December 8, 2023 • 19 mins
00:40 - When Kaitlin became a Jets fan & her experience at home games this season 4:00 - What made Kaitlin realize social media the right career for her 6:58 - Kaitlin's experience starring on reality TV show "Paradise Hotel" 12:18 - How Kaitlin uses her platform to build a community and relate to fans} 17:17 - Hendy's Hot Seat
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome into another episode of New York Her.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm your host, Caroline Hendershot, and today we have a
very special guest, Kaitlyn Reagan is joining the show.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Caitlin, thank you so much for hopping on.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Okay, so you are an influencer majority like of it
came from TikTok, but an influencer and a podcast host
of Let's talk with Kaitlyn Reagan. So I want to
talk about kind of how we know each other is
because you come to a few Jets games this year.
How was that experience, because I mean, I'm almost immune
(00:38):
to it at this point because that's like my second home.
But I just feel like the energy that people get there,
the experience they have there is always like top notch.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I just love games. Everybody is there for a good time.
Like nobody wants to argue with nobody unless you're talking
bad about the Jets, of course, but everybody's there is
just overall to support and like, I don't know, it's
just nice like being in an environment where everybody's just
like having a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
So for me, like I go there and like all
my problems in my actual life don't matter, and it's
just like you let Lucier, you have a beer and
you have fun.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yes, And I feel like like the energy inside the
stadium is always very palpable. So like if you go
there and you're like, Okay, I'm a mediocre fan of
like one of the teams or whatever, as soon as
you enter met life, I just feel like it's immediately
like takes over.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
It is. Ye, it is. It's always such a good
time and I love going with friends and it's it's
really fun.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Did you always grow up a Jets fan because you
were born in Brooklyn?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I never was like so into sports because I come
from a more of like a female dominant upbringing. But
I had a couple of guy friends growing up and
they love the Jets, and I was like, okay, I
love the Jets too. Yeah, and so here we are
and the Jets are just great.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Okay, so let's talk. Let's get into that female upbringing.
I know you were born and raised in Brooklyn, but
what was that experience like for you, Because I feel
like Brooklyn is just such a unique place in and
of itself, and so growing up with that atmosphere and
then with your female oriented upbringing, what was that like
for you?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So I come from the city, it was my norm.
It's all I knew. I love it. It's so a pace.
It teaches you how to be rough and just like
very blunt and straightforward. I never realized how cool it
was to be from New York until I went away
to college in Florida, and whenever I would say like, oh,
I'm from Brooklyn and New York and everybody's like, I
(02:38):
want to go visit you, and I'm like wow, Like
this is like I didn't know people loved New York
like this much. So it's just really awesome. And being
near Manhattan, there's no place like Manhattan, and there's just
always high energy and I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
So I know you acted and danced a lot growing up.
Do you feel like Brooklyn kind of brought that out
of you in any way?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I do? I think that. I just I don't know.
I I when I my elementary school, there was a
dance studio right next door to it, and I would
always like walk home from school with my mom and
I was like I want to go there. It's like,
all right, let's sign a kid off the dance and
you know, I feel like because everything's so close, like
everything's very walking distance. That's like the beauty of the city,
(03:22):
and you just see things and you're like, I want
to try this, I want to try that, and it's
all like right in front of you. It's so hard
to like turn things down.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
So yes, So take me through kind of growing up
and realizing that social media was like a possibility of
a career because I feel like when I was growing up,
it was it was kind of there, but it wasn't
like many people were doing it. I think I was
(03:49):
like at one point, I had like one hundred followers
on Instagram and I was like, this is so cool,
Like I reached triple digits and now literally it's such
a different world with social media.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Well it's actually crazy. So my I love telling the story.
This is gonna be my biggest flex for life. The
reason that I started was when I was fifteen years old.
