September 13, 2018 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I am a 49 year old female married to a 49 year old man. I have five children and five grandchildren. Here is the problem. My current husband is not the father of my children. I married this man when my children were young. So he's been in their lives for a very long time. My youngest son just graduated from high school and will be going away for college. So now my husband thinks that we're done raising children and from now on it will be just the two of us. He has said that we don't have to worry about the kids anymore because they are all grown and have their own lives.........
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Buggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you. Here.
It is the strong Mary letta subject he wants me,
but not the children. Here Stephen Shirley, I am a
forty nine year old female married to a forty nine
year old man. We have five children and five grandchildren.
Here is the problem my current husband. I have five
(00:23):
children and five grandchildren. Okay, okay, here is the problem.
My current husband is not the father of my children.
I married this man when my children were young, so
he's been in their lives for a very long time.
My youngest son just graduated from high school and we'll
be going away for college. So now my husband thinks
(00:45):
that we are done raising children and from now on
it will be just the two of us. He has
said that he that we don't have to worry about
the kids anymore because they are all grown and have
their own lives. So am I not supposed to? So
am I'm not supposed to be involved with my children
since they are no longer living at home. My children
(01:05):
range from ages thirty two to eighteen years old, and
all five of them live in different states. I want
to see them and my grandkids as often as I can.
In fact, I'd like to move closer to them. My
husband does not want anything to do with them period.
He doesn't want to visit them, and he doesn't want
them to visit us. He said that they don't need
(01:25):
to come for the holidays. What the hell he really
thinks that because they are adults, I am supposed to
forget that they exist. I understand that these are are
golden years and we should be enjoying quality time together
and traveling the world, but our travels should also include
trips to see my children. If he's really serious, I
(01:47):
may have to spend my golden years alone. Stephen Shirley,
can you please help me? Well, Uh, your letters started
off nicely, so I'll put it like this. Your husband,
I'm sure it feels like he's done his job and over.
These were not his kids. He raised them anyway, He's
been in their lives, uh since they were really young.
So he's done and uh not being their biological debt.
(02:09):
Like I said, the ties are cut. He has no
connection really to them. It seems um Uh, he cut
them off and his concentration is now on you and
you guys the future together. He wants to live. He
wants to live his life, you know, and and do
all of those things. But now I think that he's
being very unrealistic when he says the children he doesn't
(02:30):
want the kids to come and see you, or he
doesn't want you to go see the kids. How is that?
I mean, really that that's a bit unrealistic, especially if
it makes you happy to see your kids. You're his wife.
He should want to see you happy and do those
things that make you happy. I mean, it's very unrealistic
to say that. He really thinks that because they're adults,
(02:51):
you're supposed to forget that they exist. No, that that's
not the issue, and he knows that's not the issue. Um,
they are grown and they are living their own lives.
That part is definitely true. But you guys got to
come to some kind of uh compromise in terms of
when you see the kids and when you go see
the kids, even if you just go by yourself, you
(03:11):
have to see your kids. These are your kids, Steve,
you're a parent. Now he wants me, but not the children, Okay,
that I can relate to. I don't won't mind either though,
(03:32):
And on any day between the seven month you can
come get folks just like that so that much. I understand,
But we are parents. You're forty nine, your man's forty nine.
You got five children and five grandkids. Uh, he's not
the fault of the kids. Your youngest son just graduated
(03:54):
high school going away to college. So now your husband
thinks that we've done raising children and from now need
to just be the two of us. He has says
that we don't have to worry about the kids no
more because they all grown and have their own lives. Okay,
are you kidding me? You really think that's how it goes?
Do you know that you are a parent for life,
(04:17):
for life. You may not be a husband or a
wife for life, but once you become a parent, you're
a parent for life. Now, there are some good ones
out there, and they are some bad ones out there.
I got it, you, sir, about to turn into a
bad one because you don't get it. You are in
your golden year, as you said that late in the letter.
(04:38):
Your kids are from thirty two d eighteen. All of
them live in different states, and you want to see
your kids and your grandkids. A matter of fact, you
want to move closer to him. Your husband don't want
nothing to do with them paid. He doesn't want to
visit them, and he doesn't want them to visit us.
He says, they don't need to come for the holiday.
