Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do a tang tangs. We haven't done tangent a minute,
tang tangs change, gather around the campfire for the tanj
All right, Paulina and Veruvio, hit the thing. You know
where the thing is looking and then hit the thing.
It's the tangent giving you all this ship we couldn't
(00:22):
talk about on the air. Okay, all right, ummm hi everyone,
I'll run I'll run one by you. But I think
I already know what the consensus will be. I know
what kik He's going to say. I know what kik
He's going to say. And I am not captain etiquette.
When it comes to like dating, I feel like dating
(00:46):
is sort of proced at your own risk for the
for the vast majority of it. I think you've got
to be a little ways in five six seven. You
got to be a ways in before we need to
have like formal conversations about where we're headed or like
you know what I mean. Some people would argue if
sex is involved, but I don't know. I think everything's
casual till it's not. Because I am uncomfortable making a
(01:08):
phone call to somebody and be I mean, I'm not
gonna ghost you, like I'm not just gonna disappear, but
I'm uncomfortable calling somebody and be like, hey, you know,
we've been like banging a few times. I don't want
to do that anymore. Bye, Like I don't know, like
you know what I mean? Okay, don't you just kind
of fade away unless you're dating, and then you might
have a formal conversation about like, hey, we were exclusive
now we're not? Or are we exclusive? I don't know,
(01:31):
like at what point the people will argue that you
should always just openly communicate me. I feel like we're
all sort of going into this with equal risk that
it may not work, Like do I have to when?
When do I have to have a conversation with you
about it not working? Like? Or do you just sort
of it just sort of goes two different directions.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Is this happening to Ted?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
No? No, this actually has this actually has nothing to
do with it. Well, no, I'll tell you what's happening
to Ted. And just a second, I'm just curious what
y'all like, what your vibe or thoughts are, even though
some of you have never even done dating apps. I
just think it's like, hey, if it works out, it
works out. If it doesn't, it's faded away. I don't
expect a speech from anybody, do you would you?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So how do you fade away though?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Right?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Do you just not call the person anymore? Do you
not respond to their text if they're continuing to pursue you?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
No, Like if someone is actively asking me, like what's
going on? Where are we at? Like you know, hey,
do you want to see then I think we can
have a conversation. But like if both parties just kind
of if it just sort of just ends, I don't
know that I then need to Like I've I've been
broken up with by people that I didn't know I
was dating. We've talked about this on the show before,
(02:44):
Like I've gotten text from people that have been like,
you know, it was really nice meeting you, but I
don't think and I'm just going, oh, I didn't realize
this was It almost felt like projection to me. It
almost felt like I know I'm out. So I'm just
gonna be the one to end, Like I'm going to
end the thing. It doesn't exist, I guess doesn't something
you have to exist before where you can end it?
Is my point.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Yeah, but I think you have to play off the
other person, Like you said that they're actively reaching out
asking you, Like they're obviously in a different place than
you are, So I think it's up to you to
make it known how you feel, because they obviously feel
differently if they're actively trying to still see you.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think if someone is actively wondering what the nature
of the relationship is, and you probably can tell.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Them right and if it just fades away and no
one's talking, then you got off scott free. You need
to have the conversation, but make your gun.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
How does it ever just fade away? I feel like, say,
say we're hooking up, and we've been hooking up for
a you know, a couple of times, and then you
decide like I don't really want to do this anymore.
In your mind, you wanted to just fade away. But
if I hit you like, hey, let's let's go out again,
let's hook up, let's what do you respond to that?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
If anything, I'm guilty of bread crumbing that goes. I
don't just disappear. I'm just guilty of hey, because I
don't have bad intentions. But it's like I'm not necessarily
all that motivated to see you, but I'm not, but
I don't. But I don't dislike you, or it's not
that you know, I tend see. I think people when
I date them briefly, you know, casually, I think people
(04:13):
assume when I fade away that I met someone else
and that it's about something else. Because I think that's
what happens on these dating apps is I think you
got to run. We talked about this before. If you
want to have success as a guy in the dating apps.
I can't speak for women. You got to roll five
six deep all the time. You got to constantly be
juggling and working, because if you just put all your
eggs in one basket, inevitably it will net work. I
(04:35):
think if you really want to be intentional about dating
and meeting someone, you can't just have one person going
at a time. And I assume that everyone I meet
also is dating more than one person. That being said,
I typically when I fade away, it's just, hey, this
isn't working for me. I'm going to go back to
being on my own. Or if I'm distant, it's because
I'm reading a book at my house. It's not because
(04:55):
I'm having you know, like busting a train with six
girls from you know, Bumble or whatever with.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Those twins from the show.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know. I guess to answer
your question, I guess it would depend. But I also
think you can right now. But you can read the
room though, also let's read the room. What's the room?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Me and you hooked up, and we hooked up several times,
and you have decided that you want to move on?
But how would you communicate that to me? And if
I'm texting you like, hey.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think it's case by case. If we were if
we were dating, if we had a conversation about being together,
dating and some level of exclusivity or something, then you
have to end it. There has to be a conversation.
