February 5, 2020 • 19 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This topic is made for me, folks, What are you?
Pauline is over here making videos of herself? What are
you doing over there? You know those little questions that
it's like, which one are you? When you put your
face to it? Which one are you? Like the friends one? Yeah?
Or like what's your anxiety? Or what's over here? Make
which one are you doing? Which old school reggaetone song
are you? They're really old? God, I've been dying my
(00:22):
whole life to know that. Which one am I? Not
new ones? Well, we're on the edge of our seats.
Which one are you? Um? That's what it's called. Is
the TANGI getting in the way of your personal selfie branding?
Or can we continue? Let's continue? Okay, let's do the tangent.
Now it's Fred and Angie's the tangent giving you all
this we couldn't talk about on air. All right, guys?
(00:42):
This top What I was saying before I was distracted
by Pauline and making videos of herself during the tangent
is that this is this topic is made for me.
These are the top things that make people anxious at
social events. It's surprises unless you've listened for a while
it surprises some people to know that I really don't
like talking to humans. Um, that I have social anxiety.
(01:06):
I think if you've ever been around me, you probably
know I'm socially awkward. I can I can fake it, um,
but only two and it's it's just a lot of work.
I don't know when this happened to me. I don't
consider myself unpersonable. I just introverted going to a party
and talking to a bunch of people that who I
don't you know, know or whatever. It's just it feels
(01:26):
to me like like like I'm like I'm presenting or
I'm I'm performing, you know, and we're not comfortable with
small talk. Yeah. I mean for some people it just
comes easily. I don't know. Just for me, it's it's
not my favorite thing anymore. And I become more and
more that way. I don't know if it's because we
talk for a living, and you know, we do this thing,
and so I don't I'm kind of added words. Yeah,
So I feel like that sometimes. I mean it's a
(01:50):
lot to sit and talk all day and then you know,
I'll go home and my husband wants to talk, and
my daughter wants to talk, and I'm like, can I
just stop moving my mouth for a first seconds? Fucking
family members who want to connect damn them? Like no,
But I get that. I get that because then you
got to go home and I do need a decompress it. Oh,
I get that too. I get that. I get that.
And it's a weird thing. Is what you talk for
a living, so you know there should be no problem.
(02:11):
It's like, maybe it's because I talk for a living
that it's a problem. Everyone's got their thing. I mean,
I don't know. Um, you know, it's a professional hazard.
It's probably a pretty good one to have, but compared
to others. But I don't know. I just uh. I
think the the older that I get and the longer
I do this, the more introverted I seem to become
for whatever reason. And the other misconception is a public
(02:32):
speaking is easy for us, and I don't think the
people understand that. It's way way different to speak in
front of ten twenty fifty one thousand people than it
is for us to talk in front of our friends,
which is what you know, family every day, like the
five six of us in here, we talked to each
other every day. That's a different terrifying. My husband's trying
to force me into doing an open mic night one night,
and I'm like, there's no way I would do that.
(02:55):
There's nothing more demoralizing than an open mic night. And
I'm like, no, it's not a bad thing to challenge
yourself to do, as long as you're not going to
feel bad about yourself if you don't get I have once,
and not because I think I'm funny or I should
because I don't um. I did it for a friend
of mine. It was his birthday and he goes, I
want to go tell some jokes and open for me.
So I did it. And the premise, the only reason
(03:17):
I agreed to it was that he was supposed to
write the jokes and then he didn't. Oh no, it didn't.
It didn't go. I got some courtesy laughs because I
was on the radio at the time, but other than that,
it's it was. It was petrifying. I don't think I
could go up and like rattle off a bunch of
material like I can riff with someone like you know
we do every day, Like I can you know, drop
(03:39):
a thing in a conversation, like if I'm in a conversation,
it's easier for me to like walk a walk up,
but I can't. I don't have material to like that.
It is very, very difficult, and I have so much
respect for comedian I have to like hire people to
sit in the front row, and then I would hire
you to sit in the front row because I would
hire them to like sit in the front row so
I could roast them. Yeah, I told Jason, I'm like,
(04:00):
if I ever do it, it's gonna be in like
bum fucked Indiana somewhere at like some bar when nobody
knows me. You won't feel any better. It doesn't go well.
I do have my opening. What's that? Let's hear it?
