February 20, 2025 • 24 mins
Today on Relationship Talk Thursday, Sonya Blakey is joined by Pastors Jerome Glenn and Erica Glenn to discuss their new book, *Power Couples*. In today's show, the Glenns focus on how to turn conflict into connection, and they explain how this approach can bring you one step closer to a better marriage.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Inspiration thirteen ninety Family, I'm saying you, Blakey.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I pray, like God, how can we make relationship talk
Thursday happen again.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
We've had a great run with Pastor Ford and Love
mc pherson, and now it's all about the Glenn's Pastor
Jamone Glenn and Pastor Erica Glenn, who serve as executive
pastors there at the New.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Life with a Pastor Hannah. But they do more than that.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
You know, they've been married for about twenty years, they
got three kids, and they write books. They write books,
and so we're focusing in on their latest book, which
is called Power Couples.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You want to say anything to the audience, great, the
audience of Jesus name Chicago. Hey, Chicago, Thank.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
You so much, Sia. We're on thirteen ninety Chicago, Sia, right,
it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
It is.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So we want to talk about because we have some
great questions, and we're also going to welcome more questions
throughout the show. But I want to turn talk about
turning conflict into connection because I've been married thirty years.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh my god, yeah, like I know.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Oh, and so even in our thirty years of marriage,
I mean, we've had conflict.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I mean, we still do thirty years in. I mean,
it happens.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
But let's talk about that conflict turning conflict into connection.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
I mean, the two shall become one.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Right, that's conflict, Okay, that's I mean, and the two
shall become one.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It sounds sexy when you talk about having sex. It
sounds beautiful at your wedding, but when it comes down
to really two people becoming one person, there's some conflict
that's going to be there. But just because there's conflict
there does not mean there has to be disconnection. Conflict,
we say, is an opportunity for intimacy. It's an opportunity
for growth. It's an opportunity and all you're getting to
(01:40):
get an understanding, right, It's an opportunity to give, to
submit to one another, to have a perspective that you
didn't have.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Conflict is just a part of growth, part of marriage.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
And I think that people forget that their relationship, their marriage,
is a living organism.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
That it is. It is alive and because it's.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
Alive, going to be you know, highs and lows and
ins and outs, and you kind of have to go
with the flow of it versus just like Okay, we
got conflicts, so and I'm out.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
But it's like if you push, if you push.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
Into that conflict, you will see your spouse in a
way that you've never seen them before. Because on the
other side, based upon quote unquote, who is the person
that brought the conflict, now they're receiving grace, and now
you're able to be gracious, and now you're you know,
you got you've got some depth in this now. And
like I feel like with every quote unquote conflict, there's
(02:34):
there's something that becomes deeper inside of your relationship and
you can almost look back in your relationship and be like, man,
we got through that, We got through that, and laugh
on the other side that we were about to give up,
and look look at us now, like what we have had?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You know what is our friend? Uh? Jerry always talks
about in regard say.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Like if you married thirty years, like you right, and
you had three or ten years even that was rough
seven years, right, that was a right, he said, Then
you had twenty three great years and seven hard years.
You were ready to give up on the seven thinking
that that was it, but it was seven difficult years,
but you had twenty three great years on the other side,
(03:12):
once you learn how to give and submit and learn
the other side. So I think people give up too
fast and conflict and don't look at it as a
catalyst or an Opporticitiya.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Good, real quick. Though.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
A lot of people, you know, they question, like, how
do you are you able to stay married that long?
Like you know, like back in the day was not
a thing, and that I don't. I can't say that
people stayed together as a healthy couple because you know,
back in the day, people, it's still fifty years my
parents fifty plus years.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
What do you think it is different between that generation
in today's.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
All people give themselves an out, you know, And we
always say it's such a horrible situation because the work
that you have to do to get out of a relationship,
heal yourself in the middle time, then go find somebody
else and then build it back up.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
All that work.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It's still work. You could have put all that work,
all that effort into what you already have had. What
they say, you're looking at the grass being green on
the other side, a lot of your grass, right Why,
it is the same effort, the same work. Relationships are work,
So just deal with quick giving yourself out. Quit giving
yourself an escape. Take that D word out of your house,
(04:16):
out of your mouth. Life and death is in the
power of your tongue. Watch what you say and figure
out a way to grow together. Pick good, pick a
pick a person, pick, make a good pic, right, make
a good decision.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I made a lot of mistakes, but I great good.
I made a good pick.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
You understand, make a great pick, make a great decision,
and then work within the context of your own decisions.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Stick with it.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
The people give themselves an out, and then they realize
when they get out that they could have just stated
because then when they went to go, look, I would
not want to be single in these I got prayers
much respect for all my single people out there in
these single streets.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
It's a lot happening out here in these single streets.
I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm I'm saying, we're gonna come back with the glens.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's Eric.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
We're talking about turning inflict into connection, and we got
to talk about the other C word communication.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Communication.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It's ration thirteen nineties relationships On Thursday, it's Sonya here
with Pastordramone and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about turning
conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you have a question for our team?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I do have a quick question, So, how do you
keep from spiraling into resentment?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
How do you stop disagreements from spiraling into resentment?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yes, that's a phenomenal question. I think the best way
to do that is to deal with it.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
It's difficult sometimes to deal with it, especially if you're
having a great season but you got something going on.