If that's never taken place, I guess I don't know
what the conversation consists of, Hey, I don't want to
(05:44):
fuck you anymore? Like come on, Like, that's not RESPONSI what.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Are you texting me back? I literally just say, hey,
let's meet up at our spot this weekend, and say,
what do you say?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I forgot? Where that is they forgot? Oh? No, I
guess it's it's more about like conflict. I'm just avoiding conflict.
That's what it is, it's not. I don't intend for
it to be a mean and I think that guys
get a bad rap for ghosting girls. But I can
tell you I've been ghosted by as many women as
(06:17):
I've ghosted, quote unquote, like girls do the same thing.
They disappear in whatever. And I'm not saying that, you know,
it's all. I'm not saying that this isn't one of
those men arguing for equalizing the playing field. But I
will just say it does happen a men too, where
women just decide I don't have anything else to say
to you, and that's your right, I guess, and I
but I have to support that if I'm going to
(06:38):
also argue that I shouldn't have to have a formal
conversation because because maybe I don't want to see you,
but I'm not trying to make you feel bad. And
I think sometimes if it's not determined what it is,
and then I tell you that I don't want to
be with you anymore, it almost comes off elitist to me, like, well,
I assume that that I was so important to you
that I have to have a conversation with you about
(06:59):
not talking to you anymore, you know, what I mean. Like,
from my perspective, it comes off like presumptuous on my
part that you would even give a shit, because I
don't even assume that somebody gives a shit until they
tell me they do. I see what you're saying. But anyway,
here's my scenario. It's a real life scenario. So and
I wanted and I already know what ke he's gonna say,
but I want you to be open minded. Okay, and
(07:20):
if you guys all agree that I'm in the wrong,
that I'm in the wrong. So a woman pursued me,
made it very clear to me that she wanted to
go on a date with me, okay, very publicly in fact.
And then we like trade information. She's really pretty, I
liked her, hung out with her, she's nice. Trade information.
And then the little tidbit that's of importance is then
(07:42):
when we traded Instagram, she already followed me, and I
go in my DMS to realize she's been trying to
get me to go out with her for a while.
She's been responding to my stories, Oh I'd go with you,
I would do this was so she's expressed interest in
the past, and I missed it. And then I meet her,
and then I'm interested, and I realized, oh, you've been
at this for a little while. Oh that's I didn't
even know. I wish. I wish I had known sooner
(08:04):
than we would have gone out. You know. I guess
I just wasn't paying enough attention. So we go on
a date. The date goes well, very well, and there's
a discussion about seeing each other I guess is maybe
a month ago, and then it was well, we should
do it again, and it was well, okay, yeah, we should,
we should do it again. I'm busy this week with work,
(08:25):
and then her schedule in my schedule don't really necessarily
always work well together. Fair enough, okay, And then so
it didn't work. And then the next week I'm like,
we should go out, and she's like, yeah, there's one
night I can do it. And I couldn't do it,
so I couldn't go. The next week she was out
of town. So I've reached out several times trying to
see this person again. Well, then last week I'm looking
(08:47):
at this person's Instagram and I'm noticing there's the same
male arm in a lot of pictures, and I'm like, huh, okay.
So I text her I'm kidding. I'm like, are you
cheat on me already? And that's literally what I said,
and she wrote back, I kid you not. She writes
back to me, well, i've been seeing a guy for
about three weeks and it's going great. Thanks for asking.
(09:08):
Oh my god. And I responded to her and I
was like, did you think did you not think that's
a conversation that we should have had? And she's like,
I don't know, you shit, I'm single, we're not together.
Oh I don't. And then it was this whole I
don't deserve to be spoken to this way and all
this stuff, and I'm like, now, hold on, I go
hold on a second. She goes, you didn't really make
any effort. I had a good time with you, you didn't
(09:29):
really make any effort. I met somebody else around the
same time. I'm going with that, and I'm like, but
hold on a second. First of all, I did not
make effort. You told me that you were busy for
three straight weeks, but you weren't. You were too busy
to go out with me, right you were going out
with someone else, So you were very clearly benching me.
In case that didn't work out. So don't say didn't
make an effort, because I did, and a man would
(09:51):
have been enough of an effort for you. But you
told me you didn't have time, but you did because
you're obviously seeing someone else. The second thing is, you
know I'm also trying to see you into the future, right,
Like I've asked you out several times, so you know
I'm interested. So I do think if you have a boyfriend,
or if you're well on your way to that, you
(10:12):
might tell the guy who's pursuing you, Hey, I'm a
little bit further along with somebody else, and so I'm
not going to be accepting any of your invitations, Like
you can basically in a nice way to stop asking
me because I'm not going to go right right. And
I do think that's a fair conversation. Did she owe
anything to me, No, we weren't together. Did she owe
(10:33):
me not to go out with another man? No, not
at all, not by any means. But I think if
a guy's asking you out consistently and her thing was, well,
I haven't made a decision yet, I'm like, but you're
actively sleeping with another guy, and you're telling me you're
too busy to go out, and then you're also gas
lighting me, telling me I didn't work hard enough for it.
I'm like, you'd like another guy, That's all this is about. Now,
(10:54):
if you were to write me and go, you know what,
I met another guy and I'm going to see this guy,
and so I'm not going to be going out with you.
