Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, let's do a tangent tang tang. Shall we
(00:02):
wait for a tang i hit the intro for the
tang it's the tangent giving you all this ship we
couldn't talk about on the air. Okay, another tangiina for you?
What did that call tangina? Why why do we say that?
I don't know why we say that vagina tangent. They
don't they don't even have nothing to do with each other.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I don't know. I think I just started saying it
one day. It stuck.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh, okay, Well, anyway, it's tangina. Maybe that's maybe it
should be called that vagina tangi I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
There's no gorgina, fat, juicy and wit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I'm sorry, but what.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Club rather enjoyed that song, and it's very joy I'm
very sad that that particular selection never really made it anywhere.
I tried to single handily take that thing number one,
but it didn't work, not at all. It didn't work, guys.
I you know, I spent a lot of time on Reddit.
I spent a lot of time on TikTok. I spent
a lot of time on the interwebs, as you know,
(01:00):
as a whole. And it's because I'm a content curator,
That's what it is. It's my job to come up
with and sort through the Internet and find the highlights
to share with you so that you don't have to
That's why I tell my friends all the time too.
It's like, if I send you a video, just know
that that was personally selected for you to watch by me.
And I had to go through hundreds of videos to
(01:20):
find the one I thought you would like. So there,
so why don't so people need to be more appreciative
of that. When you get a video from someone, you
should know that as soon as I saw it, I
thought of you wanted you to see it. But this
is from Reddit and it says this is the first
line and maybe this is all we need to hear.
(01:42):
I miss making out, I miss making out, and this
is the whole post. It says, like, no shit, how
many times was there I'm reading this verbatim. Thirty or
forty people around a bonfire are in a basement and
several bottles of boons in cases of Miller Genuine Draft
and soft packs of Marlborough or Camel lights, of course,
(02:03):
and then you'd meet some other random person and cooler
than you really were, and you'd make out for like
twenty minutes, like in a bush somewhere, and it just
kind of ended, all innocuous and great, and you'd go
back home exhausted the next day with a smile on
your face. No pregnancy scares, no social media posts or
pictures getting texted around, just little blips in history filled
(02:23):
with a thousand smiles from other amazingly awesome and completely
non consequential nights. That was a big word that I
wasn't expecting. This is what I miss most, I believe,
beyond the obvious of my hair, a painless body, fading eyesight,
and my grandparents. My God, except for the hair part,
I'm beginning to feel just like that. I miss a
(02:45):
painless body. I miss crystal clear eyesight, which I don't
have in the dark anymore, if any damn or dark,
I am fucked. Really yeah, no, like no, I need
a light.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh aark here we come well basically.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And I'm not even technically mid forties yet, and I'm
already starting to fall apart. I got weird aches and pains.
I'm out here running around and like you know, like
my leg's starting to feel weird why. I don't know.
No one can explain it. That I missed my grandparents
every day, It's true, but making out? Now, do we
miss making out as an activity because it was fun
(03:25):
to just make out or do or and this is
I'm taking this one step further. Do we miss just
that time in our lives when making out was satisfying enough?
Like because think about when you were like really in
your makeout era, you were probably somewhere between, like it
was kind of that was like the primary activity, Like
(03:47):
it wasn't just assumed that like now as you're a
grown up, she's a grown up, he's a grown up.
Whoever you're going out with, there's a very good chance
that you're going to fuck, right, Like like well you
know what, I like, you know what, but like ninety
five percent of the people that you meet are sexually active, right,
(04:07):
So like, yeah, as where when you were thirteen, it
was maybe it was probably a quarter, it was less than.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Half fully less than that, but yeah, well I.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Don't know, I'm just saying like that that wasn't even
in that was like an aspirational option, like that was
that was like heaven. That was paradise, you know, what
I mean, like that was that was way over here
and you were only sort of you were only in
h what's the word I'm looking for when you're halfway
(04:36):
between one and the others. Yeah, thank you, Yeah, that's
where you were. But I also think like it was
just a simpler time. We were all more impressed by
much less because we were still experiencing things for the
first time. Right, So, like, you make out with a
girl like that was exciting, You make out with a
guy like that whole thing was exciting because like you
didn't know any more than that, maybe not, you know
(04:58):
what I mean, Or like I don't know, it's just
Friday night and you had a car and a dream.
I don't know. I mean, I just life was simpler then, right, So,
like you got to make out with someone, that was
a big deal. Now if you make out with someone,
I don't know. I hate to sound jaded, but like
at this point in my life, that's not really good enough.
By the way, neither is just having sex with someone,
(05:19):
Like that's not really like you want to do there. Well,
I think there's an elevated experience. I think there's a
connective experience. Oh yeah, you know, and I guess just
the activity itself. You know, you know in my late teens,
early twenties, whatever, that when you got laid, that was
(05:40):
still like a sort of a new experience, And then
I think that wears itself out too. I don't know,
do you think it's that we miss making out or
do you think that we missed the simplicity of a
time in our lives when that was still exciting.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I think it's both. I miss both.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I mean, because when is the last time that you
guys who were in which is all of you who
were in committed relationships, just had a nice fifteen minute
makeout session and then took your boners elsewhere, no, and left?
