Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good Morning Inspiration thirteen ninety favely, how y'all doing today?
It is Relationship Talk Thursday. The Power Couple is back
Pastors Javone and Pastor Erica Glenn of New Life Executive
pastors or over the Marriage Ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I found out that Lady Erica can sing, so
you never he might bust tart to notice something.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I don't know it.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But we're supposed to be talking about relationships. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Somebody just told me that.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
All right, so we're talking about modern dating versus biblical courting.
I mentioned that it seems like things have changed, you know,
Folks are a little.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Bit more looser.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah, and more looser, much looser, and uh, you know
in this particular area. So what is the difference and
where does sex fit in and all of this?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I mean, you know there is a difference. First of all,
I wasn't a dater. My wife was a dater. Then
she informed me dating is collecting.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Data, collected out, collected information.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
But I think in my space and time, and I
was a youth pastor early on in ministry, I just
had to protect the casualness of going out with women, right.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I wanted to protect myself.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
So I was very very no, I'm not dating, very
you know, consecrated, very separated, and just didn't want to
get caught up in any situations. Before I got saved.
In my teenage years, I was promiscuous. So coming out
of a promiscuous lifestyle to salvation, I was trying to
do it God's way. So in doing it God's way,
then I was practicing abstinence. So because I was coming
(01:31):
out of promiscuity into abstinence, and then dating would only
complicate that because I didn't know if I had the
discipline to manage dating without promiscurity when I was trying
to kill my flesh from having an appetite before I
was saved, and so therefore I just was like, you know,
I shut the whole thing down. Nothing, nobody, everybody untease
(01:51):
Grandma's I got a girl, I got a niece I
want you to meet.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I got a granddaughter. Thats one.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I was like, no, I'm not ready to marry yet,
so I'm not interested. I'm focused on God and focused
on minutes. That was my path. Whereas my wife was
a dater because you know, she had a little bit
more disciplined than me.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
I don't know, but that wasn't me.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
So until I was ready to what I say, pay
the bill or ready to follow up through marriage, and
I didn't even consider courting as an opportunity because at
that point I only wanted to be in a relationship
with somebody that I could potentially.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Marry, and I didn't want to waste my time.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And I think people would heal faster and waste less
time if they only, at least if we're going to date,
at least only entertain people who are potential marriage candidates
and not just let me just feel and see what's
out here and see what's going on. That's how people
get hurt. That's how they get in rhythms and routines
and patterns and brokenness and leave pieces of their self
(02:45):
all over the place and never really gather themselves back together.
So I potentially practice courting biblical cording with that knowledge
and information over casual dating because of my own convictions,
because it's right or wrong, not because it's a principle,
but because that's a preference. Now Biblically, in biblical days,
(03:08):
they do have preferences to that, I mean principles to
that that say you should not do such. But I
think that there's grace for people who trying to get
to know each other in that space. But that's just
not my that's not my approach from my own protection.
Speaker 5 (03:22):
OK, I think that I think that dating isn't bad.
I think that it is a seasons of your life.
So as a teenager, I'm trying to find I won't
say I'm trying to find myself, but I was, but
I you know, in retrospect looking at it, I think
(03:45):
that you know, it is very it's dangerous. It is
it could be dangerous if you're not accountable to anybody,
if nobody is talking to you, talking to you about
who you're talking to, and all that other kind of stuff,
it could be it could take you down the road
that you don't want to go to. And then I
think in my twenties it was really dating to you know,
see if this is a person that I would want
(04:06):
to build my life with and unfortunately stay in relationships
longer than what I needed to afraid that I would
not find anybody. So you know, that's the detriments, right
a serial dater. And then I also feel that in dating,
quote unquote, in dating that when you add sex to
(04:27):
the formula of dating, it makes it complicated. You can't think,
you can't be sober, you can't make good decisions because
you you're talking about sex performance versus do they got
a job.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
They you know, are they are a father?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
You know?
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Are they a man that you could actually see that's
gonna raise your children? And then you know the yeah,
how they put it on you and then they put
it on you and then now you got a baby,
and now you mad because he's not a great father.
Well you didn't think about that before you before you
lay with them. So it's those kinds of things, and
so you know, I just think that dating has its
place in this space is gathering data. But when you
(05:04):
put sex in there, it makes the date the data
to be conduluting in a sense because you can't see
the data anymore. You're you're too busy about the performance
and you have these ties exactly, and then you know
when you're courting, cording is with intentionality. With intentionality means
(05:25):
that you're like, Okay, I don't want to have sex
because I want to be able to know this is
a person that I can be with. And so when
you're dating and you don't have sex, you can move
in and out of relationships because you don't have any ties.
