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August 27, 2025 13 mins

The Strawberry Letter, heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show, Monday, August 27th, 2025. Subject: "What Is My Role In My Marriage?"

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now, and you never know,
it could be yours.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
It could be yours.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Buckle up and hold on type you got it for you,
And here it is Strawberry.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Let us all right, Telly, thank you. Subject What's my
role in my marriage? What's my role in my marriage?
Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm married to a man that doesn't
do his own laundry, rake his own plate into the sink,
or do any chores in our home. He said, he
makes the money and provides a decent living for our children,

(00:44):
and I'm supposed to have sex with him and do
my duty as the wife and mother. He is only
thirty two, so he's getting this from his daddy, who's
been divorced twice. He told me that if he can't
be a king in his household, he will have to
go where he celebrats. I have told him several times
to go ahead and see if the grass is greener

(01:05):
on the other side, but he.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Won't do it.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
I refuse to be treated like a handmaid at home.
The only time he treats me like an equal is
when it counts. He brags to his friends that I'm
so smart, and I'm a great wife, and I'm raising
our daughters to be polite and kind. Then as soon
as we're alone, he's telling me to go get ready
for bed and wait for him before I fall asleep,

(01:28):
because he is in the mood for intimacy. He never
does the appetizer part first anymore. He skips right to
the entree and then takes the shower. If I try
to take a shower with him like we used to,
he will say that he won't be in there long.
I would love to know where I stand with my
husband and if this is what our marriage will be

(01:48):
like forever. I want to talk to his dad to
see why he's advising him to treat me like I'm
his servant. And I want to ask his mother if
this is how her marriage was. My husband says, but
I have no right to speak to his parents if
he is not present. Am I part of this marriage,
or am I a smart maid and nanny that he

(02:09):
enjoys having sex with? What is my role with him?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Well?

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Right now, your role is that of a wife who
is being controlled and defined by her husband. I don't
like the fact that you are letting him tell you
who you are in this marriage. Marriage is supposed to
be a loving, committed partnership between two people. Marriage is
not a dictatorship like what your husband has going on

(02:36):
in your marriage. You can control your own narrative, meaning
you decide your own role with him. He doesn't decide that.
You say. He treats you well outside of the house,
but inside he's cold and mean. You've told him many
times to go ahead and see if the grass is
greener on the other side. Go ahead, but he won't
do it. And why do you think that is? Because

(02:58):
he knows better knows that it isn't. So don't just
allow him to continue to treat you this way? Talk
to you crazy?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
How dare he?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
You have to teach him how to treat you? And
you don't need to talk to his parents about what's
going on in your house either. Talk to him, that's
your husband, Tell him how you feel or better yet,
show him. Don't wait for him to come to bed
only to just satisfy himself. You go to bed and
go to sleep if that's what you want to do,

(03:27):
because your body and mind only respond to a caring,
loving husband. Let him know that that's what you got
to tell him. No one said he couldn't be the
king of the castle. He's just got to remember that
you are the queen of the castle and he needs
to treat you as such.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Period.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Steve Well, the problem with this guy realizing that his
wife says the queen of the castle is he doesn't
have a good definition of what the queen is. He
doesn't understand that queen is the most powerful position on
the chessboard.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
Always as being, always will be.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Now, the game is over once you capture the king,
but if you lose your queen, and the game is
very difficult to win, especially if somebody else got one.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Now you're married. I'm married to a man.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
What's my role in my marriage, lady, that's for you
to define. This is your definition of what your role
in the marriage is. What role are you willing to play?
Now you're married to this man that don't do his
own linef you rake his own plate into the sink,
or do any chores in our home. He said, he
makes the money, provides a decent living for our children,

(04:38):
and I'm supposed to have sex with him and do
my duty as a wife and mother. He's only thirty two,
so he's getting this from his daddy, who's been divorced twice.
He told me that if he can't be a king
in his household, he'll have to go where he's celebrated. Look, man,
early threats and what you're gonna do and all this
hell man by. I told him several times to go

(05:02):
ahead and see if the grass is green on the
other side. But he won't do it. No, let me
explain something to you. It ain't that he won't do it.
He done tried it properly.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
But what the.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Deal is is he not gonna find nobody that's gonna
take in with this nineteen fifty two marriage agreement nineteen
fifty two. This ain't my three sons or leave it
to beaver.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
This is the same. What this is the Saint Black
and White TV. No more think on you.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
You don't get you don't get to talk to women
like this man.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
You you don't get to.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Tell a woman that go in there and get ready
for bread till I come in there. What where are
you if you're getting this from your stupid daddy that's
been divorced twice, don't you know that's where you're headed.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
I refuse to be treated.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
Like a handmaid at home. Then you say, the only
time we treat you is equal is when it counts.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
That's a double canandra or what you call it. That's
a oxy moron. I don't know what they call it.
This don't make no sense now. The only time he
treats me like an equal is when it counts what Getting.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Treated right counts all the time.

Speaker 3 (06:21):
But you think it's kind of when he brad to
his friends that I'm smart and a great wife and
kind of politen. Then when he's alone, he's telling me
to go get ready for bed and wait for him
before I fall asleep.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Because he had to move for intimacy. Man, girl, I'm tired.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Hang on, Steve, hang on. We'll have part two of
your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the
hour Today's Strawberry letter subject what is my role in
my marriage? We'll get back into it right after this
you're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 1 (07:28):
All right, come on, Steve. Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.
The subject is what is my role in my marriage
a wife?

