needed, right, not just dying on left and right
for it, but right metaphorically speaking, is what allows someone
to feel safe when you show up time and time
again and someone you know, me, you whatever, whatever, woman

(45:23):
is watching and thinking, oh, this guy really is about
that life. He is not just saying I'm this, I'm mad,
I'm this man, I'm this king stuff blah blah blah
blah blah. It's what is unseid. It's how you're showing
up every day, interacting with me, with the world around you,
how you deal with the circumstances in your life. It's
a thing that really is action, in my opinion, over words,

(45:47):
someone shows you if they are that king that you're
looking for, because it's one thing to whisper sweet nothings
And yeah, I want to be the leader of my
relationship and I just believe in balance and I want
my queen to feel like a queen. Like everyone can
say all of the pretty good things. But I think
it's only with time and patience and seeing how someone

(46:08):
shows up every day that you really get to understand
is he king level energy or is he like a
prince in waiting? Is he you know, do we need
a couple more laps around the castle before? And I
think that's so important with not just have the relationships,
but with everyone, Like you have to make sure that
people aren't just saying one thing and doing something else.

(46:33):
But like when it comes to masculine energy, you can't
trust that energy. Right if they say they're going to
do one thing and they never do it, that doesn't
create a safe environment for you to be in your
feminine energy. And you're naturally going to want to take
on more masculine energy because it won't feel good to
you because you know, even at an intuitive level, that
you won't be able to trust him. Right, you mentioned

(46:55):
king energy. What you know what, let's do this will
be this week's party trick. So sometimes we'll do like
a quick little hack. It's something we'll post on social
it'll be a clip of you just kind of breaking
it down. But for this week's party trick, what are
three signs of big queen energy? What are three sort

(47:16):
of examples of a woman who is owning her divine
feminine energy? I love that. I think the best thing.
The first thing that comes to mind is comfortability with herself,
feeling comfortable when she's alone, feeling comfortable in social situations
even when she doesn't know anyone just being able to
be present in her body and feel comfortable. That is

(47:41):
a big deal. It's like this confidence you know that's
within a woman. That is the first thing, Okay, And
another thing is her connection to her intuition. That is huge.
When a woman is connected with her intuition, everything changes.
She starts making better decisions, she starts trusting yourself more,
she starts getting more confident. We have to have that intuition.

(48:04):
And then lastly, not just a connection with your intuition,
but when you have that queen energy, you also have
that connection to your feelings. And I feel like most
people don't think that's like queen energy. But being able
to like truly connect with your with your heart and
how you're feeling. Being able to just truly allow your

(48:25):
feelings to come through and embrace vulnerability to some extent,
that is like a type of confidence that people don't
really think about. But when you can just truly embrace
who you are and how you're feeling and allow yourself
to kind of like let that flow, yeah, it changes
the game. Like you just connect so much cheaper with

(48:46):
your feminine energy and you become almost magnetic in a way.
Because people don't really do that very often anymore, Right,
I love that really great tips, great takeaways. I know
we're running out of time, but I wanted to touch
on very briefly your dynamic with your husband. You said,
you know, you guys dated for you dated from an
early age married now. Obviously, when you think about your

(49:10):
dynamic before and after you consciously started to tapping into
your divine feminine energy, what was the biggest difference. What
was it like before and what was it like after?
It was like night and day. It was crazy. When
you start tapping into your feminine energy and he starts
embracing more of his masculine energy, you can't deny that,

(49:32):
Like more of that passion comes back. And I mean,
you're going to see this in so many relationships when
this starts to happen, because a woman will just feel
so much more at ease and so much less burnt out,
and and you're gonna have that happened most likely. But
another thing was he also just became more confident in

(49:53):
himself also, which was huge when he started embracing more
of his masculine energy, and then that started making me
feel good in a relationship. Obviously, he started becoming more
and stepping more and more into his power, but we
just are dynamic. Really started to shift because there would
be less things, like less little bickering arguments here and there,

(50:15):
like we would once we started understanding feminine and masculine energy,
we started understanding each other just so much more at
a deeper level, and we started understanding what the other
person needs in a relationship. You know, like he knows
how good it makes me feel when I feel loved
and cherished when he takes care of things like when
we're planning to go to dinner, like we're going to

(50:37):
dinner tonight celebrate late anniversary Valay, and he just planned
it and scheduled it, and it's just like I love
those things, like I don't want to be involved, I
don't want to put the mental energy in, and those
time little things just make me feel up and it
makes me feel like I can relax and lean back
a little bit right, And then the whole relationship just changes. There.

