January 4, 2024 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I am an older married woman and this is my second marriage. When I met my husband, he was extremely handsome and generous. We connected spiritually and he joined my church. We didn’t court for long and he said he knew I was his soulmate the minute we met. I knew things could be going too fast because I’m his third wife, but I felt the same connection to him so I agreed to marry him................
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, work, dating, sex, parenting, and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
We could be reading your.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Buggle up, hold on tight. We got it for you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It is the Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Nephew's subject. I don't know my husband at all, Dear
Stephen Shirley. I am an older married woman and this
is my second marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
When I met my.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Husband, he was extremely handsome and generous. We connected spiritually
and he joined my church. We didn't court for long,
and he said he knew I was his soulmate the
minute we met. I knew things could be going too
fast because I'm his third wife, but I felt the
same connection to him, so I agreed to marry him.
(00:57):
Only five people came to our wedding, and they were
all my family. None of his children or family members came.
My two daughters thought we were rushing into this since
I had only known him for eight months. And I
told him how they felt, and he snapped back and said,
my grown daughters need to stay out of our business.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
On our wedding night, we had sex and.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It was just okay, so I figured it would get
better with time. It has not, because we haven't had
sex since we got married three months ago. He does
not go to church anymore, and on Sunday mornings he
goes to the casino with his brother. When I asked
him about wasting money, he said he has extra money
because my house is paid for and all he has
(01:39):
to pay is utilities, so it's not a waste of money.
I asked him why we don't have sex, and he
said it's not a woman's place to do the chasing.
So I need to be patient and let him come
on to me. If I asked him anything, I get
that kind of response, and his mouth is so reckless
that I go for days without talking to him. My
(02:00):
daughters do not like him and think I should get
my marriage annulled.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I am not ready to give up on him.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
On the bright side, he cooks dinner every day and
he keeps the house clean. We live his roommates, not
his husband and wife. What has happened to the man
I'm married? Well, this is him this is who you married.
This is who you married. You just weren't with him
long enough to get to know him, to find out
this other part. I know this is not what you
(02:26):
signed up for. You say you're not ready to give
up on him, But what are you waiting on? You say,
he talks to you crazy, He goes to the casino
on Sunday, loses money after only three months, he's already
given up on you and the marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You get no sex.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
You're right, and you don't know your husband at all
because you never met him. The guy you met was
a representative who you know, the generous one going to
church with you, you all connected spiritually and all that.
The one who had sex with you one time, and
that was on your wedding. You say that was all
(03:03):
in the beginning. But and he was definitely not your soulmate.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Do you think, though, maybe you guys moved too fast
because I think that you were concerned that this was
your second marriage, this is his third marriage. I think
you guys moved too fast. I'm sure this is not
what you want in a husband. Cooking and cleaning, those
are great qualities, great qualities to have.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
But since that's all he does.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
It's definitely not enough to sustain a marriage or to
stay in a marriage. He's mean to you, he's selfish
and controlling, and he has no regard for what you need.
It just sounds like he married you. I'm gonna say it,
because your house was paid for and all he had
to pay were utility, so he got a scott free financially.
(03:49):
I agree with your daughters who said you should get
your marriage annulled. I think you should get out of
this sham of a marriage just as quickly as you
got in it, because it's going to keep getting worse
and you're not having sex anyway, and you know he's
not the man you thought you knew anyway, So why
waste more of your time?
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Steve, uh, very quick letter to me. You're an older woman,
it's your second marriage. You met your husband. He was
extremely handsome and generous. Well, you said he was extremely
handsome and general was so something happened. Something happened now
(04:30):
his last.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Got Yeah, yeah, he just he was extremely handsome, y'all,
connected spiritually, and he joined your church.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Y'all.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
We didn't court long because he said he knew I
was just so so mate.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
The moment we met.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I knew things was going too fast because I'm his
third wife, but I felt the same connection to him,
so I agreed to marry him. Really, okay, we'll check
this out. Only five people came our wedding, and they
were all my family. None of his children or family
members came. That's because they knew, here we go again.
(05:10):
He ain't worth for damn nowhere, so here we go again. Okay,
So now that's the end of that. You done got
this wedding. Five people came, all of your family. Then
your two daughters thought y'all was rushing into it since
you only knew him for eight months.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I told him how they felt.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
He snapped back and said, your grown daughters need to
stay out of our business. Oh he touched it to,
so he fast moved. He ain't handsome no more, and
don't the ain't. Nobody in his family either bothered coming
to the video to the wedding, and now he touches.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I don't see nothing good in this letter at all.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
On our wedding night, we had sex and it was
just okay, all right, And then you figured it would
get better with time. It has not, because we ain't
had sex since we got married three months ago. What
and he don't go to church anymore? Well, he just
joined the church to make to make a good showing.
