Two-time Emmy and Three-time NAACP Image Award-winning, television Executive Producer Rushion McDonald interviewed April Lancit.
- Founder of a private therapy practice focused on culturally sensitive therapy for Black and Brown communities.
- Main Topics:
- Cultural differences in therapy
- Challenges in modern relationships and marriage
- The impact of technology on human connection
- The role of therapy in addressing generational trauma and stress
- The future of therapy in the age of AI
đź’ˇ Key Insights 1. Culturally Sensitive Therapy
- April emphasizes the importance of therapists understanding the lived experiences of marginalized communities.
- Black and Brown clients often face unique challenges that require a nuanced, empathetic approach.
2. Modern Relationship Struggles
- Top issues in marriage therapy: finances, infidelity, and communication.
- Communication is often overlooked but is foundational to resolving other issues.
3. Technology & Disconnection
- The rise of remote living and digital communication is reducing opportunities for organic human interaction.
- Couples are increasingly using text messages—even within the same home—to communicate, which can erode intimacy.
4. Therapy as a Preventative Tool
- Therapy shouldn't be reserved for crises; it can be a proactive tool for personal and relational growth.
- Pre-marriage counseling is often skipped or done too late, missing key conversations about values, finances, and intimacy.
5. AI in Therapy
- April sees potential in AI as a supplementary tool but stresses it cannot replace the human connection essential to effective therapy.
🧠Final Message
April encourages people to seek therapy not out of crisis, but as a way to grow and connect more deeply—with themselves and others. She remains hopeful that with intention and effort, society can rebuild meaningful human connections.
#SHMS #STRAW
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to the show. I'm Rashan McDonald, the host of
Money Making Conversations Masterclass, where we encourage people to stop
reading other people's success stories and start planning their own.
Listen up as I interview entrepreneurs from around the country,
talk to celebrities and ask them how they are running
their companies, and speak with dog profits who are making
(00:25):
a difference in their local communities. Now, sit back and
listen as we unlock the secrets to their success on
Money Making Conversations Masterclass. Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host
the weekly Money Making Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and
information that this show provides are for everyone. It's time
to stop reading other people's success stories and start living
(00:47):
your own now. If you want to be a guest
on my show, Money Making Conversation Master Class, please visit
our website Moneymakingconversations dot com and click to be a
guest button. If you have a product, small business, owner, entrepreneur,
or influencer, I want you on my show. Now. Let's
get this show started. My guests founded a private practice
(01:08):
dedicated to empowering individuals, couples, and families through expert culturally
sensitive therapy with over a decade of experience in marriage
and family therapy. April and a team of certified therapists
specialized in addressing and unique challenges faced by black and
brown communities, please welcome the Money Making Conversations Masterclass, April.
(01:32):
Bless it.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
How you doing, April, I'm doing well. How are you doing? Rushan?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I'm Jason Well. I read through your bio and I'm
reading this introduction here. Is there a big difference culturally
how we are treated in therapy?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Absolutely, there is a huge difference.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I believe that black and brown people have unique issues
that are based on our lived experiences, and I don't
think that every single goal therapists that may not identify
with marginalized populations of people can tackle those issues without
being able to fully understand our lived experiences.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So you're saying, God got through the words out they
to you said a white person would understand a black
person's experience.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So I said that they could learn to understand what
our experiences are, but they may not always understand what
they are. We can talk about just the statistics of
black and brown relationships and marriages in this country. The
divorce rate is at fifty percent for mostly everyone who
lives here. But if we broke it down by race,
(02:39):
African American people would have higher numbers than any other
race and ethnicity in this country when it comes to
those specific numbers.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
And so we are already facing many challenges already.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Going into a relationship and trying to build a sustainable
marriage that is long lasting, not just lasting because of numbers,
but lasting because it's a hell the functional relationship and
we can equally communicate with each other effectively and build
healthy families. When we look at education, we know that
(03:11):
Black women are the most high achieving educated women in
this country. And it's not to say that men are
not able to be educated or on that level. It's
just statistically that's where the numbers are. And so when
we look at relationships and we think about what I
want someone to meet my match or meet me where
I am, it doesn't always mean that it's going to
(03:31):
be on your educational level. It might be other things
that you're going to need to fulfill in order to
meet your partner on their level in order to have
a healthy relationship. So when I look at systemic issues,
it isn't just necessarily about race, class, and gender. It's
also about the interactions, also about family systems. It's also
about what we're facing today in the world and how
(03:52):
people are in highly stressed situations and that is affecting
their quality of life.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Now, you know always I was a manager Steve Harvey
at one point and we had a book Act like
a Lady, Think like a Man, and I remember HarperCollins
when they came to him, they wanted him to write
it from a black person's point of view, and I
always remember Steve Harves and Rashan don't let that happen
(04:19):
because he felt that everybody had the same relationship issues.
And we wrote it from a general market standpoint and
sold three million copies, was translated into thirty languages, and
two movies were created because of that book, Hit movies
produced by Will Packer. Thank you very much, Thank you
(04:41):
very thank you very much. And that's that's when you
that's a stereotype. They had made a stereotype that here's
a black man, that he should be able to write
and articulate this only from a black person's perspective. If
we'd have done that, we would not be having a
conversation about a book that sold three billion copies, translating
(05:02):
in a thirty language, because only it'll been only told
from that perspective. Now, because we're talking about the word marriage,
because we're talking about the word family. All marriages have
similar issues, whether it's black or white.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Oh, correct, And all these.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Families have similar issues, whether it's black or white or brown. Correct,
talk about marriage issues. You do marriage therapy. That is
the number one thing people come in there and complaining
about where you do marriage therapy? Is it sex? Is
it money? Is it communication?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
It's it's finances, it's infidelity, and obviously it's it's sex.
