November 21, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show Friday, November 21st, 2025. Subject: "My Marriage Or My Pleasure"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEFM dot com.
All you have to do is click submit Strawberry Letter,
and we could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now. You never know, it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight. We
got it for you here it is strawberry. Let us
thank you, nephew.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Subject to my marriage or my pleasure, Dear Stephen Shirley,
I've been married almost twenty years and my husband has
put me in a difficult position. When we first got together,
we were swingers for a few years. We only did
it when we were on vacation, and it was only
with the couples we traveled with. We used to have
an occasional threesome, so my husband would be happy. He
(00:47):
would not let me bring another man into the threesome,
so he let me go have sex with an old
friend of mine a few times over the years. But
lately my husband doesn't want to have sex at all.
He said he's had enough wild sexual experiences to last
a lifetime. It's not a medical thing because his stuff
is still working properly. It's been eight months since he's
(01:10):
touched me, and on top of that, he changed the
rules of our marriage. He told me that if he
suspects I'm hooking up with my guy on the side,
he will leave me. I do not like ultimatum, so
I told him that I need to be pleasured, and
since he's changed his outlook on intimacy, I have to
handle business elsewhere. Two days ago, after work, I went
(01:33):
to meet my side guy for drinks. We planned to
have sex after drinks, so we started fooling around at
the bar. I couldn't wait to give him a nice
long kiss. As we were kissing, my husband walked up
and asked me to leave with him. I left, but
I did not talk to him all the way home.
He has threatened to divorce me, and he said he
(01:55):
will say I cheated on him in the paperwork. How
can he do that when we cheated on each other
and with each other all of a sudden, He is
a model husband, and he's forgotten that he introduced me
to this lifestyle. I need to stay married because we
have too many assets together, but I need the D two.
(02:15):
What should I do here?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Why?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
What? Wow? Okay, See, this is what happens when swinging
in threesomes and going outside of your marriage for sex
and all that. This is what happens when it goes bad.
One thing is true that your husband said, and that
is that he's had enough wile sex to last him
a lifetime. I believe that. I don't see how you
(02:40):
guys made it for twenty years doing this, But why
don't you believe him? Yes, he may have introduced you
to this lifestyle, but he says he's done with it now.
People grow, people change, people change all the time. He's
over it. The problem is there's two of you in
this marriage. He introduced you to lifestyle and now he's
(03:01):
made the decision without you to stop it. It's good
that he doesn't want to swing anymore, because maybe your
marriage has a chance to survive, although I really don't
see it at this point because you said you just
want to stay together because you have too many assets together.
But the fact is that he doesn't want to have
sex with you anymore is definitely an issue if you
(03:24):
guys are going to be together. I mean what are
you supposed to do with this new information? And what
are you supposed to do in a marriage with no sex?
So you continue to do what you've been doing, seeing
other guys, seeing your side guy, and that's what he
said is going to make him leave you. Now he's
given you an ultimatum which you said you don't like.
So it sounds like your husband is serious about all
(03:46):
of this. So if you don't stop having sex with
others and he doesn't start having sex with you again,
your marriage, and I use that term very loosely, your
marriage or your version of marriage is over. So those
are your options. Those are your options. It's not really
much of a marriage anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Steve, Well, let's comment on this raggedy letter, my marriage
or my pleasure?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Well, I don't know what to tell you letter, I
really don't.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You've been married for almost twenty years and now you're
saying your husband has.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Put you in a difficult situation. That's really odd to you.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
And then you start telling us how when y'all was together,
y'all were swingers for a few years. Really, we only
did it when we were on vacation, and it was
only with couples. We travel with Why do these people
be finding each other out?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Is it a web site? Yes, all of that?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
What is going Oh? Man, I ain't never what's going on?
How do you who introduces this to the other person?
How do you take this in there to your wife
and go, baby, I've been looking at this right here.
