Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I think the most important relationship you have after your
relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
your soul, and your strength, and love your neighbor how
as yourself. So there's a lot of people that say
or they love God and then they try to love people,
but they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves
in a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in
(00:24):
a relationship, and so I don't know. I think single
ministry or ministry to single people is probably one of
the under utilized opportunities that is explored in church context.
There's a lot when it comes to singles. It's like
the default ministry. So either people don't want to be
a part of it, I don't want to be single,
(00:44):
or there's so many different versions of being single, single,
want a relationship, single out of a relationship, unmarried but
not really single, divorce, don't want to be with nobody,
no more, widow, So so many categories.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
So how do you even approach it?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
But Paul biblically was very specific and very clear about
how singles should be handled and ministered to. But in
church culture, there's just a lot of single events and
not a lot of single equipped.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Good morning, It's Relationship Talk Thursday. It's so you Blakey
here with the Power Couple.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Pastors Dramone and Erica Glynn. Y'all feeling good? Yeah, good
morning Chicago.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
So we want to deal with the single saints. I
just feel like, you know, the singles need to be
loved one. We always talk about marriages and things like that,
which is great, but before you married, you got to
you know, your single.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So most important.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
And I know, like even myself coming up in church,
there was not a lot for singles. And I know
you guys can attest to that too, you know, being
pastors and executive pastors now at New Life. But why
is it important that you know, singles get get ministered
to or coached or you know educated about you know,
the life of a single.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I think the most important relationship you have, after your
relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
your soul, and your strength, and love.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Your neighbor how as yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So there's a lot of people that say or they
love God and then they try to love people, but
they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves in
a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in a relationship,
and so I don't know. I think single ministry or
ministry to single people is probably one of the under
utilized opportunities that is explored in church context. There's a
(02:36):
lot when it comes to singles. It's like the default ministry.
So either people don't want to be a part of it,
I don't want to be single, or there's so many
different versions of being single, single, want a relationship, single
out of a relationship, unmarried but not really single, divorce,
don't want to be with nobody, no more, widow, So
so many categories, So how do you even approach it?
(02:57):
But Paul biblically was very specif if it can, very
clear about how singles should be handled and ministered to.
But in church culture there's just a lot of single
events and not a lot of single equipped so singles
aren't being equipped to be successfullly single, and definitely I
feel not being equipped to then convert that into a
(03:20):
successful married relationship. Healthy single people make healthy relationships, and
married people unhealthy single people make unhealthy married relationship.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
And I mean, I test to all of that, and
I just remember, you know, when I was single and
over the singles Ministry trying to do research for it,
and it was just if all of the research showed
how unmarried people did not want to be identified that way.
They didn't want they didn't want anybody to call them single,
They didn't want anybody to call them unmarried. So to
try and gather them around it was difficult because nobody
(03:54):
wanted to identify with that. But the thing that I've
realized being married is that if you or not a
student as a single person, you're definitely having difficulty being
a student as a married person. And that discipline of
becoming your better self in all states that you're in,
if you don't start with your own self, it will
(04:15):
make it difficult for you to do that in your marriage.
You've never been married before, or if you were married,
it wasn't great.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So you still need to learn.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
So when we don't become students of ourselves early on,
it makes it very difficult that in another season that
we're not a continual student. So it's like, you know,
unmarried people, whatever state that you're in, period. You need
to be happy about that state, because if you don't
embrace the state that you're in, you'll go to another
(04:45):
state wishing that you did something else in another space.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Now you can't resent the relationship you have with yourself.
And then except.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Relationship Talk Thursday, I'm Sonya Blakey here with the Power
Couple pastors Damone and Erica Glenn Loving Single, mastering your
unmarried season. So the big question is what do you
do when you're single? What should you be focusing on? Like,
what should you be giving your attention to?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean, well, the Bible is clear.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
We try to build it on a biblical base because
that's what the principles are. Paul talked about in your
single season. Your time belongs to the Lord. That doesn't
mean you become a monk and live in God's house
and never go nowhere and don't do anything. That means
that's the time when you get to to get to
learn the creator and what the Creator thinks about his creation.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So you fall in love with God. He created you.