And then it's also about intimacy, right, like, do we
want the same things? Do we think intimacy is the
same thing. It's also about being intentional with your partner
and how we spend our time, how we're connecting with
(05:55):
one another. But when we look at finances, you know,
that is probably the number one, and then infidelity it's
probably number two, And then number three would be communication.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Okay, now, teaching me communication should be number one because
the other two things one and two. If you're not talking,
if you talk, if you just talk, you gonna find
out about infidelity. Because hopefully that communication will tell you
what you're doing wrong or what you need to be
(06:29):
doing is talking to each other and find out what's
right or wrong in this relationship. And then also if
you're talking, then the financial situation can be I'm not
saying they're gonna get your better job, but you can
understand what each party is trying to do. But I
hear you say communication number three.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So I would say that in the beginning, there's a
lot of.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Talking, right, But then you're doing you're creating a socide, right.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I like you and you like me. I like you
and you like me, and we're going to go.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
In Steve Oarviis's book, I'm a rough for Steve aures book,
here the ninety day rule. You said, if a job
could give your name and days in a relationship, you
should give that ninety days as leadsfore you give up
the cookie. That was the whole thing. So do you
buy it to that theory.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I wouldn't say that I buy into the theory. I
would say that dating today, in this modern day age
is very different. And well, we had the COVID pandemic.
You know, people are disconnected, people don't know how to
interact and relate to one another. You know, even today,
(07:36):
I hear people say, like, I really want to meet
my love interests while shopping in the grocery store. But
who's going shopping all the time in the grocery store.
We can get everything delivered, And so people are missing
the opportunity to interact and build that connection that you
would build prior to COVID. Now you have to create
these intentional experiences for you to go out and connect
(07:57):
and meet people in order to build a new relationship,
in order to feel connected. And then you have to
make sure your sexual chemistry is right. And so some
people wait ninety days, But is it going to be
good in ninety days?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
We you don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Oh funny. In April, I'm talking about the April Lancet,
she founded a private practice dedicated to their power individuals,
couples and families through expert culturally sensitive therapy, mostly marriage
and family therapy. You know, you know, I sit up
here and I think about what you're saying. And that's
true because I tell my daughter, she's single, and she
(08:35):
lives in this world. She's twenty seven, and so it
is really sad because of the fact that we live
in a world where a lot of things are remote,
a lot of things are video And so the way
I met people are bumped into people. You just keep
bumping to people any more because, like you said, food
can be delivered to you, You can stream movies that
(09:00):
you know.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You never got to leave your house if you don't
want to, right.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
And so what happens to that person in the therapy
world or do these people come to you April? In
the therapy world.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
They do.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
And I spend a great deal of time working with
people trying to get them to get out there to date.
There are a lot of single people who are just
not dating because they don't want to take on anybody
else's problems if they don't feel like they're ready to
be in a relationship, and so they rather be single
(09:35):
than be in a relationship. And that saddens me as
a relational therapist who works with people on how to
build and cultivate a lasting relationship. But there are a
lot more single people today than we had twenty years ago,
and if we continue down this road, we will have
a lot more single people and less people getting married.
(09:56):
If we don't work on these issues and reconcile. What
the issues are And when I talk about like generational
trauma or generational reasons that people are coming to therapy,
it's because they are coming specifically to therapy because there
are things that they just experience in the world that
they find that they're dealing with them in their relationship.
(10:18):
So when I saw couples and how I ended up
working with black and brown people as a specialization is
because I noticed that there was a difference between my
white couples and my couples who are black, And there
were different topics that we were talking about with my
black couples that we just weren't talking about with the
white couples. And what I saw with my black couples
was that there was a lot of pain in regards
(10:39):
to dating, in regards to being vulnerable and taking the
mask down and showing up as your authentic self and
the relationship. And so that was when I really began
to realize that we were in trouble. So, for example,
let's say you have trouble with vulnerability and you want
to be really vulnerable with someone, but you come from
a time and culture where as a black man, I'm
(11:02):
not taught to be vulnerable. So I don't necessarily know
how to be vulnerable in this relationship with you, and
then it means I'm not understanding your love language. And
then I'm not meeting your love language because I don't
understand it and I don't understand myself. So how can
I give you something that I haven't given to me
in order to give to you?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Now, you, my friend, hit a lot of paints on
my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass. What you are trying
to accomplish in this interview to the listeners or the
people who are watching video snippets or the entire show
via video? What are you trying to accomplish?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
What I'm trying to accomplish is that going to therapy
is not about going when it's a crisis.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It means going and using it as.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
A tool that we don't have to look at it
as a negative stigma that you have to feel shame
or guilt or embarrassed about going to talk to someone
about elevating yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You can either
do that on your own, or you could do that
with your partner, or you could do that with your family.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Let's talk about your stress, because that word stress carries
a lot of levels, and I'm just trying to get
into your world without revealing your world and how you
talk to your patients. But this is the first time
I've had a true therapist. I go through therapy, I
deal with stress therapy. I'm sure I reach the point
in my life. I'm tired of being type A. I'm
tired of bragging it. I only sleep four hours a day.