Do you want to share? I forgot how I was
gonna well because I figure if I'm gonna ever get
the balls to do it, I don't say that. I
(04:21):
want to just crack the mic with something shocking from
the jump and be like my husband is making me
so sad because he doesn't want to have as sex
with me. Not that I really want it, I just
want him to want it because I'm your wife, Like,
why wouldn't you want to try that? I've never called
(04:41):
I don't want I don't want to be like super
super it's a good opening line. I think it's no
nobody in here thought that. Trust me, I too have
so much sex you have to say, yeah, bas sex
is funnier but funny, but doesn't want to suck my butt.
(05:01):
But I want that funnier so my husband doesn't want
to fuck my butt. That's maybe that's the line. You
walk up, Angie Taylor, and you walk so my husband
won't fuck my butt? Yes, like now that then we
started something right, But you gotta say it like efficiently quickly,
like yes, right, it was two equations before this work
your material right here, I was being timid right now timid,
(05:24):
but yeah, like I would drop it like that, and
now you know what you're gonna get. The other thing
is you gotta you gotta really believe in yourself because
even for what I understand, even the best comedians, when
they're trying out the new material, half of it or
all of it will bomb. Yeah, I mean, Dave Chappelle
will go do a bunch of new ship and like
people laugh because it's Dave. But then he'll even he'll admit,
like half of this ship bombed, and that's the point.
(05:45):
You know. Then you then you get rid of that
stuff and move on to new stuff. But I would
feel bad every night. I would feel bad about myself, like,
oh my god, no one laughed at my jokes. But
this is the first guy in my life that I've
ever been with it hasn't tried that, and it just
bothers me. There you go, that's the it bus me.
Would you do you want? Would you let him do it?
If he wanted to know? Maybe that's why he doesn't try.
(06:08):
Just well, I want him to just want it. That
makes sense, you know. I want to be wanted in
every way? Yeah, Like, what what's I get it? What's
different about him? I don't want to be told I
can't have it. I don't. I don't really love it.
It's not my favorite thing. I've seen some porns where
it's hot, like some certain situations that I thought would
look todd But I don't necessarily want to like what
(06:30):
I mean, I've done it, like it's a surprise, Like
what are you doing that? No? No, no, would not
surprise me with that. I need to be eating salad.
Sometimes you're on your stroke and you whoops wrong. Hole.
That is terrifying. See that on purpose by the way
you go whoops, wrong hole, just to test it to
(06:51):
see if she's not. You test with your fingers. Yeah, yeah, no,
it's true. You test with your fingers and if she's like,
if she's into like yeah, if he's like, let me
just because. But that's the way out to see. Some
(07:16):
people will say no to the fingers, but I'll say,
um no, what I saw was it was a missionary
it was and she's seventeen and she seventeen warning it
was missionary anal. So she's on her back and he's
missionary anal and then she's she's messing. She's messing with herself,
so you get like the full view of everything and
like there's stimulation going on for her on multiple fronts
(07:37):
and like it looked really hot. So but for me,
I just don't want to be told I can't do it.
Like as soon as you tell me I'll never do that,
then I'm like, well, wait, do you want to play
that game though? Because I want him to like, yeah,
just get this. One day he will get this, probably,
but yeah, it's my favorite thing. It just bothers me,
like why don't you I'm your wife, Like I'm pretty
(08:00):
much down for what I'm a sure thing. Yeah, like
you don't have to like yourself, what do you mean,
you know, like lead it in? Like I want to
lead it in, because that's pushing the situation. I want
him too. You don't, you don't really want to do it,
but you want him to want to do it so
that you can say no, yeah, I just exactly. I
don't know where those ripped jeans you have around the
house for like a way I did yesterday what happened
(08:22):
and he was like, whoa, that's it. I'm like, whoa,
easy access, that's my only thing. It's like, I just
if you're like, you know, if that's what you're into,
like I'm I'm open. If you say that, then I
then I've already done it and I don't need to
do it. But as soon as you're like no way,
then it's like, well wait a minute. You know what
I'm gonna say. Don't you what you want what you
(08:43):
can't have? IM right, it's true, but I'm getting better
about it. I'm getting better about um being aware of that.
And then because what what what I tend to do
is I chase after the stuff that if it's inherent,
like if you're in a competitive business like we are,
we're wired to to go, go, go, go, go and
get the get the trophy, get the job, get the ratings,
get the thing right. And I'm wired this way. I
(09:05):
look at everything as a challenge that I can surpass.
You're a hunter and so yeah, and so when when
someone's telling me no, I guess I want to prove
that I can get a yes. I mean, you're exactly right.
