October 27, 2025 • 20 mins
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, Tan time, I have to hear the word.
(00:01):
I must hear it. Hit the intro. It's the tangent
giving you all this ship we couldn't talk about on
the air, Paulina. This is the whole tangent right here.
It's about to be start, starting and finishing all right
together at one time. So this is if you were
listening this morning and then there's a word that means aunt
in Polish, but it sounds like something in a profane
(00:23):
word in Spanish. Yes, what's the word?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
So in Polish? If I was going to say my aunt,
I say, and.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I know before you which means which means pussy, right, yes,
but before you come from me, I understand that it's
I've never heard you make that noise when someone said pussy,
Oh pussy. It's just so ugly to me.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
You would hate like cooking up with some people then.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
For many reasons. Yeah, I think I think we have
bigger problems than the word. But yeah, right, okay, so yeah,
so chocha. Yeah, so like.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
There's different versions of this, right if if you're in Mexico,
if you're in Puerto Rico, you're gonna use you know,
different parts whatever you're gonna say a different word, so
like not the only word for it, but I know,
like bad body. In his cell on his own he
says like in Spanish, I like the pussy from Puerto Rico.
It's like what he says, right, it's that it's actually
like a beat, like.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It's vine.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
So point is growing up, Like I went to high
school with like about ninety percent Latino kids. So like,
if you say chocha, which to me is very common,
it's my aunt. That was not like a very rare word.
Remember my friends told me, she goes, oh, you know
that means like vagina, and I was like, stop it.
So I learned that, So I felt so silly saying it.
But then it's like it's not a bad word, but
then I feel bad saying it like a bad girl.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
In the car this morning, you were like, I was
asking you about Gigi meeting her cousin and all the
good stuff, and you're like, yeah, I kept telling I
was like, did you did she know she was going
to meet a baby, And You're like, yeah, I told
her we were going to see chocha And I'm like,
what I didn't know that?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, that would have pirked my interest. If you had
said right, I'm like, you told.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Her what now?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well you know she a child?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I just thought you
with my goodness.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
It's a scary word when you first hear. Even I
feel silly saying it, like, but it's so like normal
to say, you know what I mean, It's like saying
my auntie or whatever. Yeah. So I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
See why did you meet too? I'm hoping to see Chochi.
It's been a while. Yeah, how's that going. Well, I've
been abstinent for some time now. I try that I've
been well, it's been a while, I think, Uh, it's
been a long time. Yeah, this year it's been. I
decided to take a big step back from I mean,
i've slowly it's been a slow retirement, you know, I've
(02:37):
been I've been easing my way out for years now,
from from the streets, from the life I used to live.
It's not though it really isn't, because it just kind
of got old and then. But I think I still
get kind of a bad rap for for the olden days.
I don't think people realize I've evolved. That's fine, but no,
it's this year. I think, uh, you said one this year.
I think one this year. I think one literally one
(02:59):
person this year. One Shocha this year, honestly, and that's
I'm not even bullshitting like that's true. A couple of dates,
but non't wasn't right you want no repeat. It was
new Chocha, but it was it was short lived. They
(03:20):
short lived Chocha. It just didn't last long. Second, it's no,
I just didn't didn't work out dating app life, you know,
I feel like you either get married or you never
see him again. I don't know. It's that's that's that's
the world we live in. Sex is not cool, right not.
I don't know. I guess I'm just not. You don't
need to. I'm not motivated by the way that I was. Fortunately,
(03:42):
I still like enjoy it. I have drive, and it's
not because I've gotten too old and like I need
Viagara or something or Blue Cheo. Not yet. I mean,
I'm tempted. I kind of want to try Blue che
because we have that one listener who works for Blue
Cheo who we met in Indiana. That was Indiana, right
create still Illinois's almost Indiana. It felt like Indiana, so
but I liked it in a way that I liked
(04:05):
but anyway that we had the blue Shoe listener, I
was kind of hoping they'd send a sample because I
don't know what I're supposed to make you like rock hard,
but I don't know, like naturally or something, because you
don't need a prescription. Did you hear me kind of
ask for merchant? She was like, you can go on
the website. I did hear that. I was like a
commercial girl, give me some blue choo. I wanted to
try it and like see what it does. I don't know,
(04:26):
but I'm not sure if I don't know, if I
do want to try it.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I've dated guys that have taken like the prescription version,
but I don't know about the blue shoe. I didn't
know it was natural.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, I'm I'm uh go down. That's my biggest fear
is it'll be stuck up. Oh it went down?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah that I yeah, I know, Like that's scary. I
just feel like I'm not going to dabble with that
stuff until I need it, you know, because I will
probably every guy who gets old will eventually need it. Fortunately,
that's not the issue I don't know. I just it's
just not my motivating it's not it doesn't drive my
decision making the way that it did for almost twenty years.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It's probably for the best. I feel like sometimes you
can get lost in the sauce and it's.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Like always you're right. And I wasn't out here just
to get laid. But I will tell you that I
was motivated by sex to go on dates, and now
that I'm not motivated by sex, and I I don't
go on as many dates anymore, which maybe that's bad.
