October 10, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter, heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show, Friday, October 10th, 2025. Subject: "What Was She Doing While I Was Gone?"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
And if you need advice on relationships, on dating, work, sex, parenting,
and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM
dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be
reading your letter live on the air, just like we're
going to read this one right here, right now, and
you just never know it could be yours.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This one could be you never no, buckle up and
hold on tight.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thank you, nephew. Subject What was she doing while I
was gone? Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a thirty three year
old black man married for nine years. When I got married,
I was young and still in the streets. Over time,
I got an associate's degree and I got a job
in a position of leadership, but I was still hanging
out with the same crew, and I got caught up
(00:49):
and ended up in jail. A friend of mine asked
me to drive him to the liquor store, so I did.
He went in and came out, and we left. I
had no idea that he had commit an armed robbery
until I was arrested for being a getaway driver. My
wife had just had our third son, but she held
me down because she knows I'm not a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I did my time and I got home six months ago.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I listened to the radio show while I was locked up,
and this is my favorite subject, so I'm trying to
see if you could help me. My wife is a
lot different since I got home. She dresses differently, and
she smokes weed, which is legal in our area. She
dictates if and when we have sex, and she rations
out money to me. I feel as if I can't
(01:36):
say anything because of what I put her through.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
While I was locked up. We were watching TV.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
The other night and her phone rang and she left
the room to talk. I didn't say a word. The
next morning, she got a call and I could hear
that it was a man on the phone. She talked
for about three minutes, and as soon as she hung up,
I told her she has a lot of nerve allowing
men to call her while she's home, and there is
no way this content this can continue.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
She told me to hush.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
And be glad I still have a home because her
friends helped her out by doing things in and around
the house while I was away. I asked her what
in and around the house, meant, and she ignored me.
I have to keep cool and not explode on her.
What's the best way to approach it? Yes, well you
(02:24):
know right now the best thing you can do is
get yourself together. Okay, time doesn't stop when you go
to prison. Stop expecting things to be the same, and
you need to think about the future. What was she
doing while you were gone, Well, she was surviving. Obviously,
she was taking care of three kids alone. She was
probably scared.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
You said.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
She held it down while you were in jail, and
she did let you come back home. Okay, but the
respect and apparently the love are gone out of this relationship.
You see and hear what she's doing. She's talking with
other men. Of course you don't like it. I mean
what man would like that from their wife. So now
(03:07):
you need to concentrate on your next move, and that's
being your own man. Because your wife is doing her thing.
There's nothing you can do about it. Right now, you
said it. You have to keep cool and not explode
on her. You need to get your dignity, your self
respect back. So I suggest you get a job somewhere,
you start making your own money so she won't have
(03:28):
to ration it out to you. As you say, I mean,
you know, no man wants that save it for your apartment.
You know, then you know, fix.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
The situation with your wife and these kids.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You might have to arrange visitation rights if you do
eventually get your own apartment, and I say, making sure
your kids are okay, that should be your top priority
right now anyway, because they missed a lot of time
with you. Your youngest son, Harley even knows you. You're
concentrating on the wrong thing. I think you expect things
to be the same. Clearly your wife has moved on.
(04:04):
You need to do the same now, but with purpose.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Okay, Steve, this is gonna be a tough one to
answer for your young brother. So I'm gonna just take
you through this thing step by step because one of
the first things when you're trying to solve his problem
is taking full responsibility and knowing what it is that
(04:28):
you can do to bring about change. The question is
on the subject what was she doing while I was gone? Now,
you're thirty three year old black man, married for nine years.
When you got married, you were young and still in
the streets, so you were twenty four when you got
married same age as me at my first marriage. That
(04:49):
is young to be married for anybody.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
But you were still in the streets.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Over time, you got an associate degree, and you got
a job in.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
A position of leadership.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So you're realizing that you got to do better for yourself.
Here's a mistake you made. But I was still hanging
with the same crew, and I got caught up and
ended up in jail. How many times have I said
this to people? Everybody come with you can't go with you.