I was justin Bieber's One Less Lonely Girl.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Okay, so he called me up on stage and when
Instagram first came out, it was around that time, and
I think at the time I had like a thousand
followers and that was like huge, right, you know, so
from a very early age, I've always kind of had
this following, and then I went to college and they
kind of watched me grow up and it started to
like triple and it just slowly.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Like my followers kind of watched me evolve from such
a young age, which is really really cool.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
So was it that moment that kind of that made
you realize that this could be something?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I was like, this is cool. You know,
it's very hard to be able to get in touch
with other sides of the world and just people that
don't live, you know, around you, And I was like whoa,
Like this is so cool, Like I can literally like
inbox like somebody that lives in California. Like it was
just it was a whole new world and it was
(05:08):
so intriguing and I just knew at an early age
that there was something to it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So when you start to kind of grow this following
at fifteen and then beyond into college and beyond, were
there ever points where it was almost too hard being
so open and being so upfront with an entire following
where you don't know a ton of them personally, but
(05:33):
like they all follow you and you have to be
completely kind of transparent at most times.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah, I definitely. I always say that my content really
does reflect my real life, and that could be really
challenging because like, I'm so young trying to like navigate
this world. And when you're like sharing like what you're
doing and how you're doing it and where you're going next,
like a lot of people have a lot to say
about it, and when you're like still trying to learn yourself,
(05:59):
it's just it kind of throws you around in a
million different directions when people think they know what's better
for you than you do.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Right, how how have you or how did you deal
with that when you were at such like a vulnerable age.
I feel like of kind of that transition from high
school to college and then in college.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
There's no real way to deal with it. I think
it's I think it's you kind of just I For me,
I fell into it and I was like, Okay, well,
what are people telling me that I should be doing,
because then they know better than me. I always thought
that everybody knew it was better for me. But I
think that the only way to like understand that that's
not true is like inner work. So it's like outside
(06:37):
of social media where you're like, okay, like who am I?
Because I can't show up to the world not knowing
who I am, because everybody if I don't know why
I am, everybody's gonna try and tell me who I am. Right,
So it's it was just like taking some time off too,
like having that balance not always being glued to your
phone and being present and right.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Okay, I'm gonna come back to that in a minute
of the taking time off. But take me to twenty
nineteen when the show Paradise Hotel gets rebooted. How did
you find yourself in the like audition aspect for that show?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
That was such a fun process. They like DM me
on Instagram were like, Hi, would you be interested in
a reality show? And at first I thought it was
like a like a joke and a scam, and then
they were like, yeah, all we have to do is
just call you and like get to know you. And
I was like, all right, I'll get on a phone call.
I get on a call. It's just like such fun vibes,
and it was it was just so nice to like
(07:28):
they really just want you to be yourself, and I
think that's what's so cool about reality TV, and I
just kept going on the next phone call and then
a zoom like this, and getting to know like the
producers and like what they were really looking for, and
it was a great It was a great experience. Honestly,
I don't know how I got selected.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Was there any part of the like, not even the
audition itself, but the actual show that you weren't really
either expecting to like that you ended up liking, or
maybe something that was just like, oh, this is not
how I expected reality TV to go.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Reality TV. I personally like, even though it was a
great experience, I don't think I would ever do it again.
It's there's cameras in your face at all times, you know,
in like very discreet places where you're like, okay, like
I need a second of myself, please the look at me.
But you know, the goal of a reality show is
to be super dramatic, and I think that I was
(08:25):
having a hard time keeping up with that because I'm like,
why are you crying? It's not that serious, Like I
was just like that person on the show. Maybe it's
the morokum in me, but I just felt like I
couldn't keep up with the energy it was a lot.
It was a lot.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
There was a lot going on, right, and it's it's
pretty twenty four to seven, and it's like you were
saying cameras in your face all the time, and that's
I don't think anyone really ever gets used to that.
I know, like I was talking to Samy Sweetheart from
Jersey Shore and she was like, that aspect is like
kind of crazy because at first it's overwhelming and then
you always get weirdly adjusted to it, but still never
(08:59):
completely comfortable because you know there's a camera there.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Absolutely, And I think for like something like the Jersey Shore,
I think I would like vibe what more. But for
like what I was on, it was like a game
show and a love show, and it was just like
you don't realize like what you will do to win
money until like you're in that position, Like I would
like step back and be like I don't even know
who I am anymore to win two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars, Like.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Right, anything, it takes over, the competitive drive just takes over.
