Dirty Deeds

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Boston's only classic warning shows. Ijust have it. I equate to a
Seinfeld frame of mind moment when Iwent to use the secret bathroom behind the
kitchen. So people saw me gointo the super secret bathroom and I just
had to go peep. But whenI was in there, it was kind
of messy, and somebody had dribbledon the floor, a previous occupant pp

(00:25):
and there was yeah on the floor, and there was some toilet paper strewn
about also on the floor, pepepaper. So in my mind, I
thought that if I walk out ofhere, they're going to think you did
that. Don't clean up after whoeverwas in there. They're going to think
it was me. Yeah, messI can't have that. I'm neurotic enough
as it is. Yeah you are, because that stuff that doesn't bother me.
I would. So I got ahandful of paper towels and I used

(00:48):
that to scoop up what was onthe floor. I made a quick clean,
yeah, and then I did athorough wash. I do that all
the time in the ladies room withdifferent things. I wonder, yeah,
if when have a similar experience whenthey some women, but some of them
just leave their shit everywhere most ofthe time. There's someone every day who
cannot get their paper towel after they'vedried their hands. First of all,

(01:10):
I'm just happy they wash their handsand then they go to the garbage is
right by the door, and theygo to throw it in, but they
must not be looking and it fallson the floor. Every day I'm picking
up someone else and I do itbefore I go to the bathroom. So
I'm just I'm like, because Ican't just I don't want anyone to think
I've done that. Yeah, soI throw every day I'm throwing that.

(01:30):
How do you miss the garbage can? Plus lipouts? Do you guys have
lipouts where the paper towels sit onthe lip of the trash can and they
don't notice to just knock it inthe extra That's okay because at least it's
not on the floor. But Ijust don't understand. But yeah, I
knock that in too. But Imean you you hear it follow the floor?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, Andyou know they don't do it at

(01:53):
home? Well, no, that'smy question. Do they do that shit
at home? Do they you know, leave toilet paper and pee all over
the floor, or do they likeactually clean up after. I live in
a house where the boys sit,so I have unusually cleaned bathrooms for a
woman who lives with three men.See that's smart. If I get up
in the middle of the night,I sit to pee only because I don't

(02:15):
want to have to clean up inthe dark and then further wake myself up,
you know what I mean. It'smuch quieter too. It is quiet.
Raised them that way. I alwaysbe on the toilet fit. Yeah,
yeah, that's how I was raised. That's how John was raised.
And I'm just glad that we hadcarpeting in the bathroom if you can imagine
jo cheese, and it was stillthere until we sold their house. Did

(02:37):
he have shag because I've seen thatbefore, which Jag carpeted. We had
the flat you know, carpet squaresin our bathroom. My dad put that
in and yeah, my mom didn'twant to be dropping on the exactly carpet
square and not an ounce of peaever did. And the carpet was beautiful
the day they sold the house,like fifty years later. But also he
wasn't allowed to take showers, sothere was no moisture in that bathroom.

(02:58):
He wasn't allowed No, they removedthe shower curtain. They had to take
baths in that house. What wasthe reason. Fan in an open window
takes care of that normally, notwith shag carpeting. You'd still have moisture
that even the fan in the openwindow. But you don't have open windows
in Buffalo in like the winter time. I open my windows in the winter

(03:22):
when I take a shower. Andthat's what we don't have shag carpet.
I'm just saying we do. Shagcarpeting is a very Yeah, she just
had a very like even I nevertook a shower, there was no shower.
Getting back to picking up people's excrements, I can't do not excrement.
I mean, I don't you knowwhat I clean up the kitchen that might
just be as much bacteria as thefloor with pea on it. I don't

(03:44):
know, probably, or I don'tclean up their pea on the floor.
But I definitely pick up paper towelsthat are toilet paper that's around the side.
Yeah, I'm talking about what Kennydid. Kenny Kenny wiped up p
from the floor. I just I'mnot going there yet. I'm not I
used paper towel over the toilet paperthat was thrown on the floor. But
that wasn't dirty toilet paper. Itwas like extra like they had dropped it

