Happy Endings: A Novel

Is this on ANYBODY'S "required reading" list?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Carlson, Mackenzie and Heathers. Allright, We're all right. He's always
in the toilet, isn't he.Nobody peas more than he does. Kenny
drinks a lot of water, sohe's always peeing. I must have some
physical problems. You still force yourselfto drink water every day? Right?

(00:23):
I take a big glass in themorning, first thing, because I know
I barely drink any throughout the day. You know, I try to drink
one bottle of water on my wayin, whether I want to or not,
you know, I mean I don't. I mean I go to the
bathroom when I get up, andI don't go till after the show.
I don't know how Yeah, twiceduring the show. Twice. Yeah,

(00:44):
you evacuate twice, Heathers, Whatyou're saying twice? Yes, Kenny,
we're just saying how often you pee? You're always in the bath very frequent.
Well, you drink a lot ofwater in the course of five or
six hours. I probably drink fiveor six of these. Oh we'll see
if y'all live me. Then doyou shut it down for us of the
day? That is your thought.I've had enough water. I don't need
to drink or you continue to drink. Almost always had water going yeah,
no shit, Yeah, I've triedto be better too, Like on weekends

(01:08):
when I'm when I'm ripping adult beverages, I try to rip a few waters
in between, just a balance.Alcoholics tend to do that, they drink
water in between. Not that you'rean alcoholic, No, well I did
some edibles and then I only hadtwo beers, but I drink a bunch
of waters by bottled water, sowhich was fine for me. I don't

(01:32):
consider myself an alcoholic. I considermyself a seasoned veteran. Yeah. Does
it run in your family or no? What's that biggest seasoned veteran? No,
it doesn't know we're about in yourfamily. This alcohol is I'm running
your FAMI. Not in the blood, in the marriages though a couple of
oh really yeah, yeah, Ihear you on that, not even one

(01:53):
in mine, not even on one. Yeah, nobody in my family that
I could think of, no secretdrinking back to grandparents and ship hide and
barely at family gatherings there was neverliquor, rarely beer. Yeah, and
I mean on John's side. Idon't know about his side of the family.
But on both my parents' sides,not I mean my parents, my

(02:15):
mom's family from Italy. They didn'teven drink wine. Oh, they didn't
drink. That seems unusual. Theyjust weren't. They just didn't drink,
right, nothing wrong with that outside. No, they didn't do drugs either.
If you're inside, they just reallythey you know what, they binged
on cheese, olive oil and everything. There's oils and cheeses. They loved

(02:39):
food. But it's not like theydidn't have vices. All right, let's
kick off our happy ending podcast here, and you know how we do it.
It's big, it's large, butdefinitely not in charge. Let's kick
off the podcast. Three two fromyour cheeks. I can listen to your

(03:00):
farts all day long. I don'tknow how they're going to come out,
and I never do. We tookthat and we slowed it down for full
effect. Yeah, I want it. I don't want it to go away.
I want like it's talking to me. What are you trying to tell

(03:23):
me? There's a turn in thetallet. It sounds like your part says
I'm dead. I'm dead. Idon't know what it is. I just
can't relax. Well, thank youfor that. You're puckered up. But

(03:44):
I really enjoy your farts. Igot it, and I think our audience
this is what I hope, reachout to us and tell us how much
again, you really enjoy what enjoysthe farts? You enjoy Pete's farts?
I do, okay, right?Yeah, hearing them, he knows.
Yeah, I just wanted to grabthat. I wouldn't even I wouldn't even

(04:04):
care if you did it in frontof me, you know what I mean.
I wouldn't want my face down there. You break me. I didn't
know it was your turn. Baby, all right, let's uh. That's
a great life. He's one ofthese guys that remembers the lines from movies
too. Boy, I can't rememberDick. I can't either. All right,
happy ending mash up. It's ourpodcast contest. We put the lyrics

(04:26):
to one song to another song's music. So can you name the two songs?
So there's two songs that we puttogether. Name there's two songs here.
See if you can identify the Rebelshow Deserts. We are called jose
a Gun and through away the show. I know the lyrics, I can't

(04:50):
place the song and I definitely knowthe song the music. Oh so you
know the music? Okay, yeah, I think that bright. So if
you can name the two, justemail me Kevin at wclis dot com and
then we'll award a T shirt tosomebody here. Okay, as long as
you put in the subject line thatKevin is a pussy and I would prefer
that you sing it as you're writingit. In the subject line it goes