That's okay, that happens sometimes.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So do you feel like it was after that show
that the social following really took off for you.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Yeah, definitely, what was that where I think that first
they want to like follow you after the show too, like,
you know, do you keep up with the other cast
members and are you still with the boy that you
left with? And I think it was fun at first,
but then I was like, hey, like I'm kind of
moving on from this chapter me and so and so
didn't work out, Like, let's go and find this new
(09:56):
version of me that's not Paradise Hotel, right, But it's
nice because you know, they come from that show and
they watch you there and they watch you evolve out
of the show and who you become after.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So was it?
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I feel like this is always how like kind of
the evolution of a TikTok influencer begins.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Is like I was just bored. It was the thick
of covid.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It was this new app that everyone was on and
we just started posting. But how do you kind of
begin to get that following and then also allow yourself
to be like thinking about it in a serious enough
way where it could turn into something, but also at
the same time, like you downloaded it on a whim,
So like is this really something?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Like what was that whole process? For you.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Well, the cool thing about TikTok at the time was that,
you know, before reels were a thing on Instagram, Yeah,
Instagram was simply just pictures and it was very hard
to show who you are and show your personality like
through that. So when TikTok came out, I was like,
I want to make talking videos and I want to
just see if, like I could connect with anybody and
show this this version of me. And at first, again
(11:03):
like we were, me and my boyfriend at the time
were just like posting just like funny pranks. We had
no idea that a career is even possible off this app.
It was just for fun, and it's just I don't
know how it became like the next biggest thing like it.
It's crazy to me too, to like comprehend it.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
It was so random, right, And it's it's funny because
now you look back and it's almost like I can't
really imagine life without it.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
But then it just kind of became its own thing.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
So I think it was probably a combination of all
of us being home and less busy and looking for
something new that helped its popularity. But one hundred percent,
it's crazy how that like alters people's lives. But what
I want to touch on with you is you kind
of mentioned taking a break from social media, and I
(11:53):
know that what part of being an influencer comes with
the good and the bad and sharing that online, and
you dealt with some of the most unthinkable tragedies and
last year your boyfriend passed and you kind of shared that.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Entire process with TikTok.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
How has being so open about that kind of helped
you through this process?
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Well, for two reasons. Because number one, when you're like
communicating your story to people and you're explaining like where
you are and how you're feeling, it helps you kind
of release emotions. And not only like release, you're also
like comprehending as you're speaking, and just talking things through
is so helpful. And then being able to like tell
my story and like hearing other people say, like I
(12:40):
understand what you're saying because I've also dealt with this
and in this specific way, I lost my father, I
lost my mother, I lost a sister or brother, a
best friend. Like you're like, wow, I'm not alone. Because
loss at this age it's not as as it feels,
not as common, you know, So it was just nice
to like build a community and have people to connect
with them. I know they felt the same as well
with me.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Now, when you took that break, was it hard because
obviously you needed some time to yourself, But was it
almost hard.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Not having that community there at the same time.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yes, it definitely was really hard not to like have
what I was so used to. But I was in
such like a dark place that I don't even think
I was like comprehending like who I was or what
was going on. It was so fuzzy that I don't
I don't think I was even capable of being able
to be on social media. So it was hard, But
it also wasn't because I was like I just I
(13:35):
didn't have a passion for anything anymore, right when I lost.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Him, And then after you kind of you take your
break and you come back onto social media. Is that
when you had the idea for your podcast?