But when you're when you're dating and having sex, then
you looking at him like why you talking to somebody else,
which there is nothing wrong with him talking to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Because he's not married.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
But if y'all had sex, now you really are married.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
So now you are.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Looking at him like, how you're gonna get another wife? Yeah,
and that's where everybody becomes your of your marriage.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We got to hold that thought.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah, because we want to talk about the role of
physical intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
That's that's great.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
We tap it in today right here on Inspiration thirteen
ninety Relationship Talk Thursday. We also welcome your questions and
your comments. Let's do it eight five, five, nine, nine, nine,
thirteen ninety metal modern dating versus biblical courting. What's the
difference and where does sex fit in? We do talk
about that on this gospel station.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Inspiration thirteen to ninety Music of Power and Praise.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
It's Sonia Blakey here with the Power Couple, Pastors Damone
and Erica Glenn, and we're talking about modern dating versus
biblical courting. We're talking about sex, where does it fit
in in the whole picture? And you all said something interesting.
I had never heard it that way. Sex marries you,
and I will also talk about because I've also heard
(06:56):
over the years that having sex also enter into a
is it so, so maybe that kind of ties in.
But sex marries you, Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, yeah,
it consummates your marriage.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
That's why when you get married, you get you now
and you go home and you consummate your marriage, because
it's really official, official, not after the paper, not after
the ceremony, it's official official after you had sex. If
you're in the original context of it, if everybody was
functioning biblically the way it was designed and created to
function biblically, and people were actually versions having sex, right,
(07:34):
so when sex takes place, a hymen would be broken,
which is a blood covenant that would end up taking place. Right,
that blood covenant would happen, and that's the consummation, that's
God's marrige, that's the wedding ring, that's the marriage vow,
that's the relationship. Is when that blood covenant is taking
place between two individuals. If people were actually entering into
(07:56):
it in that proper biblical context. So I think that
society and culture have lessen the seriousness of what sex
is and what it does. But we should have never
learned from sex from anybody other than the creator of sex,
which is God. God created sex to be enjoyed in
the context of a relationship, in the context of a marriage,
(08:17):
because it is powerful, It creates soul ties, It will
get your head messed up, it will make you not
be able to think straight, it will cause you to
lower your barer, to compromise.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
It does all types of.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Things, and so necessary in a marriage, right, And that's
why one of the first things to go in a
marriage when people are no longer intentional about building, when
trust is gone, when friendship is gone, when when all
the things dissipate, the first thing that goes is that sex,
that intimacy. Because the more sex you have, the more
(08:51):
one you become. The more sex you have, the more
intimate your union is, the more difficult it is to
be frustrated, the more difficult it is to be angry.
The more sex that you have, the more to become one.
That is the place where two becomes one. And so
we have a lot of people that are engaging in
a behavior that was meant. The Bible says, the marriage
bet is pure and undefiled. The Bible says that the
(09:14):
marriage bed is strong enough to hold and contain your
sexual appetite. Will God forgive you if you have sex
outside your marriage? Yes, of course he will.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
But will there be consequences that's connected to it.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
God does not save you from the consequences of the
soul tithe, the consequences of procreation, the consequences of procreation
with somebody that never you were supposed to never create with.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
It's powerful.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
God is trying to protect us when he says don't
have sex before marriage.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
He's not trying to punish us. But people think about
it punishment, and.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
So they never have an intentional, spiritual, intellectual idea about
this decision that they're about to engage in.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
They just do so so random.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
Yeah, and I mean, and you know, shameless plug. But
my husband wrote a book called g Rated Sex where
he preached a sermon for four weeks inside of a
bed and talked about it from God's perspective. So that
is definitely on his website, Jermome Glenn dot com. And
that's a book that you want to get especially if
you are unmarried, you are a single person, learn learn
(10:22):
about sex from God's perspective so that it's not taboo.
But in church we we get so weird about sex
and talking about it, and even in some marriage spaces
or whatever, people they get uncomfortable and and God created this.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, it's not worldly from God exactly.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
And so like you stated earlier about sex, not only
do you marry somebody, So like if you're unmarried and
you've had sex with somebody that it was supposed to
be consummated, I mean that it was supposed to be
for marriage. So now you are married to a person
that you're not married to because you have a covenant
with them, and then now you have a soul tie
(11:05):
with them.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And a soul tie.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
To me is like extremely, but a man like extremely.