(05:12):
something like this, Kevin is apussy rebel show. This is it as
we are called, chose a gunand threw away the show. There you
go. Good luck to you ourhappy ending mash up. Uh you know

(05:36):
where Westport masses? Yes, Westport? So there's a by Fall River,
Yeah, in that general area rightthere. So there's an English teacher that's
toy Wort a couple of days inalready on leave because have you ever heard
of the book Happy Endings? O? Perfect for our Happy Endings podcast.
Well, school is back in sessionhere in Westport and only two days and

(05:59):
at the school or an English teacherhas been placed on paid administrative leave for
reading a story that some say hadinappropriate elements. Bruno Moura, the parent
of a fifteen year old sophomore sothat his daughter's teacher read Margaret Atwood's Happy
Endings to the class Margaret Atwood's HappyEndings, Haven't Read It Okay, a
story that deals with sensitive issues forteens like sex and suicide. Moura immediately

(06:24):
told school officials that he was unhappywith the literature, especially since parents weren't
notified. First of these kids goinghome and telling their parents everything that happens
in the class. All right,Well, it became even more difficult for
teachers. I don't know this situation, but when things were online, I'm
all my friends and were teachers saidthat not only would parents chime in during

(06:46):
lessons because you, oh my god, they would then get hand like really
long lectured notes about how their lessonwas either not right, inappropriate, or
because the parent would be sitting offcamera with the kid watching and the zoom
classroom. Yeah, and and theteachers are like, you know what,

(07:09):
this was the hardest two years toteach ever in the history of ever.
Yeah, and now. And ifyou're wondering why there's such a high rate
of teachers going fuck it, that'sone of them. So yeah, So
kids are behind right because of COVIDor no. No, it depends on
the state and depends on the socioeconomiclevel of that child. Like my kids

(07:30):
aren't you know what I mean?Right right? But you also you know
the kids that grew up in cities. Yeah, you stay on top of
it, or my parents would havegiven two shows. See that's the thing
you would think I do, butI do not. But it starts early
on. Yeah, exactly, they'vebeen right, It started early. One
of my kids will do whatever.He's his own tiger mom. Bobby is
his own tiger mom. I don'tknow if you know what that means.

(07:53):
Driven. He's like my whole familydoesn't know where he comes from. Yeah.
William, on the other hand,he's like quiet but steady, like
he doesn't like to fall behind onthings, but he's not getting ahead on
anything. Yeah. Right, Theyjust kind of when their greeds come out.
I know because they tell me.It's like, my daughter's a go
getter, NonStop, always doing things, and yet my son not so much.

(08:13):
And so I find I think that, Well, it's funny because I
say, my wife's maiden name issan Juan, and I always say they're
sad. You know, my sonmight be San Juan lazy, Okay,
based on you know, like myfather in law was a bit of a
lazy guy. My brother in lawlikes when other people do things for him.

(08:33):
He's lazy. But your father wasa go getter or just did things
like you was supposed to. Yeah, I wouldn't say people overchiever, right,
yeah, yea, but yeah,yeah, he did what needed to
be done. But like your brotherin law will not do anything. He'll
wait for people to do it forhim. Right, He'll work extra hard.
He would spend an hour trying toconvince somebody to do a half hour's

(08:56):
worth of work. You know whatI'm saying. That's what he does to
this day. He does send.Yeah, but you're both of your kids
are fine. Yeah, they're justYeah, they're just different, that's right.
But for teachers, like I don'tknow if this story, I don't
know anything about this story. Idon't know if it was appropriate or not.
But I will say that teachers findthat and I can't speak for them
as much anymore because I'm not oneof them. That there's a lot of

(09:16):
getting involved where you shouldn't, right, none of your business, And I
don't get involved. I don't.I don't even want. I want to
tell the teachers so much I lovethem. I will write I loved what
you did for my child support,and that is the only email that I
will send. Yeah, that's reallynice. Yeah, of course, to
you, Kevin, I'll send you. Kevin is a pussy, You suck,

(09:37):
You're an asshole, but you're notone of my kids teachers. I'd
like to put this in an anvelopeand send it to you. That happy
ending. Listen every weekday morning formore on one hundred point seven WCLX and I