But the longer that you keep it quiet, the more
it turns into something greater. Right, it doesn't start off
at resentment. It just probably started off as a disagreement
that DAN turned into disappointment that DAN turns into resentment.
(05:57):
So don't let it fester, right, create a comation set
some parameters, have some boundaries and say hey, I really
need to talk to you about something that we had
a disagreement with so we can find.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
Peace as fast as.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Possible because we don't want the disagreement to turn into resentment.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
What's you think?
Speaker 5 (06:14):
The other thing that I would say is to know
that if you're having disagreements, it's not just one, but
it's something that's continually to happen is that you have
to make sure that your that your heart posture stays
in a place of forgiveness. Like I tell my you know,
I tell people your this is not your boyfriend, this
is not your girlfriend, This is your husband, this is
(06:35):
your wife.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
This is a covenant.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
This is something that is a little bit stronger, well
greatly stronger than the relationship that you had before, previously
in your relationship, and so you got to make sure
that your heart posture is in a place knowing that
your spouse is going is human. They're gonna make mistakes,
They're going to do things. It's not going that you're
(06:58):
gonna that you're not gonna like. And I remember I
would tell my husband, you know, he would we would
have a disagreement or he would have an expectation, and
I just would look at him and I'd be like, dude, listen,
it took me a long time to be this way, okay,
And this is not going to happen in the next
two years or even in the next year. I need
you to wake up every single morning believing that this
could be the day that I am going to do
(07:20):
what you need me to do. But I need your
heart to be in a place to be able to
receive it and with your spouse. And I also let
him know I didn't wake up this morning try to
figure out how I'm gonna screw.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Your day up.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
I didn't do that. I did not wake up with
that on my agenda. I am being human, I am
having a human experience, and I am not perfect, and
I need you to embrace that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I'm not perfect.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
And I asked you to forgive me for something that
you felt like I needed to do. And you have
a disagreement with that or you feel a certain kind
of way about that.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
All right, does that answer your question?
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That was wonderful.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I like that adds for going this relationship talk Thursday
on Inspiration thirteen ninety. Come on in the room. This
is some good conversation. Whether you're dating, whether you're married,
whether you're single, want to get married, all of it applies.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Today here with fastor Jermoon Glenn and fastor Erica Glenn,
who served faithfully. They're at New Life executive pastors, they
have their own marriage ministry, they write books, and today
we're talking about turning conflict into communication, conflict into connection
and communication. Right talking about the communication, because I hear
the communication is really what can bring or tear apart marriages.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Sonny, sex communication. I'm the big three that people always
have in conflict, money, sex communication, how we manage money,
how much sex we have it or not having, and
how we communicate. But that's how you turn conflict into connection.
Early on, my wife and I we you know, she says,
I'm the more person.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
You communicate more to do with your life. Okay, okay,
all right, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
In that communication, I would think that I am being
clear because I do know how to communicate. But my
wife learned in this school that they take all the
ladies too, called girls school school.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
It is a school.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It is this proverbial school called girls school where they
teach women that men don't know how to communicate. And
you got to read between the lines, and you got
to figure out what they're trying to say, and what
they're saying is not really what they're saying. They're really
saying something else. And I would have to remind my
wife that I am saying what I'm saying. You don't
have to interpret for me, you don't have to translate
(09:34):
from me. And I learned very early on that she
was hearing through the lenses of finishing my sentences instead
of lensings on what I actually was saying. And so
as a principal in human development, one of the things
that I learned that was very important for us is
that when I would make a statement, I ask my wife,
what did you hear me say?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Now what I said?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
What did you hear me say? And man, when she
repeated it back, it was not what I said. I said.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was supposed to be this great communication.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I said.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I'm agreed.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
I could get up and preaching people get saved. I
could say what I said. I got a degree in
communicating in marketing, and you mean to tell me in
my own house, I can say what I said, and
you didn't hear what I said because you were too
busy listening to respond instead of listening to hear what
I was saying, and you was finishing my sentences and
feeling in the blanks. And my wife would be like, well,
(10:27):
what did you say that? And I'll say it again,
till finally we learned the art of say back what
you heard me say? So I would say, well, would
you hear me saying? Because she was a principal at
that time.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
What I said to my kindergarten I'm not no kid.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Don't be talking. Don't be telling me.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I said, Babe, I'm not trying to treat you like
a child. But you honestly just repeated back to me
what I didn't say, because you were hearing through your feelings,
your emotions, your understanding, your expectations, say back what you
heard me say.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
And she was say it back. I would say it
back in our communication to.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
In on that.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, come with that.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
So it was I mean, because I was an independent
quote unquote woman. Think I think that I just was
just trying to like make it happen, you know what
I'm saying. So it's like the less words he had
to say, and the more I could like get it
in my head, the easier it would be. But in
that realizing that I was getting the message wrong, I
(11:30):
had to ask myself, where was I filling in the
blanks and where did I get the answers from? And
it was from my mother or from my grandmother. This
is how a man acts, and this is what a
man does. And I think it was my grandfather when
he got up to preach one time and he was
talking about because they had a marriage ministry too, and
(11:51):
he said, he said, if a man says I want
dinner and I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
why are you making him steak because you feel like
he should have steak versus a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And you want to be a great wife, And how
dare I give you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And the man was like, but I asked you for
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I think for women,
(12:13):
we are always trying to do what is best in
our eyes versus just giving exactly what a man is
telling you. And when I looked over my life, especially
as a single woman, I realize when somebody tells you something,
oh boy, he means what he's saying. If he says,
you know, I really don't want to be married, you
should have just keep on staying there because you believe
(12:34):
I'm going to change his mind.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
No, he said what he said.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
And man, yeah, and even when he says nothing, he's
saying a lot because when he says nothing, it's because
he doesn't trust that you're going to understand what he says,
or you're going to take it and manipulate it. So
he like, how about I say nothing? So it's like
when we hear people he don't talk, and it was
like he talking, he's saying a lot, and he's talking
to somebody.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
He's just not talking to you.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
And even when he's silent, he's saying a lot. You're
just not listening because.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You're such in the art of giving him what you
want him to have instead of giving him what he wants.