Now I can be disappointed, But if I'm a dickhead
after that, well, now that's that's on you. That's on me.
But for me to then sort of have to I'm like,
it's almost like she didn't realize who she was talking
to or something. I'm like, you're bragging to me about
(11:14):
the success of another relationship, and then you're also telling
me that I'm an asshole for having a reaction to
that when I liked you and I'm trying to get
you to go out with me again, Like you know
what I mean. Everybody has a right to date, as
many people say want until they're not. Everybody has a
right to decide they don't want to be with anybody.
But I do think you can't tell someone you didn't
(11:34):
make an effort when you were seeing someone else. Now
I figured you, I figured Kiki, your immediate response is
going to be she's single, you're single, she can do
whatever the fuck she wants.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Well, no, yes, yes, but no, this is like my
feeling is a hurt and this is the type of
story that make me go home and be nice to
Big Tim because it's wild out here in the dating world.
Why first of all, lady, why would you be posting
a man that you three weeks into it, you know,
putting his arm on social media, knowing that you're actively
talking to, sleeping with dating other guys as well, And
(12:08):
so how do how do how does she even get
upset with you for inquiring about like what's tea? What's
going on? And then Mike, her response is just so
wild to me.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh yeah, she she she stood on business like she
was being disrespected and I let.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Her to joke to figure out In for me, I
always err on the side of humor if I want
to know something.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Well, she wasn't being disrespected, because the truth is if
we and people hate it when you do this, but
if you turn the tables. If you were trying to
see me consistently for a month and I kept telling
you no, and then you asked me if I'm seeing
someone and I not only tell you that I am,
but that it's going great. Then aren't you gonna be like, hey,
fuck you man, aren't you going to be like wait
a minute, then why are you? Why are you telling
(12:50):
me that? And the thing is she can, And her
argument was, well, I'm not, I'm not. He's not my boyfriend,
you know, so I can go out with you too.
You could, but if you're being on with yourself, that
would be a waste of both of our time because
you're already into somebody else, which is fine be into
someone else, but don't I don't know. I just felt
like and then I was like, and now you're you're
(13:12):
mad at me? You don't lie. My response to like, like,
you're you're telling me I'm asking you out and you're
telling me how well it's going with another guy. Yeah,
well then go out with it. Then then then tell
me you're not available because you're not right.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
She doesn't need all the extra info and and it
certainly no back and forth with someone that you're not
in a relationship with. That's weird, Like you can say
it much nicer and mustle.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
It was sloppy all around. And I told her that
I'm like, I'm like, you're sloppy on every level. Definitely,
you're sloppy with the posting, You're you're sloppy bragging to
me right to me about how happy you were with
another guy. Well, that's I'm happy for you. So weird.
But then don't say, hey, fuck you, you didn't try hard enough,
because it's like, yose'm able to test you like they
love to please the That's the other thing. Why have
(13:52):
you been like why were you interested for so long?
And then when you finally got it, you're like, eh,
it just it all came off like a power play.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
To me, the blaming of you is not like that
guy that.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Was my only problem.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
That gives that she felt like she got busted or
caught or felt guilty about what she was doing, because otherwise,
why would you if you're trying to let someone down
easy or whatever or be kind, you would never blame
them for you know what I mean? And what does
it matter if I wasn't trying with you, if you're
with this guy, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Like, that's what I'm not. It's an easy conversation. It's hey,
look I met two guys at the same time. And
I like another guy better, I've seen him more. But
then don't tell me. On the flip side, you're too
busy to see me when you're not because you obviously
been actively dating another guy. It's like, none of this
made sense to me. And then I'm the dickhead, I'm
being disrespectful. I'm like, no, I'm not being disrespectful. I
(14:42):
just think there. I think when a guy's pursuing you
and you like another guy, you and you're going to
tell the guy about him, right, That's another thing. She's like, well,
you've been I bet you've been seeing other women. And
the truth is I have. She doesn't have any fucking
clue who they are, what the status is, and I
would never make her feel that way. And the truth
(15:03):
is I haven't. I'm nowhere near any sort of consistency
with anybody else. So like I was free to continue
to pursue her the same way she's free to continue
to pursue other guys. But I agree with you, there's
just something like, I don't know, she met another guy
she likes better, so be it. But I guess I
guess if a dude that you've hooked up with is
still asking you out. You probably should disclose that.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Right in her mind, she's like, oh, I did, but
it's just the whole attitude of like, what I did
it because you didn't try hard enough?
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You know what pissed me up.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
I don't play these games. I've been trying to get
up with you. We had scheduling conflicts where both adults.
If you're just seeing somebody else, just say that.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
You had to say, but it was it was let
me tell you about it, let me tell how grade
it is, and then let me blame it on you.
I didn't try hard enough. I'm like, how can I
try hard when you're obviously into another person. So that
was one of those situations where she didn't even have to.
She could have just said I'm not interested, or hey,
it was great meeting you, but I don't think this
(16:04):
is going to work out. I don't know. Again, there's
a way to do it right. And then if I
had said anything after that that was shitty, well then
that's on me. You know. The answer there is even
if you're hurt and pissed and disappointed, and I was disappointed,
The answer there is when you get the truth and
someone straight up with you, Hey, good luck to you
all the best. Good luck. You don't come back and go,
(16:24):
oh you dumb bitch, you wasted my time. Now, that's
some disrespectful shit, like no, but you know people do.
