10 Takes with Kyle Brandt: We're big in bathrooms!

Have 10 minutes to hear Kyle Brandt's takes on Week 2 in the NFL?

• Only ONE winless team actually WOW's Kyle
• Which team SAVED their season on Sunday?
• Respect the Referees
• and Kyle's unfortunate cauliflower experience.

Listen and enjoy before the clock hits zero!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Ten Takes is a production of the NFL in partnership
with iHeartRadio. Welcome everybody, Thank you for clicking. I appreciate you.
I love you. Ten Takes with Kyle Brandt's episode two
about Week two in the NFL Seeds. You know how

(00:25):
this goes. I have ten takes to share with you,
and I have just ten minutes to do it. Jack
Bauer Keifer Sudlin is our muse. We are diffusing a
bomb on this show. You don't have time in your
life for these long ass podcasts. You can't do it concise,
lean mean ten minutes. A lot of you have tweeted
where you've been listening to it. Continue to do that.

(00:45):
Tweet me where you're listening. Ten minute, an extended bathroom break.
We love you right now on the porcelain thrones. If
you're listening, go ahead and take off the headphones, disconnect bluetooth.
Play it for the stall next to you, Play it
for the down the hall. Guy still at his desk
just blasted, why not we're big in bathrooms, That's what
I hear. Takes Kyle Brampt ten minutes. Let's start the

(01:08):
damn clock right now. Take number one, Michaeh Parsons is
the best player in the NFL. He is the best
player in the NFL. My god, watching that dude. There
is no player right now in the league at any
position who does their job better than Michaeh Parsons does his.

(01:29):
What he did to the Jets, to Zach Wilson, to
Nathaniel Hackett, Robert Sala, the entire state of New Jersey
was unholy. They knew what was coming from Parsons. They
probably spent most of the week on offense preparing for
number eleven for the Cowboys, thinking about blocking schemes, helping
over there, and it did nothing. He did whatever he

(01:49):
wanted with him and I thought he had a scoop
and score touchdown. He is the player to watch in
the NFL right now. Some great ones in Mahomes' Mahomes
and TJ Watt What did not play Yesterday's Great Pastors
Hat three sax week When Michaeh Parsons is a terminator,
it is so fun. They should do a whole deal
where every time the Cowboys defense is on screen, put
Michaeh Parsons in a little bubble on the bottom left.

(02:11):
I just want a Parsons, Cam, I don't care if
he's on the sideline. I don't care if he's running
in the locker room. In fact, put the game in
the bubble and put Micah Parsons in the rest of
the screen. Best player in the NFL Take number two.
You know who's not the best player in the NFL.
Zach Wilson. We sat here and listened for a week,
and our hearts were a little bit broken, all things
being equal, for the New York Jets, because what they
went through, and they rallied around Zach Wilson. We believe

(02:33):
in Zach, and this is Zach's team, and we're all
kind of like, all right, Robert Salin, I got you, sure. Sure.
In the meanwhile, we're thinking, like, doesn't he kind of suck?
But it sounds great. The sound bites are there, and
we got that nice Sacher in that Hard Knocks puts
over every player when Leave Schreiber is talking about them
and the music's played doom there in slow motion. Think,
you know, maybe Zach Wilson would be a really cool story. No,
he's not. He's not good. And I hate to be

(02:55):
so harsh, but did you watch that game The Jets
were in that game, and he just started chucking picks
out of every orifice of his body. When someone tells
you who they are, believe that. When someone tells you,
now for three years, where they are, you better believe them.
Zach Wilson is not a first year guy. This isn't
even like a Trey Lance type who we haven't seen much.
We've seen it. We saw it a lot. The Cowboys

(03:15):
obviously saw it, and then they won because of it.
And I'm seeing people who I know and like and respect,
like Peter Schrager, floating theories about how the Vikings should
trade Kirk Cousins to the Jets. I saw Bill Simmons
talking about the same thing. I don't think the Jets
will do that. I think they're stubborn and they're belief
behind Zach Wilson. Also, I think trading for Kirk Cousins
to rescue the Jets season I think, in a strange way,
would ruffle feathers with Aaron Rodgers, who despite not being there,

(03:38):
not being intact, kind of still runs the show and
they're thinking he's coming back next year, and even have
delusions of him coming back this year. I honestly think
you wouldn't like that, And they're committed to Rogers and
by proxy committed to Wilson. I don't think they're gonna
do it. Take number three, Josh Allen. What do you know?
He's not the worst player in the NFL. He's not
the worst quarterback. It always happens this way. I saw

(03:59):
it coming a mile away. Every time Josh Allen has
the I'm a nine year old drinking and mashing buttons
playing Madden game, which is ironic because he's actually on
the Madden cover and people say he just have to
take care of the football. They can't win with Josh Allen.
Too many mistakes, too many turnovers. He has a game
like he had against the Raiders in which he did
whatever he wanted. He's doing jump passes, he's doing side arm,
he's thrown laid over the middle. That is who he is.

