June 4, 2025 • 13 mins
The Strawberry Letter heard on The Steve Harvey Morning Show Wednesday, June 4th, 2025: "Why Do Men Disappear On Me?"
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM and click
submit Strawberry Letter. You could be reading We could be
reading your letter live on the air, just like we're
going to read this one right here, right now, and
you never know, it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up it hold on time.
We got it for you. Here it is strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let us all right, nephew, thank you. Subject Why do
men disappear on me? Dear Stephen Shirley, I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't
know why. I'm thirty two and never been in a
long term relationship, because the guys either ghost to me
after a few months, or they stick around and disappear
for days and then come back like they never left.
(00:48):
The last three relationships I've had were like this. The
first one was when I was twenty five and we
dated for almost a year. Things would be going great
for two days and he would take me out around
friends and tell everyone I was the one. I got
excited thinking he was the one too. Then he would
disappear for a few days, and if I called him,
(01:09):
he'd answer, but it would be a brief conversation. If
I texted him, he barely texted back. I knew that
he wasn't married because his behavior made me feel like
he had another girl. But his behavior made me feel
like he had another girlfriend. He ended up ghosting me.
I ran into him a few months after that, and
he said that what we had was fun, but it
(01:31):
wasn't that serious to him. I was heartbroken twice with
that man then, and my last two relationships, the same
thing happened. It's like I was on a work shift
with them three days on, two days off. I'm tired
of waiting to have sex with them and then getting
disappointed a few months later. On the days away from me,
(01:52):
I initiate the phone calls, and it's always a short conversation.
The last guy even whispered when I called him, and
he said he was at an event and he couldn't talk.
I'm afraid that it is something that I'm doing to
make the guys take a break in the middle of
our relationship. I've even asked them if we're actually dating,
(02:13):
so I won't ever make that assumption. Again, what do
guys do when they disappear? Is it something I'm doing?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Well?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I got to say this first. You didn't give us
a lot of information to go on in this letter.
But I do think you're onto something when you say
he has another girlfriend or a wife or something. You
say you know he wasn't married, but you didn't disclose
how you know that. I'm going to just assume that
you did your research, maybe you googled him or something
on that one. How exactly did you know he wasn't married? Though, Again,
(02:47):
I feel like you left a lot of information out
of this letter. So the best advice I can give
you is to not date for a while. Just not date.
You need to sit still, You need to reflect. You're
asking is it something you're doing? You know, maybe it is,
Maybe it is in your approach, and you know, maybe
you sleep with them too quickly or not at all.
(03:07):
You know there is something going on there. I'm not
blaming you, but I'm just saying, reflect on your mistakes
or the mistakes of the relationship. Just look at the
relationship and just only focus on yourself. You say you
waited to have sex. You didn't tell us when or
if you actually had it. You didn't tell us how
you met these guys. You cannot call these relationships because
(03:30):
they never they never even called you. You call them,
and you took whatever they dished out. So you got
to learn from these bad hookups so you can stop
making these same mistakes. So I just say again, be
still and find out who you are right now, Steve,
I have it.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
For I'm not even sirying. She gave me enough information.
I got it. Here's your problem system, Why do men
disappear on me? Let me just get started right away.
I'm not going to have any joe for you. I'm
just gonna give it to you straight. You're thirty two
years old. I've had daughters your age, and I've got
(04:09):
another one approaching. So I know this, oh too well.
I have dated women like you. I understand that much
of it. Here's what you have to do. First things First,
you have to take ownership. You can only fix one
person in this letter, and that is yourself. You can't
(04:33):
fix the guys. So now let's begin. I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys and I don't
know why. Here's the reason why. Because it's what you're projecting.
You attract what you project. That is the law of attraction.
If I project happiness and kindness, happiness and kindness comes
(04:56):
to me.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
If I want to.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Shake more people's hands, I have to stick my hand
out in front of people more to get more handshakes.
If I want more people to smile at me, I
have to start smiling at more people. The reason you're
attracting the same type of guy is because this is
what you're putting out. The energy in the vibe that
you're putting out attracts this type of guy.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Now that you've attracted him, here's what you then do.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I'm thirty two and I've never been in a long
term relationship because the guys either ghost me after a
few months, or they stick around and disappear for days
and then they come back like they never left. It
is because this is what you allow. Can't nobody disappear
on me three days and then come back and then
pick up where they left off. This is you. You're
(05:43):
allowing this. I tell women all the time, men are trainable.
