Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter at Steve haarvfm dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on time.
You got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you, nephew. Subject do I need to choose the
sure thing? Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm thirty years old and
pregnant with my first child. The father of my child
cheated on me, so I broke up with him five
days before I found out that I was pregnant. I
was so angry with him that I didn't even tell
him I was pregnant until last month. I've been dating
(00:47):
a man that's thirty seven and he has a daughter
from a previous relationship. I told him that I'm pregnant
the first day we met, and he said he loves kids,
and he hopes it's a boy because he wants it's
a boy. He's but everything my child needs from the
crib to all of the diapers, and we've only been
dating four months. He was the one that encouraged me
(01:08):
to call the father of my child and tell him
that I'm pregnant. He drove me to my ex's job
and sat in the car. When my ex saw my
little belly, he broke down and cried. He apologized over
and over for cheating on me and missing out on
my pregnancy. He was low key mad that I didn't
tell him months ago, but I told him that's on
him for being a cheater. I told him that I
(01:29):
have a boyfriend and my boyfriend is prepared to be
the daddy. That's when he tends up and told me
that my boyfriend won't be raising our baby. Then he
begged me to take him back and marry him before
the baby is born. I told him that wasn't going
to happen and I left. He's been blowing up my
phone since I unblocked him. My boyfriend is getting annoyed
(01:50):
with my exes calls, so he told me to decide
what I want to do. He said he will understand
if I want to be with my ex, but I'd
lose him and he really cares about me. Do I
stay with my boyfriend? Or should I give my ex
another chance? Of course, only you Yeah, I can answer that,
of course. But here's some questions you might want to
(02:12):
ask yourself. Why would you want to go back to
a cheater? This man cheated on you. If you give
him another chance, who's to say he won't cheat on
you again? Can he change?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
People change all the time, but have you seen any
changes in him? Because you didn't mention it in this letter. Meanwhile,
this new guy is stepping up in every way possible,
every way possible. He's even prepared to be a dad
to your unborn child. I mean, that's big for any
man to do for a baby that's not his biologically.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
That is big.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
As a matter of fact, he's the one who encouraged
you to tell your ex about the baby. I mean,
that's another man move. I agree he had a right
to know the baby the father of your child, and
so you should have told him. I do agree with that,
But so now what Now he wants to rush and
marry you. Did you go with the man who cheated?
(03:08):
These are your questions? Do you go with the man
who cheated and is now trying to get back with you,
or the one who stepped up for you and your
unborn child in every way since day one, and who's
willing to help you raise a child? Those are your questions.
I get it. I say, bet on the sure thing.
The man who has shown you who he is, that man,
the biological dad, can co parent with you. He can
(03:30):
get court assigned visitation and pay child support based on
his income. That's my answer to you. Go with the
sure thing, Steve.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
This letter really is a little challenging. This letter is deep, man,
this is crazy. I mean, if you look at this man,
this letter got some twisting angles. And I wasn't really
ready for this. Oh you're thirty years old, pregnant with
your first child. Father your child cheated on me.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
So I broke up with him five days before I
found out I was pregnant. But I was so angry
with him that I didn't even tell him I was
pregnant until last month.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Okay, Now, you wrong for that. You wrong for that.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
And the only reason you told him you was pregnant
last month as a month ago was because we'll find out, lady,
in that letter, that this man told you to tell
me I've been dating a man. He's thirty seven, he's
got a daughter. I told him I'm pregnant the first
day we met. He said he loves kids, and he
hopes it's a boy because he wants a boy.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Wow, this dude's special, Lady, this dude's special.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
He bought everything my child needs from the crib, all
the diapers.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
We only been dating for months.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
He was the one that encouraged me to call the
father of my child and tell him that I'm pregnant
because he a man's man. You know what I mean,
that's the right thing you should have done. He drove
me to my ex's job and set in the car.
When my ex saw my little belly, he broke down
and cried. Okay, he regretted what he did. He apologized
(05:04):
over and over for cheating on me and missing out
on my pregnancy. Now, what I'm asking is when she
said she saw his little belly, she had had the
baby already.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
No, no, no, he saw like her pooch.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
You know she was okay, I thought, Okay, he broke
down it.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
He apologized over and over and for missing out on
my pregnancy. That's what made me think, did she have
it already.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
That's what made me wonder that.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, anyway, he was low key mad that I didn't
tell him months ago. But I told him that's on
him for being a cheater. That's not the penalty for cheating. Lady,
you should have had another punishment. You broke up with him,
but keeping the fact that this is his baby away
from him dad was not cool at all at all.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
You didn't have it right there.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
I told him that I have a boyfriend and my
boyfriend is prepared to be the daddy. That's when he
tests up and told me my boyfriend won't be raising
our baby. Well, yeah, that ain't how that work. Though,
that ain't how that work. I don't want to tell
you that, but you know that you can't make that decision.
(06:21):
Then he begged me to take him back and marry him.