Oh yeah, I've had guys.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh I wasn't hitting on you anyways, or I don't
even think you're hot. It's like you've been asking me
out for two years, like take me out. I did
it in the kindest way possible.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Hear it happens on the dating apps all the time,
where these guys will they'll write you a note and
then if you don't write them back, or if you're
not communicative enough, then they diss you. Well fuck you,
you're not that hot anyway, and it's like whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Hold like, no,
you're just you're just butt hurt. And yeah, I was
just I was disappointed. Anyone would be.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
No one likes rejection, even if it's not about you
as a person. No one likes that.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I think you just say, hey, you know what, I
met another guy around the same time and that seems
to be clicking, and I'm gonna I'm gonna see where
that goes.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
She should have said it every time you asked her
out when she pretended she was busy, exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Like, or don't say a fucking word. If you were
still trying to figure out where you were with me
and where you were with him, then don't say a word.
Just just go out with me again, you know. And yeah,
I suppose in retrospect, if I had found out like
she was very much into another guy and still going
out with me, well, that would be disappointing. But that's
the risk I take. That's the risk I take. But
(17:38):
instead it's well, you didn't do enough. Well, how could
I possibly have done enough when you clearly wanted someone else?
Fuck you?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, the blame is weird.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, No, No, that.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Was one of those gray areas where I'm like, you
don't owe it to me. But this could end much differently,
you know what I mean? Like this, this could this
could be amicable. I could at least respect that you
just met someone else. But I also don't know about
that either. Because you met me, you met another guy.
You've been so damn busy, and then all of a sudden,
like basically you're in enough of a situation where you
(18:10):
can I don't.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Know, right, you're already posting it arm this to.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Me seems like I don't have all the information. But anyway,
I was just curious. I thought for sure that you,
of all people, Kiki would be like, no, dude, sorry,
but that's her right.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
No, I'm maturing and I'm changing right, Okay, Okay, I'm
not toxic today.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
This hour, this hour.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
No.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I think there's like human decency that we're lacking in
a lot of different areas of life. And I don't
know why you wouldn't try to always just make people
feel the best you possibly can, even if you're letting
them down. I don't It seems odd to me that
you would need to blame someone else.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
I think if I'm seeing somebody else consistently over and
over and over again, and like I'm happy with that person,
I prying you to let other people who are pursuing
me no, of course, especially if I've gone out with
them and hook that with them. I think it's now again,
was she right? Am I seeing other people? Yeah? But again,
I don't think there's anybody out there going that's my
(19:07):
boyfriend or that's where this is headed. I think it's
we're all kind of feeling it out, seeing what's going on,
and uh and if I had any if any one
person stood out more than the others, I think then
I need to, you know, handle that. But right now
I'm just going with it.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Maybe she was embarrassed that you called it out. I
think that might have been where some of that blame
game came from Tom.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And I was just kidding. Of course she's not cheating
on me. We're not together, right, I think I.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Think it's funny. I say, always make a joke, even
if it's a serious subject.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But like you can you can tell, like after a
few times with somebody being like I got one day
for you in a month, it's okay. You're not that
answry because I've done this too, where I'm like, I
don't want to tell you no, but I'll make it
basically impossible for you to see me. I don't get
to then turn around and go, well, if only you'd
worked tarder, you know, fuck you you like somebody else,
(19:59):
you like some else. That's what happened. That's all that happened.
Why we don't have to make this personal nice personal? No,
now you have an enemy. I don't know. I just
said I didn't like it, and it sat with me weird,
and I'm like, I'm gonna bring it to the Tangent
and I'm gonna see if people have to say. And
I guess I thought I was gonna get my ass
tune in here. No, no, I didn't feel right playing
(20:22):
games a little bit. I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
No one would like that. No one likes any kind
of rejection or just like I don't know, and blame
is weird, Like lady, you're WEIRDO.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Well there you go, so everyone else could everyone else going?
I don't know why. That's a lot. That's a lot
of content for the first day back. So we're content
kings and queens, and the Tangent can be about one
of you on Wednesday or whatever day.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
We do another day, something fun, you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Ye would be fun if you guys could, like, please
be fun. Figure something out yea yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
get on the apps kicking. I mean, do it for
the show. And Big Tim says something to you, be like,
it's for the show.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
That's all right.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I would love to see you on the apps, like
I love you guys together, but I just think.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I think about it from time to time, like just
like when I'm bored, Like, you know, what if I
just had out here and see what's out there?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But don't do that.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
I'm so scared. I'm gonna swipe and see for it
as somebody like you don't see me.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
You know, like, what are you doing? Oh you know
I'm right swiping on.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Oh hell yeah, you can swipe in here if you want.
I mean, wait for the move to your left.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Look that I much prefer to just not stay here.
I'll just swipe to myself. Myself swiping. It's been working
well for me for a long time, so you know,
it gets me, gets me out of a jam. All right,
there's the tangent. Thanks for listening.