I'm not sure. I just I'm really like I've been
paused on the dating apps for a while. I just
I really don't like it. It's it's just a lot
(05:23):
of work. And I think the only way it works
is if you're really willing to like, you know, put
effort in and go on a bunch of bunch of dates.
I mean, I think you really got to like and
you got to expect that people are going to ghost,
and you've got to expect people are going to unmatch
and disappear and then then reappear and just all this shit.
I don't know, I just don't really I don't care
that much. So yeah, I don't know, but that was
(05:44):
a long answer to your question. Maybe I'll run into
somebody and be like, we should have sex. Maybe I won't.
I don't know. I say that first off, it's kind
of a nice feeling on us. It's a nice feeling
to just not really give a shit. Honestly, your mental health.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Is probably elite.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah it's well, no, it's it's never elad. It's your
leader than it has been. I'll say that, but I'm
not sure if that's saying a whole lot. Speaking of which,
why did you put Paulina on the sheet for today
divorce costs by state? Why were you looking at that?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Well, I wasn't personally looking, but like I thought it
was of interest to our listeners, divorced down the rise.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I just thought it was interesting that you, that you,
of all people, would would point that the married person
in here would point out divorce. I guess California is
the most expensive state in which to get a divorce
at tops the list fourteen thousand, dollars, four hundred and
thirty five dollars filing fee, which is also the nation's highest,
and roughly fourteen grand in attorney and other legal expenses.
(06:41):
That's expensive, not to mention whatever you lose or have
to split up or whatever. When measured by per capita spending,
Texas stands out residence there spend forty dollars per person
annually on divorce, like everybody nearly edging out Delaware thirty nine,
Oklahoma thirty Nevada thirty nine, Wyoming thirty nine. The typical
(07:03):
American divorce involves far more than paperwork. Attorney consultations, mandatory
waiting periods, and dividing assets all add to the bill.
In states for the higher cost of living, attorney's fees
can push even straightforward cases well above the national average.
Which is why I think if you're over the age
of like thirty, and you have anything, anything at all,
(07:24):
just get a prenup. Just get a fucking prenup. I
don't understand people say it's unromantic, you're planning for your divorce. No,
because I'm marrying you. If I am planning for the divorce,
I wouldn't marry you. But in some ways it's like.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
It's very romantic to me, Like it's saying I don't
want I love you so much that I don't want
to be in a position with you that's toxic.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, because you probably won't love them that much when
when the prenup gets dusted off. So No, I just
I feel like it just simplifies the process. It's like,
here's what you get, here's what I get. And I
think people are like, well, I'm gonna get screwed in that,
or I don't get this or that. Well, I mean,
you get half of what you what you or or
whatever you agree to. First of all, no one you
don't have. It can be anything, right, you can. You
(08:03):
can agree to whatever you agree to, but you know
most of them, you still get half of whatever you
guys am asked together. What you don't get is the
person's big pile of shit that they had before, which
maybe you maybe you think you should have some of that,
but I don't. I don't know. I guess I figure like,
here's what everybody gets, and you get this, and you
get that, and and the crap goes back to you
(08:24):
that's yours, and the crap goes back to me and
it's mine, and that's it. And I think it takes
out so much of this shit you.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Know that you had to like in certain places, you
had to wait a certain time period before you can
get divorced, like one of our coworkers coworkers was saying
they had to like wait, I don't want to misspeak,
but like it was it six months.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Sometimes you have to be legally separated for a certain
period of time. That's wild, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Like I guess in case you change your mind my divorce,
Like I want my divorce, give it to me when
I want it. That's how I feel about like getting
a restraining order, which like I just feel like I
don't understand, like why people won't grant it, like if
I want someone away from me.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Like I want it now.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, it's very odd how hard it is to get
a restraining order or order protection right, one of those?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So hard, which is so scary.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
For Yeah, I understand if like if there's kids and
someone's like using it to maybe as a ponn or something,
but like, if I want a random dude away from me,
why can't I do that?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You know? I kind of deal with that this year, Actually,
some really fine people were really really kind and thoughtful
about some changes that were on the show that had
nothing to do with us. And yet you can say,
believe it or not, you can say that I want
to kill you and someone else. You can say that
and a text message apparently and nothing really happens that,
which is wild to me. It is wild to me
(09:42):
that you can say that and then the cops will go, well,
I mean, it wasn't a real threat. Oh it wasn't.
