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February 3, 2025 13 mins

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for my Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry letter to STEVEARVFM dot com and
click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter
live on the air, just like we're going to read
this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight.
We got a Folieavity and Strawberry letter.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Thank you, nephew. Subject. I love him, but I feel
like we're stuck. Dear Stephen Shirley, I've known my husband
for seven years and he is still saying that everything
we have hoped for and stuff we dream about will
happen soon. Meanwhile, he stopped being eager to look at
at new homes for us, even though I'm pregnant and

(00:46):
his parents' old three bedroom house is too small for us.
We are a lot of commotion at night on our street,
but he thinks that this area will be gentrified soon
and will be instant millionaires if we wait to sell
the house. I've been working hard and saving money. I
got a second job to buy the essentials for our
first child, and he always says it's a waste of

(01:08):
money because the baby won't care how the room looks.
It's a struggle to spend money to better myself or him.
I buy what I want him to wear, and he
will wear most of what I buy unless he thinks
it was too expensive. After a year of marriage, he
started penny pinching. We stopped taking vacations, and he cut

(01:28):
up my American Express card. He said, that's how marriage goes.
He then started saying that I want to keep up
with everyone I see on social media, and he's right.
I do want to have a lavish lifestyle because we
work hard and shouldn't have to accept less. I would
like a new home close to better schools, and I
want to get a small SUV since I'm having his baby.

(01:50):
There is nothing wrong with doing better, and I keep
telling him that he needs to change his mindset. I
don't know why he snapped out after we got married,
but we are stuck in the same lifestyle and that
we had when we started dating. I hate to say it,
but I regret marrying him sometimes. I was fly a

(02:11):
f before I met my husband. How can I turn
this hopeless? What that means, sir, you know what it means.
You don't know what that means for real? Okay, I'll
tell you. I'll tell you off ear, ya know what
it means. Or I have to get someone that curses
and then I'll fly as AS all right, you know

(02:35):
what it means. It's the same f as.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
F a A is the Federal Aviation Association.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
All right, So you know what you guys really couldn't
be more unequally yoked at this point. I mean, you
have nothing in common. You were right in the sense
sense that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be better
and elevate yourself in life. There's nothing wrong with that.
Having a successful mindset is nothing wrong with that. But

(03:11):
not if you can't afford it. Okay, you don't like it,
but your husband is right because he knows you're trying
to live a lie right now, not if you want
to live way above your means. He's looking out for
his family. It seems he knows the baby is coming
and living in Instagram lifestyle should not be a role
model for you. You have to get something that's more real.

(03:33):
Only some of those people really live like that on Instagram,
and those people who are balling out like that. You
need to check their bank accounts because for all you know,
they could be living from paycheck to paycheck, okay, and
pinching pennies like you say your husband is doing. And
guess what, a lot of them really don't look like that.
On social media. It's smoke and mirrors, it's filters. We

(03:55):
talk about that a lot on this show. You can
get all kinds of apps and change your self in
your eyes, your body, all of that. So I just
say to you, your husband is not wrong. He might
have some communication issues and not know how to express
his frustration to you. So you got to take that
into consideration and concentrate on being a real person, flaws

(04:16):
and all. Be authentically. You don't let social media dictate
to you how you should live. Be happy, appreciate where
you are, be grateful without social media. Because you and
your husband have major life stuff going on right now,
life changing things. You got a baby coming. You need
to be a good example for your baby and not

(04:38):
try to do what the people on social media do.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
That you say, Steve, I agree with you, Shirley in
some respects, but I also understand what this lady is saying.
And this is a hard spot for her to be
in the title of the letter is I love him,
but I feel like we're stuck. Well, you knowing your

(05:00):
husband for seven years and he's still saying that everything
we have hoped for and stuff we dream about, what
happens soon. She says, Meanwhile, he stopped being eager to
look at new homes for us, even though I'm pregnant
and we live in his parents' own three bedroomhouse. When
a person says he stopped being eager, what does that

(05:21):
really mean? Because if he's saying we're going to have
everything we hope for and stuff we dream about, it'll
happen soon.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
But he stopped being eager, meaning he's stopped.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
What this means is he has stopped making effort and
he stopped making moves. Now we have a problem, because
guess what, faith without works is dead.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
And I think that's what we have here.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
A man that's saying everything gonna be all right, a
man that's believing that everything gonna be all right, but
a man that ain't doing nothing to make it right.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
That's what this letter is really about.

Speaker 3 (06:07):
Now she's looking at stuff and not she wants to
move out the house because she says it's already too
small for us. Then he said, she, you know, she said,
we are a lot of commotion going on that night
on our street. But he thinks that this area will
be gentrified soon.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
And we'll be instant millionaires.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
Well, broh, When a neighborhood is gentrified, that means they
move out all the people that's in it to bring
in new people.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
All right, hang on, Steve with that thought, we'll have
part two of your response coming up at twenty three
minutes after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter subject is I
love him, but I feel like we're stuck. We'll get
back into it right after this. Hey, this is your
girl Shirley's Strawberry. And according to research, a major challenge

(06:59):
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can invite top candidates for your job to apply. Go

(07:22):
to ZipRecruiter dot com slash strawberry to try it for free.
That's ZipRecruiter dot com slash Strawberry. All right, come on, Steve,
let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject is I love him,
but I feel like we're stuck. Now.

