Pick Your (Travel) Partner Wisely

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Let's to a tang A lot of wedding stuff on
the show lately, But I got another thing for you,
except that this doesn't relate to you at all. Kiki, No,
nothing about this at all. Hit the thing, Paulina. It's
the Tangent giving you all this shit we couldn't talk
about on the air, all right, So this is happening
in Raleigh, and you know we're on in Raleigh. We
love our friends in the Triangle. And I looked everywhere

(00:22):
this morning for an update on this and I can't
find one. So forgive me if there is one, and
if there is, then send me a note and we
can update it. But at least as of this morning
when I'm doing this, there has been no update to
this story. But either way, the fact that it got
this far is crazy. But have you heard this? Yes,
you heard about this.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
So it's a family in North Carolina that's requesting a
refund from a wedding venue after their son's sudden death
months before the ceremony. So this woman named Sue noted
that her son named Chris and it's fiance booked a
venue called the Cotton Room, which is an interesting name
for a venue and they said they cannot refund the

(01:02):
deposits paid, although they have done nothing to earn the
nearly twenty thousand dollars that has been paid to them
to this point. So the question is, and this is
from the mom of the deceased fiance, and how can
a venue that specializes in the business of love, happiness
and weddings have such a cold, cruel and compassionless response

(01:22):
to this tragedy that my son's family, fiance and her
family are dealing with. She wrote, And I guess contacted
a local news station and the local media is involved
in all of this, so I guess this all happened.
And then the woman left a Google review for the
Cotton Room explaining that her son and her fiance had
booked the venue for an October eleventh wedding, which would

(01:45):
be this weekend. She said, tragically, my son passed away
on May twelfth of twenty twenty five, and its fiance
has requested that the contract with the Cotton Room be
canceled and their deposits be refunded because of the unfortunate situation.
She continued that the Cotton Room has insisted they cannot
do this, although they have done nothing to earn the
nearly twenty grand According to the mother of the deceased,

(02:07):
media requests to find a solution of been unsuccessful, leading
she and her husband to contact a local news station
to see if they can help. How can and then
I read you that quote already. In a joint interview
with this woman's husband, the father of the deceased, the
couple said that he suddenly collapsed and died on May twelfth,
just one day before his thirty third birthday, which is tragic.

(02:30):
Of course, they were very excited, but there's not going
to be a wedding now, so I guess from what
I understand reading another article, they said, look, we'll try
and get someone else to take the date for you,
and then if we can do that, then you can
have your money back. But if we can't fill the day,
then you don't get your money back. And I just

(02:51):
think like the amount and the amount of negative press
that they've gotten from this has got to be worse
than the twenty thousand dollars that you would be giving back,
especially considering you didn't do anything yet, Like you didn't
cook any food, you didn't serve any drinks, you didn't
you didn't have anything in this exactly. You know. Now,

(03:12):
now there's the lost opportunity for you to have rented
it out to someone else for that day, right, because
was it May, June, July, August. They had six months.
I guess they had six months to get someone to
move it up, which I guess for a lot of
people is not enough time. But I guess I don't
see the harm in saying, you know what, this is
a terrible situation. This is no wrongdoing of yours. You know,

(03:34):
it's not like you decided not to get married or
someone cheated and you broke up and now you're like, oh,
we don't want to do it anymore. I mean, the
person is dead, exactly like the wedding cannot happen as planned.
So I don't see why you don't just give the
money back and that's just what you do. And then
I think there's a lot of good will in that,
you know, people being able to say, hey, they didn't

(03:55):
have to do that, but they did. And then I
don't think you're setting any kinds of unless a lot
of your grooms and brides start dying or something, which
I hope never happens, but it's not even like it's
a week before and you've already bought all the food
and all the drink, or like it's the day before
and the place is set up or something. I don't

(04:16):
I don't see why you don't just give the money back,
and I think at this point they probably will have to.
But as of this, this story has been out for
two weeks, and like I said, as of everything I
can find online, they have not in fact given them
any money back. And it's crazy.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
I think this is the issue with so many businesses
is that they don't look at the long term. They
look at the short term. Okay, we're losing X number
of dollars. But the thing that sets you know, other
businesses aside, especially in the service industry, is like, okay,
what if you do do the right thing, and you know,
you maybe go above and beyond, and then that will

(04:50):
get you more business in the future word of mouth
doing the right thing, Like, yes, you're not directly getting
money in exchange for that, but like these customer service
busines and says, if you do things like that, it's
going to leave a longer lasting impression and make more
people want to go with you, like they could have,
you know, helped with something for the funeral or whatever,
and then that family will never forget that right, what

(05:13):
they did for them.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
It's not worth it.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
And I just don't understand why we're taking our heart
out of like so many of these situations.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Well, that synopsis was from people, but I read somewhere
else that almost everybody else involved, all the other vendors,
florists and whomever else, they did go ahead and let
them out of the contract. Because again, this happened in May.
I'm assuming they got around to it late May June
whenever they got around to addressing this after they were
able to arrange all the other things that you have
to do when someone passes away, so I'm sure they