(05:04):
That's what the lady type, don't need to come for
the holidays. What the hell? What the hell is right?
Come on, man, are you for real? Bro? You're gonna
just act like you never met these people? Like you? You?
They meant nothing? He going to college. I said, he
(05:24):
gotta come home right. He's not ready to live on
his own. And I got that. The kids range from
thirty two to eighteen. Man, do you know how much
advice they need? So how much help they need? Financial
support they need? Come on, man, that ain't how this work. Man?
Are you crazy? And he don't want them to bet
(05:46):
he don't want him to come for the holidays. What
the hell? He thinks that because they are adults, I'm
supposed to forget that they exist. That's the craziest part
of them. You gotta be nuts. It doesn't work that way.
It's crazy for you to think that. Come on, man,
I understand that these are golden years. You ain't before
the nine hell golden years. But if that's how you
(06:11):
want to look at it, okay, cool, and that we
should be enjoying quality time together and traveling the world.
Plays should also include trips to see my children. If
he's really serious, I may have to spend my golden
years along. What you say, Steve, I said, well, the
(06:33):
youngest one and graduated, and the boy is five kids,
none of them he is now he's going while they graduated.
They're going. We threw it they out. He's saying, no,
they have their own lives. They're adults. They should be
able to make it on their own. I want to
see my grandkids. Is offer that can It's what the
woman says. In fact, I want to move closer to him.
(06:55):
My husband doesn't want anything to do with them period.
He don't want to visit them. He don't want to
him to visit us. He said they don't need to
come for the holiday to him, and lady said what
to him, No, we don't come for the holidays. What
is Christmas about? He really thinks that because they're adults,
(07:15):
I'm supposed to forget they exist. I understand that these
are golden years and we should have been enjoying quality
time together and traveling the world. But I traveled playing
to the called trips to see my children. He's really serious.
I may have spend my golden years along Stephen Sherley.
Can you please help me? He wants to check out.
In essence, he wants to check out. He wants to
(07:36):
say that I've done my duty. I raised these kids
to the best of my ability. I've contributed, and now
they're gone. That's it. I'm chilling. I wish that was
the case. But honey, why don't you want to see
the kids. I mean that something happen. We've already seen
(07:57):
the kids. Well, yeah, you've seen since they were young.
I mean, and they live their own lives now. I
saw all I needed to see when they was here.
I'm todd. I've been working, paying Bill Punkin to college
and were covering up dream I bought the board, a
carbon machine all that, and honey, we appreciate it so much.
(08:17):
But these are my kids. I have to see them
on the holidays. That's what the holidays of four families. Holiday, Yes,
family like Thanksgiving, like Christmas, like Thanksgiving like Christmas. We
ain't going down there. I've already made arrangements for them
to come here here, here to the house that I'm
(08:40):
you know, getting the big Christmas tree and everything. They're
just got ready to We just got rid of the
damn boy and he are you inviting them back for?
They don't think we won't. Well, he has to have
somewhere to go when he's out of school for Christmas
break school? Are we? He downed that one of the
me in the national school? But he I want him
to come home. I missed them. I carried them for
(09:01):
nine months. This is my blood. So you raised and
the kid to be none but chump. He's a great kid.
He's in college now. Great kids were let for herself
make it. You know he ain't gonna get a job. Wow,
I don't understand. I mean you were so good with
them when they were young and helping me raise them.
(09:23):
Now all of a sudden, it's like, who are I
don't know? You just counting the day? What do you
mean you were counting the day until they got out
of this house? But you were so good. They call
you daddy, You're not even there. She won't call me
(09:44):
daddy called. They can't find that. Well, you know, I
just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate
that you were there for me, there for my kids.
I know you do. Baby, I appreciate now. I want
you to be here for me. Well, I am here you,
but I'm also all the time all that the mom
days over with. No, the mom days are never over with.
(10:07):
They is they're gone. No, they're not they No, they're
not call you keeping fighting them back leaving where the girl.
These are my kids and this is my house too.
They're coming home for the holidays. Okay, I put my
foot down and we're fight them back over for the holidays.