And that's what we discover because my wife is an
avid reader also, and she will be reading these multiple
books at all these times telling her how to be
a good wife and telling her what the expectations are
managing all these things, and she's trying to live up
to all these ideals she interpreted and finding herself frustrated
(13:27):
in our situation, like what's wrong with you? I'm not
asking for all that stuff when the books say I
should do this.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Initially, I'm like, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
The book is running our marriage because the book is
giving you too many ideas to process that at the
wrong time. How about you just listening to what I'm
asking for and what you're asking for and then go
read one book about that. Go read Power Couples about that,
Go read love right, Go read the one book instead
of five books that are telling you you're not doing
(13:54):
a good job. And I actually think you're doing a
great job. And I'm really not asking for a lot.
I just want to send. Most men just want a
few simple things, just a few in some need, in
some sex, you know, let me watch the game, let
me have a little space, not complicated, all right, And
sometimes people just don't listen.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, we're gonna come back and talk a little bit more.
That was a good, healthy segment on communication. We got
we got a question coming in about disagreements from spiraling
from you. You don't want those disagreements to turn into resentment.
That's a question that's coming through right here. Relationship Talk Thursday,
Calling Inspiration thirteen ninety It's Sonya Relationship Talk Thursday here
(14:37):
with Pastor Dramoon and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about
turning conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Do you have a question on this topic?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I do.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
What are some examples of conflict resolution or some methods
that my husband and I can try?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Good question.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
The first thing I would say is that first of all,
acknowledging that there's some kind of conflict that's going on,
and not just continually to just ignore it and just
you know, hope that it goes away. So the first
thing that I would say is acknowledgment. The second thing
is to know, like, find a place that is peaceful
(15:16):
that both of you can be in. Don't be in
a space or place where you know there's I know
it might sound crazy to say this, but where it's
junkie or whatever. You want a clean environment because you
want to be able to exude a resolution. You want
to be able to pull on something that is going
to You want to walk away with strategy and steps
(15:38):
to be able to go further.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I also would say that don't talk about him before
you talk to him, right, don't go share that with
your girlfriends, your mama, your best friend. Don't have an
issue with their man that you haven't discussed with him.
Because we we good at going to event outside. But
the Bible says to Matthew eighteen, bring the issue to
(16:00):
them first.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
So uh, and if you do go.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
To council outside of your marriage, we always say counsel
up right, don't counsel down, don't cancel, don't counsel laterally,
don't talk to somebody else who can't give you a
more senior advice that you will follow it to. So
if you do counsel outside of then talk to your counselor,
who is also sworn not to repeat it. Count to
(16:23):
your pastor who also is going to give you a
godly advice. Counsel up. Don't just go tell people that
then they feel awkward when they're in the room with them.
Then when y'all make up, because y'all will right right, right,
calor y'all gonna make up right, And when y'all, when
y'all make up, then he not weird when he come
in the room with your people that you've been talking
about him too and you didn't talk to him.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
That help answer, right, Yes, that's a great answer. I
love it.
Speaker 5 (16:50):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
All right, thank you. Blessings on you and your marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Relationship Talk Thursday, it's Sonia here on Inspiration thirteen ninety
with that Jimone and pastor Erica Glenn of New Life,
and we're talking about turning a conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
All this can be found in their new book Power Couples.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I want to talk about the rules of engagement for
love and respect during disagreements, because I know a lot
of disagreements can turn into fights and they could turn.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Into the cussing and I just don't like you chose.
But there's a way out of this, right, their way
out of this, seller, sister.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
So women want love, Yeah, women want love. I want
to be I want to know that you love me,
and I want to know that whatever I communicate with
you will not cause you to not love me. And
when I feel or when I believe that I can
say what I what I need to say, even if
(17:47):
it's if rather it's right or wrong, that I'm still
going to be loved at the end of it. Then
I can communicate my honest space and be transparent in
that and vulnerable in that.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
And men want respect, right, We try translate love as respect.
We learned this in the book Love and Respect. The
Bible says doesn't really tell a woman to love her husband.
It tells a man to love his wife, but it
doesn't tell a woman to love her husband. It doesn't
mean that she should not love him. It means that
he translates love as respect. How do you speak to him.