(12:28):
I'm trying to get to a point where i want
to sleep six salvage eight. I'm be a point in
my life now, April. I just want to be tired
and go to sleep. My mind keeps raising, but I
think I've got so old that I can't change this tire.
I'm gonna ride this one own out. At least I'm trying, April.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'm doing therapy, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
But I'm not a stressful person. But there are stress
in every relationship. And then how do you see those signs?
With my audience to tell them, hey, you need to
call April.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Well, I do think that a sign of stress is
usually when something is reoccurring and when you take a
deep breath, it's not going away. Next week happens and
you're still stressed. Out about the same thing. A month
happens you're still stressed out about the same thing and
you haven't figured out a game plan, or you're talking
about the same topics over and over with a friend
(13:25):
and the friend is becoming exhausted or burned out by
your conversation about you know, Miley not listening, or Jeff
didn't go to school, or CC is talking back all
the time, And so there might be another outlet where
you can strategize with the therapist to develop some tools
in order to parent your child a little differently if
you feel like it's constant battle and sometimes you just
(13:48):
need a space to just process everything that you're feeling
and thinking. And there was a period of time when
people did that in isolation. You know, you do try
to build a community of parents where y'all all can
discuss parenting. But if you don't have that community, therapy
can be an outlet for you for that same thing.
For couples, I do pre marriage counseling, and you would
(14:10):
be surprised to know that there are many couples that
I've seen who come to do pre marriage work after
they already got married.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Please don't go anywhere, we'll be right back with more
Money Making Conversations Masterclass. Welcome back to the Money Making
Conversations Masterclass posted by Rashan McDonald.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Well, it's plaining it to me, okay, getting married? Are
you Are you saying that what they're talking about is
pre marriage stuff but they already married. Explain the difference,
the help help me out. Educate with sean and by audience.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So when we think about pre marriage counseling or pre
marriage therapy, it's a set amount of sessions that you
come and do just before you get married. So obviously
some of the topics you want to be talking about
is you want to be talking about communication. You want
to be talking about finances. You want to be talking
about the structure of your household. Are we having a
two parent household? Are we having someone the provider and
(15:12):
somebody staying home. Are we are working couple? Are we
both working? Are we both leading? We also want to
talk about, you know, how we're going to navigate families.
If we're a blended family and we're bringing children from
each other. You have a child, I'll have a child,
and we're bringing that child together. Are we sitting down
and establishing then and then are we bringing those children
into the conversation. We're also talking about religion, right, We're
(15:36):
talking about faith. We're talking about beliefs, values, even leisure time,
like how do you spend your time and how I
spend my time? And are there mutual things that we
actually want to do together that we're going to be
spending all this time together. Many couples come in with
this belief that, oh, we're just naturally going to do
all these things together, and then they realize, oh, I
(15:58):
don't actually like to do some of the things that
you like to do, and you don't like to do
what I like to do. So how we actually spending
this time together? So we actually just end up being
married and we're not really spending time together.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
We're just married.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
You're kid in liberal watching sports.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Okay, I mean that's life, but that could be okay
as long as y'all have intentional time. And there are
a lot of couples who have missed opportunities where they
don't have that connection and they desire that connection. And
then we're talking about desire, right, And then we're talking
about sex and what we expect in our relationship as
a married couple and there's couples who just don't talk
(16:37):
about that. And I hate to say that that's a reality,
but it's a reality. And because they don't talk about it,
we end up doing pre marriage counseling after they got
married because they didn't talk about it before they got married.
They just thought each other was cute, right, Like you're cute,
I'm cute. This wedding's gonna be amazing, and we're gonna
get married and it's gonna beautiful and we're gonna have
(16:59):
all The photo was flowing, but it didn't mean that
we talked about what we needed to in order to
establish a healthy foundation for our marriage.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
The power of the phone. Oh yeah, that's the Lord
have murdered. That phone is a relationship killer. Let my
listeners hear how that phone is destroying so many levels
of communication and how some people are using as a
tool to escape communicating with each other.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Yeah, so I think that there are so you talked
about being an old school and so what happens in
old school connections is eye contact, right, and physical connection
and body language and experiencing your partner and what their
energy feels like and what your energy feels like.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
But when you are having majority of your conversations and
a text message.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
You can't always pick up on somebody's energy, and a
lot of couples do that. You know, one couple could
be in another room and instead of going in the
other room and talking to the partner, they text them,
you know, the question that they want to text them
instead of actually sitting down and talking to them. And
then they have arguments over text instead of actually talking
to each other.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Telling me, you telling me. These people in the same place,
the same house, same apartment, and they texted each.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Other, same place. Yes, it happens. It happens.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Go around the corner, walk out the bathroom, walk out
the bedroom, walk down the hall from the living room,
and go hey baby, what about this? And they're sitting
on the sofa texting back and forth.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yes they do, Yes they do.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
And we use emojis, right, Like, I got to guess
with your comment because of the emoji you sent me,
so I have to know that that's what you meant.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
So so so let me get this straight. Now, this
is the modern relationship. Now, this is modern together. Right,
You can all your food, so it means you don't
have nobody come in your house. You get all your
groceries in a minute, in a minute. Now we're about
to have uber, you know, driverless cars. They're gonna come
(19:10):
and pick you up. So you can go to work,
or you can stay at home and work remote and
never exhibit a human relationship. But now you can deposit
your money straight to your bank. And so we are
about to create a culture of individuals who don't have
to interact with human beings at all. How dangerous is that?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I think it's Uh, I think it's very dangerous, right,
Like I think that we are meant to be connected,
we're meant to be in community, We're meant to relate
to one another. And there are some people who prefer
not to do that, and there's some people who desire
to do that, but because of let's say historical harm,
(19:55):
they would rather not do that. And so that's why
we have a lot more single people then we do
couple people, because there's so much non transparency that people
are showing up in relationships that people would just rather
not be in a relationship because people aren't being their
authentic selves. And that's what's creating a lot of the
disconnect and communication breakdown. And then we have almost forgotten
(20:20):
how to be in community with other people, how to talk,
how to interact, how to relate, and if we wanted
to go back to You know why I specialize with
black and brown people, It's because we have to wear
a mask all the time and we have to put
that on and then when we get home, we would
want to take that mask off with our partner. But
(20:41):
then if we're not being our authentic self, how are
we going to take the mask off? How do I
know that you can handle everything that I got? How
do I know that you're going to be able to
show up for me the way I need you to
in certain moments of vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Well, I got an interesting question coming up, and let
everybody know who I'm talking to. April Landst. She founded
a private practice dedicated to empowered individuals, you know, basically
certified therapist. That's who she is, specialized in addressing your
unique challenges faced by black and brow communities. AI. Okay,
there that by the end of your world Now AI therapy.