Because now that's the expectation, right, Like the makeout is
the lead in to sex. When was the last And
maybe actually I think that it's probably more common in
(06:17):
this room than not. But I would also argue, when's
the last time that you just had a oral sex
and we're done with it? Like I cannot remember the
last time that someone just gave me a blowjob and
that we were done. It was like good enough, Okay,
let's go to dinner or whatever, or like that was
the star activity?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh, that I do. Yeah, that happens a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
And then you don't expect anything for yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah. No, sometimes there's I mean he sometimes he'll just
do me. Sometimes they'll just do him. It depends on
if somebody doesn't want to do that, okay, yeah, yeah,
if they're like, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
No, I'm calebrating something. It wasn't like you go, I go,
or vice versa. Like I can't remember that.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Last the dream, that's the goal, but sometimes you don't
have time.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I honestly cannot remember the last time that that activity
was associated with anything other than getting me ready to
go do something to you go up sex. Yeah, And
again I'm not in a committed relationship, so I guess
you don't have to, like you don't have to squeeze
stuff in with life and you know what I mean,
Like I don't know. I don't live with anybody, so
(07:16):
it's not like we just have these random occasions. Like
when I do see someone, it's almost like we're going
on a date and then it's the whole thing. But like,
I just can't remember the last time somebody was like,
let me give you a head and then like cool,
I'm all set, like let's go ahead and go about
our day. Like usually it's it's I go, you go.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
You deserve that you're right, to give you're right. Everybody
just needs somebody you're right, get you.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
That you're right.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Yes, I can stand behind that well.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
But the makeout thing, like, I don't know, it's just
a simpler time. Like what I would I pay to
go back to being in high school again if I had, Yes,
I would if I had the knowledge that I have now.
I wish like youth is wasted on the young, right,
I wish that I if I could somehow go back
(08:10):
to being a teenager and do And I don't know
that I would do everything over again necessarily, but like
if I if I live this life and at the
end they were like, you can go back with all
the knowledge you have and do it again, Oh man,
you'd be fucking I would be doing all kinds of
shit because I was lacking in confidence and experience and
I was just behind everybody else. I went to small
(08:31):
school and the whole thing. I don't know. I just
think I wish I had, Like I wish that there
were a lot of things like I wish I had
known I had self diagnosed anxiety. When I was a kid.
I wish I had known a lot of things that
I could now overcome because I understand them. I didn't
understand them. Then I probably would have been a better
basketball player. I would have been a better test taker,
I would have gotten better grades. But then you have
(08:51):
to ask yourself, if you could go back and relive
from the simpler time forward, then do you wind up
in the same place you're in now? And is it
a better or a worse place? It would be a lawyer,
I probably, I don't know if I would have been
as happy doing that. I don't know. But it all
stems from making out. But do you ever just make
out and think you're just done, like cool, that's cool.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, No, no, no, we don't just make out. And no,
you can make out and that next thing, you know,
everything on hard and we got to finish.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Right, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
It's all hard on the floor, That's.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What I mean. Like, I don't I don't know too
many people that just make out and it's like, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
It's rare, it's rare, but sometimes you gotta go or
your somewherre. You can't like finish things. You know, but
usually it leads to fucking yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, but I do.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I do have missed a feeling of like, oh, like, oh,
we're making out, and then you just go home and
think about that makeout session. You like, one day, I'm
gonna take him down, but you know you don't.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Have that right because we've already done it.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, we're taking each other down every day.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
There are people that in high school I made out
with that I wish i'd had sex with.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Did you did it?
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Like?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Was there a green light for you to go there?
And you were just a little bit nervous?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Yeah? Oh, there were plenty of green lights.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, And what was your biggest fear in that they
were going to be good?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Pregnancy. No. My parents were extremely effective at being like, yeah,
go right ahead, and you do yeay, go, yeah, you
do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You thought even with a condom, like you could still
get somebody.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I was convinced that if I got someone pregnant, that
my life was over and then I would disappoint my
parents in my life. And that was my whole thing
is I was always afraid to disappoint my parents. They
were extremely effective. They weren't mean, they weren't necessary. I
mean they were they were hard on me, and they
were they were stricter than most. But it wasn't like
(10:36):
I fear that I feared disappointing them. They're very effective
at that and so I don't know, I just didn't do.
There were things I just didn't do because I was like, man,
this is too risky, right, this might be a problem.