(05:41):
got to it as soon as they could. There isn't
going to be a wedding obviously, It's not like she's
just going to go meet someone else and then use
the day or whatever. So I mean a florist or
whomever else doesn't have anything in this yet, so yeah,
fine take here, you know what, here's your deposit, Like
you're not having the day, it's fine. And again, if
this had happened days before and everyone's already loaded in

(06:04):
and like there's a thing. Well, then maybe you say, look,
there's hard cost involved here that we can't get back,
but we'll give you every ounce of profit that we
would have made.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Even then, I think you take the ol. I mean,
we've lost our humanity.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
I think so too. But I mean maybe that's a solution.
I'm just offering other ways. But no, it's hey, this
day isn't going to be filled. We are going to
lose we believe twenty grand. You can't have it. That's
the end of the story. And imagine how much, whether
it's right or wrong, imagine how much business they've allow
lost from people who are not going to book this

(06:38):
venue because of the way they treated these people. I mean,
that's probably hundreds of thousands of dollars that you lost.
So I mean, even look at it selfishly and just say,
even if you came out and I think now it
might be too late because it's been a couple of
weeks and you've been pressured now by the media and
whatever else. But even if you came out said look,
you know, we're struggling. The industry is not what it

(06:59):
was as you know, we whatever, we were having problems
and we and we we didn't see this the right way,
and we were sorry, and here's your money back and whatever. Maybe,
but to the best of my knowledge, at least again,
it's not an easy google find if if it has happened,
they haven't even done that. They're just standing in their ground. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (07:19):
I read somewhere that this particular banquet hall is so
in debt that they don't have eighteen thousand dollars to return.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Back to the couple's That's what I'm thinking.

Speaker 5 (07:28):
That business like they're already just a bad that it's
not right, right, I believe, But even in that I
would have told the family like, look, I'll make payments
to you to get you back this money. In some way,
there's no way I would have stood just ten toles down,
like I'm not giving you your money back and I
don't care about you did fiance.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
Like that is ridiculous, That's what I mean. Like, I
think you come out and say like, hey, we're struggling
as a business, yeah, and unfortunately we're you know, essentially
using your money now to do this and kicking the
can down the road or whatever. But like we're going
to work this out together. And even if I you know,
even if it's a couple grand a month, like, we'll
get it back to you because unfortunately, you didn't do

(08:05):
anything wrong here and this other week can do. I
think I think there are ways to be transparent and
to Caitlin's point, have some humanity. Even if you are
a crappy business owner. I think you can come out
and say, hey, we'ren't a lot of trouble here, but
you shouldn't have to eat that, which you have.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
To be a terrible business owner.

Speaker 5 (08:21):
And this for this for a banquet hall not to
have twenty thousand dollars because literally they charge every person
that walks in there thirty thousand dollars for the same
napkins they use at the wedding before.

Speaker 4 (08:30):
How you lose money is in there right now.

Speaker 5 (08:33):
I'm like, okay, so this you've used this napkins since
nineteen ninety six, and it's twenty.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Thousand for me to use it. Right.

Speaker 5 (08:39):
It was also twenty thousand for the girl last Saturday,
So you gotta be making great money under brisiness. Yeah,
I don't understand how they're even upside down. But even
with that being the case, you work something out with
the family At this point because come on.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Man, Yeah, this is bad and it's terrible that people
can't you can't see that. You can't see that first
and foremost it's bad because it's bad, ye, like it's
not the right thing to do. And then I would
think very close to that for a lot of people,
sadly would be what's this mean for my business? And
how much worse is it going to get now if like,

(09:12):
let's say, people in the future now cancel the venue
or people in the future who were looking like there
are tons of comments in this one particular post of
saying I went and looked at the place and I
won't book it now because absolutely because of this, and
you know again there I mean, there are lots of examples,
I'm sure of people who were not going to give
the deposit back because you made a choice, right, like, hey,

(09:32):
we decided not to get married, we want our money back. Well, no,
that's nothing. You don't get to do that, like sorry,
because yeah, you know, now someone's only got five months
to book the venue and you don't feel like doing
it anymore because I don't know, you decided you're not
love and now we can't book it. We can't be
doing that well, no, if y'all.

Speaker 5 (09:47):
If anybody cheated or you know, the mystery starts working
at your job and you never told me, I got
to call the wad off.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
No, no, we don't get on money back. We don't
got to go back there. You No, we don't.

Speaker 5 (09:56):
But I'm just saying, if that was the case, you
don't deserve your money back, because hey, both of y'all
was still alive, breathing, and you deciding to call off
this wedding. But if one of us choke on a
chicken bone a die, I mean, come on, man, you
can get the money back.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I mean. I
wanted to I was also going to bring up this app.
I guess it's called fly me Out, which is a
dating epony. But I first read or I saw it
on TikTok or something.