You want to try this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I guess I don't hear these people.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Then she said, we used to have an occasional threesome
so my husband would be happy, and he would not
let me bring another man into the threesome. Well, I mean,
I understand that personally, but you said something to him
is very telling. We used to have an occasional threesome
so my husband would be happy. Oh okay, okay, so
(05:29):
not the swinging wasn't enough. Let's do a threesome so
your husband could be happy. And he found you and
you married into this. So since he wouldn't let you
bring another man, he would let you go have sex
with an old friend of yours for a few times
over the years. But lately my husband don't want to
(05:52):
have sex at all. Let me just say this. He
tied to you. He tied you, and he don't love you.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Any time you.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Send your wife off to the arms of another man's
because you don't care nothing about her.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You just don't care about her.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And that's the reality of one of the aspects of
this letter. Your husband don't give it about you. I'm
gonna send you off to another man. I'm gonna bring
another woman in here. I'm we gonna swing. I'm gonna
watch another man do you and you watch me do
another woman. Man, get out of here.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Hang on, Steve, hang on. We'll have part two of
your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the
hour today Strawberry letter, subject my marriage or my pleasure.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Parents, Meet me Meco Mini Plus, the small AI robot
that talks to your kids and turns curiosity into learning.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And the deal is big right now at Costco. It's
seventy nine to ninety nine originally one forty nine ninety
nine screen.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Light, super fun and built for reading, math, science and
creative storytelling.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I deal for ages five to ten. Price and availability
may vary.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Get Miko Mini Plus today at Costco.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And for older kids see Miko three on the Miko website.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And Amazon.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject is my marriage or my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
A couple bit married twenty years.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
They used to be swingers, but they only did it
on vacation with couples that they went on vacation with.
I don't know how they found each other. People do
it all the time, though. Then he says, she said,
we used to have an occasional threesome, so my husband
would be happy. So he needs all this, He to
convince you to give yourself to another man, and while
(08:00):
y'all on vacation, so he could be with another woman
on vacation. And now he wanted some more women in
here so he could be happy. But he wouldn't let
you bring a man in the room because now there's
two dudes in here, and he wouldn't let you do that.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But he would let you go have.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Sex with an old friend a few times over the years.
But lately, my husband don't want to have sex at
all because he don't give it about you. If you
with the man that will let you let another man
have you, it's because he don't value you.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
There's no value.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I mean, I would want somebody to marry me because
they loved me and wanted to be with me and
share life with me, not share.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Me with other people life. Y'all ain't got nothing here.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
He said, he had enough wild sex experiences to last
a lifetime. It's not a medical thing, because this stuff
is still working properly. It's been eight months since he
touched me, and on top of that, rules of our
marriage or it's been eight months since he to he
tied of you. See, he done went along with this
all these years. Now he tired of it and he
(09:09):
tied of you. He told me that if he suspects
I'm hooking up with my guy on the side, he
will leave me. I don't like ultimatoms, so I told
him I need to be pleasured. And since he's changed
it out look on intimacy, I have to handle my
business elsewhere. Okay, why don't y'all just get divorced. Y'all
ain't had no marriage and the begyon'ting. Why you call
(09:30):
it my marriage or my pleasure. It's just been a
hookup for pleasure, y'all. Just swingers or threesomes, dating apps,
wild parties, pass around. Y'all been passing each other around
for twenty years. Two days ago, after work, I went
to meet my side guy for drinks. We plan to
have sex after drinks, so we started fooling around the bark.
(09:51):
I couldn't wait to give him a nice long kiss.
As we was kissing, my husband walked up and asked
me to leave with him. Wait a minute, what see?
Well as the police report that right here. But I
don't understand. I walk up my wife kissing the man.
He asked me to leave with him. Well, we're not
(10:13):
finna leave him. We're not finna leave him. Well, we
can't go no way. I gotta pay for the damages.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know when they put that yellow Tampa up, it
says you cannot cross it. We can't even get out
of here. I gotta feel out this police report. I'm
in the back seat of the car talking. I got
to go down here to this little interview room so
they can talk to me downtown and he asked me
(10:49):
to leave with him, But I left, but I did
not talk to him all the way home. He has
threatened to divorce me, and he said he will say
that I cheated on him on the paperwork. How can
he do that when we've cheated on each other and
with each other. All of a sudden, he's a model husband,
and he's forgot that he introduced me to this lifestyle.