(06:20):
On Sunday morning, he go to the casino with his brother.
When I asked him about wasting money, he said, he
has extra money because my house is paid for and
all he has to do is pay utility.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Wow, he plage.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Yeh h.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
He's straight cold plage.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
So he got extra money because his money his money,
y'all's money, ain't y'all's money.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We'll have part two of your response coming up in
twenty three minutes after the hour. Subject today, I don't
know my husband at all. We'll get back into it
right after this.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
You're listening hard morning show.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject I don't know my husband at all.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Well, you don't because you rushed into it like your
daughters thought you did, and like you realized you did,
and you said you thought it might be moving fast
because this was his third marriage.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
He used to be handsome.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
He ain't no more, ain't but five people come to
the wed and they was all your family, his kids,
and nobody else showed up.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
He didn't even tell nobody. Then you've only known it
for eight months.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Ain't nobody come to the wedding because they knew he
wasn't about nothing. Then you told him that your daughters
thought they ran into it too quick.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
He said they need to mind their own bitsin is
he touchy on? You wed night?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Y'all had sex. It was just okay, So I figured
it would get better with time. Is not because y'all
ain't had sex since we got married three months ago.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
You might not be the only one thought it was
just okay.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Then I just wanted to throw that out there, but
it probably it got nothing to do with you, though.
It looks like to me, ma'am, you just married the
wrong guy. He does not go to church anymore. That's
because he just joined your church to make it look good.
On Sunday morning, he goes to the casino with his brother.
When I asked him about wasting money, he said, he's
got extra money because my house is paid for and
(08:20):
all he has to do is pay utility.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
What So he made this own arrangement himself.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
So in the eight months where you didn't get to
know him, he found out everything he needed to know
about you. In one of the things. He found out.
Your house was paid so now, so it's not a
waste of money. I asked him why we don't have sex,
and he said it's not a woman's place to do
the chasing. So I need to be patient. Let him
(08:49):
come on to me. But it's been ninety days. When
I created the ninety day rule in my book, it
wasn't for people who was mabby. I don't you know.
You can go ahead half sick. Now, this ain't the
place for the ninety day route.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Okay, Steve, I got a question.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Okay, she says.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
On the bright side, yeah, you got it. You gotta
get to that. Let me just right here and keep
the house clean.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
It's kind of a responsive mouth, as records go for
days that I talk to. My daughters don't like him.
I think I should get my marriage to nod. Shirley
said you should get in and old. I agree. I'm
not ready to give up on him. Well that's a
stupid statement, because he gave up on you. Yeah. Right,
on the bright side, he cooks dinner every day and
(09:46):
he keeps the house clean, so damn what.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Every day?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Ain't you right?
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Ain't like he's making plates for you and the people,
the homeless people in the neighborhood. He eating he liked cooking,
and he like a clean house. He don't like sex
with you. He don't like going to church. He don't
like talking to you with respect. He don't like your daughters.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
He doesn't like his family.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
He don't like his family. His family don't like him.
He don't really want to be married. He don't like
nobody but the casino and his brother.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
His brother didn't come to the way.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
That he go gambling with. It is just a lot
right now.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Man?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Why you tell him your house was paid for? Wow,
so pay utilities, cook and clean.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
The game. If I was you, i'd get your marriage
to know like your daughter said, yeah, get it or no,
they don't even count as a marriage and walk off
and put him out. And you ain't lost nothing. Ain't
nothing lost right now? You ain't that you ain't ready
to give up on it.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
You should be. He didne gave up.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I mean he threw Yeah, he got out rolled all
over him.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And how you gonna see it is beyond me. I'm out, lady.
You ain't gotta take this here.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
You could do this by your See, you thought you
had a soul mate because he said, I knew used
my soulmate. The moment you member that, this is how
he treats a soul mate. I don't want to be
that type of soul man. Right right, man, I tell
you what. Don't call me soul mate, call me stranger.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Right right about her daughter's crazy.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Man, this dude is a complete wasting time, lady, Come
on about your biz.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Oh real, he used to be handsome, remember.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And generous?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh boy?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
He so you're stingy and ugly now.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Steve, Yeah, he did just enough to get you.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Now, that's what I'm saying, he representative.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I don't want to apologize to some low down ass
dudes out here.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Man. All that, but that's why.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
I say, man, you've got to take your time to
get to know these yeah people instead of falling in
love with their representative the first thirty days. You're gonna
get the best him he can be if you just wait,
if you'd have waited out, you could have found all
this out right.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Just because she's an older woman, you know, sometimes she
she may have gotten anxious thinking she wasn't going to
find anyone else you know, and all that you ain't
found nobody.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Right, Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
So just let him go get that annument like your
daughter say, please get the annoment.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Lady going about your business.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah all right, Steve, thank you. Post your comments on
today's Strawberry Letter. It's Steve HARBFM on Instagram and Facebook.
Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
H
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, work, dating, sex, parenting, and more. Please
submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
We could be reading your.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Buggle up, hold on tight. We got it for you.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
It is the Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Nephew's subject. I don't know my husband at all, Dear
Stephen Shirley. I am an older married woman and this
is my second marriage.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
When I met my.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Husband, he was extremely handsome and generous. We connected spiritually
and he joined my church. We didn't court for long,
and he said he knew I was his soulmate the
minute we met. I knew things could be going too
fast because I'm his third wife, but I felt the
same connection to him, so I agreed to marry him.
(00:57):
Only five people came to our wedding, and they were
all my family. None of his children or family members came.
My two daughters thought we were rushing into this since
I had only known him for eight months. And I
told him how they felt, and he snapped back and said,
my grown daughters need to stay out of our business.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
On our wedding night, we had sex and.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It was just okay, so I figured it would get
better with time. It has not, because we haven't had
sex since we got married three months ago. He does
not go to church anymore, and on Sunday mornings he
goes to the casino with his brother. When I asked
him about wasting money, he said he has extra money
because my house is paid for and all he has
(01:39):
to pay is utilities, so it's not a waste of money.
I asked him why we don't have sex, and he
said it's not a woman's place to do the chasing.
So I need to be patient and let him come
on to me. If I asked him anything, I get
that kind of response, and his mouth is so reckless
that I go for days without talking to him. My
(02:00):
daughters do not like him and think I should get
my marriage annulled.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I am not ready to give up on him.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
On the bright side, he cooks dinner every day and
he keeps the house clean. We live his roommates, not
his husband and wife. What has happened to the man
I'm married? Well, this is him this is who you married.
This is who you married. You just weren't with him
long enough to get to know him, to find out
this other part. I know this is not what you
(02:26):
signed up for. You say you're not ready to give
up on him, But what are you waiting on? You say,
he talks to you crazy, He goes to the casino
on Sunday, loses money after only three months, he's already
given up on you and the marriage.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You get no sex.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
You're right, and you don't know your husband at all
because you never met him. The guy you met was
a representative who you know, the generous one going to
church with you, you all connected spiritually and all that.
The one who had sex with you one time, and
that was on your wedding. You say that was all
(03:03):
in the beginning. But and he was definitely not your soulmate.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Do you think, though, maybe you guys moved too fast
because I think that you were concerned that this was
your second marriage, this is his third marriage. I think
you guys moved too fast. I'm sure this is not
what you want in a husband. Cooking and cleaning, those
are great qualities, great qualities to have.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
But since that's all he does.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
It's definitely not enough to sustain a marriage or to
stay in a marriage. He's mean to you, he's selfish
and controlling, and he has no regard for what you need.
It just sounds like he married you. I'm gonna say it,
because your house was paid for and all he had
to pay were utility, so he got a scott free financially.
(03:49):
I agree with your daughters who said you should get
your marriage annulled. I think you should get out of
this sham of a marriage just as quickly as you
got in it, because it's going to keep getting worse
and you're not having sex anyway, and you know he's
not the man you thought you knew anyway, So why
waste more of your time?
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Steve, uh, very quick letter to me. You're an older woman,
it's your second marriage. You met your husband. He was
extremely handsome and generous. Well, you said he was extremely
handsome and general was so something happened. Something happened now
(04:30):
his last.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Got Yeah, yeah, he just he was extremely handsome, y'all,
connected spiritually, and he joined your church.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Y'all.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
We didn't court long because he said he knew I
was just so so mate.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
The moment we met.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I knew things was going too fast because I'm his
third wife, but I felt the same connection to him,
so I agreed to marry him. Really, okay, we'll check
this out. Only five people came our wedding, and they
were all my family. None of his children or family
members came. That's because they knew, here we go again.
(05:10):
He ain't worth for damn nowhere, so here we go again. Okay,
So now that's the end of that. You done got
this wedding. Five people came, all of your family. Then
your two daughters thought y'all was rushing into it since
you only knew him for eight months.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
I told him how they felt.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
He snapped back and said, your grown daughters need to
stay out of our business. Oh he touched it to,
so he fast moved. He ain't handsome no more, and
don't the ain't. Nobody in his family either bothered coming
to the video to the wedding, and now he touches.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
I don't see nothing good in this letter at all.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
On our wedding night, we had sex and it was
just okay, all right, And then you figured it would
get better with time. It has not, because we ain't
had sex since we got married three months ago. What
and he don't go to church anymore? Well, he just
joined the church to make to make a good showing.
(06:20):
On Sunday morning, he go to the casino with his brother.
