July 12, 2024 • 13 mins
Dear Steve and Shirley, I am a 30 year old mother with 3 children. My children’s father and I have been together over 10 years so let me say this before you bash me… he has asked to marry me him several times and I respectfully declined because we need to go to therapy before we get married. Here’s why… My confidence is at an all-time low because my children’s father has cheated many times...............
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you
need advice on sex, on dating, on parenting, relationships, whatever,
write us okay and more. Submit your Strawberry letter to
Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll try
to help you if we can. We can't help everybody,
(00:23):
but if we can, we'll try, and we could be
reading your letter. Life up surely like we're going to
read this one right here, right now.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Spuggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you here.
It is a strong baby letter subject.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
My man says, I went from wop to hop. All right,
Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a thirty year old mother with
three children. My children's father and I have been together
over ten years, so let me say this before you
bash me. He has asked me to marry him several times,
and I respectfully declined because we need to go the
(01:00):
therapy before we get married. Here's why my confidence is
at an all time low because my children's father has
cheated many times. Whenever I confront him, his exact words are,
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
When the new Magna Stallion and Cardi B Song came out.
He even joked that I've gone from wop to hop,
(01:21):
meaning I have horrible ap My response was, well, I
wouldn't complain.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What he said in the letter was horrible. Ass P.
You didn't want to say, ass You have to read
the letter like we wrote the letter ont of me.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
You didn't read you didn't write the letter ike anyway,
all right, you guys got the message. My response was, well,
I wouldn't complain as much and would do a better
job in the bedroom if you were half the man
you used to be. I'm often tired from work and
running around with three children, so he blames me for
(02:00):
our lackluster sex life and not.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Ever being in the mood.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I've obliged him many nights and would just lie there
trying not to fall asleep until the sex was over.
But now, years later, and after all the cheating, it
has affected my ability to perform in the bedroom. I've
heard it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why
I can't get excited or in the mood. I know
that if I can't please him, he's going to get
it somewhere else. Just recently, we got into a big
(02:28):
argument and he yelled out that I have some.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Whack a kitty.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
He apologized a few minutes later, But this is affecting
my confidence. He refuses to go to therapy, So should
I take my three children and leave him? Okay, listen,
you don't need therapy. You've mentioned therapy a few times
in this letter. You need a new man, that's what
you need. He's not deserving of you. I mean, what
(02:54):
does he do besides put you down and cheat? Ten
years of this, ten years of this you've been going through.
It has to be enough, that you know, just say enough.
This has to be enough for even the strongest and
the most confident woman wouldn't be able to deal with
this all the time. And here you are doing what
so many women do, blaming yourself. I mean, I just say,
(03:18):
life happens. Three kids in a full time job that's
not easy for anyone, and then he expects you to
perform and all of this and blah blah blah. When
your man is not right, sex is the last thing
on your mind. Let me tell you that the only
thing that you were to blame for in this is
staying with him, in my opinion, for ten years, and
for taking him back repeatedly when he cheats on you,
(03:41):
so you don't give him an incentive to stop cheating
or anything like that. So I say to you, first
thing first, don't worry about from wop to hop and
all of that right now, forget all that. You can
get that back. He doesn't appreciate it or deserve it anyway.
It's just time to get back to yourself. I think
you should do you boo right now. Start building up,
(04:02):
Start restoring what you have allowed him to tear down
in all these years. Fall in love with yourself again.
Start putting yourself first. Okay, yourself first, and watch him
take notice. If not, don't be afraid to get the
kids and move on or put his trifling behind out Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
You know, Shirley, I agree with every single thing you've said.
Great advice to this woman. Of course, my angle is
gonna be a little bit different. See, I know how
men operate, and what he's doing is the atypical thing
when a man get busted or something. Here comes the
reverse psychology, Here comes the why I did it? You
(04:49):
know now it's thirty year old mother of three, been
together ten years. He's asking to Mary, but she's declined
respect because she feel like they need to go to
counseling before they get married because my confidence is an
all time low because he's cheated on her many times.