Speaker 6 (10:22):
It was.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
It was more along the lines of the way that
the video made it seem was that it was what
you'd think it was, where like someone is going on
a trip and they are offering looking for someone to
go with them, and that if you're going on the trip,
that is sort of implied that it's romantic and that
you know, maybe some stuff goes down or whatever. But
when I look up the website they market it is

(10:44):
market it more as they plan trips and then you
can match with the trip and then go on it
as a group. That's the way that they make it sound.
But I don't know if there's a component to it
where I can I can say, Hey, I'm going to
Santro pay this weekend a lot. Uh, here's me, you know,
and I'll pay for the trip if you want to come,

(11:05):
and then you can match with me and go on
the trip for free. That was the way that it
was described. Maybe there's a component of that on there too.
But if you go online, the way to describe it
is more of like a group travel thing. Uh. But
but would you when you guys were single, would you
have ever considered going on a free trip with a
random person and just seeing what happens? Would you have

(11:30):
ever considered that? No?

Speaker 4 (11:31):
Not me, I'm not random.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Yeah, well that's the point of the app.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
Yeah, would know? It couldn't be random. No, I have
to like know you to some extent, like at least
like see you once in person.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
And then if you mean A fair question though, is
if you did match and you did go, if that
person had the expectation that you're going to get with them,
is that an well yeah, right, But my question is
is that an unfair expectation?

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Well, I was going to ask, like, do I have
my own room?

Speaker 1 (11:57):
Well, I don't know. Again, I don't know if you
could like lay that out if you get me. I don't, yeah,
because on the website they make it seem like it's
more like, you know, like like less about sex and
travel back right right exactly, and more about meeting people
or traveling with you know, random other people, like more
of a group setting. But yeah, my question would be,

(12:17):
I mean, if a dude is holding himself out as
having a free trip and he's going to pay a
stranger to go, I don't necessarily think that it would
be fair for you to assume that's not about sex. Now,
you don't ever have to do anything, right, Like, you
don't ever have to do anything. I want to make
that clear, But like, why am I? I guess I
could be looking to pay for someone to come with

(12:38):
me because I don't want to be alone. But I mean,
if we're doing this based on looks like if I'm
matching with you based on what your profile looks like,
and you're going on all and I guess that the
upside for you is you could probably go on a
random trip every week if you're willing to go with
some grandpa or whomever's on this thing, And who knows,
maybe maybe you you it's not as sort of sinister

(13:01):
as it sounds, and you wind up, you know, liking
someone or a fellow world traveler. Maybe it's not that
bougie and I don't know, but but then again, anyone
who's got the money to be paying for a stranger
to go on a trip with them, I feel like
it's going to have some sort of preconceived notion about
what the fuck is going to happen on this thing.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
So on the app, like one person is fronting all
the money for the trip.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
That was my understanding that must be the components of it,
because that's how I found out about this was that
was the debate was would you go? But then again,
when you google it, it makes it seem like it's
not for that purpose. Now, maybe some people are using
it for that purpose, But then I just thought, well,
the broader question would be would you say, fuck it,
I'll go, I'll go to Italy with a random for

(13:42):
a week. It's free. But man, the worst thing that
I can think of, because I've done it, is I've
gone on trip with someone who I was sleeping with,
like dating, and I thought we were good, and then
we wind up in wherever and I realized I hate
this person, Like this person sucks, like they sucked to
try with. They they you know, we had one idea
of what the trip was going to be and then

(14:04):
you decided it was going to be something different and
then you throw a fit and then you know the
nothing's right, and it's like you wind up being super
high maintenance. I mean, I'm thinking of one trip in particular,
Well no I am, I am no. I mean I
dated someone briefly and then we I had a trip
already that I was going to go on by myself,
and I'm like, why do you come with me? And
then we get there and it was just like it

(14:25):
was just like constant need for uh you know, uh,
the constant entertainment, and we got to do this, and
we got to do that, and we're going here and
we're going there and this wasn't good enough in that
and before long I'm like, no, this was my This
was my chill trip. I told you what I was
going to do. I'm going to so and so place
and I'm laying up and I'm not doing shit because
I'm tired. And then we get there and it says no,

(14:47):
I want this and I want that, and we'd go there. No,
this isn't right. Then we had to go somewhere else,
and before long I'm like, dude, I don't work for
you right exactly, like wait a minute, where's the where's
the like you know, give and tank on this thing
and that.

