April 3, 2023 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I am a 30 year old mother with 3 children. My children’s father and I have been together over 10 years so let me say this before you bash me… he has asked to marry me him several times and I respectfully declined because we need to go to therapy before we get married. Here’s why… My confidence is at an all-time low because my children’s father has cheated many times...............
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you
need advice on sex, on dating, on parenting, relationships, whatever,
write us okay and more. Submit your Strawberry Letter to
Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll try
to help you if we can. Can't help everybody. If
(00:23):
we can, we'll try, and we could be reading your
life like we're gonna read this one right here, right now.
Buggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you here.
It is the scroll every letter subject. My man says,
I went from whop to hop. All right, Dear Stephen Shirley,
(00:46):
I'm a thirty year old mother with three children. My
children's father and I have been together over ten years,
so let me say this before you bash me. He
has asked me to marry him several times, and I
respectfully declined because we need to go to spy before
we get married. Here's why my confidence is at an
all time low, because my children's father has cheated many times.
(01:08):
Whenever I confront him, his exact words are, your sex
is very boring and you complain too much. When the
new Mega Stallion and Cardi B song came out, he
even joked that I've gone from WAP to hop, meaning
I have horrible AP. My response was, well, I wasn't
(01:28):
what he said. The letter was horrible ass You didn't
want to say as you got to read the letter
like we wrote the letter on to me, you didn't write.
You didn't write the letter ike anyway, all right, you
guys got the message. My response was, well, I wouldn't
(01:50):
complain as much and would do a better job in
the bedroom if you were half the man you used
to be. I'm often tired from work and running around
with three children, so he blames me for our lackluster
sex life and not ever being in the mood. I've
obliged him many nights and would just lie there trying
not to fall asleep until the sex was over. But
(02:11):
now years later and after all the cheating, it has
affected my ability to perform in the bedroom. I've heard
it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why I
can't get excited or in the mood. I know that
if I can't please him, he's going to get it
somewhere else. Just recently, we got into a big argument
and he yelled out that I have some whack a kitty.
(02:33):
He apologized a few minutes later. But this is affecting
my confidence. He refuses to go to therapy, So should
I take my three children and leave him? Okay, listen,
you don't need therapy. You've mentioned therapy a few times
in this letter. You need a new man, That's what
you need. He's not deserving of you. I mean, what
(02:53):
does he do besides put you down and cheat? Ten
years of this, ten years of this been going through
It has to be enough that you know, just say enough.
This has to be enough for even the strongest and
the most confident woman wouldn't be able to deal with
this all the time. And here you are doing what
so many women do, blaming yourself. I mean, I just say,
(03:17):
life happens, three kids in a full time job that's
not easy for anyone, and then he expects you to
perform and all of this and blah blah blah. When
your man is not right, sex is the last thing
on your mind. Let me tell you that the only
thing that you were to blame for in this is
staying with him, in my opinion, for ten years, and
for taking him back repeatedly when he cheats on you.
(03:41):
So you don't give him an incentive to stop cheating
or anything like that. So I say to you, first
things first, don't worry about from whop to hop and
all of that right now, forget all that. You can
get that back. He doesn't appreciate it or deserve it anyway.
It's just time to get back to yourself. I think
you should do you boo right now. Start building up,
(04:02):
Start restoring what you have allowed him to tear down
in all these years. Fall in love with yourself again.
Start putting yourself first. Okay, yourself first, and watch him
take notice. If not, don't be afraid to get the
kids and move on or put his trifling behind out. Steve,
you don't surely I agree with every single thing you've said.
(04:26):
Great advice to this woman. Of course, my angle, it's
gonna be a little bit different. See. I know how
men operate, and what he's doing is the atypical thing
when a man get busted or something. Here comes the
reverse psychology. Yeah, here comes the why I did it?
(04:48):
You know not? It's thirty year old mother three been
together ten years. He's asking a marry but she's declined
respectful me because she feel like they need to go
to counseling before they get married, because my confidence is
at all time low because he's cheated on her many times.