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, when I was off of social media for a while,
the first I was all for a year, so I
had a lot of time to really like comprehend and
think about how do I want to reapproach this me
by myself as individual because everybody always knew me and
him and we were this couple as too, and what
I what I thought to do was that I was like,
I really want to create a podcast because it's the
(14:10):
only way that like I can really articulate my story
and my thoughts and where I've been and how I've
been doing in like a larger, larger frame of time
because TikTok's very short. It's like, you know, really like
who's really watching more than like a minute long. So
I sat down with myself and I sat down with
a couple of his best friends that we just picked
apart like everything that happened, and I just told the
(14:32):
story backwards and it was so therapeutic to like this
was all being filmed like my whole season one of
my podcasts before I got back, And that was kind
of when I came back, I just like released it
and I was like I'm back here.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It is, yes, And so that was almost like more
healing than you probably expected it.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Oh my god, it really took me from It took
me like eight steps forward in my healing process. I
recommend I know that not everybody does so media, but
whether it's sitting down with yourself and like just recording
for you to listen back one day of you just
speaking out or like writing down, Like just releasing is
(15:10):
like beyond.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yes, whether it's like journaling or talking it through with someone,
I think like getting things out of your brain and
like out, whether it's into the universe or onto a
piece of paper is like the best way to kind
of grow and heal and help yourself. Now, how has
this last year been for you with like your personal
(15:32):
growth and what have you seen from yourself?
Speaker 3 (15:36):
I just realized that I don't think I ever thought
that when it first happened that I would get through
it and be able to be standing right now. So
number one, it showed me how strong I was. And
it sounds corny, but I don't think sometimes we realize
as humans, like how much we really aren't capable of taking,
and then like you start to feel like invincible. You're
like you know, I'm able to get through this. There's
(15:57):
so much like come on, you know, like bring really
bring it on. And also just I think it's cool
to be like an online personality because it's like a resume,
Like I'm watching myself like slowly, like I can go
down and scroll and like just watch the evolution of
me growing and now I'm in a place where it's
been almost two years and I'm trying to put myself
out there and date again. So going from someone that
(16:19):
was at rock bottom and didn't even like know my
name to like now like taking these next steps is
is just a really beautiful evolution.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
And it's been like such a big year for you.
You've gotten to do such like amazing things. You even
got to go to New York Fashion Week and participate
in that. What was that whole experience like for you?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That was? That was like a really eye opening experience
for me because I think I was like, wow, like
I've really not only did I come back and like
find a straight but I'm I'm making progress, Like I'm
I'm here right now? How did I get here? How
am I sitting front roll of a fashion show in
this beautiful outfit? Like we don't realize how well we're
doing in life until sometimes moments like that were like wait, what,
(16:57):
I'm here?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You know, it's an eye opening experience.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, even being here right now, like she wants to
sit down and talk with me, like you know, it's awesome,
it's really.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Nice, Okay, I am that was such an amazing I
feel like I just learned so much about you, But
I feel like I want.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
To put you on what we like to call the
Hendy's hot seat.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It's three questions and it's the first answer that comes
to your mind, and I'm going to just put you
on the hot seat.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You're gonna do great. But ready, are you ready for it?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I'm ready for it?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Okay, First question, I know you said that you didn't
want to go back into reality TV, But if there's
one reality TV show that you wish you could be on,
what would it be?
Speaker 3 (17:38):
All Right, I'm gonna have to say Love Island because
my mom loves it. Even know that goes and guess
what I was just saying Love Island.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
That's fair because I feel like everyone who watches Love
Island immediately falls in love.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
With it because it's just such entertainment.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
My mom's ubsessed, so I'm like fine for her.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, what would you say is the best part of
your career? And what would you say is the hardest
part of your career?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Part is being able to connect with so many people
around the world, and the worst is the comments and
everybody putting judgment on your life.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yes, one hundred percent. Okay, last, but not least Brooklyn native.
I know you have an answer for this. Where is
the best place to get pizza in Brooklyn?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
That's my favorite? You know. Have you tried it? Yes?
I have. It's so good.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
We actually have one of our coworkers lives in out
in Brooklyn and picks it up on his way into
MetLife every Sunday, So I probably have.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
It too much, but it is so so good.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
He's a real one for that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah, truly, truly awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Well, Caitlin, thank you so much for hopping on our
episode of New Yorker.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It was a joy to talk to you and we
appreciate the time.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Thank you so much again for everything. This is so fun.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of New Yorker.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Make sure you rate, review, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts,
the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcast.