Wait a minute, cheated on you many times? Why are
(05:11):
you still in the relationship the marriage part. This ain't
even a discussion. If a man ain't gonna act right
before you get married, what makes you think? What thing
happens that makes you think that he gonna change after
you get married. Remember, like I've said on this show
(05:32):
several times, a minister told me one time, when a
man gets married, the only thing that changes the day
after the wedding is the appearance of his left hand
third finger. That's if he is what he was before
you got married. Marriage doesn't change anything. Now, if a
(05:52):
person you you either practice being married or you don't.
You either getting ready used to cotton, cut your little
strings out there, all your wild old sewing.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Get that out to wait before you get married. That's
how you get married.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
You can't be cheating on this woman repeatedly, steady asking
her to marry you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Marry you for what? Man, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And then every time you bust him, his exact words are,
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that's not why you're cheating on me.
You cheating on me because your ass is a low life.
That's why you doing it. Man.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Now, when we come back, I have my weight that
you should handle this.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
All right, coming up, we'll have pursuse.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Staying in me fun. Okay, oh okay.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
At twenty three after the hour, subject of my strawberry
letter for today is my man says I went from
Wop to hop. We'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening Hardy Morning show. All right, Steve, come on,
let's recap today's strawberry letters. My man says, I went
from Wop to hop.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
This letter right here kind of hurt.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So Shirley gave this woman some spot on advice that
I agree with thousand percent. Thirty year old woman, three
children have been together with her man ten years and
she's asked he's asked her to marry him several times,
but she's respectfully declined.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Why you did it respectfully?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I don't know, because I found out he wasn't treating
you with no respect at all. But you respectfully decline
because you say you need to go to therapy before
you get married, because your confidence as an all time
low because he has cheated on you many times. Now,
here's the thing. When you confront him, his exact words are,
(07:43):
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that that's why he's cheated on you
many times. But he stayed with you for ten years,
made three kids. It's and he's telling you that your sex.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Is very boring.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
He showed keep coming over there a lot for this
boring sex.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Three kids.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Now, when the new man Stallion and Cardi B Song
came out, he joked that I've gone from him wop
to a hop hap and in the words of his letter,
meaning I have a horrible ass p okay not dog. Really,
this is mental abuse. I understand the woman's confidence being shattered.
(08:37):
I understand that, but dog, So you're gonna use reverse psychology.
So you're telling this woman the reason you cheat because
she got bad sex. Wait a minute, and then lady, Now,
now you got close. Lady, here's why I started to
have hope for you. My response was, well, I wouldn't
complain as much and would do a better job in
the bedroom if you were half the man you you
(09:00):
used to be. Nah, that's why I want to get
at in this letter. See, oh, you stinging me talking
about it. I got a horrible pee. Let's talk about
Joe pee. See right now, See if you gonna talk
about my pee, then we need to talk about choke pee.
See I might have a hop or horrible ass p.
(09:21):
But you got something wrong with you too, because you
just said he half the man he used to be.
That's a lot smaller.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
You're scaring me.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
See so now you got a lap. See you got
a halp, You got a horrible ast pe, and he
got a lap.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
He got a little last pe. See what I'm saying.
See then what we got to do? We were doing initials.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Now, oh I gotta happen. You got a lap, You
gotta pee. Now we in here talking about each other. Pete,
let's spread to pee round. Make my funk the p funk.
I wants to get funked up. I want the bomb,
I want the pe funk. I want my funk funked up.
(10:01):
Make my funk the p funk. I want you to
get funked up. That's what you ought to play. The
next time, y'all head to the bathroom and they head
to the bedroom. I want something to happen to me.
But you ain't half the land you used to be,
cause you the shrunk, your fight ass stomach is leaning
over your belt. I can't find it. You can't find it.
