December 31, 2021 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I have been married to my husband for 13 years, but we have been together for a total of 23 years. We have one son and my husband is a great provider for our family. I am, however, concerned about the example of manhood that he’s displaying for our son. My husband is non-confrontational, so we haven’t argued in years. If we have a disagreement, he will just agree with me, to avoid conflict. He’s always eager to help others and he does favors for his family members all the time, even if he is not feeling up to it. He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice.............
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if
you need advice, I'm talking about you, talking to you.
If you need advice and relationships, on dating, on work,
on sex, on parenting, and more. Please submit your Strawberry
Letter to Steve Harvey f M and click submit Strawberry Letter.
That's all you have to do. We'll get the letter
(00:22):
and we could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're gonna be reading this one right here,
right now. Why you would want that? I have no idea.
Let's buckle up, hold on tight, we got it. Call
you here. It is the Strawberry Letter. That's right. Let
us know your problem. Subject. I want a man, a
real man, not this man. Dear Stephen Shirley. I have
(00:45):
been married to my husband for thirteen years, but we
have been together for a total of twenty three years.
We have one son, and my husband is a great
provider for our family. I am, however, concerned about the
example of manhood that he is displaying for our son.
My husband is non confrontational, so we haven't argued in years.
(01:08):
If we have a disagreement, he will just agree with
me to avoid conflict. He's always eager to help others,
and he does favors for his family members all the time,
even if he is not feeling up to it. He
rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He is also
very pleasant at work, and he has been overlooked for
promotions because he won't be more assertive and speak up
(01:31):
for himself. He is always concerned about what other people
think of him, and he never wants to upset his
coworkers or the few friends we have. His behavior is
a huge turn off, and quite frankly, I've had it
with mister nice guy. I want my husband to be
my rock and my protector, but instead I wear the
(01:54):
pants in our household. The situation is getting worse as
he gets older and more complacent. I would love to
hear him say I got this baby and take charge,
but that hasn't happened in years. I also want him
to take charge in the bedroom so I don't always
have to initiate intimacy When we spend time as a family,
(02:14):
I make the decisions on what we will do, and
I always drive us around. So far, my attempts to
talk to him have not worked at all. So how
can I get him to understand that he needs to
man up without insulting him. Please advise. All right, give
me a moment here, but I'm trying to figure out
(02:37):
what's really going on here and what you're really upset about.
I mean, thirteen years of marriage. You say he's a
great provider, he's always eager to help others, he's non confrontational.
You guys haven't argued in years. He doesn't raise his voice,
and in your words, he's a mister nice guy. I mean,
you guys have been together for twenty three years. Surely
(02:58):
you knew he was a kind of like a people
pleasing kind of a guy. You know, cared about what
people thought of him, helpful guy, this non assertive person
that you talk about in the letter, especially back in
the day when you married him. That was thirteen years ago.
Bottom line, you have a problem with this now. I
guess you're growing and perhaps he's still the same or
(03:20):
something you want him to change, and your attempt to
talk to him it's fallen on deaf ears. He's getting worse,
you say in your opinions since you get older. I mean,
I can only suggest at this point, since you guys
are are kind of had an impass. You want things
one way and he's doing it the way he's been
doing it, and you want to change. You know, I
(03:41):
gotta suggest some counseling for you guys to get over
this situation. And when you do talk to him, how
are you talking to him? I mean, is it a
way that you're turning him off? You you're turning him off?
Are you nagging him? What are you? What are you doing?
You know in situation? I'm not blaming you, I'm just
(04:01):
asking you a a question. I would definitely contact a marriage
counselor though though to try and help you guys get
through the situation together together. All right, that's my answer, Steve.
Nice answer, Shirley, really good, well thought out. You've given
out good advice. I would recommend therapy two, but I
never do and I'm not fitnish start today. We can
(04:26):
work this out as pope. People who don't have money
for therapy. So now what you need is a therapeutic conversation.
I fitting to get to you right now. I've been
married to my husband thirteen years. We've been together twenty three,
we got one son. Now here's a compliment. Your husband's
a great provider. I'm however, concerned about the example of
(04:51):
manhood that he's displaying to my son. I pumped the brakes.