Do a tang tangs. We haven't done tangent a minute,
tang tangs change, gather around the campfire for the tanj
All right, Paulina and Veruvio, hit the thing. You know
where the thing is looking and then hit the thing.
It's the tangent giving you all this ship we couldn't
(00:22):
talk about on the air. Okay, all right, ummm hi everyone,
I'll run I'll run one by you. But I think
I already know what the consensus will be. I know
what kik He's going to say. I know what kik
He's going to say. And I am not captain etiquette.
When it comes to like dating, I feel like dating
(00:46):
is sort of proced at your own risk for the
for the vast majority of it. I think you've got
to be a little ways in five six seven. You
got to be a ways in before we need to
have like formal conversations about where we're headed or like
you know what I mean. Some people would argue if
sex is involved, but I don't know. I think everything's
casual till it's not. Because I am uncomfortable making a
(01:08):
phone call to somebody and be I mean, I'm not
gonna ghost you, like I'm not just gonna disappear, but
I'm uncomfortable calling somebody and be like, hey, you know,
we've been like banging a few times. I don't want
to do that anymore. Bye, Like I don't know, like
you know what I mean? Okay, don't you just kind
of fade away unless you're dating, and then you might
have a formal conversation about like, hey, we were exclusive
now we're not? Or are we exclusive? I don't know,
(01:31):
like at what point the people will argue that you
should always just openly communicate me. I feel like we're
all sort of going into this with equal risk that
it may not work, Like do I have to when?
When do I have to have a conversation with you
about it not working? Like? Or do you just sort
of it just sort of goes two different directions.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Is this happening to Ted?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
No? No, this actually has this actually has nothing to
do with it. Well, no, I'll tell you what's happening
to Ted. And just a second, I'm just curious what
y'all like, what your vibe or thoughts are, even though
some of you have never even done dating apps. I
just think it's like, hey, if it works out, it
works out. If it doesn't, it's faded away. I don't
expect a speech from anybody, do you would you?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
So how do you fade away though?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Right?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Do you just not call the person anymore? Do you
not respond to their text if they're continuing to pursue you?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
No, Like if someone is actively asking me, like what's
going on? Where are we at? Like you know, hey,
do you want to see then I think we can
have a conversation. But like if both parties just kind
of if it just sort of just ends, I don't
know that I then need to Like I've I've been
broken up with by people that I didn't know I
was dating. We've talked about this on the show before,
(02:44):
Like I've gotten text from people that have been like,
you know, it was really nice meeting you, but I
don't think and I'm just going, oh, I didn't realize
this was It almost felt like projection to me. It
almost felt like I know I'm out. So I'm just
gonna be the one to end, Like I'm going to
end the thing. It doesn't exist, I guess doesn't something
you have to exist before where you can end it?
Is my point.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Yeah, but I think you have to play off the
other person, Like you said that they're actively reaching out
asking you, Like they're obviously in a different place than
you are, So I think it's up to you to
make it known how you feel, because they obviously feel
differently if they're actively trying to still see you.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think if someone is actively wondering what the nature
of the relationship is, and you probably can tell.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Them right and if it just fades away and no
one's talking, then you got off scott free. You need
to have the conversation, but make your gun.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
How does it ever just fade away? I feel like, say,
say we're hooking up, and we've been hooking up for
a you know, a couple of times, and then you
decide like I don't really want to do this anymore.
In your mind, you wanted to just fade away. But
if I hit you like, hey, let's let's go out again,
let's hook up, let's what do you respond to that?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
If anything, I'm guilty of bread crumbing that goes. I
don't just disappear. I'm just guilty of hey, because I
don't have bad intentions. But it's like I'm not necessarily
all that motivated to see you, but I'm not, but
I don't. But I don't dislike you, or it's not
that you know, I tend see. I think people when
I date them briefly, you know, casually, I think people
(04:13):
assume when I fade away that I met someone else
and that it's about something else. Because I think that's
what happens on these dating apps is I think you
got to run. We talked about this before. If you
want to have success as a guy in the dating apps.
I can't speak for women. You got to roll five
six deep all the time. You got to constantly be
juggling and working, because if you just put all your
eggs in one basket, inevitably it will net work. I
(04:35):
think if you really want to be intentional about dating
and meeting someone, you can't just have one person going
at a time. And I assume that everyone I meet
also is dating more than one person. That being said,
I typically when I fade away, it's just, hey, this
isn't working for me. I'm going to go back to
being on my own. Or if I'm distant, it's because
I'm reading a book at my house. It's not because
(04:55):
I'm having you know, like busting a train with six
girls from you know, Bumble or whatever with.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Those twins from the show.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know. I guess to answer
your question, I guess it would depend. But I also
think you can right now. But you can read the
room though, also let's read the room. What's the room?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Me and you hooked up, and we hooked up several times,
and you have decided that you want to move on?
But how would you communicate that to me? And if
I'm texting you like, hey.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I think it's case by case. If we were if
we were dating, if we had a conversation about being together,
dating and some level of exclusivity or something, then you
have to end it. There has to be a conversation.