Wait a minute, cheated on you many times? Why are
(05:11):
you still in the relationship the marriage part. This ain't
even a discussion. If a man ain't gonna act right
before you get married, what makes you think? What thing
happens that makes you think that he gonna change after
you getting married? Remember, like I've said on this show
(05:31):
several times, a minister told me one time, when a
man gets married, the only thing that changes the day
after the wedding is the appearance of his left hand
third finger. That's if he is what he was before
you got married. Marriage doesn't change anything. Now if a
(05:52):
person or you either practice being married or you don't.
You either getting ready used to cutt and cut your
little strings out there or your little wife old sowan
get that out the way for you get married. That's
how you get married. You can't be cheating on this
woman repeatedly, steady asking her to marry you, marry you
for what man? Are you kidding me? And then every
(06:14):
time you bust him, his exact words are, your sex
is very bored and you complain too much. Wait a minute,
that's not why you're cheating on me. You cheating on
me because your ass is a low life. That's why
you doing it. Man. Now, when we come back, I
have my weight that you should handle this. All right,
(06:36):
coming up, we'll have you staying okay, oh okay. At
twenty three after the hour, subject of my Strawberry letter
for today is my man says I went from wap
to hop. We'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening Morning show, all right, Steve, come on, let's
(06:57):
recap today's Strawberry letters. Subject man says, I went from
wop to hop. This letter right here kind of hurts.
So Shirley gave this woman some spot on advice that
I agree with thousand percent. Thirty year old woman three
children have been together with her man ten years and
she's asked he's asked her to marry him several times,
(07:19):
but she's respectfully declined. Why you did it respectfully? I
don't know, because I found out he wasn't treating you
with no respect at all. But you respectfully decline because
you say you need to go to therapy before you
getting married, because your confidence as an all time low
because he has cheated on you many times. Now, here's
the thing. When you confront him, his exact words are,
(07:43):
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that's why he's cheated on you many times.
But he stayed with you for ten years, made three keys,
and he's telling you that your sex is very boring
(08:04):
his show, keep coming over. There a lot for this
boring sex. Three kids now. When the new Mad Stallion
and Cardi B song came out, he joked that I've
gone from whop to a hop hap and in the
words of his latter meaning I have a horrible ass
(08:26):
p okay not dog. Really, this is mental abuse. I
understand the woman's confidence being shattered to understand that, but dog,
So you're gonna use reverse psychology. So you're telling this
woman the reason you cheat because she got bad sex.
Wait a minute, and then, lady, Now, now you got close. Lady,
(08:49):
here's why I started to have hope for you. My
response was, well, I wouldn't complain as much and would
do a better job in the bedroom if you were
half the man and you used to be Na, that's
why I want to get that in this letter. See
oh you stinging me talking about it. I got a
horrible p. Let's talk about choke pe see right now, See,
(09:13):
if you're gonna talk about my pe, then we need
to talk about choke pe. See. I might have a
hop a horrible ass p. But but you got something
wrong with you too, because you just saying he had
to man, he used to be. That's a lot smaller.
You're scaring me stick. So now you gotta lap. See
you gotta halp. You got a horrible ass P, and
(09:36):
he got a lap. He got a little last pe.
See what I mean? Then what we got to do?
We were we're doing initials. Now, oh, I gotta help.
You gotta lap, you gotta no, we're here talking about
each other. Pete, let's spread the pee round. Make my
funk the pe funk. I want to get funked up.
(09:57):
I want the bomb, I want the pe funk. I
want my funk funked up. Make my funk the p funk.
I want you to get funked up. That's what you
are to play the next time, y'all head to the
bathroom in the head to the bedroom. I want something
to happen to me. But you ain't half the man
you used to be, cause you the shrunk. Oh, your
(10:20):
fat ass stomach is leaning over your belt. I can't
find it. You can't find it now you're over here
talking about mind horrible. It's cause you little. Now we're
doing all. You can go or you can go lp.