In order to grow, you have to go. I've said
(05:21):
it so many different ways. You can't worry about keeping
it real. You got to keep it moving. I've said
all of these things that tie us to the hood,
that ties to our old relationships and friends, But you
can't go get an associate degree. Here's another one that
I said a long time ago. You can't be a
college student and a thug in the same sense it said,
(05:44):
don't match. Thugging and college student don't match. Now, you
didn't know what was going on, but you dropped your
friend off at a liquor store. He goes in and
comes back out. Next thing you know, you arrested because
you the getaway car driver. You didn't know this food,
went in here and robbed a liquor store. So now
you're out and you're an accomplished to committing an armed robbery.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Your wife had just had your third son, but she.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
Held you down because she knows I'm not a bad guy,
did my time, and I came home six months ago.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Now here's a problem. You're not telling me how long
you in.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
You're not saying that, and you're leaving that out of
the letter because it helps you. But Uncle Steve, no
better arm robbery. Even with a plea you year and
a half two.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Even if they believed you, they let you plead to
this right here?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
All right, hang on, We'll have part two of Steve's
response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour
subject what was she doing while I was gone? We'll
get back into it right after this. You're listening Steve
Harvey Morning Show. Hey everyone, quick health question. Even though
you're still thriving, still loving, still connecting, did you know
(07:05):
your immune system weakens with age. That's where vaccines come in.
They helped train and strengthen your immune response to fight
off certain respiratory illnesses like flu. Newmacaco pneumonia, RSV and
COVID nineteen this fall, ask your doctor which vaccines you
need and visit vax cist dot com that's vaexsist dot
com to schedule one or more of vaccines sponsored by Pfizer.
(07:29):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject what was she doing while I was gone?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Twell, thirty three year old black man married for nine years,
was in the streets when you got married. But you
messed around and got self degree congratulations, got you a
job of position and leadership. But the mistake you made
you were still hanging with the same crew. You got
caught up and you got ended up in jail. Now,
you drop a free and off at the liquor store
a little till you know, he goes in and he
(07:56):
robs the place.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
He comes back and gets in the car. You don't
notice until you.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
You arrested because you were the driving the getaway car.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Now, now your wife had just had your third son,
but she held you down in prison jail because she
knows you're not a bad guy. You did your time
and you got home six months ago. You didn't really
say how much time you're doing. I'm assuming a couple
of years, you know, eighteen months something on the plea
you did because they believed that you just went in
(08:25):
there you didn't know. But let's say you were gone
a couple of years. All right, You come out and
you listen to the radio show why you was locked up?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
And Strawberry Letter won your favorite thing. So that got
you through. We appreciate y'all, brothers. Since it's it's on lockdown.
Hope we do something to get you through. Now you
come home and you notice that your wife is a
lot different since you got home. She dresses differently, She
(08:55):
smokes weed, which is legal in our area. She dictates
if and when we have sex, and she rations out
money to me. I feel as though I can't say
anything because of what I put her through while I
was locked up. Now y'all watching TV. The other night,
her phone rang and she left the room to talk.
You ain't say nothing. Next morning, she got a call
(09:15):
and you could hear that it was a man on
the phone. She talked for about three minutes. As soon
as she hung up, I told her she got a
lot of nerve allowing men to call her. While she's
home and there's no way this can continue. She told
me to hush. Pretty sure. The word wasn't hushed. I
think it was a little bit more harsh than that.
(09:38):
I think it started with shut shut the spine door. Yeah, okay, sure,
and glad that you still have a home because her
friends helped her out by doing things in and around
the house while I was away. I asked her what
in in the house meant, and she ignored me. I
(10:00):
have to keep cool and not explode on her. What's
the best way to approach it? Well, brother, things have changed.
She dressing different as she's smoking weed. She's gone through
a lot holding this family down while you was gone.