It was. It seemed very real to me. But if
I've learned anything this year, it's that people think they
understand the radio business and they don't. That people that
you formally trusted will lie, and and that that people
will say anything, absolutely anything when they're angry, and apparently
(10:06):
you can get away with that, which is really crazy
to me.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Quite a year, quite a year it's spent, but a
good year it's spen. Guys, It's been the best year
of my life, it has.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Wow, I love to hear that, because it seems like
a lot of people are going through it right now
with the trenches, and so I'm glad that somebody's having up.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I think maybe when there are difficult things that happened,
maybe it just makes you appreciate the good things that
happen a little bit more in retrospect, because I can
tell you that We've had a lot of good things
happen at least professionally this year, and I haven't really
felt any of them, or really, I mean, because there's
been other stuff that we've had to deal with it
that you know, we didn't intend for that that wasn't
as much fun.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
So for me, I feel like whenever my personal life
is good, like work is like eh, but whenever work
like I feel like it's never all working at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Oh, you silly rabbit. You thought you could have it
all at once.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I just want to be happy, you know, and it's
you know.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah happy, Yeah, anyway, you're right there. You can say
whatever the fuck you want to. I mean, not whatever
you want, but you can say you can say a
lot of things I didn't think you could say without
a whole lot of repercussion, which is wild to me.
That is real.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
But don't you feel better like when you do do
the right thing? I know, it's not like nobody.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Killed me, Yeah I do. I feel pretty good about that.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
No, but like you'll never, in my opinion, you'll never
regret being the bigger person. Like you're never going to
look back and be like I wish I you know, because.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
What do you really ever get? You know?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
No, You're right, I understand, like it's fun to fantasize about,
but like, what do you ever really gain from that?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
This has been a last couple of years have been
a big year. I think of reevaluating to friendships and
people in my life and people who make you know,
people who don't seem to want to I don't know
you for whatever reason. The last couple of years has
has been very reflective. You know, it's like, what what
what am I giving to these things? What am I
(12:01):
getting back? What are the what are the expectations of me?
Versus what are you willing to give back? And what
I found is there are a lot of people who
expect the world from me, but they don't really that's it, Like,
it's just it's a long it's a laundry list of
all the things I should be doing for them, and
yet you want all these things. But then can I ask, honestly, like,
(12:25):
what have you done any of those things for me?
And I get that that's not how friendships are supposed
to work. But when someone else is taking inventory, then
it's like, well wait a minute, Well then I'll take
inventory too, and then hold on a second that this
is this isn't anywhere near equal, and it's not like
it's not equal right now, it's not equal at all,
you know, And then you've got to kind of think
about that and wonder, like, you know, I don't know
(12:46):
how many of these things should I be investing in.
I know, I.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Love that for you though, because after I got I mean,
obviously there's some people that still need to be in
your life, whether they're family or whatever. But after I
got rid of all the people that I was like,
this is not a two way street, and I would
do it till like for years and years and years,
like I'm wishing this person happy, but I'm doing this,
I'm doing that, and they're doing nothing. But it's liberating
afterwards when it's just like, Okay, these are only people
that pour into me, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Well, yeah, I hear you and Caitlin. And it's not
just I'm not talking about one person. I'm talking about
a few. And I've spent a lot of time going
over this in executive coaching therapy discussing is because it's easy.
I don't know if you experienced this, but like I
assume it's my fault because the common denominator in some
of these friendships that are falling apart is me, and
(13:30):
so I'm I'm trying to be accountable and like own
my part of it, Like, well I could communicate better, well,
I could be more patient, Well I could. I could,
I could extend the olive branch, I could be I
could keep doing that. But yet I think when you
find that some friendships, it always comes back to the
same terms, which is, if I'm not happy, then this
(13:51):
friendship's not happy. That's not a friendship because then I
think of other friends who like, you know, okay. For example,
like if a friend gets mad at you for something
that you did a long term and then they get
really upset don't talk to you for a while, it's
like hmm. But then I think of other friendships that
I've had for that amount of time or longer, and
either no one's ever brought up to me that they
were that mad at me they couldn't talk to me,
or they just said, hey, you were being a dick,
(14:13):
and then you're like, yeah, I was, or I wasn't,
and you talk it out and then you go on.
But most of the people that I've had the longest
friendships with have never complained about me, and I've never
complained about them. And that's not to say I couldn't
or they couldn't. It just isn't worth it.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
But I think adult friendships are different in that sense
to where there's like a mutual respect in understanding like, hey,
life gets shitty, life gets hard. We may not need
to talk every day, or I may not be able
to be there for you in the way that I
was when we were younger, but when we come together
or if you need something, that's when you know the
friendship shows. In my opinion, I think people need to
(14:45):
understand because for a while it can be like, oh,
you're not reaching out. I'm not reaching out. But if
there's a mutual respect in understanding a life is hard,
that's the best kind of friendships in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
I will say, though, the process of sort of evaluating
and maybe I don't want to say eliminating, but reducing
the investment that you make in certain friendships, it can
be a little lonely, and lonely is not the word
little isolating, maybe because you know it's like, well if
I just if I just do my part, then that
person will be around and as long as I don't
cross them, or as long as I don't as long
(15:16):
as I don't fuck up, you know, in what they
expect of me, well then that person will be there.
