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August 22, 2025 13 mins

The Strawberry Letter, heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show, Friday, August 22nd, 2025. Subject: "My Husband Left Me, But He Didn't Move Out"

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, on works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARVFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
We could be reading your letter live.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
On the air, just like we're going to read this
one right here, right now, and you never know, it
could be yours.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
It could be yours. Buckle love and hold on tight.
We got it full.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
You hear it is strawberry.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
All right, nephew, thank you. My husband left me, but
he didn't move out is the subject. My husband left me,
but he didn't move out. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm married,
and my husband said he has had it with me.
He says that he does not believe in divorce, but
he does not want to be my husband. He wants
to limit the time that we spend together going forward.

(00:49):
I'm sixty one and he's sixty three years old. We
got married in nineteen ninety eight, and we have a daughter.
He had already called our daughter, so she was on
the phone when he said all.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Of that to me.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
He said that I twist things that he tells me,
and I always stir up unnecessary conflicts. He says that
I am always faking an illness for attention, and I've
gotten lazy over the years. He said, I have let
myself go, and he's not proud to be seen in
public with me anymore. He said that my bad sleeping
habits keep him awake all night and that the TV

(01:23):
is always loud, so he is moving to the bedroom
downstairs permanently. When I tried to talk, my daughter spoke
up and asked me to wait until her dad finished talking.
He told me that he's not seeing another woman. Even
before I could ask him, he said I brought this
on myself. I just sat there and said nothing. I

(01:44):
can admit that I've had a few minor medical issues recently,
and they were important to me, so I don't care
what he thinks.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
I'm the one that was in pain.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
After taking what he said into consideration, I asked if
we could go talk to somebody, and he said it
is too late for that. But I have always slept
with the TV on, and I don't clean the house
anymore because I hired a housekeeper.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Once a week.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
I think as we age, some things will change. And
he's no angel, but I tolerate his quirks. I feel
like my daughter is siding with him, and it's wearing
on my nerves. What could I have possibly done to
him to cause this? Is it an excuse for him
to live like he's single again, Well he's clearly not

(02:29):
single again.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, he's tired, he's fed up.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Well he's clearly not single again. If he's still married
to you and not filing and still living in the
house with you, and just who told him that he
gets to call the shops for the both of you.
He can call him for himself, but not for you.
He doesn't get to decide what you want for your life.
I think the proper thing to do here if he
no longer wants to be married is to ask you

(02:53):
for a divorce. It doesn't matter if he doesn't believe
in divorce, he may as well believe in it because
he's actually by moving out of the marriage bed and
going downstairs permanently.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
What but if he.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Wants out and doesn't want to be your husband anymore,
he should get all the way out. He's trying to
make it convenient for himself. He doesn't like you, or
he doesn't like your habits, anymore, he says, So why
couldn't he just be man enough to tell you, I mean,
long before it came to this point instead of just,
you know, blindsiding you with your daughter on the phone,

(03:28):
and this should have just been between the two of
you anyway, no one else. It sounds like you're not
quite ready to end the marriage. You don't quite know
what's going on here because he hasn't talked to you.
But you just can't let him do whatever he wants
to do to you. I say, you go ahead and
file and tell him to get his own place, because

(03:48):
you don't want him there under these circumstances. He needs
to see that you have a voice, you have a
say about how this is going to go for you,
and he doesn't get to make all the decisions period.

Speaker 4 (04:00):
Steve, Well, Shirley, you and not have a disagreement in
this letter, because first of all, he has made decisions
for himself. She's fighting and trying to counter it with
her stuff, and that's where we have a problem. Homeboy

(04:20):
is clear he didne thought this out. Here's the only problem.
My husband left me, but he didn't move out. What
happened was if you say I'm leaving, and you go
get in the car and start your car and then
realize I ain't got nowhere to go. You gotta get
back in that house. You gotta get back up in now,

(04:42):
and you gotta start saying something else. What he did
was he said I'm leaving her, got in the car,
realize he had nowhere to go, thought of it, called
his daughter, and then called you on the phone, and
he what happened. My husband said, he's had it with me,

(05:05):
said he does not believe in divorce, but he does
not want to.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
Be my husband.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
Well, look, my man, if you don't believe in divorce,
but you don't want to be this woman's husband, what
what the hell you think that's called? You don't get
to create a new term. He wants to limit the
time we spend together, he tied to you.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
He tied of you. Look, I'm just come in now.
I'm gonna talk to you twice a week. That's it.

Speaker 4 (05:35):
I'm sixty one, he's sixty three. We got married in
ninety eight.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
You got a daughter, He told you do it on
the phone.

Speaker 4 (05:43):
He called our daughter, so she was on the phone
when he said all of that to me. He done
made a phone call to you. This ain't no house,
this ain't no meeting. He said, this is what he do.
This is what you do.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
I twist things that he tells me and always stir
up unnecessary conflict.

Speaker 4 (06:01):
I believe that, I do believe that.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
That sounded like something.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
You would do.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
Could a man get to that point? You're always twisting
what he's saying. You stir up on this said that
sound true? He said, I'm always faking an illness for attention,
and I've gotten lazy over the years. I don't think
you really faked an illness for attention, but I think
you might take your little illnesses a little bit too far.

(06:29):
You're not gonna tell us in the letter what illness
you had, so I'm assuming that it wasn't life threatening.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Hang on, Steve, we'll have part we come back.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
I'm gonna tell you why this is over or.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Just coming up? Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
At twenty three minutes after today's Strawberry Letter subject my
husband left me, but he didn't move out. We'll get
back into it right after this. You're listening to Steve
Harvey Morning.