My question to you is this, you're concerned about the
of manhood he's displaying to your son. What level of
manhood did he display to you to make you stay
for twenty three years. Let's back up now, lady, you
(05:13):
talking to somebody who thinks these things out. I am, however,
concerned about the example. My husband is non confrontational, so
we haven't argued in years. Wait a minute, you're writing
a letter of complaint because you and your husband hasn't
argued in years. Okay, let's mark that down. If we
(05:35):
have a disagreement, he would just agree with me to
avoid conflict. So you mean to tell me you're writing
a letter because you keep getting your weight. Okay, let's
mark that down. Now. He's always eager to help others,
and he does favors for his family members all the time.
(05:56):
Excuse me, you're writing a letter because you're married to
a good, a nice man. Okay, let's write that down.
Even if he's not filling up to it. He rarely
wait here help people if he don't feel like it.
This is what we're complaining about. I just want y'all
to hit it. He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice.
(06:18):
You mean he's an actual calming force at his house
and on his job. I'm just I want y'all to
hear with this woman to say. He is also very
pleasant at work. I'll be damn if you don't get
down there and start acting like a butthole on that job,
(06:43):
having everybody like you. All right, coming up Part two
of Steve's response to this letter, I want a real man,
not this man. We'll be back at twenty three after
the hour you're listening. Let's recap today's Strawberry Letters, Steve,
and get back to your response subject, I want a
real man, not this man. This woman just been complaining
(07:07):
about her husband because he's non confrontation. They ain't argued
in years. They're have an agree a disagreement. He'll just
agree with her to avoid the conflict. He's eager to
help other people do family for his new favors for
his families and friends, even if he don't want to.
He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He's also
(07:28):
very pleasant at work, and he's been overlooked for promotion
because he won't be more assertive and speak up for himself.
Maybe that ain't the reason. He's also concerned about what
other people think of him, and we never wants upset.
His co workers are a few friends we do have
him and y'all got friends, probably because he's such a
nice guy. Right here's where the letter turned ugly. His
behavior is a huge turn off. So now she's not
(07:50):
attracted to him anymore. And quite frankly, I've had it
with mister nice guy. See what she wanted? Somebody coming
in there in ass whipping mode. Want somebody coming over
here taking over furniture, Well what do you want? You
want somebody coming in the house and ask for more?
Where so he just walking in the house as ready
made conflict, wants to start arguments. Don't want to agree
(08:14):
with nothing you say. You want a man to quit
giving you your way, You won't opposition, See you crazy?
Now what you're saying is I've had it with mister
knice guy that I've never heard. I've had it with
mister knights And see you ain't tracked to it. Y'all
probably ain't having sex no more. None of this the
situation that gets worse as he getting older and more complacent.
(08:35):
I would love to him say I got this baby
and take charge. This ain't happening years. I also want
him take charge in the bedroom so I don't have
to do all that initiate intimies man week time. As
a family, I make decision what we do or where
we go who. I always drive us around. So far
my attempts to talk to him and not worked out
at all. How could I get him to understand he
needs a man up without his setting him? Please say
(08:57):
about he don't want in the letter to me, I
always drive us around, Always drive us because you're jumping
in you jumping behind the wheel, Joe, bossy ass, I
tell you what's wrong? Yeah, let me let me tell
you what you wear? The pass and the family take
him off. I think the man tie to you. I
(09:18):
really do you sound exhausting to me? He ain't arguing
with you no more, He ain't getting in no conflict,
so you no more. I think you run your mouth
at the house all the time. I think you complain
a lot because you don't got sick of him, so
you didn't wrote a letter. Any woman gets sick of
a man. She gonna voice it in the marriage. You
ain't just sitting there quietly seething. You keep telling me
(09:40):
about itself? Right? And and how when did he get
like this? The older he get the worst he getting.
He sounded like a cool guy to me. Damn what
you want? But see, here's what didn't happen. Has he changed? Maybe?
But let me ask her something? Did she change too?
(10:00):
And I think what didn't happened is is the people
that you all have become. Y'all don't like each other. No, bo,
it's called growing a part. See what used to be
okay with you is now on your nerves. You married
the man probably because he was kind, he was non conflict.
He gave you your weight, he took care of you.
It was great provider. I bet that's why you married.
(10:20):
Now all of a sudden you tired of that. And
I didn't understand the woman that don't want a good guy?
Damn what your world? What you want to happen? Here?