(18:20):
How do you speak about him? How do you speak
in his presence? Out of his presence? How do you
translate his ideas? How do you follow through with his words?
So men interpret love as respect, don't emasculate.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
He's not your child.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
My wife, as a retired principal, we had to build
in our marriage some drive time, some decompression time. She
worked in an urban area as a principal, dealing with
all the little kids and all the parents and frustration, and.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
She's right, she in her principal tone all day and
then she come home.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I'm like, WHOA, I'm not I'm not your I'm not
your kids, I'm not none of your students, I'm not
them parents. You need to decompress. Stay at your office
ten moments. Right around for a second. Let me turn
some music on so you can. You can go to work.
If you got to go to work and be all that,
do that, but come home, as my wife, come home
and call my name in a way that wants me
(19:16):
to come to you, not run from you. And so
there has to be a safe understanding of that, the
decompression time. Because respect is how I'm translating love. And
then I never want to say anything to my wife
to make her feel like I don't love her, never
want to say anything to her that I wouldn't say
to myself.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Husband, love your wife's ass Christ. So she is me.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
So therefore, anything God wouldn't say to her, I shouldn't
say to her. Any way that God shouldn't say it
to her, I shouldn't say it to her. So we
need to learn in rules of engagement how to talk
to one another. The Bible says, speak the truth and love.
You don't have to lie. You can say anything you
want to say. It's just how you say it. Watch
your tone, watch your tone, watch how you raise your voice.
(19:57):
We got into a we don't argue, but we got
into a passionate, a passionate conversation, and voices.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Got raised in the house.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Our children were listening, and I realized that I was
passionate and they was oh because they never hear us.
And I had to pause in a moment in front
of my children and apologize to my wife in front
of my children for how they heard me talk to
their mother, because I didn't want that to become their
normal and them think that's what it was. So we
learned how to well, we say fight fair, right, be vulnerable,
(20:27):
be vulnerable, and don't don't use it against them in
a moment of don't use what somebody gave you in
a moment of weakness in a time of strength. Right,
watch your tone, say what you want to say, speak
the truth and love, but be respectful belinds.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
And then also make sure that you know you know
the temperament of your partner. And sometimes because you want
to get it off of your chest, it might be
a good time for you, but it's not a good
time for us. You need to be you need to
be conscious of that. And then you also need to
make sure that you know, like my husband said, that
you speak the truth and love. You can speak the
(21:01):
truth because you don't want to walk away from a
heated or where there could possibly conflict without feeling that
you've been heard. And so you need to make sure
that you know I tell especially for women or whoever.
Everybody has a role in a relationship in the sense
and whoever is a person who doesn't communicate that well
or it takes them a minute to process. Make sure
(21:21):
that you show up to the conversation with the things
that you are desiring and not allowing the person who can,
you know, speak one hundred words and minute take over
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
But let them let you know it takes me a minute.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
I got a process, and like, let your partner know
that so that they respect that. And then also, whoever
calls the meeting, that's their meeting. You can't they lead
the meeting. So you can't jump in a chair.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
And I need to say this meeting, it's not your meeting.
I need to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And then I sit down and saying I need to
talk to you, and then you're doing all the talk
about this ain't your meeting. This is for me.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
You gotta listen, is good and respond exactly. You gotta respond.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I gotta top here. Don't responding. You gotta respond.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And because I'm a quicker communicator, my wife would always say,
if you know you're brewing something in your head, give
me a heads up, tell me you need to talk
to me about something later or at a certain time,
so that I'm prepared for it.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Because you you've.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Been processing in your head, you come in and unloading it.
That's what she means when she say it might be
a good time for you, but is it a good
time for us.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's good right, all right, this is a great conversation. Man,
this is incredible.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You all are annointed for on this relationship truck Thursday.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
How can folks find you? Follow you get the book?
Speaker 4 (22:43):
All things are connected to Jermone j R. M O
N E. G l E in jermone Glen dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
If you google Power Couples, it'll come up Love thirty
Day Love Challenge.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
We push couples to do that.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
It's practicing love on each other for thirty days straight.
Kingdom Kingdom Relationships. We have all type of books. We
do seminars, we go, we do retreats, we do training,
we do marriage counseling. In the month of March we
do too. We don't do counseling because we believe that
you're just missing some tools. So we do marriage and
(23:15):
Richmond give you the tools to be able to move
through this. So we serve in this capacity because we
want you to win. Yeah, and we want you to win.
So you know, google us look us up.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Okay, that's Erica. Final thoughts.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
So turning conflict into connection, I would definitely, you know,
just encourage you if you are in that in between
space and you're trying to make a decision. I'm grateful
that you tuned in. Thank you for tuning in. But
just know that this is not a mistake. Give your
marriage another try. You may not have had all the
tools that you need to be successful. And once you
(23:50):
admit I don't know what I'm doing, I believe you'll
get all the tools that you need to make your
marriage the marriage that you wanted to be.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Tell us Chicago, the one thing that you do to
me when having a confidence.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
So when we're having a sight, so when we have
a heated conversation, I always grab him. I touch him
because my touch is going to de escalate him, because
it's the point of connection, and it is to remind
his brain that we are together and we are in love.
Even though you may not like me right now, we
are still in love and we are still in a marriage.