Who are you?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
What do you care about? What value do you add?
What do you want to do? What's the purpose, what's
your passion? Where do you want to go? What do
you want to explore? You don't sit single season out
waiting to be in a relationship Like single season is
a maximized season. It's a joyful space. It's a season
in your life that if you do it right, you
will never get it back again. Then you'll be in
a relationship thinking about, oh, I should have did this, this, this, this,
(06:05):
when I don't have any accountability, when nobody told me,
when I didn't have to respond to anybody or acts
or answer to anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I think people underestimate and underutilize the single season, and
they miss out on an opportunity to really explore and
evaluate who they are so that they can level up
in a track on the level that they leveled up on.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I mean, it is truly in the Bible that you
devote your time and your energy and your your passions
unto the Lord. But you know as you're doing that.
I believe, well, I know for a fact that when
you are doing it as unto the Lord, the closer
you're getting to God, the closer you're getting to yourself,
and you're discovering things about yourself that you didn't know
(06:50):
because you are getting closer to the creator, and I
think that when you are like wishing you I remember
one girl telling me I just want to not cook
for myself. I want to be able to cook for
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And then when she.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Got married, I was like, so are you cooking? You
know what I'm saying, Like, the very thing that you're
wishing to right, the very thing that you're wishing for,
you're not embracing where you are, and so you can't
exhaust it until you just put your arms around it
and your head around it and just say, Lord, what
do you want from me in this season? Because to me,
(07:21):
that's a question that you have to ask yourself until
you die. So it's like, if you just get into
that frame of mind, you'll live your life on a
whole nother level. I just I didn't wait for things
to happen. I had to make a decision because I
was resenting when I was a single person. But I
had to make a decision about this life that I'm
(07:42):
in right now. And if I know that God promised
me something else, I don't want to squander this time
because I won't have what I need for the next moment.
So it's like if you're living, if you have a
promise for God, you got to live in the now
so that when you get to the promise of God,
you'll be able to fulfill it and do it and
(08:03):
enjoy it and not resent it because your husband or
your wife or your children don't deserve your unmet single
expectations that you did not take care of when you
were unmarried.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I think Unfortunately people equate singleness to loneliness as opposed
to wholeness, as opposed to being single or unmarried. How
we say, we rephrase it is to be complete, to
be whole, to be one, to be solid, right, to
be at one, at peace with yourself. And so just
because you are not are not married doesn't mean that
(08:37):
you are alone. And there's a lot of people that
are married and alone, let alone, So marriage doesn't cure loneliness, right,
and learning how to be at one with yourself or
alone with yourself is a healthy season and a healthy
space that you should be in and try to maximize.
(08:59):
So you can't let your relationship or let your identify
be defined by your relationship status. You have to literally
understand that my relationship status does not qualify or qualify
who I am. I am in a season that is
and choice that I must embrace, whether I got here
by default or back got here by decision. I'm gonna
(09:20):
make up my mind that I'm going to exhaust this
season to the max and enjoy it to the fullness.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
That's what your single season is supposed to be about.
It is relationship talk Thursday. Here with the Power Couple.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I'm showing to Lakey pastors Damon and Erica Glenn, loving singles.
See your single life clearly? What are some practical things
that a single person should be doing getting their finances together? Preach,
you know what I'm there's things because there's some things
done before I got married. You know, some things I've
missed or, by the grace of God married thirty years.
(09:57):
But what are some practical things that you know, single
folks can be doing to prepare themselves for marriage if
that's their desire.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I let my wife unpack most of this because in
my single season, I was I.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Was locked in.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I was it was me and the Lord, and that
was because I know me, you know what I mean?
So I was like, I don't want to date. I
don't want to look around. I ain't looking too long.
Everybody and their grandma was trying to introduce me to
their granddaughter. They daughter trying to connect me and some
in my single season, I really was. I really use
it as a sense of consecration because it was a
strong transition for me because I coming new out of
(10:30):
the world, I had assorted pass and so in that transition,
I was being sanctified. I was transitioning my mentality in
my life. And so I think that I learned to
do things that increase my value, right, And we coach
people and tell them to do things that increase your value,
not diminish it, because a lot of people want to
(10:51):
They want a level of a relationship that they're not on.