It causes you not to be able to make good decisions.
It causes you to free not to see red flags
and turn them into green, you.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Know, just magically.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And I'm speaking as from a person who who who's
had to break the soul ties and heal from that
kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
The person is gone and you still dealing.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
With the fragments of them, of their soul inside of
you and making decisions and being in a relationship with
a person that's not even there, but you're still in
a relationship with them. And so another shameless plug, My
husband wrote a book called Soul Ties and it helps
you to go through yet helps you to go through
all of the processions sol sessions. I'm sorry for soul
(11:55):
sessions because he says that everything goes through your life,
but it goes through your soul, and your soul is
the last place that we try to heal and that
is the place that we really live out of is
from our soul. So yes, as an unmarried, unmarried single person,
sex is not a component that you need in your
(12:16):
relationship if you if you want to be married. It
complicates things, which it already is complicated, but it complicates
things and not and it makes you not be able
to take the data that you get in dating and
to make a good decision. Now it's all messed up
or confused and all this other kind of stuff. So
you know, you want to get in those spaces and
(12:37):
places and clear so that you can make a good
conscious decision of who you want to spend your life with.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
There you in there you're in there right now.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And just for the people that's asking, because I could
feel it. Yes, we made a intentional decision not to sleep.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, we didn't sleep together before we got married.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Well, keep it there, because we want to talk about
setting strict boundaries now with each other. Yeah, of your questions,
great topic today eight five, five, nine, thirteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Inspiration thirteen ninety families.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So glad that you are submitting your questions, so whether
we can get them answered here on Relationship Talk Thursday
with the Power Couple of the Glenn's pastors, Jamoon and
Erica Glenn. Shit, couples set strict boundaries? Now we should
which chill, still talking about sex and relationships?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
So here we go.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Should couples set strict boundaries or go with the flow? Already?
But this is a question that came in.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I think it depends on the context, right.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
So, if you're in marriage, I think you should go
with the flow and set strict boundaries, right So, and
if you're outside of marriage, I think you should set
strict boundaries and don't go with the flow.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I digress, But here's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Inside of the context of marriage, we set strict boundaries
because we have small children, they had to go to
bed at a certain time because they like to come
crawl on your beds, deep in your bed with you.
It's very difficult to be intimate with your spouse if
your kid is laying between you. Right, it's difficult to
be intimate with your spouse when your children go to
bed at the same time you do. Right, your house
(14:11):
don't shut down at no time. They uplate as you day,
up early as you when you're gonna have intimate time.
So a lot of couples aren't being intimate, not because
it's intentional, it's because they haven't set intentional boundaries to
create time and space for sex and intimacy. How often
do we have sex? How frequent would you like to
have it? Is there time that the house shut down?
(14:33):
Do we stop answering the phone, playing on our phone,
bringing electronics in our room, letting people just drop over
and stay over too long? Need to be strict boundaries
to protect your eating and get married. Your houses are eating?
Can you run around naked in your room in a house?
Is there a space in your house that's consecrated for
your self that you're free in that people don't just
(14:55):
bust in and walk in and whatever. Strict boundaries and
go with the flow and let it happen on the
other side.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
And in regards to uh, single people, yeah so single yeah,
single right, what we did single people, you have to
have strict boundaries, like and it has to be it
has to be almost handwritten or inside of your phone
so that you don't forget what.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Your boundaries are.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
But one of the boundaries that we set with each
other is that we spent a lot of time with
the old people, my grandparents. We were in their presence.
We set on the couch, the yeah, at their house.
They would go to bed, and it was like, oh, okay,
well we got about thirty more minutes and then we
need to be you need to go home, and I
need to go get in the base the license.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yeah, because I was.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
Just like she just caught just called it called your
little minister friend and we just go get mad on
the on the on the fireplace. But anyway, and then also,
you know, as an unmarried person, you have to set
strict boundaries in conversation, like I know, you know, oh
you hang up, I'll hang up, you hang up the
whole thing. Three o'clock in the morning, you might need
to shut that down earlier, earlier, because right and watch
(16:03):
what you talk about, and watch what you pray about,
and all that, you know, all that stuff that's causing
you to be connected. You got to have strict boundaries
because if you're acting married and you're not married, then
it gets confusing and then now you're trying to figure
out what is it really that we're doing here, And
then a person has an expectation and they can get
hurt because of their expectation. So as an unmarried person,
(16:26):
especially as a female, honey shit, you gotta put some
boundaries because you got to make him feel that he
needs you in his life.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
And if you make yourself.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Extremely accessible and extremely available, he has no reason to
come any closer. He has no reason to make a
decision because you, like my grandmama said, you ain't seven
to eleven when seven eleven was open twenty four hours.