But I'm trying to become aware of that in my
decision making because typically when I get the yes, I
didn't even necessarily care to you know what I mean, Like,
(09:26):
the yes wasn't as good as I I even knew
the yes wouldn't be as good as I thought it
would be. Yes, and then I agonize over the no,
agonize over the no. So I'm getting you don't like
to be told no. I'm trying to have the self
awareness to say, okay, this this is simply becoming a
chase and I'm cutting it off. Good for you, no,
But it's it's hard. It's hard to do that. Not
(09:47):
only did he not like want to get in my
ass after he saw that big rip in my butt,
he said, oh, if you're gonna get those take if
you're gonna take those in. I got some things from
Wow so sexy. I can't wait to get married. Well,
I mean that's just like one thing. Everything I figured
it was everything. I figured that was something else. Going
(10:08):
to the tailor was the entire fucking thing. That's one
little thing. Yeah, no, I don't know if I'm gonna
get married. I don't think I can get as sex
without it. You don't have to rub it in. Yeah,
well nobody. You know what's funny? As I dated a
girl many many like not in Chicago a very long
(10:28):
time ago, and that was her preferred method. Well, and
that's the thing. He told me that he's done it
for other people, for them, he did it for him,
I'm gonna do this for you. Well that was the thing.
As soon as the girl is like I want this,
and then if sometimes you can do that, then all
(10:50):
of a sudden it was like no, I want the
other thing, Like it's no, it's like wait a minute.
But it got weird after a while. It got weird.
And it wasn't like she was trying to preserve anything.
This isn't one of those didn't she eat? I need
to know It's just like one of those college things
where like, oh, I'm you know, doing the butt because
then I'm still a virgin. No, this was like she
was not a virgin. And sometimes we did the other way,
(11:10):
but primarily and and that's a very good question because
did she ever eat? Since then, I've had people tell
me I had to prepare for like a week for that. No,
you have a conversation like Tuesday night, we're gonna have
butts that you can't eat. You know, you have to like,
but like this girl was down. I mean, there was
no preparation. This was standard operating for Seaures would go
to dinner and what would she order? I don't know.
(11:31):
We'd go to dinner, and then when we we'd have sex,
she'd be like, she'd be like, do that you guys
are yeah whatever? Never never. I've had other calamities, but
it never involved the booty. Knock on wood, no booty.
I've experienced some other kind of calamities, but not the
booty calamity. Dang, and she won't have sex. Listen, Rufio.
(11:54):
Maybe it's because he's not bored yet with the rest
of what you guys are doing. You know, what's funny
is that's that's an interesting twist, though, I'm not trying
to rub it in. No, it is because we've talked
about this before and I thought he just didn't want
to do with anybody because he's not a butt g.
He's done it. He said that there were girls that
really really wanted it, and so he did. And I'm like,
(12:14):
so he's always games. He knows, but he knows. He
knows you're going to say yes. That's the point. He
knows you're not going to let him do it. So
I'm trying to give him, like you know, I'm trying
to give him an all he got time for that.
I'm a great with you. No, no no, no, it's true.
Now he's not going to ask for something that he
knows you're gonna say no. He doesn't want to be
(12:36):
told no exactly, and how he doesn't want to be
turned down. Why can't I play this game? It's a
fun game. Hey, life is long with somebody for twelve
year does have time the rest of their lives for that.
He doesn't have time to take his pants and to
get a tailored. He's gone. Listen, I want you to
text him and see where where we at on that assex.
(12:57):
But he's gonna say it, no, how we do it
on that he's out of town. I'll tell you what.
I've said this a thousand times, but I took a
human sexuality class in college. It was very hard. It
was an anatomy class. An old lady taught it. It
wound up being a very hard class. You had to
be a senior to get in because it was so
hard to get in because I think every college get thought, oh,
this is a class about fucking, I'll pass that class. No,
it was about anatomy. And there were maps of the
(13:19):
vagina and things that we had to navigate. Is that
why you know? So much fucking circumnavigated about ladys in
ponds and ponds, the mons, the mounds. That's a part
of mounds. M O. I don't know how to look
it up anyway. Mounds. Isn't there a mound? I've never
those are up there? Hold on, thinks are you saying
(13:43):
there's mounds in the vagina? No, hold on, I'm gonna
look it up here. Vagina mons, pubis That's what I meant. Okay,
So that's like the pubic mound. Yeah, it's like it's
like the camel toe part. It's the Yeah, it's the
camel camel, it's the humps. Mom, I've never heard of
the yea I said, I didn't say right now. I
prefer mounts because the little mounds there. But anyway, some
(14:07):
people have mounds. Some people are curvier than others, you know.