(04:21):
What did I just say? If someone tells you who
they are, believe him. He's in a sixth year. He's
not someddenly gonna change sober up on the football field
and start throwing the ball away. The Buffalo Bills are
gonna live and die, not just this year, not just
this month. But the entire Josh Allen administration, hopefully another
decade to come. They're gonna live and die with the sword.
He does what he does, he will always do it. It

(04:42):
will always be erradic, bold, dared devil. He's a maverick,
That's who he is, and top gun Mavericks his favorite movie.
I haven't on good authority. Take number four, The New
York Giants save their season. People are reluctant to use
that quote. I've seen them say, well, listen, we never
know what could happen. I'm not gonna say they save
their season Week two by beating the Cardinals. No, they did.
They definitely save their season. Not only would you go

(05:04):
and two against allegedly the worst team in the NFL who
actually plays really tough. Look at the stats. I looked
it up. Since nineteen ninety, teams to start zero to
two missed the playoffs eighty nine percent of the time.
One in ten turns the season around to make the playoffs.
They weren't doing it, especially when they start this season
down sixty to nothing. Daniel Jones turned into like good
Josh Allen. He was awesome. I get Daniel Jones A

(05:27):
lot of crap I was kind of skeptical of him
and all the money. He was awesome in the second half.
Looked like a star, not just a game manager, not
just the guy they paid because they think they can
win with them, and they got the right pieces. He
looked like the piece Daniel Jones. The Giants saved their season.
Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Take number five. I'm
not really surprised by the and two teams. I was asked,
that's this morning, good morning football. Which of the O

(05:48):
and two teams surprises you? There's only one pats. I'm
not surprised. Chargers. I can't be surprised. And Brandon Staley
was really frosty after the game. Went asked if they
still think they're hungover from losing that terrible Jacksonville playoff game.
Not surprised. Texan's not surprised. Not surprised the Bengals either.
Not only is the two years in a row. I
predicted it last week. Last year they started going two
and their quarterback wasn't injured. He's injured now. The Bronco's

(06:11):
not surprised. I can't say I'm surprised with the Vikings either.
Their own line. Their defense is bad. Cardinal's not surprised.
I am surprised at the Bears, though I didn't think
going to this all come together this year. The worst
prediction I made so far this year, and I've probably
made a bunch of battles that the Bears would win
the NFC North. I don't know what they're doing. It's
really depressing. I mean, they've lost twelve games in a row.
That makes you the worst team in the NFL. Right,

(06:32):
twelve in a row, going back to last year, they're
the worst team in the NFL. I don't do power rankings,
but they should be thirty two. Take number six. The
Falcons keep winning and I love them and I hate them.
They play a really cool brand of football where they
just run and play defense and Desmond Ridgers got some
moxie to him and has to make a few throws.
But they're wreaking havoc on my personal life, my social life.
If you don't know, if you turn a good morning

(06:53):
football look at my social I had this crazy, stupid,
creepy mustache. I said I would grow it in solidarity
with Arthur Smith, the Falcons head coach. As long as
they keep winning, didn't think it would happen. Guys, I
thought they lose the opener. They didn't. I definitely thought
they'd lose to the Packers. They didn't. And now I
have people coming up to me like who I know
in town and they're like, whoa, what's that about. I'm like,
it's for the Falcons? Like what doesn't make any sense?