(10:24):
Now you're over here talking about mind horrible. It's cause
you little. Now we doing so all you can go
all you can go lop. You gotta lousy old poker.
See your poker is lousy. All you can be a
lap you gotta you gotta limp ass poker. See you
can use we can use initials all day. See one
(10:47):
thing about it, ladies. You can bruise your man's ego
or we're in the ego bruising business. Yeah, you ain't
as exciting in the bedroom, no more so because he
don't excite you no more.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, you don't need you need.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yeah, you need to give it to him like he
giving it to you. It ain't what it was because
you ain't what you was. You don't even know what
colored shoes you got on, What color your shoes? Just
look straight down, what color your shoes?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You don't even know.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I went through that when I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
See you don't know that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
See but men, see it's okay for a woman to
do that when she pregnant. Y'all have a baby in there,
But some of us can't look down because we ain't
even got no baby. We just look like we in
our second try message. See, you got to bring this
up to him. You ain't got to be the only
one taking shot. And now years later, after all the cheating,
it's affected your ability to perform in the bedroom. I've
(11:49):
heard it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why
I can't get excited or in the mood.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Well, let me help you. You can't get excited because
he ain't exciting you. He ain't doing nothing. And when
he gets there, you're about to fall asleep. Are these
his kids? Yeah? Theyin't his kids? Then it must have
been good at some point, that's what I said.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's what I said, you know, and they all live
kids because he can, because he loved and he made
little kids, all his kids real little underside down there
at the school. That's why I ain't none of them
playing basketball, none of this. See, y'all going to sting
his ass Now, y'all got the big ass argument. Recently,
(12:33):
he yelled out that he got some whack ass kiddy.
Then he gonna apologize a few minutes later.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Well you well, well you got a whack ass Well
we can't. I just said it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Well, yours is whack too, So we just in here,
just both serving up just bad sex. No where you're going,
you gotta keep cheating because every time you cheat with somebody,
they don't want it no more. So you gotta go
get some money else to cheat to. Their boy found
out what I.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Have on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on
Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on
demand too. You're listening to the Dave Harvey Morning Show.
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. If you
need advice on sex, on dating, on parenting, relationships, whatever,
write us okay and more. Submit your Strawberry letter to
Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll try
to help you if we can. We can't help everybody,
(00:23):
but if we can, we'll try, and we could be
reading your letter. Life up surely like we're going to
read this one right here, right now.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Spuggle up, hold on tight, We got it for you here.
It is a strong baby letter subject.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
My man says, I went from wop to hop. All right,
Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a thirty year old mother with
three children. My children's father and I have been together
over ten years, so let me say this before you
bash me. He has asked me to marry him several times,
and I respectfully declined because we need to go the
(01:00):
therapy before we get married. Here's why my confidence is
at an all time low because my children's father has
cheated many times. Whenever I confront him, his exact words are,
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
When the new Magna Stallion and Cardi B Song came out.
He even joked that I've gone from wop to hop,
(01:21):
meaning I have horrible ap My response was, well, I
wouldn't complain.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
What he said in the letter was horrible. Ass P.
You didn't want to say, ass You have to read
the letter like we wrote the letter ont of me.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
You didn't read you didn't write the letter ike anyway,
all right, you guys got the message. My response was, well,
I wouldn't complain as much and would do a better
job in the bedroom if you were half the man
you used to be. I'm often tired from work and
running around with three children, so he blames me for
(02:00):
our lackluster sex life and not.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Ever being in the mood.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I've obliged him many nights and would just lie there
trying not to fall asleep until the sex was over.
But now, years later, and after all the cheating, it
has affected my ability to perform in the bedroom. I've
heard it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why
I can't get excited or in the mood. I know
that if I can't please him, he's going to get
it somewhere else. Just recently, we got into a big
(02:28):
argument and he yelled out that I have some.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Whack a kitty.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
He apologized a few minutes later, But this is affecting
my confidence. He refuses to go to therapy, So should
I take my three children and leave him? Okay, listen,
you don't need therapy. You've mentioned therapy a few times
in this letter. You need a new man, that's what
you need. He's not deserving of you. I mean, what
(02:54):
does he do besides put you down and cheat? Ten
years of this, ten years of this you've been going through.