Oh I see now. Then he begged me to take
him back and marry him before the baby is born. Lord,
have mercy A shotgun wedding without.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
The shotgun A mighty hang on, Steve, We'll have part
two of your response coming up at twenty three minutes
after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter, subject, do I need
to choose the sure thing. We'll get back into it
right after this.
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Speaker 1 (07:24):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
Like you said, very deep, The subject is do I
need to choose the sure thing?
Speaker 4 (07:33):
This is hard when this is a thirty year old
lady that got pregnant and before she found out she
was pregnant, her boyfriend, who was the father of the baby,
cheated on her. She didn't find out until after she
broke up with him five days later that she pregnant,
so she ghosted it. And then she met a man
that's thirty seven, and she's dating a man who's thirty
(07:55):
seven who has a daughter from a previous relationship. She
told him the first day, I'm pregnant the first day
we met, and he said he loves kids and he
hopes it's a boy because he wants a boy.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Wow, okay, he.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
Bought everything my child needs, crib dippers, everything.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
We only been dating four months. This is a heck
of a guy right here.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
He then he encouraged you to call the father of
your child and tell him that I'm pregnant because he
already know there's goin to be some drama with this.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Let's get this out the way now. He drove.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
He drove you to your ex's job and waited in
the car. When you exaw your little belly, he broke
down and cried. He apologized for cheating on you and
for missing out on your pregnancy. Then he was mad
because you didn't tell him months before, But I told
him that's on him for being a cheater.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Well as not.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
You should have still told him that because being a
father has nothing to do with him cheating. He's still
the father of the baby, and you know he's the
father of the baby. I told him that I have boyfriend,
and my boyfriend is prepared to beat the dad.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's when he tensed up.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Told me my boyfriend won't be raising our baby. Then
he begged me to take him back and marry him
before the baby is born. Now this is where we
left off at, and I said, a shotgun. With without
this shotgun, that's some old school stuff. You got her pregnant,
(09:23):
you're gonna marry her. Now he wants to marry you
before the baby is born. That would give the baby
his name, that would make him responsible. Blah blah blah,
blah blah blah. Then he begged me to take him
back and mary before the baby's going. I told him
that wasn't gonna happen and I left. He been blowing
my phone up since I unblocked him. My boyfriend is
(09:45):
getting annoyed with my exes called, so he told me,
you decide what you want to do. He said he
would understand if I wanted to be with my ex,
but I would lose him. And he really can is
about me? He does, and he's done nothing but prove that.
Do I stay with my boyfriend or should I give
(10:09):
my ex another chance? But we need to ask a
very important question. What about your ex is different? That's
the starting question. What's different other than the fact that
he has the news that he's about to be a
father or what about him is different? What's his views
(10:30):
on cheating? Who is he seeing right now? Because lady,
he can't just up and ask you to marry. Who
is he seeing right now? Cause ain't no man, he
ain't doing nothing. You need some background on this man.
What is he doing right now? Who is he seeing?
How much time is he spending with her? What's the
relationship like to see that? This is happening so fast?
(10:54):
You need some information. I don't know if you should
leave this guy for your ex not X is making
a pretty big offer. Let's get married right now. Let's
get married before the baby born. I hate this is happening.
He could be fixed itself up now. Maybe this could
be the thing that clicks the.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Switch for him.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
But your boyfriend switch is already clicked now. He said
he really cares about me. But is he in love
with you? Because you're gonna need that to survive in marriage.
But has he told you he's in love with you?
That's what you need to find out. Is he in
love with you? Can he not live without you? Because
(11:39):
he said, understand if I want to be with my
ex he'll understand that's the father of your child. Maybe
that's you will see a better mute. But you're gonna
lose me. And I really care about you, but I'm
gonna be gone now. You can keep the crib and
the diaples all that that.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I'm out, So I don't.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
I can't answer that question for you because I don't
know either guy except what you put in this letter.
And according to Shirley, one guy is a cheater, and
the other guy stepped up and filled out the all
the criteria and that's all we know. Your first guy
is the cheatah, which is why you stop seeing it now.
(12:24):
He saw you pregnant, now he want to marry you.
You go from I'm a cheatah till we broke up
to I ain't said nothing to you till I saw
you now I want to marry you.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
A lot of information missing in essence.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
I think what you need to do is put everything
on pause, pray about it, get yourself some clarity. Shirley said,
it looks like this new guy is a safer and
better beat.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I must admit she's right.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
I must admit that, and I very rarely say that
that is so.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Not true because then the letter wouldn't be good. If
we just agreed on everything everything, you wouldn't know.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
What the hell are you listening for? But she may
be one hundred percent correct in this right here. I
don't see the upside to going back to the X.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I don't see it. Oh that he's going to marry
you now? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
If he changed, how has he changed? She never gave
us any examples of that?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
All right?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Post your comments, Thank you Steve on Today's Strawberry Letter
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