All you have to do is stop accepting bad behavior.
If you ghost me one time, that's it. If you
try it again. It's over a man and can be
trained that way. Now, if he don't care nothing about you,
he gonna gosh you again, and he'll care how you feel.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
That's the problem.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Stop allowing people back into your life who step out
of your life. Men who care about you don't disappear
for four days. Men who disappear for four days and
come back is because they know you're gonna let them.
The last three relationships I've had were like this. The
first one I had I was twenty five and we
(06:28):
dated for almost a year. When I come back, I
will tell you what happened to that and the rest
of them. I have it for you, young lady, But
you're gonna have to listen. If you don't want to
listen to unk. It's okay, It's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
All right, Steve. We'll have part two of your response
coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour Today's
Strawberry Letters subject why do men disappear on me? We'll
be back right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Do you think astronaut fight over elbow room?
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Probably because advanced tech doesn't always mean more space until now,
introduce it. The Hondai Ionic nine, a three row electric
suv with over three hundred miles of rage, ultra fast
charging capability, and lots of space.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
The all new Hondai Ionic nine face in an ev
Visit Hondai USA dot com for more details. EPA estimated
rings for oningline based on fully charged batteries for comparison
purpose only. Actual range will vary based on several factors.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
All right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject is why do men disappear on me?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
This lady who's thirty two years old.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
I'm going to help her without jokes, because this is
a problem for a lot of people. I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't
know why. The reason why you're attracting the same kind
of guys, because this is what you're projecting.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And what I mean by that is simple.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
If I want more people to smile at me, I
have to start smiling at more people. If I want
more people to shake my head, I have to start
extending my hand to more people. What you put out
is what you get back. If you think poorly, you
will act poorly. If you think poorly, you will be
treated poorly. It is the law of attraction. It's a scripture.
(08:16):
A man is as he thinking. So if you think
you worthy, people would then have to treat you worthy.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
If you treat.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Yourself unworthy, they will pick up on that and give
it back to you.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
That's what happens to you. I've never been in a
long term.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Relationship because the guys either gohost me after a few months,
or they stick around and disappear.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
For days and then come back like they never left again.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
That's because you allowed that, and you've allowed it over
and over and over.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
When are you gonna stop doing that?
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Ghost me by men who really care about you, don't
ghost you for four days. They trying to be up
in your face. The last three relationships I had were
like this. The first one I was twenty five. We
dated for almost a year. Things were going great for
two days, and then he would take me out around
his friend and tell everybody I was a one. I
got exciting thing and he was a one too. Then
(09:03):
he would disappear for a few days. If I called him,
he'd answer, but it would be brief conversation. If I
text him, he barely text back. I knew that he
wasn't married, but his behavior made me feel like he
had another girlfriend girlfriend and are married. What difference do
it make if you pick up on the fact that
you're not the only one, or you're not the one,
(09:25):
then what are you staying around for that? For a
year of that, he ended up ghosting me. I ran
it to him a few months later, let me give
him my letter. I ran up into a few months
later after that, and he said that we all we
had was fun, but it wasn't that serious to him.
I was heartbroken twice with that man. Heart broken twice.
(09:48):
Judge Tolder came on my show one day and said
the most prolific thing I've ever heard. She said her
mama told her, don't let a man have to tell
you twice he don't want you. You don't need that
one again. Do not let a man have to tell
you twice he don't want you. You didn't hear it
the first time. How you hardboken twice by the same man.
(10:11):
It was just for fun. The reason it was fun
was because he could disappear for days and then come back.
Stop chasing after people who don't want you. Then, my
last two relationships, the same thing happened. It was like
I was on a workshift with them. Because you project
that you'll do anything to be in a relationship, so
(10:32):
they will give you anything to be in a relationship.
Three days on, two days off, girl, If you know this,
once you take off, let them go. Stop passing yourself
out so quickly too, so you can stop being hurt.
Let the man take his three days off before you
sleep with him. Then you don't have to sleep with
(10:53):
him and get all emotionally tired up into this guy.