You got a livesy old poker. See your poker is lousy.
All you can be a lap You gotta you gotta
(10:42):
limp ass poker. See you can use We can dose
initials all day. See one thing about it, ladies. You
can bruise your man's ego or were in the ego
bruising business. Yeah, you ain't as ex siting in the
bedroom no more, sister, because he don't excite you. Noo.
(11:05):
Yeah you don't need you need. Yeah, you need to
give it to him like he giving it to you.
It ain't what it was because you ain't what you was.
You don't know what color shoes you got on? What
color your shoes? You look straight down? What color your shoes?
You don't even know. I went through that when I
(11:27):
was pregnant. See you don't know that. See, but men,
see it's okay for a woman to do that when
she pregnant y'all have a baby in there, but some
of us can't look down because we ain't even got
no baby. We just look like we're in our second trial. Mess. See,
you got to bring this up to him. You ain't
got to be the only one take a shot. And
now years later, after all the cheating, it's affected your
(11:49):
ability to perform in the bedroom. I've heard it's a
mental thing, but I'm not sure why I can't get
excited or in the mood. Well, let me help you.
You can't get excited because he ain't exciting, He ain't
doing nothing, And when he gets there, you're about to
fall asleep. All these his kids, yeah, ain't his kids?
(12:10):
Then it must have been good at some point, That's
what I said. That's what I said, you know. And
they all little kids because he because he looked and
he made little kids, all his kids, real little on
the side down there at the school. That's why I
ain't none of them playing basketball, none of this. See,
(12:32):
y'all gonna to stand his ass. Now, y'all got the
big ass argument. Recently he yelled out that he got
some whack ass kitty. Then he gonna apologize a few
minutes later. Well, you, well, well you got a whack ass.
Well we can't. I just said it. Well, yours is
whacked too, So we just in here, just both serving
(12:54):
up just bad sex. Now where you're going, you gotta
keep cheating because every time you cheat with somebody, they
don't want it no more. So you gotta go get
somebody else to cheat, so they're body to found out
what I know today. Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM,
on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast
on demand too. You're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning
(13:17):
Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you
need advice on sex, on dating, on parenting, relationships, whatever,
write us okay and more. Submit your Strawberry Letter to
Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll try
to help you if we can. Can't help everybody. If
(00:23):
we can, we'll try, and we could be reading your
life like we're gonna read this one right here, right now.
Buggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you here.
It is the scroll every letter subject. My man says,
I went from whop to hop. All right, Dear Stephen Shirley,
(00:46):
I'm a thirty year old mother with three children. My
children's father and I have been together over ten years,
so let me say this before you bash me. He
has asked me to marry him several times, and I
respectfully declined because we need to go to spy before
we get married. Here's why my confidence is at an
all time low, because my children's father has cheated many times.
(01:08):
Whenever I confront him, his exact words are, your sex
is very boring and you complain too much. When the
new Mega Stallion and Cardi B song came out, he
even joked that I've gone from WAP to hop, meaning
I have horrible AP. My response was, well, I wasn't
(01:28):
what he said. The letter was horrible ass You didn't
want to say as you got to read the letter
like we wrote the letter on to me, you didn't write.
You didn't write the letter ike anyway, all right, you
guys got the message. My response was, well, I wouldn't
(01:50):
complain as much and would do a better job in
the bedroom if you were half the man you used
to be. I'm often tired from work and running around
with three children, so he blames me for our lackluster
sex life and not ever being in the mood. I've
obliged him many nights and would just lie there trying
not to fall asleep until the sex was over. But
(02:11):
now years later and after all the cheating, it has
affected my ability to perform in the bedroom. I've heard
it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why I
can't get excited or in the mood. I know that
if I can't please him, he's going to get it
somewhere else. Just recently, we got into a big argument
and he yelled out that I have some whack a kitty.