They want the man with the six figures, but they
only got two. They want the man with the with
the with the eight hundred credit score, but their credit
score is four hundred. They want the man they got
the private jet or traveled all over the world, but
they ain't been nowhere.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
They ain't been in Indiana, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And so it's like you can't keep saying what you
desire that you haven't become, because you will not attract
you will only attrack on the level of who you are.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So so there's a flip side to that that I'll add.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Because I know the ladies is like, no, I went,
I got my masters, I got my money, I got
myself and the other person. So this isn't gender base,
this is period. There are a lot of upside down
relationships because there are people that did the work in
a single season and they can't find their compatibility, their
compatible mate because the other people didn't do the work
(11:43):
because somebody was wishing they were in a relationship instead
of becoming the relationship that somebody wished that they had
only a single season.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Yeah, you're gonna talk about some practical things.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Yeah, for me, I think the practicalness would be, you know,
like my husband said, to level up, to build up
your worth, to take care of your credit, to travel
where you want to go, because just because you're married
somebody they may not want to go, know anywhere, they
might be fine just staying at home. To make sure.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, to know what you like like if you're in.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
A perpetual relationships, you don't know who you are and
what you like, especially for a woman, because you are
adapting to a man to a man, so you don't
always know all the things that you like or dislike. Healing, healing,
getting yourself healed, making sure your relationships are tight with
the people that you want your relationships to be tight
(12:40):
with in your head, taking care of your body, especially
for women. You know, we are having a lot of
women having difficulty having babies, getting pregnant, like all of
those things. And I think that it's something that people
don't think about when they're single because they're just when
I get married, it's just gonna who all of these
(13:00):
things are just gonna happen, not knowing that you have to,
not knowing that you have to get yourself ready for
those things. So for to me, for a woman, and
I think you know, for a man, I think we
all have our things that we have to do to
be a husband, to be a wife, and you need
to understand what that is. But it's kind of you're
living I won't say a double life, but you're kind
(13:22):
of having your hands filled with two things at the
same time. I'm becoming the person that I need to
be with having my eyes on becoming what else there
is for me to be all at the same time
and I think if we would stop, well, if you're unmarried,
if you would just stop wishing that you were married
and actually do some work in all of it. When
(13:44):
you get to the place where you're married, you know, yeah,
you gotta. Yeah, you can't just wish. There has to
be work that is put there. And I think that you.
I think if you kind of knew what some of
the work was in marriage, you would be so quick
to let me hurry up.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And get over there.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
You know.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
That's just being honest, and there's nothing wrong with it.
It's just that marriages work.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
It is not. It is not just if it happens.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
And I think people don't realize marriages work, or relationships
and work, or they do realize it, but they think
they rather do that work than to do the work
on them selves. Successful single exactly is what we learn.
If you do the work successfully single, you have less
work to do. I think the people trying to backtrack, like,
(14:29):
if I do the work in my single season, that
I won't have to do so much work in my
relationship season, or at least I'll have work ethic and
I'll know how to work an exact expectation that this
is gonna take work. It's gonna take work for us
to build this life we want because it took work
for me to build a life that I had before.
(14:49):
It's gonna take work for us to save money to
buy this house because it took work for me to
save money to.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Get my house or my apartment or my business.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It's gonna take work for us to go to the
next level of raising our kids because it took work
for me to get my degree or my trade or
my skill. So if you have no accomplishments in your
single season, no evidence, no fruit that you went to work,
that you put the work in on yourself, completed something
that's right, then I don't want to I don't want
to bring you into my married life with no work
at it because it's gonna be hard trying to build
(15:18):
something and also trying to build you.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I can't. I ain't got time to Like I need
somebody to build with.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Me, not all the all the work can't be on you,
like we gotta be working to together, not just every
time we turn around.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Were working on you and one more thing, being mayor
being a single person. Marriage is not gonna rescue you.