(10:29):
It's just being here. We ain't gonna will be able
to put a tree up. We're gonna put a tree
up right over there. But when you put a tree
up over there and then all these people coming to
the house, we will be decorated. It's just five kids
and five grandkids and their people. Look at the little room. Well,
(10:51):
then maybe we need a bigger house because I'm not
getting rid of my kids. Bigger house. Yes, it's a
bigger house, girl, the girl. We can finally got all
the people out of here only here. We need a
big house. It's just for a few days during the holiday's. Honey,
you don't want to send Christmas carols? Yeah, no, matter
(11:12):
fact I won't just how stage saying s so they
already outgrowed it. And who's gonna we need a bigger house?
Who's gonna help me cook? That's what we love doing that,
me and the girls cooking together well, preparing Christmas dinner
and Thanksgiving dinner. Huh, you ain't never been cool. We're
gonna stop your damn Joe that you don't try to
(11:39):
slide in and you can cook. We're gonna end damn
woman and the letter can cook letter try to slide in?
And who's gonna help you cool? That what we've been
trying to find out? Sit two thousands. I don't know
what the little Mexican man he set to his name,
nest the black dude? S are you Steve? Are you
(12:02):
still the man in the letter? Make up your mind?
I'm my man, inter But what you try to slide
in with a cooking compliment by yourself? And I don't
even let you do it now? Surely you can't cook?
Gonna help me cook? Anybody? I'm speaking as the woman
in the letter husband who hates kids now like dam
(12:27):
and why is that? What did they do to you
that I don't know about? Because it seems like to me,
you were getting along fine with them because you was
never there. You never knew what was going on behind them.
Does what did they gang up on you or something
to say? You're not having that one night and that board.
The eighteen year old boy he caught me on my
side and he climbed up on and he was choking me.
(12:50):
Oh wow, Yes, you didn't go about Tony. This is
gonna be so much fun. Come on now for a
few days. No, okay, I can I can't do it, Okay,
I can't mess on my holiday, missile. What am I
supposed to say when they asked me where's their dad?
Where's dad? And that you know they call you dad,
(13:13):
where's daddy? Huh? What am I supposed to say? You
ain't gonna say nothing called they ain't gonna be in here?
All right, we gotta go, We gotta get out of here.
Email us or Instagram. That's your thoughts on today's Strawberry
Letter at Steve Harvey f Emer, you can go to
my girl. Sure like you're listening to the Steve Harvey
(13:34):
Morning Show
Buggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you. Here.
It is the strong Mary letta subject he wants me,
but not the children. Here Stephen Shirley, I am a
forty nine year old female married to a forty nine
year old man. We have five children and five grandchildren.
Here is the problem my current husband. I have five
(00:23):
children and five grandchildren. Okay, okay, here is the problem.
My current husband is not the father of my children.
I married this man when my children were young, so
he's been in their lives for a very long time.
My youngest son just graduated from high school and we'll
be going away for college. So now my husband thinks
(00:45):
that we are done raising children and from now on
it will be just the two of us. He has
said that he that we don't have to worry about
the kids anymore because they are all grown and have
their own lives. So am I not supposed to? So
am I'm not supposed to be involved with my children
since they are no longer living at home. My children
(01:05):
range from ages thirty two to eighteen years old, and
all five of them live in different states. I want
to see them and my grandkids as often as I can.
In fact, I'd like to move closer to them. My
husband does not want anything to do with them period.
He doesn't want to visit them, and he doesn't want
them to visit us. He said that they don't need
(01:25):
to come for the holidays. What the hell he really
thinks that because they are adults, I am supposed to
forget that they exist. I understand that these are are
golden years and we should be enjoying quality time together
and traveling the world, but our travels should also include
trips to see my children. If he's really serious, I
(01:47):
may have to spend my golden years alone. Stephen Shirley,
can you please help me? Well, Uh, your letters started
off nicely, so I'll put it like this. Your husband,
I'm sure it feels like he's done his job and over.
These were not his kids. He raised them anyway, He's
been in their lives, uh since they were really young.
So he's done and uh not being their biological debt.
(02:09):
Like I said, the ties are cut. He has no
connection really to them. It seems um Uh, he cut
them off and his concentration is now on you and
you guys the future together. He wants to live. He
wants to live his life, you know, and and do
all of those things. But now I think that he's
being very unrealistic when he says the children he doesn't
(02:30):
want the kids to come and see you, or he
doesn't want you to go see the kids. How is that?