Like if I if I fucked this up literally, then
uh you know, wow, and in retrospect, would have been
the end of the world. Of course not, but wouldn't
(10:57):
have were they right? Would it have? You know? Uh? Uh,
you know, stifled my my progress in life. Yeah, because
everything changes then your priorities change everything else. So so yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I had the same fear of like getting pregnant at
a young age. And I have friends that had gotten
pregnant and we're you know, having babies, and I remember
my first time thinking that, like, oh I'm pregnant now,
Like I don't know if you guys have ever walked
around thinking you were, like, it's like the first time
I ever did it. I was like, that's it. I
know I'm pregnant, Like I know it's not going to school,
like girl I might be pregnant, like you.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean, obviously that's something only women could really experience.
But like you, guys, I've never walked around thinking I
was pregnant. Now I got someone, even after your first
there have been a few times in my life where
it was like that could have happened, and like we
were waiting, you know, we were we were awaiting confirmation
(11:57):
that it didn't happen, and that confirmation she was a
little late.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
But never, yeah, that's a bummer.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Never, Never have I actually had that happened.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
No that I'm aware of the thrill of sneaking a
pregnancy test in the house or like, you know, you
got your best friend, like girl, girl, can you have
me a pregnancy test?
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Because I think I might be pregnant?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Pregnant.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I'm such a hypochondriac and a paranoid weirdo that if
I were a girl, I would think I was pregnant
every month.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Literally That's how it was for like the first like
couple of years of fucking like, I was like, oh,
I did it now, even though I was like being safe,
I was too scared of pregnancy. But it was because
of those MTV shows I was terrified and but I
just used a condom. I wasn't gonna not fuck you know.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I remember it was in my twenties. But the first
time that I like didn't the first time you went
all the way without and that felt extremely reckless.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Extreme when you were living free.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, extremely reckless. But it was also a thousand times better.
So I was like worth then. Oh god, but I
never a condom was at its true, that's not true.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I don't trust these women.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
That's true. No, I've done some very stupid things in
my life and gotten away knock on woods, somehow I've
I've come away unscathed. I don't know how wrap it up.
And it's a miracle, by the way that in some
of those instances that that wasn't the person because oh boy, yeah,
you know, it was a great idea at the time,
but now look money twenty years later. Yeah, right, inherent
(13:29):
in Yeah, you guys, I'm sorry, but my kid would
have to go ahead of you in the in the
will correct, it would go Polly mave this illegitimate child
that I would love deeply. And then and then you guys.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You guys, yeah no, so don't have a kid.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And actually, you guys, haven't seen my will, but I
couldn't choose in the order in which it all should
be distributed. So it actually says in my will that
I'm going to put what's left in a room and
then you guys all go in, we lock the door,
and you figure it out. You would do that, Yes,
sick of it's in my will. Yeah, it's in my
will because I can't choose. I I love you all equally.
I can't choose what little fortune I have. My new
(14:05):
couch will be in this room, and whoever can carry
it out, my new couch, my new rug. Whoa, I
have two new rugs. Very excited.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You gotta stop doing this stuff without talking about I
don't appreciate this.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Do you know the number of dms I got, even
from listeners who were like, you bought a new couch
and didn't talk to anyone about it. It's a big
It's like, no, I chose my own couch from my
own home. I did it. I really did do it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You're crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And I haven't had a couch for like a week,
and I feel like a college student because I'm waiting
for the new one to be delivered. And I didn't
I don't have room for two couches, so one had
to go, and then the rug had to go down
before the couch shows up. So we're ready to go.
We are armed and prepared. I just don't have a couch,
so I feel like a college student again, like living
on one chair, like a little folding chair in my condo,
(14:50):
just sitting there waiting alone in front of the TV
for my couch to show up. I never knew how
much I loved my couch until I don't have one.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
That's real.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But this couch is a big up eight from the
previous couch, so I'm excited for its arrival. But this
is the kind of thing that you look forward to.
For some people, that was making out, and for me
it's a new couch. I feel very very grown up
in adult having to choose fabrics and all these different things. Yeah, anyway, Wow,
that making out was a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, make out.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
We need to all make out more and dance more.
I feel like we don't dance.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
We don't we don't dance enough.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Slow was the last time?
Speaker 5 (15:26):
You never?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
You need to slow dance very slowly?
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Birthday career hobby. Imagine that man flow.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
But you guys really just you just make out and
your relationships just to come full circle here. You really
just make out and then you're done.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
It's just me trying to make out with him, like
I feel you.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
He's just like I don't want to be smother. I
don't want to be smothered.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It's like, come on, because I feel like we, you know,
make out and then like I get along a little
hard hard. Well, then I kind of want to get
rid of his hardness in a way that we would
both enjoy hopefully, you know.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
So like so I don't know everybody wins in the
family like he gets his Well, he doesn't have family.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Okay, so you don't. Okay, so you don't just make
out because if you suck his dick after make it
out with it, then that's not just making out.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Noted yesterday I did.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
He got hard and you left him that way.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
No, he gave me a back pisage, the whole thing
going on. I don't worry about.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Us, so you had.