Speaker 5 (15:00):
Are a special type of evil, literally, like how are
you mad? And we're on vacation. You weird, though, but.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
It probably saved me a lot of time because I
don't know. Apparently a lot of men are of the
mindset that they whatever you need, whatever you want, we'll
do it, Okay, okay, okay, you know I'll do this,
I'll do that. And I might I might be inclined
to do that, but I wasn't. I wasn't in this
setting because I'm like, wait a minute, I told you,
I'm going to this place, and I'm gonna sit by
the pool and by the beach, and I'm going to

(15:25):
chill out for three or four days. Do you want
to come? Yeah? And then we get there and it's like,
where's the entertainment? Yeah? Why aren't we taking the Why
aren't where's this? And where's that? And then we had
to go to four different restaurants to find the place
that you wanted to eat. But but it's just like
what are we Like I'm working now, But it's not
even that, it's more like, are you okay so you

(15:48):
want to go to this place? We'll then find out
where it is and then maybe you do the homework
on where we're going and then we go or like,
you want this activity, well then plan the I guess
plan the activity or like or or if I say, hey,
I really don't want to do that, then what's your reaction? Like, Oh,
that's cool, it's your trip, you're paying for it, so yeah,
let's just chill and do this. No, no, no, But
if you throw a fit, you know, or are you

(16:09):
the person that wants to get to the airport eight
hours early or are you the person that thinks that
you should be at the airport after the plane's already
taken off? Because this person was kind of like that.
It was like what times a flight leave too, Let's
go at two fifteen. Well that makes a lot of sense,
doesn't it because the planes in the air, it flew
away already.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
You have to travel with someone early on. And I
really believe that.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Oh no, it saved a lot of a lot of
time and agony for me. But you know, and I
will admit, like I'm a stubborn person, and once you
push me in the wrong way, like now i'm sort
of now I'm pissed, and I did it. I went
with it because it's like here we are, and I
got to get through this. But like, once you push
me in the wrong way and I don't really know you,
and we don't you know. I like to use the

(16:51):
word equity a lot, like if I got to like
you and care about you, and then I start caring
for you. Right, But I barely knew this person. It
was my faull. I never should have taken them on
a trip, but I thought, hey, what the hell? You know,
how what how could you possibly how could she get
fucked up? In it? Places with a pool and a
beach right and drinks like there's nothing about there. And
it was three days, like four days there's nothing about

(17:13):
this that can get fucked up.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
And you're supposed to be the best version of yourself
at first, So like, if she can be you know,
a biach in early on in a place with a
pool and a margarita, then imagine what she has up
or sleep for the rest of the relationships.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
I was so mad we had to eat it this
one place. So we go there and it was outdoor
and it was in Mexico, and I am getting destroyed
by mosquitoes, like destroyed because we wound up getting sat
next to a bush and I'm getting eaten, like like
I'm not talking one or two, I'm talking like twenty yeah,
and I'm like, hey, we got to go, like I

(17:47):
can't do this. No, no, we're eating here. We're eating here.
And then finally one mosquito bites her one time and
it's just fit, we must sleep. We're leaving this big scene.
And then the next day my leg was literally covered
I think it was I think I thirty six bites
on my one leg from yeah, and she's like, oh,
it looks like you did get a bit, huh. I'm like, yeah, yes,

(18:07):
I was trying to tell you, but you didn't give
a shit until you weren't happy and then we got
to leave boot Lady. But it was like that all weekend.
Everything was like that. It was like, I don't like
it here, let's let's leave. I don't know you picked it.
And then it was then it was like yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
but whatever, it is fine. But we obviously obviously we
weren't congruent. Like I think she was used to men

(18:31):
who I think she was very pretty. I don't think
she was very pretty, and I think she was used
to men serving her. Like the terms of the relationship
with her were you get to be with me, so
we do everything my way and if I'm not happy,
then you don't get to be happy. And that's just
how this works. And that's just not me. I'm way
more of like a meet me in the middle guy.

(18:52):
I'm way more of like, let's make decisions together, let's compromise.
You know, Hey, maybe I invited you on this trip
and I'm paying for it, so maybe this is can
be about rest and relaxation and maybe the next trip.
Then we plan it together and then we do some
of the things that you want to do and some
of the things that I want to do, or maybe
when I tell you, hey, I'm really uncomfortable here, that's
good enough for you to say, Okay, let's move on.

(19:14):
Let's just go somewhere else. I don't want you to
be uncomfortable. But instead it was no way till I'm
uncomfortable and then we can go, and like everything was
that way. So I kind of sound like an asshole
right now. I don't mean to, But for me, it's
just like, can it be a little about both of us?

Speaker 3 (19:28):
I think that's fair, Paulina.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Aren't you a hobby like this?

Speaker 3 (19:31):
Like doesn't one of you like to do activities and
the other ones to chill?

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (19:34):
Did I make that up? How do you guys see it?
Sometimes not well, but we've learned to kind of compromise.
So I'm the girl that wants to go like excursions,
but not just like I don't want to kayak, like
through the jungle. I don't want to do that. I
want to because I hate that stuff. I love the
like going to like the cities right and like being
in someone's grandma's kitchen eating they're like Dominican food, Like

(19:54):
I love that, like bring me like to like the
whood of Dominican Republic.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
I want to see how like the locals.