I know, we got we got all kinds of stories
open twenty four hours. But my grandmama said, don't be
seven eleven. Don't be no birthday cake. Everybody can get
(16:56):
a piece of it, like all of that kind of stuff.
Don't let the Lord catch you with your draws down.
That's kind of boundaries that she was setting for me.
But as an unmarried woman, you have to set boundaries
for yourself. It's a protection and a man and a man,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
And it's important that you create healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
There will be a time when you can talk about
the things you need to talk about and the curiosity
you need to have, and trust me, everything work and
will be working. You won't always got to test it
out before, but but protect the time when you engage
in certain levels of conversation because there might be moments
that you wish you could take.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
As an unmarried woman, you have to set boundaries for yourself.
It's a protection and a man and a man, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And it's important that you create healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
There will be a time when you can talk about
the things you need to talk about and the curiosity
you need to have, and trust me, everything work and
will be working. You won't always got to test it
out before, but but protect the time when you engage
in certain levels of conversation because that might be moments
that you wish you could take back.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
And we haven't even had the question that somebody asked,
you know, like, if we have already over if we've
overstepped the boundaries, can you can you pull it back?
And it's like, yes, you can pull it back, but
that's a conversation that you have with each other because
you've already crossed those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So you can't just be like, nope, you got to
have a conversation because you said yes, like that, but
you should conversation.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
You do have to have a conversation, and that will
show you where they are in regards to their mindset
about you, if they get upset about your boundary or
if they're like, okay, yeah, that might be something I
can work with.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
But that's another space of conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Because somebody that's only pressuring you to have sex might
be hiding the rest.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
What about the whole thing of shocking?
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Shocking in my I mean, you know, in my opinion,
I just think you you're what you always say, you
are practicing something that you don't have a grace. Yeah,
you know, so you got married folks problems without married folks, promise.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Or grace or annointing.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
No grace, no annointing, you trying it. You consolidate this
all of reasons. We practicing money blah blah blah. Yes,
I understand that, but if you can't afford it, then
if you can't afford it outside, what's making you afford
it inside? People do it and then they have these
prolonged five year, ten year engagements. It never really happened.
All the frustrations that you get with being married that
(19:25):
you don't get the grace to accomplish. So, yeah, people
can intellectualize it, but you know, when you finish intellectualizing it,
you got your same piece properties, name on properties, You
own stuff that you ain't even married to. If somebody die,
somebody get into an accident, they can't call you, you
can't make no decisions in the hospital room. You're gonna
lose everything. Then you totally invest it because your name
(19:47):
ain't on everything. So you're trying to play grown up,
but you're still acting like a kid.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And y'all give us a lot to think about. The ponder.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So much wisdom from the Power Couple pastors, your own
and Erica Glynn. And if they want to reach out
to you guys, check out your podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What is the best way to do That.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Podcast is Marriage Monday.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
It's on all social media all platforms, Spotify on Apple
on Apple Music on YouTube as well.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Jermone Glenn j R. M O n E.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Not your Own germone Glen dot com will give you
and lead you to everything. We're about to start a
thirty day Love Challenge in the month of March, where
you practice the behavior of love, the decision of love
on your partner, somebody you love. My wife always says
single people can do it too. Love on your kids,
love on your mama, love on your daddy, love on
the people around you. Thirty day Love Challenge and if
you want coaching at the end of the month, we
(20:36):
are going to have a marriage coaching cohort for four
weeks where we discuss intimately, vision, communication, intimacy, and finances.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
It's really equipping.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
It's going to be small helpful.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
That's right. Get to learn from other couples. No, you're
not on the island, Get in where you fit in.
We hope that this has been helpful. Thank you so
much bringing us here, allowing us to share with the shytown.
You want to say, what up shytown? Listen, We appreciate y'all.
If y'all ever in the city looking for a church home.
Got a shout out New Life. Come check us out, Pastana,
and I love to see you in the building. I
(21:11):
commercip with us any given, Sunday seven thirty nine thirty,
twelve thirty.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Got it, Thanks so good
Good Morning Inspiration thirteen ninety favely, how y'all doing today?