Speaker 5 (16:34):
I can't have sex right now, it's that time. There's
sex to be sex.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So what did he did he like make out with
your back? Like, did he did he like hump your back?
Speaker 6 (16:44):
Like what, I like it because he like he help me,
like I'm in his face and like yours says.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Like like you're saying he did he didn't do that.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
No, we didn't have any kind of sexual relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
He humped you, nudged. No, I want tell me what's
wrong with me. You're the one describing this.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I'm not nobody.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Nobody had their privates out, like nobody had nothing, just
trying to make out with my man.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
He doesn't like it because I'm in his face and
he's want to be smothered. It's a whole thing.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
He's like you like, give me spae. He's like, you know,
I can see you guys doing that kind of like
get away from me thing. And I was like fine, and.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Then I was like, give me a massage. I got
a back massage. It was just like nice. But tonight, yeah,
tonight he might get his dick suck. We'll see how
how I feel. Not during your birthday.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Birthday.
Speaker 6 (17:30):
I know I like doing it, so n I told him.
Plus it's been a minute. It's a whole fam ton is.
It's it's a calendar kind of event. Every day something different.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I hope you get your suck to because girl, it's
one more week.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I'm not going to be doing that.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
I just think like, once you've had sex with someone,
then it's like, well the flood gates are open, right,
Like we've had sex with white, woulden't we just have sex?
Like I guess you're not limited to one activity, so
you just sort of take it all the way. But
like back in the day, and I realized some of
us were having sex and some of us weren't, but
when that wasn't on the table, like that was the
(18:12):
activity and that was exciting, right.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Sometimes you start, though, and you're on a time crunch
and don't have time to do the whole whammy. Sometimes
ugly that, But I mean the goal is to always,
you know, everybody reach their final destination.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I just and then this person on Reddit was suggesting
what if we had a dating app where that was
the expectation, Like, was it we're matching to make out.
I'm like, I think most of those makeouts would wind
up right boning because we're grown ups. And it's like,
I don't think people are satisfied with limitations. Once you've
had it all, you know, it would be like saying
here's the whole menu now, like you used to eat
(18:48):
off the child's menu, but now you can have the
whole menu, but you can only eat appetizers. You can't
have anything else. It would be like no, I want,
fuck you like I want I got grown up money
now and I want the filet and I want fucking
dessert too, right, you know? So I don't. I don't know.
I guess it's about sort of expectation, and I think
I think that's like, isn't that kind of life? Though?
Speaker 5 (19:06):
It is?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Once you've gotten this far, then you can't settle for
anything less than that, you know what I mean, Like
you've gotten to this point. Going backwards always feels like
a failure. Like if you get to a certain point
in your life, a certain level of independence or money
or whatever, and then somehow that gets taken from you,
that doesn't feel like a good thing ever, Right. I
(19:26):
can't think of an example where if they were like, hey,
you're gonna make that you're gonna live half as good
of a life as you're living, so you know what
I mean. So I guess it's like that's maybe why
people don't aren't you satisfied with like rudimentary activity anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's the problem. Y'all don't appreciate nothing.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Y'all don't appreciate nothing, because when you couldn't have sex,
you were appreciating that little makeout session.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Now I appreciate it anymore because I didn't get you
a look.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Cat.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Now you need to maybe I need to make you
remember how I felt when it was like nope, mmm,
you're hard. You gotta walk, you gotta walk back home.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, talk it in your about Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
That yeah one, Jason, I can remember the errant boner
like in class. You know, just all of a sudden
it would get hard and you're like, oh my god,
not man. Man, Like a strong wind would come by
and it was like, oh I have to sit down.
Yeah yeah, those days are over. They ain't happening, no mo.
(20:20):
All right, well, I encourage everyone to try to be
satisfied with a makeout and only a makeup. That's beautiful, Jason,
go home today and just make out with military with
military mic. I know you would a lot of Mike's
around here. Okay, Mike, Mike the mechanic is yours. Military
(20:43):
Mike is Shelley's. Uh yeah, he'll be I'll probably have
better luck with military Mike.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
Than Mike doesn't want to make up with your.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Really that he just wants to do the other stuff. Yeah,
and he don't want to kiss like kiss, but no,
we're not like tonguing like it's not like and you
okay with it? You don't care? Yeah, I don't know, Ton,
You're not a tong kissed guy. Oh okay, yeah, all right,
Well go forth unto the day and enjoy your make
your simple makeouts. Yes and uh and there's another incredible addition,
(21:18):
enthralling addition of the tangent uh and make us a
precidt if you listen this far, I'd love to know
how many people are still do we get those kinds
of statistics? Can we look and see how many people
were tortured themselves enough to listen to all twenty some
minutes of this? Yes, please make us a precipt though
on the iHeart app Thank you,
All right, let's do a tangent tang tang. Shall we
(00:02):
wait for a tang i hit the intro for the
tang it's the tangent giving you all this ship we
couldn't talk about on the air. Okay, another tangiina for you?