But really, though, brother, these is the consequences of your
(10:20):
actions because you didn't leave them streets alone. Well, let's
say you left the streets alone, but you hang with
the same crew. Association brings on participation. So now here
we are. One of your ignorant friends did something ignorant
selfishly didn't tell you. You got caught up. You had
(10:43):
to do time. Now, your girl been watching you out
in this streets. She has told you you're leaving that
part out the letter.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
She then told you stop hanging with them fools.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
You wouldn't do it because you was keeping it real
instead of keeping it mo. You was not forgetting where
you're from. You was getting caught up in all that
hood lingo. There ain't got nothing to do with your family.
So now here's a deal. Shirley said it right. You've
got to get yourself together. But now you have a
(11:18):
police record. Hard to get employed with a police record.
So you've got everything. All of this you bought on yourself.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Brother.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
So now I can't tell you that your marriage will
ever get back because you never really allowed it to
get off the ground the right way. You stayed out
there in them streets. Your marriage could be over. She
has male friends, now, she has people that has done
(11:48):
things for her to help her out. Now, I'm gonna
just tell you flat out, if a man had done
something to help you out, then we got to think
about that for a second. I'm not saying she did anything,
but you a man. But let's be fair. Let's not
be angry with this sister, because you put this sister
(12:09):
in a position where she had to survive. And once
you put a person in survival mode, man, you can't
get mad at how they choose to survive.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
You just can't now why she dressing different. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I should have changed.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Is she wearing your clothes? I don't know what this
change of outfits is. Is she wear a lot of
your clothes? She wear baseball hats cocked to the side.
Is I don't know what the clothes is. But she
rational in out sex and money because she don't know
how long you gonna be wrong. You might have to
(12:53):
go again. I don't know what it is, brother, but
you got to get yourself together. Don't be so angry
with the woman. So she was put in survival mode.
I don't think you should explode on her because you
left her in a really, really bad situation with your
third son. Woman got three kids, she got put in
(13:15):
survival mode. She had some male friends, it looks like,
and they're not your male friends.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Good luck.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Don't explode on the system. Maybe it's time for you
to just go somewhere and get yourself together, like Shirley say,
take care of your kids.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Thank you, all right?
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Thanks Steve.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve HARVEYFM,
on Instagram and Facebook, check out the Strawberry Letter podcast
on demand.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show
Time now for today's Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
And if you need advice on relationships, on dating, work, sex, parenting,
and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM
dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be
reading your letter live on the air, just like we're
going to read this one right here, right now, and
you just never know it could be yours.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
This one could be you never no, buckle up and
hold on tight.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
We got it for you. Here it is Strawberry Letter.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thank you, nephew. Subject What was she doing while I
was gone? Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm a thirty three year
old black man married for nine years. When I got married,
I was young and still in the streets. Over time,
I got an associate's degree and I got a job
in a position of leadership, but I was still hanging
out with the same crew, and I got caught up
(00:49):
and ended up in jail. A friend of mine asked
me to drive him to the liquor store, so I did.
He went in and came out, and we left. I
had no idea that he had commit an armed robbery
until I was arrested for being a getaway driver. My
wife had just had our third son, but she held
me down because she knows I'm not a bad guy.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I did my time and I got home six months ago.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I listened to the radio show while I was locked up,
and this is my favorite subject, so I'm trying to
see if you could help me. My wife is a
lot different since I got home. She dresses differently, and
she smokes weed, which is legal in our area. She
dictates if and when we have sex, and she rations
out money to me. I feel as if I can't
(01:36):
say anything because of what I put her through.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
While I was locked up. We were watching TV.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
The other night and her phone rang and she left
the room to talk. I didn't say a word. The
next morning, she got a call and I could hear
that it was a man on the phone. She talked
for about three minutes, and as soon as she hung up,
I told her she has a lot of nerve allowing
men to call her while she's home, and there is
no way this content this can continue.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
She told me to hush.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
And be glad I still have a home because her
friends helped her out by doing things in and around
the house while I was away. I asked her what
in and around the house, meant, and she ignored me.
I have to keep cool and not explode on her.
What's the best way to approach it? Yes, well you
(02:24):
know right now the best thing you can do is
get yourself together. Okay, time doesn't stop when you go
to prison. Stop expecting things to be the same, and
you need to think about the future. What was she
doing while you were gone, Well, she was surviving. Obviously,
she was taking care of three kids alone. She was
probably scared.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
You said.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
She held it down while you were in jail, and
she did let you come back home. Okay, but the
respect and apparently the love are gone out of this relationship.
