Trapped In The Bathroom

Robert (in my Gayle King voice) has Trapped in the Closet and Uncle Steve has Trapped in the Bathroom.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Inviting a date, Steve back to your home is certainly
a big step, you know, in the relationship, when you've
moved it on to that level. And as you can imagine,
there are definitely things that you can do to make
sure that visit leaves a lasting impression. And I'm talking
about in a good way, okay. For example, for men
to go to a woman's home, definite turn ons include

(00:23):
a nice smelling home. Everyone likes, you know, when you
walk in the house smells good, books on display, things
like that. So, Steve, I have to ask you what
things turn you on and turn you off when you
visit your date's home for the first time. Think back, guys,
you know I like a woman's house that's clean, thank you.

(00:43):
That is number one. In your house be clean? Yes, yes.
If your house nasty and I'm over here for the
first time and we're looking at first impressions, my impression
immediately is you nasty? Now, Fellas where she come over
your house, she has to right to expect the same thing.
Here's a suggestion I have for men. If you're gonna

(01:06):
have a woman over your house, hid your medicine. Don't
put it. You can't explain medicine own, if you got
any medicine, had it, I don't care if it's celebrates.
Most people don't know what that is. It sounds real
close to you know, like VD anything start with seller. Yeah, yeah,

(01:33):
you gotta sell it. That claps because you can't explain
this to people that's out of your own house. Because
most medicine you can't pronounce it is. So, what is
this anatavia in your cabin? Yeah? That sounds real. I
don't know. No, damn Anastasia, I said, Anatavia. Oh that's

(01:53):
yoga activita. It's in your medicine cabine. Do you don't
even know what it is? Because you can't for now?
She what is you're taking testosterone? She saw it? What
is you taking testoster? Hanging up? She come out there

(02:18):
you'd bought some Chinese remedies. She come out? What is
black cat? Say though that this girl you were dating
was so gorgeous and you went to her house and
she had roaches or something. You the story about that,
that story, But I did another one. One time met

(02:39):
this girl and in Colle Lord, she was fine, creole girl.
My brother told me how to get him, and he
gave me some money to take out, so I told
her pick a restaurant. She picked a creole restaurant. I'm seventeen.
I ain't had no creole food, so I'm in. I
go in there. She didn't all at all this spices.

(03:01):
So if you fade all this but spicy though, Yeah, yeah,
I'm eating stuff. Man, ain't never been in my system
this far. So I'm taking her home and my stomach
is turning. So we get at the front of the house.
I'm gonna walking to the dough. She said, come on
there for a little while, my mama, and I'm gone.
Oh my mama had told me, when your stomach is

(03:23):
told up, try to go home. Yes, yeah, but that
didn't nobody else house. Yes, but she was so fine.
I just said, well, man, let me go on in
here for a little while, because I what kind of
man would I be? Fine? Chick invite you in and mama,
dadd ain't there let me leave? Gone in here something
but your stomach. I mean, really, Shirley, it's a girl

(03:47):
and man would have win in there. I'm sitting down
on the couch and watching TV. My stomach turning. I
can hear, so I said, can I go to the bathroom,
she said, second dough on the left. I go in there,
and Lord have mercy the walls of gibraltars idn't grabbed

(04:13):
the tie rack in front of me to just try
to hang on. I'm twisting the guest tile in my
head like I'm wranging it out. I didn't knock the
tallet tissue holder off the wall screws out everything I
hadn't kicked over the trash can. He can hear this, right,
I don't get he wasn't feeling what I was feeling.

(04:37):
But I'm using the bathroom so much that is alarming
to me. Yeah, I've actually put more in there than
I've ever put in there in my life. Briar too.
I think we got I didn't know when you don't,
don't stop my story shooting. This is what Junior I

(05:00):
know about. So I'm filling the bowl up, so finally
I'm done. To my relief, I'm but I'm sweating though
I'm talking about I'm in there. My shirt wide. I
had my whole ship. It's wide. I had hung my
pass up on the back of the doe because I

(05:22):
used a bathroom like my daddy always hate my pants
and draws up on the back of the Yeah, you
don't ever use the bathroom. But I got my shirt on,
but I didn't open it up because it's hot. I
got just just water coming down out the front. So
I stand up and I flushed the toilet. Now I'm

(05:46):
putting my clothes on. But you know how you're waiting
to hear that sound that all I hear is to
swirl it. And I turned around in the end his
rise rising. I'm asking God not to do this to

(06:09):
me today. I'm asking God, don't not today. Lord, We're
not in here. We have to have a part three.
This ain't the time for it. The thing, Lord, stop
this swirl from rising. In your name, Father God. They

(06:32):
never now old God, Steve, we have to go. But Jesus,
really stop this swirl. But insteady coming good Part two
right after this. You're listening here we are, Steve back,
just catch up. I'm over this fine girl house stom