(04:05):
and decided, oh, oh wellI missed. Yeah yeah, fighting up
though, don't be so neurotic whereyou have to clean up other people's peace.
I know. But when, likeI said, in my mind,
when people see me going there,they're going to think, oh, that's
he's dirty. Yeah, you knowyou're neuroticism, because I know a couple
people know you better than that.That wasn't Kenny. I know a couple

(04:26):
of the kitchen offenders. I won'tbring up the name on the on the
air. Here, I can tellyou I know it's a woman because I've
seen lipstick all over the uh thecoup. I know one for sure,
which is disgusting. That leaves vegetablesand crumbs and food in the sink and
just someone else will clean it up. That's the editude. Yeah. Sometimes
it's our boss Alan, he'll cleanup in there. Oh he cleans up

(04:47):
and then he doesn't make the mess. Believe no, no, no,
he's not making about a neat freak. He's it. I've stopped. I
don't know what I don't go inthe kitchen that much. So I stopped
cleaning up the kitchen right when,like last fall, So I don't go
in there and clean up anything anymore. But every day I would be throwing
stuff out that would be left there, Like if CDs were there too long,

(05:09):
I was the person. If theywere there for a month, I'm
the person that would trash them.If there were books there for more than
a month, I'm the person thatwould trash them. I'm like, I've
put all those little signs you seein the kitchen years ago. I'm the
one that put them there. Ijust add coffee to create human like,
those are my things. But II stopped cleaning. I also stopped cleaning
those tables out there. I usedto wipe them down every day, or

(05:32):
staplers or I would clean it upand make it all neat. I don't
do that anymore. You wipe offthe copy machine, I did, Yeah,
I doing those. Yeah, oneof these little cloths to get the
germs off. Put the fingerprints onthose copies. The door knobs have toilet

(05:55):
seats, right, And I thinkthat and I think our phones are even
worse, because you know, when'sthe last time I used the phone at
your desk. Never, I don'task me when used every other day?
Oh, I clean my cell phoneall the time, but I never,
I've never even used Ask me ifI can even recall the last time I

(06:15):
sat at that desk out in thebullpen. I'll use it to call a
doctor or a dentist, because theline on my cell phone isn't is clear
when I go to make calls.Okay, so you have, but I've
never received a call there. No, No, I don't either. In
fact, I want to go back, like no, if I had a
message, I'm going to go backat least four years at least. And

(06:36):
I remember I tried to retrieve itsaid that it was blinking, and it
said that I had voicemail. Itried to retrieve the voicemail, and it
would not let me hear the voicemails. It said I had an incorrect code.
I went to engineering. They said, oh, you just enter in
your employee ID. That didn't work. And I said, well, apparently

(06:58):
whoever left this message is I'm notgoing to be able. We didn't have
it. We didn't have a lineat CBS. We did there was phone,
There were phones in that back off. I haven't had an office phone
where I retrieved voicemails for probably fifteenyears. Yeah, since I was I
always tell people just email me.I crate a lot of Yeah. Yeah,
I didn't have a desk in Poughkeepsieat all. I know our producers

(07:18):
did. I didn't. Did youguys have an office I don't even remember.
I think you guys, I wasnever in there, trying to remember
show prep there and I can't.It was like a back You guys were
behind everything, but I But asa teacher, I mean I was constantly
collecting voicemails because you're constantly getting phonecalls from parents. That was the last

(07:39):
time, right, Yeah, Imean to this day, if I went
out to the desk phone that's atmy quote unquote desk, I would not
be able to hack into the voicemailto hear it. And it's probably full,
right, it's probably full of junk, I'm sure you know. But
then again, I also haven't gottenpeople emailing me saying, hey, I
left you a voicemail, so whoknows? Yeah, well, you're right.