I'm your host, Caroline Hendershott, and we will see you
on the next episode of New Yorker.
Welcome into another episode of New York Her.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm your host, Caroline Hendershot, and today we have a
very special guest, Kaitlyn Reagan is joining the show.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Caitlin, thank you so much for hopping on.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Okay, so you are an influencer majority like of it
came from TikTok, but an influencer and a podcast host
of Let's talk with Kaitlyn Reagan. So I want to
talk about kind of how we know each other is
because you come to a few Jets games this year.
How was that experience, because I mean, I'm almost immune
(00:38):
to it at this point because that's like my second home.
But I just feel like the energy that people get there,
the experience they have there is always like top notch.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I just love games. Everybody is there for a good time.
Like nobody wants to argue with nobody unless you're talking
bad about the Jets, of course, but everybody's there is
just overall to support and like, I don't know, it's
just nice like being in an environment where everybody's just
like having a good time.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Yes, you know.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
So for me, like I go there and like all
my problems in my actual life don't matter, and it's
just like you let Lucier, you have a beer and
you have fun.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yes, And I feel like like the energy inside the
stadium is always very palpable. So like if you go
there and you're like, Okay, I'm a mediocre fan of
like one of the teams or whatever, as soon as
you enter met life, I just feel like it's immediately
like takes over.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
It is. Ye, it is. It's always such a good
time and I love going with friends and it's it's
really fun.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Did you always grow up a Jets fan because you
were born in Brooklyn?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
I never was like so into sports because I come
from a more of like a female dominant upbringing. But
I had a couple of guy friends growing up and
they love the Jets, and I was like, okay, I
love the Jets too. Yeah, and so here we are
and the Jets are just great.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Okay, so let's talk. Let's get into that female upbringing.
I know you were born and raised in Brooklyn, but
what was that experience like for you, Because I feel
like Brooklyn is just such a unique place in and
of itself, and so growing up with that atmosphere and
then with your female oriented upbringing, what was that like
for you?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So I come from the city, it was my norm.
It's all I knew. I love it. It's so a pace.
It teaches you how to be rough and just like
very blunt and straightforward. I never realized how cool it
was to be from New York until I went away
to college in Florida, and whenever I would say like, oh,
I'm from Brooklyn and New York and everybody's like, I
(02:38):
want to go visit you, and I'm like wow, Like
this is like I didn't know people loved New York
like this much. So it's just really awesome. And being
near Manhattan, there's no place like Manhattan, and there's just
always high energy and I love it.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
So I know you acted and danced a lot growing up.
Do you feel like Brooklyn kind of brought that out
of you in any way?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
I do? I think that. I just I don't know.
I I when I my elementary school, there was a
dance studio right next door to it, and I would
always like walk home from school with my mom and
I was like I want to go there. It's like,
all right, let's sign a kid off the dance and
you know, I feel like because everything's so close, like
everything's very walking distance. That's like the beauty of the city,
(03:22):
and you just see things and you're like, I want
to try this, I want to try that, and it's
all like right in front of you. It's so hard
to like turn things down.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
So yes, So take me through kind of growing up
and realizing that social media was like a possibility of
a career because I feel like when I was growing up,
it was it was kind of there, but it wasn't
like many people were doing it. I think I was
(03:49):
like at one point, I had like one hundred followers
on Instagram and I was like, this is so cool,
Like I reached triple digits and now literally it's such
a different world with social media.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Well it's actually crazy. So my I love telling the story.
This is gonna be my biggest flex for life. The
reason that I started was when I was fifteen years old.