It has to be enough, that you know, just say enough.
This has to be enough for even the strongest and
the most confident woman wouldn't be able to deal with
this all the time. And here you are doing what
so many women do, blaming yourself. I mean, I just say,
(03:18):
life happens. Three kids in a full time job that's
not easy for anyone, and then he expects you to
perform and all of this and blah blah blah. When
your man is not right, sex is the last thing
on your mind. Let me tell you that the only
thing that you were to blame for in this is
staying with him, in my opinion, for ten years, and
for taking him back repeatedly when he cheats on you,
(03:41):
so you don't give him an incentive to stop cheating
or anything like that. So I say to you, first
thing first, don't worry about from wop to hop and
all of that right now, forget all that. You can
get that back. He doesn't appreciate it or deserve it anyway.
It's just time to get back to yourself. I think
you should do you boo right now. Start building up,
(04:02):
Start restoring what you have allowed him to tear down
in all these years. Fall in love with yourself again.
Start putting yourself first. Okay, yourself first, and watch him
take notice. If not, don't be afraid to get the
kids and move on or put his trifling behind out Steve.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
You know, Shirley, I agree with every single thing you've said.
Great advice to this woman. Of course, my angle is
gonna be a little bit different. See, I know how
men operate, and what he's doing is the atypical thing
when a man get busted or something. Here comes the
reverse psychology, Here comes the why I did it? You
(04:49):
know now it's thirty year old mother of three, been
together ten years. He's asking to Mary, but she's declined
respect because she feel like they need to go to
counseling before they get married because my confidence is an
all time low because he's cheated on her many times.
Wait a minute, cheated on you many times? Why are
(05:11):
you still in the relationship the marriage part. This ain't
even a discussion. If a man ain't gonna act right
before you get married, what makes you think? What thing
happens that makes you think that he gonna change after
you get married. Remember, like I've said on this show
(05:32):
several times, a minister told me one time, when a
man gets married, the only thing that changes the day
after the wedding is the appearance of his left hand
third finger. That's if he is what he was before
you got married. Marriage doesn't change anything. Now, if a
(05:52):
person you you either practice being married or you don't.
You either getting ready used to cotton, cut your little
strings out there, all your wild old sewing.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Get that out to wait before you get married. That's
how you get married.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
You can't be cheating on this woman repeatedly, steady asking
her to marry you.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Marry you for what? Man, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
And then every time you bust him, his exact words are,
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that's not why you're cheating on me.
You cheating on me because your ass is a low life.
That's why you doing it. Man.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Now, when we come back, I have my weight that
you should handle this.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
All right, coming up, we'll have pursuse.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Staying in me fun. Okay, oh okay.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
At twenty three after the hour, subject of my strawberry
letter for today is my man says I went from
Wop to hop. We'll get back into it right after this.
You're listening Hardy Morning show. All right, Steve, come on,
let's recap today's strawberry letters. My man says, I went
from Wop to hop.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
This letter right here kind of hurt.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So Shirley gave this woman some spot on advice that
I agree with thousand percent. Thirty year old woman, three
children have been together with her man ten years and
she's asked he's asked her to marry him several times,
but she's respectfully declined.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Why you did it respectfully?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
I don't know, because I found out he wasn't treating
you with no respect at all. But you respectfully decline
because you say you need to go to therapy before
you get married, because your confidence as an all time
low because he has cheated on you many times. Now,
here's the thing. When you confront him, his exact words are,
(07:43):
your sex is very boring and you complain too much.
