Lori Gottlieb ON: How to Set and Keep Better Boundaries & Ways to Know if You Are Settling in Relationships

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August 28, 2023 • 74 mins

Why do we often struggle when we are trying to build a lasting relationship with someone?

Why is love not enough to make two people genuinely care for each other and stay happy together?

Let's unpack the conversation I had with Lori Gottlieb. Lori is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold nearly two million copies and is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she is co-host of the popular “Dear Therapists” podcast now in its 4th season.

In this digital age, the power of in-person conversations is unparalleled, therefore, face-to-face discussions not only ease challenging topics but also strengthen connections, even in times of disagreement. We will eExplore the fascinating urge to share our stories when conversations turn distant. Uncover the psychology behind this impulse and its impact on nurturing authentic connections.

It's important to find the balance between desired traits and the potential for mutual growth. And boundaries aren't about controlling others; they're about prioritizing self-care.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to deal with unwanted peer pressure
How to master difficult conversations
The importance of setting early relationship goals
How to balance the qualities we look for in a partner
The positive impact of active listening
How to navigate relationship triggers

Let's uncover the truths, debunk the myths, and reshape the way you perceive and nurture connections.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro
01:02 What should you do if a friend is pushing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable?
03:24 In-person conversations ease difficult discussions; connection persists despite disagreement
05:16 Set relationship goals early; they reveal compatibility quickly
07:47 Social anxiety often mirrors our childhood treatment
11:51 The urge to discuss oneself grows when sensing disinterest or neglect in conversations
16:24 Your potential partner might possess certain preferred qualities, yet not encompass all you seek
18:26 Identify your deal breakers and let go of the relationship fantasies we grew up with
22:25 How to shift from rigidity to actively listening to your partner?
26:47 By comprehending your partner's triggers, you can guide them back to the present moment
29:28 Boundaries involve defining self-care actions, not manipulating others' behavior around you
35:14 Consistency with our self-set boundaries fosters meaningful connections
39:10 Let go of what you couldn’t have and then go find it in someone without trying to change them
41:41 What does money and gender roles represent in your relationship?
44:56 Having an authentic, open, and genuine conversation, even if uncomfortable, isn't unkind
49:22 Dating entails the concessions you're ready to offer and those your partner commits to as well
53:32 You can multitask your pursuits. It's fine to follow your passion while staying in your current situation
57:33 Journaling creates a safe space for self-expression, free from the fear of judgment by others
01:02:02 Journaling offers the advantage of cultivating accountability through increased self-compassion
01:04:45 A breakup is a form of grief, as you've lost a shared past and the gradually constructed future with that person