It is Relationship Talk Thursday. The Power Couple is back
Pastors Javone and Pastor Erica Glenn of New Life Executive
pastors or over the Marriage Ministry.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
And I found out that Lady Erica can sing, so
you never he might bust tart to notice something.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I don't know it.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But we're supposed to be talking about relationships. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. Somebody just told me that.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
All right, so we're talking about modern dating versus biblical courting.
I mentioned that it seems like things have changed, you know,
Folks are a little.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Bit more looser.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah, and more looser, much looser, and uh, you know
in this particular area. So what is the difference and
where does sex fit in and all of this?
Speaker 3 (00:46):
I mean, you know there is a difference. First of all,
I wasn't a dater. My wife was a dater. Then
she informed me dating is collecting.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Data, collected out, collected information.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
But I think in my space and time, and I
was a youth pastor early on in ministry, I just
had to protect the casualness of going out with women, right.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I wanted to protect myself.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
So I was very very no, I'm not dating, very
you know, consecrated, very separated, and just didn't want to
get caught up in any situations. Before I got saved.
In my teenage years, I was promiscuous. So coming out
of a promiscuous lifestyle to salvation, I was trying to
do it God's way. So in doing it God's way,
then I was practicing abstinence. So because I was coming
(01:31):
out of promiscuity into abstinence, and then dating would only
complicate that because I didn't know if I had the
discipline to manage dating without promiscurity when I was trying
to kill my flesh from having an appetite before I
was saved, and so therefore I just was like, you know,
I shut the whole thing down. Nothing, nobody, everybody untease
(01:51):
Grandma's I got a girl, I got a niece I
want you to meet.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I got a granddaughter. Thats one.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I was like, no, I'm not ready to marry yet,
so I'm not interested. I'm focused on God and focused
on minutes. That was my path. Whereas my wife was
a dater because you know, she had a little bit
more disciplined than me.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
I don't know, but that wasn't me.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
So until I was ready to what I say, pay
the bill or ready to follow up through marriage, and
I didn't even consider courting as an opportunity because at
that point I only wanted to be in a relationship
with somebody that I could potentially.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Marry, and I didn't want to waste my time.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And I think people would heal faster and waste less
time if they only, at least if we're going to date,
at least only entertain people who are potential marriage candidates
and not just let me just feel and see what's
out here and see what's going on. That's how people
get hurt. That's how they get in rhythms and routines
and patterns and brokenness and leave pieces of their self
(02:45):
all over the place and never really gather themselves back together.
So I potentially practice courting biblical cording with that knowledge
and information over casual dating because of my own convictions,
because it's right or wrong, not because it's a principle,
but because that's a preference. Now Biblically, in biblical days,
(03:08):
they do have preferences to that, I mean principles to
that that say you should not do such. But I
think that there's grace for people who trying to get
to know each other in that space. But that's just
not my that's not my approach from my own protection.
Speaker 5 (03:22):
OK, I think that I think that dating isn't bad.
I think that it is a seasons of your life.
So as a teenager, I'm trying to find I won't
say I'm trying to find myself, but I was, but
I you know, in retrospect looking at it, I think
(03:45):
that you know, it is very it's dangerous. It is
it could be dangerous if you're not accountable to anybody,
if nobody is talking to you, talking to you about
who you're talking to, and all that other kind of stuff,
it could be it could take you down the road
that you don't want to go to. And then I
think in my twenties it was really dating to you know,
see if this is a person that I would want
(04:06):
to build my life with and unfortunately stay in relationships
longer than what I needed to afraid that I would
not find anybody. So you know, that's the detriments, right
a serial dater. And then I also feel that in dating,
quote unquote, in dating that when you add sex to
(04:27):
the formula of dating, it makes it complicated. You can't think,
you can't be sober, you can't make good decisions because
you you're talking about sex performance versus do they got
a job.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
They you know, are they are a father?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
You know?
Speaker 5 (04:41):
Are they a man that you could actually see that's
gonna raise your children? And then you know the yeah,
how they put it on you and then they put
it on you and then now you got a baby,
and now you mad because he's not a great father.
Well you didn't think about that before you before you
lay with them. So it's those kinds of things, and
so you know, I just think that dating has its
place in this space is gathering data. But when you
(05:04):
put sex in there, it makes the date the data
to be conduluting in a sense because you can't see
the data anymore. You're you're too busy about the performance
and you have these ties exactly, and then you know
when you're courting, cording is with intentionality. With intentionality means
(05:25):
that you're like, Okay, I don't want to have sex
because I want to be able to know this is
a person that I can be with. And so when
you're dating and you don't have sex, you can move
in and out of relationships because you don't have any ties.