(21:19):
Now AI is talking about therapy. Talk to us about
the danger and how you feel about that.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
So I would say AI has good and it has
some challenging components, right, like, we don't want to be
using AI if someone is in active psychosis or suicidal
or homicidal. You know, you can't really get a human
experience from AI technology.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And even if you are using AI, you still.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Have to fact check it because it doesn't mean that
everything that AI tells you is one hundred percent correct,
just like everything you search on Google is not one
hundred percent correct. AI does have the ability to give
couples some tools if they want to use it. I
think it's good for therapists. It can help them give
their clients tools if they want to use it. So
(22:11):
I'm not a therapist that is fully opposed to AI.
I think that it just has to be used responsibly,
and I think that people using it for therapy is
not the way to go because there's nothing you can
replace for the human experience, you know. I think there's
just something about sitting on the couch with someone or
sitting on this screen like I'm talking to you and
(22:34):
knowing that that's a real person on the other side,
And I don't think that you can get that from AI.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
But that's where AI is going. They're about to have
a person that looks like you. Yeah, yeah, you know,
it's it's it's getting it's I won't use the wordy bad,
but it's getting dangerous because you see it. You see
the commercials where they're talking back and forth. And so
when I look at somebody like you, April, quite frankly,
(23:01):
ten years from now, I might be interviewing.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Possibility.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
That's a possibility, except people are suffering everywhere, and AI,
in my opinion, is not going to take the place
of the human experience. Therapy has been around for a
really long time. And even when we've had some of
these other therapeutic software options, I have had clients that
(23:37):
have done that and have come back or felt that
that wasn't what they were looking for and they searched
for something else. And so I do think that we
are still striving as a culture to have community and
connection and we want that experience. You know. I think
it's just like you shop around for your doctor, you
want to shop around for your therapist in order to
(23:57):
find the one that fits you and.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Fits your life.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It's your family, and you feel like you really can
have an authentic relationship with that person.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
And I'm not denying you, April, I'm not denying you.
I'm just looking at the patterns. I agree the world
that we live in today, and you said it earlier,
you know, and you can. You can do a lot
of things at the house. At your house nowadays you
can and people are creating conversations and relaxing people into
a false reality. And so that's we talked about marriage
(24:28):
before we go. I want to go with the family
a little bit here, because that's a whole different conversation
because it involves children sometimes. So when you say the
word marriage, generally that means that couple that couples coming
there talking about their relationships with their kids and finances
and communications away from their office. How do you have
(24:51):
the family therapy, April.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah, so family therapy today can include the partner, it
can who children, it can include extended family and laws.
It really depends on the reason that people are coming.
I've had entire families in my office before. I've had
friend groups who consider themselves family. I've had blended children
(25:19):
and their spouses and their exes in the session.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
So family is what you make a family.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
And if there's a certain issue that is coming up
and there are key people will need to be involved,
then I'm going to invite those people into the session,
because if it's something that's happening that can't be resolved
with just the people sitting in front of me, then
I'm going to reach out and include other family members
who can be a part of making change in this
(25:47):
family system.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And how do we get in touch with you? How
do first of all, not so much how they I
would get in touch with you, but how does the
system works and creating a relationship with you?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
So I I a licensed therapist actually now in the
state of Georgia.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
So I do provide telehealth services in Georgia, also DC
and in Philadelphia. If you want to have an in
person sessions, I am located here in Philadelphia providing in
person therapy. There's a website ww dot a l a
therapy dot com that is our website. If you want
to follow me on agig, sorry, it's Ala Therapy at IG.
(26:29):
Also I am on LinkedIn as April Lanset And yeah,
if you want to build a relationship, you can send
me an email.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
If you go on our website, there's a button you
click that says let's talk. It meets me directly and
I'm able to respond right back to you.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Wow, fantastic. Thank you again. This show always takes you
eat out some rabbit holes that provide information or education
that I've never experienced. But more importantly, I want to
tell you this, April. You got me nervous about our future.
I'm talking about When I say our future, I'm talking
about just people in general, because you're you're speaking the truth,
not just with black and brown people, but we're becoming
(27:08):
more and more a generation of people who just are
becoming very selfish. When I say selfish, because they're allowing
themselves to allow technology to become their best friends or
their tools to get by to avoid life socializing situations.