(06:55):
up to up in eight gree old food seventeen should
have went home to use the bad from set in
the house because she's fine. Now I'm in here using
the bathroom and all held and proclusion. I'm in here
neck it setting on the tarlet, just my shirt on
because I like you shit wide leg. I like to
be open and free, and I need it because I

(07:16):
had to embraced myself a couple of times. But she
never came in there, not chatting. She coming, that's coming
in the store. So I get up. I finally get through,
but I've noticed that I'm putting more in the bowl
and ever, so I'm a little bit concerned with them
ship arguing. So I flushed the toilet as I'm putting
my pants back up on me, and I'm waiting to

(07:38):
hear that. But I don't hear. And I look back
and let's going in a slow circle. So I go in.
I go to my heavenly father. Here father, do boy,
now long stop this rising time. Somebown don't let the

(08:03):
swirl get up by the top. But he didn't hear
me that day. Yeah, I guess it wasn't less. The
next thing I know, it's at the very top of
the tarlet. Oh my god, and it's about to flow over.
So now I don't know what to do. So I
look down and it's a trash can. So I dipped

(08:26):
the trash can down any and I got a trash
can full of it. Yeah, so I pulled a shower
curting back, throw it in the bath too. When here
comes some more. So I had to take another trash
can full of it and throw another trash can in

(08:48):
the bath cab and here comes some damn more. So,
now I realized they call it is broken. They call
it broke. Ain't bragged up, And it started going back
down work. I say, I gotta get some water and
put it into him. So I started running water in

(09:08):
the trash care to pour it down there and make
the water go clean. So I finally did that, and
I said, thank you Lord. And I looked over and
the damn bathtub right, shower curtain, shrap, I look up,

(09:31):
it's on the wall. Wait, wait, hold, it's on the
water four part four. But this is Steve Harlless in
the bare food shrapped parts, Folks coming up, trapped in
the brown food part. Folk. It's on the walls, the
shower curtain and the bath tubby you're listening, Steve, Steve

(09:57):
trapped in the bath part folk. Yeah, I didn't bailed
out three buckets trash hands of pure mess then throw
it in the shower. So when I get all of
the water back in the toilet where I got it
upside and the water clean. I said, okay, cool, I

(10:18):
look over the damn bathtub is striped. So now I
cut skis, people shower on and I'm washing down the walls,
the shower curtain with the shower. The girl comes up
to the girl because I've been in here now about
forty five minutes time, so she said, you don't care

(10:42):
down everything fast? She said it sounds like something wrong
in that to get away from the dun said, well, okay,
my house. So I'm in there's this too late. But

(11:03):
I noticed they got a candle in the bath food
highlight it. I like the candle. Start striking matches and
running tap water. That for my mom always told me,
strike some matches and run some tap water and it'll
help you get rid of older. So I've been there,
but now I'm washing down shower curtains, wall the bathtub,
getting up stuff off the floe. Now now you probably say, Steve,

(11:28):
what is you washing it down with? Yeah? What paper
ties in there? But that tie rack that I had
grabbed when I first sat down and was twisting it. Yeah,
they guess how the pretty ones with the lace in
the forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, thats what I washing it down. Now,

(11:49):
my good towe that is tile is brown. I can't
rist it all out because it wasn't When it started,
that was pink awful. Now it ties, it's run. I
don't washed all the walls down. Everything I'm in that
sweating been on the construction site. I've been in that

(12:14):
total about damn near hour. So I put fastened my clothes.
I look at the bathroom. I got everything up, but
I got this big nasty ass tie and I don't
know what to do with it. So I take it,
put it in the waste paper can that I've been
bailing with, and struck all that under the sink. I

(12:37):
figured this ain't gonna be good. No how Yeah, but
at least when they come in here they go, they's
gonna take a moment because I know when you're going there,
you're gonna have to say what they hid happened? Because
I couldn't remember how the shower curtain was none of that,
And now I got I look, I'm telling I got
everything off. So I walked down the hallway. She's sitting

(12:59):
on the couch with the attitude folding. Did she look
at me, and she said, why are you betting that
so long? I had a little accident this. She said,
Oh my god, look at you. What was I didn't
realize when I was barely hold that mess into the

(13:22):
shower it was splashing o my pants below my knee.
I ain't had time to look at this because I'm
on pissy cleaning up the damn house. I looked down.
It's just spicks, splash marks from my knee down my

(13:43):
pants was trying. I looked at huh. She looked at
me and she said, oh my god, look at you.
What have you been doing. I looked at her and said,
you ain't got to talk to me like that, and
walked up. The never came when he got in my car.

(14:05):
Had to ride home with all my wonderstand because I spake.
I smelled like a scum sitting in that car home.
That girl saw me on the campus next day and
all her girlfriend was looking at me I like I
had never met her. That was my save Harveys. Wow, trapped, trapped?

(14:30):
All right? All right, all right, nephew, tell me coming
up next with the prank phone call. You're listening to
show