So if you quit looking that marriage is gonna rescue you,
then you will not look for it to be the
next answer to something that you don't do.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Marriage doesn't rescue you, it reveals you.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I wasn't gonna take your line. It is relationship talk Thursday.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I'm so jia blaking with the power cup Old Pastors
to voted Erica Glenn. We're gonna close it out here.
But a quick question that came in. Are you single
until you're married? Are you single until you're married? Your
thoughts on that question.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You're not, You are unmarried. You are single in status
but in heart, in your heart and your mind and
your soul. Are you single? You may not be because
you might be looking, as we said, for a relationship
to rescue you versus you dealing with you looking at
(16:27):
the man in the mirror. Michael Jackson said it so well,
looking at the man in the mirror. So some of us,
or I'm not us, I'm sorry, some people that are
single are not single. There are attached to somebody else,
even though that person may not be there, but they're
attached to that person because they're tied and their mind
and their soul and their spirit and in their heart
(16:48):
with that person, so a little bit they could almost
little be a little bit counterfeit.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Married. Some people, yeah, plan marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Some people been in a relationship since they was in
high school, was in middle school. They've been in perpetual
boyfriend girlfriends out of one thing into the next thing,
and really have not had any time with themselves to
embrace their unmarried season. So they go from being in
a status of being unmarried, but they never was really single,
they just weren't married. And then they're perpetually in nine year,
(17:20):
seven year, ten year relationships that still aren't married, but
they're still not single. So yeah, just because you're un
married doesn't mean you're single. There's too many people that
are not single whole complete, like you know, secure in
their identity, in their unmarried space, they should be embracing.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
How would you guys summarize this this session loving single
seeing your single life clearly? How would you guys summarize
what we talked about today.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I would summarize that, don't waste your single season wish
you was in a relation in another season like you're
in the season that you're in. So embrace it, reframe it, reidentify,
rec communicate, re see it. Differently, like love the skin
that you're in and the sing and the season that
you're in, and.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Embrace it wholeheartedly.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
When you really start having fun where you are and
becoming who you need to be, you're a tract who
you're supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
It was, it was, it was Adam's Adams saw.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Eve and said, whoa man, this is bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh. She's she's whole, she complete, she thriving.
She over there doing her thing where she come from.
I didn't see her before, he acknowledged, he witnessed. He
saw her because she was complete and full and who
she was.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
She wasn't looking for him.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
He was looking for her and he found her because
she was in a season of wholeness and celebration.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
So I think how you said it about it being
a sacred season, singleness being a sacred season, And I
think that when you look at it as to be sacred,
when you get into marriage, you're you're you're being sacred
as onto God. But then when you're getting to when
you get into marriage, then you're being sacred unto your spouse.
So you're able to trans for that sacredness from one
(19:01):
state to another state because you disciplined yourself in being sacred.
If you've been all over the place as an unmarried
person or you know, as a single person in a sense,
then when you get married, that settleness is gonna take
a minute to get there because you weren't focused on
one thing. You were focused on a whole lot of
other things that caused your sacredness as not to be
(19:23):
as unto God.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Great conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
How can our listeners get in touch with you guys,
because I'm quite sure they're loving today's conversation?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Catch up with us on social We try to encourage
both half. We have been getting a lot of requests
from single people. They're like, y'all leaving us out. We're
not leaving you out. You can learn from married people,
But right now we're really leaning into We're gonna do
like a live master class. And I guess you could
call it just about embracing your singleness. My wife actually
is getting ready to do what is it called single
(19:54):
in the City. It's for a single women just to
really be able to embrace I do something called man
where I talk about men and their life and their
choosing and before they get married and when they marry.
Were trying to cover all things relationships. That's part of
our assignment. So whether you're on the single side or
the married side, or should I say whether you're on
the unmarried side or the marriage side, we on your side,
(20:16):
all right, So connect up with us so we can
help you live and thrive for the life and legacy.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
You can also catch the show on the podcast Inspiration
thirteen ninety dot com or there on the Free I
Heard radio app Relationship Talk Thursday with the Power Couple
The Glenns
I think the most important relationship you have after your
relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
your soul, and your strength, and love your neighbor how
as yourself. So there's a lot of people that say
or they love God and then they try to love people,
but they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves
in a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in
(00:24):
a relationship, and so I don't know. I think single
ministry or ministry to single people is probably one of
the under utilized opportunities that is explored in church context.