And in closing with me making that statement, what is
(27:31):
your statement to save the world to get us all
back to communicate.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
So my thought about what you just said is that
I hold hope for us, and I hold that hope
because there's a lot of people that I see that
want different And as long as you want different and
long as you're willing to work on it, I think
we can build that together, and we can foster that together,
and then one of therapy is one of those ways
to do it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Thank you, April, You're very fantastic. I appreciate you coming
on money Making come Versation master Class.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
This has been another edition of money Making Conversation Masterclass
hosted by me Rushaun McDonald. Thank you to our guests
on the show today and thank you o listening to
the audience now. If you want to listen to any
episode I want to be a guest on the show,
visit Moneymakingconversations dot com. Our social media handle is money
Making Conversation. Join us next week and remember to always
(28:24):
leave with your gifts. Keep winning.
Welcome to the show. I'm Rashan McDonald, the host of
Money Making Conversations Masterclass, where we encourage people to stop
reading other people's success stories and start planning their own.
Listen up as I interview entrepreneurs from around the country,
talk to celebrities and ask them how they are running
their companies, and speak with dog profits who are making
(00:25):
a difference in their local communities. Now, sit back and
listen as we unlock the secrets to their success on
Money Making Conversations Masterclass. Hi, I'm Rashan McDonald. I host
the weekly Money Making Conversation Masterclass show. The interviews and
information that this show provides are for everyone. It's time
to stop reading other people's success stories and start living
(00:47):
your own now. If you want to be a guest
on my show, Money Making Conversation Master Class, please visit
our website Moneymakingconversations dot com and click to be a
guest button. If you have a product, small business, owner, entrepreneur,
or influencer, I want you on my show. Now. Let's
get this show started. My guests founded a private practice
(01:08):
dedicated to empowering individuals, couples, and families through expert culturally
sensitive therapy with over a decade of experience in marriage
and family therapy. April and a team of certified therapists
specialized in addressing and unique challenges faced by black and
brown communities, please welcome the Money Making Conversations Masterclass, April.
(01:32):
Bless it.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
How you doing, April, I'm doing well. How are you doing? Rushan?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
I'm Jason Well. I read through your bio and I'm
reading this introduction here. Is there a big difference culturally
how we are treated in therapy?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Absolutely, there is a huge difference.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I believe that black and brown people have unique issues
that are based on our lived experiences, and I don't
think that every single goal therapists that may not identify
with marginalized populations of people can tackle those issues without
being able to fully understand our lived experiences.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
So you're saying, God got through the words out they
to you said a white person would understand a black
person's experience.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So I said that they could learn to understand what
our experiences are, but they may not always understand what
they are. We can talk about just the statistics of
black and brown relationships and marriages in this country. The
divorce rate is at fifty percent for mostly everyone who
lives here. But if we broke it down by race,
(02:39):
African American people would have higher numbers than any other
race and ethnicity in this country when it comes to
those specific numbers.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
And so we are already facing many challenges already.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Going into a relationship and trying to build a sustainable
marriage that is long lasting, not just lasting because of numbers,
but lasting because it's a hell the functional relationship and
we can equally communicate with each other effectively and build
healthy families. When we look at education, we know that
(03:11):
Black women are the most high achieving educated women in
this country. And it's not to say that men are
not able to be educated or on that level. It's
just statistically that's where the numbers are. And so when
we look at relationships and we think about what I
want someone to meet my match or meet me where
I am, it doesn't always mean that it's going to
(03:31):
be on your educational level. It might be other things
that you're going to need to fulfill in order to
meet your partner on their level in order to have
a healthy relationship. So when I look at systemic issues,
it isn't just necessarily about race, class, and gender. It's
also about the interactions, also about family systems. It's also
about what we're facing today in the world and how
(03:52):
people are in highly stressed situations and that is affecting
their quality of life.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Now, you know always I was a manager Steve Harvey
at one point and we had a book Act like
a Lady, Think like a Man, and I remember HarperCollins
when they came to him, they wanted him to write
it from a black person's point of view, and I
always remember Steve Harves and Rashan don't let that happen
(04:19):
because he felt that everybody had the same relationship issues.
And we wrote it from a general market standpoint and
sold three million copies, was translated into thirty languages, and
two movies were created because of that book, Hit movies
produced by Will Packer. Thank you very much, Thank you
(04:41):
very thank you very much. And that's that's when you
that's a stereotype. They had made a stereotype that here's
a black man, that he should be able to write
and articulate this only from a black person's perspective. If
we'd have done that, we would not be having a
conversation about a book that sold three billion copies, translating
(05:02):
in a thirty language, because only it'll been only told
from that perspective. Now, because we're talking about the word marriage,
because we're talking about the word family. All marriages have
similar issues, whether it's black or white.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Oh, correct, And all these.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Families have similar issues, whether it's black or white or brown. Correct,
talk about marriage issues. You do marriage therapy. That is
the number one thing people come in there and complaining
about where you do marriage therapy? Is it sex? Is
it money? Is it communication?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
It's it's finances, it's infidelity, and obviously it's it's sex.