But then you have to start to ask yourself, well,
what kind of friendship is that. It's a friendship that's
predicated on me doing everything right and the other person
can shit all over me and it doesn't matter. And
then it's like, well, wait a minute, and I think
i'd rather, maybe in some ways, be further isolated, you know,
(15:37):
but I don't know. Yeah, it's been a year, that's
for sure. But I'm not mad about I'm not mad
about the process. It's just I think it's disappointing when
you start to think about having to do that because
in my case, and I think a lot of our cases,
what you're talking about are people that aren't investing in
you the same way that you invest in them. And
that's just a sad thing to realize, is that, wait
a minute, I can't fuck up, but you can. Well
(16:00):
that's not that's not a good Like I'm not worth
it to you for me to make a mistake. But
you can name your shot. You can call your shot,
name your terms, and I better follow it. Like that's
just kind of a sad thing. Yeah, when you realize
that you're not worth it to some people, I guess
to like give what they expect.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Yeah, it's very relatable. Like at one point recently, I
was like, wait a second, when was the last time
this person even like reached out to me with a friendship.
So I went to one of our other friends and said, hey,
is this your experience with this person, like or is
it just a me thing? Because I was getting in
my feelings about it, and she's like, no, a couple
of us have felt that. So I think it just
must be how this person shows their friendship or you know,
(16:40):
they're comfortable not going for not speaking for a little while,
and then when we are all back home, like we
see each other. So you can put friends in different categories,
I think, And that's fine too, different friends for different things.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I agree with you, and I haven't done anything. I
haven't done everything right either, but I guess that's the
other thing is okay, so I can own my part,
but then why are they Why aren't they owning anything?
Like that's the key. I just I did everything, like
everything's my fault, like, oh, nothing's over one person. Okay,
well that's not fun. And I guess I don't, I
(17:12):
don't know. I don't. I don't necessarily want to want
to invest in something where everything's my fault all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
But whatever, Sometimes you don't really even have to do anything.
And I've learned this too, or like you can just
be you existing and that bothers people. I don't know
how to describe it or explain that. I don't know
if it's physics or the universe, but like it's just
like your lights or just your energy just bothers people
and you can be doing literally nothing wrong.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, because because we all know people too that sit
back and they're a victim of everything and they'll tell
you that you know, everyone's out to get them, and
they're not really evaluating their role that part. And I
think if whether I express it or not, internally, I
tend to just figure out the reason why it is
my fault more than people give me credit for it.
Like you wouldn't believe the number. You wouldn't believe how
(17:58):
many situations in my life I assume are my fault
me too, when they're not entirely, maybe in part, but
like I think what this process has been about is, Okay,
this is my fault, but how do we get here?
You know? And I do think sometimes it's fair if
you're being self aware and honest about your role to
then maybe assess some lane to other people too and
(18:20):
be like, well, wait a minute, well okay, here's my role,
but here's your role and you don't seem to want
to see that or acknowledge that or care. Well, I
think that tells me everything I need to know.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Yeah, I think it's all about if someone's willing to
like work through something with you.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
But then, you know, if you really do this and
you stand on business, you wind up sometimes with a
lot fewer a lot fewer friendships than you used to have.
And I guess you have to ask yourself, is a
friendship that's conditional better than a friendship that's not. And
I think for some people the answer is they'd rather
just have the conditions. Yeah, And I think for me
it's just back up what you say. You know, if
(19:00):
you feel all these things and how did we get here?
You know, then then where's where's the grace? Where's the
forgiveness where's the patience, where's the interest? Because that's another
thing you said this before. It's like, you know, you
can look at estranged friendships or things and go, you're right,
when was the last time you asked about me? When's
the last time you inquired? Do you even know? Do
you have any idea what's been going on in my life? Like? No?
(19:25):
If the answers no, then it's like, well that's not
a friendship then, because you don't give a shit, you know, Yeah,
I don't know how we got there. We talked about divorce,
we talked about what we talk about, what we talked about,
put this too, and yeah, there you go. Everybody, Well,
there's a tang Sorry we were off. Well, we weren't
off last week. We were on, but it was it
(19:47):
was the week so yeah, I was in North Carolina
and they were here. The tangents a little weird. The
tangents weird. Well, I feel like the topics tend to
be a little more or more personal more. It's weird
to sit in a room alone and do that, Like
when I'm away from you guys, whatever this is, it's
easier when we're all in the same room and do
the tangent you missed us, I did deeply, deeply. I
(20:09):
missed you deeply, So there you go. Thanks for listening.
We're on YouTube, We're on the iHeart app. We're on
Facebook and Prodigy and nail. Well, if you have dial up,
I guess you can't use dial up anymore, but wherever
it is, we are there. Search for The Fred Show
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Oh and buy jingle Ball tickets too, because fuck it
if I want to stop talking about that. Thank you,
All right, Tan time, I have to hear the word.
