Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEFM dot com
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Speaker 2 (00:11):
Submit Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
We could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now, and you never know, it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yeah you heard what she said.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It could be yours. Muggle up and hold on tight.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We got it for you here.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
All right, Thank you, nephew.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Subject fight or flight, Fight or flight. Dear Stephen Shirley.
I'm a thirty year old flight attendant and I'm married
to a forty four.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Year old professor.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I met him when I was in grad school and
we started dating after I got my degree. He was
going through divorce and we kept our relationship private until
it was finalized. He has a seventeen year old daughter
that found out on social media and she started a
lot of chaos in our lives. She didn't show up
at our wedding and itd devastated. My husband was upset
(01:00):
that his ex wife allowed her to skip the wedding.
I was over her by that time, so I didn't care.
Now she's about to turn eighteen and asks if she
can come live with us in Florida and attend a
fashion school. I never answered my husband, and he eventually
flipped out on me and made the executive decision to
allow her to come. I fixed up our home office
(01:22):
for her, and I moved my desk on to our
sun porch.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I was so irritated.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
She has been here four months and she has done
exactly what I knew she was going to do. Now,
when she's got an attitude, I leave and go to work.
I take any flight available so I can get away
from this girl. My husband and I argue because he
says I'm not a positive role model for her. She's
a grown woman to me, and she's got parents that
failed her and allowed her to disrespect grown people. I
(01:52):
told my husband that if she pops off at the
mouth one more time, I'm going to pop her. He
says I need to learn how to be a parent,
and I told him I will as soon as he
makes me one. I would rather work and deal with
the plane full of needy passengers instead of dealing with
the grown child. My husband told me that my fight
or flight mentality is ruining us. He can't see that
(02:15):
his child is divisive and honoring. Am I wrong or
does he need to put her out? Absolutely? Yes, I
think you're wrong. I do think you're wrong on so
many levels. Here I'll tell you why. It's simple. You
are the adult. You keep calling her a grown woman.
You keep saying she's grown, but she's really still a child.
(02:36):
You're grown when you can pay your own way and
when you can take care of yourself, and she's not
doing that right now. She's in your home, she's living
off you, guys, she's living with you.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
You're also grown when you can face your problems head on.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
But what do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You run and jump on a flight and, as you say,
deal with the plane full of needy passengers rather than
trying to fix a problem at the house. And yes,
it is a problem because it's causing you and your
husband to argue.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Now, why would you let that happen? You too should.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Prevent present a united front to his daughter, making it
impossible for her to come between you, guys, because that
is what's happening, that situation. You all are allowing to
let it come between you stay home in the midst
of all this and handle your situation. No more jumping
on planes when you can't deal with it anymore. I say,
first you and your husband should talk agree on some
(03:30):
basic house rules. Then a family meeting should be called
to let the daughter know about the new changes. And again,
remember you and your husband are on the same team,
and you guys are the adults. I mean, she needs
to see that you guys are together. He's her dad,
but he's your husband, which means it's your house and
your rules. So as you know, she's welcome as long
(03:52):
as she abides by the house rules. I mean that
means no attitudes, no popping off at the mouth.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
No disrespect of any kind.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Let me say this, if she pops off at the
mouth one more time, you're gonna pop her. Don't pop her.
That's not what this is all about. Don't do that.
I mean, you know, she's angry, she's trying you and
all of that, trying to come between her.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
But you don't have to take it there. You can
be the bigger person here.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
You can invite her to lunch, you can do something
fun with her, you know, and try to make peace
with her and like your husband said, be a role
model for her. I think you should try that before
you give up on this situation and start, you know,
popping her and all that all together.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Steve, Wow, this is gonna have a couple of twists
and turns in it. I agree with what Shall is
saying about the letter. The problem the real problem here
is in the letter writer. That seems to be the
real problem. Now, if you're a thirty year old flight
(04:56):
attendant and you're married to a forty four year old professor, see,
I want you to understand something.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
The news got out.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Some kind of ways because this story got told because
somebody knows he was your professor at the school. I
met him when I was in grad school and we
started dating after I got my degree. He was going
through a divorce, and we kept our relationship private until.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
It was finalized.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
He has a seventeen year old daughter that found out
on social media, and she started a lot of chaos
in our lives. Well, the daughter found out what on
social media that you all were dating or you all
had gotten married. I think she found out y'all was dating,
so quite naturally, her and the mother are now blaming
(05:48):
you as the cause of the divorce. That's how it
always works, ain't it. Yes, So now after they found
out on social media, she started a lot of chaos.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
In our lives.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
She didn't show up at our wedding, and it devastated
my husband. He was upset that his ex wife allowed
her to skip the wed. You mean his ex wife
didn't make her go to the wed? His ex wife wasn't. Now,
so the ex wife didn't make the daughter go to
the wedding? What you mean allow her to skip it?
