June 9, 2022 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, my husband and I are both in the military and he’s still active duty and I’m retired. I’m raising our two sons and I do personal training for 3 clients to earn extra money. I’m in shape and I want my husband to stay in shape too. He works out but he doesn’t take care of his body internally. His diet has made him pre-diabetic and he’s on medication. The medication affects both of us because his soldier is never at attention anymore.............................................
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. Please
submit your Strawberry letter to Steve Harvey FM and click
Submit Strawberry Letters Steve HARVEYFM dot com. That's all you
gotta do to send your letter. We could be reading
your letter live on the air, just like we're going
to read this one right here, right now, and you
(00:22):
never know, it could be yours. You never know. Buggle
up and hold on time. We got to pull your
head each cry letter all right, thank you enough you subject.
The soldier is never at attention. Dear Stephen Shirley. My
husband and I are both in the military, and he's
(00:44):
still he's still active duty, and I'm retired. I'm raising
our two sons and I do personal training for three
clients to earn extra money. I'm in shape and I
want my husband to stay in shape too. He works out,
but he doesn't take care of his body. In Helnally,
his diet has made him pre diabetic and he's on medications.
(01:05):
The medication affects both of us because his soldier is
never at attention anymore. It's been close to three months
and he doesn't seem to care that I've got needs.
If he doesn't get his blood pressure and sugar intake together,
it's going to kill this marriage. I've always been the
one to initiate sex and he loved that about me.
(01:25):
It makes me think he's tired of my body and
he has no interest in pleasing me. I called his
physician and he couldn't tell me anything, but he did
say that my husband can take better care of themselves
and suggest it I help him out with that. I
took all of the sugar out of the house and
we eat clean now, but that's not helping. So I
(01:46):
decided to check his meds and the bottles are full.
I asked him why he why he wasn't taking the pills,
and he said he doesn't like the way they make
him feel. Then he said that we've had plenty of
great sex over the years and we will get to
it soon. I can't believe he's being so selfish, and
if the roles were reversed, he'd have a fit if
(02:06):
I deprived him of sex. I get a lot of
attention at the gym, the grocery store, of the park,
and everywhere else I go. And I've never considered cheating
in the eight years I've been married, But it's all
I think about now. I dream of sex, watch porn
on my phone, and take care of my own needs occasionally.
(02:27):
Will I be selfish like him if I step out
and get myself my sexual needs fulfilled? Okay, hold up,
wait a minute. All right, you're moving a little fast,
and honestly, I think you're the one being selfish. Your husband,
you said so plainly in the letter, has a medical
issue and he's trying to deal with it as best
(02:48):
he can right now. I'm sure it's a shocker to
him to have to deal with all of this. You know,
it would be so easy to say to you, Yes,
you have needs and he's not taking care of you home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. That's what a
lot of men do when they're not getting it at home,
and we accept it as the norm. But we do
live in a world with double standards. So before you
(03:10):
go outside of your marriage, please let me say this.
I understand how you feel, but don't step out on
your husband. Try to fix things with him first. I mean,
there are things he can obviously do to help himself,
but so far he's not doing it. He said he
doesn't like the way the meds make him feel. So,
you know, sometimes you have to go back to the
(03:30):
doctor and get your meds regulated, and you know, maybe
you need not such a strong dose and all of that.
So you gotta take all these things into consideration before
you consider, you know, stepping out on your husband. You
get looks at you know, when you go out to
the grocery store and all that. But you said you're
in shape, and that's okay. But I think you need
(03:51):
to talk to your husband, let him know exactly how
you feel, try to find out what else is going
on with him. Maybe this time he'll actually hear your frustration.
You know. The thing is when he said, you know
you've had great sex in the past and you'll get
back to that. I think that left you a little
glimmer of hope. So um, you know the problem is
(04:12):
when is he what is he doing to make soon happen.
So you need to encourage him, go back to the doctor,
check his meds, you know, continue to help him out
with his diet. I think your marriage is salvageable here.
I don't think you need to step out on him
just yet. I just think it's gonna take some work
on both you guys. As part, Steve Shirley read me
the title of the letter again, because why I am
(04:33):
I don't have prinice, guys, all right, The title is
the soldier. The soldier has never at attention. This soldier
is never at attention. This letter, y'all, is not about
the fact that he's active military and she's retired military.
That ain't what this is about. This ain't about the
(04:55):
fact that tomern extra income that she does person on
the train in the two or three clients on the side.
This letter is about her husband being on high blood
pressure medicine and the high blood pressure medicine is causing
e D. The medical term for that is erectile dysfunction.
(05:20):
It is the number one killer in black men today.