If that's never taken place, I guess I don't know
what the conversation consists of, Hey, I don't want to
(05:44):
fuck you anymore? Like come on, Like, that's not RESPONSI what.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Are you texting me back? I literally just say, hey,
let's meet up at our spot this weekend, and say,
what do you say?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I forgot? Where that is they forgot? Oh? No, I
guess it's it's more about like conflict. I'm just avoiding conflict.
That's what it is, it's not. I don't intend for
it to be a mean and I think that guys
get a bad rap for ghosting girls. But I can
tell you I've been ghosted by as many women as
(06:17):
I've ghosted, quote unquote, like girls do the same thing.
They disappear in whatever. And I'm not saying that, you know,
it's all. I'm not saying that this isn't one of
those men arguing for equalizing the playing field. But I
will just say it does happen a men too, where
women just decide I don't have anything else to say
to you, and that's your right, I guess, and I
but I have to support that if I'm going to
(06:38):
also argue that I shouldn't have to have a formal
conversation because because maybe I don't want to see you,
but I'm not trying to make you feel bad. And
I think sometimes if it's not determined what it is,
and then I tell you that I don't want to
be with you anymore, it almost comes off elitist to me, like, well,
I assume that that I was so important to you
that I have to have a conversation with you about
(06:59):
not talking to you anymore, you know, what I mean. Like,
from my perspective, it comes off like presumptuous on my
part that you would even give a shit, because I
don't even assume that somebody gives a shit until they
tell me they do. I see what you're saying. But anyway,
here's my scenario. It's a real life scenario. So and
I wanted and I already know what ke he's gonna say,
but I want you to be open minded. Okay, and
(07:20):
if you guys all agree that I'm in the wrong,
that I'm in the wrong. So a woman pursued me,
made it very clear to me that she wanted to
go on a date with me, okay, very publicly in fact.
And then we like trade information. She's really pretty, I
liked her, hung out with her, she's nice. Trade information.
And then the little tidbit that's of importance is then
(07:42):
when we traded Instagram, she already followed me, and I
go in my DMS to realize she's been trying to
get me to go out with her for a while.
She's been responding to my stories, Oh I'd go with you,
I would do this was so she's expressed interest in
the past, and I missed it. And then I meet her,
and then I'm interested, and I realized, oh, you've been
at this for a little while. Oh that's I didn't
even know. I wish. I wish I had known sooner
(08:04):
than we would have gone out. You know. I guess
I just wasn't paying enough attention. So we go on
a date. The date goes well, very well, and there's
a discussion about seeing each other I guess is maybe
a month ago, and then it was well, we should
do it again, and it was well, okay, yeah, we should,
we should do it again. I'm busy this week with work,
(08:25):
and then her schedule in my schedule don't really necessarily
always work well together. Fair enough, okay, And then so
it didn't work. And then the next week I'm like,
we should go out, and she's like, yeah, there's one
night I can do it. And I couldn't do it,
so I couldn't go. The next week she was out
of town. So I've reached out several times trying to
see this person again. Well, then last week I'm looking
(08:47):
at this person's Instagram and I'm noticing there's the same
male arm in a lot of pictures, and I'm like, huh, okay.
So I text her I'm kidding. I'm like, are you
cheat on me already? And that's literally what I said,
and she wrote back, I kid you not. She writes
back to me, well, i've been seeing a guy for
about three weeks and it's going great. Thanks for asking.
(09:08):
Oh my god. And I responded to her and I
was like, did you think did you not think that's
a conversation that we should have had? And she's like,
I don't know, you shit, I'm single, we're not together.
Oh I don't. And then it was this whole I
don't deserve to be spoken to this way and all
this stuff, and I'm like, now, hold on, I go
hold on a second. She goes, you didn't really make
any effort. I had a good time with you, you didn't
(09:29):
really make any effort. I met somebody else around the
same time. I'm going with that, and I'm like, but
hold on a second. First of all, I did not
make effort. You told me that you were busy for
three straight weeks, but you weren't. You were too busy
to go out with me, right you were going out
with someone else, So you were very clearly benching me.
In case that didn't work out. So don't say didn't
make an effort, because I did, and a man would
(09:51):
have been enough of an effort for you. But you
told me you didn't have time, but you did because
you're obviously seeing someone else. The second thing is, you
know I'm also trying to see you into the future, right,
Like I've asked you out several times, so you know
I'm interested. So I do think if you have a boyfriend,
or if you're well on your way to that, you
(10:12):
might tell the guy who's pursuing you, Hey, I'm a
little bit further along with somebody else, and so I'm
not going to be accepting any of your invitations, Like
you can basically in a nice way to stop asking
me because I'm not going to go right right. And
I do think that's a fair conversation. Did she owe
anything to me, No, we weren't together. Did she owe
(10:33):
me not to go out with another man? No, not
at all, not by any means. But I think if
a guy's asking you out consistently and her thing was, well,
I haven't made a decision yet, I'm like, but you're
actively sleeping with another guy, and you're telling me you're
too busy to go out, and then you're also gas
lighting me, telling me I didn't work hard enough for it.
I'm like, you'd like another guy, That's all this is about. Now,
(10:54):
if you were to write me and go, you know what,
I met another guy and I'm going to see this guy,
and so I'm not going to be going out with you.