But when you're when you're dating and having sex, then
you looking at him like why you talking to somebody else,
which there is nothing wrong with him talking to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Because he's not married.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
But if y'all had sex, now you really are married.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
So now you are.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Looking at him like, how you're gonna get another wife? Yeah,
and that's where everybody becomes your of your marriage.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We got to hold that thought.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah, because we want to talk about the role of
physical intimacy.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
That's that's great.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
We tap it in today right here on Inspiration thirteen
ninety Relationship Talk Thursday. We also welcome your questions and
your comments. Let's do it eight five, five, nine, nine, nine,
thirteen ninety metal modern dating versus biblical courting. What's the
difference and where does sex fit in? We do talk
about that on this gospel station.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Inspiration thirteen to ninety Music of Power and Praise.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
It's Sonia Blakey here with the Power Couple, Pastors Damone
and Erica Glenn, and we're talking about modern dating versus
biblical courting. We're talking about sex, where does it fit
in in the whole picture? And you all said something interesting.
I had never heard it that way. Sex marries you,
and I will also talk about because I've also heard
(06:56):
over the years that having sex also enter into a
is it so, so maybe that kind of ties in.
But sex marries you, Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, yeah,
it consummates your marriage.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
That's why when you get married, you get you now
and you go home and you consummate your marriage, because
it's really official, official, not after the paper, not after
the ceremony, it's official official after you had sex. If
you're in the original context of it, if everybody was
functioning biblically the way it was designed and created to
function biblically, and people were actually versions having sex, right,
(07:34):
so when sex takes place, a hymen would be broken,
which is a blood covenant that would end up taking place. Right,
that blood covenant would happen, and that's the consummation, that's
God's marrige, that's the wedding ring, that's the marriage vow,
that's the relationship. Is when that blood covenant is taking
place between two individuals. If people were actually entering into
(07:56):
it in that proper biblical context. So I think that
society and culture have lessen the seriousness of what sex
is and what it does. But we should have never
learned from sex from anybody other than the creator of sex,
which is God. God created sex to be enjoyed in
the context of a relationship, in the context of a marriage,
(08:17):
because it is powerful, It creates soul ties, It will
get your head messed up, it will make you not
be able to think straight, it will cause you to
lower your barer, to compromise.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
It does all types of.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Things, and so necessary in a marriage, right, And that's
why one of the first things to go in a
marriage when people are no longer intentional about building, when
trust is gone, when friendship is gone, when when all
the things dissipate, the first thing that goes is that sex,
that intimacy. Because the more sex you have, the more
(08:51):
one you become. The more sex you have, the more
intimate your union is, the more difficult it is to
be frustrated, the more difficult it is to be angry.
The more sex that you have, the more to become one.
That is the place where two becomes one. And so
we have a lot of people that are engaging in
a behavior that was meant. The Bible says, the marriage
bet is pure and undefiled. The Bible says that the
(09:14):
marriage bed is strong enough to hold and contain your
sexual appetite. Will God forgive you if you have sex
outside your marriage? Yes, of course he will.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
But will there be consequences that's connected to it.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
God does not save you from the consequences of the
soul tithe, the consequences of procreation, the consequences of procreation
with somebody that never you were supposed to never create with.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
It's powerful.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
God is trying to protect us when he says don't
have sex before marriage.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
He's not trying to punish us. But people think about
it punishment, and.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
So they never have an intentional, spiritual, intellectual idea about
this decision that they're about to engage in.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
They just do so so random.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
Yeah, and I mean, and you know, shameless plug. But
my husband wrote a book called g Rated Sex where
he preached a sermon for four weeks inside of a
bed and talked about it from God's perspective. So that
is definitely on his website, Jermome Glenn dot com. And
that's a book that you want to get especially if
you are unmarried, you are a single person, learn learn
(10:22):
about sex from God's perspective so that it's not taboo.
But in church we we get so weird about sex
and talking about it, and even in some marriage spaces
or whatever, people they get uncomfortable and and God created this.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Yeah, it's not worldly from God exactly.
Speaker 5 (10:42):
And so like you stated earlier about sex, not only
do you marry somebody, So like if you're unmarried and
you've had sex with somebody that it was supposed to
be consummated, I mean that it was supposed to be
for marriage. So now you are married to a person
that you're not married to because you have a covenant
with them, and then now you have a soul tie
(11:05):
with them.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And a soul tie.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
To me is like extremely, but a man like extremely.