(00:01):
I must hear it. Hit the intro. It's the tangent
giving you all this ship we couldn't talk about on
the air, Paulina. This is the whole tangent right here.
It's about to be start, starting and finishing all right
together at one time. So this is if you were
listening this morning and then there's a word that means aunt
in Polish, but it sounds like something in a profane
(00:23):
word in Spanish. Yes, what's the word?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
So in Polish? If I was going to say my aunt,
I say, and.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I know before you which means which means pussy, right, yes,
but before you come from me, I understand that it's
I've never heard you make that noise when someone said pussy,
Oh pussy. It's just so ugly to me.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
You would hate like cooking up with some people then.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
For many reasons. Yeah, I think I think we have
bigger problems than the word. But yeah, right, okay, so yeah,
so chocha. Yeah, so like.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
There's different versions of this, right if if you're in Mexico,
if you're in Puerto Rico, you're gonna use you know,
different parts whatever you're gonna say a different word, so
like not the only word for it, but I know,
like bad body. In his cell on his own he
says like in Spanish, I like the pussy from Puerto Rico.
It's like what he says, right, it's that it's actually
like a beat, like.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
It's vine.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
So point is growing up, Like I went to high
school with like about ninety percent Latino kids. So like,
if you say chocha, which to me is very common,
it's my aunt. That was not like a very rare word.
Remember my friends told me, she goes, oh, you know
that means like vagina, and I was like, stop it.
So I learned that, So I felt so silly saying it.
But then it's like it's not a bad word, but
then I feel bad saying it like a bad girl.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
In the car this morning, you were like, I was
asking you about Gigi meeting her cousin and all the
good stuff, and you're like, yeah, I kept telling I
was like, did you did she know she was going
to meet a baby, And You're like, yeah, I told
her we were going to see chocha And I'm like,
what I didn't know that?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, that would have pirked my interest. If you had
said right, I'm like, you told.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Her what now?
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well you know she a child?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I just thought you
with my goodness.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
No.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
It's a scary word when you first hear. Even I
feel silly saying it, like, but it's so like normal
to say, you know what I mean, It's like saying
my auntie or whatever. Yeah. So I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
See why did you meet too? I'm hoping to see Chochi.
It's been a while. Yeah, how's that going. Well, I've
been abstinent for some time now. I try that I've
been well, it's been a while, I think, Uh, it's
been a long time. Yeah, this year it's been. I
decided to take a big step back from I mean,
i've slowly it's been a slow retirement, you know, I've
(02:37):
been I've been easing my way out for years now,
from from the streets, from the life I used to live.
It's not though it really isn't, because it just kind
of got old and then. But I think I still
get kind of a bad rap for for the olden days.
I don't think people realize I've evolved. That's fine, but no,
it's this year. I think, uh, you said one this year.
I think one this year. I think one literally one
(02:59):
person this year. One Shocha this year, honestly, and that's
I'm not even bullshitting like that's true. A couple of dates,
but non't wasn't right you want no repeat. It was
new Chocha, but it was it was short lived. They
(03:20):
short lived Chocha. It just didn't last long. Second, it's no,
I just didn't didn't work out dating app life, you know,
I feel like you either get married or you never
see him again. I don't know. It's that's that's that's
the world we live in. Sex is not cool, right not.
I don't know. I guess I'm just not. You don't
need to. I'm not motivated by the way that I was. Fortunately,
(03:42):
I still like enjoy it. I have drive, and it's
not because I've gotten too old and like I need
Viagara or something or Blue Cheo. Not yet. I mean,
I'm tempted. I kind of want to try Blue che
because we have that one listener who works for Blue
Cheo who we met in Indiana. That was Indiana, right
create still Illinois's almost Indiana. It felt like Indiana, so
but I liked it in a way that I liked
(04:05):
but anyway that we had the blue Shoe listener, I
was kind of hoping they'd send a sample because I
don't know what I're supposed to make you like rock hard,
but I don't know, like naturally or something, because you
don't need a prescription. Did you hear me kind of
ask for merchant? She was like, you can go on
the website. I did hear that. I was like a
commercial girl, give me some blue choo. I wanted to
try it and like see what it does. I don't know,
(04:26):
but I'm not sure if I don't know, if I
do want to try it.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
I've dated guys that have taken like the prescription version,
but I don't know about the blue shoe. I didn't
know it was natural.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, I'm I'm uh go down. That's my biggest fear
is it'll be stuck up. Oh it went down?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah that I yeah, I know, Like that's scary. I
just feel like I'm not going to dabble with that
stuff until I need it, you know, because I will
probably every guy who gets old will eventually need it. Fortunately,
that's not the issue I don't know. I just it's
just not my motivating it's not it doesn't drive my
decision making the way that it did for almost twenty years.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It's probably for the best. I feel like sometimes you
can get lost in the sauce and it's.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Like always you're right. And I wasn't out here just
to get laid. But I will tell you that I
was motivated by sex to go on dates, and now
that I'm not motivated by sex, and I I don't
go on as many dates anymore, which maybe that's bad.