Some people are like very beefy, some people have very
pronounced mons and other stuff. Um no, but this lady
said that anal sex can be very satisfying for a woman,
very satisfying because the way the anatomy is is such
that the erogenous area and the woman is on you're
(14:28):
accessing both sides of it. Yeah, so there's like, right,
does he use his digits? No? Oh, he won't even
go near that. You're say no, And everybody thinks I'm
saying this because I'm a guy and I want to
do it. Like, from what I understand, it can be very,
very satisfying. In the couple of times I've done it,
(14:50):
it's been it's, like I said, not my preferred thing
to do, because like, until you get to that place,
it's like, oh, when is this going to be all?
But then when it happens, you're like, yes, that was amazing,
but isn't it. Yeah, so if he's if he changed
his mind, he's just like, let's have butt sex, Angie.
I would probably do it. Angie. I'd probably do it
(15:14):
just to me because I've been complaining about it for years.
All Right, we'll talk about the social anxiety thing another time.
I don't know how we go I do it? Was
your opening up? Ye? Should I still go with that
or you're opening line? Yeah? I don't have the rest
of my routine. I think that's a good opening line.
I would be like, oh shit, what am I gonna
(15:34):
do for the other ten minutes? If you walk like
a pop culture if you walk up and it's like
Angie Taylor and you walk up and you go, my
husband won't fuck my butt? Yeah, that would blow people.
It would be like whoa, Yeah, I just go up there.
I wasn't expecting that. You tell a story. He'd be like,
I know what you guys are thinking. I don't even
want to do it right, but I just want him
to watch it. Don't say how you doing tonight. Steve
(15:55):
Martin hates that when you walk up and go there everybody.
I don't do that. I would just walk up like
sort of like fluster, like, hey, fucker's yeah. I wouldn't
even say hi, I'd be like, so my husband doesn't
want to fuck my butt? Perfect love the delivery. Well,
the only thing that the only problem with that is
that you you're establishing from the top that it's going
to be a raunchy set. You're basically you're basically saying
(16:19):
like this is gonna be all about Dickson pussies, which
I think I think it might be. Some people resent
that comedians always go to the dick jokes. Well, I
just wanted to Well, because I'm a woman, it's not
really expected that I would come up and say something
so vulgar off the top. And also I feel like
the instant laugh with the opening line will give me
(16:40):
confidence to carry me through. Yeah. Yeah, well that makes sense. Yeah,
but you gotta follow it up with being a mom.
Oh the pressure. My fourteen year old daughter completely write
(17:01):
that one down. We had the first thirty seconds of
the set down. She's a mom and a buttfucker and
you're also a mom, a mom and you're funny. It's
like she's a mom with a desire for let me
tell you something. I even buy all these different loobes.
(17:26):
Why are you buying stuff for something that you're not
gonna do? Try trying to. I'm trying to set the
mood for something that you won't do. I might give it, boy,
I might like you know, like, oh, hey, comin Harris
just called he wants to try you. Do you feel
like having a dick come out of my mouth when
I'm having that? Would never be able to all right,
(17:50):
on that note, you're not snaking a drain over here
like I just wrote a rooting it out mom? Can
you put like a special warning on the tangent, like
for real, for real, this is filthy like rated on
but sex and should we delete it? Can relate? You
(18:12):
just need to put a specific warning like this is
filthy and how dare you do something with other women
that you're not doing with me? Now, that was a
stupid thing of him to do. Well, he didn't get
in the same brand. It was dumb for him to
have ever admitted that he didn't. Yeah, he admitted it
a long ago when we have sexual conversation. No, it
(18:32):
wasn't and I haven't forgotten steel trap up there, I'll
tell you and apparently down there too, because no one's
been in, so I got a steel trap on bow
then so yeah, all right, let him in and then
he doesn't want to go in. You could bring the
horse to water, but they're not going to drink. Not thirsty,
not thirsty. I'm done, slurp DA plus rand to tell
(19:01):
her first seven. Oh my god, so I walked into
the body. I feel like such a loser. That would
be my opening lines. Here's Fred and people are like,
your opening song is back loser. I'm a big fat loser,
(19:26):
but at least I can get butt sex whenever I
want it. And that You know what, if you went
up and led with that joke, I'd be like, I'm
a big fucking loser. I guess I got hit that
as good night, everybody, thanks for listening to The Tangent.