I'm tired of waiting to have sex with them and
then getting disappointment for a few months later. Keyword, so
are you in a relationship so you can have sex
with them? Are you in a relationship to have a relationship,
because this is the first requirement that you've mentioned in
your entire letter. I'm tired of waiting to have sex
(11:13):
with them and then getting disappointed a few months later.
See so, really you just want to have sex because
you said nothing else about being treated rightly, to being
treated right, about being you know, put on a pedestal
about feeling special. You know you don't feel any and
that you need some standards. You need a full set
(11:35):
of standards. You know, you need to make a list
of what you want in a man, will tolerate in
a man, and you need to have a list of
what you will not accept, and you have to stick
to the will not accept, because that's what we will
give you. On the days away from me, I initiate
the phone calls and it's always a short conversation. The
(11:56):
last guy even whispered when I called him and said
he was at an event and he couldn't talk. Now
he had to event without you. He whispering because he
can't let the people around him knowing he talking to you.
But he doing just enough to keep you on the stream.
So after these four days is up, he can come
back and you're gonna accept him back.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Stop doing that.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
I'm afraid that if it's something, then she said, I'm
afraid that it's something that I'm doing to make the
guys take a break in the middle of our relationship. Yes,
it's something that you're doing. You're not having any requirements.
You don't have any standards, you don't have any rules
and regulations. You allow men to do what they want
to do, and then you chase after them to find
(12:39):
out that you ain't the one. I even asked him
if we're actually dating, So I don't ever make that
assumption again.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
You ain't got to ask no man to you dating.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
We only having sex if we're dating. What do guys
do when they disappear? We go do something else or
someone else that don't involve you.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Men.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Don't you own again off again relationships? We own all
the time? Somewhere is this something I'm doing? Yes, you're
not caring for yourself. You're not having standards for yourself.
You have no requirements for yourself, and you're not putting
yourself first. You're allowing people to walk over you. You're
allowing people to disappear for three days and come back.
(13:20):
You are setting yourself up for failure, young lady. Stop
doing it immediately. You are the prize, not him. The
moment you act like a gold mine, the moment we
will dig deep for it and want to possess it.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Pure right, Thank you, all right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Leave your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram and
Facebook at Steve HARVEFM, and check us out on the
Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app. You're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show,
It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if
you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVFM and click
submit Strawberry Letter. You could be reading We could be
reading your letter live on the air, just like we're
going to read this one right here, right now, and
you never know, it could be yours.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It could be yours. Buckle up it hold on time.
We got it for you. Here it is strawberry.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Let us all right, nephew, thank you. Subject Why do
men disappear on me? Dear Stephen Shirley, I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't
know why. I'm thirty two and never been in a
long term relationship, because the guys either ghost to me
after a few months, or they stick around and disappear
for days and then come back like they never left.
(00:48):
The last three relationships I've had were like this. The
first one was when I was twenty five and we
dated for almost a year. Things would be going great
for two days and he would take me out around
friends and tell everyone I was the one. I got
excited thinking he was the one too. Then he would
disappear for a few days, and if I called him,
(01:09):
he'd answer, but it would be a brief conversation. If
I texted him, he barely texted back. I knew that
he wasn't married because his behavior made me feel like
he had another girl. But his behavior made me feel
like he had another girlfriend. He ended up ghosting me.
I ran into him a few months after that, and
he said that what we had was fun, but it
(01:31):
wasn't that serious to him. I was heartbroken twice with
that man then, and my last two relationships, the same
thing happened. It's like I was on a work shift
with them three days on, two days off. I'm tired
of waiting to have sex with them and then getting
disappointed a few months later. On the days away from me,
(01:52):
I initiate the phone calls, and it's always a short conversation.
The last guy even whispered when I called him, and
he said he was at an event and he couldn't talk.
I'm afraid that it is something that I'm doing to
make the guys take a break in the middle of
our relationship. I've even asked them if we're actually dating,
(02:13):
so I won't ever make that assumption. Again, what do
guys do when they disappear? Is it something I'm doing?
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Well?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
I got to say this first. You didn't give us
a lot of information to go on in this letter.
But I do think you're onto something when you say
he has another girlfriend or a wife or something. You
say you know he wasn't married, but you didn't disclose
how you know that. I'm going to just assume that
you did your research, maybe you googled him or something
on that one. How exactly did you know he wasn't married? Though, Again,
(02:47):
I feel like you left a lot of information out
of this letter. So the best advice I can give
you is to not date for a while. Just not date.