Now I can be disappointed, But if I'm a dickhead
after that, well, now that's that's on you. That's on me.
But for me to then sort of have to I'm like,
it's almost like she didn't realize who she was talking
to or something. I'm like, you're bragging to me about
(11:14):
the success of another relationship, and then you're also telling
me that I'm an asshole for having a reaction to
that when I liked you and I'm trying to get
you to go out with me again, Like you know
what I mean. Everybody has a right to date, as
many people say want until they're not. Everybody has a
right to decide they don't want to be with anybody.
But I do think you can't tell someone you didn't
(11:34):
make an effort when you were seeing someone else. Now
I figured you, I figured Kiki, your immediate response is
going to be she's single, you're single, she can do
whatever the fuck she wants.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Well, no, yes, yes, but no, this is like my
feeling is a hurt and this is the type of
story that make me go home and be nice to
Big Tim because it's wild out here in the dating world.
Why first of all, lady, why would you be posting
a man that you three weeks into it, you know,
putting his arm on social media, knowing that you're actively
talking to, sleeping with dating other guys as well, And
(12:08):
so how do how do how does she even get
upset with you for inquiring about like what's tea? What's
going on? And then Mike, her response is just so
wild to me.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Oh yeah, she she she stood on business like she
was being disrespected and I let.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Her to joke to figure out In for me, I
always err on the side of humor if I want
to know something.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Well, she wasn't being disrespected, because the truth is if
we and people hate it when you do this, but
if you turn the tables. If you were trying to
see me consistently for a month and I kept telling
you no, and then you asked me if I'm seeing
someone and I not only tell you that I am,
but that it's going great. Then aren't you gonna be like, hey,
fuck you man, aren't you going to be like wait
a minute, then why are you? Why are you telling
(12:50):
me that? And the thing is she can, And her
argument was, well, I'm not, I'm not. He's not my boyfriend,
you know, so I can go out with you too.
You could, but if you're being on with yourself, that
would be a waste of both of our time because
you're already into somebody else, which is fine be into
someone else, but don't I don't know. I just felt
like and then I was like, and now you're you're
(13:12):
mad at me? You don't lie. My response to like, like,
you're you're telling me I'm asking you out and you're
telling me how well it's going with another guy. Yeah,
well then go out with it. Then then then tell
me you're not available because you're not right.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
She doesn't need all the extra info and and it
certainly no back and forth with someone that you're not
in a relationship with. That's weird, Like you can say
it much nicer and mustle.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
It was sloppy all around. And I told her that
I'm like, I'm like, you're sloppy on every level. Definitely,
you're sloppy with the posting, You're you're sloppy bragging to
me right to me about how happy you were with
another guy. Well, that's I'm happy for you. So weird.
But then don't say, hey, fuck you, you didn't try hard enough,
because it's like, yose'm able to test you like they
love to please the That's the other thing. Why have
(13:52):
you been like why were you interested for so long?
And then when you finally got it, you're like, eh,
it just it all came off like a power play.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
To me, the blaming of you is not like that
guy that.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Was my only problem.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
That gives that she felt like she got busted or
caught or felt guilty about what she was doing, because otherwise,
why would you if you're trying to let someone down
easy or whatever or be kind, you would never blame
them for you know what I mean? And what does
it matter if I wasn't trying with you, if you're
with this guy, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Like, that's what I'm not. It's an easy conversation. It's hey,
look I met two guys at the same time. And
I like another guy better, I've seen him more. But
then don't tell me. On the flip side, you're too
busy to see me when you're not because you obviously
been actively dating another guy. It's like, none of this
made sense to me. And then I'm the dickhead, I'm
being disrespectful. I'm like, no, I'm not being disrespectful. I
(14:42):
just think there. I think when a guy's pursuing you
and you like another guy, you and you're going to
tell the guy about him, right, That's another thing. She's like, well,
you've been I bet you've been seeing other women. And
the truth is I have. She doesn't have any fucking
clue who they are, what the status is, and I
would never make her feel that way. And the truth
(15:03):
is I haven't. I'm nowhere near any sort of consistency
with anybody else. So like I was free to continue
to pursue her the same way she's free to continue
to pursue other guys. But I agree with you, there's
just something like, I don't know, she met another guy
she likes better, so be it. But I guess I
guess if a dude that you've hooked up with is
still asking you out. You probably should disclose that.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Right in her mind, she's like, oh, I did, but
it's just the whole attitude of like, what I did
it because you didn't try hard enough?
Speaker 1 (15:35):
You know what pissed me up.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
I don't play these games. I've been trying to get
up with you. We had scheduling conflicts where both adults.
If you're just seeing somebody else, just say that.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
You had to say, but it was it was let
me tell you about it, let me tell how grade
it is, and then let me blame it on you.
I didn't try hard enough. I'm like, how can I
try hard when you're obviously into another person. So that
was one of those situations where she didn't even have to.
She could have just said I'm not interested, or hey,
it was great meeting you, but I don't think this
(16:04):
is going to work out. I don't know. Again, there's
a way to do it right. And then if I
had said anything after that that was shitty, well then
that's on me. You know. The answer there is even
if you're hurt and pissed and disappointed, and I was disappointed,
The answer there is when you get the truth and
someone straight up with you, Hey, good luck to you
all the best. Good luck. You don't come back and go,
(16:24):
oh you dumb bitch, you wasted my time. Now, that's
some disrespectful shit, like no, but you know people do.