I mean, really that that's a bit unrealistic, especially if
it makes you happy to see your kids. You're his wife.
He should want to see you happy and do those
things that make you happy. I mean, it's very unrealistic
to say that. He really thinks that because they're adults,
(02:51):
you're supposed to forget that they exist. No, that that's
not the issue, and he knows that's not the issue. Um,
they are grown and they are living their own lives.
That part is definitely true. But you guys got to
come to some kind of uh compromise in terms of
when you see the kids and when you go see
the kids, even if you just go by yourself, you
(03:11):
have to see your kids. These are your kids, Steve,
you're a parent. Now he wants me, but not the children, Okay,
that I can relate to. I don't won't mind either though,
(03:32):
And on any day between the seven month you can
come get folks just like that so that much. I understand,
But we are parents. You're forty nine, your man's forty nine.
You got five children and five grandkids. Uh, he's not
the fault of the kids. Your youngest son just graduated
(03:54):
high school going away to college. So now your husband
thinks that we've done raising children and from now need
to just be the two of us. He has says
that we don't have to worry about the kids no
more because they all grown and have their own lives. Okay,
are you kidding me? You really think that's how it goes?
Do you know that you are a parent for life,
(04:17):
for life. You may not be a husband or a
wife for life, but once you become a parent, you're
a parent for life. Now, there are some good ones
out there, and they are some bad ones out there.
I got it, you, sir, about to turn into a
bad one because you don't get it. You are in
your golden year, as you said that late in the letter.
(04:38):
Your kids are from thirty two d eighteen. All of
them live in different states, and you want to see
your kids and your grandkids. A matter of fact, you
want to move closer to him. Your husband don't want
nothing to do with them paid. He doesn't want to
visit them, and he doesn't want them to visit us.
He says, they don't need to come for the holiday.
(05:04):
That's what the lady type, don't need to come for
the holidays. What the hell? What the hell is right?
Come on, man, are you for real? Bro? You're gonna
just act like you never met these people? Like you? You?
They meant nothing? He going to college. I said, he
(05:24):
gotta come home right. He's not ready to live on
his own. And I got that. The kids range from
thirty two to eighteen. Man, do you know how much
advice they need? So how much help they need? Financial
support they need? Come on, man, that ain't how this work. Man?
Are you crazy? And he don't want them to bet
(05:46):
he don't want him to come for the holidays. What
the hell? He thinks that because they are adults, I'm
supposed to forget that they exist. That's the craziest part
of them. You gotta be nuts. It doesn't work that way.
It's crazy for you to think that. Come on, man,
I understand that these are golden years. You ain't before
the nine hell golden years. But if that's how you
(06:11):
want to look at it, okay, cool, and that we
should be enjoying quality time together and traveling the world.
Plays should also include trips to see my children. If
he's really serious, I may have to spend my golden
years along. What you say, Steve, I said, well, the
(06:33):
youngest one and graduated, and the boy is five kids,
none of them he is now he's going while they graduated.
They're going. We threw it they out. He's saying, no,
they have their own lives. They're adults. They should be
able to make it on their own. I want to
see my grandkids. Is offer that can It's what the
woman says. In fact, I want to move closer to him.
(06:55):
My husband doesn't want anything to do with them period.
He don't want to visit them. He don't want to
him to visit us. He said they don't need to
come for the holiday to him, and lady said what
to him, No, we don't come for the holidays. What
is Christmas about? He really thinks that because they're adults,
(07:15):
I'm supposed to forget they exist. I understand that these
are golden years and we should have been enjoying quality
time together and traveling the world. But I traveled playing
to the called trips to see my children. He's really serious.
I may have spend my golden years along Stephen Sherley.
Can you please help me? He wants to check out.
In essence, he wants to check out. He wants to
(07:36):
say that I've done my duty. I raised these kids
to the best of my ability. I've contributed, and now
they're gone. That's it. I'm chilling. I wish that was
the case. But honey, why don't you want to see
the kids. I mean that something happen. We've already seen
(07:57):
the kids. Well, yeah, you've seen since they were young.
I mean, and they live their own lives now. I
saw all I needed to see when they was here.