Speaker 4 (19:59):
I want to live a local. And he doesn't like
that because he's bougie. So he wants to be on
the beach with the all inclusive right with like rom
and a cigar, and that's fine. So we had to
learn how to do both because he told me straight up,
he's like my family when we go travel, like we'll
be on the beach all day to the point where
we're just like red and burnt and like exhausted. He goes,
We'll be there all day eating and drinking. I don't
do that. It's like I want to like go places

(20:19):
and see things.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
So then what do you do? So do you get
to where like you do that and then and then
you go eat somewhere like good night or like you
research it and then you go is that how you
you see? Compromise.

Speaker 4 (20:30):
We have to compromise. So we'll do like one beach day.
And I hate it because I don't want to be
in the sun for like, like I don't know, twelve hours.
It's a lot, and I don't like it that much,
but like I'll compromise. I'll do it. But then yes,
like the next day, we'll go to like the city
and like you know, take the tour bus or whatever
and like go off and do our own thing there
and then we'll come back and like, you're right, I'll
let him pick dinner one night. I picked the next night.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, no, that's what you gotta do, you know. And
I think they'll like in this case, it was you're right,
Like I this was a trip that I had planned
to go on by myself for the purpose of X
y Z.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
That's the important part is that you needed to reach charge.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
And then I was like, you want to go, And
so then I added this person and bought another plane
ticket and whatever, and I was fine, that's fine, but
I want you to come. But like I was very clear,
like this is what I'm going to do. Oh yeah,
no problem. And then we get there and then it
was like nope, this is boring. I gotta do this
and the other thing. And then it was get up,
we're doing it, like it's like no, hold on, oh
my gosh, you know. And it was so I don't

(21:24):
want to say, like I'm not the guy that everywhere
we go, I don't leave the hotel. But I also
think there would be something about like if this person
and I had planned it together, especially who cares if
I paid for it if she did? But like if
you if we split a trip, well then it needs
to be about both of us. Or if we're in
a relationship together and I pay for it and we
plan the trip together, it needs to be about both

(21:46):
of us, right, Like we're not going to sit by
the pool all day or whatever. Like if you want
to go look at ruins or whatever the fuck, well
then I'm gonna do that with you because that's important
to you. But like that one't. Yeah, you're always at
the ruins, man, You always trying to get to the ruins.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
I did go see Machu Pchu, not Machu. We were
not in Peru.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
That's the different one. It was the other one that
I thought, Yeah, the Mayan stuff.

Speaker 4 (22:07):
That's right, And whose idea was that?

Speaker 3 (22:08):
Me?

Speaker 1 (22:09):
You would never but you're right though this said so
much about everything. The trip just told me that there
was no flexibility, that there was no real consideration. And
then I just learned like this is what she's used to.
She's used to just whatever you want, that's what we're
going to do. And I'm just not that guy. Like
I'm not that guy, especially if you're telling me to
be that guy, Like I think you'd find that, like

(22:30):
I am very accommodating and I do care about your
well being and like I will take care of you.
But the last the one way to not get me
to do that is for you to command me to
do it, like I'm a waiter or something. But then
I realized, like this is this is an every right,
like men served, men were utility for her, They served
a purpose and in return you got to be with her. Okay, well,

(22:52):
that that probably works, I think. I don't know she's
married or what now. That probably works for a lot
of people.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
Is she Marrio?

Speaker 1 (22:58):
I have no idea. I actually don't know, but I
know were there were a number of men she moved right,
I don't know did she?

Speaker 3 (23:07):
Oh, I thought you told me she did. Maybe I'm
thinking of a different girl.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
No, we're thinking of the same person. I think maybe she.
I really don't know. I have no idea, and it's good.
I wish her well and if that's if that's what
works for her, fine, But like I don't know. I
did not feel like anything I said mattered. I didn't
feel like there were two shits given about I mean,
I could have been like, you know, huking my guts
at and it would have been like, I don't know,
we're going doing this, like I just don't think. It

(23:31):
didn't matter and I didn't matter, and so that sucked.
But I found that pretty early and it didn't last
much longer than that. So I think to your point, Kaylin,
I think you can find out a whole lot about
a person. The problem is now you're off doing it.
Now I'm there right like, so I can't get away
from it, right, So you got it. It's like you
got to kind of like know a little more than
just we just met. But at the same time, you

(23:53):
are always taking your risk because once you're you know,
a thousand and two thousand miles away from home and
the persons, you realize that you guys are not looking
at things the same way. That can be troublesome.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Maybe you've got to do it like Jason is doing
it where after fifteen years sure, yeah, no where other
people are going on the trip, so you can do
you and then your partner can do whatever they want.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
To do to that.

Speaker 6 (24:14):
Yeah, because there's a lot of stuff we're not gonna
want to like he's not going to do it, I
want to do and vice versa.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
So it's like, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Yeah, I get that. It's tricky, like if you want
to go jet skiing and I don't, and it's just
the two of us, like I'm not going to send
you off jet skiing was some stranger by yourself, Like
I wouldn't do that at all, But I don't know.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
It's just but like she wouldn't be going on the
trip if it wasn't for you, having already planned it
to get regalaxation, Like there's a difference between it's both
of your trip are like, hey, I really need to
write exactly do you want to come along and recharge
with me?