(51:00):
You just have that polarity back again and that spark again,
because what happens so often in relationships, especially long terrent relationships,
you kind of lose that passion in that spark, in
that romantic chemistry and you start to almost become neutrals
and just like roommates. But the mask and the feminine
energy is what creates that romantic spark. And so when

(51:24):
you start adding that back into your relationship, you'll see
you very quickly that that will happen. Yeah, I totally
believe it. You know, I'm reading a book right now
and it mentioned the fact that without tension there can't
be release. Right, So when you're moving on the same wavelength,
that's great and that's good. But energetically speaking, that idea
of polarity which you mentioned is really important that Yin

(51:46):
Yang ballads, right, It is in that sort of balancing
of the scales that like the interesting sexy tension can
be created. Otherwise, Yeah, you go into roommate mode really,
because I have certainly been there. It's kind of like
a magnet, right, when you have two opposing magnetic forces,

(52:10):
they just want to go together so quickly because that's
just how polarity works. They're just attracted to each other.
But then when you have two of the same you know,
you have two like feminalities or two whatever, they there's
no romantic attraction. So you have to have that polarity
in a relationship, to truly have that like romantic spark

(52:32):
and passion in your life. Absolutely absolutely. You know, we
just dropped a thirty day calendar of affirmations for a
soft life. Shameless plug will have the link in the
description box if y'all want to download that. But I'm
curious to know, Julian for you, what does a soft
life mean? How can we achieve a softer life? You know,

(52:54):
I think the biggest thing with a soft life, something
that I've learned their experience, is it's not always about
the self care and things like that, and you know,
things like outsourcing certain tasks. Of course those will be helpful,
But solf life is so much has so much to
do with your inner dialogue in your head and you

(53:17):
you know, for example, like how much are you stressing
about things that you can't control? How much are you
how much time and energy are you spending worrying about
things that you can't do anything about. We tend I
tend to do that, I know for sure. But we
put so much mental energy into stressing about certain things

(53:38):
or worrying about certain things. We're talking back to ourselves
in our head or comparing ourselves to other people. And
I think when we can truly just be at peace
with ourselves and get rid of that like inner critic
and that inner you know, anxiety and stress that we have,
that is truly what's going to open the door to

(54:00):
that soft living. Got it? Love that. If people want
to keep up with you, if they want to watch
your videos on YouTube, if they want to engage with you,
what all do you offer in this this worldwide web?
Am I ninety five years old. I don't know the
letter that. You can find me on YouTube, you can
find me on Instagram, TikTok whatever. You can just type
my name in jill'scarenum and how Jill yet, how we

(54:25):
spell it for the folks at home, it might be
like j I L LZ g U E R I N.
And I do have a website as well, jillscaren dot com.
And I do have some digital products on there to
help you tap into your fountain energy. I have a
Woman of your Dreams workbook. I have a sound Energy meditation,
so you can go check that out as well. Okay,
I love it, Jillian, Thank you so much. I have

(54:46):
so enjoyed this conversation You've got me excited to tap
into my light and dark feminitive energy. Perfect. Thank you
so much, and y'all, like she said, go check out
the website, social media, et cetera. It sounds like she
has some incredible freebees and downloads for you, so make
sure you check that out if you're ready to take
this journey into tapping into your divine feminine energy. We

(55:09):
will have another episode every Wednesday, Hot Happy Mess, and
in the meantime, you can slide in our dms at
Hot Happy Mess on Instagram or hot Happy Mess dot com.
And don't forget, we've got that calendar thirty days of
affirmations to manifest a soft life. We'll have the link
in the description box for this week's episode. I'm Zeri
Hall and I'll talk to you next week. Thank God,

(55:30):
him Happy, Yes, Yes,

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