Oh I know, you think it's heart disease, and oh
I know you think it's crime. It all you probably
think is, you know, gas prices. But the number one
(05:42):
killer in black men today is e D. Erectile. This focus,
so let's just talk of you about what this letter
is really about. He has a problem and he's not
taking care of itself. So his doctor has high blood
pressure medication high blood pressure medication with diabetes. Medication can
(06:07):
cause several side effects in men, and the only one
that matters to any of us is erectile this function.
I have read medicines that said one of the side
effects his blindness. I choose blindness. Hold On, people say
(06:31):
side effects is loss of hearing. Hold On, I don't
need to hear a damn thing. We'll have to address
all of this, Yes we will. Part two of Steven's
response is coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.
Today's Strawberry Letters subject is the soldier is never at attention.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
(06:54):
to show, all right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's
Strawberry Letters. Subject is this soldier is never at attention?
The subject for the Strawberry letter today is this soldier
is never at attention. Now we're talking about a military
family here, so you're probably thinking this is a military problem.
It's not. He's at the duty. She's retired to make
(07:17):
extra money. She on the side trained to three people
in her class. Her husband is active military. But that's
all he active. He is just active military. He is
in active at the house in the bedroom. Now the
problem that lady says, this has been going on for
(07:37):
three months. Seems like a short time, but I've considered
suicide after thirty days myself one time. It's not about it,
I know, well, this letter is about me, shelling. I
know how to talk to people about this because I'm
sixty five years old. I've had to deal with a
(07:59):
lot of things my life, and I can help people.
This letter is about ed erectile dysfunction. Now, the woman
says she's been dealing with this medical problem with her
husband for ninety days and she's thinking about stepping out.
I had to go thirty days without him one time,
and that's when I was suicide. I had considered, you know,
(08:20):
stepping off in front of a bus or something. Now,
like he said, then listen on this zoom. Ladies, y'all
can stop shaking your head because you're not gonna stop
me from saying what I'm saying. Y'all women, y'all don't
even have his damn problem. Let me handle this. All
y'all women sending up here laying back, don't say that.
Don't say that he's a killer. It's a hardbreaking ass killer.
(08:47):
Have you sitting up laying at night, dream dreaming of
days gone by? Remember when I could just all day
any day? You're doing it now, y'all, I'm doing it. Now,
you're gonna do it. Didn't y'all do it again? How
about how about not try it now all day? Every day?
(09:09):
Years have gone by. Brothers get busy, lives getting busy.
You know you're going through a divorce or something. Next thing,
you know, you look up and ain't quite what it
was you miss that electrified hair raised an event on
the back of your neck. It used to feel like
(09:29):
he lets somebody had took a refrigerator cord and jammed
it up your crack and plugged you into the wall.
That's what it felt like. God. But as you get older,
that feeling diminishes. You went from this hill this is
what it used to be like. It gets to wear.
(09:50):
It's just one more time in your twenties, you spitting,
the slobbling and everything. Now, who why should we did that?
Didn't whoo? So it's men. That's as that that's going damn. Yeah,
(10:18):
I'm here for you, yea. So now here's what has
to happen. Now? You mad because this high blood pressure
gives your husband these side effects, but now you don't
look in the medicine cabinet and he ain't even taking
his high blood pressure. See. I don't take high blood
pressure medication because of the side effects. But now when
(10:39):
you take ed medicine, they have side effects to cloudy memory,
cloudy memory, stuffy headaches, ear burning, ear burning. I've had
the tops of my ears just on fire. I don't
give a damn what. I couldn't breathe for three days.
(11:06):
One time I did all my talking and breathing with
my mouth hanging over. Because I'm fine, blood vision, my
eyes is shut anyway, what do I need to see? Folk?
Swollen ankles? Don't tie your shoes up, everybody. I'm just
(11:32):
telling See. So there's the problem. Now. The woman in
the letter is complaining that she gets a lot of
tension at the gym and she's never thought about stepping out,
but since she ain't had sex in ninety days, she
now is considering for the first time. She watched pawing
all the time and everything. It's to me and I
head a volunteer to help you. That's not a problem.
But after ninety days, you considering your messing up your
(11:55):
manage your vows was honor help in sickness and in health,
richea off of poor Till death do you part? And
that's part. Let me focus for just one minute on
that last line. You take your wedding vials to death?
Do you part? And I did? And somebody asked me
(12:15):
one time with Steve, you've had two divorces, how can
you say you honor your vials to death? Do you part?