(11:12):
I need to stay married because we have too many
assets together. But I need the D two. What should
I do here? Well, this marriage is a rapper because
it never was a marriage. And you're right, he introduced
(11:33):
you to this lifestyle. Now he want to change it.
But now you live in a life. This is your style,
This is it?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Do you know?
Speaker 3 (11:41):
In this whole letter the word love was never mentioned,
not one single time. Ain't nobody in love with nobody?
You sitting at the bar, couldn't wait to kiss this man?
Your husband?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Come up?
Speaker 3 (11:52):
He ain't even upset he tell you to leave with him.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Ain't neither one of y'all in love?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So what you're fighting for this marriage for?
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Why aren't you gonna be free so you can do
whatever you want? One of these assets is what you're
talking about?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
What then happen is see all this asset and set
all this in motion.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Come on, break it down one more time.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I like it. I said, all his assets to set
all this in the motion.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That's what your asset and done right.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Y'all to set the relationship on five.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
See, so now you're talking about this, let's talk about
assets for minutes. Like I said, all this assets to set,
all this in motion, and y'all been passing out these sets.
This ain't even a good tennis match. Tennis miss laid
(13:00):
in sex with two people. Ain't never been three people
on tennis court. You gotta play doubles. So this is
a wrap. I don't really lady. I can't help you
stay in the marriage. He's not having sex with you,
but I want you to understand something. He having sex somewhere.
(13:22):
He don't having sex for eight months. Let me tell
you that right now?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
All right, all right, Steve, thank you. Hit us up
on Instagram at Steve Harvey FM to comment on today's
Strawberry Letter. You can also check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on the iHeart app. Okay, coming up in forty
six minutes after the hour, we got Junior and sports
talk right after this.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
YO, this is Jamie Foxx, this is Kim Whiley. You
already know what it is. Mastion.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
You're mat Chico Bean and you are now listening to
the Steve Horvey Morning Show,
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEFM dot com.
All you have to do is click submit Strawberry Letter,
and we could be reading your letter live on the air,
just like we're going to read this one right here,
right now. You never know, it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Could be yours. Buckle up and hold on tight. We
got it for you here it is strawberry. Let us
thank you, nephew.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Subject to my marriage or my pleasure, Dear Stephen Shirley,
I've been married almost twenty years and my husband has
put me in a difficult position. When we first got together,
we were swingers for a few years. We only did
it when we were on vacation, and it was only
with the couples we traveled with. We used to have
an occasional threesome, so my husband would be happy. He
(00:47):
would not let me bring another man into the threesome,
so he let me go have sex with an old
friend of mine a few times over the years. But
lately my husband doesn't want to have sex at all.
He said he's had enough wild sexual experiences to last
a lifetime. It's not a medical thing because his stuff
is still working properly. It's been eight months since he's
(01:10):
touched me, and on top of that, he changed the
rules of our marriage. He told me that if he
suspects I'm hooking up with my guy on the side,
he will leave me. I do not like ultimatum, so
I told him that I need to be pleasured, and
since he's changed his outlook on intimacy, I have to
handle business elsewhere. Two days ago, after work, I went
(01:33):
to meet my side guy for drinks. We planned to
have sex after drinks, so we started fooling around at
the bar. I couldn't wait to give him a nice
long kiss. As we were kissing, my husband walked up
and asked me to leave with him. I left, but
I did not talk to him all the way home.
He has threatened to divorce me, and he said he
(01:55):
will say I cheated on him in the paperwork. How
can he do that when we cheated on each other
and with each other all of a sudden, He is
a model husband, and he's forgotten that he introduced me
to this lifestyle. I need to stay married because we
have too many assets together, but I need the D two.
(02:15):
What should I do here?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Why?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
What? Wow? Okay, See, this is what happens when swinging
in threesomes and going outside of your marriage for sex
and all that. This is what happens when it goes bad.