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (24:45):
You know, all of a sudden, now she wants to
go to the damn ruins.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
It wasn't. I mean that the mosquito thing sucked, but
it wasn't. I got laid a couple of times. It
wasn't the worst, but like, yeah, now worth it. I
don't know, I just realize we are not in this
the same That's what I realized, and and I realized
that this is not a I don't know, this is
a person who wants something that I'm not willing to
give in these terms, because no, I don't. Maybe some

(25:11):
people are fine with the sort of transactional or like
or people. Maybe there are people that really like being
a waiter. I don't know. I think there are probably
people that are more into service than I am. But again,
like I can be so stubborn, Like as soon as
you push me and like make me feel like I'm
serving you because you must, it's like, oh no, I

(25:35):
don't want to do that. Because also it's like because
I want to serve you, because I want to serve you, right,
Like I want to take care of you because that's
what I want to do from within me, not because
you've told me I had to or that I wasn't
doing it right. That doesn't work for me. I was.
Probably it's probably why I'm not married. It's probably why
i'm not. I feel like I feel like a lot

(25:55):
of people who are married, they have to eat a
lot of shit, and I'm not good at eating shit.
I don't eat shit. Off terrible eating.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
I want all the time.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Now I would, I would need to learn to. I
think let a lot of things just go. But not
being eaten by mosquitoes. Fucking miserable, terrible, And that's like
a five day fuck up, Like that's terrible, I'm itching
all day. Well I'm talking about mosquitoes, lady, you don't care.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
I love that you took the time to count how
many you had on your your left.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Well it was hard not to, I mean, but I'm
not even embellishing though, Like my my leg right or
left whatever was was covered. Uh, that's the worst, terrible anyway, Well,
we're not together, it's been years. Well, I wish your well.
Can you tell I do wish your well? But I
guarantee that that woman is with a guy who just
does whatever she wants and just says okay, and maybe

(26:47):
he's okay. But see, I question guys like that. I
question I would question women like that, like you're if
you're okay, just letting someone else make every decision and
run you over, Like what's really going on?

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (27:01):
I want someone to check me every now and again.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
Like are you doing that? Because like where where are
you getting your way? Cause like, for example, we I've
known people before who they go home and get run
over and then they come to work and then they
over exert themselves like there's some kind of big shit
because they feel like they have to hear because they
because at home, they're a bitch, you know what I mean.
And it's like like like everybody deserves to be everyone

(27:25):
deserves to be heard, everyone deserves their needs to be
met in some regard, So like where are you getting that?
Like if you're just getting fucking mode over in your
private life, then are you cheating on me? Like where
are you getting that? Or are you truly somebody who
just doesn't have any I don't know, like you don't
your needs don't matter. And then I like, why is that?

(27:46):
Like let's talk about that.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
I think it's a bad sign when you become like
complacent or you don't, you know, put up an argument
or a fight because you've like lost the will because
you just want to like avoid the argument, you know
what I mean, keep the peace.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, yeah, it's just it's compromise, That's all I'm asking for.
But once you don't compromise with me, where where we
I'm a I'm a I'm not a fun person. I'm
not a I'm not I don't want to because I'm
just like fuck off, Like what are you doing? Like
like I just need to matter, and I don't know.
I'm sure there's some deep fatherly issue where that comes from,

(28:19):
and ten years of therapy I haven't resolved yet. But
I think it's like a suit. The moment that I
don't matter, or that you don't treat me like my
like I'm important in some way or my needs are important.
The moment that happens we have a problem.

Speaker 4 (28:35):
I think that's fair mm.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Hmm, except sometimes I just let it continue to happen
and then it just gets worse, as opposed to just
saying this, this is a big this is not These
are signs already that you don't give up because you're
If you're doing that in the beginning, it will not
get better.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
No, but you got to make sure that it's actually
hurts first, you know, like I wouldn't leave after like
one instance. You got to make sure that they no no, no,
no, no blood and they love me.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
No, no, I know, you know it wasn't one thing
or two or three or four or five, beat up
a little bit everything. Yeah, And then I'm like, oh,
so okay, so if we don't do this, if we
don't so this just got flipped on me. Basically, yeah,
I don't like it. I'm sorry, I'm over it now.
It's good. No, thank you for allowing me to get

(29:23):
that off my chest. But really, what it comes back
to is, would you go on a trip with a stranger,
and would you have the expectation that you're gonna have
to bang the person. I would assume that that person
is not necessarily out here paying for free trips men
paying for free trips for women or women for men
with zero expectation. Again, does that mean you have to