I'm not sure. I just I'm really like I've been
paused on the dating apps for a while. I just
I really don't like it. It's it's just a lot
(05:23):
of work. And I think the only way it works
is if you're really willing to like, you know, put
effort in and go on a bunch of bunch of dates.
I mean, I think you really got to like and
you got to expect that people are going to ghost,
and you've got to expect people are going to unmatch
and disappear and then then reappear and just all this shit.
I don't know, I just don't really I don't care
that much. So yeah, I don't know, but that was
(05:44):
a long answer to your question. Maybe I'll run into
somebody and be like, we should have sex. Maybe I won't.
I don't know. I say that first off, it's kind
of a nice feeling on us. It's a nice feeling
to just not really give a shit. Honestly, your mental health.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Is probably elite.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah it's well, no, it's it's never elad. It's your
leader than it has been. I'll say that, but I'm
not sure if that's saying a whole lot. Speaking of which,
why did you put Paulina on the sheet for today
divorce costs by state? Why were you looking at that?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Well, I wasn't personally looking, but like I thought it
was of interest to our listeners, divorced down the rise.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I just thought it was interesting that you, that you,
of all people, would would point that the married person
in here would point out divorce. I guess California is
the most expensive state in which to get a divorce
at tops the list fourteen thousand, dollars, four hundred and
thirty five dollars filing fee, which is also the nation's highest,
and roughly fourteen grand in attorney and other legal expenses.
(06:41):
That's expensive, not to mention whatever you lose or have
to split up or whatever. When measured by per capita spending,
Texas stands out residence there spend forty dollars per person
annually on divorce, like everybody nearly edging out Delaware thirty nine,
Oklahoma thirty Nevada thirty nine, Wyoming thirty nine. The typical
(07:03):
American divorce involves far more than paperwork. Attorney consultations, mandatory
waiting periods, and dividing assets all add to the bill.
In states for the higher cost of living, attorney's fees
can push even straightforward cases well above the national average.
Which is why I think if you're over the age
of like thirty, and you have anything, anything at all,
(07:24):
just get a prenup. Just get a fucking prenup. I
don't understand people say it's unromantic, you're planning for your divorce. No,
because I'm marrying you. If I am planning for the divorce,
I wouldn't marry you. But in some ways it's like.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
It's very romantic to me, Like it's saying I don't
want I love you so much that I don't want
to be in a position with you that's toxic.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, because you probably won't love them that much when
when the prenup gets dusted off. So No, I just
I feel like it just simplifies the process. It's like,
here's what you get, here's what I get. And I
think people are like, well, I'm gonna get screwed in that,
or I don't get this or that. Well, I mean,
you get half of what you what you or or
whatever you agree to. First of all, no one you
don't have. It can be anything, right, you can. You
(08:03):
can agree to whatever you agree to, but you know
most of them, you still get half of whatever you
guys am asked together. What you don't get is the
person's big pile of shit that they had before, which
maybe you maybe you think you should have some of that,
but I don't. I don't know. I guess I figure like,
here's what everybody gets, and you get this, and you
get that, and and the crap goes back to you
(08:24):
that's yours, and the crap goes back to me and
it's mine, and that's it. And I think it takes
out so much of this shit you.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Know that you had to like in certain places, you
had to wait a certain time period before you can
get divorced, like one of our coworkers coworkers was saying
they had to like wait, I don't want to misspeak,
but like it was it six months.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Sometimes you have to be legally separated for a certain
period of time. That's wild, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Like I guess in case you change your mind my divorce,
Like I want my divorce, give it to me when
I want it. That's how I feel about like getting
a restraining order, which like I just feel like I
don't understand, like why people won't grant it, like if
I want someone away from me.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Like I want it now.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, it's very odd how hard it is to get
a restraining order or order protection right, one of those?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So hard, which is so scary.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
For Yeah, I understand if like if there's kids and
someone's like using it to maybe as a ponn or something,
but like, if I want a random dude away from me,
why can't I do that?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You know? I kind of deal with that this year, Actually,
some really fine people were really really kind and thoughtful
about some changes that were on the show that had
nothing to do with us. And yet you can say,
believe it or not, you can say that I want
to kill you and someone else. You can say that
and a text message apparently and nothing really happens that,
which is wild to me. It is wild to me
(09:42):
that you can say that and then the cops will go, well,
I mean, it wasn't a real threat. Oh it wasn't.