And then it's also about intimacy, right, like, do we
want the same things? Do we think intimacy is the
same thing. It's also about being intentional with your partner
and how we spend our time, how we're connecting with
(05:55):
one another. But when we look at finances, you know,
that is probably the number one, and then infidelity it's
probably number two, And then number three would be communication.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Okay, now, teaching me communication should be number one because
the other two things one and two. If you're not talking,
if you talk, if you just talk, you gonna find
out about infidelity. Because hopefully that communication will tell you
what you're doing wrong or what you need to be
(06:29):
doing is talking to each other and find out what's
right or wrong in this relationship. And then also if
you're talking, then the financial situation can be I'm not
saying they're gonna get your better job, but you can
understand what each party is trying to do. But I
hear you say communication number three.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So I would say that in the beginning, there's a
lot of.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Talking, right, But then you're doing you're creating a socide, right.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I like you and you like me. I like you
and you like me, and we're going to go.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
In Steve Oarviis's book, I'm a rough for Steve aures book,
here the ninety day rule. You said, if a job
could give your name and days in a relationship, you
should give that ninety days as leadsfore you give up
the cookie. That was the whole thing. So do you
buy it to that theory.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I wouldn't say that I buy into the theory. I
would say that dating today, in this modern day age
is very different. And well, we had the COVID pandemic.
You know, people are disconnected, people don't know how to
interact and relate to one another. You know, even today,
(07:36):
I hear people say, like, I really want to meet
my love interests while shopping in the grocery store. But
who's going shopping all the time in the grocery store.
We can get everything delivered, And so people are missing
the opportunity to interact and build that connection that you
would build prior to COVID. Now you have to create
these intentional experiences for you to go out and connect
(07:57):
and meet people in order to build a new relationship,
in order to feel connected. And then you have to
make sure your sexual chemistry is right. And so some
people wait ninety days, But is it going to be
good in ninety days?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
We you don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Oh funny. In April, I'm talking about the April Lancet,
she founded a private practice dedicated to their power individuals,
couples and families through expert culturally sensitive therapy, mostly marriage
and family therapy. You know, you know, I sit up
here and I think about what you're saying. And that's
true because I tell my daughter, she's single, and she
(08:35):
lives in this world. She's twenty seven, and so it
is really sad because of the fact that we live
in a world where a lot of things are remote,
a lot of things are video And so the way
I met people are bumped into people. You just keep
bumping to people any more because, like you said, food
can be delivered to you, You can stream movies that
(09:00):
you know.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You never got to leave your house if you don't
want to, right.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
And so what happens to that person in the therapy
world or do these people come to you April? In
the therapy world.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
They do.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
And I spend a great deal of time working with
people trying to get them to get out there to date.
There are a lot of single people who are just
not dating because they don't want to take on anybody
else's problems if they don't feel like they're ready to
be in a relationship, and so they rather be single
(09:35):
than be in a relationship. And that saddens me as
a relational therapist who works with people on how to
build and cultivate a lasting relationship. But there are a
lot more single people today than we had twenty years ago,
and if we continue down this road, we will have
a lot more single people and less people getting married.
(09:56):
If we don't work on these issues and reconcile. What
the issues are And when I talk about like generational
trauma or generational reasons that people are coming to therapy,
it's because they are coming specifically to therapy because there
are things that they just experience in the world that
they find that they're dealing with them in their relationship.
(10:18):
So when I saw couples and how I ended up
working with black and brown people as a specialization is
because I noticed that there was a difference between my
white couples and my couples who are black, And there
were different topics that we were talking about with my
black couples that we just weren't talking about with the
white couples. And what I saw with my black couples
was that there was a lot of pain in regards
(10:39):
to dating, in regards to being vulnerable and taking the
mask down and showing up as your authentic self and
the relationship. And so that was when I really began
to realize that we were in trouble. So, for example,
let's say you have trouble with vulnerability and you want
to be really vulnerable with someone, but you come from
a time and culture where as a black man, I'm
(11:02):
not taught to be vulnerable. So I don't necessarily know
how to be vulnerable in this relationship with you, and
then it means I'm not understanding your love language. And
then I'm not meeting your love language because I don't
understand it and I don't understand myself. So how can
I give you something that I haven't given to me
in order to give to you?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Now, you, my friend, hit a lot of paints on
my show, Money Making Conversations Masterclass. What you are trying
to accomplish in this interview to the listeners or the
people who are watching video snippets or the entire show
via video? What are you trying to accomplish?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
What I'm trying to accomplish is that going to therapy
is not about going when it's a crisis.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It means going and using it as.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
A tool that we don't have to look at it
as a negative stigma that you have to feel shame
or guilt or embarrassed about going to talk to someone
about elevating yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You can either
do that on your own, or you could do that
with your partner, or you could do that with your family.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Let's talk about your stress, because that word stress carries
a lot of levels, and I'm just trying to get
into your world without revealing your world and how you
talk to your patients. But this is the first time
I've had a true therapist. I go through therapy, I
deal with stress therapy. I'm sure I reach the point
in my life. I'm tired of being type A. I'm
tired of bragging it. I only sleep four hours a day.
(12:28):
I'm trying to get to a point where i want
to sleep six salvage eight. I'm be a point in
my life now, April. I just want to be tired
and go to sleep. My mind keeps raising, but I
think I've got so old that I can't change this tire.
I'm gonna ride this one own out. At least I'm trying, April.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'm doing therapy, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
But I'm not a stressful person. But there are stress
in every relationship. And then how do you see those signs?