You see and hear what she's doing. She's talking with
other men. Of course you don't like it. I mean
what man would like that from their wife. So now
(03:07):
you need to concentrate on your next move, and that's
being your own man. Because your wife is doing her thing.
There's nothing you can do about it. Right now, you
said it. You have to keep cool and not explode
on her. You need to get your dignity, your self
respect back. So I suggest you get a job somewhere,
you start making your own money so she won't have
(03:28):
to ration it out to you. As you say, I mean,
you know, no man wants that save it for your apartment.
You know, then you know, fix.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
The situation with your wife and these kids.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You might have to arrange visitation rights if you do
eventually get your own apartment, and I say, making sure
your kids are okay, that should be your top priority
right now anyway, because they missed a lot of time
with you. Your youngest son, Harley even knows you. You're
concentrating on the wrong thing. I think you expect things
to be the same. Clearly your wife has moved on.
(04:04):
You need to do the same now, but with purpose.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Okay, Steve, this is gonna be a tough one to
answer for your young brother. So I'm gonna just take
you through this thing step by step because one of
the first things when you're trying to solve his problem
is taking full responsibility and knowing what it is that
(04:28):
you can do to bring about change. The question is
on the subject what was she doing while I was gone? Now,
you're thirty three year old black man, married for nine years.
When you got married, you were young and still in
the streets, so you were twenty four when you got
married same age as me at my first marriage. That
(04:49):
is young to be married for anybody.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
But you were still in the streets.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Over time, you got an associate degree, and you got
a job in.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
A position of leadership.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
So you're realizing that you got to do better for yourself.
Here's a mistake you made. But I was still hanging
with the same crew, and I got caught up and
ended up in jail. How many times have I said
this to people? Everybody come with you can't go with you.
In order to grow, you have to go. I've said
(05:21):
it so many different ways. You can't worry about keeping
it real. You got to keep it moving. I've said
all of these things that tie us to the hood,
that ties to our old relationships and friends, But you
can't go get an associate degree. Here's another one that
I said a long time ago. You can't be a
college student and a thug in the same sense it said,
(05:44):
don't match. Thugging and college student don't match. Now, you
didn't know what was going on, but you dropped your
friend off at a liquor store. He goes in and
comes back out. Next thing you know, you arrested because
you the getaway car driver. You didn't know this food,
went in here and robbed a liquor store. So now
you're out and you're an accomplished to committing an armed robbery.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Your wife had just had your third son, but she.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
Held you down because she knows I'm not a bad guy,
did my time, and I came home six months ago.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Now here's a problem. You're not telling me how long
you in.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
You're not saying that, and you're leaving that out of
the letter because it helps you. But Uncle Steve, no
better arm robbery. Even with a plea you year and
a half two.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Even if they believed you, they let you plead to
this right here?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
All right, hang on, We'll have part two of Steve's
response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour
subject what was she doing while I was gone? We'll
get back into it right after this. You're listening Steve
Harvey Morning Show. Hey everyone, quick health question. Even though
you're still thriving, still loving, still connecting, did you know
(07:05):
your immune system weakens with age. That's where vaccines come in.
They helped train and strengthen your immune response to fight
off certain respiratory illnesses like flu. Newmacaco pneumonia, RSV and
COVID nineteen this fall, ask your doctor which vaccines you
need and visit vax cist dot com that's vaexsist dot
com to schedule one or more of vaccines sponsored by Pfizer.