This topic is made for me, folks, What are you?
Pauline is over here making videos of herself? What are
you doing over there? You know those little questions that
it's like, which one are you? When you put your
face to it? Which one are you? Like the friends one? Yeah?
Or like what's your anxiety? Or what's over here? Make
which one are you doing? Which old school reggaetone song
are you? They're really old? God, I've been dying my
(00:22):
whole life to know that. Which one am I? Not
new ones? Well, we're on the edge of our seats.
Which one are you? Um? That's what it's called. Is
the TANGI getting in the way of your personal selfie branding?
Or can we continue? Let's continue? Okay, let's do the tangent.
Now it's Fred and Angie's the tangent giving you all
this we couldn't talk about on air. All right, guys?
(00:42):
This top What I was saying before I was distracted
by Pauline and making videos of herself during the tangent
is that this is this topic is made for me.
These are the top things that make people anxious at
social events. It's surprises unless you've listened for a while
it surprises some people to know that I really don't
like talking to humans. Um, that I have social anxiety.
(01:06):
I think if you've ever been around me, you probably
know I'm socially awkward. I can I can fake it, um,
but only two and it's it's just a lot of work.
I don't know when this happened to me. I don't
consider myself unpersonable. I just introverted going to a party
and talking to a bunch of people that who I
don't you know, know or whatever. It's just it feels
(01:26):
to me like like like I'm like I'm presenting or
I'm I'm performing, you know, and we're not comfortable with
small talk. Yeah. I mean for some people it just
comes easily. I don't know. Just for me, it's it's
not my favorite thing anymore. And I become more and
more that way. I don't know if it's because we
talk for a living, and you know, we do this thing,
and so I don't I'm kind of added words. Yeah,
So I feel like that sometimes. I mean it's a
(01:50):
lot to sit and talk all day and then you know,
I'll go home and my husband wants to talk, and
my daughter wants to talk, and I'm like, can I
just stop moving my mouth for a first seconds? Fucking
family members who want to connect damn them? Like no,
But I get that. I get that because then you
got to go home and I do need a decompress it. Oh,
I get that too. I get that. I get that.
And it's a weird thing. Is what you talk for
a living, so you know there should be no problem.
(02:11):
It's like, maybe it's because I talk for a living
that it's a problem. Everyone's got their thing. I mean,
I don't know. Um, you know, it's a professional hazard.
It's probably a pretty good one to have, but compared
to others. But I don't know. I just uh. I
think the the older that I get and the longer
I do this, the more introverted I seem to become
for whatever reason. And the other misconception is a public
(02:32):
speaking is easy for us, and I don't think the
people understand that. It's way way different to speak in
front of ten twenty fifty one thousand people than it
is for us to talk in front of our friends,
which is what you know, family every day, like the
five six of us in here, we talked to each
other every day. That's a different terrifying. My husband's trying
to force me into doing an open mic night one night,
and I'm like, there's no way I would do that.
(02:55):
There's nothing more demoralizing than an open mic night. And
I'm like, no, it's not a bad thing to challenge
yourself to do, as long as you're not going to
feel bad about yourself if you don't get I have once,
and not because I think I'm funny or I should
because I don't um. I did it for a friend
of mine. It was his birthday and he goes, I
want to go tell some jokes and open for me.
So I did it. And the premise, the only reason
(03:17):
I agreed to it was that he was supposed to
write the jokes and then he didn't. Oh no, it didn't.
It didn't go. I got some courtesy laughs because I
was on the radio at the time, but other than that,
it's it was. It was petrifying. I don't think I
could go up and like rattle off a bunch of
material like I can riff with someone like you know
we do every day, Like I can you know, drop
(03:39):
a thing in a conversation, like if I'm in a conversation,
it's easier for me to like walk a walk up,
but I can't. I don't have material to like that.
It is very, very difficult, and I have so much
respect for comedian I have to like hire people to
sit in the front row, and then I would hire
you to sit in the front row because I would
hire them to like sit in the front row so
I could roast them. Yeah, I told Jason, I'm like,
(04:00):
if I ever do it, it's gonna be in like
bum fucked Indiana somewhere at like some bar when nobody
knows me. You won't feel any better. It doesn't go well.
I do have my opening. What's that? Let's hear it?