I was justin Bieber's One Less Lonely Girl.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Okay, so he called me up on stage and when
Instagram first came out, it was around that time, and
I think at the time I had like a thousand
followers and that was like huge, right, you know, so
from a very early age, I've always kind of had
this following, and then I went to college and they
kind of watched me grow up and it started to
like triple and it just slowly.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Like my followers kind of watched me evolve from such
a young age, which is really really cool.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
So was it that moment that kind of that made
you realize that this could be something?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I was like, this is cool. You know,
it's very hard to be able to get in touch
with other sides of the world and just people that
don't live, you know, around you, And I was like whoa,
Like this is so cool, Like I can literally like
inbox like somebody that lives in California. Like it was
just it was a whole new world and it was
(05:08):
so intriguing and I just knew at an early age
that there was something to it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So when you start to kind of grow this following
at fifteen and then beyond into college and beyond, were
there ever points where it was almost too hard being
so open and being so upfront with an entire following
where you don't know a ton of them personally, but
(05:33):
like they all follow you and you have to be
completely kind of transparent at most times.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah, I definitely. I always say that my content really
does reflect my real life, and that could be really
challenging because like, I'm so young trying to like navigate
this world. And when you're like sharing like what you're
doing and how you're doing it and where you're going next,
like a lot of people have a lot to say
about it, and when you're like still trying to learn yourself,
(05:59):
it's just it kind of throws you around in a
million different directions when people think they know what's better
for you than you do.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Right, how how have you or how did you deal
with that when you were at such like a vulnerable age.
I feel like of kind of that transition from high
school to college and then in college.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
There's no real way to deal with it. I think
it's I think it's you kind of just I For me,
I fell into it and I was like, Okay, well,
what are people telling me that I should be doing,
because then they know better than me. I always thought
that everybody knew it was better for me. But I
think that the only way to like understand that that's
not true is like inner work. So it's like outside
(06:37):
of social media where you're like, okay, like who am I?
Because I can't show up to the world not knowing
who I am, because everybody if I don't know why
I am, everybody's gonna try and tell me who I am. Right,
So it's it was just like taking some time off too,
like having that balance not always being glued to your
phone and being present and right.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Okay, I'm gonna come back to that in a minute
of the taking time off. But take me to twenty
nineteen when the show Paradise Hotel gets rebooted. How did
you find yourself in the like audition aspect for that show?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
That was such a fun process. They like DM me
on Instagram were like, Hi, would you be interested in
a reality show? And at first I thought it was
like a like a joke and a scam, and then
they were like, yeah, all we have to do is
just call you and like get to know you. And
I was like, all right, I'll get on a phone call.
I get on a call. It's just like such fun vibes,
and it was it was just so nice to like
(07:28):
they really just want you to be yourself, and I
think that's what's so cool about reality TV, and I
just kept going on the next phone call and then
a zoom like this, and getting to know like the
producers and like what they were really looking for, and
it was a great It was a great experience. Honestly,
I don't know how I got selected.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Was there any part of the like, not even the
audition itself, but the actual show that you weren't really
either expecting to like that you ended up liking, or
maybe something that was just like, oh, this is not
how I expected reality TV to go.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Reality TV. I personally like, even though it was a
great experience, I don't think I would ever do it again.
It's there's cameras in your face at all times, you know,
in like very discreet places where you're like, okay, like
I need a second of myself, please the look at me.
But you know, the goal of a reality show is
to be super dramatic, and I think that I was
(08:25):
having a hard time keeping up with that because I'm like,
why are you crying? It's not that serious, Like I
was just like that person on the show. Maybe it's
the morokum in me, but I just felt like I
couldn't keep up with the energy it was a lot.
It was a lot.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
There was a lot going on, right, and it's it's
pretty twenty four to seven, and it's like you were
saying cameras in your face all the time, and that's
I don't think anyone really ever gets used to that.
I know, like I was talking to Samy Sweetheart from
Jersey Shore and she was like, that aspect is like
kind of crazy because at first it's overwhelming and then
you always get weirdly adjusted to it, but still never
(08:59):
completely comfortable because you know there's a camera there.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Absolutely, And I think for like something like the Jersey Shore,
I think I would like vibe what more. But for
like what I was on, it was like a game
show and a love show, and it was just like
you don't realize like what you will do to win
money until like you're in that position, Like I would
like step back and be like I don't even know
who I am anymore to win two hundred and fifty
thousand dollars, Like.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Right, anything, it takes over, the competitive drive just takes over.
