Alien Panty Thieves + How Men Secretly Compete

The Headlines:

• Men compete by trying to stress each other out

• Over 1,500 women believe aliens stole their underwear

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Male Competition: It’s All About Stress

Despite all the talk about teamwork, men are still competing—but not in the ways you’d expect. According to researchers at Pennsylvania State University, men often compete by trying to stress each other out. Whether it’s battling for top sales, subtle jabs at a party, or sarcastic “just kidding” insults, male competition tends to play out in psychological warfare rather than fistfights or direct confrontation.
Source: Pennsylvania State University

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Alien Panty Thieves? Yes, Really

Believe it or not, tens of thousands of women in the U.S. say they’ve been abducted by aliens—and over 1,500 of them claim the aliens stole their underwear. That’s right: extraterrestrial panty heists are a thing, at least according to these abductees. No explanation yet from Area 51.
Source: Uncle John’s Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Give us three minutes and we'll give you everything you
know for the need to know for the day with
Nina much trending.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
People think women compete with each other, but really though,
it's the men who are doing it the most, and
thanks to new studies, we know how they do it.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Wait, the men competing against.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Each other, just like countries about going to the moon.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Okay, that's been going on in the CEO's on one.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
We were competing with Russia at the time, and then
we faked the whole thing text in four one O six.
When you think the moon landings are all obviously not,
get your head out of the sand, produce of bread.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Jubile is actually doing it perfectly. The way that you
compete with men is to stress other men out. So
by using that theory, you're probably stressing some people who
want to compete with you to prove that they're smarter.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, I don't know why I came in this morning
and I just wanted to argue about the moon landing
with a bread.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
For no reason. Also, he just brought it up like random.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yeah, he's just sitting there and he goes, so you
think we landed on the moon, don't you?

Speaker 3 (00:54):
I'm like, oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
I was just in the hallway and produce a bread
was walking in front of me, and I don't remember
who was walking behind me, but I said, hey, what's
up man?

Speaker 3 (01:01):
You see that guy walking in front of me? There
producer Brad, and he thinks we landed on the moon?
What an idiot? What did he say? Like, I don't
know what's going on? You know, yeah, maybe I lost
it today.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
I mean, you're just feeling really passionate about it, and
if you care about it, you're going to speak about it.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
So there we have it.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Next time, producer is going to say that Earth is around.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Please are the perfect example. You know, you just stressed
each other out.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
Being smarter, stressing more people out.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
Just blows my mind that people think any of these things.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
Should we stay on the topic of space, because I
do have another space story, of course, somewhere else.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
We want to go, okay for you, as long as
not to move if we can't just.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Trying to navigate here. So there are tons of thousands
of women actually in this country that believe that they've
been abducted by aliens. And we had a story that
we talked about earlier this week or last week. I
don't remember to know if you have actually been abducted.
There was like a checklist if you had like bumps
or whatever on your skin. But the craziest part about
this is is that these women also believe that these

(02:12):
aliens kept their drawers, kept their what pianoswear?

Speaker 3 (02:18):
They took them, took their underwear and send them back.
So maybe they don't have any of their space. Yah,
who's going to tell them they have their underwear? Thieves?
Who's going to tell them they have a weird nephew?
What what I mean?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
They have any reason why the aliens took their undies?

Speaker 3 (02:35):
No, they just said that they've been abducted.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
They came back, their underwear was missing, and they know
that the aliens took it.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
Imagine this is the stuff that I find.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Also, by the way, on the internet every morning thinks
that Uncle John supremely satisfying Raider reader.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
What yeah, the news sources, Uncle John.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, but you knows we didn't land on the moon.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
He's got a whole other article about it. I'm sure
of it.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
But imagine thinking aliens came to Earth and the thing
they wanted was human underwear, right, no sense, but probably
don't need it, right, That's how human centric humans are.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
We imaginally didn't need it, and then we had it,
and so we need guys, we need it being cleaned.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
They didn't know about it, and then they abducted Sweep
and they're like, those are fierce and I'm keeping those, boss,
I'm going to wear those around the spaceships.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
People who are abducted aren't wearing the fierce kind need that.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
I don't don't know. They're like, they're more like blinkers.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
When abducting people trying to find out Victoria's secret because
they abducted one person they like the andies and they're like,
what's the secret?

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Who's this Victoria person?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
They have to abduct her?

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Victoria is not saying.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
We didn't make sure we keep tapping Victoria, but what
is your secret?

Speaker 3 (04:07):
A secrets that we haven't been to the moon.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
They're like, we know that humans are idiots, so I
hope you got something out of that, but we'll just
call that.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
So, yeah, thanks.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
Something, John Sure and the creepy nephew, you know it's
a creepy No, it's the aliens.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
It's weird, creepy nephews. They're realizing they also just what underwear,
so they took it