Do you want to share? I forgot how I was
gonna well because I figure if I'm gonna ever get
the balls to do it, I don't say that. I
(04:21):
want to just crack the mic with something shocking from
the jump and be like my husband is making me
so sad because he doesn't want to have as sex
with me. Not that I really want it, I just
want him to want it because I'm your wife, Like,
why wouldn't you want to try that? I've never called
(04:41):
I don't want I don't want to be like super
super it's a good opening line. I think it's no
nobody in here thought that. Trust me, I too have
so much sex you have to say, yeah, bas sex
is funnier but funny, but doesn't want to suck my butt.
(05:01):
But I want that funnier so my husband doesn't want
to fuck my butt. That's maybe that's the line. You
walk up, Angie Taylor, and you walk so my husband
won't fuck my butt? Yes, like now that then we
started something right, But you gotta say it like efficiently quickly,
like yes, right, it was two equations before this work
your material right here, I was being timid right now timid,
(05:24):
but yeah, like I would drop it like that, and
now you know what you're gonna get. The other thing
is you gotta you gotta really believe in yourself because
even for what I understand, even the best comedians, when
they're trying out the new material, half of it or
all of it will bomb. Yeah, I mean, Dave Chappelle
will go do a bunch of new ship and like
people laugh because it's Dave. But then he'll even he'll admit,
like half of this ship bombed, and that's the point.
(05:45):
You know. Then you then you get rid of that
stuff and move on to new stuff. But I would
feel bad every night. I would feel bad about myself, like,
oh my god, no one laughed at my jokes. But
this is the first guy in my life that I've
ever been with it hasn't tried that, and it just
bothers me. There you go, that's the it bus me.
Would you do you want? Would you let him do it?
If he wanted to know? Maybe that's why he doesn't try.
(06:08):
Just well, I want him to just want it. That
makes sense, you know. I want to be wanted in
every way? Yeah, Like, what what's I get it? What's
different about him? I don't want to be told I
can't have it. I don't. I don't really love it.
It's not my favorite thing. I've seen some porns where
it's hot, like some certain situations that I thought would
look todd But I don't necessarily want to like what
(06:30):
I mean, I've done it, like it's a surprise, Like
what are you doing that? No? No, no, would not
surprise me with that. I need to be eating salad.
Sometimes you're on your stroke and you whoops wrong. Hole.
That is terrifying. See that on purpose by the way
you go whoops, wrong hole, just to test it to
(06:51):
see if she's not. You test with your fingers. Yeah, yeah, no,
it's true. You test with your fingers and if she's like,
if she's into like yeah, if he's like, let me
just because. But that's the way out to see. Some
(07:16):
people will say no to the fingers, but I'll say,
um no, what I saw was it was a missionary
it was and she's seventeen and she seventeen warning it
was missionary anal. So she's on her back and he's
missionary anal and then she's she's messing. She's messing with herself,
so you get like the full view of everything and
like there's stimulation going on for her on multiple fronts
(07:37):
and like it looked really hot. So but for me,
I just don't want to be told I can't do it.
Like as soon as you tell me I'll never do that,
then I'm like, well, wait, do you want to play
that game though? Because I want him to like, yeah,
just get this. One day he will get this, probably,
but yeah, it's my favorite thing. It just bothers me,
like why don't you I'm your wife, Like I'm pretty
(08:00):
much down for what I'm a sure thing. Yeah, like
you don't have to like yourself, what do you mean,
you know, like lead it in? Like I want to
lead it in, because that's pushing the situation. I want
him too. You don't, you don't really want to do it,
but you want him to want to do it so
that you can say no, yeah, I just exactly. I
don't know where those ripped jeans you have around the
house for like a way I did yesterday what happened
(08:22):
and he was like, whoa, that's it. I'm like, whoa,
easy access, that's my only thing. It's like, I just
if you're like, you know, if that's what you're into,
like I'm I'm open. If you say that, then I
then I've already done it and I don't need to
do it. But as soon as you're like no way,
then it's like, well wait a minute. You know what
I'm gonna say. Don't you what you want what you
(08:43):
can't have? IM right, it's true, but I'm getting better
about it. I'm getting better about um being aware of that.
And then because what what what I tend to do
is I chase after the stuff that if it's inherent,
like if you're in a competitive business like we are,
we're wired to to go, go, go, go, go and
get the get the trophy, get the job, get the ratings,
get the thing right. And I'm wired this way. I
(09:05):
look at everything as a challenge that I can surpass.
You're a hunter and so yeah, and so when when
someone's telling me no, I guess I want to prove
that I can get a yes. I mean, you're exactly right.