And it causes him to de escalate it, to come
(24:23):
down all.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Right to me, all right, ladies. It calls back when
a testimony ladyship doctor
Inspiration thirteen ninety Family, I'm saying you, Blakey.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I pray, like God, how can we make relationship talk
Thursday happen again.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
We've had a great run with Pastor Ford and Love
mc pherson, and now it's all about the Glenn's Pastor
Jamone Glenn and Pastor Erica Glenn, who serve as executive
pastors there at the New.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Life with a Pastor Hannah. But they do more than that.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
You know, they've been married for about twenty years, they
got three kids, and they write books. They write books,
and so we're focusing in on their latest book, which
is called Power Couples.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You want to say anything to the audience, great, the
audience of Jesus name Chicago. Hey, Chicago, Thank.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
You so much, Sia. We're on thirteen ninety Chicago, Sia, right,
it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
It is.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So we want to talk about because we have some
great questions, and we're also going to welcome more questions
throughout the show. But I want to turn talk about
turning conflict into connection because I've been married thirty years.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh my god, yeah, like I know.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Oh, and so even in our thirty years of marriage,
I mean, we've had conflict.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I mean, we still do thirty years in. I mean,
it happens.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
But let's talk about that conflict turning conflict into connection.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
I mean, the two shall become one.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Right, that's conflict, Okay, that's I mean, and the two
shall become one.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
It sounds sexy when you talk about having sex. It
sounds beautiful at your wedding, but when it comes down
to really two people becoming one person, there's some conflict
that's going to be there. But just because there's conflict
there does not mean there has to be disconnection. Conflict,
we say, is an opportunity for intimacy. It's an opportunity
for growth. It's an opportunity and all you're getting to
(01:40):
get an understanding, right, It's an opportunity to give, to
submit to one another, to have a perspective that you
didn't have.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Conflict is just a part of growth, part of marriage.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
And I think that people forget that their relationship, their marriage,
is a living organism.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
That it is. It is alive and because it's.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
Alive, going to be you know, highs and lows and
ins and outs, and you kind of have to go
with the flow of it versus just like Okay, we
got conflicts, so and I'm out.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
But it's like if you push, if you push.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
Into that conflict, you will see your spouse in a
way that you've never seen them before. Because on the
other side, based upon quote unquote, who is the person
that brought the conflict, now they're receiving grace, and now
you're able to be gracious, and now you're you know,
you got you've got some depth in this now. And
like I feel like with every quote unquote conflict, there's
(02:34):
there's something that becomes deeper inside of your relationship and
you can almost look back in your relationship and be like, man,
we got through that, We got through that, and laugh
on the other side that we were about to give up,
and look look at us now, like what we have had?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You know what is our friend? Uh? Jerry always talks
about in regard say.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Like if you married thirty years, like you right, and
you had three or ten years even that was rough
seven years, right, that was a right, he said, Then
you had twenty three great years and seven hard years.
You were ready to give up on the seven thinking
that that was it, but it was seven difficult years,
but you had twenty three great years on the other side,
(03:12):
once you learn how to give and submit and learn
the other side. So I think people give up too
fast and conflict and don't look at it as a
catalyst or an Opporticitiya.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Good, real quick. Though.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
A lot of people, you know, they question, like, how
do you are you able to stay married that long?
Like you know, like back in the day was not
a thing, and that I don't. I can't say that
people stayed together as a healthy couple because you know,
back in the day, people, it's still fifty years my
parents fifty plus years.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
What do you think it is different between that generation
in today's.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
All people give themselves an out, you know, And we
always say it's such a horrible situation because the work
that you have to do to get out of a relationship,
heal yourself in the middle time, then go find somebody
else and then build it back up.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
All that work.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
It's still work. You could have put all that work,
all that effort into what you already have had. What
they say, you're looking at the grass being green on
the other side, a lot of your grass, right Why,
it is the same effort, the same work. Relationships are work,
So just deal with quick giving yourself out. Quit giving
yourself an escape. Take that D word out of your house,
(04:16):
out of your mouth. Life and death is in the
power of your tongue. Watch what you say and figure
out a way to grow together. Pick good, pick a
pick a person, pick, make a good pic, right, make
a good decision.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I made a lot of mistakes, but I great good.
I made a good pick.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
You understand, make a great pick, make a great decision,
and then work within the context of your own decisions.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Stick with it.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
The people give themselves an out, and then they realize
when they get out that they could have just stated
because then when they went to go, look, I would
not want to be single in these I got prayers
much respect for all my single people out there in
these single streets.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
It's a lot happening out here in these single streets.
I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm I'm saying, we're gonna come back with the glens.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's Eric.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
We're talking about turning inflict into connection, and we got
to talk about the other C word communication.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Communication.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
It's ration thirteen nineties relationships On Thursday, it's Sonya here
with Pastordramone and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about turning
conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you have a question for our team?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I do have a quick question, So, how do you
keep from spiraling into resentment?
Speaker 1 (05:24):
How do you stop disagreements from spiraling into resentment?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yes, that's a phenomenal question. I think the best way
to do that is to deal with it.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
It's difficult sometimes to deal with it, especially if you're
having a great season but you got something going on.
But the longer that you keep it quiet, the more
it turns into something greater. Right, it doesn't start off
at resentment. It just probably started off as a disagreement
that DAN turned into disappointment that DAN turns into resentment.