(29:43):
do anything? Absolutely not. But I don't think these people
are doing this time and time again. Let's say they're
even even one time. If I'm like, hey, strange women
who have never met, would you like to go to
you know, Florence with me for a week, I'm paying
for everything. I I don't necessarily think that in my mind,
I'm not, especially if we're choosing based on what you

(30:05):
look like. I don't know that. I think it would
be fair to assume that I'm being chosen for, you know,
for what's inside, for my rich appreciation for Italian art
and wine, and you know, for the kind of human
being that I am.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
You got to keep a player though, like, if you
are expecting that, don't ever show that, because the less
you show that, the more likely you are to get laid.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
One hundred percent. No, that is excellent advice, Like be chill.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
And maybe I'll throw you one, but you gotta be
fucking chill, bro.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
I just don't think I would take the risk, even
if I had the chance of getting laid by a
hot chick, for the reasons, for the reasons that I've
just described for the past twenty minutes, I think that
is why I would not do it. I would not
do it because here we are, thousands of miles away
from home. And then I realized that this now, all
of a sudden, I'm fucking waiting on you, and I'm like, no,
I'm paying for this. And wait a minute, hold on.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
Have you ever flown a girl out that you had
not met in person yet?

Speaker 1 (30:57):
No?

Speaker 3 (30:57):
No, No, okay, No, I was wondering how that went.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
No, that was the that was one of only a
future how many vacations that might be the only one.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
No.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
I've traveled with a couple of people, but I knew them,
and and and and and we we compromised, and there
was you know, there was care on both sides, so
there was no problem. You know. I I had to
go look at a fucking jungle and then you know,
she had to drink with me by the pool like
it is fine. Yeah right, I had to go kayaking
in the jungle like Paulina wants to. Yeah, I think

(31:36):
your trip would be good, Jason, I just.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
I think I'm worried. Look, I'm worried, but I don't.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
The part I think is funny is that his parents
are coming. That's that's weird, Like you.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
That's like my only saving grace in my no I.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Hear that you're saying that. But like you want a
trip anywhere in the world. You you're taking obviously taking Mike,
and you're going someplace like hot. You're going to uh
uh Torch and Kekos, and like this is a chance
to like be hot and like be your hot self
and just just fuck yeah you are though you guys
are hot, and then just fuck a lot and just

(32:08):
like be like b you know, and you're no one's
gonna know. You could do anything, but instead now his
parents are coming, and it changes the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
I don't know, it wasn't like ever in my brain,
like hot, you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
Be Did he invite them without telling you?

Speaker 2 (32:25):
No, he asked me.

Speaker 6 (32:26):
Okay, but it's like it's so funny because it's like
we would never pay for a vacation like period ever, right,
like ever ever.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Ever go on vacation anyway?

Speaker 4 (32:34):
Right, come on?

Speaker 6 (32:34):
But so then like now his parents are coming and
so like they paid to go on vacation.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Like it's just it's so like odd. But yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 6 (32:42):
I'm more worried about like the travel of it all,
like the airport of it all, the shuttle.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
I'm amazed that you have done that. You guys have
been together for fifteen years and never been on an
airplane together. I'm shocked by that.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
I me too, And I am I'm going to be
shocked by travel like habits. I guess I don't know.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
Are you sitting with him, do you know?

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Okay, yeah, she'd be like, you know how I like
Mike a lot, you know that. But I feel like
what I've described, I mean Mike Mike's would you say
in your relationship that, like you you kind of make
Mike happy, like we eats Mike's way. So again, so
what I've described, I think works for a lot of people,
Like I think a lot of people are okay with Hey,
she drives the bus. I think my mom is that way. Honestly,

(33:29):
I think my mom is a very thoughtful, caring person,
and she gives. I think she gives a lot. But
when we do it her way, like we go where
she wants to, we eat where she wants to eat,
we stay where she wants to stay, and and and
she'll try she'll act like it's not that way. But
my dad, my dad had for forty years. I think

(33:50):
she drives the bus. Now on the flip side, she
drives the bus, which means at home, you know, the
meals are cooked, the houses together. At work, she gets
her because they own a business together. She gets her
shit done like she carries her weight. But you can't
expect it to be that way and then not be
that way in other regard, right, Like, so I guess

(34:11):
it works for them, but for me, it's Wait a minute,
So you're taking and taking and taking and taking and taking.
Where's the give? Like what do I get out of this?
And I'm sorry, but if the give is just I'm here,
well that's not that's not enough of a give. For me,
like I need, I need, I need you to be
more to the relationship than just a presence.