There's a lot when it comes to singles. It's like
the default ministry. So either people don't want to be
a part of it, I don't want to be single,
(00:44):
or there's so many different versions of being single, single,
want a relationship, single out of a relationship, unmarried but
not really single, divorce, don't want to be with nobody,
no more, widow, So so many categories.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
So how do you even approach it?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
But Paul biblically was very specific and very clear about
how singles should be handled and ministered to. But in
church culture, there's just a lot of single events and
not a lot of single equipped.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Good morning, It's Relationship Talk Thursday. It's so you Blakey
here with the Power Couple.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Pastors Dramone and Erica Glynn. Y'all feeling good? Yeah, good
morning Chicago.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
So we want to deal with the single saints. I
just feel like, you know, the singles need to be
loved one. We always talk about marriages and things like that,
which is great, but before you married, you got to
you know, your single.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So most important.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
And I know, like even myself coming up in church,
there was not a lot for singles. And I know
you guys can attest to that too, you know, being
pastors and executive pastors now at New Life. But why
is it important that you know, singles get get ministered
to or coached or you know educated about you know,
the life of a single.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I think the most important relationship you have, after your
relationship with God is your relationship with yourself, your single self.
Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, your mind,
your soul, and your strength, and love.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Your neighbor how as yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So there's a lot of people that say or they
love God and then they try to love people, but
they don't love themselves or have not loved themselves in
a proper context. But everybody's anxious to be in a relationship,
and so I don't know. I think single ministry or
ministry to single people is probably one of the under
utilized opportunities that is explored in church context. There's a
(02:36):
lot when it comes to singles. It's like the default ministry.
So either people don't want to be a part of it,
I don't want to be single, or there's so many
different versions of being single, single, want a relationship, single
out of a relationship, unmarried but not really single, divorce,
don't want to be with nobody, no more, widow, So
so many categories, So how do you even approach it?
(02:57):
But Paul biblically was very specif if it can, very
clear about how singles should be handled and ministered to.
But in church culture there's just a lot of single
events and not a lot of single equipped so singles
aren't being equipped to be successfullly single, and definitely I
feel not being equipped to then convert that into a
(03:20):
successful married relationship. Healthy single people make healthy relationships, and
married people unhealthy single people make unhealthy married relationship.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
And I mean, I test to all of that, and
I just remember, you know, when I was single and
over the singles Ministry trying to do research for it,
and it was just if all of the research showed
how unmarried people did not want to be identified that way.
They didn't want they didn't want anybody to call them single,
They didn't want anybody to call them unmarried. So to
try and gather them around it was difficult because nobody
(03:54):
wanted to identify with that. But the thing that I've
realized being married is that if you or not a
student as a single person, you're definitely having difficulty being
a student as a married person. And that discipline of
becoming your better self in all states that you're in,
if you don't start with your own self, it will
(04:15):
make it difficult for you to do that in your marriage.
You've never been married before, or if you were married,
it wasn't great.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
So you still need to learn.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
So when we don't become students of ourselves early on,
it makes it very difficult that in another season that
we're not a continual student. So it's like, you know,
unmarried people, whatever state that you're in, period. You need
to be happy about that state, because if you don't
embrace the state that you're in, you'll go to another
(04:45):
state wishing that you did something else in another space.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Now you can't resent the relationship you have with yourself.
And then except.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Relationship Talk Thursday, I'm Sonya Blakey here with the Power
Couple pastors Damone and Erica Glenn Loving Single, mastering your
unmarried season. So the big question is what do you
do when you're single? What should you be focusing on? Like,
what should you be giving your attention to?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean, well, the Bible is clear.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
We try to build it on a biblical base because
that's what the principles are. Paul talked about in your
single season. Your time belongs to the Lord. That doesn't
mean you become a monk and live in God's house
and never go nowhere and don't do anything. That means
that's the time when you get to to get to
learn the creator and what the Creator thinks about his creation.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
So you fall in love with God. He created you.
