October 14, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show Tuesday, October 14th, 2025. Subject: "He's So Good, Yet So Bad"
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice and relationships, dating works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve BARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on, tank.
We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Nephew, Thank you. Subject He's so good yet so bad.
Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm in my mid thirties and I've
been with my man for five years, married for two years.
I love my man greatly and he treats me like
a queen and has accepted my child as his own.
The only issue I have is that he does not
(00:48):
listen when we have disagreements. It's mostly because of the
way he says things to me. I have to bring
it to his attention and tell him how it makes
me feel. He usually says, well, you did this or
that to make me say things like that to you.
This that's not the way to communicate to anyone, and
he doesn't get it. To keep the peace, I have
to shift into I'm sorry mode and focus on his
(01:12):
feelings because I don't want to crush his ego. If
I ever do anything to offend him, I quickly apologize,
but he won't do the same for me. I tell
him all the time if I don't have a safe
space to express my feelings, then I shut down, and
he doesn't seem to understand that or want to understand it.
He told me that most men don't understand how women think,
(01:33):
and he's no exception. I don't care about most men.
I need for him to listen when I tell him
about my feelings and to acknowledge that he hurts my feelings,
then correct the behavior and stop doing it. I feel
like I'm slowly shutting down emotionally because I always try
to take care of his feelings and he doesn't care
how I feel. He tells me to get over it
(01:55):
because I'm always complaining about little stuff. It's like I'm
one of his homie and I'm not supposed to get
hurt by him snapping at me or yelling at me
for small things I do. I think if he's irritated,
we should talk it through. How can he be so
good and so bad at the same time. Am I
fighting a losing battle here? Well, I say this, I'll
(02:20):
say this. I'll put it like that. What you are
fighting is a battle of wanting this man to change
and trying to get him to change it. He's not
going to do it because he doesn't want to change.
This is who he is. He's a stubborn man. He
has old school values about women. He has a mean streak.
If he's talking to you crazy and he thinks he's
(02:40):
doing the right thing, you are doing nothing wrong. It's
perfectly natural to want to be heard by your husband
seen by your husband, but you always give in. You
say you don't want to crush his ego, but you've
got to figure out how to get what you want
out of this man. I think he's always been like this,
and you thought you could change him, like most women
(03:02):
think they can change their men. It was one of
those red flags that you ignored because he took in
you and your child, and you say he treats you
like a queen, although I don't see how you can
say that when you wrote this letter. But you still
got to stand up for yourself and use your voice.
You're not making him do anything like he says. He
(03:22):
talks to you that way because that's who he is.
He doesn't hear you because he's not trying to hear you.
You can't go on like this. You don't really tell
us what your disagreements and arguments are about. So it's
really hard to offer any type of solution other than
marriage counseling to learn how to better communicate with each other.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Steve, I know exactly what's going on here. I'm not
even just no brainer for me. I know exactly what's
going on. He's so good yet so bad. She's in
a mid thirties, she been with her husband five years,
married for two treats are like a queen.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
He's accepted her child as his own.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
That means he's a good dad, a good father, good husband,
a good provider. That's what that means, and that's how
you make a woman feel like a queen. The problem
is he doesn't know how to communicate. Listen to me,
This man communicates this way to you because he has
(04:23):
been allowed to. He's done it before. He's always done
it this way, and before you somebody didn't tolerate it.
That's why they broke up because you ain't the first
and now you're trying to tolerate this person who doesn't
have communication skills, and I'm just gonna tell it to
(04:46):
you like this. He usually says, well, if you do
this or that to make me say things to you
like that, Ah, okay, that's always the case.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
And then he told you he said.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Most men don't understand how women think, and he's no exception.
That's the truest statement in this letter. Most men do
not know how women think.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
That's a fact. That's an impossible thing to figure out.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
The man who could write a book this is how
women think would be a billionaire. But you can't write
this book because you don't know how they think. And
you can think. You know, if you want to, they'll
change it. I promise you they will change it. So
(05:44):
this excuse that he gave you is it. It's the
ongoing thing for all men. Here is your problem, and
we'll get into it when we come back. The reason
this man talks to you this way over and over
and does has no disregard for your feelings at all,
(06:06):
is because he has been allowed to and he suffers
no consequences.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You always say I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
If you say, he gets irritated, so he has suffered
no consequences, so therefore the behavior continues. That's it in
a nutshell. I have solved it. When we come back,
we'll go over some consequences.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
All right, Hang on, Steve, I will have part two
of your response coming up at twenty three minutes to
after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter subject He's so good
yet so bad. We'll get back into it right after this.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Hi, this is Feliciava shot and you're listening to the
Steve Harvey Morning Shows.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show. Hi, this is Shirley's
Strawberry and I'm partner with the leave. Let me tell
you it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm
owe some furniture around last weekend in my new place.