Oh yeah, I've had guys.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh I wasn't hitting on you anyways, or I don't
even think you're hot. It's like you've been asking me
out for two years, like take me out. I did
it in the kindest way possible.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Hear it happens on the dating apps all the time,
where these guys will they'll write you a note and
then if you don't write them back, or if you're
not communicative enough, then they diss you. Well fuck you,
you're not that hot anyway, and it's like whoa whoa
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Hold like, no,
you're just you're just butt hurt. And yeah, I was
just I was disappointed. Anyone would be.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
No one likes rejection, even if it's not about you
as a person. No one likes that.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
I think you just say, hey, you know what, I
met another guy around the same time and that seems
to be clicking, and I'm gonna I'm gonna see where
that goes.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
She should have said it every time you asked her
out when she pretended she was busy, exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Like, or don't say a fucking word. If you were
still trying to figure out where you were with me
and where you were with him, then don't say a word.
Just just go out with me again, you know. And yeah,
I suppose in retrospect, if I had found out like
she was very much into another guy and still going
out with me, well, that would be disappointing. But that's
the risk I take. That's the risk I take. But
(17:38):
instead it's well, you didn't do enough. Well, how could
I possibly have done enough when you clearly wanted someone else?
Fuck you?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, the blame is weird.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, No, No, that.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Was one of those gray areas where I'm like, you
don't owe it to me. But this could end much differently,
you know what I mean? Like this, this could this
could be amicable. I could at least respect that you
just met someone else. But I also don't know about
that either. Because you met me, you met another guy.
You've been so damn busy, and then all of a sudden,
like basically you're in enough of a situation where you
(18:10):
can I don't.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Know, right, you're already posting it arm this to.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Me seems like I don't have all the information. But anyway,
I was just curious. I thought for sure that you,
of all people, Kiki would be like, no, dude, sorry,
but that's her right.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
No, I'm maturing and I'm changing right, Okay, Okay, I'm
not toxic today.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
This hour, this hour.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
No.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I think there's like human decency that we're lacking in
a lot of different areas of life. And I don't
know why you wouldn't try to always just make people
feel the best you possibly can, even if you're letting
them down. I don't It seems odd to me that
you would need to blame someone else.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
I think if I'm seeing somebody else consistently over and
over and over again, and like I'm happy with that person,
I prying you to let other people who are pursuing
me no, of course, especially if I've gone out with
them and hook that with them. I think it's now again,
was she right? Am I seeing other people? Yeah? But again,
I don't think there's anybody out there going that's my
(19:07):
boyfriend or that's where this is headed. I think it's
we're all kind of feeling it out, seeing what's going on,
and uh and if I had any if any one
person stood out more than the others, I think then
I need to, you know, handle that. But right now
I'm just going with it.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Maybe she was embarrassed that you called it out. I
think that might have been where some of that blame
game came from Tom.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And I was just kidding. Of course she's not cheating
on me. We're not together, right, I think I.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Think it's funny. I say, always make a joke, even
if it's a serious subject.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But like you can you can tell, like after a
few times with somebody being like I got one day
for you in a month, it's okay. You're not that
answry because I've done this too, where I'm like, I
don't want to tell you no, but I'll make it
basically impossible for you to see me. I don't get
to then turn around and go, well, if only you'd
worked tarder, you know, fuck you you like somebody else,
(19:59):
you like some else. That's what happened. That's all that happened.
Why we don't have to make this personal nice personal? No,
now you have an enemy. I don't know. I just
said I didn't like it, and it sat with me weird,
and I'm like, I'm gonna bring it to the Tangent
and I'm gonna see if people have to say. And
I guess I thought I was gonna get my ass
tune in here. No, no, I didn't feel right playing
(20:22):
games a little bit. I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
No one would like that. No one likes any kind
of rejection or just like I don't know, and blame
is weird, Like lady, you're WEIRDO.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Well there you go, so everyone else could everyone else going?
I don't know why. That's a lot. That's a lot
of content for the first day back. So we're content
kings and queens, and the Tangent can be about one
of you on Wednesday or whatever day.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
We do another day, something fun, you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Ye would be fun if you guys could, like, please
be fun. Figure something out yea yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
get on the apps kicking. I mean, do it for
the show. And Big Tim says something to you, be like,
it's for the show.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
That's all right.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
I would love to see you on the apps, like
I love you guys together, but I just think.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I think about it from time to time, like just
like when I'm bored, Like, you know, what if I
just had out here and see what's out there?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But don't do that.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
I'm so scared. I'm gonna swipe and see for it
as somebody like you don't see me.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
You know, like, what are you doing? Oh you know
I'm right swiping on.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Oh hell yeah, you can swipe in here if you want.
I mean, wait for the move to your left.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Look that I much prefer to just not stay here.
I'll just swipe to myself. Myself swiping. It's been working
well for me for a long time, so you know,
it gets me, gets me out of a jam. All right,
there's the tangent. Thanks for listening.
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