Who are you?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
What do you care about? What value do you add?
What do you want to do? What's the purpose, what's
your passion? Where do you want to go? What do
you want to explore? You don't sit single season out
waiting to be in a relationship Like single season is
a maximized season. It's a joyful space. It's a season
in your life that if you do it right, you
will never get it back again. Then you'll be in
a relationship thinking about, oh, I should have did this, this, this, this,
(06:05):
when I don't have any accountability, when nobody told me,
when I didn't have to respond to anybody or acts
or answer to anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I think people underestimate and underutilize the single season, and
they miss out on an opportunity to really explore and
evaluate who they are so that they can level up
in a track on the level that they leveled up on.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I mean, it is truly in the Bible that you
devote your time and your energy and your your passions
unto the Lord. But you know as you're doing that.
I believe, well, I know for a fact that when
you are doing it as unto the Lord, the closer
you're getting to God, the closer you're getting to yourself,
and you're discovering things about yourself that you didn't know
(06:50):
because you are getting closer to the creator, and I
think that when you are like wishing you I remember
one girl telling me I just want to not cook
for myself. I want to be able to cook for
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And then when she.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Got married, I was like, so are you cooking? You
know what I'm saying, Like, the very thing that you're
wishing to right, the very thing that you're wishing for,
you're not embracing where you are, and so you can't
exhaust it until you just put your arms around it
and your head around it and just say, Lord, what
do you want from me in this season? Because to me,
(07:21):
that's a question that you have to ask yourself until
you die. So it's like, if you just get into
that frame of mind, you'll live your life on a
whole nother level. I just I didn't wait for things
to happen. I had to make a decision because I
was resenting when I was a single person. But I
had to make a decision about this life that I'm
(07:42):
in right now. And if I know that God promised
me something else, I don't want to squander this time
because I won't have what I need for the next moment.
So it's like if you're living, if you have a
promise for God, you got to live in the now
so that when you get to the promise of God,
you'll be able to fulfill it and do it and
(08:03):
enjoy it and not resent it because your husband or
your wife or your children don't deserve your unmet single
expectations that you did not take care of when you
were unmarried.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I think Unfortunately people equate singleness to loneliness as opposed
to wholeness, as opposed to being single or unmarried. How
we say, we rephrase it is to be complete, to
be whole, to be one, to be solid, right, to
be at one, at peace with yourself. And so just
because you are not are not married doesn't mean that
(08:37):
you are alone. And there's a lot of people that
are married and alone, let alone, So marriage doesn't cure loneliness, right,
and learning how to be at one with yourself or
alone with yourself is a healthy season and a healthy
space that you should be in and try to maximize.
(08:59):
So you can't let your relationship or let your identify
be defined by your relationship status. You have to literally
understand that my relationship status does not qualify or qualify
who I am. I am in a season that is
and choice that I must embrace, whether I got here
by default or back got here by decision. I'm gonna
(09:20):
make up my mind that I'm going to exhaust this
season to the max and enjoy it to the fullness.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
That's what your single season is supposed to be about.
It is relationship talk Thursday. Here with the Power Couple.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I'm showing to Lakey pastors Damon and Erica Glenn, loving singles.
See your single life clearly? What are some practical things
that a single person should be doing getting their finances together? Preach,
you know what I'm there's things because there's some things
done before I got married. You know, some things I've
missed or, by the grace of God married thirty years.
(09:57):
But what are some practical things that you know, single
folks can be doing to prepare themselves for marriage if
that's their desire.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I let my wife unpack most of this because in
my single season, I was I.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Was locked in.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I was it was me and the Lord, and that
was because I know me, you know what I mean?
So I was like, I don't want to date. I
don't want to look around. I ain't looking too long.
Everybody and their grandma was trying to introduce me to
their granddaughter. They daughter trying to connect me and some
in my single season, I really was. I really use
it as a sense of consecration because it was a
strong transition for me because I coming new out of
(10:30):
the world, I had assorted pass and so in that transition,
I was being sanctified. I was transitioning my mentality in
my life. And so I think that I learned to
do things that increase my value, right, And we coach
people and tell them to do things that increase your value,
not diminish it, because a lot of people want to
(10:51):
They want a level of a relationship that they're not on.