It turns out that was a really bad idea because
all that bending and lifting and pretending I'm still twenty
(07:12):
five didn't agree with my knees. So I grabbed a
leaf because when my body pain shows up, I need
something that lasts. With just one pill, A leave lasts
up to twelve hours. Don't let those aches and pain
hold you back from doing what's important to you, use
as directed. All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's
strawberry letter. The subject is He's so good yet so bad?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
All right, Now, I could recap this letter and take
a bunch of time, but let me just get to
the main part of this.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Ladies.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
If you're in a relationship with a man who repeatedly
does something to you that irritates you, and he's not
fixing it, and he does it over and over and over,
and in order for you to keep the peace, you
usually have to apologize to him to keep it moving.
(08:01):
And you don't feel as though you have a safe
space to go to in your relationship to discuss your
feelings because when you bring up your feelings, he then
turns around and tells you, well, you did this or
that which made me do this, that's your man. And
then he turns around and tells you that most men
(08:23):
don't understand how women think, and he's no exception. All right,
that's the letter in a nutshell. Now, ladies, let me
give you the cure for this. Your man performs and
acts out bad behavior over and over and over because
there is no.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Consequence to his actions. Period.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I have said this on this show before. Men respond
to a few things. Pain, reward, and consequence. Thus are
the only things we respond to. Because we are men,
we are simple. We respond to pain, we respond to reward,
and we respond to consequences. If there is no pain,
(09:09):
no reward, no consequences, We're gonna do like we want to.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And that's every man walking, living and breathing. This is facts.
This ain't no aw Steve, you just said no. I'm
telling you the truth.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So now in this letter, this man who will not
consider your feelings, who snaps at you when he wants to,
who says what he wants to say to you, blames
you for everything. The reason I said this to you
is because you said this or you did that, and
never apologize to you and constantly does this to you.
(09:47):
It's because he suffers no pain, he gets no reward,
or there are no consequences. So now he is the fix.
And I'm telling you, ladies, and you and you can
sit there if you want to until you issue consequences.
It will continue. Let me give you an example. Let's
(10:08):
say every time your man snaps at you in public,
you walk away and just and just walk off in public.
Just what leave him standing there in front of whoever
he snapped in front of?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
You maybe even go get in the car maybe, or
just go over there and start talking to somebody else
at through in the room or something like that. That consequence. Hey,
what happened to you? We were standing there talking? No no, no,
no no. I have asked you repeatedly not to go
off in front of me in front of nobody else.
That's one way or and I don't recommend this, but
(10:46):
I've seen this work really efficiently. He snaps, he goes
off on you in front of somebody else. You know what?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I heard the woman say, who you think you're talking to?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
That one right there? That work. Now.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
A lot of women won't do that because they don't
want to embarrass their husband in front of nobody.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
But if it continues, who do you think you talking to?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Is a question directly directed to him that creates a
moment of pause. And I promise you the next time
he will think about it. Here's another one. On the
way home, ain't nobody talking? The quiet car ride is
a painful experience. That work.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
All you hear is breathing in the car kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Breath in the car, suddenly saying he reach over and
touch it with his finger on your hand, snatch your
hand right quick, gott don't you know so long when
you go home? Slamming doors, ooh, slamming doors, dose, slaming covered, slamming.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Tarlet seat, slamming all that we hit it. We just
came in and cut sports and on.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
We're trying to forget about all of a sudden doors
is slamming.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
We hear.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Dishes clanging extra loud, no good, and well, you don't
make that much noise. These are called consequences, which creates pain.
What gets a result. So, ladies, if you are not
going to issue one of three things, pain, reward, or consequence,
your man will continue to do.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Now.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Reward is very big. Now, when your man does something,
it positive. Reinforcement works, baby, Thank you so much. I
know how hard you're working for this family. Thank you
so much. Most men will leave this world and die
from lack of appreciation. I have said that, but I
don't think people understand it. Being a man is hard.
(13:10):
I'm not saying being a woman eight I'm not. That's
not what I'm saying. But reward is important too, but
if so, if you're gonna issue pain and consequences, you're
gonna have to balance it with some reward, all right,
all right, see how Monica made that face over there.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
See that's why I should see that that I ain't
giving over reward.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Post your comments then Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey
FM on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on the free iHeartRadio app for it never sounded
so good. You can download it. Today you're listening to
the Steve Harvey Morning Show
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice and relationships, dating works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve BARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on, tank.