What did that call tangina? Why why do we say that?
I don't know why we say that vagina tangent. They
don't they don't even have nothing to do with each other.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I don't know. I think I just started saying it
one day. It stuck.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh, okay, Well, anyway, it's tangina. Maybe that's maybe it
should be called that vagina tangi I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
There's no gorgina, fat, juicy and wit.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I'm sorry, but what.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Club rather enjoyed that song, and it's very joy I'm
very sad that that particular selection never really made it anywhere.
I tried to single handily take that thing number one,
but it didn't work, not at all. It didn't work, guys.
I you know, I spent a lot of time on Reddit.
I spent a lot of time on TikTok. I spent
a lot of time on the interwebs, as you know,
(01:00):
as a whole. And it's because I'm a content curator,
That's what it is. It's my job to come up
with and sort through the Internet and find the highlights
to share with you so that you don't have to
That's why I tell my friends all the time too.
It's like, if I send you a video, just know
that that was personally selected for you to watch by me.
And I had to go through hundreds of videos to
(01:20):
find the one I thought you would like. So there,
so why don't so people need to be more appreciative
of that. When you get a video from someone, you
should know that as soon as I saw it, I
thought of you wanted you to see it. But this
is from Reddit and it says this is the first
line and maybe this is all we need to hear.
(01:42):
I miss making out, I miss making out, and this
is the whole post. It says, like, no shit, how
many times was there I'm reading this verbatim. Thirty or
forty people around a bonfire are in a basement and
several bottles of boons in cases of Miller Genuine Draft
and soft packs of Marlborough or Camel lights, of course,
(02:03):
and then you'd meet some other random person and cooler
than you really were, and you'd make out for like
twenty minutes, like in a bush somewhere, and it just
kind of ended, all innocuous and great, and you'd go
back home exhausted the next day with a smile on
your face. No pregnancy scares, no social media posts or
pictures getting texted around, just little blips in history filled
(02:23):
with a thousand smiles from other amazingly awesome and completely
non consequential nights. That was a big word that I
wasn't expecting. This is what I miss most, I believe,
beyond the obvious of my hair, a painless body, fading eyesight,
and my grandparents. My God, except for the hair part,
I'm beginning to feel just like that. I miss a
(02:45):
painless body. I miss crystal clear eyesight, which I don't
have in the dark anymore, if any damn or dark,
I am fucked. Really yeah, no, like no, I need
a light.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh aark here we come well basically.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
And I'm not even technically mid forties yet, and I'm
already starting to fall apart. I got weird aches and pains.
I'm out here running around and like you know, like
my leg's starting to feel weird why. I don't know.
No one can explain it. That I missed my grandparents
every day, It's true, but making out? Now, do we
miss making out as an activity because it was fun
(03:25):
to just make out or do or and this is
I'm taking this one step further. Do we miss just
that time in our lives when making out was satisfying enough?
Like because think about when you were like really in
your makeout era, you were probably somewhere between, like it
was kind of that was like the primary activity, Like
(03:47):
it wasn't just assumed that like now as you're a
grown up, she's a grown up, he's a grown up.
Whoever you're going out with, there's a very good chance
that you're going to fuck, right, Like like well you
know what, I like, you know what, but like ninety
five percent of the people that you meet are sexually active, right,
(04:07):
So like, yeah, as where when you were thirteen, it
was maybe it was probably a quarter, it was less than.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Half fully less than that, but yeah, well I.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Don't know, I'm just saying like that that wasn't even
in that was like an aspirational option, like that was
that was like heaven. That was paradise, you know, what
I mean, like that was that was way over here
and you were only sort of you were only in
h what's the word I'm looking for when you're halfway
(04:36):
between one and the others. Yeah, thank you, Yeah, that's
where you were. But I also think like it was
just a simpler time. We were all more impressed by
much less because we were still experiencing things for the
first time. Right, So, like, you make out with a
girl like that was exciting, You make out with a
guy like that whole thing was exciting because like you
didn't know any more than that, maybe not, you know
(04:58):
what I mean, Or like I don't know, it's just
Friday night and you had a car and a dream.
I don't know. I mean, I just life was simpler then, right, So,
like you got to make out with someone, that was
a big deal. Now if you make out with someone,
I don't know. I hate to sound jaded, but like
at this point in my life, that's not really good enough.
By the way, neither is just having sex with someone,
(05:19):
Like that's not really like you want to do there. Well,
I think there's an elevated experience. I think there's a
connective experience. Oh yeah, you know, and I guess just
the activity itself. You know, you know in my late teens,
early twenties, whatever, that when you got laid, that was
(05:40):
still like a sort of a new experience, And then
I think that wears itself out too. I don't know,
do you think it's that we miss making out or
do you think that we missed the simplicity of a
time in our lives when that was still exciting.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I think it's both. I miss both.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I mean, because when is the last time that you
guys who were in which is all of you who
were in committed relationships, just had a nice fifteen minute
makeout session and then took your boners elsewhere, no, and left?