That's okay, that happens sometimes.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
So do you feel like it was after that show
that the social following really took off for you.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Yeah, definitely, what was that where I think that first
they want to like follow you after the show too, like,
you know, do you keep up with the other cast
members and are you still with the boy that you
left with? And I think it was fun at first,
but then I was like, hey, like I'm kind of
moving on from this chapter me and so and so
didn't work out, Like, let's go and find this new
(09:56):
version of me that's not Paradise Hotel, right, But it's
nice because you know, they come from that show and
they watch you there and they watch you evolve out
of the show and who you become after.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So was it?
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I feel like this is always how like kind of
the evolution of a TikTok influencer begins.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Is like I was just bored. It was the thick
of covid.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It was this new app that everyone was on and
we just started posting. But how do you kind of
begin to get that following and then also allow yourself
to be like thinking about it in a serious enough
way where it could turn into something, but also at
the same time, like you downloaded it on a whim,
So like is this really something?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Like what was that whole process? For you.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Well, the cool thing about TikTok at the time was that,
you know, before reels were a thing on Instagram, Yeah,
Instagram was simply just pictures and it was very hard
to show who you are and show your personality like
through that. So when TikTok came out, I was like,
I want to make talking videos and I want to
just see if, like I could connect with anybody and
show this this version of me. And at first, again
(11:03):
like we were, me and my boyfriend at the time
were just like posting just like funny pranks. We had
no idea that a career is even possible off this app.
It was just for fun, and it's just I don't
know how it became like the next biggest thing like it.
It's crazy to me too, to like comprehend it.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
It was so random, right, And it's it's funny because
now you look back and it's almost like I can't
really imagine life without it.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
But then it just kind of became its own thing.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
So I think it was probably a combination of all
of us being home and less busy and looking for
something new that helped its popularity. But one hundred percent,
it's crazy how that like alters people's lives. But what
I want to touch on with you is you kind
of mentioned taking a break from social media, and I
(11:53):
know that what part of being an influencer comes with
the good and the bad and sharing that online, and
you dealt with some of the most unthinkable tragedies and
last year your boyfriend passed and you kind of shared that.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Entire process with TikTok.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
How has being so open about that kind of helped
you through this process?
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Well, for two reasons. Because number one, when you're like
communicating your story to people and you're explaining like where
you are and how you're feeling, it helps you kind
of release emotions. And not only like release, you're also
like comprehending as you're speaking, and just talking things through
is so helpful. And then being able to like tell
my story and like hearing other people say, like I
(12:40):
understand what you're saying because I've also dealt with this
and in this specific way, I lost my father, I
lost my mother, I lost a sister or brother, a
best friend. Like you're like, wow, I'm not alone. Because
loss at this age it's not as as it feels,
not as common, you know, So it was just nice
to like build a community and have people to connect
with them. I know they felt the same as well
with me.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Now, when you took that break, was it hard because
obviously you needed some time to yourself, But was it
almost hard.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Not having that community there at the same time.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yes, it definitely was really hard not to like have
what I was so used to. But I was in
such like a dark place that I don't even think
I was like comprehending like who I was or what
was going on. It was so fuzzy that I don't
I don't think I was even capable of being able
to be on social media. So it was hard, But
it also wasn't because I was like I just I
(13:35):
didn't have a passion for anything anymore, right when I lost.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Him, And then after you kind of you take your
break and you come back onto social media. Is that
when you had the idea for your podcast?