We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Nephew, Thank you. Subject He's so good yet so bad.
Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm in my mid thirties and I've
been with my man for five years, married for two years.
I love my man greatly and he treats me like
a queen and has accepted my child as his own.
The only issue I have is that he does not
(00:48):
listen when we have disagreements. It's mostly because of the
way he says things to me. I have to bring
it to his attention and tell him how it makes
me feel. He usually says, well, you did this or
that to make me say things like that to you.
This that's not the way to communicate to anyone, and
he doesn't get it. To keep the peace, I have
to shift into I'm sorry mode and focus on his
(01:12):
feelings because I don't want to crush his ego. If
I ever do anything to offend him, I quickly apologize,
but he won't do the same for me. I tell
him all the time if I don't have a safe
space to express my feelings, then I shut down, and
he doesn't seem to understand that or want to understand it.
He told me that most men don't understand how women think,
(01:33):
and he's no exception. I don't care about most men.
I need for him to listen when I tell him
about my feelings and to acknowledge that he hurts my feelings,
then correct the behavior and stop doing it. I feel
like I'm slowly shutting down emotionally because I always try
to take care of his feelings and he doesn't care
how I feel. He tells me to get over it
(01:55):
because I'm always complaining about little stuff. It's like I'm
one of his homie and I'm not supposed to get
hurt by him snapping at me or yelling at me
for small things I do. I think if he's irritated,
we should talk it through. How can he be so
good and so bad at the same time. Am I
fighting a losing battle here? Well, I say this, I'll
(02:20):
say this. I'll put it like that. What you are
fighting is a battle of wanting this man to change
and trying to get him to change it. He's not
going to do it because he doesn't want to change.
This is who he is. He's a stubborn man. He
has old school values about women. He has a mean streak.
If he's talking to you crazy and he thinks he's
(02:40):
doing the right thing, you are doing nothing wrong. It's
perfectly natural to want to be heard by your husband
seen by your husband, but you always give in. You
say you don't want to crush his ego, but you've
got to figure out how to get what you want
out of this man. I think he's always been like this,
and you thought you could change him, like most women
(03:02):
think they can change their men. It was one of
those red flags that you ignored because he took in
you and your child, and you say he treats you
like a queen, although I don't see how you can
say that when you wrote this letter. But you still
got to stand up for yourself and use your voice.
You're not making him do anything like he says. He
(03:22):
talks to you that way because that's who he is.
He doesn't hear you because he's not trying to hear you.
You can't go on like this. You don't really tell
us what your disagreements and arguments are about. So it's
really hard to offer any type of solution other than
marriage counseling to learn how to better communicate with each other.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Steve, I know exactly what's going on here. I'm not
even just no brainer for me. I know exactly what's
going on. He's so good yet so bad. She's in
a mid thirties, she been with her husband five years,
married for two treats are like a queen.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
He's accepted her child as his own.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
That means he's a good dad, a good father, good husband,
a good provider. That's what that means, and that's how
you make a woman feel like a queen. The problem
is he doesn't know how to communicate. Listen to me,
This man communicates this way to you because he has
(04:23):
been allowed to. He's done it before. He's always done
it this way, and before you somebody didn't tolerate it.
That's why they broke up because you ain't the first
and now you're trying to tolerate this person who doesn't
have communication skills, and I'm just gonna tell it to
(04:46):
you like this. He usually says, well, if you do
this or that to make me say things to you
like that, Ah, okay, that's always the case.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
And then he told you he said.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Most men don't understand how women think, and he's no exception.
That's the truest statement in this letter. Most men do
not know how women think.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
That's a fact. That's an impossible thing to figure out.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
The man who could write a book this is how
women think would be a billionaire. But you can't write
this book because you don't know how they think. And
you can think. You know, if you want to, they'll
change it. I promise you they will change it. So
(05:44):
this excuse that he gave you is it. It's the
ongoing thing for all men. Here is your problem, and
we'll get into it when we come back. The reason
this man talks to you this way over and over
and does has no disregard for your feelings at all,
(06:06):
is because he has been allowed to and he suffers
no consequences.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You always say I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
If you say, he gets irritated, so he has suffered
no consequences, so therefore the behavior continues. That's it in
a nutshell. I have solved it. When we come back,
we'll go over some consequences.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
All right, Hang on, Steve, I will have part two
of your response coming up at twenty three minutes to
after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter subject He's so good
yet so bad. We'll get back into it right after this.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Hi, this is Feliciava shot and you're listening to the
Steve Harvey Morning Shows.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show. Hi, this is Shirley's
Strawberry and I'm partner with the leave. Let me tell
you it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm
owe some furniture around last weekend in my new place.