One thing is true that your husband said, and that
is that he's had enough wile sex to last him
a lifetime. I believe that. I don't see how you
(02:40):
guys made it for twenty years doing this, But why
don't you believe him? Yes, he may have introduced you
to this lifestyle, but he says he's done with it now.
People grow, people change, people change all the time. He's
over it. The problem is there's two of you in
this marriage. He introduced you to lifestyle and now he's
(03:01):
made the decision without you to stop it. It's good
that he doesn't want to swing anymore, because maybe your
marriage has a chance to survive, although I really don't
see it at this point because you said you just
want to stay together because you have too many assets together.
But the fact is that he doesn't want to have
sex with you anymore is definitely an issue if you
(03:24):
guys are going to be together. I mean what are
you supposed to do with this new information? And what
are you supposed to do in a marriage with no sex?
So you continue to do what you've been doing, seeing
other guys, seeing your side guy, and that's what he
said is going to make him leave you. Now he's
given you an ultimatum which you said you don't like.
So it sounds like your husband is serious about all
(03:46):
of this. So if you don't stop having sex with
others and he doesn't start having sex with you again,
your marriage, and I use that term very loosely, your
marriage or your version of marriage is over. So those
are your options. Those are your options. It's not really
much of a marriage anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Steve, Well, let's comment on this raggedy letter, my marriage
or my pleasure?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Well, I don't know what to tell you letter, I
really don't.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
You've been married for almost twenty years and now you're
saying your husband has.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Put you in a difficult situation. That's really odd to you.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
And then you start telling us how when y'all was together,
y'all were swingers for a few years. Really, we only
did it when we were on vacation, and it was
only with couples. We travel with Why do these people
be finding each other out?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Is it a web site? Yes, all of that?
Speaker 3 (04:44):
What is going Oh? Man, I ain't never what's going on?
How do you who introduces this to the other person?
How do you take this in there to your wife
and go, baby, I've been looking at this right here.
You want to try this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I guess I don't hear these people.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Then she said, we used to have an occasional threesome
so my husband would be happy, and he would not
let me bring another man into the threesome. Well, I mean,
I understand that personally, but you said something to him
is very telling. We used to have an occasional threesome
so my husband would be happy. Oh okay, okay, so
(05:29):
not the swinging wasn't enough. Let's do a threesome so
your husband could be happy. And he found you and
you married into this. So since he wouldn't let you
bring another man, he would let you go have sex
with an old friend of yours for a few times
over the years. But lately my husband don't want to
(05:52):
have sex at all. Let me just say this. He
tied to you. He tied you, and he don't love you.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Any time you.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Send your wife off to the arms of another man's
because you don't care nothing about her.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You just don't care about her.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
And that's the reality of one of the aspects of
this letter. Your husband don't give it about you. I'm
gonna send you off to another man. I'm gonna bring
another woman in here. I'm we gonna swing. I'm gonna
watch another man do you and you watch me do
another woman. Man, get out of here.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Hang on, Steve, hang on. We'll have part two of
your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the
hour today Strawberry letter, subject my marriage or my pleasure.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Parents, Meet me Meco Mini Plus, the small AI robot
that talks to your kids and turns curiosity into learning.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
And the deal is big right now at Costco. It's
seventy nine to ninety nine originally one forty nine ninety
nine screen.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Light, super fun and built for reading, math, science and
creative storytelling.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I deal for ages five to ten. Price and availability
may vary.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Get Miko Mini Plus today at Costco.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And for older kids see Miko three on the Miko website.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
And Amazon.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject is my marriage or my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
A couple bit married twenty years.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
They used to be swingers, but they only did it
on vacation with couples that they went on vacation with.
I don't know how they found each other. People do
it all the time, though. Then he says, she said,
we used to have an occasional threesome, so my husband
would be happy. So he needs all this, He to
convince you to give yourself to another man, and while
(08:00):
y'all on vacation, so he could be with another woman
on vacation. And now he wanted some more women in
here so he could be happy. But he wouldn't let
you bring a man in the room because now there's
two dudes in here, and he wouldn't let you do that.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
But he would let you go have.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Sex with an old friend a few times over the years.