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, when I was off of social media for a while,
the first I was all for a year, so I
had a lot of time to really like comprehend and
think about how do I want to reapproach this me
by myself as individual because everybody always knew me and
him and we were this couple as too, and what
I what I thought to do was that I was like,
I really want to create a podcast because it's the
(14:10):
only way that like I can really articulate my story
and my thoughts and where I've been and how I've
been doing in like a larger, larger frame of time
because TikTok's very short. It's like, you know, really like
who's really watching more than like a minute long. So
I sat down with myself and I sat down with
a couple of his best friends that we just picked
apart like everything that happened, and I just told the
(14:32):
story backwards and it was so therapeutic to like this
was all being filmed like my whole season one of
my podcasts before I got back, And that was kind
of when I came back, I just like released it
and I was like I'm back here.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It is, yes, And so that was almost like more
healing than you probably expected it.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Oh my god, it really took me from It took
me like eight steps forward in my healing process. I
recommend I know that not everybody does so media, but
whether it's sitting down with yourself and like just recording
for you to listen back one day of you just
speaking out or like writing down, Like just releasing is
(15:10):
like beyond.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yes, whether it's like journaling or talking it through with someone,
I think like getting things out of your brain and
like out, whether it's into the universe or onto a
piece of paper is like the best way to kind
of grow and heal and help yourself. Now, how has
this last year been for you with like your personal
(15:32):
growth and what have you seen from yourself?
Speaker 3 (15:36):
I just realized that I don't think I ever thought
that when it first happened that I would get through
it and be able to be standing right now. So
number one, it showed me how strong I was. And
it sounds corny, but I don't think sometimes we realize
as humans, like how much we really aren't capable of taking,
and then like you start to feel like invincible. You're
like you know, I'm able to get through this. There's
(15:57):
so much like come on, you know, like bring really
bring it on. And also just I think it's cool
to be like an online personality because it's like a resume,
Like I'm watching myself like slowly, like I can go
down and scroll and like just watch the evolution of
me growing and now I'm in a place where it's
been almost two years and I'm trying to put myself
out there and date again. So going from someone that
(16:19):
was at rock bottom and didn't even like know my
name to like now like taking these next steps is
is just a really beautiful evolution.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
And it's been like such a big year for you.
You've gotten to do such like amazing things. You even
got to go to New York Fashion Week and participate
in that. What was that whole experience like for you?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That was? That was like a really eye opening experience
for me because I think I was like, wow, like
I've really not only did I come back and like
find a straight but I'm I'm making progress, Like I'm
I'm here right now? How did I get here? How
am I sitting front roll of a fashion show in
this beautiful outfit? Like we don't realize how well we're
doing in life until sometimes moments like that were like wait, what,
(16:57):
I'm here?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
You know, it's an eye opening experience.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah, even being here right now, like she wants to
sit down and talk with me, like you know, it's awesome,
it's really.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Nice, Okay, I am that was such an amazing I
feel like I just learned so much about you, But
I feel like I want.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
To put you on what we like to call the
Hendy's hot seat.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It's three questions and it's the first answer that comes
to your mind, and I'm going to just put you
on the hot seat.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
You're gonna do great. But ready, are you ready for it?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I'm ready for it?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Okay, First question, I know you said that you didn't
want to go back into reality TV, But if there's
one reality TV show that you wish you could be on,
what would it be?
Speaker 3 (17:38):
All Right, I'm gonna have to say Love Island because
my mom loves it. Even know that goes and guess
what I was just saying Love Island.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
That's fair because I feel like everyone who watches Love
Island immediately falls in love.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
With it because it's just such entertainment.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
My mom's ubsessed, so I'm like fine for her.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, what would you say is the best part of
your career? And what would you say is the hardest
part of your career?
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Part is being able to connect with so many people
around the world, and the worst is the comments and
everybody putting judgment on your life.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Yes, one hundred percent. Okay, last, but not least Brooklyn native.
I know you have an answer for this. Where is
the best place to get pizza in Brooklyn?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
That's my favorite? You know. Have you tried it? Yes?
I have. It's so good.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
We actually have one of our coworkers lives in out
in Brooklyn and picks it up on his way into
MetLife every Sunday, So I probably have.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
It too much, but it is so so good.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
He's a real one for that.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah, truly, truly awesome.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Well, Caitlin, thank you so much for hopping on our
episode of New Yorker.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
It was a joy to talk to you and we
appreciate the time.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Thank you so much again for everything. This is so fun.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Thanks for tuning in to another episode of New Yorker.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Make sure you rate, review, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts,
the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcast.
I'm your host, Caroline Hendershott, and we will see you
on the next episode of New Yorker.
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