Because now that's the expectation, right, Like the makeout is
the lead in to sex. When was the last And
maybe actually I think that it's probably more common in
(06:17):
this room than not. But I would also argue, when's
the last time that you just had a oral sex
and we're done with it? Like I cannot remember the
last time that someone just gave me a blowjob and
that we were done. It was like good enough, Okay,
let's go to dinner or whatever, or like that was
the star activity?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh, that I do. Yeah, that happens a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
And then you don't expect anything for yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah. No, sometimes there's I mean he sometimes he'll just
do me. Sometimes they'll just do him. It depends on
if somebody doesn't want to do that, okay, yeah, yeah,
if they're like, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
No, I'm calebrating something. It wasn't like you go, I go,
or vice versa. Like I can't remember that.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Last the dream, that's the goal, but sometimes you don't
have time.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I honestly cannot remember the last time that that activity
was associated with anything other than getting me ready to
go do something to you go up sex. Yeah, And
again I'm not in a committed relationship, so I guess
you don't have to, like you don't have to squeeze
stuff in with life and you know what I mean,
Like I don't know. I don't live with anybody, so
(07:16):
it's not like we just have these random occasions. Like
when I do see someone, it's almost like we're going
on a date and then it's the whole thing. But like,
I just can't remember the last time somebody was like,
let me give you a head and then like cool,
I'm all set, like let's go ahead and go about
our day. Like usually it's it's I go, you go.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
You deserve that you're right, to give you're right. Everybody
just needs somebody you're right, get you.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
That you're right.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Yes, I can stand behind that well.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
But the makeout thing, like, I don't know, it's just
a simpler time. Like what I would I pay to
go back to being in high school again if I had, Yes,
I would if I had the knowledge that I have now.
I wish like youth is wasted on the young, right,
I wish that I if I could somehow go back
(08:10):
to being a teenager and do And I don't know
that I would do everything over again necessarily, but like
if I if I live this life and at the
end they were like, you can go back with all
the knowledge you have and do it again, Oh man,
you'd be fucking I would be doing all kinds of
shit because I was lacking in confidence and experience and
I was just behind everybody else. I went to small
(08:31):
school and the whole thing. I don't know. I just
think I wish I had, Like I wish that there
were a lot of things like I wish I had
known I had self diagnosed anxiety. When I was a kid.
I wish I had known a lot of things that
I could now overcome because I understand them. I didn't
understand them. Then I probably would have been a better
basketball player. I would have been a better test taker,
I would have gotten better grades. But then you have
(08:51):
to ask yourself, if you could go back and relive
from the simpler time forward, then do you wind up
in the same place you're in now? And is it
a better or a worse place? It would be a lawyer,
I probably, I don't know if I would have been
as happy doing that. I don't know. But it all
stems from making out. But do you ever just make
out and think you're just done, like cool, that's cool.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, No, no, no, we don't just make out. And no,
you can make out and that next thing, you know,
everything on hard and we got to finish.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Right, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 5 (09:20):
It's all hard on the floor, That's.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What I mean. Like, I don't I don't know too
many people that just make out and it's like, okay.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
It's rare, it's rare, but sometimes you gotta go or
your somewherre. You can't like finish things. You know, but
usually it leads to fucking yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, but I do.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I do have missed a feeling of like, oh, like, oh,
we're making out, and then you just go home and
think about that makeout session. You like, one day, I'm
gonna take him down, but you know you don't.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Have that right because we've already done it.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, we're taking each other down every day.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
There are people that in high school I made out
with that I wish i'd had sex with.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Did you did it?
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Like?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Was there a green light for you to go there?
And you were just a little bit nervous?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Yeah? Oh, there were plenty of green lights.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, And what was your biggest fear in that they
were going to be good?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Pregnancy. No. My parents were extremely effective at being like, yeah,
go right ahead, and you do yeay, go, yeah, you
do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
You thought even with a condom, like you could still
get somebody.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I was convinced that if I got someone pregnant, that
my life was over and then I would disappoint my
parents in my life. And that was my whole thing
is I was always afraid to disappoint my parents. They
were extremely effective. They weren't mean, they weren't necessary. I
mean they were they were hard on me, and they
were they were stricter than most. But it wasn't like
(10:36):
I fear that I feared disappointing them. They're very effective
at that and so I don't know, I just didn't do.
There were things I just didn't do because I was like, man,
this is too risky, right, this might be a problem.