With my audience to tell them, hey, you need to
call April.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Well, I do think that a sign of stress is
usually when something is reoccurring and when you take a
deep breath, it's not going away. Next week happens and
you're still stressed. Out about the same thing. A month
happens you're still stressed out about the same thing and
you haven't figured out a game plan, or you're talking
about the same topics over and over with a friend
(13:25):
and the friend is becoming exhausted or burned out by
your conversation about you know, Miley not listening, or Jeff
didn't go to school, or CC is talking back all
the time, And so there might be another outlet where
you can strategize with the therapist to develop some tools
in order to parent your child a little differently if
you feel like it's constant battle and sometimes you just
(13:48):
need a space to just process everything that you're feeling
and thinking. And there was a period of time when
people did that in isolation. You know, you do try
to build a community of parents where y'all all can
discuss parenting. But if you don't have that community, therapy
can be an outlet for you for that same thing.
For couples, I do pre marriage counseling, and you would
(14:10):
be surprised to know that there are many couples that
I've seen who come to do pre marriage work after
they already got married.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Please don't go anywhere, we'll be right back with more
Money Making Conversations Masterclass. Welcome back to the Money Making
Conversations Masterclass posted by Rashan McDonald.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Well, it's plaining it to me, okay, getting married? Are
you Are you saying that what they're talking about is
pre marriage stuff but they already married. Explain the difference,
the help help me out. Educate with sean and by audience.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So when we think about pre marriage counseling or pre
marriage therapy, it's a set amount of sessions that you
come and do just before you get married. So obviously
some of the topics you want to be talking about
is you want to be talking about communication. You want
to be talking about finances. You want to be talking
about the structure of your household. Are we having a
two parent household? Are we having someone the provider and
(15:12):
somebody staying home. Are we are working couple? Are we
both working? Are we both leading? We also want to
talk about, you know, how we're going to navigate families.
If we're a blended family and we're bringing children from
each other. You have a child, I'll have a child,
and we're bringing that child together. Are we sitting down
and establishing then and then are we bringing those children
into the conversation. We're also talking about religion, right, We're
(15:36):
talking about faith. We're talking about beliefs, values, even leisure time,
like how do you spend your time and how I
spend my time? And are there mutual things that we
actually want to do together that we're going to be
spending all this time together. Many couples come in with
this belief that, oh, we're just naturally going to do
all these things together, and then they realize, oh, I
(15:58):
don't actually like to do some of the things that
you like to do, and you don't like to do
what I like to do. So how we actually spending
this time together? So we actually just end up being
married and we're not really spending time together.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
We're just married.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
You're kid in liberal watching sports.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Okay, I mean that's life, but that could be okay
as long as y'all have intentional time. And there are
a lot of couples who have missed opportunities where they
don't have that connection and they desire that connection. And
then we're talking about desire, right, And then we're talking
about sex and what we expect in our relationship as
a married couple and there's couples who just don't talk
(16:37):
about that. And I hate to say that that's a reality,
but it's a reality. And because they don't talk about it,
we end up doing pre marriage counseling after they got
married because they didn't talk about it before they got married.
They just thought each other was cute, right, Like you're cute,
I'm cute. This wedding's gonna be amazing, and we're gonna
get married and it's gonna beautiful and we're gonna have
(16:59):
all The photo was flowing, but it didn't mean that
we talked about what we needed to in order to
establish a healthy foundation for our marriage.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
The power of the phone. Oh yeah, that's the Lord
have murdered. That phone is a relationship killer. Let my
listeners hear how that phone is destroying so many levels
of communication and how some people are using as a
tool to escape communicating with each other.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Yeah, so I think that there are so you talked
about being an old school and so what happens in
old school connections is eye contact, right, and physical connection
and body language and experiencing your partner and what their
energy feels like and what your energy feels like.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
But when you are having majority of your conversations and
a text message.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
You can't always pick up on somebody's energy, and a
lot of couples do that. You know, one couple could
be in another room and instead of going in the
other room and talking to the partner, they text them,
you know, the question that they want to text them
instead of actually sitting down and talking to them. And
then they have arguments over text instead of actually talking
to each other.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Telling me, you telling me. These people in the same place,
the same house, same apartment, and they texted each.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Other, same place. Yes, it happens. It happens.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Go around the corner, walk out the bathroom, walk out
the bedroom, walk down the hall from the living room,
and go hey baby, what about this? And they're sitting
on the sofa texting back and forth.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yes they do, Yes they do.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
And we use emojis, right, Like, I got to guess
with your comment because of the emoji you sent me,
so I have to know that that's what you meant.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
So so so let me get this straight. Now, this
is the modern relationship. Now, this is modern together. Right,
You can all your food, so it means you don't
have nobody come in your house. You get all your
groceries in a minute, in a minute. Now we're about
to have uber, you know, driverless cars. They're gonna come
(19:10):
and pick you up. So you can go to work,
or you can stay at home and work remote and
never exhibit a human relationship. But now you can deposit
your money straight to your bank. And so we are
about to create a culture of individuals who don't have
to interact with human beings at all. How dangerous is that?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I think it's Uh, I think it's very dangerous, right,
Like I think that we are meant to be connected,
we're meant to be in community, We're meant to relate
to one another. And there are some people who prefer
not to do that, and there's some people who desire
to do that, but because of let's say historical harm,
(19:55):
they would rather not do that. And so that's why
we have a lot more single people then we do
couple people, because there's so much non transparency that people
are showing up in relationships that people would just rather
not be in a relationship because people aren't being their
authentic selves. And that's what's creating a lot of the
disconnect and communication breakdown. And then we have almost forgotten
(20:20):
how to be in community with other people, how to talk,
how to interact, how to relate, and if we wanted
to go back to You know why I specialize with
black and brown people, It's because we have to wear
a mask all the time and we have to put
that on and then when we get home, we would
want to take that mask off with our partner. But
(20:41):
then if we're not being our authentic self, how are
we going to take the mask off? How do I
know that you can handle everything that I got? How
do I know that you're going to be able to
show up for me the way I need you to
in certain moments of vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Well, I got an interesting question coming up, and let
everybody know who I'm talking to. April Landst. She founded
a private practice dedicated to empowered individuals, you know, basically
certified therapist. That's who she is, specialized in addressing your
unique challenges faced by black and brow communities. AI. Okay,
there that by the end of your world Now AI therapy.