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Speaker 1 (07:29):
All right, come on, Steve. Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
The subject is my husband left me, but he didn't
move out.

Speaker 4 (07:37):
Well, he gone though he gone now.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
He said, I'm leaving you. But he went out and
got in the car.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
He started realized he ain't had no where to go,
so he devised a plan.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
I'm still leaving.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
He said, he's had it with me and he doesn't
believe in divorce, but he don't want to be my
husband anymore.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
He wants to live.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
I'm at the time that we spend together. I think
that's two days. I'm gonna come up there. Downstairs them
because wherever I am and how I'm gonna talk to
you twice?

Speaker 3 (08:08):
That's it. You need everything you need to say.

Speaker 4 (08:11):
I'm gonna talk to you two times a week and
ten minutes twenty minutes a week. Then I'm getting away
from you. He already told his daughter, so she was
on the phone when he said all this to me.
He made a phone call. This ain't even a visit.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
He said.

Speaker 4 (08:24):
I twist things that he tells me and always stir
up unnecessary conflicts. Yep, you nag a lot. That's a
true statement. Nagging is tone and timing, and you don't pick.
Plus you've been sick alive, which matter make you a
little bit more irritable, and so we'll get into that
in a minute. He said, I'm always faking an illness

(08:45):
for attention, and I've gotten lazy over the years. You
might have because the illness could have caused that, but
these are not life threatening illnesses.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Obviously you were sick.

Speaker 4 (08:55):
I believe that, But he just said, you think you
took it too far because they weren't life threatening illnesses,
and you done got lazy over the years.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
When a man say you done got lazy over the years.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
That's everything, and most of it is aesthetics, he said.
I have let myself go, and he ain't proud to
be seen with me in public no more. God, dog
can't call you know what. You put that tape on
them glasses, You ain't trying to get them fixed. You
don't wear no makeup no more. You're on iron your clothes.
You're just out here looking like a hamper. And we

(09:29):
got to come in this restaurant in here, and you
ain't taking care of yourself no more. And the last
thing you look like you need to be is inner restaurant.
So now I'm tired of you, he said. My bad
sleeping habits keep him awake all night, and the TV
is always loud, so he's moving to the bedroom downstairs permanently.
When I tried to talk to my daughter, my daughter

(09:50):
spoke up and asked me to wait until her dad
finished talking. Mama, shut up and hear what he got
to say, cause you interrupt him and you twist things.
You tried to jump in here, she said, Mama, wait
until her dad finished talking. He told me that he's
not seeing another woman, even before I could ask him.
That was a brilliant move. Let's get that out the

(10:12):
way right now. So you don't think this is about
somebody else. This about you. Even before I could ask him,
he said, I bought this on myself. I know I'm bond,
you know my saying her, Hell, I, oh, no, blame
to no one else, Frankie saying that, And now here

(10:32):
you are. I just sat there and said nothing. I
can admit. I've had a few minor medical issues recently.
I told you it was not life threatening. She had
some minor medical issues. The man knew was miney, but
she done dumped it up, murdered in the way more
than it is.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
But they were important to me.

Speaker 4 (10:54):
Okay, So you had the flu, you had the allergy breakout,
you had to take some benitryhill, but it was important
to me. So I don't care what he thinks. Okay, now,
since you don't care what he thinks, why did you

(11:15):
write us? I'm the one that was in pain nor
It wasn't that serious, you said minor. After taking what
he said in consideration, I asked her we'd go talk
to somebody. He says, too late for that. I ain't
gonna talk nobody. Old black dudes don't like counseling. But
I've always slept with the TV on, and I don't
clean the house anymore because I hired a housekeeper once

(11:36):
a week. She got to get her in that nest
at how molded once a week? Cause you can't have
no housekeeper once a week? And you let yourself go too?
What is you in here doing? You ain't cleaning the house.
You to let yourself go? He downstairs permanently. He wanted
to limit the time y'all spend together, and he ain't

(11:57):
laying in a bear with at tv on no more. Then,
she said, I think as we age some things would change.
And he's no angel, but I tolerate his quirks well,
he don't want to tolerate yours no more. I feel
like my daughter siding with him, and it is wearing
on my nerves. She may be you could be wrong, lady.

(12:18):
What could I have possibly done to him to cause this? Okay,
let's go back over the list. You constantly nag him,
You bring up unnecessary topics and turn them into issues.
You have minded illnesses that you make more major than

(12:38):
they are, and you said they were just important to you.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
You done let yourself go. You lazy.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
You don't clean the house no more because you got
a maid in that coming there once a week, but
y'all need more than once a week because you don't
let yourself go. You got that TV on all night long.
He ain't proud to be seen with you in public.
What could I I have possibly done to him to
cause this? Did you hear what I just see? Is

(13:05):
it an excuse for him to live like he's single again? Lady,
you're dealing with all the issues that's wrong. Is that
an excuse for him to live single again? He don't
want to live with you.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
We'll get out.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Why can't he just get out? Then?

Speaker 3 (13:24):
He ain't got the money go? No question.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
You can comment on today's letter.

Speaker 3 (13:29):
He moving downstairs permanently.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Or Facebook at Steve Harvey Fm he.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
Don't believe in divorce.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
Also check out the Strawberry Letter podcast and the free
iHeartRadio app.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
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Host

Shirley Strawberry

Shirley Strawberry

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