(02:33):
He apologized a few minutes later. But this is affecting
my confidence. He refuses to go to therapy, So should
I take my three children and leave him? Okay, listen,
you don't need therapy. You've mentioned therapy a few times
in this letter. You need a new man, That's what
you need. He's not deserving of you. I mean, what
(02:53):
does he do besides put you down and cheat? Ten
years of this, ten years of this been going through
It has to be enough that you know, just say enough.
This has to be enough for even the strongest and
the most confident woman wouldn't be able to deal with
this all the time. And here you are doing what
so many women do, blaming yourself. I mean, I just say,
(03:17):
life happens, three kids in a full time job that's
not easy for anyone, and then he expects you to
perform and all of this and blah blah blah. When
your man is not right, sex is the last thing
on your mind. Let me tell you that the only
thing that you were to blame for in this is
staying with him, in my opinion, for ten years, and
for taking him back repeatedly when he cheats on you.
(03:41):
So you don't give him an incentive to stop cheating
or anything like that. So I say to you, first
things first, don't worry about from whop to hop and
all of that right now, forget all that. You can
get that back. He doesn't appreciate it or deserve it anyway.
It's just time to get back to yourself. I think
you should do you boo right now. Start building up,
(04:02):
Start restoring what you have allowed him to tear down
in all these years. Fall in love with yourself again.
Start putting yourself first. Okay, yourself first, and watch him
take notice. If not, don't be afraid to get the
kids and move on or put his trifling behind out. Steve,
you don't surely I agree with every single thing you've said.
(04:26):
Great advice to this woman. Of course, my angle, it's
gonna be a little bit different. See. I know how
men operate, and what he's doing is the atypical thing
when a man get busted or something. Here comes the
reverse psychology. Yeah, here comes the why I did it?
(04:48):
You know not? It's thirty year old mother three been
together ten years. He's asking a marry but she's declined
respectful me because she feel like they need to go
to counseling before they get married, because my confidence is
at all time low because he's cheated on her many times.
Wait a minute, cheated on you many times? Why are
(05:11):
you still in the relationship the marriage part. This ain't
even a discussion. If a man ain't gonna act right
before you get married, what makes you think? What thing
happens that makes you think that he gonna change after
you getting married? Remember, like I've said on this show
(05:31):
several times, a minister told me one time, when a
man gets married, the only thing that changes the day
after the wedding is the appearance of his left hand
third finger. That's if he is what he was before
you got married. Marriage doesn't change anything. Now if a
(05:52):
person or you either practice being married or you don't.
You either getting ready used to cutt and cut your
little strings out there or your little wife old sowan
get that out the way for you get married. That's
how you get married. You can't be cheating on this
woman repeatedly, steady asking her to marry you, marry you
for what man? Are you kidding me? And then every
(06:14):
time you bust him, his exact words are, your sex
is very bored and you complain too much. Wait a minute,
that's not why you're cheating on me. You cheating on
me because your ass is a low life. That's why
you doing it. Man. Now, when we come back, I
have my weight that you should handle this. All right,
(06:36):
coming up, we'll have you staying okay, oh okay. At
twenty three after the hour, subject of my Strawberry letter
for today is my man says I went from wap
to hop. We'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening Morning show, all right, Steve, come on, let's
(06:57):
recap today's Strawberry letters. Subject man says, I went from
wop to hop. This letter right here kind of hurts.
So Shirley gave this woman some spot on advice that
I agree with thousand percent. Thirty year old woman three
children have been together with her man ten years and
she's asked he's asked her to marry him several times,
(07:19):
but she's respectfully declined. Why you did it respectfully? I
don't know, because I found out he wasn't treating you
with no respect at all. But you respectfully decline because
you say you need to go to therapy before you
getting married, because your confidence as an all time low
because he has cheated on you many times. Now, here's
the thing. When you confront him, his exact words are,
(07:43):
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that's why he's cheated on you many times.