(07:29):
All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject what was she doing while I was gone?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Twell, thirty three year old black man married for nine years,
was in the streets when you got married. But you
messed around and got self degree congratulations, got you a
job of position and leadership. But the mistake you made
you were still hanging with the same crew. You got
caught up and you got ended up in jail. Now,
you drop a free and off at the liquor store
a little till you know, he goes in and he
(07:56):
robs the place.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
He comes back and gets in the car. You don't
notice until you.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
You arrested because you were the driving the getaway car.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Now, now your wife had just had your third son,
but she held you down in prison jail because she
knows you're not a bad guy. You did your time
and you got home six months ago. You didn't really
say how much time you're doing. I'm assuming a couple
of years, you know, eighteen months something on the plea
you did because they believed that you just went in
(08:25):
there you didn't know. But let's say you were gone
a couple of years. All right, You come out and
you listen to the radio show why you was locked up?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
And Strawberry Letter won your favorite thing. So that got
you through. We appreciate y'all, brothers. Since it's it's on lockdown.
Hope we do something to get you through. Now you
come home and you notice that your wife is a
lot different since you got home. She dresses differently, She
(08:55):
smokes weed, which is legal in our area. She dictates
if and when we have sex, and she rations out
money to me. I feel as though I can't say
anything because of what I put her through while I
was locked up. Now y'all watching TV. The other night,
her phone rang and she left the room to talk.
You ain't say nothing. Next morning, she got a call
(09:15):
and you could hear that it was a man on
the phone. She talked for about three minutes. As soon
as she hung up, I told her she got a
lot of nerve allowing men to call her. While she's
home and there's no way this can continue. She told
me to hush. Pretty sure. The word wasn't hushed. I
think it was a little bit more harsh than that.
(09:38):
I think it started with shut shut the spine door. Yeah, okay, sure,
and glad that you still have a home because her
friends helped her out by doing things in and around
the house while I was away. I asked her what
in in the house meant, and she ignored me. I
(10:00):
have to keep cool and not explode on her. What's
the best way to approach it? Well, brother, things have changed.
She dressing different as she's smoking weed. She's gone through
a lot holding this family down while you was gone.
But really, though, brother, these is the consequences of your
(10:20):
actions because you didn't leave them streets alone. Well, let's
say you left the streets alone, but you hang with
the same crew. Association brings on participation. So now here
we are. One of your ignorant friends did something ignorant
selfishly didn't tell you. You got caught up. You had
(10:43):
to do time. Now, your girl been watching you out
in this streets. She has told you you're leaving that
part out the letter.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
She then told you stop hanging with them fools.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
You wouldn't do it because you was keeping it real
instead of keeping it mo. You was not forgetting where
you're from. You was getting caught up in all that
hood lingo. There ain't got nothing to do with your family.
So now here's a deal. Shirley said it right. You've
got to get yourself together. But now you have a
(11:18):
police record. Hard to get employed with a police record.
So you've got everything. All of this you bought on yourself.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Brother.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
So now I can't tell you that your marriage will
ever get back because you never really allowed it to
get off the ground the right way. You stayed out
there in them streets. Your marriage could be over. She
has male friends, now, she has people that has done
(11:48):
things for her to help her out. Now, I'm gonna
just tell you flat out, if a man had done
something to help you out, then we got to think
about that for a second. I'm not saying she did anything,
but you a man. But let's be fair. Let's not
be angry with this sister, because you put this sister
(12:09):
in a position where she had to survive. And once
you put a person in survival mode, man, you can't
get mad at how they choose to survive.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
You just can't now why she dressing different. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I should have changed.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Is she wearing your clothes? I don't know what this
change of outfits is. Is she wear a lot of
your clothes? She wear baseball hats cocked to the side.
Is I don't know what the clothes is. But she
rational in out sex and money because she don't know
how long you gonna be wrong. You might have to
(12:53):
go again. I don't know what it is, brother, but
you got to get yourself together. Don't be so angry
with the woman. So she was put in survival mode.
I don't think you should explode on her because you
left her in a really, really bad situation with your
third son. Woman got three kids, she got put in
(13:15):
survival mode. She had some male friends, it looks like,
and they're not your male friends.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Good luck.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Don't explode on the system. Maybe it's time for you
to just go somewhere and get yourself together, like Shirley say,
take care of your kids.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Thank you, all right?
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Thanks Steve.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Post your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve HARVEYFM,
on Instagram and Facebook, check out the Strawberry Letter podcast
on demand.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
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