You need to sit still, You need to reflect. You're
asking is it something you're doing? You know, maybe it is,
Maybe it is in your approach, and you know, maybe
you sleep with them too quickly or not at all.
(03:07):
You know there is something going on there. I'm not
blaming you, but I'm just saying, reflect on your mistakes
or the mistakes of the relationship. Just look at the
relationship and just only focus on yourself. You say you
waited to have sex. You didn't tell us when or
if you actually had it. You didn't tell us how
you met these guys. You cannot call these relationships because
(03:30):
they never they never even called you. You call them,
and you took whatever they dished out. So you got
to learn from these bad hookups so you can stop
making these same mistakes. So I just say again, be
still and find out who you are right now, Steve,
I have it.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
For I'm not even sirying. She gave me enough information.
I got it. Here's your problem system, Why do men
disappear on me? Let me just get started right away.
I'm not going to have any joe for you. I'm
just gonna give it to you straight. You're thirty two
years old. I've had daughters your age, and I've got
(04:09):
another one approaching. So I know this, oh too well.
I have dated women like you. I understand that much
of it. Here's what you have to do. First things First,
you have to take ownership. You can only fix one
person in this letter, and that is yourself. You can't
(04:33):
fix the guys. So now let's begin. I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys and I don't
know why. Here's the reason why. Because it's what you're projecting.
You attract what you project. That is the law of attraction.
If I project happiness and kindness, happiness and kindness comes
(04:56):
to me.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
If I want to.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Shake more people's hands, I have to stick my hand
out in front of people more to get more handshakes.
If I want more people to smile at me, I
have to start smiling at more people. The reason you're
attracting the same type of guy is because this is
what you're putting out. The energy in the vibe that
you're putting out attracts this type of guy.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Now that you've attracted him, here's what you then do.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I'm thirty two and I've never been in a long
term relationship because the guys either ghost me after a
few months, or they stick around and disappear for days
and then they come back like they never left. It
is because this is what you allow. Can't nobody disappear
on me three days and then come back and then
pick up where they left off. This is you. You're
(05:43):
allowing this. I tell women all the time, men are trainable.
All you have to do is stop accepting bad behavior.
If you ghost me one time, that's it. If you
try it again. It's over a man and can be
trained that way. Now, if he don't care nothing about you,
he gonna gosh you again, and he'll care how you feel.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
That's the problem.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Stop allowing people back into your life who step out
of your life. Men who care about you don't disappear
for four days. Men who disappear for four days and
come back is because they know you're gonna let them.
The last three relationships I've had were like this. The
first one I had I was twenty five and we
(06:28):
dated for almost a year. When I come back, I
will tell you what happened to that and the rest
of them. I have it for you, young lady, But
you're gonna have to listen. If you don't want to
listen to unk. It's okay, It's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
All right, Steve. We'll have part two of your response
coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour Today's
Strawberry Letters subject why do men disappear on me? We'll
be back right after this. You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Do you think astronaut fight over elbow room?
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Probably because advanced tech doesn't always mean more space until now,
introduce it. The Hondai Ionic nine, a three row electric
suv with over three hundred miles of rage, ultra fast
charging capability, and lots of space.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
The all new Hondai Ionic nine face in an ev
Visit Hondai USA dot com for more details. EPA estimated
rings for oningline based on fully charged batteries for comparison
purpose only. Actual range will vary based on several factors.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
All right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's strawberry letter.
The subject is why do men disappear on me?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
This lady who's thirty two years old.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
I'm going to help her without jokes, because this is
a problem for a lot of people. I seem to
be attracting the same type of guys, and I don't
know why. The reason why you're attracting the same kind
of guys, because this is what you're projecting.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And what I mean by that is simple.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
If I want more people to smile at me, I
have to start smiling at more people. If I want
more people to shake my head, I have to start
extending my hand to more people. What you put out
is what you get back. If you think poorly, you
will act poorly. If you think poorly, you will be
treated poorly. It is the law of attraction. It's a scripture.
(08:16):
A man is as he thinking. So if you think
you worthy, people would then have to treat you worthy.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
If you treat.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
Yourself unworthy, they will pick up on that and give
it back to you.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
That's what happens to you. I've never been in a
long term.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Relationship because the guys either gohost me after a few months,
or they stick around and disappear.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
For days and then come back like they never left again.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
That's because you allowed that, and you've allowed it over
and over and over.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
When are you gonna stop doing that?