They want the man with the six figures, but they
only got two. They want the man with the with
the with the eight hundred credit score, but their credit
score is four hundred. They want the man they got
the private jet or traveled all over the world, but
they ain't been nowhere.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
They ain't been in Indiana, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And so it's like you can't keep saying what you
desire that you haven't become, because you will not attract
you will only attrack on the level of who you are.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
So so there's a flip side to that that I'll add.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Because I know the ladies is like, no, I went,
I got my masters, I got my money, I got
myself and the other person. So this isn't gender base,
this is period. There are a lot of upside down
relationships because there are people that did the work in
a single season and they can't find their compatibility, their
compatible mate because the other people didn't do the work
(11:43):
because somebody was wishing they were in a relationship instead
of becoming the relationship that somebody wished that they had
only a single season.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Yeah, you're gonna talk about some practical things.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Yeah, for me, I think the practicalness would be, you know,
like my husband said, to level up, to build up
your worth, to take care of your credit, to travel
where you want to go, because just because you're married
somebody they may not want to go, know anywhere, they
might be fine just staying at home. To make sure.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, to know what you like like if you're in.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
A perpetual relationships, you don't know who you are and
what you like, especially for a woman, because you are
adapting to a man to a man, so you don't
always know all the things that you like or dislike. Healing, healing,
getting yourself healed, making sure your relationships are tight with
the people that you want your relationships to be tight
(12:40):
with in your head, taking care of your body, especially
for women. You know, we are having a lot of
women having difficulty having babies, getting pregnant, like all of
those things. And I think that it's something that people
don't think about when they're single because they're just when
I get married, it's just gonna who all of these
(13:00):
things are just gonna happen, not knowing that you have to,
not knowing that you have to get yourself ready for
those things. So for to me, for a woman, and
I think you know, for a man, I think we
all have our things that we have to do to
be a husband, to be a wife, and you need
to understand what that is. But it's kind of you're
living I won't say a double life, but you're kind
(13:22):
of having your hands filled with two things at the
same time. I'm becoming the person that I need to
be with having my eyes on becoming what else there
is for me to be all at the same time
and I think if we would stop, well, if you're unmarried,
if you would just stop wishing that you were married
and actually do some work in all of it. When
(13:44):
you get to the place where you're married, you know, yeah,
you gotta. Yeah, you can't just wish. There has to
be work that is put there. And I think that you.
I think if you kind of knew what some of
the work was in marriage, you would be so quick
to let me hurry up.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And get over there.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
You know.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
That's just being honest, and there's nothing wrong with it.
It's just that marriages work.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
It is not. It is not just if it happens.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
And I think people don't realize marriages work, or relationships
and work, or they do realize it, but they think
they rather do that work than to do the work
on them selves. Successful single exactly is what we learn.
If you do the work successfully single, you have less
work to do. I think the people trying to backtrack, like,
(14:29):
if I do the work in my single season, that
I won't have to do so much work in my
relationship season, or at least I'll have work ethic and
I'll know how to work an exact expectation that this
is gonna take work. It's gonna take work for us
to build this life we want because it took work
for me to build a life that I had before.
(14:49):
It's gonna take work for us to save money to
buy this house because it took work for me to
save money to.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Get my house or my apartment or my business.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
It's gonna take work for us to go to the
next level of raising our kids because it took work
for me to get my degree or my trade or
my skill. So if you have no accomplishments in your
single season, no evidence, no fruit that you went to work,
that you put the work in on yourself, completed something
that's right, then I don't want to I don't want
to bring you into my married life with no work
at it because it's gonna be hard trying to build
(15:18):
something and also trying to build you.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
I can't. I ain't got time to Like I need
somebody to build with.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Me, not all the all the work can't be on you,
like we gotta be working to together, not just every
time we turn around.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Were working on you and one more thing, being mayor
being a single person. Marriage is not gonna rescue you.
