Kaelin's Eyes Are Open

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Dear blog. So I got stuckyesterday, and no Rufio, not like
those movies you watch category. Iwas not stuck in a dryer or a
garbage disposal, but I was stuck, okay, Hi, And this is
hold on a second, right rightnow, you're listening, and this is

(00:21):
frid This is the Chronicles of LivingAlone, which I know you can relate
to. So I got stuck ina dress. I was trying on dresses
that I ordered for the wedding I'mgoing to next weekend. And you know,
obviously some dresses have zippers in hardplaces, right, And so the
zipper was like up here and high, and it got stuck. And first

(00:42):
of all, I had to goto a meeting that Kiki and Jason Jason
were on, and I was like, I might have to go to this
meeting in like a full gown yearsof all, which would look crazy.
Second of all, I'm like,I can't wear this thing to bed tonight.
Like I literally couldn't get out ina formal dress. I'm like,
girl, what you do last night? Right right over here? That's like

(01:06):
driving through the loop on a Saturdaymorning at about six thirty. Every now
and again, I have to doit for some charity event or something.
And that's all you see is islike women hold either dudes who's like shirts
are completely untucked and wrinkled and they'relike buttoned down to like their navel,
or women in a formal dress holdingtheir heels. It's like, I know,
than yeah, so that would havebeen me. So I'm thinking of

(01:29):
my options and I'm like, Okay, I think my only two are that
I couldn't either knock on one ofmy neighbor's doors who I don't know and
ask them too UNSI or exactly,which is why I didn't. I mean
next to your neighbor. Oh,I'm not wearing any other So that's why

(01:53):
that option quickly went out the door, right. So then I'm like,
Okay, I live close to work. I show up to work in a
ballgown. You guys were all gone, So I'm like, should I go
to work where at least people knowme? And then I'm I'm not hitting
on them and ask them to unsitme. We can we go back to
the neighbors scenario, because when youknock on your neighbor's story, it's always

(02:15):
a buff ball guy. You seenmy neighbors. I don't want to be
doing that. My doctor slash extronautslash lawyer slash guy. It's always why

(02:36):
is that you got a lot ofneighbors like that. I basically live in
a nursing home because there's a lotof old people. In my days,
I would give some poor man aheart attack. What did you do?
Ahead? We was alve the issue, so I was finagling, finagling.
I'm looking in the mirror. Imean, it took me like over an
hour to get out of this dress, and finally I contorted and was able

(02:57):
to get out of this damnd.I was out of breath when I got
on the meeting because I have beentrying the dress, to get out of
this dress. But I was like, oh my god, I might have
to sleep in this thing. Ohmy god. These are living alone issues
I think about sometimes, Like Idon't I'm trying to think of an example,
like an equivalent example, But Ido think about like if something happened
to me, God forbid, knockon wood, how long would it take

(03:20):
before somebody figured it out? Imean, if something happened to me on
a Friday, I don't think anybodywould know until Monday. Yeah right,
listen, Well that's why I wantto life. At five o'clock on Monday
morning, it'd be like, where'sFred, I'll be here in a minute.
Yeah, it'd probably be six ors. It'd probably be a good
four days later. Anybody would findme. You know, I want to
go too for on a life alertbecause I'm genuinely looking into fitting one.

(03:43):
I think that's not a terrible idea. I fall all the time, and
sometimes in the shower, like Ineed fall on the shower. I just
I'm the clumsiest person you've ever met. I'm sure you have all seen me
fall a million times. I'm alwaysslip inside in I don't know. Yeah,
it's crazy. I need a lifealert. So we'll go to first.
But yeah, I literally was gonnaknock at my neighbor's store and asked
to uns at me. So why'sthe camera crew? Why? Why is

(04:10):
the cameras inside of your apartment?Ring? You're so surprised. Wait,