Wait a minute, that that's why he's cheated on you
many times. But he stayed with you for ten years,
made three kids. It's and he's telling you that your sex.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Is very boring.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
He showed keep coming over there a lot for this
boring sex.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Three kids.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Now, when the new man Stallion and Cardi B Song
came out, he joked that I've gone from him wop
to a hop hap and in the words of his letter,
meaning I have a horrible ass p okay not dog. Really,
this is mental abuse. I understand the woman's confidence being shattered.
(08:37):
I understand that, but dog, So you're gonna use reverse psychology.
So you're telling this woman the reason you cheat because
she got bad sex. Wait a minute, and then lady, Now,
now you got close. Lady, here's why I started to
have hope for you. My response was, well, I wouldn't
complain as much and would do a better job in
the bedroom if you were half the man you you
(09:00):
used to be. Nah, that's why I want to get
at in this letter. See, oh, you stinging me talking
about it. I got a horrible pee. Let's talk about
Joe pee. See right now, See if you gonna talk
about my pee, then we need to talk about choke pee.
See I might have a hop or horrible ass p.
(09:21):
But you got something wrong with you too, because you
just said he half the man he used to be.
That's a lot smaller.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
You're scaring me.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
See so now you got a lap. See you got
a halp, You got a horrible ast pe, and he
got a lap.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
He got a little last pe. See what I'm saying.
See then what we got to do? We were doing initials.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Now, oh I gotta happen. You got a lap, You
gotta pee. Now we in here talking about each other. Pete,
let's spread to pee round. Make my funk the p funk.
I wants to get funked up. I want the bomb,
I want the pe funk. I want my funk funked up.
(10:01):
Make my funk the p funk. I want you to
get funked up. That's what you ought to play. The
next time, y'all head to the bathroom and they head
to the bedroom. I want something to happen to me.
But you ain't half the land you used to be,
cause you the shrunk, your fight ass stomach is leaning
over your belt. I can't find it. You can't find it.
(10:24):
Now you're over here talking about mind horrible. It's cause
you little. Now we doing so all you can go
all you can go lop. You gotta lousy old poker.
See your poker is lousy. All you can be a
lap you gotta you gotta limp ass poker. See you
can use we can use initials all day. See one
(10:47):
thing about it, ladies. You can bruise your man's ego
or we're in the ego bruising business. Yeah, you ain't
as exciting in the bedroom, no more so because he
don't excite you no more.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, you don't need you need.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yeah, you need to give it to him like he
giving it to you. It ain't what it was because
you ain't what you was. You don't even know what
colored shoes you got on, What color your shoes? Just
look straight down, what color your shoes?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
You don't even know.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I went through that when I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
See you don't know that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
See but men, see it's okay for a woman to
do that when she pregnant. Y'all have a baby in there,
But some of us can't look down because we ain't
even got no baby. We just look like we in
our second try message. See, you got to bring this
up to him. You ain't got to be the only
one taking shot. And now years later, after all the cheating,
it's affected your ability to perform in the bedroom. I've
(11:49):
heard it's a mental thing, but I'm not sure why
I can't get excited or in the mood.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Well, let me help you. You can't get excited because
he ain't exciting you. He ain't doing nothing. And when
he gets there, you're about to fall asleep. Are these
his kids? Yeah? Theyin't his kids? Then it must have
been good at some point, that's what I said.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's what I said, you know, and they all live
kids because he can, because he loved and he made
little kids, all his kids real little underside down there
at the school. That's why I ain't none of them
playing basketball, none of this. See, y'all going to sting
his ass Now, y'all got the big ass argument. Recently,
(12:33):
he yelled out that he got some whack ass kiddy.
Then he gonna apologize a few minutes later.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Well you well, well you got a whack ass Well
we can't. I just said it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Well, yours is whack too, So we just in here,
just both serving up just bad sex. No where you're going,
you gotta keep cheating because every time you cheat with somebody,
they don't want it no more. So you gotta go
get some money else to cheat to. Their boy found
out what I.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Have on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on
Instagram and Facebook. Check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on
demand too. You're listening to the Dave Harvey Morning Show.
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