(07:15):
Like are you from Atlanta? No? Did you pick the
Falcons to win? No? Do you know their coach? No?
It doesn't make any sense. It's awkward for me. It's uncomfortable,
but I'm still gonna do it and they might beat
the Lions next week. Take number seven? How much do
you love Pooka Nakula? How much do you love Pooka Nakua?
I had a moment in Fantasy this week where I
benched Dj Moore for Pooka Nakua. Dj Moore was trading

(07:39):
for the number one overall picking the draft. That's a
big bounty for DJ Moore and I sat his butt
down in Fantasy for Poka Nakua. And what did Puka
Nakua of the La Rams do? He had fifteen bleeping
catches on twenty targets twenty Jamar Chase can't get anything

(08:01):
done justin Jefferson has seen stats to feel like empty coweries.
But Pooka Nakua with twenty targets. Matthew Stafford's been in
this league. I feel like since the nineties. He loves
Pooka Nakua. It is so fun, and I gonna keep
starting him. I would bench anybody for Pooka Nakua. I
would sit down in his prime Randy Mos for Pooka Nakua.
I will start him from my cold dead hands. Will
you take Pooka Nakua from me? And fantasy? It's not

(08:24):
gonna happen. Take number eight. Speaking of Fantasy, I'm not
gonna make my own team because everybody hates that. Is
there a worse loss in fantasy than when you lose
because of the other team's kicker? God, do I hate that.
It's okay if the other team's got the Mahomes type
or Jefferson or an Austin Eckler type who just puts
up big numbers, you expect that, damn. You know. Austin
Eckler put up thirty six points last year and that

(08:46):
week and that just killed me. But when you have
the lead and you get that sneaky game where your
team that you're playing against the kicker as four field
goals and three of them are from fifty plus. It's like,
you know what, the kicker just put up twenty two points.
That's not fair. I lost because of Nick Folk this
week and Nick folk Folk, the folk hero, the Titans kicker.
He had thirty six field goals and he had fifty

(09:06):
the week before, so annoying. The Titans win though Titans
never go away. They're just bobbing out there at sea.
You can't dunk them underwater. They win. Nick Folk, gotta
respect you, but I hate you all right. Take number nine.
I had a terrible dining experience over the weekend. I
went to a nice Italian restaurant with my wife and
two friends and I ordered a steak and the steak
came out really great. It was just the mood for

(09:27):
a steak. And on the side of the plane, I
didn't know what the side on it was gonna be.
It was probably six pounds of cauliflower, six pounds of steamed,
disgusting cauliflower, and it made me say, who back in
the kitchen's like, you know what we should really treat
our customers to how about a whole mess of cauliflower
on the plate? Is there anyone out there, I'm talking
to you who not just tolerates cauliflower, who not just

(09:49):
abides it, who has their fist in the air for
a team cauliflower is something they love to eat, they
want their family to eat, and they're like, I just
can't get enough cauliflower in my life. I love the stuff.
In my experience, most of the time you run across cauliflowers.
You go to somebody's house and they go to cost
going that little veggie tray where you appeal the plastic offit,
and there's the ranch in the middle, and there's the

(10:09):
carrots and the tomatoes and the bean sprouts and the cauliflower.
And if you show up late to that party, the
cauliflower is the only thing left. Everyone else is picked
over because nobody likes cauliflower. Is there big cauliflower a
powerful union behind it to keep putting it on our plates.
I didn't touch one ounce of the cauliflower, and I
hope they brought my plate back to show the chef
maybe we should diw down our cauliflower. I only have

(10:30):
thirty seconds left. My favorite moment of the weekend. Referee
Alex Camp rolled the tape Sensional browning offense number seven.
It's a ten yard pedally and I'm talking to America
here at school. So ten yard pedally and a loss
of down, I mean second down. That's right. He's standing
there trying to talk to America and he's got Geno

(10:52):
Smith barking at him to argue. It had all these
pangs of like you're trying to have an important phone
call and your kid's like, Daddy, can you type in
the password on my kindle? I want to play rollblocks
and you're like, I'm on the phone. I'm talking to work.
Except his work was I'm talking to America. Alex Camp,
my favorite referee, and that is ten minutes. Boo. That's

(11:13):
how we do it. I haven't taken a breath. I
held my nose even when we were talking about Kyliflower.
That is it. It is over. Ten takes ten minutes.
We promise it every single time. We love you people.
Not an ounce of fat on that sucker, because this
podcast is cauliflower fed. See you next week. Ten Takes
with Kyle Brant. Hope you liked it. Tweet the show.
Tell your friends, follow, like, review all that stuff, See

(11:36):
you guys. Ten Takes is a production of the NFL
in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more iHeartRadio pods, go to
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it'll be there.