So let's have a reenact. Man, Jane, I'm here here,
we're going, right, you the woman, I'm the guy. Let's
go here we go. Let's where you been? Oh? I
(10:41):
just can't know what you mean when we've been I've
been sitting here. I don't have waiting on you enough.
Where you've been, just been trying to get to you,
trying to get to me. Who I'm here? You know
where I'm at? What you mean you're trying to get
to me? You know where I'm at? You left, I
was here, and when you come back, I was here
waiting on you. I know how long it take you
to get home. I know the round you take. I
(11:03):
did you go someplace else today? You know? Getting him fast?
Drive faster tomorrow you should get You should be hit
faster because I'm sitting here waiting. You got me here,
sitting waiting on you by day, every day I wait.
I sit out there and I wait on you. Why
am I waiting? Why? I need to know? Why? Didn't
where you are? And tell me why I'm waiting? Why
(11:23):
do you think I'm waiting? Why do you askause I
was driving too slow? No? No, no? Where were you?
And then answer why am I waiting? Go ahead, answer
that I was in the car driving my waiting and
then the answer you know what? Right? I don't like
to answer me? Why am I waiting? And why are
you where you've been. I need to know all of
those three questions right now. Baby, I can't. I can't
(11:44):
answer quick. You won't let me. Where have you been?
Why am I waiting? And why I just told you
where you've been? Why am I asking you these questions
I need? I'm like man, sound like I'm man? Do
I sound like I man? No? You know what I'm mad?
My bad? Let me stop being man? O your man?
Now I was mad. I was mad. Now you're mad.
(12:08):
You being mad because you being mad? O man? I
want to know why you take so long to get home?
And why do you want me to tell you? Do
you want me to tell you? You tell me? I
can't stay in your fucking as. I'm tired of your
(12:31):
ass at the time. I can't not do it's right,
and I won't a damn divorce. That's the nice guy. Yeah,
come on, I ain't what she won't she won't just
heal you rarely get frustrated and raise your voice. I
knew this was coming. I knew it. My mama did. Well.
(12:52):
You know all Strawberry. Letders don't end happy but your
own feelings. Yeah, sure, we get your part, all right. Listen,
we gotta get out of here. Please email us our
Instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. At Steve
(13:13):
Harvey f M. You're listening to The Steve Harvey Morning
Show
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if
you need advice, I'm talking about you, talking to you.
If you need advice and relationships, on dating, on work,
on sex, on parenting, and more. Please submit your Strawberry
Letter to Steve Harvey f M and click submit Strawberry Letter.
That's all you have to do. We'll get the letter
(00:22):
and we could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're gonna be reading this one right here,
right now. Why you would want that? I have no idea.
Let's buckle up, hold on tight, we got it. Call
you here. It is the Strawberry Letter. That's right. Let
us know your problem. Subject. I want a man, a
real man, not this man. Dear Stephen Shirley. I have
(00:45):
been married to my husband for thirteen years, but we
have been together for a total of twenty three years.
We have one son, and my husband is a great
provider for our family. I am, however, concerned about the
example of manhood that he is displaying for our son.
My husband is non confrontational, so we haven't argued in years.
(01:08):
If we have a disagreement, he will just agree with
me to avoid conflict. He's always eager to help others,
and he does favors for his family members all the time,
even if he is not feeling up to it. He
rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He is also
very pleasant at work, and he has been overlooked for
promotions because he won't be more assertive and speak up
(01:31):
for himself. He is always concerned about what other people
think of him, and he never wants to upset his
coworkers or the few friends we have. His behavior is
a huge turn off, and quite frankly, I've had it
with mister nice guy. I want my husband to be
my rock and my protector, but instead I wear the
(01:54):
pants in our household. The situation is getting worse as
he gets older and more complacent. I would love to
hear him say I got this baby and take charge,
but that hasn't happened in years. I also want him
to take charge in the bedroom so I don't always
have to initiate intimacy When we spend time as a family,
(02:14):
I make the decisions on what we will do, and
I always drive us around. So far, my attempts to
talk to him have not worked at all. So how
can I get him to understand that he needs to
man up without insulting him. Please advise. All right, give
me a moment here, but I'm trying to figure out
(02:37):
what's really going on here and what you're really upset about.