But lately, my husband don't want to have sex at
all because he don't give it about you. If you
with the man that will let you let another man
have you, it's because he don't value you.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
There's no value.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I mean, I would want somebody to marry me because
they loved me and wanted to be with me and
share life with me, not share.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Me with other people life. Y'all ain't got nothing here.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
He said, he had enough wild sex experiences to last
a lifetime. It's not a medical thing, because this stuff
is still working properly. It's been eight months since he
touched me, and on top of that, rules of our
marriage or it's been eight months since he to he
tied of you. See, he done went along with this
all these years. Now he tired of it and he
(09:09):
tied of you. He told me that if he suspects
I'm hooking up with my guy on the side, he
will leave me. I don't like ultimatoms, so I told
him I need to be pleasured. And since he's changed
it out look on intimacy, I have to handle my
business elsewhere. Okay, why don't y'all just get divorced. Y'all
ain't had no marriage and the begyon'ting. Why you call
(09:30):
it my marriage or my pleasure. It's just been a
hookup for pleasure, y'all. Just swingers or threesomes, dating apps,
wild parties, pass around. Y'all been passing each other around
for twenty years. Two days ago, after work, I went
to meet my side guy for drinks. We plan to
have sex after drinks, so we started fooling around the bark.
(09:51):
I couldn't wait to give him a nice long kiss.
As we was kissing, my husband walked up and asked
me to leave with him. Wait a minute, what see?
Well as the police report that right here. But I
don't understand. I walk up my wife kissing the man.
He asked me to leave with him. Well, we're not
(10:13):
finna leave him. We're not finna leave him. Well, we
can't go no way. I gotta pay for the damages.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know when they put that yellow Tampa up, it
says you cannot cross it. We can't even get out
of here. I gotta feel out this police report. I'm
in the back seat of the car talking. I got
to go down here to this little interview room so
they can talk to me downtown and he asked me
(10:49):
to leave with him, But I left, but I did
not talk to him all the way home. He has
threatened to divorce me, and he said he will say
that I cheated on him on the paperwork. How can
he do that when we've cheated on each other and
with each other. All of a sudden, he's a model husband,
and he's forgot that he introduced me to this lifestyle.
(11:12):
I need to stay married because we have too many
assets together. But I need the D two. What should
I do here? Well, this marriage is a rapper because
it never was a marriage. And you're right, he introduced
(11:33):
you to this lifestyle. Now he want to change it.
But now you live in a life. This is your style,
This is it?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Do you know?
Speaker 3 (11:41):
In this whole letter the word love was never mentioned,
not one single time. Ain't nobody in love with nobody?
You sitting at the bar, couldn't wait to kiss this man?
Your husband?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Come up?
Speaker 3 (11:52):
He ain't even upset he tell you to leave with him.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Ain't neither one of y'all in love?
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
So what you're fighting for this marriage for?
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Why aren't you gonna be free so you can do
whatever you want? One of these assets is what you're
talking about?
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
What then happen is see all this asset and set
all this in motion.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Come on, break it down one more time.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
I like it. I said, all his assets to set
all this in the motion.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That's what your asset and done right.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Y'all to set the relationship on five.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
See, so now you're talking about this, let's talk about
assets for minutes. Like I said, all this assets to set,
all this in motion, and y'all been passing out these sets.
This ain't even a good tennis match. Tennis miss laid
(13:00):
in sex with two people. Ain't never been three people
on tennis court. You gotta play doubles. So this is
a wrap. I don't really lady. I can't help you
stay in the marriage. He's not having sex with you,
but I want you to understand something. He having sex somewhere.
(13:22):
He don't having sex for eight months. Let me tell
you that right now?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
All right, all right, Steve, thank you. Hit us up
on Instagram at Steve Harvey FM to comment on today's
Strawberry Letter. You can also check out the Strawberry Letter
podcast on the iHeart app. Okay, coming up in forty
six minutes after the hour, we got Junior and sports
talk right after this.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
YO, this is Jamie Foxx, this is Kim Whiley. You
already know what it is. Mastion.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
You're mat Chico Bean and you are now listening to
the Steve Horvey Morning Show,
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