I'm todd. I've been working, paying Bill Punkin to college
and were covering up dream I bought the board, a
carbon machine all that, and honey, we appreciate it so much.
(08:17):
But these are my kids. I have to see them
on the holidays. That's what the holidays of four families. Holiday, Yes,
family like Thanksgiving, like Christmas, like Thanksgiving like Christmas. We
ain't going down there. I've already made arrangements for them
to come here here, here to the house that I'm
(08:40):
you know, getting the big Christmas tree and everything. They're
just got ready to We just got rid of the
damn boy and he are you inviting them back for?
They don't think we won't. Well, he has to have
somewhere to go when he's out of school for Christmas
break school? Are we? He downed that one of the
me in the national school? But he I want him
to come home. I missed them. I carried them for
(09:01):
nine months. This is my blood. So you raised and
the kid to be none but chump. He's a great kid.
He's in college now. Great kids were let for herself
make it. You know he ain't gonna get a job. Wow,
I don't understand. I mean you were so good with
them when they were young and helping me raise them.
(09:23):
Now all of a sudden, it's like, who are I
don't know? You just counting the day? What do you
mean you were counting the day until they got out
of this house? But you were so good. They call
you daddy, You're not even there. She won't call me
(09:44):
daddy called. They can't find that. Well, you know, I
just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate
that you were there for me, there for my kids.
I know you do. Baby, I appreciate now. I want
you to be here for me. Well, I am here you,
but I'm also all the time all that the mom
days over with. No, the mom days are never over with.
(10:07):
They is they're gone. No, they're not they No, they're
not call you keeping fighting them back leaving where the girl.
These are my kids and this is my house too.
They're coming home for the holidays. Okay, I put my
foot down and we're fight them back over for the holidays.
(10:29):
It's just being here. We ain't gonna will be able
to put a tree up. We're gonna put a tree
up right over there. But when you put a tree
up over there and then all these people coming to
the house, we will be decorated. It's just five kids
and five grandkids and their people. Look at the little room. Well,
(10:51):
then maybe we need a bigger house because I'm not
getting rid of my kids. Bigger house. Yes, it's a
bigger house, girl, the girl. We can finally got all
the people out of here only here. We need a
big house. It's just for a few days during the holiday's. Honey,
you don't want to send Christmas carols? Yeah, no, matter
(11:12):
fact I won't just how stage saying s so they
already outgrowed it. And who's gonna we need a bigger house?
Who's gonna help me cook? That's what we love doing that,
me and the girls cooking together well, preparing Christmas dinner
and Thanksgiving dinner. Huh, you ain't never been cool. We're
gonna stop your damn Joe that you don't try to
(11:39):
slide in and you can cook. We're gonna end damn
woman and the letter can cook letter try to slide in?
And who's gonna help you cool? That what we've been
trying to find out? Sit two thousands. I don't know
what the little Mexican man he set to his name,
nest the black dude? S are you Steve? Are you
(12:02):
still the man in the letter? Make up your mind?
I'm my man, inter But what you try to slide
in with a cooking compliment by yourself? And I don't
even let you do it now? Surely you can't cook?
Gonna help me cook? Anybody? I'm speaking as the woman
in the letter husband who hates kids now like dam
(12:27):
and why is that? What did they do to you
that I don't know about? Because it seems like to me,
you were getting along fine with them because you was
never there. You never knew what was going on behind them.
Does what did they gang up on you or something
to say? You're not having that one night and that board.
The eighteen year old boy he caught me on my
side and he climbed up on and he was choking me.
(12:50):
Oh wow, Yes, you didn't go about Tony. This is
gonna be so much fun. Come on now for a
few days. No, okay, I can I can't do it, Okay,
I can't mess on my holiday, missile. What am I
supposed to say when they asked me where's their dad?
Where's dad? And that you know they call you dad,
(13:13):
where's daddy? Huh? What am I supposed to say? You
ain't gonna say nothing called they ain't gonna be in here?
All right, we gotta go, We gotta get out of here.
Email us or Instagram. That's your thoughts on today's Strawberry
Letter at Steve Harvey f Emer, you can go to
my girl. Sure like you're listening to the Steve Harvey
(13:34):
Morning Show
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.