(05:57):
So don't let it fester, right, create a comation set
some parameters, have some boundaries and say hey, I really
need to talk to you about something that we had
a disagreement with so we can find.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
Peace as fast as.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Possible because we don't want the disagreement to turn into resentment.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
What's you think?
Speaker 5 (06:14):
The other thing that I would say is to know
that if you're having disagreements, it's not just one, but
it's something that's continually to happen is that you have
to make sure that your that your heart posture stays
in a place of forgiveness. Like I tell my you know,
I tell people your this is not your boyfriend, this
is not your girlfriend, This is your husband, this is
(06:35):
your wife.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
This is a covenant.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
This is something that is a little bit stronger, well
greatly stronger than the relationship that you had before, previously
in your relationship, and so you got to make sure
that your heart posture is in a place knowing that
your spouse is going is human. They're gonna make mistakes,
They're going to do things. It's not going that you're
(06:58):
gonna that you're not gonna like. And I remember I
would tell my husband, you know, he would we would
have a disagreement or he would have an expectation, and
I just would look at him and I'd be like, dude, listen,
it took me a long time to be this way, okay,
And this is not going to happen in the next
two years or even in the next year. I need
you to wake up every single morning believing that this
could be the day that I am going to do
(07:20):
what you need me to do. But I need your
heart to be in a place to be able to
receive it and with your spouse. And I also let
him know I didn't wake up this morning try to
figure out how I'm gonna screw.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Your day up.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
I didn't do that. I did not wake up with
that on my agenda. I am being human, I am
having a human experience, and I am not perfect, and
I need you to embrace that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I'm not perfect.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
And I asked you to forgive me for something that
you felt like I needed to do. And you have
a disagreement with that or you feel a certain kind
of way about that.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
All right, does that answer your question?
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That was wonderful.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I like that adds for going this relationship talk Thursday
on Inspiration thirteen ninety. Come on in the room. This
is some good conversation. Whether you're dating, whether you're married,
whether you're single, want to get married, all of it applies.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Today here with fastor Jermoon Glenn and fastor Erica Glenn,
who served faithfully. They're at New Life executive pastors, they
have their own marriage ministry, they write books, and today
we're talking about turning conflict into communication, conflict into connection
and communication. Right talking about the communication, because I hear
the communication is really what can bring or tear apart marriages.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Sonny, sex communication. I'm the big three that people always
have in conflict, money, sex communication, how we manage money,
how much sex we have it or not having, and
how we communicate. But that's how you turn conflict into connection.
Early on, my wife and I we you know, she says,
I'm the more person.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
You communicate more to do with your life. Okay, okay,
all right, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
In that communication, I would think that I am being
clear because I do know how to communicate. But my
wife learned in this school that they take all the
ladies too, called girls school school.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
It is a school.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It is this proverbial school called girls school where they
teach women that men don't know how to communicate. And
you got to read between the lines, and you got
to figure out what they're trying to say, and what
they're saying is not really what they're saying. They're really
saying something else. And I would have to remind my
wife that I am saying what I'm saying. You don't
have to interpret for me, you don't have to translate
(09:34):
from me. And I learned very early on that she
was hearing through the lenses of finishing my sentences instead
of lensings on what I actually was saying. And so
as a principal in human development, one of the things
that I learned that was very important for us is
that when I would make a statement, I ask my wife,
what did you hear me say?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Now what I said?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
What did you hear me say? And man, when she
repeated it back, it was not what I said. I said.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
It was supposed to be this great communication.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I said.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
I'm agreed.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
I could get up and preaching people get saved. I
could say what I said. I got a degree in
communicating in marketing, and you mean to tell me in
my own house, I can say what I said, and
you didn't hear what I said because you were too
busy listening to respond instead of listening to hear what
I was saying, and you was finishing my sentences and
feeling in the blanks. And my wife would be like, well,
(10:27):
what did you say that? And I'll say it again,
till finally we learned the art of say back what
you heard me say? So I would say, well, would
you hear me saying? Because she was a principal at
that time.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
What I said to my kindergarten I'm not no kid.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Don't be talking. Don't be telling me.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
I said, Babe, I'm not trying to treat you like
a child. But you honestly just repeated back to me
what I didn't say, because you were hearing through your feelings,
your emotions, your understanding, your expectations, say back what you
heard me say.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
And she was say it back. I would say it
back in our communication to.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
In on that.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, come with that.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
So it was I mean, because I was an independent
quote unquote woman. Think I think that I just was
just trying to like make it happen, you know what
I'm saying. So it's like the less words he had
to say, and the more I could like get it
in my head, the easier it would be. But in
that realizing that I was getting the message wrong, I
(11:30):
had to ask myself, where was I filling in the
blanks and where did I get the answers from? And
it was from my mother or from my grandmother. This
is how a man acts, and this is what a
man does. And I think it was my grandfather when
he got up to preach one time and he was
talking about because they had a marriage ministry too, and
(11:51):
he said, he said, if a man says I want
dinner and I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
why are you making him steak because you feel like
he should have steak versus a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And you want to be a great wife, And how
dare I give you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And the man was like, but I asked you for
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I think for women,
(12:13):
we are always trying to do what is best in
our eyes versus just giving exactly what a man is
telling you. And when I looked over my life, especially
as a single woman, I realize when somebody tells you something,
oh boy, he means what he's saying. If he says,
you know, I really don't want to be married, you
should have just keep on staying there because you believe
(12:34):
I'm going to change his mind.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
No, he said what he said.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
And man, yeah, and even when he says nothing, he's
saying a lot because when he says nothing, it's because
he doesn't trust that you're going to understand what he says,
or you're going to take it and manipulate it. So
he like, how about I say nothing? So it's like
when we hear people he don't talk, and it was
like he talking, he's saying a lot, and he's talking
to somebody.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
He's just not talking to you.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
And even when he's silent, he's saying a lot. You're
just not listening because.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
You're such in the art of giving him what you
want him to have instead of giving him what he wants.