Speaker 3 (34:30):
Yeah, and your dad knew what it was though when
she got into Oh no, no, no, you don't need
to feel bad for him because he knew what he
was getting into and he loved it.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
No, you can't feel bad for him because I love
my dad to death, but he he would not survive
without my mom. We've tried this a little bit and
it doesn't work well. Like the guy can't I love him,
but after thirty five, thirty eight years of being taken
care of and having everything handled, yes, and looks and
my dad he runs that business too, and he does

(34:59):
trust me like she needs him as well. Yeah, but
like as far as like human survival is concerned, the
guy can barely feed himself. I don't think he knows
how to watch clothes anymore. Like I don't think he
knows I don't think he'd know the first thing about
how to pay a bill or because it's all been handled.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
Yeah, it's like hard when I hear like, oh, I
feel so bad for so and so, Like so and
so runs the relationship. I'm not talking about them, but
I go wait a minute, aren't they also a consenting adult,
Like either they can do something about it or they
can leave. Why are we feeling bad for another grown
you know, like it's like they knew what it was.
They can use their big girl or big boy words.

Speaker 4 (35:31):
I love a couple where you look at them and
you're like, okay, could tell she's like running the show,
but he's just like there for a good time, not
a long time, Like no, you know what I'm saying,
he's having fun, Like I think your dad's having a
good time.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Well, he's there for.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
A long time, A long time.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
I don't know. I don't know about that. But what
I would say is, I don't know. I think it's
it's more complicated than that.

Speaker 4 (35:52):
But of course, did I hear you?

Speaker 1 (35:54):
No, I think he my mom brings so much value,
but it's not free, you know, it's there is an
expectation that comes along with that. And so you know
the times when I think, man, she's riding his ass,
I think, no, she's riding his ass because she expects
something back. It's a partnership, right, and she feels like now,
I think where it gets more complicated is that she

(36:18):
in his case I think he's got to have it. Like,
and again I'm not saying my dad is not capable
of independence, but he may not be after all these years.
I'm not sure. But like, my mom does more for
everyone than they asked her to do. And then I
think that even though she does it because it's who
she is, there is this sort of unspoken expectation of
what that really what she's going to get back, and

(36:40):
no one ever gives her back what she gives them.
So part of what I've tried to get with her
about over the years is, then maybe don't give everybody
as much, Mom, because you carry around all this resentment
because while this is who you are, nobody does for
you what you do for them, and I know in
deep down it pisses you off. So like to a
certain extent, maybe maybe you don't have to cook food

(37:02):
for the entire fucking neighborhood, or maybe everybody who needs
you doesn't need to be one hundred percent of your
project all the time, Like maybe you've given too much
to other people and you haven't spent enough time making
sure you're good.

Speaker 3 (37:14):
I relate to her a lot in that way, and
I'm interesting.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Hon Yeah, and so like for me, it's I know
why you're pissed off, but like, and especially when it
comes to like me or my sister or my dad,
like we owe her, like we need to make sure
that we're carrying our weight. But there are times where
I'm like, you know, Mom, I know you're a little uh,
I know you're a little resentful about this, but like, remember,
I didn't ask you to do that, you know, Like

(37:37):
I live one percent independently, ninety nine percent independently, So like,
thank you for doing that, but don't don't be mad
at me because you didn't get what you needed from
me out of that. I didn't ask you to do that.
I didn't need you to do that, you know kind
of thing. But then I think there are a lot
of other people out there who she's just constantly serving
because she's a service person, and they don't give her shit,

(37:59):
and then understandably she gets pissed off. But the solution
there would be then fucking don't give it to them,
you know, And I don't think that. I don't know
because I know people. There are people out there who
can just give and give and give and give and
give and not get back and somehow they can just
do that and they don't. It doesn't affect them. I
think she's someone who it affects. I think that's human.
I wish she would do less, but anyway, it's all good.

(38:22):
But yeah, no, that's a give and take thing. Like
it's like, you know, my dad will be God, she's
on my ass today, I'll be like, well, then get
off your fucking ass and do the things she asked
you to do, and then there's nothing else to say.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
Yeah, it's never just like black or white, like she's
on my ass, there's usually a reason or he you know,
he's on my ass.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
Or you know, she'll come down on him. And I'm thinking,
want to hold on, Like he doesn't do nothing in
this family, like he's my dad is not a loser,
might very much not a lose.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
So it's like, you know, isn't it fun when you
become an adult you try to like police the little.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
So it's so weird. It's so weird because they're your parents, right,
Like these are my parents and they're always going to
be my parents. But like I can see through some
of the bullshit now, and I can see the excuses
and I can see like that you know, I can
tell when I'm not being told the truth, and I
can it's sort of like, you know, I, oh God,
you guys like you too, you know, and I can

(39:15):
tell they they don't like it. But the problem is
like I was raised by these people to be a
certain kind of way, and so then when I assert
myself and it's like, oh, what are you doing that for,
it's like, because you fucking taught me to, you realize
I'm a part of you. Oh yeah, yeah, that's it's
a whole different tangent. But anyway, I'm gonna go on
the apps if I can get late this weekend and

(39:37):
where from it. No, I think I think the moral
of story is I'm not I'm not built for taking
random people on trips hoping that I'm gonna get later
that it's going to go well, because I think that's ballsy.
But anyway, here's the tanks. Thanks for listening.