Speaker 3 (07:35):
One?

Speaker 2 (07:35):
That's the question, and that we can't answer that.

Speaker 3 (07:39):
You're supposed to determine that you've married this guy that
don't do no household chores at all. Told you that
that's the way it works because he make all the money,
He take care of his wife and kids. And all
you need to do is your wifey does the wifely duties.
And you sposed to have sex with him when he
wont to, and he'll tell you, you know, go in
there and get ready for bed, and before I fall asleep,

(08:00):
and I'm coming in there because I want to be intimate.
What do you then? Here's a line that stood out
for me in the whole letter. The only time he
treats me like an equal is when it counts.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Lady, it counts all the time.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
But you think when he gets in front of his
friends and he brags on you, talk about how smart
you are and how good of a wife, and how
you're waising your daughters and all that. And then after that,
as soon as we're alone, he telling me to go
get ready for bed and wait for him before I
fall asleep, because he in the mood for intimacy.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Who married to this? Where do you find her? What
did you say? Get in there? Get in there and
get ready for bed till I come in there?

Speaker 1 (08:47):
What?

Speaker 3 (08:50):
He never does the advertise a part first anymore. He
skips right to the entree and then takes a shower.
If I try to take a shot with him like
we used to, he'll say.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
He won't be in that loan.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
And I would love to know where I stay with
my husband. You don't stand no what with him? He
done told you you don't stand you get in there
and lay in that bed. Wait till I come in Now.
I don't do no charge. You do all this clean
and mopping, wiping. Take caredy kids. I'm the king of

(09:20):
this castle. I want to know where I stand with
my husband. If this is what our marriage would be
like forever. Yeah, unless you change it, you're getting what
you're gonna get. And if you keep doing what you've
been doing, you gonna keep getting what you've been getting.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
The change is up to you.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
I want to talk to his dad to see why
he's advising me to treat me like this.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
I'm his servant, and I.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Want to ask his mom if this is how and
her marriage was.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
What are you talking to them for?

Speaker 1 (09:54):
What?

Speaker 2 (09:54):
What you keep looking for? Insight?

Speaker 3 (09:58):
See your problem, young lady, is you keep looking for
your justification in other people. You won't talk to his daddy,
you won't talk to his mama. Then you say he
only treats me right when he counts. You keep waiting
on validation for somebody else. My husband said, I have
no right to speak to his parents if he is

(10:18):
not present. Wow, what kind of relationship y'all got? Am
I a part of this marriage? Am I a smart
maid and a nanny that he enjoys having sex with
you're a part of his marriage. Once you insert yourself
into the marria. You do know that it takes two
people to be married. I don't know what y'all's viles was,

(10:40):
but I most women don't listen to him no way. Now,
I'm not talking about in terms of lawtiers, nothing like that,
but that that they even took them words out and
honor and obeyed. They don't even say that. No more,
I don't think because if you can get one to obey,
that have to be a miracle.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
Please please tell me how that work.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Honor and obey never and these two that's on this
show Mary down obeyed nothing. I can just tell you
that it's just not in their card. So I don't
even really anyway, They ain't got nothing to do with it.
What is my role with him? Well, you're the lady
that does all the housework. You're the lady that goes

(11:22):
in there and lay down till he get ready to
have sex and shut up all this talking.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
You don't come in here, don't show with me. I
don't want to.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
I don't want that. Don't be a hero, but no,
to stop. That's your role that's what you've described to us. Now,
Am I a smart maid and a nanny that he
enjoys having sex with? I think you just described your
role because so far in the letter, that's what you are.
You're a smart maid, a nanny, and he enjoys having

(11:52):
sex with you.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
What are you getting out of this? What's in it
for you? I mean, you didn't say.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
He was a great dad. He told you he's a
great provider. I know I am. I want that credit
all the time, but that ain't all you get to
be though, when you're a husband and a father, you
got to be something else. And so, yeah, lady, what's
your role in this marriage? Only you can determine that.

(12:24):
But I tell you what you all are young. If
you don't change this, this is this is what's gonna
happen in your marriage from now on. And you're gonna
be miserable because I don't really see what you're getting
out of it. And here's left to his other point,
I almost forgot this. Y'all ain't had none of these
discussions before y'all got married. Kevin, you didn't. You didn't

(12:48):
know that this is what he expected you to do.
You didn't know he.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Never told you when I get married, I make this money.
I ain't doing no cleaning. I told let the march,
I said, hey, when we get married, don't ask me
to clean. I told her that. She still asked me
to clean.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
You've lift up through it, haven't you.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Now? I gotta go in there and wipe account off everything.
It's my plate. I don't know what. Damn the dishwasher for?
What are these people in here? Well? What has we
got these people walking around here?

Speaker 1 (13:21):
For?

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Another one? I don't want to stand right all right?

Speaker 3 (13:25):
Please stop telling me what I need to do with
clearly these people are in here.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You're coming, buddy on Today's Letter on Instagram.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
At Wadio clothes can't find the hample. They can't find here,
but I don't know where it is.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
At Steve Harvey FM and check us out on the
Strawberry Letter podcast. On the free iHeartRadio app, you're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
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Host

Shirley Strawberry

Shirley Strawberry

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