Like if I if I fucked this up literally, then
uh you know, wow, and in retrospect, would have been
the end of the world. Of course not, but wouldn't
(10:57):
have were they right? Would it have? You know? Uh? Uh,
you know, stifled my my progress in life. Yeah, because
everything changes then your priorities change everything else. So so yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I had the same fear of like getting pregnant at
a young age. And I have friends that had gotten
pregnant and we're you know, having babies, and I remember
my first time thinking that, like, oh I'm pregnant now,
Like I don't know if you guys have ever walked
around thinking you were, like, it's like the first time
I ever did it. I was like, that's it. I
know I'm pregnant, Like I know it's not going to school,
like girl I might be pregnant, like you.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I mean, obviously that's something only women could really experience.
But like you, guys, I've never walked around thinking I
was pregnant. Now I got someone, even after your first
there have been a few times in my life where
it was like that could have happened, and like we
were waiting, you know, we were we were awaiting confirmation
(11:57):
that it didn't happen, and that confirmation she was a
little late.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
But never, yeah, that's a bummer.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Never, Never have I actually had that happened.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
No that I'm aware of the thrill of sneaking a
pregnancy test in the house or like, you know, you
got your best friend, like girl, girl, can you have
me a pregnancy test?
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Because I think I might be pregnant?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Pregnant.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
I'm such a hypochondriac and a paranoid weirdo that if
I were a girl, I would think I was pregnant
every month.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Literally That's how it was for like the first like
couple of years of fucking like, I was like, oh,
I did it now, even though I was like being safe,
I was too scared of pregnancy. But it was because
of those MTV shows I was terrified and but I
just used a condom. I wasn't gonna not fuck you know.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I remember it was in my twenties. But the first
time that I like didn't the first time you went
all the way without and that felt extremely reckless.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Extreme when you were living free.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah, extremely reckless. But it was also a thousand times better.
So I was like worth then. Oh god, but I
never a condom was at its true, that's not true.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I don't trust these women.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
That's true. No, I've done some very stupid things in
my life and gotten away knock on woods, somehow I've
I've come away unscathed. I don't know how wrap it up.
And it's a miracle, by the way that in some
of those instances that that wasn't the person because oh boy, yeah,
you know, it was a great idea at the time,
but now look money twenty years later. Yeah, right, inherent
(13:29):
in Yeah, you guys, I'm sorry, but my kid would
have to go ahead of you in the in the
will correct, it would go Polly mave this illegitimate child
that I would love deeply. And then and then you guys.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
You guys, yeah no, so don't have a kid.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And actually, you guys, haven't seen my will, but I
couldn't choose in the order in which it all should
be distributed. So it actually says in my will that
I'm going to put what's left in a room and
then you guys all go in, we lock the door,
and you figure it out. You would do that, Yes,
sick of it's in my will. Yeah, it's in my
will because I can't choose. I I love you all equally.
I can't choose what little fortune I have. My new
(14:05):
couch will be in this room, and whoever can carry
it out, my new couch, my new rug. Whoa, I
have two new rugs. Very excited.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
You gotta stop doing this stuff without talking about I
don't appreciate this.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Do you know the number of dms I got, even
from listeners who were like, you bought a new couch
and didn't talk to anyone about it. It's a big
It's like, no, I chose my own couch from my
own home. I did it. I really did do it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
You're crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And I haven't had a couch for like a week,
and I feel like a college student because I'm waiting
for the new one to be delivered. And I didn't
I don't have room for two couches, so one had
to go, and then the rug had to go down
before the couch shows up. So we're ready to go.
We are armed and prepared. I just don't have a couch,
so I feel like a college student again, like living
on one chair, like a little folding chair in my condo,
(14:50):
just sitting there waiting alone in front of the TV
for my couch to show up. I never knew how
much I loved my couch until I don't have one.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
That's real.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But this couch is a big up eight from the
previous couch, so I'm excited for its arrival. But this
is the kind of thing that you look forward to.
For some people, that was making out, and for me
it's a new couch. I feel very very grown up
in adult having to choose fabrics and all these different things. Yeah, anyway, Wow,
that making out was a simpler time.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yeah, make out.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
We need to all make out more and dance more.
I feel like we don't dance.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
We don't we don't dance enough.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Slow was the last time?
Speaker 5 (15:26):
You never?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
You need to slow dance very slowly?
Speaker 5 (15:33):
Birthday career hobby. Imagine that man flow.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
But you guys really just you just make out and
your relationships just to come full circle here. You really
just make out and then you're done.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
It's just me trying to make out with him, like
I feel you.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
He's just like I don't want to be smother. I
don't want to be smothered.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
It's like, come on, because I feel like we, you know,
make out and then like I get along a little
hard hard. Well, then I kind of want to get
rid of his hardness in a way that we would
both enjoy hopefully, you know.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
So like so I don't know everybody wins in the
family like he gets his Well, he doesn't have family.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Okay, so you don't. Okay, so you don't just make
out because if you suck his dick after make it
out with it, then that's not just making out.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
Noted yesterday I did.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
He got hard and you left him that way.
Speaker 5 (16:28):
No, he gave me a back pisage, the whole thing
going on. I don't worry about.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Us, so you had.