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Ghost me by men who really care about you, don't
ghost you for four days. They trying to be up
in your face. The last three relationships I had were
like this. The first one I was twenty five. We
dated for almost a year. Things were going great for
two days, and then he would take me out around
his friend and tell everybody I was a one. I
got exciting thing and he was a one too. Then
(09:03):
he would disappear for a few days. If I called him,
he'd answer, but it would be brief conversation. If I
text him, he barely text back. I knew that he
wasn't married, but his behavior made me feel like he
had another girlfriend girlfriend and are married. What difference do
it make if you pick up on the fact that
you're not the only one, or you're not the one,
(09:25):
then what are you staying around for that? For a
year of that, he ended up ghosting me. I ran
it to him a few months later, let me give
him my letter. I ran up into a few months
later after that, and he said that we all we
had was fun, but it wasn't that serious to him.
I was heartbroken twice with that man. Heart broken twice.
(09:48):
Judge Tolder came on my show one day and said
the most prolific thing I've ever heard. She said her
mama told her, don't let a man have to tell
you twice he don't want you. You don't need that
one again. Do not let a man have to tell
you twice he don't want you. You didn't hear it
the first time. How you hardboken twice by the same man.
(10:11):
It was just for fun. The reason it was fun
was because he could disappear for days and then come back.
Stop chasing after people who don't want you. Then, my
last two relationships, the same thing happened. It was like
I was on a workshift with them. Because you project
that you'll do anything to be in a relationship, so
(10:32):
they will give you anything to be in a relationship.
Three days on, two days off, girl, If you know this,
once you take off, let them go. Stop passing yourself
out so quickly too, so you can stop being hurt.
Let the man take his three days off before you
sleep with him. Then you don't have to sleep with
(10:53):
him and get all emotionally tired up into this guy.
I'm tired of waiting to have sex with them and
then getting disappointment for a few months later. Keyword, so
are you in a relationship so you can have sex
with them? Are you in a relationship to have a relationship,
because this is the first requirement that you've mentioned in
your entire letter. I'm tired of waiting to have sex
(11:13):
with them and then getting disappointed a few months later.
See so, really you just want to have sex because
you said nothing else about being treated rightly, to being
treated right, about being you know, put on a pedestal
about feeling special. You know you don't feel any and
that you need some standards. You need a full set
(11:35):
of standards. You know, you need to make a list
of what you want in a man, will tolerate in
a man, and you need to have a list of
what you will not accept, and you have to stick
to the will not accept, because that's what we will
give you. On the days away from me, I initiate
the phone calls and it's always a short conversation. The
(11:56):
last guy even whispered when I called him and said
he was at an event and he couldn't talk. Now
he had to event without you. He whispering because he
can't let the people around him knowing he talking to you.
But he doing just enough to keep you on the stream.
So after these four days is up, he can come
back and you're gonna accept him back.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Stop doing that.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
I'm afraid that if it's something, then she said, I'm
afraid that it's something that I'm doing to make the
guys take a break in the middle of our relationship. Yes,
it's something that you're doing. You're not having any requirements.
You don't have any standards, you don't have any rules
and regulations. You allow men to do what they want
to do, and then you chase after them to find
(12:39):
out that you ain't the one. I even asked him
if we're actually dating, So I don't ever make that
assumption again.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
You ain't got to ask no man to you dating.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
We only having sex if we're dating. What do guys
do when they disappear? We go do something else or
someone else that don't involve you.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Men.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
Don't you own again off again relationships? We own all
the time? Somewhere is this something I'm doing? Yes, you're
not caring for yourself. You're not having standards for yourself.
You have no requirements for yourself, and you're not putting
yourself first. You're allowing people to walk over you. You're
allowing people to disappear for three days and come back.
(13:20):
You are setting yourself up for failure, young lady. Stop
doing it immediately. You are the prize, not him. The
moment you act like a gold mine, the moment we
will dig deep for it and want to possess it.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Pure right, Thank you, all right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Leave your comments on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram and
Facebook at Steve HARVEFM, and check us out on the
Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app. You're listening
to the Steve Harvey Morning Show,
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