(06:22):
She's seventeen. She didn't want to go down there because
she figured you the reason her mama and daddy ain't together.
And her mama didn't co sign that, because as soon
as you start dating somebody, they go, oh here she
is right here. You the reason that you was dating,
and you younger and you young.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Hang on, Steve, Part two of your responses coming up
at twenty three minutes after the hour today's Schrawberry let
her subject fight or fight. We'll get back into it
right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
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Speaker 1 (07:29):
All right, come on Steve Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
The subject fight or Flight.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
Thirty year old flight attendant is married to a forty
four year old professor. She met the professor in grad
school and they started dating after she got the degree.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
That's what she says.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
He was going through a divorce and we kept our
relationship private until it was final. Lot he got a
seventeen year old daughter that found out on social media
and she started a lot of chaos in her life.
She was seventeen then, right, well, now listen to that.
She didn't show up at our wear and it devastated
my husband because he was upset that his ex wife
(08:06):
allowed her to skip the wear.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
No, his ex wife didn't make her go down there.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Because the ex wife and the daughter then came to
the conclusion that this young girl you married is the
reason why y'all got the divorce any way, And that's
exactly how it looks.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
And then when they found out about.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Y'all's relationship on social media, that validated because it was
only telling one story. Then you said I was over
her by that time, so I didn't care. So now
you didn't care if she comes to the wind because
you over her by that time. It was a year
of chaos that you was through with the girl. Now
(08:44):
she's about to turn eighteam Oh, So it wasn't even
a whole year because now you say it was about
to turn it to you see how fast this is
moving because you left that out the letter, baby, you.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Left that out.
Speaker 4 (09:01):
After she finds out there, next thing she know, y'all
getting married and there's a fourteen year age jerge and
you were his students while he was a professor, and
y'all were seeing each other while they still were married
and not yet the boy because y'all kept it to.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
See see how this working. See how this worked?
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Ah, Now she want come live with y'all in Florida
and attend the fashion school. I never answered my husband.
He eventually flipped out on me and made an executive
decision to allow her to come.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
It's his daughter. She want to come down there and
stay with her. Daddy's go to fashion school.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
What you want him to say, except yes, I fixed
up a home office for her. I moved my desk
into our son porch. I was so irritated. You did
all this begrudgingly. She has been there four months and
she's done exactly what I knew she was gonna do.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Now she's got an attitude.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Now, when she's got an attitude, I leave and go
to work. See you're not explaining this. You're not explaining
she did exactly what you want. You don't give us
no information. I take a flight whenever available, anything to
get away from this girl. My husband, I argue, because
he says I'm not a positive role model for her.
(10:23):
She's a grown woman. To me, Shirley's right, she's not
a grown woman. She's eighteen. She's just not turning eighteen.
She's a child. She don't get it. Now, you're an adult.
You know what happened. You know why this girl mad.
She's got parents that failed her and allowed her to
disrespect grown people.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Wait a minute, respect on social media?
Speaker 4 (10:50):
You dating her daddy. That's divorce in her mama. Wow,
they still married that You kept it a secret.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
That's what you said. Respect.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
See you want something you wasn't willing to give, see,
little sister, that's how this game work. Now this the
grown folk game. I'm just giving it to you straight.
I told my husband, and she pops off at the
mouth one more time.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
I'm gonna pop up and then.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
And then what because she talking that you're gonna hit
her in the mouth, So you're gonna resort the violence.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Pharol stopped.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
He says, I need to learn how to be a parent.
I told him as soon as I will, as soon
as he makes me one.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Wait a minute, excuse me.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Parent. Parent, you're twelve.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Years older than this girl. That best you can be
her big sister. But parent, she has two parents. You
not finna, She not finna call you mama. Hey, none
of this is fitting to work. I'm gonna have a
suggestion for you to say. I told him, as soon
as he makes me, I would rather work and deal
(12:02):
with a plane full of needy passages instead of dealing
with a grown child.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
He keeps saying grown.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
But she a child, She's not grown.
Speaker 4 (12:10):
My husband told me that my fighter fighter flight mentality
is ruining us. He can't see that his child is
divisive and honor. Am I wrong? Or does he need
to put herut? First of all, he can't put his
daughter out? Well, you're asking a man to not be
a man. You're asking a father to not be a farther.
(12:31):
You asking a man to show his daughter an example
of man that he's hoping that one day she'll be
able to find put her out? Are you kidding me?
And you for asking that? What's wrong with your maturity level? No,
he can't ask his daughter to leave, and no, he
can't put her out.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I'm gonna tell you right here, y'all.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
You never failed to mention in this letter that you
all have ever had to sit down to discuss this
to work?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Do it?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Because you know what your corner decided. You don't like her.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
You was through with a boat. She came to y'allut,
and now you're reaping what you saw. You remember how
you got your man doesn't fight?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
All right? Steve? Thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Please leave your comments on today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram
at Steve Harvey Fm and check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on demand.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.