Speaker 5 (16:34):
I can't have sex right now, it's that time. There's
sex to be sex.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
So what did he did he like make out with
your back? Like, did he did he like hump your back?
Speaker 6 (16:44):
Like what, I like it because he like he help me,
like I'm in his face and like yours says.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Like like you're saying he did he didn't do that.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
No, we didn't have any kind of sexual relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
He humped you, nudged. No, I want tell me what's
wrong with me. You're the one describing this.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I'm not nobody.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Nobody had their privates out, like nobody had nothing, just
trying to make out with my man.
Speaker 5 (17:10):
He doesn't like it because I'm in his face and
he's want to be smothered. It's a whole thing.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
He's like you like, give me spae. He's like, you know,
I can see you guys doing that kind of like
get away from me thing. And I was like fine, and.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
Then I was like, give me a massage. I got
a back massage. It was just like nice. But tonight, yeah,
tonight he might get his dick suck. We'll see how
how I feel. Not during your birthday.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Birthday.
Speaker 6 (17:30):
I know I like doing it, so n I told him.
Plus it's been a minute. It's a whole fam ton is.
It's it's a calendar kind of event. Every day something different.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I hope you get your suck to because girl, it's
one more week.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, well.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I'm not going to be doing that.
Speaker 5 (17:50):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
I just think like, once you've had sex with someone,
then it's like, well the flood gates are open, right,
Like we've had sex with white, woulden't we just have sex?
Like I guess you're not limited to one activity, so
you just sort of take it all the way. But
like back in the day, and I realized some of
us were having sex and some of us weren't, but
when that wasn't on the table, like that was the
(18:12):
activity and that was exciting, right.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Sometimes you start, though, and you're on a time crunch
and don't have time to do the whole whammy. Sometimes
ugly that, But I mean the goal is to always,
you know, everybody reach their final destination.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I just and then this person on Reddit was suggesting
what if we had a dating app where that was
the expectation, Like, was it we're matching to make out.
I'm like, I think most of those makeouts would wind
up right boning because we're grown ups. And it's like,
I don't think people are satisfied with limitations. Once you've
had it all, you know, it would be like saying
here's the whole menu now, like you used to eat
(18:48):
off the child's menu, but now you can have the
whole menu, but you can only eat appetizers. You can't
have anything else. It would be like no, I want,
fuck you like I want I got grown up money
now and I want the filet and I want fucking
dessert too, right, you know? So I don't. I don't know.
I guess it's about sort of expectation, and I think
I think that's like, isn't that kind of life? Though?
Speaker 5 (19:06):
It is?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Once you've gotten this far, then you can't settle for
anything less than that, you know what I mean, Like
you've gotten to this point. Going backwards always feels like
a failure. Like if you get to a certain point
in your life, a certain level of independence or money
or whatever, and then somehow that gets taken from you,
that doesn't feel like a good thing ever, Right. I
(19:26):
can't think of an example where if they were like, hey,
you're gonna make that you're gonna live half as good
of a life as you're living, so you know what
I mean. So I guess it's like that's maybe why
people don't aren't you satisfied with like rudimentary activity anymore.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's the problem. Y'all don't appreciate nothing.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Y'all don't appreciate nothing, because when you couldn't have sex,
you were appreciating that little makeout session.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Now I appreciate it anymore because I didn't get you
a look.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Cat.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Now you need to maybe I need to make you
remember how I felt when it was like nope, mmm,
you're hard. You gotta walk, you gotta walk back home.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, talk it in your about Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
That yeah one, Jason, I can remember the errant boner
like in class. You know, just all of a sudden
it would get hard and you're like, oh my god,
not man. Man, Like a strong wind would come by
and it was like, oh I have to sit down.
Yeah yeah, those days are over. They ain't happening, no mo.
(20:20):
All right, well, I encourage everyone to try to be
satisfied with a makeout and only a makeup. That's beautiful, Jason,
go home today and just make out with military with
military mic. I know you would a lot of Mike's
around here. Okay, Mike, Mike the mechanic is yours. Military
(20:43):
Mike is Shelley's. Uh yeah, he'll be I'll probably have
better luck with military Mike.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
Than Mike doesn't want to make up with your.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Really that he just wants to do the other stuff. Yeah,
and he don't want to kiss like kiss, but no,
we're not like tonguing like it's not like and you
okay with it? You don't care? Yeah, I don't know, Ton,
You're not a tong kissed guy. Oh okay, yeah, all right,
Well go forth unto the day and enjoy your make
your simple makeouts. Yes and uh and there's another incredible addition,
(21:18):
enthralling addition of the tangent uh and make us a
precidt if you listen this far, I'd love to know
how many people are still do we get those kinds
of statistics? Can we look and see how many people
were tortured themselves enough to listen to all twenty some
minutes of this? Yes, please make us a precipt though
on the iHeart app Thank you,
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