(21:19):
Now AI is talking about therapy. Talk to us about
the danger and how you feel about that.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
So I would say AI has good and it has
some challenging components, right, like, we don't want to be
using AI if someone is in active psychosis or suicidal
or homicidal. You know, you can't really get a human
experience from AI technology.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
And even if you are using AI, you still.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Have to fact check it because it doesn't mean that
everything that AI tells you is one hundred percent correct,
just like everything you search on Google is not one
hundred percent correct. AI does have the ability to give
couples some tools if they want to use it. I
think it's good for therapists. It can help them give
their clients tools if they want to use it. So
(22:11):
I'm not a therapist that is fully opposed to AI.
I think that it just has to be used responsibly,
and I think that people using it for therapy is
not the way to go because there's nothing you can
replace for the human experience, you know. I think there's
just something about sitting on the couch with someone or
sitting on this screen like I'm talking to you and
(22:34):
knowing that that's a real person on the other side,
And I don't think that you can get that from AI.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
But that's where AI is going. They're about to have
a person that looks like you. Yeah, yeah, you know,
it's it's it's getting it's I won't use the wordy bad,
but it's getting dangerous because you see it. You see
the commercials where they're talking back and forth. And so
when I look at somebody like you, April, quite frankly,
(23:01):
ten years from now, I might be interviewing.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Possibility.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
That's a possibility, except people are suffering everywhere, and AI,
in my opinion, is not going to take the place
of the human experience. Therapy has been around for a
really long time. And even when we've had some of
these other therapeutic software options, I have had clients that
(23:37):
have done that and have come back or felt that
that wasn't what they were looking for and they searched
for something else. And so I do think that we
are still striving as a culture to have community and
connection and we want that experience. You know. I think
it's just like you shop around for your doctor, you
want to shop around for your therapist in order to
(23:57):
find the one that fits you and.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Fits your life.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It's your family, and you feel like you really can
have an authentic relationship with that person.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
And I'm not denying you, April, I'm not denying you.
I'm just looking at the patterns. I agree the world
that we live in today, and you said it earlier,
you know, and you can. You can do a lot
of things at the house. At your house nowadays you
can and people are creating conversations and relaxing people into
a false reality. And so that's we talked about marriage
(24:28):
before we go. I want to go with the family
a little bit here, because that's a whole different conversation
because it involves children sometimes. So when you say the
word marriage, generally that means that couple that couples coming
there talking about their relationships with their kids and finances
and communications away from their office. How do you have
(24:51):
the family therapy, April.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah, so family therapy today can include the partner, it
can who children, it can include extended family and laws.
It really depends on the reason that people are coming.
I've had entire families in my office before. I've had
friend groups who consider themselves family. I've had blended children
(25:19):
and their spouses and their exes in the session.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
So family is what you make a family.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
And if there's a certain issue that is coming up
and there are key people will need to be involved,
then I'm going to invite those people into the session,
because if it's something that's happening that can't be resolved
with just the people sitting in front of me, then
I'm going to reach out and include other family members
who can be a part of making change in this
(25:47):
family system.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And how do we get in touch with you? How
do first of all, not so much how they I
would get in touch with you, but how does the
system works and creating a relationship with you?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
So I I a licensed therapist actually now in the
state of Georgia.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
So I do provide telehealth services in Georgia, also DC
and in Philadelphia. If you want to have an in
person sessions, I am located here in Philadelphia providing in
person therapy. There's a website ww dot a l a
therapy dot com that is our website. If you want
to follow me on agig, sorry, it's Ala Therapy at IG.
(26:29):
Also I am on LinkedIn as April Lanset And yeah,
if you want to build a relationship, you can send
me an email.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
If you go on our website, there's a button you
click that says let's talk. It meets me directly and
I'm able to respond right back to you.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Wow, fantastic. Thank you again. This show always takes you
eat out some rabbit holes that provide information or education
that I've never experienced. But more importantly, I want to
tell you this, April. You got me nervous about our future.
I'm talking about When I say our future, I'm talking
about just people in general, because you're you're speaking the truth,
not just with black and brown people, but we're becoming
(27:08):
more and more a generation of people who just are
becoming very selfish. When I say selfish, because they're allowing
themselves to allow technology to become their best friends or
their tools to get by to avoid life socializing situations.
And in closing with me making that statement, what is
(27:31):
your statement to save the world to get us all
back to communicate.
Speaker 3 (27:36):
So my thought about what you just said is that
I hold hope for us, and I hold that hope
because there's a lot of people that I see that
want different And as long as you want different and
long as you're willing to work on it, I think
we can build that together, and we can foster that together,
and then one of therapy is one of those ways
to do it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Thank you, April, You're very fantastic. I appreciate you coming
on money Making come Versation master Class.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
This has been another edition of money Making Conversation Masterclass
hosted by me Rushaun McDonald. Thank you to our guests
on the show today and thank you o listening to
the audience now. If you want to listen to any
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Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles
Carla Ferrell
Kier "Junior" Spates
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