But I'm trying to become aware of that in my
decision making because typically when I get the yes, I
didn't even necessarily care to you know what I mean, Like,
(09:26):
the yes wasn't as good as I I even knew
the yes wouldn't be as good as I thought it
would be. Yes, and then I agonize over the no,
agonize over the no. So I'm getting you don't like
to be told no. I'm trying to have the self
awareness to say, okay, this this is simply becoming a
chase and I'm cutting it off. Good for you, no,
But it's it's hard. It's hard to do that. Not
(09:47):
only did he not like want to get in my
ass after he saw that big rip in my butt,
he said, oh, if you're gonna get those take if
you're gonna take those in. I got some things from
Wow so sexy. I can't wait to get married. Well,
I mean that's just like one thing. Everything I figured
it was everything. I figured that was something else. Going
(10:08):
to the tailor was the entire fucking thing. That's one
little thing. Yeah, no, I don't know if I'm gonna
get married. I don't think I can get as sex
without it. You don't have to rub it in. Yeah,
well nobody. You know what's funny? As I dated a
girl many many like not in Chicago a very long
(10:28):
time ago, and that was her preferred method. Well, and
that's the thing. He told me that he's done it
for other people, for them, he did it for him,
I'm gonna do this for you. Well that was the thing.
As soon as the girl is like I want this,
and then if sometimes you can do that, then all
(10:50):
of a sudden it was like no, I want the
other thing, Like it's no, it's like wait a minute.
But it got weird after a while. It got weird.
And it wasn't like she was trying to preserve anything.
This isn't one of those didn't she eat? I need
to know It's just like one of those college things
where like, oh, I'm you know, doing the butt because
then I'm still a virgin. No, this was like she
was not a virgin. And sometimes we did the other way,
(11:10):
but primarily and and that's a very good question because
did she ever eat? Since then, I've had people tell
me I had to prepare for like a week for that. No,
you have a conversation like Tuesday night, we're gonna have
butts that you can't eat. You know, you have to like,
but like this girl was down. I mean, there was
no preparation. This was standard operating for Seaures would go
to dinner and what would she order? I don't know.
(11:31):
We'd go to dinner, and then when we we'd have sex,
she'd be like, she'd be like, do that you guys
are yeah whatever? Never never. I've had other calamities, but
it never involved the booty. Knock on wood, no booty.
I've experienced some other kind of calamities, but not the
booty calamity. Dang, and she won't have sex. Listen, Rufio.
(11:54):
Maybe it's because he's not bored yet with the rest
of what you guys are doing. You know, what's funny
is that's that's an interesting twist, though, I'm not trying
to rub it in. No, it is because we've talked
about this before and I thought he just didn't want
to do with anybody because he's not a butt g.
He's done it. He said that there were girls that
really really wanted it, and so he did. And I'm like,
(12:14):
so he's always games. He knows, but he knows. He
knows you're going to say yes. That's the point. He
knows you're not going to let him do it. So
I'm trying to give him, like you know, I'm trying
to give him an all he got time for that.
I'm a great with you. No, no no, no, it's true.
Now he's not going to ask for something that he
knows you're gonna say no. He doesn't want to be
(12:36):
told no exactly, and how he doesn't want to be
turned down. Why can't I play this game? It's a
fun game. Hey, life is long with somebody for twelve
year does have time the rest of their lives for that.
He doesn't have time to take his pants and to
get a tailored. He's gone. Listen, I want you to
text him and see where where we at on that assex.
(12:57):
But he's gonna say it, no, how we do it
on that he's out of town. I'll tell you what.
I've said this a thousand times, but I took a
human sexuality class in college. It was very hard. It
was an anatomy class. An old lady taught it. It
wound up being a very hard class. You had to
be a senior to get in because it was so
hard to get in because I think every college get thought, oh,
this is a class about fucking, I'll pass that class. No,
it was about anatomy. And there were maps of the
(13:19):
vagina and things that we had to navigate. Is that
why you know? So much fucking circumnavigated about ladys in
ponds and ponds, the mons, the mounds. That's a part
of mounds. M O. I don't know how to look
it up anyway. Mounds. Isn't there a mound? I've never
those are up there? Hold on, thinks are you saying
(13:43):
there's mounds in the vagina? No, hold on, I'm gonna
look it up here. Vagina mons, pubis That's what I meant. Okay,
So that's like the pubic mound. Yeah, it's like it's
like the camel toe part. It's the Yeah, it's the
camel camel, it's the humps. Mom, I've never heard of
the yea I said, I didn't say right now. I
prefer mounts because the little mounds there. But anyway, some
(14:07):
people have mounds. Some people are curvier than others, you know.