(08:01):
I mean, in the world oftexting emails, you know, social
media, that's how we communicate.So, yeah, the phone is just
kind of gone by the wayside.Sorry, Dad. I know you worked
your whole life in the phone company, and we had seven phones at home,
but it really no longer exists.Seven phones. We had seven phones
in our house because my dad hadunlimited you know, he worked for the
phone company. He get as manyphones as we had one. I had

(08:24):
a phone in my bedroom and threehad a phone in their bedroom. We
had a phone in the laundry room. We had a phone in the garage.
We had a phone in the kitchen. Holy god, we had one
in the kitchen. And until we'regoing to get a cordless phone, you
would have had to pay for them. You would had to pay for the
extra lines. My parents were goingto pay. We paid. We paid
nothing because we were had a forthis phone growing up. There was one
in the kitchen with like a fifteento twenty foot court on it that you

(08:46):
could go all the way to thedining room with which my mom loved.
There was one in the basement whichwas my dad's office at his desk,
which was the rotary rotary phone.And then upstairs between the two kids bedrooms
on a little like wooden duel satone more phone, but it was like
it was one line into the house, right, And then we had We

(09:07):
didn't get a cordless phone until ninetythree. I was a junior and I
remember that and thinking to myself,this is the best thing that's ever happened
to me. The cordless phone wasgreat. It was just magical because then
I could leave the kitchen and havea conversation with my friends. We never
had call waiting. That was wayafter some friends had three way remember three
way call where you could like pressholds. My friends had that call someone

(09:28):
else and then all three party lineon the line at the same time.
Fucking party line. Those are allthings you guys enjoyed as children. We
never we never had it. Wewe didn't have it. I'm saying we
had. I had friends that hadexisted cordless phone. No, no,
no, yeah, well that's becausethis was nice. Was our age difference.
Yeah, you know, to thisday, I still tell my nieces

(09:48):
and nephews, and now we havegreat nieces and great nephews, and I
said, I'll tell them all thetime. You guys will never know the
horror and the shock of having toanswer a phone in your household and not
know who was on the other endof it. Could have been anybody,
right, could have been somebody fromyou, But you willingly picked up the
phone back then in ways that youwould never even consider now. Like the

(10:11):
phone rang hello, it was justinstinctual. Your phone rang, the quicker
you got to with, the lessannoying it was, you didn't just and
then you had codes. Right,So for friends, my code was you
ring once, hang up, callback. They know it's you, or
you ring twice, hang up,and then when you call them next time,
they know it's you. For longdistance purposes. Yeah, well,

(10:33):
while we're talking them for you know, friends and stuff, I was gonna
say, while we're talking about niecesand nephews here too. You've noticed the
growing trend. It's been like thisfor a while where they just don't answer
the phone. If you call them, they'll text you back right away,
they'll text, but they don't answerthe phone when you call them. I'm
that guy. Yeah, I'm thatperson, that guy unless i'm unless you're

(10:54):
my husband or my parents, right, I'm ill. I probably will text
and say what do you need?Yeah, but I feel like too,
like with our phones that voicemail hasgot to be on it on the buy
and buy because you can leave avoice text now, which is pretty much
the same thing. But oh,I see you can record a message into

(11:15):
the phone doctor texting. At thispoint, honestly, the only voicemails I
get are from the hair salon andthe doctors confirming an appointment. Hello,
this is so and so. Justconfirming your appointment. I don't get I
don't have any other voice, Like, no one I know will leave me
a voicemail, but the doctors andthe hair salons will. So you're talking
voice to text, Kenny, orjust leaving in text message a voice message,

(11:39):
because you can do that too.You guys are saying the same things.
Oh okay, voice to text iswell no, no, he means
like voice to you can leave atext message. That's audio, I should
say. Yeah, when you goto your text messages, there's a mic.
What you're talking about, there's amicrophone on the right, and that's
leave a voice memo. What noI know that? Oh? Yeah,
yeah, man, is that whatyou're talking about? Yeah, leaving a

(12:01):
voice leaving an actual audio message intext? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay, yeah, I don't dothat. But I know people that do
I know people that do that.Yeah, I mean I got I've accidentally
done it? Have you accidentally doneit? Or all of a sudden you
look down it like yes, andall of a sudden you've left, like
rubbed your room of it. Andthen now you've got to be careful and
make sure you hit the X insteadof you're like, damn it, you

(12:22):
pause. If only they can inventan anti butt DIALA that was Boston's only
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