And that's what we discover because my wife is an
avid reader also, and she will be reading these multiple
books at all these times telling her how to be
a good wife and telling her what the expectations are
managing all these things, and she's trying to live up
to all these ideals she interpreted and finding herself frustrated
(13:27):
in our situation, like what's wrong with you? I'm not
asking for all that stuff when the books say I
should do this.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Initially, I'm like, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
The book is running our marriage because the book is
giving you too many ideas to process that at the
wrong time. How about you just listening to what I'm
asking for and what you're asking for and then go
read one book about that. Go read Power Couples about that,
Go read love right, Go read the one book instead
of five books that are telling you you're not doing
(13:54):
a good job. And I actually think you're doing a
great job. And I'm really not asking for a lot.
I just want to send. Most men just want a
few simple things, just a few in some need, in
some sex, you know, let me watch the game, let
me have a little space, not complicated, all right, And
sometimes people just don't listen.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
Okay, we're gonna come back and talk a little bit more.
That was a good, healthy segment on communication. We got
we got a question coming in about disagreements from spiraling
from you. You don't want those disagreements to turn into resentment.
That's a question that's coming through right here. Relationship Talk Thursday,
Calling Inspiration thirteen ninety It's Sonya Relationship Talk Thursday here
(14:37):
with Pastor Dramoon and Pastor Erica Glenn. We're talking about
turning conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Do you have a question on this topic?
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I do.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
What are some examples of conflict resolution or some methods
that my husband and I can try?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Good question.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
The first thing I would say is that first of all,
acknowledging that there's some kind of conflict that's going on,
and not just continually to just ignore it and just
you know, hope that it goes away. So the first
thing that I would say is acknowledgment. The second thing
is to know, like, find a place that is peaceful
(15:16):
that both of you can be in. Don't be in
a space or place where you know there's I know
it might sound crazy to say this, but where it's
junkie or whatever. You want a clean environment because you
want to be able to exude a resolution. You want
to be able to pull on something that is going
to You want to walk away with strategy and steps
(15:38):
to be able to go further.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I also would say that don't talk about him before
you talk to him, right, don't go share that with
your girlfriends, your mama, your best friend. Don't have an
issue with their man that you haven't discussed with him.
Because we we good at going to event outside. But
the Bible says to Matthew eighteen, bring the issue to
(16:00):
them first.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
So uh, and if you do go.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
To council outside of your marriage, we always say counsel
up right, don't counsel down, don't cancel, don't counsel laterally,
don't talk to somebody else who can't give you a
more senior advice that you will follow it to. So
if you do counsel outside of then talk to your counselor,
who is also sworn not to repeat it. Count to
(16:23):
your pastor who also is going to give you a
godly advice. Counsel up. Don't just go tell people that
then they feel awkward when they're in the room with them.
Then when y'all make up, because y'all will right right, right,
calor y'all gonna make up right, And when y'all, when
y'all make up, then he not weird when he come
in the room with your people that you've been talking
about him too and you didn't talk to him.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
That help answer, right, Yes, that's a great answer. I
love it.
Speaker 5 (16:50):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
All right, thank you. Blessings on you and your marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Relationship Talk Thursday, it's Sonia here on Inspiration thirteen ninety
with that Jimone and pastor Erica Glenn of New Life,
and we're talking about turning a conflict into connection.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
All this can be found in their new book Power Couples.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I want to talk about the rules of engagement for
love and respect during disagreements, because I know a lot
of disagreements can turn into fights and they could turn.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Into the cussing and I just don't like you chose.
But there's a way out of this, right, their way
out of this, seller, sister.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
So women want love, Yeah, women want love. I want
to be I want to know that you love me,
and I want to know that whatever I communicate with
you will not cause you to not love me. And
when I feel or when I believe that I can
say what I what I need to say, even if
(17:47):
it's if rather it's right or wrong, that I'm still
going to be loved at the end of it. Then
I can communicate my honest space and be transparent in
that and vulnerable in that.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
And men want respect, right, We try translate love as respect.
We learned this in the book Love and Respect. The
Bible says doesn't really tell a woman to love her husband.
It tells a man to love his wife, but it
doesn't tell a woman to love her husband. It doesn't
mean that she should not love him. It means that
he translates love as respect. How do you speak to him.
(18:20):
How do you speak about him? How do you speak
in his presence? Out of his presence? How do you
translate his ideas? How do you follow through with his words?