I mean, thirteen years of marriage. You say he's a
great provider, he's always eager to help others, he's non confrontational.
You guys haven't argued in years. He doesn't raise his voice,
and in your words, he's a mister nice guy. I mean,
you guys have been together for twenty three years. Surely
(02:58):
you knew he was a kind of like a people
pleasing kind of a guy. You know, cared about what
people thought of him, helpful guy, this non assertive person
that you talk about in the letter, especially back in
the day when you married him. That was thirteen years ago.
Bottom line, you have a problem with this now. I
guess you're growing and perhaps he's still the same or
(03:20):
something you want him to change, and your attempt to
talk to him it's fallen on deaf ears. He's getting worse,
you say in your opinions since you get older. I mean,
I can only suggest at this point, since you guys
are are kind of had an impass. You want things
one way and he's doing it the way he's been
doing it, and you want to change. You know, I
(03:41):
gotta suggest some counseling for you guys to get over
this situation. And when you do talk to him, how
are you talking to him? I mean, is it a
way that you're turning him off? You you're turning him off?
Are you nagging him? What are you? What are you doing?
You know in situation? I'm not blaming you, I'm just
(04:01):
asking you a a question. I would definitely contact a marriage
counselor though though to try and help you guys get
through the situation together together. All right, that's my answer, Steve.
Nice answer, Shirley, really good, well thought out. You've given
out good advice. I would recommend therapy two, but I
never do and I'm not fitnish start today. We can
(04:26):
work this out as pope. People who don't have money
for therapy. So now what you need is a therapeutic conversation.
I fitting to get to you right now. I've been
married to my husband thirteen years. We've been together twenty three,
we got one son. Now here's a compliment. Your husband's
a great provider. I'm however, concerned about the example of
(04:51):
manhood that he's displaying to my son. I pumped the brakes.
My question to you is this, you're concerned about the
of manhood he's displaying to your son. What level of
manhood did he display to you to make you stay
for twenty three years. Let's back up now, lady, you
(05:13):
talking to somebody who thinks these things out. I am, however,
concerned about the example. My husband is non confrontational, so
we haven't argued in years. Wait a minute, you're writing
a letter of complaint because you and your husband hasn't
argued in years. Okay, let's mark that down. If we
(05:35):
have a disagreement, he would just agree with me to
avoid conflict. So you mean to tell me you're writing
a letter because you keep getting your weight. Okay, let's
mark that down. Now. He's always eager to help others,
and he does favors for his family members all the time.
(05:56):
Excuse me, you're writing a letter because you're married to
a good, a nice man. Okay, let's write that down.
Even if he's not filling up to it. He rarely
wait here help people if he don't feel like it.
This is what we're complaining about. I just want y'all
to hit it. He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice.
(06:18):
You mean he's an actual calming force at his house
and on his job. I'm just I want y'all to
hear with this woman to say. He is also very
pleasant at work. I'll be damn if you don't get
down there and start acting like a butthole on that job,
(06:43):
having everybody like you. All right, coming up Part two
of Steve's response to this letter, I want a real man,
not this man. We'll be back at twenty three after
the hour you're listening. Let's recap today's Strawberry Letters, Steve,
and get back to your response subject, I want a
real man, not this man. This woman just been complaining
(07:07):
about her husband because he's non confrontation. They ain't argued
in years. They're have an agree a disagreement. He'll just
agree with her to avoid the conflict. He's eager to
help other people do family for his new favors for
his families and friends, even if he don't want to.
He rarely gets frustrated or raises his voice. He's also
(07:28):
very pleasant at work, and he's been overlooked for promotion
because he won't be more assertive and speak up for himself.
Maybe that ain't the reason. He's also concerned about what
other people think of him, and we never wants upset.
His co workers are a few friends we do have
him and y'all got friends, probably because he's such a
nice guy. Right here's where the letter turned ugly. His
behavior is a huge turn off. So now she's not
(07:50):
attracted to him anymore. And quite frankly, I've had it
with mister nice guy. See what she wanted? Somebody coming
in there in ass whipping mode. Want somebody coming over
here taking over furniture, Well what do you want? You
want somebody coming in the house and ask for more?
Where so he just walking in the house as ready
made conflict, wants to start arguments. Don't want to agree
(08:14):
with nothing you say. You want a man to quit
giving you your way, You won't opposition, See you crazy?