It causes you not to be able to make good decisions.
It causes you to free not to see red flags
and turn them into green, you.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Know, just magically.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
And I'm speaking as from a person who who who's
had to break the soul ties and heal from that
kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
The person is gone and you still dealing.
Speaker 5 (11:34):
With the fragments of them, of their soul inside of
you and making decisions and being in a relationship with
a person that's not even there, but you're still in
a relationship with them. And so another shameless plug, My
husband wrote a book called Soul Ties and it helps
you to go through yet helps you to go through
all of the processions sol sessions. I'm sorry for soul
(11:55):
sessions because he says that everything goes through your life,
but it goes through your soul, and your soul is
the last place that we try to heal and that
is the place that we really live out of is
from our soul. So yes, as an unmarried, unmarried single person,
sex is not a component that you need in your
(12:16):
relationship if you if you want to be married. It
complicates things, which it already is complicated, but it complicates
things and not and it makes you not be able
to take the data that you get in dating and
to make a good decision. Now it's all messed up
or confused and all this other kind of stuff. So
you know, you want to get in those spaces and
(12:37):
places and clear so that you can make a good
conscious decision of who you want to spend your life with.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
There you in there you're in there right now.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And just for the people that's asking, because I could
feel it. Yes, we made a intentional decision not to sleep.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, we didn't sleep together before we got married.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Well, keep it there, because we want to talk about
setting strict boundaries now with each other. Yeah, of your questions,
great topic today eight five, five, nine, thirteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Inspiration thirteen ninety families.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
So glad that you are submitting your questions, so whether
we can get them answered here on Relationship Talk Thursday
with the Power Couple of the Glenn's pastors, Jamoon and
Erica Glenn. Shit, couples set strict boundaries? Now we should
which chill, still talking about sex and relationships?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
So here we go.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Should couples set strict boundaries or go with the flow? Already?
But this is a question that came in.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I think it depends on the context, right.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
So, if you're in marriage, I think you should go
with the flow and set strict boundaries, right So, and
if you're outside of marriage, I think you should set
strict boundaries and don't go with the flow.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I digress, But here's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Inside of the context of marriage, we set strict boundaries
because we have small children, they had to go to
bed at a certain time because they like to come
crawl on your beds, deep in your bed with you.
It's very difficult to be intimate with your spouse if
your kid is laying between you. Right, it's difficult to
be intimate with your spouse when your children go to
bed at the same time you do. Right, your house
(14:11):
don't shut down at no time. They uplate as you day,
up early as you when you're gonna have intimate time.
So a lot of couples aren't being intimate, not because
it's intentional, it's because they haven't set intentional boundaries to
create time and space for sex and intimacy. How often
do we have sex? How frequent would you like to
have it? Is there time that the house shut down?
(14:33):
Do we stop answering the phone, playing on our phone,
bringing electronics in our room, letting people just drop over
and stay over too long? Need to be strict boundaries
to protect your eating and get married. Your houses are eating?
Can you run around naked in your room in a house?
Is there a space in your house that's consecrated for
your self that you're free in that people don't just
(14:55):
bust in and walk in and whatever. Strict boundaries and
go with the flow and let it happen on the
other side.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
And in regards to uh, single people, yeah so single yeah,
single right, what we did single people, you have to
have strict boundaries, like and it has to be it
has to be almost handwritten or inside of your phone
so that you don't forget what.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Your boundaries are.
Speaker 5 (15:17):
But one of the boundaries that we set with each
other is that we spent a lot of time with
the old people, my grandparents. We were in their presence.
We set on the couch, the yeah, at their house.
They would go to bed, and it was like, oh, okay,
well we got about thirty more minutes and then we
need to be you need to go home, and I
need to go get in the base the license.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yeah, because I was.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
Just like she just caught just called it called your
little minister friend and we just go get mad on
the on the on the fireplace. But anyway, and then also,
you know, as an unmarried person, you have to set
strict boundaries in conversation, like I know, you know, oh
you hang up, I'll hang up, you hang up the
whole thing. Three o'clock in the morning, you might need
to shut that down earlier, earlier, because right and watch
(16:03):
what you talk about, and watch what you pray about,
and all that, you know, all that stuff that's causing
you to be connected. You got to have strict boundaries
because if you're acting married and you're not married, then
it gets confusing and then now you're trying to figure
out what is it really that we're doing here, And
then a person has an expectation and they can get
hurt because of their expectation. So as an unmarried person,
(16:26):
especially as a female, honey shit, you gotta put some
boundaries because you got to make him feel that he
needs you in his life.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
And if you make yourself.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Extremely accessible and extremely available, he has no reason to
come any closer. He has no reason to make a
decision because you, like my grandmama said, you ain't seven
to eleven when seven eleven was open twenty four hours.