Some people are like very beefy, some people have very
pronounced mons and other stuff. Um no, but this lady
said that anal sex can be very satisfying for a woman,
very satisfying because the way the anatomy is is such
that the erogenous area and the woman is on you're
(14:28):
accessing both sides of it. Yeah, so there's like, right,
does he use his digits? No? Oh, he won't even
go near that. You're say no, And everybody thinks I'm
saying this because I'm a guy and I want to
do it. Like, from what I understand, it can be very,
very satisfying. In the couple of times I've done it,
(14:50):
it's been it's, like I said, not my preferred thing
to do, because like, until you get to that place,
it's like, oh, when is this going to be all?
But then when it happens, you're like, yes, that was amazing,
but isn't it. Yeah, so if he's if he changed
his mind, he's just like, let's have butt sex, Angie.
I would probably do it. Angie. I'd probably do it
(15:14):
just to me because I've been complaining about it for years.
All Right, we'll talk about the social anxiety thing another time.
I don't know how we go I do it? Was
your opening up? Ye? Should I still go with that
or you're opening line? Yeah? I don't have the rest
of my routine. I think that's a good opening line.
I would be like, oh shit, what am I gonna
(15:34):
do for the other ten minutes? If you walk like
a pop culture if you walk up and it's like
Angie Taylor and you walk up and you go, my
husband won't fuck my butt? Yeah, that would blow people.
It would be like whoa, Yeah, I just go up there.
I wasn't expecting that. You tell a story. He'd be like,
I know what you guys are thinking. I don't even
want to do it right, but I just want him
to watch it. Don't say how you doing tonight. Steve
(15:55):
Martin hates that when you walk up and go there everybody.
I don't do that. I would just walk up like
sort of like fluster, like, hey, fucker's yeah. I wouldn't
even say hi, I'd be like, so my husband doesn't
want to fuck my butt? Perfect love the delivery. Well,
the only thing that the only problem with that is
that you you're establishing from the top that it's going
to be a raunchy set. You're basically you're basically saying
(16:19):
like this is gonna be all about Dickson pussies, which
I think I think it might be. Some people resent
that comedians always go to the dick jokes. Well, I
just wanted to Well, because I'm a woman, it's not
really expected that I would come up and say something
so vulgar off the top. And also I feel like
the instant laugh with the opening line will give me
(16:40):
confidence to carry me through. Yeah. Yeah, well that makes sense. Yeah,
but you gotta follow it up with being a mom.
Oh the pressure. My fourteen year old daughter completely write
(17:01):
that one down. We had the first thirty seconds of
the set down. She's a mom and a buttfucker and
you're also a mom, a mom and you're funny. It's
like she's a mom with a desire for let me
tell you something. I even buy all these different loobes.
(17:26):
Why are you buying stuff for something that you're not
gonna do? Try trying to. I'm trying to set the
mood for something that you won't do. I might give it, boy,
I might like you know, like, oh, hey, comin Harris
just called he wants to try you. Do you feel
like having a dick come out of my mouth when
I'm having that? Would never be able to all right,
(17:50):
on that note, you're not snaking a drain over here
like I just wrote a rooting it out mom? Can
you put like a special warning on the tangent, like
for real, for real, this is filthy like rated on
but sex and should we delete it? Can relate? You
(18:12):
just need to put a specific warning like this is
filthy and how dare you do something with other women
that you're not doing with me? Now, that was a
stupid thing of him to do. Well, he didn't get
in the same brand. It was dumb for him to
have ever admitted that he didn't. Yeah, he admitted it
a long ago when we have sexual conversation. No, it
(18:32):
wasn't and I haven't forgotten steel trap up there, I'll
tell you and apparently down there too, because no one's
been in, so I got a steel trap on bow
then so yeah, all right, let him in and then
he doesn't want to go in. You could bring the
horse to water, but they're not going to drink. Not thirsty,
not thirsty. I'm done, slurp DA plus rand to tell
(19:01):
her first seven. Oh my god, so I walked into
the body. I feel like such a loser. That would
be my opening lines. Here's Fred and people are like,
your opening song is back loser. I'm a big fat loser,
(19:26):
but at least I can get butt sex whenever I
want it. And that You know what, if you went
up and led with that joke, I'd be like, I'm
a big fucking loser. I guess I got hit that
as good night, everybody, thanks for listening to The Tangent.
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