I said, as soon as I felt like I was dying,
I got the divorce. That's what it said, till death
do you part? Once I felt like I was dying,
I thought it was time to part. That's something in
(12:39):
everything to be learned. With all these letters, y'alls not
being so damn judge mental, but all you brothers out
there that is worried about side effects, bring them on
Steve hurt. Let them hurt Steve with erect how dysfunction medication,
(13:01):
take them out. Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter
at Steve Harry FM on Instagram and Facebook, and check
out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand as well. Now
coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. It
is Junior and Sports talk. Right after this, you're listening
to The Dave Harvey Morning Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need
advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more. Please
submit your Strawberry letter to Steve Harvey FM and click
Submit Strawberry Letters Steve HARVEYFM dot com. That's all you
gotta do to send your letter. We could be reading
your letter live on the air, just like we're going
to read this one right here, right now, and you
(00:22):
never know, it could be yours. You never know. Buggle
up and hold on time. We got to pull your
head each cry letter all right, thank you enough you subject.
The soldier is never at attention. Dear Stephen Shirley. My
husband and I are both in the military, and he's
(00:44):
still he's still active duty, and I'm retired. I'm raising
our two sons and I do personal training for three
clients to earn extra money. I'm in shape and I
want my husband to stay in shape too. He works out,
but he doesn't take care of his body. In Helnally,
his diet has made him pre diabetic and he's on medications.
(01:05):
The medication affects both of us because his soldier is
never at attention anymore. It's been close to three months
and he doesn't seem to care that I've got needs.
If he doesn't get his blood pressure and sugar intake together,
it's going to kill this marriage. I've always been the
one to initiate sex and he loved that about me.
(01:25):
It makes me think he's tired of my body and
he has no interest in pleasing me. I called his
physician and he couldn't tell me anything, but he did
say that my husband can take better care of themselves
and suggest it I help him out with that. I
took all of the sugar out of the house and
we eat clean now, but that's not helping. So I
(01:46):
decided to check his meds and the bottles are full.
I asked him why he why he wasn't taking the pills,
and he said he doesn't like the way they make
him feel. Then he said that we've had plenty of
great sex over the years and we will get to
it soon. I can't believe he's being so selfish, and
if the roles were reversed, he'd have a fit if
(02:06):
I deprived him of sex. I get a lot of
attention at the gym, the grocery store, of the park,
and everywhere else I go. And I've never considered cheating
in the eight years I've been married, But it's all
I think about now. I dream of sex, watch porn
on my phone, and take care of my own needs occasionally.
(02:27):
Will I be selfish like him if I step out
and get myself my sexual needs fulfilled? Okay, hold up,
wait a minute. All right, you're moving a little fast,
and honestly, I think you're the one being selfish. Your husband,
you said so plainly in the letter, has a medical
issue and he's trying to deal with it as best
(02:48):
he can right now. I'm sure it's a shocker to
him to have to deal with all of this. You know,
it would be so easy to say to you, Yes,
you have needs and he's not taking care of you home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. That's what a
lot of men do when they're not getting it at home,
and we accept it as the norm. But we do
live in a world with double standards. So before you
(03:10):
go outside of your marriage, please let me say this.
I understand how you feel, but don't step out on
your husband. Try to fix things with him first. I mean,
there are things he can obviously do to help himself,
but so far he's not doing it. He said he
doesn't like the way the meds make him feel. So,
you know, sometimes you have to go back to the
(03:30):
doctor and get your meds regulated, and you know, maybe
you need not such a strong dose and all of that.
So you gotta take all these things into consideration before
you consider, you know, stepping out on your husband. You
get looks at you know, when you go out to
the grocery store and all that. But you said you're
in shape, and that's okay. But I think you need
(03:51):
to talk to your husband, let him know exactly how
you feel, try to find out what else is going
on with him. Maybe this time he'll actually hear your frustration.
You know. The thing is when he said, you know
you've had great sex in the past and you'll get
back to that. I think that left you a little
glimmer of hope. So um, you know the problem is
(04:12):
when is he what is he doing to make soon happen.
So you need to encourage him, go back to the doctor,
check his meds, you know, continue to help him out
with his diet. I think your marriage is salvageable here.
I don't think you need to step out on him
just yet. I just think it's gonna take some work
on both you guys. As part, Steve Shirley read me
the title of the letter again, because why I am
(04:33):
I don't have prinice, guys, all right, The title is
the soldier. The soldier has never at attention. This soldier
is never at attention. This letter, y'all, is not about
the fact that he's active military and she's retired military.
That ain't what this is about. This ain't about the
(04:55):
fact that tomern extra income that she does person on
the train in the two or three clients on the side.
This letter is about her husband being on high blood
pressure medicine and the high blood pressure medicine is causing
e D. The medical term for that is erectile dysfunction.
(05:20):
It is the number one killer in black men today.
Oh I know, you think it's heart disease, and oh
I know you think it's crime. It all you probably
think is, you know, gas prices. But the number one
(05:42):
killer in black men today is e D. Erectile. This focus,
so let's just talk of you about what this letter
is really about. He has a problem and he's not
taking care of itself. So his doctor has high blood
pressure medication high blood pressure medication with diabetes. Medication can
(06:07):
cause several side effects in men, and the only one
that matters to any of us is erectile this function.