It was. It seemed very real to me. But if
I've learned anything this year, it's that people think they
understand the radio business and they don't. That people that
you formally trusted will lie, and and that that people
will say anything, absolutely anything when they're angry, and apparently
(10:06):
you can get away with that, which is really crazy
to me.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Quite a year, quite a year it's spent, but a
good year it's spen. Guys, It's been the best year
of my life, it has.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Wow, I love to hear that, because it seems like
a lot of people are going through it right now
with the trenches, and so I'm glad that somebody's having up.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I think maybe when there are difficult things that happened,
maybe it just makes you appreciate the good things that
happen a little bit more in retrospect, because I can
tell you that We've had a lot of good things
happen at least professionally this year, and I haven't really
felt any of them, or really, I mean, because there's
been other stuff that we've had to deal with it
that you know, we didn't intend for that that wasn't
as much fun.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
So for me, I feel like whenever my personal life
is good, like work is like eh, but whenever work
like I feel like it's never all working at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Oh, you silly rabbit. You thought you could have it
all at once.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I just want to be happy, you know, and it's
you know.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah happy, Yeah, anyway, you're right there. You can say
whatever the fuck you want to. I mean, not whatever
you want, but you can say you can say a
lot of things I didn't think you could say without
a whole lot of repercussion, which is wild to me.
That is real.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
But don't you feel better like when you do do
the right thing? I know, it's not like nobody.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Killed me, Yeah I do. I feel pretty good about that.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
No, but like you'll never, in my opinion, you'll never
regret being the bigger person. Like you're never going to
look back and be like I wish I you know, because.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
What do you really ever get? You know?
Speaker 3 (11:35):
No, You're right, I understand, like it's fun to fantasize about,
but like, what do you ever really gain from that?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
This has been a last couple of years have been
a big year. I think of reevaluating to friendships and
people in my life and people who make you know,
people who don't seem to want to I don't know
you for whatever reason. The last couple of years has
has been very reflective. You know, it's like, what what
what am I giving to these things? What am I
(12:01):
getting back? What are the what are the expectations of me?
Versus what are you willing to give back? And what
I found is there are a lot of people who
expect the world from me, but they don't really that's it, Like,
it's just it's a long it's a laundry list of
all the things I should be doing for them, and
yet you want all these things. But then can I ask, honestly, like,
(12:25):
what have you done any of those things for me?
And I get that that's not how friendships are supposed
to work. But when someone else is taking inventory, then
it's like, well wait a minute, Well then I'll take
inventory too, and then hold on a second that this
is this isn't anywhere near equal, and it's not like
it's not equal right now, it's not equal at all,
you know, And then you've got to kind of think
about that and wonder, like, you know, I don't know
(12:46):
how many of these things should I be investing in.
I know, I.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Love that for you though, because after I got I mean,
obviously there's some people that still need to be in
your life, whether they're family or whatever. But after I
got rid of all the people that I was like,
this is not a two way street, and I would
do it till like for years and years and years,
like I'm wishing this person happy, but I'm doing this,
I'm doing that, and they're doing nothing. But it's liberating
afterwards when it's just like, Okay, these are only people
that pour into me, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Well, yeah, I hear you and Caitlin. And it's not
just I'm not talking about one person. I'm talking about
a few. And I've spent a lot of time going
over this in executive coaching therapy discussing is because it's easy.
I don't know if you experienced this, but like I
assume it's my fault because the common denominator in some
of these friendships that are falling apart is me, and
(13:30):
so I'm I'm trying to be accountable and like own
my part of it, Like, well I could communicate better, well,
I could be more patient, Well I could. I could,
I could extend the olive branch, I could be I
could keep doing that. But yet I think when you
find that some friendships, it always comes back to the
same terms, which is, if I'm not happy, then this
(13:51):
friendship's not happy. That's not a friendship because then I
think of other friends who like, you know, okay. For example,
like if a friend gets mad at you for something
that you did a long term and then they get
really upset don't talk to you for a while, it's
like hmm. But then I think of other friendships that
I've had for that amount of time or longer, and
either no one's ever brought up to me that they
were that mad at me they couldn't talk to me,
or they just said, hey, you were being a dick,
(14:13):
and then you're like, yeah, I was, or I wasn't,
and you talk it out and then you go on.
But most of the people that I've had the longest
friendships with have never complained about me, and I've never
complained about them. And that's not to say I couldn't
or they couldn't. It just isn't worth it.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
But I think adult friendships are different in that sense
to where there's like a mutual respect in understanding like, hey,
life gets shitty, life gets hard. We may not need
to talk every day, or I may not be able
to be there for you in the way that I
was when we were younger, but when we come together
or if you need something, that's when you know the
friendship shows. In my opinion, I think people need to
(14:45):
understand because for a while it can be like, oh,
you're not reaching out. I'm not reaching out. But if
there's a mutual respect in understanding a life is hard,
that's the best kind of friendships in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
I will say, though, the process of sort of evaluating
and maybe I don't want to say eliminating, but reducing
the investment that you make in certain friendships, it can
be a little lonely, and lonely is not the word
little isolating, maybe because you know it's like, well if
I just if I just do my part, then that
person will be around and as long as I don't
cross them, or as long as I don't as long
(15:16):
as I don't fuck up, you know, in what they
expect of me, well then that person will be there.