When I asked him about wasting money, he said, he
has extra money because my house is paid for and
all he has to do is pay utility.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Wow, he plage.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
Yeh h.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
He's straight cold plage.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
So he got extra money because his money his money,
y'all's money, ain't y'all's money.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
We'll have part two of your response coming up in
twenty three minutes after the hour. Subject today, I don't
know my husband at all. We'll get back into it
right after this.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
You're listening hard morning show.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
All right, Come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject I don't know my husband at all.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Well, you don't because you rushed into it like your
daughters thought you did, and like you realized you did,
and you said you thought it might be moving fast
because this was his third marriage.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
He used to be handsome.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
He ain't no more, ain't but five people come to
the wed and they was all your family, his kids,
and nobody else showed up.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
He didn't even tell nobody. Then you've only known it
for eight months.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
Ain't nobody come to the wedding because they knew he
wasn't about nothing. Then you told him that your daughters
thought they ran into it too quick.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
He said they need to mind their own bitsin is
he touchy on? You wed night?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Y'all had sex. It was just okay, So I figured
it would get better with time. Is not because y'all
ain't had sex since we got married three months ago.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
You might not be the only one thought it was
just okay.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Then I just wanted to throw that out there, but
it probably it got nothing to do with you, though.
It looks like to me, ma'am, you just married the
wrong guy. He does not go to church anymore. That's
because he just joined your church to make it look good.
On Sunday morning, he goes to the casino with his brother.
When I asked him about wasting money, he said, he's
got extra money because my house is paid for and
(08:20):
all he has to do is pay utility.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
What So he made this own arrangement himself.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
So in the eight months where you didn't get to
know him, he found out everything he needed to know
about you. In one of the things. He found out.
Your house was paid so now, so it's not a
waste of money. I asked him why we don't have sex,
and he said it's not a woman's place to do
the chasing. So I need to be patient. Let him
(08:49):
come on to me. But it's been ninety days. When
I created the ninety day rule in my book, it
wasn't for people who was mabby. I don't you know.
You can go ahead half sick. Now, this ain't the
place for the ninety day route.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Okay, Steve, I got a question.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Okay, she says.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
On the bright side, yeah, you got it. You gotta
get to that. Let me just right here and keep
the house clean.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
It's kind of a responsive mouth, as records go for
days that I talk to. My daughters don't like him.
I think I should get my marriage to nod. Shirley
said you should get in and old. I agree. I'm
not ready to give up on him. Well that's a
stupid statement, because he gave up on you. Yeah. Right,
on the bright side, he cooks dinner every day and
(09:46):
he keeps the house clean, so damn what.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Every day?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Ain't you right?
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Ain't like he's making plates for you and the people,
the homeless people in the neighborhood. He eating he liked cooking,
and he like a clean house. He don't like sex
with you. He don't like going to church. He don't
like talking to you with respect. He don't like your daughters.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
He doesn't like his family.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
He don't like his family. His family don't like him.
He don't really want to be married. He don't like
nobody but the casino and his brother.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
His brother didn't come to the way.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
That he go gambling with. It is just a lot
right now.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Man?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Why you tell him your house was paid for? Wow,
so pay utilities, cook and clean.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
The game. If I was you, i'd get your marriage
to know like your daughter said, yeah, get it or no,
they don't even count as a marriage and walk off
and put him out. And you ain't lost nothing. Ain't
nothing lost right now? You ain't that you ain't ready
to give up on it.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
You should be. He didne gave up.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I mean he threw Yeah, he got out rolled all
over him.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And how you gonna see it is beyond me. I'm out, lady.
You ain't gotta take this here.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
You could do this by your See, you thought you
had a soul mate because he said, I knew used
my soulmate. The moment you member that, this is how
he treats a soul mate. I don't want to be
that type of soul man. Right right, man, I tell
you what. Don't call me soul mate, call me stranger.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Right right about her daughter's crazy.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
Man, this dude is a complete wasting time, lady, Come
on about your biz.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Oh real, he used to be handsome, remember.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And generous?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh boy?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
He so you're stingy and ugly now.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Steve, Yeah, he did just enough to get you.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Now, that's what I'm saying, he representative.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I don't want to apologize to some low down ass
dudes out here.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Man. All that, but that's why.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
I say, man, you've got to take your time to
get to know these yeah people instead of falling in
love with their representative the first thirty days. You're gonna
get the best him he can be if you just wait,
if you'd have waited out, you could have found all
this out right.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Just because she's an older woman, you know, sometimes she
she may have gotten anxious thinking she wasn't going to
find anyone else you know, and all that you ain't
found nobody.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Right, Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
So just let him go get that annument like your
daughter say, please get the annoment.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Lady going about your business.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Yeah all right, Steve, thank you. Post your comments on
today's Strawberry Letter. It's Steve HARBFM on Instagram and Facebook.
Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
H
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