It turns out that was a really bad idea because
all that bending and lifting and pretending I'm still twenty
(07:12):
five didn't agree with my knees. So I grabbed a
leaf because when my body pain shows up, I need
something that lasts. With just one pill, A leave lasts
up to twelve hours. Don't let those aches and pain
hold you back from doing what's important to you, use
as directed. All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's
strawberry letter. The subject is He's so good yet so bad?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
All right, Now, I could recap this letter and take
a bunch of time, but let me just get to
the main part of this.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Ladies.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
If you're in a relationship with a man who repeatedly
does something to you that irritates you, and he's not
fixing it, and he does it over and over and over,
and in order for you to keep the peace, you
usually have to apologize to him to keep it moving.
(08:01):
And you don't feel as though you have a safe
space to go to in your relationship to discuss your
feelings because when you bring up your feelings, he then
turns around and tells you, well, you did this or
that which made me do this, that's your man. And
then he turns around and tells you that most men
(08:23):
don't understand how women think, and he's no exception. All right,
that's the letter in a nutshell. Now, ladies, let me
give you the cure for this. Your man performs and
acts out bad behavior over and over and over because
there is no.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Consequence to his actions. Period.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I have said this on this show before. Men respond
to a few things. Pain, reward, and consequence. Thus are
the only things we respond to. Because we are men,
we are simple. We respond to pain, we respond to reward,
and we respond to consequences. If there is no pain,
(09:09):
no reward, no consequences, We're gonna do like we want to.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And that's every man walking, living and breathing. This is facts.
This ain't no aw Steve, you just said no. I'm
telling you the truth.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
So now in this letter, this man who will not
consider your feelings, who snaps at you when he wants to,
who says what he wants to say to you, blames
you for everything. The reason I said this to you
is because you said this or you did that, and
never apologize to you and constantly does this to you.
(09:47):
It's because he suffers no pain, he gets no reward,
or there are no consequences. So now he is the fix.
And I'm telling you, ladies, and you and you can
sit there if you want to until you issue consequences.
It will continue. Let me give you an example. Let's
(10:08):
say every time your man snaps at you in public,
you walk away and just and just walk off in public.
Just what leave him standing there in front of whoever
he snapped in front of?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
You maybe even go get in the car maybe, or
just go over there and start talking to somebody else
at through in the room or something like that. That consequence. Hey,
what happened to you? We were standing there talking? No no, no,
no no. I have asked you repeatedly not to go
off in front of me in front of nobody else.
That's one way or and I don't recommend this, but
(10:46):
I've seen this work really efficiently. He snaps, he goes
off on you in front of somebody else. You know what?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I heard the woman say, who you think you're talking to?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
That one right there? That work. Now.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
A lot of women won't do that because they don't
want to embarrass their husband in front of nobody.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
But if it continues, who do you think you talking to?
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Is a question directly directed to him that creates a
moment of pause. And I promise you the next time
he will think about it. Here's another one. On the
way home, ain't nobody talking? The quiet car ride is
a painful experience. That work.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
All you hear is breathing in the car kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Breath in the car, suddenly saying he reach over and
touch it with his finger on your hand, snatch your
hand right quick, gott don't you know so long when
you go home? Slamming doors, ooh, slamming doors, dose, slaming covered, slamming.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Tarlet seat, slamming all that we hit it. We just
came in and cut sports and on.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
We're trying to forget about all of a sudden doors
is slamming.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
We hear.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Dishes clanging extra loud, no good, and well, you don't
make that much noise. These are called consequences, which creates pain.
What gets a result. So, ladies, if you are not
going to issue one of three things, pain, reward, or consequence,
your man will continue to do.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Now.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Reward is very big. Now, when your man does something,
it positive. Reinforcement works, baby, Thank you so much. I
know how hard you're working for this family. Thank you
so much. Most men will leave this world and die
from lack of appreciation. I have said that, but I
don't think people understand it. Being a man is hard.
(13:10):
I'm not saying being a woman eight I'm not. That's
not what I'm saying. But reward is important too, but
if so, if you're gonna issue pain and consequences, you're
gonna have to balance it with some reward, all right,
all right, see how Monica made that face over there.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
See that's why I should see that that I ain't
giving over reward.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Post your comments then Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey
FM on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on the free iHeartRadio app for it never sounded
so good. You can download it. Today you're listening to
the Steve Harvey Morning Show
Popular Podcasts
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com