But then you have to start to ask yourself, well,
what kind of friendship is that. It's a friendship that's
predicated on me doing everything right and the other person
can shit all over me and it doesn't matter. And
then it's like, well, wait a minute, and I think
i'd rather, maybe in some ways, be further isolated, you know,
(15:37):
but I don't know. Yeah, it's been a year, that's
for sure. But I'm not mad about I'm not mad
about the process. It's just I think it's disappointing when
you start to think about having to do that because
in my case, and I think a lot of our cases,
what you're talking about are people that aren't investing in
you the same way that you invest in them. And
that's just a sad thing to realize, is that, wait
a minute, I can't fuck up, but you can. Well
(16:00):
that's not that's not a good Like I'm not worth
it to you for me to make a mistake. But
you can name your shot. You can call your shot,
name your terms, and I better follow it. Like that's
just kind of a sad thing. Yeah, when you realize
that you're not worth it to some people, I guess
to like give what they expect.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Yeah, it's very relatable. Like at one point recently, I
was like, wait a second, when was the last time
this person even like reached out to me with a friendship.
So I went to one of our other friends and said, hey,
is this your experience with this person, like or is
it just a me thing? Because I was getting in
my feelings about it, and she's like, no, a couple
of us have felt that. So I think it just
must be how this person shows their friendship or you know,
(16:40):
they're comfortable not going for not speaking for a little while,
and then when we are all back home, like we
see each other. So you can put friends in different categories,
I think, And that's fine too, different friends for different things.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I agree with you, and I haven't done anything. I
haven't done everything right either, but I guess that's the
other thing is okay, so I can own my part,
but then why are they Why aren't they owning anything?
Like that's the key. I just I did everything, like
everything's my fault, like, oh, nothing's over one person. Okay,
well that's not fun. And I guess I don't, I
(17:12):
don't know. I don't. I don't necessarily want to want
to invest in something where everything's my fault all the time.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
But whatever, Sometimes you don't really even have to do anything.
And I've learned this too, or like you can just
be you existing and that bothers people. I don't know
how to describe it or explain that. I don't know
if it's physics or the universe, but like it's just
like your lights or just your energy just bothers people
and you can be doing literally nothing wrong.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, because because we all know people too that sit
back and they're a victim of everything and they'll tell
you that you know, everyone's out to get them, and
they're not really evaluating their role that part. And I
think if whether I express it or not, internally, I
tend to just figure out the reason why it is
my fault more than people give me credit for it.
Like you wouldn't believe the number. You wouldn't believe how
(17:58):
many situations in my life I assume are my fault
me too, when they're not entirely, maybe in part, but
like I think what this process has been about is, Okay,
this is my fault, but how do we get here?
You know? And I do think sometimes it's fair if
you're being self aware and honest about your role to
then maybe assess some lane to other people too and
(18:20):
be like, well, wait a minute, well okay, here's my role,
but here's your role and you don't seem to want
to see that or acknowledge that or care. Well, I
think that tells me everything I need to know.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Yeah, I think it's all about if someone's willing to
like work through something with you.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
But then, you know, if you really do this and
you stand on business, you wind up sometimes with a
lot fewer a lot fewer friendships than you used to have.
And I guess you have to ask yourself, is a
friendship that's conditional better than a friendship that's not. And
I think for some people the answer is they'd rather
just have the conditions. Yeah, And I think for me
it's just back up what you say. You know, if
(19:00):
you feel all these things and how did we get here?
You know, then then where's where's the grace? Where's the
forgiveness where's the patience, where's the interest? Because that's another
thing you said this before. It's like, you know, you
can look at estranged friendships or things and go, you're right,
when was the last time you asked about me? When's
the last time you inquired? Do you even know? Do
you have any idea what's been going on in my life? Like? No?
(19:25):
If the answers no, then it's like, well that's not
a friendship then, because you don't give a shit, you know, Yeah,
I don't know how we got there. We talked about divorce,
we talked about what we talk about, what we talked about,
put this too, and yeah, there you go. Everybody, Well,
there's a tang Sorry we were off. Well, we weren't
off last week. We were on, but it was it
(19:47):
was the week so yeah, I was in North Carolina
and they were here. The tangents a little weird. The
tangents weird. Well, I feel like the topics tend to
be a little more or more personal more. It's weird
to sit in a room alone and do that, Like
when I'm away from you guys, whatever this is, it's
easier when we're all in the same room and do
the tangent you missed us, I did deeply, deeply. I
(20:09):
missed you deeply, So there you go. Thanks for listening.
We're on YouTube, We're on the iHeart app. We're on
Facebook and Prodigy and nail. Well, if you have dial up,
I guess you can't use dial up anymore, but wherever
it is, we are there. Search for The Fred Show
on demand on the free and easy to use iHeartRadio app.
Oh and buy jingle Ball tickets too, because fuck it
if I want to stop talking about that. Thank you,
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