I have read medicines that said one of the side
effects his blindness. I choose blindness. Hold On, people say
(06:31):
side effects is loss of hearing. Hold On, I don't
need to hear a damn thing. We'll have to address
all of this, Yes we will. Part two of Steven's
response is coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.
Today's Strawberry Letters subject is the soldier is never at attention.
We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening
(06:54):
to show, all right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's
Strawberry Letters. Subject is this soldier is never at attention?
The subject for the Strawberry letter today is this soldier
is never at attention. Now we're talking about a military
family here, so you're probably thinking this is a military problem.
It's not. He's at the duty. She's retired to make
(07:17):
extra money. She on the side trained to three people
in her class. Her husband is active military. But that's
all he active. He is just active military. He is
in active at the house in the bedroom. Now the
problem that lady says, this has been going on for
(07:37):
three months. Seems like a short time, but I've considered
suicide after thirty days myself one time. It's not about it,
I know, well, this letter is about me, shelling. I
know how to talk to people about this because I'm
sixty five years old. I've had to deal with a
(07:59):
lot of things my life, and I can help people.
This letter is about ed erectile dysfunction. Now, the woman
says she's been dealing with this medical problem with her
husband for ninety days and she's thinking about stepping out.
I had to go thirty days without him one time,
and that's when I was suicide. I had considered, you know,
(08:20):
stepping off in front of a bus or something. Now,
like he said, then listen on this zoom. Ladies, y'all
can stop shaking your head because you're not gonna stop
me from saying what I'm saying. Y'all women, y'all don't
even have his damn problem. Let me handle this. All
y'all women sending up here laying back, don't say that.
Don't say that he's a killer. It's a hardbreaking ass killer.
(08:47):
Have you sitting up laying at night, dream dreaming of
days gone by? Remember when I could just all day
any day? You're doing it now, y'all, I'm doing it. Now,
you're gonna do it. Didn't y'all do it again? How
about how about not try it now all day? Every day?
(09:09):
Years have gone by. Brothers get busy, lives getting busy.
You know you're going through a divorce or something. Next thing,
you know, you look up and ain't quite what it
was you miss that electrified hair raised an event on
the back of your neck. It used to feel like
(09:29):
he lets somebody had took a refrigerator cord and jammed
it up your crack and plugged you into the wall.
That's what it felt like. God. But as you get older,
that feeling diminishes. You went from this hill this is
what it used to be like. It gets to wear.
(09:50):
It's just one more time in your twenties, you spitting,
the slobbling and everything. Now, who why should we did that?
Didn't whoo? So it's men. That's as that that's going damn. Yeah,
(10:18):
I'm here for you, yea. So now here's what has
to happen. Now? You mad because this high blood pressure
gives your husband these side effects, but now you don't
look in the medicine cabinet and he ain't even taking
his high blood pressure. See. I don't take high blood
pressure medication because of the side effects. But now when
(10:39):
you take ed medicine, they have side effects to cloudy memory,
cloudy memory, stuffy headaches, ear burning, ear burning. I've had
the tops of my ears just on fire. I don't
give a damn what. I couldn't breathe for three days.
(11:06):
One time I did all my talking and breathing with
my mouth hanging over. Because I'm fine, blood vision, my
eyes is shut anyway, what do I need to see? Folk?
Swollen ankles? Don't tie your shoes up, everybody. I'm just
(11:32):
telling See. So there's the problem. Now. The woman in
the letter is complaining that she gets a lot of
tension at the gym and she's never thought about stepping out,
but since she ain't had sex in ninety days, she
now is considering for the first time. She watched pawing
all the time and everything. It's to me and I
head a volunteer to help you. That's not a problem.
But after ninety days, you considering your messing up your
(11:55):
manage your vows was honor help in sickness and in health,
richea off of poor Till death do you part? And
that's part. Let me focus for just one minute on
that last line. You take your wedding vials to death?
Do you part? And I did? And somebody asked me
(12:15):
one time with Steve, you've had two divorces, how can
you say you honor your vials to death? Do you part?
I said, as soon as I felt like I was dying,
I got the divorce. That's what it said, till death
do you part? Once I felt like I was dying,
I thought it was time to part. That's something in
(12:39):
everything to be learned. With all these letters, y'alls not
being so damn judge mental, but all you brothers out
there that is worried about side effects, bring them on
Steve hurt. Let them hurt Steve with erect how dysfunction medication,
(13:01):
take them out. Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter
at Steve Harry FM on Instagram and Facebook, and check
out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand as well. Now
coming up at forty six minutes after the hour. It
is Junior and Sports talk. Right after this, you're listening
to The Dave Harvey Morning Show
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