I know, we got we got all kinds of stories
open twenty four hours. But my grandmama said, don't be
seven eleven. Don't be no birthday cake. Everybody can get
(16:56):
a piece of it, like all of that kind of stuff.
Don't let the Lord catch you with your draws down.
That's kind of boundaries that she was setting for me.
But as an unmarried woman, you have to set boundaries
for yourself. It's a protection and a man and a man,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
And it's important that you create healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
There will be a time when you can talk about
the things you need to talk about and the curiosity
you need to have, and trust me, everything work and
will be working. You won't always got to test it
out before, but but protect the time when you engage
in certain levels of conversation because there might be moments
that you wish you could take.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
As an unmarried woman, you have to set boundaries for yourself.
It's a protection and a man and a man, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And it's important that you create healthy boundaries to protect yourself.
There will be a time when you can talk about
the things you need to talk about and the curiosity
you need to have, and trust me, everything work and
will be working. You won't always got to test it
out before, but but protect the time when you engage
in certain levels of conversation because that might be moments
that you wish you could take back.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
And we haven't even had the question that somebody asked,
you know, like, if we have already over if we've
overstepped the boundaries, can you can you pull it back?
And it's like, yes, you can pull it back, but
that's a conversation that you have with each other because
you've already crossed those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So you can't just be like, nope, you got to
have a conversation because you said yes, like that, but
you should conversation.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
You do have to have a conversation, and that will
show you where they are in regards to their mindset
about you, if they get upset about your boundary or
if they're like, okay, yeah, that might be something I
can work with.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
But that's another space of conversation.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Because somebody that's only pressuring you to have sex might
be hiding the rest.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
What about the whole thing of shocking?
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Shocking in my I mean, you know, in my opinion,
I just think you you're what you always say, you
are practicing something that you don't have a grace. Yeah,
you know, so you got married folks problems without married folks, promise.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Or grace or annointing.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
No grace, no annointing, you trying it. You consolidate this
all of reasons. We practicing money blah blah blah. Yes,
I understand that, but if you can't afford it, then
if you can't afford it outside, what's making you afford
it inside? People do it and then they have these
prolonged five year, ten year engagements. It never really happened.
All the frustrations that you get with being married that
(19:25):
you don't get the grace to accomplish. So, yeah, people
can intellectualize it, but you know, when you finish intellectualizing it,
you got your same piece properties, name on properties, You
own stuff that you ain't even married to. If somebody die,
somebody get into an accident, they can't call you, you
can't make no decisions in the hospital room. You're gonna
lose everything. Then you totally invest it because your name
(19:47):
ain't on everything. So you're trying to play grown up,
but you're still acting like a kid.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And y'all give us a lot to think about. The ponder.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
So much wisdom from the Power Couple pastors, your own
and Erica Glynn. And if they want to reach out
to you guys, check out your podcast.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What is the best way to do That.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Podcast is Marriage Monday.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
It's on all social media all platforms, Spotify on Apple
on Apple Music on YouTube as well.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Jermone Glenn j R. M O n E.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Not your Own germone Glen dot com will give you
and lead you to everything. We're about to start a
thirty day Love Challenge in the month of March, where
you practice the behavior of love, the decision of love
on your partner, somebody you love. My wife always says
single people can do it too. Love on your kids,
love on your mama, love on your daddy, love on
the people around you. Thirty day Love Challenge and if
you want coaching at the end of the month, we
(20:36):
are going to have a marriage coaching cohort for four
weeks where we discuss intimately, vision, communication, intimacy, and finances.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
It's really equipping.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
It's going to be small helpful.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
That's right. Get to learn from other couples. No, you're
not on the island, Get in where you fit in.
We hope that this has been helpful. Thank you so
much bringing us here, allowing us to share with the shytown.
You want to say, what up shytown? Listen, We appreciate y'all.
If y'all ever in the city looking for a church home.
Got a shout out New Life. Come check us out, Pastana,
and I love to see you in the building. I
(21:11):
commercip with us any given, Sunday seven thirty nine thirty,
twelve thirty.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Got it, Thanks so good
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