So men interpret love as respect, don't emasculate.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
He's not your child.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
My wife, as a retired principal, we had to build
in our marriage some drive time, some decompression time. She
worked in an urban area as a principal, dealing with
all the little kids and all the parents and frustration, and.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
She's right, she in her principal tone all day and
then she come home.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I'm like, WHOA, I'm not I'm not your I'm not
your kids, I'm not none of your students, I'm not
them parents. You need to decompress. Stay at your office
ten moments. Right around for a second. Let me turn
some music on so you can. You can go to work.
If you got to go to work and be all that,
do that, but come home, as my wife, come home
and call my name in a way that wants me
(19:16):
to come to you, not run from you. And so
there has to be a safe understanding of that, the
decompression time. Because respect is how I'm translating love. And
then I never want to say anything to my wife
to make her feel like I don't love her, never
want to say anything to her that I wouldn't say
to myself.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Husband, love your wife's ass Christ. So she is me.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
So therefore, anything God wouldn't say to her, I shouldn't
say to her. Any way that God shouldn't say it
to her, I shouldn't say it to her. So we
need to learn in rules of engagement how to talk
to one another. The Bible says, speak the truth and love.
You don't have to lie. You can say anything you
want to say. It's just how you say it. Watch
your tone, watch your tone, watch how you raise your voice.
(19:57):
We got into a we don't argue, but we got
into a passionate, a passionate conversation, and voices.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Got raised in the house.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Our children were listening, and I realized that I was
passionate and they was oh because they never hear us.
And I had to pause in a moment in front
of my children and apologize to my wife in front
of my children for how they heard me talk to
their mother, because I didn't want that to become their
normal and them think that's what it was. So we
learned how to well, we say fight fair, right, be vulnerable,
(20:27):
be vulnerable, and don't don't use it against them in
a moment of don't use what somebody gave you in
a moment of weakness in a time of strength. Right,
watch your tone, say what you want to say, speak
the truth and love, but be respectful belinds.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
And then also make sure that you know you know
the temperament of your partner. And sometimes because you want
to get it off of your chest, it might be
a good time for you, but it's not a good
time for us. You need to be you need to
be conscious of that. And then you also need to
make sure that you know, like my husband said, that
you speak the truth and love. You can speak the
(21:01):
truth because you don't want to walk away from a
heated or where there could possibly conflict without feeling that
you've been heard. And so you need to make sure
that you know I tell especially for women or whoever.
Everybody has a role in a relationship in the sense
and whoever is a person who doesn't communicate that well
or it takes them a minute to process. Make sure
(21:21):
that you show up to the conversation with the things
that you are desiring and not allowing the person who can,
you know, speak one hundred words and minute take over
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
But let them let you know it takes me a minute.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
I got a process, and like, let your partner know
that so that they respect that. And then also, whoever
calls the meeting, that's their meeting. You can't they lead
the meeting. So you can't jump in a chair.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
And I need to say this meeting, it's not your meeting.
I need to talk to you.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And then I sit down and saying I need to
talk to you, and then you're doing all the talk
about this ain't your meeting. This is for me.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
You gotta listen, is good and respond exactly. You gotta respond.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I gotta top here. Don't responding. You gotta respond.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
And because I'm a quicker communicator, my wife would always say,
if you know you're brewing something in your head, give
me a heads up, tell me you need to talk
to me about something later or at a certain time,
so that I'm prepared for it.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Because you you've.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Been processing in your head, you come in and unloading it.
That's what she means when she say it might be
a good time for you, but is it a good
time for us.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's good right, all right, this is a great conversation. Man,
this is incredible.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You all are annointed for on this relationship truck Thursday.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
How can folks find you? Follow you get the book?
Speaker 4 (22:43):
All things are connected to Jermone j R. M O
N E. G l E in jermone Glen dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
If you google Power Couples, it'll come up Love thirty
Day Love Challenge.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
We push couples to do that.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
It's practicing love on each other for thirty days straight.
Kingdom Kingdom Relationships. We have all type of books. We
do seminars, we go, we do retreats, we do training,
we do marriage counseling. In the month of March we
do too. We don't do counseling because we believe that
you're just missing some tools. So we do marriage and
(23:15):
Richmond give you the tools to be able to move
through this. So we serve in this capacity because we
want you to win. Yeah, and we want you to win.
So you know, google us look us up.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Okay, that's Erica. Final thoughts.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
So turning conflict into connection, I would definitely, you know,
just encourage you if you are in that in between
space and you're trying to make a decision. I'm grateful
that you tuned in. Thank you for tuning in. But
just know that this is not a mistake. Give your
marriage another try. You may not have had all the
tools that you need to be successful. And once you
(23:50):
admit I don't know what I'm doing, I believe you'll
get all the tools that you need to make your
marriage the marriage that you wanted to be.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Tell us Chicago, the one thing that you do to
me when having a confidence.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
So when we're having a sight, so when we have
a heated conversation, I always grab him. I touch him
because my touch is going to de escalate him, because
it's the point of connection, and it is to remind
his brain that we are together and we are in love.
Even though you may not like me right now, we
are still in love and we are still in a marriage.
And it causes him to de escalate it, to come
(24:23):
down all.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Right to me, all right, ladies. It calls back when
a testimony ladyship doctor
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