But he stayed with you for ten years, made three keys,
and he's telling you that your sex is very boring
(08:04):
his show, keep coming over. There a lot for this
boring sex. Three kids now. When the new Mad Stallion
and Cardi B song came out, he joked that I've
gone from whop to a hop hap and in the
words of his latter meaning I have a horrible ass
(08:26):
p okay not dog. Really, this is mental abuse. I
understand the woman's confidence being shattered to understand that, but dog,
So you're gonna use reverse psychology. So you're telling this
woman the reason you cheat because she got bad sex.
Wait a minute, and then, lady, Now, now you got close. Lady,
(08:49):
here's why I started to have hope for you. My
response was, well, I wouldn't complain as much and would
do a better job in the bedroom if you were
half the man and you used to be Na, that's
why I want to get that in this letter. See
oh you stinging me talking about it. I got a
horrible p. Let's talk about choke pe see right now, See,
(09:13):
if you're gonna talk about my pe, then we need
to talk about choke pe. See. I might have a
hop a horrible ass p. But but you got something
wrong with you too, because you just saying he had
to man, he used to be. That's a lot smaller.
You're scaring me stick. So now you gotta lap. See
you gotta halp. You got a horrible ass P, and
(09:36):
he got a lap. He got a little last pe.
See what I mean? Then what we got to do?
We were we're doing initials. Now, oh, I gotta help.
You gotta lap, you gotta no, we're here talking about
each other. Pete, let's spread the pee round. Make my
funk the pe funk. I want to get funked up.
(09:57):
I want the bomb, I want the pe funk. I
want my funk funked up. Make my funk the p funk.
I want you to get funked up. That's what you
are to play the next time, y'all head to the
bathroom in the head to the bedroom. I want something
to happen to me. But you ain't half the man
you used to be, cause you the shrunk. Oh, your
(10:20):
fat ass stomach is leaning over your belt. I can't
find it. You can't find it now you're over here
talking about mind horrible. It's cause you little. Now we're
doing all. You can go or you can go lp.
You got a livesy old poker. See your poker is lousy.
All you can be a lap You gotta you gotta
(10:42):
limp ass poker. See you can use We can dose
initials all day. See one thing about it, ladies. You
can bruise your man's ego or were in the ego
bruising business. Yeah, you ain't as ex siting in the
bedroom no more, sister, because he don't excite you. Noo.
(11:05):
Yeah you don't need you need. Yeah, you need to
give it to him like he giving it to you.
It ain't what it was because you ain't what you was.
You don't know what color shoes you got on? What
color your shoes? You look straight down? What color your shoes?
You don't even know. I went through that when I
(11:27):
was pregnant. See you don't know that. See, but men,
see it's okay for a woman to do that when
she pregnant y'all have a baby in there, but some
of us can't look down because we ain't even got
no baby. We just look like we're in our second trial. Mess. See,
you got to bring this up to him. You ain't
got to be the only one take a shot. And
now years later, after all the cheating, it's affected your
(11:49):
ability to perform in the bedroom. I've heard it's a
mental thing, but I'm not sure why I can't get
excited or in the mood. Well, let me help you.
You can't get excited because he ain't exciting, He ain't
doing nothing, And when he gets there, you're about to
fall asleep. All these his kids, yeah, ain't his kids?
(12:10):
Then it must have been good at some point, That's
what I said. That's what I said, you know. And
they all little kids because he because he looked and
he made little kids, all his kids, real little on
the side down there at the school. That's why I
ain't none of them playing basketball, none of this. See,
(12:32):
y'all gonna to stand his ass. Now, y'all got the
big ass argument. Recently he yelled out that he got
some whack ass kitty. Then he gonna apologize a few
minutes later. Well, you, well, well you got a whack ass.
Well we can't. I just said it. Well, yours is
whacked too, So we just in here, just both serving
(12:54):
up just bad sex. Now where you're going, you gotta
keep cheating because every time you cheat with somebody, they
don't want it no more. So you gotta go get
somebody else to cheat, so they're body to found out
what I know today. Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM,
on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast
on demand too. You're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning
(13:17):
Show
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