Now what you're saying is I've had it with mister
knice guy that I've never heard. I've had it with
mister knights And see you ain't tracked to it. Y'all
probably ain't having sex no more. None of this the
situation that gets worse as he getting older and more complacent.
(08:35):
I would love to him say I got this baby
and take charge. This ain't happening years. I also want
him take charge in the bedroom so I don't have
to do all that initiate intimies man week time. As
a family, I make decision what we do or where
we go who. I always drive us around. So far
my attempts to talk to him and not worked out
at all. How could I get him to understand he
needs a man up without his setting him? Please say
(08:57):
about he don't want in the letter to me, I
always drive us around, Always drive us because you're jumping
in you jumping behind the wheel, Joe, bossy ass, I
tell you what's wrong? Yeah, let me let me tell
you what you wear? The pass and the family take
him off. I think the man tie to you. I
(09:18):
really do you sound exhausting to me? He ain't arguing
with you no more, He ain't getting in no conflict,
so you no more. I think you run your mouth
at the house all the time. I think you complain
a lot because you don't got sick of him, so
you didn't wrote a letter. Any woman gets sick of
a man. She gonna voice it in the marriage. You
ain't just sitting there quietly seething. You keep telling me
(09:40):
about itself? Right? And and how when did he get
like this? The older he get the worst he getting.
He sounded like a cool guy to me. Damn what
you want? But see, here's what didn't happen. Has he changed? Maybe?
But let me ask her something? Did she change too?
(10:00):
And I think what didn't happened is is the people
that you all have become. Y'all don't like each other. No, bo,
it's called growing a part. See what used to be
okay with you is now on your nerves. You married
the man probably because he was kind, he was non conflict.
He gave you your weight, he took care of you.
It was great provider. I bet that's why you married.
(10:20):
Now all of a sudden you tired of that. And
I didn't understand the woman that don't want a good guy?
Damn what your world? What you want to happen? Here?
So let's have a reenact. Man, Jane, I'm here here,
we're going, right, you the woman, I'm the guy. Let's
go here we go. Let's where you been? Oh? I
(10:41):
just can't know what you mean when we've been I've
been sitting here. I don't have waiting on you enough.
Where you've been, just been trying to get to you,
trying to get to me. Who I'm here? You know
where I'm at? What you mean you're trying to get
to me? You know where I'm at? You left, I
was here, and when you come back, I was here
waiting on you. I know how long it take you
to get home. I know the round you take. I
(11:03):
did you go someplace else today? You know? Getting him fast?
Drive faster tomorrow you should get You should be hit
faster because I'm sitting here waiting. You got me here,
sitting waiting on you by day, every day I wait.
I sit out there and I wait on you. Why
am I waiting? Why? I need to know? Why? Didn't
where you are? And tell me why I'm waiting? Why
(11:23):
do you think I'm waiting? Why do you askause I
was driving too slow? No? No, no? Where were you?
And then answer why am I waiting? Go ahead, answer
that I was in the car driving my waiting and
then the answer you know what? Right? I don't like
to answer me? Why am I waiting? And why are
you where you've been. I need to know all of
those three questions right now. Baby, I can't. I can't
(11:44):
answer quick. You won't let me. Where have you been?
Why am I waiting? And why I just told you
where you've been? Why am I asking you these questions
I need? I'm like man, sound like I'm man? Do
I sound like I man? No? You know what I'm mad?
My bad? Let me stop being man? O your man?
Now I was mad. I was mad. Now you're mad.
(12:08):
You being mad because you being mad? O man? I
want to know why you take so long to get home?
And why do you want me to tell you? Do
you want me to tell you? You tell me? I
can't stay in your fucking as. I'm tired of your
(12:31):
ass at the time. I can't not do it's right,
and I won't a damn divorce. That's the nice guy. Yeah,
come on, I ain't what she won't she won't just
heal you rarely get frustrated and raise your voice. I
knew this was coming. I knew it. My mama did. Well.
(12:52):
You know all Strawberry. Letders don't end happy but your
own feelings. Yeah, sure, we get your part, all right. Listen,
we gotta get out of here. Please email us our
Instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. At Steve
(13:13):
Harvey f M. You're listening to The Steve Harvey Morning
Show
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