Speaker 3 (07:38):
Shirley made some good points when she addressed a letter
because this woman is caught up in social media, which
is all true what she said, but she has a
double plamme of a problem because she feels like they stuck.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Y'all been married seven years.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
He's still saying everything we had hope for and stuff
we dream about going to happen soon. The problem is,
she says, he stopped being eager to look at new
homes and all this here, and he don't want to move.
And you know, he thinking that if they stay in
this house, gentrification is coming, and if they hold on,
it'll be millionaires. Well, you know here's a problem. Faith

(08:14):
without works is dead. He still thinks they gonna have everything,
but he's making no effort and no moves to make
it happen. That's why the scripture says faith without works
is dead. So you can want and hope all you want,
but if you ain't willing to do nothing what you
want to happen.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
And that's where this woman is stuck at with him.

Speaker 3 (08:34):
Now they're about to have this baby, and she want
to go out and fix the room up. He said,
it's a waste of money because the baby don't care
how the room look.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Well, the baby might not, but she do.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
And she the mama, and she having a baby, she's
gonna go in there and sit in the new crib
and rock and chair and you know, bassing that and
have stuff for the baby that other babies have. You
don't even want your baby to have nothing. So now
you don't want nothing. You don't want your wife to
quit want nothing, And now you don't want to get
a baby a damn thing.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Man, Come on, man, and then he will be. He
will wear.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
He will wear most of what you buy, unless he
thinks it's too experiensive.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
Now he just want cheap stuff. Better. What that white
shirt called.

Speaker 3 (09:21):
Forty dollars? You know you get a white shirt for
fifteen dollars. Okay, he started penny After a year of marriage,
he started penny pinching. We stopped taking vacations and he
caught up my American Express car. God talk, man, he said,
that's how marriage goes now our pardonner. That's how divorce go.

(09:46):
He then started saying that I want to keep on
everybody I see on social media, and he's right. I
do want to have a leavish lifestyle because we work
hard and we shouldn't have to accept less. I would
like a new home close to a better school, and
I want to get a small SUV since I'm having
his baby. There's nothing wrong with doing better. I keep
telling it. He needs to change his mindset. I don't know

(10:07):
why he snapped out after we got married, but we
are stuck in the same lifestyle and we have we
stuck in the same lifestyle we had when we started dating.
I hate to say it this at the beginning of
the end, but I regret marrying him sometime. God, dog,
i'd have tied myself to this. Wont nothing do nothing?

(10:31):
As made God? I was fly then on what now
that's what the letter I was? Oh, no, Sims, it's
say I was fly a l Oh yeah, oh, I
had forgot that.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
What it said? I was paraphrasingly.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
I was flying at before I met my husband. I
have made this trick. Now I'm sitting in here looking
like a damn Debbie donob When I go to work
now I'm sitting m been here with damn house coach
on the way they move me ass dressed. I'm tired
of going to work looking like I ought to be
in the back making gricks and stuff. I'm sick of

(11:12):
that's right here. I used to be flying hell when
I met you, I had everything. I was popping. I'm
still been married, Jo soryd. Now I had to sell
my persons and stuff. Hey, but don't worry it, o baby,
because Walmart got a new burking out. Walmart has a
new burking out. You can make a comeback now you ain't.
It ain't finna be the real one, but it looks

(11:34):
like it from what I understand it. Yeah, So I
don't know what to tell you about this. I feel
sorry for you. Your husband is in a place if
he don't want nothing.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
See.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
Some people's version is to cut back. Sometimes cutting back
is necessary, But how about if you make more?

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Now? The problem is if you've lived beyond your meanings.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
If you've lived beyond your means, then cutting back is
necessary so you can get back within your means, so
what you do make becomes more manageable and appears to
be a plenty. But if what you have don't appear
to be enough, you have two choices. You can cut
back or you can make more. I don't think he's

(12:23):
that type of man to go out and make more,
because he ain't finna do that. He's already cut your card.
Once they cut your American Express card up, you're not
getting no damn new suv. I can just tell you
that right now. He don't get damn what the one.
He'll paint the baby room, but the baby finished sleep
in whatever bed that's in there. He gonna make a

(12:45):
bed because it's cheaper. I don't know what he gonna do,
But your baby ain't fitna have a damn thing. I'm
just gonna tell you that right now, you and the
baby ain't fit to have a damn thing. Leaving him
is gonna put you a little bit further behind the
eight ball for a while. So I think you all

(13:07):
are gonna have to sit down have some serious conversations.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Now.

Speaker 3 (13:12):
This ain't high marriage. Go Marriage is a series of compromises,
and it's a set of two people working together. So
until y'all get on that page, you're not fitna have
a damn thing and the baby not getting.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
No new clothes.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
All right, you can come.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
So who y'all know got a baby that can give
y'all they clothes.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
You're coming on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram and Facebook
at Steve Harvey FM. Also check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on the free iHeartRadio app. Coming up next it
is Junior and Sports Talk. Right after this, you're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
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Host

Shirley Strawberry

Shirley Strawberry

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