So if you quit looking that marriage is gonna rescue you,
then you will not look for it to be the
next answer to something that you don't do.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Marriage doesn't rescue you, it reveals you.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I wasn't gonna take your line. It is relationship talk Thursday.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I'm so jia blaking with the power cup Old Pastors
to voted Erica Glenn. We're gonna close it out here.
But a quick question that came in. Are you single
until you're married? Are you single until you're married? Your
thoughts on that question.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
You're not, You are unmarried. You are single in status
but in heart, in your heart and your mind and
your soul. Are you single? You may not be because
you might be looking, as we said, for a relationship
to rescue you versus you dealing with you looking at
(16:27):
the man in the mirror. Michael Jackson said it so well,
looking at the man in the mirror. So some of us,
or I'm not us, I'm sorry, some people that are
single are not single. There are attached to somebody else,
even though that person may not be there, but they're
attached to that person because they're tied and their mind
and their soul and their spirit and in their heart
(16:48):
with that person, so a little bit they could almost
little be a little bit counterfeit.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Married. Some people, yeah, plan marriage.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Some people been in a relationship since they was in
high school, was in middle school. They've been in perpetual
boyfriend girlfriends out of one thing into the next thing,
and really have not had any time with themselves to
embrace their unmarried season. So they go from being in
a status of being unmarried, but they never was really single,
they just weren't married. And then they're perpetually in nine year,
(17:20):
seven year, ten year relationships that still aren't married, but
they're still not single. So yeah, just because you're un
married doesn't mean you're single. There's too many people that
are not single whole complete, like you know, secure in
their identity, in their unmarried space, they should be embracing.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
How would you guys summarize this this session loving single
seeing your single life clearly? How would you guys summarize
what we talked about today.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I would summarize that, don't waste your single season wish
you was in a relation in another season like you're
in the season that you're in. So embrace it, reframe it, reidentify,
rec communicate, re see it. Differently, like love the skin
that you're in and the sing and the season that
you're in, and.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Embrace it wholeheartedly.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
When you really start having fun where you are and
becoming who you need to be, you're a tract who
you're supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
It was, it was, it was Adam's Adams saw.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Eve and said, whoa man, this is bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh. She's she's whole, she complete, she thriving.
She over there doing her thing where she come from.
I didn't see her before, he acknowledged, he witnessed. He
saw her because she was complete and full and who
she was.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
She wasn't looking for him.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
He was looking for her and he found her because
she was in a season of wholeness and celebration.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
So I think how you said it about it being
a sacred season, singleness being a sacred season, And I
think that when you look at it as to be sacred,
when you get into marriage, you're you're you're being sacred
as onto God. But then when you're getting to when
you get into marriage, then you're being sacred unto your spouse.
So you're able to trans for that sacredness from one
(19:01):
state to another state because you disciplined yourself in being sacred.
If you've been all over the place as an unmarried
person or you know, as a single person in a sense,
then when you get married, that settleness is gonna take
a minute to get there because you weren't focused on
one thing. You were focused on a whole lot of
other things that caused your sacredness as not to be
(19:23):
as unto God.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Great conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
How can our listeners get in touch with you guys,
because I'm quite sure they're loving today's conversation?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Catch up with us on social We try to encourage
both half. We have been getting a lot of requests
from single people. They're like, y'all leaving us out. We're
not leaving you out. You can learn from married people,
But right now we're really leaning into We're gonna do
like a live master class. And I guess you could
call it just about embracing your singleness. My wife actually
is getting ready to do what is it called single
(19:54):
in the City. It's for a single women just to
really be able to embrace I do something called man
where I talk about men and their life and their
choosing and before they get married and when they marry.
Were trying to cover all things relationships. That's part of
our assignment. So whether you're on the single side or
the married side, or should I say whether you're on
the unmarried side or the marriage side, we on your side,
(20:16):
all right, So connect up with us so we can
help you live and thrive for the life and legacy.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
You can also catch the show on the podcast Inspiration
thirteen ninety dot com or there on the Free I
Heard radio app Relationship Talk Thursday with the Power Couple
The Glenns
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